Uncle Bill Aud: What up world? I'm Uncle Bill, and this is the Big Lumpy Couch. I'm joined on the couch as always by my best friend and Canadian music producer, Stimpak.
Stimpaq: Guys, it's not actually Spider Man, it was Uncle Bill this whole time.
Uncle Bill Aud: It's October. Pumpkin Spice is back. Everything smells like cinnamon. And today we're diving into the creatures, legends, and late night horrors that have been haunting people for centuries. Plus some of the ones that the internet invented last Tuesday. So Stimpak, what was the childhood monster that had you sprinting up the stairs after you turned off the basement lights?
Stimpaq: man, I actually need to find what it's called, but it's two. and it's German German folklore. man, I can't even think of the name, but it's basically a black shadow with a pitchfork. And I can't remember what his name is. And if anybody in the comments, any any of my German homies out there can figure out what it's called, it's got adds it's got a really German name to it. But yeah, my Oma and Opa used to tell me that this guy will come kick my ass if I'm not back before dark. So and it actually really made me and my sister pretty scared.
Uncle Bill Aud: Nice. I grew up as a religious boy, so I was always really afraid of like demons and ghosts. 'Cause those seemed the most believable to me, I guess. But yeah. what I got for you today is basically I think I got nine of them. Nine creatures witches ghouls and whatnot. a little bit about the history and whether or not we really believe in that stuff and we'll figure we're gonna figure out where this all comes from.
Stimpaq: Yeah, let's get it.
Uncle Bill Aud: Right. Well the first one I have for you is vampires. I thought I'd start off with vampires. do you have any opinions or any thoughts on vampires?
Stimpaq: Well first I wanna know what your favorite vampire movies are just so we can start because different fans have different definitions of what vampires are hey, if you're doing Thirty Days a Night, are you doing Lost Boys? Are you doing Twilight? what kind of where do you start with with vampires? So what are what are some of your favorite depictions of vampires in media? Or you're a comic guy. I don't know. What's up?
Uncle Bill Aud: one time just as fun at work, I was listening to an audiobook version. Actually it was at the World Parrot Refuge. I was listening to an audiobook version of Brahm Stoker's Dracula. so when I when I think vampire that's what I think. Count Dracula. then I saw Twilight because I was a teenage boy and I had teenage girlfriends at the time and so they were really into Twilight. And I gotta say that version of it seemed the most believable to me, at least.
Stimpaq: so what, was is it Twilight? and Dracula is where you start? Cool.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Dracula's where I start and Twilight is where I end.
Stimpaq: Cool. I've always been a lost boy boy. that's was always ground zero for me. I always liked how mysterious and cool they were and then they have to try and lure people in and have them drink their blood and they were it was very much like a hood rat kind of vampire, instead of some dude in a cloak and a castle drinking wine and stuff, It was a very modern version that was really relatable. That even though the original Lost Boys, with Corey Felbin was way past my time, 'cause I think that was in the early seventies, But they would air it on YTV during Halloween Up next we've got Lost Boys and I think it's eighteen A. So it was super late that you had to stay up and watch it. But I watched it one year I don't know. Something clicked and my little brain was just that's what vampires are and it was just it had my attention the whole time and it still does. And people shit on the remakes and I thought they were pretty good. Lost Boys the Tribe is I think it was in the late two thousands and it was just it was I don't know, it was a good spin on on a classic vampire movie. And then the third one is vampires at a rave, a blade rave kind of, and then they're handing out little vials of their blood but they think it's a drug. They're yeah, I'll take this and they all turn into vampires. so that's that's pretty cool too. Lost boys all the way.
Uncle Bill Aud: Cool. Well, vampire lore goes way back to ancient civilizations, had some version of blood drinking spirit or undead creature. But the modern vampire comes mostly from Eastern Europe especially Romania and the Balkans. These stories describe corpse rising from the grave to feed on the living Often tied to a disease outbreak, rabies, tuberculosis, Villagers would dig up bodies, find natural decomposition, mistaken for proof perform rituals to stop the vampires. The vampire Exploded into pop culture with Bromstoker's Dracula in eighteen ninety seven, which blended folklore with Victorian fear about sexuality, immigration, and disease. From there vampires became everything from terrifying monsters to sexy nightclub dwellers.
Stimpaq: I was gonna say there's usually a lot of sex sprinkled into vampire movies, more so than than other other ghouls goblins and monsters. there was always actually that was one of the only reasons I watched the first Dracula movie I was a horny kid growing up, And me and my buddies were yo, there's like boobs in this movie and so there w we've just fa
Uncle Bill Aud: titties
Stimpaq: exactly. We'd fast forward to I don't know what it was. I think it Dracula you know, he's got multiple wives, I guess they they get jiggy from time to time and
Uncle Bill Aud: And he also sucks on ladies in the middle of the night when the with their titties half out.
Stimpaq: Yeah, something like that. I know there's always sexy vampires going on, more so than any other I don't know, I've never seen a sexy Frankenstein or a sexy werewolf.
Uncle Bill Aud: Well, obviously you're not watching the right Frankenstein movies.
Stimpaq: So Bill, in your vampire research, where does Vlad the Impaler fall in your in your vampire essay? I've actually been curious about where does the Dracula th thread start? And I heard it starts with him, right?
Uncle Bill Aud: that's what I've heard as well, that Vlad the Impaler was just so brutal and he killed so many people that they're Well obviously he's getting some sort of satisfaction off the blood and then he's drinking the the blood of the bodies or something I also heard the same
Stimpaq: wouldn't ca
Uncle Bill Aud: thing.
Stimpaq: okay, I also haven't done any research on this guy, but what I have heard is that he used to kill people and then impale them on sp in his front lawn and just leave them there. Kinda like tribes back in the day. if you were part of a rival tribe and you pulled up and they killed you, they would like cut your head off and put it on a spike and be Hey, this is what we did to the last guy. back off. Wasn't it some kind of something like that
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Well I always thought that he was some sort of like military general or something, sort of like Alexander
Stimpaq: Let me see. Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: the Great or William the Conqueror, And it was 'cause he would impale his enemies on spikes
Stimpaq: kidding. Okay, Vlad the Third, commonly known as Vlad the Impaler, was a fifteenth century ruler and military governor. I can't pronounce that. a region in modern day Romania, known for his brutal tactics, psychological warfare and fierce defense of his realm against the Ottoman Empire. He remains one of history's most notorious and complex figures. And So yeah, it seems like he was this badass military guy Hey, if you fuck with me, I will put you on a spike and leave you as a law and orderment is what I got from that.
Uncle Bill Aud: And that just scared the locals. So ghosts. What about the
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: people that he killed? What what happened to their spirits afterwards? Do you believe in ghosts?
Stimpaq: I don't you have any cool ghost I'd like to. yeah, I'll I'll say I do. I'll say I do. it's more so because I want to believe that there's ghosts just because ghosts are cool and interesting. It's not because well the science says and you know, I I had this crazy experience. I just really want to believe that there's that there's ghosts out there, do you have any any ghost stories? Any first hand encounters?
Uncle Bill Aud: no, I mean as a little boy I thought I heard someone call my name from the distance of the basement. But I mean, that's just your imagination as well sometimes as children. But I I do believe in ghosts, sort of, the same way as you. I think I just want to so badly that I do. do I have any personal ghost stories? No. least not a hundred percent that was a ghost, right?
Stimpaq: okay.
Uncle Bill Aud: ghost stories are universal. Every culture has some version of spirit lingering after death. Ancient Egyptians believed a soul could return if burial rites weren't done properly. That's why they like did the whole rap and the mummy thing. Ancient Greeks wrote about shades wandering the underworld in Medieval Europe leaned into ghosts are moral lessons. Repent or wander forever. today ghost stories blend folklore, psychology, sleep paralysis, grief, and the human tendency to find patterns in the dark.
Stimpaq: ghosts
Uncle Bill Aud: Why are go why do ghosts never haunt new houses?
Stimpaq: Well I don't know. Fuck you ever been in a new house that no one's lived in, bro? It's weird. It's super uncanny. there's there's nothing in the wood. there's nothing no one's lived in it. Like there's no bodies. The wood isn't creased. There's no new paint jobs and stuff like that. It's just a empty shell. I dunno. I don't I think ghosts would want to haunt something that either they lived in or I think they just they need something to grasp onto. They're not just gonna unless you build a new house on top of what you know, graveyard or something, right? Then I think you're just asking for trouble. Yeah, something like that.
Uncle Bill Aud: like yeah, like a native burial An indigenous burial ground.
Stimpaq: That's right, yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: The funny thing is my worst nightmare as a child actually happened in a new built home. but I think it was just more of being in a new environment. But it was weird because I woke up from my bed and I went into my parents' room and there was this dragon lamp on their bed why is it on? And I Unplugged it but the light still stayed on and then I made that connection. I was like, wait a minute, what? And then just this like r loud thundering voice from around like all around me Get out of my house and I w and then I w woke up for real. was the Yeah. The worst
Stimpaq: that was a dream. okay. I was gonna say, come on, that sounds like a good ghost story. You just said that you don't have any ghost stories. A fucking ghost screams at you and tells you to leave. I'm just gonna leave that one out.
Uncle Bill Aud: No, that was the worst nightmare I have ever had.
Stimpaq: Yeah, night terrors are are definitely a thing and maybe the ghost could be trying to communicate with you through your dreams, who knows? But I have one story that could be considered a ghost story. At least when I was a kid I wanted to believe that it was a ghost story and even now as an adult Okay, I I hope so. So it was around the time my grandpa passed away. I think I was probably nine or ten and we had this pretty simple start up ritual before school. It was seriously you know, get up, breakfast, watch a bit of TV, and start walking to the bus, And so it w I was by myself that day, and my mom had just bought a not a massage chair, but it's a pad, a massage pad, and you have a remote and you could turn on how intense you want the back massager to be. And so I was sitting on the reclining chair and I had there's three different parts that you could do low, mid and high massage intensity, right? And you can turn the the heat thing on. And I always had all three of them just cranked and I'm just sitting here just buzzing watching the weekenders or something before the bus showed up. And I'd I was by myself and I had all three of them cranked up. And then it was about time to brush my teeth and then start going to and then go to school. And so I I consciously remember turning all three of these switches off, going downstairs, brushing my teeth, and then I walk back up the stairs and I'm about to leave and I turn off all the lights and everything and I still I hear a bzzz I hear something buzzing, right? And I go upstairs and all three of the massage pads are cranked, and they're hard switches too. It wasn't a little just a a little light, loose spring. these were hard switches that you had to really, really push. And I'm just like, I wouldn't just leave this vibrating still. I'm the I was the kid that always turned the lights off. I can't I always make sure that shit is off before I leave. And they were they were all turned on. And then for some reason I made the connection of okay, that was grandpa, chilling in the massage chair you know, ch hanging out with me before school. But that was that was the only one. I mean, could I have left left it all of the switches on? Sure. But I like my version better, 'cause we'll never know.
Uncle Bill Aud: We'll never know.
Stimpaq: It was it was grandpa, I tell ya. Ghost of grandpa.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. you ever been wandering through the bush and seen something weird? And thought to yourself that witches were there?
Stimpaq: Which is no. Do you have one witch story though? what first, yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: No. well, I have a my god, my childhood was what was was full of wish stories because like my aunt growing up was convinced that she was a witch. I think she might still be convinced of that.
Stimpaq: Okay, what's up?
Uncle Bill Aud: Just my my aunt was a very troubled kid. So she got into like Wiccan pagan rituals and stuff. So she always believed that she was a witch. Yeah.
Stimpaq: Cool. I think it's such a cool hobby that people take up. whenever I see people come into the store they've got all their gemstones, all their rings, all their stuff, and then they got a shirt that says, I'm a witch, you wouldn't get it. I just wanna ask you questions. tell me about your witchy things what are you into these days?
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. And they never they never want to They never they never want to talk about it.
Stimpaq: Well, if you're if you're in here in your witch attire, you have I don't know, man, you sometimes you you look at somebody that that that's their hobby, that's their thing, and it's yeah, you give off witch vibes, And I met I met a girl or a a older lady I should say. she was in her late fifties and she's a she's a Harley Ryan witch. she rides motorcycles and then she leads witch workshops. she's been doing it for so long and she's like any of the witchy girlies that want to learn my craft, I teach it to them. man, you're so sure of yourself. this is this is your thing. that's so cool. You're a hardly riding witch, But I do have one one witch story. So I was DJing a gig on one of the remote islands here on Vancouver Island. For those of you that don't know, Vancouver Island is obviously the big island that you you take a boat from Vancouver over to Vancouver Island. And then there's multiple small islands that are off the coast of that that you can take an even smaller boat and go to even smaller islands, So and a lot of people like to get married there because they're the scenery's nice, the There's usually one or two hotels on there that can accommodate for a big wedding party. And they usually have decent wedding venues there. So I got a I got a gig there. And my dad helps me book all of the in-between logistical things that I don't really think of and he helps me with my my business a lot. And he just said, hey, don't worry about it. I got you a hotel, just just get there, you know, do your thing and then check in when you're done. So I go and do the gig. I'm driving to the hotel after the gig 'cause I didn't have enough time to go to the hotel before, 'cause it was a ceremony and reception, so it was just get off the ferry and go. so the gig is done, it's like two in the morning and I'm driving to the hotel. dude, I'm on this remote island that I've never been at. There's fucking wildlife everywhere, there's no street lights. I'm just driving down this scary ass road going to this hotel that I've never been to. Bill, I'm going down this windy ass driveway, thinking I'm gonna topple over. And I get here and there's this lady that's I know, she was in long sleeves and she had both of her arms in the sleeves, kinda like Morpheus a little bit. And she was standing there and we made eye contact when I pulled in. This is two in the morning, mind you. No lights or anything. And this lady is standing there outside of the bush it's a couple feet from the actual hotel. And she has her arms together like this and she goes, Hello and welcome. And I'm shit shit. So the sets the pace right there. And she goes How was the wedding? Did everybody have fun? shit, this is your your thing. I'm trying to pop in, trying to be charming. hey, you know, what's up? Yeah, wedding was great, you know, people cut loose and yeah, it was awesome. And then she just kept this very serious witchy aura to her, And so real slowly she's walking me through these stones, into the front of her house. So this isn't a hotel. This was an Airbnb This lady turned her house into an Airbnb and it was one room there. And my dad told me it was a hotel. But really it was this witch's house.
Uncle Bill Aud: Was it made out of gingerbread?
Stimpaq: ran like a day No, but she did run a daycare. She ran a daycare there as well. So like I
Uncle Bill Aud: that's cool. That's cool.
Stimpaq: went into the foyer and there was a pile of little kid shoes there and little hooks. where the fuck am I? Am I in some haunted ass kindergarten teacher? what the fuck's going on? But yeah, my dad booked a hotel but really it was a witch's house and I just squared up with her after I
Uncle Bill Aud: That's a
Stimpaq: slept there and that was the act.
Uncle Bill Aud: That is a very Vancouver Island story. Well,
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: I guess that's a Gulf Island story, but you get what I mean.
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: So, witch lore is a mix of ancient pagan practices, misunderstood herbal medicine, and centuries of religious panic. In Europe, witch originally meant someone who worked with folk magic, healing charms, divination. But during the late Middle Ages and Renaissance, Christian authorities reframed witches as devil worshippers. This led to witch hunts, trials, and executions, most famously in Salem, but Europe had far more and far deadlier witch hunts. Modern witch imagery, brooms, cauldrons, pointy hats come from a mix of medieval illustrations, theater costumes and political cartoons today which can mean everything from Wiccan practiser to people who collect crystals and talk about moon energy.
Stimpaq: So imagine that you're a girl just trying to take a crack at a new hobby. let's try so and you get burned for it. What the f like girls
Uncle Bill Aud: And then you get burnt for it. my god.
Stimpaq: that's so crazy.
Uncle Bill Aud: so a lot of history that I read, I'm like, you know what? Like I can see both sides of that. The Salem witch hunts, I don't see both sides of that. I'm always
Stimpaq: No.
Uncle Bill Aud: You guys were just assholes. you burnt these women alive for having hobbies, or just for speaking out for themselves. she's too she's too verbal about her opinions. She's a witch.
Stimpaq: Yeah, me and wifey have a tradition that the first day of fall we watched Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost and then we were talking about about this. We 'cause they do. you know, you hear Velma's rants about exactly what you just explained Is that these girls could just be into things that were slightly different. And then so right away you're marked as 'cause if you're in a village of what two hundred people, So you know everybody. You go, That's the bread maker, that's the blacksmith, everybody's got their place, then you've got one or two people that are just into different things. So right away you're already boxed out as an outsider. They're hey, we all have jobs. there's an ecosystem here. And then you've got you guys that are doing whatever the fuck you guys do. And then if word gets out that yeah, you're you're curious about the stars, you're curious about moon cycles, and you want to dig into I don't know what they call it. I know if they did they call it witchcraft back in the day?
Uncle Bill Aud: maybe like Wiccan practices.
Stimpaq: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, wick in practices,
Uncle Bill Aud: yeah, because as I said, which referred to somebody who worked with folk magic originally.
Stimpaq: Yeah. So basically modern version alt chick. And then and then people get threatened by that and they burn you ali they burn you alive. That's insane dude. And then imagine even just public hangings used to be a thing and public executions and yeah, witch burnings and shit
Uncle Bill Aud: basically a scapegoat.
Stimpaq: Well it's it's just so barbaric, dude. imagine being a an average person going to your job, hey, you go into the burning? A little Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, we we can have a drink afterwards. it's so easy just to go watch a public execution. That's insane, dude. that was so wild that shit just happened. They're Yeah, yeah, I'll I'll go catch the hanging and then, you know, pick the kids up from school, then maybe catch a burning I don't know, I haven't decided yet, kinda right.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. And I feel this next one would be the male equivalent. if you wanted a female as a scapegoat, she was a witch. But if you wanted a male as a scapegoat, she was a werewolf.
Stimpaq: No, did that actually happen?
Uncle Bill Aud: yeah.
Stimpaq: Was there werewolf accusations?
Uncle Bill Aud: werewolf myths date back to ancient Greece, the story of King Lycon who could turn into a wolf from trying to feed human flesh to Zeus. Medieval Europe expanded the idea tying werewolves to curses deals with the devil or punishment for cannibalism. Some werewolf trials Happened alongside witch trials, where people confess under torture to transforming into wolves.
Stimpaq: Damn.
Uncle Bill Aud: The full moon transformation is actually a modern invention, mostly from 20th century movie. Earlier folklore describes voluntary shape-shifting, magical wolf skins, or people who were stuck as werewolves for years. today we're wolves symbolize rage, loss of control, and the beast within. Why wolves? Why do you think it's wolves?
Stimpaq: I don't know. I just looked up werewolf accusations because I didn't know that was a thing. but yeah, werewolf accusations were historical legal charges in early modern Europe where individuals were accused of shapeshifting into wolves, often linked to witchcraft, murder, and cannibalism. Do you think if the internet was around for this, all of this would be squashed? Because it's they're leaving it to imagination. Okay, well what is this guy he's a shapeshifting wolf, I tell ya. And then they put on trial for being a wolf. What if you're just a hairy, quirky man?
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Yep. I don't think that's what they were putting him on trial for. I think it was a person who may have had some weird hobbies. or some weird habits, like just stalking around at night in the graveyard or some shit. But you're right.
Stimpaq: But what's wrong with having weird hobbies? It can't so so you're basically saying if you were too weird and too alt back in the day, you'd probably be accused of being some kind of mutant or a or Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: A werewolf andor a witch. So living in B C and I you hear a lot of things go bump in the night in the bush, we're not just talking about the cougars, You like Bigfoot? You ever hear Bigfoot stories?
Stimpaq: Bigfoot you know, i again, I put Bigfoot and ghosts in the same category where I wanna believe that Well actually well Bigfoot you can actually kinda wrap your head around it because yeah, it's a primate in the woods. it's not well, what is a ghost? it's a spirit, well what is a spirit? Then you can trace that back to yeah, you can probably just keep going around and around with that idea. But you know, primate in the woods, you can be Could that happen? Sure. the
Uncle Bill Aud: Right.
Stimpaq: problem is that so many people like us want Bigfoot to be real that they they go to Lulu. Shh, hear that, hear that? Shh shh shh. Okay, no no no no no.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah, 'cause that's our example is Bigfoot because we're Canadians from the West Coast, So Bigfoot is our cryptid, but other cryptids like L Chupacabra is one of the newest cryptids first reported in Puerto Rico in the mid nineties, farmers found livestock drained to blood and witnesses described a reptilian spiked back creature. Later sightings across America described a hairless dog like creature. likely Mangy Coyote
Stimpaq: yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: or the original alien looking version may have been influenced by sci-fi. Most popular
Stimpaq: yeah, I'm looking at pictures of this guy and it looks creepy as fuck. It's like yeah, an alien dog or some shit. QCon.
Uncle Bill Aud: cryptids as a whole, Bigfoot, Mothman, the Jersey Devil, represent modern folklore. they are monsters we invent to explain weird noises, shadows, and animals we don't recognize. They spread through campfire stories, tabloids, and now the internet.
Stimpaq: There's so many creepy pictures of this guy, man. and it's not a goat man or this is Bigfoot. It's no, dude, this is a creepy fucking lizard dog looking thing. But I d I
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah.
Stimpaq: I don't think that's the I don't I don't mean to burst the chupacabra bubble, but I'm like, I don't think it's that hard to believe that there's some, you know, yeah, wacky coyote or something that likes to drink you know,
Uncle Bill Aud: Have you ever seen a dog with rabies? severe, late stage rabies? It would look like that. Trust me,
Stimpaq: No, I think it would no.
Uncle Bill Aud: I don't have to look at what you're looking at and I know what you're looking at. And I'm telling you, rabies. That's what they're that's what they see is some coyote or dog with rabies and a chupacabra
Stimpaq: I heard rabies is a rough way to go, man. I heard that like 'cause
Uncle Bill Aud: It is
Stimpaq: don't you get dehydrated and then reject water or something?
Uncle Bill Aud: Yep. Yeah, and you basically you're going crazy.
Stimpaq: Ooh.
Uncle Bill Aud: speaking of going crazy, you ever you ever not sleep for a couple of days?
Stimpaq: I've gone over twenty four hours without sleep but yeah, but I've I haven't dipped into hallucinating territory if that's what you're getting at.
Uncle Bill Aud: okay, I'm just gonna straight up ask you. do you know who the hat man is?
Stimpaq: Yeah, I've got a friend that I jam with that y used to have sleep paralysis and he used to be visited by the hat man and we used to write songs about it.
Uncle Bill Aud: Nice. the Hat Man is a shadowy figure seen during sleep paralysis, a tall silhouette wearing a wide brim hat reports surge in the two thousands, especially online forums and paranormal shows. Unlike other shadow people, the Hat Man is described As more intentional, often standing still, watching. Sleep paralysis creates vivid hallucinations because your brain is half dreaming while awake. The Hatman may be a cultural meme that shapes what people expect to see a shared hallucination reinforced by storytelling. But the consistency of the figure makes him one of the creepiest modern folklore entities. Which that's why I added him because it would be it'd be okay to think like maybe one or two people saw the same thing, but to have the same figure seen by people over generations in different areas of the world that's a little bit too much of a coincidence for me.
Stimpaq: Absolutely. what's going on under the hood of your brain where yeah, where not enough sleep equals seeing Well, 'cause I know that obviously not getting enough sleep can ripple into hallucinations. that's been documented and studied for a long time. But why are we this
Uncle Bill Aud: seeing a nineteen twenties mobster staring at us at night. 'Cause that's what he looks like, With the wide brim and the tall silhouette. He looks like a nineteen twenties mobster.
Stimpaq: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My buddy got used to it. he said the f yeah he goes, Yeah, the first few times are pretty scary, but then sometimes I just look up and be yeah, you're here again. damn. where are you at with
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah.
Stimpaq: with psychics?
Uncle Bill Aud: Psychics. the psychics that you think when you think a psychic, if they're asking you for money, I think that's just a ripoff, generally speaking. But I do think that there might be some people that have had messages delivered to them from a divine being. I don't think you're a psychic. I think maybe if you need to see something you get to see it. Does that make sense?
Stimpaq: I think so. I have I also have an opinion on on some psychics 'cause on one side, I can kind of see exactly what you're saying. if you start charging, I used to be into magic, man. I understand the whole scam part of psychics. But then on the other side, the more I I d I learn and educate myself about like brains and neurodivergence and stuff I'm just learning that some people are more sensitive to certain things. Right, where you have a neurotypical humanoid, And their nervous system only goes so far. The basic things to help them survive. And then there's other people that are more sensitive to the outside environment and other stimulus. Like some people more sensitive to smells and noises. I think some people, their nerves and their antenna basically, can connect to a source that science can't measure. And just cause science can't measure it doesn't mean that it's not happening. And I gotta feel 'cause y come on man, like when you see psychics finding dead bodies that the FBI can't find, and not charging for it, I know where this guy is and the the chief's like, No, fucked. And then goes, No, I know where he is and then they find him. you hear about that all the time. And I seriously believe that some people's brains or nerves I think that some people are connected to sources that some people can't see or feel. And some people can mark you as crazy. and if you are connected to that and you want to charge people for that, now you're a con artist. I think there is some truth to it. I think there are straight up con artists that are I'm psychic and I I understand like the whole like Sylvia Brown and what's the other guy's name? South Park did a bit on I can't remember. The other guy that charges a bunch of money for seminar seminars to talk to dead dead people. Or there's the the the chick with the Dolly Parton hair, the big poofy hair, the what's it mid islet the mid island she came to Victoria. She came to Victoria.
Uncle Bill Aud: I can't remember what She came she comes to here like at least once a year.
Stimpaq: Yeah, yeah. She came to Victoria and then wifey and her friend were Let's go and let's see if we can contact our dead dads. Let's go. th they didn't go 'cause she was way too much. But but yeah, I understand the scam side and I also understand the side that could have some truth in it. And we'll never know because you have to be a special person to talk to dead people. But that's my rant.
Uncle Bill Aud: That's okay. So I got Slender Man, and then the last one and I wanna talk about this is backrooms.
Stimpaq: I remember when when Slenderman the the game first came out.
Uncle Bill Aud: Slender
Stimpaq: I'm gonna guess it's maybe twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen ish. Where
Uncle Bill Aud: Mm-hmm.
Stimpaq: yeah, it was a PC game where you walk around, you collect the pages and then Slenderman chases you. I never met anybody that beat it, but and then it just rippled from there. there was that do you Bill, do you remember when we were living on Temple and we bought the Xbox version and then we just invited everybody over that would party and then we just we would take turns p playing Slender.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yep. 'Cause that was around the the goat simulator days.
Stimpaq: That's right. But it was s it was so engaging. Like when you have eight people in the same room and one person is playing a horror game, everybody gets something from that because everyone's scared, you know, it's it was great. It was a lot of fun. I remember those days and everyone's like, don't go in there. And some people would just charge and sprint in with no with no flashlight or anything. no don't do that.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Slender Man was created in two thousand nine on the Something Awful forums as part of a photoshop contest. The character, a tall, faceless man in a suit, was designed to look like he belonged in old photos. The internet took the idea and ran with it, creating stories, videos and games. Slender Man became a modern myth showing how digital folklore spreads faster than traditional storytelling. He represents a fear of the unknown, the uncanny valley, and the idea of being watched. Even though he's fictional, the culture impact is massive. proving that a good monster doesn't need centuries of history.
Stimpaq: Man, the photos are so creepy, dude. and
Uncle Bill Aud: Then that was before AI.
Stimpaq: that's before AI. I remember trying to there was a really shitty, low budget Slender movie that me and wifey tried because like the idea of Slender is so cool. it's I don't know, anytime you mix ghosts and you know, childlike innocence and purity, there's always some kind of room for originality and it's always so interesting when you get yeah, they the childhood innocence mixing in with the spiritual creepy world. And I thought Slender was just such a cool idea. And I think there was, yeah, there was one like really low budget, almost DIY Slender movie that was really bad and we couldn't get by it. And then there was another one that was Okay, that was cool, but I'm expecting a Lionsgate kind of originality and production to this. And I really wish a good movie studio picked up the Slender idea. I don't know if it's patented or what, I think it'd be cool I I'm waiting for a good Slender movie because all the parts are there. And I think that you could make a backstory. You could kind of do what Nightmare on Elm Street did with when they did the remake, was where they gave you a little bit more of info into who Freddie Krueger was and he got burned. okay, well, how did he get burned? right? So so I I think there's lots of room f to make an original horror movie out of Slender, but I don't think it's happened yet.
Uncle Bill Aud: speaking of horror movies, have you seen backrooms? horror movies? Have
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: you
Stimpaq: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'cause wifey loves 'cause I showed I showed her the the notes for for for this talk before we jumped in and she's backrooms, you guys are talking about backrooms she just loves the the aesthetic, she loves the concept, she loves yeah the movie was pretty good. if they were to going to make a backrooms movie in twenty twenty six, I'd say that they did it pretty well. And but yeah, it's just so cool. but yeah, tell me about the backgrounds. I'm sure you've got a a whole Drecken essay on this. What's going on?
Uncle Bill Aud: The backroom started as a creepypasta image that. A yellow stained empty office space with buzzing fluorescent lights. The caption described no clipping out of reality. ending up in an endless maze of limeral rooms, the idea exploded into a full mythos. multiple levels, entries, rules of survival, and fan made videos. It taps into the fear of limeral spaces, places that feel familiar but wrong. The backrooms are unsettling because they look like every office school or basement you've ever been in, but stretched into infinity, it's modern horror built From architecture instead of monsters.
Stimpaq: So when you see any backrooms image, is there a specific building or something that you go back to where fuck, I'm getting flashbacks of this? Because a big part of the backroom's aesthetic is that well yeah, it looks familiar, it looks liminal, it looks like you've been here before, but it's more empty and hollow and dark, yeah, is there a room that your brain goes back to?
Uncle Bill Aud: maybe just the empty office spaces. or the doctor's offices when you'd go get for that
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: ADHD testing.
Stimpaq: It's so crazy you say that. That's where I go too, bro, is my parents used to call it the learning doctor and I would wait in that fucking radar waiting room forever.
Uncle Bill Aud: telling you everything about that is boring for a reason because he's bored, he's got And it's dude, children just need to have stimulation, bro. Like
Stimpaq: Well no
Uncle Bill Aud: it's weird to me when a child can sit still.
Stimpaq: Well, we probably would've got burned back in the day. Okay? If we were in a two hundred person village and you left us alone for long enough, we would pick up a weird hobby and we would probably be burned at the stake. Don't you think?
Uncle Bill Aud: Probably. Maybe we'd be accused of being wizards.
Stimpaq: Yeah. But I don't know, we're allowed to live in societies now. and we can and we can just have our weird hobbies and have podcasts and I can talk to my friends fucking what, four or five provinces over. Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: Because of the internet. Dun dun dun dun.
Stimpaq: Yeah. so when Spirit Halloween comes around, I is it a North American thing? our American audience probably knows what Spirit is?
Uncle Bill Aud: Probably.
Stimpaq: But the the Halloween store, So me and wifey went into one in I think it was in Kelowna she's Bo, come check this out. And so it's a big it was a it was a really big one. I think it was two stories. And we went into the corner of the store and then we kinda peeked behind it and dude, it was almost another store with how much empty space there was. She goes, see, I told you. Fuck backrooms are real. There's so much empty space here. there's just a one business up front and the rest is just all backrooms. it did. It was a snippet from the backrooms. There was a little blinking light. I don't know if they just left it there as an Easter egg to be well, let's just, you know, if if they look and they see it, they can hey, backrooms, but Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: That would that would be clever. That would be clever.
Stimpaq: But yeah, I didn't we I didn't even know what the backrooms were at that point, but I looked at them, whoa, this is eerie. you got a busy big ass store. And now you've got something that's the same size as the store with nothing in it. Brrrr. This is weird.
Uncle Bill Aud: Right.
Stimpaq: 'cause I was gonna say yeah, I go back to learning doctor, waiting room, very outdated wallpaper and furniture. And they always had the freaking you know the the rods with the beads on them? Yeah you know, they're Here, kid, yeah, this'll this'll keep you I don't know. I don't know what the what is it just a giant fidget Wrong. How can you play
Uncle Bill Aud: It did, but so I always played with that thing wrong because there's always a part where the
Stimpaq: with it right? Let me see. Hang on.
Uncle Bill Aud: There's always beads on a longer part that went up, but I would try to spin the bead so fast that it would crawl up the the thing because it was spinning. Either way we're both kinda rainbow brained and that was my point.
Stimpaq: Yeah, I don't know, you go to a T D bank or you'd go to a doctor's office and they don't have anything except for, yeah, the weird bendy thing with the buttons on it that you're supposed to move around. Especially at something like an ADHD whatever the fuck it was, research center or something. come on, you gotta step up the toy game a little bit. around here.
Uncle Bill Aud: a just a wee bit.
Stimpaq: have something around here to keep these guys engaged.
Uncle Bill Aud: Alright, well I think that's all we got for you this week, folks. But remember to tune in next week for another hot episode of The Big Lumpy Couch. You can find me, Uncle Bill, and him, Stimpak on socials. And until then, have a good one, world.
Stimpaq: Stay freaky.
Stimpaq: Guys, it's not actually Spider Man, it was Uncle Bill this whole time.
Uncle Bill Aud: It's October. Pumpkin Spice is back. Everything smells like cinnamon. And today we're diving into the creatures, legends, and late night horrors that have been haunting people for centuries. Plus some of the ones that the internet invented last Tuesday. So Stimpak, what was the childhood monster that had you sprinting up the stairs after you turned off the basement lights?
Stimpaq: man, I actually need to find what it's called, but it's two. and it's German German folklore. man, I can't even think of the name, but it's basically a black shadow with a pitchfork. And I can't remember what his name is. And if anybody in the comments, any any of my German homies out there can figure out what it's called, it's got adds it's got a really German name to it. But yeah, my Oma and Opa used to tell me that this guy will come kick my ass if I'm not back before dark. So and it actually really made me and my sister pretty scared.
Uncle Bill Aud: Nice. I grew up as a religious boy, so I was always really afraid of like demons and ghosts. 'Cause those seemed the most believable to me, I guess. But yeah. what I got for you today is basically I think I got nine of them. Nine creatures witches ghouls and whatnot. a little bit about the history and whether or not we really believe in that stuff and we'll figure we're gonna figure out where this all comes from.
Stimpaq: Yeah, let's get it.
Uncle Bill Aud: Right. Well the first one I have for you is vampires. I thought I'd start off with vampires. do you have any opinions or any thoughts on vampires?
Stimpaq: Well first I wanna know what your favorite vampire movies are just so we can start because different fans have different definitions of what vampires are hey, if you're doing Thirty Days a Night, are you doing Lost Boys? Are you doing Twilight? what kind of where do you start with with vampires? So what are what are some of your favorite depictions of vampires in media? Or you're a comic guy. I don't know. What's up?
Uncle Bill Aud: one time just as fun at work, I was listening to an audiobook version. Actually it was at the World Parrot Refuge. I was listening to an audiobook version of Brahm Stoker's Dracula. so when I when I think vampire that's what I think. Count Dracula. then I saw Twilight because I was a teenage boy and I had teenage girlfriends at the time and so they were really into Twilight. And I gotta say that version of it seemed the most believable to me, at least.
Stimpaq: so what, was is it Twilight? and Dracula is where you start? Cool.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Dracula's where I start and Twilight is where I end.
Stimpaq: Cool. I've always been a lost boy boy. that's was always ground zero for me. I always liked how mysterious and cool they were and then they have to try and lure people in and have them drink their blood and they were it was very much like a hood rat kind of vampire, instead of some dude in a cloak and a castle drinking wine and stuff, It was a very modern version that was really relatable. That even though the original Lost Boys, with Corey Felbin was way past my time, 'cause I think that was in the early seventies, But they would air it on YTV during Halloween Up next we've got Lost Boys and I think it's eighteen A. So it was super late that you had to stay up and watch it. But I watched it one year I don't know. Something clicked and my little brain was just that's what vampires are and it was just it had my attention the whole time and it still does. And people shit on the remakes and I thought they were pretty good. Lost Boys the Tribe is I think it was in the late two thousands and it was just it was I don't know, it was a good spin on on a classic vampire movie. And then the third one is vampires at a rave, a blade rave kind of, and then they're handing out little vials of their blood but they think it's a drug. They're yeah, I'll take this and they all turn into vampires. so that's that's pretty cool too. Lost boys all the way.
Uncle Bill Aud: Cool. Well, vampire lore goes way back to ancient civilizations, had some version of blood drinking spirit or undead creature. But the modern vampire comes mostly from Eastern Europe especially Romania and the Balkans. These stories describe corpse rising from the grave to feed on the living Often tied to a disease outbreak, rabies, tuberculosis, Villagers would dig up bodies, find natural decomposition, mistaken for proof perform rituals to stop the vampires. The vampire Exploded into pop culture with Bromstoker's Dracula in eighteen ninety seven, which blended folklore with Victorian fear about sexuality, immigration, and disease. From there vampires became everything from terrifying monsters to sexy nightclub dwellers.
Stimpaq: I was gonna say there's usually a lot of sex sprinkled into vampire movies, more so than than other other ghouls goblins and monsters. there was always actually that was one of the only reasons I watched the first Dracula movie I was a horny kid growing up, And me and my buddies were yo, there's like boobs in this movie and so there w we've just fa
Uncle Bill Aud: titties
Stimpaq: exactly. We'd fast forward to I don't know what it was. I think it Dracula you know, he's got multiple wives, I guess they they get jiggy from time to time and
Uncle Bill Aud: And he also sucks on ladies in the middle of the night when the with their titties half out.
Stimpaq: Yeah, something like that. I know there's always sexy vampires going on, more so than any other I don't know, I've never seen a sexy Frankenstein or a sexy werewolf.
Uncle Bill Aud: Well, obviously you're not watching the right Frankenstein movies.
Stimpaq: So Bill, in your vampire research, where does Vlad the Impaler fall in your in your vampire essay? I've actually been curious about where does the Dracula th thread start? And I heard it starts with him, right?
Uncle Bill Aud: that's what I've heard as well, that Vlad the Impaler was just so brutal and he killed so many people that they're Well obviously he's getting some sort of satisfaction off the blood and then he's drinking the the blood of the bodies or something I also heard the same
Stimpaq: wouldn't ca
Uncle Bill Aud: thing.
Stimpaq: okay, I also haven't done any research on this guy, but what I have heard is that he used to kill people and then impale them on sp in his front lawn and just leave them there. Kinda like tribes back in the day. if you were part of a rival tribe and you pulled up and they killed you, they would like cut your head off and put it on a spike and be Hey, this is what we did to the last guy. back off. Wasn't it some kind of something like that
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Well I always thought that he was some sort of like military general or something, sort of like Alexander
Stimpaq: Let me see. Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: the Great or William the Conqueror, And it was 'cause he would impale his enemies on spikes
Stimpaq: kidding. Okay, Vlad the Third, commonly known as Vlad the Impaler, was a fifteenth century ruler and military governor. I can't pronounce that. a region in modern day Romania, known for his brutal tactics, psychological warfare and fierce defense of his realm against the Ottoman Empire. He remains one of history's most notorious and complex figures. And So yeah, it seems like he was this badass military guy Hey, if you fuck with me, I will put you on a spike and leave you as a law and orderment is what I got from that.
Uncle Bill Aud: And that just scared the locals. So ghosts. What about the
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: people that he killed? What what happened to their spirits afterwards? Do you believe in ghosts?
Stimpaq: I don't you have any cool ghost I'd like to. yeah, I'll I'll say I do. I'll say I do. it's more so because I want to believe that there's ghosts just because ghosts are cool and interesting. It's not because well the science says and you know, I I had this crazy experience. I just really want to believe that there's that there's ghosts out there, do you have any any ghost stories? Any first hand encounters?
Uncle Bill Aud: no, I mean as a little boy I thought I heard someone call my name from the distance of the basement. But I mean, that's just your imagination as well sometimes as children. But I I do believe in ghosts, sort of, the same way as you. I think I just want to so badly that I do. do I have any personal ghost stories? No. least not a hundred percent that was a ghost, right?
Stimpaq: okay.
Uncle Bill Aud: ghost stories are universal. Every culture has some version of spirit lingering after death. Ancient Egyptians believed a soul could return if burial rites weren't done properly. That's why they like did the whole rap and the mummy thing. Ancient Greeks wrote about shades wandering the underworld in Medieval Europe leaned into ghosts are moral lessons. Repent or wander forever. today ghost stories blend folklore, psychology, sleep paralysis, grief, and the human tendency to find patterns in the dark.
Stimpaq: ghosts
Uncle Bill Aud: Why are go why do ghosts never haunt new houses?
Stimpaq: Well I don't know. Fuck you ever been in a new house that no one's lived in, bro? It's weird. It's super uncanny. there's there's nothing in the wood. there's nothing no one's lived in it. Like there's no bodies. The wood isn't creased. There's no new paint jobs and stuff like that. It's just a empty shell. I dunno. I don't I think ghosts would want to haunt something that either they lived in or I think they just they need something to grasp onto. They're not just gonna unless you build a new house on top of what you know, graveyard or something, right? Then I think you're just asking for trouble. Yeah, something like that.
Uncle Bill Aud: like yeah, like a native burial An indigenous burial ground.
Stimpaq: That's right, yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: The funny thing is my worst nightmare as a child actually happened in a new built home. but I think it was just more of being in a new environment. But it was weird because I woke up from my bed and I went into my parents' room and there was this dragon lamp on their bed why is it on? And I Unplugged it but the light still stayed on and then I made that connection. I was like, wait a minute, what? And then just this like r loud thundering voice from around like all around me Get out of my house and I w and then I w woke up for real. was the Yeah. The worst
Stimpaq: that was a dream. okay. I was gonna say, come on, that sounds like a good ghost story. You just said that you don't have any ghost stories. A fucking ghost screams at you and tells you to leave. I'm just gonna leave that one out.
Uncle Bill Aud: No, that was the worst nightmare I have ever had.
Stimpaq: Yeah, night terrors are are definitely a thing and maybe the ghost could be trying to communicate with you through your dreams, who knows? But I have one story that could be considered a ghost story. At least when I was a kid I wanted to believe that it was a ghost story and even now as an adult Okay, I I hope so. So it was around the time my grandpa passed away. I think I was probably nine or ten and we had this pretty simple start up ritual before school. It was seriously you know, get up, breakfast, watch a bit of TV, and start walking to the bus, And so it w I was by myself that day, and my mom had just bought a not a massage chair, but it's a pad, a massage pad, and you have a remote and you could turn on how intense you want the back massager to be. And so I was sitting on the reclining chair and I had there's three different parts that you could do low, mid and high massage intensity, right? And you can turn the the heat thing on. And I always had all three of them just cranked and I'm just sitting here just buzzing watching the weekenders or something before the bus showed up. And I'd I was by myself and I had all three of them cranked up. And then it was about time to brush my teeth and then start going to and then go to school. And so I I consciously remember turning all three of these switches off, going downstairs, brushing my teeth, and then I walk back up the stairs and I'm about to leave and I turn off all the lights and everything and I still I hear a bzzz I hear something buzzing, right? And I go upstairs and all three of the massage pads are cranked, and they're hard switches too. It wasn't a little just a a little light, loose spring. these were hard switches that you had to really, really push. And I'm just like, I wouldn't just leave this vibrating still. I'm the I was the kid that always turned the lights off. I can't I always make sure that shit is off before I leave. And they were they were all turned on. And then for some reason I made the connection of okay, that was grandpa, chilling in the massage chair you know, ch hanging out with me before school. But that was that was the only one. I mean, could I have left left it all of the switches on? Sure. But I like my version better, 'cause we'll never know.
Uncle Bill Aud: We'll never know.
Stimpaq: It was it was grandpa, I tell ya. Ghost of grandpa.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. you ever been wandering through the bush and seen something weird? And thought to yourself that witches were there?
Stimpaq: Which is no. Do you have one witch story though? what first, yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: No. well, I have a my god, my childhood was what was was full of wish stories because like my aunt growing up was convinced that she was a witch. I think she might still be convinced of that.
Stimpaq: Okay, what's up?
Uncle Bill Aud: Just my my aunt was a very troubled kid. So she got into like Wiccan pagan rituals and stuff. So she always believed that she was a witch. Yeah.
Stimpaq: Cool. I think it's such a cool hobby that people take up. whenever I see people come into the store they've got all their gemstones, all their rings, all their stuff, and then they got a shirt that says, I'm a witch, you wouldn't get it. I just wanna ask you questions. tell me about your witchy things what are you into these days?
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. And they never they never want to They never they never want to talk about it.
Stimpaq: Well, if you're if you're in here in your witch attire, you have I don't know, man, you sometimes you you look at somebody that that that's their hobby, that's their thing, and it's yeah, you give off witch vibes, And I met I met a girl or a a older lady I should say. she was in her late fifties and she's a she's a Harley Ryan witch. she rides motorcycles and then she leads witch workshops. she's been doing it for so long and she's like any of the witchy girlies that want to learn my craft, I teach it to them. man, you're so sure of yourself. this is this is your thing. that's so cool. You're a hardly riding witch, But I do have one one witch story. So I was DJing a gig on one of the remote islands here on Vancouver Island. For those of you that don't know, Vancouver Island is obviously the big island that you you take a boat from Vancouver over to Vancouver Island. And then there's multiple small islands that are off the coast of that that you can take an even smaller boat and go to even smaller islands, So and a lot of people like to get married there because they're the scenery's nice, the There's usually one or two hotels on there that can accommodate for a big wedding party. And they usually have decent wedding venues there. So I got a I got a gig there. And my dad helps me book all of the in-between logistical things that I don't really think of and he helps me with my my business a lot. And he just said, hey, don't worry about it. I got you a hotel, just just get there, you know, do your thing and then check in when you're done. So I go and do the gig. I'm driving to the hotel after the gig 'cause I didn't have enough time to go to the hotel before, 'cause it was a ceremony and reception, so it was just get off the ferry and go. so the gig is done, it's like two in the morning and I'm driving to the hotel. dude, I'm on this remote island that I've never been at. There's fucking wildlife everywhere, there's no street lights. I'm just driving down this scary ass road going to this hotel that I've never been to. Bill, I'm going down this windy ass driveway, thinking I'm gonna topple over. And I get here and there's this lady that's I know, she was in long sleeves and she had both of her arms in the sleeves, kinda like Morpheus a little bit. And she was standing there and we made eye contact when I pulled in. This is two in the morning, mind you. No lights or anything. And this lady is standing there outside of the bush it's a couple feet from the actual hotel. And she has her arms together like this and she goes, Hello and welcome. And I'm shit shit. So the sets the pace right there. And she goes How was the wedding? Did everybody have fun? shit, this is your your thing. I'm trying to pop in, trying to be charming. hey, you know, what's up? Yeah, wedding was great, you know, people cut loose and yeah, it was awesome. And then she just kept this very serious witchy aura to her, And so real slowly she's walking me through these stones, into the front of her house. So this isn't a hotel. This was an Airbnb This lady turned her house into an Airbnb and it was one room there. And my dad told me it was a hotel. But really it was this witch's house.
Uncle Bill Aud: Was it made out of gingerbread?
Stimpaq: ran like a day No, but she did run a daycare. She ran a daycare there as well. So like I
Uncle Bill Aud: that's cool. That's cool.
Stimpaq: went into the foyer and there was a pile of little kid shoes there and little hooks. where the fuck am I? Am I in some haunted ass kindergarten teacher? what the fuck's going on? But yeah, my dad booked a hotel but really it was a witch's house and I just squared up with her after I
Uncle Bill Aud: That's a
Stimpaq: slept there and that was the act.
Uncle Bill Aud: That is a very Vancouver Island story. Well,
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: I guess that's a Gulf Island story, but you get what I mean.
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: So, witch lore is a mix of ancient pagan practices, misunderstood herbal medicine, and centuries of religious panic. In Europe, witch originally meant someone who worked with folk magic, healing charms, divination. But during the late Middle Ages and Renaissance, Christian authorities reframed witches as devil worshippers. This led to witch hunts, trials, and executions, most famously in Salem, but Europe had far more and far deadlier witch hunts. Modern witch imagery, brooms, cauldrons, pointy hats come from a mix of medieval illustrations, theater costumes and political cartoons today which can mean everything from Wiccan practiser to people who collect crystals and talk about moon energy.
Stimpaq: So imagine that you're a girl just trying to take a crack at a new hobby. let's try so and you get burned for it. What the f like girls
Uncle Bill Aud: And then you get burnt for it. my god.
Stimpaq: that's so crazy.
Uncle Bill Aud: so a lot of history that I read, I'm like, you know what? Like I can see both sides of that. The Salem witch hunts, I don't see both sides of that. I'm always
Stimpaq: No.
Uncle Bill Aud: You guys were just assholes. you burnt these women alive for having hobbies, or just for speaking out for themselves. she's too she's too verbal about her opinions. She's a witch.
Stimpaq: Yeah, me and wifey have a tradition that the first day of fall we watched Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost and then we were talking about about this. We 'cause they do. you know, you hear Velma's rants about exactly what you just explained Is that these girls could just be into things that were slightly different. And then so right away you're marked as 'cause if you're in a village of what two hundred people, So you know everybody. You go, That's the bread maker, that's the blacksmith, everybody's got their place, then you've got one or two people that are just into different things. So right away you're already boxed out as an outsider. They're hey, we all have jobs. there's an ecosystem here. And then you've got you guys that are doing whatever the fuck you guys do. And then if word gets out that yeah, you're you're curious about the stars, you're curious about moon cycles, and you want to dig into I don't know what they call it. I know if they did they call it witchcraft back in the day?
Uncle Bill Aud: maybe like Wiccan practices.
Stimpaq: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, wick in practices,
Uncle Bill Aud: yeah, because as I said, which referred to somebody who worked with folk magic originally.
Stimpaq: Yeah. So basically modern version alt chick. And then and then people get threatened by that and they burn you ali they burn you alive. That's insane dude. And then imagine even just public hangings used to be a thing and public executions and yeah, witch burnings and shit
Uncle Bill Aud: basically a scapegoat.
Stimpaq: Well it's it's just so barbaric, dude. imagine being a an average person going to your job, hey, you go into the burning? A little Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, we we can have a drink afterwards. it's so easy just to go watch a public execution. That's insane, dude. that was so wild that shit just happened. They're Yeah, yeah, I'll I'll go catch the hanging and then, you know, pick the kids up from school, then maybe catch a burning I don't know, I haven't decided yet, kinda right.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. And I feel this next one would be the male equivalent. if you wanted a female as a scapegoat, she was a witch. But if you wanted a male as a scapegoat, she was a werewolf.
Stimpaq: No, did that actually happen?
Uncle Bill Aud: yeah.
Stimpaq: Was there werewolf accusations?
Uncle Bill Aud: werewolf myths date back to ancient Greece, the story of King Lycon who could turn into a wolf from trying to feed human flesh to Zeus. Medieval Europe expanded the idea tying werewolves to curses deals with the devil or punishment for cannibalism. Some werewolf trials Happened alongside witch trials, where people confess under torture to transforming into wolves.
Stimpaq: Damn.
Uncle Bill Aud: The full moon transformation is actually a modern invention, mostly from 20th century movie. Earlier folklore describes voluntary shape-shifting, magical wolf skins, or people who were stuck as werewolves for years. today we're wolves symbolize rage, loss of control, and the beast within. Why wolves? Why do you think it's wolves?
Stimpaq: I don't know. I just looked up werewolf accusations because I didn't know that was a thing. but yeah, werewolf accusations were historical legal charges in early modern Europe where individuals were accused of shapeshifting into wolves, often linked to witchcraft, murder, and cannibalism. Do you think if the internet was around for this, all of this would be squashed? Because it's they're leaving it to imagination. Okay, well what is this guy he's a shapeshifting wolf, I tell ya. And then they put on trial for being a wolf. What if you're just a hairy, quirky man?
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Yep. I don't think that's what they were putting him on trial for. I think it was a person who may have had some weird hobbies. or some weird habits, like just stalking around at night in the graveyard or some shit. But you're right.
Stimpaq: But what's wrong with having weird hobbies? It can't so so you're basically saying if you were too weird and too alt back in the day, you'd probably be accused of being some kind of mutant or a or Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: A werewolf andor a witch. So living in B C and I you hear a lot of things go bump in the night in the bush, we're not just talking about the cougars, You like Bigfoot? You ever hear Bigfoot stories?
Stimpaq: Bigfoot you know, i again, I put Bigfoot and ghosts in the same category where I wanna believe that Well actually well Bigfoot you can actually kinda wrap your head around it because yeah, it's a primate in the woods. it's not well, what is a ghost? it's a spirit, well what is a spirit? Then you can trace that back to yeah, you can probably just keep going around and around with that idea. But you know, primate in the woods, you can be Could that happen? Sure. the
Uncle Bill Aud: Right.
Stimpaq: problem is that so many people like us want Bigfoot to be real that they they go to Lulu. Shh, hear that, hear that? Shh shh shh. Okay, no no no no no.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah, 'cause that's our example is Bigfoot because we're Canadians from the West Coast, So Bigfoot is our cryptid, but other cryptids like L Chupacabra is one of the newest cryptids first reported in Puerto Rico in the mid nineties, farmers found livestock drained to blood and witnesses described a reptilian spiked back creature. Later sightings across America described a hairless dog like creature. likely Mangy Coyote
Stimpaq: yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: or the original alien looking version may have been influenced by sci-fi. Most popular
Stimpaq: yeah, I'm looking at pictures of this guy and it looks creepy as fuck. It's like yeah, an alien dog or some shit. QCon.
Uncle Bill Aud: cryptids as a whole, Bigfoot, Mothman, the Jersey Devil, represent modern folklore. they are monsters we invent to explain weird noises, shadows, and animals we don't recognize. They spread through campfire stories, tabloids, and now the internet.
Stimpaq: There's so many creepy pictures of this guy, man. and it's not a goat man or this is Bigfoot. It's no, dude, this is a creepy fucking lizard dog looking thing. But I d I
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah.
Stimpaq: I don't think that's the I don't I don't mean to burst the chupacabra bubble, but I'm like, I don't think it's that hard to believe that there's some, you know, yeah, wacky coyote or something that likes to drink you know,
Uncle Bill Aud: Have you ever seen a dog with rabies? severe, late stage rabies? It would look like that. Trust me,
Stimpaq: No, I think it would no.
Uncle Bill Aud: I don't have to look at what you're looking at and I know what you're looking at. And I'm telling you, rabies. That's what they're that's what they see is some coyote or dog with rabies and a chupacabra
Stimpaq: I heard rabies is a rough way to go, man. I heard that like 'cause
Uncle Bill Aud: It is
Stimpaq: don't you get dehydrated and then reject water or something?
Uncle Bill Aud: Yep. Yeah, and you basically you're going crazy.
Stimpaq: Ooh.
Uncle Bill Aud: speaking of going crazy, you ever you ever not sleep for a couple of days?
Stimpaq: I've gone over twenty four hours without sleep but yeah, but I've I haven't dipped into hallucinating territory if that's what you're getting at.
Uncle Bill Aud: okay, I'm just gonna straight up ask you. do you know who the hat man is?
Stimpaq: Yeah, I've got a friend that I jam with that y used to have sleep paralysis and he used to be visited by the hat man and we used to write songs about it.
Uncle Bill Aud: Nice. the Hat Man is a shadowy figure seen during sleep paralysis, a tall silhouette wearing a wide brim hat reports surge in the two thousands, especially online forums and paranormal shows. Unlike other shadow people, the Hat Man is described As more intentional, often standing still, watching. Sleep paralysis creates vivid hallucinations because your brain is half dreaming while awake. The Hatman may be a cultural meme that shapes what people expect to see a shared hallucination reinforced by storytelling. But the consistency of the figure makes him one of the creepiest modern folklore entities. Which that's why I added him because it would be it'd be okay to think like maybe one or two people saw the same thing, but to have the same figure seen by people over generations in different areas of the world that's a little bit too much of a coincidence for me.
Stimpaq: Absolutely. what's going on under the hood of your brain where yeah, where not enough sleep equals seeing Well, 'cause I know that obviously not getting enough sleep can ripple into hallucinations. that's been documented and studied for a long time. But why are we this
Uncle Bill Aud: seeing a nineteen twenties mobster staring at us at night. 'Cause that's what he looks like, With the wide brim and the tall silhouette. He looks like a nineteen twenties mobster.
Stimpaq: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My buddy got used to it. he said the f yeah he goes, Yeah, the first few times are pretty scary, but then sometimes I just look up and be yeah, you're here again. damn. where are you at with
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah.
Stimpaq: with psychics?
Uncle Bill Aud: Psychics. the psychics that you think when you think a psychic, if they're asking you for money, I think that's just a ripoff, generally speaking. But I do think that there might be some people that have had messages delivered to them from a divine being. I don't think you're a psychic. I think maybe if you need to see something you get to see it. Does that make sense?
Stimpaq: I think so. I have I also have an opinion on on some psychics 'cause on one side, I can kind of see exactly what you're saying. if you start charging, I used to be into magic, man. I understand the whole scam part of psychics. But then on the other side, the more I I d I learn and educate myself about like brains and neurodivergence and stuff I'm just learning that some people are more sensitive to certain things. Right, where you have a neurotypical humanoid, And their nervous system only goes so far. The basic things to help them survive. And then there's other people that are more sensitive to the outside environment and other stimulus. Like some people more sensitive to smells and noises. I think some people, their nerves and their antenna basically, can connect to a source that science can't measure. And just cause science can't measure it doesn't mean that it's not happening. And I gotta feel 'cause y come on man, like when you see psychics finding dead bodies that the FBI can't find, and not charging for it, I know where this guy is and the the chief's like, No, fucked. And then goes, No, I know where he is and then they find him. you hear about that all the time. And I seriously believe that some people's brains or nerves I think that some people are connected to sources that some people can't see or feel. And some people can mark you as crazy. and if you are connected to that and you want to charge people for that, now you're a con artist. I think there is some truth to it. I think there are straight up con artists that are I'm psychic and I I understand like the whole like Sylvia Brown and what's the other guy's name? South Park did a bit on I can't remember. The other guy that charges a bunch of money for seminar seminars to talk to dead dead people. Or there's the the the chick with the Dolly Parton hair, the big poofy hair, the what's it mid islet the mid island she came to Victoria. She came to Victoria.
Uncle Bill Aud: I can't remember what She came she comes to here like at least once a year.
Stimpaq: Yeah, yeah. She came to Victoria and then wifey and her friend were Let's go and let's see if we can contact our dead dads. Let's go. th they didn't go 'cause she was way too much. But but yeah, I understand the scam side and I also understand the side that could have some truth in it. And we'll never know because you have to be a special person to talk to dead people. But that's my rant.
Uncle Bill Aud: That's okay. So I got Slender Man, and then the last one and I wanna talk about this is backrooms.
Stimpaq: I remember when when Slenderman the the game first came out.
Uncle Bill Aud: Slender
Stimpaq: I'm gonna guess it's maybe twenty fifteen, twenty sixteen ish. Where
Uncle Bill Aud: Mm-hmm.
Stimpaq: yeah, it was a PC game where you walk around, you collect the pages and then Slenderman chases you. I never met anybody that beat it, but and then it just rippled from there. there was that do you Bill, do you remember when we were living on Temple and we bought the Xbox version and then we just invited everybody over that would party and then we just we would take turns p playing Slender.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yep. 'Cause that was around the the goat simulator days.
Stimpaq: That's right. But it was s it was so engaging. Like when you have eight people in the same room and one person is playing a horror game, everybody gets something from that because everyone's scared, you know, it's it was great. It was a lot of fun. I remember those days and everyone's like, don't go in there. And some people would just charge and sprint in with no with no flashlight or anything. no don't do that.
Uncle Bill Aud: Yeah. Slender Man was created in two thousand nine on the Something Awful forums as part of a photoshop contest. The character, a tall, faceless man in a suit, was designed to look like he belonged in old photos. The internet took the idea and ran with it, creating stories, videos and games. Slender Man became a modern myth showing how digital folklore spreads faster than traditional storytelling. He represents a fear of the unknown, the uncanny valley, and the idea of being watched. Even though he's fictional, the culture impact is massive. proving that a good monster doesn't need centuries of history.
Stimpaq: Man, the photos are so creepy, dude. and
Uncle Bill Aud: Then that was before AI.
Stimpaq: that's before AI. I remember trying to there was a really shitty, low budget Slender movie that me and wifey tried because like the idea of Slender is so cool. it's I don't know, anytime you mix ghosts and you know, childlike innocence and purity, there's always some kind of room for originality and it's always so interesting when you get yeah, they the childhood innocence mixing in with the spiritual creepy world. And I thought Slender was just such a cool idea. And I think there was, yeah, there was one like really low budget, almost DIY Slender movie that was really bad and we couldn't get by it. And then there was another one that was Okay, that was cool, but I'm expecting a Lionsgate kind of originality and production to this. And I really wish a good movie studio picked up the Slender idea. I don't know if it's patented or what, I think it'd be cool I I'm waiting for a good Slender movie because all the parts are there. And I think that you could make a backstory. You could kind of do what Nightmare on Elm Street did with when they did the remake, was where they gave you a little bit more of info into who Freddie Krueger was and he got burned. okay, well, how did he get burned? right? So so I I think there's lots of room f to make an original horror movie out of Slender, but I don't think it's happened yet.
Uncle Bill Aud: speaking of horror movies, have you seen backrooms? horror movies? Have
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: you
Stimpaq: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'cause wifey loves 'cause I showed I showed her the the notes for for for this talk before we jumped in and she's backrooms, you guys are talking about backrooms she just loves the the aesthetic, she loves the concept, she loves yeah the movie was pretty good. if they were to going to make a backrooms movie in twenty twenty six, I'd say that they did it pretty well. And but yeah, it's just so cool. but yeah, tell me about the backgrounds. I'm sure you've got a a whole Drecken essay on this. What's going on?
Uncle Bill Aud: The backroom started as a creepypasta image that. A yellow stained empty office space with buzzing fluorescent lights. The caption described no clipping out of reality. ending up in an endless maze of limeral rooms, the idea exploded into a full mythos. multiple levels, entries, rules of survival, and fan made videos. It taps into the fear of limeral spaces, places that feel familiar but wrong. The backrooms are unsettling because they look like every office school or basement you've ever been in, but stretched into infinity, it's modern horror built From architecture instead of monsters.
Stimpaq: So when you see any backrooms image, is there a specific building or something that you go back to where fuck, I'm getting flashbacks of this? Because a big part of the backroom's aesthetic is that well yeah, it looks familiar, it looks liminal, it looks like you've been here before, but it's more empty and hollow and dark, yeah, is there a room that your brain goes back to?
Uncle Bill Aud: maybe just the empty office spaces. or the doctor's offices when you'd go get for that
Stimpaq: Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: ADHD testing.
Stimpaq: It's so crazy you say that. That's where I go too, bro, is my parents used to call it the learning doctor and I would wait in that fucking radar waiting room forever.
Uncle Bill Aud: telling you everything about that is boring for a reason because he's bored, he's got And it's dude, children just need to have stimulation, bro. Like
Stimpaq: Well no
Uncle Bill Aud: it's weird to me when a child can sit still.
Stimpaq: Well, we probably would've got burned back in the day. Okay? If we were in a two hundred person village and you left us alone for long enough, we would pick up a weird hobby and we would probably be burned at the stake. Don't you think?
Uncle Bill Aud: Probably. Maybe we'd be accused of being wizards.
Stimpaq: Yeah. But I don't know, we're allowed to live in societies now. and we can and we can just have our weird hobbies and have podcasts and I can talk to my friends fucking what, four or five provinces over. Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: Because of the internet. Dun dun dun dun.
Stimpaq: Yeah. so when Spirit Halloween comes around, I is it a North American thing? our American audience probably knows what Spirit is?
Uncle Bill Aud: Probably.
Stimpaq: But the the Halloween store, So me and wifey went into one in I think it was in Kelowna she's Bo, come check this out. And so it's a big it was a it was a really big one. I think it was two stories. And we went into the corner of the store and then we kinda peeked behind it and dude, it was almost another store with how much empty space there was. She goes, see, I told you. Fuck backrooms are real. There's so much empty space here. there's just a one business up front and the rest is just all backrooms. it did. It was a snippet from the backrooms. There was a little blinking light. I don't know if they just left it there as an Easter egg to be well, let's just, you know, if if they look and they see it, they can hey, backrooms, but Yeah.
Uncle Bill Aud: That would that would be clever. That would be clever.
Stimpaq: But yeah, I didn't we I didn't even know what the backrooms were at that point, but I looked at them, whoa, this is eerie. you got a busy big ass store. And now you've got something that's the same size as the store with nothing in it. Brrrr. This is weird.
Uncle Bill Aud: Right.
Stimpaq: 'cause I was gonna say yeah, I go back to learning doctor, waiting room, very outdated wallpaper and furniture. And they always had the freaking you know the the rods with the beads on them? Yeah you know, they're Here, kid, yeah, this'll this'll keep you I don't know. I don't know what the what is it just a giant fidget Wrong. How can you play
Uncle Bill Aud: It did, but so I always played with that thing wrong because there's always a part where the
Stimpaq: with it right? Let me see. Hang on.
Uncle Bill Aud: There's always beads on a longer part that went up, but I would try to spin the bead so fast that it would crawl up the the thing because it was spinning. Either way we're both kinda rainbow brained and that was my point.
Stimpaq: Yeah, I don't know, you go to a T D bank or you'd go to a doctor's office and they don't have anything except for, yeah, the weird bendy thing with the buttons on it that you're supposed to move around. Especially at something like an ADHD whatever the fuck it was, research center or something. come on, you gotta step up the toy game a little bit. around here.
Uncle Bill Aud: a just a wee bit.
Stimpaq: have something around here to keep these guys engaged.
Uncle Bill Aud: Alright, well I think that's all we got for you this week, folks. But remember to tune in next week for another hot episode of The Big Lumpy Couch. You can find me, Uncle Bill, and him, Stimpak on socials. And until then, have a good one, world.
Stimpaq: Stay freaky.
