WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.990
I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective.
00:00:06.519 --> 00:00:16.899
This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important.
00:00:17.510 --> 00:00:22.489
Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
00:00:22.989 --> 00:00:31.679
Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
00:00:42.048 --> 00:00:42.948
hello guys.
00:00:43.098 --> 00:00:45.168
Welcome back to the podcast.
00:00:45.539 --> 00:00:50.058
Cortni and I usually talk for a minute before I hit record.
00:00:50.149 --> 00:00:54.048
Sometimes we even talk about like what we're going to talk about today.
00:00:54.048 --> 00:00:55.878
I was like, I have a good idea.
00:00:55.939 --> 00:00:57.018
I'm just gonna hit record.
00:00:57.018 --> 00:00:58.088
Cortni, keep up.
00:00:59.289 --> 00:01:01.243
Cortni has no idea what we're talking about today.
00:01:01.985 --> 00:01:03.331
I know it.
00:01:04.774 --> 00:01:10.713
I have friends that are very, so have you ever done a Myers-Briggs personality test?
00:01:12.620 --> 00:01:16.430
no, but I think my sister and I were talking about doing it, and I don't think it ever happened.
00:01:16.524 --> 00:01:19.674
Oh, I love Myers-Briggs When I was a high school principal.
00:01:20.603 --> 00:01:22.584
This was the best training.
00:01:23.063 --> 00:01:32.813
I still keep in contact with most of my teachers from back when I was a principal and just the other day, one of my teachers was like, remember when we did that two day Myers-Briggs training?
00:01:32.813 --> 00:01:34.524
And I was like, yeah, that was my favorite.
00:01:34.524 --> 00:01:41.183
They're like, that was the best educational training I've ever been to, and I love Myers-Briggs.
00:01:41.183 --> 00:01:46.914
I am an ENFP, which means I'm kind of more extroverted.
00:01:47.843 --> 00:01:48.774
I.
00:01:49.688 --> 00:01:56.588
Like one of the ways that they describe ENFPs is that they don't know what they're thinking until they start talking.
00:01:56.769 --> 00:01:59.019
Like, I have to talk to process things out.
00:01:59.739 --> 00:02:04.058
Deb is like the opposite of me and likes to have things planned out.
00:02:04.629 --> 00:02:10.389
But one of the things about me is I'm really good at attracting people that are the opposite personality.
00:02:10.725 --> 00:02:11.145
Mm-hmm.
00:02:11.753 --> 00:02:19.313
And they always tell me, like, Ben, I love hanging out with you, but you always make me anxious because I don't know what you're gonna do.
00:02:19.313 --> 00:02:20.604
Like, I don't know what's coming up.
00:02:20.604 --> 00:02:21.984
And I'm like, well, neither do I.
00:02:21.984 --> 00:02:22.854
It'll just be fun.
00:02:22.854 --> 00:02:23.334
Let's go on this.
00:02:24.774 --> 00:02:25.193
So,
00:02:25.790 --> 00:02:26.001
Oh.
00:02:27.294 --> 00:02:33.563
so Cortni has no idea what we're talking about, but I'll give you a little sneak preview.
00:02:33.623 --> 00:02:37.403
It has to do with a story about my time as principal.
00:02:37.854 --> 00:02:44.933
A story about my football team that I am helping coach that we just got our butts kicked the other day.
00:02:45.954 --> 00:02:52.223
And a powerful concept that I don't feel like I've ever taught this, but I talk about it all the time.
00:02:52.223 --> 00:02:57.864
So this is probably a concept that we haven't talked about on the podcast yet.
00:02:58.614 --> 00:03:03.653
I don't even know what we'd call it, but basically, well, I'll just lead in with this story.
00:03:03.774 --> 00:03:06.063
Cortni, are you excited for whatever we're gonna talk about?
00:03:06.200 --> 00:03:07.161
can't wait.
00:03:08.049 --> 00:03:10.718
One part excited and like three parts nervous.
00:03:11.330 --> 00:03:13.911
No, I trust you, and you'll fill in any gaps.
00:03:14.121 --> 00:03:14.721
It's all good.
00:03:15.218 --> 00:03:15.699
Okay.
00:03:15.699 --> 00:03:16.929
Yeah, this is gonna be awesome.
00:03:17.408 --> 00:03:19.359
So we'll start with a story.
00:03:19.359 --> 00:03:32.408
Back when I was a high school principal, the first year that I took over as principal, the state came in and they're like, Hey, your last principal didn't do all this stuff.
00:03:32.408 --> 00:03:34.359
Your school was under review.
00:03:34.943 --> 00:03:43.794
You are on the verge of being shut Down here is a list of 117 things that you guys need to fix.
00:03:43.854 --> 00:03:50.213
I can't remember the exact number, but it was over a hundred and this document was like 500 pages.
00:03:50.213 --> 00:03:53.394
And I'm like, seriously, you expect me to read all this?
00:03:54.084 --> 00:04:00.929
Anyways, so they give us this thing of like 117, that that's the number I used when I.
00:04:01.899 --> 00:04:04.179
Told this story to my football players.
00:04:05.169 --> 00:04:08.378
But anyways, they're like, Hey, you gotta fix all these things or we're gonna shut you down.
00:04:09.609 --> 00:04:18.098
Fortunately, we were also being reviewed for our special ed services and they're like, Hey, how many of your kids that are in special ed.
00:04:18.668 --> 00:04:30.369
That have graduated, have gone on to hold down a job and work in a job, and our school was really small, so I was like, well, let's just survey all of our students and find out.
00:04:31.959 --> 00:04:36.163
It was like 0% of our graduates within the past 10 years had jobs.
00:04:37.658 --> 00:04:47.425
We live in a unique area where some of these people get dividend from the tribe so they could totally live off a dividend.
00:04:47.725 --> 00:04:48.146
Mm-hmm.
00:04:48.158 --> 00:04:53.139
It is completely normal to live with your parents until the day you die.
00:04:53.319 --> 00:04:56.649
So like they, they're we're just factors.
00:04:57.278 --> 00:05:05.829
But when we talk to our students, we're like, Hey, if you have had a job and you no longer have a job, why don't you have a job?
00:05:06.699 --> 00:05:12.579
And they're like, oh, well, I just got in a fight with my boss, or I yelled at a customer, so I got fired.
00:05:13.778 --> 00:05:20.949
The other reason they didn't have a job was because they're like, oh, I slept in and just didn't go to work.
00:05:21.009 --> 00:05:29.259
And so they fired me for some reason, or I was constantly late, so they fired me for some reason, and we identified two common themes.
00:05:29.559 --> 00:05:34.209
It was either their behavior that kept them from keeping a job.
00:05:34.733 --> 00:05:38.153
Or it was their attendance that kept them from keeping a job.
00:05:38.874 --> 00:05:43.134
So we identified those two things and we're like, Hey, we're gonna change our grading system.
00:05:43.134 --> 00:05:50.723
We're gonna focus on behavior and attendance, and the academic portion is just one third of this pie.
00:05:51.353 --> 00:05:53.454
So we graded them one third on.
00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:55.309
Behavior.
00:05:55.399 --> 00:06:00.348
One third of their grade was based on attendance, so 33%, 33%.
00:06:00.408 --> 00:06:04.548
And then because everyone loves academics, we're like, fine, I can have 34%.
00:06:05.478 --> 00:06:18.949
But when we focused on attendance and behavior, our graduation rate went from 55% up to 88%, and our suspensions went from over 200 a year to less than 20 a year.
00:06:19.704 --> 00:06:26.004
And people are like, yeah, but you weren't actually teaching them anything because you're basing their grade on attendance and behavior.
00:06:26.483 --> 00:06:32.814
Well, our SAT testing or a CT, I can't remember which one we do out here.
00:06:32.874 --> 00:06:36.173
Anyways, that went up, like our students learned more.
00:06:36.774 --> 00:06:45.374
Anyways, fast forward to yesterday, we were watching film with this freshman football team.
00:06:45.403 --> 00:06:47.324
I'm the head coach of the freshman team.
00:06:48.389 --> 00:06:50.428
Then I still get a help with varsity.
00:06:50.759 --> 00:06:53.038
I didn't want to be head coach of the freshman team.
00:06:53.038 --> 00:06:56.968
It kind of just was thrust upon me, but whatever.
00:06:57.869 --> 00:07:04.678
We got our butts kicked and it was one of the worst football performances that I've ever been a part of.
00:07:05.218 --> 00:07:16.259
It was following one of the worst practices I've ever been a part of, and we only have 16 kids on this team, so it's not a big football team.
00:07:17.129 --> 00:07:20.038
In the game, like we had kids that just didn't wanna play.
00:07:20.038 --> 00:07:24.629
Like our offense would go out onto the field and we were missing two linemen.
00:07:25.408 --> 00:07:27.869
And I'm like, bro, like you're supposed to be in there.
00:07:27.869 --> 00:07:29.668
And he's like, ah, I'm not feeling it right now.
00:07:29.668 --> 00:07:32.879
I'm like, we need some anyways.
00:07:33.838 --> 00:07:44.653
So I'm sitting here watching film for this ugly, ugly loss and there's like 117 things that we need to fix.
00:07:46.514 --> 00:07:54.134
I'm talking to my wife and I'm watching film, and even my 10-year-old was watching a little bit of film and I'm like, they're not even trying.
00:07:55.423 --> 00:07:58.244
And I'm like, oh, well that's effort.
00:07:58.423 --> 00:07:59.803
And it came up over and over.
00:07:59.803 --> 00:08:01.184
They're not giving good effort.
00:08:01.874 --> 00:08:03.853
Well, then the other problem was.
00:08:05.264 --> 00:08:10.064
There were plays where the kids didn't know the play or they didn't do what they were supposed to.
00:08:10.274 --> 00:08:12.824
And in football we call that a lack of discipline.
00:08:13.694 --> 00:08:22.303
And so anyways, we go to watch film and these poor freshmen, they all think I'm gonna yell at'em, which I'm not really a yeller as a coach though.
00:08:22.303 --> 00:08:24.074
I did come UNG glued on one of the rest.
00:08:24.103 --> 00:08:30.524
'cause anyways, anyways, we're sitting there watching or we're getting ready to watch film and I tell'em that story.
00:08:30.524 --> 00:08:31.093
I'm like, Hey.
00:08:31.874 --> 00:08:37.094
And there was a time in my life we had 117 things to fix and it was just super overwhelming.
00:08:37.453 --> 00:08:39.673
And then we identified two things to fix.
00:08:40.124 --> 00:08:41.443
I was like, guys, I watched your film.
00:08:41.443 --> 00:08:43.514
Guess how many things I noticed that we need to fix?
00:08:43.514 --> 00:08:45.344
And they're like, hundreds.
00:08:45.464 --> 00:08:52.004
I'm like 117, but I've boiled it down to two things and then I put'em in groups.
00:08:52.004 --> 00:08:54.043
I'm like, what do you think those two things are?
00:08:54.553 --> 00:08:55.604
And so these little.
00:08:56.038 --> 00:09:01.048
15-year-old dudes are talking in their groups and they're like, oh, what do you think they are?
00:09:01.678 --> 00:09:15.119
One group came up with discipline and listening, and the other group came up with physicality and effort, and I was like, this is perfect.
00:09:15.119 --> 00:09:18.178
Like I didn't even lead them into this.
00:09:18.239 --> 00:09:23.249
They just talk and came up with this on their own, and so I was like, no, this is great.
00:09:23.984 --> 00:09:27.913
Could it be possible that physicality could go underneath effort?
00:09:28.423 --> 00:09:29.533
And they're like, yeah, totally.
00:09:29.953 --> 00:09:33.134
I'm like, could listening go underneath discipline?
00:09:33.764 --> 00:09:35.024
And they're like, yeah, totally.
00:09:35.563 --> 00:09:37.453
And I was like, what else could go under discipline?
00:09:37.453 --> 00:09:43.489
And they're like knowing the plays, like they just started talking about this and we went from.
00:09:44.443 --> 00:09:46.244
Like that film was bad.
00:09:46.693 --> 00:09:49.094
Like there were, there was one play.
00:09:49.094 --> 00:09:56.923
We had one player do the right thing and we had 10 other guys all doing the wrong thing and we're like, or nothing at all, which is still the wrong thing.
00:09:57.869 --> 00:10:09.178
Anyways, it would've been really, really easy to get overwhelmed and think, man, how are we going to address every single problem that we have in our football team?
00:10:10.198 --> 00:10:17.759
But when we shifted the focus, like when we started watching plays, the kids were like, oh, that's just effort.
00:10:17.788 --> 00:10:23.283
Like even if we do the wrong thing, if we do it with a hundred percent effort, the play will still turn out okay.
00:10:24.239 --> 00:10:27.538
There's one play where we lost two yards and we're like, look at this, bro.
00:10:28.678 --> 00:10:32.068
Just standing there watching the play, doing nothing.
00:10:32.068 --> 00:10:39.568
Like if he had a little bit of effort and just gets in this dude's way, we go from losing two yards to gaining six yards.
00:10:40.349 --> 00:10:42.749
And they're like, yeah, like we could give more effort.
00:10:43.288 --> 00:10:47.038
And there was a play where one person.
00:10:47.653 --> 00:10:49.754
Did the wrong thing, like he didn't know the play.
00:10:49.754 --> 00:10:50.953
That was a lack of discipline.
00:10:51.313 --> 00:10:58.604
We're like, look, he could have gotten like 20 or 30 yards if this other dude knew what he was doing, and these kids kind of caught the vision.
00:10:59.384 --> 00:11:14.114
So now I'll let you guys know how this goes, but in practice when we move from one station to another or we go from one activity to another, we like get together and put our hands in the middle and we we're like, kick butt on 3, 1, 2, 3 kick butt.
00:11:14.114 --> 00:11:15.104
And we do this cheer.
00:11:15.193 --> 00:11:20.354
I told'em, guys, you only have two cheers that you can do for the next until we figure this crap out.
00:11:20.984 --> 00:11:24.673
You can cheer effort or you can cheer discipline.
00:11:25.514 --> 00:11:27.764
And these 15-year-old kids are all bought in.
00:11:27.764 --> 00:11:28.278
They're like, yeah.
00:11:28.979 --> 00:11:30.298
We only have to do two things.
00:11:30.538 --> 00:11:32.458
We gotta have effort, we gotta have discipline.
00:11:33.389 --> 00:11:45.369
And I think in parenting sometimes we look at all the things that we have wrong in our lives, in our relationship, and we're like, I got 117 things I gotta fix.
00:11:46.318 --> 00:11:48.538
I got like this 500 page.
00:11:48.928 --> 00:11:54.778
It is funny when the state sent me that, this was like back in the old days when you couldn't send files that were too big.
00:11:55.288 --> 00:11:57.239
It was like 14 emails.
00:11:57.839 --> 00:12:00.119
Like, seriously, and you want us to do this?
00:12:00.119 --> 00:12:08.668
Within like the first three months of school, it was so overwhelming, but when we narrowed it down to two, it gave us focus.
00:12:09.283 --> 00:12:19.874
It gave us purpose and it felt easy to do and it completely changed our school, and I'm really excited for this football season because these boys, they were defeated.
00:12:19.874 --> 00:12:21.703
They're like, man, how do we fix all this?
00:12:22.094 --> 00:12:27.553
When we narrowed it down to two and they caught the vision, they're like, oh, we can totally do this.
00:12:28.094 --> 00:12:31.844
So Cortni, how on earth could we apply that to parenting?
00:12:31.874 --> 00:12:33.644
Now that you know what we're talking about.
00:12:34.301 --> 00:12:34.900
Yeah.
00:12:35.331 --> 00:12:39.260
I was thinking like looking at all of the issues that you have with your teenager.
00:12:39.890 --> 00:12:56.390
Pick the ones that the most troublesome or most difficult to handle, or, I don't know, but narrow it down, like, don't try to solve all of your problems narrow it down, and like you said, subcategorize and things will just start to fall into place.
00:12:56.390 --> 00:12:57.471
I would imagine once.
00:12:58.416 --> 00:12:59.645
things start moving better.
00:13:00.096 --> 00:13:02.765
I don't know how, how do you apply it to parenting, Ben?
00:13:02.765 --> 00:13:05.765
Because like, I have my theory, but I'm sure you'll explain it
00:13:07.104 --> 00:13:08.663
No, I, I, I like yours.
00:13:08.663 --> 00:13:10.433
I think yours is really good.
00:13:10.953 --> 00:13:17.793
one of the things, so back when I used to do courses, which guys, I'm gonna start doing that eventually, I just.
00:13:19.714 --> 00:13:27.844
They haven't prioritized that yet, but I would often tell the moms that I worked with, like, you're gonna hear lots of things.
00:13:27.964 --> 00:13:35.104
Just pick one thing, like pick the one thing that you think will give you the biggest bang for your buck.
00:13:36.004 --> 00:13:40.293
And the crazy thing is like I have prob, I don't know how many moms I've worked with.
00:13:40.293 --> 00:13:44.614
I should go back and count, but it always.
00:13:45.153 --> 00:13:51.543
They're able to identify, oh, well this one thing would change everything, and it's not always the same.
00:13:51.543 --> 00:14:00.663
One thing, like I remember working with one mom, she's like, if I change my inner talk, like she was so hard on herself.
00:14:01.234 --> 00:14:08.458
Like she would yell at her kids and say mean things, and she's like, to tell you the truth, that's how I talk to myself in my head.
00:14:09.333 --> 00:14:11.854
She's like, I call myself an idiot all day.
00:14:12.453 --> 00:14:16.894
I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, gosh, I can't believe how fat and ugly I am.
00:14:17.974 --> 00:14:22.533
And it just broke my heart that she treated herself this way.
00:14:22.533 --> 00:14:27.094
And it made complete sense like, well, this is why you treat your kids poorly because.
00:14:27.678 --> 00:14:29.688
You're constantly treating yourself this way.
00:14:30.349 --> 00:14:33.499
And she picked, Hey, that's the one thing I'm gonna work on.
00:14:34.219 --> 00:14:37.249
And that completely changed everything.
00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:38.599
And she was surprised.
00:14:38.599 --> 00:14:43.068
She's like, I can't believe all the different things that it's changed.
00:14:43.428 --> 00:14:45.048
Like I have more confidence at work.
00:14:45.048 --> 00:14:49.188
She was a teacher and she's always, it is hard being a teacher.
00:14:49.369 --> 00:14:51.333
Like you worry about what these little.
00:14:52.653 --> 00:14:55.504
Knuckleheads, think about you and what their parents think about you.
00:14:55.504 --> 00:15:00.244
And she's like, when I had better conversations with myself, I had more confidence.
00:15:00.844 --> 00:15:02.224
I yelled at my kids less.
00:15:02.344 --> 00:15:04.293
I had a better relationship with my husband.
00:15:04.293 --> 00:15:13.803
Like when you can pick one thing and when you can identify, hey, this is the one thing that will give me the biggest bang for my buck.
00:15:15.619 --> 00:15:18.499
It's powerful because it simplifies your life.
00:15:19.129 --> 00:15:34.038
Now, for the sake of my school and for the sake of the football team, which by the way, if we go back to the school thing, the state board of education was like, Ben, you can't grade kids based on their attendance and their behavior.
00:15:34.038 --> 00:15:38.479
So any of you guys that are listening and your teachers and you're like, that is so illegal, you can't do that.
00:15:39.048 --> 00:15:39.769
I know.
00:15:39.798 --> 00:15:40.938
They told me that too.
00:15:42.288 --> 00:15:44.359
The nice thing is I was working for the tribe.
00:15:45.109 --> 00:15:46.578
And I'm a really good salesman.
00:15:46.668 --> 00:15:51.168
If I believe in something, you're gonna believe in it too.
00:15:51.198 --> 00:15:55.573
Like if I can just have a little quick conversation, you're gonna see things my way and you're gonna be like, yeah, this is awesome.
00:15:56.464 --> 00:16:07.264
I had presented our findings and our plan to the governing council of the tribe, and they're like, yeah, your plan makes sense.
00:16:07.264 --> 00:16:11.583
Like we need more of our tribal members to get jobs and be good employees.
00:16:11.583 --> 00:16:14.163
Like go ahead, focus on those things.
00:16:14.703 --> 00:16:17.913
And then the state office calls me and they're like, yo, you can't do that.
00:16:19.399 --> 00:16:24.408
I may have slightly manipulated the situation cause I told the tribal business committee.
00:16:24.408 --> 00:16:26.568
I'm like, yeah, the state says we can't do that.
00:16:26.568 --> 00:16:29.418
They're just trying to tell us how to raise our kids again.
00:16:30.078 --> 00:16:31.369
Oh my goodness.
00:16:31.578 --> 00:16:33.769
They're like, oh, we'll call those people.
00:16:33.769 --> 00:16:34.578
What's their phone number?
00:16:34.578 --> 00:16:35.328
Like who is it?
00:16:35.839 --> 00:16:37.188
And the state called me back.
00:16:37.188 --> 00:16:39.558
They're like, we're sorry, we misunderstood.
00:16:39.558 --> 00:16:41.267
You can do whatever you want.
00:16:41.328 --> 00:16:44.418
Just don't have the tribe come get after us.
00:16:45.318 --> 00:16:46.668
Anyways, the thing is like.
00:16:47.313 --> 00:16:52.413
And when you can simplify it, others will also buy in.
00:16:52.894 --> 00:17:00.063
If you can simplify it, if you can believe in it, if you can be bought in, your husband will be able to understand it.
00:17:00.183 --> 00:17:01.864
He'll be like, oh yeah, this is doable.
00:17:02.104 --> 00:17:04.594
Your teen will be able to understand it.
00:17:04.834 --> 00:17:06.423
They'll be like, oh yeah, this is doable.
00:17:06.663 --> 00:17:10.144
Like the cool thing about the school, we didn't just.
00:17:10.503 --> 00:17:17.884
Have this little secret thing as teachers and principal, where we're like, okay guys, we know we're focusing on behavior and attendance.
00:17:18.334 --> 00:17:20.584
No, it was a school wide thing.
00:17:21.739 --> 00:17:28.308
We did incentive trips and incentive trips back when the other principals did it.
00:17:28.308 --> 00:17:33.259
It was like you had to have like a degree in calculus to decide whether or not someone could go.
00:17:33.288 --> 00:17:36.078
'cause it's like, oh, well what about your attendance plus your behavior?
00:17:36.078 --> 00:17:39.558
Plus your grades, plus, do you have any office referrals?
00:17:39.758 --> 00:17:40.278
Plus this?
00:17:40.278 --> 00:17:41.193
Plus that plus.
00:17:41.334 --> 00:17:46.753
And it is like, no, let's just say if you have less than 80% attendance, it's a no.
00:17:48.108 --> 00:17:52.909
If you have less than this citizenship grade, the behavior portion, it's a no.
00:17:53.659 --> 00:17:59.959
All the kids knew, oh, it's attendance and behavior and you knew we were making a change.
00:18:00.288 --> 00:18:09.318
When we would get parents who would call and complain and be like, your stupid attendance program, we were gonna go outta town, and my kid said, no, I gotta go to school.
00:18:09.318 --> 00:18:10.159
I wanna go to school.
00:18:10.159 --> 00:18:11.298
Mom, take me to school.
00:18:11.568 --> 00:18:15.229
Like everyone was bought in because of how simple it is.
00:18:16.050 --> 00:18:16.381
Yeah.
00:18:16.681 --> 00:18:36.769
And if you're like me, like I see like my oldest just went off to college and I have this long laundry list of all the things that I wish he would fix and do differently, and I wish before he'd have left, I'd have had this conversation and thought, oh, let's just pick two things and make it simple.
00:18:36.769 --> 00:18:41.088
Make it something that we all understand and we agree to work towards.
00:18:41.568 --> 00:18:42.749
Go ahead, Cortni.
00:18:44.596 --> 00:18:59.776
I, I was thinking when you were talking about just the fact that they're showing up more, they're learning more, you know, so they say you can't base their grade off of attendance, but the, the fact that they're in class, they're absorbing more.
00:19:00.645 --> 00:19:07.455
I think Williams School, they dock points off if you wear the wrong shoes to like PE or something like, and if you have gum, you get points off.
00:19:07.455 --> 00:19:10.905
So like if you're chewing gum and you have Crocs on, that affects your grade.
00:19:10.905 --> 00:19:10.965
So.
00:19:14.088 --> 00:19:20.239
Yeah, and the cool thing is like when I look at the school, it was really awesome.
00:19:20.239 --> 00:19:22.788
There was a period where we were the.
00:19:24.364 --> 00:19:33.933
Oh, they called us a turnaround school, and I can't remember the term that they used, but we had the biggest change in graduation rate in one year, and that was really cool.
00:19:33.933 --> 00:19:35.913
Like we got awards from the state.
00:19:35.943 --> 00:19:43.173
We got recognized for doing that when we dropped our suspensions from over 200 a year to less than 20 a year.
00:19:43.834 --> 00:19:46.983
They're like, we gotta send someone out because you guys aren't tracking.
00:19:47.959 --> 00:19:48.769
Stuff, right?
00:19:49.368 --> 00:19:53.118
And they came out and they're like, dang, you guys are doing this?
00:19:53.838 --> 00:19:58.159
And people would ask me all the time, they're like, geez, Ben, you must be an amazing principal.
00:19:58.159 --> 00:19:59.088
How do you do this?
00:19:59.358 --> 00:20:03.469
And then I'd tell'em, oh, we just focus on attendance and behavior.
00:20:03.469 --> 00:20:06.919
And they're like, no, that's too easy.
00:20:06.979 --> 00:20:09.409
Like what's the complex formula?
00:20:09.409 --> 00:20:11.884
The secret formula that no, no one knows about.
00:20:13.263 --> 00:20:28.503
And I think part of that is because we live in a society and in a culture where we love to overcomplicate things, we love to sound smart and inventive and like, oh yeah, I have this new crazy thing.
00:20:28.953 --> 00:20:30.423
And when you can simplify it.
00:20:31.398 --> 00:20:45.409
That's where the real power comes in because I guarantee you, your teenager, when they go to school, they've got 117 things that their teachers want'em to do or that they need to do for football or drama or whatever's going on.
00:20:46.278 --> 00:20:47.538
Don't add to that.
00:20:47.778 --> 00:20:48.588
Simplify it.
00:20:49.249 --> 00:20:59.104
And if you can find a way, like the nice thing about my football players when we were, so we're watching film and I'm like, listen guys.
00:21:00.528 --> 00:21:01.939
Effort and discipline.
00:21:02.509 --> 00:21:09.409
Like, I'm your football coach, so we're focused on football, but look how many of you guys have this coach as your teacher.
00:21:09.769 --> 00:21:11.134
And some of the kids are like, yeah, I do.
00:21:12.108 --> 00:21:13.189
Effort and discipline.
00:21:13.338 --> 00:21:15.378
How's that going to affect you in the classroom?
00:21:16.038 --> 00:21:21.439
And the kids are like, oh, well, the more effort you put into an assignment, the better you learn the thing.
00:21:22.038 --> 00:21:25.308
If you're disciplined enough to turn it in on time, you get more points.
00:21:25.308 --> 00:21:26.538
I'm like, oh, amazing.
00:21:26.538 --> 00:21:27.618
It applies there too.
00:21:28.068 --> 00:21:29.328
What about work?
00:21:29.358 --> 00:21:33.919
And these kids are too young, but I'm like, Hey, you're gonna have a job someday when you have a job.
00:21:34.219 --> 00:21:37.729
How is effort and discipline going to impact?
00:21:38.209 --> 00:21:41.868
Where you work and when we can help our teens.
00:21:42.588 --> 00:21:47.118
Or if you're a mom and you're like, man, we have 117 things we gotta fix in our family.
00:21:47.749 --> 00:22:04.398
If you can identify the two simple things that have the biggest bang, meaning, not only are they going to address issues in your family, but they'll also address issues at their job, in their relationship with their friends in their sport.
00:22:05.554 --> 00:22:20.193
You get more buy-in from them and if you pick the right ones, like I get lucky, like I was diagnosed with like A DHD and dyslexia and all sorts of things, and they like told me like, Ben, your brain doesn't work right.
00:22:20.763 --> 00:22:26.284
That's probably why I see things differently and I can just simplify'em like, oh, these are just two simple problems.
00:22:26.284 --> 00:22:26.648
Let's do that.
00:22:27.753 --> 00:22:34.503
Like if you can help them start to see the world in a more simplistic way.
00:22:34.503 --> 00:22:38.824
Like, oh, I feel like my world's falling apart around me.
00:22:39.153 --> 00:22:46.653
Maybe if I just do this one thing, and whether that's like going to church or maybe finding a new friend group.
00:22:46.653 --> 00:22:54.213
I'm coaching a young man who's in college and we've done, like, we're almost done with our coaching.
00:22:55.023 --> 00:22:57.153
And just the other week he's like, you know what?
00:22:57.153 --> 00:23:02.013
When I go back to college, I think the biggest thing is I need better friends.
00:23:02.701 --> 00:23:02.790
Hmm.
00:23:03.183 --> 00:23:07.594
He's like, I have a friend group that is like an alternative friend group.
00:23:07.594 --> 00:23:14.794
They're not as cool and as fun as the other friend group, but if I just started hanging out with them, I'd get drunk less.
00:23:15.183 --> 00:23:16.348
I'd go to school more.
00:23:16.638 --> 00:23:16.989
Right.
00:23:17.898 --> 00:23:19.878
I'm like, dude, that's a simple fix.
00:23:19.878 --> 00:23:22.788
Like, why don't you just do that one simple thing?
00:23:22.788 --> 00:23:26.719
He is like, I'm going to, like, I'm not even gonna talk to those clowns.
00:23:26.719 --> 00:23:29.328
They just drag me down, like make it simple.
00:23:30.526 --> 00:23:30.976
Yeah.
00:23:31.336 --> 00:23:44.335
I think even for us as parents, like you were giving the example of the mom where she just wanted, she started talking to herself, Just us as parents, narrowing down one or two things that we can fix, and then having the same expectations of our teenagers.
00:23:45.016 --> 00:23:56.506
You know, there's, I'm sure there's a list of things that annoy us of things that they do or say or don't do, but if we can just simplify it and only focus on those, like oftentimes teenagers.
00:23:57.760 --> 00:24:01.631
Our goals are unattainable because we have so many things we want them to fix, and so
00:24:01.743 --> 00:24:02.034
Yeah.
00:24:02.141 --> 00:24:04.721
never gonna make us happy, so they're not gonna make an effort.
00:24:05.171 --> 00:24:13.570
So just narrowing it down to one or two things that they can focus on, it would help them, it would help the relationship, I'm sure.
00:24:14.050 --> 00:24:17.111
yeah, I like the idea of simplifying, definitely.
00:24:17.163 --> 00:24:32.794
and I feel like part of the secret sauce that I didn't appreciate until just when you were talking, like when I talked to the football players, I put'em into two little groups and I'm like, you guys identify what?
00:24:33.739 --> 00:24:36.949
If there were only two things, what do you think the two things would be?
00:24:37.368 --> 00:24:40.759
And I already knew what I wanted the two things to be from watching film.
00:24:40.759 --> 00:24:42.618
I wanted effort, I wanted discipline.
00:24:43.278 --> 00:24:46.548
It was way cooler that the kids came up with that.
00:24:46.699 --> 00:24:52.729
And they think they're the ones that like, they don't think, oh, coach Pugh was home watching film.
00:24:52.729 --> 00:24:54.199
These are the ones he wanted.
00:24:54.378 --> 00:24:55.939
In their mind, they're like, man.
00:24:56.824 --> 00:24:58.263
This is what we identified.
00:24:58.263 --> 00:24:59.913
This is what we need to fix.
00:25:00.483 --> 00:25:07.443
And the cool thing is when we did the survey for the kids, like at my school when I was principal, like, are you working?
00:25:07.443 --> 00:25:08.403
Are you not working?
00:25:08.403 --> 00:25:12.723
Like they weren't intentionally trying to help us find a solution.
00:25:12.723 --> 00:25:14.703
Like they didn't know they were a part of that.
00:25:15.273 --> 00:25:18.962
But you can see how we looped them in and empowered them.
00:25:19.054 --> 00:25:21.753
And they did help us come up with solutions.
00:25:22.354 --> 00:25:22.534
I.
00:25:24.334 --> 00:25:28.203
We live in a society that's very prescriptive.
00:25:28.263 --> 00:25:29.854
Like, Hey, you need to do this.
00:25:29.854 --> 00:25:31.173
And look, I'm your parent.
00:25:31.173 --> 00:25:32.344
I'm way smarter than you.
00:25:32.344 --> 00:25:33.993
I'm gonna tell you what you need to do.
00:25:34.683 --> 00:25:45.364
If you could empower your teen, if you could be like, like maybe just facilitate the conversation like, man, you're struggling with your girlfriend, you're struggling at school, you're struggling with this and this.
00:25:45.364 --> 00:25:50.163
Like, what's one thing that would help improve all of these things?
00:25:50.913 --> 00:26:00.663
If your teen is like my teen, you ask'em that question and they're gonna say, I dk, or I don't know, like it is just gonna be something stupid, but that's okay.
00:26:00.663 --> 00:26:01.653
You plan to deceive.
00:26:01.653 --> 00:26:04.114
Give'em time to think and then maybe revisit it later.
00:26:04.114 --> 00:26:07.473
Hey, have you thought of just one thing that might help improve it?
00:26:07.473 --> 00:26:13.384
And just be persistent, but you don't have to like force them to come up with a beautiful answer.
00:26:13.953 --> 00:26:15.183
I don't know is okay.
00:26:15.304 --> 00:26:17.163
At least you planted a seed.
00:26:17.816 --> 00:26:18.236
Mm-hmm.
00:26:19.351 --> 00:26:23.941
And they might think about it and they might do something differently and they probably won't tell you,
00:26:24.588 --> 00:26:24.828
Yeah.
00:26:25.128 --> 00:26:26.280
they might try.
00:26:27.469 --> 00:26:27.888
Yeah.
00:26:28.788 --> 00:26:33.588
You know, there are so many places I could apply this in my current life.
00:26:35.929 --> 00:26:39.888
I am unintentionally, like in solar right now.
00:26:39.949 --> 00:26:42.469
I'm like, I don't have time to go knock doors.
00:26:42.469 --> 00:26:44.358
I don't have time to do all this other stuff.
00:26:44.959 --> 00:26:51.888
What is one thing that would help the whole, that whole component of my life improve?
00:26:52.459 --> 00:26:55.278
And so like right now I'm running, anyone listening?
00:26:55.278 --> 00:26:56.574
If you live in the basin, you've.
00:26:57.304 --> 00:26:58.624
Possibly heard me on the radio.
00:26:58.624 --> 00:26:59.733
I'm running radio ads.
00:26:59.733 --> 00:27:08.794
I'm getting interviewed on the local radio because we're already running Facebook ads and I'm like, what's one thing I could do that will help the whole big picture?
00:27:09.963 --> 00:27:12.183
Yeah, I'm gonna apply this to more areas in my life.
00:27:12.183 --> 00:27:13.953
I just need time to explore it.
00:27:14.885 --> 00:27:15.175
Good.
00:27:15.175 --> 00:27:16.411
Well, I'm glad we could help you out.
00:27:17.074 --> 00:27:22.534
Yeah, thank, thank you guys for coming to this podcast as an ENFP.
00:27:23.193 --> 00:27:25.594
I don't know what's going on in my life until I think about it.
00:27:25.894 --> 00:27:26.854
Actually, I don't.
00:27:28.054 --> 00:27:35.703
I have a hard time coming up with solutions until I can talk to someone about it, and this podcast probably benefits me more than it benefits you guys.
00:27:37.173 --> 00:27:40.023
And so thank you for giving me a place where I can talk.
00:27:40.023 --> 00:27:44.854
And Cortni, thanks for being here so I don't have to talk to myself like I normally.
00:27:45.540 --> 00:27:47.550
Yeah, anytime.
00:27:48.273 --> 00:27:48.483
Okay.
00:27:48.483 --> 00:27:51.453
Well, anything you want to add before we let the good people go?
00:27:52.711 --> 00:27:53.820
Oh, I think that's good.
00:27:53.911 --> 00:27:54.931
We'll keep it simple.
00:27:55.260 --> 00:27:56.161
The theme of the day.
00:27:56.538 --> 00:28:02.108
Yeah, keep it simple because guess what, your teens, they're simple minded creatures.
00:28:02.179 --> 00:28:02.469
Okay.
00:28:02.881 --> 00:28:03.330
Heck yeah.
00:28:03.330 --> 00:28:03.990
No, they are.
00:28:04.384 --> 00:28:10.713
I think all people are, we just try and pretend that we're way more complicated and complex than we really are, but
00:28:10.980 --> 00:28:11.490
Yeah.
00:28:12.693 --> 00:28:12.993
okay.
00:28:12.993 --> 00:28:14.824
And know who else is a simple creature.
00:28:15.483 --> 00:28:29.284
All you mothers out there listening, all you wives, I guarantee you your husband is a simple creature as a husband, like I feel like sometimes when me and Deb like have disagreements.
00:28:30.439 --> 00:28:37.009
She thinks that I've thought about it way more, and I'm like, no, I hadn't thought of that at all.
00:28:39.558 --> 00:28:40.308
So just
00:28:40.770 --> 00:28:41.701
Bless her heart.
00:28:42.259 --> 00:28:43.189
I know seriously.
00:28:43.651 --> 00:28:44.070
Mm-hmm.
00:28:44.371 --> 00:28:46.729
And you gotta see her today before we hit record.
00:28:46.770 --> 00:28:49.351
know what a wonderful lady
00:28:49.713 --> 00:28:50.479
She is.
00:28:50.479 --> 00:28:53.719
And she's a saint because she puts up with me so.
00:28:53.790 --> 00:28:54.421
that's what I mean.
00:28:54.445 --> 00:28:54.806
Mm-hmm.
00:28:55.066 --> 00:28:55.286
Yes.
00:28:56.463 --> 00:28:59.973
Okay guys, well we will be back next week.
00:29:00.604 --> 00:29:01.894
I'll for sure be back.
00:29:02.044 --> 00:29:07.624
I don't always know until the day of with Cortni'cause I forget to text sometimes.
00:29:07.624 --> 00:29:14.673
So sometimes if Cortni's not here, it's usually my fault and I forgot to coordinate with her beforehand, but I think we'll be back next week.
00:29:14.673 --> 00:29:15.270
Right Cortni?
00:29:15.570 --> 00:29:18.030
Yeah, that's kind of you for taking responsibility for that.
00:29:18.030 --> 00:29:24.181
But no, it's, I'm gonna set my alerts, like to do the day before and then maybe a couple the day of,
00:29:25.703 --> 00:29:36.048
I, if I had a personal assistant, her number one job would be, Hey, make sure me and Cortni schedule align on one day so we can record a podcast.
00:29:37.500 --> 00:29:39.691
that's all you would use your personal assistant for.
00:29:39.828 --> 00:29:41.118
no, that would be her main job.
00:29:41.790 --> 00:29:41.820
Oh.
00:29:43.516 --> 00:29:46.516
All right, well, I'll, I'll work out.
00:29:46.516 --> 00:29:50.355
I'll simplify a way that I can make sure it works every Friday.
00:29:50.794 --> 00:29:51.003
Okay.
00:29:51.003 --> 00:29:56.134
We'll be back on Friday unless we're not, in which case I'll be back.
00:29:56.134 --> 00:29:56.763
But anyways.
00:29:57.423 --> 00:29:57.693
Okay.
00:29:58.054 --> 00:29:59.223
See y'all next week.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.990
I'm Ben Pugh and you're listening to IMPACT! Parenting with Perspective.
00:00:06.519 --> 00:00:16.899
This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens so they can focus on what's most important.
00:00:17.510 --> 00:00:22.489
Building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their teen's life.
00:00:22.989 --> 00:00:31.679
Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your teen turn struggles into strengths.
00:00:42.048 --> 00:00:42.948
hello guys.
00:00:43.098 --> 00:00:45.168
Welcome back to the podcast.
00:00:45.539 --> 00:00:50.058
Cortni and I usually talk for a minute before I hit record.
00:00:50.149 --> 00:00:54.048
Sometimes we even talk about like what we're going to talk about today.
00:00:54.048 --> 00:00:55.878
I was like, I have a good idea.
00:00:55.939 --> 00:00:57.018
I'm just gonna hit record.
00:00:57.018 --> 00:00:58.088
Cortni, keep up.
00:00:59.289 --> 00:01:01.243
Cortni has no idea what we're talking about today.
00:01:01.985 --> 00:01:03.331
I know it.
00:01:04.774 --> 00:01:10.713
I have friends that are very, so have you ever done a Myers-Briggs personality test?
00:01:12.620 --> 00:01:16.430
no, but I think my sister and I were talking about doing it, and I don't think it ever happened.
00:01:16.524 --> 00:01:19.674
Oh, I love Myers-Briggs When I was a high school principal.
00:01:20.603 --> 00:01:22.584
This was the best training.
00:01:23.063 --> 00:01:32.813
I still keep in contact with most of my teachers from back when I was a principal and just the other day, one of my teachers was like, remember when we did that two day Myers-Briggs training?
00:01:32.813 --> 00:01:34.524
And I was like, yeah, that was my favorite.
00:01:34.524 --> 00:01:41.183
They're like, that was the best educational training I've ever been to, and I love Myers-Briggs.
00:01:41.183 --> 00:01:46.914
I am an ENFP, which means I'm kind of more extroverted.
00:01:47.843 --> 00:01:48.774
I.
00:01:49.688 --> 00:01:56.588
Like one of the ways that they describe ENFPs is that they don't know what they're thinking until they start talking.
00:01:56.769 --> 00:01:59.019
Like, I have to talk to process things out.
00:01:59.739 --> 00:02:04.058
Deb is like the opposite of me and likes to have things planned out.
00:02:04.629 --> 00:02:10.389
But one of the things about me is I'm really good at attracting people that are the opposite personality.
00:02:10.725 --> 00:02:11.145
Mm-hmm.
00:02:11.753 --> 00:02:19.313
And they always tell me, like, Ben, I love hanging out with you, but you always make me anxious because I don't know what you're gonna do.
00:02:19.313 --> 00:02:20.604
Like, I don't know what's coming up.
00:02:20.604 --> 00:02:21.984
And I'm like, well, neither do I.
00:02:21.984 --> 00:02:22.854
It'll just be fun.
00:02:22.854 --> 00:02:23.334
Let's go on this.
00:02:24.774 --> 00:02:25.193
So,
00:02:25.790 --> 00:02:26.001
Oh.
00:02:27.294 --> 00:02:33.563
so Cortni has no idea what we're talking about, but I'll give you a little sneak preview.
00:02:33.623 --> 00:02:37.403
It has to do with a story about my time as principal.
00:02:37.854 --> 00:02:44.933
A story about my football team that I am helping coach that we just got our butts kicked the other day.
00:02:45.954 --> 00:02:52.223
And a powerful concept that I don't feel like I've ever taught this, but I talk about it all the time.
00:02:52.223 --> 00:02:57.864
So this is probably a concept that we haven't talked about on the podcast yet.
00:02:58.614 --> 00:03:03.653
I don't even know what we'd call it, but basically, well, I'll just lead in with this story.
00:03:03.774 --> 00:03:06.063
Cortni, are you excited for whatever we're gonna talk about?
00:03:06.200 --> 00:03:07.161
can't wait.
00:03:08.049 --> 00:03:10.718
One part excited and like three parts nervous.
00:03:11.330 --> 00:03:13.911
No, I trust you, and you'll fill in any gaps.
00:03:14.121 --> 00:03:14.721
It's all good.
00:03:15.218 --> 00:03:15.699
Okay.
00:03:15.699 --> 00:03:16.929
Yeah, this is gonna be awesome.
00:03:17.408 --> 00:03:19.359
So we'll start with a story.
00:03:19.359 --> 00:03:32.408
Back when I was a high school principal, the first year that I took over as principal, the state came in and they're like, Hey, your last principal didn't do all this stuff.
00:03:32.408 --> 00:03:34.359
Your school was under review.
00:03:34.943 --> 00:03:43.794
You are on the verge of being shut Down here is a list of 117 things that you guys need to fix.
00:03:43.854 --> 00:03:50.213
I can't remember the exact number, but it was over a hundred and this document was like 500 pages.
00:03:50.213 --> 00:03:53.394
And I'm like, seriously, you expect me to read all this?
00:03:54.084 --> 00:04:00.929
Anyways, so they give us this thing of like 117, that that's the number I used when I.
00:04:01.899 --> 00:04:04.179
Told this story to my football players.
00:04:05.169 --> 00:04:08.378
But anyways, they're like, Hey, you gotta fix all these things or we're gonna shut you down.
00:04:09.609 --> 00:04:18.098
Fortunately, we were also being reviewed for our special ed services and they're like, Hey, how many of your kids that are in special ed.
00:04:18.668 --> 00:04:30.369
That have graduated, have gone on to hold down a job and work in a job, and our school was really small, so I was like, well, let's just survey all of our students and find out.
00:04:31.959 --> 00:04:36.163
It was like 0% of our graduates within the past 10 years had jobs.
00:04:37.658 --> 00:04:47.425
We live in a unique area where some of these people get dividend from the tribe so they could totally live off a dividend.
00:04:47.725 --> 00:04:48.146
Mm-hmm.
00:04:48.158 --> 00:04:53.139
It is completely normal to live with your parents until the day you die.
00:04:53.319 --> 00:04:56.649
So like they, they're we're just factors.
00:04:57.278 --> 00:05:05.829
But when we talk to our students, we're like, Hey, if you have had a job and you no longer have a job, why don't you have a job?
00:05:06.699 --> 00:05:12.579
And they're like, oh, well, I just got in a fight with my boss, or I yelled at a customer, so I got fired.
00:05:13.778 --> 00:05:20.949
The other reason they didn't have a job was because they're like, oh, I slept in and just didn't go to work.
00:05:21.009 --> 00:05:29.259
And so they fired me for some reason, or I was constantly late, so they fired me for some reason, and we identified two common themes.
00:05:29.559 --> 00:05:34.209
It was either their behavior that kept them from keeping a job.
00:05:34.733 --> 00:05:38.153
Or it was their attendance that kept them from keeping a job.
00:05:38.874 --> 00:05:43.134
So we identified those two things and we're like, Hey, we're gonna change our grading system.
00:05:43.134 --> 00:05:50.723
We're gonna focus on behavior and attendance, and the academic portion is just one third of this pie.
00:05:51.353 --> 00:05:53.454
So we graded them one third on.
00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:55.309
Behavior.
00:05:55.399 --> 00:06:00.348
One third of their grade was based on attendance, so 33%, 33%.
00:06:00.408 --> 00:06:04.548
And then because everyone loves academics, we're like, fine, I can have 34%.
00:06:05.478 --> 00:06:18.949
But when we focused on attendance and behavior, our graduation rate went from 55% up to 88%, and our suspensions went from over 200 a year to less than 20 a year.
00:06:19.704 --> 00:06:26.004
And people are like, yeah, but you weren't actually teaching them anything because you're basing their grade on attendance and behavior.
00:06:26.483 --> 00:06:32.814
Well, our SAT testing or a CT, I can't remember which one we do out here.
00:06:32.874 --> 00:06:36.173
Anyways, that went up, like our students learned more.
00:06:36.774 --> 00:06:45.374
Anyways, fast forward to yesterday, we were watching film with this freshman football team.
00:06:45.403 --> 00:06:47.324
I'm the head coach of the freshman team.
00:06:48.389 --> 00:06:50.428
Then I still get a help with varsity.
00:06:50.759 --> 00:06:53.038
I didn't want to be head coach of the freshman team.
00:06:53.038 --> 00:06:56.968
It kind of just was thrust upon me, but whatever.
00:06:57.869 --> 00:07:04.678
We got our butts kicked and it was one of the worst football performances that I've ever been a part of.
00:07:05.218 --> 00:07:16.259
It was following one of the worst practices I've ever been a part of, and we only have 16 kids on this team, so it's not a big football team.
00:07:17.129 --> 00:07:20.038
In the game, like we had kids that just didn't wanna play.
00:07:20.038 --> 00:07:24.629
Like our offense would go out onto the field and we were missing two linemen.
00:07:25.408 --> 00:07:27.869
And I'm like, bro, like you're supposed to be in there.
00:07:27.869 --> 00:07:29.668
And he's like, ah, I'm not feeling it right now.
00:07:29.668 --> 00:07:32.879
I'm like, we need some anyways.
00:07:33.838 --> 00:07:44.653
So I'm sitting here watching film for this ugly, ugly loss and there's like 117 things that we need to fix.
00:07:46.514 --> 00:07:54.134
I'm talking to my wife and I'm watching film, and even my 10-year-old was watching a little bit of film and I'm like, they're not even trying.
00:07:55.423 --> 00:07:58.244
And I'm like, oh, well that's effort.
00:07:58.423 --> 00:07:59.803
And it came up over and over.
00:07:59.803 --> 00:08:01.184
They're not giving good effort.
00:08:01.874 --> 00:08:03.853
Well, then the other problem was.
00:08:05.264 --> 00:08:10.064
There were plays where the kids didn't know the play or they didn't do what they were supposed to.
00:08:10.274 --> 00:08:12.824
And in football we call that a lack of discipline.
00:08:13.694 --> 00:08:22.303
And so anyways, we go to watch film and these poor freshmen, they all think I'm gonna yell at'em, which I'm not really a yeller as a coach though.
00:08:22.303 --> 00:08:24.074
I did come UNG glued on one of the rest.
00:08:24.103 --> 00:08:30.524
'cause anyways, anyways, we're sitting there watching or we're getting ready to watch film and I tell'em that story.
00:08:30.524 --> 00:08:31.093
I'm like, Hey.
00:08:31.874 --> 00:08:37.094
And there was a time in my life we had 117 things to fix and it was just super overwhelming.
00:08:37.453 --> 00:08:39.673
And then we identified two things to fix.
00:08:40.124 --> 00:08:41.443
I was like, guys, I watched your film.
00:08:41.443 --> 00:08:43.514
Guess how many things I noticed that we need to fix?
00:08:43.514 --> 00:08:45.344
And they're like, hundreds.
00:08:45.464 --> 00:08:52.004
I'm like 117, but I've boiled it down to two things and then I put'em in groups.
00:08:52.004 --> 00:08:54.043
I'm like, what do you think those two things are?
00:08:54.553 --> 00:08:55.604
And so these little.
00:08:56.038 --> 00:09:01.048
15-year-old dudes are talking in their groups and they're like, oh, what do you think they are?
00:09:01.678 --> 00:09:15.119
One group came up with discipline and listening, and the other group came up with physicality and effort, and I was like, this is perfect.
00:09:15.119 --> 00:09:18.178
Like I didn't even lead them into this.
00:09:18.239 --> 00:09:23.249
They just talk and came up with this on their own, and so I was like, no, this is great.
00:09:23.984 --> 00:09:27.913
Could it be possible that physicality could go underneath effort?
00:09:28.423 --> 00:09:29.533
And they're like, yeah, totally.
00:09:29.953 --> 00:09:33.134
I'm like, could listening go underneath discipline?
00:09:33.764 --> 00:09:35.024
And they're like, yeah, totally.
00:09:35.563 --> 00:09:37.453
And I was like, what else could go under discipline?
00:09:37.453 --> 00:09:43.489
And they're like knowing the plays, like they just started talking about this and we went from.
00:09:44.443 --> 00:09:46.244
Like that film was bad.
00:09:46.693 --> 00:09:49.094
Like there were, there was one play.
00:09:49.094 --> 00:09:56.923
We had one player do the right thing and we had 10 other guys all doing the wrong thing and we're like, or nothing at all, which is still the wrong thing.
00:09:57.869 --> 00:10:09.178
Anyways, it would've been really, really easy to get overwhelmed and think, man, how are we going to address every single problem that we have in our football team?
00:10:10.198 --> 00:10:17.759
But when we shifted the focus, like when we started watching plays, the kids were like, oh, that's just effort.
00:10:17.788 --> 00:10:23.283
Like even if we do the wrong thing, if we do it with a hundred percent effort, the play will still turn out okay.
00:10:24.239 --> 00:10:27.538
There's one play where we lost two yards and we're like, look at this, bro.
00:10:28.678 --> 00:10:32.068
Just standing there watching the play, doing nothing.
00:10:32.068 --> 00:10:39.568
Like if he had a little bit of effort and just gets in this dude's way, we go from losing two yards to gaining six yards.
00:10:40.349 --> 00:10:42.749
And they're like, yeah, like we could give more effort.
00:10:43.288 --> 00:10:47.038
And there was a play where one person.
00:10:47.653 --> 00:10:49.754
Did the wrong thing, like he didn't know the play.
00:10:49.754 --> 00:10:50.953
That was a lack of discipline.
00:10:51.313 --> 00:10:58.604
We're like, look, he could have gotten like 20 or 30 yards if this other dude knew what he was doing, and these kids kind of caught the vision.
00:10:59.384 --> 00:11:14.114
So now I'll let you guys know how this goes, but in practice when we move from one station to another or we go from one activity to another, we like get together and put our hands in the middle and we we're like, kick butt on 3, 1, 2, 3 kick butt.
00:11:14.114 --> 00:11:15.104
And we do this cheer.
00:11:15.193 --> 00:11:20.354
I told'em, guys, you only have two cheers that you can do for the next until we figure this crap out.
00:11:20.984 --> 00:11:24.673
You can cheer effort or you can cheer discipline.
00:11:25.514 --> 00:11:27.764
And these 15-year-old kids are all bought in.
00:11:27.764 --> 00:11:28.278
They're like, yeah.
00:11:28.979 --> 00:11:30.298
We only have to do two things.
00:11:30.538 --> 00:11:32.458
We gotta have effort, we gotta have discipline.
00:11:33.389 --> 00:11:45.369
And I think in parenting sometimes we look at all the things that we have wrong in our lives, in our relationship, and we're like, I got 117 things I gotta fix.
00:11:46.318 --> 00:11:48.538
I got like this 500 page.
00:11:48.928 --> 00:11:54.778
It is funny when the state sent me that, this was like back in the old days when you couldn't send files that were too big.
00:11:55.288 --> 00:11:57.239
It was like 14 emails.
00:11:57.839 --> 00:12:00.119
Like, seriously, and you want us to do this?
00:12:00.119 --> 00:12:08.668
Within like the first three months of school, it was so overwhelming, but when we narrowed it down to two, it gave us focus.
00:12:09.283 --> 00:12:19.874
It gave us purpose and it felt easy to do and it completely changed our school, and I'm really excited for this football season because these boys, they were defeated.
00:12:19.874 --> 00:12:21.703
They're like, man, how do we fix all this?
00:12:22.094 --> 00:12:27.553
When we narrowed it down to two and they caught the vision, they're like, oh, we can totally do this.
00:12:28.094 --> 00:12:31.844
So Cortni, how on earth could we apply that to parenting?
00:12:31.874 --> 00:12:33.644
Now that you know what we're talking about.
00:12:34.301 --> 00:12:34.900
Yeah.
00:12:35.331 --> 00:12:39.260
I was thinking like looking at all of the issues that you have with your teenager.
00:12:39.890 --> 00:12:56.390
Pick the ones that the most troublesome or most difficult to handle, or, I don't know, but narrow it down, like, don't try to solve all of your problems narrow it down, and like you said, subcategorize and things will just start to fall into place.
00:12:56.390 --> 00:12:57.471
I would imagine once.
00:12:58.416 --> 00:12:59.645
things start moving better.
00:13:00.096 --> 00:13:02.765
I don't know how, how do you apply it to parenting, Ben?
00:13:02.765 --> 00:13:05.765
Because like, I have my theory, but I'm sure you'll explain it
00:13:07.104 --> 00:13:08.663
No, I, I, I like yours.
00:13:08.663 --> 00:13:10.433
I think yours is really good.
00:13:10.953 --> 00:13:17.793
one of the things, so back when I used to do courses, which guys, I'm gonna start doing that eventually, I just.
00:13:19.714 --> 00:13:27.844
They haven't prioritized that yet, but I would often tell the moms that I worked with, like, you're gonna hear lots of things.
00:13:27.964 --> 00:13:35.104
Just pick one thing, like pick the one thing that you think will give you the biggest bang for your buck.
00:13:36.004 --> 00:13:40.293
And the crazy thing is like I have prob, I don't know how many moms I've worked with.
00:13:40.293 --> 00:13:44.614
I should go back and count, but it always.
00:13:45.153 --> 00:13:51.543
They're able to identify, oh, well this one thing would change everything, and it's not always the same.
00:13:51.543 --> 00:14:00.663
One thing, like I remember working with one mom, she's like, if I change my inner talk, like she was so hard on herself.
00:14:01.234 --> 00:14:08.458
Like she would yell at her kids and say mean things, and she's like, to tell you the truth, that's how I talk to myself in my head.
00:14:09.333 --> 00:14:11.854
She's like, I call myself an idiot all day.
00:14:12.453 --> 00:14:16.894
I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, gosh, I can't believe how fat and ugly I am.
00:14:17.974 --> 00:14:22.533
And it just broke my heart that she treated herself this way.
00:14:22.533 --> 00:14:27.094
And it made complete sense like, well, this is why you treat your kids poorly because.
00:14:27.678 --> 00:14:29.688
You're constantly treating yourself this way.
00:14:30.349 --> 00:14:33.499
And she picked, Hey, that's the one thing I'm gonna work on.
00:14:34.219 --> 00:14:37.249
And that completely changed everything.
00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:38.599
And she was surprised.
00:14:38.599 --> 00:14:43.068
She's like, I can't believe all the different things that it's changed.
00:14:43.428 --> 00:14:45.048
Like I have more confidence at work.
00:14:45.048 --> 00:14:49.188
She was a teacher and she's always, it is hard being a teacher.
00:14:49.369 --> 00:14:51.333
Like you worry about what these little.
00:14:52.653 --> 00:14:55.504
Knuckleheads, think about you and what their parents think about you.
00:14:55.504 --> 00:15:00.244
And she's like, when I had better conversations with myself, I had more confidence.
00:15:00.844 --> 00:15:02.224
I yelled at my kids less.
00:15:02.344 --> 00:15:04.293
I had a better relationship with my husband.
00:15:04.293 --> 00:15:13.803
Like when you can pick one thing and when you can identify, hey, this is the one thing that will give me the biggest bang for my buck.
00:15:15.619 --> 00:15:18.499
It's powerful because it simplifies your life.
00:15:19.129 --> 00:15:34.038
Now, for the sake of my school and for the sake of the football team, which by the way, if we go back to the school thing, the state board of education was like, Ben, you can't grade kids based on their attendance and their behavior.
00:15:34.038 --> 00:15:38.479
So any of you guys that are listening and your teachers and you're like, that is so illegal, you can't do that.
00:15:39.048 --> 00:15:39.769
I know.
00:15:39.798 --> 00:15:40.938
They told me that too.
00:15:42.288 --> 00:15:44.359
The nice thing is I was working for the tribe.
00:15:45.109 --> 00:15:46.578
And I'm a really good salesman.
00:15:46.668 --> 00:15:51.168
If I believe in something, you're gonna believe in it too.
00:15:51.198 --> 00:15:55.573
Like if I can just have a little quick conversation, you're gonna see things my way and you're gonna be like, yeah, this is awesome.
00:15:56.464 --> 00:16:07.264
I had presented our findings and our plan to the governing council of the tribe, and they're like, yeah, your plan makes sense.
00:16:07.264 --> 00:16:11.583
Like we need more of our tribal members to get jobs and be good employees.
00:16:11.583 --> 00:16:14.163
Like go ahead, focus on those things.
00:16:14.703 --> 00:16:17.913
And then the state office calls me and they're like, yo, you can't do that.
00:16:19.399 --> 00:16:24.408
I may have slightly manipulated the situation cause I told the tribal business committee.
00:16:24.408 --> 00:16:26.568
I'm like, yeah, the state says we can't do that.
00:16:26.568 --> 00:16:29.418
They're just trying to tell us how to raise our kids again.
00:16:30.078 --> 00:16:31.369
Oh my goodness.
00:16:31.578 --> 00:16:33.769
They're like, oh, we'll call those people.
00:16:33.769 --> 00:16:34.578
What's their phone number?
00:16:34.578 --> 00:16:35.328
Like who is it?
00:16:35.839 --> 00:16:37.188
And the state called me back.
00:16:37.188 --> 00:16:39.558
They're like, we're sorry, we misunderstood.
00:16:39.558 --> 00:16:41.267
You can do whatever you want.
00:16:41.328 --> 00:16:44.418
Just don't have the tribe come get after us.
00:16:45.318 --> 00:16:46.668
Anyways, the thing is like.
00:16:47.313 --> 00:16:52.413
And when you can simplify it, others will also buy in.
00:16:52.894 --> 00:17:00.063
If you can simplify it, if you can believe in it, if you can be bought in, your husband will be able to understand it.
00:17:00.183 --> 00:17:01.864
He'll be like, oh yeah, this is doable.
00:17:02.104 --> 00:17:04.594
Your teen will be able to understand it.
00:17:04.834 --> 00:17:06.423
They'll be like, oh yeah, this is doable.
00:17:06.663 --> 00:17:10.144
Like the cool thing about the school, we didn't just.
00:17:10.503 --> 00:17:17.884
Have this little secret thing as teachers and principal, where we're like, okay guys, we know we're focusing on behavior and attendance.
00:17:18.334 --> 00:17:20.584
No, it was a school wide thing.
00:17:21.739 --> 00:17:28.308
We did incentive trips and incentive trips back when the other principals did it.
00:17:28.308 --> 00:17:33.259
It was like you had to have like a degree in calculus to decide whether or not someone could go.
00:17:33.288 --> 00:17:36.078
'cause it's like, oh, well what about your attendance plus your behavior?
00:17:36.078 --> 00:17:39.558
Plus your grades, plus, do you have any office referrals?
00:17:39.758 --> 00:17:40.278
Plus this?
00:17:40.278 --> 00:17:41.193
Plus that plus.
00:17:41.334 --> 00:17:46.753
And it is like, no, let's just say if you have less than 80% attendance, it's a no.
00:17:48.108 --> 00:17:52.909
If you have less than this citizenship grade, the behavior portion, it's a no.
00:17:53.659 --> 00:17:59.959
All the kids knew, oh, it's attendance and behavior and you knew we were making a change.
00:18:00.288 --> 00:18:09.318
When we would get parents who would call and complain and be like, your stupid attendance program, we were gonna go outta town, and my kid said, no, I gotta go to school.
00:18:09.318 --> 00:18:10.159
I wanna go to school.
00:18:10.159 --> 00:18:11.298
Mom, take me to school.
00:18:11.568 --> 00:18:15.229
Like everyone was bought in because of how simple it is.
00:18:16.050 --> 00:18:16.381
Yeah.
00:18:16.681 --> 00:18:36.769
And if you're like me, like I see like my oldest just went off to college and I have this long laundry list of all the things that I wish he would fix and do differently, and I wish before he'd have left, I'd have had this conversation and thought, oh, let's just pick two things and make it simple.
00:18:36.769 --> 00:18:41.088
Make it something that we all understand and we agree to work towards.
00:18:41.568 --> 00:18:42.749
Go ahead, Cortni.
00:18:44.596 --> 00:18:59.776
I, I was thinking when you were talking about just the fact that they're showing up more, they're learning more, you know, so they say you can't base their grade off of attendance, but the, the fact that they're in class, they're absorbing more.
00:19:00.645 --> 00:19:07.455
I think Williams School, they dock points off if you wear the wrong shoes to like PE or something like, and if you have gum, you get points off.
00:19:07.455 --> 00:19:10.905
So like if you're chewing gum and you have Crocs on, that affects your grade.
00:19:10.905 --> 00:19:10.965
So.
00:19:14.088 --> 00:19:20.239
Yeah, and the cool thing is like when I look at the school, it was really awesome.
00:19:20.239 --> 00:19:22.788
There was a period where we were the.
00:19:24.364 --> 00:19:33.933
Oh, they called us a turnaround school, and I can't remember the term that they used, but we had the biggest change in graduation rate in one year, and that was really cool.
00:19:33.933 --> 00:19:35.913
Like we got awards from the state.
00:19:35.943 --> 00:19:43.173
We got recognized for doing that when we dropped our suspensions from over 200 a year to less than 20 a year.
00:19:43.834 --> 00:19:46.983
They're like, we gotta send someone out because you guys aren't tracking.
00:19:47.959 --> 00:19:48.769
Stuff, right?
00:19:49.368 --> 00:19:53.118
And they came out and they're like, dang, you guys are doing this?
00:19:53.838 --> 00:19:58.159
And people would ask me all the time, they're like, geez, Ben, you must be an amazing principal.
00:19:58.159 --> 00:19:59.088
How do you do this?
00:19:59.358 --> 00:20:03.469
And then I'd tell'em, oh, we just focus on attendance and behavior.
00:20:03.469 --> 00:20:06.919
And they're like, no, that's too easy.
00:20:06.979 --> 00:20:09.409
Like what's the complex formula?
00:20:09.409 --> 00:20:11.884
The secret formula that no, no one knows about.
00:20:13.263 --> 00:20:28.503
And I think part of that is because we live in a society and in a culture where we love to overcomplicate things, we love to sound smart and inventive and like, oh yeah, I have this new crazy thing.
00:20:28.953 --> 00:20:30.423
And when you can simplify it.
00:20:31.398 --> 00:20:45.409
That's where the real power comes in because I guarantee you, your teenager, when they go to school, they've got 117 things that their teachers want'em to do or that they need to do for football or drama or whatever's going on.
00:20:46.278 --> 00:20:47.538
Don't add to that.
00:20:47.778 --> 00:20:48.588
Simplify it.
00:20:49.249 --> 00:20:59.104
And if you can find a way, like the nice thing about my football players when we were, so we're watching film and I'm like, listen guys.
00:21:00.528 --> 00:21:01.939
Effort and discipline.
00:21:02.509 --> 00:21:09.409
Like, I'm your football coach, so we're focused on football, but look how many of you guys have this coach as your teacher.
00:21:09.769 --> 00:21:11.134
And some of the kids are like, yeah, I do.
00:21:12.108 --> 00:21:13.189
Effort and discipline.
00:21:13.338 --> 00:21:15.378
How's that going to affect you in the classroom?
00:21:16.038 --> 00:21:21.439
And the kids are like, oh, well, the more effort you put into an assignment, the better you learn the thing.
00:21:22.038 --> 00:21:25.308
If you're disciplined enough to turn it in on time, you get more points.
00:21:25.308 --> 00:21:26.538
I'm like, oh, amazing.
00:21:26.538 --> 00:21:27.618
It applies there too.
00:21:28.068 --> 00:21:29.328
What about work?
00:21:29.358 --> 00:21:33.919
And these kids are too young, but I'm like, Hey, you're gonna have a job someday when you have a job.
00:21:34.219 --> 00:21:37.729
How is effort and discipline going to impact?
00:21:38.209 --> 00:21:41.868
Where you work and when we can help our teens.
00:21:42.588 --> 00:21:47.118
Or if you're a mom and you're like, man, we have 117 things we gotta fix in our family.
00:21:47.749 --> 00:22:04.398
If you can identify the two simple things that have the biggest bang, meaning, not only are they going to address issues in your family, but they'll also address issues at their job, in their relationship with their friends in their sport.
00:22:05.554 --> 00:22:20.193
You get more buy-in from them and if you pick the right ones, like I get lucky, like I was diagnosed with like A DHD and dyslexia and all sorts of things, and they like told me like, Ben, your brain doesn't work right.
00:22:20.763 --> 00:22:26.284
That's probably why I see things differently and I can just simplify'em like, oh, these are just two simple problems.
00:22:26.284 --> 00:22:26.648
Let's do that.
00:22:27.753 --> 00:22:34.503
Like if you can help them start to see the world in a more simplistic way.
00:22:34.503 --> 00:22:38.824
Like, oh, I feel like my world's falling apart around me.
00:22:39.153 --> 00:22:46.653
Maybe if I just do this one thing, and whether that's like going to church or maybe finding a new friend group.
00:22:46.653 --> 00:22:54.213
I'm coaching a young man who's in college and we've done, like, we're almost done with our coaching.
00:22:55.023 --> 00:22:57.153
And just the other week he's like, you know what?
00:22:57.153 --> 00:23:02.013
When I go back to college, I think the biggest thing is I need better friends.
00:23:02.701 --> 00:23:02.790
Hmm.
00:23:03.183 --> 00:23:07.594
He's like, I have a friend group that is like an alternative friend group.
00:23:07.594 --> 00:23:14.794
They're not as cool and as fun as the other friend group, but if I just started hanging out with them, I'd get drunk less.
00:23:15.183 --> 00:23:16.348
I'd go to school more.
00:23:16.638 --> 00:23:16.989
Right.
00:23:17.898 --> 00:23:19.878
I'm like, dude, that's a simple fix.
00:23:19.878 --> 00:23:22.788
Like, why don't you just do that one simple thing?
00:23:22.788 --> 00:23:26.719
He is like, I'm going to, like, I'm not even gonna talk to those clowns.
00:23:26.719 --> 00:23:29.328
They just drag me down, like make it simple.
00:23:30.526 --> 00:23:30.976
Yeah.
00:23:31.336 --> 00:23:44.335
I think even for us as parents, like you were giving the example of the mom where she just wanted, she started talking to herself, Just us as parents, narrowing down one or two things that we can fix, and then having the same expectations of our teenagers.
00:23:45.016 --> 00:23:56.506
You know, there's, I'm sure there's a list of things that annoy us of things that they do or say or don't do, but if we can just simplify it and only focus on those, like oftentimes teenagers.
00:23:57.760 --> 00:24:01.631
Our goals are unattainable because we have so many things we want them to fix, and so
00:24:01.743 --> 00:24:02.034
Yeah.
00:24:02.141 --> 00:24:04.721
never gonna make us happy, so they're not gonna make an effort.
00:24:05.171 --> 00:24:13.570
So just narrowing it down to one or two things that they can focus on, it would help them, it would help the relationship, I'm sure.
00:24:14.050 --> 00:24:17.111
yeah, I like the idea of simplifying, definitely.
00:24:17.163 --> 00:24:32.794
and I feel like part of the secret sauce that I didn't appreciate until just when you were talking, like when I talked to the football players, I put'em into two little groups and I'm like, you guys identify what?
00:24:33.739 --> 00:24:36.949
If there were only two things, what do you think the two things would be?
00:24:37.368 --> 00:24:40.759
And I already knew what I wanted the two things to be from watching film.
00:24:40.759 --> 00:24:42.618
I wanted effort, I wanted discipline.
00:24:43.278 --> 00:24:46.548
It was way cooler that the kids came up with that.
00:24:46.699 --> 00:24:52.729
And they think they're the ones that like, they don't think, oh, coach Pugh was home watching film.
00:24:52.729 --> 00:24:54.199
These are the ones he wanted.
00:24:54.378 --> 00:24:55.939
In their mind, they're like, man.
00:24:56.824 --> 00:24:58.263
This is what we identified.
00:24:58.263 --> 00:24:59.913
This is what we need to fix.
00:25:00.483 --> 00:25:07.443
And the cool thing is when we did the survey for the kids, like at my school when I was principal, like, are you working?
00:25:07.443 --> 00:25:08.403
Are you not working?
00:25:08.403 --> 00:25:12.723
Like they weren't intentionally trying to help us find a solution.
00:25:12.723 --> 00:25:14.703
Like they didn't know they were a part of that.
00:25:15.273 --> 00:25:18.962
But you can see how we looped them in and empowered them.
00:25:19.054 --> 00:25:21.753
And they did help us come up with solutions.
00:25:22.354 --> 00:25:22.534
I.
00:25:24.334 --> 00:25:28.203
We live in a society that's very prescriptive.
00:25:28.263 --> 00:25:29.854
Like, Hey, you need to do this.
00:25:29.854 --> 00:25:31.173
And look, I'm your parent.
00:25:31.173 --> 00:25:32.344
I'm way smarter than you.
00:25:32.344 --> 00:25:33.993
I'm gonna tell you what you need to do.
00:25:34.683 --> 00:25:45.364
If you could empower your teen, if you could be like, like maybe just facilitate the conversation like, man, you're struggling with your girlfriend, you're struggling at school, you're struggling with this and this.
00:25:45.364 --> 00:25:50.163
Like, what's one thing that would help improve all of these things?
00:25:50.913 --> 00:26:00.663
If your teen is like my teen, you ask'em that question and they're gonna say, I dk, or I don't know, like it is just gonna be something stupid, but that's okay.
00:26:00.663 --> 00:26:01.653
You plan to deceive.
00:26:01.653 --> 00:26:04.114
Give'em time to think and then maybe revisit it later.
00:26:04.114 --> 00:26:07.473
Hey, have you thought of just one thing that might help improve it?
00:26:07.473 --> 00:26:13.384
And just be persistent, but you don't have to like force them to come up with a beautiful answer.
00:26:13.953 --> 00:26:15.183
I don't know is okay.
00:26:15.304 --> 00:26:17.163
At least you planted a seed.
00:26:17.816 --> 00:26:18.236
Mm-hmm.
00:26:19.351 --> 00:26:23.941
And they might think about it and they might do something differently and they probably won't tell you,
00:26:24.588 --> 00:26:24.828
Yeah.
00:26:25.128 --> 00:26:26.280
they might try.
00:26:27.469 --> 00:26:27.888
Yeah.
00:26:28.788 --> 00:26:33.588
You know, there are so many places I could apply this in my current life.
00:26:35.929 --> 00:26:39.888
I am unintentionally, like in solar right now.
00:26:39.949 --> 00:26:42.469
I'm like, I don't have time to go knock doors.
00:26:42.469 --> 00:26:44.358
I don't have time to do all this other stuff.
00:26:44.959 --> 00:26:51.888
What is one thing that would help the whole, that whole component of my life improve?
00:26:52.459 --> 00:26:55.278
And so like right now I'm running, anyone listening?
00:26:55.278 --> 00:26:56.574
If you live in the basin, you've.
00:26:57.304 --> 00:26:58.624
Possibly heard me on the radio.
00:26:58.624 --> 00:26:59.733
I'm running radio ads.
00:26:59.733 --> 00:27:08.794
I'm getting interviewed on the local radio because we're already running Facebook ads and I'm like, what's one thing I could do that will help the whole big picture?
00:27:09.963 --> 00:27:12.183
Yeah, I'm gonna apply this to more areas in my life.
00:27:12.183 --> 00:27:13.953
I just need time to explore it.
00:27:14.885 --> 00:27:15.175
Good.
00:27:15.175 --> 00:27:16.411
Well, I'm glad we could help you out.
00:27:17.074 --> 00:27:22.534
Yeah, thank, thank you guys for coming to this podcast as an ENFP.
00:27:23.193 --> 00:27:25.594
I don't know what's going on in my life until I think about it.
00:27:25.894 --> 00:27:26.854
Actually, I don't.
00:27:28.054 --> 00:27:35.703
I have a hard time coming up with solutions until I can talk to someone about it, and this podcast probably benefits me more than it benefits you guys.
00:27:37.173 --> 00:27:40.023
And so thank you for giving me a place where I can talk.
00:27:40.023 --> 00:27:44.854
And Cortni, thanks for being here so I don't have to talk to myself like I normally.
00:27:45.540 --> 00:27:47.550
Yeah, anytime.
00:27:48.273 --> 00:27:48.483
Okay.
00:27:48.483 --> 00:27:51.453
Well, anything you want to add before we let the good people go?
00:27:52.711 --> 00:27:53.820
Oh, I think that's good.
00:27:53.911 --> 00:27:54.931
We'll keep it simple.
00:27:55.260 --> 00:27:56.161
The theme of the day.
00:27:56.538 --> 00:28:02.108
Yeah, keep it simple because guess what, your teens, they're simple minded creatures.
00:28:02.179 --> 00:28:02.469
Okay.
00:28:02.881 --> 00:28:03.330
Heck yeah.
00:28:03.330 --> 00:28:03.990
No, they are.
00:28:04.384 --> 00:28:10.713
I think all people are, we just try and pretend that we're way more complicated and complex than we really are, but
00:28:10.980 --> 00:28:11.490
Yeah.
00:28:12.693 --> 00:28:12.993
okay.
00:28:12.993 --> 00:28:14.824
And know who else is a simple creature.
00:28:15.483 --> 00:28:29.284
All you mothers out there listening, all you wives, I guarantee you your husband is a simple creature as a husband, like I feel like sometimes when me and Deb like have disagreements.
00:28:30.439 --> 00:28:37.009
She thinks that I've thought about it way more, and I'm like, no, I hadn't thought of that at all.
00:28:39.558 --> 00:28:40.308
So just
00:28:40.770 --> 00:28:41.701
Bless her heart.
00:28:42.259 --> 00:28:43.189
I know seriously.
00:28:43.651 --> 00:28:44.070
Mm-hmm.
00:28:44.371 --> 00:28:46.729
And you gotta see her today before we hit record.
00:28:46.770 --> 00:28:49.351
know what a wonderful lady
00:28:49.713 --> 00:28:50.479
She is.
00:28:50.479 --> 00:28:53.719
And she's a saint because she puts up with me so.
00:28:53.790 --> 00:28:54.421
that's what I mean.
00:28:54.445 --> 00:28:54.806
Mm-hmm.
00:28:55.066 --> 00:28:55.286
Yes.
00:28:56.463 --> 00:28:59.973
Okay guys, well we will be back next week.
00:29:00.604 --> 00:29:01.894
I'll for sure be back.
00:29:02.044 --> 00:29:07.624
I don't always know until the day of with Cortni'cause I forget to text sometimes.
00:29:07.624 --> 00:29:14.673
So sometimes if Cortni's not here, it's usually my fault and I forgot to coordinate with her beforehand, but I think we'll be back next week.
00:29:14.673 --> 00:29:15.270
Right Cortni?
00:29:15.570 --> 00:29:18.030
Yeah, that's kind of you for taking responsibility for that.
00:29:18.030 --> 00:29:24.181
But no, it's, I'm gonna set my alerts, like to do the day before and then maybe a couple the day of,
00:29:25.703 --> 00:29:36.048
I, if I had a personal assistant, her number one job would be, Hey, make sure me and Cortni schedule align on one day so we can record a podcast.
00:29:37.500 --> 00:29:39.691
that's all you would use your personal assistant for.
00:29:39.828 --> 00:29:41.118
no, that would be her main job.
00:29:41.790 --> 00:29:41.820
Oh.
00:29:43.516 --> 00:29:46.516
All right, well, I'll, I'll work out.
00:29:46.516 --> 00:29:50.355
I'll simplify a way that I can make sure it works every Friday.
00:29:50.794 --> 00:29:51.003
Okay.
00:29:51.003 --> 00:29:56.134
We'll be back on Friday unless we're not, in which case I'll be back.
00:29:56.134 --> 00:29:56.763
But anyways.
00:29:57.423 --> 00:29:57.693
Okay.
00:29:58.054 --> 00:29:59.223
See y'all next week.
