WEBVTT
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I'm in that same goddamn room.
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I'm about two hours away from the animal.
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I looked up to the sky, which is an old fucking dirty white ceiling and I know I don't wanna die for all I care about is that they feebly something that's tasty and sweet.
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Ladies, gentlemen, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles, stepdads, stepmoms, second and third cousins, aunts, papas, nanas, gaggas, babies, infants, the unborn.
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Welcome to the Eekshow.
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All my advertisements for episodes are on eekshow.show.
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That is the Instagram handle.
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You can connect on info at eekshow.show.
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That's the Google World email domain.
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Eekshow.
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Hey, is that Barney Gumble?
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Is it a week?
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That one hurts the throat.
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Oh, I can't even fucking little fucking cupo Joe, yeah.
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Ooh, um.
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You think they call it Copo Joe?
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Because the first diner, like, was Joe's diner.
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And they, you know, every time you go into diner at any point, you're probably gonna get a cup of coffee.
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You know, I mean, let's just say, especially before lunch.
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You know, or late night.
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I don't know.
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Especially before lunch.
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Diner sitting at the counter, the fucking little shiny, you know, spin seats you set up at the diner counter bar.
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They have those little fucking pop-top seats, cuh.
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You know, they got the boots for fucking larger groups.
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You gotta get a cup of coffee.
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You're at Joe's Diner.
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Give me a cup, oh Joe, cuh.
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What if the diner, the first diner ever, the guy's name was fucking Engelbert Humperdink.
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Yo, give me a cup of Engelbert, cuh.
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She comes back with a fucking like blended vegetable fucking protein smoothie.
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Here's the Engelbert, man.
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I asked for a fucking cup of coffee.
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You didn't! You said you wanted a cup of Engelbert.
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Copo joke, yeah.
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Speaking of coffee, let's just say you were convicted criminal.
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Okay, I've thought of this, you've heard the question for years of time.
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I've heard people talk about famous people's last meals.
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Let's just say you were in prison, you're on death row, and you're gonna get your last meal.
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Okay, anything goes.
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It does sound like that, you know, fictitious or non-fictitious lore.
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All the articles and the background, historic writings about the last meal, certain people's last meal, notorious, convicted, awful, you know, serial killers, or people that have been in prison and are gonna get put to death.
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For the longest amount of time, history, they actually really do have a last meal, and they're allowed to have whatever they want.
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I I've mentioned the last meal, or what would you do if it was the end of the world briefly when I talked about signs or in the alien episode?
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Do you believe in aliens?
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Do you believe in aliens?
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That's how I said it, yeah.
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What do you think I forgot that?
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Yeah.
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Your last meal is kind of a big deal, right?
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You're gonna move on from life.
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And anything goes, right?
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Anything goes.
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What would your last meal be?
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And you've gotta have the entire fucking courses, right?
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I mean, they probably don't allow you to have like some of these thousand bucks the 13-course meal at fucking rip raps in fucking upstate fucking yuppie New York or downtown New York.
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Here comes the 15-course genet with 15 different wines and even port for dessert.
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You know, it's like they're not gonna let you have a 15-course meal.
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You know, they don't want you.
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They're about to fucking electrocute you or fucking shoot you with uh lethal injection, or I think those are the only two I know of, man.
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I don't even know any others.
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I don't even know any others.
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I guess it's a good thing, right?
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I haven't been on fucking death row, cause death row records, cah! Cause you and I know who's the best side.
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It's the motherfucking west side.
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Death Row Records, ka.
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What would your last meal be?
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Would you have the courses?
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I'm sure you can have let's just say a super salad appetizer, main course, dessert.
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They give it to you all together, I'm sure.
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Like, they're gonna give you your last meal, but they want it done.
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Like, come on, man, get this motherfucker eating and get them out of here in an hour.
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We got the fucking chair.
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The chair's all revved up.
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You know, we're ready to fucking light the fucker up.
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It's just fucking crazy.
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I don't feel bad about talking about it though, because people that are on death row deserve to deserve to die, right?
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They've earned their end of time.
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In the last meal, it's like it's kind of a listen, we're gonna kill you, but you know, we'll give you some something that you really like to eat.
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No, what a trade-off, man.
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But it's whatever they've done, they've earned their fucking last meal, that's for sure.
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Forget about, you know, feeling bad for anybody that's on death row.
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Nobody feels bad for people that are fucking, let's just say, calculatedly, calculatedly.
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Ho ho, here's a fucking word I just made up.
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Calculatedly for the uh you're the champions if you can spell this last word.
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You're in fifth grade or fourth grade for the spelling bee.
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Calculatedly.
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The kid's like, um, that's not really a word.
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I'm not gonna spell it.
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And uh, they're all like, you're right! You win!
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Uh yeah, excuse me, HL.
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It actually is a word.
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It ain't a website dictionary, it's a word.
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What would your last meal be?
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Oh, look at the fucking parking.
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It's like I'm a fucking human Jenga piece.
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Just fucking fit right in.
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Oh, um, yum.
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I didn't press the extra bold button this morning, but I should have, huh?
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I should have.
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Sun's fucking gleaming right in my eyeball.
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Can't fucking see out of the left eye.
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The sun just fucking burned my retina.
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Mm-hmm.
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Do you have a good morning, man?
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Yeah, my fucking retina got scorched, though, man.
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Can't fucking see out of my left eye.
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You should use that eyeball you put on your fireplace, man.
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It's a good idea.
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Maybe I will do that.
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You got any scissors?
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Your last meal, the last meal.
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The concept is talked about often over time.
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Ted Bundy, fucking Dahmer, Ed Gain, John Wayne Gacy, all the fucking just notorious, awful serial killers.
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Fucking the fucking Sam guy in in New York.
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Do you get the courses?
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You know, they probably let you have the courses.
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You just don't get to space them out.
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And I guarantee you there's a time limit.
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You know what I mean?
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They're not letting you like peacefully sit there with fucking opera music or fucking like symphony in the background as you cut your, you know, let's say one of your part of your meal is a delicious fucking fillet.
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And anytime they'd have somebody, let's a serial killer, there's no way that the crazy people that kill people or kill more than one person, they don't cook their steak, they don't overcook it, right?
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They're gonna cook it.
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Like Dahmer is like, don't even fucking put it on the grill, man.
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Just cut that shit off and fucking flop it on a plate.
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Dahmer could have been like, you know, they they're like, you can have anything you want because we're gonna kill you.
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I mean, Dahmer got killed in jail by a another inmate because he was such a fucking he made jokes about what he had done.
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You know what I mean?
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He sort of made light of it.
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But imagine Dahmer's like, uh, for my last meal, I want to eat the warden.
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Do they deny him that?
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Or do they fucking execute the warden and fucking let him eat the warden?
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I mean, the guy was a cannibal.
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So Dahmer's meal, I guess by law, could have been, I mean, is he allowed to eat a human fucking person again?
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For his last meal, he never got his last meal, right?
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Because he was killed well before his execution.
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I think he was killed well before it.
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Would they allow that?
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You know, like I want, I want a fucking, I want a human liver and uh the warden's right leg.
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By law, can they say no?
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Is that not allowed on the menu?
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You know, you probably say lamb, chicken, fucking liver, but as long as it's from an animal.
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I wonder if there's fucking bylaws or like in the fine print.
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For your last meal, you can have anything that actually is humanely okay to eat.
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You can't eat human.
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You know what I mean?
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But Dahmer probably would have got a fucking for sure, you know.
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Like, I'd like the warden's fucking lung and uh his fucking, you know, the his aorta.
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Got one of his aorta sliced thin with some garlic and onions.
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You know what I mean?
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Can they deny that?
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Yes, um, the data on Jeffrey Dahmer is actually not accurate.
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He actually admitted to all his crimes.
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He pleaded guilty to get the life sentences and withgo or not be accessible to the death penalty.
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Actually, Dahmer's here, I'll let him talk to you.
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Hey Dahmer, come here! I know it's fucking crazy, you know, I do.
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And the idea of it is I'm sure so many people have talked about or heard or thought about what would your last meal be?
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My last meal?
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Okay, I want to know what each show land thinks for their last meal.
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Would you go fucking, you know, would you just go old school and get fucking a big giant fucking bowl of pasta?
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You know, I want a shower head above my fucking meal, and instead of it water coming down out of the shower head, one of those big industrial ones that just rains on you.
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If you get the fucking sweet in Aria, they've got this like giant shower head at the top, to the left and to the right.
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You're getting sprayed from from all directions.
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North, south, east, and west.
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You're just getting fucking showered off in their fucking sweet.
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We got it from my my little brother's fucking batcher party.
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I'll never forget it.
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They had a bidet there as well.
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Shit fucking cleans off your ass fucking after you take a shit.
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Just blows water right in your fucking cornhole.
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Just scalds off the fucking all the fucking remnants of fucking shit.
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I know it's crazy, man, but that is true.
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They got bidets in the fucking aria high-level suites.
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Fucking room was unbelievable.
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It's fucking the bathroom's the size of a fucking regular room you might rent at a fucking like Hampton Inn.
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Just the bathroom.
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They had a fucking steam shower.
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But back to the fucking last dinner, what I wanted, alright, I'm just gonna start with this.
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I want the fucking shower head.
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If you go old school, just I want a bowl of pasta with delicious Bolognese sauce.
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And I want it homemade.
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I want the three meats.
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I want lamb, I want sausage, and I want ground hamburger.
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You know, so you want sirline, lamb, and fucking sausage.
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Three meat fucking pasta sauce.
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Probably go peine.
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Peine is a fucking nice noodle cut, isn't it?
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Yo, give me some fucking peine, man.
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You know the fucking morons.
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Just the losers go.
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Just classic fucking rigatoni.
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Rigatoni's too fucking, it's too big of a piece.
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It's rigatoni to me looks like a fucking fat person pasta.
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You know what I mean?
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It's just, it's a big large fucking like water sock.
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You know, like, yo, give me the fucking water sock noodle.
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Yeah, that's fucking rigatoni, dude.
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I want fucking a little bit of class, a little bit of sophistication.
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Payne, Rotini, Farfella, Farfella, or whatever the fuck your name is.
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It's a fucking farfafella.
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Yo, did you fart with a fella?
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No, man.
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I did sit next to a fella that farted, though.
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Jesus.
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I had to fucking move my seat.
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Guy fucking smelled like fucking squid.
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And he got up.
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I saw a little fucking squid ink stain on his shirt.
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And that's not fucking squid ink.
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That's fucking something else.
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That's fucking three, that's three meat rigatoni sauce.
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I want pay.
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:27.599
So back to the shower head.
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It's above my meal.
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It's my last meal.
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I want fucking freshly flowing parmesan cheese coming out of the shower head like water.
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So I want them to hook up an industrial size sort of, it's gotta be a thicker size, like maybe like a septic hose.
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And you you have the you might even need a they may even need to build a separate Parmesan cheese creating factory next to the fucking septic hose that plugs into the side of the fucking jail, into my execution room, or the room before I'm gonna get electrocuted.
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So I'm my first part of my meal is the bowl of fucking payne with the three meat bowl and sauce.
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And it they turn the shower on low.
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I don't want it too high because I won't be able to like get the right amount of noodle and sauce and meat mixed with the cheese.
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But I want it constantly flowing.
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I want it on low.
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So the shower head's just raining fucking parmesan cheese, freshly graded from the production building they built next to the jail with a septic fucking hose pump out of the creation parmesan room belt grinder into the prison wall, into the room, into the shower head that rains down on my fucking first selection.
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That's my first pick.
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I obviously want to get some garlic bread.
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:00.079
And I want it fucking.
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I just want the classic fucking pepperage farm.
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Pepperage farm! Remembas! Pepperage farm, those two fucking pieces of bread that it's like frozen solid because there's so much butter and fucking, you know, processed fucking goop that you can't even like pull it apart unless you let it sort of thaw out.
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But you don't want to wait to let it thaw out.
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You want to cook it in the oven.
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So you try to cut it, and you can never cut it perfectly.
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So one side has much more of the fucking buttery, garlicky goop than the other side.
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The other half of the loaf.
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I want the side that's got the double fucking butter and fucking goop.
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And I want it cooked to perfection.
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I don't want it undercooked where it's soppy and it's like a wet fucking turf field that fucking Ekshaw just scored on a fucking post pattern.
00:19:53.680 --> 00:20:01.599
Oh, he's in bounds! What a catch! Fucking Bryce Underwood threw up a fucking prayer and Eekshow caught it.
00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:07.839
Go blue! Eekshow fucking signed his a five-year red shirt.
00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:12.079
Kids fucking got 16 touchdowns through fucking four games.
00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:14.640
That's fucking four game, man.
00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:15.680
That's all time.
00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:18.079
Of course it's all time.
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It's fucking Ekshow, man.
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.480
Back in the fucking late 70s?
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Late 70s.
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He would have been like fucking three years old.
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Kid studied, man.
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:30.079
He got into college early.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:33.680
Finished high school after his fucking first year on the planet.
00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:38.720
Fucking got redshirted at two and fucking, he was playing at three.
00:20:39.039 --> 00:20:41.599
16 touchdowns through four games.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:45.440
I need the garlic bread.
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:46.480
I need the garlic bread night.
00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:54.400
Of course I don't want it burnt, but I want the the sides like a Detroit-style pizza where the cheese fucking melts into the side of the pan.
00:20:54.480 --> 00:21:00.079
You gotta like use a knife or a metal spatula to sort of pry it out of there.
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:04.640
You eat through that crusty outside like it's a fucking old fucking.
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:11.839
Just an old fucking delicious fried-up piece of fucking cheese into the soft pillowy innards.
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:14.400
That's the way I want my garlic bread cooked.
00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:16.559
I want it crispy on the outside.
00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:23.440
Slightly kind of singed on the top, so you can see that delicious fucking brown color.
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:35.039
And you know it's funny, you're gonna die, so I might as well get a side of like honey butter to put on the hot garlic bread.
00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:35.759
Extra.
00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:42.079
You're not worried about fucking fat, salt content, high blood pressure, calories, fucking cholesterol.
00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:44.319
You don't have to worry about any of that.
00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:50.240
And I also was like, could you leave the the Parmesan cheese shower going?
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:58.240
I mean, I don't mind that it's making a mess all over the table, and they probably let you in there by yourself, or maybe they have someone monitoring you, like you're cuffed.
00:21:59.279 --> 00:21:59.599
Maybe.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.119
Don't have cuffs on.
00:22:01.359 --> 00:22:03.359
Maybe they do keep the cuffs on you while you eat, right?
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:08.319
So you have that tight, you can't really do wide-arm cuts, you know.
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:12.079
For the pasta, I don't need that, but I'm gonna do the the fork spin.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:14.960
Like I said, you probably don't have extended time.
00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:20.000
My guess is they give you an hour, maybe, maybe less, right?
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:21.839
You're a convicted fucking killer.
00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:24.079
So I got the garlic bread now.
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:25.839
I've got the the honey butter.
00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:28.160
I think I am gonna go with a steak.
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:29.680
Uh just since my last meal.
00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:31.680
I just and I'm gonna go medium.
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:34.720
I'm not gonna go medium rare, fucking raw like Dahmer.
00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:36.799
You know, I'm not gonna raw dog it.
00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:41.039
I'm not gonna fucking ask for any fucking human meat.
00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:42.640
Just a pure fucking.
00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:44.720
I'm not gonna go grass-fed filet either.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:46.160
I think I'm gonna go filet though.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:47.200
Medium.
00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:48.000
Apoi.
00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:50.240
That's the uh a poi.
00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:53.200
You know, eek show a pois in the house, man.
00:22:54.079 --> 00:23:03.599
That's just sort of some sort of like set of just delicious, fat-filled, fucking buttery gravy that's got sort of a meat flavor, mushroom flavor.
00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:14.400
I want a pois mushroom gravy, and and I'm gonna get it Oscar style, which would mean you can get typically that means fucking lump crab on top of the fillet.
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:18.319
But I'll go, I want Oscar three shellfish.
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:25.039
I want fucking lobster, king crab, and then regular lump American crabs.
00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:26.000
I want all three.
00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:30.880
Lump crabs, sort of those lumpy teardrop pieces you get in Maryland.
00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:35.119
The Alaskan king crab, especially the big giant legs.
00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:39.759
It's like this big, long, delicious freaking sweet piece of crab meat.
00:23:39.920 --> 00:23:46.559
So I want three shellfish meat, Oscar style, with the apoi.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:57.599
And I want the apoi on the side in one of those really nice silver fucking like gravy ladles, so I can just choose which bite I'm gonna pour the apois on.
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:03.519
I also want a fucking silver, you know, with a little flame underneath to keep the butter hot.
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:10.319
I want a silver second gravy ladle filled with hot clarified butter with extra salt in it.
00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:16.799
So it's just the perfect consistency of salty butter with the flame underneath so it doesn't start to harden up.
00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:19.200
I want hot melted butter for any bite.
00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:29.680
I might even dip the fucking, I'm gonna put a piece of garlic bread with the honey butter, the piece with the double fucking goop stuff from the frozen paper fab.
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:30.799
Remembers.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:38.880
I'm gonna put extra fucking honey butter on the fucking hot piece, and then I'm gonna dip it in the clarified butter.
00:24:39.039 --> 00:24:51.920
I might even cut a piece of the steak, put a piece of fucking Alaskan kid crab on top of the steak, followed by a one-tiardrop of Maryland lump crab and lobster.
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:53.920
And I want I only want knuckles.
00:24:54.079 --> 00:25:04.079
I don't want fucking claws, I don't want tail meat, I don't want body meat, I just want knuckles, knuckles, and I want knuckles from lobsters that are two to three pounds or bigger.
00:25:04.160 --> 00:25:08.559
Because the the knuckles then are gonna be the size of a fucking chicken nugget.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:11.519
The knuckle of the lobster is the prize piece.
00:25:11.759 --> 00:25:14.960
My wife doesn't love lobster, but she loves the knuckle.
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:15.440
No.
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.319
You love peanut and you love knuckles.
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:19.440
I love fucking peanut.
00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:22.240
I love to eat knuckles while I play peanut.
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:24.480
I don't even know how to play peanut.
00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:27.519
Can you throw a knuckle ball in there?
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:35.039
I can throw a knuckleball playing peanut, eating lobster knuckles with clarified butter.
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:49.759
So basically, I want the Oscar filet, three shellfish meat, two ladles, one with a poi, mushroom gravy, ideally for the steak, but I'll fucking put that shit on the shellfish.
00:25:49.839 --> 00:25:51.440
I mean, come on, man.
00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:52.720
I'll do it.
00:25:52.960 --> 00:26:01.519
And then another ladle of clarified, extra salted, continuously heated with a small heating candle below it, butter.
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:08.799
So now I've had the pasta bowl, the shower fucking parmesan raining device is still going.
00:26:09.119 --> 00:26:26.480
I've got the the three meat fucking bolinise, the double saturated side of the pepperage fine remembas, garlic bread, the two ladles, the steak a pois, Oscar style.
00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:30.079
I want fucking classic green bean almondine.
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:31.039
I won't overexplain that.
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:38.079
Green bean almondine is probably flash fucking frying or flash sauteing, some fresh cut green beans.
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:47.039
I want those little tiny fucking sides, those shitty fucking gross, you know, squirrely, like dead rotted sides of the green beans cut off.
00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:51.759
I want the green beans cut into about one inch sections, maybe half inch.
00:26:52.079 --> 00:27:00.240
Yeah, hey, half a! We had a fucking uh a janitor or like a uh school guy that worked in our fucking high school.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:03.519
Yeah, yeah, hey, half a call everybody half inch.
00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:04.799
Jesus fucking Christ.
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:07.200
The guy had like a warped eye, glasses.
00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:08.079
He was old.
00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:11.200
He was a nice guy, but hey, hey, no one half a new.
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:13.680
We call him snapper, and and they try to snap.
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:20.640
The guy worked in the fucking locker room, and all he did was call every young boy.
00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:22.799
I mean, a young boy, I guess, at my age, right?
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:24.000
I'm fucking older.
00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:31.440
Any boy that's 18 or younger is considered a young boy when you're a adult or a parent or a fucking older person.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:34.000
This guy was an older, older man.
00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:36.880
He probably was in his 50s, 60s at that time.
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:42.079
He'd try to snap your balls with the towel, and he called everybody half-inch.
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:50.160
Hey, Haba! And his name was Snappa because he tried to snap your fucking balls every time you were in the locker room and taking a shower.
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:52.640
So, and everybody thought it was hilarious.
00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:54.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:27:54.160 --> 00:28:11.119
Snappa's a fucking, you know, I guess under the covers fucking pedophile that lives and works in the fucking high school boys' locker room and tries to snap every boy that plays a sport in that locker room's fucking balls and calls everybody half-inch.
00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:14.000
And I'll be honest, he was a nice guy.
00:28:14.079 --> 00:28:14.880
I talked to him.
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:16.400
Hey, he never snapped me, man.
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:19.039
I would have fucking sucked him in the side of the fucking jaw.
00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:25.519
Oh eekshaw just fucking did one of his fucking fake right left hand uppercuts and knocked out Snapper.
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:28.960
Hey Halfa, you're fucking on your backup.
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:34.640
Fucking half a Snapper! Hey, fucking Snappa had Jesus.
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:35.759
That's a true story.
00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:38.960
I wonder what fucking Snappa's fucking last meal would have been.
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:40.240
Jesus.
00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:42.240
Guy's gotta be dead by now.
00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:44.079
I wonder what his last meal was.
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:54.160
Hopefully he didn't fucking need a last meal based on fucking never doing anything bad, but so I'm through, you know, most of my meal at this point.
00:28:54.240 --> 00:28:55.440
A green bean almondine.
00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:58.799
You got the fresh beans sauté, flash fried with a little fresh garlic.
00:28:58.880 --> 00:29:07.440
I want it ground on one of those little cheese graters on the tightest side to the garlic and all its fucking oils seep into the green beans.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:14.799
It's gotta be flash-fried quickly with a little of olive oil, a little salt and pepper, a little splash of lemon, a little honey.
00:29:15.039 --> 00:29:17.200
Okay, then you throw in the almonds.
00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:18.799
You can add some white wine.
00:29:19.119 --> 00:29:19.680
You know what?
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:23.920
I'll let the fucking prison guard cooks decide that.
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:26.319
I'm not gonna demand the white wine splash.
00:29:26.480 --> 00:29:27.359
But I'd like it.
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:31.119
And I want it to be a Sauvignon Blanc, ideally from New Zealand.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:33.759
That's the right temperature grape that I want.
00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:35.920
So I might as well have a glass of wine.
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:40.400
I don't drink, but I'm gonna have a glass of fucking Monkey Monkey Bay.
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:42.480
Monkey Bay is from New Zealand.
00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:51.279
That's the first Sauvignon Blanc I ever had back at the fucking wine expo in fucking Seaport, South Boston.
00:29:51.599 --> 00:29:54.960
Back when I was still fucking a raging fucking lunatic.
00:29:55.359 --> 00:30:01.200
You go to a fucking wine expo and you just walk around and taste wines and get fucking ripped.
00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:03.039
It's fucking blast.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:06.480
And everybody there is to do things, it's just thousands of people.
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:11.200
At the time I went there with my girlfriend who became my wife.
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:18.160
You know, I just I never was a mess, but I just always was one speed, and I uh I luckily grew out of that shit.
00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:23.680
I definitely would have been dead, that's why I'm alive because of my wife.
00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:26.640
I said that in one of my recent episodes, yeah.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:37.599
So I've got the green bean almondine, and you know, okay, that plate has got a big, probably 45-degree angle left to be filled.
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:46.799
Okay, I've had the pasta bowl, the garlic bread, the green bean almondine for a little bit of you know vegetarian sort of green flair on the plate.
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:50.400
I still want it to look nice, but I love green beans at this point in my life.
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:51.920
Used to fucking hate them.
00:30:53.279 --> 00:30:58.240
Ho ho ho, green bean giant! I've got room for one more thing.
00:30:58.400 --> 00:31:07.039
Now I could go whipped potatoes, truffle fries, lyonnaise potatoes that they have at fucking Capitol Grill, they just fry them up.
00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:12.240
It's almost as if they put some sort of candy starch on the outside, they get so crispy.
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:17.039
You could dip those in the apoi or the clarified butter with salt.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:19.680
But I think I'm gonna go fuck it.
00:31:19.759 --> 00:31:22.319
I love baked potatoes and I love when they're cooked perfectly.
00:31:22.559 --> 00:31:32.480
You you wash the potato, you dry it, rub your hands with olive oil on the outside, you put salt and pepper all over the potato, and then you cook it.
00:31:32.640 --> 00:31:44.319
And you cook it probably like up to 50 or 60 minutes, so the outside gets a little singed, a little crispy, and the inside's a fluffy pillow, a fluffy cloud that you're probably gonna go to.
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:48.559
You're probably not gonna go to any clouds if you're a fucking serial killer and you're eating your last meal.
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:53.759
But for each show, my last meal is a fictitious episode.
00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:59.440
I'm gonna say that I do rise into the clouds of the perfectly cooked baked potato.
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:12.240
I want a loaded baked potato, and I want the middle of the potato sort of mashed up, almost like a twice-baked, but I won't, I don't want to make the fucking prison cook go through the twice-baked part.
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:16.000
I just want a loaded baked, I want new butter.
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:19.359
I don't want the the ladle of butter that I have for the rest of my meal.
00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:21.519
I don't want that to be wasted on the potato.
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:26.880
I want regular salted fucking some sort of oceanic salt butter.
00:32:27.039 --> 00:32:30.079
Oceanic flight 815 butter.
00:32:31.599 --> 00:32:33.920
I want that fucking laced into the potato.
00:32:34.079 --> 00:32:40.079
Then I want it sprinkled with some fucking sharp grinded from the block cheddar cheese.
00:32:40.319 --> 00:32:42.400
I want fresh bacon bits.
00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:48.079
The bacon, I want it cooked, and I want it cut up with one of those big long Michael Meyer fucking butcher knives.
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:52.960
I want that sprinkled, and then I want some chives, and then I want a dollop of sour cream.
00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:59.039
I want two dollops of sour cream, and then I want more chives or parsley on the top of the sour cream.
00:32:59.599 --> 00:33:06.480
I want a fucking small silver cut coat with the nickel ribbon's fucking steak knife.
00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:12.160
And that's pretty much my last meal together now combined.
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:22.079
For dessert, I want a fucking brownie vanilla ice cream hot fudge with candied fucking chopped-up walnuts, homemade fresh whipped cream.
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:35.599
I want the whipped cream on top of the fucking hot fudge, homemade cooked double fudge brownie, and vanilla ice cream from fucking, I'm gonna go Richardson's up in fucking um, I think it's in North Reading or Wakefield.
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:37.039
One of those two cities.
00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:49.359
I want the Richardson's, I want three scoops, dollops, extra large, sort of, you know, the top hat style where you get the flow of the fucking ice cream that fluffs out and you try to squish it down on a cone.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:57.759
I want that on top of the brownie with fucking fresh, homemade, fucking hot fudge.
00:33:58.000 --> 00:33:59.920
I'm okay with any type of hot fudge.
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:01.039
I just want it to be homemade.
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:05.519
I want it to be cooked and I want it to be warm, not hot, not cold.
00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:18.079
I want the whipped cream dollop literally to represent the same height, okay, the same height as fucking Wildcat Mountain up in fucking New Hampshire.
00:34:18.159 --> 00:34:20.639
Not far from Jackson or North Conway.
00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:30.320
I can't remember which city Wildcat Mountain is, but I want the fucking whipped cream on top of the fucking Brownie Sunday to be as high as Wildcat Mountain.
00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:36.159
They're like, oh, Eek Show's doing the Wildcat fucking whipped cream mountain trick.
00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:50.800
Meanwhile, I don't want you to fucking dare forget I never asked them to shut off the fucking Parmesan cheese fucking shower head that I had them ship in and build from the Aria fucking sweets in Vegas.
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:00.719
So in short, it all there together.
00:35:00.880 --> 00:35:05.440
I got about 60 minutes to eat and probably shit myself and throw up.
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:14.159
You know, again, not worrying about anything because I'm about to be I've been chosen to go electric chair, so they're gonna electrocute me.
00:35:16.159 --> 00:35:21.679
But I'll tell you what, with that meal, I think I'm okay with it.
00:35:21.840 --> 00:35:23.360
I think I'm ready to go.
00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:25.360
And it's not a cottage.
00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:26.960
I'm ready to go.
00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:29.360
This is my last meal.
00:35:29.519 --> 00:35:31.280
I am the Eek Show.
00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:39.039
I just had pasta, garlic bread, steak, a poix, and Oscar style with green beans, almondine.
00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:59.119
I've got a twice-baked, but yet not twice baked, potato that's full of sour cream, cheese, and butter, and uh brownie hot fudge ice cream from Richardson's fucking wildcat whipped cream mountain on top.
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:01.599
That is my last meal.
00:36:01.679 --> 00:36:03.280
This is the Eek Show.
00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:05.840
I ask you all out there, the one thing.
00:36:06.000 --> 00:36:07.280
What is your one thing?
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:09.039
What is your one meal?
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:11.920
What are you gonna go with on your way out?
00:36:12.079 --> 00:36:14.000
Is it gonna be an extravagant meal?
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:20.559
Is it gonna be a couple fucking hot dogs from Fenway with a side of fucking Cracker Jack?
00:36:20.719 --> 00:36:25.199
You get and you want a Cracker Jack with five prizes in the box, right?
00:36:25.360 --> 00:36:27.840
So you get to open five prizes before you die.
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:29.199
You know, that might be fun.
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:38.800
Maybe you get one of those old school fucking temporary tattoos, and it's like a tattoo of a fucking electric chair, you get the tattoo, yeah.
00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:44.719
Yo, yo, Warden, can you get the water and put that fucking electric chair tattoo on my fucking bicep?
00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:50.239
You get to look at the electric chair bicep tattoo as you get fucking scorched.
00:36:50.480 --> 00:36:52.159
And you just had your last meal, right?
00:36:52.239 --> 00:36:55.280
A couple Fenroy francs, some cracker jack.
00:36:55.440 --> 00:36:57.519
Maybe you have a fucking can of jolt.
00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:02.639
What would your one meal, one thing be?
00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:06.880
What would be your one meal to wrap up your life?
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:09.039
This is the Eek Show.
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:14.880
I've had a great time dissecting what I'd eat for my last meal.
00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:20.239
Let's see if you can come up with your own last meal.
00:37:20.559 --> 00:37:21.840
I'll talk to you soon.
00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:10.959
I'm in that same goddamn room.
00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:13.840
I'm about two hours away from the animal.
00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:32.000
I looked up to the sky, which is an old fucking dirty white ceiling and I know I don't wanna die for all I care about is that they feebly something that's tasty and sweet.
00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:36.960
Ladies, gentlemen, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles, stepdads, stepmoms, second and third cousins, aunts, papas, nanas, gaggas, babies, infants, the unborn.
00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:40.879
Welcome to the Eekshow.
00:03:43.599 --> 00:03:48.479
All my advertisements for episodes are on eekshow.show.
00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:51.360
That is the Instagram handle.
00:03:52.719 --> 00:03:57.759
You can connect on info at eekshow.show.
00:03:58.400 --> 00:04:02.400
That's the Google World email domain.
00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:05.039
Eekshow.
00:04:06.319 --> 00:04:07.919
Hey, is that Barney Gumble?
00:04:08.560 --> 00:04:09.599
Is it a week?
00:04:15.439 --> 00:04:16.800
That one hurts the throat.
00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:24.399
Oh, I can't even fucking little fucking cupo Joe, yeah.
00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:29.360
Ooh, um.
00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:33.519
You think they call it Copo Joe?
00:04:33.600 --> 00:04:36.879
Because the first diner, like, was Joe's diner.
00:04:36.959 --> 00:04:42.800
And they, you know, every time you go into diner at any point, you're probably gonna get a cup of coffee.
00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:47.600
You know, I mean, let's just say, especially before lunch.
00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:49.519
You know, or late night.
00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:50.399
I don't know.
00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:51.600
Especially before lunch.
00:04:51.759 --> 00:05:00.000
Diner sitting at the counter, the fucking little shiny, you know, spin seats you set up at the diner counter bar.
00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:04.079
They have those little fucking pop-top seats, cuh.
00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:06.879
You know, they got the boots for fucking larger groups.
00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:08.319
You gotta get a cup of coffee.
00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:09.360
You're at Joe's Diner.
00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:11.680
Give me a cup, oh Joe, cuh.
00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:17.360
What if the diner, the first diner ever, the guy's name was fucking Engelbert Humperdink.
00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:20.480
Yo, give me a cup of Engelbert, cuh.
00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:26.560
She comes back with a fucking like blended vegetable fucking protein smoothie.
00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:28.639
Here's the Engelbert, man.
00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:32.639
I asked for a fucking cup of coffee.
00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:36.800
You didn't! You said you wanted a cup of Engelbert.
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:40.000
Copo joke, yeah.
00:05:41.279 --> 00:05:46.879
Speaking of coffee, let's just say you were convicted criminal.
00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:51.439
Okay, I've thought of this, you've heard the question for years of time.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:55.920
I've heard people talk about famous people's last meals.
00:05:56.160 --> 00:06:02.560
Let's just say you were in prison, you're on death row, and you're gonna get your last meal.
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:04.879
Okay, anything goes.
00:06:05.040 --> 00:06:10.639
It does sound like that, you know, fictitious or non-fictitious lore.
00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:26.800
All the articles and the background, historic writings about the last meal, certain people's last meal, notorious, convicted, awful, you know, serial killers, or people that have been in prison and are gonna get put to death.
00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:34.800
For the longest amount of time, history, they actually really do have a last meal, and they're allowed to have whatever they want.
00:06:34.959 --> 00:06:42.240
I I've mentioned the last meal, or what would you do if it was the end of the world briefly when I talked about signs or in the alien episode?
00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:43.920
Do you believe in aliens?
00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:47.120
Do you believe in aliens?
00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:48.879
That's how I said it, yeah.
00:06:49.439 --> 00:06:50.879
What do you think I forgot that?
00:06:51.199 --> 00:06:51.519
Yeah.
00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:56.800
Your last meal is kind of a big deal, right?
00:06:57.120 --> 00:06:59.759
You're gonna move on from life.
00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:02.800
And anything goes, right?
00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:04.480
Anything goes.
00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:07.600
What would your last meal be?
00:07:07.759 --> 00:07:11.839
And you've gotta have the entire fucking courses, right?
00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:25.600
I mean, they probably don't allow you to have like some of these thousand bucks the 13-course meal at fucking rip raps in fucking upstate fucking yuppie New York or downtown New York.
00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:31.519
Here comes the 15-course genet with 15 different wines and even port for dessert.
00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:35.199
You know, it's like they're not gonna let you have a 15-course meal.
00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:36.480
You know, they don't want you.
00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:45.199
They're about to fucking electrocute you or fucking shoot you with uh lethal injection, or I think those are the only two I know of, man.
00:07:45.279 --> 00:07:47.120
I don't even know any others.
00:07:47.360 --> 00:07:48.720
I don't even know any others.
00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:49.839
I guess it's a good thing, right?
00:07:49.920 --> 00:07:58.319
I haven't been on fucking death row, cause death row records, cah! Cause you and I know who's the best side.
00:07:58.399 --> 00:08:00.720
It's the motherfucking west side.
00:08:01.680 --> 00:08:03.279
Death Row Records, ka.
00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:07.439
What would your last meal be?
00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:08.560
Would you have the courses?
00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:16.000
I'm sure you can have let's just say a super salad appetizer, main course, dessert.
00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:17.920
They give it to you all together, I'm sure.
00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:21.199
Like, they're gonna give you your last meal, but they want it done.
00:08:21.279 --> 00:08:24.720
Like, come on, man, get this motherfucker eating and get them out of here in an hour.
00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:26.079
We got the fucking chair.
00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:27.839
The chair's all revved up.
00:08:27.920 --> 00:08:31.199
You know, we're ready to fucking light the fucker up.
00:08:31.439 --> 00:08:32.879
It's just fucking crazy.
00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:39.440
I don't feel bad about talking about it though, because people that are on death row deserve to deserve to die, right?
00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:41.600
They've earned their end of time.
00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:50.480
In the last meal, it's like it's kind of a listen, we're gonna kill you, but you know, we'll give you some something that you really like to eat.
00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:52.960
No, what a trade-off, man.
00:08:53.039 --> 00:08:57.919
But it's whatever they've done, they've earned their fucking last meal, that's for sure.
00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:01.840
Forget about, you know, feeling bad for anybody that's on death row.
00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:09.440
Nobody feels bad for people that are fucking, let's just say, calculatedly, calculatedly.
00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:12.480
Ho ho, here's a fucking word I just made up.
00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:18.639
Calculatedly for the uh you're the champions if you can spell this last word.
00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:21.279
You're in fifth grade or fourth grade for the spelling bee.
00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:22.480
Calculatedly.
00:09:23.039 --> 00:09:26.320
The kid's like, um, that's not really a word.
00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:27.759
I'm not gonna spell it.
00:09:27.919 --> 00:09:31.279
And uh, they're all like, you're right! You win!
00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:33.759
Uh yeah, excuse me, HL.
00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:35.360
It actually is a word.
00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:38.080
It ain't a website dictionary, it's a word.
00:09:38.480 --> 00:09:40.080
What would your last meal be?
00:09:40.320 --> 00:09:42.559
Oh, look at the fucking parking.
00:09:42.720 --> 00:09:45.360
It's like I'm a fucking human Jenga piece.
00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:47.440
Just fucking fit right in.
00:09:51.759 --> 00:09:53.200
Oh, um, yum.
00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:59.759
I didn't press the extra bold button this morning, but I should have, huh?
00:10:00.720 --> 00:10:01.840
I should have.
00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:12.960
Sun's fucking gleaming right in my eyeball.
00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:15.440
Can't fucking see out of the left eye.
00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:17.440
The sun just fucking burned my retina.
00:10:17.679 --> 00:10:18.159
Mm-hmm.
00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:20.080
Do you have a good morning, man?
00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:23.200
Yeah, my fucking retina got scorched, though, man.
00:10:23.759 --> 00:10:26.080
Can't fucking see out of my left eye.
00:10:28.159 --> 00:10:30.720
You should use that eyeball you put on your fireplace, man.
00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:33.360
It's a good idea.
00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:34.639
Maybe I will do that.
00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:36.399
You got any scissors?
00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:42.480
Your last meal, the last meal.
00:10:42.720 --> 00:10:45.919
The concept is talked about often over time.
00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:57.200
Ted Bundy, fucking Dahmer, Ed Gain, John Wayne Gacy, all the fucking just notorious, awful serial killers.
00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:02.159
Fucking the fucking Sam guy in in New York.
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:03.840
Do you get the courses?
00:11:04.000 --> 00:11:06.000
You know, they probably let you have the courses.
00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:07.600
You just don't get to space them out.
00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:09.600
And I guarantee you there's a time limit.
00:11:09.679 --> 00:11:10.320
You know what I mean?
00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:21.759
They're not letting you like peacefully sit there with fucking opera music or fucking like symphony in the background as you cut your, you know, let's say one of your part of your meal is a delicious fucking fillet.
00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:34.720
And anytime they'd have somebody, let's a serial killer, there's no way that the crazy people that kill people or kill more than one person, they don't cook their steak, they don't overcook it, right?
00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:35.600
They're gonna cook it.
00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:39.039
Like Dahmer is like, don't even fucking put it on the grill, man.
00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:43.039
Just cut that shit off and fucking flop it on a plate.
00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:48.559
Dahmer could have been like, you know, they they're like, you can have anything you want because we're gonna kill you.
00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:56.720
I mean, Dahmer got killed in jail by a another inmate because he was such a fucking he made jokes about what he had done.
00:11:56.799 --> 00:11:57.360
You know what I mean?
00:11:57.440 --> 00:11:59.120
He sort of made light of it.
00:11:59.919 --> 00:12:05.679
But imagine Dahmer's like, uh, for my last meal, I want to eat the warden.
00:12:05.840 --> 00:12:06.879
Do they deny him that?
00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:10.879
Or do they fucking execute the warden and fucking let him eat the warden?
00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:12.559
I mean, the guy was a cannibal.
00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:20.480
So Dahmer's meal, I guess by law, could have been, I mean, is he allowed to eat a human fucking person again?
00:12:20.960 --> 00:12:23.840
For his last meal, he never got his last meal, right?
00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:26.799
Because he was killed well before his execution.
00:12:26.879 --> 00:12:29.120
I think he was killed well before it.
00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:31.039
Would they allow that?
00:12:31.200 --> 00:12:39.279
You know, like I want, I want a fucking, I want a human liver and uh the warden's right leg.
00:12:40.960 --> 00:12:42.960
By law, can they say no?
00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:45.200
Is that not allowed on the menu?
00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:51.759
You know, you probably say lamb, chicken, fucking liver, but as long as it's from an animal.
00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:56.000
I wonder if there's fucking bylaws or like in the fine print.
00:12:56.240 --> 00:13:00.879
For your last meal, you can have anything that actually is humanely okay to eat.
00:13:01.120 --> 00:13:02.480
You can't eat human.
00:13:02.639 --> 00:13:03.200
You know what I mean?
00:13:03.279 --> 00:13:06.960
But Dahmer probably would have got a fucking for sure, you know.
00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:14.720
Like, I'd like the warden's fucking lung and uh his fucking, you know, the his aorta.
00:13:14.879 --> 00:13:18.399
Got one of his aorta sliced thin with some garlic and onions.
00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:19.120
You know what I mean?
00:13:19.200 --> 00:13:20.159
Can they deny that?
00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:25.200
Yes, um, the data on Jeffrey Dahmer is actually not accurate.
00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:28.080
He actually admitted to all his crimes.
00:13:28.159 --> 00:13:35.840
He pleaded guilty to get the life sentences and withgo or not be accessible to the death penalty.
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:38.000
Actually, Dahmer's here, I'll let him talk to you.
00:13:38.159 --> 00:14:10.960
Hey Dahmer, come here! I know it's fucking crazy, you know, I do.
00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:19.679
And the idea of it is I'm sure so many people have talked about or heard or thought about what would your last meal be?
00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:21.120
My last meal?
00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:25.919
Okay, I want to know what each show land thinks for their last meal.
00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:33.600
Would you go fucking, you know, would you just go old school and get fucking a big giant fucking bowl of pasta?
00:14:33.759 --> 00:14:43.919
You know, I want a shower head above my fucking meal, and instead of it water coming down out of the shower head, one of those big industrial ones that just rains on you.
00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:51.600
If you get the fucking sweet in Aria, they've got this like giant shower head at the top, to the left and to the right.
00:14:51.919 --> 00:14:54.720
You're getting sprayed from from all directions.
00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:56.720
North, south, east, and west.
00:14:56.879 --> 00:15:01.360
You're just getting fucking showered off in their fucking sweet.
00:15:01.519 --> 00:15:05.600
We got it from my my little brother's fucking batcher party.
00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:07.039
I'll never forget it.
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:08.960
They had a bidet there as well.
00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:12.879
Shit fucking cleans off your ass fucking after you take a shit.
00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:16.480
Just blows water right in your fucking cornhole.
00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:22.000
Just scalds off the fucking all the fucking remnants of fucking shit.
00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:25.679
I know it's crazy, man, but that is true.
00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:30.879
They got bidets in the fucking aria high-level suites.
00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:33.200
Fucking room was unbelievable.
00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:40.159
It's fucking the bathroom's the size of a fucking regular room you might rent at a fucking like Hampton Inn.
00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:41.600
Just the bathroom.
00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:43.919
They had a fucking steam shower.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:49.679
But back to the fucking last dinner, what I wanted, alright, I'm just gonna start with this.
00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:52.559
I want the fucking shower head.
00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:58.080
If you go old school, just I want a bowl of pasta with delicious Bolognese sauce.
00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:00.320
And I want it homemade.
00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:01.519
I want the three meats.
00:16:01.600 --> 00:16:06.240
I want lamb, I want sausage, and I want ground hamburger.
00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:10.639
You know, so you want sirline, lamb, and fucking sausage.
00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:14.720
Three meat fucking pasta sauce.
00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:16.480
Probably go peine.
00:16:17.759 --> 00:16:20.000
Peine is a fucking nice noodle cut, isn't it?
00:16:20.159 --> 00:16:22.480
Yo, give me some fucking peine, man.
00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:24.639
You know the fucking morons.
00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:26.159
Just the losers go.
00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:28.000
Just classic fucking rigatoni.
00:16:28.159 --> 00:16:31.120
Rigatoni's too fucking, it's too big of a piece.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:34.639
It's rigatoni to me looks like a fucking fat person pasta.
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:35.200
You know what I mean?
00:16:35.279 --> 00:16:39.120
It's just, it's a big large fucking like water sock.
00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:42.720
You know, like, yo, give me the fucking water sock noodle.
00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:45.360
Yeah, that's fucking rigatoni, dude.
00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:49.519
I want fucking a little bit of class, a little bit of sophistication.
00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:55.279
Payne, Rotini, Farfella, Farfella, or whatever the fuck your name is.
00:16:55.360 --> 00:16:57.440
It's a fucking farfafella.
00:16:57.679 --> 00:16:59.600
Yo, did you fart with a fella?
00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:00.559
No, man.
00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:04.160
I did sit next to a fella that farted, though.
00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:05.839
Jesus.
00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:07.680
I had to fucking move my seat.
00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:10.400
Guy fucking smelled like fucking squid.
00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:12.160
And he got up.
00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:15.039
I saw a little fucking squid ink stain on his shirt.
00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:16.799
And that's not fucking squid ink.
00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:19.279
That's fucking something else.
00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:22.960
That's fucking three, that's three meat rigatoni sauce.
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:24.160
I want pay.
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:27.599
So back to the shower head.
00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:28.799
It's above my meal.
00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:30.079
It's my last meal.
00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:37.440
I want fucking freshly flowing parmesan cheese coming out of the shower head like water.
00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:44.640
So I want them to hook up an industrial size sort of, it's gotta be a thicker size, like maybe like a septic hose.
00:17:44.880 --> 00:18:03.440
And you you have the you might even need a they may even need to build a separate Parmesan cheese creating factory next to the fucking septic hose that plugs into the side of the fucking jail, into my execution room, or the room before I'm gonna get electrocuted.
00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:11.920
So I'm my first part of my meal is the bowl of fucking payne with the three meat bowl and sauce.
00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:14.079
And it they turn the shower on low.
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:21.759
I don't want it too high because I won't be able to like get the right amount of noodle and sauce and meat mixed with the cheese.
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:24.000
But I want it constantly flowing.
00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:25.279
I want it on low.
00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:52.960
So the shower head's just raining fucking parmesan cheese, freshly graded from the production building they built next to the jail with a septic fucking hose pump out of the creation parmesan room belt grinder into the prison wall, into the room, into the shower head that rains down on my fucking first selection.
00:18:53.519 --> 00:18:55.119
That's my first pick.
00:18:56.240 --> 00:18:58.480
I obviously want to get some garlic bread.
00:18:58.720 --> 00:19:00.079
And I want it fucking.
00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:02.880
I just want the classic fucking pepperage farm.
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:22.160
Pepperage farm! Remembas! Pepperage farm, those two fucking pieces of bread that it's like frozen solid because there's so much butter and fucking, you know, processed fucking goop that you can't even like pull it apart unless you let it sort of thaw out.
00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:24.480
But you don't want to wait to let it thaw out.
00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:26.240
You want to cook it in the oven.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:30.160
So you try to cut it, and you can never cut it perfectly.
00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:36.480
So one side has much more of the fucking buttery, garlicky goop than the other side.
00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:38.319
The other half of the loaf.
00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:42.960
I want the side that's got the double fucking butter and fucking goop.
00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:44.720
And I want it cooked to perfection.
00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:53.519
I don't want it undercooked where it's soppy and it's like a wet fucking turf field that fucking Ekshaw just scored on a fucking post pattern.
00:19:53.680 --> 00:20:01.599
Oh, he's in bounds! What a catch! Fucking Bryce Underwood threw up a fucking prayer and Eekshow caught it.
00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:07.839
Go blue! Eekshow fucking signed his a five-year red shirt.
00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:12.079
Kids fucking got 16 touchdowns through fucking four games.
00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:14.640
That's fucking four game, man.
00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:15.680
That's all time.
00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:18.079
Of course it's all time.
00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:19.440
It's fucking Ekshow, man.
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.480
Back in the fucking late 70s?
00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:24.160
Late 70s.
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:26.559
He would have been like fucking three years old.
00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:28.559
Kid studied, man.
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:30.079
He got into college early.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:33.680
Finished high school after his fucking first year on the planet.
00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:38.720
Fucking got redshirted at two and fucking, he was playing at three.
00:20:39.039 --> 00:20:41.599
16 touchdowns through four games.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:45.440
I need the garlic bread.
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:46.480
I need the garlic bread night.
00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:54.400
Of course I don't want it burnt, but I want the the sides like a Detroit-style pizza where the cheese fucking melts into the side of the pan.
00:20:54.480 --> 00:21:00.079
You gotta like use a knife or a metal spatula to sort of pry it out of there.
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:04.640
You eat through that crusty outside like it's a fucking old fucking.
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:11.839
Just an old fucking delicious fried-up piece of fucking cheese into the soft pillowy innards.
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:14.400
That's the way I want my garlic bread cooked.
00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:16.559
I want it crispy on the outside.
00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:23.440
Slightly kind of singed on the top, so you can see that delicious fucking brown color.
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:35.039
And you know it's funny, you're gonna die, so I might as well get a side of like honey butter to put on the hot garlic bread.
00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:35.759
Extra.
00:21:35.920 --> 00:21:42.079
You're not worried about fucking fat, salt content, high blood pressure, calories, fucking cholesterol.
00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:44.319
You don't have to worry about any of that.
00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:50.240
And I also was like, could you leave the the Parmesan cheese shower going?
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:58.240
I mean, I don't mind that it's making a mess all over the table, and they probably let you in there by yourself, or maybe they have someone monitoring you, like you're cuffed.
00:21:59.279 --> 00:21:59.599
Maybe.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.119
Don't have cuffs on.
00:22:01.359 --> 00:22:03.359
Maybe they do keep the cuffs on you while you eat, right?
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:08.319
So you have that tight, you can't really do wide-arm cuts, you know.
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:12.079
For the pasta, I don't need that, but I'm gonna do the the fork spin.
00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:14.960
Like I said, you probably don't have extended time.
00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:20.000
My guess is they give you an hour, maybe, maybe less, right?
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:21.839
You're a convicted fucking killer.
00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:24.079
So I got the garlic bread now.
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:25.839
I've got the the honey butter.
00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:28.160
I think I am gonna go with a steak.
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:29.680
Uh just since my last meal.
00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:31.680
I just and I'm gonna go medium.
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:34.720
I'm not gonna go medium rare, fucking raw like Dahmer.
00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:36.799
You know, I'm not gonna raw dog it.
00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:41.039
I'm not gonna fucking ask for any fucking human meat.
00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:42.640
Just a pure fucking.
00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:44.720
I'm not gonna go grass-fed filet either.
00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:46.160
I think I'm gonna go filet though.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:47.200
Medium.
00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:48.000
Apoi.
00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:50.240
That's the uh a poi.
00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:53.200
You know, eek show a pois in the house, man.
00:22:54.079 --> 00:23:03.599
That's just sort of some sort of like set of just delicious, fat-filled, fucking buttery gravy that's got sort of a meat flavor, mushroom flavor.
00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:14.400
I want a pois mushroom gravy, and and I'm gonna get it Oscar style, which would mean you can get typically that means fucking lump crab on top of the fillet.
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:18.319
But I'll go, I want Oscar three shellfish.
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:25.039
I want fucking lobster, king crab, and then regular lump American crabs.
00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:26.000
I want all three.
00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:30.880
Lump crabs, sort of those lumpy teardrop pieces you get in Maryland.
00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:35.119
The Alaskan king crab, especially the big giant legs.
00:23:35.279 --> 00:23:39.759
It's like this big, long, delicious freaking sweet piece of crab meat.
00:23:39.920 --> 00:23:46.559
So I want three shellfish meat, Oscar style, with the apoi.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:57.599
And I want the apoi on the side in one of those really nice silver fucking like gravy ladles, so I can just choose which bite I'm gonna pour the apois on.
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:03.519
I also want a fucking silver, you know, with a little flame underneath to keep the butter hot.
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:10.319
I want a silver second gravy ladle filled with hot clarified butter with extra salt in it.
00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:16.799
So it's just the perfect consistency of salty butter with the flame underneath so it doesn't start to harden up.
00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:19.200
I want hot melted butter for any bite.
00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:29.680
I might even dip the fucking, I'm gonna put a piece of garlic bread with the honey butter, the piece with the double fucking goop stuff from the frozen paper fab.
00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:30.799
Remembers.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:38.880
I'm gonna put extra fucking honey butter on the fucking hot piece, and then I'm gonna dip it in the clarified butter.
00:24:39.039 --> 00:24:51.920
I might even cut a piece of the steak, put a piece of fucking Alaskan kid crab on top of the steak, followed by a one-tiardrop of Maryland lump crab and lobster.
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:53.920
And I want I only want knuckles.
00:24:54.079 --> 00:25:04.079
I don't want fucking claws, I don't want tail meat, I don't want body meat, I just want knuckles, knuckles, and I want knuckles from lobsters that are two to three pounds or bigger.
00:25:04.160 --> 00:25:08.559
Because the the knuckles then are gonna be the size of a fucking chicken nugget.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:11.519
The knuckle of the lobster is the prize piece.
00:25:11.759 --> 00:25:14.960
My wife doesn't love lobster, but she loves the knuckle.
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:15.440
No.
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.319
You love peanut and you love knuckles.
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:19.440
I love fucking peanut.
00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:22.240
I love to eat knuckles while I play peanut.
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:24.480
I don't even know how to play peanut.
00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:27.519
Can you throw a knuckle ball in there?
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:35.039
I can throw a knuckleball playing peanut, eating lobster knuckles with clarified butter.
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:49.759
So basically, I want the Oscar filet, three shellfish meat, two ladles, one with a poi, mushroom gravy, ideally for the steak, but I'll fucking put that shit on the shellfish.
00:25:49.839 --> 00:25:51.440
I mean, come on, man.
00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:52.720
I'll do it.
00:25:52.960 --> 00:26:01.519
And then another ladle of clarified, extra salted, continuously heated with a small heating candle below it, butter.
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:08.799
So now I've had the pasta bowl, the shower fucking parmesan raining device is still going.
00:26:09.119 --> 00:26:26.480
I've got the the three meat fucking bolinise, the double saturated side of the pepperage fine remembas, garlic bread, the two ladles, the steak a pois, Oscar style.
00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:30.079
I want fucking classic green bean almondine.
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:31.039
I won't overexplain that.
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:38.079
Green bean almondine is probably flash fucking frying or flash sauteing, some fresh cut green beans.
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:47.039
I want those little tiny fucking sides, those shitty fucking gross, you know, squirrely, like dead rotted sides of the green beans cut off.
00:26:47.119 --> 00:26:51.759
I want the green beans cut into about one inch sections, maybe half inch.
00:26:52.079 --> 00:27:00.240
Yeah, hey, half a! We had a fucking uh a janitor or like a uh school guy that worked in our fucking high school.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:03.519
Yeah, yeah, hey, half a call everybody half inch.
00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:04.799
Jesus fucking Christ.
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:07.200
The guy had like a warped eye, glasses.
00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:08.079
He was old.
00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:11.200
He was a nice guy, but hey, hey, no one half a new.
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:13.680
We call him snapper, and and they try to snap.
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:20.640
The guy worked in the fucking locker room, and all he did was call every young boy.
00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:22.799
I mean, a young boy, I guess, at my age, right?
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:24.000
I'm fucking older.
00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:31.440
Any boy that's 18 or younger is considered a young boy when you're a adult or a parent or a fucking older person.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:34.000
This guy was an older, older man.
00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:36.880
He probably was in his 50s, 60s at that time.
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:42.079
He'd try to snap your balls with the towel, and he called everybody half-inch.
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:50.160
Hey, Haba! And his name was Snappa because he tried to snap your fucking balls every time you were in the locker room and taking a shower.
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:52.640
So, and everybody thought it was hilarious.
00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:54.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:27:54.160 --> 00:28:11.119
Snappa's a fucking, you know, I guess under the covers fucking pedophile that lives and works in the fucking high school boys' locker room and tries to snap every boy that plays a sport in that locker room's fucking balls and calls everybody half-inch.
00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:14.000
And I'll be honest, he was a nice guy.
00:28:14.079 --> 00:28:14.880
I talked to him.
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:16.400
Hey, he never snapped me, man.
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:19.039
I would have fucking sucked him in the side of the fucking jaw.
00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:25.519
Oh eekshaw just fucking did one of his fucking fake right left hand uppercuts and knocked out Snapper.
00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:28.960
Hey Halfa, you're fucking on your backup.
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:34.640
Fucking half a Snapper! Hey, fucking Snappa had Jesus.
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:35.759
That's a true story.
00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:38.960
I wonder what fucking Snappa's fucking last meal would have been.
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:40.240
Jesus.
00:28:40.559 --> 00:28:42.240
Guy's gotta be dead by now.
00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:44.079
I wonder what his last meal was.
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:54.160
Hopefully he didn't fucking need a last meal based on fucking never doing anything bad, but so I'm through, you know, most of my meal at this point.
00:28:54.240 --> 00:28:55.440
A green bean almondine.
00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:58.799
You got the fresh beans sauté, flash fried with a little fresh garlic.
00:28:58.880 --> 00:29:07.440
I want it ground on one of those little cheese graters on the tightest side to the garlic and all its fucking oils seep into the green beans.
00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:14.799
It's gotta be flash-fried quickly with a little of olive oil, a little salt and pepper, a little splash of lemon, a little honey.
00:29:15.039 --> 00:29:17.200
Okay, then you throw in the almonds.
00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:18.799
You can add some white wine.
00:29:19.119 --> 00:29:19.680
You know what?
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:23.920
I'll let the fucking prison guard cooks decide that.
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:26.319
I'm not gonna demand the white wine splash.
00:29:26.480 --> 00:29:27.359
But I'd like it.
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:31.119
And I want it to be a Sauvignon Blanc, ideally from New Zealand.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:33.759
That's the right temperature grape that I want.
00:29:34.079 --> 00:29:35.920
So I might as well have a glass of wine.
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:40.400
I don't drink, but I'm gonna have a glass of fucking Monkey Monkey Bay.
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:42.480
Monkey Bay is from New Zealand.
00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:51.279
That's the first Sauvignon Blanc I ever had back at the fucking wine expo in fucking Seaport, South Boston.
00:29:51.599 --> 00:29:54.960
Back when I was still fucking a raging fucking lunatic.
00:29:55.359 --> 00:30:01.200
You go to a fucking wine expo and you just walk around and taste wines and get fucking ripped.
00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:03.039
It's fucking blast.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:06.480
And everybody there is to do things, it's just thousands of people.
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:11.200
At the time I went there with my girlfriend who became my wife.
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:18.160
You know, I just I never was a mess, but I just always was one speed, and I uh I luckily grew out of that shit.
00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:23.680
I definitely would have been dead, that's why I'm alive because of my wife.
00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:26.640
I said that in one of my recent episodes, yeah.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:37.599
So I've got the green bean almondine, and you know, okay, that plate has got a big, probably 45-degree angle left to be filled.
00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:46.799
Okay, I've had the pasta bowl, the garlic bread, the green bean almondine for a little bit of you know vegetarian sort of green flair on the plate.
00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:50.400
I still want it to look nice, but I love green beans at this point in my life.
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:51.920
Used to fucking hate them.
00:30:53.279 --> 00:30:58.240
Ho ho ho, green bean giant! I've got room for one more thing.
00:30:58.400 --> 00:31:07.039
Now I could go whipped potatoes, truffle fries, lyonnaise potatoes that they have at fucking Capitol Grill, they just fry them up.
00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:12.240
It's almost as if they put some sort of candy starch on the outside, they get so crispy.
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:17.039
You could dip those in the apoi or the clarified butter with salt.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:19.680
But I think I'm gonna go fuck it.
00:31:19.759 --> 00:31:22.319
I love baked potatoes and I love when they're cooked perfectly.
00:31:22.559 --> 00:31:32.480
You you wash the potato, you dry it, rub your hands with olive oil on the outside, you put salt and pepper all over the potato, and then you cook it.
00:31:32.640 --> 00:31:44.319
And you cook it probably like up to 50 or 60 minutes, so the outside gets a little singed, a little crispy, and the inside's a fluffy pillow, a fluffy cloud that you're probably gonna go to.
00:31:44.400 --> 00:31:48.559
You're probably not gonna go to any clouds if you're a fucking serial killer and you're eating your last meal.
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:53.759
But for each show, my last meal is a fictitious episode.
00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:59.440
I'm gonna say that I do rise into the clouds of the perfectly cooked baked potato.
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:12.240
I want a loaded baked potato, and I want the middle of the potato sort of mashed up, almost like a twice-baked, but I won't, I don't want to make the fucking prison cook go through the twice-baked part.
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:16.000
I just want a loaded baked, I want new butter.
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:19.359
I don't want the the ladle of butter that I have for the rest of my meal.
00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:21.519
I don't want that to be wasted on the potato.
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:26.880
I want regular salted fucking some sort of oceanic salt butter.
00:32:27.039 --> 00:32:30.079
Oceanic flight 815 butter.
00:32:31.599 --> 00:32:33.920
I want that fucking laced into the potato.
00:32:34.079 --> 00:32:40.079
Then I want it sprinkled with some fucking sharp grinded from the block cheddar cheese.
00:32:40.319 --> 00:32:42.400
I want fresh bacon bits.
00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:48.079
The bacon, I want it cooked, and I want it cut up with one of those big long Michael Meyer fucking butcher knives.
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:52.960
I want that sprinkled, and then I want some chives, and then I want a dollop of sour cream.
00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:59.039
I want two dollops of sour cream, and then I want more chives or parsley on the top of the sour cream.
00:32:59.599 --> 00:33:06.480
I want a fucking small silver cut coat with the nickel ribbon's fucking steak knife.
00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:12.160
And that's pretty much my last meal together now combined.
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:22.079
For dessert, I want a fucking brownie vanilla ice cream hot fudge with candied fucking chopped-up walnuts, homemade fresh whipped cream.
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:35.599
I want the whipped cream on top of the fucking hot fudge, homemade cooked double fudge brownie, and vanilla ice cream from fucking, I'm gonna go Richardson's up in fucking um, I think it's in North Reading or Wakefield.
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:37.039
One of those two cities.
00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:49.359
I want the Richardson's, I want three scoops, dollops, extra large, sort of, you know, the top hat style where you get the flow of the fucking ice cream that fluffs out and you try to squish it down on a cone.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:57.759
I want that on top of the brownie with fucking fresh, homemade, fucking hot fudge.
00:33:58.000 --> 00:33:59.920
I'm okay with any type of hot fudge.
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:01.039
I just want it to be homemade.
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:05.519
I want it to be cooked and I want it to be warm, not hot, not cold.
00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:18.079
I want the whipped cream dollop literally to represent the same height, okay, the same height as fucking Wildcat Mountain up in fucking New Hampshire.
00:34:18.159 --> 00:34:20.639
Not far from Jackson or North Conway.
00:34:20.800 --> 00:34:30.320
I can't remember which city Wildcat Mountain is, but I want the fucking whipped cream on top of the fucking Brownie Sunday to be as high as Wildcat Mountain.
00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:36.159
They're like, oh, Eek Show's doing the Wildcat fucking whipped cream mountain trick.
00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:50.800
Meanwhile, I don't want you to fucking dare forget I never asked them to shut off the fucking Parmesan cheese fucking shower head that I had them ship in and build from the Aria fucking sweets in Vegas.
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:00.719
So in short, it all there together.
00:35:00.880 --> 00:35:05.440
I got about 60 minutes to eat and probably shit myself and throw up.
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:14.159
You know, again, not worrying about anything because I'm about to be I've been chosen to go electric chair, so they're gonna electrocute me.
00:35:16.159 --> 00:35:21.679
But I'll tell you what, with that meal, I think I'm okay with it.
00:35:21.840 --> 00:35:23.360
I think I'm ready to go.
00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:25.360
And it's not a cottage.
00:35:25.519 --> 00:35:26.960
I'm ready to go.
00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:29.360
This is my last meal.
00:35:29.519 --> 00:35:31.280
I am the Eek Show.
00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:39.039
I just had pasta, garlic bread, steak, a poix, and Oscar style with green beans, almondine.
00:35:41.119 --> 00:35:59.119
I've got a twice-baked, but yet not twice baked, potato that's full of sour cream, cheese, and butter, and uh brownie hot fudge ice cream from Richardson's fucking wildcat whipped cream mountain on top.
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:01.599
That is my last meal.
00:36:01.679 --> 00:36:03.280
This is the Eek Show.
00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:05.840
I ask you all out there, the one thing.
00:36:06.000 --> 00:36:07.280
What is your one thing?
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:09.039
What is your one meal?
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:11.920
What are you gonna go with on your way out?
00:36:12.079 --> 00:36:14.000
Is it gonna be an extravagant meal?
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:20.559
Is it gonna be a couple fucking hot dogs from Fenway with a side of fucking Cracker Jack?
00:36:20.719 --> 00:36:25.199
You get and you want a Cracker Jack with five prizes in the box, right?
00:36:25.360 --> 00:36:27.840
So you get to open five prizes before you die.
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:29.199
You know, that might be fun.
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:38.800
Maybe you get one of those old school fucking temporary tattoos, and it's like a tattoo of a fucking electric chair, you get the tattoo, yeah.
00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:44.719
Yo, yo, Warden, can you get the water and put that fucking electric chair tattoo on my fucking bicep?
00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:50.239
You get to look at the electric chair bicep tattoo as you get fucking scorched.
00:36:50.480 --> 00:36:52.159
And you just had your last meal, right?
00:36:52.239 --> 00:36:55.280
A couple Fenroy francs, some cracker jack.
00:36:55.440 --> 00:36:57.519
Maybe you have a fucking can of jolt.
00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:02.639
What would your one meal, one thing be?
00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:06.880
What would be your one meal to wrap up your life?
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:09.039
This is the Eek Show.
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:14.880
I've had a great time dissecting what I'd eat for my last meal.
00:37:15.119 --> 00:37:20.239
Let's see if you can come up with your own last meal.
00:37:20.559 --> 00:37:21.840
I'll talk to you soon.
