We Flourish When Every Moment Matters

This is the third article for our August theme of ‘Flourishing’.

Week 1 - I Thought Flourishing Was Only for the Most Successful PeopleWeek 2 - I Find Myself Enjoying the Passage of Time

Have you ever noticed how present dogs are?

You could have been gone for five minutes, and your dog greets you as if it’s been five months. Dogs live in a world where every moment matters.

Humans aren’t quite so good at it.

We spend an enormous amount of time elsewhere, not where we actually are. We replay the past, anticipate the future, plan what comes next, or imagine how we’ll feel when something finally happens.

Sometimes we spend so little time in the present that we end the day wondering where the time went.

Your body is your anchor

Your mind can travel backwards and forwards in time. However, your body can’t do that.

You may be sitting at your desk, daydreaming about your next holiday. Your mind is already lying beside the pool, telling you, ‘I’ll be happy when I get there.’

But your body is still at your desk.

That gives you an anchor to return to the present moment.

You simply notice your breath.

You can’t breathe yesterday’s breath or tomorrow’s. You can only breathe right here, right now.

Of course, your mind will wander again. That’s what minds do. Being present isn’t about never drifting away. It’s about noticing when your mind has wandered and learning how to return.

Sometimes returning to the present means being willing to stay with something we would once have tried to escape.

Like silence.

Silence can be uncomfortable. We often feel an urge to fill the gap.

I know that feeling very well.

The beauty of quiet moments

This is another area that quietly changed in the background of my life.

I used to feel the need to be the centre of attention.

That might sound strange coming from a shy introvert, but I understand it now.

Beneath it all was a belief that I wasn’t interesting.

If nobody was paying attention to me, my nervous system interpreted the silence as proof.

I noticed something last week when I was out with my husband and a group of friends. Everyone was talking to someone, except me.

No one was talking to me. A moment like that a few years ago would have had me asking, ‘Why am I being ignored?’

Then my mind would have come up with reasons why I am being ignored.

* They don’t like me.

* They don’t find me interesting.

* I am too shy; they don’t even know I am here.

This time…

Nothing.

I didn’t have any of those thoughts. I watched them interact without judgement.

I wasn’t telling myself it was okay; they don’t really hate me. I didn’t need to calm down. I was enjoying the silence.

A little while later, I was included in one of the conversations. Before, I would have been in a bad mood and wouldn’t have said anything interesting (self-fulfilling prophecy, right there!).

The difference is that I have learned to stay present in the silence. It feels good; it feels aligned.

I used to believe I needed to be noticed, interesting, included, and approved of.

Now I am comfortable quietly observing and listening to conversations around me. I enjoy my own company until a conversation naturally comes my way.

This is me, the quiet introvert, not someone I am trying to be.

I am simply being Sue.

Living aligned

We flourish when we are aligned and present.

Alignment allows us to be ourselves.

Presence allows us to experience the life we’re actually living.

Without alignment, we can spend our lives performing.

Without presence, we can spend our lives wandering between the past and the future.

When the two come together, we can finally inhabit our own lives.

That’s something else I’ve noticed about alignment. Sometimes we only realise how much we’ve changed when an ordinary moment reveals it to us. There is no extraordinary event. Just a quiet recognition that something within us has changed.

I sat quietly, watching a beautiful sunset while others talked.

Which is exactly the point.

Nothing about the situation needed to change. What changed was how I experienced it.

I didn’t need the moment to be different to feel at ease. I found joy in the sunset.

I wasn’t waiting for someone else to make me feel interesting. I wasn’t trying to become someone I thought they wanted me to be.

I was simply there, present and aligned with myself.

This is how I see flourishing. It isn’t about making every moment enjoyable. It’s about no longer needing every moment to be different, and about learning to be present with the life that is here.

An exercise for this week

This week, simply notice when your mind wanders from the present. Don’t judge yourself for it. Just practise coming back. Find an anchor that works for you.

That could be:

* Noticing your breath.

* Noticing your feet touching the ground.

* Mentally saying a phrase, such as ‘I am right here, right now.’

* Pressing your thumb and forefinger together and noticing the sensation.

* Noticing five things you see around you.

This year, I have been writing about a different theme related to confidence each month. These themes have taken my readers on a journey I call ‘The Aligned Path’.

My aim is not to teach you how to create a new identity; it is to uncover the identity that has been within you all along, to align with your true self. Confidence and flourishing then have the space to grow quietly in the background.

If you want to remember who you are, join me in whatever way feels right. Follow, subscribe, upgrade, or work with me. Whatever you choose, I am grateful.

Much loveSue xx