Why Mindfulness Really Matters | Charlotte Thaarup

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Welcome to Out of the Box with Christine,
the Podcast for Conscious Entrepreneurs.

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Are you willing to step
into your greatness?

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Are you ready to shine?

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Well, get ready.

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Truth seeker, you're
in for an amazing ride.

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And now here's the host of
the show, Christine Blosdale

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Welcome back to Out of
the Box with Christine.

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I am your host, motivational media
coach, Christine Blosdale . And

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today we are gonna be talking about
a subject that is very near and dear

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to my heart and with a lady who I
recently met and was so impressed by.

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I said, you've gotta come on the show
and, um, and be with my out of the box

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listeners and viewers that are on YouTube.

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My guest today is Charlotte
Thaarup . And she is the director

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of the mindfulness Clinic.

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She has designed and facilitated
mindfulness workshops endorsed by

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the Australian Psychological Society.

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She has helped so many people in so many
ways come back to themselves and really

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get into that place of mindfulness,
and we're gonna explore that today.

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Thank you so very much
for joining me today.

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Charlotte

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.
Oh, it's my pleasure.

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I'm so delighted.

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Oh, well, and I was so
delighted when I saw you speak.

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I was just, I had goosebumps.

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And when I had goosebumps, that's my,
uh, that's Christine's, uh, meter,

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that's like, Hey, yes, you need to
share this wonderful wisdom, uh,

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with as many people as possible.

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So thank you again for, for that.

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What

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was it that gave you
goosebumps, do you think?

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Do you know what it was?

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You know what it was?

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You were saying things that I already.

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intrinsically, or you know that that,
yeah, that maybe I was, remember.

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If that makes sense.

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You know it old.

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Yes.

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Yes, exactly.

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And I think we're born knowing it all.

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We're born so close to God, so close to
source, and then we get indoctrinated

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with school and dogma and religion.

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And you know what?

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You should be what you shouldn't be.

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Are you blue?

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Are you pink?

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Are you red?

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Are you green?

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. And so, um, I think it was just,
that's what the goosebumps were.

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Was that you, were you, the things
that you were talking about I

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resonated with on a very deep level.

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Yeah.

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And, um, and I just think
it's so important right now.

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So why don't you give our, our,
our listeners and our viewers,

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um, give us a little bit of idea.

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How long have you been in the
mindfulness business, as we say?

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I read it.

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Yeah.

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It's a funny one.

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Buy from this business, isn't it?

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Anyway.

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Yeah, so I, I looked, I probably
have been doing it for about 15

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years and, um, my background is
transformative learning, so how do we

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facilitate change and then mediation,
arts, therapy, that sort of thing.

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And I was doing that thinking there's
gotta be something better than our

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traditional western ways of seeing things.

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And so I was looking and when I
came upon mindfulness, I went,

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yeah, a bit like your goosebumps.

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It just felt like something.

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Was on a cellular level, a
truth about how things are.

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Um, and a and a kind of
a homecoming in a way.

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Um, potentially stopping
all the, believing the.

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The best is yet to come
and coming into my life.

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So, um, I then I straight away
thought this is gonna revolutionize

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and change, um, psychology,
psychiatry, education, all of that.

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Um, so I thought, how do
we get it out quickly?

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Trained psychologists because that way
they, you know, they will pass it on.

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So I was part of that,
which was just wonderful.

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Um, and then thought in the next
place is the workplace, because

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you have a captured audience.

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Everyone needs to, you know, to
reduce their stress and become clearer

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in their mind and more kind and
compassionate and in the workplace.

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Um, and there they can practice together.

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So it's a really, it's a
perfect place to do it.

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So, yeah.

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Mindful leadership, mindfulness at work,
mindful caring for early childhood,

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lots of, lots of programs that, um,
are now running in various places.

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Yeah.

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And you know, I, on, on your, uh,
at your website, the mindfulness

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clinic.com.au that's for Australia.

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You, there's something that you
said, so, and it just, like, as I

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was reading it, it almost like it lit
up, you know, like the words lit up.

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Right.

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And what I, what I saw, and I love this.

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Mindfulness is becoming aware
of our mind greeting the moment.

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That was like a moment.

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Yeah.

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Mindfulness is becoming aware of our mind
greeting the moment because Charlotte,

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we are such, we are so much in our mind.

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We, we, we think about things the
past hurts, people that hurt us,

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things that happened in the past,
and we worry about the future.

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And this is why I think with Eckhart tole
the like, you know, the power of now is

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so important, but you put it all together.

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It's, it's becoming aware of how
our mind is meeting the moment.

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In other words, how are you when you
know that you have to do your taxes

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or, you know, get up early in the
morning and change the cat litter or

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do something that you're not really
completely, that you love doing.

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But how we greet that, this is life
changing because it's, we can apply

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it towards our health, towards our
relationships, towards our, our,

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the way, our relationship with our.

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As well.

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Can you talk about that?

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I just thought that was such
a, a, a beautiful sentence.

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Oh,

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thank you.

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Yeah.

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Well, there's a few
things to say about that.

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The first thing is that, you know,
the, the, this mind, our mind, um, has

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been, you know, has been formed from,
based in our past and our survival.

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Right.

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So if we don't notice this greeting
and how it sits in relation to the

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moment, we just get more the same.

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It just forms in the same kind of lanes,
same grooves as it's always been formed.

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But if we start to observe and
go, whoa, am I triggered here?

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Or boy, am I nervous here, or Boy am
I frustrated sitting at these lights,

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and yet, you know, I might as well just
take a breath and accept it, you know?

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And then do something different,
then we get more the same.

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Yet there's an opportunity.

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There's an opportunity.

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When we notice and we catch the old
version of ourselves, the ego self,

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the old out, and go, it's okay darling.

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It's okay.

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Now let's open up for what are
the possible ways that we could be

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sitting here now and that we could
be functioning, that we could see.

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And when I, I, I was so, um, you know, I'm
a Danish, so, so the, the whole thing with

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language is a really, you know, big thing.

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So, so for a long time I was so irritated
by the fact that, which is delusion,

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um, by the word mind thinking, you know,
we are thinking, we're just looking at

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thinking, because for me, um, my big thing
in mindfulness is mindfulness of the body.

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And so when I then thought, oh
my goodness, the Danish word.

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. M I N D E means memory.

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Mm.

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I went, hoo.

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Now we're talking, right?

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So then I went back to the old
Parly scripts and realized, we've

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actually translated the word,
um, mind from the word memory.

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So in effect, mindfulness is memory full
or my, my past self full , if you like.

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So I'm observing the reactive self,
which of course is formed around

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Don't repeat the, the horrible,
the dangerous, the, the awful.

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And do remember the lovely.

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So it's, it's, that's every
experience I've ever experienced.

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Everything I've, everything
I've ever experienced.

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Is, is kind of tagged in that way.

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And so what I'm observing in
mindfulness is that reactive package

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is that memory package right?

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And some of it is very old.

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Some of it is formed around
when I was three and four.

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That really as a, at a much older
person, no longer serves me.

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So unless I catch it,
I just perpetuate it.

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Does that make sense?

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Yes.

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You nailed it.

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Yes.

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Cause so much of how we react,
uh, in the world is based on

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those past traumas, hurts, uh,
you know, uh, and delight and Yes.

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And, and, and it's the same
thing like with relation.

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Cause I've done that
before where I've caught.

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Before I went down, I, I equate it
to, um, when you go down the spiral,

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like, uh, when, if you have water in
a bathtub and you let the water out,

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you know, it goes down the drain.

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And I've caught myself a couple times
before I've gone down the drain of

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emotion and go, but you know, what
about this and that, oh, they're,

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you know, they're cheating on me
and they're doing this and this.

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I've, I've been able to almost like,
Pull myself away from, yeah, yeah.

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Put the, exactly.

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Stop.

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Stop time for a second and pull myself
away from myself and say, wait a second.

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Well, you don't know that.

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Why are you assuming that?

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Yes.

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Don't go down that drain because
you're just gonna hurt yourself.

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and you don't really know
all the facts yet, right?

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That's not, it does make you
feel like an adult know it.

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It's, it's, it's quite an amazing
feeling when you can do that.

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But as you said, those neural
pathways have been dug in, like those,

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those canals, and so that's fast.

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It's super fast.

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So if you have abandonment issues
and you are in a new relat.

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The minute that they don't text you back,
all of a sudden you're like, they're out.

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They're out cheating.

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Or they've left me,
or, you know, whatever.

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Because those neural pathways are
so deep that's where it's going.

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Yeah.

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So can you talk about how we can, how,
how are, what are ways we can create

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new, new neural pathways or maybe some
ways we could stop going down that, that

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bathtub drain that I was referring to?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's a really.

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Very important question.

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So, so the thing is that it's really
important to interrupt the, the, the

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going down , the, the dark alley alone,
which is, um, your, your example.

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And by interrupting it, I mean just
going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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Just like you did.

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What's happening here, right.

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As soon as we greet it with
kind curiosity, we've already.

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In the journey down, but we've got push.

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I'm now in the awareness.

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So you said pull away from self.

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Right.

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And that's exactly what cause, so in
mindfulness we start to realize there's

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this awareness that kind of sits here.

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So we position ourselves in the awareness,
observing the little human doing the spin.

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Right.

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And when we can, when we can
access that in the moment and go,

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oh, little human, this is gonna
be dark , let's just interrupt it

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and then switch to something else.

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So let's go.

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Let's just go to your body.

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Cuz the body's scared because
it's go, it's triggered.

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This is a bad situation and we now know
much older person knowing this is a new

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relationship, that this body is just
triggered because of past experiences and,

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and some associations being activated.

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So our job is to so this body, because all
of that threat starts in the body first.

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So of course we should deal with
it in the body first, right?

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Thinking is literally an after.

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It's going, what's going on here?

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Let me try to work it out.

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But the body comes first, so therefore
I need to sue it there first.

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And that's where the dear body comes in.

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So we go, dear body, I'm actually safe.

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It's okay.

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It's okay.

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So I sue the body and when
things are calm again, we go.

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Now the, the hardware's on
the prefrontal cortex is on.

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Now let me look at it actually.

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00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,364
Realistically, what are the facts?

237
00:12:33,209 --> 00:12:37,230
So that's one really simple
way that we can interrupt, but

238
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:38,699
we need two things for that.

239
00:12:38,699 --> 00:12:39,600
We need to be aware.

240
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:43,680
And so if we are, hurry, hurry, hurry,
hang, multitasking and busy, busy

241
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,740
and very, very stressed and always
on our phones, we will miss it all.

242
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:51,990
We can't access it when we are kind
of, you know, hazed if you like.

243
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:57,060
We've got to dial all some of all that
down so we can access our awareness.

244
00:12:57,719 --> 00:12:58,680
Of what's going on.

245
00:12:58,920 --> 00:12:59,819
That's the first thing.

246
00:12:59,819 --> 00:13:01,439
The other thing is attention management.

247
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:05,069
I need to have a strong muscle
in my attention management.

248
00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:09,240
So I notice, oh, like I wake up
at three 30, I've drunk three of

249
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,890
these cups before I go to bed.

250
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:11,219
Right?

251
00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:12,150
Gotta do a week.

252
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:16,060
And then, you know, that time is
dangerous time because I, apparently

253
00:13:16,064 --> 00:13:16,829
it's something to do with the liver.

254
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:19,469
I, but it's a dangerous time for dark.

255
00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:24,210
So then with strong attention
management, we are just doing a we.

256
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:25,140
That's all we're gonna do.

257
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:27,570
We're gonna go, don't
even open the eyes much.

258
00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:29,880
Sit, do away, wash the
hands, go back into bed.

259
00:13:29,885 --> 00:13:31,320
No, you're not thinking about anything.

260
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:35,640
So that strong attention management
is another part that's really useful.

261
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:40,380
Whereas if we are close to goldfish, we
notice it, but we can't, we can't hold it.

262
00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:43,410
We can't, we, we get
sucked into the misery.

263
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:44,250
Right?

264
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,480
That's why in mindfulness we start by
strengthening our attention muscle.

265
00:13:49,135 --> 00:13:55,814
Mm, that is, and that is really sometimes
difficult to do well, especially

266
00:13:55,814 --> 00:14:00,854
since we have all these technology
things and devices and all that.

267
00:14:00,915 --> 00:14:05,025
That's, that's one thing though,
because I've done that before where

268
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:07,515
like, you know, I have to get up like
three times at night, you know, to,

269
00:14:07,844 --> 00:14:09,435
I don't know if it's an age thing.

270
00:14:09,435 --> 00:14:12,074
I don't know if it's, cuz I
like copious amounts of fluids,

271
00:14:12,724 --> 00:14:16,770
whatever it is, but, That idea.

272
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:20,760
And I like that idea of like, no, I'm
just gonna go do this and then come back

273
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,040
and then get back into my, to my sleep.

274
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:28,500
But lo and behold, there's this, there's
like a voice coming from the phone

275
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,460
and it's like, oh, I think you need
to see what's going on in the world.

276
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:35,910
There's might be, there might be something
really horrific going on, or there

277
00:14:35,910 --> 00:14:38,790
might be something that you're missing
and, and you better just check in.

278
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:39,600
Just check in.

279
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:44,040
And I'm pretty good about
managing that and going, no.

280
00:14:44,355 --> 00:14:48,075
Because it will stimulate my mind
and then I won't be able to sleep.

281
00:14:48,075 --> 00:14:51,555
Or I'll see something bad and then
I'll go, but sometimes it wins

282
00:14:51,555 --> 00:14:58,845
and it's like as soon as I look at
that dang phone Yeah, . Exactly.

283
00:14:59,265 --> 00:14:59,595
Yep.

284
00:14:59,595 --> 00:15:01,935
I'm like, what's going on in the Ukraine?

285
00:15:02,085 --> 00:15:05,985
What's happening with our water,
the airs, the air supply, and um,

286
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:07,485
am I getting enough nutrients?

287
00:15:07,485 --> 00:15:09,765
And I mean, just, I just go down that.

288
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:14,460
Yeah, . And I think, you know,
that we have, it's, it's the, it's

289
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:15,990
the dopamine squares that, right.

290
00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:17,100
That we, we like.

291
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,630
So we have to look at that addiction.

292
00:15:19,050 --> 00:15:20,970
There's no other way to, to see it.

293
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:25,199
And we have to kind of make sure that
we create, and like I always do this,

294
00:15:25,205 --> 00:15:26,430
and I think we did it in the session.

295
00:15:26,435 --> 00:15:26,699
You did.

296
00:15:26,699 --> 00:15:28,170
You know, we fold the arms in one way.

297
00:15:28,890 --> 00:15:29,280
Right.

298
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,860
And we notice that that's easy,
and then fold them the other way.

299
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,270
And you go, oh, I don't like that.

300
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:33,689
Right?

301
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:36,959
But all you, there's nothing wrong
with folding the arms the other way.

302
00:15:37,110 --> 00:15:38,760
It's just the other way.

303
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:42,180
And so that means that when we
say, okay, I'm gonna do the first

304
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,069
hour and last hour phone free.

305
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:47,069
It's gonna feel awkward,
but don't worry about that.

306
00:15:47,189 --> 00:15:47,970
That's okay.

307
00:15:48,705 --> 00:15:51,765
Like, you know, when did feeling
bad become a thing that we

308
00:15:51,765 --> 00:15:52,785
have to avoid all the time?

309
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:53,205
No.

310
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:53,475
Right.

311
00:15:53,475 --> 00:15:56,535
It just means that actually
we are not doing the habitual.

312
00:15:56,865 --> 00:16:00,765
We're breaking potentially some
habitual, you know, pathways

313
00:16:00,765 --> 00:16:01,935
and creating some new ones.

314
00:16:01,935 --> 00:16:03,255
That's all that means.

315
00:16:03,819 --> 00:16:04,680
And it's feels a

316
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,180
little uncomfortable when you first do it.

317
00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:06,390
Yes.

318
00:16:06,390 --> 00:16:07,020
It feels uncomfortable.

319
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:07,290
Yeah.

320
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:07,710
Yes.

321
00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:10,140
And that's when we need our
big, you know, girl pants and

322
00:16:10,140 --> 00:16:13,829
go, okay, girl's, uncomfortable
freaking do it anyway, right?

323
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:14,370
Yes.

324
00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:15,930
And then distract yourself.

325
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:16,740
Find a way to go.

326
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:16,980
Okay.

327
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:19,800
You know, if it's very difficult in
the beginning, then do something else.

328
00:16:20,069 --> 00:16:22,560
You know, read something,
go for a walk, dance,

329
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:23,010
whatever.

330
00:16:24,329 --> 00:16:25,230
Absolutely.

331
00:16:25,410 --> 00:16:26,189
Absolutely.

332
00:16:26,339 --> 00:16:31,410
All right, so I'll remember, I'll be
thinking of you when I go back, . I never,

333
00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:32,699
but you've never heard anybody say that.

334
00:16:32,699 --> 00:16:34,589
I'll be thinking about you
when I come back for my we.

335
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:35,850
Oh.

336
00:16:39,385 --> 00:16:44,694
Um, what are some, um, because I think
this is a practice too that we, we

337
00:16:44,694 --> 00:16:48,775
need to just like, you know, eating,
you know, healthy foods that are

338
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:52,765
good for our body and getting some
sun and getting some exercise and

339
00:16:52,765 --> 00:16:54,564
things like that, that's important.

340
00:16:54,745 --> 00:16:59,005
But what are some ways that we can
exercise our mindfulness muscles?

341
00:17:01,584 --> 00:17:01,915
Yeah.

342
00:17:01,915 --> 00:17:02,334
Right.

343
00:17:03,415 --> 00:17:07,105
So the first thing that we start with
is really, uh, training our attention.

344
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,800
And that's actually the prefrontal
cortex and the interior singular cortex.

345
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:17,520
And we do that by, um, I have the exercise
on my website called the A B C D because

346
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:22,170
it's, it's kind of just noticing the
breath and then stabilize it further by

347
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:27,270
counting the breath and then noticing
when the mind wanders and coming back.

348
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:32,220
And that activity is just like
going to the gym for your brain.

349
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,050
So that's where we.

350
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,730
Okay, so you, you know, if somebody comes
to me and they go, I'm really stressed,

351
00:17:38,730 --> 00:17:43,170
I'm really overwhelmed, you know, and
I'm so frustrated with my partner, you

352
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:45,660
know, and it's all too much and I dunno
if I should, you know, I'm close to

353
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:50,670
burn or Ra, you go, let's just start
by doing the basic attention training.

354
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,420
One of the side effects is it
reduces our stress as well, right?

355
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:58,020
Because we start to be able to
go kind of monotask more and go,

356
00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:59,340
no, I'm just focusing on this.

357
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,870
So that's where we would.

358
00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:06,740
Then the next level is then
coming into various exercises.

359
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,960
The next one that we typically
would do would be the body scan.

360
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:17,070
And the reason why the body scan is such
important brain exercise is because as, as

361
00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:21,300
we, you know, when you look at a child and
um, and they're listening to music, right?

362
00:18:21,870 --> 00:18:23,160
And their whole bodies.

363
00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:25,305
Experience in the music.

364
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:26,085
It's fabulous.

365
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:26,355
Right?

366
00:18:26,685 --> 00:18:26,955
Yeah.

367
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:30,945
Um, and then, um, you know,
gradually we become adults and

368
00:18:30,945 --> 00:18:32,025
we go, yeah, I know that song.

369
00:18:33,975 --> 00:18:36,735
And we start to just recognize everything.

370
00:18:36,735 --> 00:18:40,725
You know, we see a flower, we go,
yeah, that's pet junior, but a child

371
00:18:40,725 --> 00:18:44,530
will go, oh, It's a miracle . Yes.

372
00:18:44,534 --> 00:18:45,179
Right, right.

373
00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:52,770
So, so what happens is that in our brains,
we start to layer things through reon.

374
00:18:52,774 --> 00:18:54,629
So we start to experience things.

375
00:18:54,629 --> 00:18:58,379
So as a child, we experience things,
what we call bottom up, like we take

376
00:18:58,385 --> 00:19:01,090
in the world through the body, right?

377
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:03,810
Um, and it, and through our senses.

378
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,260
And then it's, it's layered up
here so that we, over time just.

379
00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:13,175
Petunia, but in just living Incog
Nation, it becomes a really poor

380
00:19:13,175 --> 00:19:18,215
life because we just lost in the
head rather than seeing, rather than

381
00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:23,795
experiencing the sun on the leaves and
the new person in our lives, right?

382
00:19:24,245 --> 00:19:29,004
So therefore we start to, what we say,
Cultivate bottom up experiences, which

383
00:19:29,004 --> 00:19:31,314
is coming to our senses again, right?

384
00:19:31,314 --> 00:19:35,725
So we start by just wandering through
the body and noticing the body

385
00:19:35,725 --> 00:19:39,865
sensations coming into the present
moment through body sensations.

386
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,340
And then there are various other
ones, a very typical one, which is

387
00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:49,679
cultivating a loving heart, um, and
forgiveness and, um, compassion.

388
00:19:49,919 --> 00:19:51,810
And that's called the
loving kindness meditation.

389
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:56,250
So those three would be the ones
you would, um, always engage in

390
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,080
in any good mindfulness program.

391
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:05,120
Oh, I love, and I love that last one too,
about, uh, cultivating a loving heart Yes.

392
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:05,400
As well.

393
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:05,560
Yes.

394
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,110
That's the loving kindness meditation.

395
00:20:07,350 --> 00:20:07,980
Yes.

396
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:08,370
Beautiful.

397
00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:13,170
And I think because we are so we, we
can be so detached from our hearts

398
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:17,850
because we, I would, oh, I hate, I
don't wanna, I don't wanna say there's,

399
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:22,350
it's an epidemic of us living, uh,
or a pandemic of us living in our

400
00:20:22,350 --> 00:20:25,320
minds, but with, in our thinking.

401
00:20:25,665 --> 00:20:35,175
With, with, with the amount of depression
and anxiety and ADHD and, um, just

402
00:20:35,324 --> 00:20:40,335
so much happening inside the minds of
millions and millions of people on this.

403
00:20:40,425 --> 00:20:46,905
And I do believe that what I, I,
I do believe the, um, I do believe

404
00:20:46,905 --> 00:20:50,355
that our single thoughts and our,
and the way that we perceive.

405
00:20:51,420 --> 00:20:56,040
That the way I do, do that and, and
deal with that can affect others.

406
00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:57,120
Right.

407
00:20:57,330 --> 00:21:01,679
That, that in, I do believe that like
I have that much power that I can

408
00:21:01,685 --> 00:21:04,139
also affect others, the ripple effect.

409
00:21:04,469 --> 00:21:08,040
But I also realize that there's so
many people too that are walking around

410
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:14,399
that are depressed, anxiety, uh, panic
attacks, um, all of those things because

411
00:21:14,405 --> 00:21:16,770
they're so trapped in their minds.

412
00:21:17,399 --> 00:21:21,389
And I want to, I wanna have
more of those lights come on.

413
00:21:21,899 --> 00:21:24,989
And, and help free the, those,
the people that are suffer.

414
00:21:25,645 --> 00:21:29,875
And, and they, they maybe don't even
realize that they're suffering, but

415
00:21:29,875 --> 00:21:31,375
they're missing out so much on life.

416
00:21:31,575 --> 00:21:32,065
Yeah.

417
00:21:32,070 --> 00:21:34,885
There's so many, so many amazing
things going on around them.

418
00:21:35,065 --> 00:21:35,505
Yeah.

419
00:21:35,510 --> 00:21:37,645
But they're just trapped in their mind.

420
00:21:38,065 --> 00:21:41,875
Um, I'm wondering with the work
that you've done have, has that

421
00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:42,925
been something that you've.

422
00:21:43,455 --> 00:21:48,405
Been, um, been hoping to, to help
alleviate or I, I know individually

423
00:21:48,405 --> 00:21:51,615
you can do that, but I, I'm hoping
that like a hundredth monkey thing

424
00:21:51,915 --> 00:21:56,075
where we can, we can help everybody
wake up a little bit and feel better.

425
00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:00,850
And I think, I mean, you're right, and we
all affect, we actually contag yourself,

426
00:22:00,850 --> 00:22:02,340
you know, and we spend time together.

427
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,550
Our subcortical areas in the
brain synchronize, right?

428
00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:09,510
And so I'm actually doing some work
right now back into, um, uh, working

429
00:22:09,510 --> 00:22:14,490
with early childhood, uh, child educators
because the forming of the little brains

430
00:22:14,490 --> 00:22:16,690
happen in relation to big brains, right?

431
00:22:16,860 --> 00:22:18,030
So when those.

432
00:22:18,930 --> 00:22:22,320
Children when, you know, when they're
with stressed parents and stressed

433
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,250
siblings and stressed teachers,
they don't have a freaking chance.

434
00:22:26,370 --> 00:22:26,670
Right?

435
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:27,060
Yeah.

436
00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:31,530
So that's, that's where a lot, I think,
very important work lies because I think

437
00:22:31,530 --> 00:22:33,570
it is so much more than a personal issue.

438
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,930
It's a, it is, as you say,
it is our culture, and there

439
00:22:36,935 --> 00:22:38,280
are many reasons for this.

440
00:22:38,675 --> 00:22:39,605
You know, it's layered.

441
00:22:39,605 --> 00:22:42,965
I think, you know, the bigger gap
between rich and poor, the more

442
00:22:42,965 --> 00:22:44,285
anxious we're gonna be, right?

443
00:22:44,285 --> 00:22:44,555
Absolutely.

444
00:22:44,855 --> 00:22:49,295
Um, the more we are living in the delusion
of the, the next, the next and more

445
00:22:49,295 --> 00:22:51,245
and more and more, and then happiness.

446
00:22:51,755 --> 00:22:55,745
Um, also we have a negative bias, so
we are always going to be, you know,

447
00:22:55,745 --> 00:22:58,355
default to the more danger versus the.

448
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,330
That's kind of inherent both
personally and globally.

449
00:23:02,330 --> 00:23:05,480
I mean, you know, the other day I
was working, walking at the um, yo

450
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,000
Mundi markets So gorgeous, right?

451
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,540
And gorgeous people and so much
creativity and I was thinking.

452
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:17,370
You know, there is a cloud over
us, and that's Putin, right?

453
00:23:17,370 --> 00:23:18,510
That's one person.

454
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,820
One person, , right?

455
00:23:21,330 --> 00:23:24,300
Uh, that can actually, you know,
affect things that, you know,

456
00:23:24,304 --> 00:23:25,860
people, it's quite interesting.

457
00:23:25,865 --> 00:23:27,120
Anyway, that's the negative bias.

458
00:23:27,929 --> 00:23:31,649
And then coming into, you know,
the, the word Buddha means awake.

459
00:23:32,610 --> 00:23:33,169
Awake.

460
00:23:33,790 --> 00:23:41,820
And so, When we are lost in thought, when
we are lost in ourselves, because that's

461
00:23:41,970 --> 00:23:43,860
what the thoughts are preoccupied with.

462
00:23:45,149 --> 00:23:47,189
We are not awake, we're lost.

463
00:23:47,879 --> 00:23:48,210
Right?

464
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:55,800
And so mindfulness and buddhi psychology
is about waking up to the fact that I am

465
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:58,710
freaking safe , if you know what I mean.

466
00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:02,939
But I'm so, you know, if I'm sitting
here being anxious right now with.

467
00:24:03,870 --> 00:24:08,610
Then, but mindfulness would be for me
to go, Hey, body, we're actually safe.

468
00:24:08,610 --> 00:24:09,750
This is a nice girl.

469
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:14,340
You know, she's gonna edit out, if I
say some really bad things, it's okay.

470
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:15,600
It's okay.

471
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,370
That's waking up.

472
00:24:17,909 --> 00:24:20,490
So going, Ooh, the body is scared.

473
00:24:20,820 --> 00:24:22,229
My job is to soothe it.

474
00:24:23,175 --> 00:24:26,535
And then I do that through dear body,
longer out breath and in breath,

475
00:24:26,535 --> 00:24:31,274
make sure I sleep enough, make sure I
exercise, make sure I eat, you know,

476
00:24:31,305 --> 00:24:33,285
healthy food and reduce the toxins.

477
00:24:33,885 --> 00:24:35,085
That's, they're the basics.

478
00:24:35,115 --> 00:24:39,915
Unless there is of course an urgent matter
or there is mental illness, right, then

479
00:24:39,915 --> 00:24:43,560
it's a different, but you know, for most
of us, That's, it's kind of, you know, a

480
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:47,790
lot of anxiety and depression is, starts
very gently and then escalates, right?

481
00:24:48,090 --> 00:24:53,400
So ideally we nip it early on and go, make
sure you walk, make sure you sleep well.

482
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,170
Make sure you do your
mindfulness training.

483
00:24:55,290 --> 00:24:57,600
Make sure you reduce your toxins
and, and if you are already

484
00:24:57,605 --> 00:24:58,860
anxious, don't drink coffee.

485
00:24:58,980 --> 00:25:03,030
Just don't , you know, because
it's, it doesn't help your system.

486
00:25:03,690 --> 00:25:04,660
That, and, and.

487
00:25:05,925 --> 00:25:06,705
I find Yeah.

488
00:25:06,915 --> 00:25:07,395
Yeah.

489
00:25:07,399 --> 00:25:08,655
Oh, no, no, no, no.

490
00:25:09,195 --> 00:25:13,725
Well, and um, this is something
too, uh, that's interesting to me.

491
00:25:14,715 --> 00:25:21,675
You have the, you have some
folks who, um, who are able to.

492
00:25:23,324 --> 00:25:27,165
Even though they may have a rough
day at work or things might be tough,

493
00:25:27,405 --> 00:25:32,115
they can pick out the, the things
that are going right in the day.

494
00:25:32,145 --> 00:25:32,475
Right?

495
00:25:32,625 --> 00:25:35,695
Or they can, well at least,
you know, hey, um, they have a

496
00:25:35,699 --> 00:25:37,125
positive outlook on things, right?

497
00:25:37,695 --> 00:25:43,735
And then you've got the people who no
matter what, will find something negative.

498
00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:48,169
Mms something negative to point out
this person did this or that person.

499
00:25:48,260 --> 00:25:51,139
And I would think that with the, the
work that you do for in business at

500
00:25:51,139 --> 00:25:55,730
businesses and corporations and things,
you know, when it's a, a work environment

501
00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:59,959
that this is probably something that
you would deal with are the, the, the

502
00:25:59,965 --> 00:26:04,520
folks too that see, you know, cause we
can look at, we can look at something.

503
00:26:05,985 --> 00:26:09,795
I could see it one way and someone
else could see it in a different way.

504
00:26:09,975 --> 00:26:13,125
You know, although I am holding a
blue pen, I don't know how different

505
00:26:13,125 --> 00:26:16,395
we could go, but maybe someone
seeing me hold this, they would think

506
00:26:16,635 --> 00:26:17,955
you've got a weapon in your hand.

507
00:26:18,225 --> 00:26:22,275
Whereas I'm like, no, I'm, I'm writing
a letter , I'm writing a love letter.

508
00:26:22,665 --> 00:26:27,165
So can you talk about that, about,
um, especially again, is that because

509
00:26:27,165 --> 00:26:32,655
we're not being mindful because we're,
we're seeking out the, the negative

510
00:26:32,905 --> 00:26:34,655
or the things we wanna point out as.

511
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:36,150
Quote unquote.

512
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:36,840
Yeah.

513
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:38,760
And I think there's a lot to say.

514
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,040
I mean, I could never do the
whole that topic justice, cuz

515
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,180
I think there's so many Yes.

516
00:26:42,180 --> 00:26:42,270
As

517
00:26:42,540 --> 00:26:43,110
we could go.

518
00:26:43,110 --> 00:26:44,490
We only have so long for the

519
00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:44,940
show.

520
00:26:44,940 --> 00:26:45,840
Yeah, right.

521
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,440
But research shows that we are born
with a slight disposition of either

522
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,620
being, you know, a little bit.

523
00:26:51,085 --> 00:26:55,015
More negative plus half, you know,
empty or half full, that we are

524
00:26:55,015 --> 00:26:59,005
born that way and we can adjust, you
know, those set points a little bit,

525
00:26:59,485 --> 00:27:01,045
but we always have the disposition.

526
00:27:01,465 --> 00:27:02,455
So that's one thing.

527
00:27:03,175 --> 00:27:04,855
The other thing is conditioning, right?

528
00:27:04,855 --> 00:27:10,405
So that you know, we, you know, if
we've had damage, if we've, we are in

529
00:27:10,685 --> 00:27:11,966
a relationship where we don't feel.

530
00:27:13,105 --> 00:27:16,315
We can easily become
very contrary, . Right?

531
00:27:16,315 --> 00:27:20,065
And then we don't want to, you know,
we don't want the other one to bring.

532
00:27:20,065 --> 00:27:22,465
So it's, I think a lot
of it is in dynamics.

533
00:27:22,675 --> 00:27:25,555
You know, if somebody's always,
oh, come on, you can do that.

534
00:27:25,555 --> 00:27:29,004
You know my no, because
you still haven't seen me.

535
00:27:29,004 --> 00:27:29,845
You still haven't.

536
00:27:29,845 --> 00:27:31,285
So I'm not giving you to give you the.

537
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,639
Credit of being freaking happy, you know?

538
00:27:34,540 --> 00:27:36,459
So it becomes a power struggle almost.

539
00:27:36,459 --> 00:27:38,590
And I might be very happy with
that person, but not with you

540
00:27:39,580 --> 00:27:44,229
So, so I think, you know, I mean there's
some really beautiful research around, you

541
00:27:44,229 --> 00:27:48,790
know, from social neuroscience called the
scarf model that says, you know, in all

542
00:27:48,969 --> 00:27:55,209
relationships we can kind of, there's five
domains that we are either in surplus with

543
00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:58,090
or in threat that sends us into threat.

544
00:27:58,419 --> 00:28:03,959
And the first one of those elements is,
Like, do you feel, do, do you see me?

545
00:28:04,260 --> 00:28:04,880
Do you know?

546
00:28:04,886 --> 00:28:06,600
Do I feel seen by you?

547
00:28:06,929 --> 00:28:07,379
You know?

548
00:28:07,379 --> 00:28:11,429
And in relationships where we don't
feel seen, when they then do ask us a

549
00:28:11,429 --> 00:28:16,350
question, it's very easy to just go, I'm
not gonna freaking say anything, right?

550
00:28:16,649 --> 00:28:18,879
Because my bucket is empty
and I'm already in threat.

551
00:28:19,890 --> 00:28:20,190
Right.

552
00:28:20,190 --> 00:28:23,100
So, so I think a lot of it is dynamics.

553
00:28:23,610 --> 00:28:28,500
Um, and then of course, the more
we've cultivated misery, uh,

554
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,970
the more it becomes our reality.

555
00:28:29,970 --> 00:28:32,610
Those neurons are now the
ones that are trained.

556
00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:35,940
And so even when we are by
ourselves, we are still miserable.

557
00:28:36,510 --> 00:28:38,580
Um, but we have it all.

558
00:28:38,580 --> 00:28:43,470
So if we are very, um, if the, if the
victim voice is very dominant within.

559
00:28:45,014 --> 00:28:49,305
It is useful to know that there's a space
within us that's free of it as well.

560
00:28:49,375 --> 00:28:49,855
Mm-hmm.

561
00:28:50,065 --> 00:28:51,375
. Oh, right.

562
00:28:51,795 --> 00:28:55,875
There's a space that goes, I am, I'm
the voice that's free of the victim.

563
00:28:56,385 --> 00:28:57,524
I'm the voice of freedom.

564
00:28:57,524 --> 00:29:02,295
For instance, I'm the voice of confidence
and optimism and joy and you know,

565
00:29:02,565 --> 00:29:04,455
who, what, what does that feel like?

566
00:29:04,455 --> 00:29:04,695
Right.

567
00:29:04,695 --> 00:29:09,135
So, so to toy with this, the idea
of self in a much more spacious

568
00:29:09,135 --> 00:29:11,655
and dancing way than fixed in any.

569
00:29:12,705 --> 00:29:13,275
Mm.

570
00:29:13,695 --> 00:29:18,435
And I, and I think the key is,
is, is is not being fixed . It is.

571
00:29:18,825 --> 00:29:22,735
That's the thing, is to be able
to, to be able to play with that.

572
00:29:24,585 --> 00:29:26,165
And catch yourself out and to

573
00:29:26,165 --> 00:29:26,845
catch yourself, you know?

574
00:29:26,845 --> 00:29:26,846
Whoa.

575
00:29:26,851 --> 00:29:32,265
In this dynamic with you, I keep being
this cantankerous old version of myself.

576
00:29:32,775 --> 00:29:35,175
What is going on, right?

577
00:29:35,175 --> 00:29:36,375
What is going on for me?

578
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:37,455
What is triggered?

579
00:29:37,695 --> 00:29:41,415
You know, how could I step
into more ownership about that?

580
00:29:41,475 --> 00:29:45,015
Or perhaps take some space from you,
recalibrate and come back, you know,

581
00:29:45,135 --> 00:29:46,725
how do I wanna sit in relation?

582
00:29:48,149 --> 00:29:54,000
That is so important because it it because
we are such reactive beings, we react.

583
00:29:54,540 --> 00:29:54,929
Right.

584
00:29:54,929 --> 00:29:58,080
That's what I was talking about, like
catching myself going down to spiral.

585
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,980
It's a reaction to something
and not thinking super clearly.

586
00:30:01,980 --> 00:30:04,290
It's just, it's that kneejerk reaction.

587
00:30:04,949 --> 00:30:05,100
Yes.

588
00:30:05,129 --> 00:30:05,459
Right.

589
00:30:05,969 --> 00:30:13,050
It's that jerk reaction and it
does, I, I find that in my observing

590
00:30:13,050 --> 00:30:19,169
others and myself, Much of that,
that knee-jerk or that those synapses

591
00:30:19,169 --> 00:30:20,820
that are dug in so deep, right.

592
00:30:21,179 --> 00:30:25,379
Those canals is be, is from,
is from childhood stuff.

593
00:30:25,649 --> 00:30:26,820
It's from childhood things.

594
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:27,179
Yeah.

595
00:30:27,179 --> 00:30:30,899
And it's stuff that, and it's
stuff that could be just something

596
00:30:30,899 --> 00:30:32,129
that happened on the schoolyard.

597
00:30:32,310 --> 00:30:34,470
You know, one day when
you're eight years old.

598
00:30:35,010 --> 00:30:35,310
Absolutely.

599
00:30:35,620 --> 00:30:36,810
It stays with you.

600
00:30:36,899 --> 00:30:37,950
It stays with you.

601
00:30:38,010 --> 00:30:41,820
And your subconscious is very much aware.

602
00:30:42,570 --> 00:30:45,450
Um, your conscious mind is saying,
no, of course I wanna be successful

603
00:30:45,450 --> 00:30:48,570
and I wanna have a happy relationship
and I wanna go on holiday and all

604
00:30:48,570 --> 00:30:53,610
these, but the subconscious mind is
still playing those stories that we

605
00:30:53,610 --> 00:30:57,690
had so that those, those ages, and I
think you said it earlier and it's so

606
00:30:57,690 --> 00:31:02,010
important, between zero, , five, yeah.

607
00:31:02,850 --> 00:31:03,450
Five to seven.

608
00:31:03,660 --> 00:31:04,380
Five to seven.

609
00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:09,300
And I would even say also while in our,
in our mama's bellies as well before,

610
00:31:09,390 --> 00:31:15,990
I mean absolutely because, you know,
if, if mom is stressed, if mom is, uh,

611
00:31:15,990 --> 00:31:21,930
unable to pay the bills or is dealing
with, um, a spouse that is abusive or,

612
00:31:22,140 --> 00:31:26,030
or, um, ignores them, that is going.

613
00:31:26,365 --> 00:31:31,285
Impact and affect the baby who will
eventually become that child who also

614
00:31:31,285 --> 00:31:33,505
feels maybe abandoned or ignored as well.

615
00:31:33,865 --> 00:31:34,075
Right?

616
00:31:34,105 --> 00:31:39,085
Yeah, and I think, you know, when
we really get that, then we go,

617
00:31:39,090 --> 00:31:43,495
well, there is nothing left to judge
then because it's not my fault.

618
00:31:43,495 --> 00:31:46,705
It's nobody's fault how this is stored.

619
00:31:47,335 --> 00:31:51,625
I, you know, as a young child,
I have no control over how those

620
00:31:51,865 --> 00:31:54,715
anxiety management systems is set up.

621
00:31:55,015 --> 00:31:55,535
I don.

622
00:31:56,399 --> 00:31:56,790
Right.

623
00:31:57,479 --> 00:32:02,699
So it's not my fault, but it's
ideally my responsibility to a long

624
00:32:03,090 --> 00:32:07,064
life's journey to start to be curious
about them and start to unpick

625
00:32:07,620 --> 00:32:09,659
them a little bit as much as I can.

626
00:32:09,810 --> 00:32:12,120
They'll never be completely
unpicked, right, because

627
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:13,800
they're so deep and so early.

628
00:32:14,219 --> 00:32:17,100
But for instance, you know, we're all
coming back to that one about the,

629
00:32:17,100 --> 00:32:18,719
the people who are very negative.

630
00:32:19,139 --> 00:32:23,129
You know, if early on
this person has been in.

631
00:32:23,630 --> 00:32:27,290
Family situation where the only
attention they could get was

632
00:32:27,290 --> 00:32:28,460
when they played the victim.

633
00:32:30,050 --> 00:32:31,730
Well then that is so deep.

634
00:32:31,735 --> 00:32:36,860
It is not safe for me to be happy
because you know, I get my attention

635
00:32:37,190 --> 00:32:41,180
and I go under the radar and my rewards
and whatever when I'm the victim.

636
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:44,130
So I'm not, even when things
are amazing, I'm not gonna.

637
00:32:44,909 --> 00:32:45,810
Go into it.

638
00:32:46,260 --> 00:32:46,649
Right.

639
00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:50,580
So I think, you know, I think when
we really get that, we go, wow.

640
00:32:50,580 --> 00:32:50,970
Yeah.

641
00:32:52,139 --> 00:32:56,550
, there's nothing to judge because
we are just all deformed in a way.

642
00:32:56,970 --> 00:32:57,360
Right?

643
00:32:57,780 --> 00:32:57,929
Yes.

644
00:32:58,260 --> 00:33:03,270
Um, and I, I had an experience with
a client and she's very happy for

645
00:33:03,270 --> 00:33:06,360
me to share this story cuz I think
it's so powerful around how the

646
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:08,250
system is always looking out for us.

647
00:33:08,639 --> 00:33:11,820
And she had a, had an, uh, a
verbal assault in the work.

648
00:33:13,110 --> 00:33:17,730
And, um, before that we had had a, the
mindfulness at work, eight sessions.

649
00:33:17,730 --> 00:33:21,510
And she had loved it and she'd shared it
with everybody she was so enthusiastic

650
00:33:21,510 --> 00:33:24,899
about, and she had really practiced
a lot, but she had this assault.

651
00:33:25,290 --> 00:33:28,860
And then two weeks after that, she
rang me and she was still sobbing.

652
00:33:28,860 --> 00:33:30,030
And she said, look, I, I.

653
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:32,939
This situation occurred.

654
00:33:32,970 --> 00:33:33,990
I kept saying, stop.

655
00:33:33,990 --> 00:33:34,320
Stop.

656
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:36,210
He kept going and going and going.

657
00:33:36,540 --> 00:33:40,139
Um, and in the end, I couldn't
feel my legs and I had to get

658
00:33:40,139 --> 00:33:41,460
my husband to come and get me.

659
00:33:41,790 --> 00:33:44,129
And now I've been at home
crying for two weeks.

660
00:33:44,135 --> 00:33:45,419
I haven't been able to go outside.

661
00:33:45,425 --> 00:33:47,310
I haven't been able to
do a thing completely.

662
00:33:47,490 --> 00:33:49,050
I disintegrated her right.

663
00:33:50,295 --> 00:33:53,115
Um, and then she said, can
you, can you see me and help

664
00:33:53,115 --> 00:33:54,285
put me back together again?

665
00:33:54,825 --> 00:33:58,725
So we started having sessions
and after about six sessions

666
00:33:58,725 --> 00:33:59,745
she was going to the gym.

667
00:33:59,750 --> 00:34:00,645
She was getting much better.

668
00:34:00,675 --> 00:34:03,735
So we do what we call gradual
exposure therapy from a body, like

669
00:34:03,915 --> 00:34:07,785
resetting the body's memory of
what happened or soothing that.

670
00:34:09,045 --> 00:34:11,985
And so, um, she said,
you know what happened?

671
00:34:11,985 --> 00:34:13,514
I had the panic attack at the gym.

672
00:34:13,815 --> 00:34:14,595
Why might that.

673
00:34:16,034 --> 00:34:18,675
I have no idea, but we can do
a little bit of the gradual

674
00:34:18,675 --> 00:34:19,935
exposure therapy with that one.

675
00:34:19,935 --> 00:34:25,065
So see yourself, hop in the car, drive
there, park the car, go to the gym.

676
00:34:25,065 --> 00:34:28,784
And as we are going through that
journey, we're just monitoring

677
00:34:28,845 --> 00:34:30,435
what the body's saying to that.

678
00:34:31,005 --> 00:34:33,284
And it didn't really,
there was not much swing.

679
00:34:33,290 --> 00:34:34,875
It was pretty neutral.

680
00:34:36,975 --> 00:34:40,154
She went to the gym again, and then she
came back the following week and she

681
00:34:40,154 --> 00:34:41,415
said, now let me tell you what happened.

682
00:34:42,045 --> 00:34:43,364
So she said, I parked the car.

683
00:34:43,455 --> 00:34:44,145
No problem.

684
00:34:44,625 --> 00:34:45,554
The doors were open.

685
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,945
So I walked in and I'm on the
treadmill and I've got my earphones in.

686
00:34:48,945 --> 00:34:50,264
I'm undo, I'm doing my thing.

687
00:34:51,645 --> 00:34:57,210
And she said, then the earphones
fell out and um, My heart rate.

688
00:34:57,210 --> 00:35:01,259
I could see it just went through the roof
and she thought, that's really weird.

689
00:35:01,259 --> 00:35:04,799
Put the heart, put the earphones in
and just put the hand over the heart

690
00:35:04,805 --> 00:35:07,319
as we do the dear body practice,
which is part of the practice.

691
00:35:07,529 --> 00:35:09,029
And just a dear heart, it's okay.

692
00:35:09,029 --> 00:35:09,509
It's okay.

693
00:35:09,515 --> 00:35:12,299
And because she had practice so
much, it soothed really quickly.

694
00:35:12,870 --> 00:35:14,940
And then she thought, that's really weird.

695
00:35:15,230 --> 00:35:18,839
So she took the earphones
out again and she listened.

696
00:35:19,589 --> 00:35:20,460
And do you know what she heard?

697
00:35:21,299 --> 00:35:21,569
What.

698
00:35:22,890 --> 00:35:27,480
She heard that the sound of the
doors at the gym was the same

699
00:35:27,485 --> 00:35:29,550
sound as the doors at work.

700
00:35:31,230 --> 00:35:32,250
Oh, wow.

701
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:32,970
Yeah.

702
00:35:33,060 --> 00:35:33,540
Right.

703
00:35:35,690 --> 00:35:36,109
Wow.

704
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,680
It, it actually makes it, it's
actually moving, I think because

705
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,140
you go, oh my God, this dear body.

706
00:35:43,140 --> 00:35:48,060
It is so sophisticated in, in
its systems of looking after us.

707
00:35:48,089 --> 00:35:54,149
It has, it has stored every little
association with every single

708
00:35:54,259 --> 00:35:57,350
experience in order for you to not.

709
00:35:58,100 --> 00:36:01,280
And so that means, you know,
when we're feeling anxious, it

710
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,170
is, the body is not the enemy.

711
00:36:03,770 --> 00:36:06,230
We, we can just thank the body, right?

712
00:36:06,230 --> 00:36:07,580
We can say thank you body.

713
00:36:07,940 --> 00:36:13,520
Um, and then we can see, am I safe, ? And
if I am, we can say, dear body, it's okay.

714
00:36:13,955 --> 00:36:19,504
And in that way we are actually changing
a memory because when it's activated and

715
00:36:19,504 --> 00:36:24,334
it's out on the active working memory and
it's imbued by new associations, in this

716
00:36:24,334 --> 00:36:26,254
case it would be love and tenderness.

717
00:36:26,555 --> 00:36:30,455
When it goes back into storage,
that memory is no longer as it were.

718
00:36:30,455 --> 00:36:31,265
It's now got.

719
00:36:31,875 --> 00:36:33,975
Those new associations
have seeped into it.

720
00:36:34,185 --> 00:36:40,395
So it's kind of our job to re, you know,
to constantly reeducate, if you like,

721
00:36:40,694 --> 00:36:44,325
the body's memory of bad experiences.

722
00:36:45,855 --> 00:36:48,105
Oh, that is so, that is so powerful.

723
00:36:48,585 --> 00:36:48,855
Yeah.

724
00:36:48,855 --> 00:36:52,625
That is so powerful because you're
right, and the body, remember.

725
00:36:53,580 --> 00:36:55,340
It could be even something
that you don't remember.

726
00:36:55,370 --> 00:36:57,100
That you, you don't Oh, you don't

727
00:36:57,100 --> 00:36:57,500
recall.

728
00:36:57,500 --> 00:36:57,840
Yes, exactly.

729
00:36:58,290 --> 00:36:58,560
Yeah.

730
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,000
And you won't know that sound.

731
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,280
You won't, you don't
consciously know that.

732
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,760
It's only because of her mindfulness
that she picked it so often.

733
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:07,290
You know, it's a smell.

734
00:37:07,410 --> 00:37:08,640
It's a sound of a voice.

735
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,490
It's the way somebody
looks, it's the temperature.

736
00:37:11,550 --> 00:37:16,140
It is so sophisticated, this system,
in trying to make sure that you

737
00:37:16,380 --> 00:37:16,500
are.

738
00:37:16,950 --> 00:37:23,940
I just, I just remembered too that,
um, I think it was in my early twenties

739
00:37:24,390 --> 00:37:30,690
and, um, I had at the time a boyfriend
at the time, um, and he did this

740
00:37:30,690 --> 00:37:33,240
thing where he snapped a belt and.

741
00:37:33,990 --> 00:37:35,340
As soon as that happened.

742
00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:40,680
Cause my dad had, my dad was
troubled soul, and so that's

743
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,150
what he would use on me.

744
00:37:42,150 --> 00:37:44,520
And before he would hit
me, he would snap the belt.

745
00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:45,180
Yeah, right.

746
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:52,290
And I recall the feeling that I got
and it was my body that reacted first.

747
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:52,910
Yes.

748
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,970
And then of course I said, don't you
know, don't you ever do that again.

749
00:37:56,509 --> 00:38:00,049
But, but it was, it was as if
I was that, that child again.

750
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:00,590
Absolutely.

751
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:05,390
Like that, the terror that you
have and all the, all the emotions.

752
00:38:05,390 --> 00:38:07,910
But, but like on a
physical level, absolutely.

753
00:38:07,915 --> 00:38:10,700
Um, just from that sound and I can
understand how people are triggered

754
00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:13,100
as well from, from the sounds from.

755
00:38:14,214 --> 00:38:14,455
Yep.

756
00:38:14,455 --> 00:38:16,705
From sense, the opening
of our beer bottle.

757
00:38:17,214 --> 00:38:21,145
Somebody said she, she had a friend and
every time we she went was back in her

758
00:38:21,145 --> 00:38:22,795
childhood with her father drinking, right?

759
00:38:22,975 --> 00:38:24,134
Yes, yes.

760
00:38:24,134 --> 00:38:24,375
Mm-hmm.

761
00:38:24,625 --> 00:38:28,254
. Oh, I know, I know The can one . Yeah.

762
00:38:28,254 --> 00:38:29,185
Wow.

763
00:38:29,245 --> 00:38:36,475
That is, it's so, again, two parents
like you, your, those impressions

764
00:38:36,475 --> 00:38:41,754
that the, that your children have
at such a young age lives with.

765
00:38:42,795 --> 00:38:46,515
You know, well lives with them for
the rest of their lives, unless they

766
00:38:46,515 --> 00:38:53,895
have the ability also to be mindful
and to go back and to calm the body

767
00:38:53,895 --> 00:38:57,465
down and to say, you know, I'm not,
I'm not that little child again.

768
00:38:57,465 --> 00:39:00,825
I'm not, you know, I'm, I am
loved, I am loved by the universe.

769
00:39:00,830 --> 00:39:02,445
I'm loved by my family here.

770
00:39:02,685 --> 00:39:03,075
Yes.

771
00:39:03,075 --> 00:39:04,575
All those, all those things.

772
00:39:04,995 --> 00:39:08,655
And it's also having, I find, hmm.

773
00:39:09,945 --> 00:39:15,645
It's having that faith that the
universe, God love, whatever you wanna

774
00:39:15,645 --> 00:39:20,835
call it, that, that it's got you like,
you know, you know what I'm saying?

775
00:39:21,165 --> 00:39:21,525
Like.

776
00:39:22,410 --> 00:39:26,250
That, that's something that's helped
me throughout my life is just that

777
00:39:26,250 --> 00:39:32,549
feeling of no matter what, no matter
what, I feel like the universe

778
00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:36,270
again, God, my angels, whatever.

779
00:39:36,839 --> 00:39:37,230
Right?

780
00:39:37,620 --> 00:39:40,049
It's, it's got me, it'll carry me through.

781
00:39:40,590 --> 00:39:40,860
Right.

782
00:39:40,860 --> 00:39:46,470
And uh, and I don't know if that's, um, a
mindful thing or if that's just, um, just

783
00:39:46,470 --> 00:39:50,190
something that I've developed over the
years, but have, do you have that as well?

784
00:39:50,190 --> 00:39:55,140
That you're even in, even in the
crappiest worst situation, it's

785
00:39:55,140 --> 00:39:58,080
like, I, I'm, I'm gonna be right.

786
00:40:00,660 --> 00:40:03,480
Yeah, it's an interesting one cuz
technically no, it's not mindfulness.

787
00:40:03,720 --> 00:40:12,270
Um, But . But if we, if I know
that everything in this system

788
00:40:12,270 --> 00:40:15,780
changes all the time, the constant
is my, is the awareness, right?

789
00:40:16,500 --> 00:40:16,710
Right.

790
00:40:18,210 --> 00:40:23,100
And then I go, well, actually, and,
and I, and I can be rational enough

791
00:40:23,105 --> 00:40:27,270
to go, well, I know I've experienced
some bad, some really difficult

792
00:40:27,270 --> 00:40:32,490
things, and actually I know that I've
grown from it and I know I can cope.

793
00:40:33,330 --> 00:40:38,475
So even if it's that, And go, you know
what, girl, this is stretching you and

794
00:40:38,475 --> 00:40:43,125
this feels like you don't wanna be in
it now, but you know how it's going

795
00:40:43,125 --> 00:40:47,024
to, you know, this, this, this stuff
that break brings us to our knees.

796
00:40:47,024 --> 00:40:48,495
Boy is that gonna open our hearts.

797
00:40:48,495 --> 00:40:48,795
Right?

798
00:40:49,274 --> 00:40:54,194
So for that, for that, like giving a
bigger context like that is also useful.

799
00:40:54,315 --> 00:40:58,845
And if you then believe that the universe,
or I probably have a problem with the

800
00:40:59,245 --> 00:41:00,134
universe because I have a very ill.

801
00:41:01,105 --> 00:41:04,404
And there's nothing, there's
nothing in the world that she

802
00:41:04,404 --> 00:41:06,805
could do that would make it okay.

803
00:41:07,315 --> 00:41:07,645
Mm.

804
00:41:07,705 --> 00:41:08,395
Right, right.

805
00:41:08,695 --> 00:41:12,805
And I also have lived in Africa as
a child, and I, I have seen poverty.

806
00:41:12,805 --> 00:41:16,915
You know, at that time it was little
stink, sticky stick legs with big tommies.

807
00:41:17,245 --> 00:41:20,845
The poverty was so bad, there was no
universe that had anyone's back there.

808
00:41:21,235 --> 00:41:21,445
Right.

809
00:41:21,895 --> 00:41:23,395
So I don't sit with that one.

810
00:41:24,055 --> 00:41:32,415
I sit with having faith in, um,
The good , the good and the willing

811
00:41:32,415 --> 00:41:36,075
heart, but also in the not knowing.

812
00:41:36,525 --> 00:41:39,735
I don't, we don't know what's
gonna happen, like what my idea of.

813
00:41:41,435 --> 00:41:44,085
Is only limited because I
don't know the big picture.

814
00:41:44,325 --> 00:41:44,775
I don't.

815
00:41:45,345 --> 00:41:49,125
So even when something hurts, you
can go, okay, I don't know what's

816
00:41:49,125 --> 00:41:54,435
happening with me, but I am trusting
that I have the ability to hang in

817
00:41:54,435 --> 00:41:58,845
there and I will be reborn if you like.

818
00:41:58,845 --> 00:42:02,174
I will morph in the washing machine of

819
00:42:02,174 --> 00:42:02,625
change.

820
00:42:02,654 --> 00:42:03,795
It's giving you the.

821
00:42:05,710 --> 00:42:06,220
As well.

822
00:42:06,225 --> 00:42:11,190
It's giving you the power, which is,
I, I, because again, we can become

823
00:42:11,190 --> 00:42:14,430
victims of life as well, but it's
also giving you the power that no

824
00:42:14,430 --> 00:42:18,460
matter whatever it is that I'm going
through, I, I will, I will survive this.

825
00:42:19,110 --> 00:42:20,130
I will come through this.

826
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:20,940
Yeah.

827
00:42:21,450 --> 00:42:21,780
Yeah.

828
00:42:21,780 --> 00:42:24,720
And, and yet, this is the funny
thing, Christine, is that it

829
00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:28,200
isn't personal . Yes, yes.

830
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:29,310
You know, like, you know.

831
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:29,670
Yes.

832
00:42:29,670 --> 00:42:32,940
What happens to me is not personal, but
also that I have the ability to do that.

833
00:42:32,945 --> 00:42:34,380
I can't take credit for that.

834
00:42:34,710 --> 00:42:37,560
I can just, you know,
thank my whatever and go.

835
00:42:37,565 --> 00:42:40,050
I had good parents, I
had good grandparents.

836
00:42:40,050 --> 00:42:43,500
I was born in Denmark at a certain
time, got a certain education.

837
00:42:43,740 --> 00:42:45,240
I am blessed.

838
00:42:45,775 --> 00:42:47,655
And therefore I have the resources.

839
00:42:47,660 --> 00:42:48,775
I know that some don't.

840
00:42:49,035 --> 00:42:49,455
Yes.

841
00:42:49,455 --> 00:42:51,895
And that I can't make
that a personal thing.

842
00:42:51,895 --> 00:42:52,735
It's just, and can't

843
00:42:52,740 --> 00:42:54,655
And you can't judge
others either for that.

844
00:42:54,655 --> 00:42:55,765
Absolutely not.

845
00:42:56,035 --> 00:42:56,365
Yes.

846
00:42:56,545 --> 00:42:57,175
Exactly.

847
00:42:57,655 --> 00:42:58,255
Exactly.

848
00:42:58,260 --> 00:42:58,495
Yeah.

849
00:42:58,885 --> 00:43:02,335
And that's also, and that's being, that's
having an empathetic heart as well.

850
00:43:03,015 --> 00:43:03,465
You know?

851
00:43:03,855 --> 00:43:04,155
Yeah.

852
00:43:04,155 --> 00:43:06,135
Because we know it isn't anyone's fault.

853
00:43:06,435 --> 00:43:06,825
No.

854
00:43:07,095 --> 00:43:10,665
You know, empathy, the empathy I
think is like, is like a superpower.

855
00:43:11,295 --> 00:43:15,645
Um, that's why I get, that's why, uh,
narcissists, like I really do think

856
00:43:15,645 --> 00:43:19,575
there should be another planet for them
and and they all need to go there.

857
00:43:19,580 --> 00:43:20,045
Yeah.

858
00:43:20,475 --> 00:43:21,135
Lack empathy.

859
00:43:22,290 --> 00:43:23,100
Oh my goodness.

860
00:43:23,490 --> 00:43:25,170
Uh, you know, there's

861
00:43:25,460 --> 00:43:26,490
so much distraction, right?

862
00:43:26,610 --> 00:43:29,370
So suffer so much unnecessary distraction.

863
00:43:29,670 --> 00:43:32,700
But then again, you know, it's a bit
like, you know, we, we, you know,

864
00:43:33,270 --> 00:43:37,650
when we know the early damage on
children, we go, yeah, but there's no

865
00:43:37,654 --> 00:43:39,490
way to create a childhood without it.

866
00:43:39,980 --> 00:43:40,879
It, it is.

867
00:43:41,270 --> 00:43:45,980
You know, so, so is these, you
know, these challenges that we

868
00:43:45,980 --> 00:43:49,040
inevitably have, is that what life is?

869
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:53,210
Is that consciousness cuz we are
of consciousness and consciousness

870
00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:55,100
observing itself in us?

871
00:43:55,490 --> 00:43:56,600
Is that what it's all about?

872
00:43:56,629 --> 00:43:57,120
Yeah.

873
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:01,320
Like, you know, consciousness experiencing
itself in many different forms.

874
00:44:01,650 --> 00:44:03,870
And so we are not supposed
to have these perfect lives.

875
00:44:03,870 --> 00:44:08,190
We're supposed to, you know, wrestle
with it and be curious about it and

876
00:44:08,190 --> 00:44:13,500
live and love and lose, and all of the
things that go with life, you know,

877
00:44:13,650 --> 00:44:17,370
and that's much more bearable than
if we think, Hey, hey, I'm not happy.

878
00:44:17,370 --> 00:44:18,150
What's wrong here?

879
00:44:21,645 --> 00:44:23,245
Exactly right.

880
00:44:23,250 --> 00:44:27,195
Well, no, I think I, and I do, I
think that things that, um, well,

881
00:44:27,195 --> 00:44:30,045
the things, and I'm speaking for
myself cuz that's all I know.

882
00:44:30,275 --> 00:44:30,765
Yeah.

883
00:44:30,770 --> 00:44:36,975
Um, the things that have, uh, have
occurred to me, the, the beautiful

884
00:44:36,975 --> 00:44:41,655
moments, the heartaches, the, you
know, the things that I, I was curious

885
00:44:41,655 --> 00:44:45,375
about going, well, that's an odd,
that's an odd thing to happen to me.

886
00:44:45,855 --> 00:44:47,505
Um, but all of that has shaped.

887
00:44:48,419 --> 00:44:50,189
To be who I am today.

888
00:44:50,549 --> 00:44:50,759
Yeah.

889
00:44:50,939 --> 00:44:55,589
And so, and again, you know, those
who, especially when you're really

890
00:44:55,589 --> 00:44:58,740
young, if you suffer some trauma, you
know, there's a couple different things

891
00:44:58,740 --> 00:45:00,270
that can happen out of that as well.

892
00:45:00,629 --> 00:45:03,839
You know, you could repeat
that to, for someone else, you

893
00:45:03,839 --> 00:45:05,310
know, against someone else.

894
00:45:05,759 --> 00:45:09,209
Um, you can have all kinds of
different things, how you feel about

895
00:45:09,209 --> 00:45:11,700
yourself, your, your, your self worth.

896
00:45:12,209 --> 00:45:16,109
Um, but also you can, I mean,
for me it was, it, the message

897
00:45:16,115 --> 00:45:17,430
that was loud and clear was.

898
00:45:17,985 --> 00:45:23,775
I know what this feels like and I could
never, ever do that to someone else.

899
00:45:23,775 --> 00:45:27,105
I could never, ever make
someone else feel this way.

900
00:45:27,525 --> 00:45:27,765
Yeah.

901
00:45:28,245 --> 00:45:30,765
That was that, that it was
a strong, that's decision.

902
00:45:30,765 --> 00:45:31,455
It worked in you.

903
00:45:31,635 --> 00:45:32,115
Yes.

904
00:45:32,165 --> 00:45:32,845
It was a strong decision.

905
00:45:32,845 --> 00:45:34,215
And what a blessing that, that was.

906
00:45:34,215 --> 00:45:35,295
The aversion, right?

907
00:45:35,625 --> 00:45:36,165
Yes.

908
00:45:36,315 --> 00:45:38,655
I, I don't know how much
they talk about reactive.

909
00:45:38,655 --> 00:45:40,725
I don't know how much
control we have over.

910
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:41,879
Yes.

911
00:45:41,879 --> 00:45:43,020
It's an interesting one, right?

912
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:43,740
Yes.

913
00:45:43,799 --> 00:45:44,160
Yes.

914
00:45:45,029 --> 00:45:49,049
Cause I remember years ago, my,
my son and my sister's little girl

915
00:45:49,049 --> 00:45:51,870
are the same age where my sister's
been really ill with epilepsy.

916
00:45:51,870 --> 00:45:54,089
So she had lots of fits
while she was pregnant.

917
00:45:54,089 --> 00:45:57,209
So the little girl is really damaged.

918
00:45:57,390 --> 00:46:01,319
Really damaged, so brain damaged,
spastic, you know, um, autistic,

919
00:46:01,319 --> 00:46:02,279
everything you can think of.

920
00:46:02,669 --> 00:46:05,910
And so we are sitting these two
little three year olds on either side

921
00:46:05,910 --> 00:46:06,839
of me and we are reading a little.

922
00:46:08,765 --> 00:46:13,665
And, um, read it once and then,
um, you know, as three year olds

923
00:46:13,665 --> 00:46:14,775
do they go, can we do it again?

924
00:46:15,185 --> 00:46:15,545
Yes.

925
00:46:15,904 --> 00:46:16,865
Again, again.

926
00:46:17,205 --> 00:46:18,555
So we're reading it again.

927
00:46:19,125 --> 00:46:25,335
And my sister's little girl, Louis,
she says she remembers the next page.

928
00:46:25,335 --> 00:46:28,035
She remembers something that
was read on one of the pages.

929
00:46:28,575 --> 00:46:30,825
And even though, you know,
cuz you know, part of the

930
00:46:30,830 --> 00:46:31,906
autistic, she remembers things.

931
00:46:32,025 --> 00:46:35,415
So anyway, she says something, she
says, oh, that was a bear or something.

932
00:46:35,654 --> 00:46:40,350
And my son, He says,
oh mom, she understood.

933
00:46:42,045 --> 00:46:43,575
He was so excited.

934
00:46:43,694 --> 00:46:45,825
It was a spontaneous, absolute delight.

935
00:46:46,005 --> 00:46:48,404
No, she, she's not that damaged mom.

936
00:46:48,404 --> 00:46:49,305
It was kind of that Right.

937
00:46:49,305 --> 00:46:50,895
She's not, she gets it.

938
00:46:50,895 --> 00:46:51,525
She's right.

939
00:46:51,525 --> 00:46:59,085
She's normal , you know, and so I can
see now, and he's in him as an adult

940
00:46:59,089 --> 00:47:02,055
man, you know how much empathy he has.

941
00:47:02,060 --> 00:47:02,295
Mm-hmm.

942
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:04,970
. So in it in every cell of him.

943
00:47:04,970 --> 00:47:05,270
Right.

944
00:47:05,900 --> 00:47:08,870
And it was ignited through
those experiences of having

945
00:47:08,870 --> 00:47:10,940
a very disabled cousin.

946
00:47:11,420 --> 00:47:11,840
Right.

947
00:47:12,350 --> 00:47:16,850
So, you know, when we, when we push
away people who are different, whether

948
00:47:16,855 --> 00:47:21,710
that be old or you know, I think,
you know, we forget who we are.

949
00:47:22,670 --> 00:47:23,030
, right?

950
00:47:23,030 --> 00:47:23,270
Yes.

951
00:47:23,270 --> 00:47:24,470
And who we should be.

952
00:47:24,950 --> 00:47:28,335
Um, I can't remember why I'm saying that.

953
00:47:28,335 --> 00:47:28,907
I don't know, but

954
00:47:28,912 --> 00:47:29,535
I liked it.

955
00:47:31,965 --> 00:47:34,455
Well, because I, that's
forming fairly forming, okay.

956
00:47:34,455 --> 00:47:38,355
This is why I wanted you, like, also,
cuz I just, I, I feel like we're kindred

957
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,875
spirits when it comes to that too.

958
00:47:40,875 --> 00:47:46,990
And, and, Even when, like, like I, I
remember a few times I've, I've been

959
00:47:46,990 --> 00:47:50,560
out and, you know, in Los Angeles
we, we have a bit of a homeless

960
00:47:50,565 --> 00:47:52,960
situation and Yeah, extreme poverty.

961
00:47:52,965 --> 00:47:57,010
Cause there's, and there's millions
and millions of people and, um, and.

962
00:47:57,330 --> 00:48:02,010
I used to, I, I had a friend that
used to be quite judgemental and, um,

963
00:48:02,010 --> 00:48:04,950
they're not my friend anymore, but,
but it was like, it was like, you know,

964
00:48:04,950 --> 00:48:06,510
well, you know, why are they homeless?

965
00:48:06,510 --> 00:48:09,210
You know, they should get a job or
they should do that, or, you know,

966
00:48:09,210 --> 00:48:13,590
why are they, um, uh, panhandling,
, you know, asking for money.

967
00:48:14,010 --> 00:48:18,600
And I always said, I said, you don't
know what they've been through.

968
00:48:19,410 --> 00:48:19,590
No.

969
00:48:19,590 --> 00:48:21,600
To cast that judgment on them.

970
00:48:21,990 --> 00:48:22,230
No.

971
00:48:22,230 --> 00:48:23,880
And I said, and you've separated.

972
00:48:25,455 --> 00:48:30,225
We as human beings, separate ourselves
from the haves and the have nots, right?

973
00:48:30,674 --> 00:48:30,915
Yep.

974
00:48:31,125 --> 00:48:35,325
Um, the, the, the Catholics and the
Protestants, I mean the Irish and

975
00:48:35,325 --> 00:48:39,095
the English, the, you know, Democrats
and the Republicans and the, all

976
00:48:39,165 --> 00:48:44,865
the stuff, it's this separation,
the US and that versus them.

977
00:48:45,690 --> 00:48:49,380
Yeah, that I never understood
fully because Well then

978
00:48:49,380 --> 00:48:49,920
you're blessed.

979
00:48:50,340 --> 00:48:51,060
You're blessed.

980
00:48:51,510 --> 00:48:52,230
You're blessed.

981
00:48:52,710 --> 00:48:53,100
Right.

982
00:48:53,340 --> 00:48:57,270
Because I, I dunno if you've done any
thing with Ken will by the philosopher,

983
00:48:57,270 --> 00:49:01,080
but you know, he, he explains this so
well and I think this is, talk about

984
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:04,020
alleviating suffering, cuz that's
kind of the Buddhist message, right?

985
00:49:04,020 --> 00:49:04,080
Yeah.

986
00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:10,030
Um, that is to say, we've got these dev,
you know, Um, developmental levels or

987
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,070
consciousness levels that we operate in.

988
00:49:12,070 --> 00:49:13,690
And the lowest level is the egoic.

989
00:49:13,870 --> 00:49:14,020
Right.

990
00:49:14,020 --> 00:49:15,010
And we are born in that.

991
00:49:15,010 --> 00:49:15,820
It's all about me.

992
00:49:15,820 --> 00:49:16,870
I'm the center of the universe.

993
00:49:16,870 --> 00:49:17,200
Right.

994
00:49:17,270 --> 00:49:17,590
Right.

995
00:49:17,595 --> 00:49:18,880
Give me, gimme, give me, I want that.

996
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:19,510
I don't like that.

997
00:49:19,510 --> 00:49:20,410
And it's all about me.

998
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,380
So the narcissist is kind
of stuck on that level.

999
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:23,560
Yeah.

1000
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:24,250
In many ways.

1001
00:49:24,255 --> 00:49:24,490
Right.

1002
00:49:24,970 --> 00:49:28,830
And that, you know, we, you know,
narcissists are difficult, but they

1003
00:49:28,835 --> 00:49:30,910
also experience a lot of suffering.

1004
00:49:31,630 --> 00:49:32,890
. Cause there's not much fun, right?

1005
00:49:33,130 --> 00:49:33,520
Oh, yes.

1006
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,680
Um, and the next level is
then the, so this is the go.

1007
00:49:37,950 --> 00:49:43,649
Then the next level is the, um,
ethnocentric or the teams or groups

1008
00:49:43,799 --> 00:49:48,990
or countries or, you know, um, and
so he says very clearly is that all

1009
00:49:48,990 --> 00:49:50,910
wars start from those lower levels.

1010
00:49:51,935 --> 00:49:54,365
Um, so it's not about religion.

1011
00:49:54,365 --> 00:49:56,585
It's not about, um, borders.

1012
00:49:56,645 --> 00:50:01,985
It's about a consciousness level that sees
other humans, uh, from that perspective

1013
00:50:01,985 --> 00:50:03,875
of them as, and us as you're saying.

1014
00:50:04,785 --> 00:50:08,535
The next level up is world centric,
where we go, oh, we are all on this

1015
00:50:08,535 --> 00:50:12,404
world, in this world together, and we
should try to get along like, and we

1016
00:50:12,410 --> 00:50:14,115
know there's no one who's more important.

1017
00:50:14,115 --> 00:50:17,924
Really, we all the same irrespective
skin color, sexual preference,

1018
00:50:17,930 --> 00:50:19,004
and all of that kind of thing.

1019
00:50:19,009 --> 00:50:20,984
We're just one mush of humanity.

1020
00:50:20,990 --> 00:50:21,075
If.

1021
00:50:23,565 --> 00:50:26,145
And then the next level
is the integrated level.

1022
00:50:26,150 --> 00:50:26,745
Where we going?

1023
00:50:26,745 --> 00:50:30,405
We are just a little breathing
consciousness along with

1024
00:50:30,465 --> 00:50:32,055
all the other life here.

1025
00:50:32,385 --> 00:50:37,605
How do we, um, ensure, you know it
when I'm in that I am, I'm aware

1026
00:50:37,605 --> 00:50:38,775
of the butterfly effect, right?

1027
00:50:38,775 --> 00:50:39,375
I'm aware.

1028
00:50:39,465 --> 00:50:39,555
Yeah.

1029
00:50:39,555 --> 00:50:42,885
Every thought, every moment,
every sip, tea, everything is

1030
00:50:42,885 --> 00:50:44,265
integrated with everything else.

1031
00:50:44,265 --> 00:50:48,745
What does it, what does it take to take
and to create this tea here, you know?

1032
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:54,590
Tea plantations in, you know, wherever in
the hills of Sri Lanka somewhere, right?

1033
00:50:54,590 --> 00:50:58,700
And somebody's picked those and dried
those and transport, and it takes an

1034
00:50:59,029 --> 00:51:01,130
earth and water and sun and all of that.

1035
00:51:01,490 --> 00:51:02,279
I'm aware of that.

1036
00:51:02,970 --> 00:51:08,040
And so we want to come into that way of
understanding things in order for, to

1037
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,320
not contaminate the earth any further.

1038
00:51:10,740 --> 00:51:15,210
Um, and also to treat each other
as just the same, but playing

1039
00:51:15,210 --> 00:51:16,890
with this thing of being a human.

1040
00:51:16,890 --> 00:51:22,290
So still needing to protect and have
our boundaries in that healthy way,

1041
00:51:22,530 --> 00:51:24,570
and yet knowing you are not another.

1042
00:51:24,630 --> 00:51:29,460
It's my, it's the delusion of the
mind, if you like, no mind, right.

1043
00:51:31,590 --> 00:51:32,580
I like you Charlotte.

1044
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:36,330
Yes.

1045
00:51:36,330 --> 00:51:39,300
And, and oh, and that's how,
also, like what you were talking

1046
00:51:39,300 --> 00:51:41,150
about in those lower egoic and.

1047
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:46,140
Teams, like that's how
slavery was able to Yes, yes.

1048
00:51:46,140 --> 00:51:50,850
Because it was, they are less
than, so we, so we can do this.

1049
00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:51,420
Yes.

1050
00:51:51,450 --> 00:51:51,750
Right?

1051
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:52,380
Yes.

1052
00:51:52,380 --> 00:51:57,600
And then for so long, women in the world
and in history, they, you know, it was.

1053
00:51:58,069 --> 00:52:02,899
It still is perceived in some places
as well that women are less than.

1054
00:52:03,410 --> 00:52:07,399
Um, and so we've gotta, yeah, we've
gotta help raise the consciousness.

1055
00:52:07,399 --> 00:52:11,870
And I think we, we just did with
this show, we just raised it.

1056
00:52:11,870 --> 00:52:15,859
Just a Smid, . Um, Sean,
I wanna thank you so much.

1057
00:52:15,859 --> 00:52:20,120
How can people, how can people, uh, find
out more about you, uh, reach out to you?

1058
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:20,930
I understand too.

1059
00:52:20,930 --> 00:52:21,709
You've got some.

1060
00:52:22,509 --> 00:52:25,540
Wonderful resources for for folks to, to

1061
00:52:25,750 --> 00:52:27,100
jump into not resources.

1062
00:52:27,105 --> 00:52:27,490
Yes.

1063
00:52:27,490 --> 00:52:27,940
Thank you.

1064
00:52:28,180 --> 00:52:32,740
So the website is
www.themindfulnessclinic.com au.

1065
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,140
Um, and there's lots of audios.

1066
00:52:35,140 --> 00:52:37,810
There's lots of videos,
there's lots of free resources.

1067
00:52:37,810 --> 00:52:39,490
We have an advent calendar coming up.

1068
00:52:39,759 --> 00:52:43,150
Um, so for Christmas, I also
have a book coming out early next

1069
00:52:43,150 --> 00:52:46,480
year that's called Dear Body, so
I'm really excited about that.

1070
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:47,620
So there's lots of good things.

1071
00:52:48,150 --> 00:52:52,740
I love having good
conversations, . So like this one.

1072
00:52:53,070 --> 00:52:56,490
Um, and if anyone wants some coaching
or interested in bringing it to the

1073
00:52:56,490 --> 00:53:00,330
workplace or would like to join us
from retreat, we've got PVAs coming up.

1074
00:53:00,335 --> 00:53:03,600
We've got coming up, we've
got Valley coming up next year.

1075
00:53:03,930 --> 00:53:05,640
So lots of exciting things to happen.

1076
00:53:05,670 --> 00:53:06,120
You're going to

1077
00:53:06,220 --> 00:53:06,710
PVAs.

1078
00:53:07,335 --> 00:53:07,665
Woohoo.

1079
00:53:08,055 --> 00:53:11,925
Yes, I Can you bring back some
herbs to Prova because they don't

1080
00:53:11,925 --> 00:53:13,335
have them here in Australia.

1081
00:53:13,975 --> 00:53:15,465
Oh, I'll get you a big bag.

1082
00:53:15,555 --> 00:53:16,155
Okay, good.

1083
00:53:17,985 --> 00:53:20,745
. My mother used to cook with them
all the time, so I, yeah, it's.

1084
00:53:23,195 --> 00:53:26,195
So much, and please, you're
welcome back on the show anytime.

1085
00:53:26,525 --> 00:53:29,885
Um, maybe when your book comes
out, you're welcome to come back.

1086
00:53:29,885 --> 00:53:30,245
Fabulous.

1087
00:53:30,365 --> 00:53:31,175
Okay, perfect.

1088
00:53:31,445 --> 00:53:34,145
We'll have links to, uh,
to Charlotte's website.

1089
00:53:34,455 --> 00:53:36,875
Themindfulnessclinic.com.au the
link will be in the show notes so that

1090
00:53:36,875 --> 00:53:39,755
you can just click on that or you can
remember it and you can, you can go,

1091
00:53:39,995 --> 00:53:45,455
um, I wanna also, Thank you wonderful
listeners on Spotify, apple Podcast,

1092
00:53:45,455 --> 00:53:48,964
all the major podcast platforms,
the radio station in Los Angeles.

1093
00:53:49,115 --> 00:53:52,924
I also wanna thank you for
subscribing to the YouTube channel.

1094
00:53:52,924 --> 00:53:54,484
We've got more and more people coming on.

1095
00:53:55,024 --> 00:53:58,805
If you're watching this right now, you
can see my lovely guest today, Charlotte.

1096
00:53:59,315 --> 00:54:03,214
Thank you so much, Charlotte, and I want
to remind everybody if you want more

1097
00:54:03,214 --> 00:54:06,815
information about this program, you can
go to out of the Box with Christine.

1098
00:54:07,290 --> 00:54:11,009
Calm until next time, as I
always say, remember to think

1099
00:54:11,009 --> 00:54:13,259
outside of that damn box.

1100
00:54:13,980 --> 00:54:14,160
So

1101
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:14,490
important.

1102
00:54:14,910 --> 00:54:15,330
Yes.

1103
00:54:15,390 --> 00:54:15,720
Thank you.

1104
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:26,450
Yeah.