We are SO BACK.

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That's not a way steady words.
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Definitely.
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Welcome to bisexual coffee.
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It's only $7.
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It won't break the pain.
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Welcome back, Edith.
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I've missed you so much.
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So it's been two months since our last episode release.
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And we were just about to catch up without recording, like, you know, like, amateurs.
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And I'm not going to stand for that, not for season two.
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We may not have all our ducks in a row, but damn it, I know how to press record.
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And you said that it was longer than two months.
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And I will tell you, I'll tell you the way that I see it at a time always goes by slower when you're learning new things.
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And in fact, that's because there's connections being made in the brain space.
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It relies less on short term memory pads that you've already taken.
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And so it feels more substantial.
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It feels like the time is rich.
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So tell me, I mean, we can go into detail, you know, as we go on,
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because I feel like we, you know, between the both of us that we have a lot that's happened in two months with,
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with sparse communication, just because we've been living our lives.
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The holidays happened.
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Yeah.
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You and Marley had your thing.
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And I kind of, I kind of watched from a fall, you know, envious from a fall.
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Yes.
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Well, you know, it's a beautiful thing.
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It is such a beautiful thing.
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And one could quite be envious of this thing that you and Marley have.
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It is so deep and so actualized.
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You're talking just, just a relationship?
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Yes.
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Oh, okay.
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All right, cool.
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Like I thought maybe like from the outside looking in, it looked like like an event had happened or whatnot.
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And I was like, well, like a few events here and there, but.
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No, that's, that's what I've learned about relationships too.
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And that's why I had to take time off.
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I had come back from the desert.
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So shit was really cool.
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I was in my own headspace and I was ready to tackle the world.
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And what I didn't realize is I had all these people lined up around me that were like, Hey, what about me?
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Hey, what about me?
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Hey, what about me?
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How many people do you think?
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God, it was a lot.
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It was a lot.
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I love Florida.
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Yeah, more than four.
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More than four.
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Definitely more than four.
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And I'm in this space where I can pick who I want to be and do I want to be somebody's arm piece?
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Do I want to be somebody's addict?
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Do I want to be somebody's enabling friend?
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These, these are all descriptors describing my past life.
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I mean, do I want to handhold?
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Do I want to enable?
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Do I want to this?
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Do I want to that?
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And I realized that I want to step into who I am and that is a podcaster and I've already told you I want to do.
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So I'm really on the flow and things and working on myself.
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So I'm not attached when I go up on stage.
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I'm not worried about anybody, but I'm not worried.
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I don't want to be worried.
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I just want to laugh.
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All right.
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Well, being, being worried on stage is kind of part and parcel.
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Like if you talk to any comedian and whatnot, they'll tell you that there is a certain bit of anxiety because even, even though you'll tell yourself, you'll key yourself up, you're ready to go on stage.
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And you've got all these jokes ready and you're just going to go tell the stories and they're going to land where they may.
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The audience's reaction will still affect me.
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Yeah, it's still going to hit you.
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It's still going to affect me.
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It will.
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And as long as you are willing to understand that and make that part of your new adventure.
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Oh, no, I do.
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I do.
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I do.
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And I've been reading articles about it.
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They say that with, you have to be prepared because there's going to be some nights where you just don't feel like going.
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Yeah.
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You don't feel like going and you, and, and you just got to make yourself go.
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Yeah, it's like exercise.
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So, yeah.
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Well, but what I'm trying to do is learn the lessons from the people that are around me to help me when I actually physically, I mean, it's more for me.
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Yeah, sure.
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It's, are you writing any of these epiphanies and experiences down?
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I have been.
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I have been writing a blog on blogger.com, I guess.
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What?
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Blogger.com.
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Okay, I was about to like blow people's minds and tell people that I just opened up a new MySpace because I'll get into why later.
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I have a new MySpace, which is a dead account basically.
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And it's screaming to nobody.
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It's, it's, it's an echo chamber all of my own.
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It's almost like a blog diary of my own because no one's looking at it and I'm posting things on there.
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Blogger.com, I feel like it's kind of the same thing, right?
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Because you're not on there for cloud.
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You're not on there because I want some people to read these words.
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You're just finding a place to put your digital stuff.
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That's it.
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I think that's funny that both of us have used, have found basically archaic versions of websites out there and you're like, this is my spot now.
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Look, this is what I've been watching online.
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There are people that are doing, there are people that are bitching about what they're not getting.
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It's true.
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There are people that are showcasing what they are getting. It's a whole lot of me, me, me, me, me.
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Yeah. It's a whole lot of pick me energy out there.
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Pick me because either I'm sad or pick me because baby, I got the cash or the, the roadblocks.
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I don't know. I don't know what's popular anymore.
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I'm faking it until I make it out here.
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Jesus Christ, someone help me.
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Yeah. We are already there.
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That's the way I look at it.
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Anything we do, I'm 56 years old to a lot of people on Stone Age.
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But when I go out there, like I ride my bike around this community.
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I'm in my new digs, by the way.
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Yeah. Yeah. I love it.
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I've seen the pictures you put up.
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I'm a big fan of those, those mushroom pillows that you have on the couch.
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Are they fun?
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The pictures that you showed of them.
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It was, at first I saw mushrooms on a couch.
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I was just scrolling.
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I wasn't paying attention to the name was and I stopped and I went, man, Edith would really love this picture.
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And I scrolled back up and that's why, that's why she would love it.
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It's, it's actually hers.
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I, I assume so much social media in that way that finding like pictures and videos and whatnot,
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not even really thinking on who was attached to until I start to think, oh, I want to share it with somebody.
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And I come across that a lot.
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I come across things that I think, oh, this person would like it.
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There's a reason why it's because it's that person.
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At least I know my friends.
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You know, that's nice.
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I just, I don't read their names on the screen.
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Well, this is, this is another thing that I learned is that when people tell you what they need, believe them.
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Yeah.
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Believe them. Believe them. It's true. Whatever it is. I mean, you know, I, yeah.
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In the deep South, I would just be the most hellacious sinner.
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You know, I'd be like Madonna. Madonna is a hellacious sinner.
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I don't want to talk to you, but you, you are the, yeah, you are in the deep South.
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We don't necessarily have to say where you are, but yeah.
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So you're in a new space.
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In my new digs.
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You're not, you're living alone.
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Oh, yes.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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How was that feeling?
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Oh my God. Oh my, I meditate.
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So I work out like I try to work out twice a day.
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Nice.
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Yeah. You know, 56 hit me.
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Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to eat those donuts.
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So, so I'll wake up at four o'clock in the morning.
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I won't marinate in anything.
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I just jump out of bed and I get started and I go down to the gym, which is included with my whole
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Oh, that's nice.
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Here.
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You don't have to pick up your gym?
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No, no more.
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Well, I mean, I guess it's kind of lumped in, but it's not an extra fee that you're having to put on top.
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No, it's all lumped in.
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It's like, I pay a monthly to a fee.
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And when I say, like there's a pool, a heated pool, a jacuzzi, a gym, a business center with a, excuse me.
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Oh my God, where did that come from?
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I get all those air bubbles out.
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I hear you, girl.
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It's the donuts, God damn it.
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So there's a business center.
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They have, they had a Valentine's Day party with, with filet mignon for dinner.
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I danced my ass off with all these old women.
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They were fantastic.
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Okay.
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They were all drunk off their ass.
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So I went out there and I just made a complete ass out of myself.
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I shaped it.
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I shaped my booty.
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I shaped it until it was a jingling, jingling, jingling, jingling.
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Did you, did you shake it or did you twerk it?
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That's it.
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Damn it.
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You were the correct footage.
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You're twerking.
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You're out there twerking.
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I was twerking.
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Hell yeah.
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Booty.
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Twerking, shaking that booty.
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Throwing it back and asking for change.
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Good for you.
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That's it.
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I don't know if that's a phrase, but I feel like you could own that.
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Hey, one other thing, the men, the old men, the really, they were old men.
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How many years your senior?
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30 maybe?
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I don't know, but they were sitting at the table and they were really round shaped.
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And they all looked at me.
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Just mountains of men.
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Look, yes, mountain men.
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They were all looking at me the same way.
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Can I show you the look?
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Please.
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I'm looking at you now.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Don't look at me just yet.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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Look away.
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Tell me when.
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Now?
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Okay.
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Oh, oh dear.
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I was so, I'm like, what, what is that?
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It's so intense and scrutinizing and like, like, should this, should this person be doing
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this in front of me?
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How do I feel about it?
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You were giving them like some existential wonder about themselves and what was happening
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in front of them.
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Good for them.
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Shake their lives up a little bit.
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Shake their lives up.
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Man, I'm thinking.
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That, that's either years of your wife's bitch slapping you for like looking at things
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you're not supposed to or.
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Or they could have just been myopic.
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You know, yeah, maybe they just couldn't see that well.
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You know, I wanted to throw my booty up on their face a little just kind of throw it.
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No, I didn't.
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I never once felt that way.
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I was going to let you have to see how long you wanted to ride with her.
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Never once.
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I didn't feel like I needed to do that, but the women were having a blast.
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I mean, nice.
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And I just was enjoying each one of their stories.
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Like I didn't have to fix them.
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I didn't have to correct them.
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I didn't have to make them feel any kind of way.
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It was.
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Did you have you talk to these people since?
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No, I.
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A lot.
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Look, I love, I love my energy and I love how it is.
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But I need to decompress.
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I need to go in my home and I need to be alone.
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No, that's okay.
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Single serving friends.
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That's that event that I call that.
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I take that from what is it?
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Fight Club.
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And single serving friends is what Tyler Durden was his, his alter whatever the heck the dudes
250
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,800
that Edward Gorton played.
251
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:14,480
He was on the plane and anybody that he met would be a single serving friend, kind of like
252
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,680
a single serving of sugar.
253
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:17,280
You know, it's just in the moment.
254
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,280
That's what you needed.
255
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,280
You talk.
256
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,320
You engage in each other's stories and then you go your merry way.
257
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:26,320
You know, you live your life afterwards knowing that you sampled another human being, so to
258
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,320
speak.
259
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,320
Yeah.
260
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,760
So that's, there's a magic in that.
261
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:31,760
There really is.
262
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:32,760
I'm sure.
263
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,760
Hey, let's just bitch slapper.
264
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:39,000
Which, which kind of in turn, especially when you know that, when you start to realize
265
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,680
that about the people you start to feel like that you have to perform, you have to constantly
266
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:47,560
give out and eventually you're going to burn out alone, which maybe that's what you were
267
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,680
feeling by the end of the last year.
268
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,080
Oh, I think that's what it was.
269
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,080
Yeah.
270
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,360
It was like, oh, I can't do this anymore.
271
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,320
I can't pretend to like this situation anymore.
272
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,320
Yeah.
273
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,320
Yeah.
274
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,160
You know, I feel like we all do that a little bit.
275
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,160
Like we, I was thinking about my mom.
276
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,920
She kind of did that with us, with the kids.
277
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,680
She wanted to be young like us and hang with us.
278
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,480
So just kept giving energy until she couldn't.
279
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,480
Right.
280
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,480
Yeah.
281
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,600
And then she was like, Trump.
282
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,640
The Trump was like, I don't know.
283
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,040
We're going to, I want to derail just a minute.
284
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:32,000
But just because that just reminds me of a video that I just do edit on TikTok, which
285
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,040
this is kind of kind of date the episode of this podcast, but that's fine.
286
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:41,080
We're, our president was talking about Elon Musk and what his actual official title is.
287
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,080
It was a very simple question.
288
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:49,000
The question was, Hey, is he an employee of Doge, which I still only vaguely understand
289
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,320
what the heck Doge is right now.
290
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,280
Anyway, he went, he's a, he's a patriot.
291
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,720
He's a, he could be called an employee.
292
00:12:55,720 --> 00:13:01,160
He could be called a consultation, a consultant, but Hey, everybody look at Ukraine.
293
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:04,000
And I was like, Oh my God, you flim flam man.
294
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,000
Yes, light.
295
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,000
Yeah.
296
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000
It's rough.
297
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,000
It's rough to watch.
298
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,680
And I'm not going to be silent this year.
299
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,760
These four years, last four years, I just kind of smile and nodded.
300
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,200
Because, you know, we were all trying to, we're all trying to figure out what the hell
301
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,200
is going on.
302
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,200
Yeah.
303
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,720
And we all have, we all have our various ideas and I don't normally share like my political
304
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,960
opinions with people, but when something, when, when somebody, you want to talk about
305
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:32,320
being performative, if somebody who is so constantly performative in front of a camera,
306
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:40,320
so afraid to drop his persona and actually be real and like take a moment through the
307
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,320
camera.
308
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,520
You know, there's no FDR, there's no fireside chats with this motherfucker.
309
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:49,320
Constant 100% Charlie Chaplin-esque performing, watch what I can do.
310
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,600
Everybody watch the spectacle and then let the chips fall where they may behind him.
311
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:57,440
And the last four years that he did that, I was like, whatever, we're just coming off
312
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:58,440
the pandemic.
313
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,520
I'm just now starting a social media presence in earnest.
314
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:06,240
This is not the time for me to go, I'm upset about what things are going on.
315
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,240
People didn't want to see that.
316
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,240
No, don't.
317
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,240
I'm ready.
318
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:15,000
But I think we, this is, we can get into that before we do, just to kind of keep on the,
319
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,960
on the trail that we have, and then we can get into like the free form jazz.
320
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:22,640
Is there anything that's happened in your life right now, Vice, not, not just moving
321
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,320
into your own place or, you know, separating yourself from the people who you feel are
322
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:32,440
just, you know, not necessarily giving you the best you that you want to talk about?
323
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:33,440
Yes.
324
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,440
Yeah.
325
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,560
What else happened to you?
326
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:43,400
So we'll reactivity, reactivity with a lot of people that I care deeply about, like attachment.
327
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,400
That would change about that.
328
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,880
Well, I withdrew.
329
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:46,880
I had to withdraw.
330
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,840
I withdrew completely.
331
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:55,320
And it's, it's my older friends that were brought up and have trauma and that are still
332
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,480
dealing with trauma and coping and things.
333
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,480
Not dealing with it, right?
334
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,160
Or not dealing with it like you're saying.
335
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,000
And the thing is I've got tons of hobbies and working out.
336
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:11,080
And I, like I said, I just bought my new place and I'm decking it out with cool furniture
337
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:15,080
and I'm getting new tattoos and that's tomorrow.
338
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,120
I'm going back to platinum blonde.
339
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,040
I'm probably going to get, you know, three inches cut off.
340
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:27,200
I'm going back to me because I stopped being me so I could, I could be like, okay, what's
341
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,200
going on here?
342
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,040
Cause, cause I'm drained.
343
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,800
Like you were saying I, I was completely drained.
344
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,800
My funny bone.
345
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,880
I was like, where's my, where's my funny?
346
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,560
I used to be funny.
347
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,960
What the fuck is going on here?
348
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,240
I, where's my funny bone?
349
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,240
I wanted it.
350
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,840
I mean, it got to the point last year.
351
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,760
You know, we were doing, we had a guest.
352
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:55,840
We had Jace Beck and loved him to completely just such a beautiful human being.
353
00:15:55,840 --> 00:16:01,320
And I found myself physically exhausted by the end of the, end of the interview.
354
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,040
I still haven't even edited it.
355
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,040
Edited.
356
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,040
Edited.
357
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,040
Yeah.
358
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,600
I'm going to do that.
359
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,600
I'm going to do that.
360
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,840
I'm going to edit it and then I'm going to put it out.
361
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,120
But I found my funny bone.
362
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,120
It was up my ass.
363
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:19,440
It was completely in lodged in my butt.
364
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,440
So yeah.
365
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:26,560
So I, like I said, I had to let those people kind of, you know, they'll come back.
366
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,060
They'll all be here.
367
00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:29,060
Possibly.
368
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:30,060
They're not going anywhere.
369
00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:31,060
Possibly.
370
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,060
But letting somebody go.
371
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:34,960
We don't, it's not like Pokemon, you know, we don't have to collect them all.
372
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,020
And, you know, just kind of short through them whenever we need them.
373
00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:42,520
Some people are friends with us when we need them to be friends and then they go their
374
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,320
merry way or un-mary way, depending on how I feel about them at the time.
375
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,720
Good thought fuck out.
376
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,880
But it's okay.
377
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:56,000
People in my life who I was really tight with, like during work situations, during school
378
00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:00,240
situations and, you know, they were really fitting the groove.
379
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:04,960
We were either all doing the same thing, like being in the same class or, you know, what
380
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:05,960
have you.
381
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,760
But there are only so many friends.
382
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:14,120
I can think maybe count five or six friends on my hand right now that I know I can constantly
383
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:20,800
just reach out to because I know that no matter what our stages are, we are, we, what is this?
384
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,000
What's a good word for we mesh?
385
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,000
There we go.
386
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,000
Yeah.
387
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,000
Mesh is another word.
388
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000
Mesh.
389
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,000
So yeah.
390
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,000
And it's okay.
391
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,480
So even if some of those people who you distanced yourself from don't come back, you know, that
392
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,360
was their chapter in your book.
393
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,360
You now have room to write.
394
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,360
And I'm good with it.
395
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:41,120
Like I'm not mad and I'm not taking anything personally.
396
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,120
No bitterness.
397
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,120
Nice.
398
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,120
So here's, here's another little tidbit.
399
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:46,120
Oh good.
400
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:50,400
So the guy that does my tattoos, I want you to see, can you see?
401
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,400
I can see.
402
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,400
Yeah.
403
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,400
I'll put a picture.
404
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:54,400
I can do that now.
405
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,400
Is she just going to strip down?
406
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,400
I'm not just an old lady.
407
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,400
I'm not my brains of functioning.
408
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:09,960
Season two of bisexual coffee and eat a strips on screen.
409
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:10,960
Everybody.
410
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,440
I don't even have to know.
411
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:17,080
So my tattoo artist went to the deep South and I was so upset.
412
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,080
I was so upset.
413
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:23,960
I have been like three years trying to get an appointment with this person.
414
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:28,440
And apparently the universe has been teaching him, teaching him.
415
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,680
He, he, he, he couldn't go to Europe.
416
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,080
He usually goes to Germany.
417
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,320
He goes to, he goes to Switzerland.
418
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,320
He goes around there.
419
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,280
Well, he couldn't because of COVID.
420
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,280
Yeah.
421
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,280
Yeah.
422
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,400
So I ended up going to the deep South.
423
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,400
Okay.
424
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,000
I need to clarify this.
425
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,720
And again, I don't want to dox you.
426
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:50,320
You have said deep South at least six times in this episode and now I can't help but to
427
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:57,040
think that he just went to Cuba because where, where you're at, there's not much more deep
428
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,560
South to go.
429
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,240
It was not South.
430
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,240
Where are you?
431
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,240
Okay.
432
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,080
So I'm up near Atlanta.
433
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,160
It was like South Carolina or something.
434
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,160
I'm sorry.
435
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,760
I mean, Florida, we're not even a state.
436
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:11,760
Okay.
437
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,680
We're not, we're not in your state of mind.
438
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,280
We've got the Florida man.
439
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,520
That's a whole nother story.
440
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,920
I'll tell you about my murder table.
441
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,920
Netflix special.
442
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:27,840
Look, but no, he went there and he had to earn money there because no one was getting
443
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:28,840
tattoos here.
444
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,800
And I'm like, dude, I would have gotten a tattoo.
445
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,360
Well, you know, I, I kept messaging him and he goes, well, you didn't text me.
446
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,680
And I said, well, you've never given me your phone number.
447
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,600
Well, finally he gave me his phone number.
448
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:47,280
This was recently, but he was there and I guess these people are so like, what is that?
449
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,760
Deep in fear.
450
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,080
Everything is about fear.
451
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,280
Who is fearing?
452
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,480
Just the people that lived in the town that he was serving.
453
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,480
Okay.
454
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:56,480
Gotcha.
455
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,480
Gotcha.
456
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:03,080
You know, cause there's a certain clientele like here in Florida, everybody does yoga.
457
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,160
Everybody getting tattoos.
458
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,800
We all do yoga.
459
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,360
We, we drink smoothies in the morning.
460
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:16,040
We make sure that we touch every aspect of our body and say kind of here in California.
461
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,640
Like, well, it's almost like that.
462
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,640
We're a little weird.
463
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:20,640
Okay.
464
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,120
We're a little strange to some people.
465
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,960
We talk about love 24 seven.
466
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,080
Love, love, love, exception.
467
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,080
Yeah.
468
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,080
Kindness.
469
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,600
You sound like you sound like you're in San Francisco.
470
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,080
Like a little bit.
471
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,080
A little bit.
472
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,080
You got a little San Francisco in you.
473
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,480
Probably, which God, God bless that guy.
474
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:41,160
He is like engaging.
475
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,480
He's engaging with all of my like wholesome con content and whatnot.
476
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,960
Like the stuff like on my personal page.
477
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,960
He does his lab or doodle or whatever the hell kind of dog.
478
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:51,960
Whatever he's got going on.
479
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:52,960
Yeah.
480
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,840
But he's a monster.
481
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,160
He's just monster.
482
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:03,960
It's just, it's, it's, it's just the performative side of him is just, it's just so differently.
483
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:04,960
Damn.
484
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:10,120
No, no, it's the performative side for him is, is so, it's not necessarily different.
485
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:15,920
It's just more electric and, and not everybody necessarily wants to hold onto a live wire
486
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:16,920
like that.
487
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,560
And I'm not going to say that, you know, you and I agree with everything that, that
488
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:26,400
he says when he's in that mode, but it's just been, it's been interesting getting to, to
489
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,480
know him after we had that interview.
490
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,200
And I would be interested to see what, what a part two with him would look like.
491
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,200
But that is.
492
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,200
I'm not going to do that.
493
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,200
That is in the future.
494
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,200
It's going to be a little different.
495
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,960
I'm going to look at him like this.
496
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:38,960
Look at me, Michael.
497
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:39,960
Yeah.
498
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:40,960
Look at me.
499
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:41,960
Okay.
500
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:42,960
I'll have to wait again.
501
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,960
Just like the little moment who are watching you shake your ass.
502
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:46,960
Yes.
503
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:47,960
Yes.
504
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:48,960
They were unconscious.
505
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:49,960
Those.
506
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,520
Let me tell you a little bit about what's going on.
507
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,520
What's going on with me in two months?
508
00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:01,360
Cause I've, I haven't been necessarily as a transformer.
509
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:02,360
Where'd you go?
510
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,160
Dude, you just went silent.
511
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,080
Like I can't even hear you.
512
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,080
Just dead silent.
513
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,080
Wait for it.
514
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,200
It's a very interesting story.
515
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,200
I do.
516
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,800
We, we're in a pretty good space right now.
517
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,320
We have a pretty good flow.
518
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:19,480
Like you said, it is going back and forth in between waiting for her to get off of work
519
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,280
and me making sure the food is ready.
520
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,680
And then if she has time, she's making sure the food is ready.
521
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:28,120
We had a serious conversation about finances, which is a big step in our relationship, being
522
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:32,600
real with each other as far as what we owe, who we owe, why we owe it.
523
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,680
And we just celebrated our fifth anniversary.
524
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:41,120
One is our anniversary because we want to make it easy on ourselves.
525
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:43,240
And so that's, that's doing great.
526
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:49,080
What has changed mostly for me is the way that I make and consume social media.
527
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:54,400
I have tried to spend less time taking in videos and just more time making them.
528
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:58,320
Unless there's something that I really want to like get involved with like a certain news
529
00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,680
outlets or something like that.
530
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,080
Got myself a letter box.
531
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,080
Do you know what that is?
532
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:08,680
So it is an app that you can create watch lists of movies that you haven't seen, movies
533
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:09,680
that you have seen.
534
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,760
You can go ahead and review them with stars and whether or not you like them and also
535
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,200
give them an actual little like paragraph of review.
536
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,960
It's a small fee to get it without ads and the ads are very intrusive.
537
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,240
So I went ahead and did that.
538
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,760
And what I've been doing is I've been trying to find those videos, those movies that I
539
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,800
haven't watched that I've always like heard about.
540
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,280
And I thought that maybe they'd be, you know, interesting to watch with Marley because she
541
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,200
likes watching like older movies.
542
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,160
The first two movies on my letter box.
543
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,560
I know one of them is Tootsie.
544
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,080
And I've only heard of it.
545
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,080
I've never seen it.
546
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,560
And the first, as soon as I told Marley about that, she's like, Oh my God, I love to see
547
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:43,560
we need to watch that.
548
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,560
I'm like, well, good.
549
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:49,680
It's on my watch list between that and then TikTok closing down and coming back 11 hours
550
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:54,040
later, because, you know, the political climate was like, Hey, watch, watch what we're doing
551
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:57,200
with TikTok while we do other probably war crimes or something.
552
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,560
I don't know what the hell they're doing.
553
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,960
That made me realize that I was kind of putting all my eggs in the same kind of creation basket.
554
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,200
Like I was sharing the same kind of videos everywhere.
555
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:10,680
No, there was no reason for me to have different social media sites if I was going to be doing
556
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,200
the same thing on each one.
557
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,400
And so I like Tumblr.
558
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,440
I like the blog aspect of it.
559
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:21,080
And I've really learned to love the community that it became because it was already starting
560
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,160
to become the quirky little community that it is when I first started it.
561
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,960
And I went away and then I came back.
562
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:31,920
Uh, I like I said, I opened up a MySpace, which is it's their fault for being able to for
563
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:37,160
us to be able to make new accounts like the websites basically broken.
564
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:38,640
You can't put videos.
565
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,040
You can't put music as what the app was for at first.
566
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,040
It can't take it.
567
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,160
Yeah, I can't take it.
568
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,480
And so, but it does take text and pictures.
569
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,640
So it has become my own little blog space that I just yell into the void.
570
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,080
I use TikTok mostly for live.
571
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,520
And then like I've, I have four years of content on there.
572
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:59,320
So I just put up the old stuff because there are new people who haven't seen the old stuff.
573
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:03,160
Instagram is now just for photos or reels of my photos.
574
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,040
Facebook is kind of the catch-all.
575
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,400
If I think it's good enough for Facebook, like I throw it on there.
576
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,360
Then I'm focusing more on YouTube.
577
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:17,480
So I want to do like a five or six question and answer video or read something off the
578
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:22,080
internet commentary style videos, uh, at least once of those a month.
579
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:26,000
Still going to be doing it's your loss podcast, which I won't be doing another episode of
580
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,600
that until April.
581
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:33,260
I just wanted to, I wanted to see what different aspects of me that I can create and focus
582
00:25:33,260 --> 00:25:37,320
on and maybe even sharpen instead of trying to be a jack of all trades and just kind of
583
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:41,160
mesh everything into one like creative ball, you know?
584
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:46,520
And we are looking at trying to get a new place because the installation in this place
585
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:47,520
is not the greatest.
586
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,760
So the bills are a little high and there's a couple other aspects that we don't need
587
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,760
to get into on this.
588
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,760
The size, right?
589
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:55,760
And your kitchen.
590
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:56,760
You need to make a kitchen.
591
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:57,760
Well, there's true.
592
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:58,760
We need a better kitchen.
593
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,320
But also we just need to be able to save money and we just can't do that for where we're
594
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:02,320
at right now.
595
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:06,640
And so we're in talks with other members of our family, maybe doing like, uh, I mean,
596
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,880
it's not ideal, but cohabitation might be the only way that we're, any of us is going
597
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,320
to be able to save money right now.
598
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,240
So I'm kind of doing the opposite.
599
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:15,240
Possibly.
600
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,160
Maybe we haven't confirmed anything of what you're doing.
601
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:21,120
And instead of downsizing, we might be up sizing, but that means at least three or four
602
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:25,400
bedroom, two bath, uh, all say all single level.
603
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:30,040
If we can have it because right now we, all the bedrooms are upstairs and the only bathroom
604
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,040
is downstairs.
605
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,000
So if you wake up in the middle of the night and you got to go downstairs, there's no,
606
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,000
there's no way around it.
607
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,800
Oh, here at this place, at this place that I'm at right now.
608
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:38,800
Yeah.
609
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,760
And so we're looking at, we're looking at other places right now.
610
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,200
There's nothing serious that we can do right now because it's definitely still not cheap
611
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,000
anywhere, but we got plans.
612
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,000
We got plans.
613
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,880
And one of those plans is the reason, the whole reason I'm mentioning this is because
614
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,000
I want to have a studio space.
615
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,000
That's what I'm saying, man.
616
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,320
That's, that's essentially the goal here.
617
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,320
Yes.
618
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:03,080
And, and that's what I've, I'm got over here on the side.
619
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,400
This is a 1973 Chevy.
620
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:06,400
It's a mobile home.
621
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,400
Nice.
622
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,360
It was literally moved onto this property.
623
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,520
And then they added this side piece, side piece.
624
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,880
I like to call it everybody and it's going to be a studio space.
625
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:22,720
So the fact that you are thinking that way makes my heart so happy inside.
626
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,080
I mean, my studio space has always been the, the shared living room space.
627
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:31,040
And I'm glad that I found this angle where it is cause I kind of like the light and dark
628
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,040
of the wall and I like the way that it frames everything and whatnot.
629
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:38,840
I mean, what can I do in a space that's all my own?
630
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,760
You know, I might even get back into painting.
631
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:44,200
If I mean, yeah, I have a dream.
632
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,200
Your photography.
633
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,200
Oh yeah.
634
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,200
Yeah.
635
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,200
Yeah.
636
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,200
Yeah.
637
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:55,200
I shared with you some of those photos and I, I thoroughly have been enjoying walking
638
00:27:55,200 --> 00:28:01,600
around like what I do is I just go out there with my walking stick and my Canon camera
639
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,000
strapped to one shoulder off to the side.
640
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,000
It's digital.
641
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:06,000
Yeah.
642
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,000
Yeah.
643
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,440
It's a Canon XLR, I think it's what it is.
644
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:16,720
It's a Canon Rebel 7 EOS 5, I think it's called or something like that.
645
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,200
You camera, camera jockeys are going to be like this guy.
646
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:23,440
I don't know what he's talking about, but there was that really one, that one that I
647
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:29,160
had to send to you that was so big that it wouldn't come into a, the email by itself,
648
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,080
the one of the graveyard.
649
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,520
I love that one.
650
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:36,120
I want that blown up and put right on my wall over here.
651
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:37,120
Do you know?
652
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,120
Of course you don't know.
653
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,240
You don't know because I haven't told you yet.
654
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:45,000
I'm telling you now, we were at that cemetery because of Valentine's Day.
655
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,000
So.
656
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,000
Oh, how romantic.
657
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,720
So romantic, but it really is.
658
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:50,720
It really is.
659
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,200
It doesn't sound like it, but the thing is, is that Marley is a really big fan.
660
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,200
I wouldn't say really big fan.
661
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,400
She's very comfortable around death and the aspects thereof.
662
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,960
She is empathetic for people who are really torn up about it, but and she will shed a
663
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,520
tear to for those who are lost, but she's just comfortable.
664
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,080
She understands that everything ends and it's a natural thing.
665
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:14,840
She hates when it happens suddenly and without reason, but she still is very comfortable
666
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:15,840
about it.
667
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:19,400
And part of that is feeling at ease among the headstones.
668
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,560
There's not any creepiness for her or anything like that.
669
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:26,400
And then when we found out that the day after Valentine's Day is the day she actually had
670
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:32,600
off and then she found out that it was going to be like creepy and foggy and murky all
671
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:33,600
day.
672
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,320
She's like, come on, we got to drive to Atlanta and there's a really cool place I want you
673
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:37,320
to see.
674
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,320
I challenge you.
675
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,040
It's a really easy challenge to go to my Instagram or I think you might have seen them
676
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:47,600
on Facebook already of the mausoleum shots and the stained glass windows and everything
677
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:48,600
else that I had.
678
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,560
If you haven't seen those, I really recommend like taking a look at them.
679
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:55,960
It kind of, it may give you the drive to go explore mausoleums yourself, but it's one
680
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,080
of the biggest ones in the Southeast of USA.
681
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,680
So if you want to see that one, you got to come here, which ha.
682
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,120
Oh, you know, I will.
683
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:03,640
That's how I'll trick you to coming.
684
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:07,000
You know, I'll get you at D's Nuts or whatever.
685
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,800
I still want to go to that.
686
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,800
D20, but D's Nuts is close.
687
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:11,800
Let's see.
688
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:12,800
Here we go.
689
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:18,640
Then, no, but no, D20 would be really cool.
690
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,840
I should be actually hosting one of those in the middle of this year.
691
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:27,280
So I'll be the one telling the story and other people wind up playing the D20s around me
692
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,280
and whatnot.
693
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,280
And start the pictures.
694
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:30,280
So.
695
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,720
And, you know, y'all can look at them.
696
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:37,760
There's one in there of, you could tell like it's a thawing, like, creek side and whatnot.
697
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,560
That was like the first time I brought my camera out.
698
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,120
And then it was like, you know, I don't really get enough animals.
699
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,400
I got a squirrel there.
700
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,360
The street froze over at one point and I've been playing around with the camera settings
701
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,320
to, to make it where I don't have to edit them as much when I come off.
702
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,560
So I could talk about photography for a long time because I've just been getting into it.
703
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:59,840
But between, between all of those, I even dabbled in.
704
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,440
I was trying to do red note.
705
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,000
You heard about red note.
706
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:10,320
That was basically the Chinese version of TikTok and everybody was running there laughing
707
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,960
about the fact that we're willingly giving our information to the Chinese when they're
708
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,560
saying that this is the app that is taking our information.
709
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,280
Let me, let me just interject right now.
710
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:21,280
Okay.
711
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:27,120
Let me just give you Edith's perspective of that bullshit right here.
712
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,120
Look at my finger.
713
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,120
I see it.
714
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,120
It's serious.
715
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,800
Look, I'm telling you, it's all a crack of shit.
716
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,240
Literally the most I've been fingered in a year.
717
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:36,240
So thank you.
718
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:43,440
Look, the government has been creating beliefs around social media for a reason.
719
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:47,480
To make everyone, and I'm going to say it, pornography.
720
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:54,200
You can't even in the state of Florida look at porn, the good stuff anyway, without putting
721
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,120
your driver's license in.
722
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,120
Okay.
723
00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:03,880
But you can watch the garbage and the bondage in the, let's just say, can I say it?
724
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:04,880
Yeah.
725
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:11,360
I mean, we, or G's and, you know, and abuse and all this other garbage, you can watch
726
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:12,360
that.
727
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:13,360
Okay.
728
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,400
But you can't watch the clean cut porn.
729
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:16,400
Okay.
730
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,240
You can watch the shenanigans.
731
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,240
I like the call.
732
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:20,240
The shenanigan porn.
733
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:21,240
Yes.
734
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:22,240
Why?
735
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,240
It creates addicts.
736
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,240
Okay.
737
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,240
You put your driver's license in.
738
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,360
Are you really that much of a dumbass that you're going to put your driver's license in?
739
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:29,360
No.
740
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:30,360
You're a porn addict.
741
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,040
You're going to go and watch the bondage and the other stuff.
742
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:34,040
Possibly.
743
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:35,440
And it's going to create more addiction.
744
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,440
I know what's going on here.
745
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:38,440
I'm just curious.
746
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,080
And I have to ask the driver's license one.
747
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:47,120
Are you talking about like curated porn sites or are you talking about porn hub?
748
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,600
You porn porn hub.
749
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,440
So porn hub, you have to put your driver's license in?
750
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:52,440
Wow.
751
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:53,440
That sucks.
752
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:54,440
Yeah.
753
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,320
I just want to do that.
754
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,520
I'd be quite honest with you.
755
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:03,240
I would probably like at that point just like peruse to like some of the cleaner sites that
756
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:07,320
just show like just boobs and just see if I can get away with just like.
757
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:08,320
Thank you.
758
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,920
Rubbing off onto just boobs because, oh fair enough.
759
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,200
For me, it's kind of a mediation thing.
760
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,000
If there's any guys out there listening that know the secret of if you know that you're
761
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,840
going to have sex later to go ahead and take care of the quick one earlier because some
762
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,120
people, the first one's always the quickest.
763
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:25,680
You know?
764
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:32,520
And so, you know, that's kind of just like me meaturing myself out for what I know is
765
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,440
going to be later.
766
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:39,640
So that I guess it's almost medicinal in a way.
767
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,760
That's why I do it.
768
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:41,760
It's for my health.
769
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,640
Look, it's for my health too.
770
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,440
I've just given it a break.
771
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,440
Okay.
772
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,920
I've given it a break until I know, you know, I know what I'm doing.
773
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,280
Find out what your new normal is before you start, you know.
774
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:53,280
Yeah.
775
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:54,840
I'm thinking of the things around, you know.
776
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,960
I don't know what it is for you.
777
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:57,960
Like I said, fifth in it.
778
00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:58,960
Detaching.
779
00:33:58,960 --> 00:33:59,960
Yeah.
780
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:00,960
What I'm doing.
781
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:01,960
Yeah.
782
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:02,960
You're recalibrating.
783
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:03,960
I like it.
784
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,920
I got a list here just to make sure I hit all my high points here.
785
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:10,800
I started doing these story time videos, which might be an interesting thing to do, which
786
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,080
is just thinking about stories of my life.
787
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:14,080
Stories.
788
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,080
Yeah.
789
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:16,080
Those kind of, those kind of.
790
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,440
It'll really blow your mind.
791
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:25,720
If you want to move to Florida, I got a place that's for sale to houses down for sale for
792
00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:26,720
rent for sale.
793
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:30,280
See, we're not in sale space yet because we owe too much for other things, but we're
794
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,280
working on it.
795
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,280
Okay.
796
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,280
Pay all that shit off.
797
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,280
Yeah, we're trying.
798
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,720
That's what everybody is dealing with.
799
00:34:37,720 --> 00:34:39,720
A lot of people are.
800
00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:44,080
Everybody is dealing with and then they get around other people and then their fuse is
801
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,520
so short that they can't handle.
802
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,040
It's like, what the hell?
803
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,280
Well, it is stressful.
804
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,680
It is stressful to deal with something like that.
805
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:56,720
But let me ask you, you know, since this is basically just the episode of like, you know,
806
00:34:56,720 --> 00:35:01,920
feeling each other out and seeing, you know, where our, where our plum bobs are in the
807
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:03,800
water right now, right?
808
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:08,720
When we were talking about getting ready for this episode for just sitting down and just
809
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:11,120
talking to each other, you know, for.
810
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:17,120
Um, I do have that in common, don't mind the sound of my own voice.
811
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:21,280
Like editing, editing sometimes gets me a little bit, especially when I have to like
812
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,680
repeat the same thing over and over again.
813
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,600
But I don't mind watching my own stuff back because for me, it's like looking at an interactive
814
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,400
mirror and wrong with it.
815
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:30,400
Yeah.
816
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,800
I feel like it teaches me my ticks.
817
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:33,800
Yeah.
818
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:34,800
Well, you know what?
819
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,920
You're in an, we're both in an entirely different place.
820
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,400
Like I don't really care what I look like now.
821
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:41,720
I mean, I do.
822
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:42,720
I'm clean.
823
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,320
Like my shit's clean.
824
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,320
That's good.
825
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,600
You know, but I'm not all jewelery important.
826
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:53,080
My bedazzles and my hair and things like I got here from the gym.
827
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,080
I ate five donuts.
828
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,080
I feel kind of bloated.
829
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,200
Well, oh, I've been exercising too.
830
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,200
Tell.
831
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:01,200
Do tell.
832
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,200
Sorry.
833
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:06,440
The first off, I don't know if I've mentioned this before in the podcast, perhaps I have,
834
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:12,920
I have fallen in love with a little app called Finch F-I-N-C-H and I would show you, but
835
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:18,520
since I had to move to my camera, I can't show you, but it is a little animated bird
836
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:24,120
and that bird has, it starts off from a hatchling and then it goes to an adult.
837
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:25,680
I don't want it goes to pass an adult.
838
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:26,680
I haven't made it yet.
839
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:31,080
I've only been, I've only been using it for 80, 80 days, but on there are things that
840
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:32,080
you should do.
841
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:33,080
Yeah.
842
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,080
There are things that you should do.
843
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,120
Like it says, like get out of bed in the morning, take your medicine and you can go ahead and
844
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:43,600
make all of these different points that you can follow and then check off every check off,
845
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,600
give some energy, every energy, let's them go adventure, every adventure, let's them
846
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:47,600
grow up.
847
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,040
And I, I, it's like Tamagotchi.
848
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:55,040
I so want to take care of that little bird and let it experience the cool things in the
849
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:59,040
world because at the end of its adventure, it goes, Hey, I heard that the, the Romans
850
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:04,040
used to have birds on their helmets and you can give it the answer of either a, like,
851
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:08,280
like, they thought that it was really pretty on their helmets or it thought it gave them
852
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:09,760
the ability to fly.
853
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:10,760
Like, yeah.
854
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:14,720
And then it, and then it takes that answer and goes, it either gets like more confidence
855
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:16,640
or he gets more imagination.
856
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,720
It's also good for the mind space.
857
00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:21,120
Either way, I've been exercising using this app.
858
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:25,920
So in the mornings, it started off would just go outside, take a walk and do jumping
859
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:26,920
jacks.
860
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:27,920
So I started doing that.
861
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,120
And then I realized I didn't, wasn't really feeling like for a while there, that was all
862
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:36,240
I really could do because my office desk and my diabetes had sapped my body.
863
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:39,720
After a while it was like, okay, well, I can do this now.
864
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:40,720
What else can I do?
865
00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:42,120
So I went ahead and put push-ups on there.
866
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:43,120
Hey, push-ups.
867
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,920
I can't really do the regular push-ups because I have a high adult hernia right here on
868
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,080
my, on my stomach.
869
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:50,400
So engaging my core hurts.
870
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:56,200
And so I do cross the legs, raise the feet off of the ground and just work on the biceps
871
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,960
and the arms and everything right here.
872
00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:59,400
And I started putting in those.
873
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,120
And for a while I could only do 10, I'm now up to 70 a day.
874
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:06,840
And then I was like, okay, squats, maybe work on the glutes a little bit.
875
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:07,840
And so I started doing that.
876
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,240
I'm now up to 20 of those a day.
877
00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:15,280
Sit-ups are the worst because they just are for me right now, but I'm up to 10 of those
878
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:16,280
a day.
879
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,280
And the muscle mass that I made on my legs alone, I've always been able to bring the
880
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,640
muscle mass back on my legs up pretty well.
881
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,400
And but they, they bulked up.
882
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:28,080
And then the next thing I know, like I was, I was looking at myself in videos and like,
883
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,360
I was doing this, there was no roundness here.
884
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:31,520
It was just straight.
885
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:36,520
And I was starting to get really bad body dysmorphia, like looking at myself and going, I feel like
886
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:37,960
I'm a lot bigger than that.
887
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,840
But on screen, I'm not showing anything.
888
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:45,960
And so not only as that started to bulk up now where I can actually not put my fingers
889
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:46,960
all the way around.
890
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:47,960
Excellent.
891
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:48,960
Yeah.
892
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:49,960
But you showed your arms.
893
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:51,480
I can show mine now too.
894
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,560
There's actually a roundness here.
895
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:57,600
It's not, it's, and there, there, not only is the bicep of the tricep and everything
896
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:58,600
like that.
897
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,960
And my whole goal, yeah, real quick, my whole goal is to make sure that I'm comfortable enough
898
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:07,560
to go join my brother on the little section of the Appalachian Trail when he comes and
899
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,480
does it either later this year or next year.
900
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:12,640
So yes, sure, I can.
901
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:13,640
Please do nurse.
902
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:21,800
But I've decided I haven't eaten, eaten it in years because of how scared I was in the
903
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,280
diabetes and things.
904
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:26,200
And I have that fear is another thing.
905
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,200
Be fearless in everything you do.
906
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,560
Don't allow fear to creep into your head.
907
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,360
Like, oh, I don't want to do this procrastination.
908
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:35,360
Crastination.
909
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:36,360
Yeah.
910
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:37,360
Yeah.
911
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:38,360
Just get up and do it.
912
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:39,360
Don't even think about it.
913
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:40,520
Get up and do it.
914
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,480
That's another thing that causes diabetes.
915
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,800
When I say that's what that little pinch guy is doing for me.
916
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,720
He's helping me get up and do it.
917
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:50,600
And so, you know, you're, you're a little savvy when it comes to medical stuff.
918
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,880
I'm sure you know what body doubling is when it comes through ADHD.
919
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,000
I feel like that pinch is my body double in the room.
920
00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:03,160
Like it's, it's not so gamified where I feel like I have to do it for points or anything
921
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:07,440
like that because there are also moments in there where you, it was like, hey, how about
922
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:08,760
you identify your emotion?
923
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,360
And I went, the moment that at first time it asked me that I was like, this thing is
924
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,680
not just asking me to care about my body.
925
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,720
It's also asking me to care about my mind.
926
00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:18,320
So I highly recommend it.
927
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,680
My phone knows that I use it and it does that thing.
928
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,080
Weird thing that you have the app.
929
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,080
So you want ads for it.
930
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,520
I'm like, yeah, yeah, please do the, the Finch app.
931
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:26,520
It's really good.
932
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,640
Well, I also downloaded the live in app.
933
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:33,720
You might look into that and live in live in app.
934
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:34,720
Yeah.
935
00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:41,240
So I mean, that's helped me helped me a lot with my emotions and things and to understand
936
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:45,640
that anger doesn't serve me one bit.
937
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:52,040
Getting upset about what somebody else is doing is only keeping me from doing what I
938
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,240
need to do.
939
00:40:53,240 --> 00:40:54,240
Well, sure.
940
00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:58,560
I mean, but dwelling is however a legitimate emotion.
941
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,040
It is okay to have the emotion.
942
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:09,440
You've got to work through it, but at my age and where I'm at, I've isolated myself.
943
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:16,280
I've taken myself out of situations because it's an easy thing to do with someone my age.
944
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:22,200
It makes me responsible for the reasons for reason my husband, he's opening a restaurant.
945
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:28,440
I'm an easy target for him not to do it, you know, not to do a good job or whatever.
946
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:29,440
He's sticking around.
947
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,000
You know what I'm saying.
948
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,000
Yeah.
949
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,000
Yeah.
950
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,000
So that's okay.
951
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000
I'm saying just out there motions.
952
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,000
Obviously.
953
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,000
Yeah.
954
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,560
As long as you're out there just like suppressing emotions, you'd be like, I don't know.
955
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:42,560
Yeah.
956
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:43,560
That's good.
957
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,240
I actually, a lot of good, a lot of stuff.
958
00:41:45,240 --> 00:41:55,000
I had a bunch of negative emotions just assail me today on the way to work because I somebody
959
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:59,360
said something and it got my that was probably born out of the rumor mill, but they didn't
960
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:04,400
tell me enough details to be helpful just to kind of put myself on edge that other people
961
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,120
are talking some shit and then where's that shit coming from is that shit validated.
962
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:09,120
Oh, no.
963
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,120
I love those people.
964
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,120
Right.
965
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,440
And I was like, and the thing is, is he was asking because he wanted to make sure that
966
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:18,600
I was okay in my position, but he didn't want to overstep the conversation that he had with
967
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,000
somebody who still works with me.
968
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,200
And so I was like, you can't play the field, dude.
969
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,520
Like if you know something, tell me.
970
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:26,720
And so he kind of did either way.
971
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:29,360
I'll be talking with him about that later.
972
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:33,360
But I woke up and I was just, I was a little irritated, but like not bad.
973
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,200
I thought it was like, I could have used another hour of sleep.
974
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,560
So I just went off of that.
975
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:43,760
And as I drove off, I just, I got a bunch of anxiety just kind of piling me at once.
976
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:47,440
Like to the point where I felt that telltale heart skip that I get when I have too much
977
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,400
anxiety, like my brain's operating on just too much.
978
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,000
So it literally skips.
979
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,400
And I was like, okay, breathe that out.
980
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,560
I recognize anxiety when it is.
981
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,080
I know what it's about.
982
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,520
I worked through it and everything.
983
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,640
I let it come, but it passed.
984
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,240
And then halfway to work, it's only a 20 minute drive for me.
985
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:12,000
So 10 minutes on, I get like the largest wave of sadness deep, almost like I want to cry
986
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,080
sadness.
987
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:17,480
And I'm sitting there at a red light and I'm just like staring off into the distance, like
988
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:22,600
thinking was like, okay, I could dismiss this right now, but where is just straight sadness
989
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,600
coming from?
990
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:24,760
I let it play around in there.
991
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,400
It didn't stay long, maybe a minute or two.
992
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:28,400
And then it went away.
993
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,600
My brain went off into something else.
994
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:37,040
But there would be a time where when I was younger, if I had been visited by the sadness
995
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,360
various I was at that point, I've been like, you got nothing to feel sad about.
996
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:41,520
Suck it up.
997
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:46,960
I, I've been to enough therapy sessions now that I recognize that we are going to feel
998
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,440
the feelings and just sit with it as uncomfortable.
999
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,960
It is sometimes it's not going to last very long.
1000
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,040
Sometimes it's going to last longer.
1001
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,080
And then if it does last longer than you got time to figure out.
1002
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:57,080
Yeah.
1003
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,080
Yeah.
1004
00:43:58,080 --> 00:43:59,080
No, no, no.
1005
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,520
What I'm saying is just flow.
1006
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:02,520
Okay.
1007
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,720
If you're, if your boss gets irritated, you don't have to stay there.
1008
00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,960
You don't have to hold his hand and you don't have to help him through it.
1009
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,760
You say, I just excuse me for a moment.
1010
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,280
I promise you I'll be back.
1011
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:25,200
Leave him go do a task because I guarantee you, and this is an older human telling you
1012
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:29,600
a younger human 16 years on you or something.
1013
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:31,240
Let's, let's not.
1014
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:32,240
Okay.
1015
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:33,240
You already said your age.
1016
00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:34,240
You got 14 years on.
1017
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:35,240
I don't care.
1018
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:36,760
I literally do not.
1019
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:40,800
You literally broadcast your age on every episode.
1020
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:41,800
I know.
1021
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,520
No, you got 14 years.
1022
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:55,760
But listen, so what I know about being a boss myself is that sometimes bosses act like children
1023
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:59,000
when you feel like a child around them.
1024
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:00,000
Okay.
1025
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:07,440
So the only way you can change your boss is to change how you view the situation.
1026
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,320
He is your, he's not really your boss.
1027
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:11,320
Okay.
1028
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,560
I don't think he views himself like that.
1029
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:18,720
And I also believe that he just wants you to feel comfortable in the same space that
1030
00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:20,120
he's in.
1031
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:21,640
He gets frustrated.
1032
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,920
He doesn't know how to tell you act like a millionaire.
1033
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:26,920
You're a millionaire.
1034
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,120
I love you.
1035
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,360
He can't facilitate his emotions.
1036
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:38,120
You, however, being of a, you're like me, so you're a light worker.
1037
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:42,680
You just have this joy emanating inside you.
1038
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:43,960
You don't have joy at work.
1039
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:48,680
So what you do is when you get to work, you believe who you are.
1040
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,480
You're like, I am fucking Michael a block.
1041
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:53,080
I am the light worker.
1042
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:54,600
I've got joy in my heart.
1043
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,520
I literally bring joy.
1044
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:59,520
You bring joy to me every time I see your face.
1045
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:00,520
Okay.
1046
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:01,520
Well, thank you.
1047
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,520
Your whole face.
1048
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:08,720
I mean, I, one day I'm going to draw it too, but back to you when you're in the same room
1049
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,800
with that man, you make sure your mind is blank.
1050
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,160
You don't worry about a thing.
1051
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,160
You follow me.
1052
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:16,160
I do.
1053
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:19,360
Anybody don't worry about the triangulator, dude.
1054
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:23,120
The only reason he's worried is because maybe you're worried.
1055
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:24,840
I don't know.
1056
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:26,400
He, he's kind of a tool.
1057
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:32,040
Well, no, yes, a little bit, but I think we all have our moments of that.
1058
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:37,720
His thing is the friends that he has, he sees them as, and he says this, he says that you're
1059
00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:39,120
part of my clan.
1060
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:42,920
And so if something's wrong, I want to see if one, if you acknowledge that something
1061
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,000
is wrong that I, I might see.
1062
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,620
And if you don't, then I'll tell you about it.
1063
00:46:47,620 --> 00:46:52,400
He was in the, Hey, do you realize something is wrong type thing, trying to feel me out
1064
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,120
to see if I'm in a negative space or not.
1065
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:56,620
He's cringing, podependence.
1066
00:46:56,620 --> 00:47:00,160
He doesn't know it.
1067
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,560
He's one of those guys that says he learned everything that he needed to do in the first
1068
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:11,840
couple of episodes of his, he's one of those people who learned everything he needed to
1069
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:15,480
learn in the first couple of episodes of his therapy and then he went on with that.
1070
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:16,480
Um, yes.
1071
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:23,680
And he's I know, but, and, but there are, there are sometimes though, like if I'm just
1072
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:27,440
doing work with him, like every once in a while, help him get his wood stacked up for
1073
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,920
the winter and whatnot.
1074
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:32,360
And we'll just have like some of the most vulnerable, like one-on-one conversations.
1075
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:33,360
It's just,
1076
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,400
we all look, we all lie to each other.
1077
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,000
We all flow in and out of consciousness.
1078
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:45,000
Some moments I'm a complete jackass and selfish and I don't think about anybody but myself.
1079
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:49,520
And then there's another minute where I'm like, Oh, I'm just going to be so self actualized
1080
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:50,520
in this moment.
1081
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:54,560
And you just won't recognize who I am when it comes to work.
1082
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:56,760
I'll give you an example.
1083
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:57,760
Okay.
1084
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,440
Not to make this about me, but there's a doctor.
1085
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,040
He's extremely, extremely hot.
1086
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:04,040
Oh, spicy.
1087
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,040
Oh, he's yes.
1088
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:07,880
He's very hot.
1089
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:08,880
He's movie.
1090
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:09,880
Callie and.
1091
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:10,880
Okay.
1092
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:11,880
He is.
1093
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:17,880
He's like, I look at him and I'm just like, wow, why aren't you on TV or something?
1094
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,120
Why are you standing in front of me?
1095
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:27,200
And then, then my nuttiness because I am a nut that work for my, I love my addicts.
1096
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:28,480
I love them to death.
1097
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:32,280
I talk to them like Edith all the time.
1098
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,640
I perform for them.
1099
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:36,160
I give them their pain medicine.
1100
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:37,160
I don't care.
1101
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:38,560
I'm not holding back.
1102
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:39,560
It's every four hours.
1103
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:41,760
I'm going to give you that shit every four hours.
1104
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:42,920
Is that what you want?
1105
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:43,920
Okay.
1106
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:44,920
That's what I'm doing.
1107
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:50,080
I'm there for them and, and he knows it.
1108
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:56,520
But at the same time, people, he's a doctor, which makes him a little bit of a, what do
1109
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,040
they call those?
1110
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,280
There's like a murder inside there too.
1111
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:01,280
Okay.
1112
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:05,520
You've got to be a little bit of a pathological narcissist.
1113
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:06,520
Okay.
1114
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:13,800
Doctor, but this one has obviously learned he's, he comes from a giving space too.
1115
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:18,280
So when we talk to each other, we're like, I'm very grateful for you.
1116
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:21,480
Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me today.
1117
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,520
We talked to each other like that.
1118
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:27,640
I think he might be a little neurodivergent like me because I'll have moments where I
1119
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:34,320
stutter and then he'll stutter, you know, we both anyway, I think he's so hot and I'll
1120
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,920
like, I'll do this.
1121
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:41,040
He's talking about writing a prescription for so and so.
1122
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,480
And he's like, I'll give you my DEA number.
1123
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:47,000
And I'm like, I just, I look.
1124
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:50,040
I just want to put my mouth on his mouth.
1125
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:55,000
I just want to kiss him, but no, that's inappropriate.
1126
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,480
I know that I must not be doing such things at work.
1127
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:03,600
Well, you know, you can't, sometimes you can't control the paths in which the mind goes,
1128
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:04,600
you know, as long as you.
1129
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:05,600
Funny.
1130
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:06,600
I'm, I laugh.
1131
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,600
Yeah.
1132
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:08,600
Hours.
1133
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:12,240
And then I imagine him saying, I love you, Edith.
1134
00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:13,240
Wow.
1135
00:50:13,240 --> 00:50:25,800
I'm reminded this, you're giving me like, uh, Allie McBeal meets, uh, uh, yeah, maybe
1136
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:30,640
I was actually going to say a little, a little sex in the city slash Allie McBeal type situation
1137
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:31,640
going on.
1138
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:35,360
I'm dating, I'm dating myself.
1139
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:41,320
Um, I said I'm dating myself here when it comes to saying Allie McBeal in general.
1140
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:48,800
Uh, but I will say this, um, I do not want to make out with my boss.
1141
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:57,560
Um, I, I, I've been in a situation where I have had crushes on bosses before, but I
1142
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:01,920
know it's simply because of the fact that, you know, you work with somebody for so long
1143
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:06,840
in the same space, you start to develop like a shorthand language with each other.
1144
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:13,240
And if you're a person who hasn't had a lot of romantic relationships, uh, as I was, you
1145
00:51:13,240 --> 00:51:14,800
start to think, Oh, is this a crush?
1146
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:18,720
And then you realize, no, you're just syncopating with a human being.
1147
00:51:18,720 --> 00:51:19,720
And yeah.
1148
00:51:19,720 --> 00:51:23,680
And, uh, I've had that confusion a couple of times in my life.
1149
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:28,080
And I'm sure that, I'm sure that everybody has, uh, just when you get close to somebody,
1150
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:29,560
you start to do it.
1151
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:33,000
I mean, I just, now I just laugh at myself though.
1152
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,640
I think I'm terrible when I do like that.
1153
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:39,520
I'm just like, Oh my God, come on.
1154
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:42,560
You're 56 years old, honey.
1155
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:44,760
Turn it off, sweetheart.
1156
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,640
Turn it off to the JJ baby.
1157
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,240
Why are you at work?
1158
00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:53,520
Maybe, maybe it's telling you that you need to pay attention to it.
1159
00:51:53,520 --> 00:52:01,160
Maybe you, maybe you do need to take some, you need to take some, you need to take some
1160
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,360
self-time, you know, maybe, you know, little tender.
1161
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:05,360
Is that what you're telling me?
1162
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:06,360
Yeah.
1163
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:10,320
You know, you, you, you know, just reintroduce yourself to the, the curves, you know, just
1164
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,120
figure out what's going on down there.
1165
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,680
You're, you're of a medical professional.
1166
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:16,880
You can tell yourself that it's a medical procedure.
1167
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:17,880
It is.
1168
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:18,880
It's a procedure.
1169
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:23,640
Who wants to take, take care of my procedure?
1170
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,880
Capital P procedure.
1171
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:28,880
I love it.
1172
00:52:28,880 --> 00:52:29,880
Uh, all right.
1173
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:34,880
So I think, I think that this is a very, very, very important thing.
1174
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:39,400
That this would be a good time for us to kind of like soft launch into the thing that we're
1175
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:40,400
going to do.
1176
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:45,480
And we're, we're going to, I want, like I was telling you at the beginning of all of
1177
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:52,520
this is that I, I haven't got a bisexual coffee podcast Reddit yet, but I know that I want
1178
00:52:52,520 --> 00:52:53,520
one.
1179
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:56,640
And I think that we, it'd be a great, a great thing.
1180
00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:03,840
I think for young people to be able to just kind of, I believe in young people.
1181
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:08,840
I believe in young people and creating a community where they're all talking to one another
1182
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:12,720
and, um, just figuring this shit out.
1183
00:53:12,720 --> 00:53:15,200
Life is just a weird space.
1184
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,200
Absolutely.
1185
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:18,840
Um, Bruce Lee said it.
1186
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,520
Bruce Lee said, no way is way.
1187
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:22,760
Have you heard that before?
1188
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:23,760
Yes, I have.
1189
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:24,760
Yeah.
1190
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:25,760
I have.
1191
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:32,480
Um, so instead I'm going to log into this using, I guess just my account right now,
1192
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:34,440
just so I can read it.
1193
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,320
And this will give us something to talk about right here at the end.
1194
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:40,160
Um, again, this is, you know, it's bisexual coffee.
1195
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:45,640
The whole idea is that we want to, you know, create a show that not only talks about, uh,
1196
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:51,680
people, their feelings and, you know, just the real shit, but also a queer space as well.
1197
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:58,640
And so I found this on queer, uh, r slash queer advice.
1198
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:03,240
And this is, this kind of goes really well into what we were talking about earlier.
1199
00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:06,680
I don't think we could have planned a better segue.
1200
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:09,800
The title of this is confused about feelings for my best friend.
1201
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:15,360
Um, so this is, uh, of course, asking for a relationship advice.
1202
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,520
I found it just on r slash queer.
1203
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:23,360
So there, people are trying to get this out there and, uh, because queer, queer advice
1204
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,960
is not really that big of a subreddit.
1205
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,520
Somebody did find it and put it on a bigger one.
1206
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:31,200
Hopefully this person is getting answers, but as of right now, no one's answered it.
1207
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:35,440
I am a out and passing if that matters for some reason.
1208
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:39,440
Transfim lesbian who recently turned 18 last fall while volunteering at a remote location
1209
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:42,040
for a number of weeks, I met someone.
1210
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:45,960
We quickly became very close, both sharing things we had never told anyone else before
1211
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:47,760
and having many deep conversations.
1212
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:51,880
I didn't find this particularly weird because I have a tendency to hyper fixate on new people.
1213
00:54:51,880 --> 00:54:53,360
I was definitely falling in love with them.
1214
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:57,080
And I say we love each other regularly now, but we've always labeled our relationship as
1215
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:58,080
platonic.
1216
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,080
I have plenty of those.
1217
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,360
I'm still trying to get my brother just to say, I love you back to me.
1218
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,120
That's so funny.
1219
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,960
My brother will do it every now and again.
1220
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:07,960
Yeah.
1221
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:11,760
He will too, but it's so mumbled and quick because my brother's actually just my longest
1222
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:16,480
running best friend who I will, would, you know, give a kidney to no problem.
1223
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:18,760
But, uh, the way he answers me sometimes.
1224
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:20,760
Yeah, I love you too.
1225
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,760
I hope no one hears.
1226
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:24,760
Yeah, right.
1227
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,360
Like, dude, we're in a car by ourselves.
1228
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:28,360
Stop it.
1229
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:31,640
My friend has said many times that they view me as a younger sister.
1230
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:35,320
They're 21 when, and I don't think they really say how old they are.
1231
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:38,080
But when we first met, we became close in the fall.
1232
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:42,320
We also rapidly became very touchy, cuddling and laying on top of each other.
1233
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,440
Cuddly or platonic friends do it.
1234
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:50,040
My friend who identified as fully aromantic and asexual at this point told me that this
1235
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:53,620
was unusual for them at the time, but it's pretty normal for me with friends.
1236
00:55:53,620 --> 00:55:56,920
We've basically been physically and emotionally close like this forever since.
1237
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:58,360
Anyway, fast forward to now.
1238
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:01,800
My friend has just discovered this week they are not arrow ace and entered a whole new
1239
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:04,360
relationship with their childhood best friend.
1240
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:07,960
In spite of my previously unslappable belief that I've viewed them as a sibling, I now
1241
00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:12,280
find myself inexplicably jealous and worried about this new relationship.
1242
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:17,640
Will the new physically intimate dynamic that they only had with me now become less special?
1243
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,040
Will they pull away from me?
1244
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:22,480
Have I secretly liked them romantically and or sexually this whole time?
1245
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:25,520
And that's why I have this gut feeling.
1246
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:30,200
Also I'm currently in a roughly eight month relationship with someone else who's been
1247
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:32,680
a close friend of mine for over a year now.
1248
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:36,600
This has been a relationship the whole time that the events above have played out.
1249
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:41,120
The new worry now also has me reconsidering if I might be polyamorous too since I always
1250
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,040
saw I only wanted my partner.
1251
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:44,040
Sorry to ramble.
1252
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:45,320
I hope this reaches someone.
1253
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:49,240
I really don't know how I feel towards this person or what to do about it.
1254
00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:53,440
I figured this would be a good place to ask since it seems like a very queer situation.
1255
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:56,360
Wow, that's a nice end to that.
1256
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,360
It was.
1257
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:58,360
It was.
1258
00:56:58,360 --> 00:56:59,360
It was very well written.
1259
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,840
Do you want to tackle it first?
1260
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:09,920
So this person, I would just say right now, I've never really had the specific kind of
1261
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:12,720
first situation right here happen to me.
1262
00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:17,720
It's something that I wish I had, I've had growing older and being comfortable with myself
1263
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:23,760
and realizing how many walls that we put up when we're young just because society tells
1264
00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:26,960
us that we can't do things.
1265
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:33,880
Like I probably would have loved to see what the relationship between me and my brother
1266
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:41,000
would be because I feel very honored to be his friend because he's a brother from another
1267
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,000
mother.
1268
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:45,480
I feel very honored to be his friend because I'm one of the very few male friends he has.
1269
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:48,080
And I don't know if it's because we grew up like that.
1270
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:52,400
And he just, we both saw Kendrick Spirits with each other.
1271
00:57:52,400 --> 00:58:00,080
I would just, if I wouldn't have had the walls down and would have maybe hugged him
1272
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:07,680
more or not just try to be the stereotypical guys just hanging out with each other, would
1273
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:09,400
he be a different person?
1274
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,000
Because he's a little closed off at times.
1275
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:18,840
So I see, so maybe I'm a little jealous of the relationship that they had with their
1276
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:23,320
friend, but I would say that, and this is probably going to come down to a whole bunch
1277
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:27,400
of other things that we say, this is going to come down to communication if they really
1278
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:28,400
feel like this.
1279
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:29,400
All of it.
1280
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:30,400
Yep.
1281
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:31,400
That's what I was thinking too.
1282
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:32,400
It's so hard.
1283
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,200
It's so hard to find your voice.
1284
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,720
And I know because I did it for years.
1285
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,400
I thought I was saying what I needed.
1286
00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:42,480
And then I would combust.
1287
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:46,120
I would just yell like, what the fuck?
1288
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:48,200
At my husband.
1289
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,400
And then I realized that's not love.
1290
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:56,200
That's not my, what I think is love anyway.
1291
00:58:56,200 --> 00:59:03,640
So I had to go find myself and someone that young, if they could just use their voice
1292
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:14,160
now with the people that they love and just be as real and as transparent as they possibly
1293
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:15,160
can.
1294
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:16,160
Yeah.
1295
00:59:16,160 --> 00:59:22,120
Honestly, I've had this queer vibe for so long, but it was so buried under so much garbage
1296
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:28,040
that when I finally came out, I had to clear through some other garbage too.
1297
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:29,040
Yeah.
1298
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,000
All the stuff that had been piled on top of you.
1299
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,000
Yeah.
1300
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:33,000
Right.
1301
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,680
I had to get myself for being queer.
1302
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:37,440
I, you know.
1303
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:41,920
So it sounds like this person, you know, they're okay with who they are.
1304
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:45,320
I mean, especially just, you know, right there at the top, just going, I'm a trans
1305
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:46,320
STEM lesbian.
1306
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:47,320
This is who I am.
1307
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:53,040
It was so important that they forgot to put their age.
1308
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:59,000
So I'm thinking that, you know, if they're already this open, I mean, it's easy to be
1309
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,960
open when you're anonymous on the internet.
1310
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:05,400
But if they're this open and then saying exactly, you know, who they are at the top without
1311
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:09,480
having to be asked, he was like, well, hey, more information about you.
1312
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:13,960
I feel like if they take that energy, talk to their partner, I would say talk to their
1313
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:18,960
partner first, especially, you know, that's, that's, if that's a relationship that they,
1314
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:24,120
that that's, if that's a relationship that this person wants to keep or see how it's
1315
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:28,800
going to grow, especially if they think that they feel poly that they need to open up with
1316
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:34,000
the partner first, get safe with that, get comfortable, find out where they stand before
1317
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:40,280
maybe opening up the can of emotions that will be with their best friend.
1318
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:47,520
Because I have been in the situation where a friend of mine did develop a relationship
1319
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:48,640
with somebody else.
1320
01:00:48,640 --> 01:00:50,760
And so I felt like they were pulling away.
1321
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,160
I never got to see them.
1322
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:54,840
And I mean, I was young.
1323
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:56,240
I was so full of emotions.
1324
01:00:56,240 --> 01:01:00,240
I did send them like a couple of folded up letters because we didn't have texts at the
1325
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:03,400
time, just saying, I feel like that we're, I miss you.
1326
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:05,120
And I feel like I'll never see you again.
1327
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:08,960
And like, I don't know if that was really healthy for either one of us, for them to receive
1328
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:11,280
it or for me to have sent it out like that.
1329
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:14,680
But I wasn't comfortable with the face to face type thing.
1330
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:19,440
And I mean, if this person's, you know, cuddling with just their friend, I feel like there
1331
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:21,960
they may be a little bit more comfortable face to face.
1332
01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:25,920
And maybe an uncomfortable conversation, but uncomfortable conversations are what makes
1333
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:26,920
the world go around.
1334
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:27,920
They just do.
1335
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:28,920
Yeah.
1336
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:34,160
I mean, that's one reason why I removed myself from everybody.
1337
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:37,440
Like you said, if they're meant to be there, they're going to be there.
1338
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:38,760
They will be there.
1339
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:41,760
If they're not meant to be there, they will fade away.
1340
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:45,200
They will just drift away like a feather.
1341
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:47,320
There's no one angry.
1342
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,160
No one's upset.
1343
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:57,040
I've just defining myself instead of other people putting their definition on my body.
1344
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:01,200
I am saying, I want to define me.
1345
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:03,000
This is who I am.
1346
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:04,000
Like it or lump it.
1347
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:06,440
This is how I want to describe myself.
1348
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:08,840
If your friends don't like it.
1349
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,800
Well, they're your friends.
1350
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:11,800
Yeah.
1351
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:14,360
I don't have to explain myself to anybody.
1352
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:19,640
And so here we are coming back again to the book metaphor when it comes to people that,
1353
01:02:19,640 --> 01:02:24,200
you know, they're around for their chapters and they're not necessarily around for the
1354
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:25,200
whole book.
1355
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:30,560
You know, that maybe what this person finds out is that, you know, that their, their cuddling
1356
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:35,840
buddy was there for a really good part of the beginning of their relationship or, you
1357
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:38,520
know, of their life.
1358
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:45,040
And now maybe their next one is, you know, their, their next character, the background
1359
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:49,520
character or secondary character happens to be the person they're in a relationship with.
1360
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:50,520
Anything.
1361
01:02:50,520 --> 01:02:51,760
I don't think less.
1362
01:02:51,760 --> 01:02:57,560
When I was younger, I lusted everyone less, less, less, less, less, like the good doctor.
1363
01:02:57,560 --> 01:03:03,080
That's why I mean, I, I have his number in my phone, but I'm terribly respectful of this
1364
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:04,080
human.
1365
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:09,080
You know, I'm joking around with you about how I could just lick him like a lollipop.
1366
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:12,720
But that's, you know, that's a joke.
1367
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:17,880
I would never disrespect this human and say that to them.
1368
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:18,880
What if you're not working with them?
1369
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:20,960
I would lick him like a lollipop.
1370
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:26,120
My idea is that after we have this kind of conversation in the future, that's under the
1371
01:03:26,120 --> 01:03:31,520
logo of bisexual coffee is that we come together, we form an answer, we type it in there and
1372
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:35,600
we send that off live on the podcast and maybe even give them a shout out, put their name
1373
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:37,240
in the comments or something like that.
1374
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:39,280
But I wanted to see how that felt.
1375
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:40,280
And I think that felt good.
1376
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:41,280
It does feel good.
1377
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:42,280
Yeah.
1378
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,560
Which is also, which is not to say that it's not messy at times too, but human beings like
1379
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:50,120
to make things messy in general, and also if you're an old or queer person and you just
1380
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:55,760
been either you've just come out because you realize who you are or you realize that maybe
1381
01:03:55,760 --> 01:04:00,720
the people who are hanging around you were keeping you kind of tied down to a version
1382
01:04:00,720 --> 01:04:02,920
of them.
1383
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,480
And you want to, you know, express yourself.
1384
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:07,680
We're here to listen to your story as well.
1385
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:14,520
And I think that right there is a great natural way to reach the end of this podcast.
1386
01:04:14,520 --> 01:04:17,440
Yeah, peace out and word to your mother.
1387
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:22,080
And I tell you what, hold on, say that again, but right after this one second.
1388
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:26,200
So since we're at the end of this podcast, we just got to do a little housekeeping and
1389
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:29,520
say, Hey, if you like this, subscribe to it, comment.
1390
01:04:29,520 --> 01:04:31,400
If you have any questions, check us out.
1391
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:35,960
You can reach us at bisexual podcast, bisexual coffee podcast at gmail.com.
1392
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:41,360
And we'll be glad to read most anything that you put as long as it's applicable for the
1393
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,160
bisexual coffee podcast.
1394
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:44,480
Now Edith, what did you want to say?
1395
01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:48,680
Peace out and word to your mother.
1396
01:04:48,680 --> 01:04:52,680
To your mother.
1397
01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:58,160
I love you too.
1398
01:04:58,160 --> 01:04:59,360
I'm glad we're doing this again.
1399
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:03,160
Hey, this is your just your directionless.
1400
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:12,560
You are because sure we're here.
1401
01:05:12,560 --> 01:05:18,680
Yes.