Chasing Thoughts | S02 E18: LIVE Coaching Session, Keith Coaching Mindy

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Welcome to the Chasing Thoughts podcast.
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Chasing Thoughts was founded by strangers, two life coaches who met on TikTok and shared
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the desire to create a different kind of life coaching podcast.
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Instead of talking about how to do it right, the Chasing Thoughts podcast explores embracing
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our true essence to find a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment.
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Life coaches Keith and Mindy take a unique approach that transcends popular notions of
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perpetual happiness and striving relentlessly to become one's ideal self.
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Listen in as Mindy, Keith and their guests take a deep dive into their own minds and
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souls to investigate the beauty of imperfection, challenge their beliefs, and embrace the richness
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of living a truly authentic life.
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Hi, my name is Keith and I'm a strategic interventionist and stoner-spirited life coach.
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Hi, my name is Mindy and I am an authenticity empowerment coach.
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Welcome to Chasing Thoughts.
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Hi everybody, it is season 2 episode 18 and it is Keith and I here and today Keith
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is going to give me a coaching session.
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You guys heard me coach Keith a couple weeks ago, so other way around.
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I said take off my jacket and I get ready to be vulnerable and all right, are you ready
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for this Keith?
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Yeah, it's definitely scary because in my head I'm like, all right, I got to be the
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same type of coach as you, you know what I mean?
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Like I'm different, so it's just embracing who I am and just letting it flow, trusting
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that I'm not an idiot.
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Okay, so let me tell you what I've really been struggling with.
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I don't, I don't even know if I'm saying this right.
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So the first thing I'd say is I don't feel like I have enough time in my life for all
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the things I want, but then I'll say no, I actually want to just stay home alone all
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the time, writing, doing my gardening, hanging out with my husband.
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I like it when people stop by my house, but then there's this, I know that the research
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shows that deep relationships and friendships and people are how to make life meaningful
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for humans.
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I believe in tribes, I believe in villages, and yet, like there's a women's group that
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happens every month that I don't go to because at 5 36 o'clock at night, I don't want to
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leave my house.
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And I think about there is this woman who asked me to do dance classes or asked me to
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do a yoga class, and I'm really struggling between just doing what I want, which is like
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not going anywhere doing anything.
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And I don't mean that like I sit home and my pajamas watching TV, I'm reading, I'm researching,
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I'm doing my introverted and stuff, right?
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And so I live and I have lived in this world probably for the last year or two where I
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don't do the things out there, and then I beat myself up for not doing the things.
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And so I'm not sure if I'm out of alignment and need to bring in discipline to force myself
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to do these things to be the full, well rounded individual with a meaningful life that I want
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to be.
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Or if I just stop frigging beating myself up and do the things that bring me joy that
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are right in front of me, but what I'm doing right now standing on the fence is painful.
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So I want to get off the fence, but I don't know which way I want to go.
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When you, when you think of that stuff, when you think about going to like the women's
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the women's meeting and doing like the dancing and stuff, what's the story that you're telling
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yourself?
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That I'd have more fun at home doing a craft at my table or reading my book or like why
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would I, why would I choose sort of a second tier entertainment when I got first tier
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entertainment right here at home?
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And then what's the story of the guilt?
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Notice that a happy, well rounded person that feels safe in the world has a tribe or a village
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or people that people are important for people.
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And so I need to cultivate that with intention.
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And there are people out there who I know who I genuinely love and I want to be more
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like them and they have things they could teach me.
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And right, I'm not, I, the problem isn't that I haven't identified the right people.
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The problem is just getting out of my own introvertedness.
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And you know, I said that I'd probably been struggling with this for like two years.
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I think for the first year, year and a half, I was saying to myself, I'm just recovering
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from burnout because I had that huge, like couple years of burnout when I was executive
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director.
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So I'm like, this is appropriate for me to just be paving in, staying home, just honoring
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myself, healing my nervous system.
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But now that that is done, it's like I'm addicted to it and I'm addicted to this calm feeling
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that I have when I stay home, when I meditate, when I work in my garden, and then I go run
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errands and I go to Costco and I go meet with friends and that calm is disrupted.
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So you start to feel like when you, when you leave the house, you start to feel like this
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anxiety coming up or like this overwhelming kind of feeling.
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I think it's that I have learned and taught myself how to easily access and retain presence
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and peace within my own four walls.
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And it just is yummy.
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But I don't know how to hold that space when I'm at Costco or when I am at a women's group
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with 10 women all talking.
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And to you, what is, what is a tribe?
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How many people do you need in a tribe for it to be a tribe?
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I don't know.
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See, this is another question that I've had for myself is, I guess there's still this
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underlying pressure or thought that I have to do this right.
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And what is the right amount of friendships to have to be a good human?
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What is the right amount of times per week to see my dad?
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And what is the right amount of time per week to see my grown son who doesn't live with
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me?
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And what is the right, I'm always worried that I'm either overwhelming people with too
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much contact or that I'm not showing up for people.
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But there's never a time where I feel like I'm just doing it right.
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I'm always in a struggle with my relationships of being too much or not enough.
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And then when you get in your house, that's where you have that piece because you know
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exactly because you decide what you're going to do, whether you're going to dig up your
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whole front yard and bring in truckloads of dirt or research or stuff for social media.
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Like that's where you rule.
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So it seems like when you're in the house, you're living for yourself.
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And then when you go out of the house, that's where the script flips and you're living through
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the perceptions of others.
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You know, what is the right amount of friends?
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Now it might not be like the perception of this person, but you know, that question of
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what is the right amount of friends?
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That's a question for us to answer.
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Right.
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But when we're constantly freaking out about the, you know, what is it?
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Like what's that number?
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We're almost like outsourcing the answer to somewhere out there that that's the right
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answer out there.
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And I have to find out what that is.
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So you're no longer living for self.
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So yeah, you can't be in alignment like that.
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Yeah.
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But I still don't know how to find that answer, right?
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Because I don't have clarity on what is my introvertedness, what is my fear of showing
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up and what is possibly just sort of resistance or laziness or, right, inertia not happening.
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I will say that thing about always feeling like I'm too much or not enough definitely
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keeps me withdrawn from people because I never leave a social situation, whether it's a walk
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with a friend or a party going, oh, I nailed that.
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Like I never feel that way. I always leave social situations with a thought of like,
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ugh, I overshared or like, ugh, I didn't say anything that I thought, right?
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Like I didn't share my real self.
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And it's a struggle for me.
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So do you think like going that whole thing with going out kind of all funnels down to
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that thing of I don't socially, I don't know what to do.
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I don't know what's over the line with sharing or like that type of thing.
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And then that's where a lot of that comes up.
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So if you went to that women's group, would you have 10 women that are like, who is this
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freaky lady that came in here and just dominates everything and overshares and?
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I think that's what I'm afraid of is either being that person because I've been given
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that feedback a lot.
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Like I've shared with you where people are like, whoa, right?
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Like I'm a Hummer.
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I'm a bulldozer.
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I have a tendency to go big.
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That makes people feel uncomfortable or I've gotten feedback to that.
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And I've also been in social situations with like a group of people like four or five times
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and then had somebody like not even remember me and forget my name because I'm not showing
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up at all and I'm like a wallflower.
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So both are true.
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It's like a doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but with my own personality, right?
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There's these two ways that I show up and yeah, I just struggle with it.
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And I think that that's part of it around the house because I always say that I have
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my introvert bubble, right?
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And then I tell my husband like, I've made you a part of my bubble so that I can feel
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comfortable with you in my house and my son is part of my bubble because he and I don't
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know if it's just something like that or if those people I have finally, because I don't
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I don't worry with them about who I am or am I too much or too little, right?
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Because they're in my bubble.
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They're in my comfort space.
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So then I ask myself the question, well, how would I make other people in my comfort space?
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I don't effing know.
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Dude, I remember watching an episode of Roman Empire on Netflix and I forget the emperor's
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name, but he became so paranoid that he exiled himself to Cyprus and he had this palace there.
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It was all about pleasure.
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Like there was women, men, like food, drink, everything.
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And it made me realize that our comfort zone, and we've talked about like comfort zones
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a lot, especially on the podcast.
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And our comfort zones can be like feel like a prison to us and be very uncomfortable,
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but we stay in that pain because the pain of stepping out is a lot.
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And what it made me realize is our comfort zone can be a palace.
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Yeah.
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It can be like a place we don't want to leave, but it's still a prison that that fear
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is keeping us in there.
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So it seems like you've kind of cultivated this beautiful comfort zone where you have
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everything that you need and you can study and you can build your business, build your
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other business.
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You have your husband, your kid, like, but it's still a prison because as soon as you
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step out, you lose that comfort.
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Yeah.
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So can you, can you give me like, what's an example?
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If you don't mind sharing this of when you were given that, that feedback that you like
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came in too strong, bulldozed, like, does any like specific story come to mind like
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this was like seriously bad or whatever?
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I've gotten that feedback professionally a lot, like from upper management when I was
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middle management type of things, right?
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Where they're like, whoa, like tone it down.
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Um, I've gotten that feedback certainly as a kid, right?
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That sort of like calm down, you know, like contain yourself.
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Who's giving you that feedback as a kid?
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My mom.
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I have a tendency when I get excited to talk faster and faster and louder and louder.
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And I've been given that feedback to quiet my voice a lot.
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Um, I've had some relationships and this is related, but not exactly the same.
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So I have a very, what I would say male thinking brain, like I can hang out with guys and feel
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very comfortable.
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Our brains work the same way.
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My thoughts are more traditionally like male thinking.
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And I've had two different boyfriends break up with me because of that.
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They said that I wasn't feminine enough that, uh, it's too masculine.
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And so that kind of goes with that same like big energy, right?
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Like it's very masculine energy.
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And now that I'm trying to do like these women's circles and develop more of my feminine side,
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there are a lot of times when I don't agree with group think for women.
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And I have not said anything yet because that's like supposed to be my female tribe.
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And I could really disrupt things with an unpopular opinion.
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Right?
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Like, what's one of those opinions like that, that you just don't agree with?
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Well, it could be something like I had one the other day where someone in the group was
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sharing that, um, like they were going to give their kid a job for them and then they
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were going to keep their kid at home.
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And it was sort of what I would consider like cuddling behavior.
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But all the other moms were like, Oh, that's so good.
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Oh, how precious that you have that time together.
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They were all moming.
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And I didn't feel that way.
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And I'm on popular anyways.
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Like, you know, when my son was 18, I'm like, out.
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You know, find your life, which is not a popular way for a mom to be in today's world.
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And um, yeah, I have this like suspicion that whatever this is, this big masculine overbearing
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energy that I'm so afraid of is part of the key to my future success.
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But because I didn't know how, I feel like it's like a sword and I didn't know how to
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like use it when I was using it before.
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And so I'm like, Oh, put this thing away and lock it up forever.
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And now I'm like, okay, I can get this out, but I need to understand it and know how to
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use it so I don't like, bolt people over or go too big or come off as unattractive with
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my messaging.
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I know I'm all over right now, but that's because I don't understand this either.
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Right.
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Yeah, no.
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And it's cool.
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And this is what I love about coaching so much because I'm kind of like reaching and
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being like, okay, here's a puzzle piece.
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Here's a puzzle piece.
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Here's a puzzle piece together.
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And one of the pieces that I'm seeing is your belief systems.
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When it comes to feminine and masculine, your belief systems are not yours.
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They have not been created by you.
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They've been, which all of our belief systems initially are given to us, you know, starts
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with our parents, teachers, boyfriends, like all this stuff professionally colleagues.
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And so like when it comes to that, you've been told that you're too loud, you know, you're
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just too much energy and all this stuff from, you know, your mom, boyfriend's breaking up
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with you because you're too masculine and stuff.
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So to you, what is feminine and what is masculine?
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Good question.
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And also thank you for recognizing my beliefs.
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And I just want to say I agree that it's fascinating when you just hear someone talk and you're
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just the listener, how you can start to pick out the threads that I don't hear, right?
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That's the power of this kind of conversation.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Um, masculine and feminine, what is that to me?
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00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:21,080
Um, I think I actually have some negative thoughts about femininity, femininity being
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like female.
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And maybe that's why I avoid it.
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I'm not sure.
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As we mentioned before we were starting my whole life, all my role models have been male.
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Right?
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I'm a writer, right?
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Leaders, like, and I think that that could be just because traditionally in the past females
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couldn't take the roles that I'm attracted to.
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But I've never in my life really had a strong female where I said, that's what I want to
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be like, right?
250
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I'm more attracted to masculine energy.
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Sometimes I even wonder if I was born into today's world, would I try on like a gender
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change or gender experimentation?
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Because that wasn't even available when we were kids.
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But I feel so, um, unusual.
255
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I don't know how to describe it.
256
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Um, I think that I feel like I don't like the limitations that I think females have.
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I don't like, uh, how emotional and out of context females get.
258
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See, I'm telling you my belief system.
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So I believe femininity is out of context, over emotional.
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Like, look at how many bad things I've seen.
261
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Oh my gosh, I'm embarrassed of my own thoughts.
262
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:12,880
Yeah, I guess I've always been attracted to being more logical and in control of my own
263
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emotions and to me those are kind of like masculine traits.
264
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,920
But for someone else, those could not be masculine traits, right?
265
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How interesting.
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Yeah.
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00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:37,840
I feel like, and I'm not sure about this one, but I want to mention it because it is something
268
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,400
that I'm struggling with.
269
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How I show up physically is a larger part of the equation than I believe it would be
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for a male.
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And that is a piece that I haven't really figured out.
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I don't know if I am pleased by that or frustrated by it, but you know how many like weird, quirky
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old guys there are doing cool stuff, whether it's the guy at the bar playing the guitar
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or the guy on social media doing this or that.
275
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There's not a lot of weird, quirky old ladies that are like nailing it because most women
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in our culture after 50 are invisible, right?
277
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And so that comes up for me.
278
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,720
So I mean, what I wanted to say to you is I don't know, but I know that's not a good
279
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answer.
280
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,800
Oh, it's a beautiful answer.
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This is my mess of thoughts.
282
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Yes.
283
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:44,120
That is a beautiful, beautiful answer because as soon as you say, I don't know, you open
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yourself up.
285
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:49,080
I mean, that is vulnerability, right?
286
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,760
Like when we take on like, no, no, no, I know.
287
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I know.
288
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,760
You know, like that whole type thing.
289
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:02,920
It's that like strict unbending control, especially when you don't have a freaking clue of what
290
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,640
you're talking about.
291
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:09,320
You know, like Sad Guru talks about like the three greatest words in the English language
292
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,920
are I don't know.
293
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,120
So that I applaud you for that.
294
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,000
You're not making up bullshit.
295
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You're just saying, I don't know.
296
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:30,720
But it's so cool because like you want you were told you're too masculine through so
297
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many things and you want to be feminine.
298
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:40,800
But the rules that you have for femininity are I got to become overly emotional.
299
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I have to cry about a cat video and all this stuff and like lose control of my emotions
300
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and not think logically.
301
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And I, I mean, we're both in our forties, right?
302
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,560
So pretty soon you got to disappear.
303
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:03,280
Your life ends before you die because you're a woman.
304
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,920
So those are the rules and the belief systems that you have for the person that you want
305
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:07,920
to become.
306
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,920
Who would want to become that?
307
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:10,920
Yeah.
308
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:17,480
So, you know, when you like see a group of girls and they're all like screaming and stuff.
309
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,200
I've never done that in my life.
310
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I never want to do that in my life.
311
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,480
Like, do you see how I have like an aversion?
312
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,400
But I don't know why I have an aversion to that.
313
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:27,400
Right.
314
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:32,440
I don't know if that's just my personality and my nature that I don't scream and jump
315
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up and down.
316
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:38,920
Or is it something that I've been avoiding because of some weird thing that happened to
317
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me and my childhood?
318
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:40,920
Right.
319
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:45,280
I don't know if I should try to break through it or if I should just embrace what feels
320
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:53,280
more natural to me for the audience who is listening.
321
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,120
Keith is just giving me the eye right now.
322
00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:59,280
But I could that was such a beautiful thing.
323
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,280
I don't know if I should.
324
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:06,400
Basically you're saying I don't know if I should take on a character and play a role
325
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:13,040
that doesn't feel real to me or be real to myself.
326
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,040
So you do know that answer.
327
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,320
Yeah, it's weird though.
328
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:24,440
There's like this voice in my head that says, well, because all women should be like that,
329
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,760
like should scream when they see each other and hug each other.
330
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:32,240
There must be something that happened to you that made you not like that because you're
331
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supposed to be like that.
332
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:34,920
Yes.
333
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:39,240
And I'm like, oh my God, I better go back to my childhood and see what f me up.
334
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,240
Right.
335
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,240
And you're right.
336
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:46,520
What's wrong, my beliefs are about what it means to be a woman.
337
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And you're 100% right.
338
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:55,720
Something happened to you at some point where the thing of like, oh, I just bought a new
339
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:56,720
purse.
340
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,360
Like that stuff does not resonate with you.
341
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:03,080
You're just like, oh my God, something happened to you.
342
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,760
There's experiences that you had that made Mindy.
343
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:13,400
And then those other women that do that, there's experiences that they had that taught them
344
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to do that.
345
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:23,560
So you've had different experiences, which we've all had, but you've always refused to
346
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,240
take on the role of a character.
347
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:31,320
And you always, even in the midst of like it causing suffering saying, I'm going to
348
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be me.
349
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:38,440
And then you're looking at the rules that society has for us, the rules that you were
350
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:44,320
given from a young kid, you're being too loud, you're being too masculine, but again, whatever
351
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:51,760
the hell that means, you know, boyfriends, you're not feminine enough, you know, but
352
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:57,440
even though now you're married to a great guy, you've done so much.
353
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:05,040
I mean, you look at Olympic athletes that are women, you know, gymnasts, like I've never
354
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:10,240
looked at a gymnast be like, wow, so masculine, you know, they're always so feminine stuff,
355
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,040
but they are the strongest people.
356
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:20,680
Rhonda Rousey, you know, like this UFC fighter that can whoop my ass like with both of her
357
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:27,360
hands tied behind her back, very feminine, you know, so the first thing like is, is,
358
00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:37,840
is sort of breaking away from society's definition of what you an individual need to be.
359
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,520
Yeah.
360
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:48,800
And I'll also say that this is probably why I'm so attracted to so many thought leaders
361
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:57,480
right now that are advocating for getting rid of like a gender identity or recognizing that
362
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:02,080
gender's fluid or getting rid of ideas of what masculinity and femininity is like that
363
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:08,240
whole movement, I'm way behind because I can relate to it.
364
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:12,040
And the other thing when you were talking, one of the things I love that you just said
365
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:19,120
was, yes, of course, it's because something happened to you, but that doesn't mean that
366
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,080
it's not authentic or true.
367
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,080
Right.
368
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:24,080
Right.
369
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:29,720
So if something happened to me to make me into this, now that I'm aware of it, I get
370
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:35,400
to be a choice if I want to continue being that or not continue being that, right?
371
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,400
Yes.
372
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,160
So I wasn't thinking about it that way.
373
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:44,920
So would it be safe to say like you're becoming aware that a lot of the belief systems that
374
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:49,440
you have for femininity are belief systems that have been given to you instead of ones
375
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:53,240
that you've created for yourself?
376
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:54,400
I think so.
377
00:29:54,400 --> 00:30:03,040
And what I thought of when you were talking when you said that was I was raised by a single
378
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:04,680
mom with my sister.
379
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:09,680
So all female household, there were no males in my life growing up.
380
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:15,040
And so that could be number one, why I crave that energy or more attracted to it.
381
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:25,000
But I also thought, and this is a weird thing to say, like as a little girl, I sort of played
382
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:30,880
what would be more traditional male role and male thinking in my house with my mom and
383
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:31,880
my sister.
384
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:32,880
Right.
385
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:39,120
Like they're both more magical thinking, like feeling thinking.
386
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,680
And I'm just not built that way.
387
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:45,960
And so like I have this, you know, we were always super poor.
388
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:51,520
And I remember, God, I had to be in like second graders and my mom wanted to go out and buy
389
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:57,120
like a new dish set and like towels with little ducks on them and a little duck cookie holder,
390
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,400
you know, like a set of things.
391
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:00,880
And I was like, we can't do this.
392
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:01,920
We don't have the money.
393
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,800
Like show me your checkbook.
394
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:08,120
Like you don't have that money to buy this, right?
395
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:15,720
And I was always frustrated with the choices my mom made and the way my mom behaved.
396
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,280
And she dated all these different guys when I was growing up.
397
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:19,280
And she, right.
398
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:25,200
Like she played a very classic female role and I hated it.
399
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,960
Beautiful.
400
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:33,720
So you saw your mom playing the role, going through all these guys, not really like taking
401
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:41,520
care of the finances, so it came down to you to be the logical, to take on the masculine
402
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:46,400
energy in your family's relationship.
403
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,400
Yeah.
404
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,240
That would say that's probably very true.
405
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:58,600
So what is, what is, so we know, we know for you, for your belief systems, feminine, femininity
406
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,160
is a lot of bullshit.
407
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:02,160
Right.
408
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,600
I don't see the strength in it yet.
409
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:05,600
I don't think.
410
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:06,600
Oh yeah.
411
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:07,600
Yeah.
412
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:08,600
Yeah.
413
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:09,600
Yeah.
414
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:10,600
What's masculinity?
415
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:11,600
Strong.
416
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:12,600
Strength.
417
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:13,600
Certainly.
418
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:31,160
Strength, logic, steadfastness, reason.
419
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:35,080
Those are the top ones that come to my mind.
420
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,800
And those are things that you see in yourself.
421
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:38,800
Yes.
422
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,640
That's what I'd say.
423
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:50,480
So you have this, like the whole dichotomy of masculine versus feminine energy.
424
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:58,040
And you, and you want to open up more to the feminine side.
425
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:04,880
That you have rules, you have beliefs that were experiences that you've, that, and that's,
426
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,160
that's what kind of builds our belief system or experiences, what we're told, all that
427
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:12,240
stuff that femininity is weakness.
428
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,040
There's no strength there.
429
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:15,040
There's no logic.
430
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:16,320
It's magical thinking.
431
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:19,520
It's unicorns and rainbows and all that all the time.
432
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:25,600
It's spending money that you don't have for pretty little ducks and all this stuff.
433
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:33,440
And then you have masculine, which is strong, steadfastness, logic, reason.
434
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:39,800
So if you go just to the pain versus pleasure principle of the brain, everything in your
435
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:46,560
brain is going to force you away from, from femininity and towards masculinity, right?
436
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,160
Because femininity is painful.
437
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:53,000
And the masculine side is, is, is the pleasurable side.
438
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,720
It's the side that you need to be.
439
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,080
Yeah.
440
00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:02,080
I'm certainly judging the femininity side, right?
441
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:05,440
There's a lot of, yeah, I recognize that.
442
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:11,040
And I also recognize that judgment is always a red flag, right?
443
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,440
Like I just know that to be true.
444
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:17,040
So I know I have something going on because I have strong judgment of self and other on
445
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,040
this topic.
446
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,040
Yeah.
447
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,040
All right.
448
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,840
So, wait, let me add one more thing.
449
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:25,960
I have this past and then I have my present.
450
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:31,160
And then when I look out in the world for female role models, there's no one I see that I want
451
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,160
to be like.
452
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:36,080
So I'm like trapped.
453
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:41,000
I forget what this thing is called, but I did it yesterday.
454
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,680
So we keep, we keep, you know, a Kong for a dog.
455
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,680
Yeah.
456
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:47,680
We fill it with peanut butter.
457
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:48,680
Yeah.
458
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:51,320
And we put it in the freezer.
459
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:56,120
And so when we have dinner, we give the Kong to Zoe.
460
00:34:56,120 --> 00:35:01,360
And it's always in the left-hand side of the freezer, always.
461
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:07,040
And Sandy did them up and she put them in the right-hand side.
462
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,960
So I looked at it and I'm like, there's no Kongs, right?
463
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,440
She was working some overtime and stuff.
464
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,080
So I'm like, what do I do now?
465
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,840
You know, like she's never Kong, you know?
466
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,000
So I texted Sandy just to see if she was free.
467
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:23,480
And I was like, I might be missing it, but it doesn't seem like there's any Kongs in
468
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,000
the freezer.
469
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:31,920
In my head, what I was really saying was, you idiot, you forgot to do what you were supposed
470
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,480
to do.
471
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,520
And now like Zoe's going to suffer, right?
472
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:37,880
And I looked everywhere.
473
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,520
I was moving things around.
474
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:40,880
They weren't in there.
475
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:45,640
She goes, should be on the right-hand side, right above the chicken.
476
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:46,640
They were right there.
477
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,800
And it was like magic.
478
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,960
It was like they suddenly appeared, right?
479
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:59,600
So my question for you is, do you think that there is no good feminine role models?
480
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:04,600
Or do you have a belief system that they don't really exist so you can't find them?
481
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:08,160
So because you're telling yourself the story of I can't find them.
482
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:09,160
Yeah.
483
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,160
Beautifully said.
484
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:16,880
And yes, I'm guessing that is the case.
485
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:25,680
I do recognize that there is a certain gift or power of being female that I don't know,
486
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:32,480
that I would like to know, and that there's a certain blending that will help me ground,
487
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:33,480
right?
488
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:40,320
Like I know that I need to work on this to become the future self that I want to be,
489
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,320
right?
490
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:53,720
There is some inkling in there that I need to find the good of really being a female.
491
00:36:53,720 --> 00:37:00,680
But that being said, I guess I would say I don't know how to go about it in an authentic
492
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:07,200
way, because everywhere where I touch females, whether it's women's group or this person
493
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:15,320
on social media or this, I immediately go into, oh, I need to act like they're acting,
494
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:17,160
and then it's the role, right?
495
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:24,320
And so I'm not sure how to investigate this and make it my own in an authentic way where
496
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:28,720
I don't step into playing a character.
497
00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:40,680
Well, I'm glad you reached out to me for this, because I know exactly how to do it.
498
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:46,160
I went to a Sunday school class once, and this was back when we were in church, and
499
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:51,400
they were going through how men receive love, how women receive love, and all that stuff.
500
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:55,560
And everything he ticked off for women, I was like, yeah, I do that, I do that, I do
501
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:56,560
that, I do that.
502
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,920
And everything he ticked off for men, it was Sandy.
503
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:04,760
And so I raised my hand, and I was like, should I start questioning something, which
504
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,360
did not go well in a Baptist church?
505
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,160
But I thought it was funny.
506
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,400
And Sandy's very, very similar.
507
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:17,360
When her brother died, people were bringing her flowers and stuff, and I bought her a
508
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:21,560
skill saw that had this laser thing on it, where she can just, and she was like, that
509
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,440
was the greatest gift I've ever gotten.
510
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,320
She just loves to do that stuff.
511
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:32,000
But she's also incredibly feminine.
512
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:42,440
So the first step in that is becoming aware that the beliefs that you have for femininity
513
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,160
are not yours.
514
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:50,400
They're yours by the experience and the meaning that you gave them seeing as you're growing
515
00:38:50,400 --> 00:39:01,600
up with your mom, having to be that strong, logical, reasonable person as a kid, seeing
516
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:05,840
the groups that you want to be a part of, but they're all doing and acting in the same
517
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:09,000
way and thinking, I have to act that.
518
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:14,520
So the first step is understanding that those beliefs were given to you.
519
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:19,960
And they don't align with you, so you know they're bullshit.
520
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:25,640
So what do you believe femininity should be?
521
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:33,480
If you can clear your mind of society, so right now in the cosmos, it's just Mindy and
522
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:38,240
me, what is being feminine me?
523
00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:41,440
All right, hold on.
524
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:42,440
I'm thinking about that.
525
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:51,200
So let me think about that.
526
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:59,840
I would say flexibility, but what I picture in my mind when I say that is like bamboo
527
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,080
or something, right?
528
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:05,240
Like flexibility, flexible strength, I guess is what I'm saying, right?
529
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:09,760
Flexible strength.
530
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:14,600
I want to say the word acceptance, but I want to put like a little asterisk next to it since
531
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:19,800
there's so many weird ideas out there about how females should be accepting, right?
532
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:26,720
But acceptance as a power move, right?
533
00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:34,040
Like radical acceptance.
534
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:48,200
See like a container that holds appreciation for beauty and maybe more of the more subtle
535
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:55,880
hidden aspects of life and nature.
536
00:40:55,880 --> 00:41:01,040
There is a fierce love that women have and particularly mothers, right, that you see come
537
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:05,120
out that is very beautiful.
538
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:17,760
I can acknowledge that.
539
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:24,000
I'm not sure how play really shows up for females.
540
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:31,080
I think I have an aversion to that that I can't see around wisdom.
541
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:42,880
I guess I believe that once upon a time women held like a position of wisdom in tribes and
542
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:50,720
whatnot, which I still believe in, but I don't think is reflected or accepted in our culture.
543
00:41:50,720 --> 00:42:10,520
So I'm like, oh, I can be the wise woman on my couch, but it's not accepted in the world.
544
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:14,840
Presence maybe would be.
545
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:24,400
I think sometimes women can hold space in ways that I haven't seen men do.
546
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:29,320
So those are some positives that I see.
547
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:37,080
Now generally, like if you like if you had found me like, I need a co-op so we don't
548
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,080
really know each other.
549
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:51,840
Like these would be interesting, but knowing you, I think the majority of these describe
550
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:56,160
exactly who you are.
551
00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:00,840
The acceptance, like I was always nervous about like putting something up and like,
552
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:05,480
oh, I didn't put up a post today and you're like, dude, it's going to happen when it happens.
553
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:11,480
You know, the, well, I can't even read and I handwriting what I put here.
554
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:16,280
Oh, the container that holds appreciation for beauty.
555
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:24,160
Like you are all about the beauty of nature, all of the pictures that you put up.
556
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:32,520
First off, the strength that you have for mountaineering, before your accident, right?
557
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:39,240
The pictures that you put up, the scenery that you can put up, you notice all the beauty
558
00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:43,600
in the world, fierce love.
559
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:49,960
I've seen people say horrible things to you and you respond with kindness and compassion,
560
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:58,600
you know, which is love, you know, you show love to people that show you disrespect.
561
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:01,440
Wisdom, you're incredibly wise.
562
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,760
And it made me think of like elephants, right?
563
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:10,720
Not calling you an elephant, but you know, like the matriarch and there's a lot of cultures
564
00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:16,280
that are built off the matriarch that the wisdom of the culture has passed down from
565
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:20,440
woman to woman to woman.
566
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:27,680
Presence, like that is, that is like the one word I would describe for you.
567
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:33,080
The one that I would be like was the flexibility.
568
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:42,080
But I think that comes from you like wanting to be that flexibility, but that belief of
569
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:43,320
I have to be this way.
570
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:50,320
Because when you have to be that way, that's stiff, you know, but who you really want to
571
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,960
be is that bamboo is amazing dude.
572
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:58,000
Like in the U.S., like we have all the scaffolding that is made from like metal and wood and
573
00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,000
stuff.
574
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:02,240
And then you go like to the Asian countries and like they have this scaffolding that's
575
00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:07,360
swaying, but it's so much stronger than the stuff that we have that's made from bamboo.
576
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:13,360
You know, I mean trees, like they can, the trees and the swamps and stuff, I forget the
577
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:20,200
cypress trees can withstand winds that are like over 150 miles an hour because they are
578
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:23,560
so flexible and their root systems and stuff like that.
579
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:28,520
So yeah, so I want to try something with you because you had you said that thing about
580
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:32,480
play and you're like, I just, I just don't know.
581
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:41,360
So I want, I want you to try to answer without thinking, which, which I know like when you
582
00:45:41,360 --> 00:45:44,520
like to think about the answer, so I'm going to ask like a bunch of questions, right?
583
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,880
So what's your name?
584
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:50,400
Mindy, what do you do?
585
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:53,560
I have a life coach.
586
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:54,560
Are you a mother?
587
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:55,560
Yes.
588
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,040
What does your husband do?
589
00:45:58,040 --> 00:45:59,920
He's a chemist.
590
00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:02,800
Do you like the chasing thoughts podcast?
591
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:03,800
Very much.
592
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,600
Who is your favorite co-host?
593
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:08,240
Keith.
594
00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:10,480
What does play mean to you?
595
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:15,600
Fun, but what is that?
596
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:16,600
Right?
597
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:26,240
Maybe what is that?
598
00:46:26,240 --> 00:46:36,720
Yeah, I guess I get, I think I get caught up because in our world or maybe in my past,
599
00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:43,920
my belief system, my belief system has something that says extroverts are better people than
600
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:44,920
introverts.
601
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,880
And I think our culture supports that.
602
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:52,840
So if I go to the, actually, I'll give an example.
603
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:57,920
There was this one time when we were in a group of friends when bowling, right?
604
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:01,000
And I sat at the bar and read a book.
605
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,680
I was reading on the road by Jack Kerouac at the time.
606
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:10,200
And I had the most fun and people came over and said hi to me or whatever, you know, and
607
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,960
this and that, but I wasn't part of the group.
608
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:16,320
And I went, well, I'm scared to write this.
609
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:22,680
And to me, sitting at the bar reading my book was fun.
610
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:31,800
But I struggle because I feel like my definition of fun, like most people who are there probably
611
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:32,800
thought like, what's wrong with Mindy?
612
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:33,960
Like, oh, she's sitting out.
613
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:35,680
Oh, she's not hanging out with us.
614
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:36,680
Right?
615
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:37,680
Like there's a.
616
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:38,680
Who told you that?
617
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:44,480
And there's often awkwardness in my social situations.
618
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:49,480
Did someone come up and tell you that this is awkward because you're just sitting here?
619
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:52,960
Or is that what you told yourself they were thinking?
620
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:58,880
Yeah, it's probably what I told myself they were thinking.
621
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:03,720
Right?
622
00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:08,480
I think this is such a great timing because we didn't really plan on this coaching session.
623
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:11,120
This was like spur of the moment.
624
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,440
But I turned 45 tomorrow.
625
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:22,880
And a big birthday party planned and everybody's going to come over at noon in some sort of
626
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:26,040
costume or silly get up.
627
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:30,320
Play, play croquet at the park.
628
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,520
Then we're going to come back here and barbecue.
629
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:35,080
Have a couple drinks, whatever.
630
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:39,920
And all week I've been thinking about usually coming up to my birthday.
631
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:43,560
I do a lot of like journaling and processing because I'm like, who am I becoming?
632
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:45,640
What is this next evolution of self?
633
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:48,600
Who am I going to be at 45?
634
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:54,440
And I've just been thinking, all right, on my birthday, I'm just going to show up like
635
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:59,880
not contained, not self-motivating.
636
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:00,880
Yes.
637
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:05,440
And then there's another side of like when I've been telling myself that the other voice
638
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:10,760
has been like, whoa, I don't know if we should go there.
639
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:11,760
Yeah.
640
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:12,760
Right.
641
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:17,040
So it's really interesting that we had this conversation about like fitting in where I
642
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:21,160
feel awkward and all this stuff with this thing happening tomorrow.
643
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,840
It's like perfect timing.
644
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:31,560
But yeah, I worry about offending people with who I am.
645
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:39,320
I'm worried about my beliefs offending people or my opinions offending people.
646
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:47,240
I'm worried about, yeah, being too loud, too big, too weird, all of it, right?
647
00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:50,080
Worry about being vulnerable.
648
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:53,080
Yeah.
649
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:59,040
So my little book on stuff like what do you call it?
650
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:04,280
Like social posts I wanted to do, like this quote from Brene Brown.
651
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:12,000
Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, right?
652
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,960
Which is everything your mind is, you're like, I'm going to go and I'm going to be like off
653
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:16,960
the hook.
654
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:22,240
Like there's going to be, I'm just going to be absolutely me as weird, as freaky as
655
00:50:22,240 --> 00:50:24,000
whatever I want to be.
656
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:27,680
And then your brain is like, what the hell are you thinking?
657
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:31,280
You know, again, because it's got to keep us safe, right?
658
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:36,880
So vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness.
659
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:50,160
But it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity and get this, of belonging and of love.
660
00:50:50,160 --> 00:51:00,760
So true belonging is on the side of vulnerability that we don't want to walk through.
661
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:05,920
And all of this started off with like the women's group having your tribe.
662
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:14,080
So if you want that tribe, don't adhere to a character that you're supposed to play.
663
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:19,400
Add you, because I mean, the tribe doesn't need another character.
664
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:22,840
It doesn't need another, yay, I got new shoes.
665
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:28,520
It doesn't need the weak femininity of your belief system.
666
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,240
It needs you.
667
00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:42,640
Yeah, it's interesting when you read that quote in my brain, my brain is like, fuck,
668
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:43,800
yeah, that's it.
669
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:44,800
That's so true.
670
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:47,600
Yes, I can feel the truth in that statement, right?
671
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:50,560
Like truth has a feeling sometimes, right?
672
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:53,760
You can like feel it.
673
00:51:53,760 --> 00:52:03,160
And then like in my gut, like somewhere between my chest and my gut, it's like, hell no, F
674
00:52:03,160 --> 00:52:05,200
you.
675
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:09,680
So we talk about like, you know, the three ways to know something like logically in your
676
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:16,120
heart and in your body, like my, I guess this is my chance to pull that from my mind into
677
00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:20,320
my body, right, and act from that knowing.
678
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:32,920
But I feel like I almost have to like sort of show up for my nervous system.
679
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,920
And I know that it sounds kind of weird, but when I think about like, okay, what would
680
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:41,360
it take for me to go balls out tomorrow?
681
00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,960
And I'm like, all right, I'm going to have to be like, all right, nervous system, we're
682
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:45,960
okay.
683
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:46,960
That's cool.
684
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:47,960
We're fine.
685
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,600
Yep, we're going to do this, right?
686
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:56,800
Like I have to sort of be there for myself leading up to, and I don't know, maybe during
687
00:52:56,800 --> 00:53:04,120
the process, but I can't, it would be inauthentic for me to pretend that my nervous system was
688
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:05,960
okay with this idea.
689
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:06,960
Oh, yeah.
690
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:12,440
My nervous system is not on board.
691
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:17,600
Dude, tomorrow you are going to be like, I'm doing this.
692
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:18,600
I got this.
693
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:23,760
And then the closer guests of that time, you're going to be like, oh my God, I just want to
694
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:26,040
crawl in a hole, right?
695
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:31,800
But if you step through it, if you step through it, there is going to be, there's going to
696
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,200
come at the point of like a release.
697
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:35,480
Yeah.
698
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:38,160
And then you're just going to be you.
699
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:41,680
Yeah, I like that.
700
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:48,760
All the beauty of everything that you bring, of everything that you are, is just going to
701
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:54,560
be there on full display for everybody to see.
702
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:57,560
Yeah.
703
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:02,120
And I wanted breakfast, I guess.
704
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:06,360
Like of course I myself with friends, but I'm talking about like the next level.
705
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:10,000
Like we have a group of friends who is great.
706
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:11,760
The group of couples that's great.
707
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:15,760
We have like a social life, but I am contained in it.
708
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:16,760
Right?
709
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:23,600
Yeah, but now think that I wanted to get rid of and explore it.
710
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:25,480
Why am I controlling myself?
711
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:26,480
Right?
712
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:27,480
Because that's what I'm doing.
713
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:31,280
I'm containing and controlling and moderating myself.
714
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,400
And that's the piece that I don't think I need anymore.
715
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:39,000
It's not, it's not making me feel good to do that anymore.
716
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,000
Yeah.
717
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:43,920
And then it was funny too, because like at the beginning you said you're contained in
718
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:46,640
your four walls.
719
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:52,520
And now you're saying, okay, I'm in can containing my four walls, but then I also got my friends.
720
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:59,680
Well, yeah, I think it's like in my four walls, I feel like I can come out of my body.
721
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:00,760
Right?
722
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:06,840
But when I leave my four walls, I am deep inside this skin.
723
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,880
What about with your friends too?
724
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:21,640
I would say I'm still inside my skin because I'm still like, this is so judgmental, but
725
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:25,520
like people are weird, right?
726
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:29,960
Like they have a lot of judgments like, oh, she talked to my husband too much.
727
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:31,280
Oh, she was flirting over here.
728
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:32,280
Oh, she did this.
729
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:33,280
Oh, she did that.
730
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,320
Oh, she thought she was like judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment.
731
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:43,760
And I get logically that that's not my business and I can't control it.
732
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:52,040
But yeah, I'm also scared of offending people or doing something wrong or that.
733
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:53,040
Yeah.
734
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:59,920
Cause you learned, you learned as, as, as a kid that you were responsible for the emotional
735
00:55:59,920 --> 00:56:02,120
like well-being of, of the family.
736
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:06,520
So the family could be the emotional, the unicorns and rainbows and you had to, to reel
737
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:07,720
it in.
738
00:56:07,720 --> 00:56:13,080
So now when you go out and you're like talking to one of your friends, husbands, now you're
739
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:15,080
in your head being like, is this too much?
740
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:16,080
Is she going to think I'm flirting?
741
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:17,080
Is she going to write?
742
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:22,880
So you're living through the perception of your friends thoughts that you're making up
743
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,480
in your own head.
744
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:25,480
Yes.
745
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:26,480
Instead of.
746
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:27,480
Yeah.
747
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:36,760
Yeah, good comparison and I, I hadn't seen that previously, but you're right because
748
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:42,680
the other day I told my husband something like, I hope I don't screw up our whole friend
749
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:47,520
circle by joining this other like smaller women's group of our bigger friends.
750
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:54,560
Like that if I didn't hold it together, I could ruin the whole thing, which is similar
751
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:55,800
to like my childhood experience.
752
00:56:55,800 --> 00:57:01,400
Right? if I don't hold it together, this whole thing is going to fall apart.
753
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,400
Kind of like narcissistic, but.
754
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:04,400
Well, yeah.
755
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:06,480
And it's a way to protect yourself.
756
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:07,960
You're trying to protect yourself.
757
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:08,960
You're trying to protect your friend.
758
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:14,920
And so it is a, it's a very, um, uh, my mind takes a left on me.
759
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:18,040
It's, it's.
760
00:57:18,040 --> 00:57:21,120
It shows how good you are.
761
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:22,120
You know what I mean?
762
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,720
That you're trying to protect your friends.
763
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:29,880
You're trying to protect your friends ships, but a lot of times we try to protect things
764
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,720
that don't need the protection.
765
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:33,720
Yeah.
766
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:39,520
And when you said that, not only didn't ring is true, but my thought was, do I honestly
767
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:44,520
believe that I need to protect people from me?
768
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:49,200
Cause if that's true, that's a big thought.
769
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:50,200
Right?
770
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:53,600
Like is that what's happening for me right now?
771
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:57,960
And there is a little bit of that.
772
00:57:57,960 --> 00:57:58,960
That's a core.
773
00:57:58,960 --> 00:58:05,640
That's a core thought that was beautiful to unveil.
774
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:13,800
And would that mean that there's parts of you that you don't like?
775
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:23,440
No, I think it's more that.
776
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:36,320
I feel like, you know, this is part of being human, I guess, but that I'm unintentionally
777
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:42,160
hurt so many people or unintentionally got results that I didn't think I was going to
778
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:43,160
get.
779
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:44,160
Right?
780
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:54,280
So by monitoring myself or keeping myself contained, I'm less likely to get results
781
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:57,200
that I don't anticipate.
782
00:58:57,200 --> 00:59:01,360
So you're, you're trying to control future expectations.
783
00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:02,860
Yeah.
784
00:59:02,860 --> 00:59:07,920
I would say that's true.
785
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:08,920
I hate that.
786
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:14,360
I do that with everything and I hate that with all of my being.
787
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:18,520
Well, yeah, cause how, I mean, what, the way I want to live is the way I feel when I'm
788
00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:23,000
gardening, which is not thinking about who I am or what I'm doing or how I am being or
789
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:24,560
anything else, right?
790
00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:27,600
Just to be present.
791
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:32,960
And I think, you know, this is the human experience, certainly in why we all do drugs
792
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:36,600
or we love sex or skiing or things that bring us into the present moment.
793
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:37,600
Right?
794
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:46,400
But, um, yeah, this has been a really useful conversation because I never, I never thought
795
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:53,640
about how it was connected to my childhood and I never really sat with that idea.
796
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:57,120
Like that's something I'm going to have to say with that idea that am I protecting people
797
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,480
from me?
798
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:04,360
Because there's something, there's a, there's a nugget in there for me that I need to sit
799
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:12,960
with because in some way I am, and I don't know if I'm protecting, it's like, there's
800
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:19,160
another belief that follows that went up that says something like, you will always be misunderstood.
801
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:21,160
Your actions will always be misunderstood.
802
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:26,200
You'll always be, and maybe that's part of like the growing up being on diagnosed with
803
01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:30,160
on diagnosed autism, but there's another belief there too.
804
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:32,160
So people are going to misunderstand you.
805
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:36,320
That misunderstanding is going to cause pain and struggle and chaos in your life.
806
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:42,160
So just shut the fuck up.
807
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,520
And that's my belief system.
808
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:44,920
That's all the time we have today.
809
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:50,480
And it's funny too, cause like if you talk about like masculine energy, when you went
810
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:54,520
into that, you know, there's always going to be somebody that's going to misunderstand
811
01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:55,520
me.
812
01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:56,840
So just shut the fuck up.
813
01:00:56,840 --> 01:01:02,960
However, when you do your videos and somebody misunderstands you or takes something way out
814
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:14,720
of context that you said, you go through the anger, but you answer with love.
815
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:20,280
So like one of the things that I learned in my coaching classes was this thing called
816
01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:22,720
the triad, right?
817
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:26,500
And it's, it's focused language and physiology.
818
01:01:26,500 --> 01:01:32,880
So when you're out with your friends and you're like in here, how do you hold your body?
819
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:34,560
What's your posture like?
820
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:41,360
Generally, you know, shoulders more forward and slumped, right?
821
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:44,000
Caved in to myself.
822
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:51,360
If possible, I will find a corner, a corner of a couch, a blanket, like seriously covering
823
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:54,560
up as if I, as much as I can.
824
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:58,640
And so what like, so we know that the brain signals to the body, but the body also signals
825
01:01:58,640 --> 01:01:59,640
to the brain.
826
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:01,640
So what is that signal into your brain?
827
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:03,640
Stay small.
828
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,600
I'm not safe.
829
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:09,200
So then you're going to create anxiety.
830
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:16,800
So tomorrow when you're with your friends and you're out of your four walls and you're,
831
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:20,240
and you feel your body crunch up, that's what they call it.
832
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:21,240
The Wonder Woman pose.
833
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:22,240
You know what I mean?
834
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:24,520
Like, and Wonder Woman, I mean, she was incredible.
835
01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:30,600
Like, no matter what movie or shows you watch from like the eighties or very feminine, right?
836
01:02:30,600 --> 01:02:34,200
But you got to take that confident pose, get your shoulders back.
837
01:02:34,200 --> 01:02:37,240
That'll all automatically start signaling to your brain.
838
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:38,240
I'm okay.
839
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:39,240
Yeah.
840
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:46,840
Then the language that you're telling yourself.
841
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:51,360
So you have to change the language around the beliefs of what your femininity is.
842
01:02:51,360 --> 01:03:02,600
You now get the, the joy of defining what feminine is for you, not for anybody else.
843
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:07,160
And we all have both feminine and masculine tendencies to us.
844
01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:12,360
You know, like, like I was saying, like in that Sunday school class I went to, I have,
845
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:14,720
there's a lot of feminine tendencies that I have.
846
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:15,800
I am emotional.
847
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:19,320
I talk about emotions, you know, all that stuff.
848
01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:24,520
But if I got to, I'll scrap whatever, you know what I mean?
849
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:25,960
I used to love fighting.
850
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:32,160
Now if I do, I can't move for a week just because I'm older, you know?
851
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:36,400
So it's not about feminine dominating masculine.
852
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:42,000
It's about having the balance of the two and knowing when for them to come out.
853
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:45,920
Then so it's going to be all that language changing that language.
854
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:50,840
And then the third part, the focus is like neuroscientists have seen like with those
855
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:55,600
fMRI machines and all that, that when brain cells, what's the little cliche saying when
856
01:03:55,600 --> 01:04:00,240
brain cells wire together, they, or when they fire together, they wire together.
857
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:05,480
So you have years of built up neuro pathways.
858
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:08,920
And you know, like that little thing they always talk about, like, you know, there's
859
01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:13,120
scientists estimate there's 10 to the eighth power of atoms in the entire universe.
860
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:14,120
Right.
861
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:15,120
So that's a one with 80 zeros.
862
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:19,160
And then there's 10 to the millionth power possible neural connections in our brain.
863
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:20,640
So one with a million zeros.
864
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:21,720
I try to print that out.
865
01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:27,520
It would take an entire ream of paper to print out a million zeros front and back.
866
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:28,520
Right.
867
01:04:28,520 --> 01:04:33,480
80 zeros will fit on one page, one page versus an entire ream.
868
01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:39,080
That's the power of our mind that we have to create life for us.
869
01:04:39,080 --> 01:04:43,560
But that's also the power that we have to overcome.
870
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:48,400
So the only way to do this is by practicing.
871
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:49,560
Right.
872
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:57,760
So whenever you catch your focus, bullshitting on femininity, you got to catch it, change
873
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:01,120
that language and then change your focus.
874
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:04,200
What is feminine to you?
875
01:05:04,200 --> 01:05:07,360
And then practice being feminine.
876
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:14,160
So like your homework, dude, would be seduce the hell out of your husband, because in that
877
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:21,000
moment, and I guarantee you this, like for like any woman that's listening, you could
878
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:28,800
be so feminine that you can ask your your your husband, your whatever to do anything.
879
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:34,960
And he will obey like, like he is like one of those lions in the circus that are just
880
01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:37,000
whipped into submission.
881
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:47,280
Like the power of the femininity, like of a feminine woman can control men, the toughest
882
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:50,120
guy in the world.
883
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:57,920
You know, so start practicing the femininity, not that you believe you should have, but
884
01:05:57,920 --> 01:06:07,520
practice the femininity that is right for you.
885
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:10,080
Because even I love all of that.
886
01:06:10,080 --> 01:06:15,760
I'm like, I mean, not to get like too risqué and stuff, but like, I mean, sometimes like
887
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:25,960
women even dominating that can be incredibly feminine, but also very powerful.
888
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:31,840
You know, like, I mean, that's just the whole thing you can play with that that can teach
889
01:06:31,840 --> 01:06:34,120
you how to use your femininity.
890
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:40,920
And then also bring your marriage closer together.
891
01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:52,320
Yeah, my thought is something like, okay, I like all this.
892
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:55,080
I need to spend some time with it.
893
01:06:55,080 --> 01:07:01,400
And what would opening the door about the width of my big toe look like?
894
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:04,600
That's what I'm ready to open the door.
895
01:07:04,600 --> 01:07:05,840
What would that look like?
896
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:08,440
I'm ready to practice a big toes with.
897
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:09,440
Yeah.
898
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:15,200
Big toe in the door of this concept, like idea and concept.
899
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:16,200
And that's all.
900
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:17,200
Yeah.
901
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:18,200
And that's beautiful.
902
01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:19,200
I mean, yeah.
903
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:27,400
Because like, if you just like jump out of an airplane with it, like that that could
904
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:32,200
like backfire, you know, and in my mind, like backfire, like where you're, it just overwhelms
905
01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:33,200
your nervous system.
906
01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:34,200
Right.
907
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:35,200
Yeah.
908
01:07:35,200 --> 01:07:41,160
Crack that door open, you know, the visualizations that you can, I mean, visualize what you want
909
01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,160
to do.
910
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:50,960
And in your head, you could be as feminine, as sensual, as dirty as you want to be.
911
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:51,960
You know what I mean?
912
01:07:51,960 --> 01:07:57,840
And then crack that door open a little bit and see what feels okay for you, what you
913
01:07:57,840 --> 01:08:00,000
can handle in the moment.
914
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:05,560
You know, maybe it's, I don't know, candles or something like just, you know, a bunch
915
01:08:05,560 --> 01:08:11,600
of candles around, then maybe it's an outfit.
916
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:12,600
You know what I mean?
917
01:08:12,600 --> 01:08:16,960
And then it just kind of goes from there.
918
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:22,840
But then, I mean, femininity is beyond just the sexual to things too as well.
919
01:08:22,840 --> 01:08:23,840
Yeah.
920
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:28,480
No, I see it in creation, right?
921
01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:31,240
And I see it in other creators.
922
01:08:31,240 --> 01:08:33,440
Yeah.
923
01:08:33,440 --> 01:08:35,400
I think that's all really good.
924
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:38,560
I think I might visualize my party tomorrow.
925
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:39,560
Yeah.
926
01:08:39,560 --> 01:08:41,720
I think I might visualize the walls that would be fun.
927
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:49,040
And then I think I'll just bring a lot of awareness, like you said, to my body language
928
01:08:49,040 --> 01:09:02,360
and also to any time I'm not giving my opinion because it's different than everybody else's.
929
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:07,520
I think that because of the way that I'm built for whatever reason, and maybe this is a lot
930
01:09:07,520 --> 01:09:12,120
of the autism, I think differently than a lot of people.
931
01:09:12,120 --> 01:09:17,960
And I imagine that that's my gift going forward in the future.
932
01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:19,960
But damn it.
933
01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:23,120
I mean, it's challenging right now.
934
01:09:23,120 --> 01:09:25,720
So thank you for this, Keith.
935
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:29,680
This has been a really beautiful, beautiful session.
936
01:09:29,680 --> 01:09:31,760
And it has moved me forward.
937
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:37,440
See, and it's funny too, because like in my head, I'm like, I sucked.
938
01:09:37,440 --> 01:09:39,600
I didn't do it.
939
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:40,600
You know what I mean?
940
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:42,880
So it's that same process.
941
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:46,120
We all have that negativity bias.
942
01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:47,120
Yeah.
943
01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:51,960
But you show up, you practice, you do it anyway, all the things that you told me to do.
944
01:09:51,960 --> 01:10:01,320
And then, yeah, that's another good thing to remember is that self perception is at
945
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:05,760
least right now seen through like gray colored glasses.
946
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:06,760
Right?
947
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:14,720
I'm going to see myself as more unattractive or whatever my bad characteristics are that
948
01:10:14,720 --> 01:10:18,080
I judge than anybody else is going to.
949
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,080
Yeah.
950
01:10:19,080 --> 01:10:23,040
Yeah, because I see you as incredibly feminine.
951
01:10:23,040 --> 01:10:24,040
Yeah.
952
01:10:24,040 --> 01:10:31,000
I think it's, I mean, yeah, there's a part of it, but all of this is really just opening
953
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:32,000
up.
954
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:35,000
I mean, we could probably do 100 sessions on this topic, right?
955
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:37,240
Because it's opening up so much.
956
01:10:37,240 --> 01:10:45,320
But you reminded me it was like three new years ago, we had a party and I did this activity
957
01:10:45,320 --> 01:10:51,760
where I like colored Mason jars and put everybody's name on a different Mason jar.
958
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:56,160
And then on the table was like little scraps of paper and different colors and stuff.
959
01:10:56,160 --> 01:11:00,720
And I encouraged everybody write kind messages to everybody and put it in the right jar,
960
01:11:00,720 --> 01:11:01,720
right?
961
01:11:01,720 --> 01:11:06,720
And then every year long, everybody has their jar from their friends with little messages.
962
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:10,840
I never read mine.
963
01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:16,880
Like sitting down and taking in that much love was uncomfortable for me.
964
01:11:16,880 --> 01:11:20,640
That's a big clue right there too.
965
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:21,640
Right?
966
01:11:21,640 --> 01:11:24,840
But see, it's all this sort of thing about like my relationship with other people and
967
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:30,000
how they perceive me and how I perceive me and like it's a big container.
968
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:40,280
And so I think one of the biggest takeaways for me in this session is just, hey, I need
969
01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:42,120
to explore this more.
970
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:45,720
This is something I put on the back burner for a while because I've been focused on other
971
01:11:45,720 --> 01:11:50,240
things, healing my burnout, getting back to my center.
972
01:11:50,240 --> 01:11:55,640
But now if I want to go out into the world, which I do in a really authentic way, this
973
01:11:55,640 --> 01:11:57,800
is something that has to be tackled.
974
01:11:57,800 --> 01:12:07,320
And that last part is so interesting because to me, feminine is about receiving.
975
01:12:07,320 --> 01:12:08,320
Yes.
976
01:12:08,320 --> 01:12:09,320
Yes.
977
01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:12,640
And if you feel unworthy to receive love.
978
01:12:12,640 --> 01:12:13,640
Yes.
979
01:12:13,640 --> 01:12:14,640
That's it.
980
01:12:14,640 --> 01:12:15,640
That's it.
981
01:12:15,640 --> 01:12:16,640
Yeah.
982
01:12:16,640 --> 01:12:21,640
It has to do with receiving.
983
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:22,640
Yeah.
984
01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:23,640
Man.
985
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:29,120
Like if you tell me like, why don't you just see how much you could receive from everybody
986
01:12:29,120 --> 01:12:31,400
who's there to celebrate you at your party tomorrow?
987
01:12:31,400 --> 01:12:34,400
I'm like, fuck you, buddy.
988
01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:39,320
You don't tell me to do that.
989
01:12:39,320 --> 01:12:41,320
We will throw hands, sir.
990
01:12:41,320 --> 01:12:44,320
I'll fight you before that happens.
991
01:12:44,320 --> 01:12:45,320
Oh my lord.
992
01:12:45,320 --> 01:12:51,600
Dude, I think that practice for me.
993
01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:56,480
I think that would be, oh man, if you're up for it.
994
01:12:56,480 --> 01:12:57,480
Yeah.
995
01:12:57,480 --> 01:13:05,640
So maybe the next one I'll report how I received love and everybody can watch me grow on this
996
01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:06,640
topic.
997
01:13:06,640 --> 01:13:07,640
Yeah.
998
01:13:07,640 --> 01:13:11,720
This is beautiful.
999
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:16,720
And it's great because in building my business, this is something we've talked about before.
1000
01:13:16,720 --> 01:13:22,040
Like do I feel comfortable with 10 people liking my posts, a million people liking my
1001
01:13:22,040 --> 01:13:29,120
posts, how much love am I willing to receive even in my professional life?
1002
01:13:29,120 --> 01:13:31,280
And right now I got a glass ceiling.
1003
01:13:31,280 --> 01:13:32,280
Yeah.
1004
01:13:32,280 --> 01:13:37,040
Right up against a glass ceiling with my friends and my business and everything with
1005
01:13:37,040 --> 01:13:39,720
as much love as I'm willing to accept.
1006
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:40,720
And.
1007
01:13:40,720 --> 01:13:41,720
Yeah.
1008
01:13:41,720 --> 01:13:43,720
Which is so because I'm the same way.
1009
01:13:43,720 --> 01:13:48,560
And it's so funny because we're both so connected with the universe and cosmos and this idea
1010
01:13:48,560 --> 01:13:51,080
of infinity.
1011
01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:57,160
But when it comes to, for me, success for you receiving love stuff, we have this box
1012
01:13:57,160 --> 01:14:02,240
that we're in, even though we love the idea of infinite expansion.
1013
01:14:02,240 --> 01:14:03,240
Yes.
1014
01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:04,240
Yes.
1015
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:05,240
Yeah.
1016
01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:08,240
That just got to me.
1017
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:09,240
Wow.
1018
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:10,240
Yeah.
1019
01:14:10,240 --> 01:14:11,240
Yeah.
1020
01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:14,240
Yeah.
1021
01:14:14,240 --> 01:14:17,400
Thanks again, Keith.
1022
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:21,760
There's just a lot of good, good wisdom that came out of this.
1023
01:14:21,760 --> 01:14:25,120
And I'm guessing a lot of people can relate because we're all humans, right?
1024
01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:35,360
We all have some version of playing small or being in a box or when we're really.
1025
01:14:35,360 --> 01:14:42,360
Really teaches us that from the get go from the moment that we sit down in school, we
1026
01:14:42,360 --> 01:14:49,680
lose the complete freedom of play, you know, and exploring and all that.
1027
01:14:49,680 --> 01:14:52,160
And then it's just structure.
1028
01:14:52,160 --> 01:14:56,240
And we're told that structure is what we need and stuff.
1029
01:14:56,240 --> 01:15:02,720
But some of the greatest minds out there couldn't, I mean, Einstein failed school, you know,
1030
01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:06,520
because he couldn't deal with that structure, but look at his mind.
1031
01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:15,800
You know, I mean, you, I look at you as an amazing coach, mentor, friend, and imagine
1032
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:23,960
if you lost the, like those, that parenthetical structure and you were just open to the infinite
1033
01:15:23,960 --> 01:15:30,400
power and abundance and creativity that we all are as people.
1034
01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:33,400
Yeah, that'd be amazing.
1035
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:36,520
Are we ready for that?
1036
01:15:36,520 --> 01:15:37,520
Can we?
1037
01:15:37,520 --> 01:15:38,520
Yeah.
1038
01:15:38,520 --> 01:15:39,520
Yeah.
1039
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:40,520
Yeah.
1040
01:15:40,520 --> 01:15:41,520
Yeah.
1041
01:15:41,520 --> 01:15:48,280
And what does it really look like to tread that path, that journey, right?
1042
01:15:48,280 --> 01:15:54,760
Because like we always talk about, we talk about destinations, but really you never
1043
01:15:54,760 --> 01:15:55,760
get anywhere.
1044
01:15:55,760 --> 01:15:58,120
You're just always on the journey.
1045
01:15:58,120 --> 01:16:07,360
So a person who has connected to that sort of infinite, cosmo level beingness, what
1046
01:16:07,360 --> 01:16:08,920
is their daily practices?
1047
01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:10,280
How do they stay connected to that?
1048
01:16:10,280 --> 01:16:11,280
Right?
1049
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:15,520
Because it's, it's something they're doing on their journey that is allowing for that
1050
01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:17,720
to happen.
1051
01:16:17,720 --> 01:16:20,560
And to me, that's an interesting question.
1052
01:16:20,560 --> 01:16:22,560
And maybe it starts with what we're talking about.
1053
01:16:22,560 --> 01:16:31,840
Maybe it starts with me visualizing my birthday party and accepting love and practicing being
1054
01:16:31,840 --> 01:16:32,840
expansive.
1055
01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:33,840
Yeah.
1056
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:38,480
And for me too, man.
1057
01:16:38,480 --> 01:16:39,480
Yeah.
1058
01:16:39,480 --> 01:16:40,480
Yeah.
1059
01:16:40,480 --> 01:16:45,480
I got my pool match tonight and I know exactly what I'm going to do.
1060
01:16:45,480 --> 01:16:46,480
I'm going to sit there.
1061
01:16:46,480 --> 01:16:49,640
I'm going to close my mouth, not talk.
1062
01:16:49,640 --> 01:16:53,680
When people come up to talk to me, I'm going to be like, I don't want to be talking, just
1063
01:16:53,680 --> 01:16:55,880
leave me alone, you know?
1064
01:16:55,880 --> 01:16:59,520
So I mean, I'm not going to tell you to practice that.
1065
01:16:59,520 --> 01:17:02,520
And then so I'm going to have to practice talking to people tonight.
1066
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:03,520
Yeah.
1067
01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:04,520
Yeah.
1068
01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:05,520
Shit.
1069
01:17:05,520 --> 01:17:12,560
And I think that this is common for introverts.
1070
01:17:12,560 --> 01:17:18,360
We have so much to offer the world, but how to do it is hard.
1071
01:17:18,360 --> 01:17:19,840
Yeah.
1072
01:17:19,840 --> 01:17:20,840
Yeah.
1073
01:17:20,840 --> 01:17:24,800
Because we're always taught one way, you got to be that extrovert.
1074
01:17:24,800 --> 01:17:31,160
But I think introverts, man, maybe that's, we'll be the leaders of the introvert army,
1075
01:17:31,160 --> 01:17:37,720
dude, like changing the world without leaving the house, you know, type thing.
1076
01:17:37,720 --> 01:17:39,720
Love it.
1077
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:41,480
All right.
1078
01:17:41,480 --> 01:17:42,520
Thank you so much, Kate.
1079
01:17:42,520 --> 01:17:44,280
I'm going to stop the recording.
1080
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:50,960
Thank you everybody for witnessing my coaching session and my growth today, my investigation.
1081
01:17:50,960 --> 01:17:54,680
And Keith, thank you so much for holding a space for me.
1082
01:17:54,680 --> 01:17:58,560
Anytime, man.
1083
01:17:58,560 --> 01:18:01,840
Thank you for listening to the Chasing Thoughts podcast.
1084
01:18:01,840 --> 01:18:06,240
Please support us by liking, subscribing, or leaving a review or comment.
1085
01:18:06,240 --> 01:18:08,080
We would really appreciate it.
1086
01:18:08,080 --> 01:18:12,080
If you'd like to be a guest, we would love to explore life and what it means to be human
1087
01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:13,080
with you.
1088
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:17,120
So please email us at chasingthoughtspodcast at gmail.com.