Solving the World’s Problems | Unfiltered Advice on Sex, Money, Friendship, and Life

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My friend sends me 11 minute voice messages.
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Is there any polite way to tell her I have
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a life?
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My boyfriend makes significantly less money than me, but insist
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on paying for everything.
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Can you ever just not solve things with a calm attitude?
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Like sometimes we want to fly off the handle. If
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you ever wanted a place where no topic was too real,
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too strange, too messy, you found it.
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Welcome to Unpacked and Unfiltered.
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I'm Noe.
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And I'm Bex. We are here to laugh with you,
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cry with you, grow with you because honestly, we are
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doing it right alongside with you. There's an extra seat here.
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So please come sit with us while we unpack these conversations.
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Let's go. Let's get unpacked.
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Welcome to Unpacked and Unfiltered.
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I'm Bex. I'm Noe.
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And we are back, baby.
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We are back. Coming at you every Tuesday.
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Hardcore. Hardcore.
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Hardcore.
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All right.
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So we have a lot of questions that have been
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submitted that have been piling up.
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And today we're going to solve the world's problems.
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We are solving all the world's problems in this podcast.
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So stay tuned. Turn your volume up.
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It is it.
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This is it.
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And if you have some world problems and some big questions,
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go submit your questions on www.unpackedandunfiltered.com and entertain us, please.
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I think there's no subject too small at this point.
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No, no, no.
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In fact, I know some subjects that are extremely small, tiny,
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but I'm not dating them anymore. So... There we go.
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We don't date those small subjects.
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No, no, no, no.
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Okay, what do you got for me?
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Okay, tell me the one first that you were thinking
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about on your way here.
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Okay, so I have.
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Had so many married men drop into my DMs over
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the last six years that have asked me this question.
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Okay, let's hear.
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How do I get my wife to want to be sexy? Ooh.
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Because this is actually such a... such a pandemic within
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married women is they stop wanting to be desired or no,
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they want to be desired, but they stop being sexy
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or wanting sexy time. Can we just say this goes
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both ways? Absolutely.
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Because men take care of your fucking bodies. Yeah. Keep
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working out, keep trying for her. And I do think
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we addressed this a tiny bit on the Keith podcast
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when he was here. Yeah. About, first of all, a
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woman is going to be in her femininity. She's going
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to want to be sexy when you're taking care of
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her emotional needs. I think from a man's perspective, he
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is showing up for her like, let me take the kids,
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go unwind, go take a bath, go take care of yourself.
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Go on a walk, like there for her emotionally. She's
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going to be able to soften into a feminine.
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This isn't exactly true.
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You disagree? I disagree. Okay, let's hear.
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I have had- That's how it is for me. That's
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how it is for you, but you are a top
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one percenter.
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Okay.
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In most married women- You are a sexual woman, but
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that's the difference. As most married women go into this,
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I don't have to care anymore, and the sexuality gets
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turned completely off. It truly does. And in a lot
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of women, they can... I think it does apply, like,
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if a man's taking care of himself and stuff. But
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I've seen men take care of themselves. They get extremely fit.
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And the woman just honestly doesn't give a shit. Like,
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she truly— the attraction's so dead, and there's no effort being
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put in on the woman's side to meet the man,
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to be desired.
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But that's the thing.
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It's like— A lot of women, they're fine with wearing
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their sweatpants 24-7 and never putting on a sexy outfit
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for the man. And the man can even go far
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above and beyond and go buy her lingerie or buy
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the sexy dress. And it can be taken so repulsive
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to the woman. But I'm sorry, women. I'm coming at
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you today from experience. If you do not... Put in
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effort to be sexy for yourself. I was going to
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say for yourself. For yourself is the most important part.
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First of all, you're not going to get that self-confidence back.
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Second of all, you're not going to get his lust back.
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And if he's not lusting you, he's lusting someone else.
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Yeah.
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But you're the top 1%, honey.
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I know, but I've also been, had a sexless time
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in a marriage. Yeah. Because he wasn't showing up for me.
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All the demands he wanted were only sexual. So what
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did I do? I dressed up for me. I took
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care of myself. And if that's the only way you're
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showing up for me, I'm sorry.
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Absolutely agree with that.
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Absolutely not. Absolutely agree with that, actually. So don't bring
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me some lingerie if you can't also.
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Show up for me.
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Show up for me. Yeah. Right.
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And I also think it's not something I owe a man.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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So especially now, but I also want to like, give
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me that desire to be with you. So I think it,
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I think it goes both ways.
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I've seen women get so lazy within like, showing up
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for themselves, that there's nothing a man can do.
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To fix that.
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I think that goes back to self-love.
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It does.
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That's what I'm trying to get at.
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Yeah.
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Do it for yourself. Show up for yourself. Change the
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outfit for yourself. And then eventually maybe something between you
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and your partner will be rekindled in a very safe way.
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I actually did this last night.
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I historically, when the kids have gone to their dad's
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for dinner, It's my time to get work done. Yes.
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And I've worked and cleaned or got, did stuff for
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the podcast and stuff on my website. And last night
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I was like, I have not showed up for me
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for a very long time. I have been in my sweats.
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I have done all these things. And so I put
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a dress on, I put some sexy boots on and
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it was just.
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Me and Dee, me and my friend.
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Yeah. I love that. And her and I went to
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a winery. Guess who was there?
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Her and I.
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But I did it for me. I took myself out
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on a date.
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We've done this on trips so many times.
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Like we pack the outfits.
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We want to wear. We do the things we want
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to do.
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For ourselves to give ourselves those boosts.
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But that's the thing.
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I think a lot of women are, I think there's
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also this other thing that's interesting. I've observed in towns
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like our own, if women are like, really being out
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there and sexy and fun and all of that, a
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lot of men project an identity on them that is
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not true.
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Right.
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Because they are doing it for themselves.
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But here's the thing.
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I have noticed this in a few relationships because I
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don't know why, but for years, they're the only people
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that rolled into my DMs were married men. Literally for years.
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And I don't know why this is the case, but
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a lot of times... women will only dress up to
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go out with their girls. And that's a problem because
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if you want to be desired, you also have to
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do things sexy for your men. Men need the sexual side.
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You know what?
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We're saying this, but a recent person that I've dated
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is not into that, not into lingerie, not into it.
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So I still put it on, but I do it
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for me.
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See, that's wonderful.
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So I'm like, you may not be into it, but
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I'm way more turned on.
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So- It gets you there. And I love that about you.
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Not always. Not all people are.
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I'm like, I actually need a boost for me. Yeah.
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So I need to turn myself on. Turn yourself on
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first and then bring it to the bedroom for your person.
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I feel bad for men and women that there's this
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huge disconnect because I'm pro-marriage. I love it when marriages
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are happy and relationships are happy, but I.
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Do know that.
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In other people's marriages, I have watched it die and
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it's because the women don't dress up. They don't get sexy. And,
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you know, although I've never dealt with that in a
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relationship ever, but I've watched it over and over and over.
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And I've had so many men be like, How do
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I get my woman to want to get out of
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the sweats and go out on a date night?
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I'm like, you have to provide the experience. I'm sorry.
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Be a man. Provide the experience. Put pride in yourself.
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Put pride in her.
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Surprise her. Yes. Give her a reason to dress up.
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Dress up. Make her feel special.
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Make her feel dated. Date your woman.
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And woman, be dateable.
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Yeah. Okay. We beat that one.
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All right.
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That was a good one.
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Okay.
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All right.
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My friend owes me $ 37 from a brunch in 2023.
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Jesus Christ.
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Whoever this person is needs to call now.
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It's not about the money. It's about the principle. What
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interest rate should I charge? First of all, anytime, in
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my opinion, anytime you pay for someone else, expect to
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not get the money back.
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Exactly. I was like, that's some petty shit.
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Drop it.
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Let it go.
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Yeah. If I was her friend, I would not be
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friends with you anymore. Yeah. Because first of all, I
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do pay all my friends back in a timely manner. Yeah.
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But that's not the point. No.
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The point is I lend things out, things, money, whatever,
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with the expectation I'm not getting. If someone asks you
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and you don't think you'll get the money back, say no.
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Yeah.
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Say, no, I can't cover you.
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That's it. End of story.
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End of story.
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And if you can't and you are going to hang
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on to $ 37 for six years, you're the problem. Right, right.
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Why is it bothering me? That you've got some definite
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issues around money and abundance. Extreme. So sorry, I'm going
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to trash on the sender on that one.
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Yeah.
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Trash on sender.
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I love that.
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He texts Kay after I sent him a four paragraph message.
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Do I block him or simply become emotionally unavailable?
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I've been guilty of being on both sides of this.
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So I want to hear your opinion first, because I
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do have a strong opinion on this.
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First of all, I never put red receipts on my
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texts because sometimes you do want to think about it
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before you respond. Text messages are one that a lot
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of times I can sit and think about before I respond.
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Oh, I have the exact same feeling.
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Yeah. I'm sorry.
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If you set up four paragraphs, you've probably been stewing
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on it for weeks.
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And there's a response that needs to be thought about.
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So let them have weeks to respond. Yeah.
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And if you are not ready to push send, don't
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reply K.
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Or you can. To me, that doesn't bother me. If
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you say, okay, maybe your gut, because I believe you
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have a visceral response and a secondary response, and you're
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not necessarily responsible for your visceral response, because that could
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be based on your wounds, your past, your history. So
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if my reaction is defensiveness, anger, whatever, but I want
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to sit in it and I'm like, K. Okay.
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You know what I would have done? That's fine.
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That's fine.
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Why don't we just seek to understand the other person?
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So if I send it and they say K.
254
00:10:51.110 --> 00:10:53.990
Oh, no, no, no. K is an answer. That response
255
00:10:54.070 --> 00:10:57.490
is a response. That is almost a dagger, in my opinion.
256
00:10:57.570 --> 00:10:59.370
If somebody, if I put in that much effort to
257
00:10:59.409 --> 00:11:02.100
type a paragraph that was very needed, the conversation needed
258
00:11:02.120 --> 00:11:05.899
to be had, and I got a K, I would
259
00:11:05.919 --> 00:11:07.399
be like, all right, you need to sit in that.
260
00:11:07.500 --> 00:11:09.000
I'm going to sit in my space. Don't judge me
261
00:11:09.080 --> 00:11:10.139
for how I'm going to sit in mine.
262
00:11:10.440 --> 00:11:13.629
I agree with that. But I also would be like,
263
00:11:13.990 --> 00:11:16.149
if that bothered me, the K bothered me, I'd probably
264
00:11:16.169 --> 00:11:18.799
follow up with a, we do need to discuss this
265
00:11:18.820 --> 00:11:21.899
at some point. Absolutely. Right. Yeah. Like, why did you
266
00:11:21.940 --> 00:11:22.519
respond like that?
267
00:11:22.559 --> 00:11:24.960
Most of the time, if you sit there and just
268
00:11:25.019 --> 00:11:25.919
let it be the K.
269
00:11:25.940 --> 00:11:30.470
They will always come back with something because they've thought
270
00:11:30.490 --> 00:11:31.389
about it. But let them.
271
00:11:31.970 --> 00:11:34.389
Exactly. Let them come back with something. Maybe they were
272
00:11:34.409 --> 00:11:38.929
initially like, bitch, you know? But then they sat there like, okay,
273
00:11:38.950 --> 00:11:41.669
there's some validity. Like, let me get my emotions down.
274
00:11:41.750 --> 00:11:43.759
Let me calm down. Let me get it out of
275
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that part of my brain that is just reacting.
276
00:11:45.659 --> 00:11:48.539
Well, and I'm a firm believer in this situation and
277
00:11:48.580 --> 00:11:50.909
in many other, no response is a response.
278
00:11:51.830 --> 00:11:53.049
Like it absolutely is.
279
00:11:53.309 --> 00:11:57.080
And If people can't respond, then you need to just
280
00:11:57.100 --> 00:11:59.970
drop it. Drop it and let them come around at
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their own pace. And if you need to be pissed
282
00:12:03.070 --> 00:12:05.110
off for a little bit, be pissed off. Just don't
283
00:12:05.149 --> 00:12:08.769
lash out at anyone. Just let it be in the
284
00:12:09.129 --> 00:12:10.629
text thread what it is.
285
00:12:10.649 --> 00:12:15.350
I love that. Okay. My boyfriend makes significantly less money
286
00:12:15.769 --> 00:12:19.009
than me, but insist on paying for everything. Should I
287
00:12:19.090 --> 00:12:22.090
let him or am I creating a financial hostage situation?
288
00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:24.580
I think there's a balance in that one.
289
00:12:24.600 --> 00:12:25.559
Yeah, you too.
290
00:12:26.019 --> 00:12:30.409
Because in certain things, I think it's valuable for a
291
00:12:30.429 --> 00:12:33.509
man to pay. It gives them value. But for everything,
292
00:12:33.549 --> 00:12:35.909
I don't think that's necessary. I don't.
293
00:12:35.970 --> 00:12:39.169
And then where are you with money? Does it matter
294
00:12:39.210 --> 00:12:43.090
to you? Does it not matter? Are you worried about
295
00:12:43.129 --> 00:12:45.409
his financial future? Then that's a conversation that you need
296
00:12:45.429 --> 00:12:48.250
to sit down and have with him. Are you honoring
297
00:12:48.350 --> 00:12:51.330
your financial boundaries by paying for everything for me? Yeah, exactly.
298
00:12:51.980 --> 00:12:53.659
And if he's not, if he's just trying to win
299
00:12:53.700 --> 00:12:56.519
you and getting into debt, then let's.
300
00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:59.500
Have a conversation. Yeah, that's not a good idea. Yeah,
301
00:12:59.539 --> 00:13:04.750
that one's hard because I think there's this thing around feminism.
302
00:13:04.769 --> 00:13:09.190
And sometimes women don't understand like financial stability is actually
303
00:13:09.230 --> 00:13:10.230
important on both sides.
304
00:13:10.450 --> 00:13:10.809
Right.
305
00:13:11.509 --> 00:13:14.820
And paying attention to what people make is important.
306
00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:17.049
Mm-hmm. All right.
307
00:13:17.250 --> 00:13:20.820
I accidentally liked a photo from 2019 while stalking him.
308
00:13:21.080 --> 00:13:22.379
Do I move to a different country?
309
00:13:24.700 --> 00:13:26.980
Honey, the Internet will find you in any country. It
310
00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:28.080
will find you.
311
00:13:28.200 --> 00:13:29.600
You're never alone anymore.
312
00:13:29.620 --> 00:13:32.440
Then we have to be like, oh, well.
313
00:13:33.110 --> 00:13:34.269
No, it is what it is.
314
00:13:34.370 --> 00:13:35.110
It is what it is.
315
00:13:35.129 --> 00:13:37.730
Your heart might skip a beat, but it's fine. Caught me.
316
00:13:38.009 --> 00:13:38.750
Yeah.
317
00:13:38.809 --> 00:13:39.470
Now they know.
318
00:13:39.490 --> 00:13:40.549
Now you know.
319
00:13:41.049 --> 00:13:41.669
And that's enough.
320
00:13:41.740 --> 00:13:42.799
Careful with those fingers.
321
00:13:42.940 --> 00:13:46.139
Maybe hurry and unlike it real quick, but you may
322
00:13:46.200 --> 00:13:48.059
already be doomed.
323
00:13:48.539 --> 00:13:49.100
I like that.
324
00:13:49.659 --> 00:13:49.960
Yeah.
325
00:13:50.220 --> 00:13:53.519
Okay. My dog has a favorite person and it isn't me.
326
00:13:53.620 --> 00:13:56.659
How do I regain custody? Treats.
327
00:13:57.710 --> 00:13:57.950
Okay.
328
00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:02.580
Oh, I was thinking, like, dogs are so hypersensitive. They are.
329
00:14:02.600 --> 00:14:03.850
Maybe check your body.
330
00:14:03.950 --> 00:14:04.840
Like, are you.
331
00:14:04.929 --> 00:14:06.909
Anxious and a pain in the ass to be around?
332
00:14:06.929 --> 00:14:08.909
Because maybe humans are, too, and they're just not telling you.
333
00:14:08.990 --> 00:14:10.509
I think a lot of dogs think like children.
334
00:14:10.750 --> 00:14:14.830
They have the very simple minds of, like, love, affection, pets,
335
00:14:15.429 --> 00:14:18.720
ear scratches, and treats. Like, what fun are you having
336
00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:19.179
with them?
337
00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:20.620
Is that what you do with men, too? You just
338
00:14:20.659 --> 00:14:21.240
get all the treats?
339
00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:22.159
No.
340
00:14:22.179 --> 00:14:22.240
Oh.
341
00:14:23.460 --> 00:14:26.960
Because most men that, like, I have dated are all
342
00:14:27.019 --> 00:14:27.860
watching their physique.
343
00:14:28.299 --> 00:14:29.899
Oh, that's true. Good point.
344
00:14:29.940 --> 00:14:32.159
I mean, treats are not an option. I know.
345
00:14:32.179 --> 00:14:33.190
Same here. Yeah.
346
00:14:33.950 --> 00:14:37.070
Someone invited me to dinner and said, casual. I arrived
347
00:14:37.110 --> 00:14:40.570
in jeans. Everyone else dressed up. Do I leave immediately
348
00:14:40.649 --> 00:14:42.210
or pretend I'm the help?
349
00:14:42.909 --> 00:14:44.789
Oh, like a waiter? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
350
00:14:46.509 --> 00:14:48.309
This is funny because I remember when I was first
351
00:14:48.350 --> 00:14:50.950
in the business world, like 20 years, forever, 40, 30 years.
352
00:14:50.970 --> 00:14:51.830
I don't even know.
353
00:14:51.950 --> 00:14:55.080
A long time ago. I remember not knowing that casual
354
00:14:55.159 --> 00:14:56.950
meant slacks. Oh, what?
355
00:14:56.970 --> 00:14:57.710
And I think I've.
356
00:14:57.629 --> 00:14:59.659
Done this before. Like at the time I was so young.
357
00:14:59.720 --> 00:15:00.899
Casual means slacks?
358
00:15:01.240 --> 00:15:01.519
Yes.
359
00:15:02.220 --> 00:15:04.769
Business casual is slacks. Oh, business casual, right.
360
00:15:05.269 --> 00:15:08.090
So some people read business casual and they're like, What?
361
00:15:08.370 --> 00:15:11.049
Well, here's the other thing is anytime you're going out,
362
00:15:11.269 --> 00:15:13.840
if you're going out, don't dress down. Don't wear the
363
00:15:13.879 --> 00:15:18.240
baggy t-shirt and jeans. Like, first of all, step 101.
364
00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:18.990
You dress up.
365
00:15:19.500 --> 00:15:20.259
Respect yourself.
366
00:15:20.440 --> 00:15:23.120
Even if you're wearing jeans, look sexy. Wear a tight
367
00:15:23.159 --> 00:15:25.279
top on the top. Put some jewelry on.
368
00:15:25.320 --> 00:15:27.860
Have your hair done. Have your makeup done. Casual doesn't
369
00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:29.779
mean looking like a slob. So like.
370
00:15:29.799 --> 00:15:31.590
I agree with you there. So what happens if you're
371
00:15:31.610 --> 00:15:33.909
already there and you're casual? What do you mean? You
372
00:15:33.929 --> 00:15:35.289
just came from somewhere else and you're like, should I
373
00:15:35.309 --> 00:15:37.269
go change? No, it's casual. And you show up and
374
00:15:37.289 --> 00:15:39.029
it's not casual. Then what do you do at that point?
375
00:15:39.269 --> 00:15:40.860
Do you say, oh, I only have a few minutes.
376
00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:43.039
I'm just dropping in real quick on my way home.
377
00:15:43.340 --> 00:15:45.940
Yeah. You enjoy yourself and depends on if it's an
378
00:15:45.960 --> 00:15:48.120
all-nighter thing, then no.
379
00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:51.379
But if like, I'd say don't.
380
00:15:51.220 --> 00:15:52.399
Beat yourself up that hard.
381
00:15:52.480 --> 00:15:53.919
I would own it. I'm sorry.
382
00:15:53.940 --> 00:15:55.149
I was going to say, have fun.
383
00:15:55.159 --> 00:15:57.820
I would say like, oh my God, I totally misread
384
00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:00.500
the dress. Should I go home and change?
385
00:16:00.970 --> 00:16:03.529
Fun and funny people can show up ugly as fuck
386
00:16:03.669 --> 00:16:06.309
and still be the highlight of the night because they
387
00:16:06.370 --> 00:16:09.440
are fun. And it doesn't like if you look trashy
388
00:16:09.559 --> 00:16:12.120
and you're fun and funny, nobody's going to give two shits. Yeah.
389
00:16:12.139 --> 00:16:13.639
But if you like dressing up, you're like, oh, man,
390
00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:14.919
I would have dressed up if I would have known.
391
00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:15.299
Right.
392
00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:16.860
I might be like, oh, man, I thought it was
393
00:16:16.940 --> 00:16:17.620
way more casual.
394
00:16:17.639 --> 00:16:18.779
I'm going to go home and change. Well, one thing
395
00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:19.830
I've learned with our friends group.
396
00:16:20.139 --> 00:16:20.730
Yeah.
397
00:16:20.750 --> 00:16:21.909
Casual does not mean casual.
398
00:16:23.230 --> 00:16:24.210
Coffee date means dressing up.
399
00:16:24.450 --> 00:16:25.549
It means don't wear a ball gown.
400
00:16:25.909 --> 00:16:27.629
Right, right, right.
401
00:16:27.730 --> 00:16:30.169
But that's still optional. It's always optional. He still totally
402
00:16:30.190 --> 00:16:31.070
could wear a volume. Like, come on.
403
00:16:31.240 --> 00:16:32.980
If you show up in a miniskirt, high heels, and
404
00:16:33.019 --> 00:16:36.419
a Gucci purse, like, that's perfect. That's casual.
405
00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:38.419
Oh my gosh, yes. I love it.
406
00:16:39.059 --> 00:16:40.250
Okay, you're up.
407
00:16:41.330 --> 00:16:46.070
Okay. I spent $ 900 on something I absolutely did not need.
408
00:16:46.269 --> 00:16:49.309
Please explain to my husband why this was actually an investment.
409
00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:53.740
Oh, well, usually if it's $ 900 on something.
410
00:16:53.519 --> 00:16:54.259
You didn't need.
411
00:16:54.580 --> 00:16:55.159
You did need it.
412
00:16:55.919 --> 00:16:57.779
Well, it's probably designer.
413
00:16:59.019 --> 00:17:02.399
And designer can be passed down from generation to generation
414
00:17:02.950 --> 00:17:03.889
or it can be resold.
415
00:17:04.410 --> 00:17:07.309
Right. Or it's an airplane ticket. Also necessary.
416
00:17:07.450 --> 00:17:12.250
Experiences are non-negotiable. If it's a $ 900 experience, you'd be like, well,
417
00:17:12.329 --> 00:17:14.809
I actually have been wanting to experience this for a while.
418
00:17:15.369 --> 00:17:18.430
And so I just did this for myself. He should understand.
419
00:17:19.220 --> 00:17:20.059
When it's self-care.
420
00:17:20.420 --> 00:17:20.819
Here's the thing.
421
00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:23.609
I've had people be like, oh, I want you to
422
00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:26.269
go spoil yourself. I want you to go have fun. Okay, well,
423
00:17:26.289 --> 00:17:28.289
that was a perfect example of you spoiling yourself.
424
00:17:28.309 --> 00:17:30.349
Yeah, which is an investment in your mental health.
425
00:17:30.609 --> 00:17:31.269
Exactly.
426
00:17:31.369 --> 00:17:35.309
So necessary. And you're, I don't know, I think that
427
00:17:35.710 --> 00:17:36.869
let's not control each other that way.
428
00:17:37.190 --> 00:17:38.599
Yeah, let's not.
429
00:17:38.799 --> 00:17:40.440
Let's not. Let's not.
430
00:17:41.539 --> 00:17:43.940
Okay. My neighbor has been parking in front of my
431
00:17:43.980 --> 00:17:47.509
house for three years. We have never spoken. Is this
432
00:17:47.930 --> 00:17:54.559
now a territorial dispute? I genuinely....
433
00:17:54.700 --> 00:17:56.819
Next time I see my neighbor, I would ask him
434
00:17:56.869 --> 00:17:59.470
a question. Hey, can you help me understand why you
435
00:17:59.490 --> 00:18:00.390
parked in front of my house?
436
00:18:00.829 --> 00:18:01.279
Every day.
437
00:18:01.529 --> 00:18:02.390
Is there a reason for it?
438
00:18:02.750 --> 00:18:03.410
I just need to understand.
439
00:18:03.430 --> 00:18:06.930
Just understand it. But if there's not a reason, please
440
00:18:07.309 --> 00:18:10.089
move your car in front of your own house. Especially if,
441
00:18:10.529 --> 00:18:13.079
here's the thing, a lot of cars have like oil
442
00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:14.359
leaks or fuel leaks.
443
00:18:14.779 --> 00:18:17.619
I hate that shit. Beyond belief.
444
00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:21.380
Like if you're, so in my neighborhood, there used to
445
00:18:21.420 --> 00:18:22.940
be this clunky car that would park on the street
446
00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:23.339
all the time.
447
00:18:23.730 --> 00:18:25.369
And it would leave the biggest.
448
00:18:25.150 --> 00:18:26.130
Oil patches on the street.
449
00:18:26.230 --> 00:18:27.450
Which is why it was parked on the street.
450
00:18:27.730 --> 00:18:30.809
Right? And I'm like, don't park your leaky-ass car in
451
00:18:30.849 --> 00:18:33.009
front of my house that I have to pressure wash.
452
00:18:33.049 --> 00:18:33.250
Yeah.
453
00:18:35.799 --> 00:18:38.220
Not in the neighborhood I'm in right now. But, like,
454
00:18:39.119 --> 00:18:40.019
it's very offensive.
455
00:18:41.579 --> 00:18:44.019
I would just seek to understand. That's just all I would...
456
00:18:44.059 --> 00:18:48.220
I know a situation where this actually happened. This was
457
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:49.200
one of my sister's neighbors.
458
00:18:50.160 --> 00:18:50.599
And she had.
459
00:18:52.500 --> 00:18:54.099
Someone, and I was talking to her, we were in
460
00:18:54.119 --> 00:18:57.269
a conversation talking about it. She had her next door neighbor,
461
00:18:57.730 --> 00:19:00.490
who was across the street from my sister, kept parking
462
00:19:01.150 --> 00:19:02.349
slightly on her grass.
463
00:19:02.990 --> 00:19:04.230
On her grass?
464
00:19:04.430 --> 00:19:06.170
Pulling into the driveway, moving over.
465
00:19:06.190 --> 00:19:10.680
Her reaction was to get angry, okay? Like, stop parking
466
00:19:10.700 --> 00:19:12.819
on my grass. It made them mad. They parked more
467
00:19:12.900 --> 00:19:15.349
on her grass, okay? Guess how she solved it.
468
00:19:15.980 --> 00:19:16.740
Popping their tires?
469
00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:17.619
No.
470
00:19:17.779 --> 00:19:18.440
Oh, dang it.
471
00:19:18.500 --> 00:19:20.339
How would I solve it? Okay.
472
00:19:20.990 --> 00:19:23.970
Can you ever just not solve things with a calm attitude?
473
00:19:24.009 --> 00:19:26.589
Like sometimes we want to fly off the handle. Well,
474
00:19:26.809 --> 00:19:29.250
my sister gave her the idea. So this is my sister.
475
00:19:29.329 --> 00:19:32.150
Okay. Okay. My sister's like, so someone that lived in
476
00:19:32.190 --> 00:19:33.599
that house had a baby. I think it was a
477
00:19:33.630 --> 00:19:37.000
mixed family living together. And she's like, you need to
478
00:19:37.019 --> 00:19:38.740
do something kind. They have no reason to be nice
479
00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:40.839
to you right now. She's like, go buy a baby
480
00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:41.759
gift and bring it to that baby.
481
00:19:42.700 --> 00:19:44.339
So she did. She went and bought a baby gift.
482
00:19:44.359 --> 00:19:45.960
She brought it in. She was invited into the house,
483
00:19:46.579 --> 00:19:48.660
got to know him, had a good conversation, left. They
484
00:19:48.680 --> 00:19:51.799
never put down their glass again. What? It was just
485
00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:55.660
a matter of respect and kindness. Somebody with a neighbor. Sorry, bitch.
486
00:19:55.720 --> 00:19:58.839
Just kidding. Somebody with a neighbor that's seeking to understand, like,
487
00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:00.450
help me understand why you're parking over here.
488
00:20:00.769 --> 00:20:01.009
Yeah.
489
00:20:01.210 --> 00:20:02.609
And being like, when people come over, they don't have
490
00:20:02.630 --> 00:20:05.779
somewhere to park. Like, if you have the space. Use it.
491
00:20:06.130 --> 00:20:06.349
Use it.
492
00:20:06.549 --> 00:20:08.670
But a lot of times, respect is not given until
493
00:20:08.690 --> 00:20:10.930
it's earned, too. And that's the other thing that's like,
494
00:20:11.049 --> 00:20:15.359
I understand occasional kindness if it's genuine.
495
00:20:15.940 --> 00:20:17.140
But I don't know.
496
00:20:17.180 --> 00:20:18.779
Sometimes I want to fly off the fucking handle.
497
00:20:19.099 --> 00:20:20.890
I know. That's where the pause is coming in.
498
00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:26.500
I know. I just sometimes like all of our responses
499
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:29.049
are so calm and collected. I'm like, can we not?
500
00:20:29.809 --> 00:20:32.049
Can we please fly off the handle at some point? Yes.
501
00:20:32.190 --> 00:20:34.309
Okay. The answer to that is to go and yell
502
00:20:34.369 --> 00:20:37.920
at them. Throw dry mashed potatoes on their lawn.
503
00:20:38.019 --> 00:20:39.200
Oh, yes. Yes.
504
00:20:39.420 --> 00:20:41.279
I love this. Yeah. And send me an email and
505
00:20:41.299 --> 00:20:43.180
sign them up for every single spam call.
506
00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:44.359
Spam call possible.
507
00:20:45.240 --> 00:20:46.119
Which I'm on those lists.
508
00:20:46.140 --> 00:20:50.000
Go and like submit all of these insurance quotes at
509
00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:54.779
all of these different websites. Okay. Okay. That's the real answer.
510
00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:59.000
I guess. Okay.
511
00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:00.099
Your turn.
512
00:21:00.900 --> 00:21:02.789
My sister has never paid me back for anything. I
513
00:21:02.809 --> 00:21:03.480
think this goes back.
514
00:21:03.549 --> 00:21:07.619
But keeps asking to borrow things. Can I start requiring collateral?
515
00:21:08.420 --> 00:21:10.599
That's your fault for lending out things.
516
00:21:11.420 --> 00:21:14.720
Well, and sisters are the worst with this. Not my sisters,
517
00:21:14.819 --> 00:21:18.160
but other people's sisters. Because like your lives get so
518
00:21:18.220 --> 00:21:20.380
intertwined that you think your things are my things.
519
00:21:20.420 --> 00:21:21.339
That would be my daughters.
520
00:21:21.660 --> 00:21:22.779
Yeah, exactly.
521
00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:25.539
And I have to go into it with an attitude
522
00:21:25.579 --> 00:21:27.880
that if they really, really wanted that and did not
523
00:21:27.920 --> 00:21:30.839
want to return it ever, I have to be okay
524
00:21:30.859 --> 00:21:31.190
with it.
525
00:21:31.400 --> 00:21:31.680
Yeah.
526
00:21:32.019 --> 00:21:36.029
You know, and I am honestly, because I'm like, you
527
00:21:36.049 --> 00:21:38.950
don't have money to go shopping. And if you loved
528
00:21:38.990 --> 00:21:41.049
it that much, take it. But you have to go
529
00:21:41.109 --> 00:21:43.569
into it knowing you may never get it back. I
530
00:21:43.609 --> 00:21:43.930
had a.
531
00:21:43.930 --> 00:21:46.829
Pair of shoes once that I loaned to a friend
532
00:21:46.990 --> 00:21:48.930
probably seven times.
533
00:21:49.250 --> 00:21:51.809
And it was this specific pair of shoes. And I'm like,
534
00:21:52.230 --> 00:21:53.950
and she's like, I just love them so much.
535
00:21:54.009 --> 00:21:56.089
And I love wearing them in Vegas because I can
536
00:21:56.130 --> 00:21:58.309
do it all night. And I'm like, finally, at one point,
537
00:21:58.349 --> 00:22:00.890
I'm like, just keep the shoes. You've worn them more
538
00:22:00.910 --> 00:22:01.890
than I have at this point.
539
00:22:01.930 --> 00:22:02.470
Just keep them.
540
00:22:03.579 --> 00:22:03.880
Okay.
541
00:22:03.940 --> 00:22:05.519
I also had a friend, I was on a girl's
542
00:22:05.559 --> 00:22:10.759
trip once and she had the cutest jacket. And unintentionally,
543
00:22:10.779 --> 00:22:14.039
I think I complimented her jacket like a dozen times. Like, God, Emily,
544
00:22:14.059 --> 00:22:16.799
you look so beautiful. You look amazing. Like that jacket is,
545
00:22:17.319 --> 00:22:19.880
you nailed it. Where'd you get it? I got home
546
00:22:19.940 --> 00:22:21.819
from that trip, opened my suitcase and she had snuck
547
00:22:21.859 --> 00:22:22.460
it in my suitcase.
548
00:22:22.740 --> 00:22:23.779
Oh, that's adorable.
549
00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:27.000
Yeah. And I was like, Emily, she's like, yeah, you
550
00:22:27.019 --> 00:22:27.930
loved it so much. Just keep it.
551
00:22:28.200 --> 00:22:28.339
Yeah.
552
00:22:29.079 --> 00:22:31.779
I was that seriously. Let's be cool guys. Let's just
553
00:22:31.819 --> 00:22:34.680
be cool people. And it's just a piece of clothing.
554
00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:37.480
It's just, it's just, that's the thing is like literally
555
00:22:37.579 --> 00:22:39.140
how much fucking clothing do we have?
556
00:22:39.339 --> 00:22:42.000
It's fun to make somebody stay like that. That's adorable.
557
00:22:42.059 --> 00:22:43.200
It's the cutest thing ever.
558
00:22:43.259 --> 00:22:43.859
So cute.
559
00:22:44.099 --> 00:22:44.599
So sweet.
560
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:46.480
And something that she loved.
561
00:22:46.740 --> 00:22:47.059
Yeah.
562
00:22:47.180 --> 00:22:49.500
She gave me something she loved, which is.
563
00:22:49.720 --> 00:22:52.220
Well, it's very rare that we get to give you
564
00:22:52.269 --> 00:22:57.970
gifts that you love. Because you have all things. Hey, Christmas.
565
00:22:58.269 --> 00:23:01.470
I mean, not Christmas, my birthday. I love everything you
566
00:23:01.490 --> 00:23:05.349
got me. Those sandals, the bracelet. I think I've worn
567
00:23:05.390 --> 00:23:06.190
it all like a hundred times.
568
00:23:06.230 --> 00:23:08.769
Turns out I do spend a lot of time with you.
569
00:23:08.789 --> 00:23:09.750
Yeah, it does.
570
00:23:10.009 --> 00:23:13.150
And I'm like, oh, she needs this. Oh, she needs this.
571
00:23:13.670 --> 00:23:15.690
But like, I mean, things don't.
572
00:23:15.730 --> 00:23:23.890
Exactly have to be $ 1, 000 to be valuable. $ 3, 900.
573
00:23:21.099 --> 00:23:21.539
Just kidding.
574
00:23:22.059 --> 00:23:24.839
Or 90, you know, like if you pay attention to
575
00:23:24.859 --> 00:23:27.269
your environments around you, there's so many things you can
576
00:23:27.309 --> 00:23:29.349
do for people that you love that don't have to be,
577
00:23:29.789 --> 00:23:32.410
you know, very expensive. It's just like simple things because
578
00:23:32.430 --> 00:23:34.670
like also time is very valuable and a lot of
579
00:23:34.710 --> 00:23:36.769
us don't have time to go shopping. I imagine the
580
00:23:36.789 --> 00:23:38.650
time you have to shop is when you're laying with
581
00:23:38.690 --> 00:23:40.470
your kids in bed trying to get them to sleep
582
00:23:41.009 --> 00:23:43.039
or when you're waiting for them in school pickup or
583
00:23:43.079 --> 00:23:43.779
drop off, you know?
584
00:23:43.799 --> 00:23:46.480
Well, another thing is I always have so much on
585
00:23:46.519 --> 00:23:49.279
my list of things to look for to purchase for
586
00:23:49.299 --> 00:23:52.869
them like, tennis yeah tennis I need another one of
587
00:23:52.910 --> 00:23:54.710
this for dance I need this I need this and
588
00:23:54.730 --> 00:23:56.630
I'm like okay and you have to kind of.
589
00:23:56.589 --> 00:23:59.799
Search for it yeah yeah so you're a busy woman
590
00:23:59.970 --> 00:24:04.220
time is valuable right I love it Someone keeps saying
591
00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:08.009
we should totally travel together, but has never actually booked anything.
592
00:24:08.119 --> 00:24:09.410
When do I stop believing in them?
593
00:24:09.430 --> 00:24:10.789
Did you book anything?
594
00:24:10.990 --> 00:24:11.690
Exactly.
595
00:24:11.710 --> 00:24:13.650
I mean, you can always book something and invite them.
596
00:24:13.670 --> 00:24:14.490
That's like saying.
597
00:24:14.309 --> 00:24:16.690
So-and-so never calls me. Well, did you pick up the
598
00:24:16.730 --> 00:24:19.460
phone and call them? I'm to blame as well.
599
00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:20.599
Well, and here's the thing.
600
00:24:20.619 --> 00:24:22.539
The fault goes both ways. Let's look at the freaking
601
00:24:22.579 --> 00:24:23.519
fingers pointing back at us.
602
00:24:24.180 --> 00:24:24.920
Schedules are tight.
603
00:24:26.109 --> 00:24:28.710
When we book something, we're always like, okay, I have
604
00:24:28.769 --> 00:24:29.990
this weekend and this month.
605
00:24:30.049 --> 00:24:30.690
What do you got?
606
00:24:31.230 --> 00:24:32.150
And then you collaborate.
607
00:24:32.170 --> 00:24:33.569
And then you're like, okay, we.
608
00:24:33.490 --> 00:24:35.809
Have this list of places we'd like to go. What
609
00:24:35.849 --> 00:24:38.569
are you feeling? Like, it takes collaboration. You can't just
610
00:24:38.589 --> 00:24:40.630
be like, they never invited me on a trip. It's like.
611
00:24:40.809 --> 00:24:41.829
I think, right.
612
00:24:41.970 --> 00:24:42.849
I think the real.
613
00:24:43.430 --> 00:24:44.950
Or think about when we were sitting in here talking
614
00:24:44.970 --> 00:24:46.250
about Greece and Heather's like, I want to go. And
615
00:24:46.269 --> 00:24:47.029
I was like, sweet.
616
00:24:47.069 --> 00:24:48.549
We would love you to go.
617
00:24:48.630 --> 00:24:52.400
Yeah. Sometimes you just... Not right or wrong. You just
618
00:24:52.420 --> 00:24:56.059
start planning and you're like, I doubt anybody else would come.
619
00:24:56.339 --> 00:24:56.799
Yeah.
620
00:24:57.220 --> 00:25:01.000
Or like we don't know that everybody has time to travel, especially.
621
00:25:00.700 --> 00:25:01.079
People with kids.
622
00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:02.380
Especially if we're only looking at our dates, we're not
623
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:03.289
going to look at anybody else's.
624
00:25:03.309 --> 00:25:03.769
No.
625
00:25:04.069 --> 00:25:06.109
If it works, it works. Yeah. So, yeah.
626
00:25:06.430 --> 00:25:07.950
And every now and again, we'll get a person pop
627
00:25:07.970 --> 00:25:10.349
in our heads like, oh, we should do something with
628
00:25:10.390 --> 00:25:11.789
them or we should do something with them.
629
00:25:12.210 --> 00:25:13.690
You know? Yeah.
630
00:25:13.869 --> 00:25:15.509
Put effort in. That's the answer to that one.
631
00:25:15.529 --> 00:25:19.660
Exactly. Exactly. I waved at someone through a restaurant window
632
00:25:19.720 --> 00:25:21.599
and they weren't looking at me. They definitely saw me.
633
00:25:22.359 --> 00:25:23.059
How do I recover?
634
00:25:24.359 --> 00:25:25.819
This one's so awkward.
635
00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:28.880
Oh my God. I'll tell you what I honestly would do.
636
00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:30.880
What would you honestly do? No, I actually want to know.
637
00:25:30.900 --> 00:25:32.099
Are you going to flash them? You're going to get
638
00:25:32.119 --> 00:25:32.609
their attention?
639
00:25:32.660 --> 00:25:37.430
No, I honestly would probably stare at them uncomfortably. Like,
640
00:25:38.710 --> 00:25:40.650
this is obviously a you issue and not a me
641
00:25:40.710 --> 00:25:44.829
issue is what I would think. Like, you okay? Like,
642
00:25:45.069 --> 00:25:46.730
what's going on with you? I'd probably give them the like,
643
00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:48.500
You okay?
644
00:25:49.160 --> 00:25:52.420
You know what's so funny? This actually happened with your
645
00:25:52.460 --> 00:25:55.960
ex-husband with me at Cliffside a few months ago. So
646
00:25:56.119 --> 00:25:58.019
I'm sitting with my sister out front of Cliffside.
647
00:25:58.039 --> 00:25:59.309
We're having a conversation.
648
00:25:59.329 --> 00:26:01.849
We just finished dinner and he comes walking out and
649
00:26:01.990 --> 00:26:03.809
I looked at him and he looked at and kind
650
00:26:03.829 --> 00:26:05.150
of like waved and I looked at him again.
651
00:26:05.470 --> 00:26:06.670
I'm like, is that?
652
00:26:06.930 --> 00:26:08.430
I'm like, and I just, I kind of like keep
653
00:26:08.450 --> 00:26:10.289
talking and he literally came around like this.
654
00:26:10.839 --> 00:26:11.430
He's like, hi.
655
00:26:11.450 --> 00:26:13.759
And I was like, oh my God. Hi.
656
00:26:13.819 --> 00:26:16.059
I'm like, I looked at you 12 times thinking, was that?
657
00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:17.500
No.
658
00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:18.319
Yeah.
659
00:26:18.380 --> 00:26:20.019
I was like, oh, it is.
660
00:26:20.039 --> 00:26:20.799
Yeah.
661
00:26:21.660 --> 00:26:21.940
Yeah.
662
00:26:22.009 --> 00:26:25.730
Sometimes people change a lot after a breakup. Sometimes it's
663
00:26:25.750 --> 00:26:26.470
not for the better. Shit.
664
00:26:27.829 --> 00:26:30.029
I know that I have gotten like I was looking
665
00:26:30.049 --> 00:26:34.329
down through my timelines of like the evolving of the body,
666
00:26:34.750 --> 00:26:37.569
the fluctuation of the body from different people I've dated.
667
00:26:38.289 --> 00:26:41.470
And I was like, God damn, like I was skinny
668
00:26:41.490 --> 00:26:44.230
and miserable during this one. And this one, I was
669
00:26:44.309 --> 00:26:45.990
just fat and happy. Yeah.
670
00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:49.559
Yeah, or maybe you see an ex who took care
671
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:52.039
of their body when they were with you, but because
672
00:26:52.059 --> 00:26:54.259
you're not motivating them and inspiring them to do so,
673
00:26:54.299 --> 00:26:55.769
they no longer do it. Yeah, yep.
674
00:26:56.829 --> 00:26:59.890
I know, I know. I hope I always inspire John
675
00:26:59.910 --> 00:27:02.829
because he's doing so good right now. Okay, so that's
676
00:27:02.869 --> 00:27:08.799
the waving one anyway. Oh, this is personal.
677
00:27:08.819 --> 00:27:09.500
Perfect.
678
00:27:10.609 --> 00:27:13.269
My friend takes 45 minutes to get ready on vacation.
679
00:27:13.309 --> 00:27:15.730
We have reservations. Do I leave her behind?
680
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:19.180
Um, don't travel.
681
00:27:19.220 --> 00:27:23.119
Well, it bothers you. Usually, like, I don't think we're
682
00:27:23.140 --> 00:27:25.119
ever late. No, we're not.
683
00:27:25.140 --> 00:27:26.880
That's the thing. Like, it's not like we're sitting there
684
00:27:27.099 --> 00:27:28.940
in reservations in 10 minutes and you're going to get
685
00:27:28.980 --> 00:27:29.900
ready for 45 minutes.
686
00:27:30.460 --> 00:27:32.930
Yeah. No, if it's in 10 minutes, we throw together
687
00:27:32.970 --> 00:27:33.650
something and get.
688
00:27:33.569 --> 00:27:34.890
Out the door. I was going to say, I don't
689
00:27:34.910 --> 00:27:36.589
think you're like that for this reason. I think if
690
00:27:36.630 --> 00:27:37.789
we have an hour, we take an hour.
691
00:27:37.809 --> 00:27:39.470
If we have 10 minutes, we take 10 minutes.
692
00:27:39.569 --> 00:27:41.930
It's true. You know? So I think we just adjust
693
00:27:41.990 --> 00:27:44.269
what our get ready looks like. Yeah.
694
00:27:44.529 --> 00:27:46.369
Well, if I just barely came out of the ocean
695
00:27:46.470 --> 00:27:48.369
and we're going to a fancy dinner, I may take
696
00:27:48.369 --> 00:27:51.750
45 minutes. Like the hair is a thing.
697
00:27:52.069 --> 00:27:54.470
But I probably scheduled that into the itinerary anyway.
698
00:27:54.730 --> 00:27:57.319
Oh, see, you've already thought about it.
699
00:27:57.329 --> 00:27:59.029
Because I'm going to need it as well.
700
00:27:59.049 --> 00:28:01.230
I love that.
701
00:28:01.369 --> 00:28:02.869
I know. Your turn.
702
00:28:03.730 --> 00:28:08.079
Okay. My family group chat has 47 unread messages and
703
00:28:08.190 --> 00:28:09.930
none of them contain useful information.
704
00:28:12.009 --> 00:28:15.839
Can I legally dissolve it? I did this.
705
00:28:16.660 --> 00:28:17.380
I've done this.
706
00:28:18.319 --> 00:28:21.759
I've literally turned off all notifications or removed myself from
707
00:28:21.779 --> 00:28:21.980
the chat.
708
00:28:22.000 --> 00:28:25.769
I removed myself. My ex's family had this group chat
709
00:28:25.789 --> 00:28:27.869
on WhatsApp. Then they moved it to Signal.
710
00:28:27.890 --> 00:28:31.130
I just couldn't. Like, there was no.
711
00:28:32.210 --> 00:28:34.690
I didn't have time outside of my own family to
712
00:28:35.069 --> 00:28:36.890
give to it. And I didn't want them to think
713
00:28:36.930 --> 00:28:39.730
I was reading it and not know. Or occasionally there
714
00:28:39.750 --> 00:28:41.769
was something useful and important, but I didn't get that
715
00:28:41.809 --> 00:28:44.789
information because I don't read them, which is worse. So
716
00:28:44.809 --> 00:28:46.630
I'm like, I'm just going to remove myself so they
717
00:28:46.650 --> 00:28:47.819
know I didn't get any information.
718
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:48.599
Perfect.
719
00:28:48.720 --> 00:28:52.890
So I removed myself. And it was fine. I mean,
720
00:28:52.910 --> 00:28:55.160
I didn't really, mostly it was political debates and religious
721
00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:56.480
debates and stuff.
722
00:28:56.779 --> 00:29:00.279
You know, the thing is like in family chats, I
723
00:29:00.319 --> 00:29:03.900
would rather not be invited to an event than sit
724
00:29:03.960 --> 00:29:06.009
there and get notifications all day on a group chat.
725
00:29:06.569 --> 00:29:08.190
I hate group chats.
726
00:29:08.309 --> 00:29:09.529
Okay. I'm going to flip this though.
727
00:29:09.650 --> 00:29:10.009
Okay.
728
00:29:10.069 --> 00:29:11.670
My family has a group chat.
729
00:29:12.220 --> 00:29:14.180
Oh, that's probably actually interesting.
730
00:29:14.319 --> 00:29:15.759
And 90% of it has nothing to do with me
731
00:29:15.819 --> 00:29:17.539
because they all live by each other except for me.
732
00:29:18.220 --> 00:29:19.099
And I still love reading it.
733
00:29:19.619 --> 00:29:20.960
Aw, because you want to know what's going on.
734
00:29:20.980 --> 00:29:22.160
It's like, what are you guys doing?
735
00:29:22.180 --> 00:29:22.359
Yeah.
736
00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:23.279
That's fun.
737
00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:25.319
Well, political debates are not fun.
738
00:29:25.339 --> 00:29:27.160
No. And everyday life is.
739
00:29:27.369 --> 00:29:29.710
And they kind of just are funny. Yeah. They're fun.
740
00:29:29.869 --> 00:29:31.549
Your siblings are hilarious.
741
00:29:31.569 --> 00:29:31.950
They are hilarious.
742
00:29:31.970 --> 00:29:33.089
At least your one brother.
743
00:29:33.109 --> 00:29:35.130
So funny. Some of the comments he's put on some
744
00:29:35.170 --> 00:29:38.589
of our social media posts, I'm like, yes, please don't stop.
745
00:29:38.650 --> 00:29:39.569
Like, this is amazing.
746
00:29:39.589 --> 00:29:40.460
He talks me at 2 a.m.
747
00:29:40.500 --> 00:29:42.299
And I forgot to text back. So, yes.
748
00:29:42.519 --> 00:29:43.539
Rude. Rude.
749
00:29:43.660 --> 00:29:45.420
How could you not text back at 2 a.m.? I.
750
00:29:45.380 --> 00:29:47.539
Didn't want to engage in a conversation.
751
00:29:47.900 --> 00:29:49.299
You didn't want him to know that you actually read
752
00:29:49.339 --> 00:29:49.579
the message?
753
00:29:49.599 --> 00:29:50.660
I didn't want him to know that I was awake
754
00:29:50.720 --> 00:29:51.940
at 2 a.m. or if I keep going on, I
755
00:29:51.960 --> 00:29:52.859
needed to go back to sleep.
756
00:29:53.720 --> 00:29:54.920
You're like, I don't want to be awake.
757
00:29:54.960 --> 00:29:59.339
I'm getting up in two hours. Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay.
758
00:29:59.720 --> 00:30:02.740
My travel companion wants to wake up early and see everything.
759
00:30:03.059 --> 00:30:05.140
I want to sleep until noon and look beautiful.
760
00:30:05.460 --> 00:30:05.769
Who is.
761
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:07.539
Being unreasonable.
762
00:30:07.740 --> 00:30:08.319
Oh, yeah.
763
00:30:08.359 --> 00:30:08.529
Right.
764
00:30:08.589 --> 00:30:10.029
I'm like, who's who again?
765
00:30:10.470 --> 00:30:11.170
Nobody knows.
766
00:30:11.369 --> 00:30:12.069
How are we going to know?
767
00:30:12.450 --> 00:30:14.390
I think you base your trip off you.
768
00:30:15.069 --> 00:30:15.509
Do you remember?
769
00:30:15.549 --> 00:30:18.009
If you want to get out and go out, go out. Yeah.
770
00:30:18.049 --> 00:30:20.269
Like let him know the night before. Hey, I'm doing
771
00:30:20.289 --> 00:30:21.730
this in the morning if you want to join me.
772
00:30:21.769 --> 00:30:24.059
But don't base your trip off what the other person's
773
00:30:24.079 --> 00:30:25.059
doing or you're going to hate your trip.
774
00:30:25.559 --> 00:30:29.859
Do you remember in St. Thomas, you got up at
775
00:30:30.019 --> 00:30:33.460
the ass crack of dawn. Like it was so fucking early.
776
00:30:33.500 --> 00:30:34.880
I don't even think the sun was up yet.
777
00:30:34.900 --> 00:30:38.839
Yeah, it was probably 10 a.m. No, no. Yeah. Oh yeah.
778
00:30:38.940 --> 00:30:40.099
I went to the gym. Yeah.
779
00:30:40.359 --> 00:30:41.839
And then you went down and sat on the beach
780
00:30:41.900 --> 00:30:45.900
and like, I roll up at about 1030 or 11
781
00:30:45.900 --> 00:30:48.519
and I'm like, got finally got my coffee. I'm like
782
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:51.109
coming down to the beach and you're like, good morning.
783
00:30:51.150 --> 00:30:54.130
And I'm just like, I'm so glad this is on
784
00:30:54.170 --> 00:30:56.740
a beach. I loved St. Thomas.
785
00:30:56.920 --> 00:30:58.079
I loved that trip.
786
00:30:58.140 --> 00:30:59.039
It was so fun.
787
00:30:59.059 --> 00:30:59.720
It was such a great trip.
788
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:00.759
It was so eventful.
789
00:31:00.779 --> 00:31:01.839
So eventful.
790
00:31:01.859 --> 00:31:04.400
So eventful. I don't think we've had any trips that
791
00:31:04.420 --> 00:31:05.400
were not eventful.
792
00:31:05.539 --> 00:31:05.900
Right.
793
00:31:06.019 --> 00:31:07.319
Like, very little.
794
00:31:07.539 --> 00:31:11.309
That was the most eventful. Well, I can't say most even, but.
795
00:31:11.509 --> 00:31:12.789
Yeah, we've had some fun trips.
796
00:31:12.970 --> 00:31:14.930
I think that Greece was the least eventful. Yeah.
797
00:31:15.410 --> 00:31:16.910
I think we were just tired.
798
00:31:16.990 --> 00:31:19.509
I think we were really in our spiritual realm.
799
00:31:19.529 --> 00:31:19.750
Yes.
800
00:31:20.069 --> 00:31:20.500
On that one.
801
00:31:20.509 --> 00:31:22.230
Yeah, that one was a very spiritual experience.
802
00:31:22.259 --> 00:31:23.740
That one was definitely a slower pace.
803
00:31:24.259 --> 00:31:28.309
Very. Very. And even when we compared it to Santa Barbara,
804
00:31:28.329 --> 00:31:30.369
when we went to Santa Barbara last year, I went
805
00:31:30.410 --> 00:31:31.450
back and thought about that trip.
806
00:31:32.069 --> 00:31:32.650
I mean, the.
807
00:31:32.710 --> 00:31:39.400
Ostriches, the wineries, the shopping and drunk shopping in a
808
00:31:39.799 --> 00:31:44.200
dressing room trying to try on corsets. It was so funny.
809
00:31:44.220 --> 00:31:46.380
The poor cashier.
810
00:31:46.480 --> 00:31:49.700
And then we just wandered around the town and it
811
00:31:49.769 --> 00:31:51.430
was so fun.
812
00:31:51.569 --> 00:31:51.809
Yeah.
813
00:31:52.450 --> 00:31:53.250
Visited a prison.
814
00:31:53.750 --> 00:31:55.509
You did visit a prison.
815
00:31:55.650 --> 00:31:59.650
It was eventful. So eventful. The most random trip ever.
816
00:31:59.710 --> 00:32:00.589
But so fun.
817
00:32:01.269 --> 00:32:01.750
So fun.
818
00:32:01.769 --> 00:32:03.170
That was great.
819
00:32:03.269 --> 00:32:03.829
It was great.
820
00:32:04.450 --> 00:32:05.009
Okay.
821
00:32:05.130 --> 00:32:08.150
My family expects me to host every holiday because I
822
00:32:08.190 --> 00:32:12.559
do it so well. How do I intentionally make Thanksgiving mediocre? Well.
823
00:32:12.579 --> 00:32:15.059
I mean, do you not want to? If you don't
824
00:32:15.119 --> 00:32:16.559
want to do it, then.
825
00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:17.359
Not every time.
826
00:32:17.380 --> 00:32:17.880
Right.
827
00:32:17.940 --> 00:32:19.240
Nobody wants to host every time.
828
00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:20.660
No, you just say no. Yeah.
829
00:32:21.710 --> 00:32:23.990
And if you do it really well, but you want help,
830
00:32:24.089 --> 00:32:26.650
then you send out assignments. Yeah.
831
00:32:26.710 --> 00:32:28.329
And you're like, you're doing this. You're doing this.
832
00:32:28.410 --> 00:32:30.279
You're coming to my house to decorate it. You're on
833
00:32:30.299 --> 00:32:30.910
cleanup duty.
834
00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:32.500
This happened to me last Thanksgiving.
835
00:32:32.759 --> 00:32:33.200
Okay. Tell me.
836
00:32:33.579 --> 00:32:36.740
My family literally... Well, so we have very limited houses
837
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:40.039
in our family that can house very many people. And
838
00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:42.660
my family just decided my house was the.
839
00:32:42.569 --> 00:32:43.119
House this year.
840
00:32:43.140 --> 00:32:43.680
Okay.
841
00:32:43.990 --> 00:32:45.809
And we had a casual conversation.
842
00:32:45.829 --> 00:32:47.690
Next thing I know, it's in the family chat that
843
00:32:47.730 --> 00:32:49.009
we're having Thanksgiving at Noreen's.
844
00:32:49.049 --> 00:32:49.369
And I was like.
845
00:32:50.089 --> 00:32:52.849
okay. And I had just started dating John. No one
846
00:32:52.869 --> 00:32:55.849
in the family had met John. And I was like,
847
00:32:56.269 --> 00:32:59.230
Oh fuck, how are we going to do this? And
848
00:32:59.289 --> 00:33:02.119
so John got on board. He hosted Thanksgiving with me
849
00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:06.220
and I delegated almost everything except for like the pies
850
00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:07.740
and my house.
851
00:33:08.119 --> 00:33:09.400
And it was, it was fun.
852
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:13.519
There was some tension in the house with everybody meeting
853
00:33:13.559 --> 00:33:15.579
John for the first time. And there had been some
854
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:19.819
travel plans that had been rearranged for John and And
855
00:33:19.900 --> 00:33:21.319
there was a lot of tension and there was a
856
00:33:21.359 --> 00:33:24.859
lot of judgment before they even had met him. And
857
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:28.660
the second they met him, I'm like, yeah, motherfuckers, calm down.
858
00:33:29.000 --> 00:33:29.759
He's a badass.
859
00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:33.240
Anyway, but it was so funny because like after that one,
860
00:33:33.359 --> 00:33:36.559
I was like, we are not, we are not hosting
861
00:33:36.579 --> 00:33:39.880
Thanksgiving at my house this year. Like, and in fact,
862
00:33:39.940 --> 00:33:41.500
I told my family, I'm like, no, I'm going to
863
00:33:41.519 --> 00:33:43.180
be out of town this year for Thanksgiving. And no,
864
00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:44.940
we don't have kids, but we're going to be out
865
00:33:44.980 --> 00:33:47.670
of town. But the truth is, We probably aren't going
866
00:33:47.690 --> 00:33:49.470
to be out of town, but I am not hosting.
867
00:33:50.190 --> 00:33:50.730
No, no.
868
00:33:51.019 --> 00:33:52.410
Like, if you don't want to host, tell the family
869
00:33:52.430 --> 00:33:53.460
you don't want to host. Right.
870
00:33:53.559 --> 00:33:55.460
Or plan to be out of town.
871
00:33:56.220 --> 00:33:57.079
Mm-hmm. Yep.
872
00:33:57.579 --> 00:33:58.740
If you don't have the balls to say no.
873
00:33:58.779 --> 00:34:01.400
Speak your truth and grow some balls.
874
00:34:01.460 --> 00:34:01.779
Yeah.
875
00:34:02.119 --> 00:34:03.480
Like, it's okay.
876
00:34:03.680 --> 00:34:03.980
Yeah.
877
00:34:04.200 --> 00:34:05.539
Boundaries, balls, whatever.
878
00:34:05.559 --> 00:34:09.260
Yeah, we have a lot of things here. Whatever you
879
00:34:09.280 --> 00:34:09.699
want to grow.
880
00:34:11.139 --> 00:34:11.579
I love this.
881
00:34:11.679 --> 00:34:11.900
Okay.
882
00:34:12.099 --> 00:34:15.119
My friend sends me 11-minute voice messages. Is there any
883
00:34:15.179 --> 00:34:18.119
polite way to tell her I have a life? Yes,
884
00:34:18.280 --> 00:34:20.099
there is.
885
00:34:20.179 --> 00:34:21.480
Is this me with Marco Polo?
886
00:34:21.500 --> 00:34:22.690
No, because I do it to you, too.
887
00:34:23.099 --> 00:34:24.099
No, not enough.
888
00:34:24.119 --> 00:34:27.420
Yes, I do. Look who sent the last Marco Polo.
889
00:34:27.460 --> 00:34:27.829
Pull it up.
890
00:34:27.880 --> 00:34:28.659
I did.
891
00:34:28.860 --> 00:34:29.050
You did.
892
00:34:29.059 --> 00:34:30.780
You did send me.
893
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:33.519
So who is who? You're like... Interesting.
894
00:34:33.539 --> 00:34:35.659
Okay, good. That makes me feel better.
895
00:34:35.960 --> 00:34:37.760
What I feel like, what I do when I get
896
00:34:37.820 --> 00:34:40.699
bombarded with messages from a friend, I love that they
897
00:34:40.739 --> 00:34:42.400
feel like they're in that space where they can.
898
00:34:42.679 --> 00:34:43.480
Yeah, yeah.
899
00:34:43.579 --> 00:34:45.489
I'll just respond and say, I'll look at this when
900
00:34:45.510 --> 00:34:45.949
I have a minute.
901
00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:48.179
You do this really well, actually.
902
00:34:48.199 --> 00:34:48.480
Yeah.
903
00:34:48.800 --> 00:34:51.260
Really well. So they don't think I'm ignoring them.
904
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:53.980
And I was like, I'll read through all these when
905
00:34:54.019 --> 00:34:54.639
I get a second.
906
00:34:54.840 --> 00:34:55.179
Yeah.
907
00:34:55.260 --> 00:34:57.699
And I do. And usually there's going to be a time.
908
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:00.639
If they're important to you, 11 minutes is not that long.
909
00:35:00.679 --> 00:35:02.940
Do it while you're on a drive. Yes. While I'm
910
00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:04.760
driving somewhere, I can't do anything else with my hands anyway.
911
00:35:04.780 --> 00:35:05.380
I might as well listen.
912
00:35:05.699 --> 00:35:09.550
I love voice messages and Marco Polos for those drives
913
00:35:09.570 --> 00:35:12.570
because we both do drives. Like you're the taxi driver
914
00:35:12.590 --> 00:35:15.489
for your whole family and my work is.
915
00:35:15.449 --> 00:35:15.909
On the road.
916
00:35:16.489 --> 00:35:19.329
So it's like when you use that time to do
917
00:35:19.349 --> 00:35:22.949
your voice messages, it's just it's so nice. And, you know,
918
00:35:23.190 --> 00:35:25.110
I love that you have the respect for other people's
919
00:35:25.130 --> 00:35:27.170
time to say, hey, I'm actually busy right now, but
920
00:35:27.429 --> 00:35:29.170
I will get to these and I will respond. So
921
00:35:29.190 --> 00:35:31.150
just be patient with me because a lot of people
922
00:35:31.190 --> 00:35:31.869
don't understand.
923
00:35:32.170 --> 00:35:33.590
Well, you can't demand someone else's time.
924
00:35:33.929 --> 00:35:34.719
Yeah, absolutely.
925
00:35:34.739 --> 00:35:36.079
You have to respect it. If you're friends, you got
926
00:35:36.099 --> 00:35:38.619
to respect their time. Especially like last night when you
927
00:35:38.639 --> 00:35:40.239
were with John, I still asked you.
928
00:35:40.260 --> 00:35:42.179
I was so honored that you still asked me.
929
00:35:42.199 --> 00:35:44.769
Of course. I was like, oh, she still thinks of me.
930
00:35:44.780 --> 00:35:46.900
What sucks is like his only night off is the
931
00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:47.960
only night I have off.
932
00:35:48.019 --> 00:35:49.489
It's changing. Good.
933
00:35:49.699 --> 00:35:50.659
Yeah. It's about.
934
00:35:50.909 --> 00:35:53.989
With his new title, it's changing to Mondays. So now
935
00:35:54.050 --> 00:35:55.409
I get my Wednesdays back. Good.
936
00:35:55.429 --> 00:35:58.079
So now I get you on Wednesdays. Perfect. Love it.
937
00:35:58.130 --> 00:35:58.809
Yay.
938
00:35:58.829 --> 00:36:00.769
I thought we were going to have to have some
939
00:36:00.789 --> 00:36:01.550
custody agreement.
940
00:36:01.670 --> 00:36:02.289
I know.
941
00:36:02.309 --> 00:36:04.210
It's okay. Okay.
942
00:36:04.530 --> 00:36:04.789
You're up.
943
00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:06.199
All right.
944
00:36:06.579 --> 00:36:09.139
My siblings got me a $ 12 candle after I spent
945
00:36:09.139 --> 00:36:11.860
$ 180 on their gift. Am I allowed to downgrade them
946
00:36:11.900 --> 00:36:14.110
next year? No. Well, yes.
947
00:36:14.389 --> 00:36:16.510
Obviously, the choice is always yours to decide what you're
948
00:36:16.530 --> 00:36:18.409
going to buy somebody. But here's the thing. It goes
949
00:36:18.469 --> 00:36:21.989
right to budget differences. I was going to say, it's just,
950
00:36:22.550 --> 00:36:24.929
who cares? Do what you want to do and don't
951
00:36:25.010 --> 00:36:26.099
expect anything. It's your choice.
952
00:36:26.199 --> 00:36:28.239
If you want to spend a lot of money on them,
953
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:30.420
expect them to do nothing for you in return.
954
00:36:30.559 --> 00:36:30.639
Yep.
955
00:36:30.929 --> 00:36:32.550
That's your choice. And if the next year you're like,
956
00:36:32.570 --> 00:36:34.030
you know what? My budget's changed this year.
957
00:36:34.429 --> 00:36:34.949
Exactly.
958
00:36:34.969 --> 00:36:37.389
I got to spend less money or I have, I'm
959
00:36:37.429 --> 00:36:39.130
making more money this year. I'm going to do something
960
00:36:39.150 --> 00:36:39.809
a little nicer.
961
00:36:40.489 --> 00:36:41.150
There was one year.
962
00:36:41.170 --> 00:36:42.550
Don't make it about them. Yeah.
963
00:36:42.630 --> 00:36:45.730
There was one year that I couldn't, I didn't have
964
00:36:45.769 --> 00:36:47.860
the money to do Christmas gifts for my family. Like
965
00:36:47.989 --> 00:36:49.780
I just truly did not. I did them for my
966
00:36:49.820 --> 00:36:53.800
kids and that was it. But then the following year after,
967
00:36:53.820 --> 00:36:56.820
or two years later, when the kids had died and
968
00:36:57.239 --> 00:36:59.360
my life had like completely freed up, I did gifts
969
00:36:59.420 --> 00:37:03.000
for everyone. I did gifts for his whole family. And
970
00:37:03.099 --> 00:37:06.199
then I did gifts for the immediate people in my
971
00:37:06.260 --> 00:37:09.119
family that I like have constant contact with. So it's like,
972
00:37:09.630 --> 00:37:12.250
it's okay if it fluctuates from year to year. You know,
973
00:37:12.369 --> 00:37:13.869
one year you're not going to have any money and
974
00:37:13.909 --> 00:37:14.670
they might get a card.
975
00:37:15.130 --> 00:37:17.469
And don't have expectations for gifts on other people. That's
976
00:37:17.510 --> 00:37:17.969
just gross.
977
00:37:18.570 --> 00:37:18.869
Agreed.
978
00:37:19.150 --> 00:37:19.869
If you do that.
979
00:37:20.190 --> 00:37:22.769
It is gross. I like that title. That is gross.
980
00:37:23.130 --> 00:37:25.139
Grow up. We are past that time in life. It
981
00:37:25.199 --> 00:37:25.679
is not.
982
00:37:25.699 --> 00:37:28.280
I get my feelings hurt if someone I loved didn't
983
00:37:28.679 --> 00:37:34.019
at least write me a note. Yeah. Yeah.
984
00:37:34.280 --> 00:37:36.099
You know, my favorite thing about this was that we
985
00:37:36.119 --> 00:37:38.269
talked about it on the podcast and then it happened.
986
00:37:39.489 --> 00:37:41.650
Right. I don't think you ever listened to it though.
987
00:37:42.150 --> 00:37:42.969
I mean, we have no idea.
988
00:37:42.989 --> 00:37:46.269
We literally said on a podcast, like, this is when
989
00:37:46.309 --> 00:37:49.550
I started dating someone and we had been dating for,
990
00:37:49.570 --> 00:37:53.469
you know, just a little while. And On the podcast,
991
00:37:53.670 --> 00:37:54.969
she asked me, she goes, what would you do if
992
00:37:54.989 --> 00:37:56.820
he didn't do anything for you for Christmas? And my
993
00:37:56.920 --> 00:37:59.760
response is, oh, that would, I'd be hurt. That would
994
00:37:59.800 --> 00:38:03.750
hurt me. Literally happened. Thank God he never listened to
995
00:38:03.789 --> 00:38:04.250
that part.
996
00:38:08.489 --> 00:38:11.340
But like, see, do something. Do something.
997
00:38:11.380 --> 00:38:13.980
There's a thousand things you can do, even if you're
998
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:15.559
not in the same city. Give me a flower for
999
00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:16.519
my own yard.
1000
00:38:16.599 --> 00:38:17.159
I don't care.
1001
00:38:17.500 --> 00:38:20.139
There are delivery services. Do you know what? This is
1002
00:38:20.179 --> 00:38:21.000
a gift option.
1003
00:38:22.019 --> 00:38:26.599
One year, you sent me a cactus in the mail
1004
00:38:26.719 --> 00:38:30.139
for Darren's birthday. And I still have that cactus. It's
1005
00:38:30.219 --> 00:38:33.800
still thriving. And every time I look at that wonky-ass cactus,
1006
00:38:33.880 --> 00:38:37.860
it's the funkiest thing. And it says... I choose happy
1007
00:38:38.460 --> 00:38:41.199
on it. And it reminds me of you every time.
1008
00:38:41.239 --> 00:38:43.179
It's in my living room. I see it every day.
1009
00:38:43.320 --> 00:38:46.110
And I'm like, that is the perfect example of something
1010
00:38:46.389 --> 00:38:49.280
so simple that is so meaningful.
1011
00:38:49.170 --> 00:38:51.630
Because it's a thought. It's a gesture. Even though you
1012
00:38:51.650 --> 00:38:52.769
weren't in town, you mailed it.
1013
00:38:52.769 --> 00:38:55.449
Right. And there's going to be times that you really
1014
00:38:55.530 --> 00:38:57.349
just don't know how to empathize. I don't think this
1015
00:38:57.389 --> 00:38:59.809
is the case in this situation, but maybe it is
1016
00:38:59.829 --> 00:39:00.809
someone that you want to do something.
1017
00:39:00.829 --> 00:39:01.590
You don't know what.
1018
00:39:01.650 --> 00:39:03.110
Just do something. Anything.
1019
00:39:03.429 --> 00:39:06.969
Anything. like with women, I think whether they admit it
1020
00:39:07.050 --> 00:39:08.610
or not, flowers.
1021
00:39:08.269 --> 00:39:11.170
Are always appreciated. I sent weed to a friend once.
1022
00:39:11.550 --> 00:39:12.869
Weed? Marijuana?
1023
00:39:13.130 --> 00:39:13.329
Yeah.
1024
00:39:13.690 --> 00:39:14.389
I love this.
1025
00:39:14.409 --> 00:39:14.869
Thank you.
1026
00:39:15.650 --> 00:39:17.329
She just found out her husband was cheating on her.
1027
00:39:18.909 --> 00:39:22.409
And so I literally thought she lives in California. So
1028
00:39:22.469 --> 00:39:26.630
I literally sent her a huge dildo and some weed
1029
00:39:26.710 --> 00:39:28.349
because I was like, you need to relax, girl. You're
1030
00:39:28.369 --> 00:39:30.929
so strung up. She lives in a really nice neighborhood.
1031
00:39:30.949 --> 00:39:32.809
She says the guy comes in this beat up car
1032
00:39:32.849 --> 00:39:33.809
with his paper bag.
1033
00:39:34.849 --> 00:39:36.190
Oh, no way.
1034
00:39:36.309 --> 00:39:38.789
And I had to Venmo her because she had to
1035
00:39:38.829 --> 00:39:39.530
give him cash.
1036
00:39:40.510 --> 00:39:41.610
So she's going out there.
1037
00:39:42.010 --> 00:39:43.510
I was like, don't ask any questions.
1038
00:39:43.719 --> 00:39:45.659
This goes to the guy that's coming to your door.
1039
00:39:45.679 --> 00:39:47.760
The guy's coming to your house. Oh, my God.
1040
00:39:47.780 --> 00:39:48.760
You got to give him cash.
1041
00:39:51.059 --> 00:39:52.599
That is the funniest gift I've ever heard.
1042
00:39:52.619 --> 00:39:54.340
I was like, do you got cash on hand by chance?
1043
00:39:54.360 --> 00:39:55.460
She's like, yeah, I do. I was like, sweet, I'm
1044
00:39:55.480 --> 00:39:56.699
Venmoing you. Give him cash.
1045
00:39:57.719 --> 00:40:01.630
So right after my divorce, I reached out to one
1046
00:40:01.650 --> 00:40:05.630
of my ex-brother-in-laws because he was on a weed farm.
1047
00:40:06.389 --> 00:40:08.050
And I was like, I need some shit. I need
1048
00:40:08.090 --> 00:40:11.639
some happy stuff and some calm stuff. And he's like,
1049
00:40:11.699 --> 00:40:16.139
I got you, you know, he fucking mails me in
1050
00:40:16.199 --> 00:40:19.800
my mailbox, a bunch of just raw plants.
1051
00:40:20.059 --> 00:40:23.260
And I was just like, not plants, the bud, just
1052
00:40:23.340 --> 00:40:24.269
raw blood bud.
1053
00:40:24.309 --> 00:40:26.590
And I'm like, and you could smell it from two
1054
00:40:26.630 --> 00:40:29.510
blocks away. Like, It was in the summer. This is
1055
00:40:29.570 --> 00:40:30.309
illegal to do.
1056
00:40:30.630 --> 00:40:33.130
Very illegal. Very illegal.
1057
00:40:33.590 --> 00:40:36.159
And I was like, what the fuck is happening right now?
1058
00:40:36.210 --> 00:40:37.590
I literally walk into the mailbox.
1059
00:40:37.630 --> 00:40:39.849
I'm like, holy shit, this isn't good.
1060
00:40:40.489 --> 00:40:41.340
This is not good.
1061
00:40:41.530 --> 00:40:41.989
Or was it?
1062
00:40:43.360 --> 00:40:44.900
Yeah, very illegal person.
1063
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:47.500
But sometimes people just need it.
1064
00:40:47.599 --> 00:40:48.239
It's just not my thing.
1065
00:40:49.309 --> 00:40:53.909
Okay. My friend keeps dating terrible men and asking for advice,
1066
00:40:54.690 --> 00:40:58.829
then doing the exact opposite. Should I start charging consultation fees?
1067
00:41:01.690 --> 00:41:05.210
Who's this friend, I wonder? I'm glad that I'm done
1068
00:41:05.230 --> 00:41:06.090
dating terrible men.
1069
00:41:08.280 --> 00:41:10.550
I was going to say, if someone's coming to you
1070
00:41:10.699 --> 00:41:12.860
and asking for advice, a lot of times they don't
1071
00:41:12.880 --> 00:41:16.300
really want advice. Or? They're not ready to hear it.
1072
00:41:17.159 --> 00:41:17.579
No, no, no.
1073
00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:17.980
What?
1074
00:41:18.719 --> 00:41:20.670
I do think, so do you remember the time, like
1075
00:41:21.150 --> 00:41:24.510
I kept venting when I was dating somebody really shitty,
1076
00:41:24.829 --> 00:41:27.210
kept venting and venting and you just held space.
1077
00:41:27.250 --> 00:41:30.789
Which you like should, should not have. But I should have.
1078
00:41:30.929 --> 00:41:33.730
Then at one point I was like, I'm fucking done.
1079
00:41:34.170 --> 00:41:36.590
And you, and I asked for advice and you gave
1080
00:41:36.650 --> 00:41:38.329
it to me. And that's when I was ready to
1081
00:41:38.369 --> 00:41:41.210
hear it. And everything did change. But I think a
1082
00:41:41.250 --> 00:41:43.860
lot of times people just want to vent. Yes.
1083
00:41:43.949 --> 00:41:46.599
Did they actually ask you for advice? Because I think
1084
00:41:46.619 --> 00:41:47.440
the answer is no.
1085
00:41:47.460 --> 00:41:48.000
A lot of the time.
1086
00:41:48.019 --> 00:41:48.139
Yes.
1087
00:41:48.619 --> 00:41:51.409
Yeah. And when they're truly ready to change, you'll feel
1088
00:41:51.449 --> 00:41:55.389
it in their voice and everything. But until they're really ready,
1089
00:41:56.409 --> 00:41:59.530
you can tell when they're not serious. When they're like, oh, no,
1090
00:41:59.550 --> 00:42:02.780
what should I do? I hate this. It's like, oh, honey,
1091
00:42:02.820 --> 00:42:05.260
you do not hate it enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1092
00:42:05.300 --> 00:42:06.539
You're choosing it still.
1093
00:42:06.579 --> 00:42:07.539
Yeah, you're still choosing it.
1094
00:42:07.820 --> 00:42:09.539
I have been guilty lately of giving a lot of
1095
00:42:09.659 --> 00:42:10.599
unsolicited advice.
1096
00:42:10.800 --> 00:42:11.199
Oh, really?
1097
00:42:11.219 --> 00:42:12.030
To someone.
1098
00:42:12.050 --> 00:42:13.590
And my advice.
1099
00:42:16.900 --> 00:42:18.489
And I had to sit back last night and think,
1100
00:42:19.309 --> 00:42:22.050
he didn't ask. He didn't ask. And I keep giving
1101
00:42:22.110 --> 00:42:26.190
it because I'm annoyed. It's a me issue. I'm annoyed
1102
00:42:26.250 --> 00:42:30.489
that I'm hearing victim mentality. I'm hearing poor me. I'm hearing,
1103
00:42:30.820 --> 00:42:34.860
and what my reaction was, was that's a choice. Like
1104
00:42:34.900 --> 00:42:38.440
you're choosing your situation. You're choosing your reality. And that
1105
00:42:38.480 --> 00:42:40.820
person's close to you in your life. That's their choice too.
1106
00:42:41.280 --> 00:42:43.260
And he was trying to convince me that, no, they
1107
00:42:43.300 --> 00:42:44.090
don't have a choice.
1108
00:42:44.190 --> 00:42:45.789
It's like, no, it's still a choice. It's a choice.
1109
00:42:46.010 --> 00:42:46.610
It's still a choice.
1110
00:42:47.199 --> 00:42:50.719
I'm sorry. Like, it is still a choice. No matter
1111
00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:52.880
how you try to spin it, your life's not forced.
1112
00:42:53.159 --> 00:42:53.619
It is a choice.
1113
00:42:53.940 --> 00:42:54.599
It absolutely is.
1114
00:42:54.900 --> 00:42:56.289
Unless you're living like in a.
1115
00:42:57.099 --> 00:43:00.780
Well, and your mentality is a choice. And you can't
1116
00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:03.860
change your environment until you change your mentality. Yeah.
1117
00:43:03.949 --> 00:43:07.210
And sometimes you're trapped in your mentality. And that's okay. Yeah. Like,
1118
00:43:07.250 --> 00:43:08.730
that's okay if that's where they are. And let's be
1119
00:43:08.769 --> 00:43:11.050
honest with yourself. Yep. But it is still your choice.
1120
00:43:11.170 --> 00:43:13.889
It is a choice. I love that one because it
1121
00:43:13.929 --> 00:43:14.110
is deep.
1122
00:43:14.130 --> 00:43:15.130
And I shouldn't give it as advice.
1123
00:43:15.889 --> 00:43:17.050
Yeah, well. Because they're not.
1124
00:43:16.989 --> 00:43:18.789
Really ready for it.
1125
00:43:19.710 --> 00:43:22.070
Unless it truly changes your life. You're like, you're welcome.
1126
00:43:22.389 --> 00:43:23.909
Yeah, I think I did it for me and not
1127
00:43:23.949 --> 00:43:26.500
for them. My words are, stop complaining until you're ready
1128
00:43:26.539 --> 00:43:27.539
to fix it.
1129
00:43:27.639 --> 00:43:28.260
Exactly.
1130
00:43:28.480 --> 00:43:30.579
I like that, actually. I'm done holding space for this.
1131
00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:30.960
Yeah.
1132
00:43:30.980 --> 00:43:32.079
I think that's what I was really saying.
1133
00:43:32.139 --> 00:43:33.659
Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that.
1134
00:43:33.940 --> 00:43:34.280
Yeah.
1135
00:43:34.519 --> 00:43:37.059
Like, get your shit together. Sometimes we need to stop
1136
00:43:37.079 --> 00:43:37.860
complaining about it.
1137
00:43:38.000 --> 00:43:38.219
Yeah.
1138
00:43:39.300 --> 00:43:40.780
I like that. Okay, your turn.
1139
00:43:41.300 --> 00:43:44.510
This is my last question I have. I have two
1140
00:43:44.670 --> 00:43:48.030
identical black shirts and cannot remember which one is the
1141
00:43:48.090 --> 00:43:55.530
expensive one. Can you tell from my energy that I'm carrying? Ooh. I,
1142
00:43:56.050 --> 00:43:56.539
what do you think?
1143
00:43:57.940 --> 00:44:01.139
I think if the mind doesn't know, I don't think
1144
00:44:01.239 --> 00:44:02.139
the energy changes.
1145
00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:05.139
I don't either. I think in your mind, if you're like,
1146
00:44:05.460 --> 00:44:07.780
oh my God, I'm wearing this expensive shirt.
1147
00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:11.409
Your energy shifts because you feel higher end.
1148
00:44:11.530 --> 00:44:12.909
You feel like you've leveled up.
1149
00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:16.440
Leveled up you act different yes i've also done this
1150
00:44:16.519 --> 00:44:20.340
in a cheap ass outfit though then like this feels
1151
00:44:20.639 --> 00:44:24.650
like luxury because your mind good i'm gonna behave in
1152
00:44:24.690 --> 00:44:27.809
such a way so yeah yeah how what is your
1153
00:44:27.969 --> 00:44:31.329
attitude towards that piece of clothing yeah i.
1154
00:44:31.309 --> 00:44:34.570
Have two purses in my closet that were both gifts
1155
00:44:35.349 --> 00:44:37.449
and i don't know if they're real or not okay
1156
00:44:37.690 --> 00:44:40.010
and they're designer yeah and the truth is i don't
1157
00:44:40.050 --> 00:44:42.989
want to because of how it makes me feel when
1158
00:44:43.030 --> 00:44:46.670
I wear those purses. Like there's just like this high
1159
00:44:46.769 --> 00:44:49.570
end luxury feel to it of like, yeah.
1160
00:44:49.610 --> 00:44:51.730
And I don't care. I truly don't care.
1161
00:44:51.750 --> 00:44:52.389
Yeah.
1162
00:44:53.010 --> 00:44:54.610
And I absolutely love them.
1163
00:44:54.849 --> 00:44:57.190
And the same goes with like anything else that you,
1164
00:44:57.590 --> 00:44:58.730
it may be designer.
1165
00:44:58.769 --> 00:45:01.989
It may not. Who gives a fuck? How does it
1166
00:45:02.030 --> 00:45:04.210
make you feel? I like that.
1167
00:45:05.369 --> 00:45:05.710
Okay.
1168
00:45:07.010 --> 00:45:07.590
Is this a wrap?
1169
00:45:08.550 --> 00:45:09.750
Do you have any more questions? No.
1170
00:45:10.840 --> 00:45:12.400
I think so. I'm trying to think if there's anything.
1171
00:45:12.460 --> 00:45:13.500
Oh, wait, wait.
1172
00:45:13.659 --> 00:45:14.219
I have one more.
1173
00:45:14.400 --> 00:45:14.639
Okay.
1174
00:45:14.880 --> 00:45:18.250
He watched my Instagram story in three minutes, but took
1175
00:45:18.329 --> 00:45:19.949
seven hours to respond to my text.
1176
00:45:20.349 --> 00:45:21.150
What does this mean?
1177
00:45:21.250 --> 00:45:22.030
He's not into you.
1178
00:45:22.550 --> 00:45:24.969
He doesn't care about, you know, that that's the idea
1179
00:45:25.010 --> 00:45:25.889
of you, but doesn't like you.
1180
00:45:26.130 --> 00:45:27.760
Sorry, honey. He's just not that into you.
1181
00:45:27.920 --> 00:45:32.630
Yeah. He's just not. You know, or maybe he likes
1182
00:45:32.670 --> 00:45:33.929
the idea of you.
1183
00:45:34.369 --> 00:45:35.210
You know what I do think?
1184
00:45:35.469 --> 00:45:35.650
What?
1185
00:45:35.670 --> 00:45:36.929
Because this has happened before.
1186
00:45:36.949 --> 00:45:40.739
A lot of people on Instagram and Snapchat will start
1187
00:45:40.860 --> 00:45:43.599
a story and then set their phone down and it'll
1188
00:45:43.639 --> 00:45:45.780
just play through story and story and story. That's giving
1189
00:45:45.800 --> 00:45:46.880
them a lot of credit.
1190
00:45:46.940 --> 00:45:48.280
I know, but I've watched it happen with one of
1191
00:45:48.300 --> 00:45:48.880
my exes before.
1192
00:45:48.900 --> 00:45:49.280
Yeah.
1193
00:45:49.400 --> 00:45:50.880
And I was like, what the fuck? You saw my story.
1194
00:45:51.179 --> 00:45:52.019
Why didn't you reply?
1195
00:45:52.760 --> 00:45:56.010
This is a very rare case, but it has happened before.
1196
00:45:56.030 --> 00:45:57.550
And they're like, what are you talking about? And I'm like,
1197
00:45:57.969 --> 00:46:00.789
I posted this. They're like, what? They genuinely didn't see it.
1198
00:46:01.530 --> 00:46:05.190
But that very specific person is the only person I've
1199
00:46:05.210 --> 00:46:05.650
seen do that.
1200
00:46:06.110 --> 00:46:08.170
You know what I said once? I was like, why
1201
00:46:08.210 --> 00:46:10.230
don't you ever heart my stories?
1202
00:46:10.889 --> 00:46:11.050
Yeah.
1203
00:46:11.070 --> 00:46:12.829
And you're like, oh, I don't get on Instagram. I
1204
00:46:12.829 --> 00:46:14.969
was like, bullshit. Bullshit. I can see that you see them.
1205
00:46:15.030 --> 00:46:15.409
Every time?
1206
00:46:15.869 --> 00:46:18.590
Like, it's okay. The answer could be like, uh, I
1207
00:46:18.610 --> 00:46:18.889
don't want to.
1208
00:46:19.510 --> 00:46:20.230
You know what I.
1209
00:46:20.329 --> 00:46:23.340
But when it's like, don't lie to me, don't lie
1210
00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:23.500
to me.
1211
00:46:23.539 --> 00:46:25.659
I take the privilege away from people that do that.
1212
00:46:26.400 --> 00:46:28.500
I take the privilege away from them being able to
1213
00:46:28.539 --> 00:46:30.500
see my stories. If they're just.
1214
00:46:31.360 --> 00:46:31.880
observing.
1215
00:46:32.380 --> 00:46:34.869
Well, if they're observing to hurt you or to like,
1216
00:46:35.460 --> 00:46:38.880
fuel their own ego. I dated a guy once that
1217
00:46:39.239 --> 00:46:43.010
literally watched everything, everything I did and never made a
1218
00:46:43.070 --> 00:46:46.769
comment or anything, but he was very egotistical and he
1219
00:46:46.809 --> 00:46:50.360
would watch it just to fuel himself of like, oh,
1220
00:46:50.409 --> 00:46:52.809
I'm so much better. Or, oh, this is what her
1221
00:46:52.849 --> 00:46:55.469
life's like now. And all of this, I was like, actually, no,
1222
00:46:55.530 --> 00:46:57.429
you don't get to sit there and watch my life
1223
00:46:57.469 --> 00:46:59.690
from the sidelines. You have to earn that shit or
1224
00:47:00.170 --> 00:47:03.289
put in some feedback. I have full on block dudes
1225
00:47:03.329 --> 00:47:06.719
for this before. And I'm like, I'm not here to
1226
00:47:06.760 --> 00:47:09.219
fuel your ego or whatever. I'm here to live my
1227
00:47:09.260 --> 00:47:12.039
own damn life. My social media is about me. If
1228
00:47:12.079 --> 00:47:16.659
you don't want to participate in that, then you're gone.
1229
00:47:16.949 --> 00:47:18.429
Yeah. I am so happy that we were able to
1230
00:47:18.469 --> 00:47:19.429
solve all the world's problems.
1231
00:47:19.489 --> 00:47:22.090
I know. Aren't we so good at this? So good
1232
00:47:22.130 --> 00:47:25.409
at this. At least I can use my opinion somewhere.
1233
00:47:25.809 --> 00:47:26.389
Exactly.
1234
00:47:26.409 --> 00:47:27.530
Here you go.
1235
00:47:27.550 --> 00:47:31.090
So if you guys have more world problems you need solved,
1236
00:47:31.110 --> 00:47:33.900
send them our way at We.
1237
00:47:33.820 --> 00:47:37.110
Are here for it. We will dissect the shit out
1238
00:47:37.130 --> 00:47:37.329
of this.
1239
00:47:37.349 --> 00:47:38.730
We will dissect the shit out of it. We will.
1240
00:47:39.849 --> 00:47:42.150
Thanks for joining us today. And until next time.