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Parenting a teenager is complicated enough. But when adoption is part of your teen's story, there can be another layer of questions, emotions, grief, identity, attachment and belonging that parents may not always know how to navigate.
In this deeply honest conversation, I sit down with Donna Pope, an adoption advocate and member of the team at Heart to Heart Adoptions. Donna brings more than 30 years of experience working with birth mothers, adoptive families and adoptees — and she also speaks from personal experience as the adoptive mother of three boys.
And she doesn't pretend to have all the answers.
In fact, some of the most powerful moments in this conversation come from Donna openly sharing the mistakes she's made, the things she wishes she had understood sooner, and what she has learned about loving a child without making their struggles a reflection of your success as a parent.
- Why adolescence can bring adoption-related questions to the surface
- Why adopted teens may struggle with “Why did my biological parent give me up?”
- The importance of being honest with children about their adoption story
- How secrecy can affect trust and identity
- The difference between guilt and shame
- What happens when an adopted teen wonders whether they will become like their biological parents
- Genetics versus environment — and why parents need to separate their fears from their teen's concerns
- Attachment and how early experiences can show up years later
- Why transracial adoption can create additional questions around identity and belonging
- The importance of representation and community
- How grief can exist alongside love
- The complicated emotions surrounding biological parents and siblings
- Why an adopted teen's feelings about their biological family may change over time
- What parents can do when their teen is struggling in ways they never anticipated
- Why adoptive parents need support and counseling too
- And perhaps most importantly: how to stop measuring your worth as a parent by the outcome of your child
Donna shares a powerful perspective that applies far beyond adoption:
Your child can be themselves without their choices determining whether you're a “good” or “bad” parent.
You can love your child deeply, remain connected to them, and still recognize that they are their own person.
And sometimes, loving them means getting the support you need outside the family.
A powerful reminder for any parentIf you've ever sat awake at night wondering:
Am I failing my child?
Why can't I fix this?
What did I do wrong?
Why isn't my child turning out the way I thought they would?
You're not alone.
And your child's struggles are not a report card on your parenting.
As Donna says, sometimes you just have to keep caring, keep trying and keep going.
Donna Pope is an adoption advocate and part of the team at Heart to Heart Adoptions, an organization supporting birth mothers, adoptive families and the broader adoption community.
Donna has more than 30 years of experience in adoption and is also an adoptive mother of three sons.
Heart to Heart Adoptions: hearttoheartadopt.com
- Adoptive parents of teenagers
- Parents navigating adoption-related identity questions
- Parents of teens struggling with belonging or self-worth
- Transracial adoptive families
- Parents navigating attachment challenges
- Parents dealing with difficult teen behaviour
- Parents who are questioning whether they're “doing enough”
- Anyone who loves or supports an adopted teenager
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