When Life Changes Overnight: Leading Through Breast Cancer After 50

WEBVTT
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Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life.
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Get ready to conquer your fears.
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Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.
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What do you do when your life changes in a heartbeat and everyone is counting on you?
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Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion.
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I'm Beverley Glazer, a work and life transition coach and reinvention strategist for women over 50, helping you bridge the gap between the life you've built and the life you want to live next.
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And you can find me and this podcast at reinventimpossible.com.
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These conversations share powerful stories from exceptional women who faced private challenges and found the courage to use their wisdom, strengths, and lived experience to create a meaningful next chapter.
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We don't sugarcoat our challenges here.
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We learn from them, grow through them, and discover what's possible on the other side.
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Deb Creer is a strategic advisor for executives facing cancer and founder of Trying Not to Die.
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And your cancer coach, live.
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Deb survived stage three cancer and many life-threatening complications and continued to run her business throughout her treatment.
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If you've ever faced a diagnosis, carried a private crisis, or had to keep showing up while your life was falling apart, this conversation is for you.
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And stay with us till the end for key takeaways and simple actions that you could do for yourself too.
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So welcome, Deb.
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Hello, my dear.
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I am so honored to be here.
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I was listening to your other podcasts.
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They are phenomenal.
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Thank you so much.
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And you were one of these people now that lived two lives that was for you.
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Yeah.
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Well, you had the pre-cancer life.
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And today, what was it like before you had that diagnosis?
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You know, I was just going merrily along.
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I was in my early 50s.
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Um, and you know, just living life the way you're supposed to.
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You know, I had my own company that I had founded.
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Oh, at that point, it would have been about 15 years before.
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We lived in Atlanta.
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We had moved here from Colorado a couple years before my diagnosis.
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And just living the good life, right?
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You know, and and then they said, oh, golly gee.
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Right.
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But you didn't think it was a big golly gee.
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You just had a regular, yeah.
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So what happened there?
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Well, initially they said um that it was stage zero breast cancer, which meant pre-cancer, right?
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And they just, you know, we're going to watch it.
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They didn't, I didn't get an oncologist.
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Um, and you know, and so really I was thinking, huh, not a big deal.
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Um, you know, and and spent several months along those those lines until we did a little bit more in-depth testing and found that uh eight of 12 lymph nodes were positive for cancer.
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And so I went from stage zero to stage three, just poof.
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Um, you know, and and so that was quite the quite the shock.
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Yeah.
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And I mean, a shock hits everybody.
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Yeah.
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And how did you handle that from that first appointment?
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I was annoyed.
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I mean, I really was just annoyed.
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And and you know, and and of course, the first thing when somebody tells you you have cancer is you your brain kind of shorts out, but then you think, I'm gonna die.
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Well, of course, we're all gonna die.
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But um, but you think, wow, you know, that that has just really changed things.
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And and I do remember thinking, I just don't have time for this.
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You know, this is this is an annoyance.
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And you know, my and I actually told that to my doctor, and she looked at me like silly girl, silly girl, you know.
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Um, and but I I I really did think, well, this is not gonna slow me down.
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Of course, it did.
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It really slowed me down.
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Okay.
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But um, but yeah, it was it really was just kind of one of those things where it was an annoyance.
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Okay, so you were upset.
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And yeah, there's anger, there's fear, there's you don't know what hit you.
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And and so you went from that and you ended up having your first operation.
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I did.
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And my first operation was to save my life.
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Um, I developed a complication after chemotherapy, after my first round of chemotherapy, um, I got uh went into septic shock.
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So I had sepsis, and then that progressed to septic shock very quickly.
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Um, you know, and and luckily we're five minutes from the hospital, and my doctor had lost a patient from the exact same complication.
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So she knew what it was.
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Um, and they knew, you know, they needed to operate.
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And the surgeon, God bless his little heart, said, Why are we gonna bother?
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She'll be gone by midnight.
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And I remember thinking, I can hear you.
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Now, my husband said the conversation was a little bit different than that, but he said, No, that really was the gist of it.
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And my oncologist told him, Excuse me, you will do whatever you can.
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And obviously he did save my life.
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Um, but but yeah, it was it was very strange because then I spent seven weeks in the hospital, in and out of lots of surgeries, in and out of ICU, um, you know, a lot of other complications.
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At one point, I had 10 different doctors that would see me every day.
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And that was rather confusing because my little brain was was very befuddled by everything.
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And I, you know, I didn't even know who some of them were.
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They just flit in, they'd ask a question or two, and they'd flip back out.
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Right, right.
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And not to mention this happened so fast you didn't know whether you're coming or right.
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You know, I I had the chemo treatment, uh, then Halloween happened, and you know, like the the next two days, I think, after that.
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Trick-or-treaters, I handed out candy, all sorts of things.
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And then, you know, a couple of days after that, I started feeling kind of puny, but I'd had eight different chemo drugs.
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And so I, you know, I was kind of expecting that I would feel bad.
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And you know, and and then it went from feel bad to oh, call an ambulance, call an ambulance now.
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Um, and luckily my husband was home because you know, the first day or two he had gone to work because I was fine.
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Um, and uh, you know, and and he did, he called the ambulance, and that was very entertaining.
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You know, the the cute fireman showed up and you know and um but yeah, it was it really was very strange because I went from doing pretty good to circling the drain.
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And that wasn't your first rodeo, or maybe that was, and then they continued.
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It did, it continued.
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Um, you know, I like I said, I did have multiple complications.
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Um uh when I finally, you know, was now I had decided that I was gonna have traditional treatment.
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And I tell everybody, you've got to pick what's gonna work best for you because you know, if you don't believe it's gonna work, then it's not gonna work.
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And but I had worked for an oncologist and I worked for the American Cancer Society, so I knew just enough to be dangerous, right?
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Um, and but I chose traditional, excuse me.
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So I was gonna do chemo, then surgery, then radiation.
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So when I finally got better, um, enough that obviously they discharged me from the hospital, I um had a double mastectomy and I had decided not to do um reconstructive surgery.
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You know, I'm old, I I didn't need those anymore.
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Um, and you know, and and so, but I got a complication from that that my doctor had never seen.
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You know, it was I I'd show back up at the hospital and they're like, you're back, you know.
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Um, and you know, and and that that they fixed really pretty quickly.
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Um, and then I I had no problems with radiation, which was actually unexpected because I, you know, I am a redhead that you know, with the you know, I walk to the mailbox and I get a sunburn.
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And so we had thought that that radiation might cause no problems there.
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Um, but yeah, then then things kind of went back up in a in a good direction.
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Now the the septic shock has very severely damaged my kidneys.
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Um at some point, we may have to do something where we're dealing with those.
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But um I I've I now I get lots of kidney stones.
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We've gone in five times and taken out kidney stones.
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Oh wow.
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So your husband is pretty experienced in taking you to the hospital.
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He is, you know, and and uh it's in fact it it it breaks your heart, you know, because all I have to do is really grimace.
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And he's what do we need to do?
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What do I need to do?
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You know, and and it's been 11 years now.
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Um, and but yeah, he knows, you know, we need to do this.
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And and there are times where he has said, I think we need to go.
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And I'm like, no, no, I'm okay.
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Oh, you know, right?
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But you know, it was certainly not anything that he had planned to do.
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Um, but I definitely would not be here if it wasn't for him.
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Um, you know, he he had to to really become that primary caregiver and and work and do everything else.
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And and you know, it was it was a major undertaking for him.
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Did you feel guilty?
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Oh, yes, trying to spare him what you were going through.
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I just splashed myself with my water.
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Um, you know, I did.
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I felt guilty.
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Um I, you know, it was because I I like I said, I could see how much it bothered him, how much it hurt him.
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Sure.
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You know, and and and I I did.
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I really felt bad that because of me, he was going through that.
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He never complained, ever.
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Now, he might have to somebody else, but he certainly didn't say anything to me.
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But he also had to deal with me when I would get mad.
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And, you know, when I would cry.
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Now I'm I am not a crying person.
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And so, but there were a couple of times where it was just, you know, and one of the times when they were taking me back in for yet another surgery, um, I looked at him and I said, What did I do?
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What did I do to deserve this?
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And I started to cry, then he got very upset.
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And then I felt really bad, right?
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That I had gotten in very upset.
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But yeah, we do.
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We feel guilty that the people who love and care for us are having to deal with this.
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But most people would have stopped working, but not you, Deb.
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So why?
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Why did you continue?
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Well, I paused.
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I needed to pause for a while because I had some pretty massive infections um that that were and and they messed with my brain, right?
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Um, and you know, I had a lot of surgery, so a lot of anesthesia, and so I developed some aphasia, and still every once in a while the words will just be gone.
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Um, now yeah, might just be also that I'm getting older, right?
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We we all know that.
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But um, and and so yeah, I it was uh it was a way though, when I was able to work again to give me something to think about, something to focus on.
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And I love what I do and I love my clients.
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Um, you know, and and so as soon as I could, I went back to work, explaining to them what was going on, knowing that they very well might say, we need somebody that is gonna be more reliable, I still work with them 11 years later.
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Um, you know, and and so that's just wonderful.
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They were absolutely fabulous.
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And and they take everything in stride.
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You know, I'm I am still in active treatment.
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I go in every 21 days, and so I lose a day or two, um, and they're just fine with that.
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What about friends through this journey?
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That's been interesting.
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Yeah, there were some that are gone, you know, and and I don't know why.
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I don't know if it was that they didn't want to deal with their own mortality or they just, you know, thought, ooh, ick, don't want to deal with that.
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Um, you know, but some of the other people that have stepped up have been incredible.
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And I've just been astounded and amazed at that.
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Um, you know, and and people who would send me gifts and things, and I wasn't always quite sure who they were, uh, but they they cared.
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I mean, one of the the nicest gifts I got, and they were all wonderful, and I still have them all, um, but it was a handmade teddy bear.
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And you can tell it, and it was just like, oh, and but the note that came along with it said, before we, you know, explained who had made it, but then it said, our church choir prayed over this before I sent it.
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Oh my.
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What she didn't know was that I spent a good portion of my life in church choirs.
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Um, you know, and and so that, you know, and so that has a very special place in the house where the dogs and the cats and you know, any any little visitors can't get to it.
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Right.
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So people come, people go, good people do stay.
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Yeah.
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Now, anyone listening to you would see that you use an awful lot of humor here.
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How does humor help you?
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Well, there are actually physical things that laughing does, right?
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You know, it's it's um, and and you know, places like the Mayo Clinic have have studied things like this.
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And so we do know that it's it's real.
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But I've always been kind of dopey like this.
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Like when the fire department and the ambulance people were lugging me off to the hospital, I was joking and carrying on with them.
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Um, but I also it it is how I cope, you know.
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Sometimes it's obviously very self-deprecating humor, sometimes a little gallows humor.
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You know, somebody might, you know, how are you doing?
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And I'll say, Well, I'm not looking up at six feet of dirt.
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Um, you know, and and but I also, you know, all of my care team, and I have six, seven different doctors um, because of all the complications and things.
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And I am actually on my third diagnosis of cancer now.
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Um, and so I I want to make them laugh because they have really hard jobs.
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Um, my kidney doctor, she uh always I I go in every three months to see her, and all of a sudden I had with the last appointment.
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It didn't matter to me, I don't care.
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Um, and I said something about that.
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Or she she might have said, Hey, did you notice I make you my last appointment?
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And I said, Well, yeah, that's because I throw your schedule off because I talk too much.
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And she laughed and she said, No, you make me laugh, and I like having my day end with that.
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You know, and and so if I can make them laugh, I'm going to.
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Yeah.
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What has this very difficult and you're still on it?
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What has this very difficult journey taught you about fear that others don't know because they haven't been through it?
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Right.
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It's there.
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You can't ignore it.
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You shouldn't ignore it.
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Um, there are days where they're bad days.
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Um, and and you know, certain times where it's just, you know, the the what ifs.
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And so, excuse me, I give myself the grace to feel that.
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Um, you know, I I I I laugh that you know, I've had three other di or three diagnoses.
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My, you know, breast cancer, I have not had anything come up for 11 years since that initial diagnosis, which is really good, but it is still there and it will always be there kind of over your shoulder.
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And so you're always thinking, what if and when?
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Um, you know, and and I know a lot of people go through that, and you know, depending on what type of illness they have, if they cough, if they feel a lump, if they, you know, any of those things, their mind immediately goes to, uh-oh, um, you know, and and and you know, and or anytime we have tests, right?
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I get poked and prodded and tested and I glow in the dark now.
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And you never get the results right away.
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I mean, you can't.
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Um, and that that time period in there, usually a day or two, sometimes a little bit longer, that those are our hard times because you're thinking, what if?
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What if?
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Um, you know, and and then when you get the thing that pops up and and on your phone or your email and says, my chart has a test result, you gotta stop and you know, take a couple deep breaths and then you open it.
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And you know, usually it's okay, but you know, it it that fear is always there.
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Yeah.
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And why do you think that high-performing people really suffer with a cancer diagnosis more than others?
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Would you say I think it's because for one thing, we expect so much of ourselves.
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We like to be in control and in charge, you know, and all of a sudden we're not, our body has betrayed us.
00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:05.920
And those people in those white lab coats are the people who are kind of in charge.
00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:08.960
Now, ultimately, we're the people who are in charge.
00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:30.000
But we also think so many people are depending on us, and we we don't want to let them down, you know, and and so a lot of times people who are you know corporate leaders, business owners, they they don't want to tell anyone that this is what's going on.
00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:34.559
And fortunately, most cases you don't have to, right?
00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:41.839
It's only when you've you know you've got a more advanced diagnosis or a more severe case that you know people are gonna be able to tell.
00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:43.359
So many times they don't.
00:18:43.359 --> 00:18:44.720
You just never know.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:46.640
Um but we go through this.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:54.160
Well, I can't tell because people won't think I can do my job, they won't think I can run my company, all of those various things.
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:57.440
Yeah, and particularly when it's family too.
00:18:57.440 --> 00:18:58.880
You don't want people to worry.
00:18:58.880 --> 00:19:04.559
You want to let people know that I'm in control, I'm okay, even when you're not okay.
00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:05.680
Right, right.
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:10.319
You know, and I tell people, you've got to be honest, right?
00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:18.400
You know, if now, if it's you know, somebody like the you know, the the you know, clerk at the grocery store, how are you doing?
00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:19.759
Oh, she doesn't really care, right?
00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:21.119
She's just being polite.
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:31.200
But if it is someone that is honestly asking and they truly care, it's okay to say, it's kind of a bad day.
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:39.759
Now you don't have to go into a lot of detail, but you know, they they also can't help you if you're not honest with them.
00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:52.000
And you know, and and so it's okay to say, you know, it's it's a really good day, or you know, or hey, I need some help with this project, or I need somebody to go to the store for me, or something like that.
00:19:52.000 --> 00:20:01.039
And uh, you know, one of the things that that we all know, but we ignore, is the fact that asking for help is the strongest thing we can do.
00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:10.720
And so you also say, Deb, that people need support, yes, but they need more than that.
00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:11.920
They need strategy.
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:13.039
What do you mean by that?
00:20:13.359 --> 00:20:13.920
Right.
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:22.319
Well, you know, especially when you're trying to run a business, is we need to figure out what needs done, by whom.
00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:29.680
Uh, you know, I I talk to people when I'm working with, you know, executives, I'm not dealing with their medical information.
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:30.319
I shouldn't.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:33.200
I mean, you know, that's that is not anything I should be doing.
00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:37.440
But I want to know if their business is going to survive this.
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:39.119
And maybe they don't want it to.
00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:44.000
You know, they might say, I have new priorities now, just gonna be done.
00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:54.960
But, you know, so we want to we want to work with them so that the business does survive, if that's what the the goal is.
00:20:54.960 --> 00:21:00.400
And one of the hardest things, and now I'm very type A personality, right?
00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:04.000
Type I, oh yeah, you know, I'm I'm one of those people.
00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:21.440
And for me, delegating, and it still is really hard, because not only do I think nobody else can do it the way I can do it, I I also think, well, what if they do it better?
00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:26.799
And then of course, the the smart part of my brain kicks in and says, cool, all right.
00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:29.200
What if they do have a better way to do it?
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:35.519
Um, you know, and and I think that's one of the the challenges is you know, we work with really smart people.
00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:37.839
So let's let them be really smart.
00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:44.559
What's the most helpful thing that someone said to you when you were going through the treatment?
00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:48.640
Yeah, oh, they said really unhelpful things.
00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:51.519
And you know, and it was funny, and but I always knew they meant well.
00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:53.200
And and so that was fine.
00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:55.920
You know, I I would just kind of nod and think, really?
00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:59.759
Um I think that the most helpful ones were the people.
00:21:59.759 --> 00:22:03.440
That said, feel what you're going to feel.
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:04.559
It's okay.
00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:08.240
You know, you don't have to always be the strong one.
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:12.000
And you know, and I think that that really made a difference.
00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:19.839
And then the people who asked very specific questions, not just, Beverly, just tell me if there's anything I can do to help, right?
00:22:19.839 --> 00:22:22.480
Because our brains have shorted out and we can't think of anything.
00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:25.920
But when they were very specific, can I bring you lunch?
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:26.799
Can I do this?
00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:29.759
Can I, those are the helpful things.
00:22:30.400 --> 00:22:30.880
Yeah.
00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:37.759
For someone who's just received a life-changing diagnosis, Deb, what do you want them to remember?
00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:39.680
Breathe.
00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:40.880
You know?
00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:49.119
And you know, because we do, we just we panic, especially when you are told, you know, that that you have something that is very serious.
00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:50.960
Don't go to Dr.
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:51.680
Google.
00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:52.240
Dr.
00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:56.400
Google is not your friend, and AI really is not your friend.
00:22:56.400 --> 00:23:00.240
Um, but feel what you're going to feel.
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:01.200
It's okay.
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:02.880
You know, you are angry.
00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:04.000
You're grieving.
00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:07.039
You know, the life you had planned has changed.
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:09.119
It's okay to grieve.
00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:18.799
Um, you know, be angry, cry, throw stuff, do whatever, and then plan, you know, get and and that's that's the thing we need.
00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:19.920
What are we gonna do next?
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:21.920
Now it might not always work out, right?
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:28.799
You might end up in the hospital for seven weeks, but you know, you still need to to kind of compose yourself.
00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:34.559
And the the next thing you need to think about is who are you gonna tell and what are you going to tell them?
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:42.480
You know, and and because your your employees, your co-workers, they don't need all of it, but they need a little something.
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:45.920
Um, you know, and and and you want to control that narrative.
00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:50.559
Otherwise, they make it up, and we never make it up in a good way, right?
00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:53.839
Some for some reason we always go to the worst case scenario.
00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:58.960
So control that narrative um and and let them know a little bit of what's going on.
00:23:59.119 --> 00:24:00.640
Yeah, very good points.
00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:01.759
Thank you, Deb.
00:24:01.759 --> 00:24:14.960
Deb Career is a strategic advisor for executives facing cancer and the founder of Trying Not To Die.live and your cancer coach, dot live.
00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:28.400
She works with business owners and senior leaders navigating cancer, helping them maintain clarity, leadership, and business continuity to life's most disruptive times.
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:40.720
With more than 20 years of communication strategy, Deb brings a rare combination of executive insight and lived experience for leaders who need more than support.
00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:42.319
They need a plan.
00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:48.880
Because cancer may interrupt your timeline, but it doesn't have to take the leader down.
00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:51.519
Here's some takeaways from this episode.
00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:56.799
A diagnosis may change your timeline, but it doesn't need to erase who you are.
00:24:56.799 --> 00:24:58.400
Ask questions.
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:01.920
Advocacy matters when the stakes are high.
00:25:01.920 --> 00:25:08.640
And even strong leaders need support, strategy, and a private space to think clearly.
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:14.400
If you've been identifying with this episode, here's some things that you could do for yourself right now.
00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:20.880
Write down all your questions and don't leave your medical appointments until they're answered.
00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:22.559
Always use humor.
00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:27.119
Your diagnosis won't change, but this can change your day.
00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:31.119
And if a doctor doesn't listen, get a second opinion.
00:25:31.119 --> 00:25:39.359
You are your own best advocate and keep living your life, not only treating your illness.
00:25:39.359 --> 00:25:48.559
For similar episodes on cancer empowerment, check out Finding Your Voice, episode 178, and How to Take Back Your Control with Dr.
00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:54.079
Tiffany Trosso, episode 186 of Aging with Purpose and Passion.
00:25:54.079 --> 00:26:05.440
And if you're overwhelmed as a caregiver, Dementia Decoded is a podcast with Jennifer Fink, a masterclass in working with the family caregiver.
00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:10.240
And that podcast is podcast.show fading memories.
00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:12.559
And so, Deb, where can people find you?
00:26:12.559 --> 00:26:14.240
Please share your links.
00:26:14.400 --> 00:26:16.000
Well, again, thank you so much.
00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:22.000
The easy way is yourcancerwarrior.com because it's a landing page and it's got the links there.
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:23.359
So that way you can go there.
00:26:23.359 --> 00:26:26.000
You can also find me on Facebook and LinkedIn.
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:27.680
I'm not on the other platforms.
00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:31.279
You could tell that I would go down those rabbit holes and never come back out.
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:33.920
Um, and so you can just look for Deb Creer.
00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:38.880
I think there's only three of us in the whole world, and I'm the one with the wacky red hair.
00:26:39.279 --> 00:26:40.240
Terrific.
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:44.240
And those links are in the show notes and they're on my site too.
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:46.799
That's reInventedpossible.com.
00:26:46.799 --> 00:26:49.599
And so, my friends, what's next for you?
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:54.880
If you need a private space to think that through, let's have a conversation.
00:26:54.880 --> 00:27:11.039
And you can find me on reinventimpossible.com and please share us with all your friends, add us to your playlist, and remember, you only have one life, so live it with purpose and passion.
00:27:18.160 --> 00:27:19.839
Thank you for joining us.
00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:25.119
You can connect with Bev on her website, reinventimpossible.com.
00:27:25.119 --> 00:27:27.920
And while you're there, join our newsletter.
00:27:27.920 --> 00:27:30.640
Subscribe so you don't miss an episode.
00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:34.960
Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion.
00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:37.119
And celebrate life.