Full Transcript for The SURPRISING Reason Why You SELF-SABOTAGE Everything

minute with me, just close your eyes and imagine if I got a bracelet and each bead lists a little statement I make about myself. 00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:26.560 I'm too old, I'm not a perfect ten, I'm not qualified, I'm not good enough. 00:02:26.800 --> 00:02:34.319 And all these beads add up, and these are the experience you're using, and you don't like it, how could we change it? 00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:37.520 So this podcast is just about words. 00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:40.479 I found something extraordinary in my life. 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:44.319 That if I changed one word, I could change everything. 00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:45.840 And it happened when I was in hospital. 00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:52.560 I'd been run over, I'd had surgery, and the nurses kept coming in with trays of drugs, bags of drugs, saying, You in pain? 00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:55.599 I'm like, no, I'm in discomfort. 00:02:55.759 --> 00:02:56.800 Are you suffering? 00:02:57.280 --> 00:02:59.680 No, I'm in discomfort. 00:02:59.759 --> 00:03:07.039 And changing the word pain to discomfort, suffering to discomfort, told in my brain, well, if I'm not in pain, I don't need drugs. 00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:12.560 If I'm in discomfort, I can actually get comfortable, I can move myself around and go to sleep. 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:23.759 So I've switched out that word for if I never say I'm in pain, I've got a chronic headache, I've got the worst migraine in the world, I've got the most terrible, horrible cold. 00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:29.439 I've got a heavy cold, because the words you put in front of words amplify them, which is good. 00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:32.080 Who wants to amplify a headache or a cold? 00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:40.800 So I invite you to stop saying pain and say instead discomfort, suffering, discomfort, stress, discomfort. 00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:46.000 And if you have a headache, don't say got a chronic headache, say I've got a mild headache, a little something. 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:49.199 I got a horrible cold, I got a mild niggle. 00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:52.560 Your words shape your reality. 00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:58.319 And amazing, when you just change one word, you actually change your reality. 00:03:58.479 --> 00:04:01.439 So the first one is switch pain to discomfort. 00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:04.400 Someone wrote and said, Hey Marissa, I heard you say that. 00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:07.520 Couldn't believe it, but I did it, and you know what? 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:16.160 I actually have come off most of my medication because I've stopped saying I'm in pain, which is permanent, and discomfort is temporary. 00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:18.399 Here's another word I would love for you to change. 00:04:18.480 --> 00:04:20.399 How often do you say it's hard? 00:04:20.639 --> 00:04:26.800 It's so hard being a parent, it's so hard being married, it's so hard. 00:04:27.040 --> 00:04:34.480 This commute to work is hard, or it's so difficult managing a team, difficult raising teenagers.

00:04:34.720 --> 00:04:39.279 If you switch the word hard to unfamiliar, something magical happens. 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:41.680 Hard is permanent. 00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:44.160 Unfamiliar becomes familiar. 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:47.680 I had a Blackberry phone, I got it out of recently and thought, you know what? 00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:51.519 I don't even know how to operate this BlackBerry, but I used it for years. 00:04:51.600 --> 00:04:58.560 But when I got my Apple phone, operating that became familiar, the Blackberry became unfamiliar. 00:04:58.959 --> 00:05:00.560 So never say it's hard. 00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:08.319 It's hard to learn to code, it's hard to do therapy on yourself, it's hard to find the time, say it's unfamiliar. 00:05:08.560 --> 00:05:15.439 Think about the things in your life that were once hard, driving a car, using your phone, starting a new job, being a parent. 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:17.199 These things were hard. 00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:27.519 Raising a tiny newborn baby, going out into the world and building your business was hard, but over time it just became familiar. 00:05:28.079 --> 00:05:33.279 We resist what is hard, but we go towards what is familiar. 00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:36.959 And the brain loves what is familiar. 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:41.439 So when you say this is just unfamiliar, it becomes familiar. 00:05:41.680 --> 00:05:46.319 And if you want to practice making something amazing, familiar, make it praise. 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:51.920 So I remember someone saying to me when I went to AA, they gave me a mirror and said, look at it and say, I love myself. 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:52.800 I couldn't do it. 00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:54.800 But eventually I did it, and then you know what? 00:05:54.879 --> 00:05:56.480 It became familiar. 00:05:56.800 --> 00:05:59.920 Doing the plank is unfamiliar till it's familiar. 00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:05.199 Putting some silicone on your finger and shoving it in your eye is the most unfamiliar thing you'll ever do. 00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:08.720 But if you do it every day, it becomes familiar. 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:11.279 If you've never gone running, it's unfamiliar. 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:12.560 Then it isn't. 00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:21.120 So I want you to switch the word hard or difficult or even tough to unfamiliar. 00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:29.759 This is unfamiliar because your brain is what I call an evidence-seeking, where when you say it's hard, it finds evidence, it's hard. 00:06:31.040 --> 00:06:32.000 It's so hard being married. 00:06:32.079 --> 00:06:32.560 I said, Really? 00:06:32.720 --> 00:06:34.319 I I found it very hard being single. 00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:44.079 I woke up one day and I was ill and I had to get out of bed and go and get my own medication from the pharmacy when I was really sick, but now my husband will do it all for me. 00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:46.800 If I'm not well, he will make me dinner. 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:49.120 By the way, I don't use the word sick. 00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:53.279 I use the word mildly unwell, because sick is very different. 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:55.120 It's hard having a baby. 00:06:55.279 --> 00:06:56.879 It is, but there's so much love. 00:06:56.959 --> 00:07:01.120 It's much harder to say, you know, I wanted a baby and I never was lucky enough to have one. 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:07.759 So whenever you're saying hard, difficult, tough, change it to this is unfamiliar. 00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:09.439 Nothing is hard. 00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:22.800 A lot of stuff is unfamiliar, but when you apply that word, your brain knows that unfamiliar becomes familiar, hard stays hard, difficult stays difficult, unfamiliar becomes familiar. 00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:26.800 And here's my favorite, favorite, favorite word switch. 00:07:27.360 --> 00:07:30.959 I want becomes I require. 00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:45.680 It's a word when you're wanting, you're always wanting, it's a word of lack. 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:51.759 When you say I require, this evidence-seeking robot goes into action. 00:07:52.000 --> 00:07:53.199 Don't say I want love. 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:57.519 Say I require the love of someone who adores me and is adored by me. 00:07:57.839 --> 00:08:02.959 I want a promotion, I require the kind of job where I'm noticed and valued. 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:09.519 If you've ever known or wished that you were capable of more, this might interest you for 40 years. 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:15.680 I've used the same techniques with royalty, with CEOs, some of the most successful people in the world. 00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:18.720 And what I've learned in that time is this. 00:08:19.040 --> 00:08:24.800 So many people are held back by the very same core beliefs without ever realizing that they're there. 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:29.120 Beliefs formed so long ago that they now shape everything you do. 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:43.200 And when you understand the core of those beliefs and change them at a subconscious level, everything changes your confidence, your relationships, your health, your wealth, your happiness, your joy, your success in life. 00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:46.399 And that's why I created upgrade your life. 00:08:46.639 --> 00:08:52.159 Twelve weeks of life coaching with me using the same tools I use with my private clients. 00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:55.840 It's very hard to even get a session with me today because I'm so busy. 00:08:56.000 --> 00:09:02.159 But when you come to upgrade your life, I'm working with you live as if you are my own private client. 00:09:02.399 --> 00:09:06.799 So if you're ready to make a change, this is your sign to get started. 00:09:07.039 --> 00:09:13.919 Click the link up here or in the description to register for a free information video and find out more. 00:09:14.080 --> 00:09:15.120 I can't wait to see that. 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:22.799 Thanks for tuning in. 00:09:23.039 --> 00:09:24.000 Hope to see you there. 00:09:24.240 -->

00:09:37.440 I was giving a talk recently and somebody wrote and said, Hey, I heard you talk about switching out want to require, and I came home and I changed my vision board and I changed all my affirmations to require, crossed out want. 00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:41.919 Someone had owed me money for five years within two weeks, the check appeared. 00:09:42.080 --> 00:09:45.600 Because I began to say, I require that person to pay me back. 00:09:45.919 --> 00:09:48.240 I require that debt to be repaid. 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:50.799 Not want, require. 00:09:51.200 --> 00:10:03.200 And when you say what I require of myself is to get a promotion, make more money, have a beautiful, loving relationship, you action your brain to take action. 00:10:03.360 --> 00:10:06.879 Your brain is always moving forwards. 00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:10.000 And the word require sets off action. 00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:14.080 The word want just leaves you staying in lack forever. 00:10:14.240 --> 00:10:18.480 So stop saying want and say require, I require, I require. 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:21.360 Somebody said to me, you know, I heard you speak. 00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:25.840 I wouldn't say I want to go to sleep, I must go to sleep, I need to be asleep now. 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:32.960 So I started to say, I require sleep to come to me, and to stay with me for eight hours. 00:10:33.360 --> 00:10:34.000 And it was amazing. 00:10:34.080 --> 00:10:36.399 It changed I had insomnia, and then I just didn't. 00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:39.759 I was saying, I want to go to sleep, I must go to sleep. 00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:41.120 I'm trying to go to sleep. 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:50.000 I said, I require sleep to come to me now and to stay with me for eight hours or until my required wake-up time. 00:10:50.240 --> 00:11:01.200 See your brain is very literal, the way you feel about everything, and I do mean everything is just down to two things, the words you form and the pictures you construct. 00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:05.759 So imagine you say this, I'm trying to fall asleep. 00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:08.960 That is so confusing to your brain. 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:13.679 Trying is a misdirect, it implies failure. 00:11:14.000 --> 00:11:16.159 And falling is something we fear. 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:17.919 We're born with a fear of falling. 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:23.279 Go and stand at a high building and look down, and your legs and stomach will do their own thing. 00:11:23.600 --> 00:11:26.559 So don't say I'm trying to fall asleep. 00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:31.120 Say I require sleep to come to me now. 00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:34.799 So the word require is an action word. 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:37.919 The word wanting is an inaction word. 00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:40.879 And let's go back to that word trying. 00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:44.559 I've had great success in helping women conceive. 00:11:44.639 --> 00:11:46.480 I've written a book about it. 00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:50.159 And this means I'm trying to get pregnant. 00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:52.000 And that's very confusing. 00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:53.919 Trying implies failure. 00:11:54.159 --> 00:11:56.720 And getting pregnant doesn't mean a thing. 00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:02.320 I'm trying to fall pregnant is even more confusing because trying is a misdirect, implies failure. 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:04.320 Our great fear is of falling. 00:12:04.399 --> 00:12:09.200 We're born with only two fears, the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:13.440 And pregnant, you can have eight pregnancies and never have a baby. 00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:30.639 But if you say to your brain, I require to conceive a perfect baby, I require to conceive a perfect, healthy baby, to have a perfect, healthy full-term pregnancy, and to raise that beautiful baby and to have a lovely relationship for the rest of my life. 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:35.519 I require my body to conceive a perfect, healthy baby. 00:12:35.919 --> 00:12:46.720 That makes an image you can go towards trying to fall pregnant, makes an image that your brain doesn't understand and it can't take you to what it does not understand. 00:12:47.039 --> 00:12:53.120 You see, you don't try to brush your teeth, you don't try to eat dinner, you don't try to drink your coffee. 00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:57.440 If I said to someone, hey, I'm having a lunch, would you like to come? 00:12:57.519 --> 00:12:58.480 They go, I'll try. 00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:00.240 I already know they're not coming. 00:13:00.720 --> 00:13:02.720 Would you like to have dinner with me next week? 00:13:02.799 --> 00:13:03.840 I'll try. 00:13:04.159 --> 00:13:05.600 I know they're not coming. 00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:07.600 I'm gonna give you a free session. 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:08.399 Would you like it? 00:13:08.480 --> 00:13:09.919 I'll try to be there. 00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:13.679 Because trying is very, very trying. 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:16.159 Trying implies failure. 00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:21.840 So go through your affirmations, go through your manifestations, go through your workbook. 00:13:21.919 --> 00:13:23.679 How many times do you say try and try? 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:27.200 I'll try to say I'm doing it. 00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:32.080 Do not say try because the word trying implies failure. 00:13:32.159 --> 00:13:33.120 It's a misdirect. 00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:36.240 A hypnotist will say, try to open your eyes and notice they're glued shut. 00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:38.799 You go, wow, can't open my eyes. 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:45.120 If they said open your eyes, you would open them, but try to open them means it's hard. 00:13:45.279 --> 00:13:46.799 It implies failure. 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:49.759 So just replace that word trying with doing. 00:13:49.919 --> 00:13:51.679 I'm gonna try to get a better job. 00:13:51.840 --> 00:13:53.600 I'm getting a better job. 00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:57.360 I'm gonna try dating again, I'm finding love. 00:13:57.759 -->

00:14:03.120 I'm gonna try to get back that money or to get a pay rise. 00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:04.720 I'm doing it. 00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:08.240 So these things are all very, very simple. 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:18.240 You would never say I'm trying to be confident, I'm trying to find love, I'm trying to build my business, but we do use those words. 00:14:18.320 --> 00:14:23.679 And even in Star Wars, he says, you don't try, you do, or you don't do. 00:14:23.759 --> 00:14:26.799 So you're either doing it or trying it. 00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:28.159 Just banish the word try. 00:14:28.399 --> 00:14:31.440 In fact, if you want to get an Olympic record, you can say try. 00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:34.320 But other than that, you might say I'm trying out a new recipe. 00:14:34.399 --> 00:14:40.080 But other than that, if it's about you, your desires, your requests, do not say try. 00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:46.240 Let's move on to another word that in changing it will change your entire life. 00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:49.600 And here it is, I have to. 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:52.080 I have to go to work. 00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:58.720 I have to make dinner for the kids, I have to visit my parents, I have to have this meeting with my boss. 00:14:59.039 --> 00:15:01.440 Have to implies you are stuck. 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:03.840 It even implies you're trapped. 00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:06.159 I have to write that report. 00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:15.279 But when you say I get to, I get to make dinner for my children, I get to visit my parents, I get to write that report. 00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:21.600 When I wrote my first book, I'm now writing my eighth one, I said, Oh, I have to sit alone and write this book. 00:15:21.759 --> 00:15:25.279 And my brain said that's very solitary, no fun in there. 00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:32.559 And I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to tidy up my sock drawer, to put all the books on, to do anything except write that book. 00:15:32.799 --> 00:15:43.279 When I said I get to write a book, I get to spend all day on Sunday writing a book, I get to have that book published, I get to be a published author. 00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:46.559 And the word author actually means authority. 00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:50.639 So just by switching, I have to do I get to. 00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:54.399 I get to go to work. 00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:58.080 I get to meet my boss, I get to speak to people. 00:15:58.240 --> 00:15:59.440 It's very different to have to. 00:15:59.600 --> 00:16:00.879 Have to is trapped. 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:02.320 Get to is freedom. 00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:05.679 Have to is stuck, get to is a choice. 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:11.200 So switch out, I have to to I get to. 00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:14.960 And here's another word I love, and it's called going through it. 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:17.279 I have a terrible cold. 00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:23.519 I've got the flu, I've got a migraine, I've got period pain. 00:16:23.600 --> 00:16:28.639 If you say I'm going through my period, and it's really nothing at all. 00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:34.000 I'm going through a mild niggly cold, I'm going through IVF. 00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:41.679 Going through indicates it has an ending, and the brain can cope with anything, even pain, if it has an ending. 00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:46.480 Weirdly, people who are sentenced are better than people who are waiting in remand. 00:16:46.960 --> 00:16:50.000 Because the brain doesn't like uncertainty. 00:16:50.159 --> 00:17:03.919 So when you say I'm going through a cold, I'm going through the menopause, I'm going through IVF, I'm going through a transition at work, I'm going through a relationship ending, I'm going through a divorce, it says this has an ending. 00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:10.240 When you say I'm suffering with a cold, I have a cold, I'm in a divorce. 00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:16.880 So when you're in something that you don't particularly like, so I'm going through it. 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:20.400 I had cancer twice and saying I'm going through this. 00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:22.640 Told my brain this is going to end. 00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:24.720 But I'm not going anywhere. 00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:28.480 I'm going through a treatment and it's super effective. 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:31.680 I'm going through a break of a relationship. 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:34.480 I'm going through it and it has an ending. 00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:37.039 We can cope with anything, even pain. 00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:40.240 We can cope with change if we can see the ending. 00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:44.960 But when it there's no ending, we feel hopeless, helpless, and trapped. 00:17:45.039 --> 00:17:50.640 So never say I'm stuck, I'm suffering, I have. 00:17:51.359 --> 00:17:53.759 So I'm going through something. 00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:54.960 I'm going through it. 00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:56.240 It's really nothing at all. 00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:57.519 It's just a blip. 00:17:57.680 --> 00:17:59.519 I'm going through it. 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:03.200 This is probably my favorite word to use all the time. 00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:05.039 I am safe. 00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:11.119 If you can signal to this robot here that you are safe, your life will change in every area. 00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:26.400 You see, you might think you're super modern, you get a wee govy taxi, and it's all so great, but in here you're very primitive, you have ancient beliefs, and your brain doesn't care if you're slim, healthy, having an organic diet and making a fortune. 00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:28.640 It cares if you are safe. 00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:31.359 And all of our fears to do with not being safe. 00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:35.119 I'm scared of speaking in public in case people laugh at me. 00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:38.799 I'm scared of letting someone love me in case they dump me. 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:44.640 I'm scared of going in an elevator or a plane or on a motorway, a freeway because I'm not safe. 00:18:44.720

--> 00:18:49.759 I'm scared of bees or dogs, because I'm not safe, even spiders. 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:53.039 So I want you to think, you know, I am safe. 00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:57.039 I cannot go to spider and go, it's over there, it's much more scared of me. 00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:59.279 Bees, if I keep still, they just leave. 00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:04.160 An aeroplane is actually safer than a car ride statistically. 00:19:04.319 --> 00:19:07.440 Elevators are safe, and I have a phone I can call somebody. 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:13.440 When you can signal to this software up here that you're safe, your life will change. 00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:14.640 So let's do that. 00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:19.200 Now I want you to close your eyes and I want you to repeat these very words. 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:23.839 I am safe to walk through the world as myself. 00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:27.119 I'm safe to be me. 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:31.039 I'm safe to let love in. 00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:34.160 I am safe to give and receive love. 00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:41.359 I'm safe to find my gift, develop my gift, and share it with the world. 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:44.000 I'm safe to be seen. 00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:50.160 You see, this signaling to your brain that you're safe is not about is the door locked, is the alarm on. 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:53.279 It's about am I safe to be myself? 00:19:53.440 --> 00:19:55.680 Am I safe to share my hopes and dreams? 00:19:55.839 --> 00:19:56.720 Am I safe? 00:19:57.599 --> 00:19:59.200 And safety comes from you. 00:19:59.359 --> 00:20:00.799 Safety is a choice. 00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:03.279 So let's do it again. 00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:07.119 And I want you to sustain it, affirm it, embody it. 00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:11.920 I am safe to walk through the world as myself. 00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.799 I'm safe to be me. 00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:19.440 I'm safe to share my hopes and desires. 00:20:20.079 --> 00:20:25.359 I'm safe to let you love me and I'm safe to love you back. 00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:29.039 I'm safe to share my opinions. 00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:31.359 I'm safe to use my voice. 00:20:31.519 --> 00:20:34.079 I am safe to be seen and heard. 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:36.880 And I want you to add in. 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:40.240 I want you to give me five more. 00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:41.359 I am safe. 00:20:42.319 --> 00:20:46.640 I'm safe to be myself, to express myself. 00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:49.519 I'm safe to make a lot of money. 00:20:49.839 --> 00:20:52.720 I'm safe to have my own family. 00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:54.400 I'm safe to drive on the free. 00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:58.000 Whatever it is, I want you to say five, I am safe. 00:20:58.079 --> 00:20:59.599 So I'll start, you end it. 00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:03.839 I am safe to complete that sentence. 00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:10.079 I am safe to and just three more. 00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:15.039 I am safe to and just one more. 00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:17.680 I am safe too. 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:20.319 Safety is a choice. 00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:22.240 I'm gonna tell you a funny story. 00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:31.039 I was in Africa and I had a guide called Clive, and he would we were walking and we came across a white rhino and a baby and oh this is amazing. 00:21:31.119 --> 00:21:31.680 Let's track them. 00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:40.559 He said, But if that rhino turns and starts charging us, run in a zigzag, because they can't really see you, they can smell you and hear you and climb a tree. 00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:43.119 And I thought, wow, I can't climb a tree. 00:21:43.200 --> 00:21:44.880 I didn't feel very safe. 00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:53.599 And Clive could see it, and he said to me, as I walk through the valley of death, I feel because I'm the baddest motherfucker in Africa. 00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:54.400 And I loved that. 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:56.319 Oh, I feel safe with Clive. 00:21:56.559 --> 00:21:59.599 He was saying that prayer as I walk through the valley. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:04.480 Of death, I feel it was because I'm the baddest motherfucker here. 00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:10.559 And I felt completely safe, and we tracked the rhino, it didn't charge us, and then we went back to our camp. 00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:14.160 But Clive made me feel safe. 00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:16.079 And being safe is reassuring. 00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:17.119 It's also very sexy. 00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:21.039 I think he had a different girlfriend every week because Clive had to make people feel safe. 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:25.279 He had a gun and he was very ripped, and he was a great guy. 00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:28.079 But he made people feel safe. 00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:34.640 I used to fly from LA to London every ten days, and one day we hit turbulence and the captain said, Please don't worry. 00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:37.119 This is just a little detour to Disneyland. 00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:38.720 We're going to go below the turbulence. 00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:40.480 Only ten minutes, you're safe with me. 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:42.319 And we went, Oh, no one said, I hate that captain. 00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:44.000 Aragon went, wow. 00:22:44.319 --> 00:22:45.519 We're safe. 00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:48.960 When I had cancer, my oncologist said, You're safe with me. 00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:50.240 This is nothing at all. 00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:51.680 You're going to be just fine. 00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:52.880 And I was. 00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:56.559 Being safe is a choice. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:02.880 It's a choice for the words you use, the language you use, and you get to choose it like that bracelet. 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:07.839 The bracelet with all the beads, imagine your beads on your bracelet, I'm safe. 00:23:08.240 --> 00:23:10.640 I choose to believe I'm safe. 00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:12.720 Safety is a choice. 00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:15.519 As I walk through the world, I am safe. 00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:16.799 Do you imagine?

00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:24.960 If these are the words on which you strung your own reality, these are the thread that you string your beads and I'm safe. 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:29.759 Because there is nothing better than signaling to your brain you're safe. 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:32.960 And so many of us don't realize we signal we're unsafe. 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:35.759 I don't want to tell them I'm pregnant in case I lose the baby. 00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:37.920 I don't want to celebrate this in case it goes wrong. 00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:42.720 I don't want to show you my book in case you laugh at it. 00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:46.559 No baby is born saying I'm not going to perform or dance. 00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:49.039 They know they're safe. 00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:59.440 You were born knowing it was safe to be to cry in the middle of the night, to have stuff coming out every orifice of your body and to still think you're worthy of being held and loved. 00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:00.880 So here's a question. 00:24:01.039 --> 00:24:07.039 If you were born knowing you were safe to express yourself, where did it go? 00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:10.079 And how quickly can you get it back? 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:13.759 Because you didn't lose it, you buried it. 00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:21.839 And when you begin to say you're safe, you're unearthing something amazing, your choice in being safe in this world. 00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:25.119 Let's look at just a few other words. 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:30.559 I want you to close your eyes and go, I hope I find love. 00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:34.799 I dream of being successful. 00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:38.559 I wish I could make more money and do it again. 00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:41.359 I hope I find love. 00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:43.599 I dream of success. 00:24:43.920 --> 00:24:46.400 I wish I could make more money. 00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:50.880 See, hoping, dreaming, wishing says to your brain, keep wishing. 00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:52.079 That's all you can do. 00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:55.680 Hope and keep hoping and dream, but it'll never be true. 00:24:55.759 --> 00:25:02.480 When you say the opposite, I am finding love, and love is finding me. 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:04.880 I create success. 00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:06.880 I'm on it, I'm doing it. 00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:10.079 I'm finding love and wealth and success. 00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:12.000 You are actioning it. 00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:14.559 So don't hope or wish your dream. 00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:18.640 Say, I'm getting it, I'm doing it, I'm on it, I'm moving towards it. 00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:20.799 What I want wants me. 00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:24.880 And what I am moving towards is moving towards me. 00:25:25.359 --> 00:25:28.240 Your words will shape your reality. 00:25:28.880 --> 00:25:34.160 If you're unhappy with your reality, go back and look at the words you're using and change them. 00:25:34.480 --> 00:25:36.720 Changing your words changes your life. 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:39.279 Here's the most obvious example of all. 00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:43.359 I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm terrified, I'm excited. 00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:49.759 Imagine you've gone to a fun fair and people are on a ride and they're whizzing down, they're screaming. 00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:55.200 Are they screaming with excitement or happiness or terror? 00:25:55.359 --> 00:25:57.119 Honestly, none of us know. 00:25:58.000 --> 00:26:00.799 Because we can't tell, because it's the same. 00:26:00.880 --> 00:26:03.279 I'm excited, I'm terrified. 00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:05.839 I'm scared, I'm thrilled. 00:26:06.319 --> 00:26:09.119 So never say I'm scared, say I'm excited. 00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:12.559 Yes, I'm about to go for an interview, go on a date. 00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:14.400 And I could say I'm so nervous. 00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:16.559 I could say I'm excited, I'm ready. 00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:19.119 I'm going on a date with someone new. 00:26:19.279 --> 00:26:22.319 I'm going for promotion, I'm going for an interview. 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:24.480 Because you can choose. 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:28.079 Your brain has zero choice. 00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:30.960 It must react to the words you give it. 00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:32.160 It doesn't have a choice. 00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:34.000 You are the one with the choice. 00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:36.160 When you choose, I'm excited. 00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:37.519 I'm ready. 00:26:37.759 --> 00:26:42.640 I'm thrilled, I'm elated, I'm delighted rather than I'm scared, I'm terrified. 00:26:43.359 --> 00:26:46.079 I'm excited about going for an audition. 00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:47.920 I'm excited about speaking in public. 00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:50.559 I'm excited about going on a date. 00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:55.519 I'm excited, I'm thrilled about change, I'm elated, I'm delighted. 00:26:56.160 --> 00:27:00.559 The evidence-making robot is your brain will find proof that's true. 00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:10.160 And when you say I'm terrified, I'm so nervous, oh my God, I've got butterflies in my stomach, you will find evidence to make that true. 00:27:10.400 --> 00:27:17.599 Your brain looks for evidence, that's its job, and your job is to give it good evidence, solid evidence that's positive. 00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:23.519 Hoping, wishing, dreaming are evidence that this is something outside of you. 00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:28.640 I'm on it, I'm doing it, I'm actioning, is that you are doing it. 00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:30.640 No third party is required. 00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:33.200 Of course, your boss is going to give you that job. 00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:38.880 The third party is the date you're going on, but you don't need to hope or wish. 00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:42.319 You have all the power to make it work. 00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:45.519 So let's move from I can't to I can. 00:27:46.240 --> 00:27:50.079 I can't do it, I can't change, it's just the way I am. 00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:50.960 Well, that's not

true. 00:27:51.039 --> 00:27:53.839 For the minute you were born, you are changing. 00:27:54.240 --> 00:28:03.279 And when you welcome change and see every change is change for the better, and say, I can, I can welcome aging, I can welcome every stage. 00:28:03.519 --> 00:28:08.319 Every stage is a dream that's dying or one that is coming to birth. 00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:12.400 When my daughter left home to go to college, I could have cried. 00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:17.759 Maybe I did a bit, but I took my four-wheel drive and bought a sports car. 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:19.119 I thought, well, I'm free now. 00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:20.960 I love my daughter, but I'm free. 00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:24.319 I don't need to have a big car anymore to ferry around kids. 00:28:24.559 --> 00:28:28.400 Actually, she came back a lot, but it was okay. 00:28:29.680 --> 00:28:31.039 Look at your life. 00:28:31.279 --> 00:28:35.920 Every stage is a dream that's dying, or something that's coming to birth. 00:28:36.160 --> 00:28:41.200 What is the dream that's dying and what is the new thing that you are birthing? 00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:49.359 So I can to, I can't, I can do this, I can speak in public, I can let love in. 00:28:49.759 --> 00:28:51.680 I can remember stuff. 00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:59.599 You know, my daughter was very little, and I take her to school, we'd get to the game, she'd go, Mummy, but she goes, I've forgotten my swimming cause. 00:28:59.920 --> 00:29:00.880 Mummy, I've forgotten. 00:29:01.039 --> 00:29:02.400 I said, darling, what have you remembered? 00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:07.680 She goes, I remembered my swimming stuff, I remembered my book, I remembered my art. 00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:10.799 So never say, What have I forgotten? 00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:14.640 As you get to the door and turn back, say, what have I remembered? 00:29:14.720 --> 00:29:20.160 I just got I turned back for my keys, my parcel, my wallet, my phone charger. 00:29:20.799 --> 00:29:21.839 What have I remembered? 00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:23.200 Signals, I've got a great memory. 00:29:23.359 --> 00:29:24.000 What have I forgotten? 00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:26.000 Signs, I've got an awful memory. 00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:27.680 Everything is a reframe. 00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:32.160 When you reframe words, you reframe your life. 00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:41.359 So many years ago, a client came to see me and said, you know, I'm having a terrible, I've got cancer, and I cannot go in the MRI scanner. 00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:48.480 In fact, when I go in it, I get so terrified and I have a panic attack, and they've got to bring me out because I'm shaking. 00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:50.720 And in a scanner, you have to be very still. 00:29:50.799 --> 00:29:52.240 And I said, Okay, well, tell me. 00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:56.880 When you go in the scanner, you're thinking a thought. 00:29:57.279 --> 00:30:00.559 Remember, everything you feel is the thoughts you think the worse. 00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:01.759 You said, Yeah. 00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:07.279 I imagine I'm dead and I'm in the crematorium in my coffin, being cremated. 00:30:07.359 --> 00:30:16.720 I'm like, wow, well, no wonder you feel anxious because you're in a scanner going to have your body scanned, and you tell your brain, Well, I'm going to be dead soon. 00:30:16.960 --> 00:30:20.559 I'm going to be going into the crematorium in a coffin. 00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:21.759 It's going to feel just like this. 00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:27.599 Because as the scanner sloured into the machine, he compared it to being cremated. 00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:30.799 And I said, We've got to stop using that word. 00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:35.920 Why don't you say, I always want 20 minutes for myself, and here I am, I've got 20. 00:30:36.160 --> 00:30:37.119 I can lie in that scanner. 00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:40.160 I've got 20 minutes to myself, I can just lie here and chill. 00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:41.920 Or I could say, you know what? 00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:44.880 This is just like being in my bed at home. 00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:50.400 I'm so chilled, I'm just going to lie here and go to sleep for 20 minutes. 00:30:50.960 --> 00:30:57.039 And I kind of told him the different words to use the different signals to this evidence-seeking robot. 00:30:57.119 --> 00:30:59.119 Because when he said he was trapped, it looked for evidence. 00:30:59.279 --> 00:30:59.920 Get out of there. 00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:05.279 When he said, I'm so chilled I could lie here all day, that became his evidence. 00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:08.480 And actually I didn't tell him, but I was also going through cancer. 00:31:08.640 --> 00:31:12.640 When I said going through it, not sorry, going through cancer, it had an ending. 00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:15.680 And I too was going for some scans. 00:31:16.079 --> 00:31:18.400 And on my next scanning, I was lying in the machine. 00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:21.599 I thought about him, and as I thought about him, all the buzzers went off. 00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:28.079 Because I was thinking, oh yeah, imagine being in a scan, thinking, I'm I'm in my coffin, I'm just about to be cremated. 00:31:28.400 --> 00:31:29.839 My body panicked. 00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:32.480 And then I thought, no, I'm super chilled. 00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:36.319 And I I went backwards and forwards, thinking his thoughts, thinking my thoughts. 00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:39.440 Every time I thought his thoughts, all the buzzers would go off. 00:31:39.680 --> 00:31:42.400 Every time I thought my thoughts, I was very chilled. 00:31:42.720 --> 00:31:46.799 So when you think certain thoughts, you create your reality. 00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:51.839 Stop giving your mind the wrong pictures, the wrong words. 00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:55.200 When you change your words, you change your life. 00:31:55.359 --> 00:31:57.680 This is something so simple, but I really love it. 00:31:57.839 --> 00:32:01.599 When you prefix anything with my, you own

it. 00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:10.160 My headache, my cancer, my greed, my bad temper, my ex, my ex is ruined my life. 00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:11.759 Well, how long you've been divorced? 00:32:11.839 --> 00:32:12.400 Twenty years. 00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:14.240 Well, he's not yours, is he? 00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:15.039 Or she. 00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:19.200 So if you do not want something, don't put my in front of it. 00:32:19.359 --> 00:32:24.319 My fat legs, my bad temper, my headaches, my migraine, my cancer. 00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:30.160 Someone wrote to me and said, you know, I've read this book, and I noticed how much I said, I've got asperges. 00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:34.319 He said, and I feel like you've given me weapons of mass transformation. 00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:36.880 I stopped saying I can't go there because of my aspergers. 00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:37.359 I can't do that. 00:32:37.839 --> 00:32:39.519 He said, I stopped saying it. 00:32:39.759 --> 00:32:40.400 And you know what? 00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:42.160 It's like I feel like I haven't got asperges. 00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:45.680 In three weeks, everything has changed because of one thing. 00:32:45.839 --> 00:32:53.440 I stopped saying my asperges and said, I'm a normal person, I can go to normal places, I can do normal stuff. 00:32:53.599 --> 00:32:57.519 Because he was telling his brain, I have asperges and all the stuff I can't do. 00:32:57.599 --> 00:33:02.559 But if I say I'm normal, look at all the stuff I can do because I'm normal. 00:33:03.039 --> 00:33:05.599 I invite you to do the same. 00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:09.119 My means you won't mean to say, hey, my gift. 00:33:09.599 --> 00:33:13.759 My gift as a therapist, my coding sort of, hey, come to my home. 00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:16.319 Me, my kids, this is my cat. 00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:20.880 But don't talk about my migraine, my headaches, my irritable bowel. 00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:29.680 And if you have something you want to be free of, call it the headache, the irritable bowel, the bad temper, the is ambiguous. 00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:31.680 My means you own it. 00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:34.480 And let's go to one more word, the word loss. 00:33:34.640 --> 00:33:40.079 People talk so much about I must lose weight, I've got to lose weight, I'm trying to lose weight. 00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:43.119 All pain is linked to the word loss. 00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:44.799 In fact, let's play a game. 00:33:44.880 --> 00:33:47.359 Tell me something great to lose. 00:33:47.599 --> 00:33:55.119 I lost my mind, I lost my memory, I lost my passport, I lost my temper, I lost my job, I lost my client, I lost the baby. 00:33:55.519 --> 00:33:58.720 You see, in ancient times loss was bad. 00:33:58.960 --> 00:34:02.000 If you lost weight, that was being ill. 00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:10.320 In fact, when I was in Africa they called this illness the going skinny, because you tended to lose weight only when you were sick. 00:34:10.559 --> 00:34:17.599 So if

you want to change your weight, you can say I'm dropping weight, shedding weight, discarding weight, but don't say losing. 00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:22.079 If you close your eyes and think of the word losing, do it now with the close your eyes. 00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:26.000 Think of losing, loss, being a loser. 00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:28.480 Loser, loss, losing. 00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:29.599 It's all pain. 00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:34.239 But if you think of shedding or discarding or dropping, it's really much more ambiguous. 00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:42.320 Think of a garden shed, a snake shedding its skin, dropping a cup and it breaking, discarding something I don't want. 00:34:42.960 --> 00:34:46.800 So please don't use the word loss about weight. 00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:50.079 Gain is good, we gain state as a diploma. 00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:52.079 Loss is bad. 00:34:52.400 --> 00:34:55.440 So a lot for you to think of here, but you don't have to do all of this. 00:34:55.599 --> 00:34:56.719 Just pick the favorites. 00:34:56.960 --> 00:35:06.960 My favorites are hard becomes unfamiliar, want becomes require, pain becomes discomfort, and I am safe. 00:35:07.199 --> 00:35:10.559 I had to pick four for you, I'd pick those four. 00:35:10.639 --> 00:35:12.320 But you can pick all of them. 00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:15.599 Ask your family, hey, what do I say the most? 00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:16.559 This is hell. 00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:20.239 Oh, this is a nightmare, this is a disaster, this is driving me mad. 00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:20.880 What are you talking about? 00:35:21.039 --> 00:35:28.719 You're talking about the line in the store you went to buy some food, because you have money to buy food and people that want to eat food with you. 00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:30.480 You're talking about the commute to work. 00:35:30.559 --> 00:35:32.719 It's hell, it's a nightmare. 00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:36.159 It's actually someone else's fantasy dream. 00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:40.000 Come to you got a job, you got a car, you got money for gas. 00:35:40.159 --> 00:35:41.599 I'd love that problem. 00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:52.800 So look at what you describe and remember the way you feel about everything is down to the pictures you make in your head and the words that come out of your mouth, and you are free to change all of them. 00:35:52.880 --> 00:35:57.039 In doing that, you will change your life. 00:35:57.199 --> 00:35:57.920 And one more thing. 00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:59.119 Do you say things shortly? 00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:02.320 You never get home on time. 00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:03.679 You're always late. 00:36:03.840 --> 00:36:05.280 You always forget my birthday. 00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:07.280 You never praise me. 00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:09.119 Because that probably isn't true. 00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:10.159 Always, never. 00:36:10.239 --> 00:36:10.960 So change it. 00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:13.840 You sometimes forget my birthday. 00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:16.960 You sometimes forget to give me a compliment. 00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:22.239 But when you say always and never, you make it again permanent. 00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:25.679 And for something to get you, it has to be what I call PPP. 00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:28.239 Permanent, pervasive, personal. 00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:31.039 So let me tell you one more story, and then we'll wrap up for the day. 00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:33.920 One of my clients said, you know, my life is hell. 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:40.639 Because my four-year-old son gets into bed with us every night, can't get him out of the bed, and it's hell. 00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:43.760 And I said, Well, first of all, it's not hell. 00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:46.960 You know, babies understand something that we forget. 00:36:47.199 --> 00:36:49.599 The more people you sleep with, the safer you are. 00:36:49.920 --> 00:36:59.679 If you see cats and mice and kittens and puppies that all sleep together, in tribal times, we all slept in a group, and the bigger the group, the safer we as the children know. 00:36:59.920 --> 00:37:03.280 If I'm on my mummy and daddy's bed, I'm safer than if I'm on my own. 00:37:03.440 --> 00:37:04.239 They feel it. 00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:06.320 It's an ancient feeling. 00:37:06.719 --> 00:37:08.719 So your kid feels safe with you. 00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:12.400 Secondly, this is not permanent, personal, or pervasive. 00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:17.440 I promise you, in 14 years that kid will not be in your bed, and you'll have new worries. 00:37:17.599 --> 00:37:18.639 Which bed is my son in? 00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:20.639 Is I hope he's having safe sex. 00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:22.960 I hope he's being responsible. 00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:26.719 So it's not permanent in 14 years, your kid will not be in your bed. 00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:29.920 In 10 years, in six years, he will not be in your bed. 00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:31.360 It's not permanent. 00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:32.719 It's not personal. 00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:36.000 All kids want to sleep with their mum and dad to feel safe. 00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:37.440 And it's not pervasive. 00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:41.760 When you're having a lovely bath, a delicious dinner, when you're out with your friends, it's not even going on. 00:37:41.920 --> 00:37:44.480 So look at your issues and ask yourself three things. 00:37:44.639 --> 00:37:45.840 Is this permanent? 00:37:46.079 --> 00:37:47.119 Personal, pervasive. 00:37:47.280 --> 00:37:48.239 My boss is hell. 00:37:48.320 --> 00:37:49.039 Is that permanent? 00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:49.440 No. 00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:50.800 I'm going to get another job. 00:37:50.880 --> 00:37:51.360 Is it personal? 00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:52.480 No, it's like that with everyone. 00:37:52.559 --> 00:37:53.280 Is it pervasive? 00:37:53.360 --> 00:38:00.079 No, when I'm having great sex with my partner or at the movies, it's not actually going on. 00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:03.679 You can change your life by changing your word. 00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:05.119 Start right now. 00:38:05.599 --> 00:38:08.719 You can change it off by saying, is this permanent, personal, pervasive? 00:38:08.800 --> 00:38:09.920 But the answer is no. 00:38:10.159 --> 00:38:10.800 Guess what? 00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:12.159 It can't hurt you. 00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:13.679 Thanks for tuning in. 00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:18.559 Please like, please follow, please subscribe, and please write to me and say, Marissa, I like that. 00:38:19.119 --> 00:38:26.639 But what I really want help with is this, because if you tell me what you want and what you need, I'll do my very best to give it to you. 00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:28.719 Like, subscribe, share. 00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:30.559 Thanks for tuning in. 00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:31.360 Love you. 00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:32.480 See you next time.