Slowing It All Down

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Welcome to Break Free and Trust, a redesign for living.
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Join me, Chris.
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And me, Jacqueline, for real conversations about life, death, and
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everything in between.
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Learn to connect with your intrinsic power to grow and heal.
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How to laugh at your own humanness and not take
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life too seriously.
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Through healthy conversations between the feminine and masculine, you learn
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how to harness the power of relationship and the mirror
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to befriend your shadow and to trust that any obstacle
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that gets in your way is there to help you grow.
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Together, working at a practical level, you learn to trust
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that everything that is happening is for you, your growth
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and ultimate freedom.
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Our circumstances don't matter. It's only how we relate to
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them that does.
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Get ready to befriend the wisdom of your body and
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the power of your mind.
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Break free and trust starts now.
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And welcome to Break Free and Trust, a redesign for living.
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I'm Chris.
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And I'm Jacqueline.
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Lao Tzu said, nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
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There is a pace the natural world keeps. It's unhurried.
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And somehow nothing's left undone. But most of us live
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at the opposite tempo. We move fast. We fill every gap.
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In some cases, we wear a busyness like a badge.
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And underneath all that speed, the body is bracing. So
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Jacqueline and I want to talk today about what happens
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when you deliberately slow it all down. What it feels
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like in the body and nervous system when you stop bracing.
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What it does to your vibrational energy, your frequency, a
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field you carry into a room. Now we've come at
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this from our own angles, but and together, through changing careers,
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taking on spiritual practice, and eventually moving to Bowen Island.
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And recently we've deepened that by moving here more full-time.
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And that actually has surfaced something neither of us quite expected.
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which is in part what sparked this conversation today. And
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we also want to be honest about the resistance because
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slowing down can feel strangely unnatural and even threatening. And
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there is a reason for that that's worth exploring as well.
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So there are real benefits, there are real costs, and
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there are also small first doable steps to slowing down.
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What actually changes in the body and nervous system when
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we slow down? Why does slowing down feel so unnatural
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and what are we so afraid of happening if we stop?
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And even what are the small steps that start the
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shift to a whole temple of life. All this and
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more in the next hour. So Jacqueline, you and I
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have just recently made this move to Bowen a little
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more full time. And I think we were having this
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conversation maybe in the last week or probably last week,
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like something has truly and genuinely surprised you. And you've
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noticed you really don't have a big desire to go
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back to the city anymore and sort of do the
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things we used to do there. I know you weren't
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expecting that when we first moved here full time. So
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maybe just tell me a little more, tell our listeners
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a little more about that. What shifted in you?
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I think I'd take us back a little bit further
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to start, which is that I started coming to Bowen
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five years ago.
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Yeah.
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Just over five years ago. And I loved being here.
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There's something so beautiful about being here. But there was
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also something that felt really uncomfortable about being here. And
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two years ago, we made a move to be here
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more full time, more often, because we all three of
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our kids were leaving to go to school. And then
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I really felt this strange sense of dread. There was
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like an excitement to being here, but there was also
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this very strange feeling that made me really uncomfortable. And
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so I'll speak more about that later, but this year when, again,
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kids were leaving the house. But this time we learned
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a little bit from the last time. They can come
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back at any time. I was really curious about that piece.
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And I remember getting here at first and going to
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sit outside. And we're sitting on a property that's surrounded
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by trees. And the back of our house looks very
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much like Jurassic World. It's wild. It's got big ferns
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and trees that have fallen and it's just, it's wild.
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And I would sit outside and just look. And it
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was part of a practice for me. And what I
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really felt was this dissonance between my nervous system and
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the trees and the plants and the creek and the land.
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And it was really uncomfortable. I noticed that I wanted
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to get up. Every few seconds, I noticed that I
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wanted to go into the kitchen to cook something. I
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noticed the busyness inside of my system. And over the
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period of about a month, something changed. And it was
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almost as if, this is gonna sound, for those of
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you that don't like flaky, this might sound a bit, well,
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maybe fluffy, but we'll speak to that too, is it
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almost felt like the trees, were inviting me into their
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vibration because mine didn't really fit. And slowly but surely,
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mine started to meet our land. And that dread feeling,
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the dissonance, the discomfort went away. And what happened for
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me was something quite beautiful, which I only really realized
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when I went back to the city. And I went
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back to my life as I've known it for a
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long time. And I felt the busyness and I know
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what my life looked like there. And my default was
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to go do, do, do. And something inside of me
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was like, no. And I noticed that my vibration or
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frequency was no longer matching my old life, which was
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both an incredible awareness and And also in and of itself,
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an uncomfortable awareness because the place that I had always fit,
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it was no longer fitting in the same way. Does
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that answer your question?
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It does. And you brought up an interesting thing. You
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sort of talked about these, I mean, all these three movements. One,
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five years ago when you were just coming here and
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I was here on Bowen Island, Jacqueline was visiting me
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in our early courtship. The feeling then, then a couple
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of years ago, and then this more recent feeling. Is
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there a distinct difference between all three of those?
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Yeah, well, I mean, we change and we grow, right?
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And I've definitely done a lot of work over the
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last five years. But I think probably what's changed most
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is my desire for the peace that this space offers
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and a longing, actually, a deep longing for the quiet
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that it offers. In the past, I think that there
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is a lot of resistance to that.
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And what is that resistance?
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These are big questions. And I so want to deflect
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right now and ask you a thousand questions. So I'll
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answer instead. Maybe we'll get somewhere. So much of our
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lives is filled with noise. It's filled with busy. It's
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filled with productivity. So much of our worth in our
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society is designed by what we do, how much we
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can get done, you know, the ticks that we make,
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that we mark on our to-do lists. And I think
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what sits at the bottom of this, and yes, there
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has been huge shifts and I can mark those three
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shifts and we can do that at a different time.
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But what's really, really changed is my ability to be
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with discomfort, has grown exponentially. But it didn't grow exponentially
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in one fell swoop. We've had many moments. I've had
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many moments that have given me an opportunity to do that.
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And so this time, when I sat and felt the discomfort,
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which I would describe as that dissonance between my nervous
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system and nature's nervous system, I didn't want to hold
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on to my own. I wanted to let go of
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mine because nature's nervous system was calling me. And I
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think it always has. And so I'll say this, you know, for,
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I still remember years and years when years and years ago,
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when my kids were really small, we were at a
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community center. And I remember this woman came up to
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me and she said something like, Oh my God, you
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are the calmest person I've ever met. How do you
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do that? And I, All I wanted to say to
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her was, if you had any idea what's going on
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underneath the surface, you would never say that. And I
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think that there's been a buzziness in my system for
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as long as I can remember. And slowly over time,
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that's unwound more and more and more. And I think
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what happened this year is, again, it sounds a little weird.
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but I feel like nature called, knocked on my door
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and said, hey, you ready to meet me now? And
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every part of my body said, yes, please. And that yes,
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please meant looking at what was in the way and
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choosing to let go of what was in the way,
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which meant really facing a lot of fear, actually, for me.
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Right. And so, I mean, really what you pointed to
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a couple of times there, it's not this, this slowing down,
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which is sort of what the topic is. This isn't
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just doing less. It's actually a state of being ultimately.
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And that state of being will may end up in
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doing less, but not always. But that's that, that frequency
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of the trees or as nature is called it, that
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goes at its, goes to the pace it goes at.
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I mean, the river flows as the river flows. Yeah.
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Can you be in it? Yeah.
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And it doesn't, for me, it hasn't meant being on
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Bowen Island and quietly doing as much as I've always done.
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It means being on Bowen Island and quietly doing less
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on some levels than I've ever done. And that doesn't
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mean that I'm not working, because I am. But it
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means that when I open the fridge and I don't
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have the ingredients that I need for dinner, I don't
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get in the car to go get them.
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Because you can't get them either.
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Well, you can, but they cost a lot of money.
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And it's a 15 minute drive both ways instead of
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like a two second car ride. It looks like finding
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contentment with what is and working with what we've got.
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And I don't know, for me, that's been, it's been
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beautiful and incredibly challenging. And I can talk more about
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my experience if you have more questions, but I actually
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would love to turn this to you for a second
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because we've talked a lot on this podcast about what
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your first half of life looked like, which was intense
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and busy and productivity focused. And there wasn't really room
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to slow down. You certainly didn't choose to slow down.
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And when I met you, um, or remit you, um,
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you were living here, um, didn't have any real community here. Um,
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you were quite busy at that time with your own things,
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but there was a deep sense of quiet inside of you.
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How the hell did you get there?
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Uh, yeah. Great question. Um, There's this saying I latched
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onto many, many years ago that really resonated with me.
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I really tried to embody it. It says, you won't
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find peace by creating a peaceful life. You'll create a
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peaceful life by finding peace. I knew early on as
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I was going through whatever transformation I was going through
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is that I'd heard enough that what I was craving
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in my life was peace. That's what I wanted. That's
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really what I'd been yearning for. I hadn't had it
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for my whole life. I could see how my central
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nervous system was all out of whack. I would breathe
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the wrong way. I would sort of have had all
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these tells of someone who was just living a really hectic,
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fast pace, not slowing down type life. And I really
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wanted to be intentional about changing that. So I went
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about it. I went about saying, what do I need
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to do to live a peaceful life? And the first
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thing was really just made this decision early on to stop,
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stop fighting anyone or anything. Like what would happen in
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my life if I just started trying to remove any
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conflict altogether. And that was sort of this first, first
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place where I really tapped into this idea of peace.
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Can I just qualify something when you say that? It
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wasn't about removing any conflict that existed in your life.
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Yes.
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And that's, I just, I want to name that because that's,
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that sounds very much like the idea of bypassing that
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we talk about. So can you say more about what
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you really mean by that?
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Yeah. Just like, it's almost like, and trying to bring
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it back to this language and that, you know, I think,
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I think my whole, if I looked at my arc
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of my life before, I was always the person trying
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to push the river. I was trying to make it
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go at my speed, which was faster than the river
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wanted to go. And faster than nature wanted to go.
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And I made this, set this intention that I wanted
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to find, I wanted to find a peaceful life. And
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if I could find inner peace, maybe that would be,
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maybe that would be true. Maybe this idea would be true.
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And so I just made it very intentional to just
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start going at the pace of what everything around me
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wanted to go at without pushing it, without trying to,
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trying to bend it to my will or trying to
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control the situation.
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And when you speak to conflict in your life in
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terms of let's talk about conflict with people what did
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that look like how are you able to slow it
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down so that you weren't actually fighting anybody but you
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were just present how did you do that.
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Yeah it's like um it's it would literally be like
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a as i would as i engage with people or
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a situation i would literally ask myself Am I fighting
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something here? Or am I going with the flow? Who
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do I choose to be here? What's trying to happen here?
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And can I get on board with that? And I
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found the more I did that, the more I, without
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specifically saying I'm trying to slow down, ended up slowing down.
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Ended up starting to move at the pace of life
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around me.
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So I'm asking the question and I'm realizing that I
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think I have a leading, I'm leading you somewhere and
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you're not following me. So I'm going to take us there.
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Cause I've watched you. I've watched you. I've witnessed you
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over the last five and a half years. And what
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I've witnessed is that what you've actually done to combat
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the natural. And it's interesting that I'm using the word combat,
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but yeah, to not give in to the natural tendency
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of pushing the river as it relates to other people.
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You actually, you leveraged curiosity.
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Yes.
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And I think that that's, I think it's actually a
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really important piece of this in terms of slowing down
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because I've watched you You may disagree with us, but
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I think you actually do have some really strong opinions
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about things based on research and reading and learning and life.
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But I've never met anybody who has the capacity to
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sit at a dinner table with 10 different people who
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have 10 different opinions than you do. And all of
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them might have the same opinion. And you don't exert
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your opinion. You ask so many questions. And in that
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you stay in flow.
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Yeah. Yeah. And that's, that's a, that's a great point.
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Cause again, it's like this idea of how I don't
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actually that seat of curiosity, that seat of wanting to
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understand versus wanting to be white, right. And wanting to,
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to win goes from that sort of that ego place
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that wants to be in resistance and everything to that,
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to that sort of more embodied place. It actually is
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yearning to be in the flow of things. And when
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you can just ask questions and be present with people
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and try to understand what they're thinking, where they're coming from,
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regardless of your opinion, it puts you in the flow
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of life, which leads to a slowing down of the
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central nervous system and slowing down of everything. And I
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think coming back to your question, there's two parts to
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it too. Cause the other thing that really shifted in
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my life at that time is I, I was someone
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who had gone through life without embodying like any kind
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of meditative, mindful somatic practice, like, like zero, every, everything
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I did in my life was like, you know, extreme sports,
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like maximum activities. And I've never, never done yoga. I'd
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never meditated. I really took that on in a meaningful way,
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particularly in those early years. And it's still a very
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big part of my life now, but in those first
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few years, when I was really trying to slow it
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all down, I adopted, I adopted some pretty serious yoga
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practices and that whole, I didn't really understand how they worked,
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but it didn't matter because I was finding right away,
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like almost immediately, this is doing something to my body.
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This is like, this is doing something to my body
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that wants to slow my mind down. So my mind
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and my body started to get in sync with this,
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this sort of more calm frequency, if you will.
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So I don't know how many of you listening know
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my background, but my first post-grad degree was in five
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element Chinese medicine. And as I'm listening to you speak,
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I'm hearing what happens when the meridians open. And so,
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and what I mean by that is what you're speaking
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to is the smooth flow of energy in your body.
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Once you started doing these practices, anything that was obstructing
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that or in the way of that started to clear.
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And so one of the reasons why, I'll speak for myself,
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not for you, you might have a different way of
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speaking the same thing, is one of the reasons why
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Kundalini Yoga, as an example, had such a profound impact
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impact on me at a time where I was doing
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all kinds of body practices and I had grown up
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with all of these body practices. Something about Kundalini Yoga
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actually shifted something really deeply in me, which was the movements,
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the breath, the chanting, it cleared channels and it cleared
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channels in a way that all of a sudden energy
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started flowing smoothly. And in that smooth flow of energy,
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my mind didn't get stuck in the same way. And
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so You know, you said earlier, you don't create, what
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were your words about the peaceful life? You find peace
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and then you create a peaceful life.
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Yeah, you find peace and the peaceful life will result
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versus the other way around. You can't manage it.
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So similarly, my body, my mind was stuck. But by
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moving my body and doing these practices, I freed my
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body and in freeing my body, I freed my mind.
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So we kind of... We got there in different ways,
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but it's a very similar thing. And the beauty of
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how these practices, as an example, there's lots of different
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ways to get there, and there's lots of different forms
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of yoga, and there's lots of different practices that can
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get you there. These are just some of the ones
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that we've used. And I don't think there's a better
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or worse. It's just finding one that actually works for you.
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For sure. That's why there's so many.
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Yeah. Is that... as Chris said in the introduction, nature
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has its rhythms. We look here on the West Coast
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and on the East Coast where we both grew up,
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we have seasons, right? And the seasons are constantly shifting
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and changing. And no matter what kind of summer we've had,
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we're going to have a fall. And no matter what
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kind of fall we've had, we're gonna have a winter,
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same thing with spring. They might look different each year
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because We've had more rain or less rain or it's
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been drier or wetter. But the same rhythms continue to
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repeat over and over again. And when you have an
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opportunity to be in nature, your rhythms start to come
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into alignment with nature's rhythms. And a part of what
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happened for me, I think, coming here this year and
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really choosing to immerse myself in being here was that
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I started to pick up on the natural rhythms of
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nature and to feel like what happens in the fall. Well,
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in the fall first, there's this beauty and almost this
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feeling of awe as all of the colors are changing
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and the trees are like sporting the most gorgeous colors
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and our gardens are at the height of their harvest.
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And then there's a quieting. It starts to get darker earlier.
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There's less light and the trees start to let go
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and the air starts to go cooler. And there's something
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about nature that's beckoning us to shift with it. But
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because we live in a modern society where we have
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electricity and we have lights and business hours don't change
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and wake up hours don't change and we have alarm
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clocks and all the rest of it, we naturally move
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into this place of fighting the rhythms that are surrounding
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us all the time. And my guess is that when
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we're out of alignment with a season is most often
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when we're not very well. And our society lives in
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that place all the time.
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Yeah, and I would even take it further, not that
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it's like, it's not in a rhythm with, with nature.
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It's like, I think there's a bit almost like we're,
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we're trying to conquer nature constantly. Like we go as
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far as trying to change the weather, you know, change the,
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change the crops to everything we're doing. We're doing everything
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to take us out of the, out of the rhythm
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of nature.
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Yeah.
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I didn't, you know, I, you're, I love you how
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you use the analogy of the seasons because it's, it's
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so how you teach in terms of yoga and Chinese medicine.
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And the analogy was coming up to me at the
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same time was that of the river, which I use
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a lot. It's this metaphor for me. And what's interesting
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is this place in Bowen, there's a river or creek
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that's running through it. And it's sort of the opposite.
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In the summer, it's a trickle because there's no snow melting.
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There's not a lot of rain. And in the winter,
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it's raging. And when I first moved here in this
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place where I'm slowing down, you know, my bedroom is
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right over top of this river. And I would, every
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night going to sleep, I'd listen to this river going by.
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And I think this river actually sort of infused itself
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into my psyche. And what I find interesting about the river,
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and this really fits with how I take on slowing
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down or being with the rhythm, is sometimes I'll be
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moving very quickly and forcefully, and sometimes I'll be moving
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more at a trickle. But it's more like I'm tapping
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into what's the speed that the river's wanting to move
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at right now based on the season, or is it
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going through a rapid or a bend, or is it wide?
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And so slowing down for me is more the state
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of being that I'm going to go with the flow
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of what's moving right now. I'm not going to try
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to slow it down. I'm not going to try to
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speed it up. I'm not going to try to change direction.
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I'm going to try to tap in as much as
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I can to what is happening. And now I'm going
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to ride this. And to me, that's the slowing it
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down for me. And sometimes I can look exceptionally busy
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to people, but internally, it's all calm.
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Yeah, he's one of the most productive humans I've ever
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met on the planet. And it does happen at a
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really calm, it comes from a really calm and quiet place.
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And that doesn't mean that there's not a tremendous amount
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of creativity there. There is.
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Yeah, and I think the opposite is, I think I
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used to worship productivity like a false idol. And there
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was no creativity. It was force and sort of this
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power versus force idea. And now I can be productive,
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but it's, it feels like it's coming from this place
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of creativity because I'm tapped into something greater. And it
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also has its own energy field associated with it, which
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is the other, I find the real benefit of this, the,
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you know, one of the benefits of slowing it all
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down is I find I've tapped, tapped into a different
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energy source that was not available to me when I
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was running around rushing and trying to push the river
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in my words.
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Well, you just said so much there. So much. So
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I'm going to pull us back a little bit and
447
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almost dissect a little bit of what you've spoken. Okay.
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And I'm realizing we're about to get to a break.
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So maybe... Maybe we'll actually pause there and then come back.
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Okay. Sounds good. Okay.
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Hey everybody.
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Oh my goodness. We have got talk radio for all
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of them.
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Really thank you for blazing the trail for women in
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00:27:29.869 --> 00:27:32.549
talk radio and just being such an inspiration to me
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and so many other people.
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What you're doing is so awesome.
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And you know, without people like you there to like
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really step out of the box and go for it.
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I don't know if someone like me would have ever
461
00:27:42.549 --> 00:27:44.390
ended up here, but I'm so happy to be here.
462
00:27:44.990 --> 00:27:46.490
And yeah, I just want to thank you for everything
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00:27:46.529 --> 00:27:48.609
you're doing. You're one of my major inspirations.
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00:27:50.549 --> 00:27:53.430
Living a life by design. It's the journey back to
465
00:27:53.509 --> 00:27:58.630
you and living 365 days of purpose with host Esther Graham.
466
00:27:58.970 --> 00:28:02.609
Tune in every second and fourth Friday at 11 a.m. Pacific.
467
00:28:03.009 --> 00:28:06.670
Discover that what is possible is already in you. God
468
00:28:06.710 --> 00:28:09.759
designed a phenomenal life for you. At Living a Life
469
00:28:09.819 --> 00:28:11.779
by Design, Esther helps you ignite.
470
00:28:12.289 --> 00:28:15.950
Welcome back, everyone. So just before the break, Chris was
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commenting on something that I just said to him on
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the break could have been three podcasts worth of information.
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So I'm going to take us back a little bit
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and see if I can break some of that down.
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You said that you were tapping into a source that
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you had never tapped into before. When you were so
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focused on productivity and the doing, there was something that
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you weren't accessing. And yet when you let some of
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that go, you all of a sudden had access to
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something else. And you also spoke earlier on the podcast,
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something about productivity that struck me. So I'm going to
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just take two of those and run with them for
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a second.
484
00:28:54.609 --> 00:28:54.769
Yeah.
485
00:28:55.650 --> 00:28:59.109
The first is I find that no matter what we,
486
00:28:59.609 --> 00:29:03.299
no matter what we talk about on these podcasts, a
487
00:29:03.410 --> 00:29:08.000
piece of what always comes up is how our ego
488
00:29:08.019 --> 00:29:11.619
structures get in the way of us being able to
489
00:29:11.779 --> 00:29:18.960
access essence. or we'll speak peace, truth, that we're so
490
00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:23.880
focused on our identities that we actually are so busy
491
00:29:24.220 --> 00:29:28.269
producing and feeding our identities that we don't actually realize
492
00:29:28.329 --> 00:29:31.049
that our identities are not who we are. And so
493
00:29:31.089 --> 00:29:34.250
I would like to come back to that, but I
494
00:29:34.289 --> 00:29:36.190
want to focus on the last thing that you spoke,
495
00:29:36.730 --> 00:29:39.970
which was you didn't have access to something until you
496
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:42.099
you slowed down enough. And then all of a sudden,
497
00:29:42.779 --> 00:29:46.529
you were creating from a different place. In the place before,
498
00:29:47.589 --> 00:29:50.910
you were creating, as you said, from a place of force.
499
00:29:51.170 --> 00:29:51.269
Yeah.
500
00:29:51.730 --> 00:29:56.359
Versus power. And I don't know if I've mentioned this,
501
00:29:56.500 --> 00:29:59.599
I may have on this podcast, but recently it's come
502
00:29:59.640 --> 00:30:01.920
into my awareness again a few times as I was
503
00:30:01.960 --> 00:30:06.869
working with some of my clients. And generally, the way
504
00:30:06.910 --> 00:30:11.450
we operate in life is we're busy doing what we
505
00:30:11.490 --> 00:30:15.569
know how to do, operating in these identities. And so
506
00:30:15.650 --> 00:30:19.779
much of our identities are driven without our awareness by fear.
507
00:30:21.289 --> 00:30:26.349
We acquire our identities when we're very young. Our predispositions
508
00:30:26.430 --> 00:30:30.690
develop before we're seven years old. We become people pleasers.
509
00:30:30.849 --> 00:30:36.650
We become superheroes. We become all of these different characters
510
00:30:37.430 --> 00:30:43.039
in order to overcome feelings of fear. And what happens
511
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:45.880
when we do that, and all of us do it,
512
00:30:47.500 --> 00:30:51.480
at least anybody I know that's walking around today has
513
00:30:51.519 --> 00:30:54.109
done it up until a certain point. And some of
514
00:30:54.190 --> 00:30:57.470
us do it throughout our entire lives without being aware
515
00:30:57.490 --> 00:31:02.410
of it, is that when we constrict energetically, we block
516
00:31:02.490 --> 00:31:06.720
the flow of energy. And fear by its nature is constriction.
517
00:31:07.519 --> 00:31:11.119
So fear in five element acupuncture lives in the wintertime.
518
00:31:11.720 --> 00:31:18.980
And you watch water become ice and nothing flows. And
519
00:31:19.019 --> 00:31:23.740
then the thaw comes and energy starts to trickle and
520
00:31:23.799 --> 00:31:27.529
water starts to trickle and energy starts to flow. When
521
00:31:27.549 --> 00:31:33.289
we're walking around afraid, we're inherently blocking the flow of energy.
522
00:31:34.170 --> 00:31:38.230
And what most often happens is that we're cutting off
523
00:31:38.289 --> 00:31:42.329
the flow of energy between us and the earth and
524
00:31:42.549 --> 00:31:46.730
us and the sky. Now, again, I might sound fluffy,
525
00:31:47.029 --> 00:31:49.690
so give me a second and I'll see if I
526
00:31:49.730 --> 00:31:53.250
can find my way through this. The character for the
527
00:31:53.289 --> 00:31:58.019
human being in Chinese is between heaven and earth. That's
528
00:31:58.039 --> 00:32:02.799
what it means. And so many of the practices that
529
00:32:02.839 --> 00:32:06.960
we engage in are about drawing the heavens in and
530
00:32:06.980 --> 00:32:11.359
the earth in and allowing that flow to happen really naturally.
531
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:17.180
I had a really amazing experience of what this feels
532
00:32:17.240 --> 00:32:21.339
like many years ago. And I've spoken this to my
533
00:32:21.380 --> 00:32:23.819
clients and my yoga students. I'm not sure I spoke
534
00:32:23.859 --> 00:32:28.029
it here, probably because it will sound really fluffy. But
535
00:32:28.069 --> 00:32:30.890
at a time in my life where things were really tough,
536
00:32:31.329 --> 00:32:35.769
I was going through a divorce. I was, my ex-husband
537
00:32:35.829 --> 00:32:39.450
was ill. Things were shaky and scary and all kinds
538
00:32:39.490 --> 00:32:42.789
of things. I remember calling a very dear friend of
539
00:32:42.869 --> 00:32:46.519
mine and saying, I need help. I'm empty. Like I
540
00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:50.279
have nothing left. And I had three kids that I
541
00:32:50.339 --> 00:32:53.759
needed to raise. I couldn't be empty. And she came
542
00:32:53.839 --> 00:32:58.019
over to do a session on me and something inside
543
00:32:58.039 --> 00:33:00.640
of her said, I need to show you this picture.
544
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:05.500
And Jung spoke a lot about the power of pictures.
545
00:33:07.359 --> 00:33:10.559
But I had never had this kind of experience before.
546
00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:14.259
She showed me this photo of something called the I
547
00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:18.859
am presence. And it doesn't really matter what it was.
548
00:33:20.119 --> 00:33:26.130
But she showed me a photo and something happened. It
549
00:33:26.190 --> 00:33:29.430
happened in the flash of a second, but all of
550
00:33:29.470 --> 00:33:32.680
a sudden the top of my head got really, really
551
00:33:32.740 --> 00:33:38.759
hot and tingly. And I was full of energy, like
552
00:33:38.920 --> 00:33:42.140
out of nowhere. And I'm pretty skeptical. I'm not really
553
00:33:42.180 --> 00:33:45.299
a very fluffy person. For those of you that have
554
00:33:45.339 --> 00:33:47.779
heard me before, you may agree or disagree, but I
555
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:50.359
don't see myself as a very fluffy person. And I
556
00:33:50.420 --> 00:33:54.079
was really blown away. I actually didn't like the feeling
557
00:33:54.440 --> 00:33:57.279
and it lasted for a few weeks. And I didn't
558
00:33:57.319 --> 00:34:01.720
really understand it. Over time, I've come to really understand
559
00:34:01.769 --> 00:34:08.010
what that was. And what I experienced was the reconnection
560
00:34:08.789 --> 00:34:13.650
between me and the sun, the sky, the moon, the stars, whatever,
561
00:34:13.769 --> 00:34:17.250
the heavens, whatever you want to call it, and between
562
00:34:17.289 --> 00:34:21.780
me and the earth. And what I got to experience
563
00:34:22.019 --> 00:34:27.039
was that through my bracing, of trying to make it
564
00:34:27.099 --> 00:34:30.880
through this time, which I've come to understand I did
565
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:34.579
most of my life, what I was doing was I
566
00:34:34.619 --> 00:34:38.619
was cutting myself off from what nature had to give me.
567
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:43.579
And as soon as I unlocked that, something really changed.
568
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:51.090
We are like a vacuum. When space is empty, energy
569
00:34:51.239 --> 00:34:55.309
longs to enter it. But when we're tight and we're full,
570
00:34:55.469 --> 00:34:59.199
there's no room for that space. And so a piece
571
00:34:59.260 --> 00:35:02.960
of what happens when we slow down is we thaw.
572
00:35:03.940 --> 00:35:07.539
And when we thaw, energy that we didn't have access
573
00:35:07.579 --> 00:35:12.019
to before begins to enter. How's that land for you?
574
00:35:12.039 --> 00:35:13.159
Does that land as fluffy?
575
00:35:14.090 --> 00:35:15.530
It doesn't land as fluffy at all, no.
576
00:35:15.630 --> 00:35:17.670
Do you have a different way of explaining the same thing?
577
00:35:18.610 --> 00:35:21.369
It's just like I have a visual that we're, you know,
578
00:35:21.969 --> 00:35:25.289
at our heart. we talk about the artichoke heart or
579
00:35:25.949 --> 00:35:31.510
whatever it is, right? We are connected to everything and everyone, right?
580
00:35:31.530 --> 00:35:34.639
We're connected to the universal field of consciousness, which is
581
00:35:34.699 --> 00:35:36.980
the trees, it's the sun, it's the air, and it's
582
00:35:37.019 --> 00:35:41.780
everybody else. And we've taken on this ego defense mechanism
583
00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:45.300
to survive our childhood, which is effectively cutting off our
584
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:49.570
receiver to all these things. And we're taking on these
585
00:35:50.489 --> 00:35:52.800
We're taking on resistance to all of this. And what
586
00:35:52.840 --> 00:35:56.219
has to happen to find that peace, to find that
587
00:35:57.340 --> 00:36:01.440
slowing down, to find that natural pace is the dissolving
588
00:36:02.019 --> 00:36:07.619
of these layers of ego. And you referenced Jung, who
589
00:36:07.659 --> 00:36:09.980
talked a lot about this. And he really pointed out,
590
00:36:10.739 --> 00:36:13.460
coming back to why aren't we slow? Why are we
591
00:36:13.500 --> 00:36:17.380
in this busyness? The busyness is the ego's defense mechanism.
592
00:36:17.800 --> 00:36:20.809
So you don't actually spend any time being with what
593
00:36:20.889 --> 00:36:24.070
wants to come up from the unconscious, which is the
594
00:36:24.489 --> 00:36:27.309
mechanism by which the ego will dissolve, if you will.
595
00:36:28.409 --> 00:36:32.710
And so from a really practical standpoint, what that means
596
00:36:33.010 --> 00:36:36.059
or how that translates into our physical bodies is that
597
00:36:36.179 --> 00:36:39.280
we are programmed. And we've talked about this before on
598
00:36:39.320 --> 00:36:45.420
the show, is we're programmed to move away from what
599
00:36:45.480 --> 00:36:51.489
scares us. And And we have to actually challenge the
600
00:36:51.530 --> 00:36:56.230
nervous system in order to be able to stand in
601
00:36:56.269 --> 00:36:59.690
the place of what scares us and to not shirk back.
602
00:37:01.610 --> 00:37:07.820
And so much of what we're taught, so much of
603
00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:12.519
what we teach our kids is about avoiding those places.
604
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:16.860
And yet the only way to build any resilience in
605
00:37:16.920 --> 00:37:21.679
our nervous system is to push our nervous system into
606
00:37:21.719 --> 00:37:24.079
some of those places. So I'll say it in a
607
00:37:24.099 --> 00:37:25.920
different way. And I'm going to use Kundalini as an
608
00:37:25.960 --> 00:37:29.820
analogy for that is a big piece of Kundalini yoga
609
00:37:30.019 --> 00:37:32.340
is if you come to one of our classes, you'll
610
00:37:32.380 --> 00:37:36.539
see that we're not just in static postures. We're actually
611
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:40.920
working the muscles in the body in such a way
612
00:37:40.940 --> 00:37:45.750
that we're pushing our arms to the very edge of
613
00:37:45.789 --> 00:37:47.889
what our arms have the capacity to do, let's just
614
00:37:47.909 --> 00:37:51.030
say as an example. And a simple movement, which starts
615
00:37:51.119 --> 00:37:54.019
off really easy, once you've been doing it for five minutes,
616
00:37:54.079 --> 00:37:56.920
feels like your arms are gonna fall off. And it's intentional.
617
00:37:57.639 --> 00:38:01.880
And it's intentional because we're pushing the nervous system to
618
00:38:03.500 --> 00:38:06.719
a point of stress, only to then invite the nervous
619
00:38:06.760 --> 00:38:10.730
system to go into the parasympathetic and relax. And then
620
00:38:10.769 --> 00:38:13.469
we push into stress and we invite the nervous system
621
00:38:13.530 --> 00:38:16.380
back into relax and quiet. And we do it enough
622
00:38:16.440 --> 00:38:21.019
times that the nervous system becomes capable of moving into
623
00:38:21.059 --> 00:38:24.500
stress and bouncing back into relaxed and moving into stress
624
00:38:24.639 --> 00:38:29.179
and bouncing back into relaxed. So that we're practicing something
625
00:38:29.340 --> 00:38:31.949
on the mat that we need in our lives, which
626
00:38:31.969 --> 00:38:35.449
is we're driving in traffic. Somebody cuts us off. We
627
00:38:35.489 --> 00:38:39.440
get stressed. And then we're teaching the nervous system how
628
00:38:39.460 --> 00:38:43.059
to feel that stress and then bounce into relaxed versus
629
00:38:43.099 --> 00:38:44.739
carrying that stress for the next hour.
630
00:38:45.639 --> 00:38:48.190
Right. And it's like saying that sort of the ego's
631
00:38:48.210 --> 00:38:50.670
natural state is this fight or flight thing. It's sort
632
00:38:50.690 --> 00:38:53.449
of in conflict with this environment. It's being driven by fear.
633
00:38:54.110 --> 00:38:57.530
And the Kundalini Yoga or other practices are teaching, okay,
634
00:38:57.550 --> 00:38:58.949
go stress, but now we're going to teach you to
635
00:38:59.010 --> 00:39:02.679
come back and actually just get out of fight or
636
00:39:02.719 --> 00:39:06.420
flight and just get the parasympathetic nervous system to take over.
637
00:39:07.130 --> 00:39:10.159
And in those little moments of the stillness of the
638
00:39:10.199 --> 00:39:14.539
slowing down, that's when you can access these more embodied
639
00:39:14.599 --> 00:39:17.719
parts of yourself or these, or these higher, I'll call
640
00:39:17.739 --> 00:39:21.539
them higher states of consciousness and keep doing that over
641
00:39:21.579 --> 00:39:24.829
and over again. And you start to connect with that
642
00:39:24.949 --> 00:39:30.860
more and more. I did this, one of my coaching practice,
643
00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:36.139
I have a mastery in deep coaching or transformational coaching
644
00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:39.800
and it just dawned on me that there's sort of
645
00:39:39.889 --> 00:39:42.809
nine practices within this modality as a map. The first
646
00:39:42.909 --> 00:39:45.809
one is slowing it all down because it's a necessary
647
00:39:46.369 --> 00:39:50.079
condition to in order to tap higher states of consciousness
648
00:39:50.920 --> 00:39:54.789
necessary condition for transformation is to slow it all down
649
00:39:54.829 --> 00:39:58.530
and to find stillness to find that quiet if anything's
650
00:39:58.550 --> 00:39:59.429
going to change.
651
00:40:00.710 --> 00:40:03.809
And in your practice what do you find when people
652
00:40:03.849 --> 00:40:04.630
tap into.
653
00:40:04.429 --> 00:40:09.130
That stillness they find fear at first right it's so
654
00:40:09.190 --> 00:40:12.159
uncomfortable and that's why so often i'll you know be
655
00:40:12.179 --> 00:40:14.739
working with with people and you probably found this too.
656
00:40:14.800 --> 00:40:16.420
And it's like, here, I, one of the things I'm
657
00:40:16.440 --> 00:40:18.699
going to, I'm going to prescribe to you is some meditation,
658
00:40:19.139 --> 00:40:21.840
just 10 minutes a day. There's no side effects. It's free.
659
00:40:22.199 --> 00:40:23.719
It's only 10 minutes. You can do it to like
660
00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:27.789
quiet music or whatnot. And, you know, promise you that
661
00:40:27.849 --> 00:40:30.949
after 30 days, you'll feel a profound effect. And then
662
00:40:30.969 --> 00:40:34.190
the take-up rate on it's 2%. It's much, much easier to,
663
00:40:34.630 --> 00:40:37.139
to pay $ 200 for a session or to get a
664
00:40:37.199 --> 00:40:40.139
pill or to do something else. But that idea, of
665
00:40:40.199 --> 00:40:42.500
just sitting in stillness for 10 minutes a day seems
666
00:40:42.539 --> 00:40:45.659
to be, it seems to be kryptonite for our egos.
667
00:40:46.920 --> 00:40:51.250
It's incredible. It's incredible having facilitated many groups to just
668
00:40:51.269 --> 00:40:55.369
sit and listen to all of the reasons. And we're
669
00:40:55.409 --> 00:40:58.409
not separate from these. So we're not talking about these
670
00:40:58.469 --> 00:41:01.309
as if we haven't had our own versions of these resistances.
671
00:41:01.449 --> 00:41:02.170
We have them all the time.
672
00:41:02.190 --> 00:41:02.670
I was the worst.
673
00:41:03.570 --> 00:41:06.929
But even still, you know, like years and years into practice,
674
00:41:07.030 --> 00:41:12.030
there are moments where my resistance is really high. And
675
00:41:12.090 --> 00:41:17.860
so we're doing what we're talking about alongside you. But
676
00:41:17.900 --> 00:41:23.699
the amount of excuses that we can find for not
677
00:41:23.780 --> 00:41:29.010
spending 15 minutes a day focused on our breath is
678
00:41:29.110 --> 00:41:35.119
so profound that you think about how resistant we are
679
00:41:35.619 --> 00:41:39.760
to being with ourselves. We want the world to adjust
680
00:41:39.800 --> 00:41:43.119
to us. We want other people to meet us where
681
00:41:43.179 --> 00:41:49.449
we are. We want peace, but we're not willing to
682
00:41:49.510 --> 00:41:55.250
cultivate it because cultivating it requires us to feel the
683
00:41:55.289 --> 00:41:56.610
places where it doesn't exist.
684
00:41:58.309 --> 00:41:59.869
And I think, you know, it's, it's interesting. You just,
685
00:41:59.909 --> 00:42:02.730
you're talking there, this idea that we want to, we
686
00:42:02.789 --> 00:42:06.050
want to cultivate peace, but I, if I'm thinking about that, honestly,
687
00:42:06.070 --> 00:42:10.139
I think the ego or identity is confused comfort with peace.
688
00:42:10.699 --> 00:42:12.300
So the egos go around and try to rerun, like
689
00:42:12.340 --> 00:42:16.219
we'll spend hours and hours trying to rearrange the outside world.
690
00:42:16.260 --> 00:42:19.039
So it's comfortable with this idea that if you do that,
691
00:42:19.059 --> 00:42:21.610
you'll find peace, but it's not true. There's, there's very
692
00:42:22.030 --> 00:42:26.530
little evidence that there's actual peace and comfort. Peace comes, peace, peace,
693
00:42:27.179 --> 00:42:30.340
Peace doesn't necessarily have to be comfortable. It's just a
694
00:42:30.380 --> 00:42:30.940
way of being.
695
00:42:31.079 --> 00:42:33.699
Well, actually, the way to peace is through discomfort.
696
00:42:33.719 --> 00:42:34.639
Complete discomfort. 100%.
697
00:42:34.639 --> 00:42:38.659
And, you know, I can think about all of those
698
00:42:38.719 --> 00:42:44.269
years of we think that travel is going to bring
699
00:42:44.329 --> 00:42:46.769
us comfort. We need to go to India or we
700
00:42:46.809 --> 00:42:49.309
need to go to Southeast Asia or we need to
701
00:42:49.349 --> 00:42:53.530
go somewhere because there we can practice. We need to
702
00:42:53.570 --> 00:42:53.960
go and.
703
00:42:55.550 --> 00:42:57.670
You know, we need to build this career and then
704
00:42:57.730 --> 00:43:00.780
I can practice. We need to have our children and
705
00:43:00.840 --> 00:43:02.760
then we can find peace. We need to go to
706
00:43:02.840 --> 00:43:04.639
school and then we'll find it. We need to finish
707
00:43:04.699 --> 00:43:07.949
school and then we'll find it. And we're never going
708
00:43:07.989 --> 00:43:10.690
to find it when we're doing those things. Peace is
709
00:43:10.769 --> 00:43:15.610
found in the most random places. You take it with
710
00:43:15.650 --> 00:43:19.300
you everywhere you go, and you take the discomfort with
711
00:43:19.340 --> 00:43:23.530
you everywhere you go. And, you know, it was interesting.
712
00:43:23.590 --> 00:43:26.110
The first time we were meant to come here, we
713
00:43:27.250 --> 00:43:30.840
were so excited to be here. And within a very
714
00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:34.480
short period of time, we were in Calgary. And we
715
00:43:34.500 --> 00:43:40.889
were in Calgary living on top of the highway in
716
00:43:40.909 --> 00:43:45.429
a little apartment. And I actually think that for me,
717
00:43:45.590 --> 00:43:51.489
like I look back at that time with such peace
718
00:43:51.889 --> 00:43:55.929
in my heart. Because it's in that little box on
719
00:43:55.969 --> 00:44:02.409
the highway through a winter and fall that I found
720
00:44:03.630 --> 00:44:07.789
the key to open up that door to find my
721
00:44:07.849 --> 00:44:11.550
way to the peace that I had been seeking. And
722
00:44:11.590 --> 00:44:13.679
that door didn't open and then all of a sudden
723
00:44:13.699 --> 00:44:20.639
I was peaceful. It's taken years to slowly cultivate my
724
00:44:20.699 --> 00:44:24.840
ability to be in the presence of discomfort. And I
725
00:44:24.900 --> 00:44:30.579
wasn't very good at it. Fear was something that sat
726
00:44:30.679 --> 00:44:34.800
beneath the surface of my nervous system. And it was
727
00:44:35.079 --> 00:44:39.230
so hidden that I didn't even know it was there.
728
00:44:40.070 --> 00:44:44.599
And it's taken in small increments this capacity to sort
729
00:44:44.659 --> 00:44:48.059
of build this foundation to now be able to look
730
00:44:48.099 --> 00:44:51.469
those parts of me in the face. And I'll say
731
00:44:51.510 --> 00:44:55.030
this because I think it's, I find it fascinating. I
732
00:44:56.349 --> 00:45:01.190
teach this work as a yoga teacher. I teach this
733
00:45:01.250 --> 00:45:07.300
work as a coach and a therapist. And I live
734
00:45:07.340 --> 00:45:12.639
this work. And I had an experience with you. Mm-hmm.
735
00:45:14.210 --> 00:45:21.889
last week that really, it was really humbling because we
736
00:45:21.929 --> 00:45:24.619
got into a disagreement, for lack of a better word,
737
00:45:25.699 --> 00:45:29.920
and in the presence of that disagreement, my nervous system
738
00:45:30.699 --> 00:45:37.500
didn't budge. I was as peaceful inside as like the stillest,
739
00:45:37.579 --> 00:45:42.250
like I didn't defend, I didn't attack, I didn't shut down,
740
00:45:42.670 --> 00:45:46.889
three things I can do really well. I was quiet
741
00:45:47.170 --> 00:45:51.909
and my whole body stayed open. And the disagreement aside,
742
00:45:52.730 --> 00:45:57.110
that feeling has sat with me for a week. And
743
00:45:57.150 --> 00:46:01.289
that feeling of awe of like, Oh my God, imagine
744
00:46:01.329 --> 00:46:03.690
what it would be like if I could operate in
745
00:46:03.969 --> 00:46:09.550
every arena of my life from that place, from a
746
00:46:09.610 --> 00:46:12.900
place where I allowed myself to be held by the earth.
747
00:46:13.820 --> 00:46:17.539
I allowed the sky to be a part of my world.
748
00:46:17.659 --> 00:46:20.639
I wasn't shut down. I didn't shut down my heart
749
00:46:21.019 --> 00:46:27.119
or run away from you. It was awe-inspiring and it
750
00:46:27.199 --> 00:46:31.000
sounds so small, especially in the face of like, but
751
00:46:31.039 --> 00:46:35.360
you teach this all the time. Yes, I do. And
752
00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:38.500
I've been doing it for 30 years. And it was
753
00:46:38.559 --> 00:46:43.510
the first time my nervous system felt it 100%. And
754
00:46:45.010 --> 00:46:46.730
I can't think of anything I want more now.
755
00:46:46.949 --> 00:46:49.969
Yeah. It really goes to this idea about, you know,
756
00:46:50.780 --> 00:46:53.309
Taking your story and thinking of this idea of comfort
757
00:46:53.349 --> 00:46:55.230
and peace and whatnot, what just shows up to me
758
00:46:55.269 --> 00:46:57.409
is this idea that what we're talking about here is
759
00:46:57.449 --> 00:47:00.659
being the calm in the storm. We're not talking about
760
00:47:00.679 --> 00:47:02.579
the storm not coming. The storms are going to come,
761
00:47:02.639 --> 00:47:05.730
but can you find your calm in the storm? That's
762
00:47:05.750 --> 00:47:06.289
what you're talking about.
763
00:47:07.440 --> 00:47:13.219
So I'd say yes. And I can remember when my
764
00:47:13.260 --> 00:47:17.119
kids were a lot younger and my oldest was really
765
00:47:17.179 --> 00:47:24.150
struggling and he was really feisty and really combative. I found,
766
00:47:24.170 --> 00:47:29.670
I dropped into real quiet, but that real quiet, which
767
00:47:29.710 --> 00:47:32.050
I would have called the calm in the center of
768
00:47:32.070 --> 00:47:37.440
the storm, that actually wasn't quiet. That was my ego's
769
00:47:37.500 --> 00:47:43.019
way of protecting me from bracing. Or it was my
770
00:47:43.059 --> 00:47:46.659
way of bracing, actually. It was to be the calm
771
00:47:46.699 --> 00:47:49.110
in the center of the storm, but I wasn't relaxed.
772
00:47:49.570 --> 00:47:51.050
It was a hard question I was going to ask you.
773
00:47:51.369 --> 00:47:53.969
Because you shared that story earlier about people coming up
774
00:47:54.010 --> 00:47:55.969
to you and asking, how do you stay so calm?
775
00:47:56.469 --> 00:47:58.250
When you look back at it now, do you feel
776
00:47:58.289 --> 00:47:59.090
it was performative?
777
00:48:00.469 --> 00:48:03.610
That's a good question. Yes, but not in the way that...
778
00:48:04.000 --> 00:48:05.639
but not in the way that we would normally think
779
00:48:05.679 --> 00:48:06.280
of performative.
780
00:48:06.320 --> 00:48:08.260
Like a narcissistic way. It was just more like an
781
00:48:08.320 --> 00:48:10.260
unconscious performative. Is that what you're saying?
782
00:48:11.159 --> 00:48:11.550
Sort of.
783
00:48:11.610 --> 00:48:11.780
Yeah.
784
00:48:12.619 --> 00:48:19.010
I wasn't performing for anybody else. I was performing from myself.
785
00:48:20.050 --> 00:48:22.690
So this is that place. Do you remember we spoke
786
00:48:22.730 --> 00:48:24.489
a few weeks ago about the seductress?
787
00:48:24.949 --> 00:48:25.110
Yeah.
788
00:48:26.829 --> 00:48:31.789
I think our egos are so incredibly brilliant on some level.
789
00:48:32.889 --> 00:48:38.199
that we can be seduced into anything. So I wasn't
790
00:48:38.219 --> 00:48:43.280
performing for my family. I wasn't performing for my friends.
791
00:48:44.059 --> 00:48:48.619
I was performing for me. I wasn't ready to experience
792
00:48:48.719 --> 00:48:52.309
the buzzing. I was hiding from the buzzing. So I
793
00:48:52.349 --> 00:48:57.510
had developed this persona that looked and sounded quiet because
794
00:48:57.670 --> 00:49:00.730
it was my way of You know, you guys, when
795
00:49:01.269 --> 00:49:04.469
you're with your kids in the car and everybody's screaming
796
00:49:04.670 --> 00:49:09.000
or something crazy is happening and you, or actually I'll
797
00:49:09.019 --> 00:49:12.980
say it this way. When a baby is crying and
798
00:49:13.440 --> 00:49:17.010
can't settle, you start bouncing the baby a little bit.
799
00:49:17.670 --> 00:49:23.639
You start shh, shh. the baby. I think what we
800
00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:27.320
don't actually realize in those moments is that a lot
801
00:49:27.360 --> 00:49:30.280
of the behaviors that we're doing, we're doing to calm
802
00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:35.159
our own nervous systems. So when I say shh, my
803
00:49:35.219 --> 00:49:39.539
vagus nerve is receiving that and getting it. The vibration
804
00:49:39.840 --> 00:49:42.400
of it's time to calm down. It's time to quiet.
805
00:49:43.539 --> 00:49:47.280
That's what I was doing. I was performing for myself.
806
00:49:48.250 --> 00:49:50.849
Whatever ritual you need to calm yourself down in a sense, right?
807
00:49:50.909 --> 00:49:55.650
I developed an identity that was calm in order to
808
00:49:55.730 --> 00:50:01.860
calm myself down. I see. And it required me doing
809
00:50:01.980 --> 00:50:05.599
these three steps, let's say, of coming here to get
810
00:50:05.679 --> 00:50:09.900
to a place where I could actually feel calm in
811
00:50:09.940 --> 00:50:15.000
a big way you have been living in that place
812
00:50:15.380 --> 00:50:18.199
of ease for a long time now.
813
00:50:19.159 --> 00:50:21.969
Yeah five years just no problem five years yeah it'll
814
00:50:21.989 --> 00:50:24.269
be a couple years to dial it a little bit.
815
00:50:24.869 --> 00:50:27.750
And he says like five years now yeah like it's
816
00:50:27.829 --> 00:50:30.269
nothing but if you if you watch him live his
817
00:50:30.349 --> 00:50:36.670
life like um Chris lives everything he teaches. I get,
818
00:50:36.949 --> 00:50:41.610
I'm lucky enough to witness it in profound ways. And,
819
00:50:41.630 --> 00:50:48.929
you know, I'll never forget your reaction, actually, when Jude,
820
00:50:49.250 --> 00:50:56.199
my youngest, said to me, Mom, I think he is
821
00:50:56.340 --> 00:51:01.900
the calmest person I've ever met. And I told you that.
822
00:51:02.860 --> 00:51:06.880
And it brought tears to your eyes. Can you say more?
823
00:51:07.699 --> 00:51:08.019
Yeah.
824
00:51:08.039 --> 00:51:10.480
I mean, one is when no, no one would have
825
00:51:10.519 --> 00:51:13.139
described me as that before. And so I, I could,
826
00:51:13.340 --> 00:51:15.079
you know, it was just, just affirmation to me that
827
00:51:15.099 --> 00:51:18.500
it was like this way I being, um, that I
828
00:51:18.539 --> 00:51:22.300
was aspiring to, um, you know, uh, I was being
829
00:51:22.340 --> 00:51:26.400
acknowledged that, that felt, that felt really nice. Um, But
830
00:51:26.440 --> 00:51:30.260
also just this, I've come to believe the greatest thing
831
00:51:30.579 --> 00:51:33.199
I can do for the people I care about and
832
00:51:33.219 --> 00:51:37.010
the people I love is to be that calm, is
833
00:51:37.070 --> 00:51:39.989
to be at peace. That's the best gift I can
834
00:51:40.030 --> 00:51:43.449
offer anyone around me. And so to hear that from
835
00:51:43.510 --> 00:51:45.670
Jude was beautiful. Like I'm showing up for him in
836
00:51:45.710 --> 00:51:47.550
the way, I'm hearing I'm showing up for him in
837
00:51:47.590 --> 00:51:49.909
the way that I really want to show up for
838
00:51:49.949 --> 00:51:51.340
him and for everybody else.
839
00:51:52.940 --> 00:51:55.699
And so for you to be able to say that,
840
00:51:56.530 --> 00:52:02.329
That's the single most important thing for you. There's a
841
00:52:02.409 --> 00:52:04.690
tremendous amount, and I'm going to use the word carefully,
842
00:52:04.730 --> 00:52:07.349
but I'm going to use it. There's a tremendous amount
843
00:52:07.389 --> 00:52:12.030
of selfishness that's required in order.
844
00:52:12.050 --> 00:52:12.590
Capital S.
845
00:52:15.429 --> 00:52:17.530
But it's not always received as a capital S.
846
00:52:17.849 --> 00:52:18.329
It is not.
847
00:52:18.750 --> 00:52:22.670
So there's a tremendous amount of selfishness that's required in
848
00:52:22.750 --> 00:52:26.449
order to be able to operate from that space. What
849
00:52:26.489 --> 00:52:28.489
that looks like on this end, I'll just give you
850
00:52:28.510 --> 00:52:35.289
an example, is there's chaos going on in the kitchen
851
00:52:35.510 --> 00:52:37.760
and Chris is very quietly, he has the capacity to
852
00:52:37.820 --> 00:52:40.900
tune everybody out if he wants to, very quietly sitting
853
00:52:40.940 --> 00:52:46.579
and reading. People are needing something and he'll often say yes,
854
00:52:46.679 --> 00:52:48.840
but in moments that are really strange, he'll say, no,
855
00:52:49.460 --> 00:52:56.510
I can't, I'm busy. He's boundaried. And I want you
856
00:52:56.550 --> 00:52:59.389
to say something about that before we close today, because
857
00:52:59.989 --> 00:53:05.800
this isn't about la la la fluffy kind of stuff.
858
00:53:06.139 --> 00:53:10.699
This is actually, it requires a tremendous amount of discipline
859
00:53:11.380 --> 00:53:13.880
and structure to be able to create the space to
860
00:53:13.920 --> 00:53:14.340
get here.
861
00:53:15.480 --> 00:53:20.960
Yeah. And boundaries seem like such a strange word when
862
00:53:21.000 --> 00:53:23.639
it comes to like being at peace and compassion and whatnot,
863
00:53:23.659 --> 00:53:27.889
but it's having boundaries of steel. and around what you're
864
00:53:27.909 --> 00:53:30.289
willing to do and what you're willing to sacrifice is
865
00:53:30.369 --> 00:53:34.320
what allows me anyways to stay in that place of
866
00:53:34.360 --> 00:53:38.219
peace and calm. I know where I'm likely to have
867
00:53:38.239 --> 00:53:40.679
an idea where I'm likely to overextend myself. I have
868
00:53:40.940 --> 00:53:43.420
an idea of where, you know what, that sort of
869
00:53:43.460 --> 00:53:45.920
goes against my values to get involved in something like that.
870
00:53:46.360 --> 00:53:50.599
And it's a hard no. And it can very well
871
00:53:50.619 --> 00:53:53.070
make people very unhappy in the moment. But I know
872
00:53:53.250 --> 00:53:56.190
in my heart, it's the best thing long-term for everyone involved.
873
00:53:56.530 --> 00:54:00.349
And so it's worth doing. It's worth protecting because this
874
00:54:00.449 --> 00:54:04.130
way of being is so meaningful to me that I'm
875
00:54:04.170 --> 00:54:05.829
not willing to give it up. And I'm willing to
876
00:54:05.889 --> 00:54:16.019
endure that short-term, medium-term discomfort in order to maintain that peace. Yeah.
877
00:54:16.480 --> 00:54:18.159
And just on that, I know we're running out of
878
00:54:18.179 --> 00:54:20.840
time here. I just want to hopefully leave our listeners
879
00:54:20.860 --> 00:54:22.929
with a couple of things they can do to foster
880
00:54:23.309 --> 00:54:27.110
slowing it down. So boundaries are one. But the other thing,
881
00:54:27.150 --> 00:54:29.630
I've just wrote a blog on it. If you want
882
00:54:29.650 --> 00:54:33.989
to check out my blog site, which is pray, praying.
883
00:54:34.250 --> 00:54:36.739
And I don't mean on my knees, my hands clasped.
884
00:54:36.880 --> 00:54:39.420
I mean, it could mean that, but to me, it's meditation,
885
00:54:39.579 --> 00:54:43.619
walking in nature, contemplation, anything where I'm, I'm actively seeking
886
00:54:43.639 --> 00:54:47.119
to transform myself from my fear-based egocentric view to a
887
00:54:48.300 --> 00:54:50.949
more of a soul-based environment. And that's often just asking
888
00:54:50.969 --> 00:54:55.630
for guidance from what I'll call God. God, provide me
889
00:54:55.650 --> 00:54:58.590
guidance on what's wanting to happen here. And then slowing
890
00:54:58.630 --> 00:55:01.739
down and listening. And that's been the most powerful shift
891
00:55:01.780 --> 00:55:02.239
in my life.
892
00:55:03.159 --> 00:55:05.579
And I'm going to just offer one more, which is
893
00:55:05.860 --> 00:55:10.179
really rudimentary. Notice when you go to pick up the
894
00:55:10.219 --> 00:55:12.440
clicker to turn on the TV, when you go to
895
00:55:12.480 --> 00:55:14.989
pick up your telephone to make a phone call, when
896
00:55:15.030 --> 00:55:16.889
you're going to scroll on your phone.
897
00:55:16.909 --> 00:55:17.389
Yeah.
898
00:55:18.170 --> 00:55:22.550
And pause. Take three deep breaths and sit with yourself
899
00:55:23.469 --> 00:55:26.820
and notice the impulse and see if you can breathe
900
00:55:27.039 --> 00:55:31.260
it instead of acting on it. And then extend it
901
00:55:31.300 --> 00:55:35.380
to four breaths and five breaths and notice what's happening
902
00:55:35.739 --> 00:55:40.519
and lean in with fierce gentleness and curiosity to the discomfort.
903
00:55:41.420 --> 00:55:45.369
And you'll begin to watch it show itself and reveal
904
00:55:45.409 --> 00:55:47.889
itself to you and your capacity to be able to
905
00:55:47.929 --> 00:55:50.130
be with it will naturally grow.
906
00:55:50.949 --> 00:55:51.329
Beautiful.
907
00:55:52.269 --> 00:55:53.300
I guess that's it for today.
908
00:55:53.320 --> 00:55:55.679
That's it for today. We'll see everyone in a couple
909
00:55:55.699 --> 00:55:56.679
of weeks. I hope you enjoyed that.
910
00:55:57.199 --> 00:55:58.119
Have a good one, everybody.
911
00:56:01.079 --> 00:56:02.480
You've been listening to me, Chris.
912
00:56:02.719 --> 00:56:06.300
And me, Jacqueline, on Break Free and Trust, a redesign
913
00:56:06.340 --> 00:56:06.760
for living.
914
00:56:06.880 --> 00:56:09.440
Tune in every second and fourth Monday at 3 p.m.
915
00:56:09.659 --> 00:56:13.840
on Transformation Talk Radio for more real conversations about life, death,
916
00:56:13.960 --> 00:56:14.860
and everything in between.
917
00:56:15.079 --> 00:56:18.980
Learn to connect with your intrinsic power to grow and heal,
918
00:56:19.119 --> 00:56:21.659
how to laugh at your own humanness and not take
919
00:56:21.719 --> 00:56:22.820
life too seriously.
920
00:56:22.969 --> 00:56:26.590
Through healthy conversations between the feminine, and the masculine. You
921
00:56:26.630 --> 00:56:29.170
will learn how to harness the power of relationship in
922
00:56:29.190 --> 00:56:31.650
the mirror to befriend your shadow and to trust that
923
00:56:31.750 --> 00:56:33.869
any obstacle that gets in your way is there to
924
00:56:33.909 --> 00:56:34.469
help you grow.
925
00:56:34.630 --> 00:56:40.550
For more information or to connect with us personally, visit theway-healing.com.
926
00:56:40.750 --> 00:56:42.010
That's theway-healing.com.