WEBVTT
1
00:00:04.690 --> 00:00:08.490
Hi, I'm Chad Bettis, author of The Disciple-Making Parent, and
2
00:00:08.599 --> 00:00:11.500
this is my audio blog, where I read some of
3
00:00:11.539 --> 00:00:16.239
my blog posts in audio format for your convenience. Well,
4
00:00:16.280 --> 00:00:19.039
in today's episode, we're going to be thinking about two
5
00:00:19.500 --> 00:00:24.230
simple images for your marriage. You know, a solid marriage
6
00:00:24.359 --> 00:00:27.469
is essential to displaying the gospel to a watching world
7
00:00:27.750 --> 00:00:30.789
and to our children. And yet it seems that it
8
00:00:30.850 --> 00:00:36.350
has never been harder. Many false ideas, images, and expectations
9
00:00:36.409 --> 00:00:41.469
and beliefs seduce both young and old. In our small group,
10
00:00:41.549 --> 00:00:46.109
I recently brought up two simple, classic images that picture
11
00:00:46.210 --> 00:00:51.009
vital concepts to building a strong and healthy marriage. These
12
00:00:51.049 --> 00:00:53.729
are not original to me, and they've been around for decades,
13
00:00:54.250 --> 00:00:59.130
but they're classic because they hold important truths. The first
14
00:00:59.289 --> 00:01:03.409
is the three-legged race. Though it seems to have fallen
15
00:01:03.490 --> 00:01:06.969
out of favor, the three-legged race was an essential picnic
16
00:01:07.129 --> 00:01:11.209
activity of 25 years ago. Two people would belt their
17
00:01:11.310 --> 00:01:16.040
inside legs together and compete against others by sprinting to
18
00:01:16.079 --> 00:01:21.420
the finish line. Communication and coordination were essential. Those who
19
00:01:21.540 --> 00:01:26.310
fell provided entertainment for the spectators. In a similar way,
20
00:01:26.390 --> 00:01:30.379
the Bible's most often repeated verse about marriage is, tells
21
00:01:30.519 --> 00:01:33.099
us that a man and a woman leave their parents,
22
00:01:33.700 --> 00:01:37.739
cleave together, and begin the process of becoming one flesh.
23
00:01:38.579 --> 00:01:41.969
There are two people who are and are becoming one
24
00:01:42.049 --> 00:01:47.430
flesh as they cleave together. Two who are one. This
25
00:01:47.489 --> 00:01:51.049
means there needs to be communication and coordination in this
26
00:01:51.109 --> 00:01:54.890
new union. It also means there needs to be care
27
00:01:54.969 --> 00:01:58.840
for the other since they're joined together. Two people are
28
00:01:58.939 --> 00:02:03.840
meant to finish the race together. Unlike our analogy, marriage
29
00:02:04.019 --> 00:02:07.200
is not a race against others, but a marathon before
30
00:02:07.239 --> 00:02:10.530
the Lord. We're in it for the long haul. We
31
00:02:10.629 --> 00:02:15.490
travel together. When applied to marriage, this picture makes clear
32
00:02:15.550 --> 00:02:19.250
that the person we need most to love and encourage
33
00:02:19.710 --> 00:02:23.639
is this person attached to us. Friends may come and go.
34
00:02:24.180 --> 00:02:26.889
Work will have its ups and downs. But I've attached
35
00:02:26.990 --> 00:02:32.289
myself to this person. He or she needs my encouragement
36
00:02:32.650 --> 00:02:36.430
and love. They can't carry all the weight of the relationship.
37
00:02:37.150 --> 00:02:43.050
We're in this together. Another implication is realizing how deeply
38
00:02:43.530 --> 00:02:48.169
what I do impacts the other. Sin makes us self-absorbed.
39
00:02:48.689 --> 00:02:52.189
So many times we don't realize the impact our actions
40
00:02:52.280 --> 00:02:56.629
have on our life partner. But they do. So, mistakes
41
00:02:56.669 --> 00:03:01.030
we make, illnesses we endure, and debilitations that happen to
42
00:03:01.110 --> 00:03:05.590
us all affect the other party. While this may be
43
00:03:05.650 --> 00:03:08.280
part of the quote, for better or for worse, part
44
00:03:08.310 --> 00:03:12.840
of marriage, it can be wearying to absorb the other
45
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:19.520
person's changes. Unless the Lord divinely ordains extraordinary suffering, no
46
00:03:19.580 --> 00:03:22.219
person wants to carry the other person for the endurance
47
00:03:22.259 --> 00:03:26.439
of the race. Even just saying, I know this decision
48
00:03:26.500 --> 00:03:30.659
has impacted you. Thanks for working on this together can
49
00:03:30.979 --> 00:03:36.439
soothe the relationship. In summary, this picture helps us realize
50
00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:40.280
that we're one, needing communication, and that what happens to
51
00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:44.310
one affects the other, and both need to give to
52
00:03:44.349 --> 00:03:50.229
the other. So that's the three-legged race picture. But that's
53
00:03:50.289 --> 00:03:52.949
not the whole truth. And there's a second truth that
54
00:03:52.990 --> 00:03:56.389
lives in tension with this truth. And that picture is
55
00:03:56.449 --> 00:04:00.629
the triangle. Another simple and familiar picture for thinking about
56
00:04:00.689 --> 00:04:03.830
marriage is the triangle. At the apex of the triangle
57
00:04:03.930 --> 00:04:06.610
is the Lord. And at the bottom two corners are
58
00:04:06.710 --> 00:04:10.509
each party in the marriage. Often this image is used
59
00:04:10.550 --> 00:04:14.919
to encourage the about-to-be-married person to grow closer to the
60
00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:19.800
Lord and thus establish the marriage. But in this picture
61
00:04:19.839 --> 00:04:23.230
we have something else. If one only looked at the
62
00:04:23.269 --> 00:04:27.189
three-legged race analogy, then one could become discouraged if the
63
00:04:27.230 --> 00:04:31.350
marriage is struggling. Or one could idolize the marriage or
64
00:04:31.389 --> 00:04:36.620
the partner. The previous illustration focuses on the whole. This
65
00:04:36.699 --> 00:04:40.519
picture of the triangle, however, reminds us that I'm to
66
00:04:40.620 --> 00:04:43.600
seek to grow like Christ no matter what the other
67
00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:48.050
party does. God has given marriage for our holiness and
68
00:04:48.110 --> 00:04:52.300
our happiness. Marriage is not eternal. It's for this life only.
69
00:04:52.920 --> 00:04:55.930
And on the judgment day, I will stand before the
70
00:04:55.959 --> 00:05:00.870
Lord as an individual. That means that I should pursue
71
00:05:00.930 --> 00:05:04.189
loving the Lord, loving my spouse, and growing to be
72
00:05:04.250 --> 00:05:07.930
like Jesus through hard times no matter what the other
73
00:05:07.970 --> 00:05:12.139
party does. I can move up that triangle of holiness
74
00:05:12.279 --> 00:05:16.480
towards the Lord whether my spouse is moving up, stagnant,
75
00:05:16.779 --> 00:05:20.759
or even moving away from the Lord. In addition, the
76
00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:25.110
triangle reminds me that Jesus, not my spouse, is my Savior.
77
00:05:25.970 --> 00:05:29.810
Too many men and women functionally make their spouse their Savior.
78
00:05:30.410 --> 00:05:34.420
We expect them to provide love and acceptance and control
79
00:05:34.459 --> 00:05:39.079
of circumstances and internal healing and delivery from suffering that
80
00:05:39.339 --> 00:05:43.930
only Jesus can provide. There's only one Savior and your
81
00:05:43.990 --> 00:05:49.110
husband or your wife is not him. Well, how might
82
00:05:49.149 --> 00:05:51.889
these truths apply? Here are a few questions that you
83
00:05:51.939 --> 00:05:55.300
might ask yourself. Number one, do I realize that my
84
00:05:55.459 --> 00:06:00.240
actions affect my spouse? My moods, my debilitations, my decisions?
85
00:06:01.160 --> 00:06:03.620
Am I thankful for the grace that comes from the other?
86
00:06:04.579 --> 00:06:09.290
Do I need to be more considerate? Number two, am
87
00:06:09.310 --> 00:06:12.129
I allowing enough time to communicate about the direction our
88
00:06:12.189 --> 00:06:15.430
race should take us? Or are we moving too fast
89
00:06:15.810 --> 00:06:20.720
and regularly falling? 3. Is the person I'm tied to
90
00:06:20.800 --> 00:06:24.800
my priority to build up and encourage? Or functionally, have
91
00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:30.279
others become first? 4. Am I idolizing my marriage or
92
00:06:30.300 --> 00:06:33.339
my spouse and ignoring my own walk with the Lord?
93
00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:40.000
Can I disconnect my own walk with the Lord from theirs? 5.
94
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:43.000
Am I repenting of my sin and letting the trials
95
00:06:43.060 --> 00:06:46.949
of marriage make me more holy no matter what my
96
00:06:46.990 --> 00:06:54.089
spouse does? These simple pictures are also profound. The first
97
00:06:54.230 --> 00:06:58.170
points me to how the whole displays the gospel, and
98
00:06:58.209 --> 00:07:02.689
the second reminds us of our individual responsibility to grow
99
00:07:02.750 --> 00:07:07.730
towards Him and the other. Thank you for listening to
100
00:07:07.769 --> 00:07:11.209
the Disciple-Making Parent audio blog. Did you know we give
101
00:07:11.250 --> 00:07:14.810
away the audio book of the Disciple-Making Parent for free?
102
00:07:15.850 --> 00:07:21.600
Simply email us at audiobook at theapollosproject.com and tell us
103
00:07:21.620 --> 00:07:25.459
you heard about the offer on the podcast. That's audiobook
104
00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:29.959
at theapollosproject.com. Thanks for listening.
1
00:00:04.690 --> 00:00:08.490
Hi, I'm Chad Bettis, author of The Disciple-Making Parent, and
2
00:00:08.599 --> 00:00:11.500
this is my audio blog, where I read some of
3
00:00:11.539 --> 00:00:16.239
my blog posts in audio format for your convenience. Well,
4
00:00:16.280 --> 00:00:19.039
in today's episode, we're going to be thinking about two
5
00:00:19.500 --> 00:00:24.230
simple images for your marriage. You know, a solid marriage
6
00:00:24.359 --> 00:00:27.469
is essential to displaying the gospel to a watching world
7
00:00:27.750 --> 00:00:30.789
and to our children. And yet it seems that it
8
00:00:30.850 --> 00:00:36.350
has never been harder. Many false ideas, images, and expectations
9
00:00:36.409 --> 00:00:41.469
and beliefs seduce both young and old. In our small group,
10
00:00:41.549 --> 00:00:46.109
I recently brought up two simple, classic images that picture
11
00:00:46.210 --> 00:00:51.009
vital concepts to building a strong and healthy marriage. These
12
00:00:51.049 --> 00:00:53.729
are not original to me, and they've been around for decades,
13
00:00:54.250 --> 00:00:59.130
but they're classic because they hold important truths. The first
14
00:00:59.289 --> 00:01:03.409
is the three-legged race. Though it seems to have fallen
15
00:01:03.490 --> 00:01:06.969
out of favor, the three-legged race was an essential picnic
16
00:01:07.129 --> 00:01:11.209
activity of 25 years ago. Two people would belt their
17
00:01:11.310 --> 00:01:16.040
inside legs together and compete against others by sprinting to
18
00:01:16.079 --> 00:01:21.420
the finish line. Communication and coordination were essential. Those who
19
00:01:21.540 --> 00:01:26.310
fell provided entertainment for the spectators. In a similar way,
20
00:01:26.390 --> 00:01:30.379
the Bible's most often repeated verse about marriage is, tells
21
00:01:30.519 --> 00:01:33.099
us that a man and a woman leave their parents,
22
00:01:33.700 --> 00:01:37.739
cleave together, and begin the process of becoming one flesh.
23
00:01:38.579 --> 00:01:41.969
There are two people who are and are becoming one
24
00:01:42.049 --> 00:01:47.430
flesh as they cleave together. Two who are one. This
25
00:01:47.489 --> 00:01:51.049
means there needs to be communication and coordination in this
26
00:01:51.109 --> 00:01:54.890
new union. It also means there needs to be care
27
00:01:54.969 --> 00:01:58.840
for the other since they're joined together. Two people are
28
00:01:58.939 --> 00:02:03.840
meant to finish the race together. Unlike our analogy, marriage
29
00:02:04.019 --> 00:02:07.200
is not a race against others, but a marathon before
30
00:02:07.239 --> 00:02:10.530
the Lord. We're in it for the long haul. We
31
00:02:10.629 --> 00:02:15.490
travel together. When applied to marriage, this picture makes clear
32
00:02:15.550 --> 00:02:19.250
that the person we need most to love and encourage
33
00:02:19.710 --> 00:02:23.639
is this person attached to us. Friends may come and go.
34
00:02:24.180 --> 00:02:26.889
Work will have its ups and downs. But I've attached
35
00:02:26.990 --> 00:02:32.289
myself to this person. He or she needs my encouragement
36
00:02:32.650 --> 00:02:36.430
and love. They can't carry all the weight of the relationship.
37
00:02:37.150 --> 00:02:43.050
We're in this together. Another implication is realizing how deeply
38
00:02:43.530 --> 00:02:48.169
what I do impacts the other. Sin makes us self-absorbed.
39
00:02:48.689 --> 00:02:52.189
So many times we don't realize the impact our actions
40
00:02:52.280 --> 00:02:56.629
have on our life partner. But they do. So, mistakes
41
00:02:56.669 --> 00:03:01.030
we make, illnesses we endure, and debilitations that happen to
42
00:03:01.110 --> 00:03:05.590
us all affect the other party. While this may be
43
00:03:05.650 --> 00:03:08.280
part of the quote, for better or for worse, part
44
00:03:08.310 --> 00:03:12.840
of marriage, it can be wearying to absorb the other
45
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:19.520
person's changes. Unless the Lord divinely ordains extraordinary suffering, no
46
00:03:19.580 --> 00:03:22.219
person wants to carry the other person for the endurance
47
00:03:22.259 --> 00:03:26.439
of the race. Even just saying, I know this decision
48
00:03:26.500 --> 00:03:30.659
has impacted you. Thanks for working on this together can
49
00:03:30.979 --> 00:03:36.439
soothe the relationship. In summary, this picture helps us realize
50
00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:40.280
that we're one, needing communication, and that what happens to
51
00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:44.310
one affects the other, and both need to give to
52
00:03:44.349 --> 00:03:50.229
the other. So that's the three-legged race picture. But that's
53
00:03:50.289 --> 00:03:52.949
not the whole truth. And there's a second truth that
54
00:03:52.990 --> 00:03:56.389
lives in tension with this truth. And that picture is
55
00:03:56.449 --> 00:04:00.629
the triangle. Another simple and familiar picture for thinking about
56
00:04:00.689 --> 00:04:03.830
marriage is the triangle. At the apex of the triangle
57
00:04:03.930 --> 00:04:06.610
is the Lord. And at the bottom two corners are
58
00:04:06.710 --> 00:04:10.509
each party in the marriage. Often this image is used
59
00:04:10.550 --> 00:04:14.919
to encourage the about-to-be-married person to grow closer to the
60
00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:19.800
Lord and thus establish the marriage. But in this picture
61
00:04:19.839 --> 00:04:23.230
we have something else. If one only looked at the
62
00:04:23.269 --> 00:04:27.189
three-legged race analogy, then one could become discouraged if the
63
00:04:27.230 --> 00:04:31.350
marriage is struggling. Or one could idolize the marriage or
64
00:04:31.389 --> 00:04:36.620
the partner. The previous illustration focuses on the whole. This
65
00:04:36.699 --> 00:04:40.519
picture of the triangle, however, reminds us that I'm to
66
00:04:40.620 --> 00:04:43.600
seek to grow like Christ no matter what the other
67
00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:48.050
party does. God has given marriage for our holiness and
68
00:04:48.110 --> 00:04:52.300
our happiness. Marriage is not eternal. It's for this life only.
69
00:04:52.920 --> 00:04:55.930
And on the judgment day, I will stand before the
70
00:04:55.959 --> 00:05:00.870
Lord as an individual. That means that I should pursue
71
00:05:00.930 --> 00:05:04.189
loving the Lord, loving my spouse, and growing to be
72
00:05:04.250 --> 00:05:07.930
like Jesus through hard times no matter what the other
73
00:05:07.970 --> 00:05:12.139
party does. I can move up that triangle of holiness
74
00:05:12.279 --> 00:05:16.480
towards the Lord whether my spouse is moving up, stagnant,
75
00:05:16.779 --> 00:05:20.759
or even moving away from the Lord. In addition, the
76
00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:25.110
triangle reminds me that Jesus, not my spouse, is my Savior.
77
00:05:25.970 --> 00:05:29.810
Too many men and women functionally make their spouse their Savior.
78
00:05:30.410 --> 00:05:34.420
We expect them to provide love and acceptance and control
79
00:05:34.459 --> 00:05:39.079
of circumstances and internal healing and delivery from suffering that
80
00:05:39.339 --> 00:05:43.930
only Jesus can provide. There's only one Savior and your
81
00:05:43.990 --> 00:05:49.110
husband or your wife is not him. Well, how might
82
00:05:49.149 --> 00:05:51.889
these truths apply? Here are a few questions that you
83
00:05:51.939 --> 00:05:55.300
might ask yourself. Number one, do I realize that my
84
00:05:55.459 --> 00:06:00.240
actions affect my spouse? My moods, my debilitations, my decisions?
85
00:06:01.160 --> 00:06:03.620
Am I thankful for the grace that comes from the other?
86
00:06:04.579 --> 00:06:09.290
Do I need to be more considerate? Number two, am
87
00:06:09.310 --> 00:06:12.129
I allowing enough time to communicate about the direction our
88
00:06:12.189 --> 00:06:15.430
race should take us? Or are we moving too fast
89
00:06:15.810 --> 00:06:20.720
and regularly falling? 3. Is the person I'm tied to
90
00:06:20.800 --> 00:06:24.800
my priority to build up and encourage? Or functionally, have
91
00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:30.279
others become first? 4. Am I idolizing my marriage or
92
00:06:30.300 --> 00:06:33.339
my spouse and ignoring my own walk with the Lord?
93
00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:40.000
Can I disconnect my own walk with the Lord from theirs? 5.
94
00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:43.000
Am I repenting of my sin and letting the trials
95
00:06:43.060 --> 00:06:46.949
of marriage make me more holy no matter what my
96
00:06:46.990 --> 00:06:54.089
spouse does? These simple pictures are also profound. The first
97
00:06:54.230 --> 00:06:58.170
points me to how the whole displays the gospel, and
98
00:06:58.209 --> 00:07:02.689
the second reminds us of our individual responsibility to grow
99
00:07:02.750 --> 00:07:07.730
towards Him and the other. Thank you for listening to
100
00:07:07.769 --> 00:07:11.209
the Disciple-Making Parent audio blog. Did you know we give
101
00:07:11.250 --> 00:07:14.810
away the audio book of the Disciple-Making Parent for free?
102
00:07:15.850 --> 00:07:21.600
Simply email us at audiobook at theapollosproject.com and tell us
103
00:07:21.620 --> 00:07:25.459
you heard about the offer on the podcast. That's audiobook
104
00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:29.959
at theapollosproject.com. Thanks for listening.
