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"They say 'you've changed'"...
I replied "I sure hope so!"
I recently listened to a Rachel Hollis podcast where her guest John Maxwell described crabs. He said if there is more than one crab in a bucket, you don’t need to put a lid on it. Funny… why not? Won’t they all escape?
Nope. Those asshole crabs won’t let ANY other crabs out of the bucket. If one tries to escape, the others pull it back down. What the heck?!
Oh, wait. That is EXACTLY what will happen when you try to change your life for the better.
“Can you even HAVE that on your diet?”
“Oh, come on… it’s just ONE bite! Have a little fun!”
“Oh, she can’t eat that. She’s on a diet.”
“Come on, you can skip ONE workout.”
“I liked you even when you were 10lbs heavier.”
These are all things that were said to me when I started to get healthy. Some are well meaning, most are said because you’re making the other person uncomfortable. The worst part? These were all said by people who were family or friends. I was breaking the mold of who I had been for years, and it was like cold water to the face for some people in my life.
You see, when you try to change it makes others uncomfortable. I do find that MOST people aren’t trying to drag you down but the impact can be the same. You have the “one bite” to make them feel more comfortable, you make self-deprecating jokes about yourself to make them laugh, you say “thank you” when they say they loved you before you lost weight (was that even in question?!).
I have had clients who have had more severe instances happen to them when they break their own mold. Husbands resenting them for taking time for themselves to workout or cook themselves a second meal. Parents who make TOO many comments on their weight, making them extremely uncomfortable. Friends who actively wave food in their face to try to tempt them to “enjoy” it. I am here to offer you a few tips when you see this type of behavior pop up.
Here are my top three:
1- Say thank you (or no thank you!) and move on. You do not owe ANYONE an explanation or apology for your behavior. Short and sweet can be best sometimes.
2- If you do feel called to do so, explain WHY you’re doing this. Often times those who love us don’t know how we truly feel about ourselves. Their well meaning “I liked you both ways!” is nice but when you want to scream “But I didn’t like ME!” it can hurt. Explain why you’re wanting to get healthier, it can go a long way.
3- Invite them to join you. Sometimes a little sneak peek in to your new way of eating, your rock star morning routine and what you’re doing to move your body can motivate others to join. Do this from a place of love - share recipes you’re trying, invite them to the HIIT class, show them your journal prompts.
My prayer is most people support you, even if they don’t understand why you’re doing it or love you just how you are (again, they SHOULD anyhow!). If they don’t - I hope you know I support you 100000%, mama. These are the things no one prepared me for when I started getting healthier, but I hope knowing them helps you be a little more prepared than I was!
What other things have been said to you while you change your health? How did you handle them? I’d love to hear so I can learn more, too!
How I’m Unf%&king My Mindset: You know those mom groups where it can turn in to a pity party fest REAL quick? Become the light. Love on them. Listen to them and add encouragement and hope instead of the “Me too, here’s why my situation is horrible, too!”. Misery loves company but that’s not the company you want to keep.
Upcoming Craft Your Life happenings: The Craft Your Life group coaching program is here! 6-weeks to unf$%k your mindset, ditch the BS diet and OWN your health. Get details at www.craftyourlifecoaching.com/community
As always, find me at www.craftyourlifecoaching.com Got ideas for future topics? Questions you want explored? Email me at jennifer@craftyourlifecoaching.com
*Remember -it’s craft YOUR life. Not the judgy PTA mom’s life, your mother’s life… yours. Yank that hand back, put it on your heart, remember who you are meant to be. The world needs YOU to be YOU so we can all shine brighter. It’s time to craft YOUR life.
