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Welcome to Design Pause, a space for women who are thinking about taking an intentional career break.
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I'm Deidra Green.
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Today's episode is adapted from a recent video where I reflect on what it really means to pause, not to escape your life, but to design what comes next.
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If you're in a season of transition, you're in the right place.
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Okay, so today I am so excited because we are speaking to Bernadette Smith about her Designed Pause.
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So Bernadette Smith is founder and CEO of the Equality Institute and an award-winning author of four books, including her latest, the bestseller Inclusive 360: Proven Solutions for an Equitable Organization.
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Bernadette's insight has been trusted by major brands, including Fortune 500 companies and global leadership teams.
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Because of her impact as a change agent for inclusion, she has been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, CNN, and the Today Show.
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Bernadette's also been named one of Chicago's notab- notable LGBTQ executives by Crain's Chicago Business.
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When she's not busy speaking, you're likely to find her on a local pickleball court.
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So Bernadette Smith, welcome to Designed Pause.
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Thank you.
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It's my pleasure to be here.
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I appreciate your asking me.
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Awesome.
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I'm so happy that you're here.
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Um, before we get into the journey, I do wanna give people a little bit of context.
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So tell us who you were before you made the leap into entrepreneurship.
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What, what did your life look like at that time when you made that decision? So I have been an entrepreneur for 22 years.
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So, um, I started my first business, uh, in 2004 when I was living in Boston, Massachusetts.
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I was at the time planning events for a nonprofit.
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I was a few years out of college.
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I had done an AmeriCorps program and worked for nonprofits, so that was...
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I hadn't quite figured out, uh, what I wanted to, to be in the world, but I knew that I wanted to change the world in, in some, in some capacity.
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And I had an undergraduate degree in film.
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So I was in Boston, and I was, uh, on my way to work, and I heard on the radio that the States Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality for same-sex couples.
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And at the time, uh, it was illegal in all 50 states, and there were all of these protests at the Massachusetts, uh, State House for and against marriage equality.
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So I would go to those protests, and I would see couples, some of whom had been together for decades, fighting for their rights to get married.
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And, uh, and I decided, I knew that the law was gonna go through, and I decided then and there on the State House steps that I was gonna be a wedding planner, a, an activist wedding planner, to help those couples navigate a very straight wedding industry.
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And so that was my very first business, and it really had a strong sense of purpose with it.
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Um, I went on to write three books on LGBTQ weddings.
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I ended up doing a lot of professional speaking on the subject.
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A lot of the news mentions that you mentioned were related to that topic.
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And, uh, and I created an online certification course for professionals in the industry.
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So I really did a lot.
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That was really the start of my inclusion journey, was around inclusion and wedding hospitality and travel.
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So, um, that was where it all began.
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So, so it's so interesting, um, that you decided, "I'm going to go out and I'm gonna start my own business doing this," as opposed to going inside of an organization and trying to do inclusion that way.
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Was that, was that an intentional decision? Did you not see a way that you could do it for another organization, or was it that you just knew that you needed to do it, uh, as an entrepreneur? You know what? I don't even know that it occurred to me to go get a job at a catering company or so- Like, and that- Mm-hmm I just don't even think that was, like, even a consideration.
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Um, you know, by this point I was, I think, 26 or 27.
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Um, by that point I had built some things.
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You know, I had started a Habitat for Humanity chapter in college.
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I had done a lot of leadership stuff by this point, even though I was pretty young.
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And, um, and I just sort of had, like, this visionary attitude and, like, you know, if they build it, if, if I build it, they will come.
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And so yeah, I just kind of...
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It was like a leap and the net will appear kind of moment.
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Yeah.
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Exactly.
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But I mean, a lot of people in your position, even with, you know, the leadership, I mean, I have talked to so many incredible women especially who have done so many amazing things that are still kind of hesitant about how does their skill set- fit or does my skill set still matter? Is it still a value if I'm outside of a corporate environment or if I'm outside doing things on my own? So what is it about you or your experience that has made you feel that you, that that wasn't a barrier for you? Well, my parents were immigrants from Ireland, and they moved here in the 1950s.
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Um, my dad was the oldest of 11 and had to leave home at the age of 14 to work and support the family and because the house was too small.
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And so I was just sort of raised with this attitude of build it.
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My parents owned a bar.
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Uh, up until I was eight years old, I literally lived upstairs from a bar.
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And so I saw my parents work hard and hustle and build something from nothing.
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Or at least I saw the tail end of them building something from nothing.
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And so I think that there is sort of an inherited grit and resilience a- and sense of possibility if I build things.
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Um, so I think that's part of it.
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And then also my parents died when I was in my early 20s.
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Oh.
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And so, um, they both did.
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And so by the time I started my first business, they weren't around.
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Um, but I, maybe there was a part of me that was like- I'm doing it for you, mom and dad.
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I don't know.
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Mm-hmm.
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Like, there was perhaps something there as well.
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Um, all I know is that I have that s- well, and I think the other t- thing now, you know, as I've, as an, a more mature adult reflecting and having done, like, an exercise on core values, one of my top two core values is freedom, and there's no greater freedom than what you get as an entrepreneur.
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Um, so I think that I had a taste of that as well.
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Um, you know, in my early 20s I did have various nonprofit jobs, but I was also laid off from a job and I had to- Hmm sort of figure it out, uh, in that interim period.
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And so, and I did, and I learned to trust myself, and I learned to figure it out.
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And so all of those things, I think, combined to give me the sense of just go for it.
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Mm-hmm.
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I love that you said, "I learned to trust myself," because I think that that is such a huge factor when deciding to step back from anything or to step forward into something that you may not know all the variables, you may not know all the in and outs, you don't know what's gonna happen next.
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Um, but learning to trust yourself is one of those, is one of the key things that you have to have in order to keep pushing forward, so I really, really love that you, that you said that.
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Um, was there ever a moment where you were feeling like, "You know what? This is becoming too much.
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I don't, I don't really know where to go from here.
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Things are looking a little bit shaky," and how you kind of pushed through that resistance? Uh, there have been so many moments like that, uh, but there was a really key moment in which I burned all of that down.
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Um, yeah, I had been pretty successful as a wedding planner.
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I moved my business eventually from Boston to New York City when marriage equality came to New York.
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Um, I started planning six-figure weddings.
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Uh, I started getting inve- in- in- in- invitations to, like, the Martha Stewart wedding party every year you know? Like, high-end events.
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And, um, and it was a cool experience to kind of be in all of that, but also it was so far from my sense of purpose for the work.
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Hmm.
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And I had lost all of that.
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And also, my marriage was on the rocks and my, my then wife, uh, told me she wanted a divorce.
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And so all of that sort of coalesced into me just sort of saying, "Screw it all.
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Um, I'm gonna start over."
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And so I eventually moved to Chicago, stopped planning weddings, and, and even stopped speaking and training in those industries for- Mm.
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Now that is, uh, another interesting choice of words.
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It's also a choice of words that, that I've used before.
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When you say, "Burn it all down," it's, at least from my perspective, it's you're starting fresh, you're starting something new, but you're not...
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You're starting from experience, right? So even when you, when you burn it all down, you still have yourself.
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So what made you not afraid to start fresh, to move, you know, and just say, "You know what? I can...
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I, you know, I did it once, I can do it again.
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I'm gonna rebuild.
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This doesn't quite feel right anymore."
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Um, and so e- even in the midst of all that happening, I could imagine how heavy it must have felt at that time.
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W- where did you find the strength, or what were the things that you hung onto- Mm-hmm to say, "I can do this again"? I don't even know.
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It was so hard.
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There was so...
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I, I did it before knowing how hard the grief would be.
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Mm.
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Um, you know? Mm-hmm.
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I, I made those choices, and then when the grief hit, it was rough, and it went on for years.
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And, you know, really rebuilding myself in Chicago meant not only rebuilding my business, uh, because I evolved it away from even speaking in those industries, rebuilding my professional network, a new relationship, um, friendships that were- Mm on the East Coast.
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I mean, there were so many, like, life pillars that really got a huge refresh, uh, during that time.
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Um, I think I was able to go for it because I trusted myself.
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Again, I had learned to trust myself.
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I had proved to myself in the past that I could start over.
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Um, by this point I had lived in Boston, Atlanta, San Antonio, Texas, and New York City.
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Uh-huh.
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Um, so I had started over, even if it was just for a few months, in, in each of those cities, so I had proven that I could do that.
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Um, and I proved that I could figure out the money thing, because that was a huge factor.
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I will say, Deidre, um, bo- at that point in my life I hadn't really done much, like, spirituality work or anything like- Mm woo, woo woo.
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Mm-hmm.
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But that, that is when I started.
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I needed, I needed to- Get a bigger sense of- Yes of my relationship to the world in order to get through that.
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Mm-hmm.
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So that is the time in my life which I consider my professional identity crisis, in which I read the book You're a Badass at Making Money to get my head out of the scarcity mindset that I inherited- Yeah from my immigrant parents.
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So the work of cultivating an abundance mindset was the hardest of all- Yes of the personal development work that I did.
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Um, but that helped.
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Um, you know, everything from, like, learning transcendental meditation and adopting mantras and g- gratitude rituals and subconscious reprogramming and coaching.
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Like, there has been so much that I have, um, so many sort of like metaphysical tools- Mm-hmm that I now use.
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You know, I sort of have them in my bag of tricks, um, that really help me when I need that extra bit of resilience.
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Because you know what? I, my industry is DEI, diversity- Yeah equity and inclusion, and so I went through the wringer just like so many of my peers- Yes over the past few years.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I am so glad that I had all of those tools that I had cultivated along the way because I've been an entrepreneur for so long.
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Yeah.
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No, I, I love that because, um, I think you do have to go into that bag of, of woo woo or what have you, and people say it like that, but it's really true.
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Like, it really does work if you do the work.
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But I think that some people think that you can just do it overnight or you could just do it once or what have you, but you have to be really- Practice consistent.
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Like, you have to be really, um, in a practice to, you know, see the results of that work and really retrain your mind.
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So I'm so happy that you brought that up because I think that is the, the big- I think there's two big things that people will tell me when they say that they're, they're afraid to start something on their own or they're s- they're afraid, um, to step out and trust themselves.
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It's, one is what is everybody else gonna think? Like, what are people gonna think of me? Like, you know, I, uh, how can I let all this go? How can I be ungrateful for this job that I have when so many people don't have a job? You know, who am I to, you know, give it up and, and because I'm, quote unquote, "unhappy" or what have you? And then the second thing is that people always talk about is the money.
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And so tell me, um, a little bit, dig, dig into that a little bit more with me about some of the thing...
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I know you named a few of the things that you did to kind of change, retrain your mind, but can you expand on it any more about how difficult it was or, you know, what you thought it was gonna be versus what it actually became? Sure.
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Uh, and it's such a consis- that's, of all the things that require consistency for me, cultivating an abundance mindset is number one.
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So it's y- you know, even though I started that, that journey eight years ago, it's still very active.
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Um, so f- first of all, I think the book You're a Badass at Making Money is great.
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There are exercises in there.
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It's funny.
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I listen to it as an audiobook.
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Like, it's very practical.
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Yes.
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So, you know, that starts sort of with listening or thinking about the m- money messages you received as a child.
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So for me, money messages were around, um, you know, there's not enough, or competition around money, like the pie is too small, you know, competition with other people.
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Um, there's, uh, there's just messages around, like, being cheap and buying things.
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Mm-hmm.
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So all of that stuff y- that I had to untangle, and, and I untangled it by doing things like donating.
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You consistently, especially when I felt particularly broke, even if it was $5 to a Facebook fundraiser, consistently donating, and doing it with a sense of just joy.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, also a really funny thing that's in the book, leave mon- leave cash all over your house.
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So I lift up my laptop, you know what? What's down here? Yes.
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There's like a $20 bill under here.
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I love that.
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You know, I pull out this drawer.
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Hey, what did I find? Oh, my goodness.
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Opening my checkbook to write a check.
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Ha! Oh, my gosh.
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How cool is that? I love this.
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Money everywhere.
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So it's like, it's like, there's money.
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It always shows up for me, you know? Yes.
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So it's like, it's kind of having this, like, joy around it.
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You know, when I receive client checks or when I resign a, get a new signed contract, it's like, "Yes, universe, thank you."
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Yes.
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More, more days like this.
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Yes.
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More receivables like, you know? And so it's like, it's that kind of energy as opposed to an energy of fear.
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Yes.
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And, uh, the energy of fear is sneaky and insidious.
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Yeah.
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And I feel like I'm constantly squashing it.
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Mm.
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So even now, even after everything that you've done, you still have to actively, you know, push fears aside.
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Absolutely.
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Limiting voices are insidious because ultimately at the end of the day, those voices in our head are designed to keep us small.
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They're designed to protect us.
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Um, but you know what? They don't necessarily serve us.
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So, um, you know, so it's really, like, having a kind of cheerful mindset about even the limiting voices.
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You know? Like, I, uh, it's not, so it's not just about money.
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So- You know, I'm the youngest child, uh, and I was sort of daddy's little girl.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so I have a limiting voice around, like, outshining my older siblings.
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I had, you know, a message from my parents, "Children should be seen and not heard."
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And I know that my sense of purpose, my purpose in this world is to be a speaker and writer, and, like, to be seen and heard.
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Yes.
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And so, like, I get limiting voice messages about, like, "Oh, you don't have to show up for that.
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Oh, you don't..."
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You know? Like, like things that are trying to keep me small- Yeah to protect me, that keep me safe.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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And, again, there's not necessarily...
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It's one thing if it's a limiting voice.
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It's another thing if, you know, your body's just tired.
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But it's like, tho- it's really, um, important to kind of know the difference and sort of say, "God, you silly brain, what are you doing?" Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
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Like, you know, sort of have a cheerful curiosity about that stuff, too.
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And do you feel like you learned the difference between those two voices with practice? Is there a time that maybe you, you felt like you made a misstep listening to, uh, your inner voice? Or is that not a thing? Yeah.
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I would say, um, the missteps that I have made related to listening to my voice are because I am such an optimist, and sometimes my optimism clouds my better judgment.
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Mm.
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My sense of hopefulness.
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That's sort of my Achilles heel when it comes to, um, uh, when it comes to things.
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Yeah.
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So actually, I have to pay attention.
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I've learned that for me, I need to pay attention to the nos.
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Mm-hmm.
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Be really clear on the nos, and that's gotten pretty sharp.
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Yeah.
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No, I, uh, appreciate you saying that, because one of the things that I try to talk about is being, being practical and planful, but not fearful.
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Like, you can't just say, "I'm gonna quit my job," and you don't have any savings, and you don't have a plan, and you don't know where you're gonna live or what you're gonna do or how you're gonna eat.
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But you can, you can begin to plan in that way, and you can begin to make sure that you're taking care of yourself while still pursuing your dreams.
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So I love, you know, that it, that you have this voice that's like, "Okay," like, "maybe this isn't the right path.
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Maybe I have to do something else, and maybe it's a no, um, that's leading me in a different direction."
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So it's not yes to everything.
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Um- Mm-hmm I think that's, I think that's a really, really good point.
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And you mentioned before, and I wanna go back to, um, the book You Are a Badass at Making Money.
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I've also read that book.
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I absolutely really love it.
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I've read the first one that's just You Are a Badass too.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, which led me to that one.
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But, um, and I'll make sure I link the, the both of those in the, in the show notes for anyone who might be interested in them.
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But let's talk about your book, Inclusive 360.
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So where, where did that come from? And was writing that book or any of your other books, was that always a part of the plan, or did that emerge from the clarity that you had of just following your, your dream? Well, I've always enjoyed writing, and I've always maintained a journal.
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Um, at one point when I was in my wedding days, I hired a business coach who said, "You are the person that knows all this stuff.
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Because of your experiences with LGBTQ couples, people will pay you for what's in your brain.
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So write it all down and start speaking and writing about it."
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Like, the idea of thought leadership was not on my radar at that point, so, uh, shout out to Rebecca and Sean for getting that, my brain operating in that way.
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Um, all of my books came from other writing, so from essentially blogging.
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My, my l- last book, Inclusive 360, came from my newsletter.
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So I have, for the past seven years, written a newsletter called Five Things: Good Vibes and DEI, and th- that's, uh, a newsletter that celebrates what's working.
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It celebrates the good things that are happening.
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So an example from a recent Five Things is, um, now people who are getting out of prison in Maryland can be registered to vote right away.
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Wow.
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Like, it's part of the process, right? That it's part of the re-entry.
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And so, like simple things like that, I share those stories in my newsletter, and those stories became the book.
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Uh, so Inclusive 360 is the first book I wrote not about weddings, and the main reason I wrote it was to get over my imposter syndrome that I had moving away from the wedding space.
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Yes.
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So even though I had made the decision to evolve my business, I still had these limiting voices telling me, "You've never worked in corporate.
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Why are you trying to sell to corporate? You've never had those experiences," right? And so, um, you know, s- stuff like that.
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Yeah.
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And so I was like, you know what? But I have had a lot of leadership experience.
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I've had a lot of experience in client-facing roles.
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I've done...
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I had to sort of prop myself up, um, by validating my own other experiences.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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And the book really came from that.
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It came from, like, you know what? Fuck you, imposter syndrome.
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Here's my book.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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I call that, um, running the tape.
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So, so I tell people like, "You have to run the tape."
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Like, when you feel like you can't do anything or that you haven't done anything, you need to list out all of the things that you've already done and you've already overcome.
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Because I think we forget, like, we're just, you know, you're only as good as the very last thing that you've done.
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And that, you have to get rid of that thought process that, oh- Mm-hmm those things don't matter anymore.
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Nobody's talking about them anymore, so it doesn't ma- It's like, you, you did that.
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You know, you, you pushed through that.
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You built that.
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You overcame it, whatever have you, and it, you can't, you can't forget that type of stuff.
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So I think, um, you know, propping yourself up in that way is a, is a great takeaway, um, for people who are listening to this.
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Um, you mentioned that you had someone who was kind of in your ear that said, you know, "Hey, you're, you should, you should write a book."
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Is this a, was this a coach that you invested in, or was it a mentor that you invested in? And can you, if not, can you speak about some kind of, uh, or some of the investments that you've made in yourself to push your business forward? Yeah.
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I'm in, I've invested a lot in my- myself.
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Um, so everything, certainly business coaches.
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I've had several along the way.
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I had, uh, one, two when I was in the wedding industry.
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I've had a couple since.
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Um, I don't have one right now.
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Now I feel like I, I get it.
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I'm like really on top of it.
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Um- Yeah but, uh, I needed to invest in all of that.
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I needed to sort of have a sounding board.
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And also, um, I didn't always have community.
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One of the messages I got from my parents was, "I'm raising you to be independent."
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And they died- Mm they died when I was pretty young.
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So you know what? I guess it's a good thing they raised me to be independent, but I also got the message not to ask for help and not to talk about problems.
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So I'm like, right? But here I am, an entrepreneur.
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It's a lonely existence.
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How do you troubleshoot on your own? How do you get answers and, and s- and have, like, an outside perspective? Well, I hired coaches be- for that.
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Um, I since learned how to ask for help, and I learned how to build a community and my peers, and I can text a lot of people about a lot of different things, and I have a lot of support now.
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But that has been a process.
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Um, so that's part of the stuff I've invested in.
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Um, I've paid- Mm for some communities.
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I, um, I also am a professionally trained speaker, so speaking is something I've always been pretty good at, but I also went through something called Heroic Public Speaking to get even better and get even more comfortable, and turn my speaking into not just a, a talk, but a performance.
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Um- Yeah and so to really kind of level up in that way as well.
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Um, I've invested in social media people, accountant people.
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I love to delegate.
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Love to delegate.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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I think that's a great, a great way of looking at it, and I think it's also something that people are fearful of doing, is investing in themselves to, um, to start something new or to push their business forward or to help them.
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I know I was, I was brought up, um, with this similar feeling of needing to be independent and very, very terrified almost to a- ask for help because for me it was about looking incompetent or looking like- Mm I didn't know how to find the answer or that I couldn't go get the answer myself, and what does that say about me as a person? But I was always so happy to help anyone else.
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So I don't, I had to kinda turn it on my head and say, "Well, you don't think that about people when they ask you for help, so why do you think that they would think that about you, um, when you ask them for help?" So I think those are incredible points, is to, to not be afraid to invest in yourself and, and to have community and to reach out, um, and ask for help.
295
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Um, the, the DEI space which you're in is, is one where your credibility just matters, matters so much.
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So how did you, um, how did you translate all of your life in experiences into building the credibility for yourself in that space? Because I can vouch for, for, for you.
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For those of you who are listening, I've heard Bernadette speak, and that is how we met, and I was just so incredibly impressed with how much of yourself that you are.
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And that is the thing that stuck with me the most, was I'm like, "Oh, my God, this woman is so free to be who she is."
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So how did you, you get to that point of feeling so free, and how did you take all your life experiences and turn that into a skill set? Yeah.
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Thank you.
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I appreciate.
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That's a really wonderful compliment.
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Um, I will say this is like Bernadette 3.0.
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Um, the, the energy that you pick up from me and that sense of freedom and authenticity, I did not really have that as a wedding planner.
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Um, when I was a wedding planner, uh, especially when I was in New York- And I was sort of in this, like, six-figure wedding environment.
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I felt like a fraud.
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I felt stiff.
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I, 'cause I couldn't relate, felt a little wasteful to me, but it was also kind of fun spending other people's money.
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Like, you know, I just kind of felt like I couldn't really relate to my clients Mm-hmm and some of their, like, incomes and tastes and, uh- Yeah all of it was, like, foreign, but it was also, like, I was pretty much close to the top of my game.
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Anyway, so I've, that version of myself was a lot more stiff, a lot less free.
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Um, and now, you know, this version of myself, I, um, I have learned to love myself.
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Mm-hmm.
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Right? And I have alar- Mm-hmm I have learned to allow myself to be loved.
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And I, um, I think just sort of, there's just so much work that you have to do.
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Yeah.
316
00:30:18,623.7480357 --> 00:30:25,653.7506297
And I think at the end of the day, pretty much all of our shit comes down to lack of self-worth.
317
00:30:25,713.7481883 --> 00:30:25,803.7445261
Yeah.
318
00:30:26,763.7436106 --> 00:30:35,593.7454417
And when we get to that place of truly loving ourselves and allowing ourselves to be loved, there is so much freedom.
319
00:30:36,223.7503245 --> 00:30:36,613.7497141
Mm.
320
00:30:36,643.7484934 --> 00:30:44,303.7445261
There is so much authenticity- Mm-hmm because, um, there's less fear of judgment.
321
00:30:45,313.7466624 --> 00:30:45,373.744221
Mm.
322
00:30:45,373.744221 --> 00:31:00,143.7484934
I mean, that still shows up, but, you know, I, of all the work, the self-love work is the, is, well, it's right up there with, uh, abundance- Yeah in terms of the, the key, uh, how, how critical it is.
323
00:31:00,463.7481883 --> 00:31:04,163.7451365
I don't know if I, that exactly answers your question, but- No, it does.
324
00:31:04,163.7451365 --> 00:31:04,813.7466624
It does.
325
00:31:04,813.7466624 --> 00:31:21,293.7500193
It does, and it's such like, um, it actually is, like, such a healing answer for me and I think for people who are, are listening as well, like, to get to that space where you're just like, "I'm, I'm free."
326
00:31:21,683.749409 --> 00:31:32,13.7436106
And I think that is what a lot of people are searching for when they're in a space and they're not feeling happy doing what they're doing.
327
00:31:32,13.7436106 --> 00:31:38,143.7484934
It's usually because they're performing, like, this version of themselves that isn't really who they wanna be.
328
00:31:38,473.7503245 --> 00:31:43,113.7497141
And on the inside, you might not have words for it, but you're, you're fighting.
329
00:31:43,113.7497141 --> 00:31:45,813.7466624
You're fighting, and that's where the exhaustion comes from.
330
00:31:46,73.7411692 --> 00:31:47,673.7472727
That's where the anxiety comes from.
331
00:31:47,673.7472727 --> 00:31:54,243.7545969
That's where, like, kind of the depression comes from, um, because, 'cause you know something is off.
332
00:31:54,433.7417796 --> 00:31:55,503.7491038
You know something is off.
333
00:31:55,503.7491038 --> 00:31:58,943.7515452
So th- I think that was a great answer, and I really, really appreciate it.
334
00:31:59,433.7417796 --> 00:32:07,3.7491038
Um, but now that you are on the other side of this, tell me about your day-to-day life.
335
00:32:07,3.7491038 --> 00:32:23,988.7475398
Like, what does your, what does your life look like? What does your day look like? Well, uh, because I have created my life led by the core values of freedom and optimism, um, I s- I play pickleball just about every day.
336
00:32:24,368.7476542 --> 00:32:37,428.7471201
So, um- Yeah in, in the winter I usually work from about 8:00 to 3:00, and then I go play pickleball at the gym and do some exercises and go to the sauna and, and it's lovely.
337
00:32:37,548.7479594 --> 00:32:40,778.7475016
Um, I do, I would do, like, mar- my deep work in the winter.
338
00:32:41,398.7464335 --> 00:32:46,538.7477305
Um, a lot of writing, project stuff in the winter, um, deep focus stuff.
339
00:32:46,618.7457468 --> 00:32:54,888.7462046
And then in the summer I often start by playing pickleball in the morning, like 9:00 to 11:00, and then- Wow work the rest of the day.
340
00:32:55,288.7477305 --> 00:33:04,888.7462046
And you know what? There's a, an amazing sense of freedom playing pickleball outside on a sunny day in the middle of the week at, you know, 9:00 AM.
341
00:33:04,888.7462046 --> 00:33:06,708.7458994
It's like, it's glorious.
342
00:33:07,8.7489512 --> 00:33:07,118.7457468
Yeah.
343
00:33:07,118.7457468 --> 00:33:07,228.7463572
Yeah.
344
00:33:07,228.7463572 --> 00:33:10,128.7478831
There's nothing like that sense of freedom and, and community.
345
00:33:10,468.7480357 --> 00:33:14,248.746815
And the sort, and b- and that, and, and pickleball checks a lot of boxes for me.
346
00:33:14,708.7458994 --> 00:33:19,878.7478831
You know, physical, social, mental, all of that kind of wellbeing stuff is, is there.
347
00:33:20,368.7457468 --> 00:33:22,468.744221
Um- Mm-hmm so that's a big part of it.
348
00:33:22,518.7472727 --> 00:33:27,648.7445261
Uh, another thing that's part of my weekly routine, uh, is, uh, my newsletter.
349
00:33:27,678.7509348 --> 00:33:29,558.7481883
So I still write the Five Things newsletter.
350
00:33:29,588.7469676 --> 00:33:29,618.7457468
Mm-hmm.
351
00:33:29,618.7457468 --> 00:33:32,838.7469676
I have a podcast that goes along with it called Good Vibes Leadership.
352
00:33:33,348.7491038 --> 00:33:39,478.7463572
So curating the stories and writing that, um, there's, it's spread out over the course of a few different days.
353
00:33:39,478.7463572 --> 00:33:41,248.7506297
Thursday is my day for learning.
354
00:33:41,638.7500193 --> 00:33:43,408.7466624
Friday is my day for writing.
355
00:33:43,408.7466624 --> 00:33:48,308.7481883
I have some backend assistance with, with that from my team- Mm-hmm and, and publishing.
356
00:33:48,668.7487986 --> 00:33:53,78.7448313
Um, Monday I do some videos, some social media stuff for it.
357
00:33:53,418.7487986 --> 00:33:59,8.7451365
So I take about an hour to two each day for those things, um, for those of, uh, those days.
358
00:33:59,328.7448313 --> 00:34:08,138.7500193
Um, and then, you know, I would say, like, the rest of the week is, is project work, client work, um, that kind of stuff.
359
00:34:08,518.7472727 --> 00:34:12,8.7451365
I try to have my client stuff in the middle of the day.
360
00:34:12,698.7475779 --> 00:34:13,128.7478831
Mm-hmm.
361
00:34:13,568.7503245 --> 00:34:13,928.7509348
Mm-hmm.
362
00:34:14,618.7457468 --> 00:34:29,738.7484934
So, um, you have absolutely completely designed your life from top to bottom, and now it's the way that you want it to look, and when it doesn't look like what you want it to look, I would imagine that you would just tweak it.
363
00:34:29,738.7484934 --> 00:34:32,888.7423899
Is, am I, would I be correct in that assumption, or...?
364
00:34:33,128.7478831 --> 00:34:34,698.7399485
Yeah, absolutely.
365
00:34:34,698.7399485 --> 00:34:36,538.7515452
I, I tweak it constantly.
366
00:34:36,568.7503245 --> 00:34:38,678.7509348
Um- Mm-hmm.
367
00:34:38,678.7509348 --> 00:34:38,828.7448313
Yeah.
368
00:34:38,828.7448313 --> 00:34:40,688.7454417
So- I, everything I need.
369
00:34:41,228.7539866 --> 00:34:41,718.744221
Yeah.
370
00:34:42,118.7533762 --> 00:34:43,258.7527659
I, I love this.
371
00:34:43,258.7527659 --> 00:34:43,948.7399485
I love this.
372
00:34:43,948.7399485 --> 00:34:56,248.7430003
I have one, well, two last questions for you that, um, I think we have to, we have to touch on, and one is that you mention your core values of freedom and optimism.
373
00:34:56,288.7515452 --> 00:35:04,588.7545969
How does someone find their core values? Not just what they think they should be or what they think people wanna hear them say.
374
00:35:04,588.7545969 --> 00:35:20,88.7473013
How do they truly know that that that's their core values? You know, I had done some exercises and came up with, like, five and, and then I'm like, "Eh, are these really my five?" Mm-hmm.
375
00:35:20,508.7473776 --> 00:35:24,278.7471201
And then I saw Brene Brown was like, "Oh, you really only have two."
376
00:35:24,278.7471201 --> 00:35:24,378.7475016
Mm.
377
00:35:25,108.7470438 --> 00:35:30,968.7476542
And I was like, "Well, if there's only two, oh, well, that's obvious."
378
00:35:32,818.7472823 --> 00:35:35,948.7471583
Like, it just felt really obvious when I was like, "Uh, it's just two."
379
00:35:36,728.7473681 --> 00:35:37,178.7471774
Yeah.
380
00:35:37,848.7472537 --> 00:35:38,228.7473681
Yeah.
381
00:35:39,428.7471774 --> 00:35:57,718.7466624
So- I don't know would you, would you recommend, um, for those listening, just start writing what you think your core values are, and then if it has to be two, that would help them kinda narrow it down? Do they ever change? I don't think that...
382
00:35:58,58.746815 --> 00:36:00,328.7472727
Yeah, I don't think they've changed for me.
383
00:36:00,758.7475779 --> 00:36:00,888.7467387
Mm-hmm.
384
00:36:00,888.7467387 --> 00:36:07,68.7489512
But what I think is, I think the best way to do it is to, like, write down your most extreme behaviors.
385
00:36:07,608.746052 --> 00:36:08,408.7491038
Mm.
386
00:36:08,458.7483408 --> 00:36:25,268.7458994
Like, what are the things, the biggest decisions you've made, the biggest risks you've t- Like, what are the things that have, like, made you the most, like, full version of yourself? And then sort of like, oh, so what, what was the value behind that? That's how I would approach it, I think.
387
00:36:25,748.7454417 --> 00:36:26,148.7469676
Yeah.
388
00:36:26,378.7465098 --> 00:36:32,218.7466624
Just keep asking, "Well, why did you do that? Why did you do that?" to get to kinda the root, root of that.
389
00:36:32,658.7491038 --> 00:36:32,718.7466624
Yeah.
390
00:36:32,718.7466624 --> 00:36:32,808.746815
Wow.
391
00:36:32,808.746815 --> 00:36:34,708.7483408
And then look at, look at the trends, right? Yeah.
392
00:36:34,738.7471201 --> 00:36:44,198.7500193
If I think about the trends in my life, everything that I have built has all been in purs- And the way I've built my life has all been in pursuit of freedom.
393
00:36:45,428.7457468 --> 00:36:45,868.7481883
Wow.
394
00:36:46,488.7509348 --> 00:36:46,848.7439158
Wow.
395
00:36:47,588.749409 --> 00:37:06,228.7487986
Well, thank you so much for sharing that, and I can't believe how much time has already gone by already, but we do have a few minutes left, and I wanna give you the opportunity to say anything that you haven't said that you think would be of value to anyone who's listening.
396
00:37:11,48.7472703 --> 00:37:16,118.7475016
I think that you have it in you already.
397
00:37:17,718.7474062 --> 00:37:22,8.7468913
Whatever you need to take the leap, you have it in you already.
398
00:37:22,478.7471583 --> 00:37:29,338.746815
And, you know, maybe you need to think about things from a spiritual perspective in order to help you take the leap.
399
00:37:29,978.748112 --> 00:37:37,658.7465098
Um, there are things you can learn from all of the various religions related, like, sci- and scientific principles.
400
00:37:37,738.7464335 --> 00:37:49,688.7491038
I'm not a scientist, but, like, if you Google, like, the seven hermetic principles, like, they're sort of universal principles across religions that are based in science essentially.
401
00:37:50,228.7462046 --> 00:37:55,98.7489512
And thinking about that, uh, those different principles, and this is...
402
00:37:55,548.7458994 --> 00:37:57,108.7472727
You might need to delete this section.
403
00:37:57,108.7472727 --> 00:37:57,938.7491038
Like, I think...
404
00:37:58,98.7489512 --> 00:37:58,988.7477305
Sorry, Deidra.
405
00:37:59,318.7463572 --> 00:37:59,928.7469676
No.
406
00:37:59,928.7469676 --> 00:38:02,618.7455943
I, go, I want you to be honest about everything.
407
00:38:03,278.7454417 --> 00:38:25,603.7472918
So, it's to, I don't wanna get into the weeds about the, about them- Yeah But learning about them- Yeah has given me a sense of peace in process, right? Masculine and feminine, uh, polarity, right? Yeah.
408
00:38:25,603.7472918 --> 00:38:39,373.7472727
So thinking about the, the different contrasts, all these different principles, right? So learning about that and sort of it's just the way the universe works- Yeah um, really gives, can also bring a sense of peace.
409
00:38:39,933.7467387 --> 00:38:40,393.7477305
Yes.
410
00:38:40,693.7469676 --> 00:38:40,763.7466624
Yeah.
411
00:38:40,763.7466624 --> 00:38:47,643.7477305
And I think that when we are on an entrepreneurial journey, we need to find peace- Yeah everywhere we can get it.
412
00:38:47,643.7477305 --> 00:38:47,813.7478068
Mm-hmm.
413
00:38:47,813.7478068 --> 00:38:54,523.7487986
So, so explore that stuff for yourself- Mm-hmm if you're struggling to take the leap.
414
00:38:54,993.7462046 --> 00:38:55,473.7457468
Mm-hmm.
415
00:38:55,953.7491038 --> 00:38:56,73.7480357
Mm-hmm.
416
00:38:56,73.7480357 --> 00:39:04,903.746052
Um, and then another thing is that when I was having a hard time a few years ago, I read the Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama.
417
00:39:05,263.7466624 --> 00:39:05,523.7487986
Mm.
418
00:39:05,523.7487986 --> 00:39:22,493.7462046
Um, and I would recommend that as well because, again, it's, it's about the, it's about the pillars of joy, um- Yeah universal principles across religions that are just things to hold onto when the going gets tough, and w- we really need those tools.
419
00:39:23,213.7474253 --> 00:39:23,613.7489512
Yes.
420
00:39:23,613.7489512 --> 00:39:24,263.7466624
I love it.
421
00:39:24,263.7466624 --> 00:39:35,143.7439158
I'm gonna put all, uh, uh, everything you're talking about, I'm gonna put all of it in the description because, you know, this conversation is exactly what Designed Pause exists for.
422
00:39:35,393.7439158 --> 00:39:37,453.7491038
This is meant to be a real conversation.
423
00:39:37,453.7491038 --> 00:39:39,343.7484934
It's not a polished one, so I really...
424
00:39:39,343.7484934 --> 00:39:50,43.7454417
I thank you for being honest about all of it and all of the things that you personally do because it may not work for everyone, but it could work for someone b- out there, and it could be exactly the thing that they need.
425
00:39:50,43.7454417 --> 00:39:52,893.7439158
So thank you again so much for coming on the show.
426
00:39:53,313.7497141 --> 00:40:02,223.7487986
Um, listeners, if you are listening to this and something in Bernadette's story landed for you, I want you to kind of really kinda just sit with that.
427
00:40:02,593.7515452 --> 00:40:07,983.7509348
Um, Inclusive 360 is available now, so I'll have the link in the description.
428
00:40:08,423.7457468 --> 00:40:14,513.7497141
Um, if DEI is a part of your world, and honestly it should be a part of everyone's world, go get it.
429
00:40:14,913.75124 --> 00:40:23,353.746052
Um, and if today's conversation is making you think more seriously about your own next chapter, the Design Pause Decision Kit is the place to start.
430
00:40:23,683.7478831 --> 00:40:30,383.7448313
It will walk you through exactly what kind of pause makes sense for your life, your finances, your energy right now.
431
00:40:30,533.7539866 --> 00:40:38,553.7430003
So the link is in the description and you can use code PAUSEPOD for 50% off for listening to this podcast.
432
00:40:38,553.7430003 --> 00:40:40,893.7545969
So I am Deidra Green.
433
00:40:40,893.7545969 --> 00:40:42,423.7533762
This is Designed Pause.
434
00:40:42,493.7454417 --> 00:40:45,423.7533762
Bernadette, thank you so much for being with us.
435
00:40:46,333.7417796 --> 00:40:46,903.7491038
My pleasure.
436
00:40:46,903.7491038 --> 00:40:48,213.7466624
Congrats on the podcast.
437
00:40:48,353.746052 --> 00:40:49,113.7558176
Thank you.
438
00:40:49,113.7558176 --> 00:40:50,133.7448313
I appreciate it.
439
00:40:51,633.7448313 --> 00:40:57,303.7448313
If this episode resonated, you can explore more reflections on the design paused YouTube channel.
440
00:40:57,783.7448313 --> 00:41:02,493.7448313
Take what you need, leave what you don't, and I'll meet you in the next pause.
00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:06,450
Welcome to Design Pause, a space for women who are thinking about taking an intentional career break.
2
00:00:06,870 --> 00:00:07,740
I'm Deidra Green.
3
00:00:08,430 --> 00:00:18,150
Today's episode is adapted from a recent video where I reflect on what it really means to pause, not to escape your life, but to design what comes next.
4
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,660
If you're in a season of transition, you're in the right place.
5
00:00:22,503.747260806 --> 00:00:32,503.747081992
Okay, so today I am so excited because we are speaking to Bernadette Smith about her Designed Pause.
6
00:00:32,793.747043845 --> 00:00:46,753.748035667
So Bernadette Smith is founder and CEO of the Equality Institute and an award-winning author of four books, including her latest, the bestseller Inclusive 360: Proven Solutions for an Equitable Organization.
7
00:00:47,173.748111961 --> 00:00:54,453.748798606
Bernadette's insight has been trusted by major brands, including Fortune 500 companies and global leadership teams.
8
00:00:54,773.74849343 --> 00:01:03,113.748646018
Because of her impact as a change agent for inclusion, she has been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, CNN, and the Today Show.
9
00:01:03,553.747272727 --> 00:01:11,103.746509788
Bernadette's also been named one of Chicago's notab- notable LGBTQ executives by Crain's Chicago Business.
10
00:01:11,653.745746848 --> 00:01:16,673.746204612
When she's not busy speaking, you're likely to find her on a local pickleball court.
11
00:01:17,173.746204612 --> 00:01:21,133.749103782
So Bernadette Smith, welcome to Designed Pause.
12
00:01:21,953.748798606 --> 00:01:22,573.747730491
Thank you.
13
00:01:22,573.747730491 --> 00:01:23,833.746052024
It's my pleasure to be here.
14
00:01:23,833.746052024 --> 00:01:25,333.746052024
I appreciate your asking me.
15
00:01:25,723.745441673 --> 00:01:26,253.744220969
Awesome.
16
00:01:26,283.750629661 --> 00:01:27,773.74849343
I'm so happy that you're here.
17
00:01:28,123.746967551 --> 00:01:33,183.744526145
Um, before we get into the journey, I do wanna give people a little bit of context.
18
00:01:33,183.744526145 --> 00:01:38,203.748798606
So tell us who you were before you made the leap into entrepreneurship.
19
00:01:38,203.748798606 --> 00:01:45,963.75093484
What, what did your life look like at that time when you made that decision? So I have been an entrepreneur for 22 years.
20
00:01:46,323.74391579 --> 00:01:54,813.74940896
So, um, I started my first business, uh, in 2004 when I was living in Boston, Massachusetts.
21
00:01:55,123.74696755 --> 00:01:57,873.74696755
I was at the time planning events for a nonprofit.
22
00:01:57,923.75001931 --> 00:01:59,893.74361062
I was a few years out of college.
23
00:02:00,203.74879861 --> 00:02:04,83.74605202
I had done an AmeriCorps program and worked for nonprofits, so that was...
24
00:02:04,553.74727273 --> 00:02:14,763.7463572
I hadn't quite figured out, uh, what I wanted to, to be in the world, but I knew that I wanted to change the world in, in some, in some capacity.
25
00:02:15,143.74361062 --> 00:02:17,503.74422097
And I had an undergraduate degree in film.
26
00:02:18,393.7472775 --> 00:02:28,883.7469294
So I was in Boston, and I was, uh, on my way to work, and I heard on the radio that the States Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality for same-sex couples.
27
00:02:29,383.7469294 --> 00:02:39,203.7475779
And at the time, uh, it was illegal in all 50 states, and there were all of these protests at the Massachusetts, uh, State House for and against marriage equality.
28
00:02:39,203.7475779 --> 00:02:47,133.74788308
So I would go to those protests, and I would see couples, some of whom had been together for decades, fighting for their rights to get married.
29
00:02:47,663.74666238 --> 00:03:02,603.74910378
And, uh, and I decided, I knew that the law was gonna go through, and I decided then and there on the State House steps that I was gonna be a wedding planner, a, an activist wedding planner, to help those couples navigate a very straight wedding industry.
30
00:03:03,213.74589944 --> 00:03:08,913.74666238
And so that was my very first business, and it really had a strong sense of purpose with it.
31
00:03:09,603.74910378 --> 00:03:14,523.74727273
Um, I went on to write three books on LGBTQ weddings.
32
00:03:14,893.74620461 --> 00:03:18,613.74742532
I ended up doing a lot of professional speaking on the subject.
33
00:03:18,773.74727273 --> 00:03:22,813.74818825
A lot of the news mentions that you mentioned were related to that topic.
34
00:03:23,543.74391579 --> 00:03:28,513.7451365
And, uh, and I created an online certification course for professionals in the industry.
35
00:03:28,783.74940896 --> 00:03:30,333.74483132
So I really did a lot.
36
00:03:30,333.74483132 --> 00:03:37,283.74940896
That was really the start of my inclusion journey, was around inclusion and wedding hospitality and travel.
37
00:03:37,283.74940896 --> 00:03:40,183.75093484
So, um, that was where it all began.
38
00:03:41,203.7475779 --> 00:03:57,803.74605202
So, so it's so interesting, um, that you decided, "I'm going to go out and I'm gonna start my own business doing this," as opposed to going inside of an organization and trying to do inclusion that way.
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Was that, was that an intentional decision? Did you not see a way that you could do it for another organization, or was it that you just knew that you needed to do it, uh, as an entrepreneur? You know what? I don't even know that it occurred to me to go get a job at a catering company or so- Like, and that- Mm-hmm I just don't even think that was, like, even a consideration.
40
00:04:22,213.74971413 --> 00:04:27,33.74177956
Um, you know, by this point I was, I think, 26 or 27.
41
00:04:27,463.74971413 --> 00:04:32,103.74910378
Um, by that point I had built some things.
42
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You know, I had started a Habitat for Humanity chapter in college.
43
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I had done a lot of leadership stuff by this point, even though I was pretty young.
44
00:04:41,273.74727273 --> 00:04:50,823.75032449
And, um, and I just sort of had, like, this visionary attitude and, like, you know, if they build it, if, if I build it, they will come.
45
00:04:51,333.74483132 --> 00:04:53,353.74910378
And so yeah, I just kind of...
46
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It was like a leap and the net will appear kind of moment.
47
00:04:58,393.74238991 --> 00:04:58,913.74666238
Yeah.
48
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Exactly.
49
00:04:59,753.74300027 --> 00:05:44,348.74803567
But I mean, a lot of people in your position, even with, you know, the leadership, I mean, I have talked to so many incredible women especially who have done so many amazing things that are still kind of hesitant about how does their skill set- fit or does my skill set still matter? Is it still a value if I'm outside of a corporate environment or if I'm outside doing things on my own? So what is it about you or your experience that has made you feel that you, that that wasn't a barrier for you? Well, my parents were immigrants from Ireland, and they moved here in the 1950s.
50
00:05:44,768.74811196 --> 00:05:52,808.74712014
Um, my dad was the oldest of 11 and had to leave home at the age of 14 to work and support the family and because the house was too small.
51
00:05:53,238.74742532 --> 00:05:57,308.74712014
And so I was just sort of raised with this attitude of build it.
52
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My parents owned a bar.
53
00:05:59,188.74818825 --> 00:06:03,148.74727273
Uh, up until I was eight years old, I literally lived upstairs from a bar.
54
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And so I saw my parents work hard and hustle and build something from nothing.
55
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Or at least I saw the tail end of them building something from nothing.
56
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And so I think that there is sort of an inherited grit and resilience a- and sense of possibility if I build things.
57
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Um, so I think that's part of it.
58
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And then also my parents died when I was in my early 20s.
59
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Oh.
60
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And so, um, they both did.
61
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And so by the time I started my first business, they weren't around.
62
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Um, but I, maybe there was a part of me that was like- I'm doing it for you, mom and dad.
63
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I don't know.
64
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Mm-hmm.
65
00:06:40,98.74736809 --> 00:06:43,438.74704385
Like, there was perhaps something there as well.
66
00:06:43,518.74744439 --> 00:07:04,998.74650979
Um, all I know is that I have that s- well, and I think the other t- thing now, you know, as I've, as an, a more mature adult reflecting and having done, like, an exercise on core values, one of my top two core values is freedom, and there's no greater freedom than what you get as an entrepreneur.
67
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Um, so I think that I had a taste of that as well.
68
00:07:10,188.74895119 --> 00:07:19,578.74834084
Um, you know, in my early 20s I did have various nonprofit jobs, but I was also laid off from a job and I had to- Hmm sort of figure it out, uh, in that interim period.
69
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And so, and I did, and I learned to trust myself, and I learned to figure it out.
70
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And so all of those things, I think, combined to give me the sense of just go for it.
71
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Mm-hmm.
72
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I love that you said, "I learned to trust myself," because I think that that is such a huge factor when deciding to step back from anything or to step forward into something that you may not know all the variables, you may not know all the in and outs, you don't know what's gonna happen next.
73
00:07:52,498.75032449 --> 00:08:03,648.74422097
Um, but learning to trust yourself is one of those, is one of the key things that you have to have in order to keep pushing forward, so I really, really love that you, that you said that.
74
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Um, was there ever a moment where you were feeling like, "You know what? This is becoming too much.
75
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I don't, I don't really know where to go from here.
76
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Things are looking a little bit shaky," and how you kind of pushed through that resistance? Uh, there have been so many moments like that, uh, but there was a really key moment in which I burned all of that down.
77
00:08:27,558.74788308 --> 00:08:31,588.74666238
Um, yeah, I had been pretty successful as a wedding planner.
78
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I moved my business eventually from Boston to New York City when marriage equality came to New York.
79
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Um, I started planning six-figure weddings.
80
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Uh, I started getting inve- in- in- in- invitations to, like, the Martha Stewart wedding party every year you know? Like, high-end events.
81
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And, um, and it was a cool experience to kind of be in all of that, but also it was so far from my sense of purpose for the work.
82
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Hmm.
83
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And I had lost all of that.
84
00:09:03,418.74849343 --> 00:09:09,408.75398659
And also, my marriage was on the rocks and my, my then wife, uh, told me she wanted a divorce.
85
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And so all of that sort of coalesced into me just sort of saying, "Screw it all.
86
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Um, I'm gonna start over."
87
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And so I eventually moved to Chicago, stopped planning weddings, and, and even stopped speaking and training in those industries for- Mm.
88
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Now that is, uh, another interesting choice of words.
89
00:09:32,828.74710107 --> 00:09:35,868.74753976
It's also a choice of words that, that I've used before.
90
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When you say, "Burn it all down," it's, at least from my perspective, it's you're starting fresh, you're starting something new, but you're not...
91
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You're starting from experience, right? So even when you, when you burn it all down, you still have yourself.
92
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So what made you not afraid to start fresh, to move, you know, and just say, "You know what? I can...
93
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I, you know, I did it once, I can do it again.
94
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I'm gonna rebuild.
95
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This doesn't quite feel right anymore."
96
00:10:13,358.7463572 --> 00:10:21,218.74696755
Um, and so e- even in the midst of all that happening, I could imagine how heavy it must have felt at that time.
97
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W- where did you find the strength, or what were the things that you hung onto- Mm-hmm to say, "I can do this again"? I don't even know.
98
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It was so hard.
99
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There was so...
100
00:10:33,968.74727273 --> 00:10:37,608.74761605
I, I did it before knowing how hard the grief would be.
101
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Mm.
102
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Um, you know? Mm-hmm.
103
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I, I made those choices, and then when the grief hit, it was rough, and it went on for years.
104
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And, you know, really rebuilding myself in Chicago meant not only rebuilding my business, uh, because I evolved it away from even speaking in those industries, rebuilding my professional network, a new relationship, um, friendships that were- Mm on the East Coast.
105
00:11:07,818.74574685 --> 00:11:15,288.74696755
I mean, there were so many, like, life pillars that really got a huge refresh, uh, during that time.
106
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Um, I think I was able to go for it because I trusted myself.
107
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Again, I had learned to trust myself.
108
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I had proved to myself in the past that I could start over.
109
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Um, by this point I had lived in Boston, Atlanta, San Antonio, Texas, and New York City.
110
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Uh-huh.
111
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Um, so I had started over, even if it was just for a few months, in, in each of those cities, so I had proven that I could do that.
112
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Um, and I proved that I could figure out the money thing, because that was a huge factor.
113
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I will say, Deidre, um, bo- at that point in my life I hadn't really done much, like, spirituality work or anything like- Mm woo, woo woo.
114
00:12:00,198.75062966 --> 00:12:00,278.74483132
Mm-hmm.
115
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But that, that is when I started.
116
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I needed, I needed to- Get a bigger sense of- Yes of my relationship to the world in order to get through that.
117
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Mm-hmm.
118
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So that is the time in my life which I consider my professional identity crisis, in which I read the book You're a Badass at Making Money to get my head out of the scarcity mindset that I inherited- Yeah from my immigrant parents.
119
00:12:25,623.74742532 --> 00:12:33,353.74696755
So the work of cultivating an abundance mindset was the hardest of all- Yes of the personal development work that I did.
120
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Um, but that helped.
121
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Um, you know, everything from, like, learning transcendental meditation and adopting mantras and g- gratitude rituals and subconscious reprogramming and coaching.
122
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Like, there has been so much that I have, um, so many sort of like metaphysical tools- Mm-hmm that I now use.
123
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You know, I sort of have them in my bag of tricks, um, that really help me when I need that extra bit of resilience.
124
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Because you know what? I, my industry is DEI, diversity- Yeah equity and inclusion, and so I went through the wringer just like so many of my peers- Yes over the past few years.
125
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Mm-hmm.
126
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And I am so glad that I had all of those tools that I had cultivated along the way because I've been an entrepreneur for so long.
127
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Yeah.
128
00:13:22,953.74544167 --> 00:13:34,473.74971413
No, I, I love that because, um, I think you do have to go into that bag of, of woo woo or what have you, and people say it like that, but it's really true.
129
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Like, it really does work if you do the work.
130
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But I think that some people think that you can just do it overnight or you could just do it once or what have you, but you have to be really- Practice consistent.
131
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Like, you have to be really, um, in a practice to, you know, see the results of that work and really retrain your mind.
132
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So I'm so happy that you brought that up because I think that is the, the big- I think there's two big things that people will tell me when they say that they're, they're afraid to start something on their own or they're s- they're afraid, um, to step out and trust themselves.
133
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It's, one is what is everybody else gonna think? Like, what are people gonna think of me? Like, you know, I, uh, how can I let all this go? How can I be ungrateful for this job that I have when so many people don't have a job? You know, who am I to, you know, give it up and, and because I'm, quote unquote, "unhappy" or what have you? And then the second thing is that people always talk about is the money.
134
00:14:42,343.74483132 --> 00:14:48,733.74422097
And so tell me, um, a little bit, dig, dig into that a little bit more with me about some of the thing...
135
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I know you named a few of the things that you did to kind of change, retrain your mind, but can you expand on it any more about how difficult it was or, you know, what you thought it was gonna be versus what it actually became? Sure.
136
00:15:05,53.74736809 --> 00:15:13,773.74715829
Uh, and it's such a consis- that's, of all the things that require consistency for me, cultivating an abundance mindset is number one.
137
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So it's y- you know, even though I started that, that journey eight years ago, it's still very active.
138
00:15:19,553.74689126 --> 00:15:25,63.74712014
Um, so f- first of all, I think the book You're a Badass at Making Money is great.
139
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There are exercises in there.
140
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It's funny.
141
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I listen to it as an audiobook.
142
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Like, it's very practical.
143
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Yes.
144
00:15:31,83.7475779 --> 00:15:37,823.74544167
So, you know, that starts sort of with listening or thinking about the m- money messages you received as a child.
145
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So for me, money messages were around, um, you know, there's not enough, or competition around money, like the pie is too small, you know, competition with other people.
146
00:15:50,113.7463572 --> 00:15:55,143.74895119
Um, there's, uh, there's just messages around, like, being cheap and buying things.
147
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Mm-hmm.
148
00:15:55,353.74803567 --> 00:16:04,193.74818825
So all of that stuff y- that I had to untangle, and, and I untangled it by doing things like donating.
149
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You consistently, especially when I felt particularly broke, even if it was $5 to a Facebook fundraiser, consistently donating, and doing it with a sense of just joy.
150
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Mm-hmm.
151
00:16:17,883.75062966 --> 00:16:24,793.74666238
Um, also a really funny thing that's in the book, leave mon- leave cash all over your house.
152
00:16:25,443.74818825 --> 00:16:30,103.74422097
So I lift up my laptop, you know what? What's down here? Yes.
153
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There's like a $20 bill under here.
154
00:16:32,333.7475779 --> 00:16:32,703.75032449
I love that.
155
00:16:32,703.75032449 --> 00:16:34,333.7475779
You know, I pull out this drawer.
156
00:16:35,473.74696755 --> 00:16:39,363.7463572
Hey, what did I find? Oh, my goodness.
157
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Opening my checkbook to write a check.
158
00:16:41,533.7445261 --> 00:16:43,413.749409
Ha! Oh, my gosh.
159
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How cool is that? I love this.
160
00:16:45,63.7509348 --> 00:16:46,343.7497141
Money everywhere.
161
00:16:46,703.7503245 --> 00:16:48,323.7454417
So it's like, it's like, there's money.
162
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It always shows up for me, you know? Yes.
163
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So it's like, it's kind of having this, like, joy around it.
164
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You know, when I receive client checks or when I resign a, get a new signed contract, it's like, "Yes, universe, thank you."
165
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Yes.
166
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More, more days like this.
167
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Yes.
168
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More receivables like, you know? And so it's like, it's that kind of energy as opposed to an energy of fear.
169
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Yes.
170
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And, uh, the energy of fear is sneaky and insidious.
171
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Yeah.
172
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And I feel like I'm constantly squashing it.
173
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Mm.
174
00:17:21,683.746052 --> 00:17:29,943.7405589
So even now, even after everything that you've done, you still have to actively, you know, push fears aside.
175
00:17:30,543.7466624 --> 00:17:31,393.7527659
Absolutely.
176
00:17:31,393.7527659 --> 00:17:39,473.7545969
Limiting voices are insidious because ultimately at the end of the day, those voices in our head are designed to keep us small.
177
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They're designed to protect us.
178
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Um, but you know what? They don't necessarily serve us.
179
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So, um, you know, so it's really, like, having a kind of cheerful mindset about even the limiting voices.
180
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You know? Like, I, uh, it's not, so it's not just about money.
181
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So- You know, I'm the youngest child, uh, and I was sort of daddy's little girl.
182
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Mm-hmm.
183
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And so I have a limiting voice around, like, outshining my older siblings.
184
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I had, you know, a message from my parents, "Children should be seen and not heard."
185
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And I know that my sense of purpose, my purpose in this world is to be a speaker and writer, and, like, to be seen and heard.
186
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Yes.
187
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And so, like, I get limiting voice messages about, like, "Oh, you don't have to show up for that.
188
00:18:25,463.7471964 --> 00:18:26,3.748112
Oh, you don't..."
189
00:18:26,3.748112 --> 00:18:31,783.7487986
You know? Like, like things that are trying to keep me small- Yeah to protect me, that keep me safe.
190
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Mm-hmm.
191
00:18:31,823.7458994 --> 00:18:31,883.7472727
Yeah.
192
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And, again, there's not necessarily...
193
00:18:34,433.7465098 --> 00:18:36,153.7477305
It's one thing if it's a limiting voice.
194
00:18:36,153.7477305 --> 00:18:38,413.746052
It's another thing if, you know, your body's just tired.
195
00:18:38,773.7466624 --> 00:18:47,723.7474253
But it's like, tho- it's really, um, important to kind of know the difference and sort of say, "God, you silly brain, what are you doing?" Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
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Like, you know, sort of have a cheerful curiosity about that stuff, too.
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And do you feel like you learned the difference between those two voices with practice? Is there a time that maybe you, you felt like you made a misstep listening to, uh, your inner voice? Or is that not a thing? Yeah.
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I would say, um, the missteps that I have made related to listening to my voice are because I am such an optimist, and sometimes my optimism clouds my better judgment.
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Mm.
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My sense of hopefulness.
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That's sort of my Achilles heel when it comes to, um, uh, when it comes to things.
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Yeah.
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So actually, I have to pay attention.
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I've learned that for me, I need to pay attention to the nos.
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Mm-hmm.
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Be really clear on the nos, and that's gotten pretty sharp.
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Yeah.
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No, I, uh, appreciate you saying that, because one of the things that I try to talk about is being, being practical and planful, but not fearful.
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Like, you can't just say, "I'm gonna quit my job," and you don't have any savings, and you don't have a plan, and you don't know where you're gonna live or what you're gonna do or how you're gonna eat.
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But you can, you can begin to plan in that way, and you can begin to make sure that you're taking care of yourself while still pursuing your dreams.
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So I love, you know, that it, that you have this voice that's like, "Okay," like, "maybe this isn't the right path.
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Maybe I have to do something else, and maybe it's a no, um, that's leading me in a different direction."
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So it's not yes to everything.
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Um- Mm-hmm I think that's, I think that's a really, really good point.
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And you mentioned before, and I wanna go back to, um, the book You Are a Badass at Making Money.
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I've also read that book.
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I absolutely really love it.
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I've read the first one that's just You Are a Badass too.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, which led me to that one.
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But, um, and I'll make sure I link the, the both of those in the, in the show notes for anyone who might be interested in them.
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But let's talk about your book, Inclusive 360.
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So where, where did that come from? And was writing that book or any of your other books, was that always a part of the plan, or did that emerge from the clarity that you had of just following your, your dream? Well, I've always enjoyed writing, and I've always maintained a journal.
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Um, at one point when I was in my wedding days, I hired a business coach who said, "You are the person that knows all this stuff.
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Because of your experiences with LGBTQ couples, people will pay you for what's in your brain.
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So write it all down and start speaking and writing about it."
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Like, the idea of thought leadership was not on my radar at that point, so, uh, shout out to Rebecca and Sean for getting that, my brain operating in that way.
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Um, all of my books came from other writing, so from essentially blogging.
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My, my l- last book, Inclusive 360, came from my newsletter.
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So I have, for the past seven years, written a newsletter called Five Things: Good Vibes and DEI, and th- that's, uh, a newsletter that celebrates what's working.
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It celebrates the good things that are happening.
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So an example from a recent Five Things is, um, now people who are getting out of prison in Maryland can be registered to vote right away.
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Wow.
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Like, it's part of the process, right? That it's part of the re-entry.
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And so, like simple things like that, I share those stories in my newsletter, and those stories became the book.
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Uh, so Inclusive 360 is the first book I wrote not about weddings, and the main reason I wrote it was to get over my imposter syndrome that I had moving away from the wedding space.
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Yes.
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So even though I had made the decision to evolve my business, I still had these limiting voices telling me, "You've never worked in corporate.
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Why are you trying to sell to corporate? You've never had those experiences," right? And so, um, you know, s- stuff like that.
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Yeah.
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And so I was like, you know what? But I have had a lot of leadership experience.
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I've had a lot of experience in client-facing roles.
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I've done...
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I had to sort of prop myself up, um, by validating my own other experiences.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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And the book really came from that.
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It came from, like, you know what? Fuck you, imposter syndrome.
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Here's my book.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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I call that, um, running the tape.
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So, so I tell people like, "You have to run the tape."
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Like, when you feel like you can't do anything or that you haven't done anything, you need to list out all of the things that you've already done and you've already overcome.
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Because I think we forget, like, we're just, you know, you're only as good as the very last thing that you've done.
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And that, you have to get rid of that thought process that, oh- Mm-hmm those things don't matter anymore.
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Nobody's talking about them anymore, so it doesn't ma- It's like, you, you did that.
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You know, you, you pushed through that.
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You built that.
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You overcame it, whatever have you, and it, you can't, you can't forget that type of stuff.
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So I think, um, you know, propping yourself up in that way is a, is a great takeaway, um, for people who are listening to this.
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Um, you mentioned that you had someone who was kind of in your ear that said, you know, "Hey, you're, you should, you should write a book."
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Is this a, was this a coach that you invested in, or was it a mentor that you invested in? And can you, if not, can you speak about some kind of, uh, or some of the investments that you've made in yourself to push your business forward? Yeah.
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I'm in, I've invested a lot in my- myself.
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Um, so everything, certainly business coaches.
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I've had several along the way.
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I had, uh, one, two when I was in the wedding industry.
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I've had a couple since.
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Um, I don't have one right now.
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Now I feel like I, I get it.
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I'm like really on top of it.
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Um- Yeah but, uh, I needed to invest in all of that.
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I needed to sort of have a sounding board.
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And also, um, I didn't always have community.
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One of the messages I got from my parents was, "I'm raising you to be independent."
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And they died- Mm they died when I was pretty young.
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So you know what? I guess it's a good thing they raised me to be independent, but I also got the message not to ask for help and not to talk about problems.
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So I'm like, right? But here I am, an entrepreneur.
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It's a lonely existence.
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How do you troubleshoot on your own? How do you get answers and, and s- and have, like, an outside perspective? Well, I hired coaches be- for that.
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Um, I since learned how to ask for help, and I learned how to build a community and my peers, and I can text a lot of people about a lot of different things, and I have a lot of support now.
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But that has been a process.
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Um, so that's part of the stuff I've invested in.
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Um, I've paid- Mm for some communities.
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I, um, I also am a professionally trained speaker, so speaking is something I've always been pretty good at, but I also went through something called Heroic Public Speaking to get even better and get even more comfortable, and turn my speaking into not just a, a talk, but a performance.
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Um- Yeah and so to really kind of level up in that way as well.
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Um, I've invested in social media people, accountant people.
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I love to delegate.
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Love to delegate.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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I think that's a great, a great way of looking at it, and I think it's also something that people are fearful of doing, is investing in themselves to, um, to start something new or to push their business forward or to help them.
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I know I was, I was brought up, um, with this similar feeling of needing to be independent and very, very terrified almost to a- ask for help because for me it was about looking incompetent or looking like- Mm I didn't know how to find the answer or that I couldn't go get the answer myself, and what does that say about me as a person? But I was always so happy to help anyone else.
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So I don't, I had to kinda turn it on my head and say, "Well, you don't think that about people when they ask you for help, so why do you think that they would think that about you, um, when you ask them for help?" So I think those are incredible points, is to, to not be afraid to invest in yourself and, and to have community and to reach out, um, and ask for help.
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Um, the, the DEI space which you're in is, is one where your credibility just matters, matters so much.
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So how did you, um, how did you translate all of your life in experiences into building the credibility for yourself in that space? Because I can vouch for, for, for you.
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For those of you who are listening, I've heard Bernadette speak, and that is how we met, and I was just so incredibly impressed with how much of yourself that you are.
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And that is the thing that stuck with me the most, was I'm like, "Oh, my God, this woman is so free to be who she is."
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So how did you, you get to that point of feeling so free, and how did you take all your life experiences and turn that into a skill set? Yeah.
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Thank you.
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I appreciate.
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That's a really wonderful compliment.
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Um, I will say this is like Bernadette 3.0.
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Um, the, the energy that you pick up from me and that sense of freedom and authenticity, I did not really have that as a wedding planner.
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Um, when I was a wedding planner, uh, especially when I was in New York- And I was sort of in this, like, six-figure wedding environment.
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I felt like a fraud.
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I felt stiff.
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I, 'cause I couldn't relate, felt a little wasteful to me, but it was also kind of fun spending other people's money.
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Like, you know, I just kind of felt like I couldn't really relate to my clients Mm-hmm and some of their, like, incomes and tastes and, uh- Yeah all of it was, like, foreign, but it was also, like, I was pretty much close to the top of my game.
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Anyway, so I've, that version of myself was a lot more stiff, a lot less free.
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Um, and now, you know, this version of myself, I, um, I have learned to love myself.
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Mm-hmm.
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Right? And I have alar- Mm-hmm I have learned to allow myself to be loved.
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And I, um, I think just sort of, there's just so much work that you have to do.
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Yeah.
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And I think at the end of the day, pretty much all of our shit comes down to lack of self-worth.
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Yeah.
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And when we get to that place of truly loving ourselves and allowing ourselves to be loved, there is so much freedom.
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Mm.
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There is so much authenticity- Mm-hmm because, um, there's less fear of judgment.
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Mm.
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I mean, that still shows up, but, you know, I, of all the work, the self-love work is the, is, well, it's right up there with, uh, abundance- Yeah in terms of the, the key, uh, how, how critical it is.
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I don't know if I, that exactly answers your question, but- No, it does.
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It does.
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It does, and it's such like, um, it actually is, like, such a healing answer for me and I think for people who are, are listening as well, like, to get to that space where you're just like, "I'm, I'm free."
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And I think that is what a lot of people are searching for when they're in a space and they're not feeling happy doing what they're doing.
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It's usually because they're performing, like, this version of themselves that isn't really who they wanna be.
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And on the inside, you might not have words for it, but you're, you're fighting.
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You're fighting, and that's where the exhaustion comes from.
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That's where the anxiety comes from.
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That's where, like, kind of the depression comes from, um, because, 'cause you know something is off.
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You know something is off.
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So th- I think that was a great answer, and I really, really appreciate it.
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Um, but now that you are on the other side of this, tell me about your day-to-day life.
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Like, what does your, what does your life look like? What does your day look like? Well, uh, because I have created my life led by the core values of freedom and optimism, um, I s- I play pickleball just about every day.
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So, um- Yeah in, in the winter I usually work from about 8:00 to 3:00, and then I go play pickleball at the gym and do some exercises and go to the sauna and, and it's lovely.
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Um, I do, I would do, like, mar- my deep work in the winter.
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Um, a lot of writing, project stuff in the winter, um, deep focus stuff.
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And then in the summer I often start by playing pickleball in the morning, like 9:00 to 11:00, and then- Wow work the rest of the day.
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And you know what? There's a, an amazing sense of freedom playing pickleball outside on a sunny day in the middle of the week at, you know, 9:00 AM.
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It's like, it's glorious.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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There's nothing like that sense of freedom and, and community.
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And the sort, and b- and that, and, and pickleball checks a lot of boxes for me.
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You know, physical, social, mental, all of that kind of wellbeing stuff is, is there.
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Um- Mm-hmm so that's a big part of it.
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Uh, another thing that's part of my weekly routine, uh, is, uh, my newsletter.
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So I still write the Five Things newsletter.
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Mm-hmm.
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I have a podcast that goes along with it called Good Vibes Leadership.
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So curating the stories and writing that, um, there's, it's spread out over the course of a few different days.
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Thursday is my day for learning.
354
00:33:41,638.7500193 --> 00:33:43,408.7466624
Friday is my day for writing.
355
00:33:43,408.7466624 --> 00:33:48,308.7481883
I have some backend assistance with, with that from my team- Mm-hmm and, and publishing.
356
00:33:48,668.7487986 --> 00:33:53,78.7448313
Um, Monday I do some videos, some social media stuff for it.
357
00:33:53,418.7487986 --> 00:33:59,8.7451365
So I take about an hour to two each day for those things, um, for those of, uh, those days.
358
00:33:59,328.7448313 --> 00:34:08,138.7500193
Um, and then, you know, I would say, like, the rest of the week is, is project work, client work, um, that kind of stuff.
359
00:34:08,518.7472727 --> 00:34:12,8.7451365
I try to have my client stuff in the middle of the day.
360
00:34:12,698.7475779 --> 00:34:13,128.7478831
Mm-hmm.
361
00:34:13,568.7503245 --> 00:34:13,928.7509348
Mm-hmm.
362
00:34:14,618.7457468 --> 00:34:29,738.7484934
So, um, you have absolutely completely designed your life from top to bottom, and now it's the way that you want it to look, and when it doesn't look like what you want it to look, I would imagine that you would just tweak it.
363
00:34:29,738.7484934 --> 00:34:32,888.7423899
Is, am I, would I be correct in that assumption, or...?
364
00:34:33,128.7478831 --> 00:34:34,698.7399485
Yeah, absolutely.
365
00:34:34,698.7399485 --> 00:34:36,538.7515452
I, I tweak it constantly.
366
00:34:36,568.7503245 --> 00:34:38,678.7509348
Um- Mm-hmm.
367
00:34:38,678.7509348 --> 00:34:38,828.7448313
Yeah.
368
00:34:38,828.7448313 --> 00:34:40,688.7454417
So- I, everything I need.
369
00:34:41,228.7539866 --> 00:34:41,718.744221
Yeah.
370
00:34:42,118.7533762 --> 00:34:43,258.7527659
I, I love this.
371
00:34:43,258.7527659 --> 00:34:43,948.7399485
I love this.
372
00:34:43,948.7399485 --> 00:34:56,248.7430003
I have one, well, two last questions for you that, um, I think we have to, we have to touch on, and one is that you mention your core values of freedom and optimism.
373
00:34:56,288.7515452 --> 00:35:04,588.7545969
How does someone find their core values? Not just what they think they should be or what they think people wanna hear them say.
374
00:35:04,588.7545969 --> 00:35:20,88.7473013
How do they truly know that that that's their core values? You know, I had done some exercises and came up with, like, five and, and then I'm like, "Eh, are these really my five?" Mm-hmm.
375
00:35:20,508.7473776 --> 00:35:24,278.7471201
And then I saw Brene Brown was like, "Oh, you really only have two."
376
00:35:24,278.7471201 --> 00:35:24,378.7475016
Mm.
377
00:35:25,108.7470438 --> 00:35:30,968.7476542
And I was like, "Well, if there's only two, oh, well, that's obvious."
378
00:35:32,818.7472823 --> 00:35:35,948.7471583
Like, it just felt really obvious when I was like, "Uh, it's just two."
379
00:35:36,728.7473681 --> 00:35:37,178.7471774
Yeah.
380
00:35:37,848.7472537 --> 00:35:38,228.7473681
Yeah.
381
00:35:39,428.7471774 --> 00:35:57,718.7466624
So- I don't know would you, would you recommend, um, for those listening, just start writing what you think your core values are, and then if it has to be two, that would help them kinda narrow it down? Do they ever change? I don't think that...
382
00:35:58,58.746815 --> 00:36:00,328.7472727
Yeah, I don't think they've changed for me.
383
00:36:00,758.7475779 --> 00:36:00,888.7467387
Mm-hmm.
384
00:36:00,888.7467387 --> 00:36:07,68.7489512
But what I think is, I think the best way to do it is to, like, write down your most extreme behaviors.
385
00:36:07,608.746052 --> 00:36:08,408.7491038
Mm.
386
00:36:08,458.7483408 --> 00:36:25,268.7458994
Like, what are the things, the biggest decisions you've made, the biggest risks you've t- Like, what are the things that have, like, made you the most, like, full version of yourself? And then sort of like, oh, so what, what was the value behind that? That's how I would approach it, I think.
387
00:36:25,748.7454417 --> 00:36:26,148.7469676
Yeah.
388
00:36:26,378.7465098 --> 00:36:32,218.7466624
Just keep asking, "Well, why did you do that? Why did you do that?" to get to kinda the root, root of that.
389
00:36:32,658.7491038 --> 00:36:32,718.7466624
Yeah.
390
00:36:32,718.7466624 --> 00:36:32,808.746815
Wow.
391
00:36:32,808.746815 --> 00:36:34,708.7483408
And then look at, look at the trends, right? Yeah.
392
00:36:34,738.7471201 --> 00:36:44,198.7500193
If I think about the trends in my life, everything that I have built has all been in purs- And the way I've built my life has all been in pursuit of freedom.
393
00:36:45,428.7457468 --> 00:36:45,868.7481883
Wow.
394
00:36:46,488.7509348 --> 00:36:46,848.7439158
Wow.
395
00:36:47,588.749409 --> 00:37:06,228.7487986
Well, thank you so much for sharing that, and I can't believe how much time has already gone by already, but we do have a few minutes left, and I wanna give you the opportunity to say anything that you haven't said that you think would be of value to anyone who's listening.
396
00:37:11,48.7472703 --> 00:37:16,118.7475016
I think that you have it in you already.
397
00:37:17,718.7474062 --> 00:37:22,8.7468913
Whatever you need to take the leap, you have it in you already.
398
00:37:22,478.7471583 --> 00:37:29,338.746815
And, you know, maybe you need to think about things from a spiritual perspective in order to help you take the leap.
399
00:37:29,978.748112 --> 00:37:37,658.7465098
Um, there are things you can learn from all of the various religions related, like, sci- and scientific principles.
400
00:37:37,738.7464335 --> 00:37:49,688.7491038
I'm not a scientist, but, like, if you Google, like, the seven hermetic principles, like, they're sort of universal principles across religions that are based in science essentially.
401
00:37:50,228.7462046 --> 00:37:55,98.7489512
And thinking about that, uh, those different principles, and this is...
402
00:37:55,548.7458994 --> 00:37:57,108.7472727
You might need to delete this section.
403
00:37:57,108.7472727 --> 00:37:57,938.7491038
Like, I think...
404
00:37:58,98.7489512 --> 00:37:58,988.7477305
Sorry, Deidra.
405
00:37:59,318.7463572 --> 00:37:59,928.7469676
No.
406
00:37:59,928.7469676 --> 00:38:02,618.7455943
I, go, I want you to be honest about everything.
407
00:38:03,278.7454417 --> 00:38:25,603.7472918
So, it's to, I don't wanna get into the weeds about the, about them- Yeah But learning about them- Yeah has given me a sense of peace in process, right? Masculine and feminine, uh, polarity, right? Yeah.
408
00:38:25,603.7472918 --> 00:38:39,373.7472727
So thinking about the, the different contrasts, all these different principles, right? So learning about that and sort of it's just the way the universe works- Yeah um, really gives, can also bring a sense of peace.
409
00:38:39,933.7467387 --> 00:38:40,393.7477305
Yes.
410
00:38:40,693.7469676 --> 00:38:40,763.7466624
Yeah.
411
00:38:40,763.7466624 --> 00:38:47,643.7477305
And I think that when we are on an entrepreneurial journey, we need to find peace- Yeah everywhere we can get it.
412
00:38:47,643.7477305 --> 00:38:47,813.7478068
Mm-hmm.
413
00:38:47,813.7478068 --> 00:38:54,523.7487986
So, so explore that stuff for yourself- Mm-hmm if you're struggling to take the leap.
414
00:38:54,993.7462046 --> 00:38:55,473.7457468
Mm-hmm.
415
00:38:55,953.7491038 --> 00:38:56,73.7480357
Mm-hmm.
416
00:38:56,73.7480357 --> 00:39:04,903.746052
Um, and then another thing is that when I was having a hard time a few years ago, I read the Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama.
417
00:39:05,263.7466624 --> 00:39:05,523.7487986
Mm.
418
00:39:05,523.7487986 --> 00:39:22,493.7462046
Um, and I would recommend that as well because, again, it's, it's about the, it's about the pillars of joy, um- Yeah universal principles across religions that are just things to hold onto when the going gets tough, and w- we really need those tools.
419
00:39:23,213.7474253 --> 00:39:23,613.7489512
Yes.
420
00:39:23,613.7489512 --> 00:39:24,263.7466624
I love it.
421
00:39:24,263.7466624 --> 00:39:35,143.7439158
I'm gonna put all, uh, uh, everything you're talking about, I'm gonna put all of it in the description because, you know, this conversation is exactly what Designed Pause exists for.
422
00:39:35,393.7439158 --> 00:39:37,453.7491038
This is meant to be a real conversation.
423
00:39:37,453.7491038 --> 00:39:39,343.7484934
It's not a polished one, so I really...
424
00:39:39,343.7484934 --> 00:39:50,43.7454417
I thank you for being honest about all of it and all of the things that you personally do because it may not work for everyone, but it could work for someone b- out there, and it could be exactly the thing that they need.
425
00:39:50,43.7454417 --> 00:39:52,893.7439158
So thank you again so much for coming on the show.
426
00:39:53,313.7497141 --> 00:40:02,223.7487986
Um, listeners, if you are listening to this and something in Bernadette's story landed for you, I want you to kind of really kinda just sit with that.
427
00:40:02,593.7515452 --> 00:40:07,983.7509348
Um, Inclusive 360 is available now, so I'll have the link in the description.
428
00:40:08,423.7457468 --> 00:40:14,513.7497141
Um, if DEI is a part of your world, and honestly it should be a part of everyone's world, go get it.
429
00:40:14,913.75124 --> 00:40:23,353.746052
Um, and if today's conversation is making you think more seriously about your own next chapter, the Design Pause Decision Kit is the place to start.
430
00:40:23,683.7478831 --> 00:40:30,383.7448313
It will walk you through exactly what kind of pause makes sense for your life, your finances, your energy right now.
431
00:40:30,533.7539866 --> 00:40:38,553.7430003
So the link is in the description and you can use code PAUSEPOD for 50% off for listening to this podcast.
432
00:40:38,553.7430003 --> 00:40:40,893.7545969
So I am Deidra Green.
433
00:40:40,893.7545969 --> 00:40:42,423.7533762
This is Designed Pause.
434
00:40:42,493.7454417 --> 00:40:45,423.7533762
Bernadette, thank you so much for being with us.
435
00:40:46,333.7417796 --> 00:40:46,903.7491038
My pleasure.
436
00:40:46,903.7491038 --> 00:40:48,213.7466624
Congrats on the podcast.
437
00:40:48,353.746052 --> 00:40:49,113.7558176
Thank you.
438
00:40:49,113.7558176 --> 00:40:50,133.7448313
I appreciate it.
439
00:40:51,633.7448313 --> 00:40:57,303.7448313
If this episode resonated, you can explore more reflections on the design paused YouTube channel.
440
00:40:57,783.7448313 --> 00:41:02,493.7448313
Take what you need, leave what you don't, and I'll meet you in the next pause.
