Pausing For Unexpected Community

Coach Angie // Ataruka //The Dynamic Pause Podcast: And you had to redo it again. Yeah, several months later. It's the one I just aired last week. She was the one that I did that with. But that was originally I recorded the first session with her back in October. And so it took us this long to get back in the get back at it. So all right. But we're here now. We here. He's here. And we are recording. I already hit it. house got my girls okay so let me you know i'm saying i love this this is so cool as i was like just getting ready and i was ⁓ you know i let claude help me with some of my questions i i prompted him but you know i let him help me out and i started looking through this stuff i was like lord jesus we could talk for a whole two days on these questions that this that the he done put out here like this But it did like just warm my heart because of who y'all are. So all right. So I'm gonna do my thing. I need to I need to put myself on Do Not Disturb because the church group chat is going crazy right now and I don't want it to be ⁓ Lord. ⁓ Michelle Fawcett's sick, poor thing. ⁓ so yeah, I'm gonna be helping her with a couple of things tomorrow, even though I'm singing. So Do not disturb And then okay. All right. So I'm gonna open it up and then I mean I'll guide it, of course. And Alecia is on mute. Is that intentionally? Who's on mute? Okay, she's there. Alecia Alecia. You're on mute. No, you're on mute, baby girl. She said no. She said no. I mean, don't I'm just protecting myself. ⁓ well last time you did I didn't think you were saying you were on mute and didn't know, and I didn't know until you meant to be on mute. Yeah. Okay. So I do. Don't don't mute y'all selves unless unless you know you got some background noise or something like that going on. You need to sneeze, whatever. ⁓ other than that, I really prefer our normal banter. You know what I'm saying? This isn't a meeting. This isn't you know what I'm saying? This isn't that. This is just book club. We I mean, we probably won't get as raw as we normally get. But if that comes out, let it be. Let it be. Okay. We're gonna see what the name gonna do. Okay, so look, let's just not touch politics and we'll probably be okay. Well, ⁓ we don't have to touch any details of politics if you don't want to, but if it comes up that's when we get that's when we get how we get They can get a little look, they can get a little bit. Janice should have brought up the what's name about the what's ⁓ the speech yesterday. Well, I mean, if it comes up, it comes up. It's like it's all good. Okay, so I'm gonna open it up and we're gonna just I think I'm yep, I'm recording. So here we go. Y'all ready? Mm-hmm. Okay. Let me fix my one more thing. And then I always hate these things because my eyes don't be looking in the right spot. ⁓ my goodness. Cause it'd be looking like I'm looking some like weird. Yeah. It's the same way with the with the camera on your phone. Okay. Like back in here ⁓ because I'm and I also Alisa knows what I'm talking about. Cause you don't want to look like you're looking down when when you're really looking at somebody, you don't want to look like you're looking like this. And then you don't want to look like you're looking like this. So you tr you're trying to push that center thing to be centered and that when I'm looking at everybody, I don't look like I'm looking somewhere else. But anyway, ⁓ see like right there. Perfect. Cause now I'm looking straight on at myself. Okay. Here we go. Hey everybody, welcome back for another episode of the Dynamic Pause with Coach Angie. And today, this is a special episode. I'm calling it the Special Special Edition, where I'm taking the opportunity to let y'all into a secret room. It's a secret room, y'all. This is my awesome virtual book club baddies, girls, all of that. ⁓ and I love them so much. We have such awesome conversations around the books that we're talking about and all kinds of stuff. So much so that I told them y'all have to come on the show. Let's just do a special episode. We'll talk a little bit about the things that we are doing, what we want to do, all the things. We're just given y'all little sneak peek into what it is to be a part of not just our book club, but just to be a part of maybe unexpected community. Cause sometimes when you're joining a book club, you're not necessarily looking for community per se. But I'm gonna let the ladies talk about later what they found in this and all of that. But this is what this episode is about. It's a special edition. I wanted it to happen. I really wanted it to happen in season one, but we be out there booked and busy. So we just had to wait until we can all do this thing. And welcome, ladies. Thanks for joining. Hi. ⁓ my gosh. Okay. So we're going to let each one of them just kind of give a little brief ⁓ or however they want to describe themselves to you, how they want the world to know who who they are. So start Tranise start with you, and then we'll work our way around. All right. Well, my name is Tranise Welcome. I'm saying hi. Hi to the people out there. Thank you. ⁓ Angie thank you for having us on here. what do I want to say about myself? I am a mom. I am an old mom. Because ⁓ if I'll tell y'all my little joke, ⁓ they all know. ⁓ for those who have known me for forever, I was always on the I don't want ⁓ Sarah's ministry, but God was like, ⁓ you don't? Bet. Boom. I am a 52-year-old with an eight-year-old and a five getting ready to turn six. So I'm an old mom, but I'm a cool mom. You're a cool mom. I'm a lover of Christ. I am a ⁓ lover of the word of God. I try to be a decent friend. I try to be a decent community member in my community where I live. ⁓ I enjoy music. I'm a singer, I'm a worship leader. Leader in corporate spaces. I'm a leader in corporate space. Yes, this is true. ⁓ I'm a woman. Yes. I'm me. ⁓ that's Tranise There you go. Awesome. Okay, sure. Go for it. ⁓ me. Everybody introduce each other. Like ⁓ that would have been nice. Yeah. ⁓ Have been dope. That would have been dope for real though. Keep going. We gotta put I have to have these awkward moments with my guests where y'all get to talk, you know, hear yourself talk about yourself. Okay, so go ahead. Go, Cheryl. Hello, world, all those out there. I'm Cheryl. I'm a mother of two, but I'm not old, mother. Older mother. I'm a younger. My babies are out, empty nester. ⁓ I'm a person that I love the Lord, I love the Lord's word. ⁓ I love community. Yeah. I love the community that we have amongst us and even out and about. I am a ⁓ a person that loves to shower you with love and gifts. ⁓ Love to I love for people to come over. Come over to the house, enjoy, sit down, small gatherings, and just have a great time. When you come to my house, it's like you're at home. Make yourself at home, enjoy yourselves, do what you do at home. And also another pr leader and professional in the professional workspace as well. We don't have to drop her company names, but she out there leading, doing a thing. ⁓ we all lead in some sort of way just in different spaces, which I love about this group. ⁓ Alecia go for it, girlfriend. ⁓ Alecia, also known as BB, but I think since we're categorizing ourselves as mothers, I'm the I didn't think that all the way through, mom. ⁓ because I have a 24 year old, a 20 year old, and then a 12 and 11 year old. So there's a huge gap. And I thought by having the gap, that I would, you know, have like space. But then now that I'm like, ⁓ I could have been done at 38, not 58. ⁓ I didn't think all the way through. So that's that's me. That's the kind of mom I am. ⁓ but I almost walked a dog mom. I absolutely love dogs. And I do social media for travel tips and experiences and pup adventures. And I just really love getting out there and exploring the world in the way that you see it. Not how other people see it, but how you see it. And then just sharing things that sharing my experiences and how I explore. So that's just me. Yes. And you're the entrepreneurship queen, girl. ⁓ Absolutely. Miss Terri. ⁓ that's right. I am a travel agent. That's right. I know I did the travel agent. I forgot. Terri. ⁓ I am Terri. ⁓ I am sister of Trinice. ⁓ in terms of motherhood, I'm a mother of one. I love games. I absolutely love books. I absolutely love a good time. I love family and friends and joking around ⁓ with the board games and with all the things. now I am yes, resources for the federal government. Yep. And I just like to have a good time. Yes. Yes. I like journaling. I like coloring. I like traveling. And I love the book club. Yes. The book club is all things that we need to nourish ourselves. Yes. Yes. I will say Tranise forgot to mention she's an encourager. Yes, she's Yes. Yes. Of her technical skills, she can put anything together. She literally has anything that you need in your house, and she's one of the biggest givers. I know she touched on that a little bit. She did. And Alecia forgot to forget that she is a very quiet but very sweet. And she's always willing to learn and she's helpful. And she's absolutely gorgeous, which we can see. Yeah. And I well, Angie, make you hit all yours. If you don't, I'm gonna come back around. Okay. I literally was skipping myself. These my the the people mock this all the time. But they don't get to see this part of me fully. But y'all know I'm pretty much me in every space. But since y'all want to do the mom thing, ⁓ I am the mom who is now the grandma. So I have four grands ⁓ between the ages of 10 and one. And I am blessed to see them often because two are living with me and two with their mom and dad and two are like three blocks away. So I get to see them all the time as well. And ⁓ yeah, I mean y'all know I'm out here just trying to do my thing. I I love I love being in this space with you all because I get to show up as every single me that there is and and the and we don't always get to do that in every space. ⁓ we don't even always get to really speak to that ⁓ side of things and I just want to put it out there y'all we got we got dress for y'all because our our book club is virtual okay you don't see nobody you ain't in our mumu Today for y'all literally turned that stuff on with the bonnets, like she said, with our first cup of coffee, not the second one. Today most of us are on our second. And with our kids and dogs coming in and coming out like the whole resting in bed and in the car driving around. Yeah, it's literally doing something every somebody is a get ready with me situation pretty much almost every week. And it's not one of us. But you know, we consider it a a ⁓ privilege to be able to log into our book club with either our headboards from our beds behind us, our yes, the couch, our sni our sleepers, our moo moos, whatever it is. Making bread. Everybody can't be in there, but sometimes the bra just hasn't. As you are. It just hasn't. It just hasn't. Why? Why for? It doesn't need to. We show up real, okay. And we get to do that. And I do love that. And and it was, I I I forget how long I've been even a part of this book club, but ⁓ I do recall like it's been in the last six to eight months that I really have intentionally protected that time. And there are things that there are sometimes things I've got going on that I will literally tell y'all, y'all I can't come. I gotta go do this thing or whatever. ⁓ but there are lots of conversations that I have that I say, sorry, can't do that. got book clubs. Yo, sorry, sorry. Yes sometimes the looks that I get, I'm like, people are like, it's a book club. And then I you know, and then I'm like, but you don't understand like that is a space that is literally feeding me regardless if we talk about whatever we talk about in that day, including the book. It it's a literal feeding of the soul. It just goes so deep, you know. So I do protect that time and I do really appreciate ⁓ each one of you ⁓ individually. Like Terri said, I love how she shouted out everybody for their individual things. 'Cause I'm gonna interrupt because you didn't t touch your ministry. ⁓ yes. Okay, go ahead, girl. She is also an associate ⁓ pastor, pastor, slash counselor, slash advisor. Call her at three a.m. if and if you on the the short list of people she might answer. If if you're not, she might get back to you in the morning. But she's on that list. She's like, girl, you know you don't I don't be answering the phone after this certain time, so you lucky. I'm like, thank you. ⁓ go ahead, Tranise I was gonna The d her impact in the ministry. Yes. Phenomenal. She's touched so many lives and encouraged so many people in their walk with the Lord. Thank y'all. Thank you. That yes. Definitely point that out because that is one of the things we are constantly talking about in Book Club. Believe is the all of our walks with the Lord. Yes. He has ⁓ showed up here to encourage us. We encourage each other. And she gives out and encourages everybody that she touches in that way. So we don't want to forget that part. ⁓ you so sleep. See, I just I think I don't think of it often as another part because that's just how I'm, you know, like you said, that's just comes with you that if you if you want me around, that's what you get in. Coming too. You know. Well, I I think that I love that. you the question was book clubs. We started book club. during the pandemic. I think what was it 2020? It was right right around that time. I feel like it was, yeah. We started book club around that time and it's been going strong ever since. One of the things that I feel like it truly has done for us is really helped set for me, especially over the last year, definitely protect the time. So definitely I felt that, but it really has helped set my Sabbath. Like Saturday becomes my role on Saturday. Yes, yes. I'm not planning twenty million things to do. I don't feel I look forward to my book club because I know we're about to come and connect and talk and we're gonna talk about our books. I know our family members always crack jokes on did y'all even discuss the book? Yes, we didn't we don't talk about the book and we've been talking about twenty other things on top of that. ⁓ It is community, it's our small group, and I'm like 100% here for it. I look forward to knowing that I'm gonna talk to y'all. And it's a counseling session too. It's counseling session, it's venting session. Come on. If you don't have nothing to say, you just listen and enter fresh from everybody else. Yeah. Is let me tell y'all what happened over here with this person. Yes. It's celebrate. Well, we celebrate each other too. Celebrate the wins, the successes, the answer prayer, just yeah. It's an authentic sisterhood. It really is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, of course I know Trine's that's my blood sister. Cheryl is my extended sister that we kind of told. ⁓ long time ago. And you know, Angie fit right in, so stole her. And then we just stole PCL. She's the last. We just be taking folk. Get taken. And you know, it becomes really it's a true sisterhood. Like I can we be in the even outside of book club, y'all. We be in the book. That's true. Yes. Yes. Whether it's a video or something that somebody else is doing, like Tranise said, we're very supportive of one another. We are gonna show up in the best way we can. And what's unique about that is we're not all in the same place. Well I'm not. You know, we're not all in the same state. Right. But the support is always gonna be there regardless. Yes. ⁓ I just saw Alecia for the first time last week. ⁓ yeah, that's in person club for years. You know, the it's not about the distance or any of those things that we guess for each other. And it and it's an authentic friendship sisterhood, which I really is. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And so you guys have touched on this a lot already, but we'll just keep going. We cover everything in this space. We've we've kind of said that I'm just gonna list some books, politics, travel, relationships. Faith, menopause, parametopause, motherhood, workplace, wins and losses, you know. So ⁓ and and again, you guys have kind of said that, but a little bit you and you missed one, the word we we trouble we covered it. Did I say not faith? ⁓ faith. I meant every everything that goes along with the Okay, you said and so what does it mean to you to have a space where all of that is welcome at the same table? We'll start with the Lycia. What repeat the I said ⁓ it's okay. My camera almost fell. Okay, so repeat it again. So what does it mean to you to have all of that at the same in the same space welcomed at the same table? All those things I listed. ⁓ so first off, for me, it's a trust thing. So the fact that I trust all of you and I can get real answers from different women in different walks of life, and they all have some sort of common ground makes me feel not alone. Right. Like so I can hear that yes, you'll go through this at this age, or yes, you'll go through this ⁓ at this point in your life, or I haven't gone and let me hear what's what is your experience. And so I just like the different perspectives that everybody get and that I don't have to worry that everybody gives and I don't have to worry about, well, are they a faith believer? Do they really know me? What's the context? Like having that all from all of you really helps me be able to accept and receive what I'm hearing. I love it. Anybody else? Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead. When be because ⁓ the church I go to is it's medium size, but the what you know it's enough people that you don't make a lot of close connections ⁓ unless you're absolutely looking for them. And I'm not a person that would go looking for them. So what this does is this allows me to be in a small group ⁓ with believers still, and it's a place it's confidential space we can talk about whatever it is we need and it gives me the opportunity to experience small group ⁓ ministry ⁓ away from the church, you know, where it's not as readily available. ⁓ so that's what it's been for me. And just a safe space to vent, to get ⁓ mentorship, to get feedback, yeah, to get, you know, just check me. Am I am I seeing this right? Yes. Am I being selfish in this and know that Whatever answer I'm given is coming from a genuine place of love. Yes. Competition in here. There's no weird drama and all the stuff that kind of can go with that sometime. We don't have any of that because we're just us. Yeah. But it does for me. And Tranise I want to hear your answer, is but I want to also insert right here that ⁓ as much as we all get down with one another and we are really floating like right there, the cool. thing about this space too is that we don't have to agree. There are topics that we talk about that we literally do not agree and come down on the same place with. And that's still safe. And it's still cool. I love that about what we do too. Okay. Go ahead, Tranise Yeah, no, that's good point out, ⁓ Angie. Yeah, I think ⁓ I could sum it up in one word, I think it's just authenticity. Like you could show up and be fully yourself. Yes. Fully accepted. fully loved. We don't ⁓ and to s ⁓ still Tim Ross's line, ⁓ fully loved, fully accepted, even if we don't fully agree. Like you can show up all the way authentically as yourself. Mm-hmm. And we hold space for well, we we don't land on the same page as that. Right. Yep. You I my lean is more here. And no one is ever walking away going, I can't believe it's never that. It's it's it gives Number one on the stuff that we might not land on the same page on, at least you're it gives you a a moment to kind of think about that a little bit more. I love the depth to of w on our faith side, some of the deeper things that we'll get in into conversation about that maybe we don't talk about with with everybody, but knowing I can go, you know, this might come off a little bit this way. But They have you considered, are you looking at blah blah blah, you know? So I appreciate that wholeheartedly about our group. Yeah. Same. And I also like the fact that like you were saying, Tranise sometimes when even when, you know, ⁓ it's been times when I've come into the book club and just have had because we join another small group where we actually are reading through the Bible chronologically. And something has been gnarling on me for all week long and I had not talked about it or or just really touched on it. And then I come into book club and be like, listen, this is bothering me today. And a lot of times it's either one or two or three people, either they have talked about it or they in the same on the same ⁓ level as feeling the same thing that you're feeling that day. And we actually can actually discuss it. And then and like you say and being ourselves, even on this times like you said, when we don't agree with ⁓ I don't agree how you, you know, you you know, ⁓ you saw that or I'm just wanna be t I just wanna say, listen, at this time I'm not feeling this. Why do I have to do this? And you know, and then it's just be the authenticity that someone goes on and be like, Well, you know, I understand what you're saying. You know, I feel you where you at, but you know, you know, kind of little correction. But it's just it's just being, like you said, being yourself. Yeah. And able to just be you. Yeah. You yourself show up as you, not have to hide behind anything, or either worry about being in a space where you cannot actually be yourself because you are the one to where if either someone is going to take you the wrong way or sometimes go out and gossip about you. Right. On what you were just talking about. And I like that that this sisterhood is like this. And it's just it's it just brings you to tears. It's really it really does. There are so many days. It's like I was telling the ladies before we ⁓ signed on to do this that even just preparing these questions, I was sitting there going, I love them, you know, kind of just realizing that I won't ask them every question that I have because I can't, because we this will be a week long show. But I this but I know I could and I knew and I know that it would be rich. Like whatever I throw in here, we're gonna be the silliest, but then we're gonna be the most academic at the same time in the same com in the same book club meeting. Like we will put that thing in a in a minute. Okay, so speaking of that, because ⁓ we talk about it being a book club, so Has there been a book that we've read together that completely disrupted the way you think about something? Whether it be leaderships, relationships, yourself, whatever. ⁓ what was the book and what did it open up for you? Gotcha. ⁓ I'll start. My favorite that we've done so far. ⁓ and I yeah, we've read some books. Yes, yes, we have but Dr. Anita Phillips The Garden Within really just has That subtle with me in terms of connectivity with all living things, number one, because I think we don't we we deal with our humanness, but we don't look at the plants, we don't look at other living sources, and it shows a beautiful creative picture of who God is and his. Formula, kind of if we can look at it that way, on on his creation, even down to a cellular level. Yeah. ⁓ our simularities, the garden within, and how to bloom that, and what the Lord is working in us and through us. And it gave more context to ⁓ let this mind be in you, which was also in in Christ Jesus, the be transformed by the renewing, how we are seeing the world, how we are. ⁓ absorbing and taking in his concepts, his precepts. What does it really mean to have it alive in you, growing out of you, being manifest in this world to what that presentation looks like. That book really dialed it in for me. And honestly, becoming Michelle's book. ⁓ become and Michelle's book was to it too. It was a like a a pleasant surprise. It was a pleasant yeah. And and you know another was forgiving what you can't forget. And and that one was a good one, right? Talk about challenge crying. Yeah, and and the levels of which even though you can't for you know you're forgiven it, but you still are healing. You still have levels that you have to go through. You still can cry, scream, and I don't want to have nothing to do with you today, or this I or this week or next week, or whatever it is. But it still lets you know that even though you've forgiven this person, like you s like I said, you still have a a walk in yourself to get where you need to be. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's gonna be times. It's gonna be ups and it's gonna be downs. Yeah. And then it's gonna come around and come back again. And goes on to talk about even before the message where it was like we was talking about, she was like, And yeah, you forgive, but you, you know, you ain't gotta have relations. And you ain't gotta do this. Yeah. And yeah, one of the most you you put it down and you gotta pick it back up again. But you know, it just one of the most powerfuls in that book too was when she talked about writing out like all of your grievances that you might have on someone. All the things that you can list that they've done that they've harmed you. And then taking that red the red cloth and covering covering it with the blood of Christ. ⁓ Very powerful imagery. Yes. Very helpful. ⁓ in understanding that is done for you, but it's also done for for the person that offended you. Like that you have this tension with as well. That was a good one. Because a lot of times you know you have to you have to it's hard to narrow just one. I know. ⁓ it's a it's a lot of comes up. Just one so if we're doing spiritual, it could be any of them. Ooh, the prodigal sign too. Okay, so I'm gonna say Tim Keller's prodigal guide. ⁓ in terms of how I was viewing my walk in salvation, but lovable, y'all know that's my answer. Come on, lovable. I say lovable because I read it every year for that reason. Like it is something I have to keep going back to. And I feel like that was my first book, like The Garden Within. Like that was foundational book that made me realize yes, you can walk with the Lord, but you're still like human and there are areas we have to address hurt in. Yeah. Kind of get overshadowed sometimes in the church. You know, that's big blanket, Jesus loves you and forgive. They don't give you the tools for how to do that and walk that out. Lush is still hurting from life. Because life is heartbreaking. So I will say probably lovable, but that prodigal guy by That prodigal son. Man. That's a phenomenal one. That was a good one. And love songs of WEB Du Bois. I don't feel like that's a good bottle. Pick one book when we've read so many. Underground Airline was a good one too. Underground Airlines. ⁓ Tears. Yes. ⁓ and I still got to catch up on that one. Okay, because listen, y'all. This is how our book club is this how you know our book club is not just about the book. I was so busy. They were reading this book. What razor blade tears, Alecia picked this one ⁓ And I didn't get to read it. And I told them, Listen, I'm logging on every week. Y'all talk about the book. Go on and talk about it. I just I just want to be present. Okay. And then I was. Some questions, but I don't have any idea what they're talking about. And it's so it's on my list of I gotta play catch up. And I I want to say this too. ⁓ ran into Becca yesterday out at the event, and she's like, I told her we were doing this today. She was like, Man, I'm supposed to be the honorary book club member, and I don't I wanna I would would have would have wanted to be on this one and ⁓ and we call Becca the honorary book club member because she has recommended So that we've read and that we've enjoyed. One of them was The Love Songs of WE D Boys. That was a good one. But anyway, that book, you guys, if you have not read it, you gotta read this book. ⁓ my gosh. Yes. So ⁓ so I just wanted to throw that shout out. Hey Becca, we love you, girl. And we're currently reading another one of her recommends. I've got to get caught up ⁓ with everybody, but she's been she's been pretty good, spot on so far. That's really good. Recommendations. At least you didn't have any that came up for you. ⁓ I would say the Razor Blade Tears was my favorite. ⁓ my god, that was a hot. I can't wait to read But any comical ⁓ and sad at moments too, but like And gangster. I still put that part of it too. I'm like, I feel like done enough ⁓ and this next time it's my turn. I don't know even know whose turn it is. So that's another we don't be knowing whose turn it is. Yeah, we yeah, grab a book. It's like every person hits and we take it. Yeah, because what happens in all honesty, sometimes we'll start reading a book and we're like, this is whack. So we're just not gonna finish it. Yes. ⁓ Or like read one and it has a like four or five chapters and I'm like, no, this ain't it. It's not rolling. And but if everybody else like it, I'll go ahead and finish it out. Right. But most of the time, I would say 90% of the time, everybody's like, this is we can put this one up, it's whack. Yeah, we're done with this one. There's been at least Three or four that we can say that where we're like okay. ⁓ not this one. And some of them were through because it was some we started it, but this is whack. Let's see if it gets we committed and so we just go ahead and finish. Yes. And then's talking about we got I got a list of problems. We ain't revisiting. We're not revisiting Yeah, listen. Sorry, we're not gonna we tr we tried you. It don't work for us. We're fair because if it's a series or if they've written more than one book, we'll give them a maybe it was just that book. And then we try to say, okay, no. Or you wreck us, and we you give us two good books, and then the third book is trash. Yes. You then wrecked us on the end, and then we over here like ⁓ the bloodborns. Righty. ⁓ yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like we get it. We got it the first two because those are not thin books. No. We don't read always 200 page books. We some of them eight to eight hundred pages, some six hundred pages. If you're on book four of that, we got it. The first book. Yeah. Like stop. Well, we we all were clear. Please write the fifth book. And before fourth book. And I think it's three books, right? Write the fourth. And we need this series and wrapped it up. And from my sister's perspective, and please don't introduce any more new characters. ⁓ yes, in the story. I want to see about her and the other guy. ⁓ Seem like they should be together no more. She should be the original. ⁓ with Nick. No. Yeah. Yeah. But I want to meet the twins' father, right? There's some arc, some arc stories that I would like to see wrapped up. That other beaming dude that is running everything, the house that they got. ⁓ yeah. In I want to see that. And also, I think that Nick is gonna end up kind of being a bad guy. There's something there. I want I want to see how how they wrapped it up. I listen, I'm here for first of all, I like King Arthur ish type. I've always been into like the fascinated with the knights of the round table. So I love this arc that's taken in that book. I love that King Arthur is is she Arthur. So like I'm here for ⁓ all them shenanigans. It at like the Oathbound series. So if y'all trying to figure out what what we're talking about are they talking about? ⁓ it's the Oathbound series. What's her name? ⁓ I don't know. What's her name? Dion. Dion Wama. Here we go. I'd be maximum people the authors' names. ⁓ you ain't the last one. You ain't the only one, Terri. Tracy Dion. That's her name. Get get into her. Oathbound is the third book, but like th ⁓ We waiting on her to finish this up so we can finish that on us. That's what we do. We can wait. And here's the thing we can wait. She does build in the character so well that it I do think so as well. You can't keep adding new characters if you're not gonna finish it. Finish the finish the other characters. We get some closure with some of these folks. Okay. And that's why I said the first two books were amazing. But by the third one, I was like, now you need to doing stuff. Like wrap this up. Just throwing people in to be throwing people in because you didn't kill I didn't feel like they would throw in. I'm like because she killed the main the people like you get invested to, they might die. She has the right. random then and it's like I think it's great. I mean I think that's great for like you know if the excitement well I don't like no one's liking Allison being stuck in limbo land and trying to no static but she's looping around that's a come on that's a and Alison was actually a good character that was really making she was making the series really good because cause of the way she Her she portrayed herself in the in they had her as the character in that book, but 'cause she's not part of their little she's not part of it at all. No, and and that's the thing, that she's not even them, even one of them, but she was she was hanging in there. Well, I yes, and that just made me think of I'm gonna pause right here and say this too, because this always makes me giggle on the inside during book club. When we're reading our books and stuff, how everybody renames the characters, we're literally looking at printed paper. And we will that person that one character will have five different names because we didn't. Yep. So showing up well. They're they're whatever their behavior is. Like and we will still all know. The mom name thing. Yes. Yes. Situation going on here. And we and ⁓ All of us are in bed. The girls you already know who I'm talking about. Listen. You know who I'm talking about. You know who I'm talking about. Whatever they're doing. Or what's the cat on that was whacked, that's their name? Yes. Whatever. ⁓ That's the that's your name today. Now the now the bad thing about that is that I'd be at work doing the same thing. You know who I'm talking about. That's a whole mom thing. You have more than you have more than ⁓ one kid. You call the the other kids by the one of them names and the one that you talking to know who you talking to. Exactly. Everybody is ma'am, sir, young sir, young ma'am. I don't have to remember if I just do that. Young sir. Well, there it is. There you go. Yes. So okay, we're gonna transition into the some mom talk for a minute. So We we literally have the full spectrum of motherhood in this group. Like we really do. Like it touches every little space from you know, kids with grandkids, you know, ⁓ ha my kids are old enough that they're already doing the grandkid things. And then all the way down to kin ⁓ kindergarten just graduated, kindergarten is our our youngest ⁓ in the group. And so Motherhood does look different across our group. So from the early years, so I already said that. What has this season of motherhood taught you about yourself as a leader in your home or outside of it? I think that one. I think what season the season that I am in, what motherhood is teaching me, is that my role is changing because I have now 15-year-old and I am moving slowly into more advisory ⁓ than mothering and telling her what to do, how to do. That it was ⁓ something that I had to realize, hey she's old enough. She gotta make her she gotta make choices in this particular area. And it's to me trusting that they're gonna tell you if they need help versus just jumping in. Yeah. That's in the which is can be challenging, but that's the season I'm in. I'm in my role is changing. Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna tell you how mine's is and how this year has been. ⁓ where mine's is ooh Jesus. My oldest is going to be 37 this year. Okay. And the youngest one just turned 33. So in this season, for is learning that. Just to tell you, your kids are never out of your pockets. Even when even when they're gone and out on their own. Yes. But at the same time, when you know that they're doing something for themselves to make themselves better in their life, it does not you do whatever it takes. To make sure that they get what they need. And of course, yes, I was working a lot of overtime. And now I don't, now that she's out on her own and she's doing she she done finished. No, I don't want to even see overtime at all. But I have to say in this season that even though they're older, you know, you get in a season where now they think they're the parents and you're the children. Well. and This has helped me as you know, as being in the group as to, you know, listening and seeing how even with Tranice with the younger babies, Simone, ⁓ who is who is a teenager and saying, ⁓ my God, she's a teenager now, she's getting there. And then Alicia's my daughter, by the way. And and goddaughter. And then and then Alecia with the babies and seeing them too and then Angie with her. And then Andy has grandbabies. But mine's already said they're not having grandkids. You're not getting any. They already done told me that. They said don't even think about that. They say you got Rosie and Annabelle. That's what they told me. And they love they T T. I love the fact that they are like ⁓ they're seeing too. And I've heard them say, they say, you know, Ma, this is really expensive. Trying to have some kids. Trying to take care of ourselves. This is really expensive. But and we don't think that's gonna, you know, add into our finances, you know. That's what they told me. Seeing them. As growing up to where they at now and what they're doing, it makes you proud as a mom. It really does. And seeing how some other parents have dealt with situations, they even have I see it at work. And I just say I'm thankful that I do not have to deal with some of the s ⁓ situations and ⁓ some of the things that other parents are dealing with. Yeah. Now also where Terry's saying that. You know, she's more given advice now. Yeah, that's where it comes within in that time. Cause when they'll they'll call me sometimes and be like, Hey Ma, ⁓ this is what happened and blah, blah, blah, this, that, and the other. And I wanna know what you think about it. And I said, So are you ready to hear the truth on this one? Now my oldest one, I do know when I've told her something and she's a little upset. She'll say, I'm ready to go. I'll talk to you later, Mom. And I say, okay. All right, bye. And I it used to, you know, and being in there, and it used to be like, okay, so now I done said her, you know, I just count a little word on you. Now it does not. Because guess what? She calls back later on and says, it might be a day or two when she called back. She said, you know what? I hate when you write. Okay, I'm gonna swap the question up a little bit for Tranise and Alecia. So, what has motherhood required you to pause and reconsider about your own identity? Who are you beyond that role? ⁓ Okay. Yeah, go ahead. No, Alecia, you don't you ain't been talking. Go on here. S ⁓ well, I would just say that I I'm freshly on just a re looking at all the things of who I am and what's made myself who I am in this this moment. Okay. And so hearing some of some of the starter points of what I had as a little child in my children. has made me go, I didn't realize that I didn't even address that before she even had that issue come up. So if you don't have that, if you don't heal in yourself, if you don't, if you don't look at the core ports that make who you are, you've also been now parented that way. And so her already having this sense of identity in other people that I've noticed that she's had with friends, like saying, why doesn't this person like me? Sure. I don't understand why am I the last to be picked. And I was like, ⁓ Lord, I I dealt with that. And I never addressed it in myself. So I didn't even see that that could be already in a young girl's life. And so having conversations being proactive instead of reactive would have been more beneficial. And so I've learned that you do have to do the work for yourself so that you can be a very present parent and also show the human side of it as well. But you want to have her to be prepared out in this world as much as we can. We can't protect them from everything. Yes. But the things that I've already healed from, I could have already had that conversation with her in advance. So it's just it just taught me that you need to not ignore and avoid the things that you know you need to work on because it's going to come into your parenting. Yeah. That's good. Yeah how it aligns similarly to that. I think ⁓ at this phase of life, you realize how much your children are watching you. And they are learning the world from you, they're taking their cues from you. while you were talking, Alecia, there's ⁓ Mahelia Jackson song, things sprang for me in music. Yeah. Just so y'all know. There's a Mahelia Jackson song ⁓ where she sings, says, ⁓ I wanna live the life that I sing about in my song. So I'm referencing that in in the context of I want to live, I don't want to be telling them something that they don't see me living. Amen. I don't want them to accept something that I'm saying, hey, you shouldn't accept this in partnerships, ⁓ blah, blah, blah. And they see me living opposite of what my mouth is communicating to them. Right. So when it comes back to like reframing yourself, I'm now going, how am I living? What is it that I'm saying? What is the messaging that I'm given? Because they are taking their cues more from what they are seeing me live than they are seeing me the words that are coming out of my mouth. Yes, I gotta give instruction, correction, and blah blah blah. But what they really are taking note of is how you're living. Yes. And so it is coming back to reminding myself, yes, I'm a mom. And yes, I you know, I'll refer to myself as an old mom. But I gotta mentally take care of myself. I gotta physically take care of myself. They need to see me doing that and and owning that that is something that's necessary. It's something as simple as like they know in my house, everybody know I'm team sunscreen. Y'all, y'all know. Yes who got sunscreen in a bag if you need some. Don't play with me. And so I and I frame that for them too because I think we think because we're women of color that the sun don't mess with us. Yes. Yeah. And that we won't get spots or that we can't deal with sun or skin issues because of of cancer. And y'all know what my babies look like. Put the sunscreen on you. Are we allowed to ask questions? Because I want y'all to talk about that. Okay. Yes. ⁓ Or three of you are raising ⁓ multicultural children. Yes. ⁓ can you guys kind of speak to that and how that's been because you're on the other side of it, Angie? And and we talk about it. ⁓ I talk with my kids about that. ⁓ Tranice, you're not even multi- Well, yeah, you got multicultural. She got a mix. But yeah, can y'all just touch on that? I will say that ⁓ in this stage of mom. ⁓ with my kids being grown 34 and 30. ⁓ they both have birthdays coming. But with that, I think ⁓ what I thought when I was raising them is is kind of I was kind of right. But then, you know, I'm saying I was doing some things that were right as far as like I was more on team, you need to understand who you are in your fullness. Like you, I didn't make them pick a side kind of a thing, right? It was more just like awareness of. This is all of you. This is this is everything that you are. Now, of course, being here in America, being black is something. You don't it's not something you can't, you can just stop being just because you know you're all of these things. Now, I think ⁓ when the kids got into their twenties, I started because we've always talked about all kinds of things. I talked to my kids about how I talk to y'all almost. So When I was talking to them, I was asking them what was it like and what did they experience, you know, in their teenage years and all of that. And both of them had pretty much the same answer. And of mom, yes, you did a great job raising us to understand like the fullness of who we are, but the world saw us as black, and that's how we navigated space, right? And ⁓ and so that was good to know, you know what I'm saying? But I was almost like surprised by it a little bit. And But at the same time, something you said earlier, Terri, about when you become an advisory, when you start becoming an advisory person for your children, that's a choice to slip into that role. And a lot of parents don't do that. They will stay being the I'm telling you what to do until that child is out the house, grown almost and never release into the advisory role, which really does damage ⁓ for the children, but it also doesn't give a lot of space for the relationship between you and your children to go somewhere. And because I did do that advisory move, just like you are with your teens, my kids didn't come to me with a lot of stuff they felt like they could handle. They would bring to me the things that they needed to want to it to talk about. And we got down with that. They knew the door was always open. So I say all that to say when they were in their 20s telling me that they really navigated space being fully black. I was so surprised by that. You know, I was like, for real? I said, what happened? You know, I was all into wanting to know a little bit more about what their experience was like because of that, because I never knew that. And y'all know, ⁓ you know, Alesha she's that's my that's my that's my girl, right? You know. And ⁓ yeah, she was like, Mom, it was just always that. She said, I don't know that it and she has a lot of family members. She gets to spend time with her family in the other side. All that stuff, that's easy. I mean, she gets that, but she said she's always just that's how she identifies, that's how she's lived her life, and that's how people have seen her. And so it's really interesting that you guys ⁓ say that, you know, that what's all floating to the top, I feel like I'm living all of all every space of of that. I don't know about Tranise about you and your babies. I my world is different, especially with my youngest, right? Y'all know my my baby, ⁓ who is white. Yeah. There's you there's no mix around that. Yeah. But it's also growing up in a very traditional black family experience, right? ⁓ and her world, her worldview. I'm mindful of that because I it's something that we don't think about like ⁓ kids feeling like she's not c questioning her identity in that sense, but like she wants to be browner. She wants her hair to be curlier. It's w her sister's hair is curly. Like her sister is a little more brown. It's that type of stuff, right? Where we like we joke about it, but we talk about, ⁓ my gosh, I'll tell so see, see it, see just so y'all know how y'all getting real. Book club experience right now because the children are trying to pop into the view. They heard me talking about them, so now they feel like they need to make their presence now. All right, loves. Go go no. ⁓ having said that, ⁓ you know, it there's two things that happen that I think is very funny because for all purposes and intents, my youngest is us. Right. He's just very fair. Very, very, very fair us. And it is very interesting to watch the navigation of the world like when we're out in public. Yeah. ⁓ yes. I always feel like you can tell for the people who the looks he who meet my baby, my youngest, ⁓ on the first go round and they're trying to figure it out, and then they see me. You can see the dot go click, click, click. ⁓ we get it, we get it. We understand now. Let you know if you don't know that you're her mom. ⁓ yeah, yeah. ⁓ that's true. 100%. And so, like, we we have conversations around that. But what I do try to do is just, you know, remind ⁓ God made all of our skin. We are all made from dust, and the color of your skin is found on this earth, the color of my skin is found on this earth, the color of your sister's skin. Like, we have that robust conversation around that, and that we're human beings. Just connect as being. A human. And Alecia, I know you have that experience as well. ⁓ it's your first phase of child ⁓ child rearing. ⁓ any stories to share on that? It's my experience with having ⁓ multiracial choice. I think for for me as a mom, it was obviously I had a lot of work I had to do, but the constant. having to say, yes, that's my son. Yes, that's my son. Yes, that's my son. Yes, Jesus Christ. Like that for me as a mom as a first time mom, when you're just so excited to even be a mom and having to reaffirm it every single time and the looks that you got, that I struggled with that. So I intentionally threw my son out in the summer. I was like, you're gonna get darker. ⁓ because I was just so annoyed. I mean he's Vietnamese in black. And then we have my other daughter who's Panamanian, Puerto Rican and black. And then we have the little twos who are Caribbean and and black, which you could still say is black, but there still is a divide there. Sure. ⁓ so it was just, it was interesting. The the world does still, no matter what, any sprinkle of black. They could be 75, 85 percent of whatever other race. If there is a sprinkle, you're black. So I had to be very intentional about no, you are this and that. ⁓ and I do feel like it is ⁓ the parents' role to affirm that, no matter what where what other side it comes from, if it's a negative, like I didn't have the best experience with my ex husband and he didn't have the best experience with his dad. But nonetheless, he still is culturally Vietnamese. You are still culturally Panamanian and Puerto Rican. And so I think it's important that they know both sides, ⁓ no matter what side they're raised on. So yeah. I was very intentional about that. I know all the cultures. Yes, that's so good. I love that. I did I was ⁓ when I had Jordan, I we I was living in Tennessee, Kentucky area. So and that boy was super fair. That boy was rosy. Okay, when he was born. He's he doesn't look like he he baked slowly, but he got there right. But so everywhere we went, people and people were bold and people were people were bolder then, I think, than they are now. And so and so yeah, I got a lot of that at the grocery store. ⁓ my gosh, okay, I'm I won't do that. But anyway. You're the babysitter. ⁓ in my world, that is not the case. When I tell you that my kid is very much my mom ma it you can't help but know that I am her mom. But you still you still get the looks though. Because it's Don't even probably notice that. I know, I you don't pay no attention to it because I just smiling looking down when I just do it. I just have her and just walking through, and they just looking at me like, okay. But I have to say this one thing. So Jerry, when she was born, Jerry was dark, dark, dark. Even though her father, their father is African-American. Sharee was bright white. Okay. And I never told you guys this because I never I don't bother with her anymore. Jerry and ⁓ used to call Sheree White Castle. That's what they used to call her. Stop. And I said But she was a little bitty baby and then she started getting start darkening up and start getting her skin started getting a little bit fairer. But yeah, they used to call my baby White Cow. Girl, show them the pictures of her because I was like, that time Sheree I said, that ain't Sheree. Don't put her on blast for the podcast. We can show us later. Yes, that is her. Yes, that is so funny. Okay, so we're gonna switch it up. We're this is ⁓ As black women in professional spaces, okay, what has been the most consistent thing that you had to navigate that your non-black colleagues rarely have to think about? ⁓ Jesus. Being being heard. I would just say, like, ⁓ I would say it's our what we would call emotions. So like not seeming angry when you are being direct or firm. ⁓ about whatever it needs to be addressed in that moment, right? Because there's a you're the angry black woman. Sure. how your face naturally rests. ⁓ God. Yes. Right? Yes. ⁓ that is that's a a piece of it too. ⁓ don't look angry. ⁓ that's that's been a whole thing, right? ⁓ tone. ⁓ my gosh. Yes. The tone of pulleys. ⁓ with with how we communicate ⁓ things. And I think the unnatural the I the expectation that you now I wear it as a kind of a honor ⁓ a badge of honor because I I see my connectivity where my faith leads that, but setting the tone for the space that you're in, trying to make when you're the only one. Sure. Making people feel comfortable about you being in the space. I'm not making you feel comfortable. I'm bringing comfort in. Gotcha. Does that make sense what I'm saying? Even the reframing of that, I'm not making you feel comfort. I'm bringing comfort in. Because comfort walked in the door with me. Yeah. And it sets the tone, it sets the space. And I don't have to be dictated to by how you are showing up in space or what your expectation is. Yeah, those for me and my career, that those would be the big ones. You do set the tone for me, what has worked in the military and out of the military. You have to, for me, I have to show up in this space and technical work comes before you even get to know me. We're only going to discuss work and my technical work has to it be your introduction to me. Gotcha. I don't want anything outside of that. For the first however long until I feel comfortable that now you get to know me as Terri. You're HR specialist, I'm your HR consultant, and we're here to talk about this work. Yeah. So I kind of stay there for it until I'm comfortable and I know that you're not going to crow cross a boundary where I have to pull you back because I don't do early pillows. I just I don't do it. It's not funny. It's not appropriate. I think how you show up in this space and for me, my intro has always been we're here for to talk about technical stuff first. And then as we work together, yeah, we might start but now you know me, right? Yeah. You know, at first they're like, ⁓ we don't know how to that's okay, you don't have to know because we're just here to talk about work. And so this is what we I love it. I mean And so then later at for me that has worked because maybe a month or two in now we're just talking and we're just talking because you're as a person, not a platform. Yeah. And that's a way of you actually ⁓ you're creating your own safe space. Like a there's a there's a fill that's a filter for you that protects you in your workplace because of your ability to do that and to set that expectation so clearly right up front. It creates a space at your workplace that you know what the ground is. You know what the ground is in there. ⁓ and I think that most of us don't do that. And so we are navigating that other place. And people are gonna bring, they're bringing all that stuff that Tranice just mentioned, they're already bringing that to the room before we even open up our mouths, before you know what I'm saying. Just just when we show up, that's already coming. And then it's like they're out there fishing and cherry picking and trying to figure out how they're gonna prove some things that they've already seen. So you don't sit. So it's because you're there for work. Right. Yes. Yeah. That's it. Getting to know me is for the small group that I am in. Like we're to do work. I'm getting to do provide a service for you. And you're what I need to get the service done. Now, after we do that a few times, because you to me can tell. when people are the way they are. Sure. To me. And I I just pick stuff up quickly because I'm like, you can tell even when you come on the screen how some of them ⁓ recoil or whatever. Yes. But when you put workers and you start talking what you're there for and keep it business, that gap gets closed right away because they're saying I'm not here to we're not doing that. Personnel Yeah. One other thing that I had to navigate to ⁓ with being in the role of leadership was my finances. ⁓ Where I had to go in and if I'm having reviews with you and I and I'm asking you what can I do better and you telling me that I'm doing great. Okay. But I don't see my pay equaling up to what that is. Now we gotta have a conversation. Okay. Okay. And I had to do that a couple of times in order to where ⁓ not to say this is for my male colleagues sometimes and like, okay, how was that pay? What's going on with this? And you know, I know that ⁓ and the sad part of it is that they look for you as to doing twice or three times the more work than what the other ones are doing. That's another thing that I see in that situation too, with being in a role of leadership. And ⁓ But you don't want to pay me two or three times more of the pay. Right. So it happened the first time and then after that happened their first time, it never happened again. Now I don't know if it was the conversation that they were having amongst each other after that, because all of them sit and in a row together, you know, and everything. But after that it was it exceeded. It was fine. that I was like, okay, I'm real pleased with this. Okay, this is this. Well you look for yourself enough for the for the to be closed. Because a lot of that ⁓ a lot of that space, people that don't look like us will say that they've dealt with that similarly too. I would say a lot of women could probably have that same story. But there is still another divide. ⁓ there's still another piece of gap. that happens for black women and women of color in general, that ⁓ then if we because we usually show up in space a bit more no nonsense as far as like we're gonna directly have conversation as opposed to say something but really mean something else and then want the things filled in off the whatever. ⁓ I think w people until we tell them no, I see that I'm doing good too. You know what I'm saying? Like I know you see that I'm doing good, but I actually see it as well. And so how are we gonna address that? Like we don't they think we don't see it. And I know there's been times in my life I don't, I hadn't seen it. You know what I'm saying? So like you have to reframe how you even show up to work because to Cheryl's point, to ask for what you ask for the pay for the work that you're doing. Sure. If we have if we can be honest and say have the conversation that we've been taught to be grateful for the job that we have and just to go with the quiet, to work the way that we work, yeah, but to be honored that we're doing that and not realizing where I think that there is a myth, and now I'll just speak culturally. Yeah. This is a business transaction that you're making with this company. I'm going to do this work for you. I'm gonna bring this level of excellence of work for you. Yes. And I want this type of pay for it. We have to start having that conversation with our kids. Yes. Yes. When we're talking about that. Because I that conversation wasn't had with me. Same. And I don't my parents weren't even at the place to have a conversation with that due respect to to our parents though, Trine's. They didn't work in professional atmosphere. They didn't. They didn't, but no, they did what what I was gonna say. That's not a this on them. I'm saying the l what we were taught though, be grateful that you have a job. You're happy that you're working in the space. And and yes, be thankful that you have the job. That doesn't mean that you can't ask for what you are worth. Yes, being paid in the job. I'm saying oftentimes our brain. get stuck in just be thankful and be grateful that you have a job. Especially when we when we're in an economy where people are losing their jobs. It's like it's all the things. So then your mouth stays quiet. Sure. For the work, what you just accept it. So that you just accept it. And you know, they'll people can see companies, corporations, they can see who's bringing value. But they also are looking for you to kind of advocate for yourself in that's what I was gonna say. ⁓ but if you are not if you've never seen that, if you haven't had that conversation, like that's a mind shift to get to that place to start, hey, let me reframe how I'm thinking about this. And yes, we are doing business together. So let's make the make sure that these numbers work for both of us. The the work that I'm given you, like we gotta stop devaluing ourselves. Or feeling like because the economy is bad, because of this, that I can't ask for this. Yeah. No. Does that make sense what I'm saying? Like that it's a real place. It is. I think you have to though, like you said, advocate for yourself. And I I wasn't disagreeing with you even on the parenting. What I was trying to say is they didn't have to because they had unions in place. That's true. You did have a lot of unions in a very different world. And I don't If it was just happy, it was just the union takes care of it really negotiated. It was very much your debased, then all of the stuff is already versus ⁓ what I was gonna say to you, Cheryl and Tranise. A lot of it is advocating for yourself because you do just sitting on the other side of HR saying it every day. There is a perception about us of people of color. That sometimes these managers are e afraid to even say how they really feel. So they might say, Yeah, you're doing good. And but in behind closed doors, they're saying they need to work on A, B, C, and D. When you tell them to work on A, B, C, and D. D. Thank you. I I tell people, and not just people of color, when you have your first performance of review, and if there are five categories, you ask, what does it take to get to outstanding to you? Yeah. Production number. Is it finished this many within this time frame? Make them define those roles. That's right. So that when you come back midterm, you have been keeping track and saying, I've done. I've hit this metric. What you're measuring. Because now when I get to the end, you can't just give me this blanket statement. Like I tell people all the time, like you need to understand what they're measuring against. Yeah. And so whatever it's on your performance review or whatever, your job, you make sure they spell that out for you. If you get a new ⁓ supervisor and that one leave, you ask because you want to know how y'all measuring great. How are you measuring good? How are you measuring barely making it? Because you go tell me I'm doing good and I think I'm outstanding because it's because I don't know what your version of that is. And so if I know it and I know I'm hitting it, you're gonna have to tell me why. You gave me this. Right. It's it's really advocating for yourself upon and all throughout that appraisal cycle to make sure you're on track with what you you see. Because to your point, Cheryl, they do want you to do a lot of times above and beyond. But let's be honest, not hard to do. A lot of these things. For this time frame and I'm hitting ninety-two and Bob is hitting eighty-two. You're gonna have to complain to me how he got that. Right. Yes. That part. At least that's what I'm saying about that. Make make them tell you exactly and I think also lean into like so that whole managerial change piece of it too that Cherry's talking about. Lean into let them letting them know. You can use those. Letting them know. Hey. This is what I this is where I want to go. And I'm going to be leaning into you for that. I'm going to be, I, I'm going to be looking for your feedback on that because I'm looking at my next promotion or the next place that I want to go. Like, yeah. Because I I just recently changed supervisors and I said to this person, hey, I want your job. So I'm leaning into you for that. I I need you to show me my gaps where I'm at right now and how to fill them up. So when this position comes open again, that you need I want to be ready for it. One hundred percent. Now I don't have to assess you. I'm coaching you, right? Yeah. You made the stage open. ⁓ You're doing this really well. I think you should do this better. Or this is where I was at at your point. This is how you get like now you let them know you're accepting feedback and want it. So that's actually really good. Yeah. Yeah. So I I would just encourage people, like in your professional roles as you're doing this, like everything ain't we don't want to do this for you. They also are looking to see where your interest is at too. And people are going to feed into you. based off how your accessibility. And I'm saying that I've the company that I've been with, I've been with for nine years, going on 10, and missed a couple of promotions. And at the point when I felt like I'm done, I'm not gonna ask them again. I'm a I was looking elsewhere, the our director, like CEO, our VP actually. tapped me and was like, hey, I keep hearing all these cool things about you. So somebody was talking about me. So yay, for the the people that were talking about me in the room that I couldn't get into. Amen. Right. Yeah. And coaching that was my first, hey, hang tight. Hang tight. Let me. Blah blah blah. And my VP still taps in with me. That's good. That's that's real good. Yep. If they asked da da da da you know da da ⁓ I want to ask Olivia ⁓ a question real quick about sorry, Turneys, about this from a different perspective of entrepreneurship because she and I are kind of rolling in the streets in in that way. ⁓ different different businesses. It does it's not always about the business you're doing, it's that entrepreneurship mindset kind of a thing. And I think that that similar approach has to be taken. When we're out there ⁓ presenting ourselves and what we're selling, you know what I'm saying? Because a lot of times that's connected to who we are as people and all that kind of stuff. So what would you say, Alecia, that you may have navigated in that space ⁓ similarly as far as like how you've had to show up compared to somebody else that maybe ⁓ doesn't look like you? so I have to keep it corporate still. I had to have to I had to have the mindset of it still. Just because it's my own business, I I have to be very corporate. ⁓ I'm not your friend. I'm here to bring the value into what I have and be I don't want to say overconfident, but overconfident in our head, but it'll come off as confident for them, if that makes sense. Like I have to ten does down. I'm not going to sacrifice, I'm not gonna sell on my rate because you're not gonna ask. Other corporate businesses to settle on their rates. You're not gonna ask other corporate businesses to you know move around and and and extend deadlines. If this is what it's supposed to be, this is what it has to be. And I really ⁓ contracts, my best friend, okay. Contracts everything in writing, and you do you have to treat it as if it is a corporate job, and that for me was the best way to navigate on. Selling my services, advocating for myself and building in the value and saying no. Right. Yeah, because sometimes that's what it is. And in each of these dis ⁓ all of this, what you guys have explained, sometimes it is no. And I know I've coached people before who were needing to go into a room and and advocate for themselves where they hadn't advocated for themselves for many years, being at a company for many years and never advocated, but they know that it's time. And I can think of one person is like, They it was time for their title and it was time for more money, right? And it's getting in that mindset of understanding like, are you willing to stand in the room and speak on your own behalf with that confidence that you know what you've been bringing to the table and also be okay if a person's going to respond back to you with not taking you up on that offer? Like, do you believe in yourself enough? To stand in a room where someone's gonna look you dead in your face and say, Thank you for given it to me for free for all these years, but I'm still not gonna give it to you. Right. And so and it you have to be it, your mindset has to be that you're willing to stand in that room and still say, Well, well, this has been well. I'm gonna start looking or I'm gonna, you know, be able to say that that you're gonna start looking for what you need to look for as well, because people form different things. in their mind like we were saying sometimes they come to the table with something already in their mind about us as a general group but then they form things about us individually as they do start learning a little bit more about us and who we are Terri to your point of view like not letting people get to see too much of that so that they you know you you don't need to know that yeah because it's you're gonna try to use it for something right but I just gotta be you just gotta spill the offers right yeah you know and When you show up to work, you're there to produce work. That's the bottom. Everything else And sometimes you you have it in everything else is is is ⁓ subsequential of that, right? Like that we have to get the work first. And so if we can build personal out that's great. But if we can't, that's great too, because we can work together on what we're actually here for. Right. But you know, sometimes they come to the table too thinking that, ⁓ you ain't going nowhere, you need me and I don't It's not like I need you and they feel that you're not going anywhere. But to that point, Angie, I heard you having that conversation yesterday with someone. ⁓ did you? ⁓ we're trying to earn hustle. But I was just there and I was like I was like, ⁓ I like the way she coaching her. Yes. And holding that conversation with her. And I was like, That is really good. That's funny. I went for And hopefully they have some hopefully that you got something lined up before you ask though. So that they can see because So if you're going to advocate for your to your point, Andy, and saying I'm willing to break ties, you want that done immediately. Right. ⁓ now the totem and I got you know what I mean? You want the kind of have a out kind of in your background. I mean sometimes it's like I Yeah, I re I just wanted to see if I can you d you know, if you don't see me in it, cool. That's all it I'm gonna let you And I I think in that w aspect yesterday, I don't think it was breaking ties, but it was to the point of You know, ⁓ I've been at this role right here. I've shown that I can be here, but you're leaving me here. Mm-hmm. When are you actually going to value what you get in and bring me here? Right. And and give me the chance to show that I can actually do what I supposed to do. You know, and if I if I get to this role and I can't, then that's when we hold this conversation again. Right. But ⁓ It was just one of those things where and I've heard this before too where people is complaining, you know, they actually they're not complaining, actually venting on you and saying, Hey, I can do this, and they're not given me the chance to do that. But have you had that conversation with that person to let them know that like Trine said, I want to be here and I or I want your role. I want when this time comes up again. I want this position. But I think sometimes some t and it could be to the point where like Terri was talking about too is that you done got to a friendship versus a work relationship and they value you as a friend and be like, Well, you know, they don't you know, they can't be here or they can't go there and then you can have a sometimes where the person is fearing that you probably gonna take their role too. Yeah. Well and also just because this, you know, my podcast is all about leadership and all of that. Hear things like that, what sometimes it is is just someone who d isn't leading well. You're not leading well. If you are coming into this space and you're relying on a friendship ⁓ or even some sort of relationship, sometimes people can call a workspace where we're like family and use it as a reason to not act right. You're using that as a reason to not lead properly. It's easier for me. You know what I'm saying? If I'm thinking of you like a as a ⁓ family member or as a friend of mine, I might get a little lax on how I'm doing things. And I also do think that some of that stuff is caught and it's been caught by how they were led, and then they're bringing that into their leadership. And it's really just a faulty leadership stance. Yes. ⁓ and that people don't do well of understanding like what is the criteria, what is the expectation. I love Terri that you said getting people to define what those metrics are. ⁓ and and we take take that concept and it's define the metrics, define our communication ⁓ standards and procedures and protocols of what what how we communicate to with one another as well. Right. Because if if it's defined, then you can't just be come after me because I didn't come in here. And and smile at you a certain way, my smile went to here instead of here. And then now all of a sudden you're you know putting a whole feeling because it ain't your work relationship. Or you're working vice versa. You know what I'm saying? I think that we have to talk out loud about what does it look like when things aren't going well? What does it look like when we have disagreements at work? How are we addressing those things? What does it look like when someone has a bad day and actually steps over the line in the wrong way? What's accountability look like? You know, what's a what's a buffer? Are we having a buffer? You know, all of those things are real life things that some leaders just don't think about. And what they do, they just show up as them. Okay. And then who you are might not be appropriate for the for the workspace. You know what I'm saying? Right. And so we really have to think about that ⁓ as leaders. And I love about this group and our group is like we all, like I say, we're all professional women and we all have all bring all these different experiences to ⁓ the forefront and into what we're doing. And I often think about how a little sprinkle of all of us are just out in the world doing our thing. You know what I'm saying? And ⁓ Terri and I are both veterans and we bring our space, ⁓ bring that with us into our spaces and ⁓ we tease each other because she was Air Force, I was Army. Yeah, she's in the rough. Whatever. You know there. But ⁓ yeah, I love that. So I'm gonna we're gonna ⁓ we're getting close to gonna wrap it up. But I wanna throw in a a couple of questions ⁓ through the lens of the pause and the dynamic pause, because you know that's it's named that. So we're gonna have to talk about it a little bit. ⁓ but not so much about everything that I built into the whole coaching framework. But I just want to ask you guys a couple of things. So, as women, ⁓ you guys are holding a lot professionally, personally, ⁓ in your families and communities. What does it actually look like for you to stop? Set ⁓ what is your version of a real pause? Saturday mornings for me at 11. My tie, my your time. That's what it looks like to me to pause. And I'm so serious. It is making time for ⁓ as often as possible. You know, you may miss a day or two. Yeah. But definitely having community. Definitely, because we're all believers, staying in prayer and connected to God first and literally saying, Help me, more of you, less of me, because you know we know what happens when I show up. You know, all of those things matter, right? Yeah. Then I've learning and have learned over life to just hold things a little bit. Part of pausing is holding things a little bit more loosely in my hands. Yes. Flexible God. And it's okay because I am a planner, but I have over the last year, you guys know several areas where ⁓ because security is a big thing. I've had to be very much. ⁓ releasing the rims on a lot of areas and saying, Okay, but I need to remain flexible and allow God to be God in some spaces. Yes. I would say that part of the pause and taking care of yourself is really trusting him. Yeah. And and just having just be a little bit more looser in your hands with with all these different things. Yeah. Doesn't can't plan, but just holding things a little more loosely is what I would say. That's really good. Yes. And Saturdays is at me and Tranise were just talking about that. I girl, Saturday has really become my Sabbath. I say I make plans on Saturday, but they don't come through. I can say I'm ready to do X, Y, Z. And guess no, guess what? I am laying up in pajamas all day long, stretched out, probably bent watching back and forth everything on TV. Come think I gotta watch the Duddons today. I did not watch my Duddons. That show happened. And then I've also learned to, like Terri say, just take your hands off. Because you know, life be happening and you you can get wrapped up with your family and you'd be like, well, I'm just gonna do this. Nope. Nope. I quit. Done? Nope. Do what you gotta do. ⁓ I ain't got nothing to say. I'm done with it. And then they always known for years that when I was working, seven o'clock is my was my shutoff time. Okay. No phone calls. If phone calls came out the seven or eight, you know, eight or nine, it was an emergency. Sure. Other than that, it was done. Seven o'clock, all the phones went off. Just so I can get my time to go to work and this, that, and the other. And then now massages. ⁓ I do massages now. Okay. ⁓ and then just have that time for you. You know, even when I was just telling Terri too that ⁓ when she said, sure, I know you're glad to have your house back. Cause all it's been going but actually it felt good. The noise for a minute. You know, it was it felt good. And then the the everybody over, you guys all over. Everybody spend the night and all that. It felt really good, you know. And then we put the bag. I tried to put it back to the ⁓ clean before ⁓ you did more than put it back. You did good. I said, ⁓ I said Terri Cameron, I said it she done watched this and everything before she done left and went out the house on her way to the airport. She said even earlier, I was like, ⁓ I ain't gonna get to finish all these blankets. I'm gonna just fold them up. But everything else I didn't know. I'm telling her to get out of the house so she can make it to the airport in time so she don't get late. But I do have to say for the two days, Monday and Tuesday, I was like, Okay, I gotta have me some rest days before I go back to work. I said because it had been busy since T sister. The ⁓ the tea ⁓ what's the name? And ⁓ the br the tea party that we had with Miss Tanya and you know, it just was just something every week after that and stuff like that. So just taking the time and just putting yourself up and turning off the electronics, don't do anything and stuff like that. And of course I'm gonna make this brief because I know sometimes I'll be like I pick up the phone, I say, ooh. It's 120 Texans on here. What is going on in the book club? ⁓ definitely have been I felt like I've been having that, but I will say same thing. Obviously, the Saturday, our book club time is protect the time. But Sabbath for me really has to become my Saturday. I really have like book club is protect the time, but I don't I'm trying to not make 20 million plans for myself to do anything on Saturday. And I don't have to apologize if I sat in my robe, if I stayed home, if I didn't do anything because I feel like we we were feeling that way. And I'm like, come on, the Lord God rested on a day where He wasn't doing nothing, but then taking in what He created, resting from the labor of work. And we are allowed to rest from the labor of work. And my baby is showing y'all. Having having said that, so it's one of those things. Okay, beautiful, you've been seen. Gone gone out. it's one of those things. Rose Annabelle. So yeah, I'm about to call ⁓ the nails. Go. ⁓ but it it is being able to like I can take that day and just be like, Yeah, I'm not going nowhere, I'm not doing nothing and I don't owe anybody an apology I don't need to communicate about that. I don't have to try if somebody invites me to something that yeah, I'm not available. And that's just it. I don't have to explain why I'm not coming or why I'm not doing the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. It is I'm just not available, or I'm just not gonna be doing that thing today. Because we need to rest. We need to take care of ourselves. Yes. We need to to have those moments where we are ch our the body check in. That's my other little pause that we got from. I'm going back to the garden within. Yeah. Waking back when we're waking up, just doing that. What's going on before I step out of that bed? How am I feeling? Checking in with my body. That's good. Checking in what what is the thing that what's the thought that's on my mind? And because I have been doing that, I've been having more of a focus, whether it's a song, whether it's a scripture. Because I'm doing that. Sure. It's better setting the tone for how I'm getting up yes in the day just doing that little thing checking in with my body checking in with how I'm feeling checking in with what mentally is moving into my thoughts ⁓ that is a pause taking taking that moment to do that and then there's other little ways that I pause now I do my own I'm a press on girly y'all know they can be long they can be short It depends on the vibe. But that is also a way that I pause for myself. It is just that little bit of self care. And when you've been not feeling yourself for a long time, and and I mean not feeling myself like I'm feeling myself. I mean like feeling like who you are, like the essence of who you are. For me, I feel like I'm getting back to that. I see it. The releasing. Yeah. You can attest to that, right? Like every day I see it. Because of It and it was to Terry's point, what these things that you've been holding on to. Ooh. Yes. Ideas, these concepts of what we think this is supposed to look like, blah blah blah. I touched on it a little bit earlier. Am I living? what my mouth is saying to my daughters. ⁓ And guess what? We're we're pivoting. Yeah. There's some pivots, right? Sometimes the pause is a pivot. Yes. Where you have got to change your space. You gotta change all of that. You like your purview environments have to change. Sometimes that's the pause. The pivot is the pause. The pivot is getting you to your next pause. Right? ⁓ so that you can take inventory, so that you can take stocks, so that you can reset. Yes. Yeah. That's good. Alecia, what about like the the living. So, you know. At least for me. For me, it was a journey just to even figure out what the pause even was or what it even looked like. ⁓ trying out a bunch of different things, you know, like nails, movies, you know, different self-care, being alone in a room by yourself. I think that's in a journey trying to figure out what what pause gives which pause gives you the the real pause. And I discovered that it's nature being Anywhere where there is God's creations, and I'm talking about the big ones. Right. When I go to the mountain, it literally forces me to go, you created this. Wow. And it's an entire source of how it's going to exist in the world. Pause and know he's gonna do the same for you. Right. When I'm in camping and seeing the trees and just listening to The wind that goes through the life that's through them, looking at birds, looking at the ocean and seeing the waves and seeing the creatures inside of it. That's when I realized that was my true dynamic pause because it forces me to think. Those are the only things that forces me to think. The other things are distractions. ⁓ getting my nails. I'm gonna look all cute. And yes, it makes me feel good. But am I really sitting down thinking? Do you love your body? Do you love the color of your skin? Do you do you when the people are saying those things to you? How are you going to shift that thought of going instead of going, yeah, you're right, maybe I do need to go and have plastic surgery and change all these things? No, those are distractions from really allowing me to have the pause and think clearly. And the only thing that I do that is when I'm in nature. I have to look at what is natural and touched and divine that the God has created and I'm forcing these thoughts. Yes, yeah, that's good. ⁓ my gosh. And I think it's all of that, right? It's all of that. It's and it's perpetual. And to your point, what's what's bringing it in one season might be something else in another season. ⁓ it may not be that we ever let it fully go, but it's just like who we are and who we are becoming, and we're always becoming. I think being comfortable with the becoming. Okay. Be c being comfortable with the idea that when while we're here on this side of eternity, we're never going to reach a point where we ever have arrived and it's okay and it's not a bad thing. It's like literally getting comfortable with the idea of always becoming. slowing ourselves long enough to acknowledge the beauty, the, the, the everything that comes with who we are, and like to Elisa's point, what God has taken the time to make in us and through us. Because just I love that you said that. Just like all the pieces that go to a mountain, the mountain, we get to see the mountain a lot where we're at on this side, a particular mountain, which is gorgeous. When it's out, when she's out, ⁓ my gosh, it makes you want to just stop moving and just enjoy and soak it up. Absolutely. But what you said today, Alecia, that really is sitting with me is the idea of all of the little pieces and mechanisms that are happening on that thing we're looking at. There's all kind of light flowing in and through there. There's there's ⁓ there's all kind of elements. Cause we got some snow, we got some dirt, we got rocks, we got, you know what I'm saying? It's just I don't know. It's just something about that idea that if he's taking all of the time to put all of that together and match that with what Trine said about the garden within and just kind of pausing long enough to realize all of the different things that are happening within us. Come on now. It's like that allows us to be even more grateful for these moments and this times of community like what we're doing right now. Yeah. It's just like what are we bringing to the table? We're always bringing something. So we don't have to worry about not bringing nothing, right? Yes. And that is. That is just awesome. Even ⁓ Angie, you did the garden. I say you you guys did a garden this year, right? Don't you got a garden in the backyard? Alecia has a garden. Girl. She said Alecia. Andy ain't got no garden. But Alicia's always trying to get us out there. That's my granola girl. I'll call her my And it feels good with your hands in the dirt because it's in the beautiful That's what y'all say. Look, that's what y'all say. And just like I like to eat the stuff from the dirt. My my zucchinis are coming up, and guess what? I got about ten flowers out there, beautiful flowers, and you already know food finna come from that. You get rid of tip bugs? That was running through there trying to eat ⁓ Girl, you already know I done sprinkled some off balls back there and I ain't see none no more over here. They went even had a friend when I was there. They was all in her space sniffing trying to find it. He all up on the porch and everything. But another one like they were like Jack. I said, ⁓ I got some all balls back here. And I sure dropped the moatballs and I ain't say anything no more. My strawberries are coming out. The tomatoes is coming up. The broccoli is coming up. Everything is coming up. That's so yes, it is. Yeah, we got things going back there. So one last question. And then we're gonna wrap it because I think Alecia has an appointment, she said. okay, what would you say to a woman who's craving this kind of community but has not yet found it? ⁓ or does not believe she deserves it. Did you see that? Did you see that face? Did you see Alicia's face? We can start with Alecia since she since she's feeling so she's feeling it so strongly. Alecia question. Girl, what's your testimony? Go ahead. ⁓ Lord. ⁓ Yeah. ⁓ you are. For sure deserving. And you don't have to show up like everybody else. I think for me, that was the thing. I I had to be talkative. I had to have as much knowledge as them. I had to have as much lived experiences. And that just wasn't me. Like there's so many times where I've come into the group that you guys all know, and I don't say a word. And you still include me, which is really weird. You know what I mean? It's just it's it's it's it's it's it's the ⁓ and I know she does this. ⁓ we see you there, girlfriend. Okay. Like you j and you just keep the conversation. And so finding a group that truly ⁓ lord, I'm not gonna do it. Yes, you can find a group that truly accepts you organically as you are is It will change your whole experience of how you show up in life because you're no longer settling for people who don't. Yes. You will no longer settle for people who want you to change because there are people in the world that will accept you in all stages of your life, from when you want to be loud, from when you want to be quiet, from when you want to cry, when you don't want to show up. And I tell them to text me. Don't not text me. She tell to come in anyway. But they really accept you as you are. And for me, I didn't want to join groups. I have female issues just because I wasn't being accepted how I organically was. And that one invitation where you say just go. And I'm so glad that I did because you guys just really accept me for who I am, reading books and and all. I wanted to come reading, you know, a chapter every week. And y'all were like, we don't do that. And I was like, okay. ⁓ you know, but it's just it's great. I I don't know. I have nowhere as as as as far as just like you accept people how you are and find that group. Yeah anytime you're you you are having to settle, anytime you're having to change your opinion or if you're afraid to say how you really feel or afraid to give any parts of how you are. Even if it comes to let me help you with that, you need to find that group because if you're not in that group, that is not your people. ⁓ Flat out. They're just not. Very nice. Yes. Anybody would add to that, it should be easy, right? I think your group should be easy. If you're there and you're struggling to feel comfortable, you're struggling to fit in. You feel like you now need to change. That's not your group. Than that, Angie. If you don't feel you deserve it, you need to pause on if you're ready for a group. Because the reality of that is if you don't feel worthy, when you come in, you're going to feel less worthy. It's a good group or not. So you gotta first deal with why you feel that. And you're not accepting that you're worthy of love just because God made you, and if you're not. accepting his love for you that it's not based on anything that you have worth and value just by being here. Not a title, not how you look, even though we like to look and get our haired, that's not who you are. Just if I'm laying here naked in a in in tennis shoes and a house robe, I'm worthy of love. If you're not there yet, wherever you're gonna show up, you're gonna be trying to pull something from somebody they can't give you. That's good. Yes. ⁓ Go to that with if you're not a Christian, whatever you believe in and get that before you show because you're either gonna hurt somebody or be continually hurting. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I'm not saying you have to show up perfect, no. But there's a baseline level of relationship that requires to at least know that you're worth something. And there are times where we do have to come along, people, it's a season where they or are in a low place. I'm not talking about that. That's way different. Yeah. You don't feel worthy of love, you're in a trouble. Because you're gonna be with somebody that's gonna either abuse you or you're gonna abuse someone. Well that's what I was gonna say. That's the key is because it's ⁓ if you walk in it's if you're battling that, that's one thing. But if you go into spaces expecting other people to be able to solve that for you. You mentioned that Terri. That's that's the problem because Some people are intuitive enough to pick up on that, but that doesn't mean they're mature enough or or whatever, just not sadistic enough to exploit that. Because some people will exploit that thing that they see, and some people will see it and they can't do nothing with it. They already know they've learned in their life already that they try to answer that question for somebody before and it just got real messy. So they're gonna stay way over here. So they're not, I'm not touching that with a 10-foot pole because it's gonna get bad, right? And so I love that you said that. And ⁓ because people don't often even pause enough to see that, to see that that's what the issue is. And so when I throw a question like that out there, it's on purpose because I use that big old word, deserved on purpose, because ⁓ people have to understand what their relationship even is with that word when it comes to themselves. And for some people, it comes real easy and it's just automatically there. But there are a lot of people, and I feel like a lot of women in a lot of spaces where people don't feel that. And their whole life is working to not let everybody else know that they feel that. Or Lovable and Garden Within. Yes. Yes. Get on it. Two books. That's the book. Okay. Those two books. Cheryl or Tranice. Yeah. I I will. branch this a little bit differently and say the scripture that came to my mind as you were ⁓ asking that question was he who wants a friend must first show himself friendly. So Hear that for what it Yes. Some of it is you and I'll speak for myself because I know that I possess this. Andrew, I know that you possess this too. We naturally have people kind of gravitate towards us. I'm I'm aware. And I and that's god that's a godly gift. That there's nothing there, I'm saying show yourself friendly. So the first portion of that is if you want a friend. You be friendly. Be a friendly person. Be a friendly individual. Also, you gotta do the other part and cast the net out there. Well can tap a couple of the late if it's you looking for your girl group, tap a couple of ladies. Yeah. Tap five and only three respond. Don't waste your time spending spending your will about why the other two did come. Mm-hmm. Tap into them three that tapped in and responded. And it's also work and take relationship, right? Like there, there if there is a building, there is a learning, there is a trusting in there, right? And if you keep showing up, you can cultivate something. And and one of the things that I love, you hear us talking there's some books that as you can see that has things, but coming was one of them. Michelle talked about bringing new people to the table, inviting someone new. So you can have a nuclear group, and we'll use book club as an example. It was me, Angie, and Cheryl, and my sister Terri. Our new is Alecia. And Alecia is not new, like brand new, but like it's the hey, I want to open this up. I'm gonna cast it at I invited two young ladies. Alecia showed up. Yep. And I invited my sister a long time ago, and Terri invited co-workers. And it's lending used to be invited people to be a part of this. The the thing is, and I hold this sacred. Now we'll probably I don't I can't say we're gonna be doing the invites too many more times. I don't know that we I'm saying Yeah done. We done personal dynamic personality What I'm saying is and and to Alicia's point Remember when she would didn't even turn the camera on? But we would differ acknowledge. Hey, you're here. Yeah. Pass in when you want to. And sometimes she would type. She would type talk. Yes. Her thoughts in there. However that is, we can we can handle all of that. We can hear all of that. We we we can move through that. I I do just want to say there is something about you want a friend, be a friendly person. Yes. Be a friendly person. Be approachable. be able to have a conversation and don't make it about who didn't show up. Or because we're just gonna say it because it happens in church. I don't know where the weird comes from that. It's weird. I've been in church all my life and when people get into this man it it if if your tribe is the this these three people and y'all connected and that's good. Amen. But you don't have to have no big old. You don't got to have who you think is the in person, whatever that is. Whatever that in person might be the messy person in your problem. That might be the messiest person in your whole circle if you put them in there. And now you feel like you gotta put over. You're jumping over truth at this point. Are you jumping over giftedness and the fact that There are a lot of people because of your gifts. And you guys are all smiley and ⁓ it's like ⁓ it's like a firefly to a light. Yep. You guys have this ability, Tranice, where you say you don't know where the weirdom comes from. I do, I'll tell you because I've seen it. This is your small group, you make everybody feel like they're that and you're that to them too. They don't know that you're just being friendly and nice. Because you guys are are gifted in a way that you make people feel at ease because you're on the stage, because you're worshiping, because you're speaking, because you're doing all these things on the stage. It looks very inviting. And so if someone comes to you afterwards, you're very inviting. They think they're building this. And you guys don't have enough ⁓ weirdom patrol yet. To say the senses ain't up. Why is this person now coming in here with my same hair or my same clothes? Or why is this person trying to monopolize my time and attention? Like why it don't be going off all the time for y'all. And I don't know how 'cause you d enough weirdos to where I'm like, Hey, something's funny. But you know what it's just it's their nature and it's It is something inviting. And so you guys have to see it from them. And I'll tell you, my siblings have it. I don't have it. I've never had it. I don't have it either too. Everybody's either I rock with you or I really don't rock with you and that is okay. But they have the ability ⁓ to be very social to people and make everybody have a good time. Yeah. That doesn't mean that they will have to ever talk to you again. That was just for right here. For this 10 minutes. That person's mind, they just met their best friend. ⁓ my gosh, it is the truth. And and y'all are ⁓ like, wait, when did I say that? You said that when you make them feel like Trinity, she'll be sitting there, ⁓ what do you like? And all this just for the same, 'cause he gets me. And you're like, ⁓ we were just sitting at the picnic. That was I I said back and I watch it sometimes. The two of them, and they be like, Hey, how are you doing today? How was everything? Are you all right? And I don't know. And I and I genuinely am like that moment, and then I just be like, that's just for the business. They admit something, literally mean it. I don't mean strangers. Yeah, I know it. But it's it's your nature. I'm saying it's they think that they have created this. Yes. That wasn't not your Because of your approach. And so that's what it was so inviting to them. So now they like she said, I don't know what it is, is that they be like, ⁓ wow, this is gonna be my best friend today. For here for life. Well, and I'm gonna be hanging out with let me put my qualities. That's how y'all are, and you're doing that for everybody. There's her. That's for me and her. Me only. And she can't do that for that person. Everybody. And it's I will say I have been putting this qualifier out as I'm meeting people. So ⁓ just to kind of protect that. Here's what I will say. Because I'm very clear. Hey, ⁓ this is the type of person that I am. I am not going if if we're not fully if you're looking for a phone call every day, if I gotta, if you need me to do the I am not a the person that you want to be trying to make this rich but but but you have to realize but I'm putting those qualifiers out because I'm saying I am not that. But cannot call me every day and think that I'm gonna pick up a phone and thinking blah blah blah. And I don't offer that to people. But but I I do offer to be very much present when I'm talking to you in the moment. But when my undivided attention, it is genuine, it is meant, it is felt. I love you. I love you after that moment, but that don't mean that's this it's this to your but that that wasn't the initial that wasn't the initial. The initial was, hey, how you doing today? And I smiled and I gave you that. And so now you already created this, you planted that seed. Where if you would have came out at first and said, Hey, this is just how I am, it's not going no further. But that seed was planted. Now they done growing, they done rent. They growing off of that seed. And then when you come and tell them that I think it's okay. I think that's okay. They ain't hearing that neither. They still ain't hearing that. I think there is a natural The world is that cruel that your small acts of kindness. And I whatever that natural if Because that doesn't cost Trinece and I anything. I'm gonna speak for you in that. Yes. Yes. That doesn't cost us anything. We don't feel it when we do it because that is literally just who we are. Yes. When we were out at the event yesterday, Cheryl whispered to me, girl, how do you you said this? Because literally I I lost count of how many people I was like, ⁓ you know, I hadn't seen in however long. I'm running around the table to go hunt. I literally she said, and I was like, I literally lost count of how many people. But but I think the to Terry's point, I think that ⁓ yes, I think that because of what people don't experience out in the world or what they are experiencing out in the world, when they actually meet somebody that is literally like what Tranice said, in that you're getting that full attention in that moment. I really do want to know about what your baby's doing. I really do want to know all that. And I heard Tranise one time tell somebody because it kind of It went up a notch. She could tell it went up a notch with what that person was getting super excited about, what they thought this was going to become. I told you to planted their seed and it was growing. But but Trinise really did say out loud, like, hey, let me let me just tell you something real quick because I can see some stuff. So here's the thing: I don't text often. I don't get on the I don't have everyday phone calls with people. I I'm not that kind of friend. That's not who I am. If you need prayer, you need to meet, you know, send me a a text about some prayer. Ever since I saw her do that and I I realized that was a thing, I incorporated my own version of that. So and and it's not like in the first phone call, but when I know people are going there, I let them know, hey, you can reach out to me, but you see I'm always in these streets and I'm always running. I got stuff. I was like, so I can tell you that I will text you back. I can't tell you when that text will come back. But I will text you back. And I will I even will respond on a phone call if I can. ⁓ but there's just things that we say out loud boundaries, yeah, so that people can understand that that's what it is. And I and being very protective of what I have with you ladies, I talk about sometimes when I'm talking about the book club, I don't name it. I just will say something about. ⁓ an experience or a conversation, but I won't say my book club, right? I say that only every once in a blue, blue moon. That's how protected I am of that space. But my growing in that though, my where I've decided to take it up a notch is to be able to say it and be okay that that this is a protected space. Right. And to be okay with that. And not to make someone feel bad. Because I love like, you know, The answers that you guys gave about pursuing it, people being able to pursue this kind of thing for themselves. ⁓ but just so that I can live in my full truth. Because I was one of those people who grew up not experiencing things to the fullest or not expressing my joy to the fullest. As smiley as I am, there are things that were about me or that were mine or accomplishments or whatever that I will not express out loud because I felt bad about. Being joyful, being having something that means something to somebody else. So I'm so part of my evolution is living in that fullness of truth, of joy and happiness and all of the things, still being Angie and letting them get that part of me, but also being able to say, But there's certain parts of me that are not for everyone, and definitely not in every season. But being sensitive, Terri, you brought this up about the ministry part. I don't wake up and say, Lord, what's my ministry today? I assume my whole life is ministry, which is why when people say that whole thing out loud, I don't get it. So my with my whole life being about in service to him, it's more like in what space, Lord, I this is a part of my prayer. Lord, whoever it is that you have me engaging with today, let them hear the words that you want them to hear. Yes. Let me go wherever I'm going today, Lord. Let them see the light of Christ. Even if I've never had a conversation with them, experience you somehow, God, through all of this stuff. And I do that, whether I'm going to the church, to a networking meeting, to, you know, to whatever it is that we've got going on. But ⁓ it is. close to that time. Y'all, we're gonna wrap it up because I just want to be able to say thank you guys for honoring me with this. And we did, just so that everybody's fully aware, because y'all wouldn't know this, I'm gonna say out loud, we recorded this on our normal time of doing ⁓ book club together. And so Yes, we all made it to the table. Everybody was dressed from the neck up. We did our thing. We have we are glowy. ⁓ all the things. But ⁓ I felt it important to bring this group of ladies to you guys, not just because they're my people, all the things. It's because of the richness of what they bring to the table. Each one of them. They're exceptional people, they're exceptional leaders, ⁓ mothers. all of the things they bring it all and and ⁓ and i believe that's value and i wanted to i'm always about bringing value to the podcast no matter what piece of the conversation that gets introduced to you guys so thank you for joining us today on the dynamic pause with coach angie and we'll see you in the next okay so yeah I just