The Whole Self Method: Saru Gupta on Emotional Regulation, Reinvention & Leading Without Burnout🙏

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Jumping in here to talk directly to my Sydney friends about one of my absolute favourite cafes, Pilgrims Cranolla.
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Now located in their gorgeous new location opposite South Crenolla Park, with expanded indoor and outdoor seating, including pet-friendly tables out front, and delicious food, juice, and coffee.
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The menu is full of wholesome, vegetabriats that feel both nostalgic and nourishing.
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Expect breckie wraps, vibrant salads, smoothies, fresh juices, and some of the best plant-based sandwiches going.
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I strongly recommend the corn fritters and the chai shake, which is definitely big enough for two.
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Check them out on Insta and be sure to visit when you're next in Crenella.
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I'm recording this episode on the lands of the Darowal people and pay my respects to their elders.
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As this is a digital platform, I also want to pay my respects to the traditional custodians of the lands on which you, our listeners, are based, and acknowledge that you are telling stories on these lands too.
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Welcome to Can I Get a Refill?
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A podcast for ambitious women who are tired of pouring from an empty cup, but still want to grow, evolve, and build a life they're proud of.
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Through a mix of comforting solo episodes and inspiring conversations with industry professionals, authors, wellness experts, and entrepreneurs, we talk about what it really looks like to refill your cup while up-leveling your life.
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Topics include mental, emotional and physical wellness, hormonal health, manifestation, career and finance, boundaries, self-trust, and redefining success on your own terms.
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Hosted by me, Steph Bruno Newton, each weekly episode is designed to motivate, ground, and empower you to take care of your needs and go after the life you actually want.
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Pour yourself a cup, take a breath, and let's refill it together.
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Today's guest is someone whose work immediately resonated with me because it aligns so deeply with what we talk about on this podcast, the idea that success means very little if you're constantly abandoning yourself in the process.
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I'm joined by Saru Gupta, practitioner, mentor, and creator of the whole self method, where she helps high-achieving women move beyond survival mode and reconnect with themselves through emotional regulation, nervous system health, and embodied leadership.
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Drawing on training in somatic psychotherapy, developmental trauma, attachment styles, emotional intelligence, and nervous system repair, Saru's work explores the deeper patterns that quietly shape how we lead, love, work, and move through the world.
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In this episode, we talk about burnout, overthinking, emotional suppression, identity, cultural conditioning, and what it actually means to feel calm, grounded, and connected to yourself again.
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Saru also shares her own powerful story, including the childhood stutter that emerged from ignoring her emotional world, the lessons she learned through thousands of hours of meditation, and how experiences like grief, divorce, remarriage, and living across multiple countries shaped the work she does today.
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This is a really thoughtful, grounding conversation, and I think so many of you are going to see yourselves in it.
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Thank you for being here again for the Can I Get a Refill Podcast.
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If you're new, I'm Steph, I'm your host, and I help women stop pouring from an empty cup and start building a life that actually supports them.
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Jump on the website www.canagetarefill podcast.com.au, linked below to download your free ebook on seven steps to protect your energy and fill up your cup.
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Every area of your life comes back to the relationship you have with the self.
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So make sure it's a very strong one.
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Download it today and make yourself your number one priority.
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Okay, now let's jump in.
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Hello, my cup fillers, and welcome back to the Canada Refill Podcast.
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As just promised, we are blessed today to be joined by international guest Saru Gupta.
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Saru, welcome to the podcast.
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Thank you so much, Steph.
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And I'm so excited to be here and having this chat with you.
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I am too.
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I was just saying to you, your what you do for work is so aligned with my podcast, maybe more so than any guest I've ever had.
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So I'm really, really excited to have a chat with you.
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And for those listening, Saru is joining us from Dubai at 6:30 in the morning, looking very vibrant, and the sun is so bright if you're watching on YouTube.
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So thank you for joining me so early.
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But actually, it was your your request.
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So yeah, it was like the sun, you have to have an early morning start here.
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Is it because you said because of the noise, right?
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No, it's uh noise as well, but like I was sharing, like the podcast is about that, like because in summers you're always in aircon, and it's so important to be out.
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So early morning before the sun rises or before it gets really bright, I love just being out.
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So that's the reason I like starting really early.
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Yeah, some morning girl too.
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I love that so much.
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And um, you said you've been in Dubai only around a year, so why Dubai?
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Uh-huh.
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It's a crazy story.
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I actually thought a year and a half ago, never Dubai.
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I really told my friends, never Dubai.
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And then I met my current husband, my husband.
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And he's like, This is my second marriage.
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And I had kind of like, no, I don't, I don't think.
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And then we met and he's living in Dubai, and it just felt like the right move.
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But it's taken me a while to adopt.
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It's been a year, and I've been doing a lot of back and forth between Australia and Dubai.
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Right.
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You were in Melbourne, you said for 16 years.
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16 years, yeah.
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And I'm just seeing a lot of very like up and coming podcasters living there.
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It seems like it's, is it very, is it city culture?
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Like I've only been in the airport.
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I was saying I nearly died from the heat going on the tarmac to get my flight to Morocco.
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But it is it very like bustling, or what's what's the energy like there?
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It's very hustle bustle.
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So like I used to live in upstate New York and California before before Melbourne for 16 years.
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And Dubai is, I would say, a mix of like, you know, lifestyle of very hustle.
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Like, you know, Australia is a little bit laid back, but Dubai is like, you know, if even if you look at the way the city is, sky rises, like, you know, internet, it's very hustle bustle.
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And it's got the mix of east and west because it's also got the facilities, like, you know, which a lot of western countries don't.
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So that's why people love coming here and living.
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And my husband calls it.
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I mean, I think he loves Dubai, that's why he calls it the new London.
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He likes Carl, but I also think he's biased towards Dubai.
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It's just as he just starts a debate every time.
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Dubai is the best, so yeah, that's his philosophy.
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That is so funny.
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No, it sounds like a very happening place, so yeah, it's good energy to be an entrepreneur from, that's for sure.
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Well, we'll we'll jump into it.
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Uh, Sarah, you work with high-achieving women who on paper seem successful, yet internally feel exhausted or disconnected.
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Why do you think so many women are experiencing this right now?
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This is such an important question because I think um we have so many labels these days, right?
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It could be we have UDHD, we have perimenopause, and there is a truth about all of these labels.
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But there's another truth I've realized through my work.
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It is we're living, first of all, in uncertain times.
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Look at with everything that's coming, we can't deny that.
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I think that's a world situation.
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Men and women both are feeling it.
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But then on the other sense, women have been carrying so many roles: leadership, career, motherhood, caregiving, relationships, emotional level during all of this, and we have been awarded for being on top of things, right?
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Let's be on top of things, top of everything, you know.
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So what cost does it come at?
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It comes at cost like if you look at from the time we were teenagers as women, we are still in that you know, hustling, bustling, like that energy that rises within us, the hormones that rise, it brings up different emotions, and then as life continues, we start getting learning to suppress because the world hasn't been built to navigate life with emotions.
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Yes, that's and and I mean, and that's the truth we can deny.
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So all the labels we have gotten kind of help us still avoid that fact that we haven't learned how to manage our emotions while navigating life the way life is now.
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Probably a lot a lot of the episodes I do can be similar and a lot of the content might be similar, but I'm proud of that.
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I'm not like, oh no, I'm doubling up.
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You know why?
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Because we need to hear these messages repeated to remind ourselves to take a breather and to fill up our cups, like truly, and no one would get in a car and drive, you know, from Sydney to Perth and just keep pushing it with no petrol, no servicing.
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Like we understand that a machine needs, you know, servicing or something to charge it or it needs a rest.
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But we we wear that exhaustion with a badge of honor, and women especially, as you said, we get we've always been rewarded for taking on all these extra roles.
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And it's yeah, it's sort of we're really at that crux in society where women are shouting out saying can't do all this, need to need to have boundaries, need to have a rest, and then there's people coming up against us with resistance.
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So, yeah, I'm gonna keep repeating shows like this because I think that need we need to remind ourselves.
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And I was just saying that with my last guest, we're both feeling really tired, and I'm like, yeah, like even I'm preaching these messages, but I have to actively remind myself, like I've been booking back-to-back guests, and I'm like, no, I'm feeling burnt out.
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And even though it's really filling, it is filling my cup, but I'm tired, and I need, and when my son's in daycare, I need to be able to take some rest because when he comes home, that's my real job.
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That's when I'm yeah, completely, and uh, and I'm so glad you said this thing that this message needs to be repeated.
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And I think, I mean, I'm sure your other guests have spoken about it, it comes at a cost of self-sacrifice, self-denial, self-abandonment.
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But I want to actually bring another thing.
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So even if, and I think this is something I have had to in my own journey, even if I have all the time to rest, I still don't know how to rest.
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And and this is something a very important point, which is very important for women to understand.
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I mean, I think there's a fine line between self-responsibility and responsibility from what being told.
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I have, after the work I've done with high-achieving women and myself, my own journey has been there is something else happening under the system.
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So, so there we have wellness at the top level.
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Like the wellness industry is billion dollars, it's gone more than before, but yet disconnect is more than before as well.
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So there is something happening which is not enough.
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And I think it is about addressing why are we not resting when we know we need to?
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We're talking to high-achieving women, like brilliant women who are super intelligent, so they can Google, they know what to do.
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But something's happening in the system that is still not getting in.
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Yeah.
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And I always say, I worry.
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Um my intellect knows rest is productive.
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My intellect knows I need to be taking regular breaks.
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But there's something in my nervous system that says if you stop, if you take your foot off the gas, someone else is gonna come up and grab the success you're after.
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And it's such horse shit because there'sn't enough success for us all.
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And I truly believe in my gut that's what's destined for me is already mine.
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Like, you know, I'm on my way to it.
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But there's something about me that feels like if I'm not working hard 24-7, I'm gonna drop the ball.
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Do you hear a lot of your high achieving clients say the same thing?
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Yes, they do, but yes, 100%.
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Like, I mean, I have been there and there are times when that still happens for me.
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I think this is the conditioning as well, which is there.
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But I have also realized there are others, so there is this fear of which is a primal fear, which is human fear, like you know, which comes from we can we can say it's not in all of us, it is there, you know.
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We cannot deny that we wanna be better, we wanna be the best.
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And I think that's what has helped evolution evolve, survival, right?
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Yeah, and and there is no denying that I have realized that there's something else happening in the system, which is we don't know how to process what our system's showing.
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So, so when we rest, there is freeze, there is suppression of emotions, there is memories that come up, there is, you know, so so it's it's other things that are happening which stop us from resting.
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There's my no, I'm saying it because my husband and I went on a walk last night and had this exact conversation.
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There's someone in a couple of people in our lives who can't be alone.
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They feel every moment with catching up with people and they're always saying that they're tired and exhausted.
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And my husband and I both uh we make sense together because we're both the lone wolves of our group.
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We love alone time and we love to recharge.
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We give each other, it's the only relationship that's ever worked for me because we give each other space to be the individual.
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Whereas I've had men who, you know, control.
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But there's yeah, there's people I know who will, you know, go from relationship to relationship.
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And then if they have time off and their kids are taken somewhere, then they're catching up with friends.
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And it's like, when are you um sitting in the stillness or the silence, like to rest?
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And I and I know it's people who are um, this is our sort of um estimate of the situation, is that they don't want to face certain things because they've had some emotional things happen.
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And I know they're they're running from that stillness and that silence.
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And it is that what you you were alluding towards that it it brings things up so that the stillness can feel unsafe for the nurses for some.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I mean, it is part of it, so it's not even like they're aware of what's happening, so it's like the body is used to, but then also there is the wiring, there is a habitual pattern of just being, you know, on the wire, like you know, it's that's how your condition from childhood to be like, you know.
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So it's it's not just like one, it is like you know, when you start sitting in stillness, you know, it's hard to sit.
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First of all, like I remember when I started meditating 10 years ago, honestly, like I'd gone on a meditation course, and for because there was silence and there was I didn't have my phone, I'm not kidding, I could not sit still even for a minute.
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So because it was not a retreat, it was not a retreat where I could do yoga.
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I was just like sitting with myself with breath.
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It was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life.
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And afterwards, years ago, years afterwards, I did uh skydiving, and I'm like, oh, there's thrill in that, but this is nothing compared to when I had to sit.
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But are you saying that the first the first meditation was harder than the skydiving?
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100%, like you know, because uh because because skydiving was like you know, jumping, the thrill thrill.
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It was like a minute thrill.
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You're moving, you're moving, right?
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It was stillness that caught you.
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It caught me, but more than that, who I was then and who am I now, it's taken me a lot of work off trauma work.
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It's not just stillness, it is understanding what is driving me, what's happening in my body.
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There is a reason is trauma.
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I was in a violent relationship from 05 to 2010.
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And 2011, I did a meditation course, and it was, you know, it was a good year of um well, when I say good year, it was the year where I started the real quest to find myself.
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And it's you know been a lot of work.
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Now I'm in a very comfortable state.
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But it is, you know how sometimes to clean your house, you gotta get really messy first before it can get really clean?
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That that was my 2011.
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Let's delve into all the the shit inside my system.
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And you know, like being in a violent relationship is a lot of stored trauma, and I had other trauma prior to that.
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So when I started that meditation course, oh my God, I was so uncomfortable sitting in that silence.
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But I hadn't gotten all the trauma out yet.
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So it was uncomfortable to sit with myself.
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And maybe someone who'd been in a violent home, stillness is dangerous because you don't know what's coming at you next.
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So, and you know, this is years and years later, and I'm getting to a good place now, but there are still times when I my nervous system.
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Yeah, like I said there's um, I've been trying for seven months to fall pregnant and I from with my second and I haven't been able to, and I'm still fertile, but I have a hormone issue because my body.
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But I've been doing a lot of work in the last few months, and I said to the doctor, Oh, I'm not stressed.
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And he goes, No, no, you might not be stressed in your brain, but your body hasn't caught up to that yet.
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And this is what I'm saying, on an intellectual level, I'm telling myself, Steph, you are safer than you've ever been in this home and this life.
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But my nervous system isn't fully caught up to that yet, and I'm aware of that.
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100%.
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And to be honest, like if I also think so, like, you know, meditation, like that's one part of my training, but I'm trained in other things.
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Meditation can also be freeze in the body.
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So so it's like it's like, you know, so I wrote an article years ago, and the reason I'm bringing this thing is so it can bring awareness.
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Just because we're doing all the tick boxes, which is meditation, which is yoga, which is this, doesn't mean that it's the only thing.
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The body might need something else.
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So it it's it sometimes all the wellness tools can become another way of bypassing what's happening.
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Ah, you mean like a distraction?
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No, because it feels good, it's soothing.
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Okay.
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It's soothing facing the the root cause.
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It's the root cause still.
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I mean, it is important to survive in the world to soothe the way the world is becoming, but not necessarily it is the only thing.
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So this is something this conjunction with the in yes conjunction with the deeper work, what's happening.
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And and I mean, in some ways, I feel like it's a better band aid.
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It's it's it's a better, it can be a better band-aid.
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I mean, I gotta be very careful how I say this.
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I meditate every day.
00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:14.160
I'm a meditation teacher, I've trained with teachers, I have run some of their programs as well.
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:17.920
I'm all for it, but I also believe it's got its own part.
00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:23.359
There's another part of the other work which you spoke about, like, you know, the body's stressed.
00:19:23.599 --> 00:19:27.519
It's not, it needs other things which are required.
00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:29.440
This is uh probably controversial.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:30.559
I'm not a medical person.
00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:34.799
This is my opinion, but uh, do you know much of Louise Hay's work?
00:19:34.880 --> 00:19:34.960
Yeah.
00:19:35.119 --> 00:19:39.119
Louise Hay, the author, yeah, how she had stage four cancer that she was told inoperable.
00:19:39.200 --> 00:19:44.319
So she went and did her own work and literally got rid of the cancer through all different treatments.
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:46.640
And that she had scans to prove the cancer was gone.
00:19:46.799 --> 00:19:49.119
But, and you know, meditation, self-love.
00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:58.559
Well, she did a lot of work, but she said what I believe, because you know, when you hear of people who get cancer and they'll have the chemo, they'll have it cut out, and then it comes back in a different body part.
00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:04.000
So, like I trust doctors implicitly, and I would go do, I always go do both.
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:07.519
Take the medicine and then do the other thing to figure out the root cause.
00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:18.319
So if you're, I always believe that if you're treating that illness but not getting to the root cause of why it got there, it's gonna come up again in another way.
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:26.799
And I always talk about that all the medical issues I had while I was in that violent relationship, what I really needed to do was remove myself from the unsafe place.
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:30.640
So yeah, get getting to the root cause is is very vital.
00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:32.000
Yeah.
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:35.920
But you know, like for much of my life, I looked really successful on paper.
00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:36.960
This was years ago.
00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:40.640
I'd built a career in the US, Australia.
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:44.960
You know, I achieved many things like on paper, but it never felt enough.
00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:49.680
I when I really look at it, like I mean, even sitting down, I'm like, oh, but I haven't achieved much.
00:20:49.839 --> 00:20:51.119
This was years ago.
00:20:51.359 --> 00:21:00.240
But yet underneath there was exhaustion, there was emotional suppression, constant feeling that I'm always going on.
00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:04.240
Even if I took rest, it was never really rest.
00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:07.920
Like, you know, it was never I would go for spatial.
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:16.319
For you, sorry, was it you were trying to prove yourself to yourself or someone, or you you were suppressing your emotions?
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:22.720
I don't I don't think it's that simple because I think there are different um things that come together.
00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:32.000
So, like now, after 12 years of deeper work and this body of work and having worked, yes, I can say in hindsight, you know, I was doing this and this and this, you know.
00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:41.200
And one thing I always say is that our childhood shapes our career, our life path, and which makes us geniuses.
00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:51.200
There's no denying it, sometimes it can, but it also can be our human wound, which have to be healed as well somewhere.
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:55.680
That's why I saw like and look at all the great people in the world.
00:21:55.920 --> 00:22:01.680
They've had some kind of stuff, you know, happening in the childhood which has Driven them to do great things, right?
00:22:01.759 --> 00:22:02.079
Like, you know.
00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:03.279
I always said that.
00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:05.359
Like Lady Gaga being bullied at school.
00:22:05.440 --> 00:22:07.680
That creates such a beautiful person.
00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:09.119
Such a beautiful persona.
00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:09.359
Yeah.
00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:21.200
You know, and a lot of, but then from the human side, when I'm saying human side, it seems like others not human, but that that fire that drives also burns internally.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:31.200
And that's why a lot of things that are happening from burnout to all of other things, you know, are because we haven't addressed that.
00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:32.319
Yes.
00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:33.039
Yep.
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:43.599
I'm not saying the burnout is not real, but I'm also saying on conjunction, other work has to be done which can address why are we pushing ourselves so much?
00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:47.039
It's not just for the success.
00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:50.000
There is something else driving that pushing.
00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:52.079
And that's what needs to be addressed.
00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:53.200
Yes.
00:22:53.359 --> 00:22:53.680
Yes.
00:22:53.839 --> 00:22:54.559
Very well said.
00:22:54.720 --> 00:23:00.000
You speak a lot about the difference between coping and being truly emotionally regulated.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:03.839
How can someone tell the difference between the two in their own lives?
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:12.240
It's when you're in that environment, when you're in coping, you can't tell you're coping.
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:24.960
Because what you're seeing is you're highly functional, you're always on the go, you're getting, you're on top of things, you're in control, you rely on control, you're not in close perfectionism, you're being awarded.
00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:30.160
It feels great, you know, because at some level it feels excellent.
00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:37.200
But then on the other side, you are waking up in the middle of the night, the mind's going on.
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:44.240
Um, you can you might feel these different symptoms in the body.
00:23:44.480 --> 00:23:48.720
It could look like fight, freeze, anger.
00:23:49.119 --> 00:23:53.599
There's a freeze that happens, which could look like chronic fatigue at times.
00:23:53.920 --> 00:24:00.640
I look at that as well, um, which could be stop and start, the mind forgetting things.
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:04.720
There are a lot of other symptoms of these symptoms of coping.
00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:10.799
When you look at regulation, regulation, I mean, it's not clean.
00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:16.160
And that's the thing with all this emotional intelligence everyone's talking about, they make it sound it's so neat.
00:24:16.319 --> 00:24:18.079
Oh, talk about emotional intelligence.
00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:21.359
Emotional intelligence is never neat, it's messy.
00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:25.039
Yes, it really is in regulation, it can be messy in the beginning.
00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:36.160
It allows you to stay connected to yourself, so it means at times, I mean, this might not be attractive to a lot of people, but I might not be able to make sense what's happening.
00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:44.400
Yeah, because that is regulation because I am connected to myself, and we are not supposed to make sense of everything in the moment.
00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:45.440
Emotions move.
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:53.039
It's about how you react.
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:54.720
How to react to it, yes.
00:24:54.880 --> 00:24:56.960
And yes, emotions move through you.
00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:02.079
So, you know, in a day I will feel anger, I'll feel sadness, I'll feel happiness, I'll feel all of that.
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:04.559
I'll have guilt come up, you know.
00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:10.960
But then once you get used to this, then you know how to respond rather than react.
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:17.680
Because there is a familiarity with these emotions, there's a familiarity with being messy, with the messiness of life.
00:25:17.920 --> 00:25:28.960
Yes, you know, and and so for example, I was gonna say people will repeat like dangerous or unhealthy patterns in their life because it's familiar.
00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:35.359
Because doesn't the the brain or the the ego want what's familiar because it feels comfortable?
00:25:35.680 --> 00:25:40.319
100%, 100%, like you know, and also that's what it knows.
00:25:40.559 --> 00:25:59.920
So, like, you know, like there is something called like negativity bias, which is the mind is wired towards negativity more than the positivity, but there is a reason for it because it's needed for survival, it's needed for survival, but then because we we want to avoid that, we sometimes become too positive and we want everything under control.
00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:22.240
So, you know, uh, we want everything under control, like you know, life has to be perfect, life has to be if I'm on top, and it works well for our corporate careers because it means I can be highly functional, I can be structured, I can keep going forward, I can achieve all my goals, I don't get that promotion at work, someone else does.
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:33.759
I'm talking about someone in their 30s and then they're growing, but then what I can do is I can push it inside and I can work more harder while I keep denying what's happening within me as a woman.
00:26:34.559 --> 00:26:47.200
As a woman, what's you know, so in a in a boardroom, someone who is at a higher position, you know, might be carrying a lot of responsibility, seems very contained, coping exceptionally well.
00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:57.119
But is she is she is she actually hiding aspects of herself which are not serving her personal life?
00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:03.839
And it's not like you can't have both, you know, even though your question was about coping and emotional regulation, you can.
00:27:04.240 --> 00:27:15.599
But my philosophy and my whole body of work is how do you learn to live in the messianess of life with your emotions and still be highly successful?
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:27.839
So you're not denying your personal needs, so you're not denying your personal health, your personal, and it's not just about drama, it's also about how do you kind of balance these aspects.
00:27:28.079 --> 00:27:33.759
So as a woman, and women's body has a different way a man's body is.
00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:41.519
Yes, we cannot deny it's a cycle, but control, you said control there, and that really sparked something for me.
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:51.039
I had a guest the other day that said she's my age in her early to mid 40s, and said that in her 20s she was very manipulative almost because she was trying to control everything.
00:27:51.359 --> 00:27:53.599
I completely resonated with that.
00:27:53.759 --> 00:28:01.920
I feel like I was, you know, I sort of grew up around other people that were manipulating situations too, to because they hadn't faced things that happened to them.
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:10.240
And I I feel I've done I did that for a lot of my adult life, trying to control situations so that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable.
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:24.000
And I guess meditation was that starting point to allow myself to allow things to be uncomfortable because it's um I often will remind myself it's okay.
00:28:24.079 --> 00:28:27.839
Like I'll play the worst case scenario in my head and I'll be like, it's okay.
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:31.039
Even if that happens, you're gonna be okay.
00:28:31.359 --> 00:28:40.559
And I think a lot of the time we're we're scared of what might go wrong, so we control the you know what other people might do.
00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:41.039
Do you fight?
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:42.960
Do you find that's a bit of a common thread?
00:28:43.200 --> 00:28:46.240
Oh my god, I think it's the most common thread for high-achieving women.
00:28:46.400 --> 00:28:46.880
Ah, right.
00:28:47.279 --> 00:28:51.359
It's like it's it's it's the common thing I've worked with with women.
00:28:51.519 --> 00:29:00.240
Like, you know, so when I say coping signs of practical sense of coping, racing mind, an ability to switch off, emotional numbness, and control is in the top.
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:03.519
Overthinking, needing constant productivity, you know?
00:29:03.680 --> 00:29:09.759
Yes, these all are coping signs, you know, just because you're functioning doesn't mean you're regulated.
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:19.119
Okay, because I've even heard women with eating disorders say that that was they might have had some abuse in their life, and the eating disorder was the area where they felt they had control.
00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:22.319
So it is something we we lean on, isn't it?
00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:30.079
And I think especially as women, because so often in my life, control was just taken away from me from my own life or my own body.
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:34.880
And it's um it's such a scary feeling to feel like you're not in control of your own path.
00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:43.359
So I feel like I'm more prone to doing that than my husband because no one's ever tried to take his economic power from him.
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:44.079
Exactly.
00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:47.519
Like if even if you look at a woman's body, I think you brought such an important point.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:50.079
Like, you know, yeah, our body is changing so much.
00:29:50.240 --> 00:29:52.319
Yeah, it's changing, like it's changing.
00:29:52.400 --> 00:30:23.119
And I mean, I always say that probably hundred years ago, 50 years ago, when women were not in the workforce and careers, and we had more time to slightly accept more breathing space to slightly accept the changes in our body, you know, it's it's that, and with the advancement and with our desires, and which is I think a fair, we want to be known for our intelligence and our brilliance, but it comes at a cost of are we functioning along with our body?
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:26.000
Are we actually and when you talk about manipulation?
00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:33.440
Like, I think I was a queen of control, and in and like it's I think we all do that, it's it's such a common threat.
00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:36.079
And you spoke about eating disorder.
00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:50.960
I don't think it's only eating disorder, overworking is a sign of control in some ways, yes, like alcohol, like anything, anything that will make me feel on top of things so I don't have to feel helpless.
00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:55.200
Yes, because it's the helplessness we are trying to run away from.
00:30:55.519 --> 00:31:07.039
Yes, and but I even see some people parent like that in that way of control, and I've I'm really actively allowing my son to do things and explore and like fall over.
00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:16.160
I know this sounds odd, but I was very much wrapped up in cotton wool, and I know that my parents wanted to protect me, but I feel like that made me trust myself less as an adult.
00:31:16.400 --> 00:31:28.720
So I allow my son to do things like not extreme, you know, jumping off buildings, but I'll allow him to do things that I know he's gonna stuff up because I know that's how he's gonna learn to trust himself.
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:30.240
I think that's great parenting.
00:31:30.319 --> 00:31:32.720
Like in some ways, you're letting him figure it out on his own.
00:31:32.960 --> 00:31:35.279
Yeah, learning trust himself better.
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:38.559
Because I was always taught, no, no, no, we adults know better.
00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:44.880
You can't do and like even into my adulthood, that I never trusted my voice or my ability to take care of myself.
00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:49.200
And that's why I didn't grow up emotionally until much later.
00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:53.519
I wasn't allowed the space to have say in my own life.
00:31:53.759 --> 00:31:55.839
So, like, you know, you just gave me such a great example.
00:31:55.920 --> 00:31:59.200
Like this is something I used to always say to my clients, and even sometimes at friends as well.
00:31:59.279 --> 00:32:07.519
I'm like, you might not feel like you owe this to yourself to get in um regulation, but you owe it to your kids.
00:32:07.680 --> 00:32:10.480
So it obviously seems like Steph, you've done your work.
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:15.039
So the way you're raising your, I mean, of course, we're all we can always do more work.
00:32:15.119 --> 00:32:24.880
Like I'm always working on myself, you know, on deeper wounds and deeper regulation, but the way you're bringing your child is because you've gone through the journey.
00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:29.440
So I think I always feel like we owe it to the next generation.
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:31.119
Yeah, but that's so true.
00:32:31.279 --> 00:32:34.720
And you don't want to put pressure on yourself as a mom because it's all no, no, no, no, no.
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:35.279
I'm not talking about that.
00:32:35.359 --> 00:32:35.680
I'm not sure.
00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:45.440
No, but I agree with that, sorry, because isn't my son Leo gonna have a better life if I'm addressing what's not working for me?
00:32:45.599 --> 00:33:06.160
Otherwise, that stuff's gonna project onto him, and he doesn't need to take on my emotional baggage, he's gonna have his own stuff in in life, and also I also feel like the generation before, our parents' generation, depending on which part of the world, they didn't have these privileges because the information was not there, the science was not there.
00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:10.319
That's what I'm saying, not the language, not the language, not the science.
00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:18.240
I mean, it's quite new comparatively, the way it's widespread, and also they were they were not the dreamers.
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:23.599
I feel like they were still the generation to kind of create the world the way it is.
00:33:23.839 --> 00:33:31.440
Yeah, our generation has more options, like the generation now women in their 40s, 50s, have more options and the younger generation.
00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:35.200
Yeah, I have a lot of gratitude to be in this generation.
00:33:35.759 --> 00:33:36.319
Patient, yeah.
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:37.200
Yeah.
00:33:37.359 --> 00:33:39.359
That's why I always say I never say the good old days.
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:45.759
Like we're very lucky with what we were allowed to do now, not allowed, but you know, at our fingertips.
00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:54.400
Jumping in with another message for my Sydney friends.
00:33:54.559 --> 00:34:04.640
If you're a pizza lover, you absolutely need to head out to Crenella and visit my friends at Queen Margarita of Savoy for traditional Neapolitan pizza and other Italian classic dishes.
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:08.800
With my Sicilian background, you know that I've travelled to Italy many times over the years.
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:16.320
I've eaten pizza all over Italy, including in Naples, and I swear to everyone I meet that Queen Margarita is still my absolute fave.
00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:21.920
I like simple classic flavours, so I highly recommend the traditional margarita and the three cheese pizza.
00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:24.639
Hubby loves the prosciutto and the pork and fennel.
00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:27.360
I also have a soft spot for the truffle orangini.
00:34:27.519 --> 00:34:30.800
Check them out at Surf Road Cranella and the link in my show notes.
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:33.360
You definitely will not be disappointed.
00:34:37.440 --> 00:34:39.840
Um, I just remembered what I was gonna say earlier too.
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:42.639
I think often too it's a sign of weakness.
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:44.639
People do I was saying this with a couples therapist.
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:47.440
People don't want to admit when something's not working in their life.
00:34:47.519 --> 00:34:52.559
Or and I felt like the moment I freed myself was when I started admitting, I'm struggling now.
00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:53.280
You know what?
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:54.480
I'm not doing so good.
00:34:54.639 --> 00:35:03.920
Even something as simple with my friends of if I couldn't go to something because I was, I get really bad, I get PMDD, so I'll get really bad just before my period.
00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:13.920
And and I used to, you know, like try and hide it, like, oh, the car's broken down or something's come up, and now I'll be like, you know what, I'm not feeling mentally fit today to be around people.
00:35:14.000 --> 00:35:21.360
And I feel like I freed myself a bit when I started being honest if things weren't working well.
00:35:21.519 --> 00:35:27.760
Do you think there's an element of that, especially in like the corporate world of not wanting to look like you've dropped the ball?
00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:33.599
Yeah, I I think I actually not think I know from my own experience and clients.
00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:37.119
Um, it's because I work deeply in the emotions in the body.
00:35:37.199 --> 00:35:38.400
That's one part of my work.
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:49.039
So I've got three uh whole self-method has three distinct elements whole self-awareness, emotional body and emotional intelligence, and nervous system rewiring.
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:51.119
Shame.
00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:57.840
So shame is such a driver, and people think shame is about you know, it shows up.
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:01.360
It doesn't show up directly in our face, it's driving.
00:36:01.760 --> 00:36:15.920
I had to experience a lot of helplessness as a child, so because I studied which, and I'm sure everyone has their own helplessness they experienced in a different way.
00:36:16.079 --> 00:36:26.320
Something was visible for some people, it's not, and that helplessness feeling which drives wanna control, because that helplessness also brings shame.
00:36:27.119 --> 00:36:35.199
There's real shame, like the story you said, like you know, so all of these emotions are driving, which are within the body at the somatic level, it's not at the intellectual level.
00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:47.360
So even if I can tell my mind, hey, there's nothing to feel helpless about, or there's nothing to feel shameful about, I won't even know when it's hit the system, and that's what's driving me to take my next action.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:49.360
Yes, wow.
00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:54.079
You gave a great point when you started owning, you're struggling.
00:36:54.480 --> 00:36:56.320
Yeah, it's owning a story, isn't it?
00:36:56.559 --> 00:36:58.639
It's owning a story, but at the body level, right?
00:36:58.719 --> 00:37:04.880
Like really owning that, and then being able to see what's driving you.
00:37:05.199 --> 00:37:06.000
Yeah, yep.
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:06.639
I love it.
00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:07.519
I love honesty.
00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:08.960
It's something that I just never did.
00:37:09.039 --> 00:37:13.840
I was never always hiding things about myself before, and I'm so honest now, and I like it.
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:19.119
I feel I've built far healthier relationships just by showing up as my honest self.
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:25.599
Um, your work blends nervous system repair, somatic therapy, attachment work, and emotional intelligence.
00:37:25.760 --> 00:37:31.760
What shifted for you personally that made you realize healing isn't just mental, it has to evolve the body as well.
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:36.000
Um, it was not a clean linear line.
00:37:36.719 --> 00:37:41.840
If someone I am I am a classic intro extra.
00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:47.199
I, if I had my way, I would be hiding under the blanket and not doing this work.
00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:48.400
I'm being very honest.
00:37:49.920 --> 00:37:55.360
Because it's it doesn't come naturally to me to want to promote myself or the or this work.
00:37:55.440 --> 00:37:56.639
I'm very passionate about it.
00:37:56.800 --> 00:37:58.480
So my journey was similar.
00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:09.679
I was very happy in my corporate career, you know, and then even when I started entrepreneurship, because I really wanted to um bring what I believed into the work, into the world.
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:13.679
When I started, it was because I was really struggling inside.
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:17.280
The stress was showing up, and I was always stressed.
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:29.519
And when I would go to the, like I had I was on top of things, but internally, something didn't feel and when I would talk to people, they would say, Oh, I'm busy, or this, I'm stressed.
00:38:29.760 --> 00:38:34.719
That word stressed did not make sense, give me answers to what was happening in my body.
00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:37.840
I had chronic fatigue, I get burning out.
00:38:38.079 --> 00:38:43.840
Um, from job after job, I had different careers, I would get to the high, and then I would crash again.
00:38:44.639 --> 00:38:48.639
And and then I started my own business um years ago.
00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:52.159
This was like my almost 12 years ago, I started to startup.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:54.079
This was before apps became big.
00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:55.440
And it was actually a health and wellness.
00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:00.320
Let me ask you, you said you liked the did you like the work you were doing?
00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:02.239
I was actually, I won't lie.
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:06.159
I loved I loved like you know, tax.
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:09.920
I loved, I was in banking afterwards, it gave me purpose.
00:39:10.000 --> 00:39:15.280
I I was client-facing roles, I had very intellectual and also relationship roles.
00:39:15.519 --> 00:39:16.400
I really loved them.
00:39:16.559 --> 00:39:22.000
So it did not, well, it was driving me, it was giving me a purpose, and I enjoyed it.
00:39:22.239 --> 00:39:26.639
But because I was struggling internally and externally, I couldn't find the answer.
00:39:26.719 --> 00:39:28.800
And I still look like I was just like everyone else.
00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:39.519
I was doing fine on paper, go for drinks with friends, you know, and on Friday nights and then Saturday, Sunday, you're still working a little bit, then you're relaxing, and then Monday, same thing started.
00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:41.679
But it was the start and stop in my system.
00:39:41.760 --> 00:39:43.360
I couldn't get answers of it.
00:39:43.599 --> 00:39:48.559
And then I started my own health and wellness 12 years ago, which was called Live Being Fit at that time.
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:57.039
It was like this whole startup with experts from all parts of the world trying to create something for high-achieving individuals.
00:39:57.280 --> 00:40:01.599
Six months into that, I crashed again and I couldn't figure it out.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:03.920
I'm like, what's going on here?
00:40:04.079 --> 00:40:07.280
Here I am working with the top experts, and I'm crashing again.
00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:09.840
And that's when my real journey started.
00:40:10.079 --> 00:40:21.119
Then I that's when I started to question so where is the wellness not bringing the bridge to what's actually happening in the real world?
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:23.519
And that's when slowly studying my own journey.
00:40:23.599 --> 00:40:32.639
I started meditating when that brought up stuff, then I started personal development, then I started getting curiosity about somatic work, started training into that.
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:34.079
That didn't give me the full answer.
00:40:34.159 --> 00:40:43.360
Then I started looking at attachment styles because my relationship was struggling and the way I was showing up, and slowly studying like the different modalities you explain.
00:40:43.599 --> 00:40:48.719
I just, it was not a linear process of, hey, I need body.
00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:51.840
It was more about my mind still going crazy.
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:53.280
Why is it going crazy?
00:40:53.519 --> 00:40:59.119
And I'm meditating and it's bringing stuff up, but when I'm out in the world, I can't bridge the gap.
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:01.360
Why why can't I bridge the gap?
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:15.599
And that's and through this work, I realized, oh, there's stuff happening in the body, and body is has more information information than mind can ever bring because body takes time to process, mind's going so fast.
00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:19.039
It's so I hope that answers the question.
00:41:19.119 --> 00:41:27.280
So it was through it, it was not like a linear insight I had one day, Saru, you need to have body, or I listened to some experts.
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:32.159
It was such a journey, and it's ongoing, it's always ongoing, isn't it?
00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:33.199
It's always ongoing.
00:41:33.679 --> 00:41:38.400
Is there a like a time delay between the mind to the body for the body to understand?
00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:39.920
Oh, spot on.
00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:47.039
I mean, I think there's a lot of my there's a big delay, also because we are used to listening to the mind.
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:51.679
The body has to wake up in some ways, the way we have become.
00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:54.239
Our bodies are in some ways frozen.
00:41:54.559 --> 00:41:56.000
It's they're they're frozen.
00:41:56.079 --> 00:41:59.360
Like I always used to say, there's a word I used to learn, landing.
00:41:59.599 --> 00:42:01.199
Am I landed in my body?
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:05.119
I might be doing yoga, but am I really in my body?
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:07.840
So even sometimes you're not.
00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:09.280
You're just going through the motion.
00:42:09.679 --> 00:42:16.079
So going to the motion, or even when I'm breathing, when I have my like years ago, my breath used to be short.
00:42:16.239 --> 00:42:18.000
It's kind of developed on its own.
00:42:18.159 --> 00:42:23.599
I don't believe in the long breath inhale, exhale, because am I is my body still online?
00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:26.079
Is it just my breath going up and down?
00:42:26.239 --> 00:42:31.440
And I can still control my mind, but I'm actually not really embodied.
00:42:31.599 --> 00:42:35.760
I'm really not in the visceral sensation of my body.
00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:40.559
Because when I'll be in the visceral sensation, it's gonna bring up different stuff for me.
00:42:40.719 --> 00:42:46.800
And that's where I think the bridge between mindfulness and somatic work and nervous system work is important.
00:42:47.039 --> 00:42:48.559
It's not just one or the either.
00:42:48.719 --> 00:42:55.440
You cannot just do trauma work and not bring embodiment by learning to sit in the body.
00:42:55.679 --> 00:42:56.000
Yes.
00:42:56.800 --> 00:42:57.840
Does that answer your question?
00:42:57.920 --> 00:42:59.760
Like it's but everything holistic.
00:42:59.840 --> 00:43:03.679
It's like you can't go to the gym and lift weights and then smoke a pack of cigarettes and say you're healthy.
00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:06.320
It's got to be a holistic thing, it's gotta be a holistic thing.
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:07.840
Yes.
00:43:08.079 --> 00:43:09.360
No, I absolutely agree with that.
00:43:09.440 --> 00:43:10.960
And it's sort of a domino effect, isn't it?
00:43:11.039 --> 00:43:14.159
Once you start fixing one area of your life, you want to start fixing the area.
00:43:14.800 --> 00:43:16.880
And then in insight creates awareness.
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:23.440
So, like in some ways, like, you know, if we're talking about is inside, we're talking about discussion, but embodiment creates change.
00:43:23.679 --> 00:43:25.519
So we can be insightful, right?
00:43:25.599 --> 00:43:33.440
Like, I know this, I can explain my emotions, I can talk about my emotions, but that's a insight, that's just awareness.
00:43:33.599 --> 00:43:38.320
Oh embodiment is at the body level, that's what creates change.
00:43:38.639 --> 00:43:47.360
Okay, that's a really good point because there's a lot of people that say, you know, you can read all these books, read all these books, but if you're not actively implementing anything in them, it's really just entertainment, isn't it?
00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:49.199
It's just going in one ear and out the other.
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:51.119
Embodiment creates change.
00:43:51.679 --> 00:43:54.800
Like you can do emotional intelligence courses.
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:59.360
It's all nicely packed, like science is packed, but very nicely, intelligently.
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:02.960
But when Emotions rise, they have five emotions at one time.
00:44:03.119 --> 00:44:07.760
I was telling a client the other day, last week, because I wanted to explain to them this is natural.
00:44:07.920 --> 00:44:09.519
I woke up in the morning at 5 a.m.
00:44:09.920 --> 00:44:10.800
Sorry, 1 a.m.
00:44:11.119 --> 00:44:12.079
and I couldn't understand.
00:44:12.159 --> 00:44:24.159
And when I started journaling, because I'm very aware of what's happening, literally I had five emotions show up at the same time: shame, fear, anger, grief, and confusion.
00:44:25.199 --> 00:44:29.599
It's ability to kind of understand and learn to navigate those emotions.
00:44:29.679 --> 00:44:31.679
And that's what's happening in the world at the moment.
00:44:31.920 --> 00:44:33.679
We are caught up in our emotions.
00:44:34.800 --> 00:44:35.360
Yes.
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:36.400
Yes.
00:44:36.880 --> 00:44:39.599
Look, embodiment, yes, that's when the change happens.
00:44:39.760 --> 00:44:41.599
But awareness is such a great place to start.
00:44:41.679 --> 00:44:47.840
And I thought on the yeah, one of my loveliest compliments is someone who said to me, You're very self-aware.
00:44:48.400 --> 00:44:48.719
Thank you.
00:44:48.800 --> 00:44:50.639
Like I really took that as such a compliment.
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:57.119
But I just find the the people I clash with are the people who don't have the self-awareness.
00:44:57.199 --> 00:45:03.679
And I know that you can't preach to people that you have to just lit sort of lead by example and let people do them.
00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:09.280
But I'm like, you're poisoning my chi because you had you don't have self-awareness.
00:45:09.360 --> 00:45:17.679
Don't you think that self-aware people are just um they have more compassion or grace for others and it creates just a nicer environment?
00:45:18.159 --> 00:45:18.480
It does.
00:45:18.559 --> 00:45:25.039
So that's why, like, you know, the one um umbrella of whole self-method is whole self-awareness.
00:45:25.280 --> 00:45:27.360
So awareness is so important.
00:45:27.599 --> 00:45:33.599
Like otherwise, you can work with the coach, you can work with a therapist, but it's while you're working with them.
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:40.719
But it's only when you create self-awareness over a period of time that you can change yourself.
00:45:40.880 --> 00:45:50.960
And then you have enough embodiment tools, how to navigate your emotions, how to work with your nervous system, you become like a whole functioning machine on your own.
00:45:51.199 --> 00:45:54.079
And then you can say awareness is definitely the first step.
00:45:54.239 --> 00:45:55.760
But then after that, there are other steps.
00:45:55.840 --> 00:46:00.079
And of course, Steph, you've already done a lot of work the way you're saying.
00:46:00.159 --> 00:46:03.760
So for your for you, awareness probably comes very naturally now.
00:46:04.239 --> 00:46:07.440
But I'm talking about depressed.
00:46:07.679 --> 00:46:09.039
Yeah, likewise, you know.
00:46:09.199 --> 00:46:22.480
But I'm talking about when we are only feeding awareness through intellect, but not bringing the body in or the nervous system or the emotions really in, the change is not going to happen.
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:26.880
That's such a great sort of advert for what you do.
00:46:27.039 --> 00:46:33.199
Um, I was gonna ask you what you do with your work, but you you described it so beautifully there with that whole self-method.
00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:34.320
It's um, what did you say?
00:46:34.400 --> 00:46:35.760
You become a whole machine.
00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:36.400
What did you say?
00:46:36.639 --> 00:46:39.039
So you become like a whole function, like whole.
00:46:39.119 --> 00:46:41.760
I always say like you become like a separate organism.
00:46:41.840 --> 00:46:42.880
I forgot the word I use.
00:46:43.119 --> 00:46:50.159
It just came, but I always tell my clients or like clients who worked with me two years ago, and even now someone gave me another review recently.
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:53.199
Their life has changed because the system has changed internally.
00:46:53.360 --> 00:47:04.880
When your system changes, you kind of become like a new whole organism which knows how to function, which and that's what the whole self method is all about.
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:10.639
No, but you do have to do it internally, you know, like people will move across country or move into state.
00:47:10.800 --> 00:47:12.480
Your problems are gonna follow you.
00:47:12.719 --> 00:47:18.159
It's not the it's not necessarily just the environment, you need to work on the inside first.
00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:18.719
Yeah.
00:47:19.199 --> 00:47:20.639
Oh my god, I'm so glad you said that.
00:47:20.719 --> 00:47:26.559
This is what I actually realized when I quit my job and then I started my business, and then I went back to corporate after that.
00:47:26.639 --> 00:47:36.880
I'm like, so the person who actually quit her job, because everyone said corporate is evil, and that's what I believe too, like, you know, and then I went to my business, and I'm like, one six months to one year, I'm crashing again.
00:47:37.440 --> 00:47:40.159
So the so the person who's moving is me.
00:47:40.800 --> 00:47:41.599
I hear it.
00:47:41.760 --> 00:47:44.480
Yeah, such a humbling.
00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:46.159
It's humbling.
00:47:46.320 --> 00:47:53.840
I said, My husband, 2025 was so freaking hard because I started the year by going straight back to work when my son was five and a half months old.
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:59.199
A few months later, I quit, and then I was grateful to be with him, but then we were stressed trying to figure out how we were gonna make the money.
00:47:59.280 --> 00:48:12.480
And I said, It's only now, halfway through 2026, that we're both feeling so in joy and abundant in our lives because you know, we had to, like I said, you've got to make a big mess first before you really clean it all up.
00:48:12.639 --> 00:48:15.679
And that that was our 2025 was messy.
00:48:16.079 --> 00:48:19.360
This year is feeling very joyous and abundant.
00:48:19.440 --> 00:48:21.119
So oh, thank you for sharing that.
00:48:21.199 --> 00:48:22.400
That is such an important point, Steph.
00:48:22.559 --> 00:48:25.840
A lot of people wouldn't say, I always say there's genius in messiness.
00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:27.360
That's a line I always say.
00:48:27.679 --> 00:48:30.559
Yes, there's a genius, our genius comes in messiness.
00:48:30.639 --> 00:48:32.960
One of my mentors used to say that years ago.
00:48:33.760 --> 00:48:35.599
There's a genius in messiness.
00:48:35.840 --> 00:48:36.239
There is.
00:48:36.400 --> 00:48:38.639
Would you like to see the um crayon drawings?
00:48:38.719 --> 00:48:39.760
I've let my son do all over.
00:48:40.239 --> 00:48:41.440
Please, I would love to.
00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:43.199
I was like, look, he's in his zone.
00:48:43.280 --> 00:48:45.840
I'll figure out later which cleaning products will get that off.
00:48:46.079 --> 00:48:48.239
But aren't kids genius in some ways?
00:48:49.039 --> 00:48:50.639
I love watching him in his element.
00:48:50.800 --> 00:48:54.480
He really looks like a little Picasso who likes the way he likes.
00:48:54.719 --> 00:49:00.000
I think my husband wants him to be very sporty, and I think he's taking after the very artistic side of my side.
00:49:00.159 --> 00:49:03.760
And he runs around looking at what he can draw in, and he's really passionate when he draws.
00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:05.360
And I'm like, oh, I love watching it.
00:49:05.440 --> 00:49:08.639
Like they're in their zone of genius, aren't they, when they're concentrating?
00:49:09.119 --> 00:49:10.480
It's a beautiful thing to watch.
00:49:10.639 --> 00:49:16.719
Uh, speaking of children, you've shared that as a child you developed a stutter from suppressing your emotional self.
00:49:16.880 --> 00:49:19.599
This was the question I was most interested to ask you, Saru.
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:23.920
Looking back now, what do you think that younger version of you was trying to communicate?
00:49:24.559 --> 00:49:28.000
I think there was a lot of fear and a lot of change.
00:49:28.400 --> 00:49:36.239
So when I look back, my parents had moved from a smaller town to a bigger town in India.
00:49:36.400 --> 00:49:39.599
So I was born in India, I was raised in India, I was in India until I was 20.
00:49:39.840 --> 00:49:43.039
And then after that, I moved to US and then Australia, and now in Dubai.
00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:48.000
So I pretty much lived my you know, my life mid-east and west.
00:49:48.400 --> 00:49:50.000
So I consider myself a mix.
00:49:50.400 --> 00:49:54.239
Um so my parents had moved from a smaller town to from India to a bigger town.
00:49:54.639 --> 00:49:56.880
And there was a lot of stress, a lot of pressure.
00:49:57.039 --> 00:50:24.719
And I and now looking back, I can see I was I was a very sensitive child, but more than that, I think also the fear I took in, the emotions, like not being able to express what I'm feeling, because as children, and I think this goes on to probably your story which you shared, like you know, you feel like with a child, you kind of you spoke about how with children, if we are not aware as parents, we don't know what we are passing on.
00:50:25.280 --> 00:50:36.000
And because probably as a child, I picked up my parents' fear when they moved from a small town to a bigger town and had to make ends meet and start life again.
00:50:36.079 --> 00:50:46.800
And my father had to start a new business, my mom and like my parents are doing really well now, but it was a long journey of struggle and trying to make ends meet for a while.
00:50:47.039 --> 00:50:53.519
Yeah, I picked up their emotions, I picked up a lot of stuff and I didn't have places to uh go and talk.
00:50:53.599 --> 00:51:04.320
And I still remember the first time when I joined the school in Chandigarh, where we my parents moved a town in India, which is actually a very beautiful town, which is not like the rest of India.
00:51:04.400 --> 00:51:06.320
It's it was designed by a French architect.
00:51:06.639 --> 00:51:09.599
So it's a newer town, it's like a 60-year-old town.
00:51:09.840 --> 00:51:15.440
Um, I went to school and I was asked to be introduced, and I still remember that memory.
00:51:15.599 --> 00:51:25.280
Uh, I've worked, I've worked a lot on this aspect of myself, but when I was asked to introduce, I saw I stood up and the word that came stuttered, and everyone started laughing.
00:51:26.239 --> 00:51:29.280
And and that started a new journey of trauma.
00:51:29.840 --> 00:51:30.480
It's a trauma.
00:51:30.559 --> 00:51:37.199
It's it's like it was like a long journey off, a lot of stuttering, disassociation from myself.
00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:40.559
I would go to school and kids would start mocking me.
00:51:40.639 --> 00:52:12.079
And that was pretty much it, it it doesn't mean that I didn't, I didn't know, I was very creative as a child, but that also meant it shaped up a lot of my life, and I can only see it now, you know, because it I still went and did my MBA, I did great things in life, but that little girl who stuttered and who didn't feel safe and who learned, it's not safe to express, it's not safe to share my fear because others around me can't hold me, always kind of was underplayed.
00:52:12.159 --> 00:52:16.559
And I think can she can still come online, and I think that's where also the control comes in.
00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:26.400
And probably a lot of people can relate because they have their own different stories, which they they like mine was so visible, stuttering, so I had to kind of go and look at it, what's happening.
00:52:26.559 --> 00:52:34.639
But a lot of people, the stories are not that visible, but something is still driving them to do what they're doing, and it's just happening within.
00:52:35.599 --> 00:52:42.239
Yes, yeah, and you might not have the language until you don't have the language or the understanding of it until you're an adult.
00:52:42.400 --> 00:52:46.880
You sort of just when you're a kid, you just this is my life, this is this is how it is.
00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:48.800
It's you don't really question things as much.
00:52:48.960 --> 00:53:00.159
And there's certainly, you know, I think the older generation thinks we're pointing the finger of blame, but we're not like I'm immensely grateful for the way my family took care of me as a child and how hard my dad worked.
00:53:00.239 --> 00:53:07.760
My dad came from Sicily and came here not speaking a word of English and you know, built his business and took care of all of us, and it was a single income home for so long.
00:53:07.840 --> 00:53:13.920
And but there's definitely um they didn't have the language to deal with their emotions.
00:53:14.079 --> 00:53:17.440
That generation, that whole generation, all my friends say the same thing about their parents.
00:53:17.519 --> 00:53:25.280
And I feel there was a lot of as I was just a deeply emotional, sensitive, empathetic child and an adult as well.
00:53:25.360 --> 00:53:30.239
And I I feel there was a sense of um, and this is where my control came from.
00:53:30.320 --> 00:53:36.159
I think I wanted to make sure that everyone was happy in the home, or it meant emotional instability for me.
00:53:36.320 --> 00:53:39.199
You know, if someone was gonna be upset, I knew I was gonna have a bad night.
00:53:39.280 --> 00:53:56.639
So I just want to make sure everyone's okay, and I feel like there's a part of me that still tries to do that, you know, like um, yeah, but they didn't have the language to deal with their own emotions, and I think that's why our generation as children took that on.
00:53:56.880 --> 00:53:57.599
Would you agree?
00:53:58.159 --> 00:54:02.800
Oh, I I think you just like I think it's you're sharing something similar to what I just shared, right?
00:54:02.960 --> 00:54:04.719
Like we see like your journey as well.
00:54:04.960 --> 00:54:17.840
So Italian, I mean, culture is also very passionate, like Indian culture can be like very um emotionally like available, like when I say available, like you know, very in touch with, but that it can have strong emotions as well.
00:54:18.000 --> 00:54:27.199
So in some ways, and that generation, it could be in any culture, I think the focus was not given that much to children's again.
00:54:27.280 --> 00:54:31.039
I'm not pointing blank, but this knowledge is quite new, how to bring up.
00:54:31.119 --> 00:54:34.320
Like when I look at my friends raising kids now, or my nieces' nephews.
00:54:34.480 --> 00:54:35.039
Oh my god.
00:54:35.360 --> 00:54:35.920
So different.
00:54:36.079 --> 00:54:37.519
It's so different, so different.
00:54:38.000 --> 00:54:39.760
Those generations, they didn't have an option.
00:54:39.840 --> 00:54:43.840
Like, like you said, like your parents came and they had to work hard.
00:54:44.000 --> 00:54:47.119
My dad came from a smaller town to big town, had to work hard.
00:54:47.360 --> 00:54:56.320
So there was no availability for, I mean, they provided for me, they raised me well, but no availability for my emotional needs.
00:54:56.480 --> 00:55:03.119
And also, but like the mothers didn't even have mother groups to get together and talk about hey, parenting's really freaking hard.
00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:05.440
Like they they just had to deal with it, yeah.
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:17.119
And they had to deal with it, and and that's true for like you know, some cultures like Italian, Indian, but I've also worked with so many clients from American cultures, like, you know, where it's a similar thing, but their struggles are different.
00:55:17.199 --> 00:55:23.199
Like, you know, they're just taught to have everything together, you know, and just go on with life.
00:55:23.280 --> 00:55:25.840
And that means a different kind of suppression, right?
00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:38.719
Where you just become I think it's yeah, definitely cultural, but I still think it's more generational because I'll see, you know, like my you know, the younger relatives in Sicily being so different to the way my dad and his siblings.
00:55:38.960 --> 00:55:39.440
Oh, 100%.
00:55:39.679 --> 00:55:40.480
No, no, 100%.
00:55:40.880 --> 00:55:46.159
I agree with you, but I'm saying, like, you know, it's generational, but across different cultures, it's the same thing.
00:55:46.320 --> 00:55:46.719
Totally.
00:55:47.039 --> 00:55:47.920
Same, it's the same thing.
00:55:48.000 --> 00:55:49.760
It just shows up in a different way.
00:55:49.920 --> 00:55:50.400
It shows up.
00:55:50.800 --> 00:55:57.199
Totally, because I actually prefer the Sicilian way where it was like yell and get your emotions out indicative.
00:55:57.599 --> 00:56:05.039
Whereas the Aussie side was more uh like manipulative and passive aggressive and like not sure emotions.
00:56:05.599 --> 00:56:06.320
100% alive.
00:56:06.559 --> 00:56:10.000
But like that makes me feel way more walking on eggshells.
00:56:10.079 --> 00:56:11.920
Like, I'd rather let's yell and just get it out.
00:56:12.000 --> 00:56:13.599
And that's how I am with my husband.
00:56:13.679 --> 00:56:18.320
Like, let's just talk about our feelings and let's just get it out now and deal with it.
00:56:18.559 --> 00:56:22.159
That's yeah, I just I prefer communication, even if it is a bit yelly.
00:56:22.400 --> 00:56:23.360
No, this is this is funny.
00:56:23.440 --> 00:56:25.840
So, like, you know, um my parent, my family is like that.
00:56:25.920 --> 00:56:28.719
They're very like you know, they can they can get mad and angry.
00:56:28.800 --> 00:56:33.920
And I think as a child, because I put a lot of fear in, even though I can be like that, I kind of suppress that.
00:56:34.079 --> 00:56:36.239
And my current husband's like that, very passionate.
00:56:36.320 --> 00:56:41.280
And it's taken me some time to get used to, even though I'm very passionate myself, and I agree with you.
00:56:41.360 --> 00:56:43.119
Like, then there's just honesty.
00:56:43.360 --> 00:56:49.119
There is like, you know, you know at the face value what you're getting, and it just I mean me too.
00:56:49.440 --> 00:56:49.760
Me too.
00:56:50.159 --> 00:56:51.199
Walking on eggshells.
00:56:51.360 --> 00:56:53.440
I just want to let's deal with things now, yeah.
00:56:53.679 --> 00:56:55.199
Now and get it done with.
00:56:55.519 --> 00:56:59.039
Yeah, I think my personality is just more of the Sicilian side, yeah.
00:56:59.360 --> 00:57:00.320
Yeah, mine too.
00:57:01.039 --> 00:57:02.960
Yeah, so interesting.
00:57:03.119 --> 00:57:07.039
Well, well, that's why probably why when different cultures marry, things arise, you know.
00:57:07.119 --> 00:57:14.239
Like when my husband and I, we understand each other now, but when we first got together, I think he was a bit like, whoa, I can't deal with all of this emotion coming at me, you know.
00:57:14.320 --> 00:57:19.119
And I was like, I would get worse because he's not communicating, so I'd get up all up in my head.
00:57:19.199 --> 00:57:23.920
So it definitely took a good six months to understand each other, and now we get it, you know.
00:57:24.079 --> 00:57:27.920
But yeah, different cultures can bring up the the different upbringings for sure.
00:57:28.159 --> 00:57:31.280
Okay, you've given such wonderful insights today, Sarah.
00:57:31.360 --> 00:57:35.760
And I feel like you and I could really, we understand each other very well, and we could really want some more talk about.
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:36.480
Yeah, very much.
00:57:36.559 --> 00:57:38.400
So we'll keep in touch online for sure.
00:57:38.559 --> 00:57:40.719
Um, but this show is all about filling up your cup.
00:57:40.800 --> 00:57:43.840
So, what's something you'll be doing in the next week to fill up your cup?
00:57:44.159 --> 00:57:48.239
Um, so one thing, something I do actually pretty much every day is meditation.
00:57:48.400 --> 00:57:54.960
I like some things I do every day is like moment of the body, moving of mind, you know, connecting with my feelings.
00:57:55.039 --> 00:57:58.159
So, like I kind of really make space for that.
00:57:58.400 --> 00:58:25.199
Um, something I'm really looking forward to doing this week is actually my father is traveling from to spend one day uh with me, and my relationship has changed quite a lot with him as I have learned to settle more in myself as a woman, and when I'm not always in the high achieving, like highly functioning role, and I think that's allowed me to soften for men in my life.
00:58:25.280 --> 00:58:28.159
Like, I'll be honest with you, this was like a struggle.
00:58:28.320 --> 00:58:33.760
Um I didn't think of it as a struggle years ago, but it allows me to soften for men in my life.
00:58:34.000 --> 00:58:46.639
Where okay, so what you're describing is getting into your feminine energy, and not in terms of male, female, but no, no, no, but the feminine is the being energy, being energy, and it allows me to just, and I think that's what I that's how I fill my cup.
00:58:46.800 --> 00:58:58.880
So when I'm always on the go, and that's taken me years of practice, it's not this this energy doesn't come through, you know, doing yoga, or it doesn't just come through going for spa days.
00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:08.719
It's actually comes through working with my emotions, having the ability to sit still, having the ability to go with the flow of the body rather than the mind, rather than being in the push.
00:59:08.880 --> 00:59:10.400
And that's how I kind of fill my cup.
00:59:10.480 --> 00:59:16.480
And I'm really looking forward to doing that this weekend with my father rather than just with myself.
00:59:17.519 --> 00:59:18.719
So lovely.
00:59:18.880 --> 00:59:24.400
You really you're very insightful, you're very self-aware, but you really embody what you talk about.
00:59:24.559 --> 00:59:25.360
I love that so much.
00:59:25.440 --> 00:59:31.760
But I really like how you, you know, relationships with parents as we've gotten older can can be complicated.
00:59:31.840 --> 00:59:36.719
So I like how you said those relationships have improved as you've settled into yourself more.
00:59:36.800 --> 00:59:38.000
That's really beautiful.
00:59:38.159 --> 00:59:39.360
I like that so much.
00:59:39.599 --> 00:59:40.079
Thank you.
00:59:40.320 --> 00:59:41.599
Yeah, that's lovely.
00:59:41.840 --> 00:59:44.000
Thank you so much for everything you've shared with us today.
00:59:44.159 --> 00:59:46.159
It's been very vulnerable and really beautiful.
00:59:46.239 --> 00:59:48.800
And I think the audience will take so much away from this.
00:59:48.880 --> 00:59:55.920
And everyone, check out the show notes because I'm going to link everything for you in there, Sarus, so everyone can check you out if they want to work with you further.
00:59:56.079 --> 00:59:58.400
But thank you so much for your time today.
00:59:58.639 --> 01:00:06.559
And I also want to say thank you so much, Steph, for your honesty and bringing such an authentic self and like really going deep with me.
01:00:06.800 --> 01:00:11.519
Because I know it makes such a big difference who's asking you the questions and if they're willing to go there as well.
01:00:11.920 --> 01:00:12.719
So thank you so much.
01:00:12.800 --> 01:00:14.880
I've really enjoyed this chat with you.
01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:19.199
I appreciate that very much because I I don't look at myself as an interviewer.
01:00:19.440 --> 01:00:21.840
I look at myself as having joint discussions.
01:00:22.000 --> 01:00:26.480
And so if people think, oh, I'm talking to, I'm like, I'm not Oprah, I'm not interviewing.
01:00:26.559 --> 01:00:31.760
I'm here to get deep and have a conversation, but I want to talk just as much as my guests to share.
01:00:31.840 --> 01:00:34.239
But I find the more I share, the more they're willing to share.
01:00:34.320 --> 01:00:35.280
So that's I love that.
01:00:35.920 --> 01:00:36.400
Thank you.
01:00:36.480 --> 01:00:37.760
I appreciate that very much.
01:00:37.920 --> 01:00:38.960
Oh, thank you so much.
01:00:39.039 --> 01:00:39.840
I really love that.
01:00:39.920 --> 01:00:41.360
And you enjoy your time with your father.
01:00:41.440 --> 01:00:42.559
That sounds lovely.
01:00:42.880 --> 01:00:43.119
Thank you.
01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:43.760
Beautiful.
01:00:44.079 --> 01:00:47.840
And everybody, please do something in the next week to fill up your cup.
01:00:48.639 --> 01:00:50.400
Thank you again for being here today.
01:00:50.559 --> 01:00:52.960
I hope that this episode brought some value to you.
01:00:53.199 --> 01:00:55.280
I look forward to your company in the next episode.
01:00:55.360 --> 01:00:58.639
And please connect with me on socials to keep this love fest going.
01:00:58.880 --> 01:01:01.199
Feel free to DM me with any questions at all.
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:06.159
And if you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing it with a loved one or in your Insta stories.
01:01:06.320 --> 01:01:10.960
And if you're feeling super generous, a review on Apple Podcasts would be greatly appreciated.
01:01:11.199 --> 01:01:13.199
I'll catch you in the next episode.