SOBRE ESTE EPISÓDIO
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Reunion: Kurt and Melanie find themselves together again at college.
Based on a post by Lingering Afterthought, in 4 parts. Listen to the Podcast at My First Time.
For months, I had dreamed of kissing him again, remembering the feel of his soft lips exploring mine during the hot summer nights at camp. The dream of it had kept me up at night, swirling in my mind, arousing a delicious hunger that demanded satisfaction. Now, his lips were angry and hard, though. His arms were clenched painfully just under my ribs and I was off balance. His hair reeked of a strange smoke and cloves. His teeth bumped mine as he snaked his tongue deep inside my mouth and I tasted beer and something else that made my stomach lurch. I pushed away from him and turned quickly, vomiting on the steps of the stately building.
"Whoa; I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just; shit. Are you okay?" he asked, gently holding back my hair as more waves of nausea made me lurch again.
Everything was burning inside me, my gut, my throat, my eyes. He was still beguilingly like the boy I knew at camp, but at the same time he was someone I didn't know at all. He knelt down beside me, expecting an answer that I would have given anything not to have to say. "I'm okay;" I said, wiping my mouth, "it's just that; I don't think I like beer; and your face and your mouth; they smell and taste like; you know; a girl's; privates," I said, nearly choking on the last word.
"Oh my God;" he said, releasing my hair and sitting down on the steps, covering his mouth with his hands. "I'm sorry; please, I'm so sorry. It wasn't; that was just; fuck. I'm sorry. Yeah, I was with this other girl, but it wasn't really anything - for either of us. It was just something that; and then when Paul popped his head in the room and said 'Dude - she's here!' I just ran out of there; "
"'Dude, she's here?'" I scoffed, incredulously. "You left someone in the middle of; that; because he just said 'Dude, she's here?' What if he was talking about; "
Kurt moved to kneel between my knees, holding my hands. "You don't get it. You don't. After camp, I tried to find you. I even called the camp and begged them to help me contact you until they started blocking my calls. After that, all I could talk about to Paul was what to try next to find you. You were the only thing I talked about, Melanie. Just you. There was only one person it could be, because Paul knew that for me there was no other 'she.'"
"I; I tried to find you, too," I admitted. "I couldn't find a Kurt Wyman anywhere. I tried everything. I didn't have anyone I could bore about it, though. My girlfriends couldn't talk with me because; well, you know."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, the camp told my parents what happened and that blew things up; and then when my girlfriends came back, and the story got around; well, I just didn't hear from them anymore."
"Seriously? Just because you; "
"And then when Northeastern took back my scholarship and rescinded my admission, my parents were even more disappointed. I'd never made a mistake like that before. They said it was like they didn't know me anymore."
"Jeez; my parents just gave me the talk about being responsible and using protection. They really kicked you out of school? That's ridiculous! How could they do that?"
"Religious colleges are a small community, and the camp director had some connections there. He filled them in on what happened and they decided I wasn't a good fit for the school. Same thing happened with Bethany College. It was just lucky I had this set up as my third alternate. The problem is now that I'm here, I don't have much of a scholarship. My parents can't afford to pay my way, so I'll need a job and loans, maybe even two jobs. I've got to go check the campus jobs board at the student union tomorrow. I should get back to the apartment - it's an overpriced overflow place near the dorms. I shouldn't have even gone to a party tonight," I said ruefully, getting up and dusting my clothes.
"I'm glad you did. This place is huge. I might never have found you if you didn't," he said, taking hand in his again. "Um; my last name is actually Sorenson. That's probably why you couldn't find me. My parents changed it to my stepdad's name for camp because they were worried about getting questions about the divorce. My birth dad had a bit of a reputation up that way."
"Your parents divorced?"
"Yeah, I was pretty little, like four, when it happened. They tell me my dad was a lot like me - talkative, impulsive, passionate, and restless. Mom always said she fell in love with him in spite of herself. My step-dad, the guy she chose to fall in love with after my dad left us, couldn't be more different from him."
"Or more different from you?"
"Yeah. Ralph;he's just a good guy. Steady, you know? Shows up for stuff. Worked at the same place for 25 years and pays the bills. Doesn't say much, and never really understood why I did. He tried hard to be a good dad to me, I guess, but the more he tried to show me what a man was, the more I realized that I could never really be a man like that. I was too different."
"Did your birth father; "
"He tried for a bit; then he didn't. He'd pick me up and bring me up north to my grandfather's farm. They'd work while I hung out with Paul who lived next door at my aunt's place. Mostly I remember the drive back and forth. Dad talked the whole time. Constantly. Just a flow of consciousness, passionate, jumping around, but connected at the same time. Like the whole universe needed to fit into one sentence," he said, looking up at the ominous clouds curling overhead.
I looked up with him, feeling the energy in the air, the potential of the storm making my gut tremble. "Was it stuff he was telling you, or was he just talking to the world?" I asked, when he looked back to me.
Kurt brushed a strand of my hair back and chuckled, "Yeah. You nailed him - he was just spilling things out to the world. I don't know if he connected enough with people to actually have a conversation with them rather than just tell them all the things he was thinking about. It's hard to connect anyone when you've got a motor inside making you buzz around like a hummingbird, you know? Not that he didn't want to connect, I think. Like I said, I think he tried; it's just that it wasn't really in him. That; and well, he kinda had to hide a lot of himself. I think it was probably a hard habit to shake."
I looked over at him, sensing there was more to the statement. "What do you mean?" I asked.
Kurt reached back, rubbing his neck and avoiding my eyes. "Um; well, when I was about 10, he lost a bunch of weight, started getting these patches on his skin. He stopped picking me up for his weekends. When I called him at Christmas, he sounded really weak. He rambled about growing up out there, never getting to see the world, and this friend that he had when he was a boy. He was kind of disoriented. Then he told me to always wear a rubber. Mom and Ralph flipped when I asked them what that meant. Anyway, he died that spring."
"I'm so sorry. How did he; was it cancer?"
Kurt swallowed. "Umm, no. It was Aids. Turned out, dad was gay. Didn't go to the doctor or get treatment or anything.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea," I said, shocked beyond words. Silently, I wondered how a man could marry a woman and have a child with her and still be gay. How could a person live life like a completely different person, knowing they were someone else inside?
"Well, we were in bible camp. I didn't want to freak you out, and it's not really the kind of thing you talk about between devotionals and archery, right?"
"I guess not. And that's the thing, camp is simple. We leave behind all our distractions and baggage. It makes us think that someone is perfect there, but when you get back to real life; things are different. What I mean is, I know we were; that it was; um; that we; did stuff together, and it was really nice, but I'm not really; like that," I mumbled, looking at my feet. "I can't just go and do; that; with someone I just met at a party. If you're; like that, I'm probably not the right girl for you," I said, forcing each word out with an effort.
"You are the right girl for me and that is exactly the reason why. I dated a lot girls this summer - so many I can barely remember them. I just was with you for a couple weeks and then it hurt to be away from you. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. It had never hurt like that before. I didn't understand why. I began going out with even more girls, like it could make the pain go away; turn camp into something less than what it was. It didn't work. What happened between us changed something in me. Just walking next to you alone, now; it's erotic. Watching you trying to control your breathing because of how I'm affecting you; I can barely stand it," he breathed, trailing his hands up my arms, making me shiver.
I stepped back from him, trying to clear my head. "But, Kurt; we don't really know each other! I find out you're someone who needs sex like; "
"No; you weren't listening. I don't need sex. I need you. Don't get me wrong - I want you. I want to be your first, your only. But that's not what this is about. I won't push you or anything. You'll see. Just; let me in," he said, stepping closer and cupping my face. "Don't hide from this. Don't make me be anywhere I can't see you; touch you," he said. "Please Melanie; dive into this with me; see what it is; believe in me enough to give me this chance."
His touch began melting me again, but then the smell of the other girl on them reminded me of why I was hesitating. "I; don't know;" I said, taking a step back from him again.
Kurt opened his mouth to argue again, but closed it with an effort. He bit his lips and nodded, instead offering me his arm as he began walking me back toward the dorms. The evening cooled, and we looked up to see the roiling clouds begin to take on a greenish tinge in the dimming light. "Come on, we're running out of time," he said, taking my hand and starting to jog. I had to run to keep up with him on my short legs. When we reached a serene fountain pool with an odd modern design, he pulled me to the side and stopped. As I used a nearby drinking fountain to wash the taste of vomit out of my mouth, he leaned over the pool and scrubbed what was left of the other girl off his face and hands in the water, running his fingers through his hair and shaking it out with a grin. Then, he carefully positioned me in a place where the fountain curved in an arc around us and then stood behind me. "I wanted to show you this place before the rain came. The design; it's like magic," he whispered. "I came here my first night on campus and made a wish. Close your eyes and I'll let it tell you what it was;"
I looked up at his lean earnest face, still dripping with the fountain's water. My heart was hammering in my chest, sensing a knocking at its door. I turned back toward the fountain pool and closed my eyes. Then, Kurt spoke in a quiet voice that bounced off the acoustic perfection of the design and seemed to come back to me from every direction, seeming to go into my very soul: "Please, God. Please bring her back to me;"
Two warm drops splashed onto my cheeks as I turned back to him. He stood there holding me in the darkening night, reading my face, willing me to understand, waiting for an answer to his unasked question. Feeling more than thinking, before my anxieties could pull me out of the moment, my face turned up to his and my eyes closed as our lips met. His mouth was soft, now, but insistent. His arms tightened around me and lifted me closer.
A dizzying sense of untethered freedom filled me when it dawned on me that there was no one to keep me from kissing this boy; this man. No friends or camp counselors to gossip or scold me if I touched his body with mine. There was only Kurt, who pulled back and looked at me like I was the only thing in the universe. I reached out and put my shaking hand on his chest, feeling him breathing heavily. When I raised my eyes to his, he had a bemused look on his face. "It's just that; I can touch you, now. Nobody cares. It's just so strange," I explained, shrugging apologetically.
"Not strange; perfect," he said, putting his hands over mine. "Right now, more than anything, I just want to take you somewhere and just look at you; touch you," he said, cupping my face and leaning down to kiss me again. The kiss deepened, leaving us oblivious to the first few warning taps of warm raindrops falling down. Suddenly, with a low rumble, the sky opened and a warm torrent pounded down on us. I screamed in surprise and Kurt laughed with joy before we blindly sprinted the rest of the way to the dorm overflow apartments, splashing through the streets that had suddenly turned to shallow streams.
We stumbled into the apartment, peeling sodden clothes off each other, fumbling because we couldn't stop kissing long enough to look at what we were doing. The sound of the door slamming shut startled me away from Kurt's hungry lips. "What was that?" I asked.
"I think that was probably your roommate. Either that or a burglar who yelled that they thought they would go for a walk in the rain; all night," Kurt said, laughing. He stopped my crossed arms from lifting my drenched shirt over my head, "No; let me do that. Please. Let me look at you, touch you; take care of you. Let me do everything. Just relax;" he whispered, taking the bottom of my shirt, lifting it over my head and letting it drop to the floor in a wet pile.
I crossed my arms over my chest self-consciously, as he reached around and unhooked my bra, nuzzling my neck with his scratchy face. I closed my eyes tightly when I felt it go loose and fall to the floor. I felt him lift my arms away from the cold damp skin of my tits, and gently place them on his chest. His skin was warm, almost radiating heat. I wanted to press myself against him and soak it all up. After a moment of nothing happening, I dared to open my eyes. Kurt lifted his eyes from my shivering tits, swallowed and looked down at them again, "Bed or sofa?" he asked hoarsely.
"I; I don't know" I stammered before he pulled me into the bedroom and closed the door with his foot. My temporary bed was just a twin mattress on the floor with sheets, a pillow and a blanket, but Kurt didn't seem to mind as we fell onto it in an ungainly heap. "Oh; heat;" I gasped in bliss, feeling his warm chest pressed against mine. Then, the heat was gone as he rose up off me again and I whimpered until I felt him take my nipple into his warm wet mouth. I jumped and squeaked at the unfamiliar but wonderful electric sensation, making him laugh as he began to suck on it, flicking it rapidly with his tongue, making me moan through my clenched teeth.
He devoured my tits, filling the room with greedy, hunger-filled noises. With a slight grunt, he moved his hands from my tits to the waistband of my skirt and panties, and began tugging them down off me. I stiffened with the shocked realization that I was going to be naked soon, but then he stopped and sat up. "You've never been naked with someone, have you?" he asked panting, a smile playing on his lips as he watched me squirm self-consciously, half-naked on the bed under him. My eyes flickered to his and I shook my head with an embarrassed smile. "I'm sorry; you're just so beautiful that I forget. All I can think of is all the things I want to do to every new part of you that I see," he breathed, his eyes roaming over me.
"Can; can I see you?" I said in the barest of whispers.
His eyes lit up, gleefully. "You want to see this pale, skinny, pipe-cleaner body with a massive erection? Oh, hell yeah," he said, jumping up and starting to tear off his jeans with a vengeance while I giggled on the bed. For a while, I watched him hop around, struggling with the wet denim, before I got to my knees and helped him. Suddenly free, his cock sprang out, almost slapping him in the stomach. The mood in the room changed. We froze where we were, me stunned to be so close to his large organ, straight out and nearly purple with need, and him gripping my shoulder tightly with his eyes closed, trying to focus.
The head was smooth and almost shiny compared to the rest of it, with a ridge that went all around. The skin of the shaft looked soft with pipe-like veins sticking up along it. At the very tip, the fissure held a pregnant bead of fluid that looked ready to flow. Curious, I leaned over to look at the underside of it and saw a long ridge running along it up to an area of small ridges near the tip. I raised up my hand to feel the small ridges before I realized what I was doing, stopping halfway. I glanced up to see Kurt watching me and I blushed, instead using my raised hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. "Yeah you; you can touch me," he said quietly, "I would love for you to touch me there. It's incredible; sensitive. Go ahead;" he encouraged.
I swallowed and reached up again, touching the small ridges under the head with my fingertip, running my finger back and forth over them. Then, I followed the ridge that ran all around the head with my fingertip and heard his breath shudder. The sound of it made me flutter inside. Remembering camp, I looked up into Kurt's eyes and raised my lips to the head, kissing it gently. I inhaled the masculine, musky scent of it and opened my lips wider, taking more of the head in my mouth and exploring the fissure with my tongue, the taste unfamiliar but not unpleasant. His hand gripped my shoulder more tightly and he groaned. I felt a thrill that he liked what I was doing. I used my hands on the base and shaft, sucking the head inside my mouth completely now, like I had seen Counselor Pam do at camp. Suddenly, Kurt made a high-pitched strangled noise, and seemed to be trying to push me away. Worried, I released the head and looked up, "What; " I asked, when forceful jets of creamy semen shot out into my open mouth, and onto my face and tits.
I looked down at the white fluid on my tits in wide-eyed shock. Part of me was dying of embarrassment and yet, looking at the evidence of his arousal and satisfaction, I felt almost proud of it. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him, though. I couldn't bear it if he apologized or looked disgusted, so I just sat there looking at my knees and waiting.
I heard him let out a long slow breath through his open mouth. "Don't move. Stay right there," he said, and left. I heard him in the other room, digging around at the desk I shared with my roommate and then he came back in with a notebook and pencil, already sketching as he sat down cross-legged on the floor in front of me. I opened my mouth to ask him what was going on, when he made a disapproving noise and I shut it again. "The most beautiful girl I've ever seen is wearing cords of my cum like they're jewel necklaces. There's a diamond about to fall from your perfect lower lip onto your chin; if I don't capture it;" he trailed off, engrossed in his frantic sketching.
"Do you; like it? Seeing your; stuff; on a girl?" I asked tentatively, careful not to move my lips as I spoke.
Kurt moved the lamp by the bed closer and lifted my chin slightly. "Honestly, I never thought about it that much before," he said, hunching over the sketchbook. "I usually didn't know the girl that well, so I mostly worried that she would get mad; be grossed out; say something that would break the mood before; well, anyway," he said. Looking up at me and tilting his head like he was seeing something impossibly beautiful, "but you; seeing it on you; sitting there almost; accepting it like a gift; proud; and knowing I put it there;" I heard him toss the notebook aside and taking my shoulders, pushing me back on the bed and covering my body with his. "It makes me feel like I must be a king;" he whispered, leaning down to kiss where his semen dripped from my mouth.
He moved down my chest, following the trail of his seed along my tits, kissing, licking, nipping and sucking as I jumped, squirmed and moaned under him. His hands returned to my skirt, pushing it down along with my panties and smiling when I raised my hips to help him. Tossing the last of my clothes aside, I watched him as he reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a handful of condoms and a small bottle of fluid. "You knew this might happen when you went after me," I said quietly.
His face reddened, but then set, in determination. "I won't say I 'knew,' but; now that I've found you, I'm never going to be without them; at least until we're ready to have kids," he said. That made me blink so hard I could almost hear it, and his mouth curled at what must have been the look of blank-faced shock on my face. "Don't you look at me like I'm crazy or a liar, because I must be one of those to say half the things I've said tonight and