Off Script With Aideen

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Music.
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Thank you so much for clicking on Where Do I Start the Podcast.
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This is your one-stop shop for all things adulting, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
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Grab a drink, sit back, and enjoy.
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This week's episode was actually recorded back in May.
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This was before the podcast ever went live, and I was just having a wonderful
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chat with my great friend Aideen.
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We didn't have a particular topic to discuss, but we just thought we would have
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a catch-up and put the world to rights.
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So please excuse the slightly chaotic format, but I hope you still find it enjoyable.
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Welcome to the show, Radia. It's so lovely to have you here.
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Thank you so much. Or as I call you, my honorary life coach via What's That Voice Notes.
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Thanks very much. I mean, they are probably on both sides, less voice notes
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and more podcasts or miniature podcasts in their own right.
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You could probably do a little special episode of the 12 or 15 minute long ones
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we've left each other, but I'm not sure anyone needs to hear that.
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No no I think most of those are best kept between us but you know that's absolutely fine.
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Okay so let's start then where all good catch-ups start.
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What is your current adult status Aileen? Tell us about what you're doing with
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your life at the moment what's going on?
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Well here's the thing Tab I'm on a gap year
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at the ripe old age of 40 so I'm not
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sure I am the best person to be talking about
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adulting but yeah I quit
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my job in August I went to cookery school
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in East Cork here in Ireland for four or three months
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yeah 12 weeks finished up before Christmas and since
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then I have been on a bit of a general potter
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you know just yeah it's been nice it's
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been nice I kind of nice to take a little bit of time off
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uh figure out what the next step is and see where we
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go from here beautiful I'm here for that in fact
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I shall uh I shall raise my glass to you as I said fully unprofessional
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every time I don't know I don't know what I'm doing without
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a drink I don't really know what I'm thinking but here we are I literally
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feel like at some point we're probably going to have to stop so you can go and
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pour something because us without both having a glass in
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our hand does feel kind of weird it feels off
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it feels the equilibrium is off you know but obviously I'm
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trying not to feed into the Irish stereotype too much so sure
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and it is actually I've just realized it is just water
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in that flask so like I think it's important to clarify that
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there's it's not white wine I did use it as
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a white wine cooler at a festival um a year
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ago which I wouldn't recommend as a tip because it tasted of white wine for
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about six months afterwards oh yeah yeah white wine flavored infused water oh
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but yeah okay so uh yeah thank you so much for coming on and uh indulging my
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mad project that I literally have no idea how any of it's gonna go but it's all good fun.
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Hey, can you tell people how we met?
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Can you give us some stories of our little journey together?
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Well, we originally met because I think we both sort of refused to grow up in
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the sense that we were going to a very grown up event, a wedding in the south of France.
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A mutual friend of ours. 2017?
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Yeah, I think. That's it. A mutual friend of ours who I had lived with in London
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and you had known for quite some time going back from your hometown.
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And we were traveling solo. And so we were paired up as roommates and have,
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say, one of the best blind dates, if not the best blind. Oh my God.
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We were the two single Pringles, weren't we? Everybody else was very much couples
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and kids. And we were just like, hey.
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Didn't stop us having a good time. The best time. The best time.
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So, no, it was a great, great little long weekend.
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And then we've just been able to keep in touch since, travel over and back to
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visit each other, get ourselves into varying degrees of, you know, trouble here and there.
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But to the most part butlands butlands that
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was that was a wild ride that's maybe one for
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another day right yeah um i think yeah but yeah i mean i think we're we've yeah
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we've we've had some good times and like you like we mentioned earlier always
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on the other end of a voice note for each other as well which is always great
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yeah so i for one was delighted when this when this podcast idea came up anyway.
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I'm so pleased. So you kind of became my, I don't want to say travel mom,
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because that's not what I mean.
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My travel mentor, because it transpired that I am one, terrified of flying and two,
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just fucking chaotic when it comes to actually going anywhere and turning up
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on the right days and stuff.
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Yeah, there have been some challenges. Like, I mean, For instance,
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you arrived in France a day earlier than expected with no accommodation.
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Fortunately, the other adults had sorted that. Yeah, that had been organized,
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it had been taken care of.
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Did I message you at like 5 a.m. being like, hey, on the way to the airport.
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Can't wait to see you, you know, which was interesting because we'd never seen
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each other before. And then...
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So that was an interesting start to the relationship. And you look,
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I mean, there have been various bits and pieces, but it has to be said,
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I'm not without sin myself. I mean, our first post-COVID trip,
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when we went to the Canaries, you know, 10 p.m.
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On my flights at 6.30 a.m. and 10 p.m.
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The night before I realised that my passport is in the kitchen of my parents'
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house in the west of Ireland, three
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hours down the road, little over 300 kilometers down the road from me.
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So I had to hop in the car, drive straight down, pick it up,
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drive straight to the airport, hop straight on the plane.
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And I think I managed to keep that under wraps until I got out there because
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I knew you'd flown out yourself the night before and you'd been quite nervous
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about flying on your own after COVID.
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But we solved that problem pretty quickly at the bottom of a second.
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We've done very well, I think, actually, considering it's very difficult to
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meet new friends randomly these days i think and we've yeah i feel like we've
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got sort of i mean it's not even like a's and a stars anymore in england there's.
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Numbers i don't know whether it's the good
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one or nine or tens that i've fuck knows but in
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terms of like if you could grade friendships i think
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we are like multi-platinum pretty much i
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would i would agree i mean i do think that despite the travel
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chaos we've always managed to get to and from where we're supposed to
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be at the right time and on the right day so
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yeah i mean it's been great it has
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we've had we've had good times and i'm very hopeful that we'll we'll
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share plenty of stories in uh weeks and months to come that's it
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ah so it's what when i
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said like i am gonna do a podcast i am somebody that kind of just has these
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ideas and whims and things that i decide to do because that's me I can't just
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leave my life to be simple I know I'm just gonna get a puppy oh I'm gonna start
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this I'm gonna all these things what were your initial thoughts about me giving a podcast a go.
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Well, I always, I'm always intrigued by it because I, you know,
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I think there's so many different podcasts out there at the moment.
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And I always wonder like, okay, how do you differentiate them?
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And I think when you told me what the initial premise was, I was like, yeah, that'll work.
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Like, I think it sounded so interesting because I think we do all,
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and I think everyone kind of, you know, Google's there, YouTube's there,
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ChatGPT is the third person in my relationship currently.
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And chat gpt is my camilla parker bills but
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anyway we'll come back to that like so which is
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generational reference that actually not everyone has realized
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okay i don't think anyone under like 40
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ish is gonna listen so i think they can do they
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can ask chat gpt anyway if they don't get it and but
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yeah so and but it's it's still not
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quite the same as hearing it from someone in the first person and
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i think that's the main difference like i think that's what sets it
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apart and I remember discussing it with my partner and
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my sisters and some of my friends and you know everyone was so positive and
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I think so receptive to it and the idea that you would be speaking to people
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within your network or within your broader network that were connected to people
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that you already knew and trusted you know just makes it kind of a valuable
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a valuable source of information I think you know,
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the people who you'll be speaking to aren't necessarily participating for any
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other reason than to kind of share the knowledge that they've acquired over a period of time.
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So, yeah, I think I was really excited. I mean, I was intrigued to see how the
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technology of it would work because I had no idea. And I think it's chronically...
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I mean, I still have none. This, this... We're both here. I mean,
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as to whether this is actually recorded or whether it is just like two little
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tinny alien voices in the midst,
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I have no clue so far fingers crossed we
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keep the fingers crossed but I think you know I think there's common misconception
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that you just press record on your phone and that's and that's it and like the
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one thing I would say is I have I've never been on a podcast before I've never
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participated in one before this is an absolute first for me and despite how much I love to chat.
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But you know i have edited a
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number of videos for various hens and
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birthdays and projects where you
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know you've had to kind of cut down to the highlight reel and
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i don't think people realize how difficult it is to
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really difficult you know what what kind of you'll
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come you might come out with 40 minutes of content but you'll probably you'll
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probably have more that maybe close to two hours that you'll
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have kind of trimmed through to get there and it's it's
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making that clean that I think is so tedious sorry
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I mean I'm sure you'll learn to love it but you
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know what's more tedious is being on the other
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side of an unedited Mr and
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Mrs video like of a chronic dislike for you
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know some of them it's not necessary like
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you know you need to sure keep it sharp keep
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it snappy but I've no doubt that you will I will
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do my best I mean I my friend Ian came
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over today actually and he oh yeah he uh I literally still don't even know what
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he does for a job but he does something sort of IT related sorry Ian I'm really
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bad I still can't even remember what I do most of the time but he very kindly
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because I literally have been through about 12 at.
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Different platforms like it's killed me because
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I still struggle with Microsoft Word you
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know like sometimes it'll just put something in
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a corner and you're like no I'm trying to format this and it
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won't do that and yeah have spent most of
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my life having a meltdown about stuff like that so the idea of actual
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technology is horrendous for me but there's
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there's been quite a steep learning curve which again people that
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kind of do this stuff or understand this stuff won't think
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is a big deal but for me one getting something to
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record two finding how to upload it three
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if it's got video turning it into an mp3 instead
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of whatever editing it without it just
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becoming a complete white noise mess adding in any kind of music or jingles
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that don't sound like a drowned nokia it's it's been it's it is a journey it's
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still a journey i'm not gonna lie I mean we're a few days away from launch and I don't know either.
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Do you know what man though like I think that makes you the perfect person that's
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why you're the perfect person to do something like this because you've picked
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something that you don't know how to do and you've thrown yourself into it and
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you've given yourself the time to try and figure it all out,
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and to see how you can do it, do your best to pull something together and learn
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about it along the way and I think that's probably something that you'll hopefully
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share through the podcast at a later date.
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I mean, Lord. Oh, 100%. If I actually work out how to do this stuff,
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I will fully share it. I mean, the thing is, I'm so late to podcasts.
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It's like, you know, everyone had the smart TVs and Netflix and everything else.
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And I was still pretty much not on the way.
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You were on the terrestrial TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still back there.
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Still watching the ads. I'm an Android user. What can I say?
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But yeah, my brother actually bought me, I was going to say dongle no no a fire stick,
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a fire stick yeah okay it got me got me into the world of like Netflix and everything
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and I was like oh my god what have I been missing out on and kind of caught up with things,
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But yeah, in terms of things like podcasts, they've been around forever.
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As a kid, I loved audiobooks and, you know, like I'm a real bookworm.
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I love hearing it. I love reading it, all that kind of stuff.
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But it was only during COVID, actually, because the only human company I got
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was going to work and dealing with horrendous life emergencies.
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And then coming home and being like, I'm all by myself. I'm just going to do my cleaning.
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And I kind of thought, I actually need to hear a voice. yeah thinking
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okay i'm just gonna start listening to podcasts that's
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kind of how i got into it so i'm only five years
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into podcasts whereas i'm not saying you know
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they've been around an awful lot longer but i'm very behind
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the times but you know what a lot of them
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aren't very good is that
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something i can say oh like i
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i don't know i mean i think there are
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i i i get bored quite easily right okay
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but there's you know and we were even it came up just last
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night we were watching myself and my partner were watching
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a series on one of these you know kind of
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limited edition series on netflix and it had three episodes in it and we were
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like oh brilliant okay like that will bring it down to the brass tacks there'll
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be no repetition and episode two was just a revision of what had happened in
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episode one and i'm like do you know and then like there are some podcasts that
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cover these like cold cases or true crime or something.
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And there's 22 episodes and you're kind of like, this could have been eight.
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This could have been eight really good quality episodes.
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And I just, I kind of lose patience because at the end of the day,
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right, this crime has happened. And if I want to find out who permitted it, just pop it in Google.
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It's either unsolved or some other place is going to tell me in a couple of seconds.
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You know what I mean? So I do, but what I do love is, similar to this,
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that format where actually what you're finding out
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about or what you're hearing about changes ever so slightly or
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you know changes in some way or another and you can kind of dip in
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and out of it like you know that's i think that's
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it like these these you know there are some podcasts that um
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you know kind of the guardian you know guardian the times the irish times sort
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of broadcasters here do where every day they have or every week it's like one
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new documentary or one new kind of snippet 30 minutes on a particular current
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affairs piece and i'm like that i like Because I can decide myself whether I
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want to dip in and out as opposed to...
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100%. And I think, sorry, we're going to run out of battery in a minute.
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So if I disappear, that's why. But we'll...
00:15:00.372 --> 00:15:04.672
It's because I was going to use my laptop and then realized I had to use my phone.
00:15:04.832 --> 00:15:08.212
And I've had to plug my microphone that I've now got because I realized you
00:15:08.212 --> 00:15:11.172
need a microphone for a podcast. You can't just shout at your phone.
00:15:13.272 --> 00:15:17.112
So, yes, if I disappear, that's why. But we will pick this back up shortly.
00:15:17.112 --> 00:15:22.992
But yeah, I really realized that you can be something people dip in and out of.
00:15:23.232 --> 00:15:25.812
Like, it'd be lovely if people want to listen to this every week.
00:15:26.012 --> 00:15:27.992
I'd moderate the language there.
00:15:28.172 --> 00:15:32.732
You can be someone people dip in and out of, but it just depends on...
00:15:33.952 --> 00:15:38.852
Before I joined this room, it was like, Aideen is inside you. I was like, ah.
00:15:41.492 --> 00:15:45.472
On that note, I think we'll take a break just for me to recharge my Android.
00:15:46.112 --> 00:15:50.692
Get you some sort of proper drink. Yeah. Because I would really love you to be drinking with me.
00:15:51.052 --> 00:15:54.792
Okay. I'll be back. I'll give it 15 and I'll just let my Android. Perfect.
00:15:55.092 --> 00:15:58.032
In fact, I should have set up the new one and then we would have been sorted.
00:15:58.252 --> 00:16:02.532
But again, technology. Let's not worry about it. Okay. Bye.
00:16:08.612 --> 00:16:13.972
Oh, welcome back. Oh, great to see you. I'm back and this time I've brought
00:16:13.972 --> 00:16:16.232
a drink. Thank God. Thank God. Yeah.
00:16:16.812 --> 00:16:21.032
I mean, I had tucked mine up, but by the time I'd seen the dogs,
00:16:21.232 --> 00:16:27.152
put the bin out, I'd been checking on my parsley, you know. I actually, come here, right, Kate?
00:16:27.312 --> 00:16:30.392
I have to say those 15 minutes, we were both obviously
00:16:30.392 --> 00:16:33.292
quite productive because you used them to do all of those things
00:16:33.292 --> 00:16:36.112
right okay i put a wash on took stuff out of the freezer
00:16:36.112 --> 00:16:38.972
for the dinner tomorrow okay put the washing up from dinner
00:16:38.972 --> 00:16:41.832
today away what else do you put some
00:16:41.832 --> 00:16:44.772
laundry back upstairs so like you know
00:16:44.772 --> 00:16:47.532
i think that's as pete middle age as
00:16:47.532 --> 00:16:50.692
we get really isn't it like so i am
00:16:50.692 --> 00:16:53.592
absolutely stunned at how this has all
00:16:53.592 --> 00:16:56.632
crept up on me like we've had gorgeous weather
00:16:56.632 --> 00:16:59.692
here and then we've had a few well yesterday
00:16:59.692 --> 00:17:02.412
absolutely poured all day yeah but then
00:17:02.412 --> 00:17:05.532
it's been like oh oh i don't need to get more to the uh mint
00:17:05.532 --> 00:17:10.072
and the subflowers and the you know just getting excited about going out and
00:17:10.072 --> 00:17:16.412
saying if they grow right like i am i tell you i am watching those roses out
00:17:16.412 --> 00:17:24.112
in the back garden like you wouldn't fucking believe right like monitoring them yeah like it's it's.
00:17:24.352 --> 00:17:27.412
A wild time like it's not really anything i ever saw
00:17:27.412 --> 00:17:30.652
myself becoming and yet you can't avoid it no
00:17:30.652 --> 00:17:34.892
i actually so there's a quote that i misattributed to
00:17:34.892 --> 00:17:38.072
and i'm not even joking to have when i say this i
00:17:38.072 --> 00:17:41.712
misattributed this to i thought like voltaire
00:17:41.712 --> 00:17:44.792
or maybe one of the famous greek philosophers okay
00:17:44.792 --> 00:17:50.452
right and the quote is you either die a hero or live long enough to become the
00:17:50.452 --> 00:17:54.572
villain it's from the Dark Knight it's from a fucking Batman movie okay look
00:17:54.572 --> 00:17:59.992
I genuinely thought it was so spot on for so many people and I won't name them
00:17:59.992 --> 00:18:02.952
but like they know who they are,
00:18:03.740 --> 00:18:08.040
But genuinely, I thought it was so profound, so spot on that I was like,
00:18:08.100 --> 00:18:09.320
it has to be a famous person.
00:18:09.620 --> 00:18:13.600
Christopher Nolan, like, just, yeah, that's it. There you go. There you go. Batman.
00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:19.000
Anyway, but that's, you either, like, you either die cool or like Jane's Jean,
00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:24.380
or you live long enough to become your mother, essentially, I think is adaptation of it.
00:18:24.760 --> 00:18:28.980
Yeah, we're back in the room. And, you know, I've charged my phone up to,
00:18:29.180 --> 00:18:33.240
well, it's at a few of these 17% right now, so we've got some time.
00:18:34.280 --> 00:18:39.080
You can probably hear the puppy in the background shrieking at the window.
00:18:39.320 --> 00:18:43.600
So sorry about that. It's typical male behavior trying to steal the spotlight,
00:18:43.740 --> 00:18:46.380
I would say. Me, Paddy. Okay, here we go.
00:18:46.920 --> 00:18:52.120
Yeah. Yeah, so we've got the grown-up female dog who's just chill as anything. Chill.
00:18:52.860 --> 00:18:54.940
And then the little wild one.
00:18:55.800 --> 00:18:59.960
I spend a lot of time up here doing this. And I come up and he kind of comes
00:18:59.960 --> 00:19:04.620
up like, yeah, I'm just going to chill. and then it's kicking off at nothing in the window.
00:19:05.240 --> 00:19:10.420
King baby behavior, but look, he is adorable. Are there any things in terms
00:19:10.420 --> 00:19:15.900
of 2025 so far, like big lessons, big aha moments?
00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:19.620
Are there any kind of light bulb things that have gone on for you this year
00:19:19.620 --> 00:19:23.820
that you suddenly thought, wow, okay, adulting, I'm in it?
00:19:24.980 --> 00:19:29.920
Yeah, yes. I suppose, as I said, you know, I've quit the job.
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:33.220
I've gone back to cookery school and the cookery
00:19:33.220 --> 00:19:36.140
school was always something I wanted to do and it what's
00:19:36.140 --> 00:19:38.980
interesting is like it's probably the second or even the third
00:19:38.980 --> 00:19:41.800
time I've changed career and I always thought going
00:19:41.800 --> 00:19:44.640
into that career change I knew exactly what I wanted to do coming
00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:47.460
out of it and that's just not the case anymore do you
00:19:47.460 --> 00:19:50.320
know so what I went in thinking I wanted to do which was
00:19:50.320 --> 00:19:53.140
probably to work in a kitchen professionally or work
00:19:53.140 --> 00:19:56.220
in a restaurant professionally or something like that you know I the
00:19:56.220 --> 00:19:59.300
kind of more I think about it the more I think that's less likely
00:19:59.300 --> 00:20:02.080
it's something I want to do and possibly something more along
00:20:02.080 --> 00:20:05.340
the lines of kind of food development or you
00:20:05.340 --> 00:20:08.520
know working with startups and you know my background is you
00:20:08.520 --> 00:20:13.780
know I worked in a much larger corporation and kind of in finance and accounting
00:20:13.780 --> 00:20:17.500
for a long time and I think for a lot of food businesses that can be when they're
00:20:17.500 --> 00:20:20.200
starting up where they fall down I think there's potentially a little bit of
00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:25.680
value I can add there and you know I think the really the lesson there is that like.
00:20:26.192 --> 00:20:29.292
You need to give yourself time and space
00:20:29.292 --> 00:20:32.212
to figure it all out and I appreciate I've been
00:20:32.212 --> 00:20:35.352
very lucky I've been able to take the time of work to do that but
00:20:35.352 --> 00:20:38.212
the reality of it is like if you even so much as just
00:20:38.212 --> 00:20:42.832
take a weekend or like a week or something like that where you have to do the
00:20:42.832 --> 00:20:46.872
day-to-day like I mean look the reality is like I might not be working but you
00:20:46.872 --> 00:20:50.872
know you're still busy there's still a lot going on you do have a bit more time
00:20:50.872 --> 00:20:54.792
to think about things but if you prioritize giving yourself that space to have
00:20:54.792 --> 00:20:56.092
a serious think about you know
00:20:56.192 --> 00:21:01.052
what it is that you want from your life um or what it is that makes you happy
00:21:01.052 --> 00:21:06.572
what it is that you know doesn't make you happy or she used that i suppose that
00:21:06.572 --> 00:21:08.232
term what doesn't serve you.
00:21:09.752 --> 00:21:12.532
Um i find it hard to say it with a straight face but
00:21:12.532 --> 00:21:15.432
it is you know i mean the intention or the meaning
00:21:15.432 --> 00:21:18.152
behind it stands i think it
00:21:18.152 --> 00:21:21.072
can be really valuable and i think we often get caught in the hamster
00:21:21.072 --> 00:21:23.812
wheel we don't give ourselves that time and and
00:21:23.812 --> 00:21:27.072
that just really leads to bigger problems down the road but that's
00:21:27.072 --> 00:21:29.952
yeah I suppose that's it and we're 40 we should
00:21:29.952 --> 00:21:32.792
be at home like we we can't keep going out until
00:21:32.792 --> 00:21:35.932
three o'clock in the morning despite best efforts like
00:21:35.932 --> 00:21:38.752
and I do like I'm sorry I'm a hypocrite here
00:21:38.752 --> 00:21:41.512
because like everyone knows what
00:21:41.512 --> 00:21:44.472
I'm up to at the weekends and like it's not sitting at home thinking
00:21:44.472 --> 00:21:47.672
about what I want my best life to look like it's creating problems anyway
00:21:47.672 --> 00:21:50.612
so yeah you've you've made reference
00:21:50.612 --> 00:21:54.192
to turning 40 and we
00:21:54.192 --> 00:21:58.012
did celebrate your birthday it was pretty damn
00:21:58.012 --> 00:22:01.712
spectacular I mean for anyone listening
00:22:01.712 --> 00:22:04.512
watching if she's gonna do it she's
00:22:04.512 --> 00:22:09.052
gonna do it properly like there was a party
00:22:09.052 --> 00:22:11.712
it was and you know what if I could
00:22:11.712 --> 00:22:14.892
do it all again I absolutely would I've no regrets it
00:22:14.892 --> 00:22:17.812
was one of the best days I like I loved it
00:22:17.812 --> 00:22:22.152
it was and I think I was so fortunate to have an opportunity to get that many
00:22:22.152 --> 00:22:29.072
people I've had so much fun with over the years into one space and hang out
00:22:29.072 --> 00:22:33.372
with them and it passed in such a blur but yeah I loved it I mean let's face
00:22:33.372 --> 00:22:37.252
facts so had it been raining it would have been an absolute It was a fucking nightmare.
00:22:38.572 --> 00:22:44.252
Dublin in September, that was... It was risky business. It was actually...
00:22:45.421 --> 00:22:50.361
It was 24 degrees. 24 degrees. I was literally like, I'm bringing the layers
00:22:50.361 --> 00:22:51.901
because it's going to be freezing.
00:22:52.461 --> 00:22:56.381
Yeah. So like all credit. It was like a full summer day, wasn't it?
00:22:56.701 --> 00:23:00.521
It was. So like all credit to my party planners at Fuel.
00:23:00.821 --> 00:23:04.441
But like, I mean, they were amazing, Brian and Brian. But in reality,
00:23:04.461 --> 00:23:08.761
I think, you know, whoever controls the weather in the broadest sense of the
00:23:08.761 --> 00:23:11.201
term, just spot on. Thank you, Univ.
00:23:11.361 --> 00:23:13.881
Whatever conspiracy theory you back on that front.
00:23:15.481 --> 00:23:20.981
Um praise be but yeah so no it was great and i think like that's the thing is that like i,
00:23:21.641 --> 00:23:24.741
in my head i remember when my dad turned 40
00:23:24.741 --> 00:23:28.761
right and my parents at a party and i remember looking at these people being
00:23:28.761 --> 00:23:35.041
like jesus like you are old you old fuckers and like very they were very glamorous
00:23:35.041 --> 00:23:38.721
very good looking individuals very nicely dressed but i remember being like
00:23:38.721 --> 00:23:42.461
oh man And I think the game has changed.
00:23:42.761 --> 00:23:47.921
You know, like I think the way we age has definitely, definitely changed.
00:23:48.021 --> 00:23:52.361
And I think like that's backed by the various statistics that are out there.
00:23:52.581 --> 00:23:56.321
We're getting, we're having children later, people are getting married later,
00:23:56.461 --> 00:23:57.641
people are buying homes later.
00:23:57.641 --> 00:24:02.601
And that's for a variety of economic reasons, as well as social reasons.
00:24:02.601 --> 00:24:05.521
And people change careers much more like
00:24:05.521 --> 00:24:09.261
I very few people I know have started
00:24:09.261 --> 00:24:11.921
a job straight out of university and stayed there it would have
00:24:11.921 --> 00:24:14.721
been the norm a generation ago I think even half
00:24:14.721 --> 00:24:17.701
a generation ago kind of pre-financial crash it
00:24:17.701 --> 00:24:20.621
was it was sort of the norm so I think a lot has changed and
00:24:20.621 --> 00:24:23.461
I think what's nice about that is and I think
00:24:23.461 --> 00:24:26.421
as well look the reality is like a lot of stuff has has
00:24:26.421 --> 00:24:29.201
caught up it's if someone wants to have a child later in
00:24:29.201 --> 00:24:32.301
life that's that's a lot easier now and and that pressure
00:24:32.301 --> 00:24:35.381
where previously people were getting married very young because
00:24:35.381 --> 00:24:38.821
there was a need to kind of acquire property or
00:24:38.821 --> 00:24:43.281
you know split property between various different families or whatever it was
00:24:43.281 --> 00:24:48.021
that's very different like it's it's just you know the whole as there's been
00:24:48.021 --> 00:24:52.001
a whole shift obviously which isn't new information to anyone but I think it's
00:24:52.001 --> 00:24:55.481
kind of given everyone a little bit more freedom to choose what they want their
00:24:55.481 --> 00:24:57.581
life to look like when they're 40, which I think is great,
00:24:57.821 --> 00:25:02.441
you know, and I think, you know, no matter how different.
00:25:03.281 --> 00:25:07.821
Anyone thinks or how different anyone thinks that the path they've chosen is
00:25:07.821 --> 00:25:10.441
to what the status quo would have been, which is, you know, I don't know,
00:25:10.521 --> 00:25:12.401
the 2.4 kids with a wide picket fence.
00:25:13.014 --> 00:25:17.034
There's a lot more people out there doing or following these alternative paths
00:25:17.034 --> 00:25:19.674
to that now, which is, I think, really exciting.
00:25:20.594 --> 00:25:25.954
And yet the whole thing of like being an, I appreciate older parent, but obviously as,
00:25:26.554 --> 00:25:30.014
I mean, again, I don't want to get bogged down into kind of gender stuff or
00:25:30.014 --> 00:25:34.614
whatever, but as an older, an older mom, an older woman, however,
00:25:34.654 --> 00:25:36.874
we're discussing this today.
00:25:36.874 --> 00:25:39.854
But in terms of carrying a baby
00:25:39.854 --> 00:25:42.734
like I remember when my mom was pregnant with
00:25:42.734 --> 00:25:46.194
my sister so my sister and I are 12 years apart and it
00:25:46.194 --> 00:25:52.094
was like oh my god she's a geriatric pregnancy it was like a big deal and so
00:25:52.094 --> 00:25:57.494
much shock and stuff whereas now it's literally like you know and I think even
00:25:57.494 --> 00:26:02.754
kind of celebrities are now having babies a lot later you know they might be having them young.
00:26:03.754 --> 00:26:07.214
And it's kind of taken away whereas as a
00:26:07.214 --> 00:26:10.314
kid so kind of yeah 20 plus years
00:26:10.314 --> 00:26:14.194
ago anyone who's had babies after 30
00:26:14.194 --> 00:26:17.074
it's like whoa whereas now I think
00:26:17.074 --> 00:26:19.934
it's sort of like oh okay oh yeah but
00:26:19.934 --> 00:26:22.934
like I mean I also I've always found you know
00:26:22.934 --> 00:26:26.614
there would have been there's a few people I know who you
00:26:26.614 --> 00:26:29.334
know were in their 40s when they early 40s when they had
00:26:29.334 --> 00:26:32.314
kids and you know could luckily for
00:26:32.314 --> 00:26:35.414
them conceived naturally and I think probably more of a surprise to them than
00:26:35.414 --> 00:26:41.534
it was to anyone else but but I think what's so funny is that back then you
00:26:41.534 --> 00:26:45.114
know when the when that happened and I remember everyone using this term geriatric
00:26:45.114 --> 00:26:49.594
pregnancy I think it's only later in life I realized that actually applies to anyone over 34.
00:26:50.354 --> 00:26:52.374
So like, do you know what I mean?
00:26:53.214 --> 00:26:59.214
Like, wow, I'm in, serious, like what was, so like, what was the rush in the end?
00:26:59.414 --> 00:27:02.434
Like, you know, I was geriatric, you know, you'd be geriatric anyway.
00:27:02.634 --> 00:27:07.674
So like, and I think that's, what's interesting though is, and again, it comes back to this.
00:27:08.405 --> 00:27:13.325
An issue that's, I suppose, often discussed, and I'm sure we'll get into it another time.
00:27:13.625 --> 00:27:19.745
But, you know, the term hasn't moved on because there hasn't been the will to change it.
00:27:19.785 --> 00:27:22.645
The will is coming from outside, I would think, that, you know,
00:27:23.305 --> 00:27:26.805
medicine, where like they just use it as a medical term. It doesn't really matter.
00:27:27.105 --> 00:27:30.885
Not appreciating that actually if you are 35 or 36 years of age,
00:27:31.025 --> 00:27:33.885
and if you are 40 years of age and you're trying to have a baby.
00:27:33.885 --> 00:27:36.585
That's actually quite sensitive to use the
00:27:36.585 --> 00:27:40.345
word geriatric to describe your reproductive
00:27:40.345 --> 00:27:43.085
system like that's not sound like I don't even
00:27:43.085 --> 00:27:45.805
like like full disclosure like I get the
00:27:45.805 --> 00:27:51.985
Botox I get the Profilo I dye my hair I have done since I was 13 like I spend
00:27:51.985 --> 00:27:56.365
you know I remember being at something once and a hen party I'm pointing out
00:27:56.365 --> 00:27:59.345
that I was the oldest person there and one of the youngest people at it was
00:27:59.345 --> 00:28:02.065
like oh my god but you don't look like that and I was like well I get eight
00:28:02.065 --> 00:28:04.605
hours of sleep at night, I drink two litres of water a day,
00:28:05.185 --> 00:28:14.325
I have 120 grams of protein, I exercise regularly and I pay a woman 300 plus euros a quarter.
00:28:15.005 --> 00:28:21.205
To inject my face plus another God knows how many euros so I can cleanse it
00:28:21.205 --> 00:28:24.025
and tone it and moisturize it and all those other things.
00:28:24.565 --> 00:28:28.325
Like, you know, so if I'm that sensitive about it where I'm spending a sizable
00:28:28.325 --> 00:28:31.685
proportion of my income at what is already a very stressful time,
00:28:32.065 --> 00:28:36.605
I don't want you telling me I'm a geriatric as well because that's what my grandparents were.
00:28:36.885 --> 00:28:41.285
Like, that's it. Just, anyway, not that it's a particularly sensitive topic
00:28:41.285 --> 00:28:42.605
at the moment or anything.
00:28:44.165 --> 00:28:48.665
Putting it out there. Just here to talk about food. Nothing else. I know, right.
00:28:49.465 --> 00:28:56.365
But like, you know, turning 40, I mean, I remember being in my 20s and approaching
00:28:56.365 --> 00:28:58.685
my 30th being literally like,
00:28:59.745 --> 00:29:02.905
I couldn't even consider tither turning
00:29:02.905 --> 00:29:05.825
30 it just felt like the beginning
00:29:05.825 --> 00:29:08.985
of the end it felt like such a big thing and I was like oh
00:29:08.985 --> 00:29:11.765
my god like being in my 30s and
00:29:11.765 --> 00:29:19.225
yeah actually I mean don't get me wrong there's been some pretty shit bits but
00:29:19.225 --> 00:29:26.165
I personally feel that in my 30s I'm so much more of the person that I am and
00:29:26.165 --> 00:29:31.145
although my my memory is pretty shit and a lot of my brain cells seem to have disappeared but,
00:29:31.725 --> 00:29:34.505
it feels like the 20s were kind of the dry
00:29:34.505 --> 00:29:37.405
run and actually being in my 30s I'm like
00:29:37.405 --> 00:29:40.145
okay I know a bit of who I am I know a
00:29:40.145 --> 00:29:45.985
bit about the world I've kind of got this 100 not 100% down but yeah I feel
00:29:45.985 --> 00:29:49.685
I feel a lot better about things than I anticipated now I'm kind of thinking
00:29:49.685 --> 00:29:55.825
like yeah you're coming to 40s like you said we as kids you look at your parents
00:29:55.825 --> 00:29:59.225
or whoever in their 30s and 40s would be like, you are so old.
00:29:59.545 --> 00:30:04.005
And now I'm like, wow, okay. But I think compared to maybe like the kids that
00:30:04.005 --> 00:30:06.505
we were of kind of the 80s, 90s, early thousands.
00:30:07.505 --> 00:30:12.625
It has all changed, whether it's because of technology, because of people taking
00:30:12.625 --> 00:30:14.905
more pride in appearance or whatever it does.
00:30:15.025 --> 00:30:19.545
It feels like turning 40 is not what it was.
00:30:19.785 --> 00:30:24.765
I think you're 100 percent like, I mean, I had what I would describe as a totally
00:30:24.765 --> 00:30:31.285
rational reaction to turning 30, where I just left London after nearly five years and moved home.
00:30:31.745 --> 00:30:34.925
Very chill, very chill, very normal.
00:30:34.925 --> 00:30:39.005
It was literally like I was like I'd been in London for nearly five years and
00:30:39.005 --> 00:30:42.285
I just went oh well it's time to settle down then so I'll have to just move
00:30:42.285 --> 00:30:47.505
home to Dublin to do that like that was I know yeah yeah wow but let me tell
00:30:47.505 --> 00:30:50.325
you by the way right okay nothing material,
00:30:51.365 --> 00:30:54.225
changed until last year when I met Damien in terms
00:30:54.225 --> 00:30:57.165
of the settling down right okay and since I've met Damien very
00:30:57.165 --> 00:31:00.045
little has been settled down or otherwise right so like
00:31:00.045 --> 00:31:02.825
you know it is it's funny though i think because we've
00:31:02.825 --> 00:31:05.645
been kind of pre-programmed to see these like
00:31:05.645 --> 00:31:09.825
you know end of decade it starts with oh you're 18th you're an adult and then
00:31:09.825 --> 00:31:14.045
you're 21st which is actually a concept we adopted from the u.s this kind of
00:31:14.045 --> 00:31:17.265
and i think over here was traditionally you've got the front door key to your
00:31:17.265 --> 00:31:24.285
house yeah yeah 18 is not big there because they can't because they can.
00:31:24.365 --> 00:31:27.305
21 right they can vote but
00:31:27.305 --> 00:31:30.285
see how they've done with that like not a great
00:31:30.285 --> 00:31:33.485
idea if i'm honest fucking jesus but anyway
00:31:33.485 --> 00:31:36.425
right so like you know i think it's it's then these
00:31:36.425 --> 00:31:39.145
these ones with the big zeros at the end then become kind of a bit
00:31:39.145 --> 00:31:42.385
mythologized or you know and we we have these
00:31:42.385 --> 00:31:45.345
ideas in our head of what they're supposed to look like and what those milestones
00:31:45.345 --> 00:31:48.465
are supposed to be and the reality is
00:31:48.465 --> 00:31:51.385
you know like that's just not
00:31:51.385 --> 00:31:54.945
that's just not the way it is anymore and like when we
00:31:54.945 --> 00:31:57.705
we also consider the fact that i think a huge shift in
00:31:57.705 --> 00:32:01.025
it and again it comes back down to i suppose sort of gender roles
00:32:01.025 --> 00:32:04.105
to a certain degree 50 years ago there
00:32:04.105 --> 00:32:06.765
were a significant significantly less i'm sorry
00:32:06.765 --> 00:32:09.525
at this time it's probably wise to point out that i used to work in
00:32:09.525 --> 00:32:13.085
statistics right okay and quantitative and qualitative research
00:32:13.085 --> 00:32:15.785
and public policy and all this sort of stuff
00:32:15.785 --> 00:32:18.825
okay so like whilst i won't quote figures like
00:32:18.825 --> 00:32:21.765
the the statistics exist that demonstrate that they're
00:32:21.765 --> 00:32:24.825
and I think it's probably fairly obvious and self-evident that you
00:32:24.825 --> 00:32:28.125
know there were less women in the workforce therefore those women had less financial
00:32:28.125 --> 00:32:31.345
independence and for those women
00:32:31.345 --> 00:32:34.285
who were financially dependent on their partners or
00:32:34.285 --> 00:32:39.645
the spouses you know took on those more traditional roles of you know homemaker
00:32:39.645 --> 00:32:44.405
and being a mother and you know and did a wonderful job of it right for the
00:32:44.405 --> 00:32:50.645
most part now you're talking about a significant portion of women being in the
00:32:50.645 --> 00:32:52.865
workforce, having that financial independence.
00:32:53.265 --> 00:32:56.765
That ability to kind of do what they want with that disposable income.
00:32:56.985 --> 00:32:58.845
And I suppose the world has opened up as well.
00:32:59.085 --> 00:33:02.725
Travel is much easier. Access to information is available, you know,
00:33:02.805 --> 00:33:04.565
is right there. And I think.
00:33:05.408 --> 00:33:08.648
That that's provided so many more opportunities
00:33:08.648 --> 00:33:11.748
outside of just career and the home
00:33:11.748 --> 00:33:14.848
place that it means that all the goalposts.
00:33:14.848 --> 00:33:17.868
Have shifted in terms of what 30 should look
00:33:17.868 --> 00:33:21.368
like or is like what 35 40 45 and
00:33:21.368 --> 00:33:24.368
I think you know we if there
00:33:24.368 --> 00:33:27.768
was one thing I could say to I suppose the me
00:33:27.768 --> 00:33:31.248
that was flying home from London with all of their personal belongings
00:33:31.248 --> 00:33:33.868
actually do you know sorry I didn't do you know what I
00:33:33.868 --> 00:33:36.588
did right I went I went off to
00:33:36.588 --> 00:33:39.348
Argentina for two weeks with six of my friends and got
00:33:39.348 --> 00:33:42.168
my mom and my auntie and uncle to come.
00:33:42.168 --> 00:33:45.168
Drive over and pick up all my stuff in London and drive
00:33:45.168 --> 00:33:48.088
it back that's how grown up I was at 30 okay I
00:33:48.088 --> 00:33:51.108
couldn't even move myself home like and then
00:33:51.108 --> 00:33:54.328
but you know if I could have told that person when I was coming home from Argentina and
00:33:54.328 --> 00:33:57.928
I remember being like oh Jesus what am
00:33:57.928 --> 00:34:00.888
I moving back home and I was like oh this
00:34:00.888 --> 00:34:03.808
is going to be desperate and actually like
00:34:03.808 --> 00:34:07.308
nothing lasts forever and in in the grand
00:34:07.308 --> 00:34:10.668
scheme of your life these tiny little episodes where
00:34:10.668 --> 00:34:13.708
you are trying to figure it out and say at 30 when
00:34:13.708 --> 00:34:17.448
i moved home it was for three months and you
00:34:17.448 --> 00:34:20.648
know and that seemed like an eternity i mean jesus
00:34:20.648 --> 00:34:23.408
like i just did i just did three months of cookery school and
00:34:23.408 --> 00:34:26.348
it felt like about a week and a half like it's it's no biz
00:34:26.348 --> 00:34:29.988
it's like no time i mean god we're like practically in june where
00:34:29.988 --> 00:34:32.828
has the last five months gone like where does the day
00:34:32.828 --> 00:34:37.168
go tub where does the day go do you know what i mean i've just got um a little
00:34:37.168 --> 00:34:43.228
paddy who is i might see i can't really say no it'd be like a little unit but
00:34:43.228 --> 00:34:51.748
i'll try he does weigh 58 kilos mate he's more like nearly 30 now let's see oh Do you want to come in?
00:34:53.188 --> 00:34:56.708
Oh, hello. Hi, buddy. Aww.
00:34:57.908 --> 00:35:05.568
Aww. Yeah, he is a danger. He is a menace to society. Hello, buddy. Hello. Hello.
00:35:06.508 --> 00:35:13.828
Hi. Hiya. Hiya. It's a big lump. Sorry to interrupt you. He was literally just like under my leg.
00:35:14.608 --> 00:35:17.848
He heard the sound of my voice and he had to come in. Did you hear it?
00:35:18.008 --> 00:35:19.028
Did you hear it? Did you hear it?
00:35:20.448 --> 00:35:26.888
It means a whole different thing because yeah the idea of being Cersei I was like.
00:35:27.626 --> 00:35:31.946
It's the beginning of the end and what I realized 30 was the beginning of the
00:35:31.946 --> 00:35:39.426
beginnings it was actually an adult and I mean I'm 40 next year and there's
00:35:39.426 --> 00:35:40.586
part of me that's a bit like,
00:35:41.166 --> 00:35:44.666
about it but I also kind of think there
00:35:44.666 --> 00:35:47.966
comes a point when you think like why am
00:35:47.966 --> 00:35:51.026
I counting it because it depends how I
00:35:51.026 --> 00:35:54.526
feel what I'm doing what my life's like it's not literally like
00:35:54.526 --> 00:35:57.506
right you're 40 xyz happens now and
00:35:57.506 --> 00:36:00.566
that's that's that you know but I think it is it's
00:36:00.566 --> 00:36:03.666
still it does feel a bit scary like I am a bit that's
00:36:03.666 --> 00:36:08.386
it I think like yeah like it's natural I think it's totally normal for us all
00:36:08.386 --> 00:36:13.726
to have these kind of that feeling of apprehension because it's based on what
00:36:13.726 --> 00:36:17.766
you thought your life would look like and I think when it hasn't turned out
00:36:17.766 --> 00:36:21.086
exactly so like when you're 30 and you have an idea of where you'll be in 10
00:36:21.086 --> 00:36:22.666
years and then 10 years later,
00:36:23.166 --> 00:36:26.746
or nine, nine and a half years later, you're not quite there.
00:36:27.186 --> 00:36:29.866
You're kind of like, oh, shit. And it takes a little bit of time,
00:36:30.026 --> 00:36:35.086
I think, to kind of grieve nearly for the life you thought you would have and
00:36:35.086 --> 00:36:39.946
then recalibrate and go, OK, well, I'm lucky with what I do have.
00:36:40.086 --> 00:36:43.846
And what else can I achieve in order to improve on that?
00:36:44.086 --> 00:36:46.806
You know, what's going to make me really happy? Because the reality of it is
00:36:46.806 --> 00:36:51.686
what you wanted at 30 probably wouldn't be what the version of you you are now
00:36:51.686 --> 00:36:56.086
would want anyway like i i don't think like version of me that moved home at 30.
00:36:57.286 --> 00:37:02.646
Probably would have you know stayed been like i'll stay in my fine sensible
00:37:02.646 --> 00:37:08.726
job at the bank and you know which would be incorrect because that bank doesn't exist anymore so,
00:37:09.646 --> 00:37:14.166
would have been a bad call um and i wouldn't have gone away for a year to switzerland
00:37:14.166 --> 00:37:17.626
and i wouldn't have changed career to work in a hotel company and i wouldn't
00:37:17.626 --> 00:37:22.066
have then gone back and and done the cookery school thing. And I think, you know, it's,
00:37:22.639 --> 00:37:26.939
It's, I think, fair enough to say that 30-year-old me would probably,
00:37:27.079 --> 00:37:29.879
if I could have spoken to myself in the future, have said, particularly,
00:37:29.879 --> 00:37:33.559
say, quitting my last job, like, what on earth are you doing?
00:37:33.859 --> 00:37:37.699
You know, what do people say? Because I think that's the reality of it.
00:37:37.779 --> 00:37:41.919
30-year-old me would have been far more self-conscious about what people thought
00:37:41.919 --> 00:37:44.099
and what people think and what they're saying about me.
00:37:44.199 --> 00:37:47.299
And the reality is no one's saying anything about me because no one really cares.
00:37:48.819 --> 00:37:51.919
And that's quite a freeing thing. like I'm when
00:37:51.919 --> 00:37:55.479
I hear about now 40 year old me hears about a decision that
00:37:55.479 --> 00:37:58.259
someone has made and it's to quit their job or change their
00:37:58.259 --> 00:38:01.939
job or go off and have a kid on their own or leave
00:38:01.939 --> 00:38:04.899
their partner any of those huge big milestones that people
00:38:04.899 --> 00:38:07.659
our age are generally dealing with now I'm like good for
00:38:07.659 --> 00:38:10.399
them that's a hard decision they've obviously done the right thing and
00:38:10.399 --> 00:38:13.279
that's it like I'm not gonna say I was
00:38:13.279 --> 00:38:16.519
lying awake about it I'm not gonna talk yeah and
00:38:16.519 --> 00:38:19.719
yeah I think like there's two really important things
00:38:19.719 --> 00:38:22.539
you brought up there so the one that we're talking about is the fact
00:38:22.539 --> 00:38:25.819
that frankly no one gives a fuck like
00:38:25.819 --> 00:38:29.699
yes okay you know close family xyz
00:38:29.699 --> 00:38:34.839
like people around you may have some opinions and whatever else but unless you're
00:38:34.839 --> 00:38:39.579
actively going out of your way to ruin other people's lives or hurt them yeah
00:38:39.579 --> 00:38:44.679
it is of no consequence to anyone else if you make those changes and i i really
00:38:44.679 --> 00:38:47.279
i was thinking in the last few days about.
00:38:48.039 --> 00:38:49.939
What would I tell my 18-year-old self?
00:38:50.099 --> 00:38:52.179
That's something else I'm kind of looking at on here.
00:38:52.419 --> 00:38:58.539
And actually, as much as I've probably been seen to be a bit rebellious in some
00:38:58.539 --> 00:39:02.159
ways and this, that, and the other, but at the core of it was always keeping
00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:07.099
everyone happy or, you know, not upsetting the apple cart and this, that, and the other.
00:39:07.239 --> 00:39:10.479
Whereas now I just think, do you know what? Unless it was something that I knew
00:39:10.479 --> 00:39:15.519
would really be horrendous, like I so would have just been a bit more of a free
00:39:15.519 --> 00:39:17.659
spirit and been like, yep, I'm going to do this.
00:39:17.659 --> 00:39:20.519
It doesn't matter if that goes wrong and all that kind
00:39:20.519 --> 00:39:23.359
of stuff yeah um and i think
00:39:23.359 --> 00:39:27.259
what was my other point so i did have another point in there somewhere what
00:39:27.259 --> 00:39:32.759
were we just talking about uh sorry i've lost my but i think on that though
00:39:32.759 --> 00:39:37.019
right what i would say is that like we can still adopt that free spirit approach
00:39:37.019 --> 00:39:42.099
at 40 like i don't think we need to feel like we like i have to say What I found really,
00:39:42.099 --> 00:39:44.819
really freeing to use,
00:39:45.119 --> 00:39:48.079
or really funny as well, like it actually made me laugh out loud.
00:39:48.219 --> 00:39:50.019
Like I was away with friends of mine in January.
00:39:50.439 --> 00:39:54.019
And for the first time in a very long time, someone asked me what I was doing.
00:39:54.119 --> 00:39:57.859
And I remember I was, I was unemployed for a period of about seven or eight
00:39:57.859 --> 00:40:00.499
months there, about eight, seven or eight years ago.
00:40:01.186 --> 00:40:04.626
And I remember the first time someone asked me, oh, what are you doing now?
00:40:04.806 --> 00:40:09.586
I just, well, I've just finished this and I'm planning on doing that.
00:40:09.666 --> 00:40:10.826
And I went on and on and on.
00:40:11.266 --> 00:40:13.406
And there's always, there's that great, if you're explaining,
00:40:13.426 --> 00:40:17.826
you're losing, right? Like, I think that's the thing. Like, if you're, like, that's it, okay?
00:40:18.806 --> 00:40:24.226
And this whole, like, justification level. And you can't stop the words from it, like.
00:40:24.706 --> 00:40:28.726
Whereas, and I was 33 then? 32, 32, 33, 32, I think.
00:40:29.106 --> 00:40:32.906
But I felt so under pressure because I'd quit my job and I'd gone away and I was changing careers.
00:40:33.106 --> 00:40:37.746
Whereas this time around, you know, we were away, a group of friends for our
00:40:37.746 --> 00:40:39.066
lovely friend Ferg's 40th.
00:40:39.186 --> 00:40:41.506
We were away skiing and we were chatting to a group of strangers.
00:40:41.826 --> 00:40:44.846
And what was so funny is the people that were in the group knew I wasn't working
00:40:44.846 --> 00:40:46.366
at the time and everyone was like, cool.
00:40:46.806 --> 00:40:48.226
And then we were chatting to
00:40:48.226 --> 00:40:51.406
this group of strangers and one of them asked me what I did for a living.
00:40:51.846 --> 00:40:54.666
And I kind of laughed because I just went, nothing.
00:40:55.226 --> 00:40:58.586
And he was just like, huh? And I was like, yeah, nothing.
00:40:58.846 --> 00:41:01.746
And I felt no need to qualify. and it was so funny because
00:41:01.746 --> 00:41:04.646
he lovely man in fairness really nice
00:41:04.646 --> 00:41:07.826
guy he asked me two follow-up questions do you
00:41:07.826 --> 00:41:11.026
have children and are you married to
00:41:11.026 --> 00:41:15.346
which I responded no I don't and I've actually applied for that position but
00:41:15.346 --> 00:41:22.166
my application is pending and I and no you failed you failed things you're not
00:41:22.166 --> 00:41:27.466
full of children you're not married no not got a career like how dare you But
00:41:27.466 --> 00:41:28.906
what was so funny is, right,
00:41:29.166 --> 00:41:33.166
he had assumed that I'd never done anything.
00:41:33.426 --> 00:41:37.246
So that is what confused him because he didn't ask me what I did before or anything like that.
00:41:37.386 --> 00:41:42.506
I didn't volunteer the information because, frankly, he didn't seem that interested, which is fair enough.
00:41:42.646 --> 00:41:45.766
A reflection, I would say, on maybe his own experiences.
00:41:47.206 --> 00:41:51.506
But, you know, it was only kind of later on in the conversation and he mentioned
00:41:51.506 --> 00:41:55.926
it to a friend of mine, like, oh, you know, maybe we should all do nothing.
00:41:55.926 --> 00:41:58.866
And you know they kind of pointed out like
00:41:58.866 --> 00:42:02.286
well you know it's been three weeks but
00:42:02.286 --> 00:42:05.086
you've just not asked you know what's your before or anything you
00:42:05.086 --> 00:42:07.846
know anything like that or whatever but i'm sorry anyway
00:42:07.846 --> 00:42:10.626
the story is the story is that like i just stopped caring i
00:42:10.626 --> 00:42:13.886
don't care now when i say to people i don't do anything you know
00:42:13.886 --> 00:42:18.666
and the reality is like i know the people closest to me know that like i am
00:42:18.666 --> 00:42:24.246
busy with family or i'm busy doing stuff with the house we are selling our home
00:42:24.246 --> 00:42:27.006
at the moment we're moving to a new home like there's other bits and pieces
00:42:27.006 --> 00:42:30.826
that I can have time to and just take a bit of time out for yourself and to
00:42:30.826 --> 00:42:32.066
recognize that that's actually,
00:42:32.566 --> 00:42:37.166
that's fine I can do that and it's nobody's business and again nobody cares so.
00:42:37.763 --> 00:42:40.523
Like so yeah it's and I think
00:42:40.523 --> 00:42:43.223
that was very long-winded sorry no no not at all
00:42:43.223 --> 00:42:46.303
but I think there's that thing of especially when
00:42:46.303 --> 00:42:49.943
you're in your teens and you're kind of finding attempting
00:42:49.943 --> 00:42:53.683
to find who you are and without suddenly patronizing you're
00:42:53.683 --> 00:42:56.903
not going to find it in your teens like you'll go through all these
00:42:56.903 --> 00:43:00.383
phases or friendship groups or styles or whatever but
00:43:00.383 --> 00:43:03.163
that kind of acceptance thing and I
00:43:03.163 --> 00:43:06.183
think that really rolls over essentially to
00:43:06.183 --> 00:43:09.103
your 20s and maybe your 30s of like the shit
00:43:09.103 --> 00:43:12.143
you know and I I'm not particularly
00:43:12.143 --> 00:43:14.943
close with people that I went to school with I've
00:43:14.943 --> 00:43:17.883
like I had older friends I had outside friends and stuff
00:43:17.883 --> 00:43:23.123
but that kind of keeping up with the Joneses like oh well so and so left and
00:43:23.123 --> 00:43:27.623
got married and it's kind of that small town mentality whereas I was like yep
00:43:27.623 --> 00:43:31.963
I went off to uni and then I've done all sorts of other random shit and what
00:43:31.963 --> 00:43:36.823
have you and I'm I'm a dog mom and I'm on my own and but like
00:43:37.043 --> 00:43:38.023
And actually.
00:43:38.503 --> 00:43:41.723
And I don't mean this in a derogatory way, because for a lot of people,
00:43:41.943 --> 00:43:46.883
it works out and they have a really lovely family and they're very happy and everything else.
00:43:47.023 --> 00:43:51.303
But coming back to that thing of there's so much pressure when you're younger
00:43:51.303 --> 00:43:56.443
to find the one and do the babies and all this stuff.
00:43:56.603 --> 00:44:00.423
But then you see that kind of people are having literally their whole second
00:44:00.423 --> 00:44:06.943
wind because they've done it all in their same mid-20s and then by their late 30s, early 40s.
00:44:07.043 --> 00:44:09.963
They're literally back to square one but with
00:44:09.963 --> 00:44:12.803
the debt and the x and the
00:44:12.803 --> 00:44:16.223
kids and everything else and i've got a couple
00:44:16.223 --> 00:44:20.743
of you know friends who have got kids in their 20s i still know people in their
00:44:20.743 --> 00:44:27.163
20s because i'm so cool and relevant um but like people who are literally 25
00:44:27.163 --> 00:44:32.323
to 28 ish saying like oh my god you know i thought that was going to be the
00:44:32.323 --> 00:44:33.783
one and we were going to buy a.
00:44:37.103 --> 00:44:40.183
It's fun like don't worry
00:44:40.183 --> 00:44:42.903
about it yeah it's I think what's so funny is
00:44:42.903 --> 00:44:45.963
I think certainly for me I never I didn't
00:44:45.963 --> 00:44:51.463
feel ready to settle down at all in my 20s or certainly my mid-20s I think I
00:44:51.463 --> 00:44:55.563
was naive enough in my early 20s to think I knew I was ready to settle down
00:44:55.563 --> 00:45:01.343
but like I mean my frontal lobe had not fully formed okay so and let me tell
00:45:01.343 --> 00:45:03.703
you the person that I chose is not someone I would be with now.
00:45:03.983 --> 00:45:08.083
I'm a lovely person, wish them all the best, but just incompatible, which I know now.
00:45:08.731 --> 00:45:14.171
But like, I think, you know, what's interesting is, again, for me anyway,
00:45:14.491 --> 00:45:19.611
certainly it came down to the fact that now I am in a relationship that I feel
00:45:19.611 --> 00:45:23.971
very comfortable in because I know myself well enough to know what I need.
00:45:24.091 --> 00:45:28.191
And I think some people, people arrive at that point in their lives at totally different stages.
00:45:28.191 --> 00:45:32.331
And again, it comes down to what's more, what's most important to them and what
00:45:32.331 --> 00:45:33.571
they want their lives to look like.
00:45:33.571 --> 00:45:38.091
But I think I myself much
00:45:38.091 --> 00:45:41.131
happier now than I previously
00:45:41.131 --> 00:45:44.171
was because I think I feel like I can be very much myself and
00:45:44.171 --> 00:45:47.791
I was from the very beginning of this relationship very much
00:45:47.791 --> 00:45:50.791
myself and very comfortable in myself and I think he's he's
00:45:50.791 --> 00:45:53.751
the same so I look I mean it varies
00:45:53.751 --> 00:45:57.251
there I mean thankfully most of the couples
00:45:57.251 --> 00:46:00.091
I I know who have probably been together
00:46:00.091 --> 00:46:03.111
since we were in school or shortly afterwards are you
00:46:03.111 --> 00:46:05.931
know beautiful families like you know
00:46:05.931 --> 00:46:09.191
they're they're very happy they have a lot of fun together it's
00:46:09.191 --> 00:46:12.151
it's great for me and I think it was probably pretty
00:46:12.151 --> 00:46:15.831
obvious every time I changed country every four years I
00:46:15.831 --> 00:46:18.611
was not yeah it's not not the seven
00:46:18.611 --> 00:46:21.851
year itch it's the four year country no no I
00:46:21.851 --> 00:46:24.871
was barely committing I was barely committing to the friends never
00:46:24.871 --> 00:46:29.331
mind a more permanent resident and so
00:46:29.331 --> 00:46:32.251
yeah but look it's insane isn't it like yeah so
00:46:32.251 --> 00:46:39.131
I'm 38 39 this year 40 next year and I think about the relationships or kind
00:46:39.131 --> 00:46:44.051
of the I mean not even relationships the kind of seeing or whatever phases I've
00:46:44.051 --> 00:46:50.791
been through oh god yeah and yeah when I like really backtrack to kind of the teens and the 20s.
00:46:51.271 --> 00:46:55.091
They might have been great at the time they might not have been the right fit at the time.
00:46:55.851 --> 00:47:00.791
But when you think about how much growth someone goes through like I even literally think about,
00:47:01.529 --> 00:47:04.269
this time last year you know you're kind of with
00:47:04.269 --> 00:47:07.169
socials these days or whatever else it kind of flags up
00:47:07.169 --> 00:47:10.009
on like my facebook memories or amazon sends me
00:47:10.009 --> 00:47:12.849
shit and in some ways i'm like
00:47:12.849 --> 00:47:16.309
oh yeah because i might have looked a bit more tanned or
00:47:16.309 --> 00:47:19.329
slim or happy or whatever but i think my god
00:47:19.329 --> 00:47:22.269
i remember exactly when that photo was
00:47:22.269 --> 00:47:25.389
taken and that situation i was in or those emotions
00:47:25.389 --> 00:47:28.489
i felt and how much can change in
00:47:28.489 --> 00:47:31.269
a year for example yeah and I
00:47:31.269 --> 00:47:34.109
think about relationships and like the
00:47:34.109 --> 00:47:37.549
people that marry their childhood sweetheart and make it work fair
00:47:37.549 --> 00:47:40.429
play like I think that's awesome and wonderful yeah
00:47:40.429 --> 00:47:43.749
but I just think I'm
00:47:43.749 --> 00:47:47.249
so many different versions of me and I think even moving
00:47:47.249 --> 00:47:50.749
forward I'm going to be and unless you've got somebody that also
00:47:50.749 --> 00:47:53.629
is the same way and going know adapt that there
00:47:53.629 --> 00:47:56.289
comes a bit of a point where it's gonna run out of
00:47:56.289 --> 00:47:59.149
steam yeah but you know i do think that's the
00:47:59.149 --> 00:48:01.949
case like i think the the people that
00:48:01.949 --> 00:48:04.869
i know that have been together for very long periods of
00:48:04.869 --> 00:48:07.529
time have grown together i would think you know
00:48:07.529 --> 00:48:10.309
and i think that's that's what's that's what's different because there
00:48:10.309 --> 00:48:14.289
are you know there are people i think who work very
00:48:14.289 --> 00:48:17.629
well together and grow together and you know become better.
00:48:17.629 --> 00:48:20.549
Different versions of themselves not necessarily better but different versions
00:48:20.549 --> 00:48:23.509
of themselves or hopefully more fulfilled versions of themselves that's
00:48:23.509 --> 00:48:27.129
fulfilled versions of themselves is probably the correct terminology with someone
00:48:27.129 --> 00:48:30.769
else and then I think there are people other
00:48:30.769 --> 00:48:33.529
people like me who would never
00:48:33.529 --> 00:48:36.269
have gotten that I think I probably would have
00:48:36.269 --> 00:48:39.329
fought against the constraints a little bit of
00:48:39.329 --> 00:48:46.169
of be you know I probably yeah or bit of anarchy but yeah fought against it
00:48:46.169 --> 00:48:52.749
or the other and to my mind way worse option just totally nosedived and I think
00:48:52.749 --> 00:48:57.309
you know a relationship I had in my early 20s that this was this was certainly
00:48:57.309 --> 00:48:59.069
part of it where and again like.
00:48:59.855 --> 00:49:03.075
God bless good guy god bless but like you
00:49:03.075 --> 00:49:05.875
know i kind of muted certain parts of my
00:49:05.875 --> 00:49:08.915
personality to you know play
00:49:08.915 --> 00:49:12.235
the the dutiful partner and and and
00:49:12.235 --> 00:49:15.235
you know what we and again like let's
00:49:15.235 --> 00:49:18.235
be honest that experience informs what comes
00:49:18.235 --> 00:49:20.935
for the next 50 years i mean i have to say
00:49:20.935 --> 00:49:24.155
i've never you know like with all due respect i've
00:49:24.155 --> 00:49:27.395
never met a muted version of you and i can't really imagine
00:49:27.395 --> 00:49:30.575
how that would be very hard to imagine not
00:49:30.575 --> 00:49:33.655
since i was about 24 or 25 predates london
00:49:33.655 --> 00:49:36.755
but i think that's the thing like i think that probably informed.
00:49:36.755 --> 00:49:40.875
My approach then going forward and i think it's so
00:49:40.875 --> 00:49:44.015
formative that first serious relationship that
00:49:44.015 --> 00:49:46.815
you have you know and it's where you learn i
00:49:46.815 --> 00:49:49.535
think and i think it's where you learn whether or not you
00:49:49.535 --> 00:49:52.695
are the kind of person that is going to you know
00:49:52.695 --> 00:49:55.475
grow and develop really well with another person by
00:49:55.475 --> 00:49:58.455
your side or whether you need that extended period of independence
00:49:58.455 --> 00:50:01.155
to figure it out on your own and I am quite an
00:50:01.155 --> 00:50:04.735
independent minded individual so I think being
00:50:04.735 --> 00:50:07.615
left to my own devices was probably best for
00:50:07.615 --> 00:50:10.955
everyone's sake on that point yeah yes I
00:50:10.955 --> 00:50:14.255
think it is really difficult and that's the
00:50:14.255 --> 00:50:17.175
thing it's such a gamble because you can
00:50:17.175 --> 00:50:20.235
both grow and develop as people but it's
00:50:20.235 --> 00:50:23.655
whether or not it's at the same pace it's
00:50:23.655 --> 00:50:26.535
yes you know and I as much as you know
00:50:26.535 --> 00:50:29.195
I've spent as you very well know an awful lot of
00:50:29.195 --> 00:50:32.155
time in my life single and there are times when
00:50:32.155 --> 00:50:34.915
it is pretty shit not gonna lie but man I
00:50:34.915 --> 00:50:37.755
know I know I when I'm sort of
00:50:37.755 --> 00:50:41.335
having a an honest reflection about it I think I'm very
00:50:41.335 --> 00:50:44.215
proud of who I am and how I've
00:50:44.215 --> 00:50:47.575
grown and the things that I can do now and had
00:50:47.575 --> 00:50:50.755
I have had you know particular role models
00:50:50.755 --> 00:50:54.135
or a really stable long-term relationship I.
00:50:54.135 --> 00:50:57.135
Probably wouldn't have made the decisions
00:50:57.135 --> 00:51:00.335
that have led to the career moves or you know
00:51:00.335 --> 00:51:03.655
even doing stuff at home like having built
00:51:03.655 --> 00:51:06.775
my own bar for the first time or laying my
00:51:06.775 --> 00:51:09.575
own oh my god I know
00:51:09.575 --> 00:51:12.415
like laying my own bloody paving for
00:51:12.415 --> 00:51:15.495
the whole garden or you know all this kind of stuff that
00:51:15.495 --> 00:51:18.255
yeah and I don't I don't mean to conform to
00:51:18.255 --> 00:51:21.395
gender stereotypes but if I had a lovely burly
00:51:21.395 --> 00:51:24.275
man who was very up for you know.
00:51:24.275 --> 00:51:30.195
Smashing bits of wood together and flinging concrete about I would very happily
00:51:30.195 --> 00:51:35.195
sit back with a glass or something or come and rub some suntan lotion in and
00:51:35.195 --> 00:51:41.535
let him crack on with it but actually I was like you know what no other buggers gonna do it and I
00:51:41.932 --> 00:51:46.192
I'm at the point where I'm like, I'm sick of not doing it. So even if I get
00:51:46.192 --> 00:51:49.792
it wrong, I'll do it. But had I had a different circumstance.
00:51:50.252 --> 00:51:55.352
So, I mean, God, the backache indicate that I probably could have done without doing it.
00:51:55.652 --> 00:51:59.752
But I'm super proud of myself for it. But there's a sense of achievement there.
00:51:59.912 --> 00:52:03.312
Like, that's the thing. Like, it's just, you know, fuck it and do it anyway.
00:52:03.512 --> 00:52:07.232
Like, sorry, and I can't remember where I heard this phrase.
00:52:07.452 --> 00:52:10.332
It could have actually been my old boss. and good
00:52:10.332 --> 00:52:13.412
and done is better than perfect and never done and i
00:52:13.412 --> 00:52:16.732
think that's really important you know where like i mean we
00:52:16.732 --> 00:52:19.452
can kill ourselves procrastinating and like
00:52:19.452 --> 00:52:22.252
this the you know you doing this is is
00:52:22.252 --> 00:52:25.952
kind of the perfect version of this where like it's like no and
00:52:25.952 --> 00:52:28.672
i mean good it will be it's good and like the concept is
00:52:28.672 --> 00:52:32.052
really good like you don't have the care and none of the idea but
00:52:32.052 --> 00:52:35.712
no but you you could have spent six months you
00:52:35.712 --> 00:52:38.932
know researching the best apps and
00:52:38.932 --> 00:52:43.972
doing practice podcasts and I'm not
00:52:43.972 --> 00:52:46.932
competing with anybody like frankly if only
00:52:46.932 --> 00:52:49.812
five people listen to it and three of them enjoy it fuck it
00:52:49.812 --> 00:52:52.592
that's fine but you know what that's it put it out there
00:52:52.592 --> 00:52:55.332
see what happens and I think like you know
00:52:55.332 --> 00:52:58.072
there's we're so quick to kind of shut
00:52:58.072 --> 00:53:01.212
down an idea sometimes with one of our own ideas
00:53:01.212 --> 00:53:04.452
that like i think it's really it can
00:53:04.452 --> 00:53:07.752
be really heartening to see someone just go fuck
00:53:07.752 --> 00:53:10.492
it and give it a whirl i think i think that's the thing and
00:53:10.492 --> 00:53:13.332
like that you know you could procrastinate people
00:53:13.332 --> 00:53:17.212
could be there writing to-do lists and pros and cons till the cows come home
00:53:17.212 --> 00:53:20.492
get nothing done and then all you're doing is telling someone about how you
00:53:20.492 --> 00:53:25.592
had a really good idea one time like okay great like so i think you know like
00:53:25.592 --> 00:53:29.532
that's that's it anyway there we go that one's not Christopher Nolan that good
00:53:29.532 --> 00:53:31.032
and done one is definitely not from Batman.
00:53:33.052 --> 00:53:35.892
This is the longest like we've never had a phone call like this
00:53:35.892 --> 00:53:40.552
because I don't do phone calls so I'm actually maybe I'm going to become like
00:53:40.552 --> 00:53:45.852
a phone call video call person I do prefer video calls I think I went after
00:53:45.852 --> 00:53:50.852
them during COVID because everything was video but okay well look I will see
00:53:50.852 --> 00:53:55.372
you in 10 see you in 10 depending on the format of the podcast,
00:53:56.132 --> 00:53:59.352
last week in three weeks whenever it
00:53:59.352 --> 00:54:04.792
is we'll see you soon well that's it for today's episode if you've got a problem
00:54:04.792 --> 00:54:08.592
you need help with a hilarious story you're dying to share or even a top tip
00:54:08.592 --> 00:54:12.272
that makes adulting a bit less painful i would love to hear from you please
00:54:12.272 --> 00:54:17.592
feel free to drop me a message send a voice note or send me an email you can contact us at,
00:54:18.552 --> 00:54:24.072
WhereDoIStart25, that's on Instagram, X and TikTok, or you can go to the website
00:54:24.072 --> 00:54:26.932
www.wheredoistart.uk.
00:54:28.240 --> 00:54:33.026
Music.