Losing Yourself in Relationship: The Somatic Truth About Spiritual Codependency

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Have you ever felt a connection with someone so deep, so electric, so beyond anything you can explain that you started organizing your entire life around wondering if they're your soulmate or your twin flame?
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Have you been Googling twin flame versus soulmate at all hours, trying to figure out what your relationship is, that crushes, that obsession is?
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And are you in a relationship that's super intense, tumultuous, spiritual, or feels unlike anything you've ever experienced before?
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But it exhausts you, confuses you, and makes you feel like you have to move mountains just to make it work.
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Today we're unpacking spiritual relationships, specifically twin flames, soulmates, and why your highest self is the spiritual relationship that determines how you experience every other one.
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Welcome to the Simple Source, a paradigm shifting space where self-love, healing, spirituality, and personal growth are redefined.
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Have you been told healing takes years, that abundance must be attracted, or that transformation requires struggle?
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You haven't been told the truth.
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I'm Linda Villines, a certified, trauma-informed holistic coach, author, and spiritual guide.
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After healing myself from chronic conditions, complex trauma, and lack, not by following traditional frameworks, but by creating my own, I'm now teaching you to love, heal, and free yourself, mind, body, and soul, so you can reclaim your highest health, happiness, and potential with joy and ease.
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Each week, we go beyond surface-level self-help and into the real mechanics of transformation.
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If the traditional paths to healing and spirituality haven't produced the changes you want in the life you desire, you're in the right place.
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You were never meant to struggle or wait for what is already yours.
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Let's get started with today's episode.
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So I've shared bits and pieces of my twin flame journey and several previous episodes.
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And then someone requested that I do an episode about twin flames.
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So here we are, friend, a little late, but better late than never.
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So if you're tired of your love life, feeling like a roller coaster of like some spiritual project, let's talk about how to not lose yourself inside that connection that's likely upending your entire world.
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You've probably heard a lot of distortions about what a twin flame connection is.
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So let's start there.
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Okay, it's been glorified and demonized in pop culture.
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People who don't know what it is think it's like a toxic type of relationship.
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And people who have an idea of what it is, most of them still subscribe to the distortion, thinking that it's like a savior type of relationship.
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There's the runner-chaser dynamic that's also largely associated with twin flames and intensity.
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And then there's telepathy, the dreams, the obsession, the complete identity restructuring.
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And all of that is so misunderstood because many people on a twin flame journey think consciously or unconsciously that struggling is a part of it, that heartbreak is a part of it, that pain and multiple dark nights of the soul are part of it.
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And then they define the relationship that way, right?
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It's only real if it hurts.
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It's only real if it's dramatic and wild.
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Now, the intensity is very real.
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My twin flame journey has been one of the most intense experiences of my life.
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And my husband died of cancer before he was 40.
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So when I say I know intense, I know intense.
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But the suffering and the heartbreak that you've likely justified because you think the connection is spiritual, that is optional.
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Um, that's actually your nervous system stuck in old relational patterns and not yet free to be in love and to love another while loving yourself in regulation and restoration.
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So let's demystify all of that woo and the distortion because twin flames and soulmates and karmic relationship, quote unquote karmic relationships, they're some of the most searched and most discussed and also most agonizing and misunderstood topics for a spiritual person.
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And most of what's out there is just keeping you stuck in disempowerment and needless suffering.
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I actually have an entire workshop in my source membership program about spiritual relationships, including twin flames, soulmates, kindred spirits, the whole lot, because relationships are critical to the spiritual path.
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And many people don't actually show up in their spiritual relationships in a healthy, genuinely spiritual way.
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They engage from codependency, from a false sense of hierarchy and totally disconnected from their authentic and highest selves.
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So throughout today's episode, I'm going to reveal why your relationship with your highest self, your level of somatic safety in a relationship, and whether or not you are sovereign and in your spiritual authority in your relationship is really what determines your alignment with your highest love, not some label and a blurby blurb on a blog that you read at like 11 p.m.
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after a twin flame versus soulmate rabbit hole labeled your connection.
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Because all of that longing, that chasing, that retreating and then going back, and all of the sign reading and the tarot readings and the constant energetic management, that is not romance and it's not spiritual authority, and it does not make them the one.
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All of that is just you abandoning yourself for an idealized love.
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Now, before we get into the real difference between twin flames and soulmates, I want to talk about these labels real quick because they've become these relationship-defining goals and standards for so many people, and they end up distorting what can be healthy relationships.
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So labels can be helpful to differentiate between A and B, but they can also be a problem when that label becomes a box, right?
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Like a very strict rule book, um, something that then diminishes your sovereignty, your freedom, your well-being, and your ability to trust yourself rather than something that expands you and deepens all of that.
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Because the thing is, when you realize, like, holy shit, this person is my soulmate, or holy shit, this person is my twin flame, all of a sudden you're no longer just in love.
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You are then in a category, a class of a relationship that has these stages with like a ton of TikTok videos and Reddit threads that have just been covering all of that from every single angle.
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And then you start checking your moon phases and then your matrix of destiny compatibility, your attachment styles, whether or not you're the runner, you're the chaser.
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You end up consulting with your guides nonstop, your divination cards, your astrologer, maybe even your AI companion, right?
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You pull out that dusty version of your alchemist, you reread that three times, and your entire life and your nervous system start organizing around this relationship and this other person while your sleep, your sanity, your well-being are ignored, neglected.
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And you've become so excited, so enthralled, so fixated because you're feeling all the feels while you're like moving through the world all high on love.
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Like this is my spiritual relationship era.
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I'm leveling up.
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But meanwhile, your nervous system is getting fried because it's disproportionately attached to that person because it doesn't feel safe in relationship with you.
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Now, I'm not saying that your spiritual relationship isn't real or valid or special, because soul-to-soul recognition is all of those things.
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Multidimensional resonance is all of those things.
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Lifetimes of love emerging between two people and one incarnation is real, valid, special, right?
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Your body, your soul, knowing something that your mind cannot explain, totally real.
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But real does not mean that that connection gets to hijack your nervous system, your peace, your well-being, your sovereignty, your authority over yourself.
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And also, most importantly, your relationship with yourself.
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And that's what I see so often with people chasing or in spiritual relationships, they completely lose themselves and thus their coherence.
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And your coherence is actually what determines your reality, e.g., your timeline.
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That's the irony of it, right?
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The self-abandonment while you're seeking that relationship and relinquishing yourself to that label of being in a spiritual relationship actually prevents you from just naturally aligning with your highest relationship and highest love, whether that's with a twin flame or a soulmate or a kindred spirit or whatever.
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So, really quick, here's how you know that label is serving you and not shrinking you.
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So if that label, like, oh, this is my soulmate, or oh, this is my twin flame, that label gives you clarity.
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It gives you language, but then you return to yourself, right?
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You feel directional while also feeling more grounded, more sovereign.
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You understand something about that connection, and that understanding then makes you more present in your life, not less.
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Now, when that label distorts you, it makes you more anxious, more consumed, more codependent, more focused on that other person than you are on yourself.
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And you start living for that connection instead of living for yourself and your life.
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You start monitoring them more than tending to yourself and to your needs and to your well-being.
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That's when that label becomes the authority and when codependency becomes romanticized.
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And also, a lot of what people call a twin flame connection is actually not a true twin flame connection.
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We'll get into this later.
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But what's happening is your attachment system is getting activated by someone who feels like intensely familiar because of their unresolved traumas and your unresolved traumas.
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Meaning your nervous system basically was like, ooh, someone who has a large potential to abandon me, to neglect my needs, to love me conditionally, to mirror to me what I learned in childhood about love being stressful and unstable and codependent and diminishing.
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I know you.
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Okay.
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And that feels like recognition because it is, but it's not always like your highest self-destiny.
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Sometimes it's recognition of a wound pattern, right?
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That's called a trauma bond.
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That person feels significant because the same relational conditioning from your childhood, right?
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Love is intense, love is not safe, love is stressful, love is unstable.
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That's all showing up again in that person.
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And your nervous system and your subconscious are like, please resolve this wound.
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But if you're not awake and you're not conscious to that mirroring, you may think that you're like spiritually awakening and you may think that like you're in some spiritual test.
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But meanwhile, you're just operating from a wounded relational pattern.
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You're just engaging in a trauma bond.
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Now, spiritual awakening and nervous system activation can definitely happen at the same time and in the same connection, but they are not the same thing.
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So if you are in a soulmate or twin flame connection, just know that I want you to honor the connection.
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I'm not like shitting on your connection.
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I am in a twin flame connection and I am on a twin flame journey.
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So do your spiritual full moon dance because of course what you're living through is very significant.
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You know, relish in all of the mystery and the fun of it, but not at the cost of your well-being, of your authority over yourself, of your coherence, your sovereignty.
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All right.
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So now I want to just briefly define these labels and accurately define them so there's no confusion, no distortion, because there's a lot of misunderstanding out there because a soulmate is not the one, a twin flame is not your other half.
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So a soulmate is a soul that you have resonance with, right?
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You share a deep prior spiritual connection and an agreement for this life to remember, to activate, or to resolve something through relationship with each other or through connection with each other, right?
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And that is to assist you in your self-actualization in some way.
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So their ultimate purpose is to serve as a catalyst for your self-actualization in this life.
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And a lot of people don't know that soulmates are not limited to one being, to romance, or to humans.
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So that means one of your soulmates could be your platonic best friend, a sibling, your dog, your cat.
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It could be a place, like a location that just felt like home the moment that you arrived there, even though you had never been there before.
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It could be a professor who unexpectedly like altered your entire identity in one semester.
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It could be a stranger you had a conversation with while you were sitting on a bench waiting for the bus.
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And then that person just rewrote your entire understanding of love when you were 23 years old.
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And soulmates can be permanent partners.
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So that means that soulmates can be permanent partners or they can be brief, unusual, and powerful connections that change you in some meaningful way.
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Because the purpose of a soulmate isn't always in-game.
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I mean, it can be, um, but sometimes it's just expansion or recognition, like you remembering who you truly are because of that person, right?
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Like some specific activation that heals you or nudges you toward a specific life direction that your highest self wants you to follow.
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So if you have been measuring every deep connection against, but are they my soulmate for life?
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I want you to take a breath.
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I want you to put that ring, put that prenub, put that five-page letter back in the box or the desktop folder just to worry about later.
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Because some soulmate connections are a book series, some are chapters, some are a paragraph, and some are a single sentence that you quote back to yourself for decades.
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Now, twin flames, this is where the internet is all over the place.
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And Netflix also did not do us a solid with that docuseries, if you know what I'm talking about.
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And if you don't know what I'm talking about, do not watch it.
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So many people think a twin flame is either like a toxic relationship or your other half.
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And both are incorrect.
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Firstly, many people confuse twin flame connections with what is commonly known as karmic relationships.
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Now, I no longer believe in karma because that's uh it's a massive spiritual distortion, but the gist of a karmic relationship is basically a relationship that re-emerges lifetimes of unresolved codependency patterns in you with a soul that you have been in that dynamic with before.
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And that's not a twin flame connection.
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Secondly, you are not an incomplete soul moving through life, missing a piece of yourself in order to be whole.
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That is literally what romanticized codependency is.
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So neither of those things are what a true twin flame connection are.
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A true twin flame is a rare, yes, rare, because not everyone has a twin flame, contrary to popular belief, but it is a rare connection between two and sometimes even more rare, more than two beings who share a soul stream.
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But twin flames are already whole on their own.
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They're already sovereign, but their souls have the same soul origin.
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So they're like fractals of the same soul.
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They are not pieces of the same soul missing their other half.
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Okay.
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They're not like split souls, but they are your complete mirror because your soul and their soul, same soul stream and sometimes the same like monadic origin.
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And that's why twin flames are telepathic.
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They can have shared dreams, they can feel each other's feelings, they have multidimensional resonance, they know things about each other that are never spoken aloud or even thought.
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So the purpose of a twin flame connection is purely spiritual.
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I want to make that clear.
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It is not romantic.
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That's another misunderstanding.
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And that's why not everyone has a twin flame, because not every incarnation is organized around that level of spiritual intention and mastery, and not every soul origin chooses that path.
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And just like there are different types of soulmates, there are different types of twin flames.
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Okay, you can have like a true origin level, like monad level twin flame.
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There's, and then there's like over soul, like soul stream levels.
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They're just different types.
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But the purpose of twin flames is spiritual mastery, is basically assistance in your self-realization and this incarnation, which is to remember the truth of what unconditional love is, what source is, which is what you are and what all of existence is.
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And that remembrance and that mastery of self includes healing your human self, your ego, resolving spiritual distortion, you know, engaging in shadow work, because you can't embody unconditional love if you're exiling parts of yourself, judging parts of yourself, withholding love from yourself.
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So the purpose of a twin flame connection is not to find your other missing half.
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And it's not like spiritual possession or ownership either.
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And it's not the completion of your spiritual ascension or awakening.
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And the purpose is definitely not to endure years of suffering through supposed quote unquote union and separation phases while you're just like waiting for the universe to decide that you have healed enough to earn each other.
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That's not the purpose.
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The purpose is to remember how to love so unconditionally that you remember that you are unconditional love.
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And you do that by seeing yourself, like literally your own soul in another.
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You are literally like remembering that you are source, looking at yourself in another through unconditional love.
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And that's why it's so fucking intense at times, because everything that you have not loved in yourself, owned, reclaimed in yourself, is just staring back at you through another person's face, behavior, choices, patterns, wounds, dreams, words, silence, all of it.
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And it is beautiful and it is deep and unique, the twin flame experience.
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And that's why people can lose themselves because they don't understand the purpose is not to find another person, it's to find yourself through loving another so fiercely that the way you love another is ultimately the way that you love yourself.
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And that's how you remember and embody what true unconditional love is and what source is.
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And that level of love requires you to have somatic safety, like truly, meaning your body can handle the intensity of that mirror, of those experiences of that level of love, and then remain regulated and self-sourced and sovereign and grounded.
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If you've been doing the work but still feel stuck, like no matter how much healing, manifesting, or personal growth you invest in, or spiritual practices you try, something just isn't clicking.
00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:48.880
You're not alone and you're not failing.
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The truth is, most teachings and approaches are outdated and only scratch the surface.
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My book, Unconditional, You Are Perfect as You Are, helps you understand exactly why things haven't been clicking and how to resolve the root of why you're struggling.
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Unconditional self-love isn't just a nice idea if you truly want to be free.
00:21:10.319 --> 00:21:15.039
It's the missing piece and the foundation for everything you desire.
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And you don't have to do or figure everything out on your own.
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Your links are in the show notes.
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Now let's get back to the episode.
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All right.
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So there's one more spiritual relationship that I want to bring up now, and it's the most important one.
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And that's the relationship with your highest self, because your relationship with your highest self determines how you experience every other relationship in your life, particularly your spiritual relationships, because it's your relationship with yourself, right?
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Your true self that's actually reflected in your reality.
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So if you relate to your highest self as being above you or outside of you or judging you or withholding things from you like union, abundance, love, success, or like spiritual gifts, like until you get your shit together or heal enough or raise yourself worth enough, then of course you're gonna just project that same distortion onto your person.
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And that means that you're just gonna turn a lover or a best friend or that special someone into someone whose approval validates your worth and your enoughness and your goodness and your lovability.
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And then your twin flame or your soulmate or whoever is no longer an equal, but someone who makes you whole, who makes you worthy and makes you lovable.
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And that's why your relationship is tumultuous.
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That's why it's exhausting and confusing and obsessive, or not what you had in mind, or unsatisfying on a soul deep level, even if your soul recognizes them, because you're disempowered in the relationship, because fundamentally you think the highest version of you is above you.
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And if you haven't healed your relationship with yourself, then your relationship with other people, especially high-stake spiritual relationships, are gonna reflect that wound of I am not enough, I am not divine, I am not powerful as I am.
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But the truth is you are already your highest self.
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I say that all the time because it's true.
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The separation, that distance, the hierarchy, all of it is an illusion.
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All of it is a distortion, perhaps the greatest distortion.
00:24:09.359 --> 00:24:49.680
But when you operate from that truth, which is I am already my highest self, and then your body feels safe in that truth, and then you show up in your relationships from that truth, your entire relational field is going to stop taking from you and it's gonna start replenishing you, and not in that codependent transactional way of I'm gonna do this for you so that you love me, and then that's how I feel worthy and whole and lovable, but in the way that two beings who remember and who are embodied in their divinity and sovereignty and wholeness exchange healthy love naturally, right?
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:55.200
With ease and flow instead of resistance, transaction, struggle, performance.
00:24:55.200 --> 00:25:03.759
Now, that doesn't mean that the relationship is going to have zero conflict, absolutely not, or like no growth edges or no challenging arcs.
00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:15.519
It just means that you're not reliant on that other person to heal you, to feel loved, or to remember who your true self is, what your worth is, what your divinity is.
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:20.960
Now, I have been in all three major types of spiritual relationships.
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:24.880
So Matt, my late husband, was a soulmate.
00:25:24.880 --> 00:25:29.839
And after that, I was in a in what is called a karmic relationship.
00:25:29.839 --> 00:25:33.039
And then now I'm on a twin flame journey.
00:25:33.039 --> 00:25:42.880
And each of those relationships revealed codependent tendencies, like including my twin flame, especially at the start of the twin flame journey, right?
00:25:42.880 --> 00:25:44.640
During the activation phase.
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:56.559
And also last summer, while I was in a multidimensional relationship with this highest self, old codependent patterns were still surfacing because they had to be resolved at the twin flame layer.
00:25:56.559 --> 00:26:03.839
But now, where I have arrived at is a reclamation of total sovereignty and my highest self.
00:26:03.839 --> 00:26:09.039
Now, that doesn't mean that I wasn't sovereign or connected to my highest self then.
00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:20.880
It just meant that there were a lot of layers, a lot of layers to move through that were deeper relational layers than anything I've ever experienced before.
00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:27.519
And also because last year during activation, it was like twin flame this and twin flame that, like all the time.
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:31.359
My activation was so intense, like super wild.
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:36.559
I mean, I shifted timelines 25 times in three months during my twin flame activations.
00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:40.240
And both of our natal charts changed, like more than once.
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:43.359
That's literally how life-changing it was.
00:26:43.359 --> 00:26:47.839
So I get the fixation, I get the intensity, I get the consumption.
00:26:47.839 --> 00:26:52.160
I've lived all of it in various versions and extremes.
00:26:52.160 --> 00:27:01.759
And at a certain point, you do have to surrender to it to understand it for what it is, to know it clearly and to see yourself clearly in it.
00:27:01.759 --> 00:27:09.279
But on the other side of the healing, of the reclamation of myself outside of the connection, right?
00:27:09.279 --> 00:27:15.920
Me no longer defining myself through it is peace, is balance, is space.
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:20.400
And now I'm in a different phase in my twin flame journey.
00:27:20.400 --> 00:27:29.200
Um, I'm not gonna call it separation because there's no such thing, particularly in a twin flame connection, but there is space.
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:37.839
Um, our lives are parallel, whether or not like we're physically entwined, multidimensionally entwined, or moving through space.
00:27:37.839 --> 00:27:50.880
And that parallel evolution of in this incarnation is just gonna remain that way for the rest of this incarnation, regardless of physical union or separation stages or whatever label.
00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:58.640
And that knowing has softened some of the urgency of union having to be this or that, because we're already in union.
00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:12.400
We're already in union because I am in union with myself, and my twin flame is essentially me in another fractal body layer of myself.
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:27.039
And so that's the purpose realized because I have understood my source self through him, through us, and not always in the cleanest way, but always, always in the truthful way.
00:28:27.039 --> 00:28:48.480
And that return to myself, which is inevitably a return to him, because we're like constants for each other in every single layer, every dimension, that's been just as healing and monumental as the activation and the relationship and the rupture and the repair and that reclamation of self has also changed my life.
00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:51.839
Your relationship with yourself is your relational field.
00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:58.160
It's not like a separate thing from you, from your external relationships, spiritual or otherwise.
00:28:58.160 --> 00:29:09.599
Your field is the field through which every connection gets interpreted, received, filtered, felt, stabilized or destabilized, cohered or de-cohered.
00:29:09.599 --> 00:29:20.000
And the depth of your relationship with yourself, the love in your relationship with yourself, the quality of that love in your relationship with yourself, right?
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:30.000
The respect, the knowledge that you have of yourself, the compassion, forgiveness, the joy, the fun, all of that is reflected and mirrored back to you, right?
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:34.480
The abundance of and the perceived absence of.
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:39.839
That's all like all of that mirroring is tenfold in spiritual connections.
00:29:39.839 --> 00:29:49.039
So when you abandon yourself to prioritize another, you're sending a signal to your nervous system and to your field that says, I don't matter as much as this person.
00:29:49.039 --> 00:30:03.519
And then your subconscious receives that signal and goes, Well shit, you know, codependency and attachment issues, still active, love issues not resolved, and we're still not safe in love, still not safe in a relationship.
00:30:03.519 --> 00:30:06.880
So the conditioning and the programming don't change.
00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:09.359
Your power continues to be outsourced.
00:30:09.359 --> 00:30:12.960
Your sense of safety and wholeness continue to be outsourced.
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:15.759
Your worth continues to be outsourced.
00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:29.839
And that's why you cling and obsess and monitor and spiral because your subconscious and your nervous system are seeking safety outside of yourself, some sense of control outside of yourself, right?
00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:32.960
A sense of belonging outside of yourself.
00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:43.039
And no healthy relationship can form or sustain in that environment, regardless of how spiritually destined or divine it is.
00:30:43.039 --> 00:30:46.160
Healthy relationships require interdependence.
00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:57.839
And I cover all of this in the relationship course in my source membership program, because so many people have relationship goals that still trap them in codependent patterns.
00:30:57.839 --> 00:31:19.839
But the purpose of spiritual relationships, right, the ones that your soul chose to engage with in a meaningful way in this life for your self-actualization and self-realization, you can't realize your fullest human and spiritual potential and reclamation of your highest self when your worth and your wholeness and your happiness are dependent on someone else.
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:43.359
So interdependence means two already whole beings can love each other, can affect each other, mirror each other, challenge each other, definitely activate each other, but neither one becomes the other's savior or heal or regulator or like permission slip for greatness or proof of worth.
00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:46.720
Both people are sourcing their own safety.
00:31:46.720 --> 00:31:50.960
Both people are tending to their own wounds and their own nervous systems.
00:31:50.960 --> 00:31:55.200
Both people are in relationship with their own highest selves.
00:31:55.200 --> 00:32:12.559
And then from that self-sourced, self-loving, already complete, already whole as I am, lovable as I am place, they can then meet each other truthfully, healthfully, and with genuine integrity and not performance of integrity.
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:20.400
Now, on the other hand, codependency says I cannot fully be myself until you approve of my full self.
00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:28.960
While interdependence says I am fully myself, and from that fullness, I can meet you without losing myself.
00:32:28.960 --> 00:32:31.680
That's a major difference that people don't understand.
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:37.839
And I also want to define co-regulation because in a healthy relationship, that's very important.
00:32:37.839 --> 00:32:44.640
Like healthy co-regulation is essential for interdependence, but it's not what people always think it is.
00:32:44.640 --> 00:32:54.079
So healthy co-regulation means another person's presence can support your body, settling, regulating when it gets activated.
00:32:54.079 --> 00:32:59.200
They can reinforce your sense of safety when you self-soothe, when you give yourself love.
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:10.079
They can expand what feels possible for you when you open yourself up to your highest potential, but they do not become the only way that your body can feel safe.
00:33:10.079 --> 00:33:20.000
So co-regulation expands and reinforces your safety, but codependency outsources your safety completely to the other person.
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:34.319
And for anyone in a twin flame connection, specifically, this is even more important because the intensity of that mirror is absolutely going to fry your nervous system if you don't have a regulated foundation and stability of yourself underneath it.
00:33:34.319 --> 00:33:37.279
Because that twin flame mirror does not turn off rent.
00:33:37.279 --> 00:33:48.000
It is always showing you yourself, every ugly, beautiful, brilliant, diminished, shadowed past, present, future self version of you.
00:33:48.000 --> 00:33:56.880
And if you are not safe in yourself, that mirror can become very disruptive and not in a productive way, but in a destructive way.
00:33:56.880 --> 00:34:16.400
And that's when people start running and chasing and disassociating and spiritualizing the pain and the suffering and the heartbreak and like doing anything to avoid what that connection is actually asking you to do, which is to come home to yourself and to love everything that you find there.
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:35.599
And then that's actually when the real fun starts, truthfully, because once you've returned to yourself, once you're sourcing your own safety and your own love, once your nervous system isn't organizing around another person, your entire reality is gonna respond to you actually living and being embodied as your highest self.
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:40.079
And then that is when your highest love is gonna align naturally.
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:53.039
When you make union and love with yourself a priority, when you come into union with yourself, your soulmate connection, twin flame connection, whatever connection can actually then evolve on its highest path.
00:34:53.039 --> 00:34:59.920
Because remember, your relationship with yourself is the filter, is the container for your relational field.
00:34:59.920 --> 00:35:06.639
And when your relationship with yourself changes, of course, your external relationships are going to evolve as well.
00:35:06.639 --> 00:35:15.280
Now, maybe you've been led to believe that you get your spiritual person, you get your dream relationship by being hyper-vigilant, right?
00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:28.079
Raising yourself worth, healing yourself more, and essentially proving to the universe, which you have likely been led to believe is a higher power over you, proving to the universe that you're ready, right?
00:35:28.079 --> 00:35:29.760
That you're ready to earn them.
00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:33.920
And all of that is just a colossal distortion of the truth.
00:35:33.920 --> 00:35:46.880
Because that mentality actually prevents you from aligning with your highest love as your highest self, because you're operating from A, scarcity, B, separation, and C, powerlessness.
00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:53.679
And when that is your relationship to yourself and then your relationship to other people, you're not coherent with yourself.
00:35:53.679 --> 00:36:06.719
You're not coherent in your reality, which is like the same thing because you are your reality as you, and your mind and your body and your soul are not in coherent states because you're operating scarcity, separation, and powerlessness.
00:36:06.719 --> 00:36:20.320
And your coherence, again, is what determines which timeline you're living in, because your coherence determines your resonance, not the hard work, not the effort, not your spiritual surrender and patience.
00:36:20.320 --> 00:36:23.119
Definitely not how many journals you have filled out.
00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:33.280
It's whether or not your mind, your body, your soul, your emotions, your energy, your embodiment of your highest self are in alignment or in agreement with each other or not.
00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:38.559
And your reality responds to all of that, or the lack of agreement and alignment of.
00:36:38.559 --> 00:36:49.360
And your nervous system isn't just managing your body, it's actually broadcasting information all the time, signals, frequencies, waves of energy all day, every day.
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:53.760
And your reality is largely a reflection of your nervous system state.
00:36:53.760 --> 00:37:12.000
That means every unresolved emotion, every every unprocessed wound, every belief that says that I am not enough, or love has to be hard, or I have to earn my place in someone else's life, all of that is part of your field's information, how your field resonates.
00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:16.159
And that information is what you emit into the world, into the universe.
00:37:16.159 --> 00:37:19.360
And then that's what your reality responds to.
00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:46.239
So when you self-regulate your nervous system in relationship first, when you resolve the old relational patterns at the conscious, subconscious, and somatic level, when you actually free your body from the conditioning that says love equals intensity, love equals dysregulation and proving myself and abandoning myself to be chosen, then of course your reality changes because your signal, your, your field has changed.
00:37:46.239 --> 00:37:56.159
And that's when you shift timelines naturally, because you're no longer operating, resonating with scarcity, separation, and powerlessness as a baseline.
00:37:56.159 --> 00:38:01.599
You've stopped chasing another and you've started returning to yourself, your highest self.
00:38:01.599 --> 00:38:08.719
And of course, that means your highest peace, your highest well-being, your highest joy, your highest purpose, your highest potential.
00:38:08.719 --> 00:38:14.480
And then your highest love is naturally going to resonate with you because that's all in this, it's all the same.
00:38:14.480 --> 00:38:17.599
Your field's no longer organized around absence.
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:19.920
It's full because you are whole.
00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:23.519
You are in union with yourself and you are a source.
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:25.679
Like, do you get the connection there?
00:38:25.679 --> 00:38:27.119
You are everything.
00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:32.000
And that's not because you've like healed yourself enough to prove yourself to the universe.
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:42.239
It's because you have loved yourself, regardless of someone else is loving you or choosing you, because you are choosing you as your highest self.
00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:56.719
So prioritizing your relationship with yourself by loving yourself as intensely as you love that certain someone is how you show up in your life as the version of you who doesn't chase the one because you are already the one.
00:38:56.719 --> 00:38:58.639
So here's your action step for the week.
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:11.360
I want you to think of that spiritual relationship, that romance that has been consuming you, that soulmate bond, the twin flame connection, whatever intense relationship that you are preoccupied with.
00:39:11.360 --> 00:39:12.320
Bring that to mind.
00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:17.760
And then I want you to ask yourself, where do I leave myself when I focus on this connection?
00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:22.159
Do I leave myself when they don't respond in the way that I want them to?
00:39:22.159 --> 00:39:25.840
Do I leave myself when I start managing their energy?
00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:30.960
Do I leave myself when I make their behavior more important than my piece?
00:39:30.960 --> 00:39:43.519
And then I want you to put one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart and ask yourself, what would reclaiming myself right now without rejecting that connection look like and feel like?
00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:46.320
Because you don't have to abandon the connection.
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:50.159
You don't have to diminish it in order to not abandon yourself.
00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:51.679
It's not either or.
00:39:51.679 --> 00:39:53.280
You don't need to stop loving them.
00:39:53.280 --> 00:39:58.960
You just need to start practicing loving yourself more at the same time.
00:39:58.960 --> 00:40:21.280
Because your highest relationship is going to require the full reclamation of you, not like the idealized perfected version of you, not the codependent version of you, not the version of you who has finally healed enough to be chosen, but the you who stops making another person the proof of your worth and your wholeness and your lovability and your divinity.
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:34.320
The you who can love deeply without disappearing, the you who can honor that connection without abandoning yourself, your nervous system, your well-being, your peace, your power, and your life.
00:40:34.320 --> 00:40:43.199
Because the deepest spiritual relationship in your life will never require your erasure or your smallness or your chaos.
00:40:43.199 --> 00:41:04.079
It will never ask you to put another person above you or another connection above you, or the promise of love above you and your own sovereignty and innate wholeness, whether that person is a soulmate or a twin flame or just someone your soul recognizes in some way that your mind cannot explain right now.
00:41:04.079 --> 00:41:05.199
The truth is the same.
00:41:05.199 --> 00:41:15.679
Your highest relationship requires the full reclamation of you, with or without them, and never the diminishing of you in order to love them.
00:41:15.679 --> 00:41:18.400
Thank you so much for being here today.
00:41:18.400 --> 00:41:29.679
I hope this episode awakened you, inspired you, and reminded you of what's possible when you love, heal, and free yourself, and reclaim your highest truth and power.
00:41:29.679 --> 00:41:42.320
If this show has transformed or enlightened your self-love, growth, and healing journey, please like, save, and share this episode and leave a positive review on Apple or Spotify.
00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:45.039
And subscribe to be reminded of new episodes.
00:41:45.039 --> 00:41:49.760
Your support is deeply appreciated and truly helps this show so much.
00:41:49.760 --> 00:41:53.760
And if today's episode resonated with you, don't stop here.
00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:54.719
Go deeper.
00:41:54.719 --> 00:42:03.760
My book, Unconditional, You Are Perfect As You Are, expands on these teachings and gives you the missing framework about self-love that no one is talking about.
00:42:03.760 --> 00:42:08.239
So get your copy today to start reading and loving yourself more.
00:42:08.239 --> 00:42:18.000
And if you're ready for the ultimate healing journey with daily instruction and guidance from me, I'd love to see you inside the Source membership.
00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:24.239
The only holistic and comprehensive step by step self healing program that is proven to work.
00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:29.440
Remember, you were never meant to struggle or wait for what is already yours.
00:42:29.440 --> 00:42:33.280
It's time to claim everything you want and more.
00:42:33.280 --> 00:42:35.199
All the links are in the show notes.
00:42:35.199 --> 00:42:37.039
I'll see you next time.