This Is Why You Keep Sabotaging Yourself Without Knowing It | Simon Ong

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I felt directionless.
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I felt loss and I ended up seeking help from some very toxic friends.
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Alcohol, gambling, whatever I wasn't changing, I was choosing.
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And so when I made a non-negotiable every single day, that for me showed me the foundation for achieving anything in my life.
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Today we have Simon Ong, who is a phenomenal best-selling author, he's a coach, he's a speaker.
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He spent 10 years in the city and got into what we call brain burnout.
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We're here today to discover how can you change your life?
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One example I share in my book is the difference between should and must.
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But when you say the word should, it's 50-50.
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If it happens, great.
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If it doesn't, I'll wait another year or 10 years of my life.
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But when you change should to must, it has the energy of decision.
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And I think once you've decided, then your body follows your mind.
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What qualities would we have to take on to be magnetic and influential but not manipulative?
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When was the last time you asked for help?
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They feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness.
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When actually vulnerability for me is the path to connection.
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That's how we connect with people.
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Hey, this is Marissa.
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Welcome to another Your Mind, Your All.
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Today we have an amazing friend of mine called Simon Ong, who is a phenomenal best-selling author.
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He's a coach, he's a speaker.
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He spent 10 years in the city and got into what we call brain burnout.
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Totally changed his life.
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And we're here today to discover how can you change your life easily in a way that works for you.
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So I'm going to get Simon to quickly introduce himself.
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Thank you for having me on, Marissa.
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So I came back from nearly 10 years of being in the financial services industry to getting to do the work that I that I do now.
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Speaking on stages around the world, coaching executives, CEOs, and celebrities, and writing a book called Energize, as well as now creating content.
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But I remember growing up as a young kid where I I had this mistaken belief that success was defined by your job title.
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And so I remember my parents and my peer group and my teachers always saying, When you graduate, when you're a banker, a lawyer, a doctor, or an accountant, you made it.
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That's success.
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And so my definition was very narrow.
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So graduating from college, I ended up choosing the financial route.
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And that's where my first career began.
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But it was one where I started at the worst possible time, middle of 2007, before the financial crisis swept across the planet.
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And it opened my eyes to really think about was this what I actually wanted long-term?
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And I embarked on what I think is the longest journey we as humans make, the interest from our heads to our heart.
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Never an easy journey, but the most important and fulfilling we will ever embark on.
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And it's one I think I'm still on today.
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So tell me what led you to have burnout.
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So you had a belief, your parents passed it on.
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When you have a great job, when you have a great job title, when you're making a lot of money, you're successful.
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And you ticked all the boxes, but it wasn't, you didn't feel successful.
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I I think it's because I believe success was defined by your status, your title, and how much money you earn, which was great before the financial crisis happened because those things came quite easily.
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But when the financial crisis happened, the industry was not the same as it once was.
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People wanted to quit the industry, people's perceptions about people who worked in the industry changed massively.
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And I remember sitting in the corporate offices of the jobs I was at, looking at people decades older than me and thinking to myself, do I want to be like them when I'm at that age?
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Coming into an office, doing something that I don't particularly enjoy, but I'm now hostage to a lifestyle I cannot escape from.
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Why do you think they stayed in it?
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So you saw that you wasn't yours, you were sort of a pattern in the financial service or in the city, if you have, where people coming in, their job didn't make their heart sing, they weren't fulfilled, they didn't really have success.
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Because if you're not happy, you can't possibly have success.
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You can have all the money in the world.
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All the titles.
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If you don't wake up and think, hey, I love my life and I like myself, it's meaningless.
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Why do you think they all stayed there for so long?
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I mean, you got out after ten years, but why do people stay in a career that does not fulfill?
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And the reason I ask you is because there are three things that cause depression harsh, hurtful, critical words that you say to yourself on a regular basis, being disconnected.
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And the third one is failing to follow your heart's desire, wanting to be a writer and going into banking, wanting to be an artist or a designer and going into the corporate world.
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It is a major factor in depression, not doing what makes your heart sing and uses your key skills.
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I think it's without knowing them personally, I think what I observed is there was this fear of following their heart.
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Um, and maybe even at a deeper level, the fear of what other people will think.
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And I say that because that was my fear at the beginning.
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Talk about that more.
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You said the fear of following their heart.
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You know, your feelings the most real thing you have.
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They really don't lie to you.
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So you had a feeling you'd rather do something else.
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Why do that what what was fearful about having that feeling?
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I I think when I grew up, um I I enjoyed art.
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I I'm a creative soul.
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I love sitting, doodling on paper, painting, colouring.
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But I remember everyone would tell me, Simon, it's great you enjoy that, but that's just a hobby.
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You can't make a living from it.
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And so I internalized a lot of what people had said when I was young.
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And so this fear grew of if I were to quit what is on the outside and on paper, a stable, well-paying job, what would they make of my decision?
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What would they make of the decision to quit that and to go into something where the future is not known, where you don't know if you're gonna succeed, where you don't know if you're gonna earn the same level of income that you once had.
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And so for a while, that was also my fear of what would people think around me, the people that I valued around me, that was the thing that initially held me back.
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And that's very common.
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We say, What will they think of you?
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But we should be saying, What will I think of me?
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What will I think of me?
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What price will I pay if I never follow my heart's desire?
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What will I think of me?
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What's the price I'm getting?
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What will it do to me to go into the corporate world when I'm by my very soul an artist, a designer, a creative person?
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Yeah.
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So what happened?
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You said you you had this belief, this is where this is stable, this is income, this is good, this is expected, this makes my family happy.
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What they think of me matters.
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So, what happened after 10 years that made you reassess all of that?
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Well, during those 10 years, I I I felt directly, I felt lost, and um, at that young age, I ended up seeking help from some very toxic friends, um, alcohol gambling and watching too much television.
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That's what you were doing.
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That's what I was doing.
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The alcohol helped me to escape my reality without having to face the truth of where I was in.
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The gambling whipped away my savings.
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And I think combined, they led to a moment where I nearly lost my my relationship to my girlfriend now wife.
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And I think when I hit that moment, that's when I really started to understand that whatever I wasn't changing, I was choosing.
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And that if I was going to create a better future, I had to take responsibility for where I was.
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And that was a very difficult moment.
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You know, I was told I would never be able to have a baby.
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I had cancer twice and was told I'd have to live with that forever.
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I got run over and was told I couldn't walk for six months.
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I actually walked in six weeks.
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And each time I got that diagnosed, I thought, no, this is my mind, my rules.
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I bounced back from cancer.
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I had a perfect baby.
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I recovered from being run over super fast, and I used the techniques in this book.
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In fact, I wrote this book while I was in plaster, having been run over.
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Because the things that made me bounce back will make you bounce back from relationship issues, wealth issues, childhood issues, confidence issues.
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If you want to live your life on your terms and have love, success, health, wealth, even the body of your dreams, it's all in here.
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Buy it and change your life forever.
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And why did you almost lose your relationship with your now wife?
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Because I one late night when I was partying, uh, I totally lost track of time.
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I remember texting her before I went down to this nightclub that I'm gonna take the last train back.
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Um, don't wait out for me.
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Uh, I should be home by early morning.
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But as I descended into the nightclub, I checked in my bag and my coat, the alcohol started coming out, the party got into full swing.
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I lost track of time, and next thing I knew, uh I was drunk and I was stumbling into a taxi, it was three in the morning, and I ended up back home.
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My girlfriend worried that she was dropping me voicemails, sending me texts.
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I wasn't replying because my phone was off and it had no network on it.
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And when we had this conversation, she didn't recognize me anymore.
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She she she she started saying to me, Who who who are you?
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You you you're not who I once met.
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And I think when I realized that this could be something I didn't want to lose, um she started to open me up.
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Yeah, as a man I grew up with this belief that especially as a man that you suck it up, you you you just gotta keep going and you're not meant to talk about your feelings and emotions.
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And I think she was very she was very interested to get me to open up, which I'd never done before because I'd lost my mum at 17, and I think that grief kind of got me further into my shell.
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So as I started opening up to her, I realized I had an opportunity to do things different.
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Um and this was almost like a chance to to grab it, and and so I think what happened post that experience uh really set the foundation for where I am today.
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And you know, it's very common.
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I see clients all the time who do this thing.
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I got a feeling, yeah, I don't want to feel it, but I'll eat the feeling, I'll drink the feeling, I'll medicate the feeling, I'll Netflix the feeling.
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And so our feelings are the most real thing we have, and as they come up, it's very common.
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I need to eat something, drink something, take something, what buy something, you know.
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We're all doing all of these, but the thing is, if you try to push the feeling down, because it's the most real thing you ever have, it just regroups and comes back.
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Yeah, so you eat more, you drink more, you medicate more, you shop more because you're trying not to feel.
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But I love the fact the love of a good woman was your turning point.
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And and it's it's taught me actually that when we think about environment and community, we cannot discard the power that who your life partner is is is probably one of the biggest decisions you're ever gonna make.
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Definitely.
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You're gonna if you're gonna spend your whole life with someone, you see, we ask ourselves the wrong questions.
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Have they got a six-pack?
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Have they got a good salary?
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Have they got a nice car?
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Is she hot?
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Rather than saying what qualities does this person possess.
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Could I spend my whole life with him?
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When I married my husband, his greatest quality, apart from he's incredibly funny, is he's really kind.
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And luckily I did because a few years after I married him, I got cancer twice.
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And thank God I picked a kind person who nursed me, would inject me in the stomach every day, made me laugh, put me first, and then I got run over, and there he was again in the hospital, wheeling me around, looking after me.
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We asked the wrong question.
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You should be saying, What qualities do they possess?
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Absolutely.
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And could I spend my whole life with you?
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Because if someone is funny and interesting and kind, you know, I remember one of my clients saying, I want a really, really, really rich guy.
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She found she's never here.
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I said, But you asked for someone who's obscenely wealthy.
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Yeah.
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And he's always on a plane.
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You know, be careful what you ask for because you probably get it.
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So I think we should all do that.
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You know, think about the qualities you require in a person and the qualities they might require in you.
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And if they're all about what they look like, how much they earn, what kind of house they've got, that doesn't mean you'll be happy.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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I always remember Phil Collins wrote that song in the air tonight because his wife, when he was to a musician, left him for the painter and decorator because he paid her attention.
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So often that happens.
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You know, we are we I think in life we're taught to ask the wrong questions.
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Yeah.
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What career would pay me money?
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What's stable?
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What relationship would give me what I want?
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Instead of saying, what does my heart need?
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And that's why I think questions are so powerful.
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So you ask one right question at the right moment.
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Yeah, it can completely change someone's life.
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So, what question did you ask yourself when you began to think I'm I'm gonna have to leave the corporate world?
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What questions were you asking you?
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Well, there was one question that kept coming up in my head at the time, which was how much longer are you going to avoid what you are capable of in order to continue with what you are comfortable doing?
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And I realized that, especially when I started reading interpersonal growth and studying the people who I saw were living a happy and joyful life, what I noticed is that seeking discomfort is what gives us growth, it's what allows us to grow through our potential.
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And so by challenging myself to seek discomfort, that was the thing that pushed me outside of my comfort zone and into what I call the stretch zone, to constantly focus on being better than who I was yesterday.
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And I think that question really got me thinking, combined with the fact that I saw this image that demonstrated the length of life in circles.
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And it's scary when you look at it, because if you think of the average life of around 80 years, that's 80 blank circles on a piece of paper.
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And the more years you go through in life, the more those circles you shade out.
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When you see that visually, it either scares you or it inspires you.
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And for me, it inspired me.
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Because I think that when we really appreciate how short life is, that's when we can channel our energy into truly living.
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So I think that really got me out of just settling and really want to see how far I can build my life.
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So, how did you know that you were going from financial services to become a coach?
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Did you try other things?
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Did you go straight from that to that, or did you try other things on the way?
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I I tried other things on the way.
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So while I was still in finance, I would use my time after working on weekends to try lots of different things that I was curious about.
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None of them worked out, but uh I kept coming back to the fact that I was the person people would come to when they were going through a challenging period in their life.
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Uh, they had big decisions to make or they just needed some advice.
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And at the beginning, I I thought, well, isn't what I'm doing just being a good friend?
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Uh, and then I saw this advert for a two-day coaching experience teaching people about the skill of coaching.
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And I said, Well, why not sign up for it?
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The the worst I'm gonna lose is two days on my weekend.
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So I went in with an open mind.
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And by the time I finished on that Sunday afternoon, I remember texting my girlfriend saying, I think I found what I really enjoy because I've come out of this and I'm really curious to see what this skill can do to other people.
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And I signed up for the qualification.
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I end up doing two qualifications on the side of my full-time job.
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And when I qualified, I was then in this position of well, I've got to do something with it now.
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There's no point investing in this and then just not doing anything with it.
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And so when I when I can interrupt you, was it business coaching you were training?
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No, no, it was life coaching as one qualification, and then it was NLP Neurolinguistic Programming as the second qualification.
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And when when I quit the financial industry, I just said to myself, let's just start building this because I'm gonna have to learn business development and see how far this goes.
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And if I can make a success of this coaching business, I will be a happy guy because I feel like I'm giving something back.
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I feel like I'm empowering other people.
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But of course, today I'm doing a lot more than just coaching.
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I'm I'm speaking, writing books, doing content.
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Uh, but that's all I wanted to begin.
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That's all I knew in that moment.
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Your unique selling point, correct me if I'm wrong, seems to be understanding energy and working on energy.
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Where did you get that?
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So you're in the city training to be a coach.
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When did you come to this realization that we are energy and we've got to change and that you could help people?
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I don't think he actually wrote this great book, Energize.
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Tell me the story of how that came about.
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So a lot of it is when I began reflecting on my own journey.
00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:25.440
So once I got into coaching, as I started speaking more, I remember some people come up to me after I finished a keynote or a presentation with not a question, but they would just say, Simon, I just gotta say, I loved your energy on stage.
00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:30.079
And if I could have just a little bit of what you had up there, I think I could do so much more with my life.
00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:33.200
And so it got me thinking, what is energy?
00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:37.119
And how did I get to a point where people are commenting uh about my energy?
00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:45.519
And I remembered when I first quit the corporate world, one of the first things I wanted to focus on was my physical energy because I had very little of it.
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:51.839
I was surviving on little sleep, I wasn't feeding my body right, and I didn't have time to move it.
00:17:52.079 --> 00:18:05.119
And so when I made movement a non-negotiable every single day, I made sleep a bigger priority and I was more conscious about what I was feeding my body, I realized the energy that I could bring into every day was vastly different.
00:18:05.359 --> 00:18:14.319
And then when the COVID pandemic happened, it was another reminder that the healthy person might have lots of wishes and dreams, but the sick have only one.
00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:20.000
So that for me showed me the foundation for achieving anything in our life is physical energy.
00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:20.720
Of course.
00:18:20.880 --> 00:18:34.400
And then from there, it was mental energy, which for me is about mindset, resilience, and creativity, emotional energy, which is all about relationships, relationships with ourselves and the people around us, whether it's family, friends, or colleagues.
00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:38.000
And then spiritual energy, which for me is all about meaning and purpose.
00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:52.240
Because when I looked at society around us, what I noticed is that so many of us are exhausted, not because we are physically doing too much, but because we are doing too little of what brings us joy and we are running someone else's race.
00:18:52.480 --> 00:19:00.720
But when we have clarity on what matters most to us and we're following that journey, we awaken one of the greatest sources of energy that there is going.
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:01.759
And what's that?
00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:05.440
And and that's just that feeling inside of you that you're going places.
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:15.279
So our audience looking at this, you know, some people hear things that they get, oh, you know, you need to love yourself more or change your energy, and they hear it, but they don't really understand what it means.
00:19:15.359 --> 00:19:18.640
So if our audience is saying, Okay, Simon, but you know, what is energy?
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:19.839
How can I change my energy?
00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:23.599
You've talked about emotional energy, physical energy, spiritual energy.
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:24.880
That's a lot of stuff.
00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:26.880
And I don't even know what it is.
00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:33.839
You know, I talk a lot about quantum physics, which is the most reliable science in the world that says you're an energy.
00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:34.480
Absolutely.
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:38.240
You have an energy body, you vibrate at a frequency that you can change.
00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:42.960
But I'd love to go right back to help people who want to change their energy.
00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:50.160
Well, there's actually one proven exercise that anybody can do that will Can we do it now?
00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:50.960
We can do it now.
00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:51.680
Let's do it.
00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:52.880
I'll use it with you, Marissa.
00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:53.519
Okay.
00:19:53.759 --> 00:20:01.519
So it's a three-step exercise, and this will have the biggest impact on people who are going through a particularly tough time.
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:02.079
Okay.
00:20:02.319 --> 00:20:06.400
The first step is to think of someone that you can be truly grateful for.
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:06.799
Okay.
00:20:08.559 --> 00:20:08.640
Yeah.
00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:20.240
So the first person that comes into your mind, and the second step is as you visualize that person, what was it about him or her that made them come to your head?
00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:34.640
And you don't have to do this now, but for those listening, what you would want to do in this moment is to write down on a piece of paper in as much detail as you can why you chose that person, why this person came to mind.
00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:35.599
That's step two.
00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:36.160
Okay.
00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:36.960
That's step two.
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:41.039
Now, step three, and this is for me where the magic happens.
00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:48.400
Step three is where you pick up your phone, you call that person, and you tell them exactly what you wrote down in step two.
00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:49.599
Okay.
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:58.799
For some people, if they feel like that's a bit of an uncomfortable step to take, at a minimum, what you should do is drop them a voice note.
00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:00.480
Leave them a voice note.
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:02.000
Because voice carries energy.
00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:02.559
Yeah, of course.
00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:10.000
If you send a text, people don't know the state you're in when you when you wrote that, and it can often create misinformation.
00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:16.720
But if you send someone a voice note, they feel the emotional state behind those words.
00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:19.680
And so that's one powerful exercise that shifts your energy.
00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:21.440
Can we just quickly recap that?
00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:22.240
Close your eyes.
00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:24.240
Think of someone you love deeply.
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:28.480
So close your eyes, think of the first person that comes to your mind that you can be grateful for.
00:21:28.960 --> 00:21:29.519
Grateful for.
00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:36.640
Number two, write down in as much detail as you can, the more specific, the better, why that person came to mind.
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:40.559
So it could be how have they impacted your life?
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:42.400
Uh, what would life be without them?
00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:45.759
So just really write down in as much detail as you can.
00:21:45.920 --> 00:21:48.480
And in step three, is you have an option.
00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:57.519
Either send a voice note reading out what you wrote down in step two, or drop them a call and tell them exactly what you wrote down.
00:21:57.839 --> 00:21:59.759
Here's a question: what if it was someone who's known?
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:03.359
Longer here, like a grandparent or a best friend who had died.
00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:04.559
What would you say then?
00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:06.160
I would say still read it out loud.
00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:10.799
Obviously, you can't call the person, but read it out loud because of it because it still has the impact.
00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:11.119
Yeah.
00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:18.240
Uh you can still see them in your in your in your mind, and as if you're reading out to them now.
00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:20.720
And what what is the motivation?
00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:22.720
Is this the energy of gratitude?
00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:31.599
What is absolutely because the energy of gratitude is the energy of gratitude because what it does is it reminds us that we are part of something bigger.
00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:36.319
It reminds us how connected we are to other people around us.
00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:43.599
That our worries might not be as big as they seem because of the people we have that support us.
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:50.960
And I think that's important because when you go through tough and challenging times, it's easy to forget what you already have.
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:51.279
Yeah.
00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:53.359
And especially when you're in the pursuit of more.
00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:54.559
I do that a lot.
00:22:54.720 --> 00:23:00.799
If ever I'm in a situation that's challenging, oh God, I've got to edit a book or I've got to get on another plane.
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:10.799
You know, in the last week and the last two weeks, I went from Dubai to London, to Paris, back to London, then I'm going to Dubai and then I'm off to Norway, then back here again.
00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:13.119
Just in order to go, oh my God, that's so hard.
00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:13.839
It's exhausting.
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:14.799
You think, wow.
00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:20.319
Is there someone in the world who go, you know what, Marissa, your problem is my fantasy dream come true?
00:23:20.400 --> 00:23:29.200
If someone would say your problem is their fantasy, like your kid's just smeared peanut butter on the fridge, your baby's just thrown up on the carpet, you think, wow.
00:23:29.440 --> 00:23:31.279
Somebody in the world would say that's my fantasy.
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:37.440
I'd love a husband who leaves his pants on the floor, I'd love a kid who's put crayon on my leather sofa.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:40.000
I'd love to have that challenge.
00:23:40.079 --> 00:23:44.720
Because we forget that if it's someone's fantasy, it's not really your problem.
00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:49.039
And then the other thing I do a lot is what I give them 20 years ago for this challenge.
00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:53.920
If you say that, don't call it a problem because it makes you realize how lucky you are.
00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:54.640
Absolutely.
00:23:54.720 --> 00:23:55.920
I think people forget this.
00:23:56.000 --> 00:24:03.599
I mean, there's another question I use with audiences I speak to and clients I work with, to remind them how powerful this moment is.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:15.519
And I say to them, Imagine you are 90 years old and you've been transported back in time to relive your life again with what you know now in this moment.
00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:17.920
How differently would you make of today?
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:23.839
How differently would you interact with the people around you today, knowing that you're reliving these moments again?
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:26.319
So that's the energy of gratitude.
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:30.160
But talk about what you just mentioned physical energy, mental energy.
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:32.319
Imagine our audience don't really know what it is.
00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:40.960
You look at people to make news resolutions, it's all about physical energy.
00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:43.279
I want to get fitter, I want to be healthier.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:48.000
Physical energy is about movement, it's about nutrition, it's about sleep and rest.
00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:52.720
And if you look at people that don't get sufficient sleep and rest, they're very reactive.
00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:57.519
They're not the best people to be around if they haven't got that rest when they start the day.
00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:02.559
Mental energy is about mindset, it's about resilience and creativity.
00:25:02.799 --> 00:25:08.480
So mindset is your ability to respond in a healthy way when things don't always go your way.
00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:10.319
And that's gonna happen at some point.
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:14.480
You're gonna have setbacks, you're gonna have challenges, you're gonna have failures.
00:25:14.640 --> 00:25:17.920
But how you respond is all about your mindset.
00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:22.960
So it's really understanding that aspect of your mind and how thoughts create your reality.
00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:24.720
So that's the mental energy part of it.
00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:25.119
Okay.
00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:27.920
Emotional energy is relationships.
00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:32.480
So when we talk about the relationship with yourself, it's how do you speak to yourself?
00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:35.920
What thoughts do you choose to be true?
00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:41.839
Uh, because the thoughts that you choose to be true determine the story that you live, the relationships with other people.
00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:46.079
Do you have people around you that energize you or people that drain you?
00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:50.000
Uh, because that also influences the beliefs and the stories you tell yourself.
00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:55.279
And then spiritual energy is simply are you doing something that makes you feel alive?
00:25:55.599 --> 00:25:58.559
Are you doing work that is an extension of who you are?
00:25:58.720 --> 00:26:02.640
Where you wake up every Monday morning excited by possibility.
00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:12.880
Because when you have those things in place, you realize that uncertainty is not just a source of anxiety, it is also a source of possibility.
00:26:13.119 --> 00:26:16.559
Yeah, and our greatest need actually is for certainty to know we're okay.
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:18.480
So I talk a lot about words have energy.
00:26:18.559 --> 00:26:19.759
You know, I'm very much like you.
00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:23.599
Our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings create our actions.
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:26.720
So we think a thought that creates the feeling, that creates the behavior.
00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:28.799
Then we justify it with a thought.
00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:33.039
So you just used a word that I find has very poor energy wanting.
00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:39.279
I want lunch, I want someone to talk to, I want to lift, I want some money.
00:26:39.519 --> 00:26:44.079
And the word wanting is a very negative word, it's a word of lack.
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:48.160
But if you change that word to I require, it's totally different.
00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:49.519
The energy of require.
00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:54.240
So I was actually giving this talk, and this guy in the audience said, you know, I've been owed a lot of money.
00:26:54.400 --> 00:26:58.880
And after I heard you speak, I went through my notebook and I noticed that I want him to pay me back.
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:00.640
I want that money, I need that money.
00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:03.200
He said, I crossed it all out, but I require, I require.
00:27:03.359 --> 00:27:05.119
And he said, Within a week he paid me it back.
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:05.440
Wow.
00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:07.039
I mean, it could have been a fluke.
00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:08.720
But words have energy.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:12.559
If you say it's hell, it's a nightmare, it's torture.
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:15.279
You might be talking about the line in a grocery store because we do that.
00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:17.119
We use words with really terrible energy.
00:27:17.279 --> 00:27:17.680
How are you?
00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:19.039
I'm going through hell.
00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:21.599
My kid is making me lose my mind.
00:27:21.759 --> 00:27:23.920
My boss is making me go insane.
00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:26.799
I'm literally dying under my paper.
00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:31.839
And we use these words with very powerful energy for things that we don't need.
00:27:31.920 --> 00:27:34.480
You, you know, your kid is a challenge, your boss is a challenge.
00:27:34.559 --> 00:27:35.519
At least you got a boss.
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:37.279
Absolutely, you got a partner.
00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:40.480
But I'm very interested in the energy of words.
00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:43.920
So if you say this is torture, this is killing me, yeah.
00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:48.319
I'm dying here, it's a really bad energetic.
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:57.039
And it reminds me because when you were showing some of those examples, Marissa, one example I share in my book is the difference between should and must.
00:27:57.119 --> 00:27:57.359
Yeah.
00:27:57.519 --> 00:28:04.319
So a lot of people to think about what they want to accomplish in life will say things like, I should start this, I should reach out to this person.
00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:04.720
Yeah.
00:28:04.880 --> 00:28:08.880
But when you say the word should, it's actually an indecisive word.
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:09.119
Sure.
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:10.319
Because it's 50-50.
00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:11.279
If it happens, great.
00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:14.079
If it doesn't, I'll wait another year or 10 years of my life.
00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:17.920
But when you change should to must, I must call this person.
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:18.160
Yeah.
00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:19.920
I must start this project.
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.920
It feels more definitive.
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.000
It has the energy of decision.
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:28.480
And I think once you've decided, then your body follows your mind.
00:28:28.559 --> 00:28:28.720
Yeah.
00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:32.240
But if the mind is indecisive, well, the body's confused of where to go.
00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:39.200
And of course, if you say I'm trying to fall pregnant, there's only one sentence in that word, the next sentence, which is two.
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:41.039
So the the word trying is a misstep.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:44.000
I'm going, hey, I'm going to try and pick up this glass and drink the water.
00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:45.200
We don't try.
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.079
Trying is very trying because trying implies failure.
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:48.319
Yeah.
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:48.880
I'm going to try.
00:28:48.960 --> 00:28:50.559
If I said you come for lunch, you go, I'll try.
00:28:50.799 --> 00:28:51.680
No, you're not really going to come.
00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:52.880
You say I'll be there.
00:28:53.279 --> 00:28:57.440
So when you say I'm trying, that's confusing to the brain to fall.
00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:01.759
Our greatest fear is falling back because we're born with two fears, loud noise and falling.
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:02.240
That's it.
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:03.279
There's no other fears.
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:04.319
Later we get them.
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:07.039
So when you say falling, the brain doesn't like falling.
00:29:07.119 --> 00:29:12.880
So if you go and stand on the edge of a building and look down, your stomach goes a bit weird because it doesn't like falling.
00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:16.880
And even the word pregnant, that has no guarantee you'll have a baby.
00:29:16.960 --> 00:29:18.160
You can have eight pregnancies.
00:29:18.319 --> 00:29:21.759
So trying to fall pregnant, it totally confuses the brain.
00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:24.640
I'm conceiving a perfect baby.
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:27.599
I'm conceiving and carrying a gorgeous, healthy baby.
00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:31.359
The brain can action that because it understands, but trying to fall pregnant.
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:36.319
It's a bit like saying I've got into bed, I've turned off all the light, and I'm going to try and fall asleep.
00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:37.920
That's so weird to the brain.
00:29:38.079 --> 00:29:43.119
Even I'm going to try to go to sleep because you've just got yourself in a stationary position, you're not going anywhere.
00:29:43.359 --> 00:29:48.480
But when you get that, you can think, okay, let's not say I'm trying to fall pregnant, let's say I'm making a baby.
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:50.640
What do I say for trying to fall asleep?
00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:51.839
Sleep is coming to me.
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:57.279
In Norwegian for going to sleep is sleep is coming, because you're not actually going anywhere.
00:29:57.519 --> 00:29:59.279
So I love the energy of words.
00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:06.400
And I have something in my book called when, as an if, and rather like you said, must or should.
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:13.039
So if you say when I make it, when I'm successful, the brain only works in the right now.
00:30:13.279 --> 00:30:14.559
When doesn't exist.
00:30:14.720 --> 00:30:20.240
You have to say, and and then if you say if, I'm if is a word full of doubt, like should.
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:21.759
It could be, I might not.
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:25.920
So when is over there, so we know the brain does not future pace at all.
00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:39.839
And if, well, maybe, maybe, but when you say as, as I find love and love finds me, as I move to success and success, as I become super healthy, the brain can action that, even though it sounds a bit weird.
00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:54.319
So when you understand the brain, if you say, like, if I said close your eyes now, Simon, and don't think of a pink snowman, even though you've never seen, don't think of the Alps being bright pink, despite you've never seen the pink Alps, you have to see it.
00:30:54.640 --> 00:31:01.119
So the word don't, don't not, maybe later, these don't have any impact on the brain at all.
00:31:01.200 --> 00:31:06.559
But if you say, I require it, I'm moving towards it, it's coming to me.
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:10.480
And the other word that I find people use all the time is they go, that's so hard.
00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:17.920
That's so hard to change careers, it's so hard to have a baby, it's so hard to be married, it's so hard to get fit.
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:27.440
If you say it's unfamiliar, yeah, because the brain wants what is familiar, when you see you you understand you're going to make it familiar over time.
00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:28.079
Absolutely.
00:31:28.160 --> 00:31:38.240
And this is why it essentially because it brings to mind a conversation I had recently where someone did use those words of this is hard or the process is hard, the journey is hard.
00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:43.759
And the question I gave back to this individual was, well, what would it look like if it were easy?
00:31:43.920 --> 00:31:44.640
Yeah, of course.
00:31:44.799 --> 00:31:56.319
And it just helps to access that creative part of a brain that we don't tend to use often to seek a different path because there's always a different way to go along the same journey.
00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:58.240
Plus, we don't value what's easy.
00:31:58.319 --> 00:32:06.319
You'll find that I think it's nearly 80% of lottery women's the bankrupt in three years, 90% of inherited wealth is gone in three generations.
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:08.880
If it's easy, you don't value.
00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:11.440
If you work for you, go, yeah, I worked really hard for that.
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:19.039
I spent ages, I worked really hard to get my body to look like that, or to write that book, or to become a coder, or to train as a coach.
00:32:19.359 --> 00:32:21.680
So actually, you value it more when it's hard.
00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:22.160
Yeah.
00:32:22.400 --> 00:32:24.079
Or we should say unfamiliar.
00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:24.559
Yeah.
00:32:25.440 --> 00:32:30.720
So I do like the word energy because I say to my client, and they go, Oh, you know, it didn't work out.
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:35.119
And they dump me, I go, darling, it was just not, you're just not an energetic fit.
00:32:35.279 --> 00:32:40.319
If you can say that, me and this person, I thought it would go the distance.
00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:42.160
We weren't energetically aligned.
00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:46.079
It sounds a bit weird, but it's saying, people say, What's wrong with me?
00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:47.839
Why don't they want me?
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:48.960
What did I do wrong?
00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:52.960
You didn't do anything wrong, you were just not a good energetic fit at that time.
00:32:53.200 --> 00:32:53.680
Absolutely.
00:32:53.839 --> 00:33:04.960
And that's a very good word because it takes away the pain of they don't love me, I'm not enough for them, they dumped me, they replaced me, they disposed of me.
00:33:05.119 --> 00:33:07.440
You're just not an energetic fit.
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:14.720
And it can be the same at work when you say, you know, I didn't get the job, and I wanted that job as much as you weren't maybe energetically aligned.
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:15.119
Yeah.
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:19.359
I mean, I mean it reminds me of this uh that this is beautiful word called pronoia.
00:33:19.440 --> 00:33:27.119
I don't know if you've come across it, but paranoia is defined by the belief that somebody or something is out to sabotage you.
00:33:27.200 --> 00:33:27.359
Yeah.
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:32.960
But the word pronoia has the opposite meaning, which is the universe is working in your favor.
00:33:33.119 --> 00:33:33.279
Yeah.
00:33:33.599 --> 00:33:35.440
Life is working out in your favor.
00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:45.279
So if you were to look at your experiences in life through the lens of pronounia, what happens is that you begin to have the humility to seek the lesson in every experience.
00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:48.480
So the rejection you go through might actually be a redirection.
00:33:48.640 --> 00:33:53.200
The relationship you lost might open up the opportunity to have an even better relationship.
00:33:53.359 --> 00:34:03.680
And so it takes us away from just dwelling on the event that has happened, which is outside of our control and focuses our energy on the things that are actually in our control to move our life forward.
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:05.279
Yeah, because I say that a lot.
00:34:05.440 --> 00:34:10.239
You can't change what's behind you, but you can change what's in front of you.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:10.800
Yeah.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:13.039
When you change what's inside you.
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:26.000
And that means if you can change the thoughts you think, the words you use, even the yeah, the the thoughts you think, the pictures you make in your head and the words you use, you can change what's ahead of you because you change what's inside of you.
00:34:26.159 --> 00:34:29.679
You can never change what's behind you, but you can even reframe that.
00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:33.920
You know, that you know, I remember thinking that both my parents are rather selfish.
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:36.880
And I was actually quite glad because it allowed me to say, Hey, I'm going to live in America.
00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:38.239
And they went, How can you leave us?
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:42.239
Well, I said, You you left my mother when I was 16.
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:44.400
You left and married someone else.
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:48.960
So, although at the time I was devastated, like I was reframing having selfish parents.
00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:52.239
My father left my mother and married someone else.
00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:56.320
And when I told my father I was leaving college and going to America, he's like, You can't do that.
00:34:56.400 --> 00:34:58.000
And I said, You know what, Dad?
00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:02.559
You and you had to leave my mum and marry someone else, regardless of how I felt.
00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:04.960
Yeah, well, that's what I'm doing now.
00:35:05.599 --> 00:35:08.079
I know it doesn't suit you, but it's it's for me.
00:35:08.159 --> 00:35:11.440
It's and so sometimes you can you can reframe anything.
00:35:11.519 --> 00:35:12.400
Everything is a reframe.
00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:14.000
Why did that person dump me?
00:35:14.159 --> 00:35:15.199
Why did I get fired?
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:16.239
Why did that happen?
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:17.920
Why did I get run over?
00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:20.159
You look back and think, you know what?
00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:24.719
When you look back, you see that everything on the whole did have some kind of weird purpose.
00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:26.639
When I got cancer, I thought, you know what?
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:30.079
Maybe in having cancer, I can help other people with cancer.
00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:40.159
When I was told I would never ever have a baby, no matter what I did, it was not going to be possible for me to conceive a baby, carry a baby, or have a healthy baby.
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:43.440
When I did have a healthy baby, I said, you know, I need to write a book about this.
00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:46.239
It's because there's so many women who just let it in.
00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:46.719
Yeah.
00:35:46.880 --> 00:35:50.639
And we are so defined by what we let in and don't let in.
00:35:50.719 --> 00:35:52.400
And so I wrote a book.
00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:54.320
Many people have had a baby from that book.
00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:58.320
And when I had cancer, I thought, you know, I recovered so fast.
00:35:58.800 --> 00:36:02.639
But sometimes you you it's because you have to reframe everything.
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:04.960
And that level of awareness, I think, is so important.
00:36:05.039 --> 00:36:11.760
You you know, I I I shared a post uh a few months ago about how pain on its own is just suffering.
00:36:11.840 --> 00:36:12.079
Yeah.
00:36:12.239 --> 00:36:23.039
But pain paired with reflection allows you to channel that grief or that emotion you went through into something purposeful, something that allows you to come back stronger than you were before.
00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:28.480
And that's what I've seen in not just my clients, but in people who have accomplished so much in their life.
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:36.880
Is yes, they've gone through from through some painful moments, yeah, but when they reflected on it, they were able to choose the meaning of it and build a much better future.
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:42.000
Because Shakespeare said that Shakespeare said, from loss comes art.
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:47.519
Nobody writes great movies or songs or books about having a wonderful life.
00:36:47.599 --> 00:36:48.800
It's all the pain.
00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:50.079
I was broken.
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:58.480
If you look at a tale of two cities or some of the greatest literature, it's all about like Dickens, the best of times, the worst of times.
00:36:58.719 --> 00:37:03.199
But if you just have a wonderful, easy life, you can't really create anything from there.
00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:07.280
But I think we have to look at that and think, yeah, you know, it's because that happened.
00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:14.559
Many people say, you know, it my loss, like Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Tony Robbins all use their loss.
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:18.800
So you could go through loss and it maybe wouldn't hurt quite as much.
00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:19.760
And I love that.
00:37:20.079 --> 00:37:31.119
Especially when I look at my upbringing, I was so conditioned to see success and failure as two opposite things on the spectrum, and that if I wasn't succeeding or I wasn't successful, then I'm failing in life.
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:41.920
But I think that as we grow older, as we become wiser, we realise you can't actually have meaningful success unless you've gone through some failures and setbacks in the process.
00:37:42.239 --> 00:37:46.880
Because those experiences are the things that equip you with what it takes to be successful, yeah.
00:37:47.119 --> 00:37:51.360
Otherwise, you don't appreciate the journey and you don't stretch yourself.
00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:54.800
You you don't grow if you're not going through some sort of discomfort.
00:37:55.039 --> 00:38:00.239
And then, of course, when you use your loss, your discomfort to help others, you really understand its purpose.
00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:07.840
So how did you go from being in the corporate world to writing this great book, Energize, which is a number one bestseller?
00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:08.880
Thank you.
00:38:09.119 --> 00:38:13.760
No, it's uh no, don't thank me because you wrote it and you got that award, number one bestseller.
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:14.639
People love it.
00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:19.440
So, where did the idea come from to write this book and to call it Energize?
00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:20.639
Where did that come from?
00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:25.199
So, first of all, actually, the working title for the book was Energy is Everything.
00:38:25.519 --> 00:38:25.760
Okay.
00:38:25.920 --> 00:38:31.920
Uh so much credit for the shift in title to energize must go to the editing team at Penguin.
00:38:32.000 --> 00:38:33.760
Uh as we got into the writing.
00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:37.039
Yeah, same same house there.
00:38:37.199 --> 00:38:38.320
Yeah, they're buying everything now.
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:39.519
Oh, they're doing some fantastic.
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:41.119
They just they've just bought Hey House.
00:38:41.280 --> 00:38:42.320
Well, they're just buying Hey House.
00:38:42.880 --> 00:38:46.559
They've expanded into buying a lot of um other sort of publishers.
00:38:46.960 --> 00:38:49.920
But go back further, where did the idea come from?
00:38:50.079 --> 00:38:51.039
I'm going to write a book.
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:52.000
Where did that come from?
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:54.960
So I would say it was the summer 2019.
00:38:55.199 --> 00:39:03.519
In the summer and Christmas period of every year, I used those seasons to review what has come before in the previous few months and plan the next few months.
00:39:03.679 --> 00:39:10.320
And I remember sitting uh uh in front of my office table writing down what are the things I wanted to focus on in the next few months.
00:39:10.400 --> 00:39:12.320
And writing a book was was not one of them.
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:15.440
It was probably maybe five or six on on the list.
00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:18.639
And then I went to a few friends' uh book launches.
00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:22.960
Uh, I remember going to Marie Follier's book launch in London for her book Everything is Figured Out of it.
00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:24.239
Folio, she's amazing.
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:25.679
I love that book too.
00:39:25.840 --> 00:39:27.679
She's an amazing uh human.
00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:36.880
And I I remember chatting to her at the end and her team, and I was sharing my journey with her, and she said, Have you thought about writing a book?
00:39:37.119 --> 00:39:42.880
And I said, Not yet, but funny you should say that because I have had a few people asking me.
00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:52.559
And and so this idea of maybe it's the right time to write a book because more and more people were suggesting it was almost the first sign of me exploring this avenue.
00:39:52.719 --> 00:39:59.760
But I knew to to publish a book, especially in a traditional way with a major publishing house, there was only two routes.
00:39:59.920 --> 00:40:07.679
Either you had an agent who could represent you, or someone from the publishing house um would approach you and say, Hey, would you like to write a book with us?
00:40:08.239 --> 00:40:18.800
I didn't have either, so I got a little creative and I remember going on to the Penguin website, I looked at all of the upcoming book launches they had scheduled for authors they were working with.
00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:32.239
And I would just go to these uh book launches, sit at the front row, and connect with editors from these uh from these publishers, so like Penguin, Simon Schuster, uh Hayhouse, um HarperCollins, and so on.
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:38.639
And Christmas of 2019, I started sending out emails uh to these publishers after I'd built a relationship with them.
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:43.360
They started to follow my content, and it came to January 2020.
00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:48.320
Nobody responded, and then one email came in and it was from Penguin.
00:40:48.559 --> 00:40:52.639
And the woman said, Hey, would you like to come to our office later this month?
00:40:52.880 --> 00:41:05.840
Would love to discuss and hear some of your ideas that you might have for a book, and that was the beginning of the conversation that then led to getting a book deal a couple of months later, just a few weeks after we had the first lockdown here in the UK.
00:41:06.159 --> 00:41:10.079
When you were sitting in the front row and they were there, were you energetically connecting?
00:41:10.239 --> 00:41:14.159
Were you thinking these thoughts like you like me, you're gonna publish my book?
00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:20.239
Were you doing that kind of people don't understand that you can energetically get on someone's brainwave and they can get on yours?
00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:20.719
Absolutely.
00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:28.159
I think the belief I had going into those events and selling in the front row is I had the belief I had value to offer.
00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:28.639
Good.
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:36.880
You know, I've I've often said to people, especially those who are doing a lot of things uh in the public domain, that there are always two sales that occur.
00:41:37.119 --> 00:41:42.079
The second is selling you to others, yeah, and the first is selling you to you.
00:41:42.480 --> 00:41:48.079
And unless you can powerfully sell you to you, it's hard to sell you to others.
00:41:48.400 --> 00:41:55.599
So I went in with the belief that I had value to offer, that it was my time to put a book out in the world, and whatever happens, happened.
00:41:55.679 --> 00:42:01.119
Um, all I can do is do my part, and that's the energy I went into each event with.
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:06.960
I'm so glad you used that word value because when I'm working with clients, I say, how can I get that promotion?
00:42:07.119 --> 00:42:08.559
How can I get that pay rise?
00:42:08.639 --> 00:42:10.480
How can I get that person to love me?
00:42:10.559 --> 00:42:14.639
I go, you must sit with yourself and say, I'm a person of value.
00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:29.599
If you believe you offer value, huge value, your partner will never leave you, and you will get that pay rise, you will get that promotion, but you must believe you are a person of value because what we buy is something that we perceive as having value, including people.
00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:31.119
So I love that.
00:42:31.280 --> 00:42:37.760
You sat in that room and you energetically connected, because we don't understand there was an energetic connection, you know.
00:42:37.840 --> 00:42:49.119
If you talk to someone, like before you go for an interview, you can close your eyes and say, Hey, you know, when I walk in the room, you really like me, you believe in me.
00:42:49.280 --> 00:42:51.679
You know, I had this situation many years ago.
00:42:51.760 --> 00:42:59.039
I was I my first ever flat, and I put it on the market to say, and this guy came to see it, and he actually moved in.
00:42:59.119 --> 00:43:02.639
He broke in and moved in, and we couldn't get him out, and it was a long process.
00:43:02.719 --> 00:43:05.199
It took a year and a half to go to court.
00:43:05.599 --> 00:43:19.840
And I remember sitting at home and I was energetically connecting to the judge, and I was I didn't know if the judge was male or female, old or young, but I remember saying to them, When I come into court, you like me, you believe in me, you know I'm telling the truth.
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:20.239
Yeah.
00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:24.079
Off I went to court, and in a minute, within minutes, the judge said, I believe you.
00:43:24.159 --> 00:43:28.239
And he said to them, You've tried to take this young lady's house and you have failed.
00:43:28.480 --> 00:43:29.840
I thought, wow, this is so powerful.
00:43:30.559 --> 00:43:38.159
That speaks to, Marissa, that speaks to the fact that people do not buy your ideas, your products, or your services as much as they buy your energy.
00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:39.119
Yeah, your energy.
00:43:39.360 --> 00:43:40.960
And that energy is so important.
00:43:41.119 --> 00:43:49.920
Another way to describe it is through the words of Maya Angelou, when she said, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget the way you made them feel like it's a good idea.
00:43:51.119 --> 00:43:53.119
And that feeling is a transfer of energy.
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:53.519
Yeah.
00:43:54.000 --> 00:43:59.679
We feel an emotion when we hear a speaker almost hit us in the heart, yeah, or remind us of.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:01.679
Truth that we've forgotten.
00:44:01.840 --> 00:44:05.280
We feel that emotionally, and emotion is just energy motion.
00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:10.079
It activates something inside of us that may have laid dormant for so long.
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:14.400
And that's what awakens our being to realize there is a different future we can create.
00:44:14.639 --> 00:44:17.519
So if you're about to go on a date, don't go, oh, I hope they like me.
00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:21.760
I hope they see what a person of value I am.
00:44:21.920 --> 00:44:24.400
I hope they see how I'm I hope I like them.
00:44:24.559 --> 00:44:32.320
So before you have a date or an interview, an audition or an appraisal, sit with yourself, get into the energetic state.
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:35.519
I'm a person of value, I've something to offer.
00:44:35.760 --> 00:44:36.800
And they believe me.
00:44:36.880 --> 00:44:38.559
They like me just like I did with a judge.
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:40.079
We can do it with your boss.
00:44:40.559 --> 00:44:43.039
You like me, you believe in me.
00:44:43.119 --> 00:44:46.079
And the worst it can ever do is that you feel better.
00:44:46.239 --> 00:44:46.480
Yeah.
00:44:46.639 --> 00:44:51.920
And the best it can do is it because our thoughts radiate out from us and back to people that match our thinking.
00:44:52.000 --> 00:44:54.719
It's why if you're very anxious, people around you feel anxious.
00:44:54.800 --> 00:44:56.559
They go, Oh, I love your energy.
00:44:56.719 --> 00:44:58.159
You're so chilled.
00:44:59.199 --> 00:45:06.559
But a lot of people just don't understand that you can sit with yourself and mentally rehearse something, which is what all boxers do before they go into the ring.
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:11.280
They sit and visualize jumping higher, running faster.
00:45:11.599 --> 00:45:13.440
This is this is why visualization is so powerful.
00:45:13.599 --> 00:45:13.840
I know.
00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:19.119
And people don't really think, no, what they think, oh, it's just seeing it, but it's not, it's using all your senses.
00:45:19.199 --> 00:45:20.559
So the brain rehearses it.
00:45:20.800 --> 00:45:22.239
Absolutely, it's mental rehearsal.
00:45:22.559 --> 00:45:24.480
Because, like you say, athletes use it all the time.
00:45:24.639 --> 00:45:30.639
They will go into a court early, sit there with the eyes closed, and imagine the game happening before the game has actually happened.
00:45:30.800 --> 00:45:30.960
Yeah.
00:45:31.199 --> 00:45:37.039
And it prepares not just the mind but the body on how you react when you go for a tough time on court.
00:45:37.440 --> 00:45:41.199
So when I was having my baby, I imagined giving birth in five hours, beginning.
00:45:41.280 --> 00:45:42.559
I imagined it to be really easy.
00:45:42.639 --> 00:45:44.320
It was a five-hour birth.
00:45:44.559 --> 00:45:57.760
And I was describing it to a police woman I was working with later who has some infertility problems because she was working in child protection, seeing children at risk, and of course she couldn't get pregnant, which wasn't that surprising considering she was working in the highest category of abuse.
00:45:57.840 --> 00:45:59.760
I said, darling, you're done your butt.
00:45:59.840 --> 00:46:08.000
You need to go into the cybercrime or the mount or the dog division, but you've got to get out of child protection now because it's going to cost you your own child.
00:46:08.239 --> 00:46:13.599
And she said, the funniest thing is you described your birth, you had exactly the same birth, five hours beginning to end.
00:46:13.679 --> 00:46:16.960
I read about it in your book, and I had the same thing.
00:46:17.039 --> 00:46:20.320
Because when you describe something to the brain, it starts to activate it.
00:46:20.559 --> 00:46:27.679
I always say your brain does not require perfection, but it really requires direction.
00:46:28.079 --> 00:46:32.960
That that's so beautifully said, Yeah, and you need to direct it, rehearse it.
00:46:33.519 --> 00:46:34.880
You need to own the direction goes.
00:46:35.119 --> 00:46:41.519
I don't know if you've heard of the the Bruce Lee story about what he did uh before he became the world success he was.
00:46:41.760 --> 00:46:54.960
It's that he went for a really tough time after he was featured in uh the TV series The Green Hornet because he wanted to get the main role, but he was actually demoted to a side role, uh taking on the role of Kato.
00:46:55.519 --> 00:47:01.920
And he he wrote out his ambition in what he was gonna give and what he wanted.
00:47:02.000 --> 00:47:08.800
And he said, I, Bruce Lee, will be the highest paid oriental superstar in Hollywood, and this is what I'm gonna do to get it.
00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:12.960
And then he folded that piece of paper, kept it in his wallet, and read it every single day.
00:47:13.440 --> 00:47:27.280
And when he went back to Hong Kong, what he thought was a complete bomb of a TV show for him personally, for his career, ended up being a runaway success in Hong Kong because they saw him, Kato, as the star of the show.
00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:44.320
Yeah, and he got featured in so many films in in Hong Kong, and different studios were booking him to star in films like uh Fists of Fury, The Way of the Dragon, and then Hollywood came calling and they said, Can you come back and produce a Hollywood film that promotes martial arts?
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:49.760
And that film was Enter the Dragon, and within just a few years, he had achieved everything he wrote down.
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:54.960
And he said this amazing thing: words create magic, that's why it's called spelling.
00:47:55.199 --> 00:47:58.239
Bruce Lee was the person who wrote that, and it's written everywhere.
00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:01.840
I want to ask you just a couple of questions, and I want to help our audience.
00:48:01.920 --> 00:48:08.960
If someone says, Hey, I want to manifest, and I really want to be a manifester, how do I get into the energy of a manifestor?
00:48:09.039 --> 00:48:10.159
What would you say?
00:48:10.480 --> 00:48:19.679
Well, I would say the first thing, and I'm not I don't know how many people talk about this, but is to create what I call a real life vision board.
00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:30.800
So we know what a vision board is, uh, traditionally speaking, is you put up a piece of paper on the wall or somewhere where you can see it at home and you plaster up pictures of all the things you want in your life.
00:48:31.039 --> 00:48:33.199
But for me, that's quite two-dimensional.
00:48:33.519 --> 00:48:38.719
For me to really activate the feeling that this can be possible, we have to make it real.
00:48:38.960 --> 00:48:48.639
So, for example, if on your vision board you have yourself in a beautiful apartment overlooking a lake, well, why not book that apartment on Airbnb?
00:48:48.960 --> 00:48:53.280
You can book it for a night or two to immerse your senses in this actually happening.
00:48:53.519 --> 00:48:58.880
If on your vision board it's you driving a top-of-the-range car, go and book a test drive.
00:48:59.119 --> 00:49:05.440
So, what you're doing is you're immersing and bathing your senses in that experience as if it's happening in the now.
00:49:05.599 --> 00:49:08.159
You're showing your mind that this is possible.
00:49:08.400 --> 00:49:09.360
This can actually happen.
00:49:09.599 --> 00:49:10.159
I love that.
00:49:10.239 --> 00:49:21.920
And in fact, if you really want love, you know, visualize going to sleep in the arms of someone that loves you, waking up with someone stroking your hair, waking up with someone putting a cup of coffee on the bedside table.
00:49:22.079 --> 00:49:26.320
Imagine two mugs in the toothbrush holder, two mugs on the draining board.
00:49:26.400 --> 00:49:27.840
Just see a lot of twos.
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:35.119
And you know, don't sleep in the edge of the bed, get into the middle and create a space in your wardrobe for your partner's clothes.
00:49:35.280 --> 00:49:39.760
Because the more you can, as you say, not just visualize, I want lover, what would it look like?
00:49:40.159 --> 00:49:45.679
Let me create all these cooks in the in the in the cloakroom for their coat or their stuff.
00:49:45.760 --> 00:49:49.840
And you're you're really creating a space, but you're also believing in the energy.
00:49:50.159 --> 00:49:50.559
Absolutely.
00:49:50.639 --> 00:49:52.880
You're creating the energy as if this can happen.
00:49:53.360 --> 00:49:53.920
This can happen.
00:49:55.840 --> 00:49:58.239
You know, you can choose the cities to see the weather in.
00:49:58.639 --> 00:50:02.880
Why not put into that list the city you want to move to eventually?
00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:05.119
So you've now got it on your weather app.
00:50:05.199 --> 00:50:06.639
You've got the city in there.
00:50:06.880 --> 00:50:14.239
When you go onto a website like Write Move, when you can look at properties on there, why not save all the properties that are your dream home?
00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:14.639
Yeah.
00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:18.960
Because what's happening is literally bathing your senses in this being a reality.
00:50:19.039 --> 00:50:20.880
You're acting as if this is a saturated.
00:50:21.360 --> 00:50:26.239
So I worked with I was going to teach in LA last year, and this girl said, Hey, I must come and meet you.
00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:29.760
And she's when I was 43, I finally met the love of my life.
00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:31.119
Let's have a baby.
00:50:31.199 --> 00:50:34.880
So I went to see the doctor, and they said, You don't even have 1% chance of conceiving.
00:50:35.039 --> 00:50:35.599
Not even one percent.
00:50:35.679 --> 00:50:39.599
She said they wanted to say no percent, but they a little bit of courage, just one.
00:50:40.159 --> 00:50:41.119
Go to IVF.
00:50:41.199 --> 00:50:45.119
And they said the same thing, you have a 1% chance of this working.
00:50:45.360 --> 00:50:49.599
So she began a route of IVF, and IVF is very much for wealthy women.
00:50:49.679 --> 00:50:51.679
She was$100,000 down.
00:50:51.840 --> 00:50:55.920
She was using um donor eggs and everything.
00:50:56.079 --> 00:50:58.719
And she said, I read your book, Trying to Get Pregnant.
00:50:58.880 --> 00:51:02.079
She said, and um, it said to visually, because I went out and bought a bassinet.
00:51:02.239 --> 00:51:03.280
My husband thought I was nuts.
00:51:03.360 --> 00:51:07.599
But I came home with the but I put it at the end of the bed and said, That's when my baby's going to sleep.
00:51:07.840 --> 00:51:10.320
And at 46, she got pregnant naturally.
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:10.639
Wow.
00:51:10.800 --> 00:51:13.039
And had and she's just pregnant again now.
00:51:13.280 --> 00:51:15.440
But what she did was something interesting.
00:51:15.599 --> 00:51:19.119
She bought the little crib and she looked and she said, My baby's sleeping there.
00:51:19.280 --> 00:51:20.559
She bought some little socks.
00:51:20.639 --> 00:51:24.079
We didn't say, Oh, I hope it works, or gosh, it's a lot of money.
00:51:24.320 --> 00:51:26.559
She said, My baby is sleeping in that crib.
00:51:26.719 --> 00:51:28.880
My baby is going to sleep there.
00:51:29.199 --> 00:51:38.000
And she's like, I walked down the aisles of the store and I bought the organic baby within the little socks, and I really got my brain to say, there, that's my baby.
00:51:38.239 --> 00:51:41.199
And of course, the brain is like, What's this baby you're talking about?
00:51:41.280 --> 00:51:42.960
You keep talking about a baby.
00:51:43.199 --> 00:51:44.800
You bought stuff for the baby.
00:51:44.880 --> 00:51:50.960
I better go ahead and make the baby because we know that people who adopt get pregnant naturally very quickly.
00:51:51.199 --> 00:51:54.639
People who have IVF tend to get a natural conception.
00:51:55.360 --> 00:51:56.320
Why is that?
00:51:56.559 --> 00:52:00.239
It's not because you're wishing, it's because you have you're talking about the baby.
00:52:00.480 --> 00:52:02.800
You know, I had a client who couldn't adopt.
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:05.840
They said she was too old, she wasn't allowed to adopt.
00:52:05.920 --> 00:52:07.519
And she and her husband were very religious.
00:52:07.679 --> 00:52:11.280
And one day they got a call saying, Could you take in these three children from one family?
00:52:11.599 --> 00:52:17.199
They're in the care system, they've been abused, they're very traumatized, they're all doubly incontinent, nobody will have them.
00:52:17.360 --> 00:52:18.320
She goes, 'God sent them to me.
00:52:18.480 --> 00:52:19.440
She took all three.
00:52:19.599 --> 00:52:20.000
Wow.
00:52:20.239 --> 00:52:28.079
And what she was doing with her three was taking up and thinking, Okay, I need to go and get a little swimming costume for my little boy, my daughter needs these shoes, I need lunch for the other girl.
00:52:28.320 --> 00:52:29.679
Within six months, she was pregnant.
00:52:29.840 --> 00:52:32.079
Her doctor said, Well, you know why that happened, don't you?
00:52:32.320 --> 00:52:33.119
Because you relax.
00:52:33.280 --> 00:52:36.079
She went, I've got three kids, they're doubly incontinent.
00:52:36.239 --> 00:52:37.760
It's not very relaxing.
00:52:38.159 --> 00:52:42.719
It's because she was in the energy, as you say, she was buying things for her children.
00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:47.599
Her whole life was consumed with these kids, and the brain said, I better create this baby.
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:47.920
Yeah.
00:52:48.079 --> 00:52:52.000
So if you if you want a baby, really walk down the aisle and buy some of these things.
00:52:52.159 --> 00:52:54.079
You want love, create space.
00:52:54.239 --> 00:52:59.199
If you want to have a promotion, close your eyes and imagine the smell of the leather sofa.
00:52:59.519 --> 00:53:01.360
Imagine someone bringing you coffee.
00:53:01.440 --> 00:53:04.960
Imagine your boss saying, You are in dispense, what does this company?
00:53:05.119 --> 00:53:10.320
The more you can use all your senses, what does it look like, feel like, but also what does it smell like?
00:53:10.639 --> 00:53:18.880
And I think such a powerful combination of bringing together the power of words, environment, and thought.
00:53:19.199 --> 00:53:19.440
Of course.
00:53:19.679 --> 00:53:23.280
And I think what happens is then you create an identity shift.
00:53:24.079 --> 00:53:27.920
I I remember researching into Kobe Bryan and Beyonce.
00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:28.159
Yeah.
00:53:28.320 --> 00:53:39.679
And one of the things they leveraged was this idea of the alter ego effect, where they would see themselves when they were on stage or when they were on court almost becoming the identity.
00:53:39.840 --> 00:53:42.639
So for Kobe Bryan, it was the black mamba.
00:53:42.719 --> 00:53:42.880
Yeah.
00:53:43.119 --> 00:53:45.679
When he stepped on court, he became the black mamba.
00:53:45.840 --> 00:53:49.119
When Beyoncé stepped onto that stage, she became Sasha Fierce.
00:53:49.199 --> 00:53:49.360
Yeah.
00:53:49.599 --> 00:53:55.599
They created this identity through the words, the thoughts, and environment so they could access it at will.
00:53:55.840 --> 00:54:05.199
And I wrote about in my book that one of the strongest forces in the mind is you must act in a way that lines up with how you identify you.
00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:10.800
If you say I'm a winner, I'm on it, I'm an achiever, I'm happy, I'm lovable.
00:54:10.960 --> 00:54:11.119
Yeah.
00:54:11.440 --> 00:54:16.880
You've got to be very careful how you identify yourself because your brain is what I call a proofmaking robot.
00:54:17.119 --> 00:54:21.280
If you say I'm an idiot, everything goes wrong, your brain's going to try and prove that.
00:54:21.360 --> 00:54:24.800
If you say I'm smart and I'm a winner, it'll prove that too.
00:54:25.039 --> 00:54:37.599
So it's very important that you identify yourself and you use the identity and you use words like I am, or you know, I'm I'm a winner, I'm smart, I always, I can, I do.
00:54:37.760 --> 00:54:42.400
Like you could call yourself, one of my friends calls itself the queen of manifestation.
00:54:42.639 --> 00:54:47.119
Another of my friends call myself the master of marketing or the master of manifesting.
00:54:47.199 --> 00:54:57.440
And if you put that word in front, the queen, the king, the goat, the master, the best, it really inspires you to move towards that identity.
00:54:57.599 --> 00:55:00.960
Sadly, when you use negative identities, that that happens too.
00:55:01.199 --> 00:55:08.159
And I actually employ that, uh, because when you said it, it it brings to mind how I employed that with my daughter.
00:55:08.320 --> 00:55:09.599
She's six years old.
00:55:09.760 --> 00:55:16.400
And whenever I pick her up from tennis training or classes she's gone through, I would say, How did the class go champion?
00:55:16.639 --> 00:55:16.960
Champion.
00:55:17.440 --> 00:55:19.360
I would just describe the identity as champion.
00:55:19.519 --> 00:55:20.159
Yeah, I love that.
00:55:20.480 --> 00:55:22.719
And I would just say, Did you hit all the balls well?
00:55:22.880 --> 00:55:24.719
What are you looking to improve, champion?
00:55:24.960 --> 00:55:29.599
And so it's conditioning that word into a mind that she is a champion.
00:55:30.480 --> 00:55:34.320
And so what naturally comes from there is a champion mentality.
00:55:34.480 --> 00:55:34.639
Yeah.
00:55:34.880 --> 00:55:37.039
Because now you identify with the word champion.
00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:44.239
And if you find it hard, get that song from Queen, We Are the Champions, and play it a lot until it feels familiar.
00:55:44.320 --> 00:55:48.719
Because all the brain does is it wants to go to what is familiar and away from under.
00:55:49.199 --> 00:56:01.599
If you play that word champion, or simply the best, or I'm on fire, and you make it your ringtone, you start to identify, and then that strongest force to line up with how you identify you.
00:56:01.760 --> 00:56:02.000
Yeah.
00:56:02.239 --> 00:56:08.719
I mean, look at Tom Brady, he's the goat, and he's very clear that that's who he is, the greatest of all time.
00:56:08.880 --> 00:56:09.199
Yeah.
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:11.039
But people who make it leave clues.
00:56:11.119 --> 00:56:12.719
So I want to ask you another question.
00:56:12.800 --> 00:56:20.159
You you helped us very much with manifesting, that it's not just what you think, it's using all your senses.
00:56:20.880 --> 00:56:24.719
But interesting enough, I see a lot of people who manifest with scarcity belief.
00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:29.519
So while they're manifesting abundance, they're keeping old makeup, old charges.
00:56:29.920 --> 00:56:34.000
My husband's still got his um blackberry in his drawer.
00:56:34.079 --> 00:56:48.719
And it's like, if you want to manifest abundance, go home and throw away all the charges, all the wires, all the old batteries, go through your cupboard, throw out the products in your closet, in your cabinet you'll never use, and throw out all the packets of food.
00:56:48.960 --> 00:56:53.119
Because if you keep stuff, if you hold on to stuff, you're living in scarcity.
00:56:53.199 --> 00:56:56.480
You have scarcity habits, but also scarcity beliefs.
00:56:56.559 --> 00:56:57.519
So it's very confusing.
00:56:57.760 --> 00:56:59.599
The brain can't hold conflicting beliefs.
00:56:59.679 --> 00:57:03.519
I want abundance, I'm keeping this stuff in case it comes back into fashion.
00:57:03.599 --> 00:57:05.440
I might read that book again.
00:57:05.679 --> 00:57:10.079
You know, if you're if you finish with a book, give it to someone else, get rid of it.
00:57:10.320 --> 00:57:15.840
So to abut to manifest abundance, you're right, you need that energetic shift.
00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:18.480
Yeah, you must say, I'm worth it, I'm worth it.
00:57:18.639 --> 00:57:19.519
That's so important.
00:57:19.599 --> 00:57:21.599
I deserve it because that's an energy.
00:57:21.840 --> 00:57:24.719
I'm only gonna get it if I know I'm worth it.
00:57:24.880 --> 00:57:30.800
So if you want to be a master manifester, sit with yourself and go, I'm worth it, I'm worth it, I'm worth it.
00:57:30.880 --> 00:57:33.119
Even if it feels silly, it will become familiar.
00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:33.599
Yeah.
00:57:33.760 --> 00:57:36.320
And then the second step is what what do you require?
00:57:36.400 --> 00:57:37.760
And what does it require of you?
00:57:37.920 --> 00:57:39.760
Because you have to work hard to manifest.
00:57:40.239 --> 00:57:40.960
You've got to work for it.
00:57:41.119 --> 00:57:47.280
I mean, I always say to people, if you want to, I mean, one part of this we we covered just now is your environment.
00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:55.679
One of the fastest ways to accelerate your life in any area is design an environment around you that makes it impossible not to succeed.
00:57:55.840 --> 00:57:56.079
Sure.
00:57:56.239 --> 00:57:59.679
From what you read, who you spend time with, what you watch, what you listen to.
00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:08.320
But then the second part of that is when you make present moment choices to act from your future self, not your past self.
00:58:08.559 --> 00:58:13.440
So a lot of people, when they make present moment decisions, they're acting from their past wiring.
00:58:13.840 --> 00:58:15.199
So I've never been that sort of person.
00:58:15.360 --> 00:58:16.639
It's never worked out for me.
00:58:16.800 --> 00:58:19.519
And so they always stay in their comfort zone.
00:58:19.760 --> 00:58:26.639
But when you're clear on who that future identity is and you can act from that, the choices you make today will be very different.
00:58:27.280 --> 00:58:29.119
And that's where the action piece comes in.
00:58:29.280 --> 00:58:33.360
Um, you know, it's simpler said than done sometimes.
00:58:33.519 --> 00:58:40.960
But what I say to people is the law of action states that when you make moves towards what you want, what you want makes moves towards you.
00:58:41.199 --> 00:58:42.000
That is also magnitude.
00:58:42.320 --> 00:58:42.880
I say that too.
00:58:42.960 --> 00:58:45.199
I say what you want wants you.
00:58:45.280 --> 00:58:45.519
Yeah.
00:58:45.679 --> 00:58:49.119
And what you are moving towards is moving towards you.
00:58:49.440 --> 00:58:54.000
But you've got to go into your garage, your loft, and get rid of all that stuff.
00:58:54.239 --> 00:58:56.400
You know, I I moved from LA five years ago.
00:58:56.719 --> 00:58:59.119
I can't believe I've got so much stuff in my house.
00:58:59.199 --> 00:59:01.760
And now, in two and a half years, I seem to have done it again.
00:59:01.840 --> 00:59:04.159
I think I've got so much stuff.
00:59:04.400 --> 00:59:10.159
But um, it's very important not to have because talk tell me about the energy of this word scarcity.
00:59:10.239 --> 00:59:13.440
I'd I'd love to know being an energetic goat.
00:59:13.920 --> 00:59:27.360
It it's quite a negative association, I find, but when you think about it from energy, because if you are going into any relationship, any business decision, um, any conversation from a feeling of scarcity, people feel that.
00:59:27.519 --> 00:59:37.119
Yeah, you know, this is why when I work with people who are building businesses, I always say that one of the first things we have to work on is to eliminate that feeling of scarcity.
00:59:37.199 --> 00:59:37.440
Yeah.
00:59:37.599 --> 00:59:49.519
Because when you go into, let's say, a pitch or a conversation that you're looking to sell something, people can tell the difference between you needing the sale versus you can get it or not.
00:59:49.599 --> 00:59:50.000
You don't care.
00:59:50.400 --> 00:59:51.280
If you get the sale, great.
00:59:51.360 --> 00:59:52.559
If not, you're still gonna do well.
00:59:52.719 --> 00:59:53.840
And of course, neediness.
00:59:53.920 --> 00:59:58.079
What tell me the energy of the word neediness, a needy person, what is that energy?
00:59:58.320 --> 01:00:00.320
That energy is one that puts off a lot of people.
01:00:00.480 --> 01:00:04.800
Yes, it actually repels uh people from where you actually want to be.
01:00:04.960 --> 01:00:16.480
You might say you want a certain goal or dream, but if you come in with the energy of neediness or scarcity, you're actually pushing away people and opportunities that can help you get to where you want to get to.
01:00:16.719 --> 01:00:23.920
But when you come in it with abundance, and this is why I'm I'm I'm big on gratitude, because in a way, gratitude is the path to abundance.
01:00:24.159 --> 01:00:27.360
Then what happens is there's a very different energy you bring to it.
01:00:27.760 --> 01:00:30.880
You're like, this is what I can offer, this is a value I can bring.
01:00:31.039 --> 01:00:32.719
If you want to do something together, great.
01:00:32.800 --> 01:00:35.679
If not, I know there'll be someone else that will want to do it together with me.
01:00:35.840 --> 01:00:39.280
And so there's an energy of wow, this person knows where they're going.
01:00:39.679 --> 01:00:41.360
And I want to be in that energy.
01:00:41.599 --> 01:00:44.800
When I was in America, I noticed they'd say this, Are you sick?
01:00:45.039 --> 01:00:45.599
You seem sick.
01:00:46.079 --> 01:00:47.119
No, I'm not sick.
01:00:47.280 --> 01:00:49.360
I'm going through a tiny little cold.
01:00:49.519 --> 01:00:50.400
Oh, you're sick.
01:00:50.480 --> 01:00:52.159
And I'd I hate that word sick.
01:00:52.239 --> 01:00:53.920
It's a really bad energy, sick.
01:00:54.000 --> 01:00:54.400
Yeah.
01:00:54.639 --> 01:00:55.840
Or desperate.
01:00:56.079 --> 01:01:03.920
There's so many words I have an awful energy, desperate, sick, terrified, frantic, um, going insane.
01:01:04.400 --> 01:01:07.599
And I would have to work a lot with them to say, I'm not sick.
01:01:07.760 --> 01:01:09.760
I got a tiny, got a slight headache.
01:01:10.159 --> 01:01:12.000
I'm a little bit tired, but I'm not sick.
01:01:12.159 --> 01:01:15.039
Then I notice that little girl, and they go, Oh, your daughter's really bad.
01:01:15.119 --> 01:01:16.639
I'm like, she's not bad.
01:01:16.880 --> 01:01:19.519
She's an age-appropriate kid or in the park.
01:01:19.679 --> 01:01:21.679
I say stop, and she continues to stop again.
01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:23.039
But on the third time, she'll stop.
01:01:23.199 --> 01:01:23.360
Yeah.
01:01:23.519 --> 01:01:27.280
Because she's not a puppy to be broken in, she's an age-appropriate child.
01:01:27.440 --> 01:01:34.159
So I want you to think about what are the words you're using: bad, sick, desperate, frantic, terrified.
01:01:34.239 --> 01:01:35.119
This is terrifying.
01:01:35.199 --> 01:01:35.920
What are you talking about?
01:01:36.000 --> 01:01:37.840
I'm going on a date with someone.
01:01:38.079 --> 01:01:39.679
This isn't driving me crazy.
01:01:39.840 --> 01:01:40.480
This is hell.
01:01:40.639 --> 01:01:42.000
This is a nightmare.
01:01:42.880 --> 01:01:43.679
And what happens?
01:01:43.840 --> 01:01:49.440
We use those words for talking about the traffic, the freeway, the line in the store.
01:01:49.679 --> 01:01:53.440
So now we've helped you understand the energy of words.
01:01:53.599 --> 01:01:53.840
Yeah.
01:01:54.079 --> 01:01:56.000
Think which words you can take out.
01:01:56.159 --> 01:01:57.920
Like I'm exhausted.
01:01:58.239 --> 01:01:59.840
Well, probably just a bit tired.
01:01:59.920 --> 01:02:00.239
Yeah.
01:02:00.400 --> 01:02:01.360
I'm terrified.
01:02:01.440 --> 01:02:04.559
Well, maybe you're just a little bit out of your comfort zone.
01:02:04.639 --> 01:02:08.719
But you see how when you just do that little shift, all the energy changes.
01:02:08.880 --> 01:02:14.000
What would you say is one of the worst words we can use when we're talking about our life or ourselves?
01:02:14.320 --> 01:02:18.639
I've mentioned it a couple of times through this conversation, but I would say failure.
01:02:18.800 --> 01:02:18.960
Yeah.
01:02:19.119 --> 01:02:26.719
And the reason is is because without realizing it, we can mistake failure for being an identity.
01:02:26.960 --> 01:02:27.360
Of course.
01:02:27.519 --> 01:02:30.000
Now, if you use failure to describe an event, that's a different thing.
01:02:30.079 --> 01:02:30.239
Yeah.
01:02:30.480 --> 01:02:33.440
But very often we mistake it for saying, I am a failure.
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:35.840
And that's something we have to be very careful of.
01:02:36.079 --> 01:02:38.320
Failure is an event, not an identity.
01:02:38.639 --> 01:02:43.840
And so that's one I always get people to be very careful about how you describe an experience.
01:02:44.320 --> 01:02:52.719
Because what you were saying just now, and I think this is one of the most powerful things we have, is the ability to give a meaning to an experience that we can choose.
01:02:53.119 --> 01:02:57.280
Because then the meaning that we give it becomes our reality, becomes our story.
01:02:57.599 --> 01:03:01.519
And you have to get to a certain level of consciousness to choose that.
01:03:02.079 --> 01:03:08.320
Otherwise, you get owned by that event and you just end up throwing lots of negative words at it.
01:03:08.559 --> 01:03:22.239
But if you can take a step back and say, Well, this event, I choose it to mean this, then you become the I I guess an a sort of a way to see it is you become both a sculpture and a sculptor.
01:03:22.400 --> 01:03:22.639
Yeah.
01:03:22.800 --> 01:03:28.480
You're creating a reality that helps you forward rather than one that limits you.
01:03:28.639 --> 01:03:28.800
Yeah.
01:03:28.960 --> 01:03:30.079
And I think that's a powerful tool.
01:03:30.239 --> 01:03:35.360
Yeah, because Napoleon said a person who never made a mistake never made anything.
01:03:35.519 --> 01:03:35.760
Yeah.
01:03:35.920 --> 01:03:38.559
So I'm going to just ask you for the energy of just two more words.
01:03:38.719 --> 01:03:38.960
Sure.
01:03:39.599 --> 01:03:40.400
Rejection.
01:03:40.719 --> 01:03:44.480
Tell me about the energy of that word rejection, what that does to people.
01:03:44.800 --> 01:03:47.519
Rejection, well, I mean, it's a word that I used to hate as well.
01:03:47.599 --> 01:03:56.159
And I think it's a word a lot of people don't like because rejection, the reason why it has negative energy is because it assumes that it's because of you.
01:03:56.320 --> 01:03:56.559
Yeah.
01:03:56.719 --> 01:04:05.440
If you've been rejected from a job, if you've been rejected from a relationship, the perception is, well, it's something about me that means they don't accept me.
01:04:05.679 --> 01:04:11.440
And so that can send you into a whole whirlwind of overthinking.
01:04:11.840 --> 01:04:14.079
But what you can do is you can reframe it.
01:04:14.159 --> 01:04:16.239
Re-rejection could be redirection.
01:04:16.400 --> 01:04:22.159
Or as I like to say, what you can do is turn that rejection feeling into a positive game.
01:04:22.320 --> 01:04:30.079
So I remember when I was first starting out in business, uh, I knew that one of my challenges was getting clients, but I hated being rejected.
01:04:30.320 --> 01:04:35.519
So instead of focusing too much on the last rejection I had, I gave myself a fun challenge.
01:04:35.599 --> 01:04:42.800
I gamified the experience and I said, Well, in the next 90 days, I'm gonna go out there and get a hundred rejections.
01:04:43.039 --> 01:04:43.360
Wow.
01:04:43.519 --> 01:04:46.079
I'm gonna go and collect a hundred rejections.
01:04:46.320 --> 01:04:49.599
Now, what that did is it meant I couldn't dwell on the last rejection.
01:04:49.679 --> 01:04:52.000
I had to move to the next one, the next one, and the next one.
01:04:52.159 --> 01:04:59.119
But by turning it into a game, it moved the experience away from being one that was negative into one that was actually quite fun.
01:04:59.280 --> 01:05:07.519
Yeah, and I think if anybody plays this game well, what you will realize is that maybe you get to your 20th rejection and the 21st becomes a yes.
01:05:07.599 --> 01:05:07.760
Yeah.
01:05:08.000 --> 01:05:17.199
And you're like, of course, oh, this is going somewhere now, and then you get a few more rejections, and then maybe the 30th becomes a yes, and you realize you're never actually going to get to 100 because now you're beginning to collect yeses.
01:05:17.440 --> 01:05:20.880
Yeah, of course, because it's become familiar and you've taken the fear away.
01:05:20.960 --> 01:05:28.719
It's like if you had a fear of flying and you had to fly every week, after a while, you just get over the fear because you're always on a plane, so because become familiar.
01:05:28.960 --> 01:05:40.000
Yeah, so I think the the way to handle it is either reframe the word to something positive or gamify the experience so there's a more positive connection to it.
01:05:40.159 --> 01:05:49.599
So it could be rejection, yeah, it could be procrastination if if you uh don't like the word procrastination and you say, Well, I always procrastinate on this that I know I should do.
01:05:49.840 --> 01:05:52.000
Well, why don't you procrastinate on your bad habits?
01:05:52.239 --> 01:05:55.599
Here's one more word for you because you're so good at that imposter syndrome.
01:05:55.760 --> 01:05:58.719
Tell me the energy of that word I have imposter syndrome.
01:05:58.880 --> 01:05:59.760
Yeah, I I actually like.
01:06:00.159 --> 01:06:09.599
It um what I mean by this is a lot of people have a negative association with the word imposter syndrome because they they feel it as a bad feeling to go through.
01:06:09.840 --> 01:06:16.639
For me, it's positive, and the reason is because whenever you do something that you've never done before, of course you're gonna feel like an imposter.
01:06:16.719 --> 01:06:24.800
Yeah, you've got no the mind has no reference point, and that for me is good because it's a sign to me that I'm putting myself out of my comfort zone.
01:06:25.280 --> 01:06:30.159
Well, the word imposter comes from impossible, and impossible you break it down says I'm possible.
01:06:30.320 --> 01:06:30.639
Yeah.
01:06:30.880 --> 01:06:34.000
If you break down the word imagine, it says I'm a genie.
01:06:34.320 --> 01:06:35.519
Your wish is my command.
01:06:35.599 --> 01:06:38.639
So somebody have to look at words and go, can I find the opposite?
01:06:38.800 --> 01:06:41.360
If I say I'm terrified, what's the opposite of terrified?
01:06:41.519 --> 01:06:41.920
Excited.
01:06:42.000 --> 01:06:47.519
If I stood at a fun fair, what I'm on a roller coaster screaming, are they excited or terrified?
01:06:47.679 --> 01:06:48.079
Who knows?
01:06:48.239 --> 01:06:49.679
Because the brain doesn't even know.
01:06:49.920 --> 01:06:52.000
So I want to ask you some quick quick fire questions.
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:53.119
You've been so good.
01:06:53.199 --> 01:06:55.039
And I really hope you understand.
01:06:55.599 --> 01:07:00.719
Look at the energy of your words, look at the energy of your body, look at the energy of what you're thinking.
01:07:00.800 --> 01:07:07.360
And remember, the way you feel about everything is down to the pictures you make in your head and the words you form.
01:07:07.599 --> 01:07:13.039
And if you don't like it, since they shape your reality change, your reality uses different language.
01:07:13.119 --> 01:07:13.920
You're not failing.
01:07:14.000 --> 01:07:15.519
In fact, you can say, my friend, failure.
01:07:15.679 --> 01:07:17.280
Where would I be if I'd never failed?
01:07:17.360 --> 01:07:18.480
I'd be in the same place.
01:07:18.639 --> 01:07:22.800
I was started off in with the same person I dated at school, which isn't bad.
01:07:23.280 --> 01:07:24.960
But failure can be a great gift.
01:07:25.119 --> 01:07:26.000
So can rejection.
01:07:26.559 --> 01:07:30.400
Okay, you dumped me, broke my heart, but I found someone better.
01:07:30.719 --> 01:07:34.800
So reframe your words, change what's inside you to change what's in front of you.
01:07:34.960 --> 01:07:37.760
I want to ask you a quick question, a few questions.
01:07:38.320 --> 01:07:41.440
You've worked with high performers across many industries.
01:07:41.519 --> 01:07:44.960
What is the biggest misconception people have about success?
01:07:45.440 --> 01:07:51.440
I think the biggest misconception about success is that there is one definition.
01:07:51.599 --> 01:07:52.239
There isn't.
01:07:52.719 --> 01:07:54.400
Everybody will have a different definition of success.
01:07:54.559 --> 01:07:55.360
It's all relative, isn't it?
01:07:55.519 --> 01:07:56.239
It's all relative.
01:07:56.400 --> 01:07:59.119
My version of success will be different to someone else's.
01:07:59.360 --> 01:08:12.880
And I think as more people understand it, that's when they realize that actually that's why I've been feeling lost and directless because I've been following someone else's definition and not living life true to myself.
01:08:13.119 --> 01:08:13.440
Yeah.
01:08:13.679 --> 01:08:15.440
You often talk about energy.
01:08:15.679 --> 01:08:17.920
How would you define personal energy?
01:08:18.079 --> 01:08:20.479
If you had to define it, what would you say?
01:08:21.199 --> 01:08:26.079
For me, personal energy is how you make people feel around you.
01:08:26.399 --> 01:08:26.960
I like that.
01:08:27.279 --> 01:08:27.920
That's really nice.
01:08:28.159 --> 01:08:36.560
Yeah, so you can be in a room, and if you are someone I would call an energizer, you have the ability to raise the energy in a room.
01:08:36.720 --> 01:08:40.079
If you are a drainer, well, you're gonna lower the energy in a room.
01:08:40.239 --> 01:08:42.800
Yeah, and so that is what personal energy is.
01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:51.279
Uh and you can feel it, you know, when you go into an event and you're looking to speak to someone you don't know, two people might be coming up to you.
01:08:51.520 --> 01:08:56.000
You are drawn to one person more than the other to initiate conversation with.
01:08:56.159 --> 01:09:01.199
Now, none of them have spoken, but there's just something about that person that draws you into their field.
01:09:01.439 --> 01:09:02.239
That's energy.
01:09:02.479 --> 01:09:10.319
I notice when I'm giving talks, I have the audience go, I'm enough, I'm matter, I'm significant, I'm smart, I've got an I've got a skill set.
01:09:10.399 --> 01:09:11.920
And the room gets hotter and hotter.
01:09:12.000 --> 01:09:21.520
It's really interesting that as we do, as and we don't we shout it out, we want to state it, affirm it in body, I am, I'm amazing, I'm lovable, I'm significant.
01:09:21.840 --> 01:09:23.520
And the whole energy changes.
01:09:23.600 --> 01:09:33.760
And I'm sure you know this study where they took some mice and tortured them and they put fresh mice in the room, and the fresh mice panic because they could pick up in the atmosphere the torture.
01:09:34.079 --> 01:09:35.680
And that's what kids are so good at as well.
01:09:35.920 --> 01:09:37.520
Of course, they pick up energy, sure.
01:09:37.760 --> 01:09:38.479
And animals too.
01:09:38.640 --> 01:09:42.239
Dogs know if you don't horses know if you're comfortable riding them.
01:09:42.319 --> 01:09:46.800
If you go to them like Alcatraz, you can really feel that terrible energy.
01:09:47.359 --> 01:09:48.399
I went to Alcatraz.
01:09:48.640 --> 01:09:53.840
I actually went, there's a prison, um, Malmaison in Oxford, used to be the jail, and they've kept one cell.
01:09:53.920 --> 01:09:56.800
And when you go in there, you can really feel that horrible energy.
01:09:57.119 --> 01:10:12.319
And and and and you know, if if you if you want to remind yourself what that feels like, just imagine, especially if you work in a company, when you go to work on a Monday, and let's say you're in your office before your boss arrives, when your boss comes in, before they've said a single word, you know.
01:10:12.399 --> 01:10:14.479
I guarantee you know if they had a good weekend or not.
01:10:14.560 --> 01:10:14.720
Yeah.
01:10:14.880 --> 01:10:20.399
If they haven't had a good weekend, you might be saying to your colleagues, Oh, we we we can't we can't screw up today.
01:10:20.479 --> 01:10:24.239
Yeah, you know, uh, boss isn't in a good mood today, and they haven't said anything.
01:10:24.399 --> 01:10:24.880
No, it isn't.
01:10:25.039 --> 01:10:26.000
That's someone's energy.
01:10:26.239 --> 01:10:27.359
Here's a good question.
01:10:27.680 --> 01:10:31.600
What limiting belief do you see the most in ambitious people?
01:10:31.920 --> 01:10:43.439
The limiting belief I see the most in ambitious people is they always have to be doing something, they always have to be busy in order to be productive.
01:10:43.680 --> 01:10:46.000
Okay, yeah, especially highly ambitious people.
01:10:46.399 --> 01:10:49.840
They can't switch it off, they can't switch off, they can't slow down.
01:10:50.159 --> 01:10:59.600
Uh, and that's a challenge, I think, because it's a mistake we've fallen into that I have to be constantly doing something in order to feel like I'm giving value.
01:10:59.760 --> 01:11:12.960
But actually, a lot of the insights and breakthroughs people have had in their life have come from the moments where they've been still, when they've been silent and where they've gone inwards, not constantly outwards chasing something.
01:11:13.199 --> 01:11:23.439
Yeah, and all geniuses, geniuses will say, when I was lying on the grass looking at a tree, when I was in my rocking chair, when I was sleeping, that's when I got my best ideas.
01:11:23.520 --> 01:11:26.399
It's not when you're doing, it's when you're being, because you're a human being.
01:11:26.479 --> 01:11:29.439
You're not a human being, you're supposed to be as much as do.
01:11:30.479 --> 01:11:35.359
What three habits would you tell someone to start immediately if they want to change their life?
01:11:35.520 --> 01:11:36.800
I want to change my life.
01:11:36.960 --> 01:11:38.960
I'm here with the energy expert.
01:11:39.119 --> 01:11:43.760
Give me three habits I should acquire today to start that change.
01:11:44.000 --> 01:11:48.720
Number one, make daily movement a habit straight away.
01:11:49.199 --> 01:11:57.520
Because what I love about daily movement, whether you're doing a workout or you're exercising, is you're showing your body that you can do hard things.
01:11:57.760 --> 01:12:03.840
You know, if you go for a run, if you lift weights, if you do any sort of training, you have to push yourself.
01:12:03.920 --> 01:12:06.079
Yeah, you're putting yourself out of your comfort zone.
01:12:06.239 --> 01:12:20.399
So by committing yourself to daily movement, that not only creates an energy in your mental state, because when you come out of a um, you know, really intense session, the way you approach a challenge in a day is vastly different.
01:12:20.479 --> 01:12:21.920
So if you haven't moved your body.
01:12:22.079 --> 01:12:22.239
Okay.
01:12:22.399 --> 01:12:23.840
Because you approach it in a very different way.
01:12:23.920 --> 01:12:24.720
So that's the first thing.
01:12:24.960 --> 01:12:27.680
And while you're doing it, don't say it's how I'd say it's unfamiliar.
01:12:27.920 --> 01:12:28.880
And it would get familiar.
01:12:29.199 --> 01:12:36.960
Second thing, second thing I would say is think about how you can add value to someone's life today, however small.
01:12:37.439 --> 01:12:39.520
Think about how you can add value to someone's life.
01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:56.640
Because the more value you can bring into other people's life, then I found in my own journey success becomes a hell of a lot easier because you are putting yourself into a position where people want you in the circle, where people see that you are someone of value and they want to help you back.
01:12:56.800 --> 01:12:58.319
It's it's a law of reciprocity.
01:12:58.640 --> 01:13:05.439
And of course, when you define yourself as a person of value, your sense of self-worth and self-esteem and self-value go up.
01:13:05.680 --> 01:13:06.800
When you don't, they go down.
01:13:06.880 --> 01:13:15.760
So if you can say I'm a person who brings value, you increase your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-image, your self-confidence.
01:13:15.920 --> 01:13:16.880
What's the third one?
01:13:17.199 --> 01:13:28.000
Third one, and this is one that uh my daughter has taught me, is as we grow up, we are quick to plan like adults, but we forget to dream like children.
01:13:28.079 --> 01:13:28.319
Yeah.
01:13:28.560 --> 01:13:32.319
So it's not to lose that childlike wonder and curiosity.
01:13:32.560 --> 01:13:33.039
I love that.
01:13:33.199 --> 01:13:45.760
Because I think that if you can maintain that sense of wonder, that desire to follow through with what you're curious about, then you create almost a uh this is a term that I shared recently called the wormhole effect.
01:13:46.159 --> 01:13:50.960
You create this wormhole effect of getting to where you want to be faster than most people.
01:13:51.279 --> 01:13:59.359
Now, if you if you study physics, the concept of a wormhole is when we go from one point to another, typically it's through a linear line.
01:13:59.600 --> 01:14:07.439
But a wormhole is a shortcut via time and space where if you were to fold that paper, you're at that point instantaneously.
01:14:08.239 --> 01:14:09.840
Now that's the wormhole effect.
01:14:10.239 --> 01:14:14.800
How do you go from where you are to where you want to be in a much shorter time frame than most people?
01:14:15.039 --> 01:14:28.960
And that is through the energy of curiosity and creativity, that desire to see the world through the lens of a child, to question things, to put yourself out there without worrying about what people will say.
01:14:29.199 --> 01:14:32.319
And did you know the word cure comes from the word curiosity?
01:14:32.560 --> 01:14:33.039
I didn't know.
01:14:33.279 --> 01:14:34.800
Yeah, the Latin for to care.
01:14:34.880 --> 01:14:37.520
So as a therapist, there's one get curious.
01:14:37.680 --> 01:14:38.800
What happened to me?
01:14:38.960 --> 01:14:39.920
Why do I do that?
01:14:40.079 --> 01:14:43.520
Why do I think that when you get curious, yeah, you get the cure?
01:14:43.760 --> 01:14:44.159
Absolutely.
01:14:44.399 --> 01:14:45.520
The more curious you are.
01:14:45.680 --> 01:14:49.279
So I like my clients to say, rather than oh my god, what am I going to find out?
01:14:49.520 --> 01:14:52.319
Do you know I'm really interested to find out what happened to me.
01:14:52.479 --> 01:14:54.159
And how did that shape me?
01:14:54.319 --> 01:14:55.600
How did that mold me?
01:14:55.680 --> 01:14:57.039
How did that define me?
01:14:57.199 --> 01:15:00.079
So if you want to get cured, get curious.
01:15:00.319 --> 01:15:01.520
And it helps me so much.
01:15:01.760 --> 01:15:05.439
You know, I know a lot of people fall into this trap of comparison.
01:15:05.680 --> 01:15:12.800
They look at other people free for joy, they look at what other people are doing, they compare where they are relative to them, and they can feel depressed.
01:15:12.880 --> 01:15:13.039
Yeah.
01:15:13.199 --> 01:15:21.520
But what I say, instead of looking at what other people are doing and comparing yourself, look at them with curiosity because then the value you get from that is very different.
01:15:21.760 --> 01:15:24.319
Yeah, because people who make it leave crude, what are they doing?
01:15:24.399 --> 01:15:28.159
They're probably posting 15 times a day, they're probably out of their comfort zone.
01:15:28.239 --> 01:15:30.640
They're doing, they have a growth mindset.
01:15:30.800 --> 01:15:34.640
So they're not better than you, but they probably are doing more than you.
01:15:34.880 --> 01:15:38.960
And the thing they're doing more is they're not letting the fear of failure hold them back.
01:15:39.119 --> 01:15:44.000
They're saying, I must, I've got to, I'm going to, I'll never know if I don't try.
01:15:44.239 --> 01:15:50.880
Here's my very last question: what qualities would we have to take on to be magnetic and influential, but not manipulative?
01:15:51.199 --> 01:15:58.720
I I would say the quality that I found that makes people the most magnetic, at least to me, is vulnerability.
01:15:58.880 --> 01:15:59.199
Yeah.
01:15:59.680 --> 01:16:04.319
Because I think when someone can be vulnerable, there is an authenticity about it.
01:16:04.720 --> 01:16:07.199
Um, it's one thing I've been trying to get more people to do.
01:16:07.359 --> 01:16:16.000
You you know, someone said to me recently, if I was doing an interview to see who would have the potential to be a great leader, what question would I ask them?
01:16:16.319 --> 01:16:20.239
And the question I would ask would be when was the last time you asked for help?
01:16:20.399 --> 01:16:20.560
Yeah.
01:16:20.880 --> 01:16:28.560
Because many leaders don't ask for help because they think they should know everything and they feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness.
01:16:28.640 --> 01:16:28.880
Yeah.
01:16:29.119 --> 01:16:33.199
When actually vulnerability for me is the path to connection, that's how we connect with people.
01:16:33.520 --> 01:16:39.039
Yeah, the basis of all relationships is we choose people who share our vulnerabilities.
01:16:39.199 --> 01:16:43.439
If you pretend you're perfect, you don't need anyone, you'll be lonely and dissatisfied.
01:16:43.600 --> 01:16:47.600
And also when you're vulnerable, you give people the permission to help you.
01:16:47.840 --> 01:16:50.159
And people love to care, they like to help you.
01:16:50.239 --> 01:16:54.000
So if you're not vulnerable, you're going to be very alone.
01:16:54.239 --> 01:16:59.199
And that's what I found connecting me to people when they were vulnerable, when people allowed me to be vulnerable.
01:16:59.359 --> 01:17:10.479
I've been in rooms um where all of us in a room would open up about our challenges, our worries, and that just shifted the energy in a room.
01:17:10.720 --> 01:17:13.039
People would stand up and say, I can help you.
01:17:13.119 --> 01:17:14.640
I know someone you should speak to.
01:17:14.800 --> 01:17:20.319
Um, I know someone you should uh have a conversation with, or you should do you should do an interview with this person.
01:17:20.399 --> 01:17:22.319
You know, people were just jumping up to help.
01:17:22.479 --> 01:17:26.560
And what it showed me is that people love to help, they just need to know how.
01:17:26.960 --> 01:17:32.399
And they relate to someone who's flawed and made mistakes because they feel that they're on their same wavelength.
01:17:32.560 --> 01:17:33.439
It it makes us human.
01:17:33.680 --> 01:17:37.920
Yeah, but we can't relate to someone who's up there saying I've never done anything wrong, I'm perfect.
01:17:38.079 --> 01:17:38.399
Me.
01:17:38.640 --> 01:17:39.199
Absolutely.
01:17:39.439 --> 01:17:40.479
Well, you've been amazing.
01:17:40.560 --> 01:17:41.840
Where can we get your book?
01:17:42.079 --> 01:17:54.239
Oh, you can get it in all the major retailers, Amazon uh and and and the like, and uh I hope people enjoy it and uh they come out of it with the energy to live a more intentional and purposeful life.
01:17:54.560 --> 01:17:56.800
And where can we find some of your amazing talks?
01:17:56.960 --> 01:18:00.399
I know you give it like me, you give a lot of free stuff on YouTube to help people.
01:18:00.960 --> 01:18:02.079
Check out my YouTube channel.
01:18:02.159 --> 01:18:05.199
Um, my Instagram handle is at Simon Alexandero.
01:18:05.439 --> 01:18:05.520
Okay.
01:18:05.840 --> 01:18:11.840
And I send a weekly newsletter on my website uh with some of my latest insights and lessons.
01:18:12.560 --> 01:18:13.680
Thank you, Simon.
01:18:13.920 --> 01:18:15.039
You're a real giver.
01:18:15.119 --> 01:18:20.479
You know, people come onto this podcast and they have the energy of someone who wants to give and share, and I love that.
01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:21.600
So thank you so much.
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I love your book, I love your podcast.
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So by Simon's book, by my book, and you can become the very best version of you and pay attention to the energy of every word you are using.
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And if it doesn't feel good, change it.
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We'll speak every day.
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So changing your words is not work, it's something you do.
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Do it better, and you'll get better and be better, not sometimes, all the time.
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Thanks for tuning in.
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See you next time.
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Thank you, Simon, so much.
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Thank you so much.