What Changes When You Stop Calling Yourself Broken

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This is a familiar Wilson's media production.
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John Spence is recognized as one of the foremost business thought leaders in the world, a global top 100 business thinker and advisor to companies from startups to the Fortune 10.
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But it didn't start that way.
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In college, John hit rock bottom, kicked out of one university and rejected by another.
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That's when he made a decision to change his attitude and take a systematic approach to building the life he wanted.
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Through hard work and relentless learning, he went on to create a life full of meaning, joy, and connection.
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I'm Josh Wilson, and this is Notes for an Awesome Life with John Spence.
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We invite you to join us in conversation as John shares with us the lessons, habits, and tools that he used and that you can use to build an awesome life.
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Welcome to Notes for an Awesome Life with John Spence.
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And I'm Josh Wilson.
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And I'm John Spence.
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What a surprise.
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That's crazy, isn't it?
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Every week.
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Um, one of these days I'm gonna come in and say, you know, I'm Albert Einstein or whatever, just to see what you would do.
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I'm Sam Finkelstein.
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Is that a famous name?
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That's where I go with that.
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So you're a speaker.
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I would assume you're very good on your feet.
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Are you you roll with the punches kind of guy, and and people don't notice?
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Yeah, I'm pretty fast on my feet.
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This last year I was in Canada giving a talk, and the room wasn't perfect.
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There was these giant steel beams, and they got five or six hundred people, and the steel beams were about 10 feet from the stage, and they had a camera following me back and forth as I was talking.
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And you know, so I saw the big screens with me, and I walked behind one of the steel beams and I disappeared.
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So I stood there for a minute.
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I looked out, I'm like, I'm over here.
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No, I'm over here.
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I I'm always having fun on stage.
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It's gotta be, you know, gotta be real.
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Enjoy yourself.
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I try to watch the humor carefully though to make sure it's all clean and good and nice.
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And gonna probably you save that other stuff for for this.
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Save the other stuff for afterwards.
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Have you ever been like on stage and like either your your notes all fall on the floor or um something technical happens?
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I've fallen off the stage.
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Wait, what?
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I fell off the stage in front of about 3,000 people and would have fallen into the orchestra pit had there not been a giant net to catch me.
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And I climbed up the net back on the stage and went, hey, look, we're doing stunts today.
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But uh, and then one of the funniest ones, I was given another speech, huge crowd, and they had a giant jumbo tron TV on me.
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It's early in my career, and I was wearing a really nice blue shirt.
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It's one of the reasons I wear vests.
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People are like, Oh, is that your look?
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No, I get really hot and I sweat, so vests are a little cooler than jackets, but this is before I knew that.
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And I lifted up my arms to make a point, and my armpits were just total black from sweat.
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So I waved up and down.
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I went, Look, I'm Batman.
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I've fallen down, I've messed stuff up, you know.
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What I've learned is everybody wants you to do well.
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You know, I got booed off the stage in the very first talk I ever gave.
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Wow.
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Yeah, it was uh not fun.
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I got cut, they just cut the mic on me.
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What?
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Yeah, I had just gotten out of college, I was working for the Rockefellers, and my boss uh was supposed to fly to Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute, which is sort of like the heart the most prestigious marine institute in the world.
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And the Rockefeller Foundation I work for was sponsoring the event.
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And he was supposed to fly up and do the opening, welcome all these scientists from around the world.
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And like at the very last minute, he said, I can't go, you go.
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So he handed me the speech on a piece of paper, and I looked over it, I got there, set it on the lectron, and I welcomed everybody from around the world, and then I started to um recognize the world's most eminent scientist and mispronounce almost every one of their names.
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So Dr.
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Klockenspiel from and after about 10 of them, and all of a sudden the mic went out.
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I went, I was tapping on the mic, must be something wrong.
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And guy in there, nothing wrong.
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Come on, you're done, you're done.
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And uh I walked off, and that night I had I was sponsoring all them for or the company was sponsoring all of them for dinner, and I'm like, oh my god.
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And you know what happened?
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They got there, they said it wasn't your fault at all, John.
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You were you were it was obvious that you were set up, that you weren't prepared, that your boss hadn't told you what was going on here.
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Um it's quite all right, you know.
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We want we wanted you to do a good job.
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You had a hard time, it didn't work out well, but not your fault.
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We're fine, and that's what I learned.
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The audience is on your side.
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They they want you to give a good talk, they want you to be successful.
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It's not like they're trying to see you trip up.
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So I look at them as my friends out in the audience who I'm really trying to help get better.
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And if I trip or fall or say something wrong, hey, it's just part of the deal.
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You know, no one's had the rope not been there, I guess I would have died.
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But normally I'd say no one's gonna die.
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It's not, it's just a speech, it's just a talk.
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I just love that you fell into a net.
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I I think though, at that point, they were they probably felt so sorry for you that you could have gotten up and said 10 people's names incorrectly, and they still would have cheered you.
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You had them at that point.
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There was a big like yeah, when I went off the front of the stage, and then when I climbed back out, there was a big sigh of relief.
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And uh I was like, man, well, it's I don't know if you've ever done any acting or anything, but if you're in a big arena and there's all these lights on you, and stay you can't see the audits, it's a bubble, you know.
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There's it you see maybe a few people in the front row, but you really can't see the stage.
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And I was early in my career and I wasn't good at finding the the mark uh and the X of where the end of the, you know, foot before the end of the stage, I wasn't looking down.
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I've since learned to keep an eye, you know, and I get up early and now look at where the stage is and everything, so I don't walk off anything again.
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But that that doesn't mean I won't, but I've I've been lucky for the last 25 years not to do that.
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So my story isn't nearly as embarrassing as that, although it could have been.
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So I was doing a um graveside service, because that's one of the things I did in my former life.
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I would I would do services and stuff, religious services, and I was doing my spiel and I was getting into it, and the last page of my speech fluttered off of the stand and went straight into the grave.
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Oh my gosh.
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Right on top of the casket.
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And there was a there was a second there, and everyone noticed.
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And I also knew that okay, people are gonna be forgiving.
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My determination or the thing that I was thinking about is do I try to reach down and get it?
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So can you imagine had I fallen into the grave, I would have been so embarrassed, I would have said, cover me up.
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That's it.
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I'm done.
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I'm in here.
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Just leave me.
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I'm done.
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This is where I'm gonna be now.
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Well, I'm so happy that we are podcasting in.
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We we talked uh last week about your journey through cancer and what you had been doing in the months since we recorded last.
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Kind of wanted to fill you in on what was going on with me and then really quickly zoom out to maybe how my story can help other people.
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Excellent.
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Now, my thing isn't as dramatic as a health scare like that, but it was still to me pretty seismic.
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Now, to set the stage, I have spent my life, for lack of a better term, struggling.
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Struggling to start things, struggling to organize things, being easily distracted, also periods of poor time management, periods of hyper focus.
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All of these things have been a real impediment.
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But I never ever thought to try to categorize that into anything, except these are the flaws in my character, these are the flaws in my makeup.
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Now, I've held jobs for years, for decades, that I've been successful, but it's been just a struggle and a struggle in my personal life as well.
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I had reached a point in my life where I just said, well, that's just the way I am.
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And damn it, you know, because it isn't easy.
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But I recently came to realize that there's a name for this.
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There's a name for what's going on with me, and that is executive dysfunction.
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Now, John, are you familiar with the term executive dysfunction?
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Well, I know the business version of it for sure.
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But yeah, actually, I am familiar somewhat with the term, but explain it in a little bit more detail.
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It's a series of processes that control things like task initiation, like working memory.
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Um, in other words, the ability for you to keep thoughts in your head all at once that you will need, like maybe five minutes, 10 minutes into a task, but also planning, setting priorities, time management, all those things that I had mentioned about, but also emotional regulation.
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That's also a thing that the executive functions manage.
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So if the management team isn't properly able to organize the employees, then you're not gonna get anything done.
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I'll use a phrase here.
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We'll see how this works out.
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One of the ones I use is as the leadership team so goes, so goes the entire company.
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So I don't know if that's going to apply to what you're about to explain.
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Absolutely.
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That's that is the perfect analogy there.
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So imagine some of the dysfunctional boardrooms that you've been in, or some of the dysfunctional C-suites that you've either seen or been a part of, the disorganization, the arguing, the lack of forward movement in a company, and just put it inside your brain.
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And that's what I've been dealing with.
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Now, if anyone is in any way familiar with any of this, you know that the direction that I'm going is is I've determined that I have ADHD.
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I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which I think is very poorly named.
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I can't remember it.
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Well, that's exactly what I've once I've started explaining the phrase.
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By the time I get to the end of it, I've forgotten what it is I'm talking about.
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This explains my struggle.
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This explains uh 55 years of slog, of fog, of haze, of confusion, of swirling thoughts, of emotional dysregulation.
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And learning about this and researching this has turned that from a horrible, constricting personality flaw to this is just how my brain works.
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There is tremendous liberation and freedom in understanding that how I am and these traits, it's a feature, not a bug.
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Oh, beautiful.
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In computer terms.
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It's good to know.
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Um, and it I think it helps you understand, you know, when you look back at some of your traits, actions, behaviors, how things term.
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And I guess it would be an opportunity to figure out some.
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I don't want to use the word coping mechanisms.
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Maybe that's the right term, but I guess it would be really nice to know this is like you said, this is just how my brain works.
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It's not that I'm defective, it's that uh I've just got a different way that I move through the world.
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Yeah, and it definitely affects your decision-making process moving or my decision-making process moving forward.
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Because when I change from I'm broken to I'm not using the equipment correctly.
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There you go.
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Well, I mean, you can imagine the liberation there, and you can imagine just the internal struggle that doesn't have to happen.
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Let's go back to our discussion from uh last the last podcast on how people approach uh a cancer diagnosis.
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Go ahead.
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Some people, you know, it's gonna overwhelm them, it's gonna be the end of their life, everything's terrible.
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And I, you know, I'm not judging whether that's inappropriate or not.
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Some people like me are like, well, this is a great chance to learn.
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I would guess that some people that were diagnosed as ADHD would say, I am broken.
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I this is, you know, I'm defective.
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There's something wrong with me, versus, oh, I just I wasn't working the machinery right.
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Now I understand it, I know the software, I can code appropriately going forward.
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I I'm glad it doesn't surprise me, because of us being friends, that you've taken the latter approach of, oh, okay, well, this is freeing and this is uh opens up a whole new way to look at my life.
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Well, it's interesting because one of the uh negative responses or reactions that people have is tremendous guilt, shame, and grief over the time lost.
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Now that I know this, I wish I'd have known this when I was 20 or 25 or even 15.
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My God, the things I went through in school, it was shambolic.
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It was a disaster.
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I am not taking that response, but that I think is a common response to an ADHD.
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You know, instead of looking at the liberation of saying, okay, from now on, I'm going to do this, it is spending time looking backward, saying, Oh, I but I could have done that.
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Now I don't see any value or worth in that, but I'm acknowledging that that is a response that that people go through.
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Yeah.
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And and I'm with you.
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I uh to me, lamenting about mistakes you made in the past and things, you know, stuff that went wrong or things you could, it's a waste of time.
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You can't go back and change it.
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No matter how challenging or difficult it'd been and how much easier it would have been if you'd known something known this before.
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Um, all of the thought put into that, in my opinion, uh is sort of sort of wasted time.
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I would say yes, but to that.
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Yeah, I figured there was going to be that in there.
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Well, only because you know I work a lot with people who are grieving, and there's legitimacy in working through your grief, understanding it, naming it, allowing the emotions to be appropriately processed, and then moving past it.
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But the goal is always to move past it and not to stay in it.
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You and I talked about this.
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I've been working on my own philosophy of life.
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Yeah.
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And one of the things that I've noticed that I'm trying to get better at is I don't know the word for this, but I use when I'm describing things like this, always, never, you know, and I'm learning that that I that's not really what I mean in my mind, but for some reason I explain things like you should never look back.
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No, that's not true.
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But it I have a strong feeling about it.
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Please never do that.
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One of the reasons why I was intrigued to talk to you about this is because you've gone through your own journey with neurodiversity.
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Oh, uh yeah.
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Uh two years ago, a year ago or so, I took a bunch of tests, a whole bunch of tests, and it showed that I was pretty high on the autism spectrum, uh, which I thought was like great.
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It was like, oh, okay, you know, and uh now it explains my need to understand patterns, to look for patterns everywhere.
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I memorize license plate numbers, I count things, I do you know stuff like that.
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But that has also just been spectacular for my career because my entire career is built on patterns, pattern recognition and strategy and business and leadership, all those sort of things.
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So uh yeah, I was talking to my psychiatrist, I guess that would be what he is, and explaining it.
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And he's like, Yeah, you got slight obsessive compulsive, and then also you've got this thing about patterns.
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And uh that's when we did all the testing, and he came back and said, Yep, yep, you know, I'm celebrating it.
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It's great.
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I'm not running around telling everybody that, but it's been a fantastic understanding of this is why my brain works this way, and I'm really glad it does.
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That kind of reframed some of the things in your past, I would assume.
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Uh yeah, I mean, uh it what it does, it just sort of uncovers the fact of wow, I've been doing this for 35, 40 years.
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Now I understand why I've got a couple thousand books behind me, because I really, really enjoy studying a subject deeply and understanding the thread that runs through all of it.
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It's like a big game for me, a mystery.
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And I can look back in earlier parts of my life, especially in my career, where I go, wow, that really served me well.
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And it wasn't something that other people around me were doing, and it gave me an advantage.
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So I wanted to talk a little bit about some of the steps that I've been taking or some of the things that I've learned from this journey.
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Now, none of these things are exclusive to neurodiversity, they're all larger lessons to be taken.
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So I would, in the process of me going through and explaining these things, I'd like to just discuss the specific thing, but then kind of widen the lens because a lot of these things are right in your in your notes for an awesome life headcanon there anyway.
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So, first thing that that I've learned is things that are my responsibility.
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You know, you are really big on personal agency.
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So whenever we are faced with any sort of situation or problem that we come up against, I think that the most valuable thing is to figure out what you can change and what you can't change.
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Research, fact-finding.
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More information is always better than less information.
00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:30.319
I know that there are some people when it comes, particularly to health things, they they say, I'd rather not know.
00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:31.279
I'd rather not.
00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:34.480
If I ignore it, it'll go away, or I don't have to deal with it right now.
00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:38.480
Well, hell, if you'd have done that, you know, next year, I'd be dead.
00:17:38.720 --> 00:17:40.079
Yeah, you wouldn't be here with us.
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:51.279
Taking that personal responsibility seriously and really investigating and finding out all of the information about whatever situation or problem that it is that you're faced with.
00:17:51.440 --> 00:18:04.720
Now, in my case, finding out about ADHD, finding out about what's important for my brain, finding out how to put myself in a position to win, some of the things that I discovered are diametrically opposed to what I had been doing.
00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:07.839
Of course, of course, though, because isn't that life?
00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:09.279
You know, I'll give you an example though.
00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:10.559
Breakfast.
00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:14.720
So I was on this crazy fasting regime.
00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:15.839
I remember.
00:18:16.160 --> 00:18:16.640
Right.
00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:19.119
Well, the worst thing I could have done.
00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:24.160
Well, I'm I'm sure that there are worse things I could have done, but in my case, it was not a good solution.
00:18:24.319 --> 00:18:39.279
So my my brain in the morning, every morning, needs the right nutrition to have the resources to keep my emotional and intellectual mental capacity sharp and to keep it as the load that I'm able to bear that day to keep that as big as possible.
00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:44.400
And so I had been skipping breakfast for decades and thinking I was doing a good thing.
00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:52.720
But um, the ADHD brain needs certain proteins, needs certain amino acids in order to maintain capacity.
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:56.960
And I was setting myself up for failure every single day.
00:18:57.440 --> 00:19:06.079
That was a quick and easy fix that I'm telling you that if I had made no other changes, revolutionary for me in the last five weeks.
00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:07.039
Wow, that's cool.
00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:09.680
Oh, I can't even explain to you the difference.
00:19:09.839 --> 00:19:16.960
The difference in my ability to focus and and maintain focus and get things done at work and around the house.
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:25.039
All of that is because instead of ignoring the issue, hoping it would go away, knuckling down and finding out information.
00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:27.519
Now that's not just exclusive to ADHD.
00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:28.400
That's life, right?
00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:29.279
Yeah.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:33.759
You just said something hoping, you know, ignoring things and hoping they'll go away.
00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:36.559
We we've got a phrase that I use in business life.
00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:38.000
Hope is not a strategy.
00:19:38.160 --> 00:19:45.279
And I but I think, you know, also there's a fine line between being obsessed with continually getting more and more and more information.
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:48.720
Uh, again, I'm using the business terms, analysis, paralysis.
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:59.680
Uh I think you've done a good job, it sounds like, of ingesting the information, but not being to the point where it's I'm spending every weeking hour researching this.
00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:00.559
Oh, sure.
00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:01.920
And that's really my second point.
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:05.440
We can very smoothly transition as if we'd planned this.
00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:08.640
The idea is that you have to use the information.
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:16.319
And people, not just in business, but in their personal lives, they stop at the obtaining the information as if they've done something.
00:20:16.559 --> 00:20:19.680
That is a step that a lot of people are stuck in.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:22.799
Now, we probably see it in business too, and you can talk about that.
00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:29.119
Um, but in the personal realm, you know, people will find out, I need to change the way I eat breakfast.
00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:37.599
And I think that maybe how they justify it in their mind is they say, I've got that info, I can act on it anytime, I'll do it next week.
00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:45.119
And they get that dopamine rush from discovering the information, and in their mind they've made a determination to do it at a future point that never comes.
00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:46.640
Uh, I learned this lesson early.
00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:49.759
I'll explain that in a second, but there's an idea called the knowing-doing gap.
00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:55.200
You can collect about a lot of information, but if you collect it all and don't use it, it's basically useless.
00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:59.039
Um, my first mentor, Charlie Owen, was the good example of this.
00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:04.799
He had me write a read a business book every single week, make a book report on it at the end of the week.
00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:12.559
But his question to me was always, all right, John, now that you've studied this, what are three things you will do differently as a result of what you learn?
00:21:13.119 --> 00:21:15.599
And he would write that down and hold me accountable for it.
00:21:15.759 --> 00:21:19.759
And that was one of the greatest lessons of reading the book is great.
00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:25.279
Reading the book and not doing anything with it doesn't really add a lot of value.
00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:28.799
Uh, so it's it's turning the ideas into action.
00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:30.880
And a lot of people do struggle with that.
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:37.920
And it's uh, I'm lucky that I had Charlie to teach me, you got to take this knowledge and put it into action.
00:21:38.319 --> 00:21:43.759
Yeah, and I guarantee them to you that there are people listening right now who are stuck in that gap.
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:51.440
And that's actually an ADHD thing where you read something or you obtain the information and you determine that you're doing it.
00:21:51.519 --> 00:21:53.680
You might even write it down in a book.
00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:59.759
And like I said, you get a dopamine hit from just doing that, that from just writing it.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.160
Down, it almost feels like you've accomplished it.
00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:05.200
And you so you have a lot of people stuck in that gap.
00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:14.240
But you said it, you said my next point, which is get support, get accountability, and get it from whatever place that you want to get it.
00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:22.480
And I'll tell you that that for me, one of my big struggles was with the my brain the way it is, you know, there's a lot of shame involved in that.
00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:28.799
Because our society is set up, I think, for a certain brain, a certain type.
00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:34.400
Even in the terminology, you know, neurodiversity or neurotypical.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:39.839
Well, I'm here to tell you that I don't think there's actually such a thing as neurotypical.
00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:53.440
There might be neuro average, but there's a lot of shame involved with saying my brain isn't really set up to handle things the way that society has structured it.
00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:56.799
It's why people don't seek mental help in general.
00:22:56.880 --> 00:22:58.559
And I'm not just talking about for ADHD.
00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:01.440
I'm talking about if people are having mental health issues.
00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:11.440
It's a stigma, less so now than it had been, but it's a stigma to seek guidance and counsel for something that you can't see.
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:13.920
Like I break my leg, sure, go to the doctor.
00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:20.880
Um, but I have something going on in my head or with my emotions, still a stigma dealing with that, still shame and guilt around that.
00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:22.240
Totally agreed.
00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:35.759
It's one of the reasons that pretty much, especially with all the pressure we've been under in the world for the last several years, pretty much every speech I give to executives, I say, hey, you know, we're all under a lot of pressure.
00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:40.240
There's a lot of things going on, there's a fair level of chaos everywhere.
00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:46.799
I know that all of you are under tremendous pressure to, you know, to deliver in your companies and get results.
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:51.119
If you're overwhelmed, if you're if you're having a hard time, ask for help.
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:54.960
Ask your friends, your family, uh, go to a professional.
00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:57.200
But it's one of the big things I learned in my life.
00:23:57.279 --> 00:23:59.599
I can't fix this totally by myself.
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:06.880
I'm I don't have the skills and the tools to just go in and rewire my own brain or my own thoughts.
00:24:07.039 --> 00:24:25.119
You know, all the stuff that I've we're sharing on the show, this is decades of me reading, studying, learning, going around groups of people to learn from them, my mastermind groups and such, going to uh therapists and psychiatrists to get some feedback, which was unbelievably helpful.
00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:30.640
Uh and I wanted to try to let everybody in my classes know this is a good idea.
00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:31.920
There's not shame in this.
00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:37.200
This is, you know, people think that asking for help looks is weakness.
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:44.640
No, it's courage, it's strength, it's the ability to say, I need help here, and the courage to go and get it.
00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:52.640
Yeah, and I think you that you've said it better than I can with your example that you have have all these different groups and all these different people that you get support from.
00:24:52.799 --> 00:24:57.119
There's no reason not to cast the net wide when we're talking about this.
00:24:57.359 --> 00:25:11.680
Let people know what's going on and have them hold you accountable, not just by the fact that they can notice something about you and then they can call you on it, but just by the fact that you've told them in your mind that creates an accountability.
00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:22.240
And I think it's important at least to model the that behavior of admitting you need help or that you're struggling or that you feel overwhelmed.
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:27.440
Uh, you know, what when I was struggling with depression and stuff, I tried to hide it from everybody.
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:29.039
You know, I'm John Spence.
00:25:29.119 --> 00:25:32.000
I'm supposed to be this, you know, business thought leader guy.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:34.559
And inside I'm going, man, this is brutal.
00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:36.079
I'm my life is hard.
00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:37.279
I I'm overwhelmed.
00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:39.839
I got, I can't handle my emotions and everything.
00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:50.000
And when it finally got so bad that I asked for help, uh, not only from a professional, but from my friends, all of my friends ran in and said, Why did you why'd you wait so long?
00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:51.519
You know, we didn't know.
00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:52.880
We're happy to help you.
00:25:52.960 --> 00:25:55.680
And then again, how many of them said, Me too?
00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:57.680
You know, I struggle with this too.
00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:04.000
Thank you for admitting it because I now I feel more comfortable admitting that I need help.
00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:20.799
Uh, it was very uh empowering for them, and it was reassuring to me that being vulnerable and being honest and admitting weaknesses while showing that you're working on them to you know to get better is a good role model for the people around me.
00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:27.359
I'm curious, was there a specific moment that caused you to reach out for help or just you'd had enough, or did something happen?
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:28.960
Suicidal thoughts.
00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:29.599
Yeah.
00:26:30.079 --> 00:26:32.160
Yeah, suicidal ideation.
00:26:32.319 --> 00:26:36.720
Uh and where and also where it just got to the point that I could not get out of bed.
00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:37.279
I did.
00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:58.559
I look back on this and I never missed a day of speech, I never missed a workshop, I never missed anything, I never missed a flight, but it was dragged myself there, do the best job I possibly could, and then drag myself back to my hotel room and sleep all the way until I had to get up to get on an airplane the next day to fly home, then drive home and go back to sleep.
00:26:58.799 --> 00:27:02.480
And it was uh it was brutal, but I learned a ton from it.
00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:07.759
And I I learned uh that a lot of it, you know, was chemical.
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:13.759
Uh and then there was other things that I just had not, you know, focused on correctly.
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.440
And uh it was tough.
00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:18.799
But it, you know, I looked back at it and was like, okay, great, I understand now.
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:26.400
I'm not gonna have that problem again, or I hope I don't have that problem again, but I can deal with it more effectively now that I have had a lot of people help me.
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:29.200
And more information is better than less information.
00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:30.079
Yep.
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:36.720
So my last thing, and I think that this is the most important thing, is be graceful with yourself.
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:37.920
Fully agree.
00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:48.640
Yeah, I tell my kids all the time, I'm sure it's it's something that we've mentioned here on the podcast, and it is a it is a life lesson that I learned a long time ago.
00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:57.200
We are much more graceful, gracious, kind, considerate, and compassionate to people that we love than we are to ourselves.
00:27:57.519 --> 00:27:58.480
Absolutely.
00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:00.799
And we've got to reverse that.
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:01.920
Period.
00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:08.720
One of the comments I share with people is oftentimes we talk to ourselves in a way that we would never let someone else talk to us.
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:09.279
Yeah.
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:09.599
Yeah.
00:28:09.680 --> 00:28:12.400
And we've talked about self-talk in a past episode.
00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:15.039
And so that's just more of this.
00:28:15.519 --> 00:28:20.880
But again, as I'm going through this journey, I'm having to reapply that lesson.
00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:26.559
So I can say that it is a thing that I am trying to do every day.
00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:29.759
It's to tell myself, look, this is just how it is.
00:28:29.920 --> 00:28:31.200
It's going to be okay.
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:34.240
Take the next step and live the next day.
00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:35.519
Perfect.
00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:41.759
So all of this came from, I think, a central tenet in what we like to talk about here.
00:28:41.839 --> 00:28:44.480
And that is assess and reassess your life.
00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:49.839
Assess and reassess what's working, what's not working, and do it all the time.
00:28:50.079 --> 00:29:06.799
Again, I'm 55 years old, and this came from a two-year process of journaling and looking at different philosophies and religious, uh, religious writings, all those things outside of myself, and then going into some science, all in service of just trying to figure out what's going on with me.
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:13.759
And at the end of that, I find myself on a new path, but it's a path that is more straight and more directed.
00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:14.720
And why is that?
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:21.519
Because two years ago, I started this aimless fumbling, just trying to assess and reassess what's going on with me.
00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:23.039
And you're never too old.
00:29:23.599 --> 00:29:29.200
I am in 1,436% in agreement with you, roughly.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:32.400
Wow.
00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:37.279
So in our last two episodes, we've covered cancer and neurodivergence.
00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:39.839
I can't imagine what next week is going to be.
00:29:40.319 --> 00:29:41.440
I have no idea.
00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:50.720
Hopefully, it's all, you know, and you and I focus on this, hoping that there's someone out there listening that is going to say, wow, I've been struggling with this too.
00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:58.160
Or now, you know, now that I've listened to those two Yahoos, uh, maybe I ought to go ask for help or have more courage.
00:29:58.319 --> 00:30:09.519
I do want to note that the um the episode we did last week on cancer, I got a lot of like nice notes and people literally from around the world that I've worked with reached out.
00:30:09.759 --> 00:30:18.240
And uh I wanted to thank you, Josh, because that that was a very meaningful episode for a lot of folks, and I'm glad that we did it together.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:19.200
Oh, absolutely.
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:19.920
And for me too.
00:30:20.079 --> 00:30:21.279
I really appreciated it.
00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:22.960
And thanks for being so open.
00:30:23.119 --> 00:30:25.680
Um, okay, so John's homework.
00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:27.839
Do you have any homework for us this week?
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:31.359
Well, I, you know, I'm gonna go two part.
00:30:31.680 --> 00:30:34.319
One is, and you really get reflect on your life.
00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:38.000
Take the time, whether it's journaling or just taking a walk and think about it.
00:30:38.079 --> 00:30:46.240
But I think I I believe that most people don't take enough time to be reflective and actually think about how's my life going?
00:30:46.559 --> 00:30:50.400
What's really good, where are some challenges, how can I address those.
00:30:50.559 --> 00:31:08.079
Uh, and then if you if that reflection leads to a place where you feel overwhelmed or ask for help, is have the courage to say, well, I've I've reflected and I'm in over my head, and there's something here I can't handle, I need to go get some people to help me handle this better.
00:31:08.799 --> 00:31:09.279
Excellent.
00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:09.839
I love it.
00:31:09.920 --> 00:31:13.440
My homework for y'all is write to us and let us know what you think.
00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:20.799
If anything has touched you about what we've said or if you have disagreements, like we'll talk about that as well.
00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:25.599
Email us at awesomelife notes at gmail.com.
00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:29.359
All right, John, that'll do us for this week.
00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:31.359
Folks, thank you for joining us again.
00:31:31.519 --> 00:31:35.440
If you found this useful and you think it'll help someone else, send it to them.
00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:39.759
Send them the link and then have them listen to it and then ask them, hey, what'd you think of that?
00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:48.400
And if it starts a conversation, again, if the conversation starts with, I totally agree with those two bald-headed weirdos, then at least you've started a conversation that's important.
00:31:48.480 --> 00:31:51.200
I don't care why or how you you've done it.
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:55.680
If you want to know more about John Spence, go to johnspence.com.
00:31:55.920 --> 00:32:03.440
John is a business thought leader, as we said in the opening there, and he knows what he's talking about, and he's done it for decades.
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:09.440
And so johnspence.com is your place to go to find out more about that.
00:32:09.920 --> 00:32:17.599
In the meantime, John, I am forever thankful for you and for the ability or the privilege to have these conversations.
00:32:17.920 --> 00:32:25.440
And usually when I'm talking about personal things, I'm thankful for my wife, Amanda, who um who she just holds me up.
00:32:25.680 --> 00:32:28.640
She's the the third person in this podcast without appearing.
00:32:28.799 --> 00:32:30.559
What are you thankful for this week?
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:38.640
Uh this week, I'd be thankful for uh I've really spent a lot of time reflecting this week, uh, at a at a much higher level than I have.
00:32:38.720 --> 00:32:46.400
And I'm thankful for taking a deeper dive on my my own thinking process and some of my beliefs uh about how the world works.
00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:48.319
And it's been super, super helpful.
00:32:48.400 --> 00:32:53.680
So I'm thankful to the history's philosophers for for assisting me.
00:32:53.920 --> 00:32:54.559
Well, excellent.
00:32:54.799 --> 00:32:56.799
And maybe we'll turn that into an episode.
00:32:57.039 --> 00:32:57.839
All right, folks.
00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:01.279
Uh, so until next week, I'm Josh Wilson.
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:02.799
That guy there is John Spence.
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:05.599
Y'all go out and have an awesome life.