WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:06.000
Support for the following podcast is provided
by the user experience specialist at Johnson Taylor.
2
00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:12.839
More information follows this episode. What
if you crossed off everything on your
3
00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:18.719
personal achievement checklist, but you still
felt empty inside. I'm Joe Taylor Junior.
4
00:00:19.079 --> 00:00:27.879
This is Search and Replace. Kevin
Paul Mary found himself in a quarter
5
00:00:27.960 --> 00:00:33.039
life crisis, not because he hadn't
lived up to his own expectations, but
6
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:37.679
because he exceeded them. When I
was twenty five, I had a girlfriend
7
00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:41.560
who was a model. I had
a high paying job. I was making
8
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:45.359
anywhere from sixty to one hundred and
twenty dollars an hour without a college degree,
9
00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:48.039
which for me, I feel like
I've made it. Here we are.
10
00:00:48.640 --> 00:00:52.200
I had a sports car, I
had a new apartment with my girlfriend,
11
00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:56.320
and I had just competed in and
won a bodybuilding show. So quite
12
00:00:56.320 --> 00:00:59.920
literally, I had the money,
I had the partner, and I had
13
00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:03.880
the body. I expected to feel
on top of the world, but I
14
00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:08.239
think it's unfortunately one of those times
where from the outside looking in, everything
15
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:12.280
was shiny and amazing, But if
you had the opportunity to look behind the
16
00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:17.840
scenes or look internally of the way
I was feeling you would probably connect the
17
00:01:17.879 --> 00:01:22.560
fact that I was trying to accomplish
so many external things to fix the voids
18
00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:27.760
I was dealing with internally. Kevin's
internal struggles started to manifest externally as he
19
00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:33.719
hit what he calls his rock bottom
moment. It started to break away brick
20
00:01:33.760 --> 00:01:37.319
by brick. One day, my
girlfriend came to me and said, Hey,
21
00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:42.079
I'm leaving. I'm not super fulfilled
in this relationship. You're very much
22
00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:46.159
a shell of yourself. You're depressed, you're anxious, you're going through your
23
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:48.879
own stuff, and honestly, I
have big goals. I have big dreams
24
00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:51.599
that I want to chase them,
and that's exactly what she should have done.
25
00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:53.560
So she left me. That was
the first time I really looked in
26
00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:57.400
the internal mirror and said, I
don't know if I'm actually happy. But
27
00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:01.200
the problem is I went back to
trying to make as much money as possible
28
00:02:01.239 --> 00:02:06.760
because I hadn't learned the lesson yet. So what really shifted for me was
29
00:02:06.879 --> 00:02:12.120
the next year I spent grinding away
and I made the most money I'd ever
30
00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:15.719
made. I had my final pay
stub in hand, I cracked it open,
31
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:21.159
and I realized that what really matters
is the thoughts you have before you
32
00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:23.479
go to bed, the thoughts you
have when you wake up, how fulfilled
33
00:02:23.479 --> 00:02:27.960
you are, how aligned you are, how purpose driven you are. Kevin
34
00:02:28.039 --> 00:02:32.120
found purpose in a new project,
a podcast he called hyper Conscious. In
35
00:02:32.120 --> 00:02:36.879
front of the microphone, he started
sharing what he felt as he made more
36
00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:40.680
conscious decisions about his career and his
life. What shifted for me was the
37
00:02:40.680 --> 00:02:46.240
fact that I started to understand I
was trying to make myself look better than
38
00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:51.639
I was because I thought I would
feel better than I felt if I did
39
00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:55.039
that. And then I fell in
love with this podcast as I fell out
40
00:02:55.080 --> 00:02:58.680
of love with my job. I
don't want to do it anymore. I
41
00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:00.039
don't want to make the money I
know. I don't want to get to
42
00:03:00.039 --> 00:03:04.520
the top again. It's just not
worth it. So it ended up getting
43
00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:07.520
worse and worse and worse, and
I ended up sitting on the edge of
44
00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:12.919
a bed contemplating suicide because I realized
that I was stuck between these two worlds
45
00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:15.800
and I didn't believe in myself and
I didn't think I could be a podcast
46
00:03:15.879 --> 00:03:19.199
or I didn't think I could be
a successful business owner, and I was
47
00:03:19.199 --> 00:03:23.120
so afraid to start over. So
it actually it got progressively worse and worse
48
00:03:23.159 --> 00:03:28.800
and worse and worse, until I
ended up leaving my job in twenty eighteen.
49
00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:32.240
And then it was just a self
awareness buffet, trying to become as
50
00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:37.240
self aware as humanly possible, because
the more self aware I become, the
51
00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:42.439
more opportunity I have to impact my
life at least and then shift my future.
52
00:03:42.759 --> 00:03:46.360
Kevin didn't embark on this journey all
alone, though he found some qualified
53
00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:51.000
help. I started to get more
self awareness. I went to therapy,
54
00:03:51.159 --> 00:03:53.960
and this is the first time I
had ever experienced therapy. I didn't know
55
00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:55.039
what it was going to be like. I was afraid I was going to
56
00:03:55.120 --> 00:03:59.120
cry. I was afraid they were
going to judge me, and I cried
57
00:03:59.400 --> 00:04:02.960
for show, but they didn't judge
me, and I upon leaving, I
58
00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:09.360
realized that the thing that I was
so afraid of learning more about myself was
59
00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:13.680
the thing that also could eventually quote
unquote set me free. So that was
60
00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:17.279
really the first thing for me was
going to therapy and understanding how my past
61
00:04:17.399 --> 00:04:21.399
was affecting my future. And when
you have deep conversations, you learn so
62
00:04:21.560 --> 00:04:26.240
much about yourself. And then there
was just a lot of trying to do
63
00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:30.160
things that scared me, that would
prove to myself that I was capable of
64
00:04:30.199 --> 00:04:32.079
doing them. We call it fear
chasing, doing a lot of that to
65
00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:38.639
build self belief, and then working
on setting boundaries in saying no when it
66
00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:42.480
doesn't serve me to build self worth. So it's been a very, very
67
00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:46.759
challenging journey of trying to get all
the internal things to line up with the
68
00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:53.680
external things and then vice versa.
Fulfillment feels like a fuel that just doesn't
69
00:04:53.720 --> 00:04:57.240
go away, because when you get
it, you get more. But fulfillment
70
00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:02.560
is your soul's recognition of you being
on pace or in alignment or doing the
71
00:05:02.600 --> 00:05:06.439
purpose that you should be doing.
It's amazing, it's the goal, and
72
00:05:06.519 --> 00:05:11.360
I try never to lose sight of
that because I realize how blessed and privileged
73
00:05:11.399 --> 00:05:14.720
I am. Kevin's got some advice
for you, if you're thinking about a
74
00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:19.120
major change in your life, start
with a deeper understanding of yourself from a
75
00:05:19.160 --> 00:05:24.319
clarity standpoint. And all I mean
by that is we have to take a
76
00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:27.439
look into the past to figure out
why we are who we are today,
77
00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:30.360
and I think a lot of us
are running from that now. Circumstantially,
78
00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:33.240
I understand a lot of us have
a lot of traumas and triggers and things
79
00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:36.879
that we've gone through in the past. But I do believe making sure you
80
00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:41.600
search through that with someone is probably
one of the best things you can do.
81
00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:44.839
I always say you should either book
a coaching session with someone or a
82
00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:46.920
therapy session with someone. The therapy
session is going to help you understand yourself
83
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.120
at a deeper level. What are
your core values as a human? Do
84
00:05:50.199 --> 00:05:55.800
you value honesty, integrity? Character? What are your core beliefs, whatever
85
00:05:55.839 --> 00:05:59.680
your beliefs are, And then what
are your current core aspirations? What do
86
00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:01.720
you like looking to create in the
world. If you can sit down and
87
00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:05.120
figure out what those look like,
that's going to give you a new piece
88
00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:09.160
of awareness, a new piece of
clarity, and then you can kind of
89
00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:12.519
go from there. That's something we
did in the very beginnings, and that's
90
00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:15.040
one of the reasons we say character
over everything. I refuse to sell myself
91
00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:17.800
to be more successful. That's just
not how I want to do it.
92
00:06:17.879 --> 00:06:21.120
I'd rather be a good man and
get there eventually than be a bad person
93
00:06:21.160 --> 00:06:25.279
to get there now. But that
shaped everything that we do. The way
94
00:06:25.319 --> 00:06:28.439
I show up the words I say
the words I don't, so I would
95
00:06:28.439 --> 00:06:30.680
say that that's something very beneficial no
matter where you are on the journey,
96
00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:36.160
but especially at the beginning. That's
podcaster and professional coach Kevin Palmery. We've
97
00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:41.199
got links to Kevin's work in our
show notes and on our website at search
98
00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:48.279
and Replace dot show. Search and
Replace was produced by Nicole Hubbard with support
99
00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:54.680
from Connie Evans, Amelia Lohman,
April Smith, and Podcast Taxi executive producer
100
00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:59.560
Lori Taylor. Our theme music was
composed by Alex Rufeire. I'm Joe Taylor
101
00:06:59.639 --> 00:07:10.399
Junior. This has been a Podcast
Taxi radio production. Support for Surge and
102
00:07:10.439 --> 00:07:16.519
Replaces provided by Johnson Taylor User Experience
Specialists serving media and technology companies that want
103
00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:23.720
their websites to work. Learn more
about how top performing businesses eliminate barriers between
104
00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:30.800
customers and their goals at www dot
Make the website work for me dot com.
1
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:06.000
Support for the following podcast is provided
by the user experience specialist at Johnson Taylor.
2
00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:12.839
More information follows this episode. What
if you crossed off everything on your
3
00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:18.719
personal achievement checklist, but you still
felt empty inside. I'm Joe Taylor Junior.
4
00:00:19.079 --> 00:00:27.879
This is Search and Replace. Kevin
Paul Mary found himself in a quarter
5
00:00:27.960 --> 00:00:33.039
life crisis, not because he hadn't
lived up to his own expectations, but
6
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:37.679
because he exceeded them. When I
was twenty five, I had a girlfriend
7
00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:41.560
who was a model. I had
a high paying job. I was making
8
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:45.359
anywhere from sixty to one hundred and
twenty dollars an hour without a college degree,
9
00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:48.039
which for me, I feel like
I've made it. Here we are.
10
00:00:48.640 --> 00:00:52.200
I had a sports car, I
had a new apartment with my girlfriend,
11
00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:56.320
and I had just competed in and
won a bodybuilding show. So quite
12
00:00:56.320 --> 00:00:59.920
literally, I had the money,
I had the partner, and I had
13
00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:03.880
the body. I expected to feel
on top of the world, but I
14
00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:08.239
think it's unfortunately one of those times
where from the outside looking in, everything
15
00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:12.280
was shiny and amazing, But if
you had the opportunity to look behind the
16
00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:17.840
scenes or look internally of the way
I was feeling you would probably connect the
17
00:01:17.879 --> 00:01:22.560
fact that I was trying to accomplish
so many external things to fix the voids
18
00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:27.760
I was dealing with internally. Kevin's
internal struggles started to manifest externally as he
19
00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:33.719
hit what he calls his rock bottom
moment. It started to break away brick
20
00:01:33.760 --> 00:01:37.319
by brick. One day, my
girlfriend came to me and said, Hey,
21
00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:42.079
I'm leaving. I'm not super fulfilled
in this relationship. You're very much
22
00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:46.159
a shell of yourself. You're depressed, you're anxious, you're going through your
23
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:48.879
own stuff, and honestly, I
have big goals. I have big dreams
24
00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:51.599
that I want to chase them,
and that's exactly what she should have done.
25
00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:53.560
So she left me. That was
the first time I really looked in
26
00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:57.400
the internal mirror and said, I
don't know if I'm actually happy. But
27
00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:01.200
the problem is I went back to
trying to make as much money as possible
28
00:02:01.239 --> 00:02:06.760
because I hadn't learned the lesson yet. So what really shifted for me was
29
00:02:06.879 --> 00:02:12.120
the next year I spent grinding away
and I made the most money I'd ever
30
00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:15.719
made. I had my final pay
stub in hand, I cracked it open,
31
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:21.159
and I realized that what really matters
is the thoughts you have before you
32
00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:23.479
go to bed, the thoughts you
have when you wake up, how fulfilled
33
00:02:23.479 --> 00:02:27.960
you are, how aligned you are, how purpose driven you are. Kevin
34
00:02:28.039 --> 00:02:32.120
found purpose in a new project,
a podcast he called hyper Conscious. In
35
00:02:32.120 --> 00:02:36.879
front of the microphone, he started
sharing what he felt as he made more
36
00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:40.680
conscious decisions about his career and his
life. What shifted for me was the
37
00:02:40.680 --> 00:02:46.240
fact that I started to understand I
was trying to make myself look better than
38
00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:51.639
I was because I thought I would
feel better than I felt if I did
39
00:02:51.639 --> 00:02:55.039
that. And then I fell in
love with this podcast as I fell out
40
00:02:55.080 --> 00:02:58.680
of love with my job. I
don't want to do it anymore. I
41
00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:00.039
don't want to make the money I
know. I don't want to get to
42
00:03:00.039 --> 00:03:04.520
the top again. It's just not
worth it. So it ended up getting
43
00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:07.520
worse and worse and worse, and
I ended up sitting on the edge of
44
00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:12.919
a bed contemplating suicide because I realized
that I was stuck between these two worlds
45
00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:15.800
and I didn't believe in myself and
I didn't think I could be a podcast
46
00:03:15.879 --> 00:03:19.199
or I didn't think I could be
a successful business owner, and I was
47
00:03:19.199 --> 00:03:23.120
so afraid to start over. So
it actually it got progressively worse and worse
48
00:03:23.159 --> 00:03:28.800
and worse and worse, until I
ended up leaving my job in twenty eighteen.
49
00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:32.240
And then it was just a self
awareness buffet, trying to become as
50
00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:37.240
self aware as humanly possible, because
the more self aware I become, the
51
00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:42.439
more opportunity I have to impact my
life at least and then shift my future.
52
00:03:42.759 --> 00:03:46.360
Kevin didn't embark on this journey all
alone, though he found some qualified
53
00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:51.000
help. I started to get more
self awareness. I went to therapy,
54
00:03:51.159 --> 00:03:53.960
and this is the first time I
had ever experienced therapy. I didn't know
55
00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:55.039
what it was going to be like. I was afraid I was going to
56
00:03:55.120 --> 00:03:59.120
cry. I was afraid they were
going to judge me, and I cried
57
00:03:59.400 --> 00:04:02.960
for show, but they didn't judge
me, and I upon leaving, I
58
00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:09.360
realized that the thing that I was
so afraid of learning more about myself was
59
00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:13.680
the thing that also could eventually quote
unquote set me free. So that was
60
00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:17.279
really the first thing for me was
going to therapy and understanding how my past
61
00:04:17.399 --> 00:04:21.399
was affecting my future. And when
you have deep conversations, you learn so
62
00:04:21.560 --> 00:04:26.240
much about yourself. And then there
was just a lot of trying to do
63
00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:30.160
things that scared me, that would
prove to myself that I was capable of
64
00:04:30.199 --> 00:04:32.079
doing them. We call it fear
chasing, doing a lot of that to
65
00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:38.639
build self belief, and then working
on setting boundaries in saying no when it
66
00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:42.480
doesn't serve me to build self worth. So it's been a very, very
67
00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:46.759
challenging journey of trying to get all
the internal things to line up with the
68
00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:53.680
external things and then vice versa.
Fulfillment feels like a fuel that just doesn't
69
00:04:53.720 --> 00:04:57.240
go away, because when you get
it, you get more. But fulfillment
70
00:04:57.439 --> 00:05:02.560
is your soul's recognition of you being
on pace or in alignment or doing the
71
00:05:02.600 --> 00:05:06.439
purpose that you should be doing.
It's amazing, it's the goal, and
72
00:05:06.519 --> 00:05:11.360
I try never to lose sight of
that because I realize how blessed and privileged
73
00:05:11.399 --> 00:05:14.720
I am. Kevin's got some advice
for you, if you're thinking about a
74
00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:19.120
major change in your life, start
with a deeper understanding of yourself from a
75
00:05:19.160 --> 00:05:24.319
clarity standpoint. And all I mean
by that is we have to take a
76
00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:27.439
look into the past to figure out
why we are who we are today,
77
00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:30.360
and I think a lot of us
are running from that now. Circumstantially,
78
00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:33.240
I understand a lot of us have
a lot of traumas and triggers and things
79
00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:36.879
that we've gone through in the past. But I do believe making sure you
80
00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:41.600
search through that with someone is probably
one of the best things you can do.
81
00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:44.839
I always say you should either book
a coaching session with someone or a
82
00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:46.920
therapy session with someone. The therapy
session is going to help you understand yourself
83
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:50.120
at a deeper level. What are
your core values as a human? Do
84
00:05:50.199 --> 00:05:55.800
you value honesty, integrity? Character? What are your core beliefs, whatever
85
00:05:55.839 --> 00:05:59.680
your beliefs are, And then what
are your current core aspirations? What do
86
00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:01.720
you like looking to create in the
world. If you can sit down and
87
00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:05.120
figure out what those look like,
that's going to give you a new piece
88
00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:09.160
of awareness, a new piece of
clarity, and then you can kind of
89
00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:12.519
go from there. That's something we
did in the very beginnings, and that's
90
00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:15.040
one of the reasons we say character
over everything. I refuse to sell myself
91
00:06:15.079 --> 00:06:17.800
to be more successful. That's just
not how I want to do it.
92
00:06:17.879 --> 00:06:21.120
I'd rather be a good man and
get there eventually than be a bad person
93
00:06:21.160 --> 00:06:25.279
to get there now. But that
shaped everything that we do. The way
94
00:06:25.319 --> 00:06:28.439
I show up the words I say
the words I don't, so I would
95
00:06:28.439 --> 00:06:30.680
say that that's something very beneficial no
matter where you are on the journey,
96
00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:36.160
but especially at the beginning. That's
podcaster and professional coach Kevin Palmery. We've
97
00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:41.199
got links to Kevin's work in our
show notes and on our website at search
98
00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:48.279
and Replace dot show. Search and
Replace was produced by Nicole Hubbard with support
99
00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:54.680
from Connie Evans, Amelia Lohman,
April Smith, and Podcast Taxi executive producer
100
00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:59.560
Lori Taylor. Our theme music was
composed by Alex Rufeire. I'm Joe Taylor
101
00:06:59.639 --> 00:07:10.399
Junior. This has been a Podcast
Taxi radio production. Support for Surge and
102
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