Should you make the first move?

A wonderful listener sent in this question:

 Should you resist making the first move if you have an anxious attachment style and a tendency to rush into things?

We explore…

The enormous value of experimenting with doing the opposite of what you would normally do. 

How the way to feel secure is to feel chosen. This involves protecting your energy, rather than giving it away. Creating a playful atmosphere which invites someone to come towards you, rather than pursuing them. 

How important it is to be the gatekeeper of your own brilliance. So the right people self-select whether they are worth your time and energy.

How being full of yourself was once the worst insult, but we’re reclaiming it as the most delicious, enlivening and invigorating way to be.

How long term relationships have three stages: The Ideal, The Ordeal, and The Real Deal. It’s very important to know that “the ideal” can be deceptive. It takes a long time to get to know someone deeply, so there is no point rushing anything as it doesn’t change the outcome, only destabilises you. 

Giving someone the opportunity to prove their interest, is a fundamental first step that can’t be skipped, even though the waiting is uncomfortable.

Being uncomfortable is hard. But trying to override discomfort just creates further problems. Shifting the discomfort of waiting into an opportunity to amplify your sense of your own power and desirability is a much more enjoyable option.

I hope this episode is useful. I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts and receive any questions you’d like me to answer on future podcasts. You can email me at hello@datingsolidarity.com or drop me a message on Instagram @datingsolidarity.

My podcast will drop every Thursday. I would be ever so thrilled if you’d like, subscribe and share. 

Wishing you a week of being full of yourself, in the best possible way!