WEBVTT
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Everybody. Johnny here. Before we
dive into this podcast, I just wanted
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to let you know that it's being
developed as a side project for my main
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work, which is now heading up
content strategy for an early stage media startup
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called better, spelled, betr.
We're a digital media company that creates and
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curates uplifting stories to help people move
forward in life with hope, confidence and
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acceptance. We offer written, video
and audio content spending categories such as wellness,
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mental health, humanity and more.
Is really something for everyone at better,
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whether you need to pick me up
content, personal stories about overcoming life
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and mental health challenges, story that
gives you the push to start that business
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you've always dreamed of, or just
inspiration on bettering yourself as a human.
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To simplify its content that makes you
feel better and dream of a more positive
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world around you. So check out
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podcast or written column. Just go
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slash betr media and, lastly,
make sure you follow us on instagram and
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twitter at Betr for some daily inspiration, nats and feel good content your social
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media feeds, because who doesn't need
that? Right now, all right,
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now, here's the show. Say
something, man. You know, I
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I kept myself a lot. I
was isolated a lot, you know,
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and there's various reasons for that,
but for me definitely it would be speak
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the fuck up, right, you
know, you only have you only have
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one life, and your opinion can
make a difference, and there's it can
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make a difference, even in a
small way, and you might not even
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realize it. So speak the fuck
up, say how you fucking feel.
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Address it, because you one need
to be happy, you deserve to be
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happy, and if you keep kicking
it down the road the same way that
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I have right, like, I'm
thirty two now and I'm only now just
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facing this, and that doesn't have
to be the way it is for anybody
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else, you know, just speak
the fuck up, say something. If
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your panic is the name most of
you listening may recognize from our sports design
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twitter circles. If you've been following
day recently, you know that he isn't
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one to mince words at all.
Dave wears his heart on his sleeve and
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he's tweeted out recently, sometimes throwing
it into the universe is a really great
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way to help himself cope with things. Day's journey started out and has continued
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in his hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and as you'll hear soon, sports
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wasn't Dave's passion, but it wasn't
his blood, as it is in most
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of the population of Pittsburgh. He
would never have guessed or even dreamed of
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it growing up, but they would
become the recipient of tow backtoback Stanley Cup
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rings fairly early on in his career
as a designer. But with that achievement
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always comes a high amount of stress
and an insane amount of work, as
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many of us can attest to.
That tends to have an effect on not
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only ourselves but the relationships that we're
in. We're going to dive into that
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here very shortly, but I have
to ask him first to clarify one thing
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for me right up the bat.
From his twitter profile. I know a
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little bit about Pennsylvania, but you
tell me about like. I'm just going
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to start it off straight up.
Tell you about what. What the Hell's
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a Yins? WHAT'S A NSWER?
Oh, okay, listen, Yenser,
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I I love I keep the injurer
name alive for me. I mean honestly.
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So Pittsburgh, you know, let's
say back in the S, wasn't
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necessarily the most educated area and got
a lot of people who dialect really formed
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around the area, and so that
they just naturally happened and we all kind
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of embrace it now. So like
a Yinser really is just someone who has
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still has that like sort of downtown
like drawl to them. I don't know,
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I'm really bad at my Pittsburgh.
He's so I can't I can't really
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mock it, but it's definitely love
it, you know, and it's the
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city. At least is it is. The INS are basically saying you all.
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Yes, so gains is essentially you
all yet got it. Ginser is
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sort of the term we use to
describe those people, you know, it's
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like a term of endearment now,
like you're a part of, you know,
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Pittsburgh, your aginser. But yeah, Yan's is just you all.
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It just a weird, weird thing
that we all say. I grew up
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saying Yin's, guys has all the
time. It took me a long time
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to realize that, like that's not
a normal thing that people say. Well,
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take me back to to the story
of Dave. You know you started,
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you know your passion for design,
certainly early, and we can get
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into a little more of the details
on you know your progression. But take
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me back to when it started for
you. When did you realize, like
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man, design is something that's in
my blood, this is what I want
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to be and wow, how cool
would it be to work in sports?
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Okay, so that's a very interesting
question for me because I definitely didn't have
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passion for design for a long time. But I was always an art kid.
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My mom still has it. I
made a comic book about the first
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episode of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when
I was a kid and it was like
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the first art project I made and
for some reason, like I did it
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on my own and I fell in
love with it. So I just became
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an art kid and I didn't really
know what I was going to do with
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that. You know, part of
my mental health stuff is that I didn't
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necessarily have mentors or people in the
field that I knew or anything like that.
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I felt very isolated from the field. So I kind of went my
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own way and didn't really discovered design
until high school and you know, honestly,
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I kind of fell into it just
because I knew that fine art wasn't
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something I wanted to do and it
was not an illustration was so competitive and
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I didn't want to get into that
and I always loved brands and advertising,
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but but I didn't like the idea
of going into an agency and being an
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advertiser. So I just kind of
fell into design. Honestly it fell in
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love with it and and they.
You know, it's obvious from from your
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post. I have a couple really
good friends of mine who are massive wwe
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fans and wrestling in general and in
you guy. Can Tell from your post
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that you are as well. I
assume that had some play in that,
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right, because they are hands down
the best storytellers out there in my opinion.
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Yeah, absolutely. I mean,
honestly, I think way too much
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of my personality was formed around wrestling, but I think that is actually what
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really didn't form my love for storytelling. Is because you're watching every week this
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sort of crazy, over the top
story and finding ways to connect with it.
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You know, I was always the
runt as a kid, so the
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little guys and wrestling were by heroes
and when they overcame stuff, you know,
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I was yeah, all right,
I can do it too, you
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know. So yeah, I think
it really did play a part. And
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it's funny actually you bring up wrestling
because in high school I started using photoshops
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to Maud textures into old ntendo sixty
four games and and that's how I started
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photoshop. And when I got to
college I was like light years ahead of
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everybody because of making these dumb little
texture modifications for an old wrestling game.
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So wrestlings played a big part in
my life in a weird way. Absolutely,
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and and I think you're not alone
in that. I think there's a
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lot of people who who that's you
know, that taught them so much.
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You know about that and to this
day still still use that as inspiration.
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You know, a lot of my
friends, they, they, they consistently
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talked about it. Instantly try to
get me into it, but I I've
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I've watched when I grew up and
I was growing up in the you know,
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I'm forty three, so I might
the prime years for me watching wrestling
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was was hulk and and right were
randy and you know that that crew hacksaw
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and so to me watching like the
the documentaries now, like on DDP,
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and how he's brought some of those
guys back out from from, you know,
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some really, really dark places in
their mental health and their physical health.
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Was was pretty amazing to me to
see where they've come. Yeah,
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I mean actually the whole wrestling industry
is a whole has come a lot,
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a lot further than it used to
be. I mean that's something we definitely
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don't have to go into right but
it's that industry is definitely you see it.
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It's changed a lot in the last
ten, fifteen years. Really has
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mental health. Yeah, there's no
doubt. So so so. Out of
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high school you're kind of going in
with a little bit of you know,
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a feel for wanting to get into
the arts, into the design space.
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And then what was your next step? Where did you go to school?
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So I went to the art institute
of Pittsburgh. I wanted to stay local
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and it was just honestly, as
soon as I decided I wanted to do
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design and I found out there was
an artist to in downtown, I was
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in like that was I didn't I
barely looked other schools, which is probably
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mistake. Don't do that. But
but it worked out all right for me
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and I really love the school because
the professors at the time were actively working
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in the field, you know,
and we got a lot of good insight
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from that. It was an interesting
time, though, especially in a school
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like that, because you end up, I don't know how common this is,
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but in my experience I saw a
lot of design students come in who
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that passion wasn't there for them right
they just it was design is fun,
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design is an interesting thing, I'm
going to try it. And you definitely
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saw a huge dropoff from your first
year to your second year, you know,
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into your third year you really started
to see just how little people could
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actually survive through that program in an
interesting way. So they didn't really have
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any sort of there wasn't any sort
of focus outside of just general graphic design.
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It was very broad, broad spectrum, you know. They wanted to
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make sure we had experience everywhere.
So a lot of it was geared towards
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like the idea of you're going to
be an agency or you're going to run
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your design agency, but, you
know, not a lot of inhouse in
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house advice or anything like that,
which I found really interesting, especially ending
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up in house for all of my
career. So take me back to your
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graduated our institute. What was next
for you? So all right, you
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want to talk about mental health.
What's next for me was a deep depression
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and no jobs. Yeah, so, actually during college my dad had a
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work in the injury that really changed
his life and he was unable to work
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anymore, and so that put a
real shift in our family dynamic and so
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that kind of started my depression a
little bit. And then I finished school
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and nobody, I don't think anybody, really realize how depressed I was until
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I finished. And I finished couldn't, didn't have a job out of school
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and couldn't really find anything entry level
at the time and it was like all
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right, well, this was a
waste and this is over. And I
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specifically remember staying in my childhood bedroom
for nearly a week straight and I watched
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all of lost, which I don't
know why I picked lost at the time,
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but that's what it was and that's
all I did and I just couldn't
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do anything else, honestly. And
you know, eventually I got a parttime
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job working at sears and even then
I was just like what am I doing?
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You know. How did I end
up here? You know. Yeah,
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what your with that? That would
have been two thousand and ten.
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This would been like April ten,
car. Yeah, Oh, ten.
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What? Okay, and did you
have your brothers and sisters? Sister?
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Yeah, I have a younger sister. Okay, cool. So it was
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certainly probably put a interesting the family
dynamic at interesting in that when I am
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at yeah, yeah, for sure. You know, there was a lot.
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My mom wasn't necessarily the money maker, right, my dad was.
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So financially we took a huge hit
and my mom took a huge hit,
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just trying to keep the family together, you know, help my dad through
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all these things that he was going
through. You know. You know,
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I was there trying to help.
My sisters are trying to help. It
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was a back injury for him,
so it made him hard to walk around
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and to he had a basically can't
stand too long, he can't sit too
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long, he can't really do anything. So it was pretty rough for the
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beginning there for sure. Did you
feel like back in two thousand and ten
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we still probably weren't mental health wasn't
talked about it like it is today.
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No, did you? Did you
identify what you were going through is depression,
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or did you think what we're like, what the hell, what's going
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on? No, no, honestly, I had no idea and it was.
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It's a weird thing where I think
that depression was a normal thing in
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my life always, just even the
way I grew up. I definitely know
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or definitely suspect that my parents had
undiagnosed issues. So while it definitely was
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like a sad thing and I knew
I shouldn't be doing it, at the
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time, it didn't really register to
anybody. You know, it was like,
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okay, well, I we get
it that my parents just left me
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alone. My sisters left me along, so I're just like, well,
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we get it, you don't have
a job and we understand you're depressed about
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it. And you know I needed
more than that. But yeah, it
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was it. I didn't definitely didn't
know at the time. For sure.
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I only realize it now looking back
at just how terrible that really was.
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How long did they last? You
know, I I truly don't know.
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At that point, I think it
was just I've always been because I've dealt
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with it for so long. I
feel like it's just been a part of
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my personality to just pick up and
carry on. Eventually. I just no
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events. I have to make my
peace eventually and I have to move on,
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because what else am I going to
do? And I know that,
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you know, especially at that time, my family's relying on me, people
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are relying on me, so I
couldn't just sit on my ass forever,
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you know. So what was next? Eighty four lumber. Yeah, eighty
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four lumber, and that job honestly
fell into my lap. It was such
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a blessing. Yeah, because I
was still working as sears and I was
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still in that depression and I got
a call from a four lumber that they
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were they had an internship opening up
in their production sign shop and they got
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00:16:07.159 --> 00:16:08.559
my name from school that I wasn't
working, and they were like hey,
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you know, we try to get
people who aren't working come take these internships.
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You want it, you're ready interested, it'll be basically full time paid,
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and I was like absolutely, Yes, of course, you know,
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I'll take anything and also don't do
this. But I just walked out completely
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on sears and never went back because
I was heading my entire bets on this
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job. Like I took the interview
and I knew there were other candidates,
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but I quit my job immediately.
I was like, I'm I it gave
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me at least, I guess the
interview gave me a little bit of that
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boost, you know, good,
good, to get going a little bit.
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Yeah, so so worked out.
I got the job, but I
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don't suggest quitting your your courage job
before before you know you got it.
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Now that you know. You've done
a lot of that point in different areas.
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And certainly you haven't. You know, you haven't like like, like
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a lot of the young designers today. They've they kind of niched themselves in
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and said I want to organ sports. You have this opportunity at eighty four
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lumber working in the sign shop.
Where does that take you? And how
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to eat? You grew there fairly
quickly. Yeah, it was a very
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wild experience, quite honestly. They
had just one designer and I. They
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had just opened up their sign shop
to outside sales. So basically they were
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servicing all of the stores that eighty
four lumber has across the nation and they
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brought in outside sales. So I
was responsible for that and I was there
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for three weeks and then their full
time designer quay. So so I see
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it as an intern. They didn't
offer me a job. I was still
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an intern and I was doing everything
and that went on for like the almost
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the three months of the internship that
was supposed to be there. And my
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internship ended and I asked my boss
of the time about, you know what,
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if what's next? You know,
can I get a job here with
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you know, what do I do? And it was very much just keep
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your mouth shut and keep working,
because if they don't know you're here,
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then they're not going to get rid
of you. So they needed me and
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I needed something. I needed something
to keep me going. I needed the
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experience, I needed the job.
So it was a lot. I mean
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you talk about sports and you know, I know a lot of sports is
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really bad, but I'll tell you
what, I would take sports every day
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over some of that period of eighty
four member where I was the only designer.
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I mean it was very, very
long days, very stressful days.
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It was very formative for me,
though, skill wise. I learned to
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work extremely fast and it became a
huge selling point for the outside sales,
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and that's how I ended up started
growing in the organization, is that they
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realized how much my skills were being
sold. So they started taking me a
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little bit more seriously. And then
so I ended up, as you know,
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fulltime designer. Eventually we had a
we had hired other designer, so
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I was about myself anymore, which
was amazing. And then, you know,
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so I did the eighty four thing
for a while and I enjoyed it.
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It gave me a lot of different
experience with a lot of different or
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companies. Right, like I was
doing some stuff for local radio stations and
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it kind of gave me a little
bit of sports experience as well. It
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gave me some experience where I wasn't
directly working with teams or in sports,
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but you know, these were sponsors
and sponsored graphics and stuff like that.
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So just kind of gave me a
little bit of the idea in the contacts
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and sports. And because they say, number signs were all over the place
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and yeah, right. I remember
when we had the winner classic here in
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Pittsburgh, I was still I was
still at eighty fur lumber and we I
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had to do dashboards for it.
Right, it was the dumbest thing.
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It's a logo on a white board, but man, I was so proud
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and I we dragged my whole family
down to the water class classic. We
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didn't have tickets, but we went
there just so they can peek in and
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see the damn dashboards, because everybody
was so proud about it. It's great.
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And where you and yeah, and
I see you guys. Grew up
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as a Pisburgh sports fans. Yeah, you know, it wasn't. I
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wasn't necessarily sports fan. Like I
said, I was a kid. I
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was an art kid, right.
So, especially in the high school ere
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I was like sports, these damn
sports kids. They get all the money,
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they get all everything at screw them. So but then, you know,
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like you said, I'm from Pittsburgh, so sports is in my blood.
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So definitely fell in love with it
after you know, fell in love
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with it once I got to college, for sure. And so how did
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that? That transition? Were some
of these contacts you started making? What
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transition to you into your next phase? No, actually, it's crazy,
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but not really. So how I
ended up getting this job was basically I
276
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had been looking to get out of
eighty four just because it'd been, you
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know, I was there for four
years. They had promoting me to creative
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director because I ran my mouth enough
different plane at works. Sometimes it's what
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it works and that's why I still
to this day, I'm very much allowed
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mouth because if I find out it
works. But yeah, it was time
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for something new, you know,
that was my first job. Whatever.
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I wanted something different and my sister
saw that the penguins were hiring and we
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had gotten tickets for this. Think
it was game five of the second first
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I can't remember which round it was, but it's against the Rangers. I
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think it's the first round in fourteen
and we were there and we lost,
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but that was the game I will
always remember as my sister saying, please
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sign up or please apply for the
shop, because you're going to be good
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at it and I know you can
do this. And I had no faith
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in it, honestly, you know, I kind of threw my name in
290
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there just the just the piece her, but it worked out. I guess.
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It was a long process to get
there in a it's actually was an
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interesting thing that because any for lumber
was a sponsor. They knew the entire
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process that that I was looking to
leave, that I was in the process
294
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out of your room with the penguins
and stuff like that. So it was
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a very unique exit, for sure. Yeah, for sure. How was
296
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the going back a little bit to
where we're talking about, for how was
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your family dealing with all of it
at the time? You Know Your Dad's
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health was at progressing or did these
winds help? Yeah, for sure.
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Yeah, for sure, definitely.
I mean in that time, by that
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time it had been a few years, so we had fallen into our new
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routine and it had become the new
normal. So it was definitely helpful,
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for sure. I think even just
a morale boost a little bit is always
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good for the family. So so
even just something to celebrate is always a
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big deal in our family. So
we always try to make sure we make
305
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it a big deal. That's great. How is your mental health doing at
306
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that point? So for me at
that point I probably I mean it was
307
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bad, but I didn't know.
I was okay, you know, I
308
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was living life, but it was
it was still bad and I had no
309
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idea it was. I just think
for me I threw a lot of myself
310
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into work. That's how I dealt
with it right and I know a lot
311
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of people have the same experience of
well, I don't know what else to
312
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do, so I'm just going to
keep on working becomes an escape almost.
313
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What's that? It becomes an escape
almost. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
314
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You know, it's I don't have
to worry about anything. I could just
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focus on the task, right,
and I definitely find someone like me.
316
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I find focusing on a task is
helpful for my mental health. So you
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know, at the time I didn't
realize, but it was a bad thing.
318
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So take us through those. I
mean that that had been pretty cool,
319
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right, you landed a job.
Thank you to your sister and for
320
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really cooling you. And that that
stories common. Actually. It's been a
321
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theme of other people, you know, pushing pushing designers to go beyond.
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You know there's there's impossion syndrome that
comes into play and some of those things.
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But take us through that. First
it was for me, honestly,
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I never thought I'd be here,
but here I am. And so how
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was that? How is that transition
into sports for you? It's it's quite
326
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probably quite a bit different. Yeah, it was. It was an interesting,
327
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very, very eye opening experience,
that's for sure. You know,
328
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especially coming in, because you have
no idea what it's really like from the
329
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outside. And I know a lot
of people say that, but it's really
330
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true. You know, especially I
see a lot of young designers who,
331
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you know, we've mentioned. They
come into it now with the idea of
332
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being a sports designer. Right.
I feel like a lot of them.
333
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I've talked a few young designers and
they're just shocked at like the amount of
334
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resources. Yet you get the amount
of time that you get to work with
335
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players, the you know, how
how do you execute your creative and how
336
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does it go across all these multiple
platforms? And it was so educating.
337
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That first year especially was so educating
for me. It really changed everything.
338
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It at a for lumbered for so
long. I was the the Guy Right,
339
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big, big, big fish,
small pond. I was the only
340
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one there who knew how this all
is supposed to work, and so for
341
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me to come into an organization where
it was already happening was incredible, and
342
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it was. That was probably the
most exciting part of all of it,
343
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to be honest. It wasn't the
oh I'm in sports or I get to
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meet Sydney crosby or whatever. It
was. I felt like I finally had
345
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a home, right. I felt
like I had somewhere where there was some
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respect for design. At least.
That's Um that's that's really important here too,
347
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because there's not not a lot of
sports teams have that, you know.
348
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And and so it sounds like you
came in and there was already kind
349
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of an internal, internal team from
the design standpoint. Yes, yeah,
350
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so I came in and the teams
were very separated at the time, so
351
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that we had a creative services,
we had video production and at the time
352
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that was it. There was no
social designer, if I remember correctly,
353
00:26:41.079 --> 00:26:45.799
I believe that. If I'm correct, I think that, you know,
354
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:48.990
it was just the social managers hire
did their graphics and if they needed something
355
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more major they got a hold of
creative services. But everyone was real separated
356
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at the time and that was something
that immediately flag as a problem. I
357
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was like, this is a bad
idea, like, what are we doing?
358
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And you know, I think that
actually, I think that, like
359
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a lot of that eighty four,
learning to speak up, learning to say
360
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hey, this is a bad idea
or hey, I think that we should
361
00:27:15.809 --> 00:27:18.849
do something different here, really helped
me at the penguins to come in and
362
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in they respected the idea that I
had an outsider perspective to because, you
363
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know, my boss has been there
from ninety three right. She's been there
364
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forever. She's basically was creative services
throughout the S. she's the reason that
365
00:27:36.359 --> 00:27:41.680
they have a creative service services department
now. So it was just, I
366
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think she appreciated that too, a
little bit of a different perspective. So
367
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absolutely so. You went through certainly
some ups. Tell us, you know,
368
00:27:52.990 --> 00:27:56.190
I got the doctor Roxy what it
was like about winning some world series,
369
00:27:56.349 --> 00:28:02.059
you know, and and and I've
been close, but I've never felt
370
00:28:02.180 --> 00:28:06.940
that right. I felt the heartbreak
of losing and and and and, like
371
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you, I was never a sports
guy right. So it helped me because
372
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I wasn't like it. Didn't.
You had to come in work on money.
373
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We was sure if I used always
say that, would like like we're
374
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going to high we're not necessarily going
to hire the biggest fans, because if
375
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you have to come in after a
hundred and ten lost season, you know,
376
00:28:22.089 --> 00:28:25.130
on a baseball team on a Monday
morning, it's going to suck if
377
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you're just a massive superfan. But
but how was that experience for you?
378
00:28:30.119 --> 00:28:33.799
You guys went back to back.
That had to be pretty amazing. It
379
00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:37.119
was. Okay, so it was
amazing and it was a lot of work.
380
00:28:38.480 --> 00:28:42.109
So I don't know, you know
if you'll remember, but between the
381
00:28:42.190 --> 00:28:45.190
back of the back, that's when
we changed our color from Vegas Gold to
382
00:28:45.349 --> 00:28:52.829
Pittsburgh Gold officially, and also during
that summer that is when they change the
383
00:28:52.869 --> 00:28:57.140
name of the building, the naming
rights change. So it was a very
384
00:28:57.259 --> 00:29:02.539
high high in the playoffs and as
we started, you know, internally we're
385
00:29:02.579 --> 00:29:04.140
starting to go like, all right, this is something special here, right,
386
00:29:04.220 --> 00:29:07.859
you know, because you don't talk
about it too loud but in hush
387
00:29:07.940 --> 00:29:12.130
tones, were like the something's happening
here, and so that was you know,
388
00:29:12.250 --> 00:29:15.730
and then you win, and then
it's a the most amazing thing in
389
00:29:15.769 --> 00:29:22.529
the world. I don't besides getting
married, was probably the only thing I
390
00:29:22.569 --> 00:29:29.440
would put above winning that championship,
honestly. And then, like you said,
391
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:32.240
like you said, you have to
come in the next day and work
392
00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:37.759
anyway. Right. So then we
win and then the work starts and you're
393
00:29:37.799 --> 00:29:41.950
like, okay, we have to
figure out how we put on a championship
394
00:29:41.950 --> 00:29:45.589
rate, how we celebrate, how
do we do this? Now it's been,
395
00:29:45.390 --> 00:29:48.509
you know how many years since we
want you know, it wasn't too
396
00:29:48.589 --> 00:29:52.710
bad, but you know, still
the technology lead from o nine to sixteen
397
00:29:52.859 --> 00:29:56.980
is pretty significant. So it was
a lot of work, but it was
398
00:29:57.740 --> 00:30:00.779
it was easy to do because you
enjoyed it right. You're like we won,
399
00:30:03.539 --> 00:30:07.009
but then, you know, the
building stuff happened and the color change
400
00:30:07.009 --> 00:30:11.809
happened and it really suck the air
out of that where you don't have an
401
00:30:11.809 --> 00:30:15.170
offseason. I know I heard roxy
talk about this. You know you don't
402
00:30:15.170 --> 00:30:18.890
have an offseason afterwards. There is
no time. You're celebrating and then the
403
00:30:19.490 --> 00:30:25.880
next thing you know it's training camp
again. So it was a lot,
404
00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:30.960
lot of weekend work, a lot
of late nights to go through the whole
405
00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:33.960
building to make sure we miss it. We didn't Miss Anything, to make
406
00:30:34.000 --> 00:30:38.430
sure every logo that we have is
updated, make sure every print files ready
407
00:30:38.470 --> 00:30:42.950
to go. I mean, it
was a long, long process that really
408
00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:48.829
really took its toll. And then
suddenly it's two thousand and seventeen and we're
409
00:30:48.869 --> 00:30:52.980
in the playoffs and we're winning again, and it was at that point,
410
00:30:53.180 --> 00:30:56.660
honestly, it felt like it was
a great thing and we wanted to win,
411
00:30:56.819 --> 00:31:03.779
but boy, it was exhausting right, just emotionally exhausting at that.
412
00:31:03.410 --> 00:31:07.730
You haven't slept in two years probably. I mean honestly, yeah, it's.
413
00:31:07.769 --> 00:31:12.450
It's really what it felt like coming
into that offseason, that offseason definitely
414
00:31:12.650 --> 00:31:18.250
in the two thousand and seventeen,
it definitely felt like, okay, this
415
00:31:18.289 --> 00:31:22.839
is the first time I can exhale
in two years. And, like you
416
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:29.200
said, and I think that experience
actually really did play a huge role in
417
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:36.029
how, like God's my mental health
sate now, you know, because I
418
00:31:36.190 --> 00:31:41.910
was used to that crazy work for
me four and then it was sustained so
419
00:31:41.950 --> 00:31:45.950
much for two years. Right,
it was every day, you know.
420
00:31:45.990 --> 00:31:49.940
There wasn't an off day. There
wasn't. There weren't even really easy days.
421
00:31:49.980 --> 00:31:52.140
It wasn't like, Oh, today
we just, you know, do
422
00:31:52.220 --> 00:31:59.059
a couple graphics and Mbr I.
It wasn't that, ever. So that
423
00:31:59.140 --> 00:32:02.970
I burned out hard after that.
I really crashed the burn going into like
424
00:32:04.369 --> 00:32:07.250
eighteen nineteen, for sure. In
one thousand seventeen and eighteen it was guy,
425
00:32:07.450 --> 00:32:10.329
that's when it started to get real
bad for me. Were you?
426
00:32:12.849 --> 00:32:19.400
Were you in a relationship at that
point? Yeah, so my shoes.
427
00:32:19.799 --> 00:32:22.759
Let's see turn remember the dates and
get my order right here. Yeah,
428
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:24.400
so we were still boyfriend and girlfriend
at the time, but we had been
429
00:32:24.440 --> 00:32:30.309
on and off for four years.
Prior to that, we've been together forever.
430
00:32:30.470 --> 00:32:32.829
Honestly, it was it was,
yeah, as a wild thing,
431
00:32:34.349 --> 00:32:37.869
but but yeah, so we were
living together in Pittsburg at the time and
432
00:32:37.430 --> 00:32:39.789
so it was great. We got
she got to be a part of that
433
00:32:39.910 --> 00:32:45.299
celebration and that was awesome just to
be able to share that with somebody else,
434
00:32:45.339 --> 00:32:51.539
you know, and someone who actually
saw the whole journey right. You
435
00:32:51.660 --> 00:32:55.019
know, it's one thing to you
know, I got to have my family
436
00:32:55.259 --> 00:32:58.809
come see the cup and get their
picture at the Cup and touch the cup
437
00:32:58.970 --> 00:33:01.089
and like that's an awesome experience for
them, but they don't see the other
438
00:33:01.130 --> 00:33:05.329
side of it. They don't know
the hours, they don't really know the
439
00:33:05.450 --> 00:33:08.369
work that goes in and living with
your significant other, in your partner.
440
00:33:09.009 --> 00:33:14.000
They know it and they see it
and it you know, it takes its
441
00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:17.400
toll on that relationship, no matter
how much you try. Yeah, I
442
00:33:17.880 --> 00:33:22.119
don't know. I've yet to make
a single person who can manage to do
443
00:33:22.279 --> 00:33:25.359
that kind of stuff. Honestly,
it's if you can, it's weird.
444
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:29.470
Yeah, it's so if you're out
there listening to this and you've managed to,
445
00:33:30.589 --> 00:33:35.309
yeah, and relationships and working in
this profession, or any profession of
446
00:33:35.349 --> 00:33:38.309
that man for that matter. Like
that's a that's a like let's talk,
447
00:33:38.509 --> 00:33:42.420
you know. Yeah, right,
when I'm like see, I need to
448
00:33:42.460 --> 00:33:45.339
hear it. Yeah, we want
to know the secret. So so,
449
00:33:45.579 --> 00:33:51.619
yeah, right, clearly, you
know, for the people that are listening,
450
00:33:51.660 --> 00:33:54.730
the people that follow you on twitter, you're very, very outspoken on
451
00:33:55.329 --> 00:34:00.329
and very real and raw with your
emotions on what's been happening, not only
452
00:34:00.369 --> 00:34:07.250
about your life, your mental health, the struggles. So so you went
453
00:34:07.329 --> 00:34:13.639
through this. This clearly had an
effect on your relationship. was was was
454
00:34:14.679 --> 00:34:16.960
that one of the you know,
you can, you can dive into what's
455
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:21.920
kind of happened recently as much as
you feel comfortable. But sure, certainly,
456
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:25.909
if this is affected you, it's
affected your marriage. You know,
457
00:34:27.150 --> 00:34:30.230
how are you dealing with this right
now and really what kind of happened to
458
00:34:31.070 --> 00:34:35.869
make this all happen? Yeah,
sure, so, you know, I
459
00:34:35.949 --> 00:34:37.780
don't mind saying it publicly. They
go. Right now, my wife and
460
00:34:37.820 --> 00:34:44.019
I are separated and we are trying
to still figure out what we're doing,
461
00:34:44.300 --> 00:34:49.659
you know, and it's been that's
been a very difficult thing, probably one
462
00:34:49.699 --> 00:34:54.010
of the most difficult things I've ever
had to do, quite honestly. But
463
00:34:54.130 --> 00:35:00.489
yeah, so the at the time, you know, we were still doing
464
00:35:00.530 --> 00:35:06.210
okay and you know my wife well, my girlfriends the time. She she
465
00:35:07.090 --> 00:35:13.400
was very understanding and very supportive and
very helpful and and you know she,
466
00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:15.440
like I said, she saw everything
I was going through at the time.
467
00:35:15.440 --> 00:35:20.639
So she understood the burnout. She
understood why I would come home and just
468
00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:22.550
not say anything. You know,
I would just sit there and zone out
469
00:35:22.590 --> 00:35:29.710
because I just had nothing left to
give. I was losing everything at work.
470
00:35:30.510 --> 00:35:36.300
And so we it started to build
that distance a little bit, you
471
00:35:36.420 --> 00:35:42.380
know, and slowly over time.
You know, the last three years I
472
00:35:42.500 --> 00:35:46.699
get two years. It's that's eroded
in our relationship. It's, you know,
473
00:35:46.820 --> 00:35:51.449
it's been a poison really and even
if we know it's there, it
474
00:35:51.650 --> 00:35:53.449
was something that we could in face. At the time. We weren't ready,
475
00:35:55.409 --> 00:36:02.409
you know, I didn't even realize
I had mental health issues until after
476
00:36:02.449 --> 00:36:07.519
I got married. So so,
you know, it's all still very new
477
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:14.800
for all of us and it's very
difficult to try and navigate right now.
478
00:36:15.559 --> 00:36:19.750
You mentioned that to me and in
the pre interview like that. You didn't
479
00:36:20.510 --> 00:36:23.030
realize you had mental health issues until
you got married. I feel that it
480
00:36:23.469 --> 00:36:29.150
took me, Gosh, till I
was forty years old to realize that for
481
00:36:29.269 --> 00:36:34.780
me. How what caused you to
realize that and how did that manifest that
482
00:36:35.300 --> 00:36:40.099
that you did have these things?
Sure you know? So, looking back
483
00:36:40.139 --> 00:36:45.500
at it now, you know my
wife would have said the day before we
484
00:36:45.579 --> 00:36:47.809
got married, I we were just
sitting here and I said it. You
485
00:36:47.889 --> 00:36:50.769
know, something ever happens to me, I want you to carry on,
486
00:36:51.170 --> 00:36:55.530
don't don't warn me, and she's
like, Dave, what, we're getting
487
00:36:55.570 --> 00:36:59.889
married tomorrow. What are you like? Why are you bringing like what the
488
00:37:00.010 --> 00:37:04.119
hell are you talking about? This
for it? And I just felt like,
489
00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:06.840
for me, I was like,
is this a problem? I don't
490
00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:09.719
understand. You know, it's I
feel like it's something we should talk about.
491
00:37:09.719 --> 00:37:15.159
And you know, she's just like, in from her perspective, was
492
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:16.550
very much you know, hey,
this is supposed to be happy time.
493
00:37:16.630 --> 00:37:22.269
Why the hell are you bringing up
this extremely negative thought? And so that
494
00:37:22.510 --> 00:37:28.789
was, I think, probably the
first sign that I was cracking. And
495
00:37:28.989 --> 00:37:31.300
so then, you know, we
went through our engagement in our marriage,
496
00:37:31.300 --> 00:37:36.099
which obviously you know. Everyone who's
been married knows how stressful that is.
497
00:37:37.659 --> 00:37:39.500
And for as much as I didn't
think it would be for us. It
498
00:37:39.739 --> 00:37:49.050
was. And so after we got
married I started having real bad health issues
499
00:37:49.250 --> 00:37:57.570
that weren't actually real. It was
it was interesting. So I had like
500
00:37:58.489 --> 00:38:01.159
I started going to the I went
to the emergency room like three times in
501
00:38:02.159 --> 00:38:07.400
two months, thinking I had heart
attack and I was a panic tack.
502
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:14.230
And then I had convinced myself that
something was wrong with my leg. It
503
00:38:14.389 --> 00:38:15.869
was I slept on it wrong or
something like that, but I was like,
504
00:38:15.949 --> 00:38:19.030
something's wrong with my leg, I
have a blood clot, I need
505
00:38:19.110 --> 00:38:22.070
to go to the hospital. And
I went to the hospital and they were
506
00:38:22.110 --> 00:38:24.590
like you're okay, you know,
everything's fine, just a little pain.
507
00:38:24.670 --> 00:38:31.179
Takes some uper broveen and eventually,
you know, my wife sat down with
508
00:38:31.300 --> 00:38:37.019
me and she said, Dave,
I've kept a list and over the last
509
00:38:37.059 --> 00:38:43.570
two months you have told me that
you are worried about eighteen different ailments,
510
00:38:43.929 --> 00:38:51.489
whether it was gesticular cancer, brain
to embers, you know, heart failure,
511
00:38:51.889 --> 00:38:57.559
blood clots, whatever. I was
really manifesting all of this, all
512
00:38:57.639 --> 00:39:01.800
this stuff in my head that wasn't
there and because, I don't know,
513
00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:06.400
I guess that was just my I
had that point broken. I don't know.
514
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:10.110
You know, I don't know.
I think it was just maybe after
515
00:39:10.190 --> 00:39:15.429
the marriage. It was finally the
first time in you know, since before
516
00:39:15.469 --> 00:39:19.230
we won the first cop that I
could kind of take the foot off the
517
00:39:19.630 --> 00:39:23.460
pedal a little bit, and I
think once I did it just all came
518
00:39:24.219 --> 00:39:29.420
crushing right. Yeah, so,
yeah, so, that's I mean that's
519
00:39:29.460 --> 00:39:35.539
really how it sorry for me.
How did it affect what you were you
520
00:39:35.619 --> 00:39:42.170
know, your work with the penguins? Well, you know, I mentioned
521
00:39:42.210 --> 00:39:45.610
earlier that I tried to always carry
on right, because that's just how I
522
00:39:45.769 --> 00:39:50.289
was raised. So I tried,
but Um, you know, eventually you
523
00:39:50.409 --> 00:39:57.440
can't hide that stuff anymore. And
you know, I started the my emotions
524
00:39:57.519 --> 00:40:00.480
have always been hard for me to
manage. It's you know, it's just
525
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:07.750
dealing with them and processing them.
It just overwhelming for me. So as
526
00:40:07.789 --> 00:40:09.269
a lot of this was going on, you know, obviously I'm getting a
527
00:40:09.269 --> 00:40:14.670
lot more emotional and I was starting
to feel a lot more unstable and you
528
00:40:14.789 --> 00:40:17.829
know, I was straight up getting
up out on my desk randomly going to
529
00:40:17.869 --> 00:40:22.699
the bathroom and I would just ball
my eyes out, and I mean for
530
00:40:22.860 --> 00:40:24.659
no reason. It was just I
was sitting there and listening to music and
531
00:40:24.699 --> 00:40:29.780
all of a sudden I felt it
and you know, and then it started.
532
00:40:30.380 --> 00:40:32.860
So I started disappearing a little bit
at work, you know, and
533
00:40:34.780 --> 00:40:37.369
I was open with my boss about
it, you know, not too not
534
00:40:37.610 --> 00:40:39.889
too much, but you know,
I said, Hey, I'm going through
535
00:40:39.929 --> 00:40:45.610
some self juice. So, you
know. And and yeah, so then
536
00:40:45.610 --> 00:40:50.320
they started to become I would wake
up panicked and I was missing where.
537
00:40:50.360 --> 00:40:52.360
I would call and say, Hey, I cannot come in today, or
538
00:40:52.440 --> 00:40:54.360
I was just straight up like I
would have a meeting and I would get
539
00:40:54.360 --> 00:40:58.320
out of that meeting and like I
gotta go, like there. There was
540
00:40:58.320 --> 00:41:00.559
definitely time sword like I just left
the building because I just couldn't handle it
541
00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:06.269
anymore. There's nothing, I didn't
have anywhere to go. It was just
542
00:41:07.070 --> 00:41:09.590
you just had to change something,
and like that's when I was starting to
543
00:41:09.670 --> 00:41:15.190
really see, okay, I need
to do something, because this is definitely
544
00:41:15.190 --> 00:41:20.019
not okay. Yeah, yeah,
what did you do? When did you
545
00:41:20.059 --> 00:41:24.059
get out? Yeah, so I
am. So I went to my primary
546
00:41:24.179 --> 00:41:30.460
doctor, you know, and started
doing therapy that way, started take a
547
00:41:30.539 --> 00:41:34.090
medication, and I was real against
it at first. I had a real
548
00:41:34.130 --> 00:41:39.090
hard time with it because I didn't
accept it, and I still don't quite
549
00:41:39.130 --> 00:41:45.849
honestly, it's you know, I
was because I was always so headstrong,
550
00:41:45.969 --> 00:41:49.800
right, I've talked a lot about
you know, I'm outspoken. I don't
551
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:52.599
will say my mind, and so
I you know, it was almost like,
552
00:41:53.320 --> 00:41:57.599
wait a minute, can I believe
myself? Right, yeah, I
553
00:41:57.599 --> 00:42:00.750
didn't know if I could trust myself
anymore, as it was hard. So
554
00:42:02.150 --> 00:42:08.269
so I started doing all that and
it was fine. But it did it,
555
00:42:08.429 --> 00:42:10.829
wasn't it? You know, it
went on for a little bit and
556
00:42:12.070 --> 00:42:15.780
then it just kept but I wasn't
getting any better. I mean, I
557
00:42:15.860 --> 00:42:19.900
was just getting worse and worse somewhorse
and I would get little spikes of you
558
00:42:19.980 --> 00:42:22.179
know, let's try this medicine and
I'm like, okay, cool, and
559
00:42:22.300 --> 00:42:24.699
I'd get a spike and feel great
and then, you know, a couple
560
00:42:24.699 --> 00:42:31.170
weeks later, back down again.
So that beginning part was even getting the
561
00:42:31.289 --> 00:42:36.650
help, felt like too much.
It was. It felt like too much
562
00:42:36.650 --> 00:42:39.849
to deal with to the point where
I started not going because I just didn't
563
00:42:39.849 --> 00:42:44.719
want to leave my house. Right, like it wasn't yeah, like it
564
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:49.000
was so ineffective and I was getting
so much worse. That it was.
565
00:42:49.159 --> 00:42:52.960
It was bad and I that is
when I started to be like I don't
566
00:42:52.960 --> 00:42:57.000
know that I'm ever going to be
okay, or maybe maybe I've been right
567
00:42:57.039 --> 00:43:00.309
all along and I don't belong here. Right. It was it was a
568
00:43:00.469 --> 00:43:27.690
it's try. It was trying,
for sure. How did like, I
569
00:43:27.769 --> 00:43:30.369
saw a tweed last night that there
was an article that, you know,
570
00:43:30.489 --> 00:43:34.650
from Washington Post, saying seasonal depression, along with the pandemic, along with
571
00:43:34.809 --> 00:43:37.530
the election, is going to start
messing with our mental health. And I
572
00:43:37.650 --> 00:43:43.840
think I was there. There was
someone who responded like like like the obvious,
573
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:46.599
like yeah, no shit, like
like it's too late, like now,
574
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:51.079
like it's happening, you know,
and and I think about that.
575
00:43:51.199 --> 00:43:52.880
It for months now. We need
coping. Well, we need to know,
576
00:43:54.199 --> 00:43:58.070
we do like it, but you
don't need it. It's almost like
577
00:43:58.110 --> 00:44:00.710
stating the obvious, right, yeah, no shit, right, like we're
578
00:44:00.789 --> 00:44:04.469
we are in the middle of it
and everybody is and we don't know how,
579
00:44:05.070 --> 00:44:07.630
we don't know how to deal with
this other than talking about it,
580
00:44:07.869 --> 00:44:12.619
like in in, in in finding, to your point, like finding a
581
00:44:12.739 --> 00:44:16.619
new therapist, and in in adjusting
our MED's. Like I'm very open that
582
00:44:17.139 --> 00:44:21.099
with people that, yeah, I'M
ON MED's and I've been on MED's,
583
00:44:21.460 --> 00:44:23.219
you know, for the past three
years. And Right, they're the only
584
00:44:23.289 --> 00:44:27.010
thing when I miss a day.
Fuck, do I know it? Right?
585
00:44:27.050 --> 00:44:29.809
Right, Oh, yeah, for
she, you know, and I
586
00:44:29.929 --> 00:44:35.769
i. and those those heart palpitations
and the the panic that even just for
587
00:44:36.130 --> 00:44:42.239
for simple conversations, that shouldn't be
hard come back with a vengeance. And
588
00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:47.280
so certainly this must have affected you. You got, you get. Did
589
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:52.239
you get furloughed? Did you say
yeah, so, yeah, the pandemic
590
00:44:52.320 --> 00:44:55.429
started and we all got sent home, just working from home for a while,
591
00:44:55.469 --> 00:44:59.309
but you know, there was no
hockey and eventually no one knew what
592
00:44:59.309 --> 00:45:06.190
was happening. So I got furloughed
at the beginning of July and it the
593
00:45:06.269 --> 00:45:10.579
lasted only two months for me,
luckily, but that was hard to write.
594
00:45:10.699 --> 00:45:15.099
That's whenever I'm sitting here going what
the hell do I do now?
595
00:45:15.139 --> 00:45:19.099
I'm applying. I'm applying for different
jobs that I'm not hearing back from,
596
00:45:19.179 --> 00:45:22.130
and it was, you know,
it started that whole process again. Of
597
00:45:22.570 --> 00:45:23.690
in a way, it felt like
two thousand and ten all over again.
598
00:45:24.289 --> 00:45:28.170
It felt like I was starting from
the rock bottom again, right, because
599
00:45:28.210 --> 00:45:31.929
it for I'm applying for jobs,
but it feels like I'm not getting anywhere.
600
00:45:31.969 --> 00:45:37.760
Yeah, it was. You know, where was my worth now,
601
00:45:37.159 --> 00:45:42.599
because that I put so much worth
into work. So if there's a long
602
00:45:42.599 --> 00:45:47.480
time of trying to find myself and
who I am outside of work, and
603
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:52.949
I don't know that I successfully did
that, but it was, it was.
604
00:45:53.150 --> 00:45:58.030
There was the benefit of it.
Forced me to stop for the first
605
00:45:58.030 --> 00:46:02.750
time in ten years and that was
a good thing. You know it.
606
00:46:05.260 --> 00:46:07.820
I maybe struggle through that time,
but I will know. I do know
607
00:46:07.980 --> 00:46:14.539
that having to stop was a good
thing. Yeah, yeah, and so
608
00:46:15.219 --> 00:46:20.570
then, you know, obviously recently
within the past week, you know,
609
00:46:20.690 --> 00:46:24.690
stuff's happening with your marriage and and
you very you know, look with that,
610
00:46:25.010 --> 00:46:28.769
I it sounds like people have reached
out to you, which I love,
611
00:46:29.769 --> 00:46:32.440
and in very ear you being very
open and honest and saying hey,
612
00:46:32.599 --> 00:46:37.440
I appreciate it. Now is not
a great time to chat, but we
613
00:46:37.519 --> 00:46:39.519
will eventually. Inside then that's when
I reached out to you. We had
614
00:46:39.599 --> 00:46:45.119
talked prior you know, about about
getting on the podcast, and and then,
615
00:46:45.320 --> 00:46:46.349
you know, I reached out to
you and said, Hey, if
616
00:46:46.349 --> 00:46:49.349
you need time, take it,
if you need event, let me know,
617
00:46:49.550 --> 00:46:52.869
and your kind of response was,
let's talk about it. Like no
618
00:46:52.030 --> 00:46:55.030
better time than talk about it while
we're in it right, right right,
619
00:46:55.269 --> 00:46:59.630
you know, especially for I,
I'll say for me. You know,
620
00:47:00.469 --> 00:47:02.900
I block out a lot of stuff
after it happens just because I have a
621
00:47:02.980 --> 00:47:07.300
hard time with the emotions, you
know. So it's the best time to
622
00:47:07.340 --> 00:47:08.659
do it when I'm when I'm in
the Shit right now, you know.
623
00:47:09.139 --> 00:47:12.619
And, like I said, I
want to be open and honest because this
624
00:47:12.699 --> 00:47:15.969
is the thing that people go through
right no matter what you do, life
625
00:47:16.050 --> 00:47:19.369
isn't always going to be pretty.
It isn't always gonna be the way you
626
00:47:19.409 --> 00:47:22.050
wanted to. Obviously, when we
got married we weren't planning on this,
627
00:47:23.250 --> 00:47:28.769
but you know, it's real and
you know, I think it's worth having
628
00:47:28.849 --> 00:47:35.079
that discussion and had knowing maybe young
designers now won't need this advice, but
629
00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:37.679
maybe something that we will, or
maybe they will know, hey, somebody
630
00:47:37.760 --> 00:47:43.800
else went through this and that's important. Yeah, it is. You mentioned
631
00:47:45.230 --> 00:47:49.389
to me that the one of the
most been beneficial things for your workplace is
632
00:47:49.429 --> 00:47:52.230
your mental health. Does that there
for your mental health? Was your workplace?
633
00:47:53.909 --> 00:47:58.230
That that holds true for for a
lot of people. When it's when
634
00:47:58.269 --> 00:48:01.300
it becomes a distraction, I think
you know, almost almost like you said
635
00:48:01.340 --> 00:48:05.179
earlier, like the work kept you
going. So you don't have time to
636
00:48:05.260 --> 00:48:07.699
think about that. How is that? How is that for you now,
637
00:48:08.139 --> 00:48:12.420
you know, with a hockey coming
to an end and kind of paying in
638
00:48:12.460 --> 00:48:16.489
a little impast? Well, you
know. So I will say that the
639
00:48:16.610 --> 00:48:21.690
penguins, you know, when things
started getting real bad again towards makinning of
640
00:48:21.730 --> 00:48:27.599
this year, before the pandemic even
habit, the penguins, they, you
641
00:48:27.679 --> 00:48:30.679
know, my boss talk to you
know, they circulated basically, Hey,
642
00:48:30.719 --> 00:48:35.719
I'm having a problem, and they
really responded ex see, eatingly. Well,
643
00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:38.480
it was, you know, they
gave me the space I needed.
644
00:48:38.559 --> 00:48:43.909
They, you know, gave me
the freedom to I didn't have to feel
645
00:48:43.909 --> 00:48:46.190
guilty if I needed to stay home
right if I was having an anxiety attack
646
00:48:46.190 --> 00:48:50.269
and I just couldn't drive in and
at the moment it was okay. And
647
00:48:50.710 --> 00:48:52.750
so that did. That was a
huge help that they were just able to
648
00:48:52.909 --> 00:48:57.260
connect me with good people and kick
me with the right doctors that I needed.
649
00:48:58.579 --> 00:49:04.900
So that definitely helped. They definitely
had my back and they were willing
650
00:49:04.980 --> 00:49:08.059
to do whatever I needed to do. And that was like, like it
651
00:49:08.260 --> 00:49:12.809
just that was the first time I
felt like okay, I can really focus
652
00:49:12.889 --> 00:49:15.329
on this. It is okay for
me to focus on this, because I've
653
00:49:15.329 --> 00:49:19.530
been scared to even talk to them
about it right like I had anxiety about
654
00:49:19.530 --> 00:49:23.639
bringing it up because it's such a
private thing. And I think really their
655
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:30.159
support and them being open with me, and I know some of the honest
656
00:49:30.159 --> 00:49:32.840
conversations I had with other people in
the organization after the news came out that
657
00:49:34.039 --> 00:49:39.030
you know, I was going through
this really changed how I approached it and
658
00:49:39.869 --> 00:49:45.309
it's been the most beneficial thing by
far. And you know, if you
659
00:49:45.510 --> 00:49:49.590
if someone's out there and they can't
get that support from their workplace, you
660
00:49:49.670 --> 00:49:52.630
know, I'm not going to tell
you to quit your job or anything,
661
00:49:52.139 --> 00:49:58.579
but the organizational values are really important
and they will go along way in your
662
00:49:58.579 --> 00:50:02.699
happiness and I you know, I
think that's worth considering for sure. That's
663
00:50:02.739 --> 00:50:07.929
there's no more important thing than that
at this point, and that's you never
664
00:50:07.010 --> 00:50:10.090
want to tell people when you talk
to them, and and certainly people will
665
00:50:10.130 --> 00:50:14.690
probably want to talk to you after
this and they really wanted to already,
666
00:50:14.769 --> 00:50:19.090
but but you always want to let
people know your hope for the best in
667
00:50:19.329 --> 00:50:23.559
people, right and humanity, but
also two thousand and twenty right, that's
668
00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:27.519
right. Hey, like you know, it's pretty fucked up things, right.
669
00:50:27.800 --> 00:50:34.320
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, but it's great to know you
670
00:50:34.440 --> 00:50:37.469
know that that you had that support. So so today, like, where
671
00:50:37.630 --> 00:50:40.469
is Dave at? Where's your head
at? How are you feeling? How
672
00:50:40.469 --> 00:50:45.670
are you moving forward? It's it's
still up and down. You know,
673
00:50:47.909 --> 00:50:52.780
I just now, for the first
time this year, got back into talking
674
00:50:52.820 --> 00:50:58.300
to my doctors. So when the
pandemic hit, I backed off because it
675
00:50:58.460 --> 00:51:02.780
gave me a lot of anxiety and
I actually had the I had the whole
676
00:51:02.820 --> 00:51:07.329
thought of like I put everyone else
before me, and I'm sure a lot
677
00:51:07.369 --> 00:51:10.650
of people do. But I was
like, well, I have too much
678
00:51:10.690 --> 00:51:15.010
pride and I can handle it myself
because I know what's going on now and
679
00:51:15.090 --> 00:51:17.409
I know I have mental health problems. So I'll be okay and other people
680
00:51:17.449 --> 00:51:21.199
can get the help they need,
because they're going to need it more because
681
00:51:21.239 --> 00:51:29.960
of the pandemic. And so you
know, now with my wife and I
682
00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:34.750
having the separation, and you know, a lot talking about it. You
683
00:51:34.869 --> 00:51:39.789
know, a lot of it has
been me realizing how it's affected her for
684
00:51:39.949 --> 00:51:44.510
a lot of for a long time, and how my distance even though she
685
00:51:44.550 --> 00:51:51.099
understood and she allowed it. How
it's still creates a true distance. You
686
00:51:51.179 --> 00:51:55.460
know, you can understand every day, but try doing it for three years.
687
00:51:55.820 --> 00:52:00.179
Try being there for, you know, crazy hospital visits that aren't needed,
688
00:52:00.380 --> 00:52:05.210
you know, adding at financial stress
that isn't needed. And so,
689
00:52:07.090 --> 00:52:10.489
you know, it's a hard thing
because I understand where she is coming from
690
00:52:10.530 --> 00:52:14.530
and I understand where I'm at right
now, and where I'm at is still
691
00:52:14.650 --> 00:52:20.880
trying to figure out what is the
right thing for me. I think that
692
00:52:21.039 --> 00:52:25.360
we're finally getting to the right spot
and this whole experience has been very eye
693
00:52:25.400 --> 00:52:34.630
opening to me about the way really
just how how messed up I was for
694
00:52:34.710 --> 00:52:39.429
a long time. You know,
my thought process was not right and so,
695
00:52:39.550 --> 00:52:45.059
yeah, so I you don't Dave
right now is still in it actively.
696
00:52:45.179 --> 00:52:47.619
You know, there are still the
days where I wake up and I'm
697
00:52:47.699 --> 00:52:52.780
like this is this is not the
fucking day, right. I just fuck
698
00:52:52.860 --> 00:52:55.420
it, I can't. And their
days I wake up and it's okay.
699
00:52:55.699 --> 00:53:00.050
You know, you know. Only
let's talk about full transparency, right.
700
00:53:00.090 --> 00:53:05.650
So we're recording this. It's the
day before my wife's birthday and we,
701
00:53:06.170 --> 00:53:12.369
you know, we've been avoiding having
that discussion just because we don't want to
702
00:53:12.369 --> 00:53:15.119
celebrate it because it doesn't feel right. But we don't want to ignore it
703
00:53:15.119 --> 00:53:19.199
either, because we know why we're
ignoring it. And so, you know,
704
00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:23.360
you know she's not here now and
she won't be for her birthday because
705
00:53:24.519 --> 00:53:29.429
it's just too much for both of
us right now. And you know it.
706
00:53:29.670 --> 00:53:31.150
Just say, that's a hard thing
to deal with right like that's a
707
00:53:31.230 --> 00:53:36.750
hard thing to wrap your head around. About two months ago I thought everything
708
00:53:36.789 --> 00:53:39.269
was fine, right. I didn't
realize the impact of my mental health was
709
00:53:39.349 --> 00:53:45.139
having. And now, suddenly,
you know, it's crazy how quickly things
710
00:53:45.219 --> 00:53:52.699
can change. And Yeah, I
don't know. So still in the shit
711
00:53:52.820 --> 00:53:55.889
and still working on it. So, yeah, I think I'm not done
712
00:53:55.929 --> 00:54:00.289
yet. I guess right now.
And it brings you back to the point.
713
00:54:00.329 --> 00:54:04.690
And I have have this little d
print on the side of my desk
714
00:54:05.369 --> 00:54:07.929
that I post quite a bit.
It just it's the whole point of it's
715
00:54:07.969 --> 00:54:14.119
okay to not be okay and in
in it. If you are in the
716
00:54:14.239 --> 00:54:15.840
midst of it right now, and
if you're listening to this and you're in
717
00:54:15.880 --> 00:54:20.000
the midst of it right now,
you're not alone, like in in.
718
00:54:20.280 --> 00:54:24.230
That's I think. I think one
of the biggest things that that that not
719
00:54:24.389 --> 00:54:29.309
only are you, are you,
you've come to the understand of you know,
720
00:54:29.469 --> 00:54:32.510
and you're willing to to talk about
openly, but for other people to
721
00:54:32.590 --> 00:54:37.820
understand like that this okay to feel
like absolute dog shit right now, right,
722
00:54:38.460 --> 00:54:42.699
right, I mean like hey,
like we said before, two thousand
723
00:54:42.699 --> 00:54:46.579
and twenty right, even even beyond
just mental health in sports, there's so
724
00:54:46.739 --> 00:54:51.739
much going on in the world right
now and or in America right now,
725
00:54:51.780 --> 00:54:55.250
and tensions are high and you know, it's okay to it is okay not
726
00:54:55.650 --> 00:55:00.449
to not be okay. But,
you know, I would also say there.
727
00:55:00.849 --> 00:55:04.369
You know, for me it took
me a while to be able to
728
00:55:04.369 --> 00:55:09.920
get to say that, and you
know, before that I would have said
729
00:55:09.920 --> 00:55:15.880
that's bullshit. You know, quite
honestly, you know, for a lot
730
00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:17.920
of my life I was like this, all this mental health advices such shit,
731
00:55:19.119 --> 00:55:21.429
right, you know, you see, you see the lot of the
732
00:55:21.469 --> 00:55:24.110
generic stuff right like just, you
know, Oh, you can just drink
733
00:55:24.150 --> 00:55:30.150
some tea and you meditate, and
I'm sitting here like this is bullshit,
734
00:55:30.389 --> 00:55:37.699
this isn't going to help me.
But it does eventually, and I think
735
00:55:37.739 --> 00:55:42.659
that's I feel like that's to me. The important thing that needs to be
736
00:55:42.820 --> 00:55:47.179
said, more is that just because
this stuff doesn't connect with you now or
737
00:55:47.219 --> 00:55:50.969
make sense to you now, doesn't
mean some day at home, you know,
738
00:55:51.489 --> 00:55:55.449
you don't have to agree with all
these ideas. Are Feel Sunny about
739
00:55:55.449 --> 00:55:59.690
the stuff right now. It's okay, you know, and I think that's
740
00:55:59.769 --> 00:56:06.639
really the heart of it's okay to
not be okay. And I think you
741
00:56:06.840 --> 00:56:12.239
just answered it, but if you
were to tell your younger self, you
742
00:56:12.320 --> 00:56:15.360
know, just starting out, one
thing, like, what would it be?
743
00:56:17.710 --> 00:56:25.150
Say something, man, you know, I I kept myself a lot.
744
00:56:25.190 --> 00:56:29.349
I was isolated a lot, you
know, and there's various reasons for
745
00:56:29.469 --> 00:56:32.179
that, but for me, definitely
it would be speak the fuck up,
746
00:56:32.219 --> 00:56:37.820
right, you know, you only
have you only have one life, and
747
00:56:38.699 --> 00:56:45.179
your opinion can make a difference.
And there's IT. It can make a
748
00:56:45.260 --> 00:56:47.090
difference, even in a small way, and you might not even realize it.
749
00:56:47.690 --> 00:56:52.489
So speak the fuck up, say
how you fucking feel and address it,
750
00:56:52.650 --> 00:56:57.489
because you one need to be happy, you deserve to be happy,
751
00:56:57.650 --> 00:57:00.369
and if you keep kicking it down
the road the same way that I have
752
00:57:00.840 --> 00:57:07.199
right, like I'm thirty two now
and I'm only now just facing this and
753
00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:10.039
that doesn't have to be the way
it is for anybody else. You know,
754
00:57:10.440 --> 00:57:16.190
just speak the fuck up, say
something to anybody. Find your help.
755
00:57:16.269 --> 00:57:20.510
I don't care if it's me,
I don't care if it's somebody in
756
00:57:20.630 --> 00:57:22.989
your supports circle, I don't you
know, if you don't have, if
757
00:57:23.030 --> 00:57:28.789
you feel like you don't have any
buddy, you do. You just don't
758
00:57:28.789 --> 00:57:31.619
realize it yet, and it's it's
a work to find that person, but
759
00:57:31.739 --> 00:57:37.739
you need to. It's worth doing, man, I can't say it better
760
00:57:37.820 --> 00:57:44.889
myself. So da've pronic. Thank
you so much for hopping on today to
761
00:57:45.369 --> 00:57:51.050
the podcast and and and and in
vulnerability, man, like shit like that
762
00:57:51.289 --> 00:57:55.250
was it. That was the essence
of being vulnerable and and and, you
763
00:57:55.329 --> 00:57:58.960
know, that's what that's what we're
all about. That's what we're trying to
764
00:57:59.599 --> 00:58:04.159
destigmatize. You know, you can
feel it. You can feel a shift
765
00:58:04.199 --> 00:58:07.960
happening, even though we're in the
middle of it, like you can feel
766
00:58:07.079 --> 00:58:14.949
that there is some hope for humanity
still left. And this next week,
767
00:58:14.989 --> 00:58:21.150
for anybody, for everyone, is
going to be really hard, and his
768
00:58:21.309 --> 00:58:23.670
next few weeks. And so,
you know, you said it best,
769
00:58:23.750 --> 00:58:28.699
like reach out. We're here.
If people need to talk. We may
770
00:58:28.739 --> 00:58:32.099
not be able to talk at specific
times we're about specific things, but we
771
00:58:32.219 --> 00:58:36.420
are here and there are a lot
of people out there in our community,
772
00:58:36.460 --> 00:58:43.010
which is the sports creative community,
is small and tight and and will forever
773
00:58:43.210 --> 00:58:45.889
be. Even though, you know, I've been out of it for three
774
00:58:45.889 --> 00:58:49.889
years, I'm still in it and
you know, there's a lot of people
775
00:58:49.889 --> 00:58:53.889
who are and who are willing to
have your back in just simply have a
776
00:58:53.929 --> 00:58:59.480
discussion. So, yeah, I
mean, I can't think of a non
777
00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:04.440
gender term, but it's a brotherhood, right, it's yeah, you understand
778
00:59:04.519 --> 00:59:07.360
what everyone else is going through and
they become a sort of family to you.
779
00:59:07.880 --> 00:59:10.989
Yeah, it's family. Yeah,
it's just you know, everyone is
780
00:59:12.110 --> 00:59:15.389
willing to hear you, even if
you don't think so. You don't even
781
00:59:15.389 --> 00:59:17.349
the biggest people, the biggest names
you think you might not want to approach.
782
00:59:17.789 --> 00:59:22.750
They will hear you out if you
just approach them and fry you know.
783
00:59:23.340 --> 00:59:27.980
Yeah, yeah, well said,
my friend, will thank you for
784
00:59:28.539 --> 00:59:31.539
coming on the show today. It's
been much appreciated and we would definitely be
785
00:59:31.659 --> 00:59:36.619
thinking a match of as you're as
you're working through all this. All right,
786
00:59:36.659 --> 00:59:39.090
man, will appreciate it. Thanks
and you know. Hey, follow
787
00:59:39.130 --> 00:59:45.530
me on twitter if you want to
know more about what's happens next and joy
788
00:59:45.570 --> 00:59:50.090
of my marriage. So and it's
days saved the day right. Yes,
789
00:59:50.329 --> 00:59:52.320
I am the Internet's Dave saved the
day. You can find you there.
790
00:59:52.559 --> 00:59:55.480
A thought US your name pretty much
anywhere. So it. What was the
791
00:59:55.519 --> 00:60:01.639
ipodus behind that user name? Honestly, I really loved saves the day as
792
00:60:02.239 --> 00:60:07.150
the band saves the day, and
I love the way that Dave Save and
793
00:60:07.309 --> 00:60:10.110
day all kind of you know,
they a literate a little bit. So
794
00:60:12.349 --> 00:60:15.630
I don't know, I fell in
love with it and everyone else can suck
795
00:60:15.670 --> 00:60:20.230
it because I love it. And
on that note, thank you, my
796
00:60:20.389 --> 00:60:22.659
friend. We will will talk bucks
soon. All right. Thanks, man.
797
00:60:39.050 --> 00:60:43.610
Thanks for sticking around here till the
end of the show. That one
798
00:60:43.849 --> 00:60:45.849
was, without a doubt, one
of the most real and raw conversations I
799
00:60:45.969 --> 00:60:51.079
have had on the show to this
point, and if this resonated with you
800
00:60:51.280 --> 00:60:54.800
at all, please know that you're
not alone. There are so many people
801
00:60:54.800 --> 00:60:59.840
who are willing to lend an ear
or even just chat about things. But
802
00:61:00.039 --> 00:61:05.710
please know that there is help out
there and most teams have employee assistance programs
803
00:61:06.190 --> 00:61:12.630
out there to offer any assistance they
can. If you enjoyed this podcast and
804
00:61:12.789 --> 00:61:15.469
want to leave a review on apple
or spotify, I would greatly appreciate it
805
00:61:16.070 --> 00:61:17.940
and, as always, if you
want to hit me up on twitter,
806
00:61:19.019 --> 00:61:24.019
it's at creative af or at John
Willie. That's Jo n W illey.
807
00:61:24.900 --> 00:61:30.219
You can also find me on instagram
at Willie art or Jay Willie photo.
808
00:61:30.059 --> 00:61:34.329
I really appreciate Y'all and please,
please, take care of yourself
1
00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:07.509
Everybody. Johnny here. Before we
dive into this podcast, I just wanted
2
00:00:07.549 --> 00:00:10.869
to let you know that it's being
developed as a side project for my main
3
00:00:10.990 --> 00:00:15.470
work, which is now heading up
content strategy for an early stage media startup
4
00:00:15.509 --> 00:00:20.230
called better, spelled, betr.
We're a digital media company that creates and
5
00:00:20.309 --> 00:00:25.059
curates uplifting stories to help people move
forward in life with hope, confidence and
6
00:00:25.179 --> 00:00:30.899
acceptance. We offer written, video
and audio content spending categories such as wellness,
7
00:00:31.300 --> 00:00:34.380
mental health, humanity and more.
Is really something for everyone at better,
8
00:00:34.539 --> 00:00:37.890
whether you need to pick me up
content, personal stories about overcoming life
9
00:00:38.009 --> 00:00:41.850
and mental health challenges, story that
gives you the push to start that business
10
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To simplify its content that makes you
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media feeds, because who doesn't need
that? Right now, all right,
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now, here's the show. Say
something, man. You know, I
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I kept myself a lot. I
was isolated a lot, you know,
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and there's various reasons for that,
but for me definitely it would be speak
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the fuck up, right, you
know, you only have you only have
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one life, and your opinion can
make a difference, and there's it can
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make a difference, even in a
small way, and you might not even
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realize it. So speak the fuck
up, say how you fucking feel.
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Address it, because you one need
to be happy, you deserve to be
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happy, and if you keep kicking
it down the road the same way that
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I have right, like, I'm
thirty two now and I'm only now just
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facing this, and that doesn't have
to be the way it is for anybody
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else, you know, just speak
the fuck up, say something. If
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your panic is the name most of
you listening may recognize from our sports design
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twitter circles. If you've been following
day recently, you know that he isn't
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one to mince words at all.
Dave wears his heart on his sleeve and
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he's tweeted out recently, sometimes throwing
it into the universe is a really great
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way to help himself cope with things. Day's journey started out and has continued
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in his hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and as you'll hear soon, sports
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wasn't Dave's passion, but it wasn't
his blood, as it is in most
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of the population of Pittsburgh. He
would never have guessed or even dreamed of
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it growing up, but they would
become the recipient of tow backtoback Stanley Cup
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rings fairly early on in his career
as a designer. But with that achievement
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always comes a high amount of stress
and an insane amount of work, as
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many of us can attest to.
That tends to have an effect on not
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only ourselves but the relationships that we're
in. We're going to dive into that
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here very shortly, but I have
to ask him first to clarify one thing
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for me right up the bat.
From his twitter profile. I know a
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little bit about Pennsylvania, but you
tell me about like. I'm just going
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to start it off straight up.
Tell you about what. What the Hell's
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a Yins? WHAT'S A NSWER?
Oh, okay, listen, Yenser,
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I I love I keep the injurer
name alive for me. I mean honestly.
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So Pittsburgh, you know, let's
say back in the S, wasn't
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necessarily the most educated area and got
a lot of people who dialect really formed
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around the area, and so that
they just naturally happened and we all kind
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of embrace it now. So like
a Yinser really is just someone who has
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still has that like sort of downtown
like drawl to them. I don't know,
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I'm really bad at my Pittsburgh.
He's so I can't I can't really
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mock it, but it's definitely love
it, you know, and it's the
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city. At least is it is. The INS are basically saying you all.
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Yes, so gains is essentially you
all yet got it. Ginser is
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sort of the term we use to
describe those people, you know, it's
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like a term of endearment now,
like you're a part of, you know,
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Pittsburgh, your aginser. But yeah, Yan's is just you all.
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It just a weird, weird thing
that we all say. I grew up
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saying Yin's, guys has all the
time. It took me a long time
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to realize that, like that's not
a normal thing that people say. Well,
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take me back to to the story
of Dave. You know you started,
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you know your passion for design,
certainly early, and we can get
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into a little more of the details
on you know your progression. But take
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me back to when it started for
you. When did you realize, like
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man, design is something that's in
my blood, this is what I want
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to be and wow, how cool
would it be to work in sports?
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Okay, so that's a very interesting
question for me because I definitely didn't have
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passion for design for a long time. But I was always an art kid.
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My mom still has it. I
made a comic book about the first
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episode of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers when
I was a kid and it was like
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the first art project I made and
for some reason, like I did it
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on my own and I fell in
love with it. So I just became
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an art kid and I didn't really
know what I was going to do with
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that. You know, part of
my mental health stuff is that I didn't
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necessarily have mentors or people in the
field that I knew or anything like that.
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I felt very isolated from the field. So I kind of went my
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own way and didn't really discovered design
until high school and you know, honestly,
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I kind of fell into it just
because I knew that fine art wasn't
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something I wanted to do and it
was not an illustration was so competitive and
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I didn't want to get into that
and I always loved brands and advertising,
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but but I didn't like the idea
of going into an agency and being an
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advertiser. So I just kind of
fell into design. Honestly it fell in
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love with it and and they.
You know, it's obvious from from your
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post. I have a couple really
good friends of mine who are massive wwe
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fans and wrestling in general and in
you guy. Can Tell from your post
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that you are as well. I
assume that had some play in that,
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right, because they are hands down
the best storytellers out there in my opinion.
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Yeah, absolutely. I mean,
honestly, I think way too much
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of my personality was formed around wrestling, but I think that is actually what
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really didn't form my love for storytelling. Is because you're watching every week this
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sort of crazy, over the top
story and finding ways to connect with it.
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You know, I was always the
runt as a kid, so the
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little guys and wrestling were by heroes
and when they overcame stuff, you know,
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I was yeah, all right,
I can do it too, you
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know. So yeah, I think
it really did play a part. And
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it's funny actually you bring up wrestling
because in high school I started using photoshops
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to Maud textures into old ntendo sixty
four games and and that's how I started
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photoshop. And when I got to
college I was like light years ahead of
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everybody because of making these dumb little
texture modifications for an old wrestling game.
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So wrestlings played a big part in
my life in a weird way. Absolutely,
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and and I think you're not alone
in that. I think there's a
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lot of people who who that's you
know, that taught them so much.
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You know about that and to this
day still still use that as inspiration.
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You know, a lot of my
friends, they, they, they consistently
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talked about it. Instantly try to
get me into it, but I I've
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I've watched when I grew up and
I was growing up in the you know,
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I'm forty three, so I might
the prime years for me watching wrestling
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was was hulk and and right were
randy and you know that that crew hacksaw
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and so to me watching like the
the documentaries now, like on DDP,
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and how he's brought some of those
guys back out from from, you know,
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some really, really dark places in
their mental health and their physical health.
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Was was pretty amazing to me to
see where they've come. Yeah,
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I mean actually the whole wrestling industry
is a whole has come a lot,
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a lot further than it used to
be. I mean that's something we definitely
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don't have to go into right but
it's that industry is definitely you see it.
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It's changed a lot in the last
ten, fifteen years. Really has
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mental health. Yeah, there's no
doubt. So so so. Out of
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high school you're kind of going in
with a little bit of you know,
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a feel for wanting to get into
the arts, into the design space.
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And then what was your next step? Where did you go to school?
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So I went to the art institute
of Pittsburgh. I wanted to stay local
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and it was just honestly, as
soon as I decided I wanted to do
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design and I found out there was
an artist to in downtown, I was
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in like that was I didn't I
barely looked other schools, which is probably
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00:10:00.139 --> 00:10:05.179
mistake. Don't do that. But
but it worked out all right for me
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and I really love the school because
the professors at the time were actively working
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in the field, you know,
and we got a lot of good insight
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from that. It was an interesting
time, though, especially in a school
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like that, because you end up, I don't know how common this is,
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but in my experience I saw a
lot of design students come in who
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that passion wasn't there for them right
they just it was design is fun,
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design is an interesting thing, I'm
going to try it. And you definitely
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saw a huge dropoff from your first
year to your second year, you know,
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into your third year you really started
to see just how little people could
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actually survive through that program in an
interesting way. So they didn't really have
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any sort of there wasn't any sort
of focus outside of just general graphic design.
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It was very broad, broad spectrum, you know. They wanted to
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make sure we had experience everywhere.
So a lot of it was geared towards
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00:11:11.409 --> 00:11:13.409
like the idea of you're going to
be an agency or you're going to run
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your design agency, but, you
know, not a lot of inhouse in
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00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:22.600
house advice or anything like that,
which I found really interesting, especially ending
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00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:45.830
up in house for all of my
career. So take me back to your
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00:11:45.950 --> 00:11:50.899
graduated our institute. What was next
for you? So all right, you
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want to talk about mental health.
What's next for me was a deep depression
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00:11:54.419 --> 00:12:01.929
and no jobs. Yeah, so, actually during college my dad had a
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work in the injury that really changed
his life and he was unable to work
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anymore, and so that put a
real shift in our family dynamic and so
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that kind of started my depression a
little bit. And then I finished school
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and nobody, I don't think anybody, really realize how depressed I was until
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I finished. And I finished couldn't, didn't have a job out of school
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and couldn't really find anything entry level
at the time and it was like all
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00:12:33.309 --> 00:12:37.110
right, well, this was a
waste and this is over. And I
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specifically remember staying in my childhood bedroom
for nearly a week straight and I watched
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all of lost, which I don't
know why I picked lost at the time,
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but that's what it was and that's
all I did and I just couldn't
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do anything else, honestly. And
you know, eventually I got a parttime
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00:12:58.690 --> 00:13:01.649
job working at sears and even then
I was just like what am I doing?
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00:13:01.929 --> 00:13:05.169
You know. How did I end
up here? You know. Yeah,
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00:13:05.490 --> 00:13:09.570
what your with that? That would
have been two thousand and ten.
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This would been like April ten,
car. Yeah, Oh, ten.
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What? Okay, and did you
have your brothers and sisters? Sister?
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Yeah, I have a younger sister. Okay, cool. So it was
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certainly probably put a interesting the family
dynamic at interesting in that when I am
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at yeah, yeah, for sure. You know, there was a lot.
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My mom wasn't necessarily the money maker, right, my dad was.
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So financially we took a huge hit
and my mom took a huge hit,
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just trying to keep the family together, you know, help my dad through
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all these things that he was going
through. You know. You know,
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I was there trying to help.
My sisters are trying to help. It
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was a back injury for him,
so it made him hard to walk around
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00:13:52.100 --> 00:13:54.700
and to he had a basically can't
stand too long, he can't sit too
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long, he can't really do anything. So it was pretty rough for the
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00:14:00.169 --> 00:14:03.809
beginning there for sure. Did you
feel like back in two thousand and ten
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we still probably weren't mental health wasn't
talked about it like it is today.
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No, did you? Did you
identify what you were going through is depression,
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or did you think what we're like, what the hell, what's going
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on? No, no, honestly, I had no idea and it was.
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It's a weird thing where I think
that depression was a normal thing in
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my life always, just even the
way I grew up. I definitely know
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or definitely suspect that my parents had
undiagnosed issues. So while it definitely was
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like a sad thing and I knew
I shouldn't be doing it, at the
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time, it didn't really register to
anybody. You know, it was like,
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okay, well, I we get
it that my parents just left me
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alone. My sisters left me along, so I're just like, well,
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we get it, you don't have
a job and we understand you're depressed about
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00:14:58.529 --> 00:15:05.289
it. And you know I needed
more than that. But yeah, it
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00:15:05.610 --> 00:15:07.279
was it. I didn't definitely didn't
know at the time. For sure.
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I only realize it now looking back
at just how terrible that really was.
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How long did they last? You
know, I I truly don't know.
193
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At that point, I think it
was just I've always been because I've dealt
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00:15:22.669 --> 00:15:24.509
with it for so long. I
feel like it's just been a part of
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my personality to just pick up and
carry on. Eventually. I just no
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events. I have to make my
peace eventually and I have to move on,
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because what else am I going to
do? And I know that,
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you know, especially at that time, my family's relying on me, people
199
00:15:37.299 --> 00:15:41.299
are relying on me, so I
couldn't just sit on my ass forever,
200
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you know. So what was next? Eighty four lumber. Yeah, eighty
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four lumber, and that job honestly
fell into my lap. It was such
202
00:15:50.330 --> 00:15:54.490
a blessing. Yeah, because I
was still working as sears and I was
203
00:15:54.690 --> 00:16:00.129
still in that depression and I got
a call from a four lumber that they
204
00:16:00.169 --> 00:16:07.120
were they had an internship opening up
in their production sign shop and they got
205
00:16:07.159 --> 00:16:08.559
my name from school that I wasn't
working, and they were like hey,
206
00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:14.120
you know, we try to get
people who aren't working come take these internships.
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You want it, you're ready interested, it'll be basically full time paid,
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and I was like absolutely, Yes, of course, you know,
209
00:16:19.549 --> 00:16:26.669
I'll take anything and also don't do
this. But I just walked out completely
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on sears and never went back because
I was heading my entire bets on this
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job. Like I took the interview
and I knew there were other candidates,
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00:16:33.620 --> 00:16:37.659
but I quit my job immediately.
I was like, I'm I it gave
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00:16:37.779 --> 00:16:40.299
me at least, I guess the
interview gave me a little bit of that
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boost, you know, good,
good, to get going a little bit.
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Yeah, so so worked out.
I got the job, but I
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don't suggest quitting your your courage job
before before you know you got it.
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Now that you know. You've done
a lot of that point in different areas.
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And certainly you haven't. You know, you haven't like like, like
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a lot of the young designers today. They've they kind of niched themselves in
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and said I want to organ sports. You have this opportunity at eighty four
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lumber working in the sign shop.
Where does that take you? And how
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to eat? You grew there fairly
quickly. Yeah, it was a very
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wild experience, quite honestly. They
had just one designer and I. They
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had just opened up their sign shop
to outside sales. So basically they were
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servicing all of the stores that eighty
four lumber has across the nation and they
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brought in outside sales. So I
was responsible for that and I was there
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for three weeks and then their full
time designer quay. So so I see
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it as an intern. They didn't
offer me a job. I was still
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an intern and I was doing everything
and that went on for like the almost
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the three months of the internship that
was supposed to be there. And my
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internship ended and I asked my boss
of the time about, you know what,
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if what's next? You know,
can I get a job here with
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you know, what do I do? And it was very much just keep
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your mouth shut and keep working,
because if they don't know you're here,
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then they're not going to get rid
of you. So they needed me and
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I needed something. I needed something
to keep me going. I needed the
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experience, I needed the job.
So it was a lot. I mean
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you talk about sports and you know, I know a lot of sports is
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really bad, but I'll tell you
what, I would take sports every day
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over some of that period of eighty
four member where I was the only designer.
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I mean it was very, very
long days, very stressful days.
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It was very formative for me,
though, skill wise. I learned to
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work extremely fast and it became a
huge selling point for the outside sales,
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and that's how I ended up started
growing in the organization, is that they
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realized how much my skills were being
sold. So they started taking me a
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little bit more seriously. And then
so I ended up, as you know,
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fulltime designer. Eventually we had a
we had hired other designer, so
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I was about myself anymore, which
was amazing. And then, you know,
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so I did the eighty four thing
for a while and I enjoyed it.
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It gave me a lot of different
experience with a lot of different or
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companies. Right, like I was
doing some stuff for local radio stations and
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it kind of gave me a little
bit of sports experience as well. It
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gave me some experience where I wasn't
directly working with teams or in sports,
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but you know, these were sponsors
and sponsored graphics and stuff like that.
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So just kind of gave me a
little bit of the idea in the contacts
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and sports. And because they say, number signs were all over the place
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and yeah, right. I remember
when we had the winner classic here in
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Pittsburgh, I was still I was
still at eighty fur lumber and we I
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had to do dashboards for it.
Right, it was the dumbest thing.
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It's a logo on a white board, but man, I was so proud
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and I we dragged my whole family
down to the water class classic. We
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didn't have tickets, but we went
there just so they can peek in and
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see the damn dashboards, because everybody
was so proud about it. It's great.
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And where you and yeah, and
I see you guys. Grew up
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as a Pisburgh sports fans. Yeah, you know, it wasn't. I
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wasn't necessarily sports fan. Like I
said, I was a kid. I
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was an art kid, right.
So, especially in the high school ere
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I was like sports, these damn
sports kids. They get all the money,
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they get all everything at screw them. So but then, you know,
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like you said, I'm from Pittsburgh, so sports is in my blood.
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So definitely fell in love with it
after you know, fell in love
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with it once I got to college, for sure. And so how did
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that? That transition? Were some
of these contacts you started making? What
274
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transition to you into your next phase? No, actually, it's crazy,
275
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but not really. So how I
ended up getting this job was basically I
276
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had been looking to get out of
eighty four just because it'd been, you
277
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know, I was there for four
years. They had promoting me to creative
278
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director because I ran my mouth enough
different plane at works. Sometimes it's what
279
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it works and that's why I still
to this day, I'm very much allowed
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mouth because if I find out it
works. But yeah, it was time
281
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for something new, you know,
that was my first job. Whatever.
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I wanted something different and my sister
saw that the penguins were hiring and we
283
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had gotten tickets for this. Think
it was game five of the second first
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I can't remember which round it was, but it's against the Rangers. I
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think it's the first round in fourteen
and we were there and we lost,
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but that was the game I will
always remember as my sister saying, please
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sign up or please apply for the
shop, because you're going to be good
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at it and I know you can
do this. And I had no faith
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in it, honestly, you know, I kind of threw my name in
290
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there just the just the piece her, but it worked out. I guess.
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It was a long process to get
there in a it's actually was an
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interesting thing that because any for lumber
was a sponsor. They knew the entire
293
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process that that I was looking to
leave, that I was in the process
294
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out of your room with the penguins
and stuff like that. So it was
295
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a very unique exit, for sure. Yeah, for sure. How was
296
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the going back a little bit to
where we're talking about, for how was
297
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your family dealing with all of it
at the time? You Know Your Dad's
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health was at progressing or did these
winds help? Yeah, for sure.
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Yeah, for sure, definitely.
I mean in that time, by that
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time it had been a few years, so we had fallen into our new
301
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routine and it had become the new
normal. So it was definitely helpful,
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for sure. I think even just
a morale boost a little bit is always
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good for the family. So so
even just something to celebrate is always a
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big deal in our family. So
we always try to make sure we make
305
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it a big deal. That's great. How is your mental health doing at
306
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that point? So for me at
that point I probably I mean it was
307
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bad, but I didn't know.
I was okay, you know, I
308
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was living life, but it was
it was still bad and I had no
309
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idea it was. I just think
for me I threw a lot of myself
310
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into work. That's how I dealt
with it right and I know a lot
311
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of people have the same experience of
well, I don't know what else to
312
00:23:45.079 --> 00:23:48.720
do, so I'm just going to
keep on working becomes an escape almost.
313
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What's that? It becomes an escape
almost. Oh, yeah, absolutely.
314
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You know, it's I don't have
to worry about anything. I could just
315
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focus on the task, right,
and I definitely find someone like me.
316
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I find focusing on a task is
helpful for my mental health. So you
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know, at the time I didn't
realize, but it was a bad thing.
318
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So take us through those. I
mean that that had been pretty cool,
319
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right, you landed a job.
Thank you to your sister and for
320
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really cooling you. And that that
stories common. Actually. It's been a
321
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theme of other people, you know, pushing pushing designers to go beyond.
322
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You know there's there's impossion syndrome that
comes into play and some of those things.
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But take us through that. First
it was for me, honestly,
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I never thought I'd be here,
but here I am. And so how
325
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was that? How is that transition
into sports for you? It's it's quite
326
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probably quite a bit different. Yeah, it was. It was an interesting,
327
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very, very eye opening experience,
that's for sure. You know,
328
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especially coming in, because you have
no idea what it's really like from the
329
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outside. And I know a lot
of people say that, but it's really
330
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true. You know, especially I
see a lot of young designers who,
331
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you know, we've mentioned. They
come into it now with the idea of
332
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being a sports designer. Right.
I feel like a lot of them.
333
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I've talked a few young designers and
they're just shocked at like the amount of
334
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resources. Yet you get the amount
of time that you get to work with
335
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players, the you know, how
how do you execute your creative and how
336
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does it go across all these multiple
platforms? And it was so educating.
337
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That first year especially was so educating
for me. It really changed everything.
338
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It at a for lumbered for so
long. I was the the Guy Right,
339
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big, big, big fish,
small pond. I was the only
340
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one there who knew how this all
is supposed to work, and so for
341
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me to come into an organization where
it was already happening was incredible, and
342
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it was. That was probably the
most exciting part of all of it,
343
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to be honest. It wasn't the
oh I'm in sports or I get to
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meet Sydney crosby or whatever. It
was. I felt like I finally had
345
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a home, right. I felt
like I had somewhere where there was some
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respect for design. At least.
That's Um that's that's really important here too,
347
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because there's not not a lot of
sports teams have that, you know.
348
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And and so it sounds like you
came in and there was already kind
349
00:26:21.930 --> 00:26:26.809
of an internal, internal team from
the design standpoint. Yes, yeah,
350
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so I came in and the teams
were very separated at the time, so
351
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that we had a creative services,
we had video production and at the time
352
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that was it. There was no
social designer, if I remember correctly,
353
00:26:41.079 --> 00:26:45.799
I believe that. If I'm correct, I think that, you know,
354
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:48.990
it was just the social managers hire
did their graphics and if they needed something
355
00:26:49.069 --> 00:26:52.829
more major they got a hold of
creative services. But everyone was real separated
356
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at the time and that was something
that immediately flag as a problem. I
357
00:27:00.950 --> 00:27:03.140
was like, this is a bad
idea, like, what are we doing?
358
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And you know, I think that
actually, I think that, like
359
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a lot of that eighty four,
learning to speak up, learning to say
360
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hey, this is a bad idea
or hey, I think that we should
361
00:27:15.809 --> 00:27:18.849
do something different here, really helped
me at the penguins to come in and
362
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in they respected the idea that I
had an outsider perspective to because, you
363
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know, my boss has been there
from ninety three right. She's been there
364
00:27:30.920 --> 00:27:36.160
forever. She's basically was creative services
throughout the S. she's the reason that
365
00:27:36.359 --> 00:27:41.680
they have a creative service services department
now. So it was just, I
366
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think she appreciated that too, a
little bit of a different perspective. So
367
00:27:45.150 --> 00:27:52.950
absolutely so. You went through certainly
some ups. Tell us, you know,
368
00:27:52.990 --> 00:27:56.190
I got the doctor Roxy what it
was like about winning some world series,
369
00:27:56.349 --> 00:28:02.059
you know, and and and I've
been close, but I've never felt
370
00:28:02.180 --> 00:28:06.940
that right. I felt the heartbreak
of losing and and and and, like
371
00:28:07.140 --> 00:28:10.059
you, I was never a sports
guy right. So it helped me because
372
00:28:10.059 --> 00:28:12.250
I wasn't like it. Didn't.
You had to come in work on money.
373
00:28:12.289 --> 00:28:15.450
We was sure if I used always
say that, would like like we're
374
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going to high we're not necessarily going
to hire the biggest fans, because if
375
00:28:18.970 --> 00:28:21.970
you have to come in after a
hundred and ten lost season, you know,
376
00:28:22.089 --> 00:28:25.130
on a baseball team on a Monday
morning, it's going to suck if
377
00:28:25.170 --> 00:28:29.519
you're just a massive superfan. But
but how was that experience for you?
378
00:28:30.119 --> 00:28:33.799
You guys went back to back.
That had to be pretty amazing. It
379
00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:37.119
was. Okay, so it was
amazing and it was a lot of work.
380
00:28:38.480 --> 00:28:42.109
So I don't know, you know
if you'll remember, but between the
381
00:28:42.190 --> 00:28:45.190
back of the back, that's when
we changed our color from Vegas Gold to
382
00:28:45.349 --> 00:28:52.829
Pittsburgh Gold officially, and also during
that summer that is when they change the
383
00:28:52.869 --> 00:28:57.140
name of the building, the naming
rights change. So it was a very
384
00:28:57.259 --> 00:29:02.539
high high in the playoffs and as
we started, you know, internally we're
385
00:29:02.579 --> 00:29:04.140
starting to go like, all right, this is something special here, right,
386
00:29:04.220 --> 00:29:07.859
you know, because you don't talk
about it too loud but in hush
387
00:29:07.940 --> 00:29:12.130
tones, were like the something's happening
here, and so that was you know,
388
00:29:12.250 --> 00:29:15.730
and then you win, and then
it's a the most amazing thing in
389
00:29:15.769 --> 00:29:22.529
the world. I don't besides getting
married, was probably the only thing I
390
00:29:22.569 --> 00:29:29.440
would put above winning that championship,
honestly. And then, like you said,
391
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:32.240
like you said, you have to
come in the next day and work
392
00:29:32.279 --> 00:29:37.759
anyway. Right. So then we
win and then the work starts and you're
393
00:29:37.799 --> 00:29:41.950
like, okay, we have to
figure out how we put on a championship
394
00:29:41.950 --> 00:29:45.589
rate, how we celebrate, how
do we do this? Now it's been,
395
00:29:45.390 --> 00:29:48.509
you know how many years since we
want you know, it wasn't too
396
00:29:48.589 --> 00:29:52.710
bad, but you know, still
the technology lead from o nine to sixteen
397
00:29:52.859 --> 00:29:56.980
is pretty significant. So it was
a lot of work, but it was
398
00:29:57.740 --> 00:30:00.779
it was easy to do because you
enjoyed it right. You're like we won,
399
00:30:03.539 --> 00:30:07.009
but then, you know, the
building stuff happened and the color change
400
00:30:07.009 --> 00:30:11.809
happened and it really suck the air
out of that where you don't have an
401
00:30:11.809 --> 00:30:15.170
offseason. I know I heard roxy
talk about this. You know you don't
402
00:30:15.170 --> 00:30:18.890
have an offseason afterwards. There is
no time. You're celebrating and then the
403
00:30:19.490 --> 00:30:25.880
next thing you know it's training camp
again. So it was a lot,
404
00:30:26.839 --> 00:30:30.960
lot of weekend work, a lot
of late nights to go through the whole
405
00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:33.960
building to make sure we miss it. We didn't Miss Anything, to make
406
00:30:34.000 --> 00:30:38.430
sure every logo that we have is
updated, make sure every print files ready
407
00:30:38.470 --> 00:30:42.950
to go. I mean, it
was a long, long process that really
408
00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:48.829
really took its toll. And then
suddenly it's two thousand and seventeen and we're
409
00:30:48.869 --> 00:30:52.980
in the playoffs and we're winning again, and it was at that point,
410
00:30:53.180 --> 00:30:56.660
honestly, it felt like it was
a great thing and we wanted to win,
411
00:30:56.819 --> 00:31:03.779
but boy, it was exhausting right, just emotionally exhausting at that.
412
00:31:03.410 --> 00:31:07.730
You haven't slept in two years probably. I mean honestly, yeah, it's.
413
00:31:07.769 --> 00:31:12.450
It's really what it felt like coming
into that offseason, that offseason definitely
414
00:31:12.650 --> 00:31:18.250
in the two thousand and seventeen,
it definitely felt like, okay, this
415
00:31:18.289 --> 00:31:22.839
is the first time I can exhale
in two years. And, like you
416
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:29.200
said, and I think that experience
actually really did play a huge role in
417
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:36.029
how, like God's my mental health
sate now, you know, because I
418
00:31:36.190 --> 00:31:41.910
was used to that crazy work for
me four and then it was sustained so
419
00:31:41.950 --> 00:31:45.950
much for two years. Right,
it was every day, you know.
420
00:31:45.990 --> 00:31:49.940
There wasn't an off day. There
wasn't. There weren't even really easy days.
421
00:31:49.980 --> 00:31:52.140
It wasn't like, Oh, today
we just, you know, do
422
00:31:52.220 --> 00:31:59.059
a couple graphics and Mbr I.
It wasn't that, ever. So that
423
00:31:59.140 --> 00:32:02.970
I burned out hard after that.
I really crashed the burn going into like
424
00:32:04.369 --> 00:32:07.250
eighteen nineteen, for sure. In
one thousand seventeen and eighteen it was guy,
425
00:32:07.450 --> 00:32:10.329
that's when it started to get real
bad for me. Were you?
426
00:32:12.849 --> 00:32:19.400
Were you in a relationship at that
point? Yeah, so my shoes.
427
00:32:19.799 --> 00:32:22.759
Let's see turn remember the dates and
get my order right here. Yeah,
428
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:24.400
so we were still boyfriend and girlfriend
at the time, but we had been
429
00:32:24.440 --> 00:32:30.309
on and off for four years.
Prior to that, we've been together forever.
430
00:32:30.470 --> 00:32:32.829
Honestly, it was it was,
yeah, as a wild thing,
431
00:32:34.349 --> 00:32:37.869
but but yeah, so we were
living together in Pittsburg at the time and
432
00:32:37.430 --> 00:32:39.789
so it was great. We got
she got to be a part of that
433
00:32:39.910 --> 00:32:45.299
celebration and that was awesome just to
be able to share that with somebody else,
434
00:32:45.339 --> 00:32:51.539
you know, and someone who actually
saw the whole journey right. You
435
00:32:51.660 --> 00:32:55.019
know, it's one thing to you
know, I got to have my family
436
00:32:55.259 --> 00:32:58.809
come see the cup and get their
picture at the Cup and touch the cup
437
00:32:58.970 --> 00:33:01.089
and like that's an awesome experience for
them, but they don't see the other
438
00:33:01.130 --> 00:33:05.329
side of it. They don't know
the hours, they don't really know the
439
00:33:05.450 --> 00:33:08.369
work that goes in and living with
your significant other, in your partner.
440
00:33:09.009 --> 00:33:14.000
They know it and they see it
and it you know, it takes its
441
00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:17.400
toll on that relationship, no matter
how much you try. Yeah, I
442
00:33:17.880 --> 00:33:22.119
don't know. I've yet to make
a single person who can manage to do
443
00:33:22.279 --> 00:33:25.359
that kind of stuff. Honestly,
it's if you can, it's weird.
444
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:29.470
Yeah, it's so if you're out
there listening to this and you've managed to,
445
00:33:30.589 --> 00:33:35.309
yeah, and relationships and working in
this profession, or any profession of
446
00:33:35.349 --> 00:33:38.309
that man for that matter. Like
that's a that's a like let's talk,
447
00:33:38.509 --> 00:33:42.420
you know. Yeah, right,
when I'm like see, I need to
448
00:33:42.460 --> 00:33:45.339
hear it. Yeah, we want
to know the secret. So so,
449
00:33:45.579 --> 00:33:51.619
yeah, right, clearly, you
know, for the people that are listening,
450
00:33:51.660 --> 00:33:54.730
the people that follow you on twitter, you're very, very outspoken on
451
00:33:55.329 --> 00:34:00.329
and very real and raw with your
emotions on what's been happening, not only
452
00:34:00.369 --> 00:34:07.250
about your life, your mental health, the struggles. So so you went
453
00:34:07.329 --> 00:34:13.639
through this. This clearly had an
effect on your relationship. was was was
454
00:34:14.679 --> 00:34:16.960
that one of the you know,
you can, you can dive into what's
455
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:21.920
kind of happened recently as much as
you feel comfortable. But sure, certainly,
456
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:25.909
if this is affected you, it's
affected your marriage. You know,
457
00:34:27.150 --> 00:34:30.230
how are you dealing with this right
now and really what kind of happened to
458
00:34:31.070 --> 00:34:35.869
make this all happen? Yeah,
sure, so, you know, I
459
00:34:35.949 --> 00:34:37.780
don't mind saying it publicly. They
go. Right now, my wife and
460
00:34:37.820 --> 00:34:44.019
I are separated and we are trying
to still figure out what we're doing,
461
00:34:44.300 --> 00:34:49.659
you know, and it's been that's
been a very difficult thing, probably one
462
00:34:49.699 --> 00:34:54.010
of the most difficult things I've ever
had to do, quite honestly. But
463
00:34:54.130 --> 00:35:00.489
yeah, so the at the time, you know, we were still doing
464
00:35:00.530 --> 00:35:06.210
okay and you know my wife well, my girlfriends the time. She she
465
00:35:07.090 --> 00:35:13.400
was very understanding and very supportive and
very helpful and and you know she,
466
00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:15.440
like I said, she saw everything
I was going through at the time.
467
00:35:15.440 --> 00:35:20.639
So she understood the burnout. She
understood why I would come home and just
468
00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:22.550
not say anything. You know,
I would just sit there and zone out
469
00:35:22.590 --> 00:35:29.710
because I just had nothing left to
give. I was losing everything at work.
470
00:35:30.510 --> 00:35:36.300
And so we it started to build
that distance a little bit, you
471
00:35:36.420 --> 00:35:42.380
know, and slowly over time.
You know, the last three years I
472
00:35:42.500 --> 00:35:46.699
get two years. It's that's eroded
in our relationship. It's, you know,
473
00:35:46.820 --> 00:35:51.449
it's been a poison really and even
if we know it's there, it
474
00:35:51.650 --> 00:35:53.449
was something that we could in face. At the time. We weren't ready,
475
00:35:55.409 --> 00:36:02.409
you know, I didn't even realize
I had mental health issues until after
476
00:36:02.449 --> 00:36:07.519
I got married. So so,
you know, it's all still very new
477
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:14.800
for all of us and it's very
difficult to try and navigate right now.
478
00:36:15.559 --> 00:36:19.750
You mentioned that to me and in
the pre interview like that. You didn't
479
00:36:20.510 --> 00:36:23.030
realize you had mental health issues until
you got married. I feel that it
480
00:36:23.469 --> 00:36:29.150
took me, Gosh, till I
was forty years old to realize that for
481
00:36:29.269 --> 00:36:34.780
me. How what caused you to
realize that and how did that manifest that
482
00:36:35.300 --> 00:36:40.099
that you did have these things?
Sure you know? So, looking back
483
00:36:40.139 --> 00:36:45.500
at it now, you know my
wife would have said the day before we
484
00:36:45.579 --> 00:36:47.809
got married, I we were just
sitting here and I said it. You
485
00:36:47.889 --> 00:36:50.769
know, something ever happens to me, I want you to carry on,
486
00:36:51.170 --> 00:36:55.530
don't don't warn me, and she's
like, Dave, what, we're getting
487
00:36:55.570 --> 00:36:59.889
married tomorrow. What are you like? Why are you bringing like what the
488
00:37:00.010 --> 00:37:04.119
hell are you talking about? This
for it? And I just felt like,
489
00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:06.840
for me, I was like,
is this a problem? I don't
490
00:37:06.840 --> 00:37:09.719
understand. You know, it's I
feel like it's something we should talk about.
491
00:37:09.719 --> 00:37:15.159
And you know, she's just like, in from her perspective, was
492
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:16.550
very much you know, hey,
this is supposed to be happy time.
493
00:37:16.630 --> 00:37:22.269
Why the hell are you bringing up
this extremely negative thought? And so that
494
00:37:22.510 --> 00:37:28.789
was, I think, probably the
first sign that I was cracking. And
495
00:37:28.989 --> 00:37:31.300
so then, you know, we
went through our engagement in our marriage,
496
00:37:31.300 --> 00:37:36.099
which obviously you know. Everyone who's
been married knows how stressful that is.
497
00:37:37.659 --> 00:37:39.500
And for as much as I didn't
think it would be for us. It
498
00:37:39.739 --> 00:37:49.050
was. And so after we got
married I started having real bad health issues
499
00:37:49.250 --> 00:37:57.570
that weren't actually real. It was
it was interesting. So I had like
500
00:37:58.489 --> 00:38:01.159
I started going to the I went
to the emergency room like three times in
501
00:38:02.159 --> 00:38:07.400
two months, thinking I had heart
attack and I was a panic tack.
502
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:14.230
And then I had convinced myself that
something was wrong with my leg. It
503
00:38:14.389 --> 00:38:15.869
was I slept on it wrong or
something like that, but I was like,
504
00:38:15.949 --> 00:38:19.030
something's wrong with my leg, I
have a blood clot, I need
505
00:38:19.110 --> 00:38:22.070
to go to the hospital. And
I went to the hospital and they were
506
00:38:22.110 --> 00:38:24.590
like you're okay, you know,
everything's fine, just a little pain.
507
00:38:24.670 --> 00:38:31.179
Takes some uper broveen and eventually,
you know, my wife sat down with
508
00:38:31.300 --> 00:38:37.019
me and she said, Dave,
I've kept a list and over the last
509
00:38:37.059 --> 00:38:43.570
two months you have told me that
you are worried about eighteen different ailments,
510
00:38:43.929 --> 00:38:51.489
whether it was gesticular cancer, brain
to embers, you know, heart failure,
511
00:38:51.889 --> 00:38:57.559
blood clots, whatever. I was
really manifesting all of this, all
512
00:38:57.639 --> 00:39:01.800
this stuff in my head that wasn't
there and because, I don't know,
513
00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:06.400
I guess that was just my I
had that point broken. I don't know.
514
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:10.110
You know, I don't know.
I think it was just maybe after
515
00:39:10.190 --> 00:39:15.429
the marriage. It was finally the
first time in you know, since before
516
00:39:15.469 --> 00:39:19.230
we won the first cop that I
could kind of take the foot off the
517
00:39:19.630 --> 00:39:23.460
pedal a little bit, and I
think once I did it just all came
518
00:39:24.219 --> 00:39:29.420
crushing right. Yeah, so,
yeah, so, that's I mean that's
519
00:39:29.460 --> 00:39:35.539
really how it sorry for me.
How did it affect what you were you
520
00:39:35.619 --> 00:39:42.170
know, your work with the penguins? Well, you know, I mentioned
521
00:39:42.210 --> 00:39:45.610
earlier that I tried to always carry
on right, because that's just how I
522
00:39:45.769 --> 00:39:50.289
was raised. So I tried,
but Um, you know, eventually you
523
00:39:50.409 --> 00:39:57.440
can't hide that stuff anymore. And
you know, I started the my emotions
524
00:39:57.519 --> 00:40:00.480
have always been hard for me to
manage. It's you know, it's just
525
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:07.750
dealing with them and processing them.
It just overwhelming for me. So as
526
00:40:07.789 --> 00:40:09.269
a lot of this was going on, you know, obviously I'm getting a
527
00:40:09.269 --> 00:40:14.670
lot more emotional and I was starting
to feel a lot more unstable and you
528
00:40:14.789 --> 00:40:17.829
know, I was straight up getting
up out on my desk randomly going to
529
00:40:17.869 --> 00:40:22.699
the bathroom and I would just ball
my eyes out, and I mean for
530
00:40:22.860 --> 00:40:24.659
no reason. It was just I
was sitting there and listening to music and
531
00:40:24.699 --> 00:40:29.780
all of a sudden I felt it
and you know, and then it started.
532
00:40:30.380 --> 00:40:32.860
So I started disappearing a little bit
at work, you know, and
533
00:40:34.780 --> 00:40:37.369
I was open with my boss about
it, you know, not too not
534
00:40:37.610 --> 00:40:39.889
too much, but you know,
I said, Hey, I'm going through
535
00:40:39.929 --> 00:40:45.610
some self juice. So, you
know. And and yeah, so then
536
00:40:45.610 --> 00:40:50.320
they started to become I would wake
up panicked and I was missing where.
537
00:40:50.360 --> 00:40:52.360
I would call and say, Hey, I cannot come in today, or
538
00:40:52.440 --> 00:40:54.360
I was just straight up like I
would have a meeting and I would get
539
00:40:54.360 --> 00:40:58.320
out of that meeting and like I
gotta go, like there. There was
540
00:40:58.320 --> 00:41:00.559
definitely time sword like I just left
the building because I just couldn't handle it
541
00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:06.269
anymore. There's nothing, I didn't
have anywhere to go. It was just
542
00:41:07.070 --> 00:41:09.590
you just had to change something,
and like that's when I was starting to
543
00:41:09.670 --> 00:41:15.190
really see, okay, I need
to do something, because this is definitely
544
00:41:15.190 --> 00:41:20.019
not okay. Yeah, yeah,
what did you do? When did you
545
00:41:20.059 --> 00:41:24.059
get out? Yeah, so I
am. So I went to my primary
546
00:41:24.179 --> 00:41:30.460
doctor, you know, and started
doing therapy that way, started take a
547
00:41:30.539 --> 00:41:34.090
medication, and I was real against
it at first. I had a real
548
00:41:34.130 --> 00:41:39.090
hard time with it because I didn't
accept it, and I still don't quite
549
00:41:39.130 --> 00:41:45.849
honestly, it's you know, I
was because I was always so headstrong,
550
00:41:45.969 --> 00:41:49.800
right, I've talked a lot about
you know, I'm outspoken. I don't
551
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:52.599
will say my mind, and so
I you know, it was almost like,
552
00:41:53.320 --> 00:41:57.599
wait a minute, can I believe
myself? Right, yeah, I
553
00:41:57.599 --> 00:42:00.750
didn't know if I could trust myself
anymore, as it was hard. So
554
00:42:02.150 --> 00:42:08.269
so I started doing all that and
it was fine. But it did it,
555
00:42:08.429 --> 00:42:10.829
wasn't it? You know, it
went on for a little bit and
556
00:42:12.070 --> 00:42:15.780
then it just kept but I wasn't
getting any better. I mean, I
557
00:42:15.860 --> 00:42:19.900
was just getting worse and worse somewhorse
and I would get little spikes of you
558
00:42:19.980 --> 00:42:22.179
know, let's try this medicine and
I'm like, okay, cool, and
559
00:42:22.300 --> 00:42:24.699
I'd get a spike and feel great
and then, you know, a couple
560
00:42:24.699 --> 00:42:31.170
weeks later, back down again.
So that beginning part was even getting the
561
00:42:31.289 --> 00:42:36.650
help, felt like too much.
It was. It felt like too much
562
00:42:36.650 --> 00:42:39.849
to deal with to the point where
I started not going because I just didn't
563
00:42:39.849 --> 00:42:44.719
want to leave my house. Right, like it wasn't yeah, like it
564
00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:49.000
was so ineffective and I was getting
so much worse. That it was.
565
00:42:49.159 --> 00:42:52.960
It was bad and I that is
when I started to be like I don't
566
00:42:52.960 --> 00:42:57.000
know that I'm ever going to be
okay, or maybe maybe I've been right
567
00:42:57.039 --> 00:43:00.309
all along and I don't belong here. Right. It was it was a
568
00:43:00.469 --> 00:43:27.690
it's try. It was trying,
for sure. How did like, I
569
00:43:27.769 --> 00:43:30.369
saw a tweed last night that there
was an article that, you know,
570
00:43:30.489 --> 00:43:34.650
from Washington Post, saying seasonal depression, along with the pandemic, along with
571
00:43:34.809 --> 00:43:37.530
the election, is going to start
messing with our mental health. And I
572
00:43:37.650 --> 00:43:43.840
think I was there. There was
someone who responded like like like the obvious,
573
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:46.599
like yeah, no shit, like
like it's too late, like now,
574
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:51.079
like it's happening, you know,
and and I think about that.
575
00:43:51.199 --> 00:43:52.880
It for months now. We need
coping. Well, we need to know,
576
00:43:54.199 --> 00:43:58.070
we do like it, but you
don't need it. It's almost like
577
00:43:58.110 --> 00:44:00.710
stating the obvious, right, yeah, no shit, right, like we're
578
00:44:00.789 --> 00:44:04.469
we are in the middle of it
and everybody is and we don't know how,
579
00:44:05.070 --> 00:44:07.630
we don't know how to deal with
this other than talking about it,
580
00:44:07.869 --> 00:44:12.619
like in in, in in finding, to your point, like finding a
581
00:44:12.739 --> 00:44:16.619
new therapist, and in in adjusting
our MED's. Like I'm very open that
582
00:44:17.139 --> 00:44:21.099
with people that, yeah, I'M
ON MED's and I've been on MED's,
583
00:44:21.460 --> 00:44:23.219
you know, for the past three
years. And Right, they're the only
584
00:44:23.289 --> 00:44:27.010
thing when I miss a day.
Fuck, do I know it? Right?
585
00:44:27.050 --> 00:44:29.809
Right, Oh, yeah, for
she, you know, and I
586
00:44:29.929 --> 00:44:35.769
i. and those those heart palpitations
and the the panic that even just for
587
00:44:36.130 --> 00:44:42.239
for simple conversations, that shouldn't be
hard come back with a vengeance. And
588
00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:47.280
so certainly this must have affected you. You got, you get. Did
589
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:52.239
you get furloughed? Did you say
yeah, so, yeah, the pandemic
590
00:44:52.320 --> 00:44:55.429
started and we all got sent home, just working from home for a while,
591
00:44:55.469 --> 00:44:59.309
but you know, there was no
hockey and eventually no one knew what
592
00:44:59.309 --> 00:45:06.190
was happening. So I got furloughed
at the beginning of July and it the
593
00:45:06.269 --> 00:45:10.579
lasted only two months for me,
luckily, but that was hard to write.
594
00:45:10.699 --> 00:45:15.099
That's whenever I'm sitting here going what
the hell do I do now?
595
00:45:15.139 --> 00:45:19.099
I'm applying. I'm applying for different
jobs that I'm not hearing back from,
596
00:45:19.179 --> 00:45:22.130
and it was, you know,
it started that whole process again. Of
597
00:45:22.570 --> 00:45:23.690
in a way, it felt like
two thousand and ten all over again.
598
00:45:24.289 --> 00:45:28.170
It felt like I was starting from
the rock bottom again, right, because
599
00:45:28.210 --> 00:45:31.929
it for I'm applying for jobs,
but it feels like I'm not getting anywhere.
600
00:45:31.969 --> 00:45:37.760
Yeah, it was. You know, where was my worth now,
601
00:45:37.159 --> 00:45:42.599
because that I put so much worth
into work. So if there's a long
602
00:45:42.599 --> 00:45:47.480
time of trying to find myself and
who I am outside of work, and
603
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:52.949
I don't know that I successfully did
that, but it was, it was.
604
00:45:53.150 --> 00:45:58.030
There was the benefit of it.
Forced me to stop for the first
605
00:45:58.030 --> 00:46:02.750
time in ten years and that was
a good thing. You know it.
606
00:46:05.260 --> 00:46:07.820
I maybe struggle through that time,
but I will know. I do know
607
00:46:07.980 --> 00:46:14.539
that having to stop was a good
thing. Yeah, yeah, and so
608
00:46:15.219 --> 00:46:20.570
then, you know, obviously recently
within the past week, you know,
609
00:46:20.690 --> 00:46:24.690
stuff's happening with your marriage and and
you very you know, look with that,
610
00:46:25.010 --> 00:46:28.769
I it sounds like people have reached
out to you, which I love,
611
00:46:29.769 --> 00:46:32.440
and in very ear you being very
open and honest and saying hey,
612
00:46:32.599 --> 00:46:37.440
I appreciate it. Now is not
a great time to chat, but we
613
00:46:37.519 --> 00:46:39.519
will eventually. Inside then that's when
I reached out to you. We had
614
00:46:39.599 --> 00:46:45.119
talked prior you know, about about
getting on the podcast, and and then,
615
00:46:45.320 --> 00:46:46.349
you know, I reached out to
you and said, Hey, if
616
00:46:46.349 --> 00:46:49.349
you need time, take it,
if you need event, let me know,
617
00:46:49.550 --> 00:46:52.869
and your kind of response was,
let's talk about it. Like no
618
00:46:52.030 --> 00:46:55.030
better time than talk about it while
we're in it right, right right,
619
00:46:55.269 --> 00:46:59.630
you know, especially for I,
I'll say for me. You know,
620
00:47:00.469 --> 00:47:02.900
I block out a lot of stuff
after it happens just because I have a
621
00:47:02.980 --> 00:47:07.300
hard time with the emotions, you
know. So it's the best time to
622
00:47:07.340 --> 00:47:08.659
do it when I'm when I'm in
the Shit right now, you know.
623
00:47:09.139 --> 00:47:12.619
And, like I said, I
want to be open and honest because this
624
00:47:12.699 --> 00:47:15.969
is the thing that people go through
right no matter what you do, life
625
00:47:16.050 --> 00:47:19.369
isn't always going to be pretty.
It isn't always gonna be the way you
626
00:47:19.409 --> 00:47:22.050
wanted to. Obviously, when we
got married we weren't planning on this,
627
00:47:23.250 --> 00:47:28.769
but you know, it's real and
you know, I think it's worth having
628
00:47:28.849 --> 00:47:35.079
that discussion and had knowing maybe young
designers now won't need this advice, but
629
00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:37.679
maybe something that we will, or
maybe they will know, hey, somebody
630
00:47:37.760 --> 00:47:43.800
else went through this and that's important. Yeah, it is. You mentioned
631
00:47:45.230 --> 00:47:49.389
to me that the one of the
most been beneficial things for your workplace is
632
00:47:49.429 --> 00:47:52.230
your mental health. Does that there
for your mental health? Was your workplace?
633
00:47:53.909 --> 00:47:58.230
That that holds true for for a
lot of people. When it's when
634
00:47:58.269 --> 00:48:01.300
it becomes a distraction, I think
you know, almost almost like you said
635
00:48:01.340 --> 00:48:05.179
earlier, like the work kept you
going. So you don't have time to
636
00:48:05.260 --> 00:48:07.699
think about that. How is that? How is that for you now,
637
00:48:08.139 --> 00:48:12.420
you know, with a hockey coming
to an end and kind of paying in
638
00:48:12.460 --> 00:48:16.489
a little impast? Well, you
know. So I will say that the
639
00:48:16.610 --> 00:48:21.690
penguins, you know, when things
started getting real bad again towards makinning of
640
00:48:21.730 --> 00:48:27.599
this year, before the pandemic even
habit, the penguins, they, you
641
00:48:27.679 --> 00:48:30.679
know, my boss talk to you
know, they circulated basically, Hey,
642
00:48:30.719 --> 00:48:35.719
I'm having a problem, and they
really responded ex see, eatingly. Well,
643
00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:38.480
it was, you know, they
gave me the space I needed.
644
00:48:38.559 --> 00:48:43.909
They, you know, gave me
the freedom to I didn't have to feel
645
00:48:43.909 --> 00:48:46.190
guilty if I needed to stay home
right if I was having an anxiety attack
646
00:48:46.190 --> 00:48:50.269
and I just couldn't drive in and
at the moment it was okay. And
647
00:48:50.710 --> 00:48:52.750
so that did. That was a
huge help that they were just able to
648
00:48:52.909 --> 00:48:57.260
connect me with good people and kick
me with the right doctors that I needed.
649
00:48:58.579 --> 00:49:04.900
So that definitely helped. They definitely
had my back and they were willing
650
00:49:04.980 --> 00:49:08.059
to do whatever I needed to do. And that was like, like it
651
00:49:08.260 --> 00:49:12.809
just that was the first time I
felt like okay, I can really focus
652
00:49:12.889 --> 00:49:15.329
on this. It is okay for
me to focus on this, because I've
653
00:49:15.329 --> 00:49:19.530
been scared to even talk to them
about it right like I had anxiety about
654
00:49:19.530 --> 00:49:23.639
bringing it up because it's such a
private thing. And I think really their
655
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:30.159
support and them being open with me, and I know some of the honest
656
00:49:30.159 --> 00:49:32.840
conversations I had with other people in
the organization after the news came out that
657
00:49:34.039 --> 00:49:39.030
you know, I was going through
this really changed how I approached it and
658
00:49:39.869 --> 00:49:45.309
it's been the most beneficial thing by
far. And you know, if you
659
00:49:45.510 --> 00:49:49.590
if someone's out there and they can't
get that support from their workplace, you
660
00:49:49.670 --> 00:49:52.630
know, I'm not going to tell
you to quit your job or anything,
661
00:49:52.139 --> 00:49:58.579
but the organizational values are really important
and they will go along way in your
662
00:49:58.579 --> 00:50:02.699
happiness and I you know, I
think that's worth considering for sure. That's
663
00:50:02.739 --> 00:50:07.929
there's no more important thing than that
at this point, and that's you never
664
00:50:07.010 --> 00:50:10.090
want to tell people when you talk
to them, and and certainly people will
665
00:50:10.130 --> 00:50:14.690
probably want to talk to you after
this and they really wanted to already,
666
00:50:14.769 --> 00:50:19.090
but but you always want to let
people know your hope for the best in
667
00:50:19.329 --> 00:50:23.559
people, right and humanity, but
also two thousand and twenty right, that's
668
00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:27.519
right. Hey, like you know, it's pretty fucked up things, right.
669
00:50:27.800 --> 00:50:34.320
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, but it's great to know you
670
00:50:34.440 --> 00:50:37.469
know that that you had that support. So so today, like, where
671
00:50:37.630 --> 00:50:40.469
is Dave at? Where's your head
at? How are you feeling? How
672
00:50:40.469 --> 00:50:45.670
are you moving forward? It's it's
still up and down. You know,
673
00:50:47.909 --> 00:50:52.780
I just now, for the first
time this year, got back into talking
674
00:50:52.820 --> 00:50:58.300
to my doctors. So when the
pandemic hit, I backed off because it
675
00:50:58.460 --> 00:51:02.780
gave me a lot of anxiety and
I actually had the I had the whole
676
00:51:02.820 --> 00:51:07.329
thought of like I put everyone else
before me, and I'm sure a lot
677
00:51:07.369 --> 00:51:10.650
of people do. But I was
like, well, I have too much
678
00:51:10.690 --> 00:51:15.010
pride and I can handle it myself
because I know what's going on now and
679
00:51:15.090 --> 00:51:17.409
I know I have mental health problems. So I'll be okay and other people
680
00:51:17.449 --> 00:51:21.199
can get the help they need,
because they're going to need it more because
681
00:51:21.239 --> 00:51:29.960
of the pandemic. And so you
know, now with my wife and I
682
00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:34.750
having the separation, and you know, a lot talking about it. You
683
00:51:34.869 --> 00:51:39.789
know, a lot of it has
been me realizing how it's affected her for
684
00:51:39.949 --> 00:51:44.510
a lot of for a long time, and how my distance even though she
685
00:51:44.550 --> 00:51:51.099
understood and she allowed it. How
it's still creates a true distance. You
686
00:51:51.179 --> 00:51:55.460
know, you can understand every day, but try doing it for three years.
687
00:51:55.820 --> 00:52:00.179
Try being there for, you know, crazy hospital visits that aren't needed,
688
00:52:00.380 --> 00:52:05.210
you know, adding at financial stress
that isn't needed. And so,
689
00:52:07.090 --> 00:52:10.489
you know, it's a hard thing
because I understand where she is coming from
690
00:52:10.530 --> 00:52:14.530
and I understand where I'm at right
now, and where I'm at is still
691
00:52:14.650 --> 00:52:20.880
trying to figure out what is the
right thing for me. I think that
692
00:52:21.039 --> 00:52:25.360
we're finally getting to the right spot
and this whole experience has been very eye
693
00:52:25.400 --> 00:52:34.630
opening to me about the way really
just how how messed up I was for
694
00:52:34.710 --> 00:52:39.429
a long time. You know,
my thought process was not right and so,
695
00:52:39.550 --> 00:52:45.059
yeah, so I you don't Dave
right now is still in it actively.
696
00:52:45.179 --> 00:52:47.619
You know, there are still the
days where I wake up and I'm
697
00:52:47.699 --> 00:52:52.780
like this is this is not the
fucking day, right. I just fuck
698
00:52:52.860 --> 00:52:55.420
it, I can't. And their
days I wake up and it's okay.
699
00:52:55.699 --> 00:53:00.050
You know, you know. Only
let's talk about full transparency, right.
700
00:53:00.090 --> 00:53:05.650
So we're recording this. It's the
day before my wife's birthday and we,
701
00:53:06.170 --> 00:53:12.369
you know, we've been avoiding having
that discussion just because we don't want to
702
00:53:12.369 --> 00:53:15.119
celebrate it because it doesn't feel right. But we don't want to ignore it
703
00:53:15.119 --> 00:53:19.199
either, because we know why we're
ignoring it. And so, you know,
704
00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:23.360
you know she's not here now and
she won't be for her birthday because
705
00:53:24.519 --> 00:53:29.429
it's just too much for both of
us right now. And you know it.
706
00:53:29.670 --> 00:53:31.150
Just say, that's a hard thing
to deal with right like that's a
707
00:53:31.230 --> 00:53:36.750
hard thing to wrap your head around. About two months ago I thought everything
708
00:53:36.789 --> 00:53:39.269
was fine, right. I didn't
realize the impact of my mental health was
709
00:53:39.349 --> 00:53:45.139
having. And now, suddenly,
you know, it's crazy how quickly things
710
00:53:45.219 --> 00:53:52.699
can change. And Yeah, I
don't know. So still in the shit
711
00:53:52.820 --> 00:53:55.889
and still working on it. So, yeah, I think I'm not done
712
00:53:55.929 --> 00:54:00.289
yet. I guess right now.
And it brings you back to the point.
713
00:54:00.329 --> 00:54:04.690
And I have have this little d
print on the side of my desk
714
00:54:05.369 --> 00:54:07.929
that I post quite a bit.
It just it's the whole point of it's
715
00:54:07.969 --> 00:54:14.119
okay to not be okay and in
in it. If you are in the
716
00:54:14.239 --> 00:54:15.840
midst of it right now, and
if you're listening to this and you're in
717
00:54:15.880 --> 00:54:20.000
the midst of it right now,
you're not alone, like in in.
718
00:54:20.280 --> 00:54:24.230
That's I think. I think one
of the biggest things that that that not
719
00:54:24.389 --> 00:54:29.309
only are you, are you,
you've come to the understand of you know,
720
00:54:29.469 --> 00:54:32.510
and you're willing to to talk about
openly, but for other people to
721
00:54:32.590 --> 00:54:37.820
understand like that this okay to feel
like absolute dog shit right now, right,
722
00:54:38.460 --> 00:54:42.699
right, I mean like hey,
like we said before, two thousand
723
00:54:42.699 --> 00:54:46.579
and twenty right, even even beyond
just mental health in sports, there's so
724
00:54:46.739 --> 00:54:51.739
much going on in the world right
now and or in America right now,
725
00:54:51.780 --> 00:54:55.250
and tensions are high and you know, it's okay to it is okay not
726
00:54:55.650 --> 00:55:00.449
to not be okay. But,
you know, I would also say there.
727
00:55:00.849 --> 00:55:04.369
You know, for me it took
me a while to be able to
728
00:55:04.369 --> 00:55:09.920
get to say that, and you
know, before that I would have said
729
00:55:09.920 --> 00:55:15.880
that's bullshit. You know, quite
honestly, you know, for a lot
730
00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:17.920
of my life I was like this, all this mental health advices such shit,
731
00:55:19.119 --> 00:55:21.429
right, you know, you see, you see the lot of the
732
00:55:21.469 --> 00:55:24.110
generic stuff right like just, you
know, Oh, you can just drink
733
00:55:24.150 --> 00:55:30.150
some tea and you meditate, and
I'm sitting here like this is bullshit,
734
00:55:30.389 --> 00:55:37.699
this isn't going to help me.
But it does eventually, and I think
735
00:55:37.739 --> 00:55:42.659
that's I feel like that's to me. The important thing that needs to be
736
00:55:42.820 --> 00:55:47.179
said, more is that just because
this stuff doesn't connect with you now or
737
00:55:47.219 --> 00:55:50.969
make sense to you now, doesn't
mean some day at home, you know,
738
00:55:51.489 --> 00:55:55.449
you don't have to agree with all
these ideas. Are Feel Sunny about
739
00:55:55.449 --> 00:55:59.690
the stuff right now. It's okay, you know, and I think that's
740
00:55:59.769 --> 00:56:06.639
really the heart of it's okay to
not be okay. And I think you
741
00:56:06.840 --> 00:56:12.239
just answered it, but if you
were to tell your younger self, you
742
00:56:12.320 --> 00:56:15.360
know, just starting out, one
thing, like, what would it be?
743
00:56:17.710 --> 00:56:25.150
Say something, man, you know, I I kept myself a lot.
744
00:56:25.190 --> 00:56:29.349
I was isolated a lot, you
know, and there's various reasons for
745
00:56:29.469 --> 00:56:32.179
that, but for me, definitely
it would be speak the fuck up,
746
00:56:32.219 --> 00:56:37.820
right, you know, you only
have you only have one life, and
747
00:56:38.699 --> 00:56:45.179
your opinion can make a difference.
And there's IT. It can make a
748
00:56:45.260 --> 00:56:47.090
difference, even in a small way, and you might not even realize it.
749
00:56:47.690 --> 00:56:52.489
So speak the fuck up, say
how you fucking feel and address it,
750
00:56:52.650 --> 00:56:57.489
because you one need to be happy, you deserve to be happy,
751
00:56:57.650 --> 00:57:00.369
and if you keep kicking it down
the road the same way that I have
752
00:57:00.840 --> 00:57:07.199
right, like I'm thirty two now
and I'm only now just facing this and
753
00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:10.039
that doesn't have to be the way
it is for anybody else. You know,
754
00:57:10.440 --> 00:57:16.190
just speak the fuck up, say
something to anybody. Find your help.
755
00:57:16.269 --> 00:57:20.510
I don't care if it's me,
I don't care if it's somebody in
756
00:57:20.630 --> 00:57:22.989
your supports circle, I don't you
know, if you don't have, if
757
00:57:23.030 --> 00:57:28.789
you feel like you don't have any
buddy, you do. You just don't
758
00:57:28.789 --> 00:57:31.619
realize it yet, and it's it's
a work to find that person, but
759
00:57:31.739 --> 00:57:37.739
you need to. It's worth doing, man, I can't say it better
760
00:57:37.820 --> 00:57:44.889
myself. So da've pronic. Thank
you so much for hopping on today to
761
00:57:45.369 --> 00:57:51.050
the podcast and and and and in
vulnerability, man, like shit like that
762
00:57:51.289 --> 00:57:55.250
was it. That was the essence
of being vulnerable and and and, you
763
00:57:55.329 --> 00:57:58.960
know, that's what that's what we're
all about. That's what we're trying to
764
00:57:59.599 --> 00:58:04.159
destigmatize. You know, you can
feel it. You can feel a shift
765
00:58:04.199 --> 00:58:07.960
happening, even though we're in the
middle of it, like you can feel
766
00:58:07.079 --> 00:58:14.949
that there is some hope for humanity
still left. And this next week,
767
00:58:14.989 --> 00:58:21.150
for anybody, for everyone, is
going to be really hard, and his
768
00:58:21.309 --> 00:58:23.670
next few weeks. And so,
you know, you said it best,
769
00:58:23.750 --> 00:58:28.699
like reach out. We're here.
If people need to talk. We may
770
00:58:28.739 --> 00:58:32.099
not be able to talk at specific
times we're about specific things, but we
771
00:58:32.219 --> 00:58:36.420
are here and there are a lot
of people out there in our community,
772
00:58:36.460 --> 00:58:43.010
which is the sports creative community,
is small and tight and and will forever
773
00:58:43.210 --> 00:58:45.889
be. Even though, you know, I've been out of it for three
774
00:58:45.889 --> 00:58:49.889
years, I'm still in it and
you know, there's a lot of people
775
00:58:49.889 --> 00:58:53.889
who are and who are willing to
have your back in just simply have a
776
00:58:53.929 --> 00:58:59.480
discussion. So, yeah, I
mean, I can't think of a non
777
00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:04.440
gender term, but it's a brotherhood, right, it's yeah, you understand
778
00:59:04.519 --> 00:59:07.360
what everyone else is going through and
they become a sort of family to you.
779
00:59:07.880 --> 00:59:10.989
Yeah, it's family. Yeah,
it's just you know, everyone is
780
00:59:12.110 --> 00:59:15.389
willing to hear you, even if
you don't think so. You don't even
781
00:59:15.389 --> 00:59:17.349
the biggest people, the biggest names
you think you might not want to approach.
782
00:59:17.789 --> 00:59:22.750
They will hear you out if you
just approach them and fry you know.
783
00:59:23.340 --> 00:59:27.980
Yeah, yeah, well said,
my friend, will thank you for
784
00:59:28.539 --> 00:59:31.539
coming on the show today. It's
been much appreciated and we would definitely be
785
00:59:31.659 --> 00:59:36.619
thinking a match of as you're as
you're working through all this. All right,
786
00:59:36.659 --> 00:59:39.090
man, will appreciate it. Thanks
and you know. Hey, follow
787
00:59:39.130 --> 00:59:45.530
me on twitter if you want to
know more about what's happens next and joy
788
00:59:45.570 --> 00:59:50.090
of my marriage. So and it's
days saved the day right. Yes,
789
00:59:50.329 --> 00:59:52.320
I am the Internet's Dave saved the
day. You can find you there.
790
00:59:52.559 --> 00:59:55.480
A thought US your name pretty much
anywhere. So it. What was the
791
00:59:55.519 --> 00:60:01.639
ipodus behind that user name? Honestly, I really loved saves the day as
792
00:60:02.239 --> 00:60:07.150
the band saves the day, and
I love the way that Dave Save and
793
00:60:07.309 --> 00:60:10.110
day all kind of you know,
they a literate a little bit. So
794
00:60:12.349 --> 00:60:15.630
I don't know, I fell in
love with it and everyone else can suck
795
00:60:15.670 --> 00:60:20.230
it because I love it. And
on that note, thank you, my
796
00:60:20.389 --> 00:60:22.659
friend. We will will talk bucks
soon. All right. Thanks, man.
797
00:60:39.050 --> 00:60:43.610
Thanks for sticking around here till the
end of the show. That one
798
00:60:43.849 --> 00:60:45.849
was, without a doubt, one
of the most real and raw conversations I
799
00:60:45.969 --> 00:60:51.079
have had on the show to this
point, and if this resonated with you
800
00:60:51.280 --> 00:60:54.800
at all, please know that you're
not alone. There are so many people
801
00:60:54.800 --> 00:60:59.840
who are willing to lend an ear
or even just chat about things. But
802
00:61:00.039 --> 00:61:05.710
please know that there is help out
there and most teams have employee assistance programs
803
00:61:06.190 --> 00:61:12.630
out there to offer any assistance they
can. If you enjoyed this podcast and
804
00:61:12.789 --> 00:61:15.469
want to leave a review on apple
or spotify, I would greatly appreciate it
805
00:61:16.070 --> 00:61:17.940
and, as always, if you
want to hit me up on twitter,
806
00:61:19.019 --> 00:61:24.019
it's at creative af or at John
Willie. That's Jo n W illey.
807
00:61:24.900 --> 00:61:30.219
You can also find me on instagram
at Willie art or Jay Willie photo.
808
00:61:30.059 --> 00:61:34.329
I really appreciate Y'all and please,
please, take care of yourself
