Your Survival Is Preparation | Jaurdane Ivory on Speaking Life, Breaking Generational Cycles & Becoming

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Although I was this creative, full of joy, loving person, love helping people, I was also in a very verbal and physical abusive home.
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I'm a product of generational, uh estranged relationships, generational trauma.
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I hid behind creativity because I never wanted to be a speaker.
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I never wanted to be a writer.
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It's the one thing that you're gifted at, the enemy will test you strongly.
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And next thing I know, I'm in the red in my business.
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I'm trying to figure out how I can get this book to print because I want the pre-order.
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So I look out, they take in my car.
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Next thing I know, I get an eviction notice on my door.
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And I genuinely, I'm just a girl.
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I really don't know what to do.
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You know, I'm mentally spiraling.
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I'm trying to get this book to the finish line.
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I don't know how I'm gonna pay my team.
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I don't have the money to pay rent.
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There's always gonna be something until the Lord calls us home because we live in a fallen world.
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Our lives are not our own.
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Like, what did I do to deserve this?
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Why did I have to go through this again?
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Or be in this pit like this again?
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Like, y'all, have you not seen what I've been through?
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Can you give me some reprieve?
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Welcome to We Goin Up.
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This is your proclamation of elevation in a space where we have conversations that pull you up.
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And I'm your host, Portia Carter.
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Today I have the pleasure of sitting with a beautiful woman of God who is a creative, an entrepreneur, an author, a speaker, and someone who has built a platform around affirmations, revealing people's identities in Christ, and helping people and encouraging them to see themselves the way that God sees them.
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You may know her on social media as J underscore Ivory.
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I know her as DJ, but help me welcome Jordan Ivory.
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Oh my goodness.
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I am so excited to be here, Portia.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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Oh my gosh, what a beautiful introduction.
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You are beautiful.
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Thank you.
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I pay her to say that, y'all.
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How are you?
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I'm well.
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I'm well.
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I'm really good.
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I'm grateful.
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And I'm just honestly happy to be here.
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I really am.
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I'm happy you are here.
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Thank you.
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Okay.
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I'm happy you're here.
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I'm proud of you.
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Yes.
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I said, oh, wait a minute.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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DJ.
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Anyway I can support.
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Any way I can support.
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I believe in what you're doing.
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You want to know something?
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We hung out at the top of the year.
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Yes.
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I did not have this in mind.
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Really?
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I didn't know when the Lord was going to bring me back to hosting Porsche.
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Really?
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Yeah, this was a gift that I sat down for five years.
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You're in your bag.
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We thank the Lord.
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Yes.
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It turned around.
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Yes, it looks good on you.
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And you want to know something?
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What?
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Another thing.
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So the first time I visited y'all church with Brenda, uh, Pastor Travis prophesied into my life.
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And he prophesied something of this nature.
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Yes.
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That the Lord would bring me into doors and opportunities that he has already caught me to from the start.
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My goodness.
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And that it would make me smile.
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I promise you, every time I think about we going up, all I do is smile.
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Yes.
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Okay.
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But this is not about me, it's about you.
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But no, I'm not sure.
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That's just making me a little emotional.
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No, I'm God did not have this in mind when we first met.
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And now here we are.
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Yes.
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You got to make sure you let Pastor Travis know.
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He's gonna love that.
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I told him.
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Okay, okay, okay, okay, good.
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I show total.
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When I when I first posted about it, I let him know.
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Like make sure you bring him on the show.
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He'll love to come.
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He will love to come.
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I promise you.
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That's a great idea.
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That's my brother.
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He I'm telling you what I know.
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That's a great idea.
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Okay.
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He's a well.
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He's a well, and he has so much to give.
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And so I think he would, you would benefit, y'all will benefit from each other from having a conversation.
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Okay.
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I'm gonna keep that in mind.
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God, God used him.
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Yes.
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No, for sure.
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Into my life.
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What a full circle moment.
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A full circle moment.
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Like when I tell you I didn't know what the year would bring.
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Yeah.
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I just knew I wanted to be in alignment.
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Yeah.
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And he preached on alignment that day.
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That's the word of the year is alignment.
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Yeah, alignment.
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And uh it's nothing like being in alignment with the will of God.
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Yeah.
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So how does that feel for you?
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Like knowing that you're in alignment and things are like working out for your good and your show is taking off.
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Like, how does that feel?
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Um it's a little scary.
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Yeah.
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Like it makes me nervous.
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Yeah.
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I girls.
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I'll be in the shower, like, well, I can't do this without you.
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But what makes you scared?
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Um, because I've dreamt of this all my life.
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Really?
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All my life.
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Like, since I was 15 years old, I wanted to be a talk show host.
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Really?
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And so I went to school for it.
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I flew to LA for it.
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Really?
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I've literally have done these things before they were things.
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Like I was podcasting before it was podcasting.
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You know what I'm saying?
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I've done all the preparation.
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So to be here at a space where it's like, oh, this is actually happening.
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Yeah.
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And it's happening not because I just want it to, but because this is who God created me to be.
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Oh my gosh.
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This is what He called me to.
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Yes.
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This is the most aligned I've felt in my entire life.
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Oh my gosh.
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And it feels beautiful.
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Yes.
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Like I get all kinds of emotions and good feelings concerning it.
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Because you know you're in the will of the Lord and nothing has ever been wasted in your life.
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All the preparation has been for this moment, just right here.
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And this this show specifically, I wrote down five years ago in 2021.
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He said, write the vision and make it plain.
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Make it plain.
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He said, no, it teary.
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It will not teary.
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We will not teary.
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Okay.
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I love that.
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So yeah, we're here.
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We're going up.
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We're going up.
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We're going up.
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Okay, so we start we're going up with a this or that.
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Okay, okay, okay.
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So these are you could only choose one of the this or that.
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All right.
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You know, I wrote, I was supposed to write down five, but it looked like we got six.
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Okay.
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All right.
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Um, speaking on stage or creating behind the scenes.
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Creating behind the scenes.
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You know what?
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I feel like I know that about you.
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You do a lot of creating behind the scenes at your church.
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Yes.
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I'm behind the scenes of a lot of your favorite brands, influencers, speakers, and teachers to this day.
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So I love it.
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And we would never know, huh?
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You would never know.
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That's what I'm talking about.
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Whoa, we we we love a uh silent bomb.
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Um, okay, not bomb.
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That was a wrong word.
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We love we no, silent bomb, a force to be reckoned with.
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A force to be reckoned with.
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Silent bomb.
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I mean, whatever.
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However, you want to say it.
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We knew what you meant.
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We knew what you meant.
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Listen, I'm gonna need you to hold me down when we start talking, okay?
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Got you, got you.
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Okay, glam day or cozy chill day.
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Oh, it depends okay.
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You like getting glammed up, don't you?
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You know, I'm a cozy chill day type of girl.
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Okay.
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I I pull out the glam when I have to.
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But on a regular, give me a blanket and my favorite show and a rainy day.
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Yes.
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Oh, yes.
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Okay, we love that.
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Yes.
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Cozy ain't never hurt nobody.
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Never.
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I I would choose a glam.
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Yes, honey.
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Sparkles, glam.
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I can't even act like I like being glam.
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Okay.
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Listen, on a regular day, you're glam, okay?
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Your chill is glam, okay?
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We love a glam.
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And I love it.
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Call me higher, honey.
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You know what?
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Cozy ain't low, so we good.
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That's right.
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Okay, music while you work or complete silence.
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Music.
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Really?
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Yes.
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I'm a little neurospicy up here.
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Gotta have something going on.
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Gotta have a little music.
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Feel you.
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Yeah, definitely music.
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Girl, I was working on these cue cards last night.
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I had to turn everything off.
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Really?
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I need complete silence.
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And I was playing worship music in the background too.
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I can't read.
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Trying to get the pull of the Lord.
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No, I just like gotta turn it off.
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That's fair.
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I can't read with music though.
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I gotta have silence when I read.
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That makes sense, though.
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Because it's like inputting into your brain and the background noise is distracting.
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Yeah, I cannot read with music because I'm gonna be singing the song.
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But I can work with it.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Okay, that ain't too bad.
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Okay.
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Um big celebration or intimate gathering.
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Oh, that's so hard.
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My I've learned that my love language is person quality time.
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So I would say intimate gatherings.
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Okay.
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But I love a big celebration though.
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Catch me on a good year while I'm feeling good.
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I'm I might throw myself a big old party.
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I don't know.
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Okay.
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So you said I only had to pick one, though.
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Yeah, you can only pick one.
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You can only pick one.
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So intimate celebrations.
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Okay, intimate celebrations.
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I love that.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, you kind of give intimate.
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Really?
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Yeah, you're really funny.
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Like you know how to make people just feel warm around you.
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I love you.
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You give that.
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Okay, that's good.
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You give that off.
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That's good.
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Okay, I like that.
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Um, you just answered my next one.
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Okay.
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I was gonna ask you words of affirmation or quality time.
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But you kind of just answered that.
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Yeah, I'm a quality time kind of girl because I I already believe in myself.
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Your words are just extra.
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Okay.
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Tell me more.
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Yes, ma'am.
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Tell me more.
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But you gotta help me, help me.
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Okay.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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That's so good.
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You're amazing.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
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I know.
00:08:58.000 --> 00:08:59.039
Come spend time with me, though.
00:08:59.200 --> 00:09:00.000
I love that so much.
00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:02.639
Say, say, I already know who I am.
00:09:02.960 --> 00:09:04.080
You already got to tell me.
00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:04.399
Listen.
00:09:04.639 --> 00:09:06.000
No, that's some good stuff right there.
00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:06.639
Yes.
00:09:06.799 --> 00:09:09.039
Okay, plan everything or go with the flow.
00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:13.279
You ain't even give me a like a little hybrid situation.
00:09:13.519 --> 00:09:13.840
No.
00:09:15.279 --> 00:09:15.600
Okay.
00:09:18.000 --> 00:09:18.879
Go with the flow.
00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:19.679
Okay.
00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:20.960
Go with the flow.
00:09:21.600 --> 00:09:24.480
Say, I'd like to see what the possibilities are.
00:09:24.799 --> 00:09:26.799
Let's see how far we can take this.
00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:29.840
Let's see.
00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:33.200
Let's see what the possibilities are.
00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:34.639
On a rapid day.
00:09:34.799 --> 00:09:36.879
So let's just do a little dilly, little dally.
00:09:37.360 --> 00:09:38.159
Let's go.
00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:38.879
Let's see.
00:09:39.039 --> 00:09:40.720
Let's see what where the wind takes us.
00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:43.200
And you witnessed that first hand.
00:09:43.840 --> 00:09:48.480
I mean, we went to this is gonna be the army out to eat.
00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:51.840
It was a little bit.
00:09:51.919 --> 00:09:53.919
I mean very spontaneous.
00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:54.799
Go with the flow.
00:09:54.879 --> 00:09:57.039
You do the concert outside the bowling alley.
00:10:00.720 --> 00:10:02.320
I mean, we just had a good time.
00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:05.200
And that was that's the epitome of going with the flow.
00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:08.080
You just never know what the day is gonna unfold.
00:10:08.320 --> 00:10:08.639
Yeah.
00:10:08.799 --> 00:10:09.679
You never know what the next one is.
00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:10.320
You never know.
00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:11.039
You never know.
00:10:11.200 --> 00:10:12.879
Yeah, I I'm with you on there.
00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:13.840
I'm with you on there.
00:10:14.480 --> 00:10:19.679
For those of you out there, any questions that I asked, and you have anything different or the same, share it in the comments.
00:10:19.759 --> 00:10:20.159
We want to know.
00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:21.120
Let us know.
00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:28.320
So um, before there was Jay, the affirmationist.
00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:29.360
Is that a word?
00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:30.480
I mean it is today.
00:10:30.559 --> 00:10:31.120
I just made it.
00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:31.519
That's great.
00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:33.120
The affirmationist.
00:10:33.279 --> 00:10:33.440
Okay.
00:10:34.960 --> 00:10:35.679
Put it in the dictionary.
00:10:35.919 --> 00:10:36.960
Put it in the dictionary.
00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:38.080
Today we made it up.
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:38.480
Yes.
00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:39.679
I love affirmationists.
00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:41.200
What is so what a who are you?
00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:41.679
What do you do?
00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:42.960
I'm an affirmationist.
00:10:43.919 --> 00:10:44.960
It's so fitting.
00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:46.159
It's so fitting for you.
00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:51.360
But before you were the affirmationist and the entrepreneur and author, take us back.
00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:55.519
Like who was younger Jay Ivory?
00:10:55.759 --> 00:11:00.159
And does your life look like now what you thought it would?
00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:01.919
Girl, no.
00:11:04.480 --> 00:11:06.240
I mean, younger Jay Ivory.
00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:08.399
I mean, she was a dreamer.
00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:08.879
Yeah.
00:11:09.120 --> 00:11:10.399
She was a dreamer.
00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:12.480
She was a creative.
00:11:13.200 --> 00:11:19.919
She genuinely, she was the little girl that would change her room around four different ways, paint her walls, redecorate every chance she got.
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:20.639
I love that.
00:11:20.799 --> 00:11:26.159
She was also the little girl that would um love helping people.
00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:28.000
I loved helping people.
00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:29.279
I loved that.
00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:35.440
And I just enjoy, I, you know, I come from creativity.
00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:43.840
So my mom was a ceramist, my aunt and my godmother were seamstress, and then my biological grandmother, she played the piano.
00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:45.360
So I was this musical child.
00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:51.360
I could sing, I could play the piano, I could, I could decorate, I could paint, I could do all these things.
00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:54.720
So I just, but I also knew that I love helping people.
00:11:54.879 --> 00:12:00.399
And I didn't really um know what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be growing up.
00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:04.480
I just knew that I wanted to, I wanted bigger from life, I wanted more for my life.
00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:14.799
Um, most people don't know is that although I was this creative, full of joy, loving person, love helping people, I was also in a very verbal and physical abusive home.
00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:18.159
And so I just knew that I wanted something bigger for myself.
00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:27.759
I wanted to get out, I wanted to uh be successful, but I did not always picture it to be, you know, uh as hard as it has been.
00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:30.320
But um, and it has not always been linear.
00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:40.399
You know how like you just have this idea in your head as a little girl or as a young person, you're like, okay, cool, all I gotta do is be successful, work hard, be successful, and everything will just fall in place.
00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:42.159
That did not happen for me.
00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:46.799
And um I wanted to be a little bit more linear, but it came with a lot of hardship.
00:12:47.039 --> 00:12:55.120
Um, but the little girl in me never imagined that I would be a creative director, that I would be an author, that I would be a speaker, that I would be all these things.
00:12:55.200 --> 00:13:00.720
I knew I wanted to help people, but when I look back over my life and I look at little DJ, all of it makes sense now.
00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:02.960
Um all of it makes sense.
00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:08.879
Um the way that I show up in the world now, none of that, none of my life was ever wasted from a little girl to now.
00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:12.720
And so um I'm really proud of it because I know what it took to be here.
00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:14.320
Wow, I'm proud of you.
00:13:14.559 --> 00:13:15.120
Thank you.
00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:26.799
You know, when you said, um, and I'm not even trying to like go deep and poke, but when you said that you grew up in a home that was uh abusive verbally in all the leaves, yeah.
00:13:27.120 --> 00:13:40.240
Um, you know how a lot of people they say that when they have hardship and trauma as a child, later on in life, God shows you where he was in that moment.
00:13:40.480 --> 00:13:41.519
Has that happened for you?
00:13:41.759 --> 00:13:42.559
Oh yes.
00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:46.080
I I mean the Lord was with me through, so I'm also adopted.
00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:50.559
So uh my adopted grandmother, she was that girl, okay?
00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:58.080
Okay, and she was literally, and it's still literally, I believe, an angel sent from the Lord to instill in me who I was.
00:13:58.159 --> 00:14:03.840
It was my grandmother that made me say speak words, speak the word over myself that made me get in the Bible.
00:14:04.159 --> 00:14:10.559
And she was the one that was very much like, no, you you you are you can be whoever you want to be.
00:14:10.720 --> 00:14:17.039
And I when I look back to your question, when I look back, that was the Lord of being with me through all of that.
00:14:17.440 --> 00:14:19.440
I mean, um, leading and guiding me.
00:14:19.519 --> 00:14:23.120
I mean, I didn't what I wouldn't have gone to the college that I went to if it wasn't for my grandmother.
00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:30.879
I wouldn't have been ambitious, ambitious to go after my dreams if it wasn't for my grandmother, just giving me that small nod that you can do it.
00:14:30.960 --> 00:14:32.000
Now she didn't play.
00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:48.960
She was very quiet, very meek, but there was something of there was a tenderness about her love for me that when I look back as a child, that was the Lord sustaining me, keeping me, pushing me to get out of that situation, yeah, pushing me to keep going, pushing me to still be bigger than that situation.
00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:52.960
So yeah, it was definitely the Lord because there was, I mean, life was really crazy.
00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:54.320
Can I ask you about that?
00:14:54.480 --> 00:14:58.159
Like um the adoption process, how did that come about?
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:02.559
You know, it was, you know, growing up, you know how it is in black families.
00:15:02.639 --> 00:15:03.919
It's like it'd be a lot going on.
00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:05.120
It'd just be a lot going on.
00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:08.960
Okay, so I don't have all the details.
00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:12.240
I do know that I was in foster care for a little bit.
00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:17.519
Like I, when I look back at my life, I knew I was in a a house with a whole bunch of kids for a while.
00:15:17.759 --> 00:15:21.440
And then I started staying with my adoptive mom.
00:15:21.759 --> 00:15:22.080
Okay.
00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:28.240
And I knew that I had family not too far, and I knew that I had siblings because she would tell me.
00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:34.320
And it wasn't officially until I was about 12 where I saw where they we went to court.
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:42.480
There I still have the letter to this day with my mother, where my uh biological mom signed me off to my adoptive mom.
00:15:42.879 --> 00:15:48.080
And when I look over my birth certificate, on my birth certificate says my brother's name.
00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:50.159
I don't know how they did that or what.
00:15:50.240 --> 00:15:51.600
Yeah, it's kind kind of crazy.
00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:52.960
Instead of your mom's?
00:15:53.200 --> 00:15:55.840
It says, my father is my Oh, your brother.
00:15:56.159 --> 00:15:57.039
My brother is my father.
00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:57.600
Okay.
00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:03.519
So the adoption process was very wasn't a normal adoption process.
00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:07.919
I think it was really my mom at the time couldn't take care of me.
00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:08.559
She couldn't.
00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:12.399
She, I mean, when I was born, I was born premature.
00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:16.720
I was a drug baby, and I was not expected to live.
00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:18.559
And so I was left in the hospital.
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:20.159
Then I ended up in the system.
00:16:20.399 --> 00:16:20.639
Yes.
00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:21.759
So I ended up in the system.
00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:23.279
That's how I ended up in foster care.
00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:24.879
So hindsight is 2020.
00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:26.000
They didn't call it foster care.
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:29.679
I was, I just thought I was in the house with a whole bunch of kids at daycare.
00:16:29.840 --> 00:16:34.559
No, I was, but I was sleeping there, I was waking up there, I was eating, and it was this old lady taking care of us.
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:35.279
Loved her damn.
00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:37.360
We used to watch stories every day.
00:16:37.600 --> 00:16:44.559
And it wasn't until I was getting older, about six or seven, where I started to realize like she would only, my mom would only come pick me up on the weekends.
00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:46.320
But it was my like adoptive mom.
00:16:46.399 --> 00:16:51.360
So she would come get me, take me out, it would be me, her, and like my aunt, and we'll just have a good time.
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:52.879
But she would take me back to this space.
00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:56.320
So I really wasn't putting two to two and get two to two and two together.
00:16:56.480 --> 00:17:02.960
It wasn't until I was about 11 or 12 where I met my biological mom and my siblings for the first time.
00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:12.720
And my adoptive mom, of course, being kind of verbal, abusive, and kind of mean, she was like, You want me to send you back to that place?
00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:14.000
You know, when I would get in trouble.
00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:15.440
And I'd be like, To what place?
00:17:15.519 --> 00:17:17.839
And then all of a sudden I got in trouble one day.
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:21.839
And then maybe two weeks later, I met my biological family.
00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:24.480
I met my brothers, my siblings, and my mom.
00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:34.559
And I think a week later, it was like we was going downtown to the court, and I just remember just kind of looking at them both.
00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:40.319
And it was like you could tell something official was happening, but I couldn't really put language to it because I was really oblivious.
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:42.559
I was not, I was kind of quiet.
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:44.559
I wasn't really always in a mix.
00:17:44.799 --> 00:17:46.640
Um, but I knew something happened.
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:49.759
And when I look back, and I because I have all the paperwork now, I have my birth certificate.
00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:54.240
My and also my adopted mom, she told really big stories.
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:59.039
So you just that colorful for L I E.
00:17:59.279 --> 00:17:59.839
Yes.
00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:02.160
She would tell really big stories.
00:18:02.319 --> 00:18:05.680
So imagine you never really know what's the truth and what's not.
00:18:05.759 --> 00:18:07.039
So you just stay to yourself, okay?
00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:07.359
Okay.
00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:08.880
I don't know what these people were doing.
00:18:09.039 --> 00:18:12.000
But I just know looking back, okay, that was the adoption process.
00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:14.319
That was her signing me over to this lady.
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:19.119
That was my biological mom saying you have full custody of this person.
00:18:19.279 --> 00:18:22.079
I don't know where it became in the system where all that worked out.
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:22.960
I have no idea.
00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:28.880
I just know that I have a paper that says Lisa Spriggs has given full custody over to this lady.
00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:34.559
And looking on my birth certificate, it shows that it is my adopted mom's son.
00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:38.000
I didn't know that until I was old enough to have my own paperwork.
00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:41.759
So it's kind of muddy how that adoption process kind of looked.
00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:44.400
I knew I was always adopted because I never looked like them.
00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:46.000
I was kind of the black sheep.
00:18:46.240 --> 00:18:51.279
My um family that I grew up with was very, very fair-skinned and light-skinned with beautiful hair and all the things.
00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:56.960
And here I was, brown skinned with 4C hair, and there was a lot of colorism in my family.
00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:06.799
Um, so I knew I was set apart, I knew I was different, and then when I met my family for the first time, it was a staple in my life that, oh wow, like I have a whole family outside of this.
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:07.519
And so yeah, that was.
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:10.960
And then it's like, these people look like me, they talk about me.
00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:13.039
We all look alike, we all look the same.
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:14.559
That's such a warm feeling.
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:17.680
I mean, until you're told that ain't my sister.
00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:18.240
Oh.
00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:22.319
So that was also, so it's layered, you know, all of it.
00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:22.960
That is layered.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:23.599
It's very layered.
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:24.799
Yeah, it's okay.
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:29.279
So you meet your family for the first time and like, oh, you know, this is your sister.
00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:33.359
My brother was like, I mean, just out of just, you know, you know, just kids.
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:33.599
Kids.
00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:34.400
Kids being kids.
00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:35.359
Kids being kids.
00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:37.759
That ain't my sister, but that marked me.
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:40.400
That marked me, and that that really hurt.
00:19:40.559 --> 00:19:42.559
And I carried that for a long time.
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:44.880
Just because I couldn't grow up with them.
00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:51.039
I didn't fit in with them because my adoptive mom made me seem like I was his supposed to child, but we were still struggling.
00:19:51.119 --> 00:19:55.200
We were still going through, and little did they know I was being verbally and physically abused.
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:56.880
And so I wanted out.
00:19:56.960 --> 00:19:58.000
I wanted to go with them.
00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:00.880
And they didn't want me to go with them because it seemed like I was better than them.
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:05.200
It was just this ricochet of just trauma and discord.
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:14.480
And so growing up with that was very hard to know that I had a biological family that it seemed as if they didn't want me because of the picture that was painted.
00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:17.359
You have been through so much.
00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:18.240
Oh yeah.
00:20:19.359 --> 00:20:19.920
From birth.
00:20:20.079 --> 00:20:20.559
Oh yeah.
00:20:20.720 --> 00:20:21.279
From birth.
00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:22.000
Um yeah.
00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:24.559
I mean the enemy tried to take you out real easy.
00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:25.839
That's why I say I'm a fighter.
00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:34.720
And when you realize what your story, your the life or the message of your life, your life story, or the cadence of your life, I'm trying to find the word that I'm looking for.
00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:40.000
It's um journey, like the journey or just the life message.
00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:41.039
Like I'm a fighter.
00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:46.000
And I just have been put here to continue to fight, to show other people that you can fight.
00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:46.400
Yeah.
00:20:46.640 --> 00:20:48.960
Because from birth, it's been a fight to be here.
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:49.759
It's been a fight.
00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:50.880
Yeah, it's been a fight.
00:20:51.039 --> 00:21:00.240
Like I was like, I just, yeah, my adoptive grandmother, she would tell me stories about how she would come to the hospital to see me because I was very, very sick.
00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:01.440
I wasn't supposed to make it.
00:21:01.599 --> 00:21:05.440
So she, so you have an adoptive mom and then your adoptive grandma.
00:21:05.599 --> 00:21:10.240
Her mother, she already was hands-in, taking you in, already wanted to love on you.
00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:14.319
They already knew because they were they knew of my biological family.
00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:14.720
Okay.
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:23.599
So come to find out, I didn't know this growing up, but come to find out, you know how you do, I was on a search to understand the generational curse on my life so that I could be the actually the stop.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:25.680
I wanted to understand it so I could stop it.
00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:26.160
Okay.
00:21:26.559 --> 00:21:27.200
We love that.
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:27.599
Yes.
00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:29.759
So what I did was I was getting to know people.
00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:35.119
I was trying to, I would ask my aunts and uncles like just questions as I could on my own as I got older.
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:39.440
So come to find out, my adoptive mom was dating my biological aunt.
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:40.880
Mm-hmm.
00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:45.599
And that was a secret, a hush in the family for a long time.
00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:52.240
So when you, when your mom was pregnant with you, then the conversations were already starting.
00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:55.039
Like, hey, look, she she got some stuff going on.
00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:56.079
She can't take care of this baby.
00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:57.519
I'm gonna need you to come through for my sister.
00:21:57.680 --> 00:21:59.440
Yes, but it they couldn't come through fast enough.
00:21:59.519 --> 00:22:05.519
So I Up in the system, so that's how they knew where they where I was and how they were keeping up with me because they couldn't.
00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:06.880
This is D.
00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:08.559
Ah girl, it's a mess.
00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:09.920
It's a story, it's a movie.
00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:13.119
Very, it's kind of entertaining if you follow the story because I was like, This is D.
00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:14.160
Yeah, I didn't know.
00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:16.880
But I didn't know until I started asking questions.
00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:18.799
It was very hush, hush.
00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:19.039
Okay.
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:20.880
Like it was very under the radar.
00:22:20.960 --> 00:22:25.519
Because I was I'm kind of trying to figure out why this lady, I didn't know she was my biological aunt.
00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:26.160
I didn't know.
00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:27.599
She was just coming over to the house.
00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:28.960
She was picking me up in her cab.
00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:30.400
We'll go for a cab ride.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:33.920
And just like any, you know how black families are, everybody was cleaning up.
00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:35.599
Everybody, she used to drive a cab.
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:40.480
And she was kind of, she had a shortcut, little thing, you know, she was kind of boyish.
00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:47.279
And I would just, and but she was, you know, did your aunt, did your aunt Nita come to find out I was named after this woman?
00:22:47.440 --> 00:23:02.000
I mean, it was just so many layers to this that they hid from me for so long that when I started to start unlaying and uncovering all the stories, I realized that being estranged from your family is a generational curse.
00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:05.359
Like my aunts were estranged.
00:23:05.519 --> 00:23:08.319
They didn't grow up together as siblings like they should have.
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:17.839
Um, it was a lot of like, you know, infidelity here and cheating here, and you know, sleeping with they brother and they brother sleeping with they sit.
00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:19.519
Like it was a lot going on.
00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:33.839
And so when I start to uncover all of that, I realize like, oh, I'm a product of generational uh estranged relationships, generational trauma of families not being family for lack of an art.
00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:35.440
So yeah.
00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:38.720
Yeah, we can keep talking about it, but it's a lot.
00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:40.720
No, thank you for sharing all of that.
00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:41.759
No worries.
00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:46.079
Because it's people out there who have some estranged families and need to get to the root of it.
00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:46.799
Yeah, you gotta ask.
00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:49.680
Because when you get to the root, that's how you're able to like pull it up.
00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:51.279
I started asking questions.
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:58.799
I mean, at the age of 16, when I had the autonomy to like go around my family on my own, I would just sit and ask questions.
00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:05.759
And when my biological mom died in July 4th of 2023, I was able to kind of sit with them.
00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:06.640
Thank you.
00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:14.400
I was able to sit with them and just let them just vent to me about how they felt and how they, you know, their upbringing.
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:25.200
And through them venting, I have voice memos now to where my aunt is literally telling me like how they were brought up and how they didn't know their daddy and their mama and a sister and this person did this to them.
00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:30.240
And I'm like, wow, this has been a generational curse of just discord.
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:33.599
So, what is the process of breaking that?
00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:35.359
Like, what was the uprooting?
00:24:35.519 --> 00:24:38.960
What did it look like for you to now like, let's change this?
00:24:39.039 --> 00:24:40.400
I'm going to, it ends here.
00:24:40.559 --> 00:24:41.839
Like, what was that like?
00:24:42.160 --> 00:24:43.519
Or was it just prayer?
00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:45.359
I wouldn't say it was just prayer.
00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:54.799
I think you, I think there's a part of you that needs to know what the curse is and know where the root lies so that you can break it.
00:24:54.960 --> 00:25:01.599
For me, it was like, I don't want, I want to change, I want to be a fresh start for everything that happens next from me.
00:25:01.839 --> 00:25:05.920
So I want to make sure that I try to my best to bridge the gap with my family.
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:10.240
I try to, you know, be uh in communication with them if I can.
00:25:10.319 --> 00:25:17.440
Now, right now, it's hard because you can't, you can't mend something that somebody else doesn't want it to be fixed.
00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:18.559
It takes two to tango.
00:25:18.640 --> 00:25:20.160
It do take two to tango.
00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:35.680
And so I made a decision, a conscious decision that from this moment forward, that I would make a conscious decision to not live estranged, to even when it hurts to have a conversation, have the uncomfortable conversations, move differently in my faith, be a light to my family.
00:25:35.839 --> 00:25:37.759
And if they want to draw near to it, they can.
00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:39.440
If not, that's on them.
00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:43.279
But to be a leading example of what it looks like to live for the Lord.
00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:44.480
I love that so much.
00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:48.000
You're not only an example to your family, but you're an example to the world.
00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:50.720
You literally have 400K followers.
00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:51.519
That's a lot.
00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:52.799
That's a lot.
00:25:53.039 --> 00:25:53.839
Plus, that's a lot.
00:25:54.079 --> 00:26:02.240
Like you literally have been speaking life into people's lives and identities and calling them higher with just using words.
00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:02.480
Yeah.
00:26:02.640 --> 00:26:03.440
You know what I'm saying?
00:26:03.599 --> 00:26:05.519
And literally, it's the word of God.
00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:06.160
Oh, yeah.
00:26:06.319 --> 00:26:08.160
You know, being made into affirmations.
00:26:08.319 --> 00:26:10.559
And um, how did you get into that?
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:19.200
Coming from where you came from, how did you get into deciding I'm going to create affirmations and it's gonna impact the people?
00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:31.279
When we when the world hit the lowest point that we've ever been in in a long time, which was COVID 2020, I felt it being an empath.
00:26:31.359 --> 00:26:34.960
I felt us all just so low.
00:26:35.119 --> 00:26:41.039
Even if it was some of us can actually say it was the best time of our lives, and some of us lost everything.
00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:42.799
And I felt both.
00:26:43.039 --> 00:26:43.359
Yeah.
00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:51.200
And I was looking for like just a way to number one, just feel good again.
00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:54.240
Just feel like it was really for me, to be honest.
00:26:54.400 --> 00:27:02.559
I was such in a low place because I didn't realize how single I was, you know, like in COVID, just no family, no friends.
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:04.000
Yeah, it was same.
00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:07.279
It was like, man, this is really, this sucks.
00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:12.480
And I was starting to really question my self-worth a little bit.
00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:15.599
Like, will I ever be enough for people?
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:17.599
Like, people ain't checking on me.
00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:20.079
You know, I just started to dwindle mentally.
00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:24.400
And I think I felt the world mentally dwindling as well.
00:27:24.559 --> 00:27:27.680
People were creating, like, causing suicide, all these things.
00:27:27.839 --> 00:27:39.119
And I just remember um my grandmother on the way to school, she would have this piece of paper inside of a paper protector, and she would put it at the top, she photo and put it at the top.
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:43.440
Inside of it would be uh scriptures or sayings or declarations.
00:27:43.519 --> 00:27:46.079
She didn't call them affirmation, she said these are declarations.
00:27:46.240 --> 00:27:46.400
Okay.
00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:48.079
That she declared declare.
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:48.640
Uh-huh.
00:27:48.720 --> 00:27:49.440
I declare.
00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:52.400
And uh she would have me read those on the way to school.
00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:53.440
Like, I am a good student.
00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:54.640
I listen to my teachers.
00:27:54.799 --> 00:27:56.640
I am well-mannered and I do well in school.
00:27:56.720 --> 00:28:10.400
Like to this day, I can literally smell the paper and hear the crinkle that I would do, and it would be call and response because some morning she would drive, and or some of the next mornings we would catch the bus, but she would make me say it first and then she would repeat it.
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:11.119
Wow.
00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:13.839
And so I just remember that.
00:28:13.920 --> 00:28:15.920
That just started, I just started remembering that.
00:28:16.400 --> 00:28:17.119
That started stirring up.
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:18.480
Transplanted from young age.
00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:20.079
Yeah, it just started stirring up.
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.440
And I was like, huh.
00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:26.559
I wonder, like, how can I just and I started writing them myself in my journal.
00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:33.200
And then one day I was like, I mean, I would like just, I mean, in my little creative brain, you know, I'm a little neurospicy.
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:40.640
I would just take videos of stuff around my house, like fine movement of like things moving in my house, whether it was light or the trees.
00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:44.079
And the next thing I knew, I was inspired to just put words on top.
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:46.960
And I just posted it because I like pretty things.
00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:50.720
And I am one of those people that would re-watch my stories a hundred times.
00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:58.640
And if I'm gonna re-watch my stories, why not it be something that'd be uplifting, something that I actually enjoy, something that speaks well of myself.
00:28:58.799 --> 00:28:58.960
Yeah.
00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:02.720
And it felt weird, but it was like my, it was like a piece of content that was mine.
00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:06.559
I didn't have to get anybody's approval to do it or anything.
00:29:06.640 --> 00:29:07.839
And I just really enjoyed it.
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:08.880
And it was for me.
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:17.279
And I never thought, I never thought it would be a thing where people would want to share them and look forward to them.
00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:23.839
I never thought my biggest um insecurity is public speeding, public speaking and writing.
00:29:24.079 --> 00:29:25.440
Because I didn't do really well in school.
00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:28.160
Such a great writer and a speaker.
00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:29.759
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:30.559
Yeah.
00:29:30.799 --> 00:29:35.759
I never that was my the I hid behind creativity because I never wanted to be a speaker.
00:29:35.920 --> 00:29:41.200
I never wanted to be a writer, because I just that was not my strong suit.
00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:45.200
You know, I'm working off of uh an honest third grade education.
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:48.799
Like I just made, you know, in public schools, you just make your way.
00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:50.400
You just make your way through college.
00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:52.559
I was very resourceful, okay?
00:29:52.799 --> 00:29:57.599
Um so I'm working, yeah, I'm working off a third grade education.
00:29:57.759 --> 00:30:02.319
Couldn't write a write an email if I wanted to, didn't know how to like format things for papers.
00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:04.319
Like, trust me, it was bad.
00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:15.359
So uh, so yeah, I never those it just came from a place of like, I just want to make pretty things and I wanted it to be something that represents me and speaks to me.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.480
And before I knew it, that's where it kind of took off.
00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:21.920
It was just like people were interested in, they enjoyed it, and I love music.
00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:36.480
So to be able to score something with the like find the right music to um support the affirmations that I was saying or the visual, like it was just a beautiful, like 15-second moment that I could create for myself.
00:30:36.720 --> 00:30:44.559
A 15-second moment that you can create for yourself that has now turned into half a million followers on one platform.
00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:45.599
It's really crazy.
00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:46.880
On one platform.
00:30:47.119 --> 00:30:47.440
Just one.
00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:48.559
We didn't even count the other ones.
00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:49.359
We haven't.
00:30:49.440 --> 00:30:58.480
We haven't even counted on one platform, a half a million, half a million people decided I want to be a part of this affirmation journey.
00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:00.160
I want to affirm myself.
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:05.920
Girl, you know, a lot of the times when people do videos and stuff and they put words over them, it'd be really chaotic.
00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:09.440
And your brain ain't following, but we can follow yours.
00:31:09.599 --> 00:31:10.799
It looks really nice.
00:31:11.039 --> 00:31:14.079
It's something that you do with the background that give it like a little dim situation.
00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:14.480
Yes.
00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:16.079
And it makes the words stand out.
00:31:16.400 --> 00:31:28.480
So it's like, even though for those of us, let me let me not say us, but those of us with H A D H D and all those of us bring things that just be going, your brain gotta do a thousand things at one time.
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:30.720
It's like a calmness to it.
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:31.039
Yeah.
00:31:31.119 --> 00:31:33.039
And I be reading those things out loud, I ain't gonna hold you.
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:33.680
Like, I hope so.
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:36.079
I mean, I granted that's that's your goal, you know what I'm saying?
00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:39.599
But it's just so beautiful that you can do that.
00:31:39.920 --> 00:31:43.440
Yeah, I think it's kind of just signature to who I am.
00:31:43.599 --> 00:31:58.880
You know, I'm able to pull on my music background, pull on the visionary that I am, pull on the encourager that I am, yeah um, and pull on the content creator that I am and pull it all, put it all together.
00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:02.319
It's a beautiful representation, it's it's the one thing that is mine.
00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:07.200
And can't nobody tell me how to make it, how to communicate, what to say, when to post it.
00:32:07.279 --> 00:32:12.000
It's mine, but I am so grateful that it gets to bless other people.
00:32:12.240 --> 00:32:12.480
Amen.
00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:16.960
I never imagined, and I never imagined that this would be the outlet.
00:32:17.920 --> 00:32:19.440
And you have done so well.
00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:20.240
Like thank you.
00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:22.079
I need to be mad about it.
00:32:22.400 --> 00:32:23.200
I'm inspired.
00:32:23.279 --> 00:32:24.079
You do so well.
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:33.359
So for the for the affirmer who needs affirmation, sometimes we going up is all about pulling people out of a low place.
00:32:33.519 --> 00:32:33.680
Yeah.
00:32:33.839 --> 00:32:41.039
Can you share with us any times that you felt low or you felt like you were in a pit and didn't know when life would look up for you?
00:32:41.200 --> 00:32:43.519
And how did God bring you out of that?
00:32:43.839 --> 00:32:46.640
Oh, I mean, there has been several pits.
00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:48.880
Which one you won't?
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:51.039
Whichever one you're comfortable sharing.
00:32:51.440 --> 00:32:59.519
I mean, you know, the clearest pit or the most recent pit that I've talked about is in 2023.
00:32:59.920 --> 00:33:02.559
Um, you know, I'm in the height of my career.
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:09.119
I am just became, I just wrote a book, you know, wrote a journal, affirmations journal.
00:33:09.279 --> 00:33:13.599
And let me say this: the one thing that you're gifted at, the enemy will test you strongly.
00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:14.640
Strongly.
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:15.279
Okay.
00:33:15.839 --> 00:33:17.279
And I didn't know that.
00:33:17.519 --> 00:33:33.359
So here I am, 2023, um, writing a book about on affirmations and attacked immensely to the point that I'm self-published and I was scammed by self-pub by a company because I didn't know what I didn't know.
00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:36.000
So I got scammed out of thousands of dollars.
00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:47.680
And I'm in this place of getting scammed, that, and then also there's this strange relationship with my mom had really done a number on me.
00:33:47.759 --> 00:33:51.440
She was saying some really hurtful things, and mentally I started declining.
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:54.000
Now, as an entrepreneur, you know, if you don't work, you don't eat.
00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:54.480
Yeah.
00:33:54.720 --> 00:33:55.039
Okay.
00:33:55.440 --> 00:33:56.559
So I wasn't working.
00:33:56.720 --> 00:33:57.839
I was trying to get this book out.
00:33:57.920 --> 00:34:02.000
The stress of trying to get this book out, getting scammed, also mentally declining.
00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:02.960
I wasn't working.
00:34:03.039 --> 00:34:04.160
I was in the height of my career.
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:07.599
Everybody's saying everything is like beautiful, things have taken off.
00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:12.480
I mean, I'm everywhere, I'm traveling, but also I am mentally declining fast.
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:13.599
Fast.
00:34:14.079 --> 00:34:16.960
And next thing I know, I'm in the red in my business.
00:34:17.119 --> 00:34:21.679
I'm trying to figure out how I can get this book to print because I went to pre-order.
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:24.159
And I have, I'm literally doing nothing.
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:26.639
I'm trying to keep up a staff, a team, all those things.
00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:30.559
I'm so in the red that I'm using my rent money to pay my staff.
00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:33.039
I'm using my rent money to try to figure out this book.
00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:36.960
And then I look up, it's April, and I and I'm going somewhere.
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:40.000
I get on a Zoom call with my friends, and I'm like, I'm not okay.
00:34:40.400 --> 00:34:41.519
I don't know.
00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:43.360
I just don't know what I can do.
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:47.519
I'm trying to strategize my way out of this, and I don't know how.
00:34:47.760 --> 00:34:52.480
And they all look, you know, they all gave me advice, and the advice was to you need to stop.
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:54.639
You just need to shut your business down.
00:34:54.880 --> 00:34:56.079
And I was like, okay.
00:34:56.639 --> 00:35:00.400
And I'm in the red, okay, mind you, already in the red.
00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:05.039
And there's this is April, and then there's an eviction notice on my door in May.
00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.039
So May, they give me to the 31st to move out.
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:10.960
So I am like, okay.
00:35:11.199 --> 00:35:12.800
I mean, I don't know what else to do.
00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:15.760
And I look up and my car is also being repossessed.
00:35:17.039 --> 00:35:17.199
Okay.
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:18.480
I told you I was in the red.
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:21.039
So I look out, they take in my car.
00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:25.119
Next thing I know, I get a eviction notice on my door.
00:35:25.199 --> 00:35:26.719
And I genuinely, I'm just a girl.
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:28.079
I really don't know what to do.
00:35:28.239 --> 00:35:29.920
You know, I'm mentally spiraling.
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:32.000
I'm trying to get this book to the finish line.
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:34.000
I don't know how I'm gonna pay my team.
00:35:34.079 --> 00:35:35.599
I don't have the money to pay rent.
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:37.039
And so I'm like, okay.
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:44.719
So the next thing I knew, my friend was like, Well, I can get you a storage unit because she had connections at a storage unit, and she got me a storage unit.
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:47.039
And so May 31st, I'm moving my stuff out.
00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:49.599
I come back and I am completely robbed of everything.
00:35:51.199 --> 00:35:52.159
Like, what you mean?
00:35:52.320 --> 00:35:55.039
Like, the stuff you was moving out, somebody took it.
00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:57.039
I made a trip to the storage unit.
00:35:57.199 --> 00:35:58.159
And you know how it is.
00:35:58.320 --> 00:36:00.639
You packing up everything, you putting stuff in.
00:36:00.960 --> 00:36:01.679
It was in your apartment?
00:36:01.840 --> 00:36:02.559
It was in my apartment.
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:12.480
So I had packed up everything, made one trip to take my winter clothes to storage so I could put that in the bag, so that I could leave everything that I was gonna use up front.
00:36:12.639 --> 00:36:14.480
So, and I'm doing this by myself.
00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:15.519
Like, don't get me wrong.
00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:19.039
I was, I didn't, you know how you just so embarrassed, she's just like, you know, I got it.
00:36:19.119 --> 00:36:19.519
It's okay.
00:36:19.599 --> 00:36:22.880
So I'm crying, packing my stuff up, putting it in a U-Haul.
00:36:23.039 --> 00:36:29.840
I made one trip because that next day, I'm like, well, I'm just gonna, my friend was like, you can come to New York to stay with me since you're getting evicted.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:31.360
You don't have anywhere, I didn't have anywhere to go.
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:33.199
I didn't have nothing.
00:36:33.360 --> 00:36:34.800
And so she was like, You can come to New York.
00:36:34.880 --> 00:36:38.079
So I'm like, I'm packing up as if I'm going to New York that next day.
00:36:38.239 --> 00:36:46.400
So I'm putting all of my valuables in this corner because this is what I need, like my computer, my laptop, my carry-on, all the things like it's going over here, right?
00:36:46.559 --> 00:36:48.880
And then I took that everything.
00:36:49.039 --> 00:36:54.000
So I came back from making a trip to the storage unit because it wasn't far from where I was living at the time.
00:36:54.159 --> 00:36:58.960
And I may have taken like an hour to put stuff in, you know, lollygagging on the phone.
00:36:59.119 --> 00:37:10.000
Plus, so I come back and my couch is overturned, my luggages are taken, and they threw like I had some wine bottles and they threw the wine bottles.
00:37:10.239 --> 00:37:14.079
There was keepsakes and they threw it against the wall, like vandalized my apartment.
00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:16.159
And it was somebody watching me.
00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:18.079
It had to have been somebody watching me.
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:26.400
Because low-key a couple days before that, I had ordered some um storage uh bags, and somebody had stolen my storage bags off my thing, but I didn't think nothing of it.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:30.079
I just thought, like, okay, maybe it they thought it was theirs, whatever.
00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:34.320
Girl, I came back from taking a trip, everything was took taken.
00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:37.360
All I had was my phone and my ID on me.
00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:41.840
And the ID I had on me wasn't even my the one, it was my expired ID.
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:44.880
Because I just needed it just in case, because I had it, because I had put everything.
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:45.599
You know how you do?
00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:49.840
You you you put everything in your carry-on, you pack it up, I was putting it over in the corner.
00:37:49.920 --> 00:37:51.360
I came back, all that was gone.
00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:54.719
So I have nothing, absolutely nothing.
00:37:55.039 --> 00:37:56.400
And I am in shambles.
00:37:56.559 --> 00:38:03.280
And it wasn't until my bed, I literally called a few of my friends just to let them know.
00:38:03.440 --> 00:38:06.800
I could barely talk, first of all, because I was just in distress.
00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:13.360
And one of my friends came and she found me on the floor, just completely undone.
00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:16.159
Because I was like, I don't know, I don't know what to do.
00:38:16.239 --> 00:38:18.079
I don't even have a license that I can fly with.
00:38:18.239 --> 00:38:19.039
This is all I have.
00:38:19.119 --> 00:38:25.199
I was just trying to take stuff to the storage, come back, because I had was timing it to where because I didn't have no car.
00:38:25.440 --> 00:38:30.320
I was t trying to um time it to where I took my stuff to the storage, right?
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:31.440
That's done.
00:38:31.679 --> 00:38:34.480
Then I can get an Uber to the airport and just go to New York.
00:38:34.719 --> 00:38:38.000
Like that's how much I was timing because I didn't have anywhere to go, Porsche.
00:38:38.239 --> 00:38:43.760
It was just, I was just trying to make good on the time that I had and do what I had do what I could with what I had.
00:38:44.079 --> 00:38:47.840
So that's May 31st.
00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:53.679
And uh I couldn't fly because I didn't have the right, I didn't have my license or anything like that.
00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:56.880
Didn't know I could fly with an expired license, but that's neither here nor there.
00:38:57.039 --> 00:39:04.480
And so I go to Arkansas, stay with a couple friends, and um they're like, you know what, you can just stay here.
00:39:04.559 --> 00:39:07.440
You can get on your feet, you know, you can figure it out here.
00:39:07.679 --> 00:39:12.800
And next thing I knew, it was July 4th, and I got a call that my biological mom passed.
00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:21.599
Which was crazy because we were just in this, you know, like I told you, we were in this talking phase, rebuilding, getting to know each other again.
00:39:21.760 --> 00:39:29.280
I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, because I had just, I'm just, I also told you at the top of the year, I'm going through this strange relationship with my adopted mom.
00:39:29.360 --> 00:39:31.440
She had said some really hurtful things.
00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:34.079
And I didn't, at the time, it's a strange.
00:39:34.159 --> 00:39:37.039
So I didn't know my adopted mom was even facing dementia.
00:39:37.199 --> 00:39:39.280
I didn't even know that was on the table.
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:40.960
Had no idea.
00:39:41.199 --> 00:39:44.320
Come July 4th, my biological mom passes.
00:39:44.400 --> 00:39:45.760
I'm a complete wreck.
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:46.800
Because I'm like, what the fuck?
00:39:47.039 --> 00:39:48.079
You just lost everything.
00:39:48.239 --> 00:39:51.920
You were just evicted, repossessed, robbed, and now your mom dies.
00:39:52.079 --> 00:39:52.480
Yes.
00:39:52.719 --> 00:39:54.559
And then I have to go home, of course.
00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:56.559
This is a big part of that.
00:39:57.119 --> 00:40:02.960
And then we get to find we get an official confirmation that my adoptive mom has dementia.
00:40:03.840 --> 00:40:08.000
So that's layered, because I'm like, how you got dementia?
00:40:08.320 --> 00:40:10.159
And you owe me an apology.
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:12.960
So now you so DJ.
00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:14.559
I'm so sorry.
00:40:14.719 --> 00:40:16.480
So I'm so sorry.
00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:18.400
I'm unserious, guys.
00:40:18.559 --> 00:40:19.119
I'm sorry.
00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:20.400
But I'm so serious.
00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:21.920
I'm like to remember that.
00:40:22.239 --> 00:40:23.119
I was so mad.
00:40:23.280 --> 00:40:25.920
I was so upset, and I felt like I lost everything.
00:40:26.079 --> 00:40:29.920
I lost the ability to do.
00:40:30.079 --> 00:40:33.039
I mean, I just that was the the deepest pit.
00:40:33.440 --> 00:40:39.440
But the Lord is so kind, and he's such a good father that through it all, he was right there with me.
00:40:40.079 --> 00:40:45.199
And so sometimes we look for him to pull you out of the pit when really you need to see him while you're in the pit.
00:40:46.000 --> 00:40:49.599
And it wasn't until that I was at the lowest, I couldn't do anything for myself.
00:40:49.679 --> 00:40:51.440
I couldn't strategize myself out of it.
00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:56.880
I couldn't, couldn't content create myself out of it, I couldn't network myself out of it.
00:40:57.199 --> 00:41:00.159
I knew then and I more than ever I needed the Lord.
00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:03.519
And it wasn't that I just needed him, I needed to be with him.
00:41:03.760 --> 00:41:05.280
I needed him with me.
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:08.880
And um my prayers were different.
00:41:09.039 --> 00:41:10.719
It wasn't like, Lord, get me out of this.
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:14.559
It was like, can I just see, can I just see your hand in this somewhere?
00:41:15.119 --> 00:41:18.000
Can I just feel your presence somehow, somehow?
00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:29.360
And that's when I realized that it's not about getting out of the pit because there was this, there's been times where I was like, Lord, if you gotta keep me in the wilderness so I can stay close to you, I'll do it.
00:41:30.800 --> 00:41:36.639
Because I don't want to get out of this wilderness and everything starts going back and I forget the God that pulled me out.
00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:39.280
So if I gotta stay in it, I'll do it.
00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:44.719
But really and truly, it was finding the Lord in that pit because I was technically homeless, Porsche.
00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:46.159
I ain't had I was homeless.
00:41:46.239 --> 00:41:48.960
Like, so of course, my mom dies in July.
00:41:49.119 --> 00:41:53.519
I'm in DC, you know, staying with friends and family, doing what I can.
00:41:54.320 --> 00:41:55.599
But it didn't get better.
00:41:56.800 --> 00:41:57.920
It didn't get better.
00:41:58.239 --> 00:42:00.800
I still had to figure it out.
00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:01.840
I still was homeless.
00:42:02.239 --> 00:42:06.400
I didn't I didn't even get official housing until 2024.
00:42:07.679 --> 00:42:11.360
And because I'm so hyper-independent, I didn't have a car.
00:42:11.519 --> 00:42:19.039
So I was renting a car from Uber, sleeping in it, and driving Uber in the morning.
00:42:20.400 --> 00:42:25.119
And I remember being in that car and was like, Lord, I thank you that I'm resourceful like this.
00:42:25.679 --> 00:42:29.039
But if you could keep my dignity through this all, that's all I ask.
00:42:29.519 --> 00:42:30.320
That's all I ask.
00:42:30.559 --> 00:42:32.000
If you could just keep my dignity.
00:42:32.320 --> 00:42:35.920
And I was like, Lord, it's getting a little hot for me to still be in this car.
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:40.960
So if there's any way that I can get any shelter, I would be super grateful.
00:42:41.599 --> 00:42:52.639
And I looked up and he was providing for me because my best friend at the time, my best friend's sister, had a two-bedroom that she was willing to let me stay in until I figured it out.
00:42:54.079 --> 00:42:56.960
And that's when I say, sometimes he don't pull you out of the pit.
00:42:57.039 --> 00:42:58.559
Because that wasn't necessarily pulling me out.
00:42:58.719 --> 00:43:04.079
He was giving me, he was being, he it was him showing him that he was supplying my need, and he was with me.
00:43:04.800 --> 00:43:05.199
Yeah.
00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:12.559
So yeah, that the Lord really showed me that, and he was showing me that is because I'm so hyper-independent.
00:43:12.639 --> 00:43:16.079
I don't know if you are hyper-independent where you feel like you can't ask for help.
00:43:16.400 --> 00:43:19.199
Asking for help doesn't really Some of that be pride a little bit, but yeah.
00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:25.280
Yeah, it's like, me and I I think because I've, you know, the story is layered, you know.
00:43:25.440 --> 00:43:29.760
When you grow up in a very verbally and physically abusive home, you feel abandoned.
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:30.000
Yeah.
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:32.000
You feel afraid to ask people for help.
00:43:32.159 --> 00:43:34.320
You're not sure if they're gonna come through for you.
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:38.800
And I had experienced that in my friendships, I experienced it in my relationships.
00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:42.159
So I just don't have a really great track record of trusting people.
00:43:43.360 --> 00:43:43.679
Okay.
00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:49.840
So when you're in this space, you're like, Lord, that's when I had to really see that the Lord was with me in it.
00:43:49.920 --> 00:43:51.360
He's like, I'm gonna provide for you.
00:43:51.519 --> 00:43:52.639
I'm a good, good father.
00:43:52.719 --> 00:43:53.920
I am with you in this.
00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:56.559
Because I for so long I felt so alone.
00:43:56.719 --> 00:43:59.599
But it was in that pit where he had to strip me of everything that.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:02.320
Show me how close he is to me.
00:44:02.559 --> 00:44:03.199
My goodness.
00:44:03.440 --> 00:44:04.719
Through the love of people.
00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:07.360
It didn't always come the way I thought it was going to come.
00:44:07.519 --> 00:44:10.000
The help didn't come the way I wanted it to come.
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:12.079
It came the way I needed it to come.
00:44:12.480 --> 00:44:16.960
And but that was the way the Lord was showing his providence and his sovereignty in my life.
00:44:17.039 --> 00:44:17.599
The love.
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:26.079
Like that's how locked in we became, and we are.
00:44:26.239 --> 00:44:29.280
Because none of it made me realize that none of this matters.
00:44:29.519 --> 00:44:32.719
That we're going to go through tribulation until the Lord comes back.
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:38.960
There's always going to be something until the Lord calls us home because we live in a fallen world.
00:44:39.280 --> 00:44:40.800
Our lives are not our own.
00:44:40.960 --> 00:44:50.159
And when I look back over my life and in that pit in 2013, I realized I had to go through all of that because I never want to take people to a place I ain't never been.
00:44:51.119 --> 00:44:59.360
So if I'm encouraging you, I can encourage you from a place of experience, not from a place of theoretically or hypothetically.
00:44:59.599 --> 00:45:01.679
I can encourage you from a place of experience.
00:45:01.760 --> 00:45:05.920
So when I look back at 2023, now could it gone a different way?
00:45:06.079 --> 00:45:06.400
Sure.
00:45:06.559 --> 00:45:08.559
I would have loved it to go a different way.
00:45:08.719 --> 00:45:12.559
But I but looking back, I know that that pit was not just for me.
00:45:12.719 --> 00:45:15.360
It was for the generations of people that come behind me.
00:45:15.519 --> 00:45:18.719
It's for the little girl that's gone that feels alone because she is adopted.
00:45:18.800 --> 00:45:20.400
She doesn't have anybody that she can talk to.
00:45:20.559 --> 00:45:25.920
She is creative and she just needs somebody to be for her to feel seen, heard, and understood.
00:45:26.159 --> 00:45:28.559
And now I can talk to that because of that pit.
00:45:28.719 --> 00:45:29.920
So you know.
00:45:30.639 --> 00:45:33.280
And then they don't tell you how long it takes to recover.
00:45:33.519 --> 00:45:34.400
They don't.
00:45:35.039 --> 00:45:38.719
When you lose everything, they don't tell you it takes a couple years.
00:45:39.039 --> 00:45:39.920
It takes a couple years.
00:45:40.079 --> 00:45:44.559
So this is a full circle moment to be sitting here talking from a place of healing and not from pain.
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:45.280
Yeah.
00:45:45.679 --> 00:45:53.280
Because now if you caught me a couple months ago, even a year ago, it would have been, I would have been still angry that that happened to me.
00:45:53.360 --> 00:45:55.039
Like, what did I do to deserve this?
00:45:55.199 --> 00:45:56.880
Why did I have to go through this again?
00:45:56.960 --> 00:45:58.800
Or be in this pit like this again?
00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:01.760
Like, God, have you not seen what I've been through?
00:46:02.079 --> 00:46:04.159
Can you give me some reprieve?
00:46:04.639 --> 00:46:09.119
And now I see it as a thing, as a, as a way of being able to relate to people.
00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:13.039
Girl, I am so sorry.
00:46:13.440 --> 00:46:14.480
No need to apologize.
00:46:14.639 --> 00:46:16.960
I mean, I don't know, because I don't know what else to say.
00:46:17.199 --> 00:46:19.199
You know, you I don't like no, it's one of them.
00:46:19.599 --> 00:46:28.960
I'm literally sitting here at the point of tears listening to all of this because I mean, I have experienced a lot of losing things and all of that and being homeless and all that stuff too.
00:46:29.039 --> 00:46:35.199
But you was literally sleeping in a car and Ubering with the car just to have shelter at night.
00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:35.760
Yeah.
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:38.079
Like, that's deep.
00:46:38.239 --> 00:46:48.719
And in the midst of that, losing your biological mom, and how does the affirmationist on social media get her laptop taken?
00:46:48.880 --> 00:46:55.280
Like, I mean, granted, all the other things, your person, all the other things that got stolen in your home stuff, but you lost everything.
00:46:55.599 --> 00:46:56.000
Everything.
00:46:56.159 --> 00:46:59.920
But the Lord showed me He He had people that I would never expect.
00:47:00.239 --> 00:47:01.199
Somebody DM me.
00:47:01.440 --> 00:47:02.800
We're family to this day.
00:47:02.960 --> 00:47:03.840
Beautiful people.
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:07.119
Shout out to Linda and uh my girl Suki.
00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:07.920
Hey y'all.
00:47:08.159 --> 00:47:10.400
Um random at that time.
00:47:10.480 --> 00:47:12.000
I didn't know these people from Adam.
00:47:12.159 --> 00:47:15.199
They said that the Lord told them to buy me a brand new computer.
00:47:15.360 --> 00:47:15.679
Oh.
00:47:16.639 --> 00:47:17.599
I have photos.
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:18.719
He's such a good guy.
00:47:19.280 --> 00:47:20.159
That's what I'm telling you.
00:47:20.559 --> 00:47:28.800
I was like, Lord, if you're the good God that you say you are, you're gonna have to provide for me in some way.
00:47:29.039 --> 00:47:33.440
There's there's gotta be, there's only we only go up from here.
00:47:33.599 --> 00:47:34.320
I have nothing.
00:47:34.480 --> 00:47:35.519
We can only go up from here.
00:47:35.760 --> 00:47:37.599
We can only go up from here.
00:47:38.239 --> 00:47:44.159
It was a random person on the internet that had been following me and said that the Lord told me.
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:53.840
And I'm telling you, when I tell you they're so regular, so beautiful, so I mean, they don't, and not to be funny, they're not such a much, there's not no wealthy family.
00:47:54.159 --> 00:47:56.159
She obeyed the Lord.
00:47:57.519 --> 00:48:01.920
Probably bought me that computer off a credit card because the Lord told her to do it.
00:48:02.079 --> 00:48:03.039
Now they're family.
00:48:03.119 --> 00:48:04.320
There's nothing I wouldn't do for them.
00:48:04.400 --> 00:48:07.840
Not because they bought me a computer, but because of their obedience of the Lord.
00:48:08.159 --> 00:48:09.760
That shows their heart posture.
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:12.960
And his heart towards Yes.
00:48:13.119 --> 00:48:17.360
That's why I said it was the Lord didn't provide for me in a way that I wanted him to.
00:48:17.599 --> 00:48:18.880
It was random people.
00:48:19.280 --> 00:48:23.119
It would be days where I didn't know if I was gonna put gas in that car or eat.
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:28.719
And one time I went into a gas station and this man was like, Man, you do you know Jesus loves you?
00:48:28.880 --> 00:48:30.719
And I was like, you know what I do?
00:48:31.119 --> 00:48:32.000
He sure does.
00:48:32.159 --> 00:48:33.599
And I was like, you know, he, you know me.
00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:35.840
You know, I'm having I said, he loves you too.
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:41.440
He was like, ma'am, and he shook my hand and handed me a hundred dollar bill.
00:48:42.320 --> 00:48:44.960
I I took a photo of it.
00:48:45.039 --> 00:48:45.760
I couldn't believe it.
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:50.559
But that was the Lord showing me that I'm with you every step of the way.
00:48:52.239 --> 00:48:56.400
He was with me every step of the way.
00:48:57.199 --> 00:49:05.360
So sometimes we're asking the Lord to pull us out when really, Lord, Lord, the question is it's like, can you be with me in it so that I can stay close to you?
00:49:06.639 --> 00:49:07.039
Wow.
00:49:07.760 --> 00:49:09.039
Yes, girl, 2013.
00:49:09.360 --> 00:49:09.760
Crazy time.
00:49:10.079 --> 00:49:10.639
2023?
00:49:10.880 --> 00:49:13.599
2023, 2023 to 2024.
00:49:13.920 --> 00:49:14.639
Crazy time.
00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:19.519
Okay, and what has the elevation looked like, the rebuilding?
00:49:19.840 --> 00:49:21.760
Like, how did you get to Dallas?
00:49:21.920 --> 00:49:23.280
How did you get here?
00:49:23.440 --> 00:49:23.920
You know?
00:49:24.480 --> 00:49:27.119
I mean, I had been living here the whole entire time.
00:49:27.760 --> 00:49:28.000
Okay.
00:49:28.239 --> 00:49:29.119
Yeah, I had been living here.
00:49:29.440 --> 00:49:30.320
So you left DC.
00:49:30.559 --> 00:49:32.960
I left, so I lived here the whole entire time.
00:49:33.119 --> 00:49:36.559
I had to go home to DC because that's where I'm from.
00:49:37.199 --> 00:49:40.239
The rebuilding has honestly just been trusting the Lord.
00:49:40.559 --> 00:49:43.199
Like resting in him.
00:49:44.159 --> 00:49:47.440
There was a season where I was trying so hard to get a job.
00:49:47.599 --> 00:49:50.079
I was trying so hard to get to get income.
00:49:50.239 --> 00:49:51.280
I was trying so hard.
00:49:51.440 --> 00:49:55.119
I mean, 2023, 2024, I had applied to every job there is.
00:49:55.360 --> 00:49:59.760
And it was a time where I just had to just rest in the Lord and just allow him to provide.
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.800
Looked up one day and I was getting back paid from social media because I had not been paid on Instagram.
00:50:07.039 --> 00:50:09.599
Instagram, Facebook, they wasn't paying me to be on the internet.
00:50:09.679 --> 00:50:11.920
And I looked up and I was getting back pay.
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:14.400
I mean thousands and thousands of dollars.
00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:16.639
Wait a minute a month.
00:50:17.679 --> 00:50:22.960
I mean, you know, have you heard influencers saying, oh yeah, I made$10,000 off reels?
00:50:23.199 --> 00:50:23.840
Yeah.
00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:27.519
I looked up and I they had owed me money.
00:50:28.320 --> 00:50:29.199
Recompense.
00:50:29.440 --> 00:50:30.079
Recompense.
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:30.880
Restoration.
00:50:31.119 --> 00:50:31.599
Restoration.
00:50:31.760 --> 00:50:31.920
Okay.
00:50:32.079 --> 00:50:34.880
I was able to make a restoring the years at the locust.
00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:42.079
Listen, I started walking I started believing that the Lord was going to make a way for me because I knew my heart was right.
00:50:42.320 --> 00:50:44.880
I knew that it was nothing I could have done.
00:50:45.039 --> 00:50:47.280
I tried to do everything that I could.
00:50:47.519 --> 00:50:52.239
And I just believed the Lord so deeply that He was going to make a way for me and I didn't know how.
00:50:52.400 --> 00:50:53.599
And it came through that.
00:50:53.679 --> 00:50:55.440
And it wasn't, and it wasn't long.
00:50:55.760 --> 00:50:58.639
It was just enough that I could save up and get a car.
00:50:58.880 --> 00:51:04.079
It was just enough so that I could stand on my word with the, with, with my sister's roommate.
00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:10.320
I mean, with my um uh best friend's sister and say, hey, I can afford to pay half the rent.
00:51:10.559 --> 00:51:13.280
It was just enough to get me back on my feet.
00:51:13.599 --> 00:51:15.760
And from there, doors started to open.
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:19.519
When I tell you, people were like, DJ, hey, you think you could come help me do this?
00:51:19.679 --> 00:51:21.360
This is the budget that I have.
00:51:21.599 --> 00:51:25.760
I promise you, it was the Lord opening door after door after door for me.
00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:30.559
I'm sitting, I'm literally only here because of the doors that the Lord has opened for me.
00:51:30.800 --> 00:51:31.360
Wow.
00:51:31.599 --> 00:51:35.360
And I told the Lord, I said, if whatever you want me to do, it's all you.
00:51:35.519 --> 00:51:37.519
I cannot make any of this up.
00:51:38.480 --> 00:51:39.760
I can't.
00:51:40.239 --> 00:51:41.199
Because I tried.
00:51:41.360 --> 00:51:42.480
I tried to stratagem.
00:51:42.639 --> 00:51:44.400
I'm an incredible strategist.
00:51:44.559 --> 00:51:44.880
Okay.
00:51:45.679 --> 00:51:46.719
Creative director.
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:48.400
I am an incredible creative director.
00:51:48.480 --> 00:51:48.639
Okay.
00:51:48.800 --> 00:51:50.239
I couldn't do any of that for myself.
00:51:50.400 --> 00:51:56.480
I had to allow the Lord to be the strategist and the creative director of my life and not my own.
00:51:57.599 --> 00:51:58.800
I love that so much.
00:51:58.880 --> 00:52:00.559
Your story is so beautiful.
00:52:00.880 --> 00:52:01.360
Is it?
00:52:01.440 --> 00:52:02.719
It feels a little all over the place.
00:52:02.800 --> 00:52:06.719
Because sometimes I really can't actually it.
00:52:07.119 --> 00:52:10.960
The restoration portion though, it kind of like wipes all that out.
00:52:11.039 --> 00:52:11.760
You know what I'm saying?
00:52:11.920 --> 00:52:12.239
It does.
00:52:12.480 --> 00:52:22.880
When the Lord says that he's going to restore the years that the locust, canker worm, pomer worm have eaten, like so many things were eaten at you, like in family and life and all these different things.
00:52:22.960 --> 00:52:27.519
And it's just like he's giving it all back.
00:52:27.760 --> 00:52:38.639
And yes, it's an uphill climb because we all we're going up only in elevation with the Lord, but it's also beautiful because there are people who are in the car.
00:52:38.800 --> 00:52:40.960
There are people who are being evicted.
00:52:41.039 --> 00:52:43.360
There are people who have faced repossession.
00:52:43.440 --> 00:52:51.840
There are people who have faced robbery, being like having everything taken from them, grief, losing family members, and all those different things.
00:52:51.920 --> 00:52:55.760
And then they get to hear your story, the one who's affirming people, okay?
00:52:55.920 --> 00:52:57.039
All across the world.
00:52:57.199 --> 00:52:59.440
They get to hear your story and be encouraged.
00:52:59.519 --> 00:53:00.159
That's the beautiful part.
00:53:00.559 --> 00:53:06.559
And I know that it's really because, and that's the Lord, because sometimes you really need you need your street cred.
00:53:08.719 --> 00:53:09.679
You gotta pay your dues.
00:53:09.760 --> 00:53:11.679
And where much is given, much is required.
00:53:12.079 --> 00:53:15.679
And when you change your perspective, I had to change my perspective in those low moments.
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:18.880
Like this is all a part of your plan somehow.
00:53:19.039 --> 00:53:22.960
But it also was a part of me seeing the ugly parts of me.
00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:27.119
The parts of me that wasn't a good steward over what I had either.
00:53:27.519 --> 00:53:30.800
And sometimes we think that the it's all the enemy, all the enemy.
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:33.280
Yes, the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
00:53:33.519 --> 00:53:38.000
But there's there were some parts of it where I had to take accountability of the pit, too.
00:53:38.719 --> 00:53:39.039
Okay?
00:53:39.519 --> 00:53:45.199
Because the Lord don't want you in the pit just because there's something that you need to learn about yourself: character building.
00:53:45.280 --> 00:53:45.519
Yeah.
00:53:45.760 --> 00:53:47.119
Being a good steward.
00:53:47.440 --> 00:53:50.559
Um, being a good steward of what God has given you.
00:53:50.719 --> 00:53:54.800
Because I'm not gonna lie, I don't think that I was the best steward of what God had given me.
00:53:54.960 --> 00:53:57.599
I think I took a little bit of it for granted.
00:53:57.840 --> 00:54:09.840
And I think some of that, most of it was to show me, like, I want you to be able to I don't want you to encourage people just because you know how to make pretty things and you know how to say good words.
00:54:10.079 --> 00:54:17.360
I want you to be able to look people in the eye and actually tell them that they're gonna be okay and that they can feel the presence of the Lord.
00:54:17.599 --> 00:54:17.920
Yeah.
00:54:18.159 --> 00:54:20.400
Not be just because you know what to say.
00:54:20.639 --> 00:54:20.960
Yeah.
00:54:21.199 --> 00:54:25.039
And so I think that there is I've been called higher because of it.
00:54:25.199 --> 00:54:26.159
Because we're going up.
00:54:26.400 --> 00:54:27.599
Because we're going up.
00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:31.360
I think that that pit season was to also call me higher.
00:54:31.440 --> 00:54:31.760
Yeah.
00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:35.119
And to have a deeper reverence for what I'm doing.
00:54:35.360 --> 00:54:35.679
Yeah.
00:54:36.000 --> 00:54:41.199
And and and to be a good steward over the platform and the people that he's called to me.
00:54:41.599 --> 00:54:42.000
Amen.
00:54:42.400 --> 00:54:43.039
That's crazy.
00:54:43.119 --> 00:54:44.239
You just answered my last question.
00:54:44.320 --> 00:54:45.280
That was going to be my question.
00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:49.519
Like, what did you have to learn and unlearn as you as God began elevating you?
00:54:49.599 --> 00:54:50.960
And you literally just answered it.
00:54:51.039 --> 00:54:52.719
And I'm so grateful for you.
00:54:52.880 --> 00:55:00.719
Um, I want you to take this moment to encourage our audience, encourage our viewers, the we going up family, people who may be watching.
00:55:00.960 --> 00:55:02.079
Your camera is there.
00:55:02.320 --> 00:55:05.039
Speak to them, whatever you want to say, whatever God leads on your heart.
00:55:05.119 --> 00:55:06.400
If you want to pray, you can do that.
00:55:06.639 --> 00:55:14.639
The Lord leads, but this is your moment to encourage and affirm with the affirmative, affirmationist.
00:55:15.039 --> 00:55:15.840
Oh, this is so good.
00:55:16.000 --> 00:55:16.480
I don't know.
00:55:16.559 --> 00:55:19.519
I think, what do I want to say to the person?
00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:23.360
I just want to say, just do you know what the Lord has called you to do.
00:55:24.480 --> 00:55:26.639
You know what's on the inside of you.
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:30.159
And the more you delay that, the further you're gonna get from that.
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:38.239
And so I just want to encourage you today is to believe in yourself enough, believe in the God in you enough to go after it, to go after your dreams, believe in yourself.
00:55:38.320 --> 00:55:44.159
Stop being a people pleaser, start worrying about what everybody else got to say about you, what they're doing about you, what they how they feel about you.
00:55:44.320 --> 00:55:47.039
Um, because they're gonna talk about you if you do it and if you don't.
00:55:47.199 --> 00:55:47.679
That part.
00:55:48.000 --> 00:55:48.320
Okay.
00:55:48.719 --> 00:55:59.840
So I just want to encourage you today that um you don't get more time and the audacity of you to believe that we get more time to fulfill our purpose in this earth.
00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:05.679
So if you're watching this today, I don't care where you are, I want you to hold yourself accountable.
00:56:05.920 --> 00:56:14.400
I want you to believe in yourself so deeply, and I want you to believe in the God in you so deeply to know that you, that there's nothing in your life that has ever been wasted.
00:56:14.559 --> 00:56:21.440
Every moment, every situation, every pit, every valley that you've been through has prepared you for this time.
00:56:21.599 --> 00:56:21.760
Yeah.
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:23.599
Has prepared you for this moment.
00:56:23.840 --> 00:56:26.639
Everything you need is either within you or within reach.
00:56:26.800 --> 00:56:27.039
Yeah.
00:56:27.199 --> 00:56:28.639
So I want you to go after it.
00:56:28.800 --> 00:56:30.239
After it, after it.
00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:32.320
I want you to go after it.
00:56:32.960 --> 00:56:40.480
And I want you to be a good steward over the of oh, I want you to be a good steward over what the Lord has placed in your hands.
00:56:40.719 --> 00:56:42.880
That's what I want to say to you today.
00:56:43.440 --> 00:56:44.719
That is so good.
00:56:45.119 --> 00:56:46.559
Thank you so much for sharing.
00:56:46.800 --> 00:56:47.440
You're so welcome.
00:56:47.599 --> 00:56:48.400
Thank you for your encouragement.
00:56:48.559 --> 00:56:49.599
I hope it all makes sense.
00:56:49.679 --> 00:56:51.360
It girl, it makes sense for me.
00:56:51.599 --> 00:56:56.159
And what what what you really just said that stood out to me is that nothing was wasted.
00:56:56.320 --> 00:56:58.159
I've God has been reminding me of that.
00:56:58.320 --> 00:56:59.840
People just been randomly telling me that.
00:57:00.079 --> 00:57:14.880
So for you to even say it in this moment that nothing was wasted, nothing that you've gone through, no pit, no nothing was wasted, is just a reminder to me that he literally uses all things, causes all things to work together for the good of those who love God because you gotta love him.
00:57:15.119 --> 00:57:15.760
You gotta love him.
00:57:16.079 --> 00:57:17.840
And who are called according to his purpose.
00:57:17.920 --> 00:57:18.639
That's so beautiful.
00:57:19.119 --> 00:57:19.599
Thank you.
00:57:19.840 --> 00:57:24.480
So why don't you tell the people where they can find you, what you got coming up, anything you want to promote?
00:57:24.559 --> 00:57:25.360
It's promo time.
00:57:25.440 --> 00:57:26.320
Okay, let us know.
00:57:26.559 --> 00:57:30.800
Listen, you can find me if you want to stay connected to the affirmations that I post every morning.
00:57:30.880 --> 00:57:33.840
You can find me at J underscore Ivory Like the Soap.
00:57:34.000 --> 00:57:35.199
And it would be my pleasure.
00:57:35.440 --> 00:57:40.079
It would be my pleasure to connect with you and walk alongside you during your journey.
00:57:40.559 --> 00:57:41.920
Ivory Like the Soap.
00:57:42.000 --> 00:57:42.960
We love that.
00:57:43.440 --> 00:57:45.360
Something like Ivory, uh, and Ivory.
00:57:46.400 --> 00:57:48.159
No, Ivory Like the Soap.
00:57:48.239 --> 00:57:49.199
Yes, I love that.
00:57:49.280 --> 00:57:49.519
Yes.
00:57:49.679 --> 00:57:51.280
Okay, so we gotta leave it on the high note.
00:57:51.440 --> 00:57:51.599
Yes.
00:57:51.679 --> 00:57:52.880
Okay, I still leave it on the high note.
00:57:53.039 --> 00:57:53.760
Okay, because we go on now.
00:57:53.920 --> 00:57:54.480
We go on that.
00:57:54.719 --> 00:57:56.239
My high note is Bible trivia.
00:57:56.400 --> 00:58:02.719
Okay, so we got three levels level one, easy, level two, intermediate, level three, hard.
00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:04.719
You can choose one or all three.
00:58:04.880 --> 00:58:08.079
Okay, we're gonna do easy.
00:58:08.320 --> 00:58:10.880
Okay, ain't nothing wrong with that.
00:58:11.039 --> 00:58:14.079
Okay, so we have three questions for easy.
00:58:14.320 --> 00:58:19.199
Number one, what animal deceived Eve in the Garden of Enoch?
00:58:19.360 --> 00:58:20.079
Oh, I got that.
00:58:20.159 --> 00:58:20.880
The snake.
00:58:20.960 --> 00:58:21.199
Yes.
00:58:23.519 --> 00:58:23.840
Got that one.
00:58:24.079 --> 00:58:24.960
Okay, good, okay, good.
00:58:25.199 --> 00:58:29.440
Okay, how many sons did Jacob slash Israel have?
00:58:29.679 --> 00:58:31.199
I'm gonna take a guess.
00:58:34.400 --> 00:58:35.199
Twelve.
00:58:40.800 --> 00:58:43.920
Okay, okay, and this is supposed to be easy.
00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:45.039
This is this is easy.
00:58:45.199 --> 00:58:46.000
Okay, my brain.
00:58:46.079 --> 00:58:53.840
Okay, let me who married Ruth Boaz?
00:58:54.159 --> 00:58:54.719
Yes.
00:58:55.599 --> 00:58:57.360
Why did I feel like I didn't know that?
00:58:57.599 --> 00:58:59.599
Because you played your mom playing Drake, so you can't.
00:58:59.679 --> 00:59:00.559
Okay, I'm gonna do it.
00:59:00.719 --> 00:59:01.360
Test taker.
00:59:02.559 --> 00:59:03.199
It's okay.
00:59:03.360 --> 00:59:03.840
I'm not sure.
00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:04.159
It's okay.
00:59:04.239 --> 00:59:04.480
You didn't.
00:59:04.719 --> 00:59:05.840
I need multiple choice.
00:59:06.079 --> 00:59:06.559
It's okay.
00:59:07.280 --> 00:59:07.599
You made it.
00:59:07.679 --> 00:59:09.199
You made it do Bible trivia, okay?
00:59:09.440 --> 00:59:09.760
We did it.
00:59:09.840 --> 00:59:10.480
Let me do a horror.
00:59:10.639 --> 00:59:10.960
Do a horror.
00:59:11.199 --> 00:59:12.000
Let me see if I can do it.
00:59:12.320 --> 00:59:12.639
Okay.
00:59:13.679 --> 00:59:17.679
Um, who was the only woman judge mentioned in scripture?
00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:19.920
Judged?
00:59:20.159 --> 00:59:22.480
The only woman judge mentioned in scripture.
00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:25.440
I shouldn't have asked that.
00:59:26.639 --> 00:59:27.119
Naomi.
00:59:27.920 --> 00:59:28.559
Deborah.
00:59:28.800 --> 00:59:29.199
Deborah.
00:59:29.280 --> 00:59:30.079
I was close.
00:59:31.119 --> 00:59:31.679
It was close.
00:59:31.840 --> 00:59:31.920
Okay.
00:59:32.400 --> 00:59:32.639
It was close.
00:59:33.119 --> 00:59:33.360
Name on.
00:59:33.519 --> 00:59:33.679
Okay.
00:59:34.960 --> 00:59:35.599
It's fine.
00:59:35.760 --> 00:59:36.159
It's okay.
00:59:36.320 --> 00:59:36.800
We did it.
00:59:36.960 --> 00:59:37.199
We did it.
00:59:37.440 --> 00:59:38.000
We made it through.
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:42.480
Thank you so much for joining us on We Going Up.
00:59:42.639 --> 00:59:44.079
It has been such a pleasure talking to you.
00:59:44.800 --> 00:59:45.280
It was my pleasure.
00:59:45.679 --> 00:59:46.559
This has been a great time.
00:59:46.719 --> 00:59:48.639
I hope that you got what you need today.
00:59:48.880 --> 00:59:49.280
I did.
00:59:49.440 --> 00:59:49.679
Okay.
00:59:49.840 --> 00:59:50.719
You have blessed me.
00:59:50.800 --> 00:59:52.960
I I couldn't even, I couldn't say nothing.
00:59:53.840 --> 00:59:55.199
I was speechless.
00:59:55.280 --> 00:59:56.239
The Lord has done a number.
00:59:56.719 --> 00:59:56.880
Okay.
00:59:57.039 --> 01:00:00.719
Because you've been through a lot, but we thank God for the glory on the other side of it.
01:00:00.880 --> 01:00:01.280
No, we do.
01:00:01.360 --> 01:00:01.920
We thank the Lord.
01:00:02.000 --> 01:00:02.800
The Lord is so kind.
01:00:02.960 --> 01:00:03.599
So thank you so much.
01:00:04.000 --> 01:00:04.559
So faithful.
01:00:04.639 --> 01:00:04.960
Thank you.
01:00:05.039 --> 01:00:07.760
Thank you for having me and giving me this space to share.
01:00:07.920 --> 01:00:12.800
I think I haven't really publicly shared a lot some of this, like the deeper things.
01:00:12.960 --> 01:00:19.440
So it's refreshing to kind of be able to talk about it from a place of healing and not from a place of pain and resentment.
01:00:19.840 --> 01:00:20.719
So thank you.
01:00:21.039 --> 01:00:22.079
You're so welcome.
01:00:22.320 --> 01:00:24.719
That's a wrap on this episode of We Goin Up.
01:00:24.800 --> 01:00:30.079
I pray that you were encouraged, enlightened, inspired, and entertained in some way.
01:00:30.320 --> 01:00:37.119
Always remember that with God, all things are possible, and there is nothing too hard for Him to solve.
01:00:37.360 --> 01:00:39.360
You got this because He got you.
01:00:39.519 --> 01:00:42.400
And until next time, we Goin Up, y'all.