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Hi friends, this is Wendy Harrup, and welcome to the Say Yes to Yourself podcast.
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On the Say Yes to Yourself podcast, you'll hear stories from women just like us who are adding the practice of saying yes in their daily lives in big and small ways, and as a result are experiencing the truth that everybody wins when you say yes to yourself.
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Saying yes to yourself is a graceful unfolding, an intentional becoming of the very best version of you.
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It is my hope that in these conversations we are able to find our truth and be inspired and empowered to live our very best lives.
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I'm so excited to go on this journey with you, and I look forward to finding a bit of our own story in each other's.
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I'm um just running out of ways to say hello in different languages.
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Um, we are on the cruise, Liz and I.
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We are on another Abraham Hicks cruise.
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We are loving every second of this, meeting the most amazing people that are up to big, expansive, fabulous things in the world, just like us.
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So it's very fun.
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We are seeing beautiful sites, beautiful cities, gorgeous food, drink, relaxation.
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It's all just yummy and delicious.
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And I would love to know how are you saying yes to yourself in this season?
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We see so much happening around us that doesn't feel like a yes, but this is a decision that we get to make.
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I a coach I worked with years ago, Gina DeVee, she's been on the podcast before, but she had this beautiful statement that she would remind us of all the time.
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And that is that freedom is a decision away.
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And if that's an eye roll to you, or if you have a bunch of yeah buts in response to that, I invite you to spend some time with your journal, to spend some time in reflection and see how we can reframe the way we think life has to be when it's different from the way we want it to be.
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And I just invite you in to your own yes.
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I would love to walk you home to yourself.
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This is all such a beautiful journey.
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I am loving the life that I've created for myself, one aligned yes after the other.
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I don't even tell you guys all the amazing things that are happening because my intros would be 35 minutes long and it would still be twice a week.
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It's all just so good.
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And I want that for you also.
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And I'm sure you are experiencing that and I want to know about it.
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So there is a button in the show notes.
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It reads fan mail.
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And if you just hit that and tell me how you're saying yes to yourself in this season, I'll get a little text.
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I won't even know who you are if you don't sign it, but it would just feel so good to my heart to know that I'm not the only one living my best life.
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So please hit the fan mail button, let me know, share these episodes, tell your friends, say yes to yourself.
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Let's just continue this gorgeous movement of love and abundance and expansion and freedom because it is so fun.
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And speaking of fun, today's guests, I love this woman.
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Since we had this conversation for the podcast, we have hung out a few more times.
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We've done a coffee chat.
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Um, that's on the YouTube channel.
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Uh, we'll link that in the show notes as well.
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But she is so cool.
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We have Rami Lyman's today.
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She is a certified breathwork facilitator, trauma-informed coach, and author with over 20 years of experience in healthcare working as a registered nurse.
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After a life-altering trauma abruptly unraveled the life she had carefully built, Rami was forced to rebuild from the inside out.
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What began as survival became a profound reclamation through breath work, nervous system regulation, embodiment, and conscious perspective shifts.
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Today, Rami supports women navigating trauma, burnout, and major life transitions, helping them reconnect with their bodies, their inner wisdom, and their sovereignty.
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She is the author of Broken to Breathful, a deeply personal exploration of healing, resilience, and the quiet power of returning to breath.
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Rami lives just outside San Francisco with her two children and finds her own grounding in nature, movement, and daily breath practice.
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I know that, like me, you will love this conversation with Rami Lyman's.
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Rami, I'm so looking forward to this conversation.
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I've already decided it's going to be fantastic.
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So thank you so much for being here.
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Thank you so much for having me, Wendy.
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Happy to be here.
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I love your work and I love just the way that you're using experiences in your life to inform your own healing, but also how you're helping people.
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It's all so beautiful.
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And I want to dive into anything that's on your heart.
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Yeah.
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But I'd love to start by hearing how are you saying yes to yourself in this season?
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How am I saying yes to myself in this season?
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I love that.
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You know, it's been a long season.
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It's been quite a season.
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Uh, word on the street that happens.
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It's been a season, and I feel like it's all really coming together now where I'm able to zoom out a lot more often and see it.
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I've been glimpsing the zoom out all along, which has helped me stay like going.
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Sure.
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And now it actually is kind of coming more to an obvious circle, if you will, or cycle.
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For me, a big one is just I practice radical self-love and acceptance like constantly.
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I never knew what that meant before.
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I know it's overused.
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Oh, you just have to love yourself before you can love.
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And you know, we hear all that growing up.
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But it became an action word for me and a very intentional practice a few years ago when I started this whole kind of like intensive that I've been on.
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Not that I asked for it, but life sort of has a way of taking you to your knees, right?
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And then you listen finally.
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And one of my main tenets that I live by is I give myself so much grace.
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So it starts with my self-talk, noticing my own internal language.
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And then it's it's the over kind of almost imagining that I'm a little person and I would be the mother of myself.
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Like, no, it's okay.
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I've got you.
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I see you.
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Of course you feel this way.
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You know, it's almost doing that.
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Right.
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And then it's this gentle reshift that can happen.
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But first I meet myself with a lot of grace.
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And I usually in that find my yes again, you know, I find my my personal way through in that moment or in those moments.
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Learning to be more authentic, you know.
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And again, that word is also so used, but I just heard this thing a couple days ago.
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It's really interesting.
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Being seen is different than being visible, right?
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Yeah.
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Oh my gosh, it gives me chills.
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So I'm gonna say, yes, that is true.
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So I'm learning.
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So being visible has been part of my process, my healing through being just raw and messy and imperfect and posting on socials and and and even doing stuff like this and teach, you know, guiding groups through breath work.
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It's very exposing and in a way that I've never done in my life up until this chapter.
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And that's allowing myself to be visible.
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And I'm aware too, that I still mask.
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We all do, right?
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It's a protection, right?
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It's it's what we do.
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But I'm realizing more and more how how it is back to the self-love.
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It is truly such an act, an action of self-love to let those masks go and to truly let your your authentic self be seen, right?
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And so that's a practice.
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But for me, that's a way of saying yes.
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And and with that comes feelings of discomfort and you know, second guessing.
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And then you get to meet yourself with the self-love, right?
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You get to meet it, and then I have all these other tools like breathing and so it's it's a toolbox of practices, but it's all centered around radical self-love and sort of being my own best ally, if you will.
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Yeah.
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I told you I'm gonna love this conversation.
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I knew it.
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Awesome.
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I love everything that you said, and I love this appreciation and space that you're holding to reparent yourself.
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You know, I I have a 12-year-old, I know you have children as well.
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And I mean, I wait, it took 24 mothers' days before I became a mother.
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And I didn't realize that parenting takes all day long.
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I just didn't know what I did.
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You don't know, you just don't know.
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It takes all day long every day, but conscious parenting takes like eight days for every day.
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Yes.
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And when you're also consciously reparenting yourself while you're consciously parenting and you're an entrepreneur, which is another self-development masterclass and like all of these things that I think oh my word.
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I mean, this is the work.
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Like, this is the work, this is the work, it's why it's called work.
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This is the work, and it's never done.
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Yeah, incredibly rewarding.
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Yes, and it's incredibly time consuming because for me, just the level of awareness and desire to work through and reparent with and show myself grace, and which I guess all of this is radical self-love, which is such a beautiful phrase.
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I'm eager to use it and remember you when I do.
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And as time-consuming as that is, and how long it takes me to sometimes have a conversation, especially when I first started this work, because I would get halfway through a sentence and be like, actually, I don't believe that.
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That was just a habit of thought.
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So, what do I believe?
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And you know, like I'm constantly reframing deconstructing the thing, yeah.
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And recreate, you know, creating new neural pathways and all of these.
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Absolutely, and all of that to say, I get why some people might like shy away from because it sounds really hard and like it takes a lot of time, right?
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But there's something like this turning point, this tipping point that comes where you see the result of that, and it all of a sudden doesn't make it seem like work.
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Now it's a practice.
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Now that's right, and so yes, it's time consuming.
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I have a morning routine, that's where I the majority of this time consume work.
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Yeah, however, it's such a long way to a ham sandwich, but no, it's all good.
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You're sticking my language.
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What I notice is then for the rest of the day, all the things that happen, like that timeline is collapsed because interesting.
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If I'm in an interaction and I have a response that doesn't feel good in my body, and I say, Oh, oh, that's interesting.
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Like that's shadowy.
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Let's get a flashlight in there.
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Yeah.
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But then it's evolved, it's healed, it's attended to.
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That's right.
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I'm moving like that muscle just exercised.
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Beautiful.
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Next time, yes, I'm not triggered as much, maybe, or yeah.
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Like, but I'm like saving time as my food.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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I always say it's like making an investment, it's like putting a tiny deposit each time we do these things, right?
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I love it.
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We're so speaking the same language because yes, it's almost like you do the thing so that it becomes normal, right?
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Because everything starts off foreign and then you do it, and then it becomes reflexive in our baseline.
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Right.
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And so we get to a point and we go, Oh, I can be a lot more intentional.
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So we we're choosing the things that we want to become our new normal.
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And that part takes work, right?
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Yes.
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And then that it does become our new normal, and we actually create space from it.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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And I do believe something else you said that I want to speak to, I use this word a lot.
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We get to metabolize life in real time when we bring, and you use the word conscious when you talked about parenting.
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So it's sort of bringing, it's bringing attention and intention to your moments or whatever.
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And in doing that, we actually are in real time metabolizing the stuff.
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And for me, that feels like a win because so yes, it might take more.
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Okay, I'm activated.
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Okay, I'm gonna like feel how it feels.
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This is my internal.
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I feel what does it feel in my body?
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I'm gonna breathe.
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I'm gonna not reject it or suppress it.
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I'm gonna, you know, this takes what 30 seconds, you know, it's a it's in my mind, it's happening.
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But it's still a process.
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It's a process.
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And yeah, that takes time, but on the other hand, I'm in real time metabolizing that stuff.
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I'm not just suppressing it because it doesn't go anywhere when you suppress it, you're just pushing it down.
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Right.
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It's somewhere, it's somewhere, and it's gonna just keep on presenting until we feel it and live it, right?
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So, but I love that.
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That's beautiful.
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It's so good.
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And yeah, I love everything that you're saying as well, that it does save us time in the long run, but it is this tiny investment.
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The compound interest takes a while to get the traction, it does, but then it's like, oh, and there we go, and doubled, and doubled, and doubled.
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That's right, it becomes exponential because it because everything we were talking about this first, like it's we're just one system.
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So if we're changing our thinking mindset, it does impact our physiology, which impacts our whole the way we're feeling, our emotions, which impacts our energy, which impacts our behavior.
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You know, everything is related, right?
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So it is exponential.
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It's not just one plus one equals two, and then it it's it gets to a point and and you start to really notice shifts and changes, or other people notice.
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Other people might notice.
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Sometimes I think that is what happens because we see the changes when it's ourself.
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It's like seeing your own child every day.
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You see them, but then someone who hasn't seen them in a month or two is like, you're huge.
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It's right, yeah.
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We see the process, but others see the transformation.
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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
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I would love to, just because it's such a natural segue into this, I would love to share.
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Um, this really goes into what my kind of work is all about.
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So when I was going through, and I won't get into the details because it's just so much, it's insane.
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In about a three-year period, I went through a divorce, an assault.
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I was, I was assaulted and then criminalized.
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And then as a result of that criminalization, I lost my profession.
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I'd been a nurse for over 20 years.
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And even though they dismissed the legal stuff because it was all baloney, I was assaulted and I called the police, but it was ridiculous.
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Like I would never believe this had I not lived this.
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Right.
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But anyway, as a result, it affected my profession.
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I had to lose my business, my license, everything.
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And I was hit by a tree, a falling tree broke and fell on my children and I.
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And we should have died all within three years.
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Okay.
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Oh my word.
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Yeah.
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So this is all the this is what took me to my knees.
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And I was that was the only question I was gonna ask.
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This was like the Greek tragedy.
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And then I was like, okay, um, I guess it's time for me to do some work.
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And the truth is, I had really never done the work.
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I'm always gotten by half of half a century.
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I was 51 when this, when I finally was like, okay, three years ago.
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And I've been on a pretty intense personal healing and then also reinventing my professional life, creating this body of work.
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So, anyway, all to give a little background.
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What I realized in my darkest days was that I needed things like we were talking about, the things that we do, the radical self-love, the breath work, the things that anchor us, resource us, bring us back to calm, stability.
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First of all, I realized it was within.
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Number one, that it was all here.
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It was me.
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It wasn't outside, it wasn't fighting this legal battle or trying to get someone to advocate.
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At the end of the day, it was my inner peace and calm and inner sovereignty that was the thing.
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And number two is that I needed things that were easily accessible so that I could in an in a moment rely on them.
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So I named them.
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I gave them names so that I would be more intentional about integrating them.
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So I call these my lifelines.
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I know the word's not very unique, but and this was the book that I wrote.
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I wrote this book that was about it, it was number one to reclaim my voice.
00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:59.519
It was a big, it was a big act of reclaiming my voice writing this book because I never got to tell my story.
00:19:59.680 --> 00:20:02.319
And I was, you know, it was really important to me.
00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:04.720
And one of my lifelines is express.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:12.400
And one of my lifelines is breathe, one is bend, which is movement, one is radical self-love, you know.
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:48.880
So anyway, I won't get into it, but my whole point about the lifelines is that I recognized this is where it relates to our conversation, is that if I was going to crawl out of this hole and not just survive, but actually use my pain and turn it into something purposeful, because that was a beacon for me, was to know that I this was not going to be for nothing, that I was going to somehow use this to help other people, other women, to use it as a way to reclaim myself.
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:50.319
You know, I was determined.
00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:58.319
So I knew I needed a system and I knew if I named the things that I would be much more likely to lean on them, right?
00:20:58.480 --> 00:20:58.720
Right.
00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:05.519
And and they're really, when we talked about like the morning practice, I love a morning practice, I love the things.
00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:19.680
And I also saw the need to have things that you could actually integrate into any moment when you're in the middle of the thing, when you're reacting, when you're driving, when you're ruminating.
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:33.759
And and while these morning practices and these amazing like things that we carve out and give compartments to, they are huge and they can anchor your day and really set you off in the right direction.
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.799
We also need the things in the moment, right?
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:37.200
Right.
00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:37.599
Yeah.
00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:39.680
So that's that's what my work is now.
00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:45.759
So I do breath work, I do body based, but it's a lot of cognitive kind of reframing as well.
00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:50.960
But it's all designed to meet you where you are in real life.
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:55.119
Because at the end of the day, it is a practice.
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:57.920
And the work is never done, right?
00:21:58.400 --> 00:21:58.720
Right.
00:21:58.880 --> 00:21:59.599
And that's okay.
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:00.880
I think that's beautiful.
00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:02.480
Work doesn't need to be bad.
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:07.839
You know, I say usually work with quotations because work doesn't have to be bad.
00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:10.799
It can be uncomfortable at times.
00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:11.599
Sure.
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:24.640
But when you know that you are making that deposit and you're investing and there's compound interest, it makes it a lot more palatable when you're actually doing the thing, right?
00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:40.319
And just like you named your processes, naming it the work allows us to put intention behind it because I mean we we know that we're the creator of our own experience.
00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:40.640
Yeah.
00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:45.599
But if we're creating by default, by just oh, this happened.
00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:53.359
Autopilot happened and this happened and this happened, and we're just like a pinball totally reacting.
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:54.480
Right.
00:22:54.799 --> 00:23:00.319
Or are we deliberately creating our life experience?
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:01.839
Yeah, that's intention.
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.160
That is that's work.
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:09.119
It is it's just for me, it's paying attention, it's mindful.
00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:16.319
I bask in the beauty and delight of my surroundings.
00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:23.519
I live on a beautiful flower farm in New England and a historic home.
00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:29.119
And I lovely now have a home in France and I lead college trips there.
00:23:29.279 --> 00:23:31.599
Like my life is a dream.
00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:32.559
Yes.
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:38.400
And I'm not just floating on a cloud being blown by the wind.
00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:49.440
Like I'm deliberately creating the experience that I desire based on how I want to feel, and I am appreciative of what is, and I am eager for more.
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:50.640
I love that.
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:51.599
I love that.
00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:57.759
And the beauty is, I think, when you named it, like you're very intentional, you're purposeful.
00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:03.759
And yes, it's more work in a sense, but on the other hand, it's actually the most empowering thing.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:06.720
Oh my gosh, the best work I've ever done.
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:07.519
Totally.
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:10.960
That we are actually the creators of everything.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:13.440
And that I mean, it's profound, isn't it?
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:15.440
It's really mind-blowing.
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:22.319
I feel like we are at this point where so many of us are just starting to realize that we are just so capable.
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:23.200
Totally.
00:24:23.440 --> 00:24:26.400
That we are so much more powerful than we ever knew.
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:43.119
You know, yes, it's this personal awakening, but then because of fabulous platforms like podcasts and fabulous people like PR agencies that put us together, there's this alchemizing because like now I know you.
00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:53.680
Yes, that just made everything that I know that I know that I know expanded because now I know you, and you know that too.
00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:54.640
And that's right.
00:24:55.039 --> 00:25:04.559
Just like, oh my gosh, this is so beautiful and powerful, but not scary.
00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:05.440
Right.
00:25:05.680 --> 00:25:09.279
It's a tsunami of love, it's empowered.
00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:10.400
It is.
00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:19.839
Oh, it is, and I think it's so timely right now, obviously, with like everything that's happening in the world and women in particular, like any time.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:21.599
I feel like you're right, you're right.
00:25:22.319 --> 00:25:30.400
I've like listened to some old podcasts that were during the pandemic, and they're like, oh my gosh, well, you know, it's so crazy now.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:32.640
And I'm like talking to the podcaster.
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:34.160
Oh, you don't have any idea.
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:36.799
We're like, no idea, totally.
00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:37.920
You're right.
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:39.039
It's anytime.
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:39.599
You're right.
00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:40.720
Absolutely.
00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:49.839
And I feel like as women, and specifically as midlife women, I feel like midlife women, and I mean, we're so young.
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:50.480
Look at us.
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:56.160
I mean, midlife, you know, who would have thought when we were 30 years ago that we would be so cool at this age?
00:25:56.240 --> 00:25:57.759
We really thought this was old, right?
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:02.640
But like, but at the same time, there is this really beautiful something.
00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:21.440
I don't know, I like this stage of life as a woman because I feel like with the platforms, with the ability to communicate and connect with more women like-minded that are also feeling this, sharing this, believing this, living this, teaching this.
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:23.119
And yeah, it's great.
00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:23.680
I love it.
00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:30.160
And having the life that we had, which you know worked until it didn't.
00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:30.640
Yeah.
00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:34.960
And, you know, like yeah, some pretty large indicators.
00:26:35.599 --> 00:26:38.319
So for you, it's been three years.
00:26:38.559 --> 00:26:42.079
You said for me, it's been about six.
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:47.359
But there's something about like that's no time compared to my lifetime.
00:26:47.599 --> 00:27:11.200
So it feels like, oh, I'm so aware of all the elements of the catalyst and the shift and the trajectory and the the evolution, like the woman I've become from like I can mark the day.
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:15.200
Like you can mark the day, like a tree fell on my face.
00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:21.359
Like, yeah, that's like before the tree and after the tree.
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:25.440
And like it's so that's also yummy.
00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:32.720
That's energizing and it adds to the momentum, and it makes like again the quote unquote the work.
00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:40.559
It's like yeah, this is the most purposeful, intentional work I've ever done.
00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:58.160
And the benefits, the ROI is off the chart from anything that used to fill my days before that I also was just doing, which was working till it didn't.
00:27:58.400 --> 00:27:58.720
Yep.
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:20.160
And I I thought I thought that was as big as my life could be because I thought that I was just waiting for someone besides me to come rescue me, to, you know, invest in my great ideas or give me permission to do the things that I wanted to do.
00:28:20.240 --> 00:28:21.759
I had no problem dreaming.
00:28:22.000 --> 00:28:22.559
Super big.
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:23.680
Yes, right.
00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:26.400
I knew I was allowed to dream.
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:31.839
I just didn't realize I was allowed to have the things I was dreaming about.
00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:32.559
Right.
00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:40.960
Yeah, I just didn't, you know, unless somebody like said, okay, you can have it, or I'll just wait till heaven and then I'll get it there.
00:28:41.279 --> 00:28:46.880
Like just because that's that was the universe I lived in, and I was happily living in the world.
00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:47.680
Absolutely.
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:48.799
Absolutely.
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:59.119
I found out this idea of agency and of being the creator of my experience.
00:28:59.359 --> 00:29:05.119
And like, okay, well, if that's true, I'll be making some changes.
00:29:05.279 --> 00:29:06.799
And let's see how those work.
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:07.279
Totally.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:10.319
And like, oh, oh, I could, I could wait.
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:11.839
I'm I make the change.
00:29:12.079 --> 00:29:14.640
I give myself permission to make the changes.
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:15.519
What?
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:24.480
And then there's this like no stopping because you see it's almost like instant gratification, even though it takes so long.
00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:26.319
Yeah, that's interesting.
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:32.880
You know, it's so interesting because you're talking to like what I'm hearing is like this, it's that reframe is so huge.
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:38.240
I mean, when we're ever stuck in anything, it's in our own perspective, right?
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:47.680
So of course that's always the case, but it is so profound when you're trying to change your external environment, your life, right?
00:29:47.920 --> 00:30:01.680
To to realize how the the perspective, our self-limiting beliefs that have been culturally, you know, again, like, I mean, we all know what it's like, men and women.
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:10.400
We all have the things, the constructs, the things that we assume are truth that are just cultural, family, or bigger.
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:14.160
And and it's a it's a lot to deconstruct it.
00:30:14.319 --> 00:30:24.480
But but when we see that it's all a choice, what we choose to put our focus on, then it's sort of like no holds bar.
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:26.880
I mean, right, it's all available.
00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:27.359
Yeah.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:33.279
And the work is, you know, it's it's not as easy as just changing your mind.
00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:35.759
You have to change your nervous system.
00:30:35.839 --> 00:30:39.920
You have, I mean, not change it, but you know, it it all works together, right?
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:40.240
Right.
00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:51.440
It has to catch up for this new neuropathway or this the belief is just a thought we keep thinking, yes, and mastery comes from repetition.
00:30:51.599 --> 00:31:00.880
Yeah, you have to think it and practice it and do it and get the result over and over before it becomes a habit.
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:01.839
Right.
00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:03.759
Absolutely.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:04.880
Yeah.
00:31:05.519 --> 00:31:11.119
It all feels so good and it all feels so fun.
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:26.880
And I love that this is your profession now, and I love that as much as you enjoyed what you went to school and had a career in, yeah.
00:31:27.359 --> 00:31:49.519
It seems to me that you are looking at this as not something that was taken away from you, but something that was the step that got you to where you so are you metabolizing that concept?
00:31:49.839 --> 00:32:03.039
Because I'm sure even people reading the book, like there's no one that says, Oh, I don't know why she's making such a big deal about these three things, like whatever.
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:07.920
Yeah, first world like how do I yeah, how do I reframe this all?
00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:09.680
Yeah, no, for sure.
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:14.559
Like the validation comes fast and easy.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:19.279
And that sometimes that feels really good.
00:32:19.519 --> 00:32:19.759
Yeah.
00:32:20.079 --> 00:32:30.079
So like how have you metabolized this to not have the validation that yes, you're right, those things sucked.
00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:30.480
Yes.
00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:31.839
Be surprised.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:32.960
Right.
00:32:33.279 --> 00:32:33.759
Totally.
00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:34.799
Great question.
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:37.359
So it's been a process like everything.
00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:50.000
I'm able to zoom, you know, at first I was so, I was, you know, as you can imagine, I was in the thick of it, you know, so much anger and rage and outrage and injustice and all the things.
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:55.200
And I still can go there, but I'm much more, you know, it's been time.
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:58.079
Time is huge practicing these things.
00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:01.359
I've had therapy, I've done a lot of coaching.
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:03.759
I, you know, became a breathwork facilitator.
00:33:03.839 --> 00:33:06.079
That in itself was hugely healing.
00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:14.400
That was a big part of the reason I did it because I knew that it would be a really good way for me to do a lot of like somatic regulation, releasing, you know.
00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:24.880
So I've done a lot of work and I still can go into moments of feeling like a victim where I get pissed off for a minute that I can't believe, you know.
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:30.880
But for the most part, I know in my heart that I was playing so small before.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:33.440
I was so small my whole life.
00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:36.319
You know, I was always really good at my job.
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:37.119
I was a nurse.
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:39.279
I worked in hospital settings all my life.
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:44.400
And, you know, I was always a good team player, and but it was sort of boring.
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:46.240
I always felt like an underachiever.
00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:53.759
You know, I always kind of felt like, yeah, you know, I chose nursing because I like people, I like health, I like that it's versatile.
00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:55.200
I'm not a nine to fiver.
00:33:55.440 --> 00:34:00.720
I'm a when you said you live on a flower garden or farm, I'm just like, that's like my I would love that.
00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:04.559
You know, I'm the person who wants to stop and smell the flowers a lot.
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:07.279
And so I knew I didn't want to be a doctor.
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:08.559
That was way too intense.
00:34:08.639 --> 00:34:09.840
So I chose nursing, right?
00:34:09.920 --> 00:34:13.840
But I always kind of felt like I was, I don't know, it was safe.
00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:16.159
It was good money, it was all these things.
00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:18.000
Your zone of excellence.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:21.119
Yeah, I guess, you know, it's funny how life is.
00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:35.760
I feel so much more me, you know, when I do breath works, when I do one-on-one coaching, when I when I speak to this stuff, I'm so much more excited about it than I than I ever was as a nurse.
00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:43.519
And when you said, when you realized that you could have everything, and you were like, Oh, I everything is available.
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:51.760
It's a similar thing that happened to me is when everything went away and everything I identified myself with was ripped from me.
00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:56.480
Basically, what I realized was like, well, I have to reinvent myself anyway.
00:34:56.639 --> 00:34:59.440
I might as well reinvent the life of my dreams.
00:34:59.679 --> 00:35:00.000
Right.
00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:14.800
And and just architect the the profession that I will love to do that won't feel like work, that will allow me to, you know, work from anywhere so I can be with my children or my whatever.
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:26.239
So so I think for me, a lot of it is just that that reframe that that was a catalyst for me to step into my purpose, you know.
00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:28.880
But yeah, it's a process, you know.
00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:35.519
There's moments where I'm in a funk and you're and you know it, there comes the radical self-love.
00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:36.239
And that's right.
00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:39.039
Another lifeline of mine is feel all your feelings.
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:41.519
And I just let myself feel it.
00:35:41.679 --> 00:35:48.880
If I'm feeling pissed off in that moment, if I'm feeling like a freaking victim and I'm mad and I'm thinking about the man who drugged me, because I know who drugged me.
00:35:49.039 --> 00:35:51.840
He was the proprietor of the place that I was patronizing.
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.559
And you know, so I know who did this, I know who did.
00:35:55.119 --> 00:36:00.320
And so I go there, as you can see, I still get pissed off.
00:36:00.639 --> 00:36:03.199
And I let myself feel it.
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:07.280
I love on myself, and then it and then it shifts, and then I move on.
00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:10.079
How long is that?
00:36:10.159 --> 00:36:17.039
Um like I've heard some statistics, it's like feel the feeling, like it only lasts 30 to 90 seconds or something.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:27.840
I mean, it's not where sometimes we think I cannot even let myself go there because I cannot know who I will become if I myself be mad.
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:28.400
Yes.
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:34.880
And and this is where like breath work for me, like feel that breath work is sort of a microcosm for conscious living.
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:35.920
I'll tell you why.
00:36:36.239 --> 00:36:39.360
Because breathing is breathing is something we do all the time.
00:36:39.519 --> 00:36:44.400
It's the only function in our body that is both voluntary and involuntary, right?
00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:45.360
That's amazing.
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:48.159
There's nothing else, not our heartbeat, right?
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:56.079
Cardio, you know, everything else is either, you know, it's all involuntary or it's, you know, deciding to move your arm like this, right?
00:36:56.159 --> 00:36:57.679
It's conscious, you know?
00:36:58.239 --> 00:37:00.000
So breathing is both.
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:02.079
But breathing is not breath work.
00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:08.079
But when it becomes breath work, it's when we bring our attention and our intention to it.
00:37:08.239 --> 00:37:20.719
It's when we begin to become aware of it, we shape it, you know, we can do all these things with our breath that impact our physiology, which impacts our perspective, our lens, right?
00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:21.760
It impacts everything.
00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:24.719
So when I decide, okay, I'm pissed off right now.
00:37:24.800 --> 00:37:33.360
I'm gonna just let myself feel all my feelings, I'm gonna practice radical self-love, just be with us.
00:37:33.599 --> 00:37:35.039
I usually have to breathe.
00:37:35.119 --> 00:37:40.239
I have to bring in the breath in order to be with that intense emotion.
00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:45.039
And it it helps you resource through it so that you can stay.
00:37:45.199 --> 00:37:47.840
And then sure enough, it shifts.
00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:50.880
The feeling shifts, the breathing will shift.
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:53.679
And before I know it, I've moved on to the next thing.
00:37:53.760 --> 00:38:01.840
So again, you know, it sounds like it's a practice, a process, but when you do it enough, it becomes so reflexive.
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:06.079
It takes no time, and it all happens while you're just in your life.
00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:09.199
It happens when you're just going about your life.
00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:15.039
Is there a certain way of so I've done breath work a few times?
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:15.920
Yeah.
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:44.159
And I've heard and witnessed other people have very um demonstrative experiences in that, which leads me to believe that I am not doing it right because I don't have like the thing and I don't cry, and my hands don't get so detangle it, yeah, for sure.
00:38:44.320 --> 00:38:45.280
I love that great question.
00:38:46.719 --> 00:38:50.639
I mean, I know I'm not doing it wrong, but it's like breathing.
00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:58.239
But I think it's great that it has that level of impact in some people's life.
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:01.840
But if could you just speak to like what in the world is happening there?
00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:06.559
I love this question because I just like you was like, what the heck is happening?
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:08.079
Why are all these people crying?
00:39:08.480 --> 00:39:12.239
What's up, what everyone's seeing colors and not me, not me.
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:13.280
Okay, not me.
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:20.159
I stuck with it for six months before I had even a well, it was quite profound.
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:23.840
It was a feeling of total bliss.
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:27.199
Like I didn't know the difference between bliss.
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:33.519
It was like my heart was so full, and I was laughing and crying, sort of at the same time.
00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:40.559
I mean, it wasn't like super obvious, but I was it was impacting my breath enough because I was having emotion come.
00:39:40.719 --> 00:39:43.280
But it was, it wasn't sadness or joy.
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:49.280
It was, it was almost as if joy and grief were one, and it was so be beautiful and big.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:51.280
Anyway, but that took six months.
00:39:51.519 --> 00:39:51.679
Wow.
00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:53.519
I still I still don't get visual.
00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:55.119
So, this is what I want to say.
00:39:55.440 --> 00:40:05.679
A lot of people think that breath work is always this big, I love your word, demonstrative thing, catharsis, transformation, release.
00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:13.519
There are times and there are modalities that's that are very specifically with that intention.
00:40:13.599 --> 00:40:16.000
Like there's Wim Hof method, for example.
00:40:16.159 --> 00:40:17.599
A lot of people know Wim Hof.
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:20.320
There's there's you know, there's all different types of breath work.
00:40:20.719 --> 00:40:24.320
The one that I studied is called conscious connected breath.
00:40:24.639 --> 00:40:30.880
It is also a more activating, it's done through the mouth, it's a 35 to an hour long thing.
00:40:31.199 --> 00:40:35.039
It can bring in a lot of sensations, emotions, but it might not.
00:40:35.199 --> 00:40:35.440
Okay.
00:40:35.599 --> 00:40:38.480
There's plenty of people that don't go there.
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:40.559
So I feel like that's a misnomer.
00:40:40.639 --> 00:40:44.079
I feel like that's almost harmful because a lot of people then think they're doing it wrong.
00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:44.400
Right.
00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:50.719
But what I really use with my clients and what I use in my own life is not the big 35-minute sessions.
00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:51.360
I love those.
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:51.840
They're great.
00:40:51.920 --> 00:40:53.440
I still teach once a week.
00:40:53.679 --> 00:40:56.320
They're really cool, they're really fun in a group.
00:40:56.639 --> 00:41:01.199
You can have, you know, gentle releases to big ones.
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:10.480
And I guarantee you that if you stuck with it and you kind of gave it some time, you probably would have plenty of your big experiences, right?
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:16.079
I'm it's not something like I'm not, I don't need it if I don't need it, right?
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:22.159
Like I'm pretty sure that I'm not suppressing something that I don't know about.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:23.039
I agree.
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:30.159
So how I mostly find it to be of most use is literally just in the everyday life moments.
00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:37.920
I am very aware a lot of the time of my breath because I've been doing this now for two and a half, three years.
00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:39.280
And it's a practice.
00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:41.039
So the beauty is you can return.
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:48.800
I always say return to your breath, and I mean with your attention, and you can return again and again as many times as you need.
00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:56.320
There's no rule, it can be 10,000 times in one day, maybe, or or maybe in one day you forget to breathe with awareness at all.
00:41:56.480 --> 00:41:57.119
That's okay.
00:41:57.280 --> 00:41:57.920
That's okay.
00:41:58.079 --> 00:41:59.840
There's that radical self-love, right?
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:01.440
You just give yourself grace.
00:42:01.599 --> 00:42:08.559
But when we start to realize that the breath is this amazing resource that even so, this is my favorite breath.
00:42:08.639 --> 00:42:10.000
It's called coherence breath.
00:42:10.079 --> 00:42:11.679
You can literally do it everywhere.
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:14.000
You breathe in and out through your nose.
00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:20.320
It's about five to six seconds in duration on both the inhale and the exhale.
00:42:20.719 --> 00:42:27.360
You can pause and hold a natural one or two seconds if you want in between the inhale and the exhale.
00:42:27.519 --> 00:42:28.880
You certainly don't have to.
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:42.320
It's basically this very regulating and fluid breath pattern that immediately regulates your brain, your heart rate.
00:42:42.480 --> 00:42:44.880
It regulates your cortisol, your hormones.
00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:46.000
I mean, it's quite phenomenal.
00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:47.679
It's actually been studied a ton.
00:42:48.000 --> 00:42:50.800
So if people are interested, they could read about it.
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:56.239
I love this website called Heart Math, and it's all about the coherence breath in particular.
00:42:56.960 --> 00:42:57.519
Oh, fantastic.
00:42:57.840 --> 00:43:02.000
It's great for your blood pressure, it's great for your stress, it brings your cortisol down.
00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:04.239
But the beauty is it's so easy.
00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:12.239
You can literally start training yourself to basically this can just be your baseline breathing when you're driving.
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:16.480
You can do it at work, you can do it in meetings, you can do it when you're interviewing people.
00:43:16.719 --> 00:43:20.639
It's just bringing a little bit of awareness to your breath.
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:24.480
That alone changes your physiology.
00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:32.800
And so that's what I love about breath work is that it's like I'm someone who's I'm really bad at meditating, really bad at it.
00:43:32.880 --> 00:43:40.000
Like I just, you know, whereas breath work, I can sit and do breath work because it gives you a focus.
00:43:40.800 --> 00:43:44.559
You're breathing in for five seconds, you're breathing out for five seconds, you're breathing in.
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:50.559
And while you're breathing, you're maybe really tuning into how does my body feel in this moment?
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:51.199
Right.
00:43:51.519 --> 00:43:53.119
Are there any sensations present?
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:55.039
Maybe there won't be, and that's okay too.
00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:59.360
You know, so there is this mis information out there, I think.
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:04.639
You see Lot of these like breath work things being like psychedelic and transformative.
00:44:04.719 --> 00:44:07.199
And yes, there are those types.
00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:10.800
Personally, that is not my jam.
00:44:11.280 --> 00:44:14.400
I'm more into the like using it to regulate.
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:19.280
And yes, sure, it helps with releasing, but I like movement for releasing.
00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:20.800
I do a lot of sound.
00:44:21.119 --> 00:44:24.239
Producing sound with our voices is huge.
00:44:24.639 --> 00:44:26.000
Um percussion.
00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:27.519
Yeah, I do all sorts of stuff.
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:28.400
That's cool.
00:44:28.559 --> 00:44:38.639
But it's all it's all related to moving energy with our bodies, moving, expressing with our voice, using the breath to move energy.
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:41.920
Yeah, I don't know if that helped, but no, absolutely.
00:44:42.079 --> 00:44:48.880
And can you just also speak to why in the world would we want to move energy?
00:44:49.199 --> 00:44:50.320
Yes, absolutely.
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:51.679
Why in the world, absolutely?
00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:57.519
So the the best way I can describe it is, you know, we have our nervous system, right?
00:44:57.679 --> 00:45:01.360
We have our fight and flight, which is our sympathetic, you know.
00:45:01.440 --> 00:45:08.800
I don't know if these terms are confusing, but a lot of people hear fight and flight, or they hear rest and restore, or rest and digest.
00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:10.400
That's the parasympathetic.
00:45:10.559 --> 00:45:12.800
People hear about the vagus nerve a lot these days.
00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:14.480
That's the parasympathetic.
00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:28.400
So the reason this is all so important is we are beings that are we are created and wired to move through life that is lots of stimulus, right?
00:45:28.559 --> 00:45:28.800
Right.
00:45:28.960 --> 00:45:39.119
And and if you think of our nervous system as designed to sort of adapt, but then to ideally return to a baseline.
00:45:39.519 --> 00:45:45.440
So we're not always in fight or flight, we're not always in rest and digest, right?
00:45:45.519 --> 00:45:47.440
We can we can go back and forth.
00:45:47.760 --> 00:46:04.079
A lot of us have kind of by default become stuck in one or the other, maybe, you know, a lot of us more in the sympathetic, the go, go, go, the, and in reality, we need to move energy.
00:46:04.239 --> 00:46:25.679
So back to your question, if you look at an animal in the wild, for example, and even like a domestic dog, when they have something stressful or stimulating, say they were just being chased by a hyena or something, they will literally, some of them will freeze, they go into the freeze thing, they which is part of our nervous system as well.
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:28.079
And then they get up and they shake it off.
00:46:28.239 --> 00:46:31.679
They literally shake it off and then they just go back to life.
00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:39.519
Human beings, we're so smart that we don't just, if we have something stressful and we're in a grocery store, we don't just shake it off.
00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:40.159
Right.
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:47.280
We act normal, we act appropriate, we we go on with our whatever we're doing.
00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:58.480
But the truth is, is we created this huge energy by that activation, our sympathetic nervous system, all this cortisol, stress hormone, all this stuff just boom, came in.
00:46:58.639 --> 00:47:00.239
And now where is it going?
00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:00.639
Right.
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:01.119
Right.
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:08.159
And we're reliving it in our head while we're in modeling and while we're walking to the car, and then we call our friend and tell her all about it.
00:47:08.239 --> 00:47:08.960
And right.
00:47:09.119 --> 00:47:12.079
And then we go to talk therapy and we talk about it and talk about it.
00:47:12.159 --> 00:47:13.280
So exactly.
00:47:13.519 --> 00:47:28.639
So we are really good at analyzing and knowing why it was stressful and feeling the stress, but we're not so good at recognizing that it's actually part of the process is to discharge the energy.
00:47:29.039 --> 00:47:32.639
So that's where, you know, X, that's why exercise feels so good, right?
00:47:32.800 --> 00:47:34.480
I mean, I've been a runner my whole life.
00:47:34.639 --> 00:47:45.760
And I always would say running is my Prozac because it's like you're, you know, you're producing endorphins, your heart rate, your lymphatics are flushing, your respiration is purging all the toxins.
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:47.840
It's all these physiological things.
00:47:48.159 --> 00:47:59.119
But but there is something more to it that breath work, moving your body, it's kind of creating a container to allow that to happen on a regular basis, right?
00:47:59.440 --> 00:48:01.039
So we don't get backed up, if you will.
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:03.039
I sort of think of it like that.
00:48:03.360 --> 00:48:03.920
Right.
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:04.800
Yeah.
00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:09.840
So I think it's important to discharge the energy because everything is energy, it doesn't just go away.
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:10.320
Right.
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:23.440
So if you don't discharge it, I think that it just gets trapped and it's gonna come out in a different manifestation, maybe as a sure depression or you know, a sickness or something.
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:30.880
And you know, moving our bodies and and doing all these things can be really fun and really they feel good.
00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:32.800
So why wouldn't we do them anyway?
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:33.920
You know, thank you.
00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:35.360
I don't know if that was helpful.
00:48:35.599 --> 00:48:37.920
I tend to I tend to be very long-winded.
00:48:38.719 --> 00:48:40.079
That's funny.
00:48:40.239 --> 00:48:43.119
Uh, you have beautiful things to say, and I want to hear all of them.
00:48:43.360 --> 00:48:43.840
Thank you.
00:48:43.920 --> 00:48:44.239
Thank you.
00:48:44.639 --> 00:48:46.320
Of course, of course, I love this.
00:48:46.480 --> 00:48:49.679
This was all just so practical.
00:48:50.239 --> 00:48:58.480
The the practical basis to why we are committed to doing what we're doing and living we're living.
00:48:58.639 --> 00:49:10.639
And yes, there are practices and processes that create a sustainable infrastructure for us just to keep growing and going.
00:49:11.119 --> 00:49:11.760
Absolutely.
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:17.519
And the beautiful thing too is that it doesn't take a full hour or 45 minutes either.
00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:19.199
It can take a few minutes sometimes.
00:49:19.599 --> 00:49:21.519
I have this panda drum that I picked up.
00:49:21.599 --> 00:49:24.719
It's one of those drums that, you know, makes all the different tones.
00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:28.159
And my daughter, who's nine, she was she and I were playing with it the other day.
00:49:28.239 --> 00:49:34.400
And, you know, it's amazing how just even, you know, her picking it up and playing with it.
00:49:34.559 --> 00:49:36.480
And and then she led me through breath work.
00:49:36.639 --> 00:49:37.039
It was so cute.
00:49:37.280 --> 00:49:37.679
It was adorable.
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:41.519
It was cracking me up because she acts, she's very resistant if I ever want to do this with her.
00:49:41.599 --> 00:49:46.320
But she's obviously been absorbing me because I listened to her and she totally sounded like me.
00:49:46.400 --> 00:49:47.760
I was like, oh my god, that's so cute.
00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:49.119
Yeah.
00:49:49.360 --> 00:49:52.239
She was using like the same words and it was adorable.
00:49:52.559 --> 00:49:55.599
But anyway, um, I noticed her and she loved it.
00:49:55.760 --> 00:49:59.199
She was like, it totally shifted her just in a few minutes.
00:49:59.360 --> 00:50:01.840
And then she asked, Mom, can we do this every night?
00:50:02.079 --> 00:50:02.800
Said, sure.
00:50:03.360 --> 00:50:04.159
I love it.
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:08.880
So she gave me a little breath work again the next night with her with her little drum.
00:50:09.039 --> 00:50:14.559
But, you know, just seeing how quickly, even a little bit of, and she wasn't even really breathing.
00:50:14.639 --> 00:50:16.320
She was mostly just doing the drum.
00:50:16.400 --> 00:50:19.920
But you know, even that is move, it's intentional, right?
00:50:20.079 --> 00:50:20.559
That's it.
00:50:20.719 --> 00:50:34.559
It's almost like even if it's a minute or two, sometimes just saying, even if you're in your kitchen and you're washing your dishes and you're having an overwhelm, it can be as quick as just noticing it.
00:50:34.719 --> 00:50:41.039
The way it presents for me is usually rumination, worry, anxiety, you know, and I go, okay, cool.
00:50:41.199 --> 00:50:42.400
I see you, I feel you.
00:50:42.480 --> 00:50:55.840
And then I sort of know it needs to move, you know, and it can be put on a song, listen to a song that you love that's like a mantra and move your body, breathe with some attention, or pick up your pantadrum, whatever.
00:50:56.079 --> 00:51:02.079
It can be a few minutes and it's enough to just move some energy and shift.
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:20.400
And I think these are the things as as women that we can remember that it doesn't always have to be this huge hour-long thing where you have to drive to the gym or right, or go to Bali for a yoga, right to do the retreat or or even the morning practice, which I love.
00:51:20.480 --> 00:51:22.320
And I I try to do a morning practice.
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:24.960
I think I I'm realizing I'm like, I kind of ADHD.
00:51:25.039 --> 00:51:29.440
I know everyone thinks they do now, but I'm like, I have a really hard time with with structure.
00:51:29.599 --> 00:51:37.119
Like I'm a real flow person, but but that's why I like my whole lifelines thing because they they they meet me where I am.
00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:44.960
But that's why I love the the quick little resets because you can integrate them in real life.
00:51:45.199 --> 00:51:51.840
And and and maybe you'll do 30 times in one day just a minute each, but that's huge.
00:51:52.159 --> 00:51:52.800
Absolutely.
00:51:53.039 --> 00:51:53.599
Yeah, right.
00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:55.119
So I love that.
00:51:55.280 --> 00:51:56.559
Thank you so much, Rami.
00:51:56.719 --> 00:52:00.320
I've loved this conversation, so helpful.
00:52:00.559 --> 00:52:03.199
Please tell everyone where they can find and follow you.
00:52:03.440 --> 00:52:05.440
Yes, get the book, all the jobs.
00:52:05.679 --> 00:52:05.840
Yes.
00:52:06.000 --> 00:52:06.480
Oh, sure.
00:52:06.559 --> 00:52:06.880
Thank you.
00:52:07.039 --> 00:52:10.480
Um, yeah, so my website is probably the best way currently.
00:52:10.639 --> 00:52:16.079
It's called Breathwork Simple, and it's just like it sounds breathworksimple.com.
00:52:16.559 --> 00:52:18.000
And you can get my book there.
00:52:18.159 --> 00:52:22.239
My book is on Amazon, but you through there you can just kind of see all my stuff.
00:52:22.480 --> 00:52:24.719
I basically have two offerings.
00:52:24.880 --> 00:52:29.280
One is my bend and breathe, which is those are two of my lifelines.
00:52:29.440 --> 00:52:30.960
I I teach it every week.
00:52:31.119 --> 00:52:34.480
It's movement, breath work, sound, percussion.
00:52:34.639 --> 00:52:36.000
It's gently guided.
00:52:36.079 --> 00:52:39.920
It's really a practice of returning to ourselves in real time.
00:52:40.079 --> 00:52:41.519
And it's a safe space.
00:52:41.760 --> 00:52:43.760
People um can turn off their cameras.
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:48.880
I also teach it in person and I bring headsets, and everyone has their own headset.
00:52:49.199 --> 00:52:50.800
So so I teach that.
00:52:51.039 --> 00:53:07.440
And then my other offering is a brand new, and it's it's called Reclaim, and it's a one-on-one coaching for women who are navigating divorce or other big life disruptions, and it's using sort of my methodology that's on my website as well.
00:53:07.679 --> 00:53:10.159
Basically, you know, I'm just getting going.
00:53:10.320 --> 00:53:11.840
Every things are going to evolve.
00:53:11.920 --> 00:53:15.519
So the best way to find me is just through my website, I would say.
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:16.559
Thanks for asking.
00:53:16.639 --> 00:53:17.199
I appreciate it.
00:53:17.599 --> 00:53:20.239
Of course, we'll link everything down in the show notes.
00:53:20.400 --> 00:53:23.679
And I'm so looking forward to playing with you again.
00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:25.679
Oh, yay! Me too.
00:53:25.840 --> 00:53:26.880
I am too, Wendy.
00:53:27.039 --> 00:53:28.239
So nice to meet you.
00:53:28.559 --> 00:53:29.280
You too.
00:53:29.440 --> 00:53:30.559
Have a beautiful day.
00:53:30.800 --> 00:53:31.360
You too.
00:53:31.519 --> 00:53:32.400
Take care.
00:53:38.239 --> 00:53:41.840
I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did.
00:53:42.159 --> 00:53:52.079
As always, any links or notes mentioned can be found at PhineasRighthouse.com in the podcast section of our site or in the show notes below.
00:53:52.320 --> 00:54:00.000
And if you haven't connected with me personally, come find me on Instagram at PhineasWrighthouse and let me know you listened to this episode.
00:54:00.159 --> 00:54:01.840
I'd love to get to know you.
00:54:02.079 --> 00:54:04.159
Thank you for sharing this time with me.
00:54:04.320 --> 00:54:10.239
I know your days are full, and I'm really grateful that you chose to spend some of your precious time right here.
00:54:10.480 --> 00:54:15.440
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of these delightful conversations.
00:54:15.599 --> 00:54:17.440
I'll see you next week!
00:00:08.320 --> 00:00:14.720
Hi friends, this is Wendy Harrup, and welcome to the Say Yes to Yourself podcast.
00:00:15.039 --> 00:00:32.960
On the Say Yes to Yourself podcast, you'll hear stories from women just like us who are adding the practice of saying yes in their daily lives in big and small ways, and as a result are experiencing the truth that everybody wins when you say yes to yourself.
00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:40.880
Saying yes to yourself is a graceful unfolding, an intentional becoming of the very best version of you.
00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:50.079
It is my hope that in these conversations we are able to find our truth and be inspired and empowered to live our very best lives.
00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:57.759
I'm so excited to go on this journey with you, and I look forward to finding a bit of our own story in each other's.
00:01:12.719 --> 00:01:18.000
I'm um just running out of ways to say hello in different languages.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:22.079
Um, we are on the cruise, Liz and I.
00:01:22.159 --> 00:01:24.799
We are on another Abraham Hicks cruise.
00:01:25.120 --> 00:01:37.280
We are loving every second of this, meeting the most amazing people that are up to big, expansive, fabulous things in the world, just like us.
00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:39.040
So it's very fun.
00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:47.280
We are seeing beautiful sites, beautiful cities, gorgeous food, drink, relaxation.
00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:51.200
It's all just yummy and delicious.
00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:56.799
And I would love to know how are you saying yes to yourself in this season?
00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:06.159
We see so much happening around us that doesn't feel like a yes, but this is a decision that we get to make.
00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:18.639
I a coach I worked with years ago, Gina DeVee, she's been on the podcast before, but she had this beautiful statement that she would remind us of all the time.
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And that is that freedom is a decision away.
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And if that's an eye roll to you, or if you have a bunch of yeah buts in response to that, I invite you to spend some time with your journal, to spend some time in reflection and see how we can reframe the way we think life has to be when it's different from the way we want it to be.
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And I just invite you in to your own yes.
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I would love to walk you home to yourself.
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This is all such a beautiful journey.
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I am loving the life that I've created for myself, one aligned yes after the other.
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I don't even tell you guys all the amazing things that are happening because my intros would be 35 minutes long and it would still be twice a week.
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It's all just so good.
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And I want that for you also.
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And I'm sure you are experiencing that and I want to know about it.
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So there is a button in the show notes.
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It reads fan mail.
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And if you just hit that and tell me how you're saying yes to yourself in this season, I'll get a little text.
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I won't even know who you are if you don't sign it, but it would just feel so good to my heart to know that I'm not the only one living my best life.
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So please hit the fan mail button, let me know, share these episodes, tell your friends, say yes to yourself.
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Let's just continue this gorgeous movement of love and abundance and expansion and freedom because it is so fun.
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And speaking of fun, today's guests, I love this woman.
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Since we had this conversation for the podcast, we have hung out a few more times.
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We've done a coffee chat.
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Um, that's on the YouTube channel.
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Uh, we'll link that in the show notes as well.
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But she is so cool.
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We have Rami Lyman's today.
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She is a certified breathwork facilitator, trauma-informed coach, and author with over 20 years of experience in healthcare working as a registered nurse.
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After a life-altering trauma abruptly unraveled the life she had carefully built, Rami was forced to rebuild from the inside out.
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What began as survival became a profound reclamation through breath work, nervous system regulation, embodiment, and conscious perspective shifts.
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Today, Rami supports women navigating trauma, burnout, and major life transitions, helping them reconnect with their bodies, their inner wisdom, and their sovereignty.
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She is the author of Broken to Breathful, a deeply personal exploration of healing, resilience, and the quiet power of returning to breath.
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Rami lives just outside San Francisco with her two children and finds her own grounding in nature, movement, and daily breath practice.
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I know that, like me, you will love this conversation with Rami Lyman's.
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Rami, I'm so looking forward to this conversation.
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I've already decided it's going to be fantastic.
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So thank you so much for being here.
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Thank you so much for having me, Wendy.
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Happy to be here.
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I love your work and I love just the way that you're using experiences in your life to inform your own healing, but also how you're helping people.
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It's all so beautiful.
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And I want to dive into anything that's on your heart.
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Yeah.
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But I'd love to start by hearing how are you saying yes to yourself in this season?
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How am I saying yes to myself in this season?
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I love that.
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You know, it's been a long season.
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It's been quite a season.
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Uh, word on the street that happens.
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It's been a season, and I feel like it's all really coming together now where I'm able to zoom out a lot more often and see it.
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I've been glimpsing the zoom out all along, which has helped me stay like going.
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Sure.
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And now it actually is kind of coming more to an obvious circle, if you will, or cycle.
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For me, a big one is just I practice radical self-love and acceptance like constantly.
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I never knew what that meant before.
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I know it's overused.
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Oh, you just have to love yourself before you can love.
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And you know, we hear all that growing up.
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But it became an action word for me and a very intentional practice a few years ago when I started this whole kind of like intensive that I've been on.
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Not that I asked for it, but life sort of has a way of taking you to your knees, right?
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And then you listen finally.
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And one of my main tenets that I live by is I give myself so much grace.
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So it starts with my self-talk, noticing my own internal language.
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And then it's it's the over kind of almost imagining that I'm a little person and I would be the mother of myself.
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Like, no, it's okay.
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I've got you.
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I see you.
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Of course you feel this way.
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You know, it's almost doing that.
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Right.
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And then it's this gentle reshift that can happen.
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But first I meet myself with a lot of grace.
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And I usually in that find my yes again, you know, I find my my personal way through in that moment or in those moments.
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Learning to be more authentic, you know.
00:08:26.879 --> 00:08:31.839
And again, that word is also so used, but I just heard this thing a couple days ago.
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It's really interesting.
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Being seen is different than being visible, right?
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Yeah.
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Oh my gosh, it gives me chills.
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So I'm gonna say, yes, that is true.
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So I'm learning.
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So being visible has been part of my process, my healing through being just raw and messy and imperfect and posting on socials and and and even doing stuff like this and teach, you know, guiding groups through breath work.
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It's very exposing and in a way that I've never done in my life up until this chapter.
00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:09.200
And that's allowing myself to be visible.
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And I'm aware too, that I still mask.
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We all do, right?
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It's a protection, right?
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It's it's what we do.
00:09:17.679 --> 00:09:23.759
But I'm realizing more and more how how it is back to the self-love.
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It is truly such an act, an action of self-love to let those masks go and to truly let your your authentic self be seen, right?
00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:38.320
And so that's a practice.
00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:40.559
But for me, that's a way of saying yes.
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And and with that comes feelings of discomfort and you know, second guessing.
00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:48.960
And then you get to meet yourself with the self-love, right?
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You get to meet it, and then I have all these other tools like breathing and so it's it's a toolbox of practices, but it's all centered around radical self-love and sort of being my own best ally, if you will.
00:10:05.039 --> 00:10:05.360
Yeah.
00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:08.399
I told you I'm gonna love this conversation.
00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:09.600
I knew it.
00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:10.399
Awesome.
00:10:10.639 --> 00:10:23.679
I love everything that you said, and I love this appreciation and space that you're holding to reparent yourself.
00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:29.519
You know, I I have a 12-year-old, I know you have children as well.
00:10:29.759 --> 00:10:38.000
And I mean, I wait, it took 24 mothers' days before I became a mother.
00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:44.480
And I didn't realize that parenting takes all day long.
00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:46.080
I just didn't know what I did.
00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:48.399
You don't know, you just don't know.
00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:58.960
It takes all day long every day, but conscious parenting takes like eight days for every day.
00:10:59.200 --> 00:10:59.440
Yes.
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And when you're also consciously reparenting yourself while you're consciously parenting and you're an entrepreneur, which is another self-development masterclass and like all of these things that I think oh my word.
00:11:19.919 --> 00:11:21.039
I mean, this is the work.
00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:24.000
Like, this is the work, this is the work, it's why it's called work.
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.240
This is the work, and it's never done.
00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:28.480
Yeah, incredibly rewarding.
00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:50.799
Yes, and it's incredibly time consuming because for me, just the level of awareness and desire to work through and reparent with and show myself grace, and which I guess all of this is radical self-love, which is such a beautiful phrase.
00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:55.200
I'm eager to use it and remember you when I do.
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And as time-consuming as that is, and how long it takes me to sometimes have a conversation, especially when I first started this work, because I would get halfway through a sentence and be like, actually, I don't believe that.
00:12:13.360 --> 00:12:15.039
That was just a habit of thought.
00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:16.720
So, what do I believe?
00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:21.919
And you know, like I'm constantly reframing deconstructing the thing, yeah.
00:12:22.799 --> 00:12:26.720
And recreate, you know, creating new neural pathways and all of these.
00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:39.440
Absolutely, and all of that to say, I get why some people might like shy away from because it sounds really hard and like it takes a lot of time, right?
00:12:40.320 --> 00:12:53.600
But there's something like this turning point, this tipping point that comes where you see the result of that, and it all of a sudden doesn't make it seem like work.
00:12:53.759 --> 00:12:54.879
Now it's a practice.
00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:59.519
Now that's right, and so yes, it's time consuming.
00:12:59.759 --> 00:13:05.759
I have a morning routine, that's where I the majority of this time consume work.
00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:10.639
Yeah, however, it's such a long way to a ham sandwich, but no, it's all good.
00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:11.840
You're sticking my language.
00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:22.720
What I notice is then for the rest of the day, all the things that happen, like that timeline is collapsed because interesting.
00:13:23.039 --> 00:13:31.919
If I'm in an interaction and I have a response that doesn't feel good in my body, and I say, Oh, oh, that's interesting.
00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:33.120
Like that's shadowy.
00:13:33.279 --> 00:13:35.200
Let's get a flashlight in there.
00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:35.840
Yeah.
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:39.519
But then it's evolved, it's healed, it's attended to.
00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:40.320
That's right.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:43.919
I'm moving like that muscle just exercised.
00:13:44.159 --> 00:13:44.480
Beautiful.
00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:50.080
Next time, yes, I'm not triggered as much, maybe, or yeah.
00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:53.039
Like, but I'm like saving time as my food.
00:13:53.519 --> 00:13:54.000
Absolutely.
00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:55.759
Absolutely.
00:13:56.080 --> 00:14:03.279
I always say it's like making an investment, it's like putting a tiny deposit each time we do these things, right?
00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:04.240
I love it.
00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:11.679
We're so speaking the same language because yes, it's almost like you do the thing so that it becomes normal, right?
00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:17.679
Because everything starts off foreign and then you do it, and then it becomes reflexive in our baseline.
00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:18.320
Right.
00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:22.399
And so we get to a point and we go, Oh, I can be a lot more intentional.
00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:26.559
So we we're choosing the things that we want to become our new normal.
00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:29.039
And that part takes work, right?
00:14:29.200 --> 00:14:29.519
Yes.
00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:35.120
And then that it does become our new normal, and we actually create space from it.
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:35.759
Right.
00:14:36.000 --> 00:14:36.320
Yeah.
00:14:36.399 --> 00:14:41.440
And I do believe something else you said that I want to speak to, I use this word a lot.
00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:49.679
We get to metabolize life in real time when we bring, and you use the word conscious when you talked about parenting.
00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:58.080
So it's sort of bringing, it's bringing attention and intention to your moments or whatever.
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:06.879
And in doing that, we actually are in real time metabolizing the stuff.
00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:12.559
And for me, that feels like a win because so yes, it might take more.
00:15:12.720 --> 00:15:13.759
Okay, I'm activated.
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:15.519
Okay, I'm gonna like feel how it feels.
00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:16.240
This is my internal.
00:15:16.399 --> 00:15:17.919
I feel what does it feel in my body?
00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:18.799
I'm gonna breathe.
00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:21.279
I'm gonna not reject it or suppress it.
00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:26.080
I'm gonna, you know, this takes what 30 seconds, you know, it's a it's in my mind, it's happening.
00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:27.679
But it's still a process.
00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:29.120
It's a process.
00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:36.399
And yeah, that takes time, but on the other hand, I'm in real time metabolizing that stuff.
00:15:36.639 --> 00:15:43.120
I'm not just suppressing it because it doesn't go anywhere when you suppress it, you're just pushing it down.
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:43.600
Right.
00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:51.919
It's somewhere, it's somewhere, and it's gonna just keep on presenting until we feel it and live it, right?
00:15:52.480 --> 00:15:53.759
So, but I love that.
00:15:53.919 --> 00:15:54.960
That's beautiful.
00:15:55.360 --> 00:15:56.240
It's so good.
00:15:56.399 --> 00:16:07.679
And yeah, I love everything that you're saying as well, that it does save us time in the long run, but it is this tiny investment.
00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:18.080
The compound interest takes a while to get the traction, it does, but then it's like, oh, and there we go, and doubled, and doubled, and doubled.
00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:25.679
That's right, it becomes exponential because it because everything we were talking about this first, like it's we're just one system.
00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:40.000
So if we're changing our thinking mindset, it does impact our physiology, which impacts our whole the way we're feeling, our emotions, which impacts our energy, which impacts our behavior.
00:16:40.080 --> 00:16:42.080
You know, everything is related, right?
00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:44.240
So it is exponential.
00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:55.519
It's not just one plus one equals two, and then it it's it gets to a point and and you start to really notice shifts and changes, or other people notice.
00:16:55.759 --> 00:16:57.200
Other people might notice.
00:16:57.519 --> 00:17:02.320
Sometimes I think that is what happens because we see the changes when it's ourself.
00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:04.319
It's like seeing your own child every day.
00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:08.799
You see them, but then someone who hasn't seen them in a month or two is like, you're huge.
00:17:09.039 --> 00:17:10.400
It's right, yeah.
00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:14.079
We see the process, but others see the transformation.
00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:16.799
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:17:17.759 --> 00:17:22.880
I would love to, just because it's such a natural segue into this, I would love to share.
00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:29.440
Um, this really goes into what my kind of work is all about.
00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:35.440
So when I was going through, and I won't get into the details because it's just so much, it's insane.
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:40.559
In about a three-year period, I went through a divorce, an assault.
00:17:40.720 --> 00:17:43.119
I was, I was assaulted and then criminalized.
00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:46.799
And then as a result of that criminalization, I lost my profession.
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:48.720
I'd been a nurse for over 20 years.
00:17:48.799 --> 00:17:55.759
And even though they dismissed the legal stuff because it was all baloney, I was assaulted and I called the police, but it was ridiculous.
00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:58.799
Like I would never believe this had I not lived this.
00:17:58.960 --> 00:17:59.200
Right.
00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:02.160
But anyway, as a result, it affected my profession.
00:18:02.319 --> 00:18:06.400
I had to lose my business, my license, everything.
00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:11.680
And I was hit by a tree, a falling tree broke and fell on my children and I.
00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:13.920
And we should have died all within three years.
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:14.240
Okay.
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:15.279
Oh my word.
00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:15.759
Yeah.
00:18:15.839 --> 00:18:18.720
So this is all the this is what took me to my knees.
00:18:18.799 --> 00:18:21.759
And I was that was the only question I was gonna ask.
00:18:22.079 --> 00:18:25.119
This was like the Greek tragedy.
00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:32.160
And then I was like, okay, um, I guess it's time for me to do some work.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:35.519
And the truth is, I had really never done the work.
00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:39.680
I'm always gotten by half of half a century.
00:18:39.839 --> 00:18:45.599
I was 51 when this, when I finally was like, okay, three years ago.
00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:54.160
And I've been on a pretty intense personal healing and then also reinventing my professional life, creating this body of work.
00:18:54.319 --> 00:18:56.559
So, anyway, all to give a little background.
00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:12.319
What I realized in my darkest days was that I needed things like we were talking about, the things that we do, the radical self-love, the breath work, the things that anchor us, resource us, bring us back to calm, stability.
00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:14.480
First of all, I realized it was within.
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:16.319
Number one, that it was all here.
00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:17.200
It was me.
00:19:17.359 --> 00:19:22.000
It wasn't outside, it wasn't fighting this legal battle or trying to get someone to advocate.
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:28.720
At the end of the day, it was my inner peace and calm and inner sovereignty that was the thing.
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:36.960
And number two is that I needed things that were easily accessible so that I could in an in a moment rely on them.
00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:38.240
So I named them.
00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:44.160
I gave them names so that I would be more intentional about integrating them.
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:46.319
So I call these my lifelines.
00:19:46.559 --> 00:19:50.480
I know the word's not very unique, but and this was the book that I wrote.
00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:54.319
I wrote this book that was about it, it was number one to reclaim my voice.
00:19:54.400 --> 00:19:59.519
It was a big, it was a big act of reclaiming my voice writing this book because I never got to tell my story.
00:19:59.680 --> 00:20:02.319
And I was, you know, it was really important to me.
00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:04.720
And one of my lifelines is express.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:12.400
And one of my lifelines is breathe, one is bend, which is movement, one is radical self-love, you know.
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:48.880
So anyway, I won't get into it, but my whole point about the lifelines is that I recognized this is where it relates to our conversation, is that if I was going to crawl out of this hole and not just survive, but actually use my pain and turn it into something purposeful, because that was a beacon for me, was to know that I this was not going to be for nothing, that I was going to somehow use this to help other people, other women, to use it as a way to reclaim myself.
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:50.319
You know, I was determined.
00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:58.319
So I knew I needed a system and I knew if I named the things that I would be much more likely to lean on them, right?
00:20:58.480 --> 00:20:58.720
Right.
00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:05.519
And and they're really, when we talked about like the morning practice, I love a morning practice, I love the things.
00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:19.680
And I also saw the need to have things that you could actually integrate into any moment when you're in the middle of the thing, when you're reacting, when you're driving, when you're ruminating.
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:33.759
And and while these morning practices and these amazing like things that we carve out and give compartments to, they are huge and they can anchor your day and really set you off in the right direction.
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.799
We also need the things in the moment, right?
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:37.200
Right.
00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:37.599
Yeah.
00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:39.680
So that's that's what my work is now.
00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:45.759
So I do breath work, I do body based, but it's a lot of cognitive kind of reframing as well.
00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:50.960
But it's all designed to meet you where you are in real life.
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:55.119
Because at the end of the day, it is a practice.
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:57.920
And the work is never done, right?
00:21:58.400 --> 00:21:58.720
Right.
00:21:58.880 --> 00:21:59.599
And that's okay.
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:00.880
I think that's beautiful.
00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:02.480
Work doesn't need to be bad.
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:07.839
You know, I say usually work with quotations because work doesn't have to be bad.
00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:10.799
It can be uncomfortable at times.
00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:11.599
Sure.
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:24.640
But when you know that you are making that deposit and you're investing and there's compound interest, it makes it a lot more palatable when you're actually doing the thing, right?
00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:40.319
And just like you named your processes, naming it the work allows us to put intention behind it because I mean we we know that we're the creator of our own experience.
00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:40.640
Yeah.
00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:45.599
But if we're creating by default, by just oh, this happened.
00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:53.359
Autopilot happened and this happened and this happened, and we're just like a pinball totally reacting.
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:54.480
Right.
00:22:54.799 --> 00:23:00.319
Or are we deliberately creating our life experience?
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:01.839
Yeah, that's intention.
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.160
That is that's work.
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:09.119
It is it's just for me, it's paying attention, it's mindful.
00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:16.319
I bask in the beauty and delight of my surroundings.
00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:23.519
I live on a beautiful flower farm in New England and a historic home.
00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:29.119
And I lovely now have a home in France and I lead college trips there.
00:23:29.279 --> 00:23:31.599
Like my life is a dream.
00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:32.559
Yes.
00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:38.400
And I'm not just floating on a cloud being blown by the wind.
00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:49.440
Like I'm deliberately creating the experience that I desire based on how I want to feel, and I am appreciative of what is, and I am eager for more.
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:50.640
I love that.
00:23:50.880 --> 00:23:51.599
I love that.
00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:57.759
And the beauty is, I think, when you named it, like you're very intentional, you're purposeful.
00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:03.759
And yes, it's more work in a sense, but on the other hand, it's actually the most empowering thing.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:06.720
Oh my gosh, the best work I've ever done.
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:07.519
Totally.
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:10.960
That we are actually the creators of everything.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:13.440
And that I mean, it's profound, isn't it?
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:15.440
It's really mind-blowing.
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:22.319
I feel like we are at this point where so many of us are just starting to realize that we are just so capable.
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:23.200
Totally.
00:24:23.440 --> 00:24:26.400
That we are so much more powerful than we ever knew.
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:43.119
You know, yes, it's this personal awakening, but then because of fabulous platforms like podcasts and fabulous people like PR agencies that put us together, there's this alchemizing because like now I know you.
00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:53.680
Yes, that just made everything that I know that I know that I know expanded because now I know you, and you know that too.
00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:54.640
And that's right.
00:24:55.039 --> 00:25:04.559
Just like, oh my gosh, this is so beautiful and powerful, but not scary.
00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:05.440
Right.
00:25:05.680 --> 00:25:09.279
It's a tsunami of love, it's empowered.
00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:10.400
It is.
00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:19.839
Oh, it is, and I think it's so timely right now, obviously, with like everything that's happening in the world and women in particular, like any time.
00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:21.599
I feel like you're right, you're right.
00:25:22.319 --> 00:25:30.400
I've like listened to some old podcasts that were during the pandemic, and they're like, oh my gosh, well, you know, it's so crazy now.
00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:32.640
And I'm like talking to the podcaster.
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:34.160
Oh, you don't have any idea.
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:36.799
We're like, no idea, totally.
00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:37.920
You're right.
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:39.039
It's anytime.
00:25:39.119 --> 00:25:39.599
You're right.
00:25:39.839 --> 00:25:40.720
Absolutely.
00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:49.839
And I feel like as women, and specifically as midlife women, I feel like midlife women, and I mean, we're so young.
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:50.480
Look at us.
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:56.160
I mean, midlife, you know, who would have thought when we were 30 years ago that we would be so cool at this age?
00:25:56.240 --> 00:25:57.759
We really thought this was old, right?
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:02.640
But like, but at the same time, there is this really beautiful something.
00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:21.440
I don't know, I like this stage of life as a woman because I feel like with the platforms, with the ability to communicate and connect with more women like-minded that are also feeling this, sharing this, believing this, living this, teaching this.
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:23.119
And yeah, it's great.
00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:23.680
I love it.
00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:30.160
And having the life that we had, which you know worked until it didn't.
00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:30.640
Yeah.
00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:34.960
And, you know, like yeah, some pretty large indicators.
00:26:35.599 --> 00:26:38.319
So for you, it's been three years.
00:26:38.559 --> 00:26:42.079
You said for me, it's been about six.
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:47.359
But there's something about like that's no time compared to my lifetime.
00:26:47.599 --> 00:27:11.200
So it feels like, oh, I'm so aware of all the elements of the catalyst and the shift and the trajectory and the the evolution, like the woman I've become from like I can mark the day.
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:15.200
Like you can mark the day, like a tree fell on my face.
00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:21.359
Like, yeah, that's like before the tree and after the tree.
00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:25.440
And like it's so that's also yummy.
00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:32.720
That's energizing and it adds to the momentum, and it makes like again the quote unquote the work.
00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:40.559
It's like yeah, this is the most purposeful, intentional work I've ever done.
00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:58.160
And the benefits, the ROI is off the chart from anything that used to fill my days before that I also was just doing, which was working till it didn't.
00:27:58.400 --> 00:27:58.720
Yep.
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:20.160
And I I thought I thought that was as big as my life could be because I thought that I was just waiting for someone besides me to come rescue me, to, you know, invest in my great ideas or give me permission to do the things that I wanted to do.
00:28:20.240 --> 00:28:21.759
I had no problem dreaming.
00:28:22.000 --> 00:28:22.559
Super big.
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:23.680
Yes, right.
00:28:24.240 --> 00:28:26.400
I knew I was allowed to dream.
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:31.839
I just didn't realize I was allowed to have the things I was dreaming about.
00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:32.559
Right.
00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:40.960
Yeah, I just didn't, you know, unless somebody like said, okay, you can have it, or I'll just wait till heaven and then I'll get it there.
00:28:41.279 --> 00:28:46.880
Like just because that's that was the universe I lived in, and I was happily living in the world.
00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:47.680
Absolutely.
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:48.799
Absolutely.
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:59.119
I found out this idea of agency and of being the creator of my experience.
00:28:59.359 --> 00:29:05.119
And like, okay, well, if that's true, I'll be making some changes.
00:29:05.279 --> 00:29:06.799
And let's see how those work.
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:07.279
Totally.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:10.319
And like, oh, oh, I could, I could wait.
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:11.839
I'm I make the change.
00:29:12.079 --> 00:29:14.640
I give myself permission to make the changes.
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:15.519
What?
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:24.480
And then there's this like no stopping because you see it's almost like instant gratification, even though it takes so long.
00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:26.319
Yeah, that's interesting.
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:32.880
You know, it's so interesting because you're talking to like what I'm hearing is like this, it's that reframe is so huge.
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:38.240
I mean, when we're ever stuck in anything, it's in our own perspective, right?
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:47.680
So of course that's always the case, but it is so profound when you're trying to change your external environment, your life, right?
00:29:47.920 --> 00:30:01.680
To to realize how the the perspective, our self-limiting beliefs that have been culturally, you know, again, like, I mean, we all know what it's like, men and women.
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:10.400
We all have the things, the constructs, the things that we assume are truth that are just cultural, family, or bigger.
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:14.160
And and it's a it's a lot to deconstruct it.
00:30:14.319 --> 00:30:24.480
But but when we see that it's all a choice, what we choose to put our focus on, then it's sort of like no holds bar.
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:26.880
I mean, right, it's all available.
00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:27.359
Yeah.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:33.279
And the work is, you know, it's it's not as easy as just changing your mind.
00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:35.759
You have to change your nervous system.
00:30:35.839 --> 00:30:39.920
You have, I mean, not change it, but you know, it it all works together, right?
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:40.240
Right.
00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:51.440
It has to catch up for this new neuropathway or this the belief is just a thought we keep thinking, yes, and mastery comes from repetition.
00:30:51.599 --> 00:31:00.880
Yeah, you have to think it and practice it and do it and get the result over and over before it becomes a habit.
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:01.839
Right.
00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:03.759
Absolutely.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:04.880
Yeah.
00:31:05.519 --> 00:31:11.119
It all feels so good and it all feels so fun.
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:26.880
And I love that this is your profession now, and I love that as much as you enjoyed what you went to school and had a career in, yeah.
00:31:27.359 --> 00:31:49.519
It seems to me that you are looking at this as not something that was taken away from you, but something that was the step that got you to where you so are you metabolizing that concept?
00:31:49.839 --> 00:32:03.039
Because I'm sure even people reading the book, like there's no one that says, Oh, I don't know why she's making such a big deal about these three things, like whatever.
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:07.920
Yeah, first world like how do I yeah, how do I reframe this all?
00:32:08.079 --> 00:32:09.680
Yeah, no, for sure.
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:14.559
Like the validation comes fast and easy.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:19.279
And that sometimes that feels really good.
00:32:19.519 --> 00:32:19.759
Yeah.
00:32:20.079 --> 00:32:30.079
So like how have you metabolized this to not have the validation that yes, you're right, those things sucked.
00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:30.480
Yes.
00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:31.839
Be surprised.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:32.960
Right.
00:32:33.279 --> 00:32:33.759
Totally.
00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:34.799
Great question.
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:37.359
So it's been a process like everything.
00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:50.000
I'm able to zoom, you know, at first I was so, I was, you know, as you can imagine, I was in the thick of it, you know, so much anger and rage and outrage and injustice and all the things.
00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:55.200
And I still can go there, but I'm much more, you know, it's been time.
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:58.079
Time is huge practicing these things.
00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:01.359
I've had therapy, I've done a lot of coaching.
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:03.759
I, you know, became a breathwork facilitator.
00:33:03.839 --> 00:33:06.079
That in itself was hugely healing.
00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:14.400
That was a big part of the reason I did it because I knew that it would be a really good way for me to do a lot of like somatic regulation, releasing, you know.
00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:24.880
So I've done a lot of work and I still can go into moments of feeling like a victim where I get pissed off for a minute that I can't believe, you know.
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:30.880
But for the most part, I know in my heart that I was playing so small before.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:33.440
I was so small my whole life.
00:33:33.519 --> 00:33:36.319
You know, I was always really good at my job.
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:37.119
I was a nurse.
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:39.279
I worked in hospital settings all my life.
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:44.400
And, you know, I was always a good team player, and but it was sort of boring.
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:46.240
I always felt like an underachiever.
00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:53.759
You know, I always kind of felt like, yeah, you know, I chose nursing because I like people, I like health, I like that it's versatile.
00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:55.200
I'm not a nine to fiver.
00:33:55.440 --> 00:34:00.720
I'm a when you said you live on a flower garden or farm, I'm just like, that's like my I would love that.
00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:04.559
You know, I'm the person who wants to stop and smell the flowers a lot.
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:07.279
And so I knew I didn't want to be a doctor.
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:08.559
That was way too intense.
00:34:08.639 --> 00:34:09.840
So I chose nursing, right?
00:34:09.920 --> 00:34:13.840
But I always kind of felt like I was, I don't know, it was safe.
00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:16.159
It was good money, it was all these things.
00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:18.000
Your zone of excellence.
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:21.119
Yeah, I guess, you know, it's funny how life is.
00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:35.760
I feel so much more me, you know, when I do breath works, when I do one-on-one coaching, when I when I speak to this stuff, I'm so much more excited about it than I than I ever was as a nurse.
00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:43.519
And when you said, when you realized that you could have everything, and you were like, Oh, I everything is available.
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:51.760
It's a similar thing that happened to me is when everything went away and everything I identified myself with was ripped from me.
00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:56.480
Basically, what I realized was like, well, I have to reinvent myself anyway.
00:34:56.639 --> 00:34:59.440
I might as well reinvent the life of my dreams.
00:34:59.679 --> 00:35:00.000
Right.
00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:14.800
And and just architect the the profession that I will love to do that won't feel like work, that will allow me to, you know, work from anywhere so I can be with my children or my whatever.
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:26.239
So so I think for me, a lot of it is just that that reframe that that was a catalyst for me to step into my purpose, you know.
00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:28.880
But yeah, it's a process, you know.
00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:35.519
There's moments where I'm in a funk and you're and you know it, there comes the radical self-love.
00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:36.239
And that's right.
00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:39.039
Another lifeline of mine is feel all your feelings.
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:41.519
And I just let myself feel it.
00:35:41.679 --> 00:35:48.880
If I'm feeling pissed off in that moment, if I'm feeling like a freaking victim and I'm mad and I'm thinking about the man who drugged me, because I know who drugged me.
00:35:49.039 --> 00:35:51.840
He was the proprietor of the place that I was patronizing.
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.559
And you know, so I know who did this, I know who did.
00:35:55.119 --> 00:36:00.320
And so I go there, as you can see, I still get pissed off.
00:36:00.639 --> 00:36:03.199
And I let myself feel it.
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:07.280
I love on myself, and then it and then it shifts, and then I move on.
00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:10.079
How long is that?
00:36:10.159 --> 00:36:17.039
Um like I've heard some statistics, it's like feel the feeling, like it only lasts 30 to 90 seconds or something.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:27.840
I mean, it's not where sometimes we think I cannot even let myself go there because I cannot know who I will become if I myself be mad.
00:36:28.079 --> 00:36:28.400
Yes.
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:34.880
And and this is where like breath work for me, like feel that breath work is sort of a microcosm for conscious living.
00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:35.920
I'll tell you why.
00:36:36.239 --> 00:36:39.360
Because breathing is breathing is something we do all the time.
00:36:39.519 --> 00:36:44.400
It's the only function in our body that is both voluntary and involuntary, right?
00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:45.360
That's amazing.
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:48.159
There's nothing else, not our heartbeat, right?
00:36:48.400 --> 00:36:56.079
Cardio, you know, everything else is either, you know, it's all involuntary or it's, you know, deciding to move your arm like this, right?
00:36:56.159 --> 00:36:57.679
It's conscious, you know?
00:36:58.239 --> 00:37:00.000
So breathing is both.
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:02.079
But breathing is not breath work.
00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:08.079
But when it becomes breath work, it's when we bring our attention and our intention to it.
00:37:08.239 --> 00:37:20.719
It's when we begin to become aware of it, we shape it, you know, we can do all these things with our breath that impact our physiology, which impacts our perspective, our lens, right?
00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:21.760
It impacts everything.
00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:24.719
So when I decide, okay, I'm pissed off right now.
00:37:24.800 --> 00:37:33.360
I'm gonna just let myself feel all my feelings, I'm gonna practice radical self-love, just be with us.
00:37:33.599 --> 00:37:35.039
I usually have to breathe.
00:37:35.119 --> 00:37:40.239
I have to bring in the breath in order to be with that intense emotion.
00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:45.039
And it it helps you resource through it so that you can stay.
00:37:45.199 --> 00:37:47.840
And then sure enough, it shifts.
00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:50.880
The feeling shifts, the breathing will shift.
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:53.679
And before I know it, I've moved on to the next thing.
00:37:53.760 --> 00:38:01.840
So again, you know, it sounds like it's a practice, a process, but when you do it enough, it becomes so reflexive.
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:06.079
It takes no time, and it all happens while you're just in your life.
00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:09.199
It happens when you're just going about your life.
00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:15.039
Is there a certain way of so I've done breath work a few times?
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:15.920
Yeah.
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:44.159
And I've heard and witnessed other people have very um demonstrative experiences in that, which leads me to believe that I am not doing it right because I don't have like the thing and I don't cry, and my hands don't get so detangle it, yeah, for sure.
00:38:44.320 --> 00:38:45.280
I love that great question.
00:38:46.719 --> 00:38:50.639
I mean, I know I'm not doing it wrong, but it's like breathing.
00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:58.239
But I think it's great that it has that level of impact in some people's life.
00:38:58.320 --> 00:39:01.840
But if could you just speak to like what in the world is happening there?
00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:06.559
I love this question because I just like you was like, what the heck is happening?
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:08.079
Why are all these people crying?
00:39:08.480 --> 00:39:12.239
What's up, what everyone's seeing colors and not me, not me.
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:13.280
Okay, not me.
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:20.159
I stuck with it for six months before I had even a well, it was quite profound.
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:23.840
It was a feeling of total bliss.
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:27.199
Like I didn't know the difference between bliss.
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:33.519
It was like my heart was so full, and I was laughing and crying, sort of at the same time.
00:39:33.679 --> 00:39:40.559
I mean, it wasn't like super obvious, but I was it was impacting my breath enough because I was having emotion come.
00:39:40.719 --> 00:39:43.280
But it was, it wasn't sadness or joy.
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:49.280
It was, it was almost as if joy and grief were one, and it was so be beautiful and big.
00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:51.280
Anyway, but that took six months.
00:39:51.519 --> 00:39:51.679
Wow.
00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:53.519
I still I still don't get visual.
00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:55.119
So, this is what I want to say.
00:39:55.440 --> 00:40:05.679
A lot of people think that breath work is always this big, I love your word, demonstrative thing, catharsis, transformation, release.
00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:13.519
There are times and there are modalities that's that are very specifically with that intention.
00:40:13.599 --> 00:40:16.000
Like there's Wim Hof method, for example.
00:40:16.159 --> 00:40:17.599
A lot of people know Wim Hof.
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:20.320
There's there's you know, there's all different types of breath work.
00:40:20.719 --> 00:40:24.320
The one that I studied is called conscious connected breath.
00:40:24.639 --> 00:40:30.880
It is also a more activating, it's done through the mouth, it's a 35 to an hour long thing.
00:40:31.199 --> 00:40:35.039
It can bring in a lot of sensations, emotions, but it might not.
00:40:35.199 --> 00:40:35.440
Okay.
00:40:35.599 --> 00:40:38.480
There's plenty of people that don't go there.
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:40.559
So I feel like that's a misnomer.
00:40:40.639 --> 00:40:44.079
I feel like that's almost harmful because a lot of people then think they're doing it wrong.
00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:44.400
Right.
00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:50.719
But what I really use with my clients and what I use in my own life is not the big 35-minute sessions.
00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:51.360
I love those.
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:51.840
They're great.
00:40:51.920 --> 00:40:53.440
I still teach once a week.
00:40:53.679 --> 00:40:56.320
They're really cool, they're really fun in a group.
00:40:56.639 --> 00:41:01.199
You can have, you know, gentle releases to big ones.
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:10.480
And I guarantee you that if you stuck with it and you kind of gave it some time, you probably would have plenty of your big experiences, right?
00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:16.079
I'm it's not something like I'm not, I don't need it if I don't need it, right?
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:22.159
Like I'm pretty sure that I'm not suppressing something that I don't know about.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:23.039
I agree.
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:30.159
So how I mostly find it to be of most use is literally just in the everyday life moments.
00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:37.920
I am very aware a lot of the time of my breath because I've been doing this now for two and a half, three years.
00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:39.280
And it's a practice.
00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:41.039
So the beauty is you can return.
00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:48.800
I always say return to your breath, and I mean with your attention, and you can return again and again as many times as you need.
00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:56.320
There's no rule, it can be 10,000 times in one day, maybe, or or maybe in one day you forget to breathe with awareness at all.
00:41:56.480 --> 00:41:57.119
That's okay.
00:41:57.280 --> 00:41:57.920
That's okay.
00:41:58.079 --> 00:41:59.840
There's that radical self-love, right?
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:01.440
You just give yourself grace.
00:42:01.599 --> 00:42:08.559
But when we start to realize that the breath is this amazing resource that even so, this is my favorite breath.
00:42:08.639 --> 00:42:10.000
It's called coherence breath.
00:42:10.079 --> 00:42:11.679
You can literally do it everywhere.
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:14.000
You breathe in and out through your nose.
00:42:14.159 --> 00:42:20.320
It's about five to six seconds in duration on both the inhale and the exhale.
00:42:20.719 --> 00:42:27.360
You can pause and hold a natural one or two seconds if you want in between the inhale and the exhale.
00:42:27.519 --> 00:42:28.880
You certainly don't have to.
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:42.320
It's basically this very regulating and fluid breath pattern that immediately regulates your brain, your heart rate.
00:42:42.480 --> 00:42:44.880
It regulates your cortisol, your hormones.
00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:46.000
I mean, it's quite phenomenal.
00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:47.679
It's actually been studied a ton.
00:42:48.000 --> 00:42:50.800
So if people are interested, they could read about it.
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:56.239
I love this website called Heart Math, and it's all about the coherence breath in particular.
00:42:56.960 --> 00:42:57.519
Oh, fantastic.
00:42:57.840 --> 00:43:02.000
It's great for your blood pressure, it's great for your stress, it brings your cortisol down.
00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:04.239
But the beauty is it's so easy.
00:43:04.480 --> 00:43:12.239
You can literally start training yourself to basically this can just be your baseline breathing when you're driving.
00:43:12.480 --> 00:43:16.480
You can do it at work, you can do it in meetings, you can do it when you're interviewing people.
00:43:16.719 --> 00:43:20.639
It's just bringing a little bit of awareness to your breath.
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:24.480
That alone changes your physiology.
00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:32.800
And so that's what I love about breath work is that it's like I'm someone who's I'm really bad at meditating, really bad at it.
00:43:32.880 --> 00:43:40.000
Like I just, you know, whereas breath work, I can sit and do breath work because it gives you a focus.
00:43:40.800 --> 00:43:44.559
You're breathing in for five seconds, you're breathing out for five seconds, you're breathing in.
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:50.559
And while you're breathing, you're maybe really tuning into how does my body feel in this moment?
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:51.199
Right.
00:43:51.519 --> 00:43:53.119
Are there any sensations present?
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:55.039
Maybe there won't be, and that's okay too.
00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:59.360
You know, so there is this mis information out there, I think.
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:04.639
You see Lot of these like breath work things being like psychedelic and transformative.
00:44:04.719 --> 00:44:07.199
And yes, there are those types.
00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:10.800
Personally, that is not my jam.
00:44:11.280 --> 00:44:14.400
I'm more into the like using it to regulate.
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:19.280
And yes, sure, it helps with releasing, but I like movement for releasing.
00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:20.800
I do a lot of sound.
00:44:21.119 --> 00:44:24.239
Producing sound with our voices is huge.
00:44:24.639 --> 00:44:26.000
Um percussion.
00:44:26.159 --> 00:44:27.519
Yeah, I do all sorts of stuff.
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:28.400
That's cool.
00:44:28.559 --> 00:44:38.639
But it's all it's all related to moving energy with our bodies, moving, expressing with our voice, using the breath to move energy.
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:41.920
Yeah, I don't know if that helped, but no, absolutely.
00:44:42.079 --> 00:44:48.880
And can you just also speak to why in the world would we want to move energy?
00:44:49.199 --> 00:44:50.320
Yes, absolutely.
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:51.679
Why in the world, absolutely?
00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:57.519
So the the best way I can describe it is, you know, we have our nervous system, right?
00:44:57.679 --> 00:45:01.360
We have our fight and flight, which is our sympathetic, you know.
00:45:01.440 --> 00:45:08.800
I don't know if these terms are confusing, but a lot of people hear fight and flight, or they hear rest and restore, or rest and digest.
00:45:08.880 --> 00:45:10.400
That's the parasympathetic.
00:45:10.559 --> 00:45:12.800
People hear about the vagus nerve a lot these days.
00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:14.480
That's the parasympathetic.
00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:28.400
So the reason this is all so important is we are beings that are we are created and wired to move through life that is lots of stimulus, right?
00:45:28.559 --> 00:45:28.800
Right.
00:45:28.960 --> 00:45:39.119
And and if you think of our nervous system as designed to sort of adapt, but then to ideally return to a baseline.
00:45:39.519 --> 00:45:45.440
So we're not always in fight or flight, we're not always in rest and digest, right?
00:45:45.519 --> 00:45:47.440
We can we can go back and forth.
00:45:47.760 --> 00:46:04.079
A lot of us have kind of by default become stuck in one or the other, maybe, you know, a lot of us more in the sympathetic, the go, go, go, the, and in reality, we need to move energy.
00:46:04.239 --> 00:46:25.679
So back to your question, if you look at an animal in the wild, for example, and even like a domestic dog, when they have something stressful or stimulating, say they were just being chased by a hyena or something, they will literally, some of them will freeze, they go into the freeze thing, they which is part of our nervous system as well.
00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:28.079
And then they get up and they shake it off.
00:46:28.239 --> 00:46:31.679
They literally shake it off and then they just go back to life.
00:46:32.000 --> 00:46:39.519
Human beings, we're so smart that we don't just, if we have something stressful and we're in a grocery store, we don't just shake it off.
00:46:39.760 --> 00:46:40.159
Right.
00:46:40.400 --> 00:46:47.280
We act normal, we act appropriate, we we go on with our whatever we're doing.
00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:58.480
But the truth is, is we created this huge energy by that activation, our sympathetic nervous system, all this cortisol, stress hormone, all this stuff just boom, came in.
00:46:58.639 --> 00:47:00.239
And now where is it going?
00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:00.639
Right.
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:01.119
Right.
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:08.159
And we're reliving it in our head while we're in modeling and while we're walking to the car, and then we call our friend and tell her all about it.
00:47:08.239 --> 00:47:08.960
And right.
00:47:09.119 --> 00:47:12.079
And then we go to talk therapy and we talk about it and talk about it.
00:47:12.159 --> 00:47:13.280
So exactly.
00:47:13.519 --> 00:47:28.639
So we are really good at analyzing and knowing why it was stressful and feeling the stress, but we're not so good at recognizing that it's actually part of the process is to discharge the energy.
00:47:29.039 --> 00:47:32.639
So that's where, you know, X, that's why exercise feels so good, right?
00:47:32.800 --> 00:47:34.480
I mean, I've been a runner my whole life.
00:47:34.639 --> 00:47:45.760
And I always would say running is my Prozac because it's like you're, you know, you're producing endorphins, your heart rate, your lymphatics are flushing, your respiration is purging all the toxins.
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:47.840
It's all these physiological things.
00:47:48.159 --> 00:47:59.119
But but there is something more to it that breath work, moving your body, it's kind of creating a container to allow that to happen on a regular basis, right?
00:47:59.440 --> 00:48:01.039
So we don't get backed up, if you will.
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:03.039
I sort of think of it like that.
00:48:03.360 --> 00:48:03.920
Right.
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:04.800
Yeah.
00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:09.840
So I think it's important to discharge the energy because everything is energy, it doesn't just go away.
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:10.320
Right.
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:23.440
So if you don't discharge it, I think that it just gets trapped and it's gonna come out in a different manifestation, maybe as a sure depression or you know, a sickness or something.
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:30.880
And you know, moving our bodies and and doing all these things can be really fun and really they feel good.
00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:32.800
So why wouldn't we do them anyway?
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:33.920
You know, thank you.
00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:35.360
I don't know if that was helpful.
00:48:35.599 --> 00:48:37.920
I tend to I tend to be very long-winded.
00:48:38.719 --> 00:48:40.079
That's funny.
00:48:40.239 --> 00:48:43.119
Uh, you have beautiful things to say, and I want to hear all of them.
00:48:43.360 --> 00:48:43.840
Thank you.
00:48:43.920 --> 00:48:44.239
Thank you.
00:48:44.639 --> 00:48:46.320
Of course, of course, I love this.
00:48:46.480 --> 00:48:49.679
This was all just so practical.
00:48:50.239 --> 00:48:58.480
The the practical basis to why we are committed to doing what we're doing and living we're living.
00:48:58.639 --> 00:49:10.639
And yes, there are practices and processes that create a sustainable infrastructure for us just to keep growing and going.
00:49:11.119 --> 00:49:11.760
Absolutely.
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:17.519
And the beautiful thing too is that it doesn't take a full hour or 45 minutes either.
00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:19.199
It can take a few minutes sometimes.
00:49:19.599 --> 00:49:21.519
I have this panda drum that I picked up.
00:49:21.599 --> 00:49:24.719
It's one of those drums that, you know, makes all the different tones.
00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:28.159
And my daughter, who's nine, she was she and I were playing with it the other day.
00:49:28.239 --> 00:49:34.400
And, you know, it's amazing how just even, you know, her picking it up and playing with it.
00:49:34.559 --> 00:49:36.480
And and then she led me through breath work.
00:49:36.639 --> 00:49:37.039
It was so cute.
00:49:37.280 --> 00:49:37.679
It was adorable.
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:41.519
It was cracking me up because she acts, she's very resistant if I ever want to do this with her.
00:49:41.599 --> 00:49:46.320
But she's obviously been absorbing me because I listened to her and she totally sounded like me.
00:49:46.400 --> 00:49:47.760
I was like, oh my god, that's so cute.
00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:49.119
Yeah.
00:49:49.360 --> 00:49:52.239
She was using like the same words and it was adorable.
00:49:52.559 --> 00:49:55.599
But anyway, um, I noticed her and she loved it.
00:49:55.760 --> 00:49:59.199
She was like, it totally shifted her just in a few minutes.
00:49:59.360 --> 00:50:01.840
And then she asked, Mom, can we do this every night?
00:50:02.079 --> 00:50:02.800
Said, sure.
00:50:03.360 --> 00:50:04.159
I love it.
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:08.880
So she gave me a little breath work again the next night with her with her little drum.
00:50:09.039 --> 00:50:14.559
But, you know, just seeing how quickly, even a little bit of, and she wasn't even really breathing.
00:50:14.639 --> 00:50:16.320
She was mostly just doing the drum.
00:50:16.400 --> 00:50:19.920
But you know, even that is move, it's intentional, right?
00:50:20.079 --> 00:50:20.559
That's it.
00:50:20.719 --> 00:50:34.559
It's almost like even if it's a minute or two, sometimes just saying, even if you're in your kitchen and you're washing your dishes and you're having an overwhelm, it can be as quick as just noticing it.
00:50:34.719 --> 00:50:41.039
The way it presents for me is usually rumination, worry, anxiety, you know, and I go, okay, cool.
00:50:41.199 --> 00:50:42.400
I see you, I feel you.
00:50:42.480 --> 00:50:55.840
And then I sort of know it needs to move, you know, and it can be put on a song, listen to a song that you love that's like a mantra and move your body, breathe with some attention, or pick up your pantadrum, whatever.
00:50:56.079 --> 00:51:02.079
It can be a few minutes and it's enough to just move some energy and shift.
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:20.400
And I think these are the things as as women that we can remember that it doesn't always have to be this huge hour-long thing where you have to drive to the gym or right, or go to Bali for a yoga, right to do the retreat or or even the morning practice, which I love.
00:51:20.480 --> 00:51:22.320
And I I try to do a morning practice.
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:24.960
I think I I'm realizing I'm like, I kind of ADHD.
00:51:25.039 --> 00:51:29.440
I know everyone thinks they do now, but I'm like, I have a really hard time with with structure.
00:51:29.599 --> 00:51:37.119
Like I'm a real flow person, but but that's why I like my whole lifelines thing because they they they meet me where I am.
00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:44.960
But that's why I love the the quick little resets because you can integrate them in real life.
00:51:45.199 --> 00:51:51.840
And and and maybe you'll do 30 times in one day just a minute each, but that's huge.
00:51:52.159 --> 00:51:52.800
Absolutely.
00:51:53.039 --> 00:51:53.599
Yeah, right.
00:51:53.840 --> 00:51:55.119
So I love that.
00:51:55.280 --> 00:51:56.559
Thank you so much, Rami.
00:51:56.719 --> 00:52:00.320
I've loved this conversation, so helpful.
00:52:00.559 --> 00:52:03.199
Please tell everyone where they can find and follow you.
00:52:03.440 --> 00:52:05.440
Yes, get the book, all the jobs.
00:52:05.679 --> 00:52:05.840
Yes.
00:52:06.000 --> 00:52:06.480
Oh, sure.
00:52:06.559 --> 00:52:06.880
Thank you.
00:52:07.039 --> 00:52:10.480
Um, yeah, so my website is probably the best way currently.
00:52:10.639 --> 00:52:16.079
It's called Breathwork Simple, and it's just like it sounds breathworksimple.com.
00:52:16.559 --> 00:52:18.000
And you can get my book there.
00:52:18.159 --> 00:52:22.239
My book is on Amazon, but you through there you can just kind of see all my stuff.
00:52:22.480 --> 00:52:24.719
I basically have two offerings.
00:52:24.880 --> 00:52:29.280
One is my bend and breathe, which is those are two of my lifelines.
00:52:29.440 --> 00:52:30.960
I I teach it every week.
00:52:31.119 --> 00:52:34.480
It's movement, breath work, sound, percussion.
00:52:34.639 --> 00:52:36.000
It's gently guided.
00:52:36.079 --> 00:52:39.920
It's really a practice of returning to ourselves in real time.
00:52:40.079 --> 00:52:41.519
And it's a safe space.
00:52:41.760 --> 00:52:43.760
People um can turn off their cameras.
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:48.880
I also teach it in person and I bring headsets, and everyone has their own headset.
00:52:49.199 --> 00:52:50.800
So so I teach that.
00:52:51.039 --> 00:53:07.440
And then my other offering is a brand new, and it's it's called Reclaim, and it's a one-on-one coaching for women who are navigating divorce or other big life disruptions, and it's using sort of my methodology that's on my website as well.
00:53:07.679 --> 00:53:10.159
Basically, you know, I'm just getting going.
00:53:10.320 --> 00:53:11.840
Every things are going to evolve.
00:53:11.920 --> 00:53:15.519
So the best way to find me is just through my website, I would say.
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:16.559
Thanks for asking.
00:53:16.639 --> 00:53:17.199
I appreciate it.
00:53:17.599 --> 00:53:20.239
Of course, we'll link everything down in the show notes.
00:53:20.400 --> 00:53:23.679
And I'm so looking forward to playing with you again.
00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:25.679
Oh, yay! Me too.
00:53:25.840 --> 00:53:26.880
I am too, Wendy.
00:53:27.039 --> 00:53:28.239
So nice to meet you.
00:53:28.559 --> 00:53:29.280
You too.
00:53:29.440 --> 00:53:30.559
Have a beautiful day.
00:53:30.800 --> 00:53:31.360
You too.
00:53:31.519 --> 00:53:32.400
Take care.
00:53:38.239 --> 00:53:41.840
I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did.
00:53:42.159 --> 00:53:52.079
As always, any links or notes mentioned can be found at PhineasRighthouse.com in the podcast section of our site or in the show notes below.
00:53:52.320 --> 00:54:00.000
And if you haven't connected with me personally, come find me on Instagram at PhineasWrighthouse and let me know you listened to this episode.
00:54:00.159 --> 00:54:01.840
I'd love to get to know you.
00:54:02.079 --> 00:54:04.159
Thank you for sharing this time with me.
00:54:04.320 --> 00:54:10.239
I know your days are full, and I'm really grateful that you chose to spend some of your precious time right here.
00:54:10.480 --> 00:54:15.440
Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of these delightful conversations.
00:54:15.599 --> 00:54:17.440
I'll see you next week!
