WEBVTT
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Good morning, your side Becky.
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How are you?
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Good, thank you.
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Good, it's evening over here.
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Becky's all the way over in England.
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Whereabouts are you, Becky?
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Uh North England, Yorkshire, between Leeds and Huddersfield.
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Perfect.
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I think you could be my second uh English person on Legendary Lectures, and you're here today to talk about Fear.
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Please welcome Becky Ferrer, identity and self-relationship speaker, former teacher and creator of the Fear Theory.
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After spending more than two decades in education and building an award-winning dance company and academy, Becky made the courageous decision a year ago to leave behind the life she had built to pursue a bigger calling.
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And this calling the path is out in front of her.
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The journey inspired her belief that fear isn't something to overcome, it's something to understand.
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Today Becky helps people reframe fear and see it as a doorway to growth, change, and becoming the person they were meant to be.
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Becky, welcome to Legendary Lectures.
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It is a pleasure to have you here.
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Pleasure to be here, thank you.
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Becky, can you give us a bit of a background uh about yourself before we get into it?
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I mentioned that you were an educator.
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Uh I suppose you could say that.
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So my background is dance.
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Like I danced from being a child.
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When I was 18, I went off to dance college.
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I wanted to be a professional dancer, uh, but that dance didn't quite work out.
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So I then established my own dance academy and did that for 21 years.
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But it was when COVID came, and that was like a big turning point for me.
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I think it was quite a big turning point for a lot of people.
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Um and when I was no longer in the studio teaching dance, I didn't actually miss the dance.
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And it was at that moment that I was like, it's never really been about the dance, it's been about the transformations that I've witnessed.
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But dance were the vehicle in that I saw that, you know, so I just became quite curious at that point.
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And during COVID, I trained to be a transformational coach.
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Um, and I just I really liked that.
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I felt like I was like, I've always been really interested in growth and change and development.
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My own personal development journey, sort of like with books and things like that, started probably around 2011, 2012.
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I've always been interested in growth.
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Um, and I really liked doing the coaching, and I would actually probably say I enjoyed learning a lot about myself.
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And I think that's the thing that when we do this work, like we learn as much about ourselves as we do in order to be able to help other people.
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And then it was actually 2022.
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I was in a business mastermind and we had to do a bit of a visualization about our future and make some notes on everything.
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Um I didn't write anything there to do with damn, but in my heart, I almost felt like I feel like because I'm a believer in souls.
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Like I was like, it's almost like that I don't know, it came to me because that was what was meant to sort of be.
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And then I basically spent three and a half years.
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I always say to people now, like I have to use the pun like dancing with fear, because that's like literally what I did, between like what could be possible for me beyond the studio to but this is all I've ever really known.
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And I now like I'm if someone asks me about it, I always own it because it is my truth, and whether it transpires or not, who will, who knows?
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But I have ambitions to do global speaking.
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I love the stage, like the stage is my home, it's been my home since three.
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And I always thought of joke now and say, Oh, well, you know, I didn't end up being a professional dancer, but maybe, you know, my job on the stage is to is to speak.
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But I love I love being able to share words or experiences that somebody could listen to, and it could just be the one thing that they may need to hear in that particular day that can support and transform like the trajectory of their own life, just the way that I've listened to things in the past that's made me it's just been that one thing that I've needed to hear, and the one thing that you mentioned a year ago is literally a year ago this week, and I was feeling all like just really unaligned in my body.
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I'd got like my stomach was churning a bit, almost like borderline anxiety with things, and I thought I'm gonna do some nervous system work, and this particular nervous system audio, one of the questions was, you are one decision away from a completely different life.
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And I was walking my dog in the country park near me, and I just completely and utterly burst into tears because at that point I felt like I felt like it would then become just undeniable.
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That's the only way that I can explain it.
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Like I'd been suppressing what I felt like I knew because it was really scary, you know, and it was that question you are one decision away from a completely different life.
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And then there may well be listeners now thinking, I know what that one decision is for me, because we know, but sometimes knowing it and being able to then have the courage to do something about it and to navigate all the fear and the feelings and the emotions and the what ifs that come with that, that's hard.
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That is that is really challenging.
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But it just I did feel like it was the right thing for me to do, and I then I made that decision, and I then it we had the summer off, so I kind of talked it into reality like all through the summer, like when I finished teaching, when I finished teaching, because in the academy that I was teaching at, we had an end-of-year show in November.
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It was like I can see that through, I can end sort of it's a good like chapter end there, and yeah, and in November 25, I closed my teaching chapter, like I still own the business and I still have meetings within that business and things, but I'm not actively teaching in it the way that I was.
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So my role did change, and I just took a huge leap of faith completely into the unknown, you know.
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And as I mentioned before, we got live, we went live, like that there can be times in that where it's challenging because for me, I genuinely feel like I'm being led on something, and that can be hard because for me, I've always been a bit of a control freak, I've always loved a plan, I've always had the ideas as to like where I was going next and what I was doing next.
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And I'm having to really go inwards, I'm having to really be okay with a timeline that might not look like mine, and things unfolding in a way that I don't always know and have the answers for.
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I'm learning the art of patience in all of things, and also probably along the way, like hugely embodying my own theory, which is like it's scary to not know what's coming next, it's unnerving to walk through something and go through something that's unfamiliar.
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So there's a lot of inner work going on for me at the moment.
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But I think ultimately that for everybody is where everything starts.
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Everything starts on the inside, and if we can always come back and learn and develop from there, then we're then more equipped when the externals kind of fall in.
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Or being able to do that learning helps and guides what externals we're going to end up walking towards.
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I I saw something recently that entrepreneurialism is self-work.
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It brings up all your insecurities.
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Like you just spoke about, you don't know this timeline.
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It's coming out in front of you, and you just sort of have to go with it.
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You can take action, but you don't know what's going.
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You don't you had a dance studio for 20 years.
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You knew it was predictable.
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You knew how to control it.
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You just have a total lack of control when you take a jump into blind faith.
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And I take my hat off to you.
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I'm sure there are heaps of people out there that you know, especially the older generation where they're just like worked in the same job for 30 years and they're just watching a clock tick down until they can retire.
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Yeah.
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Stuff like that.
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But I have fear, like what this is very relevant to what I I'm thinking.
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I'll talk candidly.
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Like I sort of don't want to say it because like I've just transferred for a new job in education, but I think about like jumping blind and like resigning all the time.
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And because you're one decision away from a totally different life.
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Yeah.
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And that's so that is so powerful.
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But and this is a projection from me and a question for you.
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What security net did you have to take that blind jump?
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So ultimately, because I'd built up my business for a number of years, you know, I do get asked this question quite a lot.
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I am fortunate in the fact that I'd created something that enabled me to make a decision to support that path of the unknown, you know, and it took a long time to, and I'd actually have said to a number of people recently, I've forgotten how hard chapter one is.
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Like I've forgotten how difficult it is, like when you first start out, you know, but we have to still, whilst I encourage people to like follow that inner knowing and that like intuition, we can't just literally kind of like fuck life and responsibilities like that doesn't work like that.
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Like we've gotta, we've gotta make sure that there are certain life practicalities, let's be honest, in place in order to do something as drastic, if you like, and as big and as courageous as sort of what I did, you know.
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So I'm fortunate that from a financial place I'm still supported by the business that I had before, which has enabled me to be able to explore different things and do that with intention without it just being, well, actually, I need that because that's going to provide me with that particular income.
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And intention is something that's been a real prominent word for me in this chapter.
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I wanted to be really intentional with everything that I did.
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And, you know, you mentioned before about you know me doing a particular job for so long and having control and knowing what was what.
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And that suited me for a long time.
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But then also that can also become quite suffocating as well.
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So I did want, again in this chapter, I did want to be intentionally led.
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I did want to let go of needing to always know the answers to things because we live life on the narrative that we create in our head, like so many of us.
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We we literally live it based on either what we decide it's gonna be or our expectations.
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And I'm and it is it is challenging, and I still now I'm challenged with I have a certain expectation for something, like I'll reach out to something and then it'll be rejection, or it'll just be like complete silence.
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Or and then I'm in this kind of point of then going, well, is this the right decision or is this just a redirection or is this just a pause in time?
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Like, you know, and then I have to just think it doesn't matter what any of the what any of the answers to that is, I then just have a choice whether I continue to walk forward and explore things and see what comes up sort of along the way.
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I've gone off on a little bit of a tangent here, but yeah, in answer to your original question, it is important that we are mindful of life practicalities, like you know, how we do things.
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So for other people who may be at a little bit of a crossroads, if it's about starting something new, it may well be that that's done alongside you know, whatever that security or whatever looks like for them.
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And you can make it you can make it work.
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So we're not telling people to quit their job today if they're you know you just have to be quite smart.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And I think but I think there's a difference between going like, oh I'm just gonna quit my job and you know, jump into this unknown and have like no like mind for like the responsibilities and everything that comes with that, but then also getting real with but I'm not just gonna stay in that particular thing because that's the easy thing to do.
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So we've got to balance those two things.
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You were in a dance studio for 20 years, then you wrestled for three years whether or not you were gonna do this.
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Myself wrestled for three years to make a hard decision, and that was to move from a school in Cairns, far north Queensland, which is a two-hour flight from where I live now, just to move down here.
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And then for a few years now, I've thought about changing career.
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But again, for me, it's like I really love education.
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I do.
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I love working with young people.
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That was my predicament.
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Yes.
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That was completely that was completely my thing.
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Like I personally found teaching incredibly rewarding.
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And I really liked I really liked being a part of like the early stages because I think the early stages can really give them a lot of grounding for like what they grow up.
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Like as I said, like I've done a lot of inner work and I just think I wonder whether I would have as much inner work to do if I'd have learned the things that I now try and instill kind of, you know, in others.
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So yeah, I come I completely understand that.
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I think I think there is a real privilege and a real, like to me, like emotional reward and emotional income of being around and being able to be an influence and an impact for young people.
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100%.
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And I also would say in your circumstances, you get to see them shine in something they're passionate about, which is even more special.
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I'm a high school teacher and I work with kids in the classroom, but you know, a lot of the time I'm teaching them things that they're not passionate about.
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But when you do coaching or you teach them something that they're passionate about and they have light bulb moments and they and you see them excel or you go and watch them at a music recital or something outside where they thrive, it really uh boosts their confidence and you they see that you care for them and it's uh a special relationship.
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Uh but also fear, and this is what we're here to talk about today.
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Tell us about uh tell us about fear.
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Fear isn't a stop sign, it's a doorway for expansion.
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How did it come about?
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At the end of January this year, I was offered opportunity to go and take part at an event called Inspire, and I was offered opportunity to stand on stage and share a little bit of my story and a message to people.
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And so when I started to like sit down and reflect on what I really wanted to share and what I felt could be impactful for people for people, so I have this like deep-rooted belief about like fulfilling our like dreams or like our purpose.
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I think there's so many people out there that have got dreams that they want to do and they've got potential and all of this stuff.
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And I wanted to give something that was inspiring, but also something that was quite real that I'd experienced.
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And I was like looking back over the last three years of my life, I was like, what's the most like prominent thing that's come up along the way?
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And I was like, it's just been fear.
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Like I have literally danced and navigated and overcome so many different things of like being scared, but I believe that when we experience that fear, it's part of our growth, it's part of our expansion, and it comes up because something is new, something is unfamiliar, something feels a little bit uncertain, and ultimately our brain is wired for safety, our nervous system is wired for safety.
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So the fears that we experience, and you know, are because ultimately our brain and our body are basically saying, Oh, I'm not quite sure about this.
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Like, we've not experienced this before, we don't have evidence that this is actually sort of going to be safe, and ultimately the brain can be rewired, the nervous system can be supported when we experience the things to then it be, oh, actually, like I can I can do this, and it's a little bit like I went to Florida in 2020, like I've always loved rides, right?
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I've loved do you love rides?
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Rides, yeah, like the theme park rides.
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Rides, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, right.
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But there's still even now I love them, but when we're in Florida and we went to Bush Gardens, and there were it's called Falcon's Fury, and it's like so tall, and basically you sit in it and then you like tip forwards and you go sort of up like facing the floor, go to the top, and then it like shoots you down facing the floor and like flings you out.
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It's really tall.
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I can't remember exactly how tall it is, it's really tall, something like 18 semi-detached houses high or something like that.
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But I like I saw it on that day, and I was like, ooh, I kind of really want to do it, but I'd got that fear, like because ultimately I've not done it before.
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So my brain and my body are gonna be like, I'm not sure you really want to go on that.
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And that's you know, I know I'm using like a theme park ride, but it's I think it's a really easy example for people to understand that it like that happened in like most scenarios that thought we do.
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And I watched this ride, and you can see it from literally anywhere where you are within the park, and I could watch it all day going up and down, and I didn't end up going on it.
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No, I didn't, but we did we were gonna go back for a return visit, and we did that.
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And I've always said to people, I can't tell you whether if I'd have not known that we were going back and I would have got a second chance, whether I would have kind of done it.
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But like in the queue, like my hands are sweaty, my palms are sweaty, my heart's beating really fast or what have you, you know, and you're sitting there and you literally feel like your heart's gonna come out of your chest.
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I could like literally feel it in my throat, and I'm like shaking, I'm jet, like all of those bodily things that like happen, but then it's like then it drops.
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Obviously, you're going up really slow, so it gets even worse, and then it drops and then like flings out.
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And the first thing I did was look at my son and I was like, that was so good.
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So we're gonna go and do it again.
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And it's like that's literally, do you know?
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But yeah, and that's literally how fear and the nervous system and the brain kind of like works, you know.
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And even if you get to the end of something and then you're like, oh, actually, that didn't quite turn out how I wanted, I think there's then got to be praise in the decision to have a go, you know, because sometimes we are gonna feel scared of something and it's gonna turn out fine.
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Like the ride, I enjoyed the ride, but sometimes we could get to the end of it and be like, oh god, like I'm not doing that again.
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But that's when I then go, but it wasn't the wrong decision to do it.
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We still chose courage, like within that situation, and that's okay that then that didn't align and that didn't feel right, you know.
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And for me, I believe that courage that courage, well, courage does show up when you're on the edge of an expansion, but fear shows up when you're on the edge of some form of expansion.
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And I like to explain it like a doorway because I think it's a really easy thing to be like, we've got an opportunity to step forward or to grow into something or to become somebody different, and it's like being on one side of the doorway and knowing that like fear is there, but it's about stepping forward and bringing fear with us.
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And I think for so many people, and this was me like in the past.
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I mean, I do consider myself quite courageous, but I think when we feel those feelings of discomfort and those scared feelings and this and like the human feelings under fear, like you know, because we're talking about identity expansion here, is like self-doubt, comparison, overthinking, perfectionism, these are all ones that I've experienced and you know, I'm being challenged with self-pressure.
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They're all fear responses because the brain is trying to create certainty in everything that we do.
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And I think if we can make it our mission to actually build our self-trust and to build a stronger relationship with ourselves, so you know, I there has been decisions that I've made that at the time I felt were completely the right decision intuitively.
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And then actually it didn't turn out the way that, and I'll come back to expectations, the way that I expected.
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But actually, I still stand by it because I trusted the decision that felt right on the inside.
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And I think it's you know, people will hesitate something because they think like I'm not ready.
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That's it, that's a big oh, I can't do that, I'm not ready yet.
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And I'm like, ready isn't a feeling, like, ready is a decision.
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Like we have to just kind of go, this is what I feel, you know, if you like is the right direction to go in.
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And even though I don't have the evidence, and even though I'm not sure what's gonna come on the other side, I trust myself to be able to walk with the fear and walk down that path and you know, and see what comes and You know, I'm talking a lot about like transition now, but you know, expansion for some people and fear could be like implementing boundaries or speaking their mind.
00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:26.640
There'll be a lot of people that keep things to themselves because they're scared of speaking out to what actually they really think or what their opinion is, or there'll be people that dilute who they are because they're scared that people might not accept them or like who they are.
00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:30.480
So these are all identity level, like fear.
00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:43.119
It's about acknowledging where is fear showing up that's like suppressing almost like who I am, who I am, and who I believe I'm here to be.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:52.880
And through taking those steps, you create confidence, and then you can do more things because, like you said, you trust yourself.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:57.039
You trust yourself because you have the confidence that you've accumulated over the years.
00:22:57.839 --> 00:22:58.079
Yeah.
00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:00.319
We have to have self-compassion.
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:15.599
So with that trust, we've got to have so if we make a decision, and then that decision, I come back, I've I've mentioned expectations so much because so many, so many of us go through life on a narrative that we've that we've created and that we think.
00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:21.839
We think if we make this decision, this is gonna happen, then this is gonna happen, and then that's gonna happen, and we've got no idea.
00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:26.000
We it's like we'll literally just have to think and try and think of that like one step ahead.
00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:47.599
And it is having you know, building self-trust also requires building self-compassion, which means when a situation might come up that may be different to what we thought or what we expected, we then don't go, oh, I knew this would happen, oh you're just stupid, like, oh, I shouldn't have listened to, and we go all in on ourselves.
00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:52.000
We come back to no, this felt right at the time, this felt right.
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:54.160
And I still believe in everything.
00:23:54.480 --> 00:24:02.799
Some form of detour or redirection is still supporting the overall person that we need to be to move forward.
00:24:03.039 --> 00:24:11.680
Sometimes we have to go off in a different direction to be able to learn and gather the things for what we need for who we want to be.
00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:12.799
Yeah.
00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:13.680
Yeah.
00:24:13.920 --> 00:24:22.240
You have to go through the trials to learn the wisdom that you then apply when you're ready, when it's time.
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:30.799
I try to make a lot of what I talk about everyday examples, and it's like think about life as like, well, two things actually that I do.
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:33.519
So one of the examples is a snakes and ladders game.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:25:17.200
So it's like we start off at zero, and it's like a hundred is then like when we leave this world, you know, and you roll the dice, and sometimes you're gonna go and you're always then moving forward on that board as in as you roll your dice, and sometimes you're gonna get a ladder, and all of a sudden you're gonna propel and you're gonna shoot forward, and then other times we're gonna hit a snake and we're gonna come back a little bit, but then we have a choice there, which is we roll the dice again and we keep going, and then we go up and then we come back down, but along the way, we're just constantly like in the game, and you know, I think that it's then just you know, we never come back to that zero point, you know, it's just about continuing to roll that dice.
00:25:17.279 --> 00:25:22.799
The only way that you genuinely don't get to the end is if you kind of stop rolling the dice and you just completely quit.
00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:29.440
And then also, like uh in my day, like the video games were like Nintendo, so it were like Super Mario Brothers.
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:43.920
But it's like when you start playing that, you start off in level one and you go through level one and you defeat or what have you, whatever kind of comes your way, and then you get to the end of that level and you're like, Oh yeah, this is amazing.
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:46.559
I got to the end of that level, and then they go, Yeah, and then now it gets harder.
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:50.319
So then you go to level two and then you kind of do all of that bit.
00:25:50.400 --> 00:26:01.440
And I think this is the thing, like with growth, and I every time I grow, and I'm definitely over the past few weeks, I've experienced a period of growth, which for me means that I'm quite a teary person.
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:12.000
Like, I do quite a bit of crying and quite a bit of reflecting, and every time I go through that phase, I still feel like I'm like, oh, like here we go again.
00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:20.960
And I think for some of us, it's like when I first got into personal development, I felt like I could read a personal development book and then like everything would be fine and everything would be fixed.
00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:27.440
Like, and it doesn't work like that, like it's a constant evolution like of something.
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:44.640
And I heard something this morning, you know, along the lines of it's life is not linear, it's learning to be able to move with the different things that happen and the different directions that come up, knowing that we've got capability and capacity to be able to handle it.
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:51.920
And ultimately, the only way that we gain strength is to go through situations and scenarios that require us to be strong.
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:58.559
And the only way that we gain courage is to go through situations that require us to be like a little bit brave.
00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:08.640
So it's understanding that is because we are growing, because we are expanding, because we are evolving.
00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:31.119
And if you are a human that likes to grow and likes to learn and continues to want to do that, then creating a different relationship with fear is gonna support that journey and support that process and make it easier than if every time it comes up, we just go into thinking that this is no good for us and that we're not ready for it, and that we don't have the potential for it.
00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:49.279
And because I wholly stand by, if someone has a vision of something that they want to do or a direction that they want to go in, or a person that they want to be, like to me, that is there because it's in their capability and in their heart to be able to do that.
00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:56.960
It's then just about walking that journey to allow all those pieces to come together for that to be able to be the case.
00:27:58.000 --> 00:27:58.640
100%.
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:08.480
But also, so many people suffer with anxiety or don't want to try new things or can't put themselves out of the comfort zone, not knowing that it will benefit them in the long run.
00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:13.039
And a pure example of that is I'm wanting my students to do public speaking at school.
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:16.000
And back when I was a kid, we didn't even question it.
00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:17.680
We just said, All right, you're getting up.
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:20.480
No one no one even asked a teacher not to do it.
00:28:20.640 --> 00:28:22.799
You just said your name was called and you had to get up and do it.
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:25.759
And we did it, and I was like, oh, yeah.
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:27.359
And everyone was shit.
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:28.640
It was fine.
00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:39.200
But you got up and you did it, but now no, it's so hard to get kids to do public speaking because no one wants to, I suppose, look silly in front of anyone, but everyone's so nervous.
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:46.400
And so what I'm having to do is start them in small groups, and you can talk in front of a couple of people, and then we'll make more people.
00:28:46.559 --> 00:28:49.200
And I'm w I'm building them up to be able to talk in front of the class.
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:57.839
But even it's just maybe I did this in 2016, and it's probably like almost 10 years, or it is maybe 10 years or eight years.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.720
Kids eight years ago were less nervous about public speaking than they are today.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:10.640
And I I don't know what's going on, but that was I that was an interesting uh note that I made for myself.
00:29:11.359 --> 00:29:26.559
Do you know what I find really interesting about that is so personally for me on that, and it is just a it's just a complete guess, but I think a lot of the fear underneath that would be fear of judgment, like because they're having to sort of stand up.
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:36.160
And because I always say to people, if you could stand up, like well, I say people like I would say to those like young people, like if you could stand up and share and there were nobody listening, would you do it?
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:38.079
And nine times out of ten they would.
00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:40.799
Like they would because nobody's listening.
00:29:40.880 --> 00:30:00.720
So it's a fear of like judgment as to like what's on the other side, but then it also blows my mind that like particularly over here in the UK, like kids talk to their phone and do like TikTok stuff and do videos and do get ready with me's more than like any other generation that I've like that I've ever known.
00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:12.880
So there's like there's almost like two complete opposite ends of the spectrum because for some kids, talking to camera and sharing what they're doing is like as normal as getting up and breathing and brushing their teeth.
00:30:13.119 --> 00:30:20.480
Whereas like, do you know, whereas like for my generation, like that's we wouldn't, we didn't do that.
00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:21.119
Do you know?
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:23.119
I didn't have a phone until I was 16.
00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:30.720
But I think, I think a lot of the stuff like that, it's it is, it's fear of judgment, you know, fear of being embarrassed.
00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:53.599
And that's why it's really important to create those, like, those smaller, safer container space, because ultimately what you're doing in that aspect, you're indirectly like, well, not indirectly, you're directly building like expansion capacity because you're making it like feel more comfortable for them to speak in front of you know one or two people first and then gradually like increasing it.
00:30:53.839 --> 00:31:03.680
Um you know, because the other thing, going back to the fear thing, if someone is genuinely like really uncomfortable, like I'm not an advocate of just going, oh, we'll stop it, then let's just do it.
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:06.079
Like we have to ensure it's aligned.
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:14.160
Like again, you know, I I talk about growth that I think it needs to be a little bit like risotto, which it's like you've got to add the water gradually.
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:20.960
Like we add the water gradually, you know, and we keep stirring in the next month, and we add a little bit more, and then we add a little bit more.
00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:22.559
And it's the same with growth.
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:32.880
Like, for me, if we grow too quickly, and sometimes that can happen, then like the nervous system like literally is just like, what on earth is going on here?
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:40.319
And I then generally believe that's where like the anxiety stuff or like the panic attack kind of things can come in because everything's just so overwhelming.
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:49.599
We've gotta, we've gotta still we can stretch the comfort zone to where it's yes, okay, there's a little bit of activation going on.
00:31:49.759 --> 00:32:04.160
So the heart is there or the palms there or the tummy's going, or you know, the mind gremlins are questioning whether we can do something, but it's not where like we're feeling under so much threat that the body just wants to like completely run.
00:32:05.839 --> 00:32:12.319
With all of this uh acknowledging fear and how it can benefit you, you've created a framework.
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:12.799
Yeah.
00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:14.640
Can you tell us about the framework?
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:17.359
The fear theory.
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:20.960
The fear theory starts with F.
00:32:21.279 --> 00:32:26.000
And I'm gonna put it over, I always put it over here because it's like this is our future self.
00:32:26.319 --> 00:32:29.839
So the F is who am I becoming?
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:32.000
Who do I want to be?
00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:34.319
What is like what is my vision?
00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:46.559
And I always say who I want to be because ultimately who we are as people and our identity and the way that we lead ourselves, that ultimately determines the things that we want to achieve.
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:49.279
Like, so we have to focus on the who.
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:50.960
So, who do I want to be?
00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:53.279
What is the focus of my future?
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:55.839
You know, and I'll give little examples along the way.
00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:59.359
So I mentioned earlier on about someone speaking out more.
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:11.839
So there may be a situation where um someone's in a conversation with something, and all of a sudden they want to be able to share what they think, but then the fear comes up and they sort of dare because they're not used to speaking out.
00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:17.839
That's then acknowledging, okay, but the future version of me, they're comfortable using their voice.
00:33:18.079 --> 00:33:20.160
So that's what I'm kind of going towards.
00:33:20.319 --> 00:33:28.559
Then we've got E, which this is the this is where all the messy bit is, this is where all the tears are, this is where all the mind gremlins live.
00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:30.880
So E is expansion capacity.
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:39.279
So this is where we are learning to recognise, understand, and navigate our internal experiences and emotions.
00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:57.200
So this is where this is different for so many people, and there'd be so many little depth depths in this and so many lays because for people that have experienced, you know, lots of trauma or everything, they're gonna have lots more inner work to do to build expansion capacity and to understand.
00:33:57.279 --> 00:34:05.279
But it's basically about understanding what's going on, learning to recognize it, learning to navigate it, learning to heal it.
00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:09.440
Then following that, we have aligned action.
00:34:09.679 --> 00:34:16.480
So this is where the action that we are gonna take aligns right back with that F.
00:34:16.800 --> 00:34:29.519
So it aligns with the future version of us, even which I like the fact that it almost has to go over the top of that E because it's about understanding that those feelings and those emotions are still gonna be there under the surface.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:39.199
So we can't take the aligned action, and it's like sometimes it might be like, oh, this feels like the right thing, but then the body will still go if it's unfamiliar.
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:46.400
So it's taking the step that aligns with the future version of who that we want to be.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:35:00.639
And I want to advocate here that actually sometimes that's not always movement, so sometimes it can be self-trust and courage coming together, and it can be one step forward, but sometimes it needs to be an intentional pause.
00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:12.559
And I think that in life we have this, I think there's a belief system now in society that everything has to be good all the time, and how quick can we do things, and we've always got to be moving forward.
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:18.719
And actually, we need time to integrate, we need time to adjust, like with things.
00:35:18.880 --> 00:35:24.639
It's not practical to be constantly moving and constantly on the go.
00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:32.239
And my analogy that I give for this one every time is you know, iPhone, I have an iPhone, I have two iPhones actually, one for personal, one for work.
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:36.000
When they are doing an upgrade, they are not available.
00:35:36.159 --> 00:35:40.639
I cannot use that phone when it's doing an iOS upgrade, it's on pause.
00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:41.679
Can't use it.
00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:56.159
And I think that when we're growing, there has to be an intentional pause part where there's recalibration going on, you know, and that's where we have to trust that sometimes it's okay to step back and retreat.
00:35:56.239 --> 00:36:08.320
So aligned action is not always action that requires movement, sometimes aligned action is stillness because stillness and slowness they support the growth as well.
00:36:09.039 --> 00:36:14.239
Provides and reflect as well, absolutely, which then comes into my R.
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:33.199
So R is by repeating the actions that align with the future version of us, we basically rewire the version of ourself that we are, and that comes through constant repetition, which is the brain love and reflection.
00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:41.280
So reflecting on the choices that we're making, is that the right one for this direction that I want to go in and the person that I want to be?
00:36:41.440 --> 00:36:54.000
And constantly, and it is this is where the self-compassion that I mentioned earlier on, there are going to be times where we don't do that, and I'll come back to that in a second because I want to explain our like our nervous systems a bit like them starting our house.
00:36:54.239 --> 00:37:22.960
But it's like ah is basically repeat, reinforcing identity, we're reinforcing the identity of the person that we want to be, and then what we're doing is by constantly repeating, constantly reflecting, we reinforce, so we strengthen and stabilize that version of us, and that's basically us then getting to the end of level one, and then it's like then the next opportunity of growth comes, and then we repeat the cycle all over again, and it is just a complete repetitive cycle.
00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:37.519
But going back to like there are going to be times where like we relapse, if you like, because we are we're like computers, we're programmed, we are co-programmed to our certain belief systems, our conditioning, our personality traits.
00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:44.559
So being aware of them and interjecting them, it takes a lot, it does take time and patience.
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:58.000
So whilst the fear theory is very simple, future focus, e expanding your capacity, taking aligned action, and are reinforcing identity, it's a simplistic process to remember and go through.
00:37:58.159 --> 00:37:59.119
But is it easy?
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:00.159
Absolutely not.
00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:20.079
And I would be lying if I said that it was, because it's not constantly being aware of our thoughts, our emotions, our feelings, reflecting on things, making different choices, interjecting the natural nervous system responses that we've got, trying to get into the mind gremlins that have been so used to us doing a certain thing for such a long time.
00:38:21.199 --> 00:38:36.000
It takes a lot of conscious choice and conscious effort, which I think for some people is why they want change and they start making the changes, but then sometimes things don't happen as quickly, and then we just think, what's the point?
00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:53.679
And I again, the audio that I listened to this morning, it said it's like the early stages of growth are the hardest because it's like that's where you've planted your seed in the garden and you're going out and the sun's shining on it, and you're watering it every day, but like literally all you're looking at is just dirt, like it's just dirt, you know.
00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:55.599
And I thought, oh my god, that's such a good analogy.
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:56.960
I'm pinching that one.
00:38:57.199 --> 00:39:27.519
Oh, I can feel that yeah, and you've got to keep watering, and you're going out again, there's still dirt, and there's still dirt, but then like all of a sudden, after such like a long period of time, you know, we get this tiny little green shoot kind of coming through, but we don't put a seed in the ground, and then all of a sudden we have a tree, like, and it's the same with us as humans, like we have to continue to water ourselves if you like by aligning ourselves with but what are we growing and what do we want to be?
00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:31.519
Um, and it takes a long time to reprogram like the nervous system.
00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:36.800
People think sometimes as well about working harder, and again, I love analogies.
00:39:36.880 --> 00:39:41.360
I think probably because I've been a teacher, I've been so used to like giving analogies for like kids to understand.
00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:47.199
But I think analogies are great, and it's a little bit like imagine that our nervous system is like the thermostat in our house.
00:39:47.280 --> 00:40:01.679
So imagine my thermostat is set at 19 like degrees C to like we'll cut the heat in, let's say, so it'll kick on and the heating comes on and all the radiators come on, but as soon as it gets to 19 and a half, it kicks out, and then it's like I want to go past 19.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:06.960
So I turn like the heating on again, but the thermostat's still at 19, we get to 19 and a half again.
00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:12.480
So it doesn't matter how many times that heating is turned on, which is why hard work is not always the right thing.
00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:21.360
We have to go to the system underneath, which is rewiring the brain and the nervous system, because that's when we go, oh hang on a minute, it's not about turning the heating on.
00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:25.599
We've got to go to the thermostat, and we have to move the thermostat to 21.
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:33.760
Because then when we move the thermostat to 21, right now when the heating goes on, we're gonna get to 21 and a half, right?
00:40:33.920 --> 00:40:36.480
So therefore, that's kind of the growth.
00:40:36.639 --> 00:40:49.440
So it's the reprogramming programming of the bits underneath, and that is rewiring our thoughts and supporting ourselves with nervous system awareness and integration.
00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:53.679
And that takes time because you have to create new habits.
00:40:54.159 --> 00:41:04.159
Yes, that is exactly it, you know, and 95% of everything that we do is automatic, and that is crazy when you think about it like that.
00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:08.400
That only 5% of things that we do is conscious thought.
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:18.079
And even last week, like when I had sleep with exactly last Wednesday, and I had a quiet day in my diary, and I was like, hmm, do I create work to do?
00:41:18.159 --> 00:41:19.679
That's what old Becky would have done.
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:24.480
Old Becky, the pusher, the achiever, the striver, the forcer.
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:27.280
She would have been like, Well, Wednesday's a working day.
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:33.840
I'm gonna, I need to get into the office and I need to be doing certain things to move forwards.
00:41:34.079 --> 00:41:42.400
And actually, I was like, but does that thought process, do those things reflect the future version of me as to who I want to be?
00:41:42.559 --> 00:41:44.159
And the answer was no.
00:41:44.559 --> 00:41:46.960
I don't want to be that version of me anymore.
00:41:47.119 --> 00:42:17.440
I want to be the version of me that goes, Wow, I've got some time here in my diary today, we've got beautiful weather outside, I'm gonna choose stillness today, and I'm gonna choose integration, and I'm gonna choose being in my garden and reflecting on the journey that I've gone on and the action that I've taken and the things that I've done, and just taking that time to pause with things and that action, it was more comfortable for me last week than it was when I really first started doing that.
00:42:17.760 --> 00:42:29.199
But things just become comfortable because we do them more and more and more and more and more, and it is just about it is just about doing them and persevering and being committed to that version.
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:36.800
And for people that are listening, when you first start this journey, Becky, you definitely will be able to relate to this.
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:39.440
How hard is it to start meditating?
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:46.239
Like when you first start, like when you were just talking about, oh, I'm gonna go and be still and then I sit outside.
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:48.400
Showing people like this is so boring.
00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:50.960
Or they'll try for two minutes and I can't meditate.
00:42:51.119 --> 00:42:52.400
But it reminds me of that.
00:42:53.119 --> 00:43:03.360
Yeah, but I think again, so it's so I'm a journaler, and people say, like, oh, I don't know how to journal, and I'm like, but there isn't a right or a wrong.
00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:05.519
And it's like this isn't mine.
00:43:05.599 --> 00:43:12.719
I've definitely heard this, and I don't know where I've heard it to be able to kind of quote, but it's like meditation can be different things.
00:43:12.880 --> 00:43:30.880
So, like, even just 30 seconds dropping the eye line and just taking a few breaths initially is like is that pause, and you know, people think that meditation, you know, it's got this let's just sit cross-legged, let's sit on a cushion, let's put our arms like this.
00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:36.400
I've meditated since COVID, that was when I started, and I've never sat like that ever.
00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:48.400
Like, no, I don't sit with my legs crossed with like my I do open my palms, but like for me, I prefer to do it in different ways.
00:43:48.559 --> 00:43:57.840
I like listening to audios that like take you on a visual, but I think it yeah, anything that breaks us out of like the norm.
00:43:57.920 --> 00:43:59.840
And uh I was talking to someone to go back to my.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:05.760
Intentional pause, and she said something like, Oh, even on my work breaks at work, like I don't have time to stop.
00:44:06.000 --> 00:44:09.119
And I just said, But do you go on your phone in your break at work?
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:10.880
And she was like, Yeah.
00:44:11.039 --> 00:44:13.920
And I was like, then you've got time to have an intentional pause.
00:44:14.079 --> 00:44:26.559
Like, because if you choose not to go on your phone in that time, and you just spend like honestly, so if people now were just like, let me just put like my we put our oven timer on right when our dog's been a little bit naughty and we have to put him in the crate.
00:44:26.719 --> 00:44:40.159
But you know, like literally, if we set a timer for a minute or two minutes and just declared to like be still, it's amazing like how long that feels just in that really short amount of time.
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:47.599
Whereas we so again, it's a habit thing in habit to go on to our phone and then things are going like this all of the time.
00:44:47.679 --> 00:44:49.039
And we just don't get that time.
00:44:49.199 --> 00:45:04.639
I literally like I must have done now about 20 podcasts, and every time I do one, I'm like, I want something on my desk, but I want a water bottle on my desk that's full of glitter, you know, a bit like a snow globe, because I just think if we're constantly moving through life, that glitter's just going crazy all over the place.
00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:10.639
As soon as we've taught, I don't have glitter in it, but as soon as this goes down, everything just falls to the bottom.
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:17.119
And then it's like there's still the same amount of glitter in there, but all of a sudden we've created all of this empty space.
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:28.559
And for people who find it difficult to like step back, the creative part of the brain is like more active when we're in a more relaxed state, which is why like I used to be terrible.
00:45:28.639 --> 00:45:51.039
Like I'd go on holiday and I'd be wanting to switch off, and I'd have all these bloody ideas about stuff, but it's like it's because I'm more in a relaxed state, or you hear people that you know get their greatest ideas when they're in the shower or when they're out walking the dog because their brain is in a different state, so like it we're not constantly like forcing, but it's just practice.
00:45:51.360 --> 00:46:02.880
Anything that we do is practice, it's just knowing that this is the starting point that we're at, and also being on like your own journey.
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:06.480
And I can still catch myself doing it now with like the comparison thing.
00:46:06.639 --> 00:46:24.239
But if somebody can say, Oh, you know, I can't meditate, I'd be like, you can, but you have to find your way, and maybe you just start with 10 seconds of breathing in and out, and then tomorrow we might do 10, the day after we might do 20, and then we just kind of build from there, you know.
00:46:24.320 --> 00:46:31.360
I I I'm on a running journey at the minute, and when I started running, I want a runner, but I bought the trainers and I got started.
00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:39.920
And the first few times, like you know, I had to go not very far, I had to go not very slow, but not very fast, so I had to go nice and slow.
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:55.280
But the point is, I started, and then gradually you build things up and you get more comfortable, and then another really nice exercise to do is to then go, actually, who was I this time last year that I'm not now?
00:46:55.679 --> 00:47:01.119
Where have I shown grow from a year ago to compare to where I am now?
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:05.119
And that's why one of my biggest things is like reinforcing identity.
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:17.280
One thing that I love to encourage people to do, I as I say I'm a journaler, whether it's journaling or just reflecting, is getting to the end of the day every single day before you go to sleep.
00:47:17.440 --> 00:47:31.039
And part of my evening routine is one thing that I'm grateful for, one thing that I'm proud of, and one thing that I'm celebrating, because that brings attention to the positives because the brain has got a negative bias.
00:47:31.199 --> 00:47:34.639
The brain is always going to remember the things that we didn't do or that we missed.
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:47.280
Or I can still be sometimes hardish on myself now, but I've realized when I have conversations with other people, I I'm able to celebrate myself.
00:47:47.360 --> 00:47:52.719
I'm able to acknowledge the things that like I'm doing, but I think it's because it's become a habit for me.
00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:56.079
It wasn't easy when I first started, I was like, celebrating every single day.
00:47:56.239 --> 00:47:59.599
What do you what I've got to celebrate myself every single day?
00:47:59.840 --> 00:48:11.119
Yes, there is there is always there is always something I can find, always something that I'm grateful for, always something that I'm proud of, and always something that I'm celebrating.
00:48:11.280 --> 00:48:20.639
But that's just come through practice and that supports that reinforcing identity as well, because we then become more programmed to praise ourselves and acknowledge ourselves.
00:48:20.719 --> 00:48:30.800
Because again, you know, I came from a dance background, so everything that I did was always, but you could do more, but you could do more, but you could do more, and this needs to be more perfect, and that needs to be more stretched.
00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:33.440
So I think that had a real impact on my perfectionism.
00:48:33.599 --> 00:48:50.719
I think my perfectionism in school came because of like my dancing, you know, and yes, I always think that there can be progressions to make and there can be growth to make, but it is still goddamn important to acknowledge what we are doing, to acknowledge that effort and that go.
00:48:50.800 --> 00:48:57.840
And I always say, and I've said it to a lot of students, you know, we used to do auditions for something for our shows within my academy.
00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:01.119
Everybody that auditioned was successful.
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:04.239
And initially the kids were like, I don't understand what you mean, Becca.
00:49:04.320 --> 00:49:10.400
And I'm like, because they're choosing to grow, they're choosing to put themselves forward for that audition.
00:49:10.639 --> 00:49:14.320
That is success in itself, it's not the outcome.
00:49:14.559 --> 00:49:22.880
If we are always focusing as success being on the outcome, then we're gonna be disappointed quite a lot.
00:49:23.119 --> 00:49:34.159
Whereas the success is in the action that we take and in the process that we go through and in the journey that we're on, in order to grow.
00:49:34.320 --> 00:49:50.559
And I think if we completely move away this thing, if you like, and it just becomes a cycle of growth and evolution and development, then we praise and celebrate ourselves along the way in all of that.
00:49:52.559 --> 00:49:56.320
I've I'm proud of myself.
00:49:56.639 --> 00:50:04.719
I've had many times of my life where there has been fear and I've done it anyway.
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:10.719
In 2019, I took the year off work, I'd saved money and I had to sort out my anxiety, so I took the year off.
00:50:10.880 --> 00:50:14.320
And I traveled overseas.
00:50:14.480 --> 00:50:23.599
It's like and during that time I read all the self-help me books, I got into meditation, I went to India.
00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:30.320
I when you're talking about the grateful, the proud and celebrating.
00:50:30.480 --> 00:50:42.800
I started with three things I was grateful for morning and night, and I wrote down I went five and then I went ten, and that and it's all about the rewiring of your brain and creating new habits, and that was the best thing that I've ever done.
00:50:43.039 --> 00:50:49.360
And there's been a few I could well off a few different things where I've had fear and done it anyway.
00:50:49.519 --> 00:50:51.039
You never regret it.
00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:55.840
In the moment, you might you might not love it.
00:50:56.079 --> 00:50:59.119
But looking back, it was one of the best things I ever did.
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:09.360
Uh and so I if anyone is listening, I would definitely recommend if don't let fear keep you in a cage.
00:51:10.320 --> 00:51:21.280
And Becky's giving you plenty of uh uh insight today on what you could be doing, though Becky, for our last question, legendary elections is about sharing wisdom that changes lives.
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:30.000
If someone is listening and standing on the edge of a decision they've been avoiding because they're afraid, what would you say directly to them?
00:51:31.599 --> 00:51:55.519
I would say hand on heart if who they want to be and the direction that they want to go in is on the other side of that fear, and if that fear wasn't there, would they step forward through that doorway towards that direction if they knew everything was going to turn out the way that they wanted it to?
00:51:55.840 --> 00:52:07.199
If they knew that they were guaranteed, because the fear is there because of uncertainty, if they were guaranteed the outcome that they wanted, what would the decision that they would do?
00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:11.679
And for most people, they would choose to take that step forward.
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:27.039
It's having that trust within ourselves to just taking that small step forward, taking fear with you, knowing that it is supporting your growth and your expansion.
00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:33.920
You know what's funny when you just hear things today.
00:52:34.079 --> 00:52:36.480
I'm hearing you, and I needed to hear it myself.
00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:42.320
So I'm sure the listeners are gonna be taking a lot out of this legendary lecture as well.
00:52:43.039 --> 00:52:49.119
Becky, I really appreciate your time today, and I can't wait to see you up on the stage in bright light.
00:52:49.679 --> 00:52:50.480
Thank you.
00:52:51.199 --> 00:52:52.559
Yeah, no, you will.
00:52:52.960 --> 00:53:00.400
And if you want to get in touch with Becky, all of the links of hers will be put at the bottom of the podcast, and I I can't wait to see where you go.
00:53:00.639 --> 00:53:05.599
So thank you, Becky, for sharing your wisdom today on Legendary Lectures, and I look forward to staying in touch.
00:53:06.719 --> 00:53:07.280
Thanks, Becky.
00:53:12.000 --> 00:53:18.079
Thanks for tuning in to Legendary Lectures, where everyday people share extraordinary stories and knowledge.
00:53:18.960 --> 00:53:25.760
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00:53:31.440 --> 00:53:35.840
Screenshot it, host it in Tiger at Legendary Lectures Podcasts.
00:53:39.599 --> 00:53:40.639
Everybody has a story.
00:53:41.679 --> 00:53:42.719
Everybody has something.
00:53:44.159 --> 00:53:45.360
Let's keep passing it on.
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:44.960
Good morning, your side Becky.
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How are you?
00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:47.679
Good, thank you.
00:00:48.159 --> 00:00:49.520
Good, it's evening over here.
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Becky's all the way over in England.
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Whereabouts are you, Becky?
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Uh North England, Yorkshire, between Leeds and Huddersfield.
00:00:57.920 --> 00:00:58.399
Perfect.
00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:06.640
I think you could be my second uh English person on Legendary Lectures, and you're here today to talk about Fear.
00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:13.920
Please welcome Becky Ferrer, identity and self-relationship speaker, former teacher and creator of the Fear Theory.
00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:27.040
After spending more than two decades in education and building an award-winning dance company and academy, Becky made the courageous decision a year ago to leave behind the life she had built to pursue a bigger calling.
00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:31.920
And this calling the path is out in front of her.
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The journey inspired her belief that fear isn't something to overcome, it's something to understand.
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Today Becky helps people reframe fear and see it as a doorway to growth, change, and becoming the person they were meant to be.
00:01:46.159 --> 00:01:48.159
Becky, welcome to Legendary Lectures.
00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:49.680
It is a pleasure to have you here.
00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:52.480
Pleasure to be here, thank you.
00:01:53.439 --> 00:01:57.920
Becky, can you give us a bit of a background uh about yourself before we get into it?
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I mentioned that you were an educator.
00:02:01.439 --> 00:02:03.359
Uh I suppose you could say that.
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:06.799
So my background is dance.
00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:09.039
Like I danced from being a child.
00:02:09.199 --> 00:02:11.199
When I was 18, I went off to dance college.
00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:14.479
I wanted to be a professional dancer, uh, but that dance didn't quite work out.
00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:19.199
So I then established my own dance academy and did that for 21 years.
00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:23.280
But it was when COVID came, and that was like a big turning point for me.
00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:25.840
I think it was quite a big turning point for a lot of people.
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Um and when I was no longer in the studio teaching dance, I didn't actually miss the dance.
00:02:31.199 --> 00:02:37.120
And it was at that moment that I was like, it's never really been about the dance, it's been about the transformations that I've witnessed.
00:02:37.280 --> 00:02:43.280
But dance were the vehicle in that I saw that, you know, so I just became quite curious at that point.
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And during COVID, I trained to be a transformational coach.
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Um, and I just I really liked that.
00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:54.400
I felt like I was like, I've always been really interested in growth and change and development.
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My own personal development journey, sort of like with books and things like that, started probably around 2011, 2012.
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I've always been interested in growth.
00:03:03.360 --> 00:03:10.159
Um, and I really liked doing the coaching, and I would actually probably say I enjoyed learning a lot about myself.
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And I think that's the thing that when we do this work, like we learn as much about ourselves as we do in order to be able to help other people.
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And then it was actually 2022.
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I was in a business mastermind and we had to do a bit of a visualization about our future and make some notes on everything.
00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:36.719
Um I didn't write anything there to do with damn, but in my heart, I almost felt like I feel like because I'm a believer in souls.
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Like I was like, it's almost like that I don't know, it came to me because that was what was meant to sort of be.
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And then I basically spent three and a half years.
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I always say to people now, like I have to use the pun like dancing with fear, because that's like literally what I did, between like what could be possible for me beyond the studio to but this is all I've ever really known.
00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:08.879
And I now like I'm if someone asks me about it, I always own it because it is my truth, and whether it transpires or not, who will, who knows?
00:04:09.120 --> 00:04:12.960
But I have ambitions to do global speaking.
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I love the stage, like the stage is my home, it's been my home since three.
00:04:18.240 --> 00:04:26.560
And I always thought of joke now and say, Oh, well, you know, I didn't end up being a professional dancer, but maybe, you know, my job on the stage is to is to speak.
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:59.279
But I love I love being able to share words or experiences that somebody could listen to, and it could just be the one thing that they may need to hear in that particular day that can support and transform like the trajectory of their own life, just the way that I've listened to things in the past that's made me it's just been that one thing that I've needed to hear, and the one thing that you mentioned a year ago is literally a year ago this week, and I was feeling all like just really unaligned in my body.
00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:15.439
I'd got like my stomach was churning a bit, almost like borderline anxiety with things, and I thought I'm gonna do some nervous system work, and this particular nervous system audio, one of the questions was, you are one decision away from a completely different life.
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And I was walking my dog in the country park near me, and I just completely and utterly burst into tears because at that point I felt like I felt like it would then become just undeniable.
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That's the only way that I can explain it.
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Like I'd been suppressing what I felt like I knew because it was really scary, you know, and it was that question you are one decision away from a completely different life.
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And then there may well be listeners now thinking, I know what that one decision is for me, because we know, but sometimes knowing it and being able to then have the courage to do something about it and to navigate all the fear and the feelings and the emotions and the what ifs that come with that, that's hard.
00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:03.759
That is that is really challenging.
00:06:03.920 --> 00:06:21.360
But it just I did feel like it was the right thing for me to do, and I then I made that decision, and I then it we had the summer off, so I kind of talked it into reality like all through the summer, like when I finished teaching, when I finished teaching, because in the academy that I was teaching at, we had an end-of-year show in November.
00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:38.399
It was like I can see that through, I can end sort of it's a good like chapter end there, and yeah, and in November 25, I closed my teaching chapter, like I still own the business and I still have meetings within that business and things, but I'm not actively teaching in it the way that I was.
00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:44.319
So my role did change, and I just took a huge leap of faith completely into the unknown, you know.
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And as I mentioned before, we got live, we went live, like that there can be times in that where it's challenging because for me, I genuinely feel like I'm being led on something, and that can be hard because for me, I've always been a bit of a control freak, I've always loved a plan, I've always had the ideas as to like where I was going next and what I was doing next.
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:18.959
And I'm having to really go inwards, I'm having to really be okay with a timeline that might not look like mine, and things unfolding in a way that I don't always know and have the answers for.
00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:34.560
I'm learning the art of patience in all of things, and also probably along the way, like hugely embodying my own theory, which is like it's scary to not know what's coming next, it's unnerving to walk through something and go through something that's unfamiliar.
00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:38.959
So there's a lot of inner work going on for me at the moment.
00:07:39.279 --> 00:07:42.800
But I think ultimately that for everybody is where everything starts.
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Everything starts on the inside, and if we can always come back and learn and develop from there, then we're then more equipped when the externals kind of fall in.
00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:59.120
Or being able to do that learning helps and guides what externals we're going to end up walking towards.
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I I saw something recently that entrepreneurialism is self-work.
00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:07.759
It brings up all your insecurities.
00:08:07.920 --> 00:08:11.600
Like you just spoke about, you don't know this timeline.
00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:14.480
It's coming out in front of you, and you just sort of have to go with it.
00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:16.879
You can take action, but you don't know what's going.
00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:19.759
You don't you had a dance studio for 20 years.
00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:21.199
You knew it was predictable.
00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:22.959
You knew how to control it.
00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:27.439
You just have a total lack of control when you take a jump into blind faith.
00:08:28.319 --> 00:08:29.519
And I take my hat off to you.
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I'm sure there are heaps of people out there that you know, especially the older generation where they're just like worked in the same job for 30 years and they're just watching a clock tick down until they can retire.
00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:40.240
Yeah.
00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:41.519
Stuff like that.
00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:46.639
But I have fear, like what this is very relevant to what I I'm thinking.
00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:48.080
I'll talk candidly.
00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:58.799
Like I sort of don't want to say it because like I've just transferred for a new job in education, but I think about like jumping blind and like resigning all the time.
00:08:59.039 --> 00:09:03.200
And because you're one decision away from a totally different life.
00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:03.759
Yeah.
00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:06.159
And that's so that is so powerful.
00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:09.600
But and this is a projection from me and a question for you.
00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:13.440
What security net did you have to take that blind jump?
00:09:14.399 --> 00:09:21.759
So ultimately, because I'd built up my business for a number of years, you know, I do get asked this question quite a lot.
00:09:22.000 --> 00:09:38.720
I am fortunate in the fact that I'd created something that enabled me to make a decision to support that path of the unknown, you know, and it took a long time to, and I'd actually have said to a number of people recently, I've forgotten how hard chapter one is.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:55.759
Like I've forgotten how difficult it is, like when you first start out, you know, but we have to still, whilst I encourage people to like follow that inner knowing and that like intuition, we can't just literally kind of like fuck life and responsibilities like that doesn't work like that.
00:09:55.840 --> 00:10:13.679
Like we've gotta, we've gotta make sure that there are certain life practicalities, let's be honest, in place in order to do something as drastic, if you like, and as big and as courageous as sort of what I did, you know.
00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:32.080
So I'm fortunate that from a financial place I'm still supported by the business that I had before, which has enabled me to be able to explore different things and do that with intention without it just being, well, actually, I need that because that's going to provide me with that particular income.
00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:37.679
And intention is something that's been a real prominent word for me in this chapter.
00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:41.200
I wanted to be really intentional with everything that I did.
00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:48.720
And, you know, you mentioned before about you know me doing a particular job for so long and having control and knowing what was what.
00:10:48.960 --> 00:10:51.679
And that suited me for a long time.
00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:55.759
But then also that can also become quite suffocating as well.
00:10:55.919 --> 00:11:00.960
So I did want, again in this chapter, I did want to be intentionally led.
00:11:01.120 --> 00:11:10.639
I did want to let go of needing to always know the answers to things because we live life on the narrative that we create in our head, like so many of us.
00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:16.559
We we literally live it based on either what we decide it's gonna be or our expectations.
00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:28.720
And I'm and it is it is challenging, and I still now I'm challenged with I have a certain expectation for something, like I'll reach out to something and then it'll be rejection, or it'll just be like complete silence.
00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:37.360
Or and then I'm in this kind of point of then going, well, is this the right decision or is this just a redirection or is this just a pause in time?
00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:52.000
Like, you know, and then I have to just think it doesn't matter what any of the what any of the answers to that is, I then just have a choice whether I continue to walk forward and explore things and see what comes up sort of along the way.
00:11:52.080 --> 00:12:04.480
I've gone off on a little bit of a tangent here, but yeah, in answer to your original question, it is important that we are mindful of life practicalities, like you know, how we do things.
00:12:04.639 --> 00:12:16.799
So for other people who may be at a little bit of a crossroads, if it's about starting something new, it may well be that that's done alongside you know, whatever that security or whatever looks like for them.
00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.080
And you can make it you can make it work.
00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:26.000
So we're not telling people to quit their job today if they're you know you just have to be quite smart.
00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:28.240
Yeah, absolutely.
00:12:28.399 --> 00:12:50.480
And I think but I think there's a difference between going like, oh I'm just gonna quit my job and you know, jump into this unknown and have like no like mind for like the responsibilities and everything that comes with that, but then also getting real with but I'm not just gonna stay in that particular thing because that's the easy thing to do.
00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:53.919
So we've got to balance those two things.
00:12:56.720 --> 00:13:02.240
You were in a dance studio for 20 years, then you wrestled for three years whether or not you were gonna do this.
00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:14.480
Myself wrestled for three years to make a hard decision, and that was to move from a school in Cairns, far north Queensland, which is a two-hour flight from where I live now, just to move down here.
00:13:14.879 --> 00:13:21.200
And then for a few years now, I've thought about changing career.
00:13:21.519 --> 00:13:25.200
But again, for me, it's like I really love education.
00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:25.759
I do.
00:13:25.919 --> 00:13:27.519
I love working with young people.
00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:29.679
That was my predicament.
00:13:30.320 --> 00:13:30.799
Yes.
00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:34.080
That was completely that was completely my thing.
00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:38.320
Like I personally found teaching incredibly rewarding.
00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:49.919
And I really liked I really liked being a part of like the early stages because I think the early stages can really give them a lot of grounding for like what they grow up.
00:13:50.000 --> 00:14:02.879
Like as I said, like I've done a lot of inner work and I just think I wonder whether I would have as much inner work to do if I'd have learned the things that I now try and instill kind of, you know, in others.
00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:06.720
So yeah, I come I completely understand that.
00:14:06.799 --> 00:14:19.600
I think I think there is a real privilege and a real, like to me, like emotional reward and emotional income of being around and being able to be an influence and an impact for young people.
00:14:20.240 --> 00:14:20.639
100%.
00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:30.159
And I also would say in your circumstances, you get to see them shine in something they're passionate about, which is even more special.
00:14:30.399 --> 00:14:37.440
I'm a high school teacher and I work with kids in the classroom, but you know, a lot of the time I'm teaching them things that they're not passionate about.
00:14:37.679 --> 00:14:58.639
But when you do coaching or you teach them something that they're passionate about and they have light bulb moments and they and you see them excel or you go and watch them at a music recital or something outside where they thrive, it really uh boosts their confidence and you they see that you care for them and it's uh a special relationship.
00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:02.720
Uh but also fear, and this is what we're here to talk about today.
00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:05.840
Tell us about uh tell us about fear.
00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:10.879
Fear isn't a stop sign, it's a doorway for expansion.
00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:12.559
How did it come about?
00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:26.639
At the end of January this year, I was offered opportunity to go and take part at an event called Inspire, and I was offered opportunity to stand on stage and share a little bit of my story and a message to people.
00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:40.799
And so when I started to like sit down and reflect on what I really wanted to share and what I felt could be impactful for people for people, so I have this like deep-rooted belief about like fulfilling our like dreams or like our purpose.
00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:47.840
I think there's so many people out there that have got dreams that they want to do and they've got potential and all of this stuff.
00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:54.639
And I wanted to give something that was inspiring, but also something that was quite real that I'd experienced.
00:15:54.720 --> 00:16:02.480
And I was like looking back over the last three years of my life, I was like, what's the most like prominent thing that's come up along the way?
00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:04.480
And I was like, it's just been fear.
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:34.559
Like I have literally danced and navigated and overcome so many different things of like being scared, but I believe that when we experience that fear, it's part of our growth, it's part of our expansion, and it comes up because something is new, something is unfamiliar, something feels a little bit uncertain, and ultimately our brain is wired for safety, our nervous system is wired for safety.
00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:43.759
So the fears that we experience, and you know, are because ultimately our brain and our body are basically saying, Oh, I'm not quite sure about this.
00:16:44.000 --> 00:17:10.160
Like, we've not experienced this before, we don't have evidence that this is actually sort of going to be safe, and ultimately the brain can be rewired, the nervous system can be supported when we experience the things to then it be, oh, actually, like I can I can do this, and it's a little bit like I went to Florida in 2020, like I've always loved rides, right?
00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:12.160
I've loved do you love rides?
00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:15.519
Rides, yeah, like the theme park rides.
00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:17.039
Rides, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:18.000
Yeah, yeah, right.
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:38.400
But there's still even now I love them, but when we're in Florida and we went to Bush Gardens, and there were it's called Falcon's Fury, and it's like so tall, and basically you sit in it and then you like tip forwards and you go sort of up like facing the floor, go to the top, and then it like shoots you down facing the floor and like flings you out.
00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:39.440
It's really tall.
00:17:39.599 --> 00:17:46.000
I can't remember exactly how tall it is, it's really tall, something like 18 semi-detached houses high or something like that.
00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:55.440
But I like I saw it on that day, and I was like, ooh, I kind of really want to do it, but I'd got that fear, like because ultimately I've not done it before.
00:17:55.599 --> 00:17:59.359
So my brain and my body are gonna be like, I'm not sure you really want to go on that.
00:17:59.519 --> 00:18:10.880
And that's you know, I know I'm using like a theme park ride, but it's I think it's a really easy example for people to understand that it like that happened in like most scenarios that thought we do.
00:18:11.039 --> 00:18:20.000
And I watched this ride, and you can see it from literally anywhere where you are within the park, and I could watch it all day going up and down, and I didn't end up going on it.
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:26.000
No, I didn't, but we did we were gonna go back for a return visit, and we did that.
00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:33.440
And I've always said to people, I can't tell you whether if I'd have not known that we were going back and I would have got a second chance, whether I would have kind of done it.
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:44.480
But like in the queue, like my hands are sweaty, my palms are sweaty, my heart's beating really fast or what have you, you know, and you're sitting there and you literally feel like your heart's gonna come out of your chest.
00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:54.880
I could like literally feel it in my throat, and I'm like shaking, I'm jet, like all of those bodily things that like happen, but then it's like then it drops.
00:18:55.039 --> 00:18:58.960
Obviously, you're going up really slow, so it gets even worse, and then it drops and then like flings out.
00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:02.720
And the first thing I did was look at my son and I was like, that was so good.
00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:04.400
So we're gonna go and do it again.
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:07.359
And it's like that's literally, do you know?
00:19:07.519 --> 00:19:13.279
But yeah, and that's literally how fear and the nervous system and the brain kind of like works, you know.
00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:27.839
And even if you get to the end of something and then you're like, oh, actually, that didn't quite turn out how I wanted, I think there's then got to be praise in the decision to have a go, you know, because sometimes we are gonna feel scared of something and it's gonna turn out fine.
00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:35.200
Like the ride, I enjoyed the ride, but sometimes we could get to the end of it and be like, oh god, like I'm not doing that again.
00:19:35.359 --> 00:19:38.720
But that's when I then go, but it wasn't the wrong decision to do it.
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:45.680
We still chose courage, like within that situation, and that's okay that then that didn't align and that didn't feel right, you know.
00:19:45.920 --> 00:19:58.000
And for me, I believe that courage that courage, well, courage does show up when you're on the edge of an expansion, but fear shows up when you're on the edge of some form of expansion.
00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:19.680
And I like to explain it like a doorway because I think it's a really easy thing to be like, we've got an opportunity to step forward or to grow into something or to become somebody different, and it's like being on one side of the doorway and knowing that like fear is there, but it's about stepping forward and bringing fear with us.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:23.359
And I think for so many people, and this was me like in the past.
00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:50.880
I mean, I do consider myself quite courageous, but I think when we feel those feelings of discomfort and those scared feelings and this and like the human feelings under fear, like you know, because we're talking about identity expansion here, is like self-doubt, comparison, overthinking, perfectionism, these are all ones that I've experienced and you know, I'm being challenged with self-pressure.
00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:56.960
They're all fear responses because the brain is trying to create certainty in everything that we do.
00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:12.079
And I think if we can make it our mission to actually build our self-trust and to build a stronger relationship with ourselves, so you know, I there has been decisions that I've made that at the time I felt were completely the right decision intuitively.
00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:17.440
And then actually it didn't turn out the way that, and I'll come back to expectations, the way that I expected.
00:21:17.839 --> 00:21:22.960
But actually, I still stand by it because I trusted the decision that felt right on the inside.
00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:29.279
And I think it's you know, people will hesitate something because they think like I'm not ready.
00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:32.160
That's it, that's a big oh, I can't do that, I'm not ready yet.
00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:36.400
And I'm like, ready isn't a feeling, like, ready is a decision.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:44.160
Like we have to just kind of go, this is what I feel, you know, if you like is the right direction to go in.
00:21:44.240 --> 00:22:10.160
And even though I don't have the evidence, and even though I'm not sure what's gonna come on the other side, I trust myself to be able to walk with the fear and walk down that path and you know, and see what comes and You know, I'm talking a lot about like transition now, but you know, expansion for some people and fear could be like implementing boundaries or speaking their mind.
00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:26.640
There'll be a lot of people that keep things to themselves because they're scared of speaking out to what actually they really think or what their opinion is, or there'll be people that dilute who they are because they're scared that people might not accept them or like who they are.
00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:30.480
So these are all identity level, like fear.
00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:43.119
It's about acknowledging where is fear showing up that's like suppressing almost like who I am, who I am, and who I believe I'm here to be.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:52.880
And through taking those steps, you create confidence, and then you can do more things because, like you said, you trust yourself.
00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:57.039
You trust yourself because you have the confidence that you've accumulated over the years.
00:22:57.839 --> 00:22:58.079
Yeah.
00:22:58.880 --> 00:23:00.319
We have to have self-compassion.
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:15.599
So with that trust, we've got to have so if we make a decision, and then that decision, I come back, I've I've mentioned expectations so much because so many, so many of us go through life on a narrative that we've that we've created and that we think.
00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:21.839
We think if we make this decision, this is gonna happen, then this is gonna happen, and then that's gonna happen, and we've got no idea.
00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:26.000
We it's like we'll literally just have to think and try and think of that like one step ahead.
00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:47.599
And it is having you know, building self-trust also requires building self-compassion, which means when a situation might come up that may be different to what we thought or what we expected, we then don't go, oh, I knew this would happen, oh you're just stupid, like, oh, I shouldn't have listened to, and we go all in on ourselves.
00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:52.000
We come back to no, this felt right at the time, this felt right.
00:23:52.079 --> 00:23:54.160
And I still believe in everything.
00:23:54.480 --> 00:24:02.799
Some form of detour or redirection is still supporting the overall person that we need to be to move forward.
00:24:03.039 --> 00:24:11.680
Sometimes we have to go off in a different direction to be able to learn and gather the things for what we need for who we want to be.
00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:12.799
Yeah.
00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:13.680
Yeah.
00:24:13.920 --> 00:24:22.240
You have to go through the trials to learn the wisdom that you then apply when you're ready, when it's time.
00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:30.799
I try to make a lot of what I talk about everyday examples, and it's like think about life as like, well, two things actually that I do.
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:33.519
So one of the examples is a snakes and ladders game.
00:24:33.680 --> 00:25:17.200
So it's like we start off at zero, and it's like a hundred is then like when we leave this world, you know, and you roll the dice, and sometimes you're gonna go and you're always then moving forward on that board as in as you roll your dice, and sometimes you're gonna get a ladder, and all of a sudden you're gonna propel and you're gonna shoot forward, and then other times we're gonna hit a snake and we're gonna come back a little bit, but then we have a choice there, which is we roll the dice again and we keep going, and then we go up and then we come back down, but along the way, we're just constantly like in the game, and you know, I think that it's then just you know, we never come back to that zero point, you know, it's just about continuing to roll that dice.
00:25:17.279 --> 00:25:22.799
The only way that you genuinely don't get to the end is if you kind of stop rolling the dice and you just completely quit.
00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:29.440
And then also, like uh in my day, like the video games were like Nintendo, so it were like Super Mario Brothers.
00:25:29.680 --> 00:25:43.920
But it's like when you start playing that, you start off in level one and you go through level one and you defeat or what have you, whatever kind of comes your way, and then you get to the end of that level and you're like, Oh yeah, this is amazing.
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:46.559
I got to the end of that level, and then they go, Yeah, and then now it gets harder.
00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:50.319
So then you go to level two and then you kind of do all of that bit.
00:25:50.400 --> 00:26:01.440
And I think this is the thing, like with growth, and I every time I grow, and I'm definitely over the past few weeks, I've experienced a period of growth, which for me means that I'm quite a teary person.
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:12.000
Like, I do quite a bit of crying and quite a bit of reflecting, and every time I go through that phase, I still feel like I'm like, oh, like here we go again.
00:26:12.160 --> 00:26:20.960
And I think for some of us, it's like when I first got into personal development, I felt like I could read a personal development book and then like everything would be fine and everything would be fixed.
00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:27.440
Like, and it doesn't work like that, like it's a constant evolution like of something.
00:26:27.519 --> 00:26:44.640
And I heard something this morning, you know, along the lines of it's life is not linear, it's learning to be able to move with the different things that happen and the different directions that come up, knowing that we've got capability and capacity to be able to handle it.
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:51.920
And ultimately, the only way that we gain strength is to go through situations and scenarios that require us to be strong.
00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:58.559
And the only way that we gain courage is to go through situations that require us to be like a little bit brave.
00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:08.640
So it's understanding that is because we are growing, because we are expanding, because we are evolving.
00:27:08.799 --> 00:27:31.119
And if you are a human that likes to grow and likes to learn and continues to want to do that, then creating a different relationship with fear is gonna support that journey and support that process and make it easier than if every time it comes up, we just go into thinking that this is no good for us and that we're not ready for it, and that we don't have the potential for it.
00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:49.279
And because I wholly stand by, if someone has a vision of something that they want to do or a direction that they want to go in, or a person that they want to be, like to me, that is there because it's in their capability and in their heart to be able to do that.
00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:56.960
It's then just about walking that journey to allow all those pieces to come together for that to be able to be the case.
00:27:58.000 --> 00:27:58.640
100%.
00:27:59.359 --> 00:28:08.480
But also, so many people suffer with anxiety or don't want to try new things or can't put themselves out of the comfort zone, not knowing that it will benefit them in the long run.
00:28:08.640 --> 00:28:13.039
And a pure example of that is I'm wanting my students to do public speaking at school.
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:16.000
And back when I was a kid, we didn't even question it.
00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:17.680
We just said, All right, you're getting up.
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:20.480
No one no one even asked a teacher not to do it.
00:28:20.640 --> 00:28:22.799
You just said your name was called and you had to get up and do it.
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:25.759
And we did it, and I was like, oh, yeah.
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:27.359
And everyone was shit.
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:28.640
It was fine.
00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:39.200
But you got up and you did it, but now no, it's so hard to get kids to do public speaking because no one wants to, I suppose, look silly in front of anyone, but everyone's so nervous.
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:46.400
And so what I'm having to do is start them in small groups, and you can talk in front of a couple of people, and then we'll make more people.
00:28:46.559 --> 00:28:49.200
And I'm w I'm building them up to be able to talk in front of the class.
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:57.839
But even it's just maybe I did this in 2016, and it's probably like almost 10 years, or it is maybe 10 years or eight years.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.720
Kids eight years ago were less nervous about public speaking than they are today.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:10.640
And I I don't know what's going on, but that was I that was an interesting uh note that I made for myself.
00:29:11.359 --> 00:29:26.559
Do you know what I find really interesting about that is so personally for me on that, and it is just a it's just a complete guess, but I think a lot of the fear underneath that would be fear of judgment, like because they're having to sort of stand up.
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:36.160
And because I always say to people, if you could stand up, like well, I say people like I would say to those like young people, like if you could stand up and share and there were nobody listening, would you do it?
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:38.079
And nine times out of ten they would.
00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:40.799
Like they would because nobody's listening.
00:29:40.880 --> 00:30:00.720
So it's a fear of like judgment as to like what's on the other side, but then it also blows my mind that like particularly over here in the UK, like kids talk to their phone and do like TikTok stuff and do videos and do get ready with me's more than like any other generation that I've like that I've ever known.
00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:12.880
So there's like there's almost like two complete opposite ends of the spectrum because for some kids, talking to camera and sharing what they're doing is like as normal as getting up and breathing and brushing their teeth.
00:30:13.119 --> 00:30:20.480
Whereas like, do you know, whereas like for my generation, like that's we wouldn't, we didn't do that.
00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:21.119
Do you know?
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:23.119
I didn't have a phone until I was 16.
00:30:23.359 --> 00:30:30.720
But I think, I think a lot of the stuff like that, it's it is, it's fear of judgment, you know, fear of being embarrassed.
00:30:30.799 --> 00:30:53.599
And that's why it's really important to create those, like, those smaller, safer container space, because ultimately what you're doing in that aspect, you're indirectly like, well, not indirectly, you're directly building like expansion capacity because you're making it like feel more comfortable for them to speak in front of you know one or two people first and then gradually like increasing it.
00:30:53.839 --> 00:31:03.680
Um you know, because the other thing, going back to the fear thing, if someone is genuinely like really uncomfortable, like I'm not an advocate of just going, oh, we'll stop it, then let's just do it.
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:06.079
Like we have to ensure it's aligned.
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:14.160
Like again, you know, I I talk about growth that I think it needs to be a little bit like risotto, which it's like you've got to add the water gradually.
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:20.960
Like we add the water gradually, you know, and we keep stirring in the next month, and we add a little bit more, and then we add a little bit more.
00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:22.559
And it's the same with growth.
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:32.880
Like, for me, if we grow too quickly, and sometimes that can happen, then like the nervous system like literally is just like, what on earth is going on here?
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:40.319
And I then generally believe that's where like the anxiety stuff or like the panic attack kind of things can come in because everything's just so overwhelming.
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:49.599
We've gotta, we've gotta still we can stretch the comfort zone to where it's yes, okay, there's a little bit of activation going on.
00:31:49.759 --> 00:32:04.160
So the heart is there or the palms there or the tummy's going, or you know, the mind gremlins are questioning whether we can do something, but it's not where like we're feeling under so much threat that the body just wants to like completely run.
00:32:05.839 --> 00:32:12.319
With all of this uh acknowledging fear and how it can benefit you, you've created a framework.
00:32:12.640 --> 00:32:12.799
Yeah.
00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:14.640
Can you tell us about the framework?
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:17.359
The fear theory.
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:20.960
The fear theory starts with F.
00:32:21.279 --> 00:32:26.000
And I'm gonna put it over, I always put it over here because it's like this is our future self.
00:32:26.319 --> 00:32:29.839
So the F is who am I becoming?
00:32:30.319 --> 00:32:32.000
Who do I want to be?
00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:34.319
What is like what is my vision?
00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:46.559
And I always say who I want to be because ultimately who we are as people and our identity and the way that we lead ourselves, that ultimately determines the things that we want to achieve.
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:49.279
Like, so we have to focus on the who.
00:32:49.599 --> 00:32:50.960
So, who do I want to be?
00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:53.279
What is the focus of my future?
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:55.839
You know, and I'll give little examples along the way.
00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:59.359
So I mentioned earlier on about someone speaking out more.
00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:11.839
So there may be a situation where um someone's in a conversation with something, and all of a sudden they want to be able to share what they think, but then the fear comes up and they sort of dare because they're not used to speaking out.
00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:17.839
That's then acknowledging, okay, but the future version of me, they're comfortable using their voice.
00:33:18.079 --> 00:33:20.160
So that's what I'm kind of going towards.
00:33:20.319 --> 00:33:28.559
Then we've got E, which this is the this is where all the messy bit is, this is where all the tears are, this is where all the mind gremlins live.
00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:30.880
So E is expansion capacity.
00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:39.279
So this is where we are learning to recognise, understand, and navigate our internal experiences and emotions.
00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:57.200
So this is where this is different for so many people, and there'd be so many little depth depths in this and so many lays because for people that have experienced, you know, lots of trauma or everything, they're gonna have lots more inner work to do to build expansion capacity and to understand.
00:33:57.279 --> 00:34:05.279
But it's basically about understanding what's going on, learning to recognize it, learning to navigate it, learning to heal it.
00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:09.440
Then following that, we have aligned action.
00:34:09.679 --> 00:34:16.480
So this is where the action that we are gonna take aligns right back with that F.
00:34:16.800 --> 00:34:29.519
So it aligns with the future version of us, even which I like the fact that it almost has to go over the top of that E because it's about understanding that those feelings and those emotions are still gonna be there under the surface.
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:39.199
So we can't take the aligned action, and it's like sometimes it might be like, oh, this feels like the right thing, but then the body will still go if it's unfamiliar.
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:46.400
So it's taking the step that aligns with the future version of who that we want to be.
00:34:46.639 --> 00:35:00.639
And I want to advocate here that actually sometimes that's not always movement, so sometimes it can be self-trust and courage coming together, and it can be one step forward, but sometimes it needs to be an intentional pause.
00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:12.559
And I think that in life we have this, I think there's a belief system now in society that everything has to be good all the time, and how quick can we do things, and we've always got to be moving forward.
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:18.719
And actually, we need time to integrate, we need time to adjust, like with things.
00:35:18.880 --> 00:35:24.639
It's not practical to be constantly moving and constantly on the go.
00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:32.239
And my analogy that I give for this one every time is you know, iPhone, I have an iPhone, I have two iPhones actually, one for personal, one for work.
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:36.000
When they are doing an upgrade, they are not available.
00:35:36.159 --> 00:35:40.639
I cannot use that phone when it's doing an iOS upgrade, it's on pause.
00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:41.679
Can't use it.
00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:56.159
And I think that when we're growing, there has to be an intentional pause part where there's recalibration going on, you know, and that's where we have to trust that sometimes it's okay to step back and retreat.
00:35:56.239 --> 00:36:08.320
So aligned action is not always action that requires movement, sometimes aligned action is stillness because stillness and slowness they support the growth as well.
00:36:09.039 --> 00:36:14.239
Provides and reflect as well, absolutely, which then comes into my R.
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:33.199
So R is by repeating the actions that align with the future version of us, we basically rewire the version of ourself that we are, and that comes through constant repetition, which is the brain love and reflection.
00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:41.280
So reflecting on the choices that we're making, is that the right one for this direction that I want to go in and the person that I want to be?
00:36:41.440 --> 00:36:54.000
And constantly, and it is this is where the self-compassion that I mentioned earlier on, there are going to be times where we don't do that, and I'll come back to that in a second because I want to explain our like our nervous systems a bit like them starting our house.
00:36:54.239 --> 00:37:22.960
But it's like ah is basically repeat, reinforcing identity, we're reinforcing the identity of the person that we want to be, and then what we're doing is by constantly repeating, constantly reflecting, we reinforce, so we strengthen and stabilize that version of us, and that's basically us then getting to the end of level one, and then it's like then the next opportunity of growth comes, and then we repeat the cycle all over again, and it is just a complete repetitive cycle.
00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:37.519
But going back to like there are going to be times where like we relapse, if you like, because we are we're like computers, we're programmed, we are co-programmed to our certain belief systems, our conditioning, our personality traits.
00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:44.559
So being aware of them and interjecting them, it takes a lot, it does take time and patience.
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:58.000
So whilst the fear theory is very simple, future focus, e expanding your capacity, taking aligned action, and are reinforcing identity, it's a simplistic process to remember and go through.
00:37:58.159 --> 00:37:59.119
But is it easy?
00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:00.159
Absolutely not.
00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:20.079
And I would be lying if I said that it was, because it's not constantly being aware of our thoughts, our emotions, our feelings, reflecting on things, making different choices, interjecting the natural nervous system responses that we've got, trying to get into the mind gremlins that have been so used to us doing a certain thing for such a long time.
00:38:21.199 --> 00:38:36.000
It takes a lot of conscious choice and conscious effort, which I think for some people is why they want change and they start making the changes, but then sometimes things don't happen as quickly, and then we just think, what's the point?
00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:53.679
And I again, the audio that I listened to this morning, it said it's like the early stages of growth are the hardest because it's like that's where you've planted your seed in the garden and you're going out and the sun's shining on it, and you're watering it every day, but like literally all you're looking at is just dirt, like it's just dirt, you know.
00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:55.599
And I thought, oh my god, that's such a good analogy.
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:56.960
I'm pinching that one.
00:38:57.199 --> 00:39:27.519
Oh, I can feel that yeah, and you've got to keep watering, and you're going out again, there's still dirt, and there's still dirt, but then like all of a sudden, after such like a long period of time, you know, we get this tiny little green shoot kind of coming through, but we don't put a seed in the ground, and then all of a sudden we have a tree, like, and it's the same with us as humans, like we have to continue to water ourselves if you like by aligning ourselves with but what are we growing and what do we want to be?
00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:31.519
Um, and it takes a long time to reprogram like the nervous system.
00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:36.800
People think sometimes as well about working harder, and again, I love analogies.
00:39:36.880 --> 00:39:41.360
I think probably because I've been a teacher, I've been so used to like giving analogies for like kids to understand.
00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:47.199
But I think analogies are great, and it's a little bit like imagine that our nervous system is like the thermostat in our house.
00:39:47.280 --> 00:40:01.679
So imagine my thermostat is set at 19 like degrees C to like we'll cut the heat in, let's say, so it'll kick on and the heating comes on and all the radiators come on, but as soon as it gets to 19 and a half, it kicks out, and then it's like I want to go past 19.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:06.960
So I turn like the heating on again, but the thermostat's still at 19, we get to 19 and a half again.
00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:12.480
So it doesn't matter how many times that heating is turned on, which is why hard work is not always the right thing.
00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:21.360
We have to go to the system underneath, which is rewiring the brain and the nervous system, because that's when we go, oh hang on a minute, it's not about turning the heating on.
00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:25.599
We've got to go to the thermostat, and we have to move the thermostat to 21.
00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:33.760
Because then when we move the thermostat to 21, right now when the heating goes on, we're gonna get to 21 and a half, right?
00:40:33.920 --> 00:40:36.480
So therefore, that's kind of the growth.
00:40:36.639 --> 00:40:49.440
So it's the reprogramming programming of the bits underneath, and that is rewiring our thoughts and supporting ourselves with nervous system awareness and integration.
00:40:49.920 --> 00:40:53.679
And that takes time because you have to create new habits.
00:40:54.159 --> 00:41:04.159
Yes, that is exactly it, you know, and 95% of everything that we do is automatic, and that is crazy when you think about it like that.
00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:08.400
That only 5% of things that we do is conscious thought.
00:41:08.559 --> 00:41:18.079
And even last week, like when I had sleep with exactly last Wednesday, and I had a quiet day in my diary, and I was like, hmm, do I create work to do?
00:41:18.159 --> 00:41:19.679
That's what old Becky would have done.
00:41:19.920 --> 00:41:24.480
Old Becky, the pusher, the achiever, the striver, the forcer.
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:27.280
She would have been like, Well, Wednesday's a working day.
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:33.840
I'm gonna, I need to get into the office and I need to be doing certain things to move forwards.
00:41:34.079 --> 00:41:42.400
And actually, I was like, but does that thought process, do those things reflect the future version of me as to who I want to be?
00:41:42.559 --> 00:41:44.159
And the answer was no.
00:41:44.559 --> 00:41:46.960
I don't want to be that version of me anymore.
00:41:47.119 --> 00:42:17.440
I want to be the version of me that goes, Wow, I've got some time here in my diary today, we've got beautiful weather outside, I'm gonna choose stillness today, and I'm gonna choose integration, and I'm gonna choose being in my garden and reflecting on the journey that I've gone on and the action that I've taken and the things that I've done, and just taking that time to pause with things and that action, it was more comfortable for me last week than it was when I really first started doing that.
00:42:17.760 --> 00:42:29.199
But things just become comfortable because we do them more and more and more and more and more, and it is just about it is just about doing them and persevering and being committed to that version.
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:36.800
And for people that are listening, when you first start this journey, Becky, you definitely will be able to relate to this.
00:42:36.960 --> 00:42:39.440
How hard is it to start meditating?
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:46.239
Like when you first start, like when you were just talking about, oh, I'm gonna go and be still and then I sit outside.
00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:48.400
Showing people like this is so boring.
00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:50.960
Or they'll try for two minutes and I can't meditate.
00:42:51.119 --> 00:42:52.400
But it reminds me of that.
00:42:53.119 --> 00:43:03.360
Yeah, but I think again, so it's so I'm a journaler, and people say, like, oh, I don't know how to journal, and I'm like, but there isn't a right or a wrong.
00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:05.519
And it's like this isn't mine.
00:43:05.599 --> 00:43:12.719
I've definitely heard this, and I don't know where I've heard it to be able to kind of quote, but it's like meditation can be different things.
00:43:12.880 --> 00:43:30.880
So, like, even just 30 seconds dropping the eye line and just taking a few breaths initially is like is that pause, and you know, people think that meditation, you know, it's got this let's just sit cross-legged, let's sit on a cushion, let's put our arms like this.
00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:36.400
I've meditated since COVID, that was when I started, and I've never sat like that ever.
00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:48.400
Like, no, I don't sit with my legs crossed with like my I do open my palms, but like for me, I prefer to do it in different ways.
00:43:48.559 --> 00:43:57.840
I like listening to audios that like take you on a visual, but I think it yeah, anything that breaks us out of like the norm.
00:43:57.920 --> 00:43:59.840
And uh I was talking to someone to go back to my.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:05.760
Intentional pause, and she said something like, Oh, even on my work breaks at work, like I don't have time to stop.
00:44:06.000 --> 00:44:09.119
And I just said, But do you go on your phone in your break at work?
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:10.880
And she was like, Yeah.
00:44:11.039 --> 00:44:13.920
And I was like, then you've got time to have an intentional pause.
00:44:14.079 --> 00:44:26.559
Like, because if you choose not to go on your phone in that time, and you just spend like honestly, so if people now were just like, let me just put like my we put our oven timer on right when our dog's been a little bit naughty and we have to put him in the crate.
00:44:26.719 --> 00:44:40.159
But you know, like literally, if we set a timer for a minute or two minutes and just declared to like be still, it's amazing like how long that feels just in that really short amount of time.
00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:47.599
Whereas we so again, it's a habit thing in habit to go on to our phone and then things are going like this all of the time.
00:44:47.679 --> 00:44:49.039
And we just don't get that time.
00:44:49.199 --> 00:45:04.639
I literally like I must have done now about 20 podcasts, and every time I do one, I'm like, I want something on my desk, but I want a water bottle on my desk that's full of glitter, you know, a bit like a snow globe, because I just think if we're constantly moving through life, that glitter's just going crazy all over the place.
00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:10.639
As soon as we've taught, I don't have glitter in it, but as soon as this goes down, everything just falls to the bottom.
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:17.119
And then it's like there's still the same amount of glitter in there, but all of a sudden we've created all of this empty space.
00:45:17.360 --> 00:45:28.559
And for people who find it difficult to like step back, the creative part of the brain is like more active when we're in a more relaxed state, which is why like I used to be terrible.
00:45:28.639 --> 00:45:51.039
Like I'd go on holiday and I'd be wanting to switch off, and I'd have all these bloody ideas about stuff, but it's like it's because I'm more in a relaxed state, or you hear people that you know get their greatest ideas when they're in the shower or when they're out walking the dog because their brain is in a different state, so like it we're not constantly like forcing, but it's just practice.
00:45:51.360 --> 00:46:02.880
Anything that we do is practice, it's just knowing that this is the starting point that we're at, and also being on like your own journey.
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:06.480
And I can still catch myself doing it now with like the comparison thing.
00:46:06.639 --> 00:46:24.239
But if somebody can say, Oh, you know, I can't meditate, I'd be like, you can, but you have to find your way, and maybe you just start with 10 seconds of breathing in and out, and then tomorrow we might do 10, the day after we might do 20, and then we just kind of build from there, you know.
00:46:24.320 --> 00:46:31.360
I I I'm on a running journey at the minute, and when I started running, I want a runner, but I bought the trainers and I got started.
00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:39.920
And the first few times, like you know, I had to go not very far, I had to go not very slow, but not very fast, so I had to go nice and slow.
00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:55.280
But the point is, I started, and then gradually you build things up and you get more comfortable, and then another really nice exercise to do is to then go, actually, who was I this time last year that I'm not now?
00:46:55.679 --> 00:47:01.119
Where have I shown grow from a year ago to compare to where I am now?
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:05.119
And that's why one of my biggest things is like reinforcing identity.
00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:17.280
One thing that I love to encourage people to do, I as I say I'm a journaler, whether it's journaling or just reflecting, is getting to the end of the day every single day before you go to sleep.
00:47:17.440 --> 00:47:31.039
And part of my evening routine is one thing that I'm grateful for, one thing that I'm proud of, and one thing that I'm celebrating, because that brings attention to the positives because the brain has got a negative bias.
00:47:31.199 --> 00:47:34.639
The brain is always going to remember the things that we didn't do or that we missed.
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:47.280
Or I can still be sometimes hardish on myself now, but I've realized when I have conversations with other people, I I'm able to celebrate myself.
00:47:47.360 --> 00:47:52.719
I'm able to acknowledge the things that like I'm doing, but I think it's because it's become a habit for me.
00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:56.079
It wasn't easy when I first started, I was like, celebrating every single day.
00:47:56.239 --> 00:47:59.599
What do you what I've got to celebrate myself every single day?
00:47:59.840 --> 00:48:11.119
Yes, there is there is always there is always something I can find, always something that I'm grateful for, always something that I'm proud of, and always something that I'm celebrating.
00:48:11.280 --> 00:48:20.639
But that's just come through practice and that supports that reinforcing identity as well, because we then become more programmed to praise ourselves and acknowledge ourselves.
00:48:20.719 --> 00:48:30.800
Because again, you know, I came from a dance background, so everything that I did was always, but you could do more, but you could do more, but you could do more, and this needs to be more perfect, and that needs to be more stretched.
00:48:30.880 --> 00:48:33.440
So I think that had a real impact on my perfectionism.
00:48:33.599 --> 00:48:50.719
I think my perfectionism in school came because of like my dancing, you know, and yes, I always think that there can be progressions to make and there can be growth to make, but it is still goddamn important to acknowledge what we are doing, to acknowledge that effort and that go.
00:48:50.800 --> 00:48:57.840
And I always say, and I've said it to a lot of students, you know, we used to do auditions for something for our shows within my academy.
00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:01.119
Everybody that auditioned was successful.
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:04.239
And initially the kids were like, I don't understand what you mean, Becca.
00:49:04.320 --> 00:49:10.400
And I'm like, because they're choosing to grow, they're choosing to put themselves forward for that audition.
00:49:10.639 --> 00:49:14.320
That is success in itself, it's not the outcome.
00:49:14.559 --> 00:49:22.880
If we are always focusing as success being on the outcome, then we're gonna be disappointed quite a lot.
00:49:23.119 --> 00:49:34.159
Whereas the success is in the action that we take and in the process that we go through and in the journey that we're on, in order to grow.
00:49:34.320 --> 00:49:50.559
And I think if we completely move away this thing, if you like, and it just becomes a cycle of growth and evolution and development, then we praise and celebrate ourselves along the way in all of that.
00:49:52.559 --> 00:49:56.320
I've I'm proud of myself.
00:49:56.639 --> 00:50:04.719
I've had many times of my life where there has been fear and I've done it anyway.
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:10.719
In 2019, I took the year off work, I'd saved money and I had to sort out my anxiety, so I took the year off.
00:50:10.880 --> 00:50:14.320
And I traveled overseas.
00:50:14.480 --> 00:50:23.599
It's like and during that time I read all the self-help me books, I got into meditation, I went to India.
00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:30.320
I when you're talking about the grateful, the proud and celebrating.
00:50:30.480 --> 00:50:42.800
I started with three things I was grateful for morning and night, and I wrote down I went five and then I went ten, and that and it's all about the rewiring of your brain and creating new habits, and that was the best thing that I've ever done.
00:50:43.039 --> 00:50:49.360
And there's been a few I could well off a few different things where I've had fear and done it anyway.
00:50:49.519 --> 00:50:51.039
You never regret it.
00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:55.840
In the moment, you might you might not love it.
00:50:56.079 --> 00:50:59.119
But looking back, it was one of the best things I ever did.
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:09.360
Uh and so I if anyone is listening, I would definitely recommend if don't let fear keep you in a cage.
00:51:10.320 --> 00:51:21.280
And Becky's giving you plenty of uh uh insight today on what you could be doing, though Becky, for our last question, legendary elections is about sharing wisdom that changes lives.
00:51:21.840 --> 00:51:30.000
If someone is listening and standing on the edge of a decision they've been avoiding because they're afraid, what would you say directly to them?
00:51:31.599 --> 00:51:55.519
I would say hand on heart if who they want to be and the direction that they want to go in is on the other side of that fear, and if that fear wasn't there, would they step forward through that doorway towards that direction if they knew everything was going to turn out the way that they wanted it to?
00:51:55.840 --> 00:52:07.199
If they knew that they were guaranteed, because the fear is there because of uncertainty, if they were guaranteed the outcome that they wanted, what would the decision that they would do?
00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:11.679
And for most people, they would choose to take that step forward.
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:27.039
It's having that trust within ourselves to just taking that small step forward, taking fear with you, knowing that it is supporting your growth and your expansion.
00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:33.920
You know what's funny when you just hear things today.
00:52:34.079 --> 00:52:36.480
I'm hearing you, and I needed to hear it myself.
00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:42.320
So I'm sure the listeners are gonna be taking a lot out of this legendary lecture as well.
00:52:43.039 --> 00:52:49.119
Becky, I really appreciate your time today, and I can't wait to see you up on the stage in bright light.
00:52:49.679 --> 00:52:50.480
Thank you.
00:52:51.199 --> 00:52:52.559
Yeah, no, you will.
00:52:52.960 --> 00:53:00.400
And if you want to get in touch with Becky, all of the links of hers will be put at the bottom of the podcast, and I I can't wait to see where you go.
00:53:00.639 --> 00:53:05.599
So thank you, Becky, for sharing your wisdom today on Legendary Lectures, and I look forward to staying in touch.
00:53:06.719 --> 00:53:07.280
Thanks, Becky.
00:53:12.000 --> 00:53:18.079
Thanks for tuning in to Legendary Lectures, where everyday people share extraordinary stories and knowledge.
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