#AMQUERYING!

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Welcome to Lifty Yobase Writing Podcast where I share with vulnerability and positivity my journey towards making all of my writing dreams come true.
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I hope you learn with me as I go from the things that go well and what doesn't go so well.
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But mainly I wish it inspires you to pursue your own writing dreams.
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Now let's begin.
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Hello, I'm back.
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I'm so happy to be here.
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I'm so happy that you are here after all this time.
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I cannot believe it's been a year.
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So first of all, I'm going to start by saying that I will never again promise that another episode is going to come, like at any period of time.
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I will never know when those episodes are recorded until I become a full-time writer.
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So from now on, from this moment on, every episode that drops will just be like this little surprise in your feed.
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At least I hope this is how it will feel to you.
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Some of my favorite podcasts have like this sort of eclectic uh scheduling, and I just love it.
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It's like a little gift in my podcast feed.
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So I hope that it feels this way for you.
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Um, so tonight I just felt like like recording.
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I just I just needed to record.
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I just wanted to record.
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So I haven't planned anything, and I'm just I'm just going with it.
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And and I'm so excited to be here today with you to say that I'm querying.
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I am querying.
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So that means I finished my book, so I will I will go back, of course.
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It won't really be like an update on my life and then like a topic episode.
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I will like mash both of those together, updating you on where I am and giving you some lesson that I've learned along the way.
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It has been quite a year.
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A beautiful, difficult, exciting, all of the things.
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Uh, it's been a beautiful year, and I'm will try to give you the best of it uh without this episode going too long, but you know, maybe it will go long.
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Who knows?
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We'll see.
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So before we really get into it, I just wanted to say that I've closed my Patreon and my Ko-Fi account for this podcast.
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The reason being that I did an episode on that, on embodying the writer you want to be.
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And I just took a moment to see, you know, my ideal career as a writer.
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Where does my money come from?
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Where do I spend my time and my energy?
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And it was really on my books, on my writing, on marketing those books, on talking about those books, talking about writing, of course, doing this podcast, but it was not like building a business around this podcast.
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It just didn't feel aligned.
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And while I didn't start it this way, like I thought for sure on the back of my mind that it could be a revenue stream for me, a way to allow me to work less and to allow me to to write more.
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Um, but you know, if the goal is to write more, then I can spend less time doing all the podcasting thing and trying to make money from the podcasting and just spend this time writing.
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That that was just my conclusion after sitting with myself.
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And it just felt like like the right thing to do because my money will come from my words.
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And this podcast, it's just for fun, it's just for sharing, it's just for making sure that you all know that you're not alone in this journey so that you can learn some things quicker and not the hard way like I did.
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It's it's for all those things, it's for sharing back and to talk about writing because I like it.
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But that's the main goal of this podcast, and it's not to make money with it.
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It just didn't feel aligned anymore.
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So I have closed those.
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I will still have my PayPal link added to every episode.
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So if you really want to send money my way, like I will not say no.
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Of course, I will be super happy and excited about it.
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But it's just like if if you really want to, like I want to make this way uh accessible to you.
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But yeah, so I've taken down those.
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So if you have a question, like don't hesitate to write me.
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You can DM me on Instagram, you can send me an email.
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And I switched my podcast host.
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I'm now with Spotify, and they have this option to record a message and send it my way.
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So if you go in the show notes, you will see this.
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So if you have a question, and if you'd like for me to play it on the episode and then answer you live on the episode, uh not really live, but you know what, just send me a question this way with the the um little option that you will find in the show notes.
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If you don't want me to play it, just just tell me.
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Just start by saying, hey, I have a question, but I don't want you to hear it on the podcast.
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That's okay.
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And I would love to do like an entire episode based on the question that you have.
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So go ahead, no more like paywall to ask me some questions.
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Um, yeah, I just really want this to be like a conversation and and sharing my things because that that's what I love to do.
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And I have to say the biggest, biggest thank you to the people who supported the podcast through Ko-Fi during that time.
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And there was my father who supported from the very beginning.
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So thank you, Daddy, for supporting me all this time.
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I really appreciate it.
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There was also Marta Lane, who was a supporter for the podcast for a big time.
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Well, I wasn't releasing episodes, so Marta, I really appreciate it.
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Marta as a newsletter for writers where she shares her journeys and interviews with other dreamers.
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So I will put uh the link in the show notes.
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You can go and check her out on Instagram.
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And then there's also Mel.
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Mel has been supporting the podcast for like a freaking year.
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She's amazing.
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So thank you, thank you, thank you, Mel, for keep on supporting the podcast, even though I wasn't releasing anything every month that I saw that you were still supporting what I was doing.
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It was like just a little reminder that what I did with this podcast had an impact on you, particularly.
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And I said to my best friend when I started this podcast that if I helped just one person with this podcast, just one writer, that like it would have been worth it.
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And you were this person to me, like the person that I knew for sure was there and benefiting from this.
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So I really want to say a big, big, big thank you for you for staying all that time.
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And yeah, it was hard for me to close it, especially because of you, because I was like, if there had been no one supporting it, it would have been like easy to say, okay, I'm not making any money from this anyway.
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So, you know, it doesn't matter if I close it or not.
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But with you, you weren't there supporting it.
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But anyway, I know that money will come.
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Money is on its way to me from my actual words, so it's okay to let go.
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But thank you really for being here all that time.
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So now that this is taken care of, I'll just start from the beginning.
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So in the last episode, I recorded it just before my surgery.
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I had ill serativcolysis, which is an IBD disease.
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I don't have it anymore because my colon was removed.
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I'm super, super lucky to be cured and healed from this chronic illness.
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Like I was not supp it was chronic, so I was not supposed to heal from it.
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And it's not really considered like cured because removing an organ is not considered a way to cure something, but but still I feel cured and on the process of being completely healed from this uh disease.
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There was the process of creating a G pouch, which means like now I don't have like a stoma anymore.
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So I had to add a surgery for this, and it was like a big surgery, and I really believed because the the previous surgery I had bounced back like pretty quickly, considering like I had a whole organ removed from my body.
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So I really believed that this surgery would be the same way, that I will be like a week or two down, but then I would be able to start living again.
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And I thought for the longest time, if you go back to the episode before, I thought for the longest time that this would be my opportunity to finally finish my book because I knew that I would have like something like eight weeks of um sick leave.
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So I was like, I will be able to use this time to write more in between like the getting better from this surgery.
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And I thought it would be the way for me to finish my book.
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So just before the surgery, I realized that I needed to let go of the timeline, that I would finish my book when I finished it, and that it I did not need more time to finish it.
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It was just like putting time every day that will help me to one day finish it.
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So that was a luck because when I had the surgery, I had a minor complication.
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And it took three weeks of me going worst and worst and worst and worst to realize that I had this complication.
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Looking back, like I knew in the hospital before leaving the hospital just after the surgery, I knew already that something was off.
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But you know, you tell the doctors and they tell you it's normal that you're having those symptoms, so you just disregard it.
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Yeah, so that's the lesson learned from this.
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If you feel something in your body that doesn't feel right, even though the doctor tells you it's not right, like push.
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Push if you feel internally that it's wrong.
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Anyway, all that to say that I had a minor complication who made things go worse, and I was hospitalized again, and then I was out of the hospital and then scheduled for uh uh a surgery which was delayed, and I ended up again going to the ER.
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I had an obstruction, like I just couldn't pass anything anymore, and then that's where I had my third surgery, like an emergency surgery, and that put an end to my misery, or so I thought.
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Um, so at this point, like I didn't have a stone eye anymore, and the minor complication was going away with this, with the last surgery, and then it was like healing and also like adjusting to having a g pouch.
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So if you don't know what this is, just go and Google it.
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I will not go into detail, but I thought I was prepared.
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Like the doctor, I said that it would be a couple of rough weeks that I just had to go through, and that then after that, like my life would be better.
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And I had read about people with G Pouch, and they all said it's a rough couple of weeks, but then like it's totally worth it, and I've had my life back and everything.
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So I knew I was prepared for it.
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I was prepared to like go to the toilet a hundred times a day again.
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I was prepared to not be able to hold it in.
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Like I was prepared for those things because I have lifted before.
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But what I was not prepared for was the pain, and it was incredibly painful.
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Again, I'm not going to go into detail, but it was it was super painful, and I was not prepared for it, and it wasn't going away, and I was waking up in pain in the middle of the night.
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So it was and that was after my surgery.
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So we're now like in January 2023, and then February, I was still like this, and I was supposed to go back to work, but I couldn't because like I wasn't I wasn't getting better, but I knew that eventually I would.
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I just had to make it through.
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And that whole period of my life, so from the surgery that happened at the end of November, the second surgery, until like the time where I got really better, which was probably around March, if my memory is right.
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I started working full-time again in March.
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So I'm thinking that I I was I was like good by this time.
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Not perfect, but really better.
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Though those months, those like three months were really the the most rough of my life.
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Yeah, total.
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Like it was worse than than the period where I got my colon removed.
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It was it was like a year and a half before, which was really, really hard too, but this one was harder.
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And I learned from this period amazing lessons.
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And looking back, I'm so grateful that everything arrives exactly the way that it did, because if it hadn't, I wouldn't have learned the lesson that I needed to learn.
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And what am I talking about of this in a writing podcast?
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It's because all of the lessons that I learned during this period applied to querying.
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It absolutely applied to querying.
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And I think that as I really understood it, as I really integrated that, oh my god, it's like the same lesson.
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And I just need to relearn them on a more deeper level to really be able to make it through that other difficult period of my life.
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Like nothing compares, you know, querying is not as rough as having so much health difficulties.
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It it doesn't, but it's rough too, and so that's why I wanted to start there.
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I thought I would go back and tell you everything that happened from this moment to how I finished my book, and and maybe I will, I don't know, but I really want to talk to you about the lesson that I learned there and what I'm learning about querying right now.
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So I started querying in October.
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And when I finished my book, I was so happy.
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Like it was such an accomplishment.
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I I cried like the moment I finished, like not finished, finish, but finished.
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And you know, writers, your writers, you know what I mean.
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My partner could not wrap his head around this.
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He was like, You said you finished like a week ago, why are you still working on it?
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And I'm like, I finished, but I've not finished, finished.
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So I had finished like my big rounds of like editing, but then I had to go back and integrate the comment from my dear amazing friend Katrian Harris, who helped me so, so, so, so much with my book.
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By the way, if you're looking for an editor to help you edit your book, I will put the link in the show notes for Katherine's Instagram.
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You can go check her out, you can hire her to edit your book.
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She just has the best comment.
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She helped me so much, and she could help you so much too.
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So go check her out if you were looking for an editor for your book.
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Thank you, Catherine, for all your help.
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But uh, so yeah, I finished my line editing, but I had to still go back and reintegrate like all the comments that Catherine had made because every time we finished a chapter, I would finish line editing a chapter, I would send it to Stephanie Hellis, my mentor from the Yora Writers Association, who was with me until the end of that process.
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And then I would send the chapter to Catherine, who would do her comments, and then when I was done, I needed to go back and address the comments that she made, which made my book so much better.
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But anyway, so when I finished, not finished, finished, finished, I was at my day job.
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I took a long break to finish it, and in it just so happens that my two best friends at my day job were I work in a library and they were both at the front of the library.
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And I just went to them and I said, I'm finished, and I started crying, and I was like, it was such a beautiful moment.
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It was such so beautiful that it happened there, like at my day job, that I had someone to share this moment with, and not just someone like my two furvy people there.
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It was just like an amazing moment, and I just felt like okay, you did it, and now you can do it again as many times as as you want.
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So why I'm sharing that now is just to say that if you're at this point in your writing journey where you haven't finished a first draft, you haven't finished a whole book until a point that you feel like you can submit it in to agents or in the press or self-publish it.
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If you're at this point and you feel like you're never going to get there because you've never got there, just keep on going.
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Just keep on showing up to your project every single day that you can.
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Like not necessarily every single day with a week, but every day that you can show up, sit down, put some time on it, and eventually you will be done.
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It's a promise.
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I promise you that if you keep on showing up for your project, eventually it will be done.
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So keep going, trust yourself, trust your story, keep going, and you will get there.
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And believe me, trust me, it's so much worth the feeling of having finished something, like really, really finished such a big project as a novel.
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This feeling is the word all the pain going in, all the pain throughout this process.
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So I finished it and then I started querying when I was when it was finished, finished, and ready to query.
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So previous to sending my first query, for the past seven years, I have been researching querying, listening to podcasts like the Print Run podcast, the Manuscript Academy podcast, the shit no one tells you about writing podcasts, the lit match podcast.
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I had been reading many articles online.
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I had been reading lots of copies of the Writer's Digest magazine.
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I had learned a lot about querying.
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And I also invested in many manuscript academy consultations.
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I submitted my query and first page to the shit no one tells you about writing podcast.
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I submitted my first pages and query to the print run podcast.
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I also hired SWATI.
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I will put a link also in my show notes if you want to somebody to look at your query and first pages, the help SWATI provides in making my first pages, but most importantly, my query.
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The reason I have the request that I have right now is like 75%.
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No, maybe 50% due to the edits that SWATI did on my query.
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So if you're looking for a good editor to check your query, go check out SWATI.
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I invested into making sure that my query package was ready and shining before I jumped in.
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Because there is this way of querying that you go into batches and you adjust according to the answer that you have.
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And if you don't get enough requests, then you adjust your query and then you send another batch.
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But I think that this way of doing it, I'm not saying it's wrong, like maybe it's right for you.
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But I think it doesn't work as well right now as it used to, just because first there is some agents who took like a very long time before the answer, just because of backlog and the work that they're putting into the client that they sign, which is like where they should be putting their energy.
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So there is some agents who will take a very long time before they respond to you, and it's not because they're not interested.
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So if you send like 10 queries and you judge the result of those 10 queries as a way to judge if your package is working, like I don't think you're going to get like the right feedback.
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And in between like the moment I sent my first query and the moment I send my last, I reworked my first pages like a lot based on the comment that I got from Agent, but I still got a request from a query that I sent with the previous pages, so they weren't that bad.
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And I also got like amazing comments from Agent who received the first version of my first pages in the query trenches.
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There was an agent who said that it was among the strongest pages she's read the previous months.
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Like, you you cannot judge because you never know until you get the answer from this one agent.
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So that's why I advise you before you go into the query trenches, invest in at least one manuscript academy consultation on your query and first pages when you can actually talk to an agent and know what they think about your query.
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That's what I did.
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I invested in four consultations on my query.
00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:43.039
The first one she said she would request, but there was something confusing to her.
00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:53.759
So I reworked what she said, then I submitted to another agent who said she wouldn't request based on my letter because of a sentence that was confusing to her.
00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:55.839
And she said, At the minute, I'm confused.
00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:00.480
At the minute, I have a doubt in my head, it's a no, because it needs to be a Yes.
00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:03.759
And that's how competitive it is out there.
00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:10.160
So you just can leave up a detail like that in the review in the query trenches.
00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:13.200
So I reworked with the help of Swati.
00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:17.759
He reworked my query and I said, you know, this sentence, she told me it was confusing.
00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:25.759
And SWATI came up with a beautiful way, just a beautiful way of rewording it, repurposing it completely.
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:34.240
And then I had another consultation just on my query with another agent who said, I have nothing to say.
00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:36.000
She was like, it works.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:36.960
Everything works.
00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:38.559
And that's what I wanted to hear.
00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:40.480
And she was like, query this widely.
00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:44.240
And I'm, I would not be surprised if someone stabbed this.
00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:49.119
That was her answer, but it wasn't a fit for realist, so she didn't herself.
00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:50.799
Um, I I'm saying that.
00:22:50.880 --> 00:22:51.359
I don't know.
00:22:51.440 --> 00:22:58.720
I I'm assuming she didn't request herself, but she just said, like, I have no comment to give you on your query because it works.
00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:06.000
So then I took another consultation with the agent who had said, like, I would not request based on this.
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:12.400
But after talking to me about the concept of my book, she was like, Yeah, I'm looking for that sort of stuff.
00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:20.079
So I wanted to know if my edited query would work better for her now with the edits that I had done.
00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:28.319
So I reschedule a meeting with her, but this time I send her my query and my first 10 pages, which is the norm.
00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:36.400
Like some people would request less, others will request more, but the 10 first pages is the most important for query.
00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:44.160
So I had this consultation and she said basically the thing that bugged her the last time was now the strength of my query.
00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:48.240
She was like, it's your hook, it's the thing that makes us want to read it.
00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:53.359
And she liked my first pages and everything, and she requested my partial.
00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:58.400
So that was my signal to say, okay, I'm ready to be in the query trenches.
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:03.119
My material works and is strong enough to be there.
00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:04.720
So now I can submit it.
00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:20.000
And I'm glad I used this approach and I glad I had like two agents tell me that my query worked because when the rejection started to get in, I always had to go back to no agents told you that your query works.
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:23.839
It's not the fault of your query that you're getting rejection.
00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:28.480
Because it was exactly the same with my surgery than with querying.
00:24:28.640 --> 00:24:31.440
I expected it to go better.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:36.319
I'd expected it to be easier and to affect me less than it did.
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:41.599
And this is the part where I'm raw and honest and vulnerable with you.
00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:45.599
Querying is harder than I thought it would be emotionally.
00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:46.799
It's harder.
00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:48.000
It's harder.
00:24:49.279 --> 00:24:52.880
I really thought I'm gonna be super honest with you.
00:24:53.039 --> 00:24:57.039
Just like with my surgery, I really thought that this would go just well.
00:24:57.519 --> 00:25:09.200
Like I thought that before, like I started querying at the beginning of October 2023, and I thought for sure that before the beginning of 2024 I would have an offer.
00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:13.039
Call me delusional, over optimistic.
00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:17.599
I don't know, but I really thought that it would be just a braze, that it would just be easy.
00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:25.680
But right now, I'm recording this on the 8th of February 2024, and I still haven't got an offer.
00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:31.119
I've submitted a total of 168 query.
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:33.920
Yes, I'm intense.
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:47.599
But I'm doing something, I'm doing it like I'm going all in, and I submitted a lot of queries in that period of time, and I'm in no means saying that you should send as much query as fast.
00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:50.079
It's not for the fade art.
00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:58.160
And the only reason I was able to do that was because I had so much feedback on my novel as a whole that I knew my novel worked.
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:07.200
I had lots of feedback on it, so I was confident that it worked, and I had feedback about my query and first pages, and I knew that it worked.
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:10.400
And that's why I felt confident to send that much.
00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:17.839
Because I was like, at this point, I know that it's all about finding the right person, finding the person who will get it.
00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:21.839
And the only way I can know who will fit is by querying them.
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:24.160
If I don't query them, I will not know.
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:32.160
But just remember, for the previous seven years, I had been researching, querying, and researching agent too.
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:48.240
Every time I came across an agent looking for horror during that period of time, I had this folder on my bookmarks, and I would always bookmark the page of the website of this agent, the manuscript wishlist pages.
00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:50.799
I would bookmark them to remember.
00:26:51.200 --> 00:27:00.240
And so when I started querying, I did this huge Notion spreadsheet where I would keep track of all the agents I wanted query.
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:08.160
And I would really take the time to look at which type of book they were looking for, being sure that it were they were looking for commercial horror.
00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:21.119
Sometimes when they mention a book that I was like, uh, for me, like it's sort of on the line of upmarket, and I feel like my book isn't that far away, like I would submit to them anyway.
00:27:21.359 --> 00:27:38.960
But most of the time I really wanted to be sure that they said that they were open to commercial horror or speculative, because sometimes they don't use the word horror, but you you go and check the sort of books that they said they liked or they represent, and you're like, okay, no, that's horror, but they just call it speculative.
00:27:39.359 --> 00:27:48.240
So, so I really choose, even though this number is big, I did not just query anyone, like just throwing it out there.
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:51.839
Like I really did a research on every single agent that I queried.
00:27:52.160 --> 00:27:56.960
And every time that I could add like a line of personalization, I would do it too.
00:27:57.119 --> 00:27:59.759
But then the rejection started coming in.
00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:07.359
And there was this cycle, like every 12 rejection that would come, I would really hit a low point.
00:28:07.680 --> 00:28:10.640
And that took me by surprise, just like with my surgery.
00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:13.440
It took me by surprise because I did not expect it.
00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:21.119
Like, because of all the submission I did for my short stories along the years, I really thought I was like rejection-proof.
00:28:21.200 --> 00:28:23.359
I did an episode about how to deal with rejection.
00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:24.799
I was like, okay, I've got this.
00:28:24.960 --> 00:28:27.359
I have the method and the way.
00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:39.359
And like for the query, like the rejection one to the 11th in a cycle of rejection, I was like, it was coming up.
00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:44.400
I was just like posting it in my close friend circle.
00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:46.400
Hey, I've got another rejection.
00:28:46.559 --> 00:28:53.759
And then out of sight of mine, I was updating my query tracker and my notion spreadsheet.
00:28:53.920 --> 00:29:03.359
And then if there was another agent at the agency looking for horror and they allowed to submit to more than one agent, then I would just go and submit.
00:29:03.519 --> 00:29:07.920
But like, it was really like I was able to deal with it.
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:10.400
But every 12 rejection, why 12?
00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:11.119
I had no idea.
00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:18.480
Every 12 rejection, it would just hit me, and I would feel discouraged, disheartened, and like, why?
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:21.200
Why don't I have a yes?
00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:34.480
And seeing like when you're querying, like Twitter, I started going back on Twitter just because that's where the agents say, I'm opening, I'm closing, I'll be open for a day.
00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:40.640
I'm now looking for horror, and horror would not be anywhere else on their pages.
00:29:40.799 --> 00:29:44.079
So you gotta sort of be on Twitter when you're querying.
00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:45.279
So it was on Twitter.
00:29:45.440 --> 00:29:53.759
But what you also see on Twitter is all the people getting requests and offers and being vague, and you're like, why am I not vague?
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:56.559
Why am I not getting requests?
00:29:57.039 --> 00:30:02.480
But now I'm just like focusing on the rejection, but I've got some requests along the way.
00:30:02.799 --> 00:30:09.359
So as of today, I've I've received 96 rejections.
00:30:09.519 --> 00:30:24.000
I still have 65 outstanding queries at the moment, and I've received a total of seven requests, which give me uh 4.2% of uh request rate, which is good.
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:33.119
Anything upper than like 2 or 3% of request weight is good because it's harder there, because the agents are extremely picky.
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:41.279
There is a lot of agents who say they are extremely picky, and so this percentage of uh request rate is really good.
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:46.319
And so, but of those sevens, I have two still outstanding.
00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:52.079
So I received five partial or full rejection.
00:30:52.559 --> 00:31:01.200
And the first one really, really hit hard because I thought it was it would not end up being a rejection.
00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:04.000
I really thought that like the agent was excited.
00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:07.359
She had read my synopsis and she said my synopsis was super good.
00:31:07.519 --> 00:31:09.680
So it was like, she likes my book.
00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:12.160
Like the synopsis is the book, so she likes my book.
00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:14.799
Like, but it is it was about the writing.
00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:20.319
So when I received this rejection, it was really like it really hurt.
00:31:20.559 --> 00:31:25.519
But I I I'm lucky that I have a day job that allows me to take some time off.
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:26.960
So I took some time off.
00:31:27.119 --> 00:31:32.960
I took an afternoon off and I re-watched Whiplush, eat a popcorn.
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:36.240
And at the end, like this movie, so good.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:39.039
And at the end, I was like, I'm gonna do better.
00:31:39.200 --> 00:31:41.759
I'm just gonna go back and I'm gonna make it better.
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:44.240
And and I can do that.
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:45.359
And so I did.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:57.519
I went back and I did uh a whole entire rewriting on a line level of the novel at this point, and so that was about in November that it happened.
00:31:57.599 --> 00:31:59.519
Yes, November 2023.
00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:11.200
So then like the rejection kept on coming and it was okay, and I've got other requests, and like seriously, the feeling of getting a request, like it's just it's just so amazing.
00:32:11.279 --> 00:32:14.079
It's uh it's it's a little too cool.
00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:22.400
Like you get addicted to this spike in this high of excitement when somebody wants to read your book.
00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:34.160
And when you go on Twitter and agents talk about the way that they work and what they say they need to feel in order to request, and you're like, oh my god, they felt that reading my stuff.
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:49.200
Like, we can all know deep down that we need to find validation like within our own self that we need not to look for external validation, but it just feels nice to have external validation.
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:54.640
Like there, this is something I'm trying to just get comfortable with and okay with.
00:32:54.799 --> 00:33:02.319
Like, it's normal to be happy when you get external validation from a professional of this industry.
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:03.599
Like, it's just normal.
00:33:03.839 --> 00:33:07.119
So, anyway, like their requests really, really feel good.
00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:13.279
The the biggest wall I've hit was at the beginning of 2024.
00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:20.880
So I was really like excited about January because this is the month where so many agents open.
00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:25.119
Like so many agents that I've been following for a long time and thought they were a good fit.
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:26.799
They were opening back in January.
00:33:26.880 --> 00:33:29.680
And I was like, okay, and this is the signing months.
00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:32.720
Like I know that February is too a big signing month.
00:33:32.960 --> 00:33:38.559
And you can sign an agent any time of the year, but these are bigger signing months.
00:33:38.720 --> 00:33:41.119
So I was like, okay, let's go, let's do it.
00:33:41.279 --> 00:33:46.000
January is gonna be my month of getting my offer.
00:33:47.039 --> 00:34:02.960
And at the beginning of the year, I was too much on Twitter, too much seeing all the requests, too much seeing all the people getting offers, and I hit a multiple of 12 rejection.
00:34:03.279 --> 00:34:04.559
I hit 72.
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:09.840
And when I hit 72 rejection, like I hit the wall hard.
00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:13.119
And I just I was crying and I was like, I'm exhausted.
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:14.159
This is exhausting.
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:18.880
Always searching for new agents to query, always looking back.
00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:21.760
Like, is there an agency that I haven't looked?
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:24.880
Is there a tweet that could come?
00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:33.440
Like, I was just obsessing over it and thinking about it all the time and spending all of my breaks from my day job instead of reading.
00:34:33.599 --> 00:34:41.039
I would be on Twitter and looking if there was another agent that I could query and doing another round of line editing on my book.
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:49.679
And I was like, I'm just exhausted and I'm just tired, and I'm tired of my mood being influenced by my inbox.
00:34:49.840 --> 00:34:51.840
And I was like, this is just this is too much.
00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:52.719
Like, I'm tired.
00:34:52.960 --> 00:34:54.559
I cannot do this anymore.
00:34:54.719 --> 00:34:56.159
So I hit the big wall.
00:34:56.880 --> 00:34:58.000
Let's just say.
00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:05.679
And this is where again I can compare it to when I hit my big wall with my help.
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:11.679
And actually, with my help, I hit that wall two times.
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:14.400
The first time before my third surgery.
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:21.440
Uh, whereas when I finally went like back to the ER because I was doing too bad.
00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:27.280
And I was seeing a therapist at the time, and she was really helping me deal with this.
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:29.760
Like, that was not the reason I went to see her.
00:35:29.840 --> 00:35:32.480
It was to help me deal with my self-worth.
00:35:33.119 --> 00:35:38.960
But it sort of happened in the moment of my life where I was struggling with my health.
00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:42.480
So it was like a big portion of the thing we we talked about.
00:35:42.719 --> 00:35:46.320
And she was always trying to get me to accept.
00:35:48.719 --> 00:35:54.239
And like, I was like, how the hell can I accept that I'm in pain?
00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:57.039
Like, you cannot accept being in pain.
00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:03.280
And so the first time that I hit a wall, and she was also saying you need to be vulnerable.
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:07.280
And I thought I could easily be vulnerable.
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:08.719
That's what's what I thought.
00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:15.360
But I understood that being vulnerable is just being honest with yourself about how you're feeling.
00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:23.199
And when during the month of December, when I was really sick, I was always saying, No, but it will turn around.
00:36:23.280 --> 00:36:24.320
Like I will get better.
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:28.880
It's yeah, I was trying to see every hint of getting better that I could find.
00:36:29.039 --> 00:36:39.360
And because I was so focused on what could possibly go better because I wanted to be better, I was not acknowledging everything that was going wrong.
00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:48.960
And this is something that I had to confront with querying too, of just being vulnerable and accepting that I was finding it hard.
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:54.000
And the rejection would were hitting me and they were hurting me.
00:36:54.239 --> 00:36:57.039
Like I just, I just had to be honest with this.
00:36:57.360 --> 00:37:13.840
And I think for for a long time, like maybe like the best of December, I would say, I was trying to just stay positive and just say, okay, it doesn't bother me, it doesn't mean anything about me, which is all true.
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:17.199
Like it doesn't mean anything about me that I'm getting rejection.
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:26.559
And I was like, it's just not the right agent, that there's not the right time, and my agent is out there, and my agent will request and will make an offer.
00:37:27.199 --> 00:37:42.719
But I was so consciously focusing on that that I was ignoring the pain that I was feeling and the disheartenment and the discouragement that I was feeling and the tired I was getting, like I was ignoring all of this.
00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:51.599
So I needed to be vulnerable with myself in with the people around me and just saying, this hurts and this is hard.
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:53.840
It's harder than I thought it would be.
00:37:54.079 --> 00:38:08.719
So I think, like, I'm a super positive person, and I really believe that it's important to be positive because otherwise, like, why bother trying anything in this world, you know?
00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:19.760
But I like understood for the first time where this positivity can become toxic, and it's when you're not acknowledging how you're feeling just for the sake of being positive.
00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:33.440
So, so yeah, so this reaching this wall in my querying journey allowed me to just say, okay, I'm gonna be vulnerable with myself and just acknowledging that it's hard and that I'm having a hard time.
00:38:33.599 --> 00:38:49.519
And just just doing that and just letting myself cry and letting myself say it, and letting my admit to myself that I thought it would be easier than it and it was, like it was such a relief that came with that, just like it did with my help.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:51.440
So that that's the first part of it.
00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:54.880
And the second part was radical acceptance.
00:38:55.119 --> 00:39:02.480
So my therapist was telling me about being vulnerable, but also about accepting and with the pain, like I was not able to accept.
00:39:02.639 --> 00:39:10.000
It was after my surgery when I told you like I didn't expect it to be this hard and that I didn't expect to be in so much pain.
00:39:10.239 --> 00:39:16.480
And I just reached a point where it was like I was crying because I was in so much pain.
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:21.440
And I I just I was alone, so I just screamed like I cannot take this anymore.
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:28.639
And I just heard myself and I was like, what good does it do to just say you cannot take it anymore?
00:39:28.800 --> 00:39:34.159
Like it's not going to take your pain away that you're screaming to the universe that you cannot take this pain anymore.
00:39:34.400 --> 00:39:41.199
It's not going away, and it's not searching online for this miracle cure to your pain that will make it happen.
00:39:41.360 --> 00:39:44.000
You just need to let to give it sometimes.
00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:50.480
And I'm saying that like it's exactly the same freaking thing with querying.
00:39:51.119 --> 00:40:00.320
So what I did in this moment of pain when I was just screaming and crying, saying I couldn't take it this pain anymore.
00:40:00.559 --> 00:40:03.280
I just said, so I'm going to try to accept it.
00:40:03.679 --> 00:40:05.199
Radical acceptance.
00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:10.079
And and I just, I don't know, melted into this acceptance.
00:40:10.239 --> 00:40:14.159
And I understood at that moment, and that was what I think.
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:19.280
I don't know if my therapist said it, but I could not understand it, or she didn't say it in those words.
00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:24.159
But that was the moment that I understood what accepting means.
00:40:24.639 --> 00:40:27.920
Accepting doesn't mean you're okay with the situation.
00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:29.440
That's what I thought it meant.
00:40:29.519 --> 00:40:32.400
And I was like, I could not be okay with being in pain.
00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:34.400
But that's not what it means.
00:40:34.800 --> 00:40:44.000
Accepting means to stop mentally wishing, thinking, praying for it to be different.
00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:51.440
Accepting is just saying, I am in a situation that I don't like, and it's just what it is.
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:59.840
And it's letting go of the mental rearting, repeating of I wish things were different.
00:41:00.079 --> 00:41:07.280
It's stopping that and separating you from, if only it was different, I would be okay.
00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:08.320
But it's not.
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:11.840
Right now, you are in a difficult position.
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:14.800
And there is nothing you can do about it.
00:41:14.880 --> 00:41:26.880
And the moment that you start to just accept things as they are, it's so freeing that in this moment of pain, I can tell you the pain subsided by maybe just 5%.
00:41:28.159 --> 00:41:34.000
Just a tiny little bit when I just let go and unclench-probably that's what happened.
00:41:34.079 --> 00:41:41.599
I unclenched my body in this moment of acceptance, which, you know, when you clench something that is in pain, it's in even more pain.
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:43.519
So that's what I'm thinking happened.
00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:51.119
But my perception of pain diminished just a little, just enough that I could notice it and say, huh.
00:41:51.599 --> 00:41:54.400
If I accept it, it hurts less.
00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:58.880
When I'm screaming and crying, it hurts more.
00:41:59.199 --> 00:42:06.079
And just right now, right now, as I'm saying this, and that's why I think I wanted to record this episode tonight.
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:11.519
Right now, I am understanding that I need to do the exact same thing with querying.
00:42:13.599 --> 00:42:15.599
Gosh, I'm getting emotional.
00:42:16.320 --> 00:42:18.400
I'm really living this right now with you.
00:42:19.119 --> 00:42:26.400
I did the um being verlable part, but I hadn't done the acceptance part.
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:28.639
And I just need to accept where I am.
00:42:29.039 --> 00:42:33.039
I am 168 query sand.
00:42:33.440 --> 00:42:44.000
I am 96 rejection in, including five portion or four requests in, and I don't have an offer.
00:42:44.480 --> 00:42:50.559
I am four months in querying, and I still don't have an offer.
00:42:51.039 --> 00:42:52.000
And that's okay.
00:42:52.719 --> 00:42:55.920
I'm not okay with it, but I'm accepting it.
00:42:56.800 --> 00:43:01.760
And it's not worth saying I wish it was different.
00:43:02.159 --> 00:43:03.840
It it it doesn't help.
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:07.360
It doesn't help at all to say I wish it was different.
00:43:08.159 --> 00:43:09.440
It's just what it is.
00:43:10.079 --> 00:43:17.440
And just like with my help, like I knew that eventually I would get better.
00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:26.480
It was a certainty because like I had no more in the situation that I was, I knew for sure that I would get better.
00:43:26.800 --> 00:43:28.800
But I did not knew when.
00:43:28.960 --> 00:43:30.480
I had no idea when.
00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:42.559
whatever, it wasn't working because the thing that I needed was time.
00:43:42.800 --> 00:43:44.320
It was what I needed, time.
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:47.280
And it's the exact same thing with querying.
00:43:47.519 --> 00:43:50.639
There is nothing else I can do right now.
00:43:50.880 --> 00:43:56.000
When I reached this point of being just exhausted, I said I'm going to stop sending queries.
00:43:56.239 --> 00:43:56.960
I didn't.
00:43:57.119 --> 00:43:59.760
I was at 155 at the time.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.360
And I said I would stop there.
00:44:01.519 --> 00:44:06.159
Obviously, I sent 13 more queries since then.
00:44:06.400 --> 00:44:17.119
But it was agents who opened, mainly in when there was like I received a rejection in in an agency, I submitted to another agent at the same agency.
00:44:17.280 --> 00:44:20.000
That that's where those 13 come from.
00:44:20.159 --> 00:44:22.480
But I've basically stopped querying.
00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:29.599
And so I was at this point, like just with my health, where I could not do anything more.
00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:32.239
I had done everything that I could do.
00:44:32.559 --> 00:44:37.920
And now it was just, and now it is just about giving it some time.
00:44:38.320 --> 00:44:48.480
And even though, like at the time I was not clinging to my positivity like I did before, I still knew that I would get better at some point.
00:44:48.719 --> 00:44:55.199
And today I can say, like a year later, I'm doing 10 times better than I thought I would.
00:44:55.360 --> 00:45:01.679
Like in my biggest dream, I never thought I would do so good physically as I am right now.
00:45:01.760 --> 00:45:05.039
Like I'm not taking any medication anymore.
00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:07.280
I'm sleeping through the night.
00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:09.360
I don't have any pain anymore.
00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:13.039
I'm not going to the toilet like 10 times a day.
00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:15.760
I'm never bothered by it.
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:23.840
Like I'm doing better than I did in the best months of my chronic illness.
00:45:23.920 --> 00:45:26.320
Like in the months that I thought I was on remission.
00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:29.840
I'm doing so much better right now than I ever did.
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:32.719
Since I got my since ever.
00:45:33.679 --> 00:45:39.119
I have much more energy, much more drive.
00:45:39.840 --> 00:45:41.679
I'm just doing so well.
00:45:42.079 --> 00:45:43.760
I'm so much stronger.
00:45:44.079 --> 00:45:47.519
I didn't thought I would do that good just a year in.
00:45:47.679 --> 00:45:53.519
And I know from reading many, too many blog posts about people who have G Pouch.
00:45:54.079 --> 00:45:58.800
I know that I'm not even at the top of what I will be.
00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:03.599
Like I know that three years in, five years in, it's even better yet.
00:46:03.679 --> 00:46:08.000
And I'm like, I cannot even understand how I could be doing better than I'm doing right now.
00:46:08.239 --> 00:46:10.239
And so I gave it some time.
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:12.639
And and it worked.
00:46:12.880 --> 00:46:16.559
And I'm healed and I'm cured and I'm thriving.
00:46:16.800 --> 00:46:19.280
So it's going to be the same way with querying.
00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:23.840
It's going to be the same way with querying.
00:46:24.480 --> 00:46:26.800
I just need to give it some time.
00:46:27.360 --> 00:46:29.679
And maybe it won't be with this book.
00:46:29.840 --> 00:46:30.480
I don't know.
00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:33.519
I have no way to know if it's going to be with this book.
00:46:33.760 --> 00:46:34.880
But it doesn't matter.
00:46:35.039 --> 00:46:39.280
I know that I will keep on writing because duh, I cannot stop writing.
00:46:39.599 --> 00:46:44.159
I have too many ideas inside of me, and I just love it freaking so much.
00:46:44.480 --> 00:46:45.760
I cannot stop.
00:46:46.239 --> 00:46:49.199
So I'm going to keep on going and keep on submitting.
00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:55.920
And at some point I will find my agent and then we will go on submission and I will have a book deal.
00:46:56.159 --> 00:46:58.559
And at some point I will be a full-time writer.
00:46:58.800 --> 00:47:06.239
But I just need to give it some time and accept fully where I am right now.
00:47:06.719 --> 00:47:30.000
And another thing that I learned with this crazy time of my life, Ltwise, crazy difficult period of my time that I'm still re-learning today is that life is too short and precious to be waiting for something to happen to me to be happy.
00:47:30.159 --> 00:47:31.599
Like you cannot wait.
00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:39.280
You need to be fully there, fully present, fully experiencing your life in the moment.
00:47:39.599 --> 00:47:54.000
Just like I could not wait on my surgery before being able to be happy, even though the present was uncomfortable because before my two surgery, like I had some symptoms that were lingering.
00:47:54.159 --> 00:47:59.920
And I had my stoma, which, you know, was a thousand times better than being sick.
00:48:00.079 --> 00:48:04.480
But because I have like a very sensitive skin, it came with this challenge.
00:48:04.639 --> 00:48:11.360
But I could not wait for my surgery, which kept on not happening before I was happy.
00:48:11.679 --> 00:48:23.760
And and I was telling myself, like, oh, I will be have harmony in my life and like move my body and take time to read and to enjoy life when I'm a full-time writer.
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:25.760
And I'm like, no, I cannot do that.
00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:27.280
I cannot do that.
00:48:27.599 --> 00:48:34.559
So if this period of my life taught me something, it's how much it's important to take care of my health.
00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:37.119
Because if I'm not healthy, I cannot write.
00:48:37.280 --> 00:48:42.559
During that period of my life, I was too sick to write, and that was horrible for me.
00:48:42.719 --> 00:48:45.199
And I've been really sick and still writing.
00:48:45.360 --> 00:48:50.960
Like when I got my colon removed, I was at the hospital writing like five hours a day.
00:48:51.039 --> 00:48:55.840
And it was the way that I could keep my head above right water during this time.
00:48:56.239 --> 00:49:00.320
But last year in the month of December, I could not write.
00:49:00.960 --> 00:49:01.679
I just couldn't.
00:49:01.840 --> 00:49:03.280
I couldn't not even read.
00:49:03.440 --> 00:49:04.719
Like it was too much for me.
00:49:04.880 --> 00:49:07.280
The only thing I could do was re-watch Friends.
00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:11.199
Like it was the only thing that I was capable of doing.
00:49:11.519 --> 00:49:18.239
So it's like, if I do not take care of my health, then there is just no way I'm going to be able to write.
00:49:18.320 --> 00:49:22.880
So I cannot wait before I'm a full-time writer before I take care of my health.
00:49:23.199 --> 00:49:35.840
And right now, what it's telling me is I cannot wait until I have an agent or a book deal or I'm a full-time writer before I'm happy and have harmony in my life.
00:49:36.079 --> 00:49:40.400
Because even right now, it's very less uncomfortable than it has been.
00:49:40.559 --> 00:49:44.320
Like I'm I'm thriving in so many areas of my life.
00:49:44.639 --> 00:49:49.760
I cannot let a rejection coming into my inbox ruin my day.
00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:53.679
So yeah, who's surprised this episode is long?
00:49:54.320 --> 00:49:55.039
I'm not.
00:49:55.199 --> 00:49:56.079
I'm not surprised.
00:49:56.159 --> 00:49:57.920
I knew it would end this week.
00:49:58.239 --> 00:50:06.000
So I'm going to end this episode by giving you my tips for surviving querying.
00:50:07.039 --> 00:50:09.920
Because it's harder than I thought it would be.
00:50:10.159 --> 00:50:16.079
But again, but also it doesn't have to be, even though it is.
00:50:16.480 --> 00:50:18.639
And it's one of the paradox of life.
00:50:19.360 --> 00:50:31.199
So first and foremost, be vulnerable and be true and listen really to yourself and acknowledge what you're feeling as you're going through it.
00:50:31.840 --> 00:50:36.000
If you're in pain, let yourself be in pain.
00:50:36.239 --> 00:50:39.280
If it hurts, let it let it hurt.
00:50:39.760 --> 00:50:43.679
If you're angry, let yourself be angry.
00:50:44.480 --> 00:50:45.440
Go for a run.
00:50:45.679 --> 00:50:46.400
Scream.
00:50:46.639 --> 00:50:50.480
Let yourself be angry in an healthy way.
00:50:52.079 --> 00:50:54.559
If you're disheartened, be disheartened.
00:50:54.800 --> 00:51:01.840
You know, the more we fight the emotions in our body what resist, persist.
00:51:02.159 --> 00:51:05.119
So you need to stop resisting it.
00:51:05.599 --> 00:51:06.400
So first.
00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:10.159
But second, keep trusting yourself.
00:51:10.639 --> 00:51:12.400
Keep trusting your journey.
00:51:12.639 --> 00:51:15.679
It doesn't mean that you don't keep on growing.
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:21.360
It doesn't mean that you don't ask yourself, oh, maybe I could have like more feedback.
00:51:21.519 --> 00:51:31.440
Maybe like listen at the same time to the universe or the feedback from agent or anything that they might tell you.
00:51:31.679 --> 00:51:38.960
Trusting yourself doesn't mean having like being blind to the things you can make better.
00:51:39.280 --> 00:51:54.960
But trusting yourself just means that you know you can do it and you know that what you did has value, and because what you did has value, and because this is something that you truly desire, you will keep on going.
00:51:55.280 --> 00:52:00.880
And you will not be discouraged or stopped by the rejection that will come.
00:52:01.519 --> 00:52:08.000
There is absolutely 100% you will get rejected.
00:52:08.320 --> 00:52:23.199
So but you can still, but it's still important to trust in yourself and your story and know that at the right time, with the right project, with the right agent, it's going to work out.
00:52:23.599 --> 00:52:26.239
So you keep on going and you trust in yourself.
00:52:26.400 --> 00:52:27.920
And stay the Lulu.
00:52:29.280 --> 00:52:39.039
Keep on trusting and knowing that at the end you will end up with an agent if it's really aligned with your career and what you want.
00:52:39.280 --> 00:52:48.000
It's possible that along the way you discover that, you know, traditional publishing is not for you, and you really feel called to win the publishing, and that's perfectly okay.
00:52:48.079 --> 00:52:50.159
And if it's that, go for it.
00:52:50.559 --> 00:53:03.440
But if traditional publishing is really the route for you and you really feel deeply that getting an agent is the path for you for publication, then stay the Lulu.
00:53:03.920 --> 00:53:07.039
Keep on saying, you know, I will find an agent.
00:53:07.199 --> 00:53:15.679
I don't know when, I don't know how, I don't know with which book, I don't know which agent, but I know that I will.
00:53:16.159 --> 00:53:23.840
And having this delusion that no matter what happens, it will turn out okay will allow you to keep on going.
00:53:23.920 --> 00:53:30.880
Because if you don't have this blind belief that it will work, like I get where people stop.
00:53:31.039 --> 00:53:38.000
I get while people stop writing, stop querying, stop and get super disardened and discouraged because it's hard.
00:53:38.159 --> 00:53:41.039
Especially if you think that you're doing all of this for nothing.
00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:44.079
So that that's where the the Lulu helps.
00:53:44.320 --> 00:54:00.719
Because if you know that everything is happening exactly as it should, radical acceptance of where you are, and if you completely do Lulu that it's going to work out in the end, then it's just a tiny bit easier to keep on going.
00:54:00.880 --> 00:54:04.880
So keep on the Lulu, but also know when to stop.
00:54:05.199 --> 00:54:06.320
And it's okay to stop.
00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:08.320
You can just stop for a few months.
00:54:08.719 --> 00:54:20.320
If you have sent just like, I don't know, you've sent 20 queries and you've gotten five rejection and it's too much and you feel completely disheartened, it's okay to stop for a few months for a year.
00:54:20.880 --> 00:54:21.840
Doesn't matter.
00:54:22.559 --> 00:54:26.480
You know, a book is never dead until we say it's dead.
00:54:27.440 --> 00:54:32.159
So you can keep on querying again in three months, in six months, in a year.
00:54:32.400 --> 00:54:33.199
Like you can.
00:54:33.360 --> 00:54:34.719
You just absolutely can.
00:54:34.960 --> 00:54:45.920
So if it's too much and you cannot just, you know, work on your mindset to get yourself out of the bad feelings that you're feeling, then just take a break.
00:54:46.079 --> 00:54:46.880
Just stop.
00:54:47.280 --> 00:54:58.639
And and maybe by stopping, you will get this detachment and you will be just able to ease into it again while trusting yourself again and while keep on being the Lulu.
00:54:58.800 --> 00:55:08.000
So if you cannot trust in yourself and your project, and if you cannot stay the Lulu, maybe it's a signal to just maybe take a break or stop.
00:55:08.480 --> 00:55:13.199
And then when you feel like you have those two things together, you will be able to keep on going.
00:55:13.360 --> 00:55:19.760
And like if you're still at the beginning of your journey and you feel like your craft isn't on spot, there will be a point.
00:55:19.840 --> 00:55:23.840
Like I feel that with my short story, I kept on writing.
00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:28.880
And there was this short story that I just understood, okay, it would just wasn't there on a craft level.
00:55:28.960 --> 00:55:30.559
And that's why I was getting rejected.
00:55:30.639 --> 00:55:31.760
But I was at peace with it.
00:55:31.840 --> 00:55:35.280
I was okay with it because I had this other thing that I was creating.
00:55:35.519 --> 00:55:40.880
So that takes me to my final tip for how to survive querying.
00:55:40.960 --> 00:55:43.440
And it's difficult, I get it, because I'm in dance.
00:55:43.519 --> 00:55:46.000
And when I'm doing something, I want to do it completely.
00:55:46.480 --> 00:55:51.920
But start writing the next thing because first you you're writing because you like writing.
00:55:52.159 --> 00:55:52.880
So write.
00:55:53.119 --> 00:55:55.679
Yes, we want to get published, yes, we want to get read.
00:55:55.920 --> 00:55:58.239
Yes, we want to share our heart with the world.
00:55:58.400 --> 00:55:59.199
That's okay.
00:55:59.519 --> 00:56:02.320
But it starts by creating the art.
00:56:02.800 --> 00:56:16.400
So start working on the next thing, find joy in the next thing, have fun with the next thing, and it will help you so much to not completely, but it will help you to detach from the querying process.
00:56:16.719 --> 00:56:24.480
But all that being said, even if you do all of this perfectly, it's hard to completely let go.
00:56:24.639 --> 00:56:36.639
I think it's it's almost impossible to completely let go of querying, especially when rejection keeps on coming, you know, and you're still waiting to hear from a fool from a nation who said I responds to all my fall.
00:56:37.039 --> 00:56:40.800
So you know it's coming, you know, it it's hard to let go.
00:56:41.119 --> 00:56:42.880
It's hard to be detached.
00:56:43.039 --> 00:56:45.440
It's hard to stop obsessing with it.
00:56:45.599 --> 00:56:49.760
It's hard to stay off of Query Triker or stay away from your inbox.
00:56:49.840 --> 00:56:50.559
And I get it.
00:56:50.639 --> 00:56:52.480
Like I'm right in the middle of it.
00:56:52.719 --> 00:56:58.000
And for that, all I can say is acceptance and distraction are your best friend.
00:56:58.400 --> 00:57:03.920
So you accept where you are, you accept that right now the inbox is empty.
00:57:04.079 --> 00:57:05.440
That's just what it is.
00:57:05.679 --> 00:57:06.800
It is what it is.
00:57:07.039 --> 00:57:12.719
I'm not okay with it, but it's just the way that it is, and I'm going to stop wishing it was different.
00:57:12.960 --> 00:57:15.360
So accepting and distraction.
00:57:16.320 --> 00:57:37.920
If you're obsessing over it and always thinking about querying and always going back to your email and always going on query tracker, looking at the timeline, trying to predict when the next answer is going to come, doing chart and how much time it takes for an answer to come and everything.
00:57:38.159 --> 00:57:39.280
Distract yourself.
00:57:39.440 --> 00:57:42.000
Distract yourself with your favorite TV shows.
00:57:42.079 --> 00:57:44.719
Like right now, I'm re-watching Big Bang Theories.
00:57:44.800 --> 00:57:46.159
And it makes me feel so good.
00:57:46.320 --> 00:57:47.119
It makes me laugh.
00:57:47.199 --> 00:57:51.119
And when I'm watching Big Bang Theories, I'm then thinking about querying.
00:57:51.280 --> 00:57:53.039
Read the book that you really like.
00:57:53.199 --> 00:57:59.280
I'm rereading one of my favorite books right now because I just, it's a way to distract myself.
00:57:59.519 --> 00:58:01.519
So I'm distracting myself with that.
00:58:01.840 --> 00:58:05.360
I've distracted myself with can be crush.
00:58:05.519 --> 00:58:05.840
Okay.
00:58:06.159 --> 00:58:11.599
Yeah, I deleted it because, you know, that was a short-term distraction, but it did the trick.
00:58:11.760 --> 00:58:15.920
I needed something to occupy my brain, so I did not think about querying.
00:58:16.239 --> 00:58:20.480
Find something that you like to do other than writing.
00:58:20.719 --> 00:58:27.920
Writing is a good way to distract yourself, but sometimes it can be hard because there is the own challenges of writing.
00:58:28.239 --> 00:58:30.960
But distract yourself with something that you really like.
00:58:31.199 --> 00:58:34.000
Be present with the people that you're with.
00:58:34.320 --> 00:58:36.800
Go outside, do a physical activity.
00:58:36.960 --> 00:58:40.159
Like this weekend, I did so much skiing with my daughter.
00:58:40.320 --> 00:58:44.880
And during the afternoon, where we were just skiing, just her and me.
00:58:45.199 --> 00:58:46.400
It was so fun.
00:58:46.480 --> 00:58:47.840
And I was so in the moment.
00:58:48.079 --> 00:58:51.199
It was so beautiful outside that I didn't think about querying.
00:58:51.280 --> 00:58:57.679
And go out, be with the people that you love and live your life and distract yourself.
00:58:57.840 --> 00:59:02.719
And you know, your inbox will remind you that you're querying at some point.
00:59:02.960 --> 00:59:04.239
Don't be afraid.
00:59:04.480 --> 00:59:17.119
But at least it will allow you to detach a little emotionally and just to get through it until the moment where you have this rush and this happiness when our wakers come.
00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:24.960
And this, I'm sure, will be an extra amazing rush of when you get the offer and then the call.
00:59:25.119 --> 00:59:28.320
Oh my god, I cannot wait for the call with an agent.
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:32.480
It was just so excited about your book and it will all come.
00:59:32.880 --> 00:59:38.079
But right now, all you gotta do is accept and give it some time.
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:48.800
So thank you so much for being here for this big episode about querying and my help thing and everything.
00:59:48.960 --> 00:59:55.599
I'm so happy that you're still here after a year listening to me talk about writing.
00:59:55.760 --> 01:00:00.960
So I have absolutely no idea when the next episode will be out.
01:00:01.119 --> 01:00:03.039
And I'm not going to promise anything.
01:00:03.119 --> 01:00:08.559
It could be like in a month, it could be in a year, it could be I have no idea.
01:00:08.800 --> 01:00:13.199
So it's going to be a surprise for you when another episode pop up.
01:00:13.440 --> 01:00:24.960
But if you have any comments, if you want to share how your journey is doing, if you have any question, if you like to talk about your querying experience, because you're like, yay, I'm not alone.
01:00:25.119 --> 01:00:29.679
If you find this process super hard, you can find me on Instagram.
01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:31.199
Just go in the show notes.
01:00:31.280 --> 01:00:32.800
I will put a link to my Instagram.
01:00:32.880 --> 01:00:35.199
This is the place where it's easiest to find me.
01:00:35.280 --> 01:00:36.400
I'm also on Twitter.
01:00:36.559 --> 01:00:37.440
You can go there.
01:00:37.599 --> 01:00:38.960
You can send me an email.
01:00:39.119 --> 01:00:41.039
You can send me a voice message.
01:00:41.280 --> 01:00:45.119
I'm will be so happy to connect with you.
01:00:45.599 --> 01:00:48.880
So please, please, please reach out if if you feel like it.
01:00:49.039 --> 01:00:54.320
Yeah, this podcast is really to connect with you and to let you know that you're not alone.
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So so please, please, please don't hesitate to reach ever.
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So yeah, I will see you again.
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I don't know when.
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I don't know what I will talk about.
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If there is a topic you'd like me to cover too, you can send me a message.
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But I will see you later.
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And as always, happy writing.
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Welcome to LeftyO Bay's writing podcast, where I share with vulnerability and positivity my journey towards making all of my writing dreams come true.
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I hope you learn with me as I go from the things that go well and what doesn't go so well.
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But mainly, I wish it inspires you to pursue your own writing dreams.
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Now let's begin.