From Silent Struggle to Lasting Freedom

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And so I would say lasting impact would be following Jesus.
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It will have a lasting.
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He is the lasting impact, yeah.
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Welcome to the Lasting Impact Podcast.
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I'm your host, mark Marquand.
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Join me as I sit down with remarkable individuals making a meaningful difference in business and ministry.
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We'll explore their stories, challenges and successes, all with the goal of encouraging you to go out and make a lasting impact.
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If you love what you hear, don't forget to rate, review and share.
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Welcome to Lasting Impact, josh Watson.
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Hey man, welcome to the podcast.
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Thank you.
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Glad you're here, bro.
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Honored to have you it's my pleasure.
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For those listening that don't know, you tell us a little bit about yourself.
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Sure, I'm 43 years old.
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I've been married for 21 years to my wife Beth.
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Awesome.
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I'm a Tulsa native.
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We have three children, 16.
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Well, actually, she just turned 17 yesterday, 19 and 25.
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Okay.
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Well, man, today's podcast is going to be super special we want to talk about.
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Your life has been radically changed for the good.
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You're on fire for Jesus.
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I recently got to hear your testimony at our Brotherhood Breakfast and so you know I wanted to have you on so we can continue talking, maybe talk a little further.
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So you're well to dive right in.
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You are free.
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You're a free man.
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You've been redeemed.
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You were addicted to drugs and alcohol for a big part of your life, yeah.
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So looking back, let's kind of talk origin story here on that.
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Yeah, how did the looking back?
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How did this start Looking?
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back.
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How did this start?
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Well, I would say the substance abuse started when I was 10.
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I had my first drink of alcohol.
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It was a birthday party.
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The kid was 13, a little bit older than me.
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One of the kids brought in some beer, smuggled some beer in, we went to a green belt area, had a couple beers beers and puked my guts out at a streetlight.
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Yeah, I can't say that.
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I started drinking beer daily at 10 years old, right, that was when I was introduced to it for the first time.
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Okay, so when, and you know, while we're on that 10 year old age, it's like I've heard so many.
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I've heard a lot of testimonies, men's testimonies, and of getting introduced to sin between like 12 is a number, I hear a lot.
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But the ages of between 10 and 13 is like a very vulnerable, you know this adolescent stage that interests are being piqued.
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You may be hanging out with the.
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You know, now, when you're like a little bit older, now if someone's who's a little bit older than you, if you're at 11, 12, 13 years old, I mean gosh, you could be hanging with the 14 year old.
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Anyway, it's um, it's, it's uh.
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It's a time to really be on guard, to really be um, on the lookout, I think, for situations, parents thinking of parents, thinking of myself, five, a 12 year old, to be like man who's in the room.
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Yeah.
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I'm always.
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You know it's hard as they get older it's hard to start tracking that Like who's in the room, Because there's so much out of their control, out of a young teenager's control or a young person's control of like when they're itty bitty.
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You're kind of talking to all the other parents like who's all going to be there?
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And then, as they get a little bit older, you're more dropping off a lot of times and then picking up later, even if it's, even if it's not like a sleepover or something um, but you know I'm sure it annoys my kids, but we hammer.
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I'm like who's in the room?
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Yeah, like who's there, I want to know who's there doesn't mean you can't go.
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Sure and you know it doesn't mean I'm going to call people's folks, but like, like, I just need to know what this, what atmosphere are you about to walk yourself into?
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Yeah, those are very formative years.
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Formative years, yeah.
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That's probably the what I was looking for.
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So let's go to that moment.
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You have your first couple of beers as a little guy and of course.
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Of course you get sick.
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Clearly it doesn't scare you off to be like I don't want to do that again.
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What kind of?
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effect did it have on you?
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Yeah, I would say I felt like I was in the group during that time when everybody else was doing it.
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Yeah, I was a part of the group and I wasn't very academic and I wasn't very athletic and I wasn't very athletic and so partying and drugs and alcohol became an identity as I grew into my teenage years and so I can remember feeling like I fit in with those guys and they were welcoming Yep, those guys, and they were welcoming yep, and, and so seventh, eighth, ninth grade it was very, probably kind of use a fuzzy, very blurry, yeah.
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It's like who am I?
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I know what I I don't excel at this isn't really good, but I do excel at it, yeah, and it didn't take long to get sucked into that environment, yeah you know every person, especially kids, like they want to fit in.
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Yeah, you like they want to fit in.
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You know they want to fit in, they want to find their place and they want to belong.
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Um, and when you're, I mean I saw it too.
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Um, just, you know, there's moments of when I ran with the wrong crowd and, uh, it's honestly a bit easier, it can.
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I feel it can be a bit easier to be welcomed because hey, go do this wild thing and it's awesome.
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A bit easier it can.
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I feel it can be a bit easier to be welcomed because hey, go do this wild thing and it's awesome in our eyes and we're going to keep doing it, and maybe you're the guy that all of a sudden has access to things that someone else didn't, or your parents are more, um, okay with things and their parents, and it's like it's I just remember for myself and definitely have friends that it's like it's I just remember for myself and definitely have friends that it's like, yeah, this does work for you, this works for you because of a little bit of this space that someone can slide into.
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You said it, you's really good.
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The jocks are going to run together, just naturally Proximity stuff, practices, games, extra activities and there is a certain group that they're going to run together and then maybe some again with the academics.
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But if you can find yourself in the party group, that's.
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That can be real fun.
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Yeah.
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That could be real fun and it gets accepted.
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It can get accepted pretty quickly.
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Yeah, and I uh enjoyed being around people.
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Yeah, I'm a people person, uh, I enjoy uh, socializing, being in community, yeah, and so I fit in.
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Yeah, just a common bond there.
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You know, it's just like you're just finding common ground with others, and some of it is so new and exciting when you're a young person, I would imagine when you look back, do you feel you were searching for something?
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I think belonging kind of what you had already alluded to just a few minutes ago, just belonging, and there were some things that happened as a childhood.
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My parents separated.
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Around that time I was around 13 and they did end up reconciling and keeping their marriage together.
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But that was a trying time and I can remember being around other kids in the neighborhood.
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I was away from the house quite a bit and, uh, just running with the wrong group.
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Did you say they divorced or just separated?
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They separated, okay, they separated.
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Do you remember what that being heavy for you?
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Do you remember it was hard, hard okay, it was hard to process because I didn't ever see them fight, so that was interesting.
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Yeah, it was something that clearly there were disagreements going on behind the scenes yeah and I just didn't see it.
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And so when I think about conflict resolution, I didn't really see any conflict and I saw the effects of disagreements, relationship strains and so what do you think?
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while we're on that, what do you think that and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings- yeah.
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This is just general questions.
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What I mean?
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Relationships are hard.
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Yeah.
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Relationships are hard, marriage is hard and we're all selfish people really, just internally, when it comes down to it, I mean we really are.
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Just we're selfish.
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We all have our own agenda and we want to be a certain way and be treated a certain way.
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What is it that parents aren't seeing as a whole, to the family, to the kids, when they're getting to a point where they're going to split a family up?
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Like what do you?
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What is it?
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Or maybe they are seeing it and they're just still like, hey, it is what it is.
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But what?
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What do you think?
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Or what do you think it was for you?
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Like hey, if I could speak as an adult, 43 year old man, I could speak to an adult dad, your dad, what do you think there was?
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Like, hey, here's what you're not seeing, mr, mr watson, like here's what you're not seeing.
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Like this or mom, and this is what's happening to a family when you're pursuing divorce I would be reluctant to know what they were dealing with they're, but I can fast forward to my marriage and we separated for six or seven months and I can.
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I can speak directly to that, yeah, and so again, not wanting to throw anybody on the bus, but just like general.
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Yeah, um what you said selfishness.
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Cause it's scales, like here's what happens with relationships.
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I mean, all of a sudden the enemy just starts putting scales over our eyes or different type of lenses, and so now I'm not seeing my son suffering because they're so quiet and my problem is so magnified with my spouse, and I turn around I'm like, oh man, I didn't even know you guys were getting bruised this whole time.
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Yeah, and I wouldn't even to speak as a child, I don't know that I felt anything or acted a certain way like that, I expressed any pain or hurt.
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And I mean, I can remember a time that I went over to my mom's and it felt a little awkward because she wasn't it was a different place, you know.
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And so that, thinking back during that season, that time, that experience stuck out far as feeling abandoned or left out or not not paid attention to or anything like that.
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I can't recall a feeling, having those types of feelings.
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But when I look back at what I was doing, the, the behaviors that I was having, what was I doing during that time?
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I was probably coping with some of that.
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Yeah, and I know we're not here for all of that, but it's like I kind of hear mixed answers talking to adults who grew up with divorced parents.
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It's like, yeah, yeah, it just was what it is didn't have really an effect on me and like really it didn't, and, um, I think so, so much stuff would be subconscious because, like, well, my dad still loved me and my, yeah, there was moments of like.
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Why are we in this apartment?
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yeah what is going on here, and then they explain, and then, as time goes by, it's developed, and then their new relationships are there and um, and of course you have the stories of like yeah, when my dad left, it all went to crap.
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You know those stories aren't going to go away.
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I do find it when it's interesting on some people turn around and be like yeah, you know, they divorced when I was young and it stunk.
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And then they're just like that's all I have to say about it, or they feel it didn't really have an effect on them.
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Hard to say if that would be entirely true.
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My parents are still together, so I don't want to have that experience, but I think that my guess is in general, like you just said, a child, the kiddos are going to, they are going to cope with it.
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Yeah.
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Like there's no escaping.
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They're going to cope with it subconsciously Somehow they don't through anger, through substance abuse, through searching and looking.
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There's a void that isn't filled, that should be filled from mom and dad or a couple together, and you know piecing it here and there is is.
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Wasn't the design right?
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And so I think it it's.
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It's going to form um some coping.
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That could not look so good for kiddos.
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Yeah, and I think it's also a direct attack on the family dynamic, the enemy attacking marriages?
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Absolutely yeah, because the effects of it, the ripple effect of it.
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Yeah, and I know that it was difficult when we separated beth and I, uh, to see, and I would have thought, you know, and you hear, oh, their kids are resilient, they'll bounce back.
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You hear a lot of cliche things and I mean the in my opinion it's.
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If you were to ask my wife, she would say that you, you don't necessarily bounce back yeah um her family.
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Her parents have divorced and there were several marriages and, and she would say, it had a big impact yeah, her yeah and well, let's um know, I kind of got off on that a little bit, but due to time, let's kind of fast forward a little bit.
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And and two okay, at 10, it starts.
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You get a taste for the alcohol.
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You find the, your crew, your group, your tribe, these are your crew, your group, your tribe, these are your people, Right?
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And that just continues to go through junior high and high school and like this is becoming who you are, at some point You're, you're dabbling in some probably light drugs and then doing some major drugs, and then it doesn't turn into dabble, it turns into like hardcore addict yeah right, um, I'm, I'm zipping through that because I want to paint a picture of that.
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Doesn't hold you back from having relationships with you know, obviously you're with beth, having a job, having a career, functioning yeah high performing yeah and it's like that's not holding you back from living when this can be.
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And one thing we talked about, um, like I don't want to paint your picture that you were in a cardboard box somewhere, like just strung out on something and homeless and couldn't function, and like it's just not the truth.
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Yeah, clearly.
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You were on all of those things but living life like you were, you were bringing in income and you were taking care of a family and you'd gotten married.
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What thing that was interesting when we talked about and here's what I was going with that wasn't you in some you know, uh, cardboard box, homeless or like cause it can get painted pretty quick, like I'm in this guy, but it's just really.
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And you ran with junkies and, um, no man, man, you're, you're partying with kind of some successful people.
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Successful people I mean spanning from drug dealers, business people, doctors and surgeons yeah very diverse group of people yeah and when I look back at that season of life, we were all looking for the same thing.
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We're looking for purpose, we're looking for identity, we're looking for jesus yeah, ultimately healing, um and we're looking for it in all the wrong places.
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Yeah, the, the we, you've talked about this.
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Um, how wit, says our, our, our, lead pastor.
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You know, sin almost works.
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Yeah, sin almost works.
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It's like.
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It's just, you know the, whatever addiction it is, whether it be to drugs or pornography, or gambling or lying or whatever it is, it's almost enough.
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It does bring a temporary relief of some sort.
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Or it wouldn't work, correct, or it wouldn't be a trap.
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Yep, like this, the, these traps that the enemy uses.
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I mean, he's only going to use the ones that work.
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That's what he's like.
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He knows the traps that work that were um, he's going to hit us when we're tired.
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He's going to hit us when we're angry.
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We're going to hit um, just ready to give up on life, might as well, just this, um, and then he takes us into the same spiral circle.
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Uh, you know, the, the normal person hates that.
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They did it and they're sorry and they want to bounce back, and then that works for a little bit.
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Then here comes a sin, and that works for a little bit.
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Um, so I, I did want to paint that picture of like okay, you're a squared away dude.
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This is somewhat, like you know, hidden in plain sight.
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Uh, a bit for your boss or whoever.
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Um I know you were in and out of church and you've had um moments where you were way out of church.
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Yeah.
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And then you had moments where you and your family were trying.
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Yeah.
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Like you really were trying.
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Mm-hmm, I want to talk and I want you to talk about whatever you want.
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Sure, I like talking about that person that is trying, that they know there is.
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They have these moments of like there's hope, but doggone it.
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This thing has got a grip on me and I love how you described like on Sundays where you're crying out to God but by that afternoon you're back with a bottle in your hand and so you're not fully like, turned your back on God.
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You're like I'm trying, like I'm here, I'm going through some steps, I'm going through some motion, like there's tension, this wrestle through some steps.
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I'm going through some motion, there's tension, this wrestle, and that's hidden so much right underneath our nose, week in and week out, amongst who we work with and especially who we go to church with.
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Take us to that place in your life and what's going on with you, and you can start wherever you want.
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Yeah, so as you were just talking, you said you're, we're not fully, and the thought that the word that came to mind is surrendered, oh so good you're not fully surrendered because I loved jesus.
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I loved jesus then, like you said, I was attending church, I was worshiping, I was singing the songs, I was crying out to God, but I hadn't fully surrendered everything to him.
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And so I think we hold on to things, we want to control things, we want to deal with things on our own, at least for men I can speak, for we have ego and I don't want to.
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I don't need help.
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I can do this type mentality.
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And I was very prideful, and I was very arrogant at times, I would say too.
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And so going to church wanting something different but not being willing to lay it at Jesus' feet were the two different things, I think.
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It's like the two different categories of living.
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And it wasn't until that full surrender of everything that things really began to change, like that was the pivotal moment that Jesus was like I've been waiting for you to sit at my feet, I've been waiting for you to come to the end of yourself, and I would love to take your burdens from you.
00:22:59.901 --> 00:23:00.614
Yeah, that's really good.
00:23:00.614 --> 00:23:01.683
Yeah, and I would love to take your burdens from you.
00:23:01.683 --> 00:23:02.169
Yeah, that's really good.
00:23:02.189 --> 00:23:29.834
Yeah, I know that and here's why and you might have gone through these stages like there is the person who is like I don't even know if there is a God you know and they need delivered and or they need that rescuing and renewing of the mind and that moment with the Lord where like, okay, you are real and you might have been there at a point in your life.
00:23:29.834 --> 00:23:39.665
But I know you started at such a young age of knowing Jesus or knowing of him and again trying.
00:23:39.665 --> 00:23:41.517
We got a Bible here in front of us.
00:23:41.517 --> 00:23:44.019
That is really sweet.
00:23:44.019 --> 00:23:55.281
It's yours as a little kid and you shared a story with me about you and your dad, so that's not necessarily your story.
00:23:55.281 --> 00:23:57.478
Like you live in Oklahoma.
00:23:57.829 --> 00:23:59.789
Like you're going to have an opportunity to meet Jesus.
00:23:59.789 --> 00:24:15.210
It's just going to happen in this town, in state, and in this particularly where we live, tulsa area, broken arrow, I mean, there's great churches on every corner, yeah, um, you know, not to let someone.
00:24:15.210 --> 00:24:19.655
I don't want to ever like some of the like.
00:24:19.655 --> 00:24:28.165
Some of these seasons where you're really battling substance abuse, you have a hard life too.
00:24:28.165 --> 00:24:34.843
Like your wife had her own battles.
00:24:35.631 --> 00:25:00.496
Your daughter was born with health issues, yeah, and so it's not like you were being thrown softballs sure in your life and you're like just recreational fun yeah like the, the hammers were hitting hard man, the hammers of life, and I'm not trying to let, I know, I wouldn't want to let anybody off the hook because, like jesus, like this happens to all of us.
00:25:00.496 --> 00:25:02.240
Sure, absolutely this happens to all of us.
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:18.699
But the reality is too is man, you're getting hit hard with a lot of things in your life and drugs and alcohol, man, that could, that can bring some relief.
00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:22.284
Yeah, and it's very accessible.
00:25:22.284 --> 00:25:35.093
I would say and I think we all go through those things that you described in one fashion yeah, maybe not a sick child, but maybe it's something else.
00:25:35.093 --> 00:25:35.653
Yeah.
00:25:36.173 --> 00:26:17.519
And the world's tough, and I can remember meeting with a friend of mine when, when I just started coming out of the addiction and I was explaining what you just described, the, the marriage, that strain, the child that's been sick, battling, and he's like it's like a football player that's limping like you're in this battle, you're in the field and you're limping off off the field because of what the world is, has done or has hit you with.
00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:24.871
And and I was like, hmm, that's an interesting way of looking at it, what life has done.
00:26:24.871 --> 00:27:06.277
And a lot of those were clearly my choice and so I don't want to paint a picture of, oh, the world is so horrible, poor, pitiful me by any means, and so, but going back to what the enemy and sin and pain and hurt and how we cope with it, he just continues to pepper us with tax or problems in hopes that we just continue to stumble and fall and wallow in the world in the world.
00:27:06.297 --> 00:27:34.864
Yeah, I think that, with the reason why I kind of brought up some of that stuff because you're right, we all we got, we're all gonna get hit financial strain yep, um, you know someone, someone hurts you and how do you, how do you deal with that I think that, um, my guess is, in your life there's some that a lot of this started fun and then it turned into like man, I need this because of these things that are happening and that could maybe be naturally through, just through age, like in teenage years.
00:27:34.903 --> 00:27:36.409
This is fun, this is a blast.
00:27:36.409 --> 00:27:50.065
The psychedelic drugs, or whatever the drugs like this takes me to a place where I'm creative and this, it takes my mind a certain place and we all laugh about it and joke about it and there's this interest in it, like Whoa, that would be crazy.
00:27:50.065 --> 00:27:57.959
And so there's this wow factor, I think to drug use sometimes, because we even talked about like.
00:27:57.959 --> 00:28:07.744
There are doctors now are certain drugs of like hey, for mental health purposes, we're going to recommend this type of drugs to you because it's going to help balance you out or whatever.
00:28:07.744 --> 00:28:18.098
Not my field, so I'm not going to go deep into that, but we know what drugs can do so I think some.
00:28:18.098 --> 00:28:18.901
I would imagine.
00:28:18.901 --> 00:28:55.884
I don't want to paint this for you, but there was a time where, like partying was awesome and fun at somewhere, it starts drifting into like I'm just using this to live yeah, and, and I have to, I think that the the psychedelics for mental illness, uh case is a lie I just want to say that sure um and yes, it was fun for a season, and there did come a time where it was not fun anymore and
00:28:55.904 --> 00:29:09.301
I could think of at the latter part of it, where it was like you can't survive without this, and those are some tough thoughts to have, and it's like where are we at?
00:29:09.301 --> 00:29:10.224
How did we get here?
00:29:10.224 --> 00:29:24.403
And so a lot of it it became an identity, it was fun, but a lot of it wasn't, and so it's kind of like a smoke and mirrors I think about.
00:29:24.403 --> 00:29:26.721
Like it's like oh, it's fun, oh, no, it's not.
00:29:26.721 --> 00:29:35.384
It's like this tug of war of and you could probably finish the sentence that you know the blank of what that is.
00:29:35.384 --> 00:29:36.105
Yeah.
00:29:36.887 --> 00:29:37.509
For me it was.
00:29:37.509 --> 00:29:43.467
It was drugs and alcohol, but for someone else it might be success in their career.
00:29:43.467 --> 00:29:44.028
Right.
00:29:44.028 --> 00:29:51.509
It might be assets or property or porn, like you said.
00:29:51.835 --> 00:30:17.506
I mean, there's a number of things that you could fill in the blank, for I love when Lee, our pastor, one of our pastors at our church I love when he leads the interview for these testimonies because like, oh, this is the vice here Just happens to be what Josh is about to talk about.
00:30:17.506 --> 00:30:24.326
Like, you're going to be able to just replace that and you're going to plug in your deal.
00:30:24.646 --> 00:30:24.826
Yeah.
00:30:24.826 --> 00:30:28.138
And cause it's all maybe it's a new car, another car.
00:30:28.199 --> 00:30:29.583
Yeah, that's right.
00:30:29.722 --> 00:30:34.518
You know, maybe it's another boat, that's it's own thing.
00:30:34.557 --> 00:30:38.060
Yeah, 100%, I want to talk.
00:30:38.060 --> 00:30:44.988
So let's go to, so let's go to COTMU.
00:30:44.988 --> 00:30:48.471
I want to talk about the moment where your son confronts you.
00:30:48.471 --> 00:30:49.192
Okay.
00:30:49.192 --> 00:31:00.500
And so at this time, you and Beth, you and your wife, you're at church, you're gaining some ground, there is some traction.
00:31:00.500 --> 00:31:16.596
You are not just attending and sneaking out the back door, You're starting to get involved and you guys sign up, for at our church it's C-O-T-M-U, it is.
00:31:16.596 --> 00:31:26.334
You are really the devoted ones setting time, real time, to go learn about scripture.
00:31:26.615 --> 00:31:26.775
Yeah.
00:31:27.195 --> 00:31:35.444
And I'm probably getting it wrong, but it is like you know in depth, you are here specifically to start learning the Bible.
00:31:35.444 --> 00:31:37.959
So this is no joke, man, you're paying to learn.
00:31:38.098 --> 00:31:39.323
That's right yeah.
00:31:39.604 --> 00:31:54.251
It's our, it's our form of university, like it's our form of for now, it's our form of university, like it's our form of for now, it's our form of Bible school, to take in someone who like hey like it's pretty small group that is signing up to say like, yes, I'm committing to come to these classes to do the homework, to lean in, to learn.
00:31:54.575 --> 00:31:56.096
I want to graduate from this.
00:31:56.096 --> 00:31:58.278
There's a year one, there's a year two.
00:31:58.278 --> 00:32:11.445
So I'm like you're not just coming in and getting this thing over with at church, like you and your wife are in and you tell this story of.
00:32:11.445 --> 00:32:19.612
In this season, you would have times where it's like you.
00:32:19.612 --> 00:32:21.432
You know, this thing grips you.
00:32:21.432 --> 00:32:22.681
There's a stronghold here.
00:32:22.681 --> 00:32:25.943
You're getting your fix somewhere.
00:32:25.943 --> 00:32:29.217
I'll let you say where, or however, and then.
00:32:29.217 --> 00:32:34.135
And then it comes to a moment where your son has to talk to you, Can you?
00:32:34.396 --> 00:32:35.521
tell us a little bit about that.
00:32:35.521 --> 00:33:03.339
Yeah, and so my son finds some beer in my truck and takes a picture of it and sends it to my wife and I, and he confronts me that night about dealing with the addiction and, very specifically, like you need to go down and ask for prayer at church, and I'm like you're right, um, you're right to all of what you said.
00:33:03.339 --> 00:33:19.488
I do need to deal with it, I do need to go down and ask for help, and so that was a very pivotal, pivotal time, and kudos to him the courage that it took for him to do that.
00:33:19.488 --> 00:33:19.969
Yeah.
00:33:20.935 --> 00:33:24.361
I will forever be grateful to him for doing that.
00:33:24.361 --> 00:33:43.910
And he spoke into my life and he is probably one of very few people that have that kind of influence, and God used him in a very, in a very bold, special, specific way.
00:33:44.611 --> 00:33:45.270
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:45.270 --> 00:33:57.268
I love that you were on this and the reason why I paint just like man.
00:33:57.268 --> 00:34:09.134
You are moving forward, you and your wife are dialed and you are trying your very best and then it would hit you and you described, you know, a quick trip on every corner and you know you could get the.
00:34:09.134 --> 00:34:17.597
You know, just get what you need from there and slam it in the parking lot and then just go back to normal.
00:34:17.597 --> 00:34:27.476
Basically, you're just getting that fix away on your own and going back your son, away on your own and going back your son.
00:34:27.476 --> 00:34:28.318
Then you just described your son.
00:34:28.318 --> 00:34:33.648
I want to talk about the going to the altar, yeah because here's where the rubber meets the road.
00:34:33.768 --> 00:34:34.469
Here is where.
00:34:34.469 --> 00:34:35.675
Here's where it's different.
00:34:35.675 --> 00:34:51.295
The you went from crying out to God, as you always do, and I don't want to be this way and I'm trying to remember.
00:34:51.295 --> 00:35:02.172
So please correct me when you start telling us to going to an altar and saying, take this from me.
00:35:02.313 --> 00:35:07.025
Yes, yeah, and you're exactly right in the crying out.
00:35:07.025 --> 00:35:33.737
I don't want to be this way, but but falling back into it or going right back to it and the altar and I have told several people, I and I'll say it here there is an altar down front at that church and at miniature would say lots of churches, yeah um, there's an altar that you can't see and it's there right now and and so there's something about you know that you hear that, oh, raise you.
00:35:33.777 --> 00:36:11.384
If you didn't raise your hand, it doesn't count, and I'm not, I'm not an advocate of you know, if you don't go down, it doesn't count, but for me, that experience or that action of of going down and praying, it wasn't that the person there was a person that prayed with me, but I prayed as well, and I had a conversation with jesus that day yeah and, and that looked like laying, laying on the altar, and I think we put a lot of things on the altar.
00:36:12.364 --> 00:36:23.492
But I think about Abraham and Isaac and he wasn't just going to put part of him on the altar, it was all of him.
00:36:23.492 --> 00:36:38.599
And so I know for me and probably for a lot of people, we're okay with putting a little bit on the altar, I'll put 95 even on the altar, as long as I retain that 5%.
00:36:38.599 --> 00:36:42.226
We'll say and he wants all of us.
00:36:42.226 --> 00:36:46.661
And so that moment where it's like, will you get on the altar?
00:36:46.661 --> 00:36:54.161
He's like I want your promotions, I want your anniversaries, I want your successes, I want your failures, I want all of you.
00:36:54.161 --> 00:37:11.023
And what has happened since then has been nothing shy of miracles, and one after another, after another, and it has been quite humbling.
00:37:11.023 --> 00:37:12.775
Yeah, um, quite.
00:37:15.248 --> 00:37:25.485
There's been a lot of healing mm-hmm a lot of gratitude yeah things have really slowed down.
00:37:25.485 --> 00:37:35.068
Yeah, and interesting it's like how fast he it's like, well, it's only been a few years, but how much has happened in those few years.
00:37:35.068 --> 00:38:14.331
Yeah, I lived a really fast life, I would say yeah for most of my and now being able to sit in a space that's quiet and have feelings where there once wasn't any, to be able to have tough conversations where, at one point, we couldn't have those tough conversations, and so that getting on the altar that surrender, god has met me.
00:38:14.331 --> 00:38:16.152
He met me there yeah.
00:38:16.554 --> 00:38:23.309
And he has made up for a lot of lost time, made up for a lot of lost time.
00:38:29.295 --> 00:38:31.516
Did you believe when you were asking God to take this from me?
00:38:31.516 --> 00:38:35.382
Do you remember believing that he can take it from you?
00:38:35.382 --> 00:38:43.050
Or do you feel like your prayer was if you can take this, take this.
00:38:43.050 --> 00:38:43.530
I mean, I don't.
00:38:43.530 --> 00:38:49.737
I mean, I don't get into particulars, I'm just curious, Curious, Did you?
00:38:49.777 --> 00:38:52.059
I think I did believe that he could do it.
00:38:52.059 --> 00:39:00.110
I think that I was definitely like I said at the end of myself it's like I can't do this.
00:39:00.110 --> 00:39:04.182
I can't do what my wife is asking me to do.
00:39:04.182 --> 00:39:06.474
I can't do what my son's asking me to do.
00:39:06.474 --> 00:39:10.344
I I was at the end of the road of what.
00:39:10.344 --> 00:39:19.268
What was what I was going to do, and I would like to think that we don't all have to get to that point.
00:39:19.268 --> 00:39:19.648
Yes.
00:39:20.094 --> 00:39:31.349
But I think in some fashion you kind of do, but I think in some fashion you kind of do, Because I think we naturally want to hold on, retain control.
00:39:31.849 --> 00:39:45.139
Yeah, and I think that when I hear these strong testimonies.
00:39:45.159 --> 00:39:45.541
God will work.
00:39:45.541 --> 00:39:48.947
In the if Like that is some form of faith.
00:39:48.947 --> 00:39:54.588
Like it is not working for me, I am at the end of myself.
00:39:54.588 --> 00:39:55.635
I cannot do it.
00:39:55.635 --> 00:40:01.699
If you can take it, take it, and that's enough for God.
00:40:02.021 --> 00:40:02.302
Sure.
00:40:02.943 --> 00:40:03.326
Absolutely.
00:40:03.326 --> 00:40:09.666
That's enough for God, because it is you acknowledging you're at the end.
00:40:09.666 --> 00:40:11.813
I've even heard Isaac Witte's testimony.
00:40:11.813 --> 00:40:14.820
I don't know if you ever met Isaac or not, or heard his testimony.
00:40:14.840 --> 00:40:16.485
Dude Witte did this podcast with him.
00:40:16.485 --> 00:40:18.237
It was just so amazing.
00:40:18.237 --> 00:40:18.878
It's powerful.
00:40:18.878 --> 00:40:26.449
I send it out every now and then and, like his story is he's even negotiating with God in his car.
00:40:26.449 --> 00:40:31.916
I don't want to go to church, I don't want to pray, I don't want to be with these nerds and these vital geeks.
00:40:31.916 --> 00:40:33.641
And dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah dah.
00:40:33.641 --> 00:40:36.315
And he says he hears God saying you don't have to.
00:40:37.295 --> 00:40:40.398
Totally, you don't have to, and so for me, and that was enough.
00:40:41.079 --> 00:40:46.563
Now, eventually he fell in love with Jesus and, of course, wanted to go to church, and it couldn't get enough of his Bible.
00:40:46.563 --> 00:40:52.829
Now he's spreading the word all over the place, but God didn't say it, he just said you don't have to, I just want you.
00:40:53.309 --> 00:40:53.550
Yes.
00:40:53.989 --> 00:40:55.751
Back to the altar thing God was telling him.
00:40:55.751 --> 00:40:56.291
I just want you.
00:40:58.077 --> 00:41:03.184
Yep, for me it was the enemy saying if you do this, you, you have to.
00:41:03.184 --> 00:41:06.976
You can't go to the lake anymore, you can't have any fun anymore.
00:41:06.976 --> 00:41:19.199
You're gonna live this squared, boring life yeah because everything you do surrounds is surrounded with drugs and alcohol, and so it was this.
00:41:19.199 --> 00:41:34.306
When I think back, it was just the enemy trying to keep me where I was yeah and my life is so much better because, jesus is at the center of it.
00:41:34.306 --> 00:41:41.963
Yeah, in every facet that it's possible, whether it's business in the business space yep it's better.
00:41:42.885 --> 00:41:45.289
My marriage is stronger than ever before.
00:41:45.289 --> 00:41:53.577
Now I want to be careful and not paint the picture that well, because I live for Jesus, now life is easy.
00:41:53.577 --> 00:41:54.518
It's not.
00:41:54.518 --> 00:42:04.286
And the Bible is full of accounts where Jesus warns you will face persecution, but know that I've overcome the world.
00:42:04.286 --> 00:42:12.041
And so trials will come, and so it's just.
00:42:12.041 --> 00:42:25.347
It blows my mind to see God work, and, and he can do far more than you and I could ever imagine.
00:42:25.347 --> 00:42:25.788
Yeah.
00:42:26.034 --> 00:42:30.702
It's, it's not too late, when for the person that's listening going yeah, I hear you, but I'm.
00:42:30.702 --> 00:42:31.744
I'm past that.
00:42:31.744 --> 00:42:32.586
No, you're not.
00:42:32.586 --> 00:42:38.947
Um, I would just encourage to surrender.
00:42:39.307 --> 00:43:11.315
That's where I want it, that's that's where and I'm I'm the classic that takes forever to get to what I'm trying to say, but like that's where I really wanted to start going is people get and name drugs, alcohol, you know, food, what, whatever you're you're where, like I cannot quit this, and like you're doing 95% of the right things.
00:43:11.315 --> 00:43:12.858
It's like it's all lined out.
00:43:12.858 --> 00:43:19.909
But this one thing, this thing, if we're all honest, it's got me.
00:43:19.909 --> 00:43:23.405
And how will I ever overcome it?
00:43:23.405 --> 00:43:24.347
How will I ever overcome it?
00:43:24.347 --> 00:43:24.914
How will I ever defeat it?
00:43:24.914 --> 00:43:30.394
I might as well just live my life at 95% or 98%.
00:43:30.394 --> 00:43:36.585
I'm going to serve in my church, I'm going to love my wife and my kids the best of my ability.
00:43:36.585 --> 00:43:48.782
But this kryptonite, this hidden whatever, or maybe it's not like this thing that I cannot conquer fine, I'd bet.
00:43:48.782 --> 00:43:52.929
Like it goes back to the iii it's got me.
00:43:52.929 --> 00:43:56.235
I cannot do it, it will be impossible.
00:43:56.235 --> 00:44:02.262
If I did attempt it, it means I won't be fulfilled I mean a lot of it comes to fulfillment.
00:44:02.822 --> 00:44:13.483
I will not be fulfilled intimate-wise, because those images keep me most interested, those films, those draw me in.
00:44:13.483 --> 00:44:17.766
I have to get these urges answered.
00:44:17.766 --> 00:44:28.326
This fix this, this, these lies, this money, just that part subconsciously and they just, it just has a grip and it is a true stronghold.
00:44:28.326 --> 00:44:34.989
And I walked you through all of that to say that is a lie, it is.
00:44:35.295 --> 00:44:38.565
That is 100% lie.
00:44:38.565 --> 00:44:51.927
That's a chain that God has already broken when he sent Jesus to the cross and Jesus died on the cross for us, he was buried and he rose again, all for our freedom.
00:44:51.927 --> 00:44:56.123
There's so much there, there is so many.
00:44:56.123 --> 00:45:06.791
There's something in us that has this disbelief of true freedom, that has this disbelief of true freedom.
00:45:06.791 --> 00:45:09.893
So many other things go really good in our life that it's okay to live in that disbelief.
00:45:09.893 --> 00:45:20.588
But until you get to a place in your life where, like you have to take this away, or I'm toast or it's over.
00:45:21.155 --> 00:45:22.438
And you and I can't.
00:45:22.438 --> 00:45:38.286
You were saying I, I can't, I this, I that yeah and and I can't, but he can yeah and that's the biggest he can he can yeah and all of those things that you were talking about strongholds, this, uh, bondage, that is demonic it is demonic.
00:45:38.286 --> 00:45:39.708
Yes, I mean, let's call it.
00:45:39.855 --> 00:45:40.876
I love what it is yeah.
00:45:41.579 --> 00:45:43.603
And there is freedom available.
00:45:48.295 --> 00:46:06.329
Let's talk about where you're at right now and I know I've been choppy on this podcast just because it's like you are leading well, you're leading your family.
00:46:06.329 --> 00:46:07.681
You're leading at our church.
00:46:07.681 --> 00:46:12.106
You're not stopping at the quick trips and getting your fix.
00:46:12.106 --> 00:46:16.045
You're in full freedom and you're sharing your story at places.
00:46:16.045 --> 00:46:24.938
You're on mountain men trips, you're in COTMU or what was you finished it up Like man.
00:46:24.938 --> 00:46:27.806
Where are you at now?
00:46:27.806 --> 00:46:29.960
Where are you involved with?
00:46:29.960 --> 00:46:32.286
What areas of the church you're involved with?
00:46:32.286 --> 00:46:33.699
What's your life like now?
00:46:35.385 --> 00:46:35.585
Yeah.
00:46:35.585 --> 00:46:52.148
So involvement in the church I'm on the prayer team, help with set up and tear down, yeah, and then I facilitate a men's group through some curriculum for abuse and trauma.
00:46:52.148 --> 00:46:57.061
Wow, just recently started that.
00:46:57.061 --> 00:47:15.798
And work is good, life is peaceful and I'm here today to share what god has done.
00:47:15.798 --> 00:47:28.931
Yeah, and that's why I came on brotherhood it was to to glorify him and and to talk about his goodness and his mercy and his grace, his love, and I'm going to keep doing it.
00:47:33.594 --> 00:47:33.956
So it's like what?
00:47:33.956 --> 00:47:34.559
What are you doing now?
00:47:34.559 --> 00:47:35.405
I mean, I do enjoy the outdoors.
00:47:35.405 --> 00:47:46.021
I will be going on a mountain men trip in a month or so and I love spending time with family and reading scripture volunteering at the local church?
00:47:46.121 --> 00:47:49.266
Yeah, and they love spending time with you.
00:47:49.266 --> 00:47:51.094
They do, yeah, your family.
00:47:51.715 --> 00:47:55.905
And it is a life that's fulfilled.
00:47:55.905 --> 00:47:56.588
Yeah.
00:47:56.588 --> 00:47:59.541
That the enemy.
00:47:59.541 --> 00:48:02.867
I can see why he fought for as long as he did.
00:48:02.867 --> 00:48:03.429
Oh, that's good.
00:48:03.429 --> 00:48:10.903
Because he knew what was gonna happen yeah and, and he's a liar and he's an accuser.
00:48:10.903 --> 00:48:28.251
Yeah, he doesn't create anything, and so when we figure that out, the uh, it's it changes stuff, and so I hope to be able to shed light.
00:48:28.251 --> 00:48:37.068
Be the light in the dark places for the guy that is where I was at one time.
00:48:37.068 --> 00:48:38.371
Yeah.
00:48:41.661 --> 00:48:43.025
You're a hope dealer bro.
00:48:43.655 --> 00:48:50.862
I have a t-shirt that says that yeah, love that I know a guy out in Nashville who wears these hoodies all the time.
00:48:50.862 --> 00:48:51.744
It says hope dealer.
00:48:51.744 --> 00:48:52.867
That's awesome.
00:48:52.867 --> 00:48:57.465
You're a hope dealer, bro, and you're sharing the gospel, which is the good news.
00:48:57.465 --> 00:49:21.005
You're sharing the good news and it's your story and it's going to relate to so many other people and I love where God's starting to take you now to be more public, seen by more, seen by more, so your voice can be heard, and it's God's voice.
00:49:21.005 --> 00:49:23.838
Yeah, dude, grateful that you came on on.
00:49:23.838 --> 00:49:25.159
You came on this podcast.
00:49:25.159 --> 00:49:27.123
Podcast is lasting impact.
00:49:27.123 --> 00:49:30.268
Um, what does lasting impact mean to you?
00:49:31.195 --> 00:49:33.538
Yeah, so lasting impact.
00:49:33.538 --> 00:49:45.557
I think about, uh, following Jesus, and I'm reminded by John four, and I'm reminded by John 4, verse 13.
00:49:45.557 --> 00:49:58.186
It's this story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman, and he says everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.
00:49:58.186 --> 00:50:03.766
The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.
00:50:03.766 --> 00:50:07.998
That I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.
00:50:07.998 --> 00:50:11.523
And so I would say lasting impact would be following Jesus.
00:50:11.523 --> 00:50:15.367
It will have a lasting, he is the lasting impact.
00:50:15.387 --> 00:50:16.788
Yeah that's awesome.
00:50:16.788 --> 00:50:18.911
That's fantastic man.
00:50:18.911 --> 00:50:19.471
I love that.
00:50:19.471 --> 00:50:24.177
Well, again, thank you for coming on.
00:50:24.177 --> 00:50:28.887
We'll have to do this again, bro, and this is Josh Watson, and he is making a lasting impact.
00:50:28.887 --> 00:50:33.146
If you liked today's conversation and want to hear more, hit that subscribe button.
00:50:33.146 --> 00:50:35.800
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00:50:35.800 --> 00:50:38.027
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