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THE WIENER PROTOCOL

Midterms in one week. Dems are already polishing their subpoenas & licking their lips. Their latest attack bot, Senator Alex Padilla went full all-caps: "INVESTIGATE ELON MUSK," who responded, "Investigate your wiener," followed by the eggplant emoji and a laugh.

BOOTY BOMB

At a Michigan rally yesterday, Evil Trump looked out at the crowd, finished complimenting a male senator's athletic rear, then pivoted to Nicki Minaj! The races are tight. The energy is unhinged. The azzes—literal and metaphorical—are on full display.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Just as Ilhan Omar's not-to-my-knowledge interview wraps, the NY Post publishes her sister's 1997 UK marriage certificate which lists the exact paternal name that appears in both her father's known aliases and Omar's ex-husband's full name. Do the Math, Sherlock.

MONEY SHOT

Ilhan Omar's first post-raid appearance is a TikTok Cash Grab! "I will not be silenced" meets "please send $5–20." First words out are a fundraising pitch on the app known for dances and vibes. Peak 2026.
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