You're Not a Distraction

Katie Haldane: You don't have to change who you are to be married. I hear some people and they're I've got to be skinny and I've got to be this and I've got to be that and no, just be the best you you can be. Celebrate everything. I am me. I love being me, and I am going to celebrate what God has created in me. Hi guys on Pentecostal Nun. ⁓ these podcasts ⁓ are gonna be a little bit different, as you can tell. I was just we've done the filming for three of the the Pentecostal Nun podcasts and they've been amazing conversations, but what I really feel is that I wanna do these sort of conversations that are behind the show reel, behind the face. I know I've got a full face of makeup on because I've just done a the bridge podcast, but This is almost like me just sitting down with you having a cup of tea and I love jasmine tea by the way. I'm a huge fan of New York Caps, if you want to get to know me. Just me kind of chatting to you. You know, you may love the podcast interview style, but maybe you're like me and you just maybe want some real conversation about being single. And because we're not talking about this stuff, it's making it a little teary that we got a lot of people out there that are making desperate decisions because of the desperation of their heart, because nobody is openly talking about how hard it is to be a Christian single, how hard it is to remain faithful to to Christ, to purity, to to following the call of God on your life, to staying in church and not popping out and, you know, there there are some real issues. So in this sort of podcast we're gonna talk about behind the makeup, behind the show reel, behind Behind what you see, what is in our hearts as Christian singles. And on this one, I want to talk about something that just came up in a conversation that I was having with ⁓ one of the bridge academics. And it's really just got me quite teary. It's got me quite ⁓ vulnerable. And I guess I just wanted to share this world with you. Male or female, we both battle with things as singles. Our inner life. We're gonna get Renee Goosen to come on and talk about the single state of mind and how that works. But what I want to talk about in this podcast is ⁓ the facade that we can put on. Where did this come from? We were just chatting and it came out of my mouth that very early on, because I am a teacher of the Word of God, I preach on stage. ⁓ I have been teaching in ⁓ colleges with, you know, sometimes ninety students, sometimes 10 students, it doesn't matter how many students. But every time I stood up in front of an audience or, you know, a a class to teach, I was always aware and had been instilled in me from, you know, a very young person, single woman in ministry, that I was not to dress seductively. That I had to make sure that I was covered up. I had to make sure that I wasn't. Showing anything. I had to make sure that, you know, they couldn't see me underneath. ⁓ I had to make sure that I wasn't dressing inappropriately or seductively so that people would hear my message, not just look at me. Now that's not comment on who I am or, you know, whether I'm attractive or not. It was basically as a female preacher and teacher, I had to make sure that I was covered. And I do understand that, but Can I just say that that is a something that that has been imposed upon us as females and talked about a lot, you know, that I don't think is fair. I I'm going for freedom. And this is what I just want to be really honest with you guys, because the struggle of dressing like sometimes I've I've I've looked at myself in photos after I've preached and I look I've got big jackets on and I do love a big jacket and I've got big pants on and I'm trying my hardest to preach and look like a female but still cover up as much as I can and not show my body shape and not show these things. And I don't, you know, I don't blame anybody for this. It was something that was ingrained in my head space. I do remember when I was very young somebody talking to me and saying, you know, just watch what you wear because, you know, guys can get ⁓ distracted by By what you've got on and they you really want them to hear what you're saying, not look, you know, glaring at you, which was just so awkward for me because I'd never even thought of that when I was up there preaching. I'm preaching my heart out, I'm sharing Christ, I'm doing everything I can, and then all of a sudden this interruption of, you know, don't show anything. And I just want to address that if that has come upon you, maybe you've been on stage as male or female, and someone has said, look, you just simply can't dress like that because it's distracting. I do understand that there is a level that we need to dress appropriately on stage and yeah, we do want people to hear what we've gonna say, but don't take that shame on is all I'm saying. Don't take that that shame that comes on you. Because I've realized at my age that I have had that shame imposed upon me. I remember when I was young, that same comment, and you know how Satan or the devil gets in your head and just endorses that same thing that's going around. And I was watching a video, and this lady came on and she said, I can see you female preachers out there with your outfits on. How dare you tempt my man? And she just went off. And how dare you get up there looking like that with your makeup done and your outfit? You're tempting my man. And I'm looking at my man, and he's looking at you, he's not listening to what you're saying. And it just imposed upon me, enforced upon me this utter shame that I had to carry. And to make sure that I wasn't being seductive on stage, to make sure I wasn't showing anything as a female preacher. Now, I just want to say to you, and this is probably going to be a very controversial podcast, that if that is you, I am getting free of that today. So if you want to join me on this, I am today deciding with tears, with an open heart, with just being vulnerable to you in this podcast, that I'm not taking on your desire your thing because I'm a female preacher. I'm not taking that on anymore. I'm going to dress appropriately. I'm gonna dress like me. I'm gonna have a ball because I love fashion. I'm gonna be me. And if you have an issue with that, then then you can turn away. Because I am celebrating all that God has done in me through me. And that means a celebration of being female, being feminine, being a girl. And You can hear that that God is working the on my heart in this area saying, Why am I ashamed of being a female single on that stage? And I do remember at a conference this stunning woman got up and she was drop dead gorgeous stunning. She was a preacher, she was prophetic. She had like she looked like a fashion icon and I she got up there and I was looking at her and I said, Gosh, I wish I was married so I could dress like that and no one would think I was trying to tempt them. And it bounced through my head and gosh, I wish I was married so that I could dress as feminine and as girly as I genuinely want to, but because I've been told I'm not allowed because I'm I'm single. And I just am not taking that anymore. I'm sorry this podcast is very real and raw. But I'm just not taking that anymore. And if you see me dressing like a girl, and if you see me celebrating who I am, I'm not trying to sell myself or I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm not trying to tempt you in any way. I'm just being me. I'm just celebrating that I am a Christian single woman that loves fashion and loves to dress in clothes that make me feel amazing. When w I wear high heels on stage, it's because I love high heels. It's not because I'm selling myself up there. So I know this is a podcast that that a chat that is real conversation, but maybe that's you today and and maybe you have had this cloak of shame. You you dress according to your single status, almost rejected. Sometimes as a single person, we do stop dressing in celebration of who we are. We do stop putting effort in and and doing everything because of the shame and the rejection of being single. But also we don't want to be told that we're, hey, look, you look great. You're gonna get a date tonight. Like that's a that's a joke. But that that makes us feel like when we do celebrate ourselves and when we do get dressed up and we do Bust out of this shame and bust out of all of these things that are imposed upon us. Bust out of rejection. Bust out of of feeling depressed. Bust out of those things as male or a female. And just celebrate you. And just dress as great as you want to dress. And you're not out there to sell yourself. I'm not out there to tempt anyone's husband. I I'm not out there. I don't want your sloppy seconds. So I'm being real with you right now. I'm not I'm not dressing to tempt your husband. What I'm dressing to is the fullness of joy that I love fashion and I'm genuinely excited to express it. So I know this has been kind of behind the scenes of Katie Haldane and behind the scenes of being single, but I guess I just wanted to talk to you about it and just air things that that as single people we we we battle with. So Guys, if you are in any form of ministry and you are a male or female, especially females probably in this area, you don't have to dress like a man. You don't have to I said to this person, I said I I've realized that that I am covering up and almost dressing as masculine as I can so that people will take me seriously. That I'm I'm not the, you know, the ditzy girl 'Cause I love fashion and I've realized that. So I just wanted to be open and honest with you guys, you know, take it or leave it. But these moments of you and I just sitting down, having an open and honest chat about things that that come into our hearts as single people. And I I really want to encourage you, celebrate you. Dress as you want to dress. Be as gorgeous as you are, because God created you the way He created you with, you know. The incredible love of creativity or whatever it is, you be you. The best thing I ever heard was my senior pastor at the time, Pastor Phil Pringle, got up and he said, and I I could see every single person in the room just bawling their eyes out. And he said, Single ladies, I want you to be you. I want you to dress well. I want you to get up here and be amazing. I want you to. To just celebrate your life. I want you to feel very safe in this church. If you are being, you know, people are imposing upon you or people are speaking badly or coming up to you. If there's any feeling of fear of being in this church as a single person, you come and tell me. He said, because I want you, he says, as the father of the house, I want to take care of you. I want to protect you. He said, I want you to be celebrated in this place and I want you to be as fabulous as you are. And that just broke my heart. And I wish I had taken that on because even now I've realized that that's what the body of Christ is. Celebrate being you. Protect your single women. Protect them. Keep them safe. ⁓ you know, when they come in and things go wrong and you know, I've I've had it happen to me. Situations have happened where inappropriate behavior towards me, and I just went straight to my pastor and said, I'm really uncomfortable, I'm really awkward with this whole situation, could you help me? And they literally protected me. They met with the man and said, You cannot speak to her like that. He was coming up to me and saying, You have to come out with me. God's told me. And I felt so vulnerable and so s terrified. So I went straight to my pastor and just said, I don't know what to do. I'm I don't want to turn up to church. I'm really quite scared. The gentleman actually was addressed and said that the the behavior was in absolutely inappropriate. And he stopped. But I do think guys And girls, you know, we need to be aware that as single women, single parents, you know, single mums, divorced, it it is something that we need to protect, but also something that you need to celebrate. So dress, be you, get rid of that rejection. If you're divorced, get rid of that rejection. Get rid of that that you're a second class citizen. Get rid of that and be as amazing as you have been created to be. Because I see some divorced women and they wear a cloak of shame. Get rid of that cloak of shame. Put that robe of righteousness back on. Put that right standing before God back on and celebrate being you because that depression, that rejection, that thing that we we carry sometimes in being rejected or single or the thought of being rejected, celebrate. Be as gorgeous and as quirky and as amazing as you are. And let me tell you, and just take this last little bit before I finish. You don't have to change who you are to be married. You don't have to be focus your looks to be married. I hear some people and they're like, ⁓ I'm gonna make be fit and I've gotta be skinny and I've gotta be this and I've gotta be that and no. Just be the best you you can be. Celebrate everything. I am me. I love being me. I'm a book nerd. I you know, I love fashion. I love all these things, and I am going to celebrate what God has created in me and how I'm created in his image. So I hope this real conversation has worked. I'm not sure if we'll release it or not. It may be way too teary. But if we do, I hope that these open and honest chats will help you just go behind the mask, go behind the makeup and the show real to real conversations on being single. I hope you've enjoyed it, guys. God bless you.