Decoding Your Bandwidth: Writing Your Own Personal Capacity Manual

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Welcome to the Miranda Lee Podcast.
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A life fully lived embraces every season, the highs and the lows.
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Allowing ourselves to love fiercely, feel our feelings, and trust to land softly.
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This is a heartless space created for just that.
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Deep vulnerable conversations, connections, learning to unlearn, become part of a beautiful community while growing and healing right alongside me.
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Because everything is easier with support and lived experiences shared with the right kind of people.
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Let's step off autopilot, get a little uncomfortable, take a breath, and dive right in.
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Welcome back, friend, to the Miranda Lee Podcast.
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Um, today it is just you and me.
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So pull up a seat and invite in the topic of today's episode, which is capacity.
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It's a word that I've really been leaning into as we go into fall.
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And as I've really honestly been reflecting on what my capacity used to feel like, what it feels like now.
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And I think it's just a really great time as we enter fall and we feel the beginnings of everything starting up again and allowing ourselves permission to find where our capacity meets us in this place.
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And I will be honest, sometimes the word capacity can be a little bit triggering for me, um, just from being over capacity, um, spreading myself too thin.
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And then for a while, I think just resonating the word capacity with, oh my God, this is gonna take a lot from me.
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Um, and so I really want to just honor if that word feels heavy for you, um, that's okay.
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I think there'll be lots that we can learn about.
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And if capacity lights you up and makes you feel like, oh, I have so much of this, then also lean into that.
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I love that for you.
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Um, today, as we go through this conversation, I want to invite us to think of capacity as energy or fuel.
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Now I know this won't surprise you, the analogy I'm gonna use of energy or fuel, because that is how I've spoken a lot in past episodes about how I try to navigate life.
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That is kind of the root.
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And capacity is what we use as we move through our day, as we do our activities, as we're in relationships, all the things.
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Um, and it can be really interesting to pay attention to where we pour it out the most.
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Another word I've been really leaning into with myself and my clients is the word placement.
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I think this is a really key piece that I want you to meet yourself with as we go through this episode together, but honoring that we really truly are all in very different points in our journey.
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And we're going to speak about a bunch of different seasons that require different levels and layers of capacity.
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And so I just really want to set this beautiful reminder that if you are in something really hard and heavy right now, if you are feeling stretched right out, or you experienced burnout, meet yourself there today.
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And if you are in this beautiful season that you're feeling excited and you're feeling energized, meet yourself there.
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And if you're kind of in between, or even the idea of analyzing and being with what your capacity might be is new to you, um, that's totally fine.
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Let's remember the word of placement, though, that we're very much all in different journeys, different chapters, some easy, some hard.
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And so I want you to meet yourself there and just ponder and listen to whatever lands for you and maybe put in your back pocket something that you might want to revisit later in a different chapter.
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I think it's really important that we all remember and remind ourselves that we need to be checking in regularly.
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And that capacity doesn't only need to be considered when we're feeling burnt out or stretched.
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I like the word stretched.
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I don't know, that really lands with me.
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Um, we don't just check in on our capacity in our low lows.
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And I think why that will keep coming up for me is because that's where I learnt it.
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That's where I learned to prioritize it.
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I learned its value.
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Um and it is it is those moments that lead me to a place where I love being filled with capacity and learning how to keep myself there.
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But I think it's really important.
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It changes in our life, it changes day to day.
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Um, sometimes unexpected, sometimes we can prepare for more demanding seasons and literal seasons, which I'm gonna dive into um next episode on autumn.
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But yeah, just like very much knowing that so many things play into it.
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It's not just like you in your capacity, it is so many external things that also impact it.
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So I want to give you just a quick breakdown of where we're going, what we're gonna discuss, and how we're gonna get through this.
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Um, we're gonna start with just kind of redefining capacity, chatting about burnout, and then defining what makes up our capacity, because as I said, there's lots of components and pieces that contribute to this.
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Um, finding balance and also touching on burnout, how it feels.
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We're gonna chat about how it feels to be over capacity and how it feels to be filled with potential and capacity.
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We're gonna talk about the senses that you might feel in the physical body, what comes up, what might be signs that you can learn about yourself to then navigate where you're at and how to support yourself, and maybe what actions and behaviors you can maybe recognize in yourself as you start to kind of monitor where you're at and do those check-ins.
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Uh, we're gonna chat about some seasons.
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So these are gonna be seasons that I have gone through, including like hustle and running a marathon and burnout, and then also the other side of burnout and what that looks like, and then the power of anticipating the busier seasons and how to support ourselves to have what we need to get through that, but also how we can build and grow our capacity and our ability to be resilient when we maybe can't foresee demands or we're in a challenging season that we weren't expecting to bubble up.
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And then, of course, a discussion about our tool belt, what we can add to it, when to add to it, and how it can just support you, including um asking for help.
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So I'm really excited about this.
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I think this has been a theme that I've been supporting a lot of my clients with, including myself.
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And I think this is a really beautiful time um and season if you're listening to it in the time of recording, to just really honor that this can be a good time to reflect and plan.
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So let's dive right in.
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So as I speak about capacity today, obviously I'm referring to what my own personal experiences are.
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So take what lands with you, resonates with you, and question or leave what doesn't.
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But we're gonna start just kind of redefining or meeting your current capacity definition.
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So um, I used to believe it was one or the other.
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I didn't have awareness.
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I was very much on autopilot, and I did not feel or acknowledge anything in between.
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And I think I was either overcapacity and overstimulated in all the things, or it was burnt out.
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There was like no in between, or I was so excited about something that again, I was so disconnected that I didn't feel anything.
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I was very much on autopilot.
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And what I've really had to acknowledge and learn is that it's a range, it's always fluctuating.
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So maybe what you did a week ago might not be something that you can really find the capacity or energy for today.
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It varies day to day.
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It can depend on the things going on in your day, in your environment, in relationships.
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Depends what crosses your path.
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And it's humanness.
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It's not a you problem or like you're doing something wrong, but capacity changes.
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And I think that's like step one acknowledge that your capacity changes and the expectation for it to always be at a max is just um unrealistic.
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And for most of my life, I would have associated the word capacity with how much I could physically do.
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Um, what I need for energy to compete in my sports or to get my to-do list done, to do whatever it is that I physically needed to do in my day.
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That to me would have been capacity.
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And what the harder parts of life or the lower pieces of my journey taught me, thank goodness, is that it runs so much deeper than physical ability to meet a demand or to move through your day or to make decisions.
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Um, it goes so much deeper than just your physical ability to have capacity to complete a task.
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And for me, um, what and it's funny because living with disability, yeah, now physical tasks, I do really need to weigh in on how much it will take from me and my expectation on how long it will take.
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But honestly, I think my whole life since I was a kid, and I feel like on a soul or a heart level, I knew this about myself, but my emotional capacity and my mental capacity were a huge factor in my life.
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And those are the pieces of me I really had to meet myself with what is my energy?
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And what do I need to protect?
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And what do I need to tend to if it's getting low?
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And I very much needed to learn that it's so important to do regular check-ins on this, that it this doesn't just need to be considered in busy seasons when I'm running around and feeling overstimulated.
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That's not the only time I need to do check-ins.
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And I've noticed that changes in my life cause changes in capacity.
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And these are all things that are so incredibly important.
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And then for me, my very big hardware that my capacity and my ability to do all the things is not what makes me successful.
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Certainly, I need I need capacity to find success in aspects of my life.
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But having a season where I lay a little bit low or I'm really filling my cup and taking care of myself does not mean that it like reflects my worth, my inability to have capacity to do something that no longer is in alignment with me, or choose my family over something else.
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Those don't determine my worth.
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It didn't make me good or bad.
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And as I learned capacity and emotions, it made me meet myself with humanness, with compassion, and an understanding that the space I hold for myself and others can come at a cost if I don't honor my own capacity.
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And mentally, my ability to manage and navigate the million fucking schedules and tasks and all the things for work and home don't make me honorable or successful.
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I'm super grateful I have the capacity to do so.
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But looking back, it made me feel really foolish actually, and very self-abandoning at times.
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It made me realize that help was actually what I needed.
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To say no sometimes was what I needed, and not everything needed to be something I took on, especially if I always did feeling that, feeling like I need to have the capacity to do so.
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I would say that as I move through my life now, I attribute a lot of my capacity to interest in what is ahead and passion.
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If it lights me up, it might stretch me still, but I know I'll find the capacity.
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When it comes to deciding where I spend my time and who I surround myself with and what I do in my work, does it mean that if I'm not excited about something that I say no?
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Absolutely not.
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And we'll dive into this today.
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But those moments where we need to do something that maybe doesn't light us up or get us excited, but is still needed from us, that is where I've learned balance.
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That's where I've learned that you can't just be like, I don't have the capacity.
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Because sometimes that's not the option.
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And sometimes in life we have to find the capacity, the energy, whatever it is, to do what needs to be done.
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And in those moments we learn, well, we need to learn to trust ourselves.
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Sometimes in those moments, that's where we build a huge piece of the relationship between just like yourself, and it's also very dearly where I've learned to care for myself, especially when I'm being stretched.
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And other times it is meeting myself with understanding and compassion, identifying and foreseeing that I'm going to be moving through a lot.
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I'm gonna be pouring a lot out of my cup, and then leaning into what it will take to care for myself if I start to run low.
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The idea of just like moving through life with a full cup is like all the time is really unrealistic.
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And so there is that balance piece between giving, receiving, and just keeping the balance.
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So let's start by just kind of laying out the terms again.
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We have to remember that many aspects of holistic health are considered when we're looking at our capacity.
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So let's start by just defining capacity.
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The definition from Colin's English dictionary is where I pulled these, is the maximum amount that something can hold, contain, produce, or achieve.
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I'm gonna read it again and just see what comes up for you in your body.
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What do you notice?
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Any sensations, any heaviness, any whatever you might feel, capacity, the maximum amount that something can hold, contain, produce, or achieve.
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Adding to that human capacity, a person's total potential and ability to perform tasks, think, feel, and function in daily life.
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So I invite you just for a moment to be with where do you tend to live in this range of capacity?
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Do you take yourself to the complete lowest low?
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Run yourself to empty?
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Is your cup fully empty?
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And then you tap out and need to recover.
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And if that's you don't feel shameful about that, I have been that girl.
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Do you allow recovery in between those?
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Or are you always just kind of running on bare minimum?
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Are you someone who tries to kind of stay in the middle and are constantly trying to kind of daily fill the cup back up?
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So you're staying on that middle ground?
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Or are you living in a state that you prefer to not pour any out?
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Or you might even get nervous about pouring anything out of your cup.
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Does it make you nervous to need to fill back up or even to half capacity?
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Oh my God, I have been that girl so many times.
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And that is why all of these I've worked through every single one of those, and wherever you're at is beautiful because you are learning a really valuable piece about yourself and how to take care of yourself.
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And some of you might also be feeling like you move in seasons of being at functional high capacity and then seasons of recharging and functioning at a lower capacity.
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And so again, wherever you are, I just want to say I've lived through each of these, and I think we're supposed to.
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I really do feel like every single one of these is what we're supposed to go through.
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And even myself, I used to, and I still have to revisit this sometimes, that we shouldn't blame or have shame about going through these.
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I still have moments where I go, maybe your health stuff is because you pushed yourself so hard that you burnt out.
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And maybe your health problem is actually your own fault.
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Like these things cycle.
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But how else do you learn how to navigate things in life without going through them?
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But then asking yourself, what am I learning?
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And are we allowing that time to reflect and set ourselves up for success the next time we hit familiar territory?
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We have already walked.
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And I'll bring you back to what I've said in past episodes of I think a door opens for you and it doesn't close shut until you learn the lesson.
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And it does not mean that you're never going to take yourself to the lowest level.
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And then also sometimes hold that cup full and be like, nope, I'm not giving anything.
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And I think that's where we're supposed to be, is still going through these seasons.
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But I'm going to tell you, it's going to look different next time if you allow yourself time to reflect, see what didn't work, what were the signs, all the things we're going to go through today, because I really truly think it's like creating an instruction manual on how you work and how you take care of yourself.
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Oh, I'm so excited to dive into that.
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So just for a second, ask yourself like which of those feels best for you and which one makes you uncomfortable?
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Do you let yourself go to the lowest lows?
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Cup completely empty and then tap out and have to recover that forced recovery.
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Do you allow recovery in between, or does that make you uncomfortable?
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Do you try to stay in the middle, kind of continuously adding a little bit more to your cup as you give a little bit?
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Are you living in that state where you don't want to pour anything out because it might make you nervous to have to figure out how to put something back in?
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Or are you moving in the seasons?
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Which one feels good?
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Which one makes you feel uh heavier uncomfortable?
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And then going deeper into that, why does one feel okay?
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Is it because it's where you live the most?
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You're most familiar with it, even if you're like, I know it's not healthy, but this is how I do it.
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Or which one makes you uncomfortable?
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And is it because you haven't been in that one as often, or you haven't learned to navigate it totally?
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And so just because you're listening to this, I'm going to say you're here because you want to learn to build trust and comfort in the uncomfortable.
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And for some, it's also just learning awareness of this concept of reflecting, checking in, noticing and being aware of what capacity might look like, how to prepare for it, how to recover from being a little bit low.
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What I will absolutely guarantee is that life will need you to navigate in all states and in all different levels at different times.
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And that's fine.
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But the awareness, the foresight when possible, the ways that you can charge your capacity back up or fill your cup and navigate the stretch are so critical and ultimately become a way of taking care of yourself and honoring your humanness.
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And I think awareness starts honestly in noticing which is the hardest for you.
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Um, we're gonna dive into physical capacity, mental capacity, and emotional capacity.
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And again, notice what comes up for you in your body, notice what emotions might come up, or notice which feels familiar, unfamiliar, comfortable, uncomfortable.
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So again, taken from the Collins English dictionary, physical capacity is defined as combining the definition of its two components.
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So physical, which is being connected with a person's body rather than their mind, and capacity, a person's ability to do something or the maximum amount they are able to achieve or handle.
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Your mental capacity being cognitive capability and mental power of an individual to understand information, make an informed choice, and control their actions.
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And then emotional capacity, which there will be more than physical, mental, emotional, but those are like the big three that I coach people with that I've worked through in my own capacity and that I really like to highlight because I think they're just so important.
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So emotional capacity, the ability to tolerate, process, and hold your own feelings and the feelings of others without becoming overwhelmed, shutting down, or getting defensive, bandwidth changes daily.
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And so I almost wish someone would have asked me 15, 20 years ago, what do you feel you have the least capacity in physical capability or capacity, mental capacity or emotional capacity?
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And that gives you kind of a place of what to really focus on trying to build up and gives you a little bit of leeway into what takes less, if that makes sense.
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And so whether it be physical, mental, emotional, things that literally can change your bandwidth are your sleep and your stress levels and your health, or if you're on a health journey, relationships, environments that you're in, and more finances, career, and then again, placement, whatever life chapter or life events you're currently navigating, all of those can impact all the things, physical capacity, mental, and emotional.
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But which are the ones that are that you're like, oh, I know that those things get out of control a little bit easier, or I have more trouble emotionally handling myself, or my mind gets really busy and I have trouble making decisions.
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I think those are really important to know.
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Being able to even just be curious about which one impacts your overall capacity and ability to function deepest can tell you a lot about where to meet yourself with compassion and where tools need to be built.
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So for me, it's emotions.
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My physical ability and mental space can be pretty resilient, but the emotional piece shuts me down really hard.
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And for a while, also the financial piece.
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So knowing that let me put a bit more focus on both building my resilience and capacity in emotions and finding tools to support it so it didn't drop me so fast.
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And understanding the consideration of what takes from me allowed me to make choices that set me up for better success, for better joy, and for sustainability, I guess, in a lot of ways.
00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:26.400
And just a reminder is always like open up a book or a journal or a piece of paper and write up whatever your kind of takeaways are.
00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:36.240
Because if I'm reading something and something big comes up for you in your body or you feel something really big, honor that and take some notes and acknowledge it and sit with it.
00:28:36.559 --> 00:28:46.400
And yeah, just meet yourself wherever you're at because you can learn a lot from those little signals from your body while you're just listening to something.
00:28:46.640 --> 00:28:55.599
And what I think is really important is that, like I said, all the things that we do, we're going to be stretched.
00:28:55.759 --> 00:29:01.279
The point of life, I don't think, is to never be stretched because as we'll get into that's where growth happens.
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:06.000
But we will be forced past what feels like our capacity or our comfort.
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:34.720
And I can say motherhood, um, entrepreneurship, family, marriage, um, the pandemic, finances, my health challenges, some of my really big successes and new opportunities and growth seasons, the highs, the lows, all of them, whether they be labeled as good and successful or bad and failure, they very much contributed.
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:45.680
And like career and responsibility and tending to others, your social battery, your goals and dreams, um, self-expectations and routines.
00:29:45.839 --> 00:29:56.240
There's not this like bar that we're supposed to be always reaching or chasing or holding ourselves at, it can't be steady and constant.
00:29:56.400 --> 00:30:08.079
And so there's those ebbs and flows, and the ride of the journey, it's the same with our bandwidth for capacity to take care of ourselves, all of it.
00:30:08.559 --> 00:30:23.599
And so, because we're never in this full control that we're like going to always feel like we have the energy and the capacity and the strength and the thinking power to do all the things we want to do.
00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:27.519
I think it's really important that we come back to that balance.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:32.400
And I think every kind of everything in life kind of comes back to balance.
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:57.839
And sometimes it's less about just having capacity and it's more about like feeling the range, being curious and being aware of where we are and being able to feel and be aware of the highs and feel and be aware of the lows, but also learning the signs and the feelings that teach us where we're at.
00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:17.839
And yes, balance is about building resilience, getting uncomfortable, but it's also about honoring where you currently are at and being okay with that and not feeling like you're not enough or that you always need to be a certain way.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:24.640
It also is about balance, it's about trusting yourself or building that trust with yourself.
00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:28.240
It's a process, I think, as mentioned before.
00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:38.880
I think our relationship with ourselves is something that always comes back to like building a relationship and learning that trust and that love and compassion.
00:31:39.279 --> 00:31:48.960
It's also about considering your choices and your decisions and meeting yourself in new ways.
00:31:49.839 --> 00:32:04.400
Balance is sometimes about saying no, even if you feel like the bad guy, and understanding that sometimes you're learning or gaining experience even when it's hard.
00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:29.759
And I think I really do think that awareness and being able to feel the range is where it starts because it lets you learn your two ends first that you're capable in both and trust that like you've gone through these and you can do it again, but this time you're more experienced.
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:47.279
I'm gonna nerd out as a kinesiologist for a second, but I come back to this analogy all the time of building strength because I think ultimately whether it be physical, mental, emotional, it all relates.
00:32:48.559 --> 00:32:52.000
Everything requires stress or demands.
00:32:52.480 --> 00:33:15.519
Sometimes that feels like too much or requires us to fail, but to still complete the rep or the cycle, it causes discomfort and that also requires rest and taking care of yourself to be able to heal and mend and grow.
00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:19.440
And so ultimately that's what we need to be more resilient.
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:51.119
So strength in physical training, in trying to build strength in your muscles, is when you exhaust or fatigue a muscle and you break down the actual muscle fibers, which creates regrowth with rest, which ultimately develops more strength within the muscle fibers, and then they're able to generate more output and tolerate more demands with less effort.
00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:56.880
And so again, it requires a stress or a demand.
00:33:57.119 --> 00:34:00.400
And what that does feels like too much.
00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:06.480
It can sometimes take you to failure, but you complete the rep or the cycle.
00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:08.400
You're uncomfortable.
00:34:08.639 --> 00:34:15.599
Lots of people are sore after a workout, not damaged, not broken or swollen or inflamed.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:19.599
That's not what you're going for, but just uncomfortable and sore.
00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:27.519
And then you have to rest and take care of yourself so that everything can heal and mend and grow.
00:34:28.239 --> 00:34:47.519
And it's the exact same thing the stress, the discomfort, the stretch, the rest to heal physical, mental, or emotional things in life that put stress or demand on us do that to us.
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:50.400
But sometimes I think the difference is the rest.
00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:58.320
And when we can implement the rest in, or we can foresee the demand, that can make a difference.
00:34:58.400 --> 00:34:59.840
And we're going to dive into that.
00:35:00.079 --> 00:35:04.000
That was my little nerd alert moment as a kinesiologist.
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:11.199
What strength and growth and capacity doesn't mean, though, is that you have endless amounts and are superhuman.
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:16.960
And it means that slower seasons allow reflection.
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:18.400
That's your rest.
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:22.639
And that busier seasons, you create trust.
00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:31.119
Because just like if you lift a weight, you know you can lift it, and you're pretty sure you could probably lift a little bit more.
00:35:31.280 --> 00:35:40.480
Maybe not for as long, maybe not as many reps, but you know you could take, you could dip your toes into that new water and come out okay on the other side.
00:35:40.559 --> 00:35:43.199
You might get a little uncomfortable, but you got it.
00:35:43.599 --> 00:36:00.719
And then just learning that the slower times allow you to connect with the value and compassion that you have towards yourself, the taking care of yourself and also the trusting yourself when things aren't crazy, busy, demanding, stressful.
00:36:00.960 --> 00:36:09.360
So I want to dive into just a couple of the seasons that I think a lot of people go through.
00:36:09.599 --> 00:36:27.440
And I think we go through them, but then if you don't reflect and again take note of what happened, how you navigated it, how you felt, take a moment to find that trust and to rest and recover, then it's just kind of season to season to season to season.
00:36:27.519 --> 00:36:29.280
We're on an autopilot, right?
00:36:29.679 --> 00:36:39.440
And so I think whether or not you're paying attention to the different seasons, um, there's a start always, and there's an end.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:46.960
And we don't always see them coming, we don't always know the timeline, but they do all end.
00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:58.000
And we can also learn from all of them, and we can learn coping and tools and ways to prepare for them when possible.
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:19.679
As we go through these seasons, I really again want to invite you to pay attention to what you feel in your physical body, or even what comes up for you, maybe an experience or a season that you've navigated something similar, and pause and write down whatever comes up for you.
00:37:20.400 --> 00:37:30.559
Or if you're whatever you're currently feeling in the season that you're in, what behaviors you notice you do, mindset things that come up.
00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:42.159
And it probably is going to depend on how far along you are in life, what your experiences have been, the part of the journey that you're in or the chapter you're navigating.
00:37:42.320 --> 00:38:02.960
Um, but notice if it feels like heavy or light, if it's exciting or defeating, or maybe it's both, and maybe resonate and can um feel into each of the seasons we talk to, but take a take what feels good, take what lands with you, and as always, leave whatever you don't need to.
00:38:03.039 --> 00:38:10.239
And you can always revisit this episode because you're gonna go and give it a good rating, and then you'll easily be able to find it later.
00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:18.719
Um, you can come back if in a different season you're like, I'm sure I listened to this, but I didn't really know what that season was all about.
00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:20.480
So come back to it if you need.
00:38:20.719 --> 00:38:46.880
And like I said, I think when we allow this time to stop, feel, get a sense in the body for what we're what we're feeling, um, to take time to make some notes of maybe our actions or behaviors, um, how we got through something, what worked well to support us, if our cup was feeling really empty, what did we do to kind of bring ourselves back up so we could finish the journey or the season?
00:38:47.039 --> 00:39:00.000
Um, it is, it's like creating an instruction manual on how to tend yourself in different levels of capacity when we're feeling stretched to a certain point or when certain life situations come up.
00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:06.639
And who wouldn't like an instruction manual on how to take care of yourself?
00:39:06.880 --> 00:39:16.320
And I think sometimes too, when we learn what we need for ourselves, certainly it's really nice to be able to share it with friends.
00:39:16.559 --> 00:39:22.960
If they are going through something similar, you can at least be like, if they want to know, here's some things.
00:39:23.199 --> 00:39:39.360
But also, even bigger, you'll be able to share with whoever the people are in your life of what you might need from them or what they might need to watch for or expect, or how they can support you.
00:39:39.599 --> 00:39:49.039
Because when we know ourselves better, we can then know what we need and ask for it, which is so significant.
00:39:50.559 --> 00:40:08.000
So I'm going to start with one that's talked about a lot, and one that I would say I struggled to even say the word because I got myself so low in capacity with this one that I felt like I'd never be able to do it again.
00:40:08.079 --> 00:40:11.360
And I had such a negative spin on it.
00:40:11.599 --> 00:40:13.360
So notice what comes up in the body.
00:40:13.519 --> 00:40:17.199
Take notes on if you've been there, how you got through it, whatever it might be.
00:40:17.440 --> 00:40:20.960
So the first one is the hustle.
00:40:22.719 --> 00:40:31.039
And hustle era was kind of what was going on when I first started my business.
00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:38.079
Um, I think in the hustle, first of all, you need to acknowledge that it's a season.
00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:51.840
Because if it's not a season and it's something you're trying to live and stay consistent and it's constant, that's gonna take us to a different season called burnout.
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:56.400
But hustle is when does it end?
00:40:56.719 --> 00:41:02.480
So it's typically, I would say, um, a shorter season.
00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:05.760
It's going to require big energy.
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:15.039
There's usually a time crunch, um, but it has a start and an end, and it's really important to highlight that.
00:41:16.159 --> 00:41:23.679
Equally important, and this is something I love coaching people with, but there's nothing wrong with the hustle.
00:41:23.920 --> 00:41:34.800
As long as you know the start and the end, that it's not a lifestyle, um, and that you can plan for the recovery after, which will be needed.
00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:56.159
These can be really exciting, like a career change, or expanding a business, or um, maybe it's like a financial journey that you're working on, but it can also be like parenting um or starting a business.
00:41:56.400 --> 00:42:03.519
And so the hustle, like I said, you need to make sure that it is a season and that it's not a lifestyle.
00:42:03.840 --> 00:42:10.239
For me, um, what it used to be, it started with I would say my business.
00:42:10.559 --> 00:42:14.400
And I was so excited to get my business started.
00:42:14.639 --> 00:42:24.239
Um, but I didn't really have like a checkpoint or a cross the line and then step back and let yourself just chill.
00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:31.280
And not at a fault of mine because you don't get to just take breaks when you're trying to build a business.
00:42:31.679 --> 00:42:43.280
But um yeah, I definitely it led me right through to burnout and it rippled then into how I parented and into my marriage.
00:42:43.599 --> 00:42:53.440
And oof, yeah, it became hustle life style, which wasn't sustainable and led to burnout.
00:42:53.840 --> 00:43:07.599
Now I sit here and I can hustle, and it's amazing what I can physically accomplish when I'm on a goddamn mission and I'm excited about something.
00:43:08.559 --> 00:43:25.920
Um in the hustle, I can notice that my mind is really busy, I can notice that I'm feeling stretched, but I know now the timeline.
00:43:26.159 --> 00:43:32.480
I know when the end is, and I know to plan for a break.
00:43:32.960 --> 00:43:37.199
I think a hustle season, you get foresight in.
00:43:37.440 --> 00:43:38.880
You can see that it's coming.
00:43:38.960 --> 00:43:45.360
It might not be a huge heads up, but you know, okay, it's gonna be super busy.
00:43:46.239 --> 00:43:47.840
This is what I need to do.
00:43:48.079 --> 00:43:59.760
This is what I might not have time for, and after it, I'm gonna celebrate or whatever it might be, and I'm going to take care of myself and give myself X and Y and Z.
00:44:00.559 --> 00:44:02.320
To fill my cup back up.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:14.960
And I think it's important to know that, like in a hustle season, if it's something you're working towards that you're really excited about or you're accomplishing something big, it can be really rewarding at the end.
00:44:15.119 --> 00:44:23.679
And there could be lots of joy and like feelings of accomplishment, but it's still important to plot in that recovery to see how did I make it through this?
00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:46.719
What worked, what didn't, um, and just to downregulate, to allow time to kind of reconnect with what your typical capacity would look like, to catch up probably on things that you might have fallen behind on or didn't prioritize during the hustle is there's nothing wrong with it, um, but it's a push.
00:44:46.960 --> 00:45:02.079
So making sure there's that end point, making sure you're plotting in recovery and knowing what to prioritize, what to do to take care of yourself and what's realistic.
00:45:02.639 --> 00:45:12.559
If there isn't some of these protocols followed, then we can start to lean into the burnout season, which I'm going to dive into in a couple minutes.
00:45:12.719 --> 00:45:22.480
So if you notice like heaviness or your chest gets really tight, we're gonna go through signs and symptoms of like uh when we're low on capacity, high on capacity.
00:45:22.639 --> 00:45:37.199
But if something big comes up for you in hustle or you're in a hustle season or you just finished, um, again, just take note of it and learn from it and write out the signs or the things that come up for you so that you can kind of know.
00:45:37.519 --> 00:45:51.920
And it doesn't matter if you have a positive or negative relationship with hustle, because I think the more you spend time doing this work, the more you build trust in your abilities to navigate seasons like the hustle.
00:45:52.239 --> 00:46:03.599
And before I move on, I should say that like I did mention the hustle with my work, then carried into my family life, my marriage.
00:46:03.840 --> 00:46:08.559
Um, because everything had to keep up with my pace.
00:46:08.960 --> 00:46:30.639
And I was so on autopilot that I'm like dragging my kids to their events and hustling them there and then hustling to my work and putting all my energy in trying, I think, and thinking I was doing a good job of putting all of my energy into every single aspect of my life.
00:46:30.960 --> 00:46:58.639
But I was really just fooling myself because you can't go full hustle, 110% work or 90% work, but then also expect 90% capacity of parenting, 90% of capacity going into keeping my home the way I want, 90% of my capacity going into my self-care, 90% of capacity going into my marriage and relationships.
00:46:58.880 --> 00:47:07.440
Like that made sense to me in that moment, but then there wasn't an end date until I hit kind of a crash and burn.
00:47:07.519 --> 00:47:09.360
So um, yeah, hustle.
00:47:09.440 --> 00:47:18.159
It doesn't just have to be a big event or a crazy work kind of season or big changes in your life.
00:47:18.400 --> 00:47:25.199
It can just be something that trickles into everything and then just ultimately becomes unsustainable.
00:47:26.159 --> 00:47:29.440
Okay, so the next season I'm gonna chat about.
00:47:29.599 --> 00:47:36.719
I probably do an episode on each one of these, but um, the second one is I'm gonna call it running a marathon.
00:47:37.440 --> 00:47:42.719
And so running a marathon, you've kind of been training for it.
00:47:43.039 --> 00:47:46.480
It doesn't just come up overnight.
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:51.360
You have time to prepare for it and kind of map it out.
00:47:52.000 --> 00:48:01.119
It's a essentially a busy season or a season that will be taking capacity that we can foresee.
00:48:01.840 --> 00:48:22.480
And I think in every one of these seasons, it's important to highlight that like it might be exciting and something you're really looking forward to and really want to be intentional about, or it can be something that's hard and a bit challenging and feel a little heavy or negative.
00:48:22.719 --> 00:48:26.320
Um, but the steps are kind of the same.
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:52.400
And in the running a marathon season, uh, you know it's gonna be kind of long, but you also know where the end line is, you know when the start is, you have the ability to kind of plan your map, to mark down where your like fill stations are or where you're gonna fuel.
00:48:54.480 --> 00:49:02.079
You know who's gonna be along with you, who else kind of participating in it.
00:49:02.639 --> 00:49:14.800
You have a bit of foresight on the direction you're going, your intentions and expectations, and a little bit of knowledge about what the demands are going to be.
00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:21.519
If it's the first time you're running a marathon, you're learning everything for the first time.
00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:33.039
If you've run a marathon before, obviously, as an analogy, you have been through it, but it's still a different path and a different experience.
00:49:33.199 --> 00:49:36.239
And you'll have to meet yourself where you're at as you go through it.
00:49:36.480 --> 00:49:39.920
But it's a little bit more comfortable because you've done it before.
00:49:40.239 --> 00:50:00.000
So for some people, it might be something like knowing your work six months out in advance and knowing that you have some more demands on you, or maybe the business you work for is um expanding or creating new teams.
00:50:00.159 --> 00:50:06.079
You know, you might need to, you might be traveling more, but you have some of the information.
00:50:06.559 --> 00:50:16.320
Um, you know kind of what the season looks like when it ends, and you can ultimately just train for it, and you can prepare yourself.
00:50:16.559 --> 00:50:38.639
You can make sure that you're fueled and that you have your snacks and you have your people to lean into, and you've got your people that are going to be cheering for you, and you can kind of envision it, and that's the the a big difference is you're able to plan for C and plot it out so that you can find the most success in it.
00:50:39.119 --> 00:50:54.239
And for me, I kind of feel like um participating in life with my family in society can feel a bit like running a marathon.
00:50:54.480 --> 00:51:05.920
So for me, I would say my pace as I've experienced this marathon event running, what I've adjusted is my pace.
00:51:06.159 --> 00:51:15.519
I don't care so much about my timing or how quickly I get through it, but that it feels good along the way.
00:51:16.159 --> 00:51:50.400
I also know when to like to mark out the things that I know will take more time or energy from myself or my family, but also to really highlight where there might be gaps and use those as an opportunity to rest, recover, refuel, um, get extra support, whatever I might be feeling would benefit us in those little slower time slots.
00:51:51.360 --> 00:52:08.400
It also lets me know when I will need to have this the energy and capacity to be really supportive, and when I'll maybe need to dial back my capacity at my work.
00:52:08.880 --> 00:52:26.719
Um, and also when I might be able to dial up capacity for things that I want to do with my work or with my personal goals, and when we might need to just kind of plot a timeout or a step back from things.
00:52:27.679 --> 00:52:34.079
And just like the analogy, it also allows me to plan how to nourish us.
00:52:34.400 --> 00:53:03.760
And so whether that be a little trip in a downtime or really making sure that we're fueled literally in our bodies in busier seasons, it also allows us to map out and know kind of what weeks might we, one of us or all of us or whatever it might be, be a little bit less capacity with each other because then we're able to meet each other with more compassion and understanding.
00:53:04.719 --> 00:53:13.599
The difference is I used to have, I think it's the expectation piece of myself, how it'll look.
00:53:13.920 --> 00:53:28.480
And that is what differentiated the hustle from the running a marathon, because we now also in my work life, I allow rest in December.
00:53:28.800 --> 00:53:35.840
And then I know I run the next marathon January to April.
00:53:36.800 --> 00:53:39.519
And then I dial off a little bit.
00:53:39.679 --> 00:53:50.079
And I know that I dial off in my work marathons when my family stuff is taking more capacity from me.
00:53:50.239 --> 00:54:04.639
So I don't want to, it's not that I feel exhausted in my life or this running a marathon, because that is honestly what participating in our world and the busyness of everybody.
00:54:04.960 --> 00:54:09.679
We're not a super busy family, but it still feels like a little bit of running a marathon.
00:54:09.840 --> 00:54:31.440
And I think a big piece of that has been teaching my kids their capacity to not overschedule themselves and to look ahead so that you know what is coming, what do you need to do to prepare for it, and when does it end so that you also know what you're investing in.
00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:36.719
I also know that my kids are teenagers.
00:54:37.039 --> 00:55:00.719
So I know I have probably four to six years of continually needing to train and continually needing to know the map of the race that I'm running and find the balance within it, and that eventually I won't be running marathons anymore with my kids.
00:55:01.119 --> 00:55:10.639
And then it'll be a different season and a different chapter that I'll again need to reevaluate what I'm moving through and what it looks like and who I'm moving through.
00:55:10.800 --> 00:55:18.960
So um it's exciting for me, but it can, depending on what the marathon is, be incredibly challenging.
00:55:19.199 --> 00:55:22.000
But again, you know your start, you know your end.
00:55:22.320 --> 00:55:27.760
Um, you you can take the time to make sure you put in those checkpoints, those fuel points.
00:55:27.920 --> 00:55:31.920
You can make sure you have people in your corner to support you while you move through it.
00:55:32.079 --> 00:55:37.599
You can nourish yourself, add in the pauses when you need and map it out.
00:55:38.960 --> 00:55:44.320
So the next season is I like to call it the last minute trip.
00:55:45.119 --> 00:55:50.960
Um, the last minute trip can be exciting in my experience.
00:55:51.119 --> 00:55:53.199
Um, it was really hard.
00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:59.199
Um you don't know if it's going to be short or long.
00:55:59.440 --> 00:56:03.519
It's kind of a spur of the moment, last minute, get up and go.
00:56:03.920 --> 00:56:10.239
You are planning on the go because you didn't know it was coming.
00:56:11.199 --> 00:56:20.239
The timeline is unknown, which can be really hard for people who want to control or prepare.
00:56:20.719 --> 00:56:29.519
Um, it's a place where you really on this trip need to meet yourself where you were at with whatever capacity you have.
00:56:29.760 --> 00:56:38.000
And it will vary depending how long or short, what the experiences are, what the demands are, what gets in your way.
00:56:38.960 --> 00:56:44.320
And it's likely going to be a lot of learning along the way.
00:56:45.519 --> 00:56:52.239
I think of the last minute trip for a lot of people as health journeys.
00:56:52.559 --> 00:56:56.400
For me, it was definitely my health journey.
00:56:56.639 --> 00:57:04.159
Um I didn't, I had an inkling that I was going to have to go on this trip.
00:57:04.559 --> 00:57:14.960
Um, but when I was told you need to leave today, and this is just analogy, um, diag like you need imaging.
00:57:15.360 --> 00:57:17.599
Um, it was like, hey, pack your bag.
00:57:17.760 --> 00:57:19.199
This is gonna be a trip.
00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:21.599
We don't know how long it's gonna take.
00:57:21.840 --> 00:57:26.960
Um, I don't have a map to give you or direction.
00:57:28.079 --> 00:57:35.599
And my last minute trip was a couple of years um with my health journey.
00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:54.800
And yeah, it's really, it was really wearing because I didn't feel like I could just take a breath and have a nap because I didn't know when I'd need to go next, what was going to be demanded of me, what answers there were going to be.
00:57:55.039 --> 00:58:08.239
So the last minute trip analogy um also can be with hardships, it can be with challenges in marriages or relationships, it can be financial struggles.
00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:13.519
And for a lot of the people that I work with, it can be in grief.
00:58:14.159 --> 00:58:21.920
Um grief doesn't usually give you a foreshadow or a heads up that something is coming.
00:58:22.079 --> 00:58:41.599
Um, it doesn't come with a map or a timeline, and you don't have time to train or prepare for it, and then all of a sudden something is over, and then you just kind of sit in this place of like, okay, this is over.
00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:43.360
And so, like, now what?
00:58:43.760 --> 00:59:10.559
And lots of times on the last minute trip kind of season, you come back to life and kind of play catch up because you've been so involved in this last-minute trip that required everything of you to invest that you're then having to navigate coming back to real life and kind of catching up with the rest of the world.
00:59:11.119 --> 00:59:25.920
On the positive side, the last minute trip could also be literally an exciting opportunity that doesn't take a lot of capacity and actually gives back a bunch.
00:59:26.159 --> 00:59:39.119
Um and it's exciting and it's life-changing, and it's short or long, but it came out of nowhere, but you didn't have to prepare for it because it was a positive experience.
00:59:39.280 --> 01:00:06.880
So again, I want you to remember that each season, whether it be the hustle or you're running a marathon or the last minute trip, can be a big, beautiful, easy, exciting season that actually builds up your energy and fills your cup, or it can be very challenging seasons that really take everything you got and leave you feeling pretty depleted.
01:00:07.440 --> 01:00:18.639
It depends again on so many pieces, on what is in your way, what the demands are, your life circumstances, all of them.
01:00:19.679 --> 01:00:29.760
In the last minute trip, I will say sometimes your absolute bare minimum is enough.
01:00:29.920 --> 01:00:45.760
And I would say that very much you might be out of clean clothes and your suitcase is empty and you've run out of toothpaste, and you're still gonna get by is just gonna be whatever it is, right?
01:00:45.840 --> 01:00:48.079
You'll make do, you'll figure it out.
01:00:48.239 --> 01:00:59.519
And I think the last minute trip is one that you very much learn about yourself, um, what matters, what you can tolerate, even though it leaves you feeling depleted.
01:00:59.679 --> 01:01:02.000
Um, you learn some trust with yourself.
01:01:02.079 --> 01:01:11.199
You learn that you can navigate challenges or you can navigate big, exciting, unpredictable, uncontrollable seasons.
01:01:11.599 --> 01:01:13.760
And at the end, you're gonna be okay.
01:01:14.559 --> 01:01:28.000
Hopefully, at the end of every one of these, whether it be the hustle, the running a marathon, or the last minute trip, hopefully you can allow a season of recovery.
01:01:28.239 --> 01:01:39.599
Whether that's new to you, whether it feels important to you or not, it's such a hit, a huge critical piece of capacity.
01:01:40.159 --> 01:02:03.440
So if you want to continue with the analogy of like your cup, and this is the season where we fill the cup back up, where we get comfortable with this, with um allowing awareness and making sure that we plan them because they are as important as being busy.
01:02:03.679 --> 01:02:07.679
These are the seasons that you really get to meet yourself.
01:02:08.400 --> 01:02:20.239
And you'll learn that the more you plot seasons or days or whatever it is of recovery into your life, you'll get more comfortable with them.
01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:32.800
Um, you'll learn that your worth doesn't come from just the big stuff, just the hard stuff, just the just the stuff that takes a lot from you.
01:02:32.880 --> 01:02:42.719
But your worth and your value is just you and who you are in even the moments where we're just resting and recovering.
01:02:43.039 --> 01:02:47.119
These are the seasons where you also celebrate your achievements.
01:02:47.360 --> 01:02:49.440
These are things that sometimes we bypass.
01:02:49.519 --> 01:02:55.599
And as I've said in past episodes, we get into that like next, next, next.
01:02:56.000 --> 01:03:08.239
And so implementing these seasons where we just allow a little step back, um, a little checkout, a little bit of time to really celebrate, look back, reflect.
01:03:08.480 --> 01:03:14.639
It's a time where you can also look at what lessons you've learned along the way.
01:03:14.960 --> 01:03:22.159
You allow yourself to close doors that you don't need to reopen because you're like, okay, I got it.
01:03:22.320 --> 01:03:23.840
I learned that lesson.
01:03:24.079 --> 01:03:26.079
Next time I would do this.
01:03:26.320 --> 01:03:30.960
Otherwise, you'll just keep circling back until you learn those lessons.
01:03:31.119 --> 01:03:33.920
So just the awareness that, like, what did I learn?
01:03:34.000 --> 01:03:35.920
And being curious about that.
01:03:36.320 --> 01:03:42.880
It's also a great time to honor your level of capacity.
01:03:43.119 --> 01:03:45.360
And we it's not like a flex.
01:03:45.679 --> 01:03:51.199
We don't have to be like, I have so much capacity, but has it grown?
01:03:52.239 --> 01:03:56.159
And was that season's capacity a little bit less?
01:03:56.400 --> 01:04:02.000
Did it take less of you to do something that would have stretched you in the past?
01:04:02.239 --> 01:04:03.039
That is growth.
01:04:03.199 --> 01:04:28.719
It does not mean that we always need to be putting ourselves in situations or experiences where we're emptying our cup and continually needing to like grow, grow, grow and build strength and break ourselves to rebuild, but to actually be able to do what we might need to do for a longer season without needing to be stretched so much.
01:04:28.960 --> 01:05:03.679
So acknowledging our resilience and acknowledging that we can trust ourselves because we got through that and we use these tools and we'll dive into all of that, but really just allowing yourself that time to pour the cup back up to the top, celebrate, feel the good things, feel the hard things, make note, add it into your little instruction manual on what it takes to care for self, and allow yourself to dust your hands off and move forward with knowledge and wisdom and experience under your belt.
01:05:04.159 --> 01:05:19.760
I think that for me, in my personal experience, and I would say with lots of the people that I work with and support, um, burnout is a very real piece of learning to find your balance.
01:05:19.920 --> 01:05:21.039
It's not a shame.
01:05:21.280 --> 01:05:22.639
You didn't fuck up.
01:05:22.880 --> 01:05:28.079
Um, you don't need to blame yourself, but it's a learning piece.
01:05:28.320 --> 01:05:43.280
It's where we find our capacity, find our range, find our our um bandwidth, and be able to learn and build and make changes just to support ourselves.
01:05:43.519 --> 01:05:54.639
If you have experienced burnout, um, you might have a tender relationship, as mentioned, with the word capacity, especially if it's new to you.
01:05:55.360 --> 01:05:59.760
Or it might bubble up this association of not having capacity.
01:06:01.119 --> 01:06:18.880
Failing, checking out, or freezing, acknowledging how it feels to be burnt out, to feel overwhelmed, to feel the nerves or the low energy, or emotional, or depleted.
01:06:19.360 --> 01:06:30.880
And burnout, even in my burnout, um, I was still getting by until I boom hit like I can't do it anymore.
01:06:31.039 --> 01:06:35.599
And my physical body was like, no, I'm not doing it.
01:06:35.840 --> 01:06:41.440
And also my mind went, no, I'm not participating in this.
01:06:41.760 --> 01:06:47.519
And my heart and my emotions also went, no, I'm not fucking doing it.
01:06:47.679 --> 01:06:56.960
And it did result in weeks of me just like laying in bed and not participating, basically in the world.
01:06:57.280 --> 01:07:07.119
But what I've also had to learn is that burnout doesn't have to mean running full tilt and being overwhelmed.
01:07:07.679 --> 01:07:24.480
Burnout can also happen when things are really good and you're really excited, but you're not acknowledging your capacity and like what is being taken or what you're giving away.
01:07:24.960 --> 01:07:39.519
Burnout can also happen from things that you really love, but you don't maybe acknowledge that you're giving away more than you're keeping for yourself.
01:07:40.079 --> 01:07:42.639
And again, that's where balance comes in.
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:56.880
And I think I've had to um kind of redefine burnout because I don't ever want to go back to the place that my original burnout happened.
01:07:57.119 --> 01:08:08.239
And, you know, I would say burnout also happened in high school with depression and suicidal thoughts and some challenging relationships and wanting to just quit all the things that I was doing.
01:08:08.400 --> 01:08:12.000
Um, and even then I continued on.
01:08:12.559 --> 01:08:22.399
But um I think I've had to redefine that like burnout to me now doesn't mean that I've hit depletion.
01:08:22.640 --> 01:08:23.920
I don't collapse or freeze.
01:08:24.000 --> 01:08:38.800
And it's not that I have zero capacity, but it does mean that I'm just not willing to give that much, um, that I'm craving more contentment and a little bit of an easier season.
01:08:38.960 --> 01:08:41.600
So I'm just kind of putting the bar at a different spot.
01:08:41.680 --> 01:08:44.960
It's not at the bottom of my cup, it's not where I'm totally empty.
01:08:45.119 --> 01:08:56.239
It's just like a space where I don't really want to go lower than that, just for my comfort, for my own value, um, my own self-care.
01:08:56.399 --> 01:09:03.840
And I think to also save my relationships and um the life that I've created for myself.
01:09:04.000 --> 01:09:10.159
I'm just not willing to like dip that low in my capacity.
01:09:10.479 --> 01:09:20.159
And so I've I would say I've relabeled and adjusted the level that I would now define for myself as feeling kind of burnt out.
01:09:20.720 --> 01:09:29.680
When you hit your capacity and you have nothing left to give, and you hit that like tap out.
01:09:30.079 --> 01:09:36.159
Um, I just want to chat really briefly about what happens after burnout.
01:09:36.479 --> 01:09:44.239
Cause I think we don't talk about that enough, and then people don't know what to expect, and then you feel stuck.
01:09:44.640 --> 01:09:51.199
And that in itself, when you're recovering from burnout, can feel completely exhausting.
01:09:52.319 --> 01:10:01.199
Um, these are my own personal experience and what I've witnessed in people that I support and coach, but um, protectors.
01:10:01.279 --> 01:10:21.439
So the parts of you that don't want you to ever experience burnout again and that hard shit that comes with it, they kick in and there will be fear and reminders that you aren't safe, even if you actually are safe in the moment.
01:10:22.479 --> 01:10:51.279
And as Roxy and I talked about in a previous episode, our nervous system doesn't know the difference between being chased in the wild by like a dangerous animal that could end our life, or a lot of like demands from work, or a lot of challenges in relationships, or doing too much and not allowing ourselves to fill our cup.
01:10:51.439 --> 01:10:55.119
Our nervous system doesn't know that it hasn't adjusted to that.
01:10:55.359 --> 01:11:05.359
And so the safety red flags are going up, even if there is nothing actually putting us in danger.
01:11:06.000 --> 01:11:13.520
Burnout also afterward, it feels like everything feels like it takes your entire capacity.
01:11:14.720 --> 01:11:24.000
Um and it feels like you're unproductive and that you don't have value and that you aren't contributing.
01:11:24.239 --> 01:11:30.239
And then for me, my mindset would even kick in of like the people around you think you're being lazy.
01:11:30.399 --> 01:11:40.800
The people around you really need you to do more, even if that was not entirely or at in any capacity what they were feeling or thinking.
01:11:41.199 --> 01:11:49.439
My mind was telling me that burnout forces you to have to pause and be still.
01:11:50.079 --> 01:11:59.359
It forces you to get uncomfortable and to learn to be okay with the end of the discomfort spectrum.
01:11:59.680 --> 01:12:06.800
To be just at peace is what you need to find as you're in this new space.
01:12:07.520 --> 01:12:10.399
It absolutely forces you to ask for help.
01:12:11.680 --> 01:12:18.720
It forces you and invites you to start to rebuild trust in yourself.
01:12:20.479 --> 01:12:23.119
I think the trust piece is so huge.
01:12:23.439 --> 01:12:34.880
And for me, it was building that relationship with myself again because in some seasons I was choosing myself very dead last.
01:12:35.439 --> 01:12:45.359
I was choosing taking care of myself at the bottom of the list and prioritizing things or people that actually didn't support me.
01:12:46.720 --> 01:12:56.479
And after burnout, a big piece is learning that chill is okay, especially if it's a busyness season.
01:12:56.960 --> 01:13:30.479
Um, and sometimes it's also in burnout a lot of reflection, which can be very uncomfortable, also, because you're having to sit with some hard stuff and also needing to meet new parts of you like compassion and self-love and grief and anger and sadness and whatever bubbles up, having to be able to be with that and learning to be, as I said, comfortable, getting uncomfortable with yourself.
01:13:30.800 --> 01:13:32.079
It was really important.
01:13:32.319 --> 01:14:09.760
And I think this is the biggest thing that I like to support people through is building a connection again with your body and being able to work through sensations and feelings of being unsafe and actually picking up on the cues that your body during seasons where we're over capacity and we're on autopilot and we're not noticing these signs or signals that were trying to tell us, hey, I'm like about to burn out, or I'm like running on low and we're empty, we miss those signs.
01:14:09.920 --> 01:14:28.079
And so then after burnout, sometimes things are so heavy, loud, um, screaming at us that we first have to be with that because it's been with us and asking for attention for so long, which we dismissed.
01:14:28.319 --> 01:14:47.840
And sometimes we have to peel back those layers first, the things that were heavy that were trying to tell us to stop before we can get to the soft, like really tender parts of us underneath that are a little bit easier to be with, but again, probably less familiar.
01:14:48.319 --> 01:14:59.920
For me, I want to touch on what is on the other side of burnout or on the other side of capacity.
01:15:00.319 --> 01:15:06.319
And I love this because I think now I live in a place where this is like my cozy.
01:15:07.520 --> 01:15:16.720
So once you've fully emptied your cup, you then work on starting to add some back in.
01:15:17.039 --> 01:15:30.479
But you eventually get to this place where the cup is full, and all you do is just keep it warm, and you just sit with that cup, maybe even a little bit too full to even walk around.
01:15:30.880 --> 01:15:32.319
And so you just sit.
01:15:33.359 --> 01:15:49.840
And that is a whole other aspect or season of capacity, is being able to just be full capacity with yourself and not need to share it and not need to go anywhere.
01:15:50.079 --> 01:15:52.720
Um, it's a really beautiful place to be.
01:15:52.800 --> 01:16:00.319
And I always love to in this analogy think of it as like just having a hot cup of tea and enjoying a book with nowhere to go.
01:16:00.800 --> 01:16:03.840
It's ability to hold space for yourself.
01:16:04.159 --> 01:16:10.640
And maybe even a little substance drips out to others when you walk around, but it's not intentional.
01:16:10.880 --> 01:16:15.760
You're very much just kind of hoarding that cup for yourself.
01:16:15.920 --> 01:16:18.239
You got nothing to share, even though it's full.
01:16:18.479 --> 01:16:23.760
And I think it's a really beautiful chapter that we have to learn is okay.
01:16:24.560 --> 01:16:30.960
We can be a kind person and just hold a warm cup of tea without sharing it.
01:16:31.840 --> 01:16:39.680
We can be a good person with good intentions and honor that we have nowhere else to be or anything else to give.
01:16:40.239 --> 01:16:42.159
It takes a lot of unlearning.
01:16:42.560 --> 01:16:59.039
It takes a lot of knowing that you're not a bad person for just needing a short season or a moment or whatever it might be where our purpose and our job isn't to give, but to just hold and be.
01:17:00.399 --> 01:17:05.680
And these moments feel really beautiful because you celebrate the little things, right?
01:17:06.079 --> 01:17:07.520
There's contentment.
01:17:08.560 --> 01:17:11.199
You can just be in gratitude.
01:17:12.079 --> 01:17:17.439
You can have presence with just being joyful and calm and peaceful.
01:17:18.800 --> 01:17:26.079
There's regulation in your nervous system, and it doesn't feel uncomfortable or unproductive.
01:17:27.920 --> 01:17:32.239
You still feel value and purpose beyond your productivity.
01:17:32.880 --> 01:17:44.720
You find comfort in these things, and you build relationship and comfort with the tools that are on your belt so that you're more familiar with them.
01:17:44.880 --> 01:17:56.560
So they become automatic and they're a less conscious thought, and rather just a part of how your body and your heart and your mind navigate life and your day.
01:17:56.800 --> 01:18:04.720
They don't feel like work, they don't feel like they take any energy or capacity from you, and they don't feel like an extra.
01:18:27.119 --> 01:18:36.399
And for me, I feel like as a way of how I live my life, not all day, but it's an important part of my life now.
01:18:36.880 --> 01:19:04.319
And you can allow yourself to get to this season or this moment of capacity, even when you aren't feeling depleted and feeling like you need to fill your cup back up, because really that's kind of the point of it all is to not only tend to yourself when you're on empty or you're broken, but to take care of yourself before you get there, right?
01:19:04.800 --> 01:19:45.039
Um, so that if you do need to get back to a point or a season or a challenge where it takes you to your low level and you have no capacity left, you at least know then how to get yourself back up, what tools to lean into, and also how it feels, because it does start to become, instead of feeling like you need the hustle to feel good, or you need the productivity, or you need to be busy, busy, busy and be mapping out all the craziness of your life, you actually really crave and start to live and implement this.
01:19:45.520 --> 01:20:04.960
And on the other side, what I love, and I've noticed this about myself in the past month, especially, is that I still end up being in environments or situations or whatever it might be where I'm feeling stretched.
01:20:05.279 --> 01:20:09.439
And the coolest thing, this feels like a win for me.
01:20:09.680 --> 01:20:40.720
The coolest part for me is when I catch myself without thinking about it, my body just doing some of the coping strategies or the movements or the breath or whatever it might be on its own without me even knowing I'm doing it to regulate and to bring myself into the state that kind of fills my cup back up and brings me to my calm so I'm less depleted.
01:20:41.199 --> 01:20:43.119
Ah, that was a win for me.
01:20:43.199 --> 01:20:45.199
I noticed that in the last week here.
01:20:45.439 --> 01:21:00.000
I was just um in a place where I was feeling a little bit stretched and yeah, I was catching myself doing some of the beautiful tools and skills that I've learned because of burnout and because of hustle and because of the hard stuff.
01:21:00.159 --> 01:21:06.960
Um, and because I allowed myself to recover, I now put those in and it's now just a part of my life.
01:21:07.279 --> 01:21:41.840
So along my journeys of navigating these different seasons, I've come to a place where I can recognize um, whether it be physical sensations, thinking thoughts, ways that I carry myself, things that I quit doing, or things that I start doing, whether it be that I'm in a really full capacity, good um, nourished state, or I'm feeling really depleted, overstretched, um, or low in capacity.
01:21:42.239 --> 01:21:53.680
And I do just want to again remind us that capacity doesn't necessarily mean just positive or negative.
01:21:54.000 --> 01:22:18.319
We can be lower capacity, but working towards something we're really passionate about or excited about, but we see the value and the worth in putting what we have into it, sacrificing a little bit of stuff to get towards something that's important to us or something that we need to do or we feel is important.
01:22:19.760 --> 01:22:34.319
But we can also feel like we have a full cup and be working to some working through something or working towards something that really doesn't do much for us, but we need to do.
01:22:34.640 --> 01:22:40.960
So just because we're working towards something that's exciting doesn't mean we have a full cup.
01:22:41.199 --> 01:22:46.239
And just because we're navigating something hard also doesn't mean we're on empty.
01:22:46.399 --> 01:22:55.359
And I think it's really important to know that it's not a positive or a negative necessarily, it's just knowing and being aware of where we're at.
01:22:55.680 --> 01:22:58.880
I want to start by we're getting there.
01:22:59.520 --> 01:23:02.560
What does overcapacity feel like?
01:23:03.039 --> 01:23:06.159
What are the signs or sensations for you?
01:23:06.479 --> 01:23:09.760
It's gonna be different for every single person.
01:23:10.159 --> 01:23:19.279
And it's gonna be different depending if this is new to you and you're just starting to work through some things that have stretched you.
01:23:19.840 --> 01:23:27.279
Or if you know and have been through some hard seasons or have worked through some really busy chapters, um, you'll know.
01:23:27.439 --> 01:23:33.520
So I'm gonna, I it was really easy for me to make my list of overcapacity.
01:23:34.079 --> 01:23:40.239
Um, just because I think my body really like recognizes them instantly.
01:23:40.640 --> 01:23:44.000
Um, I'm not on autopilot very often anymore.
01:23:44.159 --> 01:23:46.800
So um racing thoughts.
01:23:47.119 --> 01:23:56.159
My mind is busy on a good day, but it feels like it is in full control racing thoughts.
01:23:56.399 --> 01:24:03.199
Um I feel like I'm not keeping up with day-to-day matters, always feeling like I'm behind.
01:24:03.680 --> 01:24:12.319
Um, a really big one for me just before burnout, my body was trying to tell me is tingling sensation throughout my body.
01:24:12.560 --> 01:24:20.399
It's different than what I've talked about in previous episodes, like when I do energy work or I'm in a really flow state.
01:24:20.640 --> 01:24:21.920
Um, this is different.
01:24:22.079 --> 01:24:31.840
This is like sharp tingly sensation that stops me and makes me be like, oof, and it makes me feel like I just need to shake.
01:24:32.000 --> 01:24:41.279
Like I'm almost being electrocuted, is how that kind of feels like a really light um electrical feeling and not in a good way.
01:24:41.439 --> 01:24:45.760
Um, I get heaviness in my chest, I get tension in my jaw.
01:24:46.399 --> 01:24:51.439
Instantly, behavior change, I stop eating and drinking.
01:24:51.600 --> 01:24:55.680
And I need to pay attention to this, even if I'm excited even more.
01:24:55.760 --> 01:25:03.920
So if I'm not just going through something challenging, but working towards something I'm really excited about, eating and drinking goes completely out the fucking window.
01:25:04.159 --> 01:25:11.520
Um, headaches, eye aches, uh, another action, I get to bed late because there's not enough time in a day.
01:25:11.680 --> 01:25:21.199
Um, I'm not super aware of time as I've spoken to, but I am very aware of the lack of time when I am over capacity.
01:25:21.760 --> 01:25:28.000
Um, I'm usually a really good sleeper, but I start having bad sleeps because of a busy brain.
01:25:28.239 --> 01:25:34.319
Um, the inner dialogue starts being like, I'm not good enough.
01:25:34.720 --> 01:25:40.079
Uh, I get short with the people that I love in relationships or people that I care about.
01:25:40.800 --> 01:25:43.359
I feel anger bubble up.
01:25:44.159 --> 01:25:49.439
I get emotional over everything.
01:25:49.840 --> 01:25:52.800
And not like Miranda Lee emotional.
01:25:53.119 --> 01:25:58.640
Like emotional constantly everything sets me off.
01:25:59.039 --> 01:26:02.079
Um, I notice changes in my menstrual cycle.
01:26:02.239 --> 01:26:04.560
That's a red flag instantly.
01:26:04.960 --> 01:26:12.800
Um, I have no room for laughter, and I'm always intense and serious.
01:26:12.960 --> 01:26:17.119
Like little jokes just go right past me, which is not like me.
01:26:17.359 --> 01:26:20.960
Um, I have no awareness of what I'm doing in the moment.
01:26:21.680 --> 01:26:26.239
I've worked really hard on being in the moment.
01:26:26.399 --> 01:26:28.560
When I'm eating my food, I'm eating my food.
01:26:28.720 --> 01:26:33.039
When I'm drinking a coffee, I'm drinking my coffee.
01:26:33.279 --> 01:26:35.760
When I'm with the people I love, I'm with them.
01:26:36.000 --> 01:26:43.039
When I am stretched or overcapacity, I have no idea where I am or what I'm doing.
01:26:43.279 --> 01:26:50.399
Those are the times too when I'm like driving to work and I end up in the Tim Hortons drive-thru and I'm like, why am I here?
01:26:50.640 --> 01:26:54.640
Or I show up at my parents' house and I meant to go to the grocery store.
01:26:54.720 --> 01:26:55.600
Like that.
01:26:55.840 --> 01:26:58.319
That's when I also know I'm over capacity.
01:26:58.720 --> 01:27:07.840
Um I block my energy and I isolate myself and I don't share much, and I'm a sharer of things.
01:27:08.159 --> 01:27:13.039
Um, I just kind of shut down, and that's a protector for me.
01:27:13.840 --> 01:27:24.640
I'm way more sensory sensitive, and I'm usually pretty good, but if I'm being stretched, yep, sensory becomes a thing.
01:27:24.960 --> 01:27:27.199
And running away.
01:27:28.319 --> 01:27:41.520
I was a runner-awayer, and I've worked through that, but you put me over capacity and um that emotionally I was a runner.
01:27:42.239 --> 01:27:59.039
If I felt challenged or stretched too much emotionally in relationships, I was a runner, and um yeah, that it's more the isolation, I would say, for me now, but those things come up for me.
01:28:00.159 --> 01:28:05.920
And then I want to touch on what it feels like to have capacity.
01:28:07.279 --> 01:28:16.000
And I would say for a lot of these things, it's kind of the flip of the things I just said.
01:28:16.319 --> 01:28:27.680
Um, I didn't have as much down and then I literally was like, yeah, it is the opposite for the most part of the things I just listed for when I feel overcapacity.
01:28:28.000 --> 01:28:32.800
So when I feel full, I almost want to say.
01:28:33.039 --> 01:28:38.399
Um I usually feel excited or driven.
01:28:38.560 --> 01:28:41.600
I have higher energy and I'm grounded.
01:28:42.800 --> 01:28:49.439
I have eagerness and excitement for the tasks that are ahead in my day.
01:28:49.920 --> 01:28:56.319
Um I know a feeling of accomplishment and pride will come up at the end.
01:28:56.960 --> 01:28:58.159
I'm chatty.
01:28:58.640 --> 01:29:07.439
Um, I usually have like a vision and kind of like an inner map of what I want to do.
01:29:08.079 --> 01:29:11.600
I'm really clear on what needs to be done.
01:29:12.399 --> 01:29:25.680
I am a planner to a point, but I really priority prioritize like each day a couple of things that need to be done for myself, for my work, for my home, whatever it might be.
01:29:25.920 --> 01:29:52.720
Um but if I if I am excited about something and I'm full capacity or even middle bar, um, I'm really clear on my thinking, which is awesome for someone like me because I've learned those tools that I need to do to lean into to stay on task and to stay in my vision or my goals.
01:29:53.199 --> 01:29:57.039
I'm able to adjust and be open to changes.
01:29:57.279 --> 01:30:01.760
I get very shut off otherwise if I'm running low.
01:30:01.920 --> 01:30:10.640
So, yes, the ability to j to adjust and be flexible and not get set off if something changes means I'm in a really good place.
01:30:10.960 --> 01:30:12.319
I have a clear mind.
01:30:12.560 --> 01:30:15.680
I'm able to honor all my self-care stuff.
01:30:15.920 --> 01:30:27.680
I eat good, I'm drinking, I'm getting outside, I'm pausing, I'm leaning into my tools, I'm scheduling time to make sure that I stay within my vitality.
01:30:28.319 --> 01:30:34.960
And then just going through some of these things, like I feel really open in my body.
01:30:35.039 --> 01:30:43.840
I'm able to sense into any little signs that might feel a little bit heavy, but I'm also able to really feel into what feels good.
01:30:44.479 --> 01:30:49.520
Um I sleep good, my mindset is more clear.
01:30:49.920 --> 01:30:55.680
Um, I treasure and am present with the people that I'm around.
01:30:56.319 --> 01:30:57.840
I'm usually more giggly.
01:30:58.239 --> 01:31:02.000
I'm emotional, but more in a state of gratitude.
01:31:02.560 --> 01:31:06.560
Um, my body is predictable.
01:31:06.960 --> 01:31:18.560
Honestly, even to like bowel movements and stuff, those are things that also signal to ourselves that we're in a state of um just in a good regulation state.
01:31:19.520 --> 01:31:21.840
I'm very present in the moment.
01:31:22.159 --> 01:31:25.279
I know where I am, I know what's going on.
01:31:26.800 --> 01:31:40.239
I'm doing practices and things that help me to feel like I am growing or learning or being curious, being present, and just not much gets in my way.
01:31:40.399 --> 01:31:55.840
I'm pretty calm and I don't feel an urgency a lot of the times to be anywhere unless I'm in a big capacity where I'm working towards something and I'm really excited, then I can fucking give her.
01:31:56.560 --> 01:32:03.279
And um yeah, and then I need to check in on my tools.
01:32:03.600 --> 01:32:05.920
And so I think it's really important now.
01:32:06.079 --> 01:32:14.640
We'll just get into those last couple of things, but um, one of them being the power in anticipating and planning seasons.
01:32:14.960 --> 01:33:02.319
So a reason I would attribute a lot of my ability to navigate where I'm at to only give and be aware of what I have to give, and to allow myself those seasons where I don't always need to be giving is because of my ability to learn, to look ahead, to have some foresight, to have a tool belt that I lean into so that I stay in a good place, practice these things so that in situations that stretch you or take you to a low capacity, I'm able to just use these and pull them out because they're familiar and they're practiced regularly.
01:33:02.800 --> 01:33:05.359
Is everything able to be planned?
01:33:05.600 --> 01:33:05.920
No.
01:33:06.319 --> 01:33:22.479
But I will say that because of the way that I have learned, my instruction manual has taught me, is even if you don't know all the details, um, you can learn ways to create some balance even in those moments of chaos or stretch.
01:33:22.800 --> 01:33:31.039
So one of the big ones is do I have the fuel needed or will it stretch me in a good way or an unhealthy way?
01:33:32.880 --> 01:33:50.560
And making sure to plan those things, find what kind of fuel I will need, whether it be emotional support, or maybe I need to have some practices to keep my mind clear, or maybe it's how am I taking care of my physical body if I'm being stretched?
01:33:50.720 --> 01:34:08.640
And then acknowledging too, when we're planning or anticipating, knowing if this is going to feel like a healthy growth or one that's going to challenge me a little bit in a way that I'm going to have to really take care of myself.
01:34:09.119 --> 01:34:17.760
Asking myself in these kind of anticipatory seasons is like, what do I need to have capacity in?
01:34:18.560 --> 01:34:22.079
Is this an emotionally demanding season?
01:34:22.319 --> 01:34:28.720
Is it more mental capacity, or is it physically this is going to be taking a lot?
01:34:29.600 --> 01:34:32.479
Also, is this something I should say yes to?
01:34:32.720 --> 01:34:34.640
Is it important to me?
01:34:35.439 --> 01:34:38.399
Sometimes we don't get that choice, but sometimes we do.
01:34:38.479 --> 01:34:48.319
And I think it's really important to acknowledge that and allow yourself the opportunity to be asked that from yourself.
01:34:48.800 --> 01:35:09.119
Um remembering that when we are just like foreseeing what's ahead, it's not about controlling or planning your whole life, but I do love to view life in seasons because it allows the gaps, the breaks, the changes, the ability to adjust, basically.
01:35:09.439 --> 01:35:15.199
Um, and the seasons depend on what you is in your focus or your priority.
01:35:16.479 --> 01:35:22.319
Sometimes a season might be more about your relationship and less about finances.
01:35:22.960 --> 01:35:28.640
Sometimes a season might be more about you and less about your partner or your family.
01:35:28.880 --> 01:35:51.600
And I think it's just really important to acknowledge what your priority is, what's your focus, what's your drive, what is important so that you can acknowledge it, speak about it, make whatever adjustments and steps you need to to keep everything taken care of without needing to give 110% into absolutely everything.
01:35:51.920 --> 01:35:58.880
When we give ourselves the ability to look ahead and just even if we don't know all the details, just get like a little snapshot.
01:35:59.039 --> 01:36:06.319
I think it's also easier to navigate the busier seasons, even if things bubble up a little more than what you might have expected.
01:36:06.560 --> 01:36:09.279
You've at least kind of foreseen it.
01:36:09.439 --> 01:36:12.399
You took a little peek or a preview.
01:36:12.560 --> 01:36:19.920
Um, and even if you're in seasons that require hustle, then you at least kind of have a map of the land.
01:36:20.079 --> 01:36:25.039
And it's not you just planning for that last-minute trip, right?
01:36:25.920 --> 01:36:39.840
It also I think builds more trust within yourself to be able to adapt, to know that you have the capability and the tools already on you to support you, even if things bubble up or go different.
01:36:40.079 --> 01:36:56.880
Because again, um, when you look at life in seasons and you can predict, or you can kind of maybe foresee things, or you can at least plan what feels good or what you might want and adjust along the way.
01:36:57.039 --> 01:37:07.439
You're not just walking into it completely oblivious to anything potential coming up or anything potential that you might be calling in.
01:37:07.680 --> 01:37:24.479
And again, no matter whether you know what's ahead or not, you then give yourself a little bit of control and a little bit of play by implementing into it what feels good and planning those seasons of recovery, prioritizing that.
01:37:24.640 --> 01:37:44.159
So even if things come up, you can really easily know what a season of recovery looks like or feels like, whether that be a day, two days, a week after a really busy week, or depending on where you're at in your life, giving yourself a month where maybe you do a little bit less.
01:37:44.640 --> 01:37:51.039
And another important part about capacity is the tool belt and the ways that you take care of yourself.
01:37:51.279 --> 01:38:15.119
Um, I think these are the biggest things that have changed my life is first breaking things into seasons, um, building trust within yourself, and plotting the recovery, but having a tool belt on you always gives you just literally tools to support yourself and navigate literally anything.
01:38:15.359 --> 01:38:27.920
Um, the necessity to practice and lean into those tools, especially not even when, especially when things are good.
01:38:28.800 --> 01:38:36.159
And a few of those tools are literally, is this something I should say yes to?
01:38:36.640 --> 01:38:40.800
Because learning to say no is a tool that's on my fucking belt now.
01:38:41.439 --> 01:38:42.880
Is it important to me?
01:38:45.279 --> 01:38:48.319
Also matters dearly.
01:38:49.359 --> 01:38:53.199
Or do I feel like other people think it should be important to me?
01:38:53.439 --> 01:38:56.479
So that's a huge thing to have on your belt.
01:38:56.720 --> 01:39:06.560
Uming where my people are at in their journeys, especially those I lean into.
01:39:07.600 --> 01:39:21.119
Um sometimes the people that I lean into have their own shit going on, and they're not my people that I want to lean into and add more to their plate.
01:39:21.359 --> 01:39:24.640
I know those people are available and I can still lean into them.
01:39:24.880 --> 01:39:55.840
But if I know something really big is coming up, or I kind of keep a constant inner kind of checklist of where my people are at, then if something comes up, I also know, hey, she's available, she's available, or my own person, my husband, if I know where he's at, and I kind of keep a check-in and some reflection on where he's at, that helps me to know am I gonna have support if I take a step in this direction?
01:39:56.000 --> 01:39:58.640
Or it allows us to have conversation.
01:39:59.119 --> 01:40:08.000
The ability to lean into people and have conversation about where they're at is a tool, a big one, I think.
01:40:08.239 --> 01:40:11.199
Um, my somatic practices, those are huge.
01:40:11.359 --> 01:40:19.199
Um, lots of times it's my way of even seeing where I'm at, is by checking in on how am I feeling, what is coming up for me.
01:40:19.520 --> 01:40:31.279
And before I take action on something, or before I decide if something's important, I'll ask my body and see what comes up because I think that is where the biggest guidance comes from.
01:40:31.840 --> 01:40:48.800
Um, all the tools I've talked about, like journaling, breath work, humming, energy protection, smudging, meditation, um, all of it, having support and allowing myself to lean in, huge tools to have on my tool belt.
01:40:49.039 --> 01:41:20.640
And then just like having healthy routines, having things that you lean into that bring you joy, um, having practices that help you to release heavier emotions like anger or sadness or frustration or grief, um, having a good book, having a good friend, going for a walk, like whatever it is, whatever routines or practices or strengths, like knowing what I need to do.
01:41:20.800 --> 01:41:38.560
If I know that I'm going to need a lot of emotional capacity, I know it's sitting with myself, it's journaling, it's reflecting, and it is making sure that I'm taking care of myself and leaning into whoever I need for emotional support.
01:41:38.800 --> 01:41:55.199
If it's mental, then it's making sure that I'm allowing pauses and breaks, um, that I'm giving myself to de like time to chill before work or chill before I go to bed so that I can those down-regulating practices.
01:41:55.359 --> 01:42:07.199
And if it's physical capacity that I'm gonna need, then it's making sure that I'm allowing breaks in my day and allowing myself to be nourished and to be taken care of fully.
01:42:07.359 --> 01:42:13.119
All the basic things plus the tools that you learn along the way that are super important to you.
01:42:13.359 --> 01:42:28.880
And I think it is just huge to make sure that, yes, those tools are important when we're in challenging times, when we might be struggling, but it is just there's so much power in practicing them when things are good.
01:42:29.119 --> 01:42:44.000
Doesn't mean you have to do everything all the time, but getting comfortable and familiar with them so your body trusts them and can just lean in without needing to have any guessing or any protectors popping up, being like, this is unfamiliar.
01:42:44.479 --> 01:42:50.640
And lastly, one of the tools on my belt, asking for help.
01:42:50.960 --> 01:42:53.920
If that's not on your tool belt, put it on there.
01:42:54.159 --> 01:42:56.239
And yes, it takes practice.
01:42:56.479 --> 01:43:08.960
Um when you know you are going into a season that you will be needing to give away some of your capacity.
01:43:09.520 --> 01:43:15.520
It is so incredibly important that you ask for help in some ways.
01:43:16.479 --> 01:43:27.199
And if you can foresee it and plan it, and it's a season that you can do some prep for, that's a really good time to ask yourself like, what do you need to pass off?
01:43:27.439 --> 01:43:28.800
Being really honest with yourself.
01:43:28.960 --> 01:43:30.560
What do you need help with?
01:43:32.960 --> 01:43:46.000
Learning about yourself if you can do this in the big energy seasons and also in the lower seasons, because we should always be allowing ourselves to ask for help.
01:43:46.159 --> 01:43:48.960
And I just actually had this come up recently.
01:43:49.199 --> 01:43:53.279
It was a really beautiful session with a youth that I work with.
01:43:53.760 --> 01:43:59.840
And we were talking about if we find it easy to ask for help.
01:44:00.000 --> 01:44:12.720
And something that really helped me shift my headspace on this was we all know the feeling, how it feels when you're able to offer help to somebody.
01:44:13.039 --> 01:44:24.800
And when we don't allow other people to help us or we don't accept their offerings, we take away that feeling for that person.
01:44:24.960 --> 01:44:39.760
And so that's always been something that's really important to me, is allowing other people to feel the joy and the fulfillment and the satisfaction of knowing that you're helping someone else in their life or in their day.
01:44:40.079 --> 01:45:04.960
So allowing that to happen, not only in the seasons where we're struggling or we're feeling depleted and we're like drowning and needing someone to be our lifeline, but also in the seasons where we're feeling really good or we might have a lot of capacity and big energy, allowing it then too, because sometimes it's easier to get comfortable with it in those seasons.
01:45:05.600 --> 01:45:07.760
Also, really important.
01:45:08.720 --> 01:45:19.600
Um, I think something that needs to be on our tool belt is um taking responsibility and ownership for our capacity and its currency.
01:45:19.920 --> 01:45:24.640
Um, it's nobody else's job to need to know where we're at.
01:45:24.800 --> 01:45:27.199
We have to be able to voice that.
01:45:27.359 --> 01:45:33.359
We need to be able to um express if we're struggling, we need to be able to ask for help.
01:45:33.520 --> 01:45:41.359
We need to be able to say no if we don't have capacity rather than assuming that people know that we aren't.
01:45:41.680 --> 01:45:47.199
And we need to be able to say yes to things rather than making people guess.
01:45:48.079 --> 01:45:57.359
It's also our responsibility to build our capacity and to build our resilience and to honor that.
01:45:57.600 --> 01:46:07.439
What we can't do is pass off blame or use it as an excuse always that, like, oh, that's over my capacity, or I don't have the ability to do that.
01:46:09.039 --> 01:46:22.239
But rather honor where you're at, um, give yourself grace, but meet yourself, allow the time to reflect and pick up some fucking tools.
01:46:22.479 --> 01:46:26.800
Nobody is gonna sit here and hand you all the things that you need to do.
01:46:27.039 --> 01:46:48.640
It takes getting uncomfortable, it takes being a beginner and needing to learn things, it takes acknowledging, understanding that we're not the best at everything, and that we do have parts of us and pieces of our capacity that we need to work on, and just acknowledging that, like, I'm not real great at that.
01:46:48.800 --> 01:46:57.520
I need to build my strength or my resilience or my capacity in that, and that is our responsibility.
01:46:58.079 --> 01:47:12.800
I think in this world, especially right now, um, we have to remind ourselves that what we do with our energy, which is like a currency, is up to us, just like our money.
01:47:13.039 --> 01:47:17.199
Where we put it is our choice and our decision.
01:47:17.680 --> 01:47:25.039
And whether we overspend our capacity, that is our responsibility.
01:47:25.520 --> 01:47:38.239
And so if you're over capacity always, it's really important for you to allow yourself to learn and make different choices, even though sometimes they're hard.
01:47:38.560 --> 01:47:54.000
It can be incredibly challenging to constantly hear other people complain or need sympathy when they're themselves pushing past their own capacity at their own choice.
01:47:54.239 --> 01:48:05.199
It's different when someone is going through something challenging, something unexpected, or this is like a new season or a new road for them to be going down.
01:48:05.520 --> 01:48:35.600
But if it's every year the same choices that are leading to the same feeling and the same depletion, that is ultimately our own responsibility to navigate that, to say the yeses, the no's, to make the choices and to put the tools on our belt so that we can be navigating life in a way that supports us and allows us to have whatever it is we need to walk through our life and speak our truth.
01:48:35.840 --> 01:48:44.000
So, your takeaways for today are first understanding what even your relationship is with the word capacity.
01:48:44.319 --> 01:49:44.000
Um, find your own definition of that and honoring what pieces of capacity, maybe starting with just the three we talked about today: physical capacity, emotional capacity, and mental capacity, which are your strengths and which are the ones that maybe take a lot, even just in little small situations, making sure you're taking the steps that you need to find balance in your life and in your seasons and in your own capacity, working on what you need to do to grow, to build strength, to build resilience, and even just to learn your bandwidth and your range and what comes up and signals for you, whether it be in your body, in your actions, or in the things that you take or leave along the way in different levels.
01:49:44.479 --> 01:50:36.560
Sit with, honor, um, reflect on the different seasons, whether it be the hustle or running a marathon or taking that last minute trip and how those impact you differently, the tools you might need and what you might feel in each of those seasons, but also learning the season of recovery, learning how it feels and getting comfortable on the other side of burnout and of capacity and of being able to just sit with that full cup of tea and not need to share it and know that you are still a good person, and leaning into the abilities and the power that comes when we're able to anticipate and plan seasons.
01:50:36.880 --> 01:50:38.319
Can they all be planned?
01:50:38.560 --> 01:50:59.600
No, but when we have a little bit of a guide, a little bit of a map of what we're hoping, even if that's what it is, we're then able to at least kind of know what's ahead and be able to adjust and be a little bit flexible, knowing that yes, we're gonna have all the seasons.
01:50:59.760 --> 01:51:13.279
Whether we want to or not, we're going to have a hustle, we're going to be run some marathons, and we're all gonna have to pack and go on that last-minute, unexpected trip at some point in our life and likely several times.
01:51:13.600 --> 01:51:47.600
But what we can learn along that way is trust within ourselves, know that we're growing our capacity, we're learning lessons, we're adding tools to our tool belt, and we are at the end of the day acknowledging that we're humans, acknowledging compassion within ourselves, and honoring that at the end of the day, our currency is our energy and our capacity show to show up for ourselves, for our lives, and the people in our lives that we love.
01:51:47.920 --> 01:52:06.000
And when we are able to acknowledge, meet ourselves, grow, and allow time to recover and reflect, it will ultimately have a significantly positive and really fulfilling effect on how we move through this life.
01:52:06.239 --> 01:52:10.159
So sit with, feel it out, journal, whatever you need to do.
01:52:10.479 --> 01:52:16.319
Capacity is your responsibility and a really big way to meet yourself.
01:52:18.079 --> 01:52:23.920
Capacity, negative, heavy, um, exciting, light feeling.
01:52:24.239 --> 01:52:28.000
Meet yourself where you're at, in your placement, in this journey.
01:52:28.319 --> 01:52:34.960
And I'm so honored and delighted that you were able to be here with me for this.
01:52:35.199 --> 01:52:40.000
As always, leave a review, share with a friend, message me.
01:52:40.159 --> 01:52:46.399
Guys, I'm finally getting people actually sending me fan mail on the link for my podcast.
01:52:46.560 --> 01:52:52.319
So um, I love to hear what you have to say, whether you email or DM or whatever works for you.
01:52:54.560 --> 01:52:58.720
All I invite you to do is love fiercely.
01:52:58.960 --> 01:53:03.920
Trust yourself that you'll land softly because you really, truly always do.
01:53:04.239 --> 01:53:08.399
Um, and for today, I just want to say thank you for joining me.
01:53:08.640 --> 01:53:12.640
Until we meet again, peace and love.