Everything’s Perfect Except… Your Partner Stopped Showing Up

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All right, Hi boo, welcome back.
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Thank you. It's good to be back.
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We kept your seat warm for you.
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Everything's warm like I was. I was like, Oh, it's
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gonna be so nice to get out of the heat
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over your neighborhood said one hundred and four degrees in
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my car. I was like, Jesus, it's.
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Only a matter of time. Welcome to l A. I know, Oh,
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I love Oh, here we are.
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It's like I don't know what to call what just
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happened in my foat like a frog. I've been the
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back of my less.
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Oh. I missed you so much.
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I know it is good to be back.
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How we have purposely waited to talk about his European trip, Yes,
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so that we weren't repeating this conversation.
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How was Europe?
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Honestly it was amazing. So this was my first time
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going to Europe. And we started in Rome. We did
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a few days in Rome, then we took a seven
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day cruise.
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Favorite part of Rome, you know what.
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I loved about. It's hard to pick a favorite part
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because the whole thing Nell and I were talking about
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it doesn't feel like we went to another place. It
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feels like we went to another universe, like a different
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dimension is.
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So different than the States.
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Yeah, but how cool was it to stand in the
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coliseum and.
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Be like that is something that I The coliseum I
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think was one of my favorite parts of Rome. I
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also love like the you know, cobblestone streets and all
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the buildings are connected in the old balconies and just
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the whole European vibe.
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Make sure everything is beautiful.
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Yeah, and you will be in like everything's already old,
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but then you turn a corner and there's like an
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ancient building in front of you. It's like thousands of
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years old, and it's it's just so different. I love that.
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I love like in the States. I like the last
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time I went to Philadelphia was I was like, this
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is so old, like the Liberty Bell, and we're yeah,
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but our country is actually so young, oh yeah in comparison.
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Oh yeah.
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And it's just that that was my favorite thing about
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Italy in general. And I think my favorite site that
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I saw in Rome was the coliseum because it was
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just magical and at night it's lit up and it's
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just really cool.
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It was super cool to walk through there and then
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to really go I'm standing in the same place that
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the gladiators stood, right, or that like royalty sat and
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like and then you're underneath and you're like, this is
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where they kept them, when they kept the animals and stuff,
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and you're like, is this crazy?
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Or in the Vatican there's statues that are so old
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they don't even know who did them, but they pre
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date like because I grew We've talked about how I
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grew up there a lot of these stature are older
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than Jesus. I'm like, this is wild that this, this
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what I'm looking at existed when Jesus was born. That's
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just crazy to think about something is that.
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Old and I made it that far and like right,
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I almost think about it too, like when you look
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at all like the architecture and the art and everything,
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and you're just like, that's some next level talent shit
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because that was for real, like by hand, Like they're
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figuring these things out, like we have all these computers
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and things and da da, and like you look at
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what they were doing and you're like, when I will
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talk about when you got to Spain, but when you
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showed that like church, that was like the biggest one.
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I'm like, how how did you know your geometry? Was
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right that that shit wasn't going to collapse exactly.
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No, it's crazy, and this statue is it's really how well.
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First of all, I was like, is this what people
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look like back then? Because these talk about chiseled these
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these there.
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Are well labor labor, and like.
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Yeah, or I guess this soldiers had because the fighting
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they did was with swords, not gone.
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You know, like a metal shield and a sword. This
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is not for the week.
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But the statues were so like you could see the
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veins in their arms. It was just really detailed, and
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I was like, this is remarkable.
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Yeah.
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And also it was interesting because like I think my
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I didn't grow up Catholic, and I've always thought Catholic
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churches were kind of cool looking, like kind of Gothic,
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And so you go to see these old Catholic churches
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or even if they're not old, they're just so much
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like times one hundred whatever, they're so here, they're so
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grand that I was like, this is just wild what
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empire the Catholic Church is, you know, And seeing and
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being and going to the Vatican and seeing that it
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was just really really interesting. And the painting to all,
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but all of the art was just it was so
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moving to be around. Yeah, so I loved Rome. I
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want to go back to Rome because it's like a
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bigger city and I just want to experience more there
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and explore more. We had two days there, but we
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were jet lagged for the first one pretty bad. And
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then we got on the cruise and we saw most
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mostly more parts of Italy. I think the most beautiful
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place I saw was the Amalfi Coast.
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The Amalfi Coast is amazing.
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I loved it.
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So Dom and I did three or four days and
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used a Malfi as like our home base, and like
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we did a day trip to Capri and then we
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were supposed to go do another day trip while we
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were there, but we were so tired from like bouncing around,
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but we loved it. We did like a cooking class
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just me and Dom, like with at a restaurant, but
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it was like a little family owned restaurant. It was
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like literally like cooking with the grandma, Theanna who didn't
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speak English, and then her grandson who was like maybe
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ten years older than me. That was probably Mynadom's favorite
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part in a Malfi. But a Malfi's beautiful but also
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you don't realize it's like that.
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Big so small.
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It's like when you get to Europe in general, you're
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you're walking around, You're like, well, there's no target, right,
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Like when you're in a Malfi, there's no grocery store.
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I mean, yes, there's there are.
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Markets in the market. It's not the same.
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It's not the same, like, yeah, you're not going to Sephora.
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Exactly, there's no mall right.
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They have such a different life.
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Especially in the smaller parts like a Malfi. I was
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blown away at how small it was. But also we
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did a boat tour and just to look at the
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buildings and the houses and like the old structures and
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also just like the I guess the mountain range or
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the land itself. It was really beautiful to see. I
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got some I got something like a it's sort of
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like the same consistency as balsamic glaze, but it's a
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lemon one from the Maulfi coast and you can only
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get it at this place that they make it. So
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I'm excited to make some good salad dressings, different stuff
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with it. And then we went to Florence and Pisa.
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I guess Florence is in Pisa.
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Someone told me, I don't know if that's that's a
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little more northern to Florence.
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You haven't, No, I think it might be the coolest.
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It looked like that's my next when I take Dom. Next,
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We're going to do more northern Italy.
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It's really awesome. It's beautiful.
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I have not seen the leaning tower a piece yet,
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uh huh.
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And that was cool to see. I was so surprised
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because I mean, I thought it would be cool. But
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it also like when you turn the corner and just
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see it there leaning it. It's interesting because you take
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pictures of these things, and pictures just don't do any
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of it justice. And so it's like I'd take a
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couple of photos and then I was like, Okay, I
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want to be in the moment.
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Yeah.
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And then I have a boyfriend whos like we take
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a picture of me, let's do a video. I want
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to do this TikTok to you. It's like Jesus Christ,
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here's a tripod exactly. But sev you No, it was
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really good. And then we went to another place in Italy.
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It's called Catanya. It's part of Sicily. But that also
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was just it felt like you were walking in some
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kind of ancient movie set. So that was the coolest
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thing about that. We didn't a tour or anything there,
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but we went to Monaco amazing. That was so like
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what it's like. It was. It was like, oh, this
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is I feel like I'm in a movie of like
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Double O seven exactly.
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Yeah.
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And it's just like money. Like every car driving buys
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a Rolls Royce and a Bentley and you know what
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I mean, that average person car there is like a
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g Wagon or something, you know, Mercedes. Yeah, it's like
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so much money.
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Somebody told me, I didn't realize this when I went
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there because I went back in twenty eighteen, like with
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a big retreat, not a big retreat. It was like
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a it was a retreat for entrepreneurs and stuff.
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Anyways, we were there for a week and we like
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we saw.
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All Monaco, like boat rides and you just the amount
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of money that's there. One night we were out at
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dinner and Tommy Hilviger and Chris Jenner were sitting next
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to us at a table.
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It was crazy.
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But somebody told me that you have to actually be
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invited to live in Monaco.
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You can't just say I'm going to go live in Monaco.
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Wow.
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I was like, what they check in bank statements, they
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must say, probably are excuse me, let me go find
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me a man.
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Exactly. No, it is the I'm sure it's the play.
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If you're single and you want to find uh.
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You're ready to Mingo.
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Exactly, that's the place to go. And also so before
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we got off the ship, I had like, you know,
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some shorts on and whatever, and someone was like, because
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we're going to Monaco, because the cruise was imported in
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Monaco is like Monico is surrounded by France, and so
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it was someplace I don't remember where because we immediately
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went to Monaco, but they said, we're going to go
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to the Monte Carlo Casino, and I don't know if
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they'll let you in with shorts. So I went and
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changed and my office was look really cute after I changed,
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and I was so glad because also everybody there looked
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so nice. Yeah, like was dressed.
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They're dressed to than note exactly.
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I was like this, it feels different here and I
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love it.
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Yeah. In Europe you can't walk around like you don't
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walk around in.
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Workout clothes and it's like you're cutely athleisure, they get dressed,
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they do really close together every day.
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It feels so different and I loved it. I love it,
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and I also love being in like I love also
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being casual and being here. But it was a really
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nice change and being and like I was feeling myself.
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I was watching. I was like, okay, I say you
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mister European.
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Yeah, and and so then we went to Marseille. I think,
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is how you pronounce it? It looks like Marcella's. But
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someone corrected me France and that was cool. I got
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a French beret and just walked. We walked around some shops.
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I was dying when I saw you were like the
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one thing I wanted. I was like, is he kidding
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or not kidding?
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But it's like serious, serious about this Wrench.
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I love French berets. It's actually something I've wanted a
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long time. And I was like, if I buy one
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in France, that makes it that it comes with a
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cool story. It's a better no no no problem. Someone did,
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but I was like, it's way cooler than being like
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I got it on Amazon.
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Yeah.
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So I went to and I sought out a like
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proper hat local hat store. That was because I didn't
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want to like pop in a souvenir shop. You want
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to do yeah some whatever.
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Yeah, then you might as well get it on Amazon.
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Yeah. So it was really cool. And then we ended
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our trip in Barcelona and that was really awesome. That
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looked a few days there. Yeah, so artists in a
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different in a different way because some of it even
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newer modern art, like all through the city. And we
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were staying right on the edge of a place called
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an area called Alborne and it feels like a little
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village with like small brick roads in between, like what
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feels like castle halls, you know what I mean. It
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was just really cool. And then that goes into the
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Gothic quarter and I saw a Flamenco show in Spain
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and I was like, bitch, I want to change my life.
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I'm going to move here. I'm going to study Flamenco dancing.
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I'm going to become a Flamenco dancer. Is it was.
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I was like totally taken in by this performance and.
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I'm sure it was amazing.
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Oh my god, it was the and you're not allowed
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you weren't allowed to film most of it and I'm
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really glad because that forced me to just experience. And
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then there's a part of the end. They were like, okay,
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you can take photos now, and we filmed a little
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but the first girl who came out and was dancing,
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like I could feel every emotion that she was trying
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to express with her art, and it was literally to
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her fingertips, like you could see every fiber of her
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being feeling this. And everyone on stage sort of join
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that and start to move and make the sounds and
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snaps and stomps and and the guitar player, and I
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was like, this is remarkable, and I think I always
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kind of thought it wouldn't be for me flementco dancing.
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I was like, there's just a bunch of people stomping
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around on stage. I know it's more than that, but
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seeing it, I was like, this is amazing art and
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the technique and technique ess.
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Because yeah, you're making music with your body, and you
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see you have to have rhythm with.
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It, you have to move without looking spastic, like you
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have to hold your body in a certain way. And
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just seeing it. It was also a very intimate show.
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There were probably maybe twenty to thirty people in the
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audience and then just I think five or six performers,
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so we're surrounding the stage and it was like it
289
00:14:09.440 --> 00:14:10.039
was just so.
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Cool to see Spain is not is somewhere I haven't
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been yet. Oh my, every other place you've been, like
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00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:19.000
I've been to you know, I've been to Italy, I've
293
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been to France, I've been to Monaco. I have not
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been to Spain yet, so that is also on the list.
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00:14:23.960 --> 00:14:24.919
So when are we going back?
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00:14:25.120 --> 00:14:28.840
Exactly, I'm ready. I'm ready. Tapas are one of the
297
00:14:29.639 --> 00:14:32.039
my favorite ways to eat too, like try a lot
298
00:14:32.080 --> 00:14:38.360
of different nights. And I also was surprised if anyone's
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00:14:38.399 --> 00:14:41.240
never been to Europe and thinking of going every place
300
00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:43.960
we went, including Rome, which is the capital of Italy,
301
00:14:44.840 --> 00:14:48.559
things are a lot cheaper than I expected. Like at
302
00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:54.799
the any rest we we didn't look for cheap restaurants.
303
00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:58.000
We were looking for authentic restaurants. But you go into
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00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:04.600
nice restaurants where we're finding recommendations online, homemade pasta, good ingredients,
305
00:15:04.639 --> 00:15:09.279
stuff like that, and it still was like far less
306
00:15:09.320 --> 00:15:12.799
expensive than I expected it to be. And I was like,
307
00:15:12.840 --> 00:15:18.320
the cost is getting here, but like if someone can
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00:15:18.360 --> 00:15:20.279
save for a Disney trip, they can save for a
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00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:23.639
europe trip for sure. It was really it was really cool.
310
00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:26.320
That's awesome. Well, say last, I'm ready to go.
311
00:15:26.360 --> 00:15:28.840
When you're ready, I'm saying, and I'm like, now that
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00:15:28.919 --> 00:15:32.919
I've popped my cherry, let's go, I want to see
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00:15:32.919 --> 00:15:34.720
the world. Yeah, I know.
314
00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:39.200
It was just should we go for my birthday?
315
00:15:39.960 --> 00:15:40.639
Let's do it?
316
00:15:40.919 --> 00:15:41.840
We got two months to save?
317
00:15:42.519 --> 00:15:48.279
Yeah? About yeah, a month and a half. Maybe, no,
318
00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:49.080
today's what.
319
00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:51.919
You don't have to go exactly on my birthday?
320
00:15:53.639 --> 00:15:55.200
The same?
321
00:15:56.120 --> 00:16:00.480
Maybe I could use points for hotel rooms, so we
322
00:16:00.600 --> 00:16:01.879
just get our flights.
323
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:07.679
Girl, sounds amazing. Let let's do it.
324
00:16:08.120 --> 00:16:11.919
Y'all heard it here. Everything's perfect to Europe. That's really
325
00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:12.720
perfect in Europe.
326
00:16:13.440 --> 00:16:17.759
Oh my god, let's go. It was just and the
327
00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:22.799
the people felt different, and honestly, I was like, where
328
00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:22.960
do you.
329
00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:25.279
Think the people were nicer in Italy or in France?
330
00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:28.480
Well I didn't talk to that many people in France.
331
00:16:28.759 --> 00:16:32.879
But my based on my limited experience, I would say
332
00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:37.000
Italy really I had really good interactions with people. But
333
00:16:37.159 --> 00:16:41.639
Spain what people were in Barcelona people were very friendly.
334
00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:43.600
I'm they were some bitches.
335
00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:47.000
I actually like it, like I'm being funny, but also
336
00:16:47.399 --> 00:16:50.440
I think because they expected me to be able to
337
00:16:50.480 --> 00:16:52.879
speak the language because of my last name, because I
338
00:16:53.080 --> 00:16:56.279
like Gallaba and I'm in southern Italy, like that's where
339
00:16:56.320 --> 00:16:59.159
we were, so we're by Calabria there.
340
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:01.000
So I walk in and miss Calabre I say, and
341
00:17:01.000 --> 00:17:02.240
they'd start going and I'm like.
342
00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:04.519
Slow down, slow down.
343
00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:10.200
I was like, I got nothing show, and I'd be like,
344
00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:13.319
I'm so sorry English, and you could just see they
345
00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:17.839
would be like stupid American, like instantly, it were so mean,
346
00:17:17.960 --> 00:17:21.319
and I was like, well, okay, they were nicer in
347
00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:23.799
France because they just didn't expect me to speak the language.
348
00:17:23.799 --> 00:17:25.039
But really they were kind of like, how are you
349
00:17:25.079 --> 00:17:26.559
gonna come in with the last name Calabre I say,
350
00:17:26.599 --> 00:17:27.880
And I'd be able to speak it, and I'm.
351
00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:29.319
Like, because my grandma didn't teach it to me, what
352
00:17:29.319 --> 00:17:29.720
do you want me to.
353
00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:32.119
Tell you exactly? Well, you know what might have worked
354
00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.359
for me is I was with a group of Spanish
355
00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:39.119
speaking people, and actually Spanish and Italian is very similar, like.
356
00:17:39.400 --> 00:17:40.759
Well they're the Romance languages.
357
00:17:40.839 --> 00:17:44.440
So yeah, like you know, thank you as grassias and
358
00:17:44.559 --> 00:17:48.799
Spanish and grazzia mile, yeah, thank you very much. In Italian,
359
00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:50.680
and I did say that a lot. I was like,
360
00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:53.079
I like an idiot, but I gotta try. I gotta
361
00:17:53.079 --> 00:17:53.680
give them something.
362
00:17:54.039 --> 00:17:55.559
When I when I went to France, I was the
363
00:17:55.559 --> 00:17:57.440
same thing, like I would try to be like.
364
00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:01.400
I was like, this sounds terrible, but.
365
00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:07.000
I'm like, I watched enough Emily and Melsie. It's kind
366
00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:10.839
of like in the back of my throat exactly the
367
00:18:10.839 --> 00:18:15.400
first time I heard that too.
368
00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:21.680
So anyway, So okay, so E're amazing. Yeah, I mean
369
00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:23.599
we're gone for two weeks. It felt like two months.
370
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:27.720
It was like it was definitely the longest vacation I've
371
00:18:27.720 --> 00:18:28.599
ever taken.
372
00:18:28.839 --> 00:18:30.039
It's like, are you coming home?
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00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:31.759
I was like, I'm going to need to get a
374
00:18:31.799 --> 00:18:39.400
job application on one of these. So I've heard you make.
375
00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:42.359
Exactly start singing.
376
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:46.079
Yes, I didn't think about that. Other peoples put their
377
00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:50.319
hats down. Why take my French beret, slip it upside down,
378
00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:53.200
make it make a euro or two? Why not?
379
00:18:53.240 --> 00:18:54.799
You should have tried. That would have been funny, just
380
00:18:54.839 --> 00:18:56.839
to like try and see if anybody would.
381
00:18:56.599 --> 00:19:00.599
Have you know what I wanted? Was also said, because
382
00:19:00.680 --> 00:19:03.599
tipping's not as much of a thing there. Well, we
383
00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:06.680
almost went to a drag show. We didn't. I wonder
384
00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:11.160
if they tip in drag shows there, and I was
385
00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:13.920
so Also, the singles are coins?
386
00:19:13.960 --> 00:19:18.240
Well, actually a drag show in Paris wear No, it
387
00:19:18.279 --> 00:19:21.160
was in Spain. If we've learned anything from Emily in
388
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:25.440
Paris he said, tip your muse when they were at
389
00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:26.799
the gay strip club.
390
00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:31.839
Oh so maybe you do well. I guess they get
391
00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:34.640
good tips to them, because I think less than five
392
00:19:34.799 --> 00:19:43.680
is not paper coins. You have welts. The strippers come
393
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:55.559
home with a good night. Oh my god. It was
394
00:19:55.640 --> 00:19:57.640
so fun. But it's good to be back.
395
00:19:57.720 --> 00:19:59.400
Okay, So you're home for a day. You were home
396
00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:03.160
for a day and a half literally a day, yeah,
397
00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:05.200
one day, and then you came here.
398
00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:06.799
Uh huh, and here we are.
399
00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:10.480
Here we are. Should we look at any phone of friends?
400
00:20:10.519 --> 00:20:11.440
I'm sure we have a ton.
401
00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:13.680
I didn't do a phone a friend with Katrina or Natalie,
402
00:20:13.799 --> 00:20:18.640
just because we were doing all things. Yeah, reminiscing all
403
00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:19.160
the things.
404
00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:24.359
Okay, here's one. It says the subject line says, I
405
00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:27.039
want my husband to live and our sex life to
406
00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:27.519
get hotter.
407
00:20:28.279 --> 00:20:31.119
So okay, so she's not going to kill him exactly.
408
00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:33.319
I'm like, what's that's where we're going with this?
409
00:20:34.599 --> 00:20:38.119
All right, here's the dilemma. I'm forty eight, corporate executive,
410
00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:40.759
mom of two, and probably the fittest and most confident
411
00:20:40.759 --> 00:20:44.400
I've ever been yes work. My husband is my high
412
00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:47.039
school sweetheart. We've been together for thirty years, and I
413
00:20:47.079 --> 00:20:49.519
still love him with my whole heart. I take my
414
00:20:49.559 --> 00:20:52.480
health seriously because I suffer from migraines and have seen
415
00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:58.720
firsthand how much lifestyle matters space. He doesn't space, okay.
416
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:04.559
He's six y three, close to three hundred pounds, wears
417
00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:08.039
a three X, and has gradually stopped taking care of himself.
418
00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:11.559
After his dad died of cancer. He made some healthy changes,
419
00:21:11.640 --> 00:21:14.720
but over the last few years he's reached his highest weight.
420
00:21:15.119 --> 00:21:17.960
I've told him I'm not worried about appearances. I want
421
00:21:18.039 --> 00:21:20.799
him alive. Retirement is less than ten years away, and
422
00:21:20.839 --> 00:21:25.000
I want us hiking, traveling, and saying yes to adventures together. Instead.
423
00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:28.039
I see him quietly opting out of things. He jokes
424
00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:30.440
about his size, but I know it's why he skips
425
00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:35.000
horseback riding, hiking, ziplining, and other activities. When we're on vacation,
426
00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:43.559
the kids notice. I notice. I also know, sorry we
427
00:21:43.640 --> 00:21:46.680
missed him. I also know I can't make someone change
428
00:21:46.680 --> 00:21:49.000
who doesn't want to. Now, for the fun part, our
429
00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:51.559
sex life is actually good. He still knows exactly how
430
00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:55.359
to push my buttons. But I'd be lying if I
431
00:21:55.400 --> 00:21:57.720
said I didn't wonder how much better it could be
432
00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:03.039
if he were healthier and stronger. We're limited in some
433
00:22:03.079 --> 00:22:05.799
positions simply because of his size, and after reading a
434
00:22:05.839 --> 00:22:10.559
few spicy romance books lately side note, I am obsessed.
435
00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:12.519
With this a lot. I was like, she's just living life, man,
436
00:22:12.559 --> 00:22:13.319
I'm here for it.
437
00:22:13.480 --> 00:22:15.359
Let's just say I'd like us to be a little
438
00:22:15.400 --> 00:22:18.640
more adventurous. So my question is, how do you motivate
439
00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:22.119
someone you love to care about their health when fear,
440
00:22:22.279 --> 00:22:25.680
logic and heartfelt conversations haven't worked. Is there a way
441
00:22:25.720 --> 00:22:30.119
to frame this that inspires change without nagging? And is
442
00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:33.079
it terrible that part of my motivation is wanting him
443
00:22:33.119 --> 00:22:37.079
around for retirement and wanting sex to be really, really good.
444
00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:39.559
Thank you for everything you both do. I hope this
445
00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:42.839
makes it onto the show. Well it did, girl, so
446
00:22:42.920 --> 00:22:43.759
let's talk about it.
447
00:22:43.799 --> 00:22:45.200
I mean, well, first of all, no, I don't think
448
00:22:45.240 --> 00:22:49.319
that's terrible at all. Like she loves her husband, she
449
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:52.440
wants him around after thirty years. That's amazing.
450
00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:53.160
Mm hmm.
451
00:22:53.799 --> 00:22:56.519
They already have a good sex life. She just wants
452
00:22:56.680 --> 00:22:57.359
things to.
453
00:22:58.880 --> 00:22:59.839
Wonders like, how much better.
454
00:23:00.519 --> 00:23:03.039
I don't think that there's anything wrong with that at all.
455
00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:05.440
So I think she's coming I don't think she's coming
456
00:23:05.480 --> 00:23:07.319
from a bad place at all. I think she's coming
457
00:23:07.319 --> 00:23:09.680
from a very loving place about it.
458
00:23:09.680 --> 00:23:12.839
It sounds to me like the part of it is
459
00:23:13.680 --> 00:23:19.319
she loves the adventure of I have this theory sometimes
460
00:23:19.359 --> 00:23:22.839
that when women approach like menopause age, they have this
461
00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:26.759
awakening again. And like because for a lot of women
462
00:23:27.079 --> 00:23:30.799
around that time might be when their kids are leaving
463
00:23:30.839 --> 00:23:34.039
the house, when they're at another place in their profession,
464
00:23:34.039 --> 00:23:36.319
their focus can shift back on what they love and
465
00:23:36.359 --> 00:23:38.480
what they want out of life versus just doing for
466
00:23:38.519 --> 00:23:42.480
their family, and they were ready to go, they want
467
00:23:42.519 --> 00:23:46.200
their partner to go along with them. And sometimes it
468
00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:48.839
seems like, and maybe I'm jaded, and this is just
469
00:23:49.119 --> 00:23:54.079
off my observation, at times men start to slow down
470
00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:57.680
at that time of life, and it's like, come on,
471
00:23:57.759 --> 00:23:59.440
I want to go do things. I want to go
472
00:23:59.599 --> 00:24:02.519
out and you know that. Yeah, And and men become
473
00:24:02.559 --> 00:24:05.119
a little bit more complacent, So I wonder if that's
474
00:24:05.160 --> 00:24:05.920
what's happening.
475
00:24:06.279 --> 00:24:09.319
Yeah, So, I mean I have, like I have some
476
00:24:09.519 --> 00:24:12.039
questions which we're not going to get answered, but like
477
00:24:13.279 --> 00:24:16.319
my first question would be, is there something going on
478
00:24:16.400 --> 00:24:19.960
with him emotionally one way or another that is maybe
479
00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:22.599
leading to the weight gain or leading to the like
480
00:24:23.880 --> 00:24:28.200
lack of trying or caring. Because I'm not saying always,
481
00:24:28.279 --> 00:24:31.880
but a lot of times there's an emotional Has he
482
00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:35.440
processed his dad dying of cancer? Has there been an
483
00:24:35.480 --> 00:24:39.079
issue with a job, Like just what's going on? Because
484
00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:42.319
there's one thing to like gain a little weight, right,
485
00:24:42.440 --> 00:24:44.799
like that happens to people, no big deal. And there's
486
00:24:44.839 --> 00:24:48.599
another thing to get to a size where it's three
487
00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:51.599
x and you're being limited in what you can do
488
00:24:52.759 --> 00:24:56.680
in your life. That's like a different level. Yeah, So
489
00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:03.640
and then why doesn't he care? Like right, why isn't
490
00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:05.920
he more like I want to be around for you,
491
00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:08.200
I want to be around for the kids and the grandkids.
492
00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:10.680
So like, is there some things that need to be
493
00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:12.680
talked about? Does he maybe need to go talk to
494
00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:15.000
somebody else? And I'm not always the one who's like,
495
00:25:15.039 --> 00:25:17.359
go do therapy because obviously we know how I feel
496
00:25:17.359 --> 00:25:20.000
about that, like therapy only works if somebody's going to
497
00:25:20.039 --> 00:25:25.480
be honest, yeah, and really like try to get to
498
00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:25.839
the root.
499
00:25:25.880 --> 00:25:27.400
Cause so.
500
00:25:28.759 --> 00:25:31.079
But is like, is there an emotional thing going on
501
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:34.599
with him that maybe he's not talking about that is leading.
502
00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:41.119
To that Also, I think it could sometimes people feel,
503
00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:45.920
you know, like someone who is a three X I,
504
00:25:46.079 --> 00:25:49.400
I'm having a hard time picturing what what he looks
505
00:25:49.480 --> 00:25:53.599
like because she said as high and weight, and so
506
00:25:53.880 --> 00:25:54.400
he sounds like.
507
00:25:54.359 --> 00:25:57.400
A big looks very different just depending like because you
508
00:25:57.400 --> 00:26:01.359
could have somebody who's six' three almost three hundred pounds
509
00:26:02.359 --> 00:26:05.000
like the rock, like and then you could have somebody
510
00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:07.440
who's six to three who doesn't work, out who would
511
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:08.000
be very.
512
00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:13.640
Different, yeah but you know her saying, that so someone
513
00:26:13.720 --> 00:26:16.559
who's bigger might be insecure and not feel comfortable voicing
514
00:26:16.599 --> 00:26:21.480
their insecurities about her examples she gave horseback, riding zip,
515
00:26:21.559 --> 00:26:24.039
lining or even. Hiking not wanting to be the person
516
00:26:24.079 --> 00:26:28.279
that holds people. Back and SO i think THAT i
517
00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:32.640
wonder if she could, say it's important to me that
518
00:26:32.680 --> 00:26:37.079
we do activities and maybe there's like some for lack
519
00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:41.759
of a better, term bridge activities like not quite that,
520
00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:45.599
active LIKE i thought she was about to say bungee, jumping.
521
00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:50.079
SKYDIVING i was, like she wants to do the. Most, yeah,
522
00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:55.640
RIGHT i just want to feel. Something she's, kidding but
523
00:26:56.559 --> 00:27:00.319
SO i wonder like if it could, be you, know
524
00:27:00.440 --> 00:27:03.200
let's let's say they have dinner and he wants to
525
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:07.079
immediately sit, down which go WATCH. Tv Sometimes i'm like, that,
526
00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:11.400
honestly and now we'll say let's take a. Walk and
527
00:27:12.359 --> 00:27:13.839
if he said that right, Now i'd be, like not
528
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:20.200
in this, heat, motherfucker on a normal. Night it's good to,
529
00:27:20.279 --> 00:27:24.079
remember and sometimes your partner needs to be, reminded very, plainly,
530
00:27:24.279 --> 00:27:27.200
plainly like lay it. Out it's important to me that
531
00:27:27.240 --> 00:27:29.559
we do that. Together so let's just take a walk
532
00:27:29.599 --> 00:27:31.839
and then we can come and like watch something or
533
00:27:32.079 --> 00:27:36.400
like find the, compromise but don't hint at. It and
534
00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:40.319
when if he if your partner doesn't take the, bait
535
00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:43.839
take that as. REJECTION i think that you should very
536
00:27:43.839 --> 00:27:46.200
plainly say it's important to me to have someone who
537
00:27:46.200 --> 00:27:48.680
will take walks with me after, dinner AND i want
538
00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:51.359
you to be that. Person so can we go put
539
00:27:51.359 --> 00:27:53.559
your shoes? On so put your shoes, on Or i'll
540
00:27:53.559 --> 00:27:55.480
go find someone else who will take walks with. Me
541
00:27:57.680 --> 00:27:59.640
so that's WHAT i would. Say one thing, IS i don't,
542
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:04.119
know but if you've, hinted and because it is uncomfortable
543
00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:05.839
when your, partner.
544
00:28:05.599 --> 00:28:07.720
It sounds like she's had conversations with him, though because
545
00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:12.920
she said what do you do if logic? Fear she
546
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:16.880
says something else hasn't, Worked so it sounds like maybe they.
547
00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:18.039
Have had conversation.
548
00:28:18.200 --> 00:28:20.640
Yet so it's just like they've had conversations where maybe
549
00:28:20.680 --> 00:28:23.480
she has not beat around the bush about it and
550
00:28:23.519 --> 00:28:27.279
he's not picking up which he's not responding to it
551
00:28:27.319 --> 00:28:27.720
one way or.
552
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:29.440
Another SO i, would.
553
00:28:29.319 --> 00:28:31.599
LIKE i always, SAID i would try to figure out
554
00:28:31.720 --> 00:28:33.960
is there an emotional, thing whether you can support him
555
00:28:33.960 --> 00:28:35.880
in that or somebody else needs. To the other THING
556
00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:38.119
i would say is, like, look just maybe make it
557
00:28:38.160 --> 00:28:41.160
a little bit harder for him to have access to the.
558
00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:42.839
Food i'm not saying treat him like a, child but,
559
00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:45.400
like don't bring the junk food into the. House if
560
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:47.240
you're the one that does the grocery. Shopping and if
561
00:28:47.279 --> 00:28:48.759
he's like why didn't you get the DATA? Da or
562
00:28:48.759 --> 00:28:50.079
why didn't you get THE DA, da be, Like i'm
563
00:28:50.079 --> 00:28:52.279
not buying, that. Babe if you want It you're gonna
564
00:28:52.279 --> 00:28:54.240
have to go get it Because i'm not gonna support you.
565
00:28:56.119 --> 00:28:56.519
Harming.
566
00:28:56.559 --> 00:28:59.240
Yourself, essentially like you're getting to an unhealthy place AND
567
00:28:59.279 --> 00:29:00.960
i want you around make healthy.
568
00:29:01.000 --> 00:29:02.440
Dinners mm.
569
00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:07.880
HMM i was gonna make a real inappropriate. Joke you,
570
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:10.599
know the next time he wants to, eat just sit
571
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:10.880
on his.
572
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:19.200
Face that's, right eat. This then you're welcomes on the other. Side,
573
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:28.839
no you you asked me like If nell got.
574
00:29:28.920 --> 00:29:31.880
Yeah what, so, yeah what would you do if.
575
00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:33.640
You're he put on a bunch of weight and.
576
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:35.759
Yeah we're not talking about, like oh he gained Ten,
577
00:29:36.079 --> 00:29:38.039
yeah if if it got to the point where it
578
00:29:38.079 --> 00:29:38.519
was like.
579
00:29:38.599 --> 00:29:40.119
Like let's say he gained eighty.
580
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:42.480
To one, hundred, yeah something where it like changed your guys',
581
00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:44.319
lifestyle changed your sex.
582
00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:46.039
Life it's so.
583
00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:55.720
Hard to imagine. That but you know what's interesting IS
584
00:29:56.039 --> 00:29:58.720
i think what would affect me more than like the
585
00:29:58.759 --> 00:30:04.480
way he looked or that is he would be living
586
00:30:04.519 --> 00:30:05.000
a different.
587
00:30:05.119 --> 00:30:06.359
Life, yeah he wouldn't be the.
588
00:30:06.359 --> 00:30:08.920
Guy you, know he wouldn't be that because like because
589
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:12.519
like you, said, like then you're the person that you're
590
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:14.279
living a VERY i.
591
00:30:14.200 --> 00:30:14.720
Want to stay.
592
00:30:14.759 --> 00:30:17.599
HOME i don't want to do ANYTHING i just want
593
00:30:17.599 --> 00:30:20.359
to like it you're not.
594
00:30:20.519 --> 00:30:21.519
On the same.
595
00:30:22.759 --> 00:30:25.039
Trajectory or the same train, tracks like one's over, here
596
00:30:25.119 --> 00:30:27.680
one's over like this trains parked and this one's chugging.
597
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:31.160
Along so, yeah like you still love the, person but
598
00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:33.519
you're not living the same type of.
599
00:30:33.559 --> 00:30:38.880
Life, yeah and if they once lived, that it's interesting
600
00:30:39.400 --> 00:30:41.039
we were actually talking about.
601
00:30:40.839 --> 00:30:42.400
Thirty, Years like uh.
602
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:46.599
Huh now, again you know WHERE i stand on things like,
603
00:30:46.599 --> 00:30:50.279
This Like i'm not saying walk away right. Away obviously
604
00:30:50.319 --> 00:30:52.160
try and try and, try but also.
605
00:30:52.119 --> 00:30:56.000
Like, WELL i want to be someone who is physically
606
00:30:56.039 --> 00:31:00.519
active my entire. Life my grandfather my last living parent
607
00:31:01.640 --> 00:31:06.119
right now BECAUSE i recently my other my dad's dad passed.
608
00:31:06.160 --> 00:31:11.880
Away and so my mom's dad just left his house
609
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:14.359
that he's lived. In my mom was born in that
610
00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:16.400
house since she's, sixty so he's been in that house
611
00:31:16.440 --> 00:31:20.799
for almost seventy. Years he's in his, nineties and he,
612
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:24.799
Said i'm not leaving this, house And, LITTILA i think
613
00:31:24.839 --> 00:31:27.160
he said toes, up like he's going to die in the. House,
614
00:31:27.559 --> 00:31:29.240
well he reached a place where he was, LIKE i,
615
00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:30.960
KNOW i can't stay in this. House and he just
616
00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:34.319
recently went to an assisted living, facility WHICH i actually
617
00:31:34.359 --> 00:31:37.240
think is, great BUT i also think it might be
618
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:39.440
a little too late because he's having a lot of health.
619
00:31:39.480 --> 00:31:44.160
Issues AND i think the reason he's one of other
620
00:31:44.279 --> 00:31:46.680
than the fact he's, nine he's in his nineties and.
621
00:31:47.039 --> 00:31:51.160
Whatever we could all be so. Lucky but when my
622
00:31:51.160 --> 00:31:54.640
grandmother got, sick he stopped moving his. Body and he
623
00:31:54.680 --> 00:31:58.640
would have been like early eighties probably at that, point
624
00:31:58.759 --> 00:32:02.720
or around like eighty. Three, Yeah but up till then
625
00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:04.680
he still went to the wy like three times a
626
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:08.720
week and swam. Laps, wow he lifted. Weights movement and
627
00:32:08.759 --> 00:32:11.079
working out was something that my grandpa did and he
628
00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:15.400
was proud of. Doing and then he. Stopped AND i
629
00:32:15.440 --> 00:32:17.759
think it was probably half to take care of. Her
630
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:21.039
and then also just sadness sort of sometimes knocks you
631
00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:23.160
on your. Ass it's hard to get back. Up, well
632
00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:25.759
he never got back into, it and he says things,
633
00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:28.599
like you, Know i've done enough working out in my.
634
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:31.119
Life, well it's not money in the.
635
00:32:31.119 --> 00:32:34.119
BANK i don't think that the end of his life
636
00:32:34.119 --> 00:32:37.079
that he's facing would be the same if he was,
637
00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:39.519
Like i'm still going to walk as long AS i.
638
00:32:39.559 --> 00:32:44.240
Can and so all of that's to, say it really
639
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:47.200
has me thinking ABOUT i want to be someone, who
640
00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:51.319
as long AS i am physically, able has intentional movement
641
00:32:51.359 --> 00:32:53.960
as a part of my, life a part of my daily.
642
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:56.720
Life as long AS i can walk and take, Steps
643
00:32:57.000 --> 00:32:58.599
i'm going to as long AS i can move my.
644
00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:03.480
Body you, KNOW i love him, so but he can't
645
00:33:03.480 --> 00:33:09.319
put his own socks, on AND i want, To like
646
00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:11.880
the first day THAT i can't put my own socks,
647
00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:15.559
ON i want to have SOME i want someone to
648
00:33:15.559 --> 00:33:17.799
show me exercise WHERE i can do that. Again AND
649
00:33:17.880 --> 00:33:19.480
i know we're all going to, age and there's where
650
00:33:19.480 --> 00:33:21.920
none of us make it out. Alive of, course so
651
00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:25.160
that's to say if my partner all of a sudden
652
00:33:25.319 --> 00:33:28.319
was not on that, PAGE i don't, Know WOW i
653
00:33:28.359 --> 00:33:31.519
would handle that because that's not How i'm going out.
654
00:33:31.759 --> 00:33:34.440
Right so, yeah otherwise you have to start living separate
655
00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:36.240
sort of lifes of like, okay well you're not going to.
656
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:40.000
Partnership, yeah so then now we're roommates and so cool
657
00:33:40.039 --> 00:33:42.480
if you want a, roommate but, like, yeah you want.
658
00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:46.000
Somebody if you're the person who loves to go out to,
659
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:47.359
dinner you want the person who wants to go out
660
00:33:47.400 --> 00:33:49.039
to dinner with. You if you're somebody who loves to
661
00:33:49.079 --> 00:33:50.880
go wine, tasting then you want to have the partner
662
00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:52.680
that's going to go wine. Tasting if you're somebody that
663
00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:58.200
loves to, skydive mm, hmm don't call me, right but like,
664
00:33:58.279 --> 00:34:00.279
yeah if you're the person that wants to be dive
665
00:34:00.440 --> 00:34:03.720
or travel or whatever or all those. Things we've talked
666
00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:05.519
about this when it comes to, sex like when one
667
00:34:05.559 --> 00:34:07.440
partner's like super into it and the other one's, NOT
668
00:34:08.360 --> 00:34:10.800
i don't think you're. Compatible that's just me like you
669
00:34:10.920 --> 00:34:13.000
do You if you decide that you're willing to like
670
00:34:13.239 --> 00:34:16.920
give up that aspect of, yourself then that's your. Choice
671
00:34:17.039 --> 00:34:21.199
if she's willing to give up having her partner do those.
672
00:34:21.599 --> 00:34:24.920
Things and, listen you, know when you love, somebody somebody
673
00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:26.599
might do. That they might just say like, okay Like
674
00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:30.840
i'm just going to accept that he's not going to.
675
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:33.360
Change BUT i think before you accept, that you try
676
00:34:33.440 --> 00:34:35.599
to figure out what's going on that is leading to
677
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:37.960
him sort of getting to this LIKE i don't care
678
00:34:38.440 --> 00:34:41.159
because that's, again we're not talking about somebody who's just
679
00:34:41.199 --> 00:34:43.800
got a little extra like love and wait on them and.
680
00:34:43.880 --> 00:34:46.519
It's not a big. Deal you're talking about health, Risks
681
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:51.199
so why doesn't he? Care, yeah like that is that
682
00:34:51.400 --> 00:34:54.960
there is a reason, THERE i would.
683
00:34:55.039 --> 00:35:01.760
Think, YEAH i think continued communication and like being true
684
00:35:01.800 --> 00:35:05.800
to yourself, first and that is. You you like to
685
00:35:05.880 --> 00:35:08.639
do those, things and so look for. Compromise and, sure
686
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:12.199
maybe you find a girlfriend that is your horse back riding,
687
00:35:12.280 --> 00:35:18.519
buddy but don't like your. Partner there are. Things Sometimes
688
00:35:18.639 --> 00:35:20.840
nell wants to do something And i'll and by the,
689
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:23.800
Way nell AND i haven't been together for thirty. YEARS
690
00:35:23.920 --> 00:35:26.519
i KNOW i can't understand That i'm only twenty, three.
691
00:35:27.000 --> 00:35:30.159
But, same you, know we're so.
692
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:36.159
Young there's still so much to. Learn But i'll say To, nell,
693
00:35:36.280 --> 00:35:38.159
like for, example Sometimes nell wants to go to the,
694
00:35:38.239 --> 00:35:39.599
movies AND i just don't want to go to the.
695
00:35:39.639 --> 00:35:41.760
Movies i'd rather stay if we're gonna, MOVIE i want
696
00:35:41.800 --> 00:35:45.599
to stay. Home and a couple of times he's gone by,
697
00:35:45.679 --> 00:35:48.639
Himself BUT i say to, him is it important to
698
00:35:48.679 --> 00:35:49.960
you THAT i, go like or you want to have
699
00:35:50.039 --> 00:35:53.159
a date night movie night? Situation Because i'll rally, go
700
00:35:53.280 --> 00:35:56.360
put on some, clothes, whatever we'll. Go but if you
701
00:35:56.559 --> 00:35:59.079
don't care and you're just as happy doing your own,
702
00:35:59.159 --> 00:36:01.199
thing Then i'm going to do my own, thing and
703
00:36:02.559 --> 00:36:05.400
THAT'S i feel like that's a really GOOD i hope
704
00:36:05.480 --> 00:36:08.639
that our relationship stays that, way, yea because if he, says,
705
00:36:08.800 --> 00:36:11.360
WELL i was kind of hoping we go, together say, less,
706
00:36:11.559 --> 00:36:13.599
Yeah i'll, go because if it makes you, happy then
707
00:36:13.639 --> 00:36:14.000
that makes me.
708
00:36:14.119 --> 00:36:16.199
Happy that you guys that you have that like sort
709
00:36:16.199 --> 00:36:19.039
of interaction where you'll ask him is this important to?
710
00:36:19.079 --> 00:36:21.360
You and he'll say not, REALLY i want to go see,
711
00:36:21.400 --> 00:36:23.199
it but if you want to stay, here you can stay,
712
00:36:23.239 --> 00:36:23.880
Here And i'm like.
713
00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:29.440
Great, ALSO i love that it's not us, like say
714
00:36:29.480 --> 00:36:32.880
what you, mean because in so many relationships maybe more hetero,
715
00:36:33.079 --> 00:36:35.159
like AND i think women have a tendency to do
716
00:36:35.239 --> 00:36:37.159
this a little bit more where we're, like, NO i
717
00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:39.280
definitely want to see that, movie.
718
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:41.519
And you're, like you don't fucking.
719
00:36:41.559 --> 00:36:43.280
Care you don't want to see the, movie but you
720
00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:45.360
sort of water it down because you don't want the
721
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:47.039
guy to think you're not fun or, whatever like.
722
00:36:47.119 --> 00:36:50.159
Exactly SO i love that when he SAYS.
723
00:36:50.519 --> 00:36:51.840
I don't really care if you, COME i want to
724
00:36:51.840 --> 00:36:54.000
go see, it that he means that right and he's
725
00:36:54.000 --> 00:36:56.599
not going to hold it against you later, totally and
726
00:36:56.719 --> 00:36:59.760
that if he wants you to. Come he'll say that, too,
727
00:37:00.599 --> 00:37:02.880
yes and then you don't hold that against him of,
728
00:37:03.039 --> 00:37:04.719
like oh FUCKING i got to go to this movie
729
00:37:04.760 --> 00:37:06.400
now AND i don't want. To you're, like, okay, no
730
00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:08.039
that makes my partner, HAPPY i want to. GO i
731
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:10.159
think that that's, rough or, like if.
732
00:37:10.119 --> 00:37:12.559
There's SOMETHING i want to do on the, Weekend i'll,
733
00:37:12.679 --> 00:37:15.880
SAY i want to do this this, weekend so let's
734
00:37:15.880 --> 00:37:17.920
figure out when it works for, you BECAUSE i want
735
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:19.440
us to go to like let's SAY i want to
736
00:37:19.480 --> 00:37:22.679
go out to dinner as a specific, restaurant and maybe
737
00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:26.239
he doesn't really, care like when nell is so like
738
00:37:26.639 --> 00:37:30.719
locked in or vacation, mode he doesn't have a lot
739
00:37:30.760 --> 00:37:33.920
of like in, between And i'm more Like i'm not
740
00:37:34.079 --> 00:37:38.079
a heavy drinker or, anything BUT i might have if
741
00:37:38.119 --> 00:37:39.960
we go out to, DINNER i might get a drink
742
00:37:40.039 --> 00:37:42.079
or a glass of, wine Where nelle's, like, No i'm
743
00:37:42.079 --> 00:37:43.719
not drinking for six weeks because Then i'm going to
744
00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:46.119
drink all the drinks for two weeks after. That like
745
00:37:46.239 --> 00:37:48.599
that's how we. Think, yes But i'll say to him
746
00:37:48.679 --> 00:37:50.480
LIKE i really want to do this AND i want
747
00:37:50.599 --> 00:37:54.880
us to do it. Together so it's just so nice
748
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:58.519
to very clearly say it and find a way that.
749
00:37:58.760 --> 00:38:02.719
Works and it's, OBVIOUSLY i, mean obviously some days you're
750
00:38:02.760 --> 00:38:04.360
in a bad mood and, bye you're in a bad.
751
00:38:04.400 --> 00:38:07.000
MOOD i, MEAN i don't know. Why Sometimes i'm. County
752
00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:10.519
it just, happens but you, know it is what it.
753
00:38:10.679 --> 00:38:12.199
Is kept on the wrong.
754
00:38:12.280 --> 00:38:15.719
Day, YEAH i, think communicate and say what you. Mean
755
00:38:16.599 --> 00:38:22.559
and if, LADIES i keep thinking of The An hathaway
756
00:38:22.639 --> 00:38:24.960
video you, sent AND i love the way she verbalized
757
00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:28.360
it was about something, else but she verbalized things orbiting around.
758
00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:32.760
Another and sometimes in heterosexual relationships it feels like the
759
00:38:33.159 --> 00:38:35.239
from me on the outside looking, in because, girl you,
760
00:38:35.320 --> 00:38:39.760
Know i'm not a part of that, nonsense but it
761
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:44.840
feels like women's desires are sort of orbiting around the
762
00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:47.480
man versus meeting in the.
763
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:49.880
Middle, yeah a lot of times that's what we're sort.
764
00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:52.679
Of you have to bend there like they, Ah, god
765
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:55.960
because we're so worried about being left or not having
766
00:38:56.079 --> 00:38:59.599
somebody or. Whatever so you, you you, bend and you
767
00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:03.159
full and you shrink and you reshape to what they
768
00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:03.639
want and.
769
00:39:03.679 --> 00:39:05.199
Does it fit and is it? Enough and is it?
770
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:06.880
Enough and by the, way if you have to do
771
00:39:07.000 --> 00:39:09.159
all That i'm just talking to myself at this, point
772
00:39:09.400 --> 00:39:10.320
get the fuck out.
773
00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:12.239
Run because.
774
00:39:13.559 --> 00:39:19.039
Because, no, like and you could love the person till
775
00:39:19.039 --> 00:39:22.559
you're blue in the, face but you matter as much
776
00:39:22.599 --> 00:39:26.119
as they. Do like your desires matter as much as
777
00:39:26.199 --> 00:39:29.119
their desires. Matter And i'm not saying that like they
778
00:39:29.199 --> 00:39:31.559
have to bend to your will every. Time but that's
779
00:39:31.559 --> 00:39:33.760
where compromise comes. In so it could be like you,
780
00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:36.440
said maybe he's not going horseback, riding, because by the,
781
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:37.800
way IF i have a partner that wants to go horseback,
782
00:39:37.880 --> 00:39:39.719
RIDING i might try that like once or, twice but,
783
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:42.000
LIKE i don't want to be in a LIKE i
784
00:39:42.119 --> 00:39:42.880
have been horseback.
785
00:39:42.960 --> 00:39:45.559
Riding it's not my. Favorite scares the crap out of.
786
00:39:45.599 --> 00:39:48.960
Me so Maybe i'm, like, Uh i'll go with you
787
00:39:49.000 --> 00:39:50.960
every once in a But i'm not like the every
788
00:39:51.000 --> 00:39:53.800
weekend kind of girl that's gonna be like or if you're,
789
00:39:53.840 --> 00:39:56.840
like let's play golf, Together i'm gonna come, try But
790
00:39:56.880 --> 00:39:58.000
i'm probably gonna drive that golf.
791
00:39:58.039 --> 00:40:01.519
Cart and, honestly, exactly CAN i send you with the? Guys?
792
00:40:01.920 --> 00:40:05.000
Right but other things, Right, Like i'll like there would
793
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:07.199
be compromises THAT i would be of course more than
794
00:40:07.239 --> 00:40:09.320
willing to. Do but if you have to compromise everything
795
00:40:09.400 --> 00:40:11.719
and they compromise basically, nothing.
796
00:40:12.639 --> 00:40:14.159
That's not a.
797
00:40:14.519 --> 00:40:18.400
Partnership that is you orbiting around them and just waiting
798
00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:20.079
for them to give.
799
00:40:20.119 --> 00:40:22.840
You and then they wonder why you snap one day
800
00:40:23.119 --> 00:40:25.519
because like you left a covered door.
801
00:40:25.599 --> 00:40:36.639
Open LITERALLY i Wonder you're just like, Bye like wait
802
00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:39.639
What you're? LIKE i, KNOW i know for all this,
803
00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:41.920
Time i've bent to your every. Will but guess WHAT
804
00:40:42.119 --> 00:40:44.800
i was keeping score in my brain of like how much?
805
00:40:44.840 --> 00:40:48.039
More how much? More when is it my? Turn never.
806
00:40:53.119 --> 00:40:53.159
So?
807
00:40:53.360 --> 00:40:57.519
Much like literally, yeah you always get your.
808
00:40:57.559 --> 00:41:02.800
Way but it's sounds like to the person who rode
809
00:41:02.840 --> 00:41:05.840
us in they have, ay it sounds like they have
810
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:09.320
a good relationship and maybe just LIKE i would say
811
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:13.480
to her without more, information be very clear and don't
812
00:41:13.519 --> 00:41:17.519
settle until you reach a. Compromise, yeah because every relationship
813
00:41:17.599 --> 00:41:20.800
should be able to. Compromise and so that that's WHAT
814
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:24.599
i would, say like, agreed push, yes push.
815
00:41:25.679 --> 00:41:30.159
Yes, anyway, Anyway, well this has been, great great little.
816
00:41:30.320 --> 00:41:31.880
Ketchup it's been.
817
00:41:32.239 --> 00:41:35.320
Fabulous it's so good to be back. BACK i love
818
00:41:35.360 --> 00:41:36.800
how ic it is in. Here it's like a hot
819
00:41:36.880 --> 00:41:39.440
yoga studio podcast conditionally is.
820
00:41:39.599 --> 00:41:41.199
ON i told you it wasn't going to keep up
821
00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:43.320
with these lights and it being one hundred and four,
822
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:44.760
outside it was a little wall.
823
00:41:44.840 --> 00:41:47.280
Unit i'm, LIKE i don't know HOW i got tit sweat,
824
00:41:47.800 --> 00:41:49.880
titties but serious under.
825
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:52.039
THERE i saw this thing On pinterest the other day
826
00:41:52.280 --> 00:41:54.599
in terms and it's for LIKE i REMEMBER i was
827
00:41:54.599 --> 00:41:56.400
telling you about that like in room air conditioning, thing
828
00:41:56.480 --> 00:41:58.840
the little, thing, yes AND i was like trying to find.
829
00:41:58.880 --> 00:42:01.320
It it popped up last. Night, SORRY i was, like,
830
00:42:01.400 --> 00:42:04.559
oh screenshot. THIS i Think i'm gonna try to order
831
00:42:04.599 --> 00:42:07.239
one and see if it actually. Works oh, yeah because
832
00:42:07.239 --> 00:42:09.800
we melting like right, Now i'm about to be, like
833
00:42:10.159 --> 00:42:10.920
like these legs.
834
00:42:11.119 --> 00:42:15.719
My pants are. Wet his. Smile thanks, Perfect.
835
00:42:15.559 --> 00:42:18.920
Except it's the sun outside.
836
00:42:19.079 --> 00:42:25.519
Exactly we're, moist you. Guys, anyway let's go before my
837
00:42:25.679 --> 00:42:28.519
mustache starts. Running all, Right, well if you.
838
00:42:28.719 --> 00:42:30.280
Want to send us a phone of bread and you
839
00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:33.599
want our, unhinged unprofessional, advice you can email us At
840
00:42:33.639 --> 00:42:36.000
Everything's perfect podcast at gmail dot.
841
00:42:36.079 --> 00:42:38.840
Com that's, Right and, also believe it or, not we
842
00:42:38.880 --> 00:42:42.760
have An instagram AND i have posting on Their but,
843
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:44.679
girls don't give up on me, yet Because it's going
844
00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:48.639
to get better and that Is Everything's Perfect. Official, okay,
845
00:42:49.159 --> 00:42:55.559
REALLY i was in another dimension for two, weeks so
846
00:42:57.119 --> 00:43:01.880
hit us up On, instagram give us a. Follow Everything's Perfect. Official,
847
00:43:02.239 --> 00:43:05.400
yes we'll see you guys next.
848
00:43:05.519 --> 00:43:05.719
Time.
849
00:43:08.039 --> 00:43:11.039
Bye When focus