From the Archives: Three Months Later: What Actually Helps

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If you've ever gone through something you didn't plan for, or you've tried to support someone who has, this episode is for you.
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The other day marked three months since Brian's death.
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And I sat down with my daughter Campbell.
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We had a conversation we didn't plan.
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We talked about what helps, what doesn't, and what it's like to let people show up for you.
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This isn't about having it all figured out.
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It's just a real conversation about where we are right now.
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410 25.
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Nope.
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410 26.
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Three months.
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You know, a quarter of the year's gone already.
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Yeah.
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And you were saying earlier that like when you went to work, you know, you kind of compartmentalize the feelings.
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100%.
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It's it's seriously like a switch.
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How do you do that?
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I don't know.
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Yeah, I mean when I get to work, it's like it's like a it's literally like a switch.
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It's flipped.
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You know what it feels like?
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It feels like severance.
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It really does.
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Like I oh, that's so weird.
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I never compared those two because that was the show I kept trying to get dad to watch, and he was like, No, I don't want to watch it.
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I don't want to watch it.
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And I end up like binge watching it for a week.
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It really does feel like it's like as soon as I walk in the door or like see the kids or like do anything.
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And even like pulling up to their property, I'm like, okay, off.
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So like do you say to yourself, like you actually say, okay, off?
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No, it just happens.
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So it's like unconscious or subconscious.
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I mean, I know I take yeah, like I know I take like a big breath before I go in, usually.
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Not like a dramatic one, but usually just like, you know, a sigh.
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Yeah.
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Like a small sigh.
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And so maybe that's it, but I've never thought like, okay, stop.
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Unless it was like I was crying, and then I had to be like, okay, pull yourself together.
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When you go into work right beforehand, so you subconsciously like turn off the um what memories, thoughts, feelings of dad, or yeah.
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It's not it's almost like it's not like I'm not allowed to think about dad, because I definitely still do.
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Like there's there'll be little things that remind me of him, but it's like I physically feel like I cannot be sad.
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Like if even if I sit there and I'm like, I'm really sad, I really miss my dad.
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Like, oh my gosh, and the kids are around me, I can't cry.
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Physically, I can't cry.
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That's it's like it's like I'm a stone, it's very strange.
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Yeah, that's I mean, and let's be honest, you're you're not one to hide your emotions.
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Never.
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So it's very weird that I'm so good at it now.
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Well, I don't know if it's a good thing.
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No, I mean, probably not.
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I feel like I've gone the opposite way, where I'm doing my best to embrace my grief and still work.
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Yeah.
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And when I see people I haven't seen for a while, or people that know Brian or you know, know your dad, or you know, or clients, whatever, when they come up to me and they start talking to me, like sometimes I do start crying, but it's not like a wailing cry.
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It's usually like a couple of tears.
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You know, I well up.
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That's a better way of saying it.
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I well up, right?
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And I'm learning to normalize that because it's like I shouldn't have to hide that.
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And no one needs to feel badly for me, and I'm not asking them for anything besides just that moment.
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Yeah.
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No, same thing with me, except I don't, I can't cry.
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Like people, you know, you know, talking to families I haven't seen in a while or friends or whatever.
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It's like if they don't know, if they're asking how I'm doing, like I can tell them I'm not doing well, but I can't show them that I'm not doing well.
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Or at least not like consciously.
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Consciously do it.
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Like I can't, I can't, I like I physically feel like I can't cry.
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I can't, you know, express anything other than like, I'm fine, thank you.
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It's like because you're trying to hide your emotions from the uncomfortableness that they may feel.
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It's that, and it's like it just feels so unnatural for me to be crying in front.
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Like, I've never been the type of person that cries in front of people.
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Yeah, me neither.
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Like never ever, because I don't like being vulnerable.
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Point blank, period.
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So like crying is the most vulnerable thing you could do besides like being naked.
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But what's wrong with crying?
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I don't know.
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I mean, at the end of the day, like we're saying, okay, you can go around and cuss somebody out, right?
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You can be just walk up to a stranger and cuss them out.
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You can walk up to somebody and punch them in the face.
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Yeah.
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But I'm not allowed to cry a little bit.
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Yeah, I I mean, I don't know why.
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It feels like that.
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I I don't have a problem with anybody else crying.
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Right.
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So then what do you think?
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Like if somebody wants to start.
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If somebody, even if they just stubbed their toe and came up to me and were were crying, I would feel bad.
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You know, let alone somebody that just lost their dad or their husband.
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But for some reason, yeah.
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But for some, well, yeah, that's the other thing.
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But for some reason it feels like I physically cannot let myself do it.
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Now, I mean, I go to therapy twice a week.
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Yeah.
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So it's not like I'm bottling this all up and then it never comes out or it comes out in other ways.
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Like I'm still expressing emotions and yeah, processing and like working through all of these feelings.
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It's just like I I think it's interesting that like for somebody that can't even hide their face when I'm feeling any sort of emotion to come to like you know, this weird severance, like two different people, two different sides thing is is strange.
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And like I mean, I know it's not permanent, right?
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Because you know, grief isn't linear, you know.
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So it's like I know that in a month or two, maybe I'll be different.
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Maybe I'll be crying in front of everybody, right?
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And that's I think that's the one thing that I'm learning is that the worst thing about this, and we talked about this before, is the idea of that feeling that we got in our stomach that's like the bottom dropped out.
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Yeah.
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And having that feeling all the time, all the time.
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Except mine, I get that one all the time, but I also get like the elephant on your chest.
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Which I only get when I'm like feeling a very, very, very extreme emotion.
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Me too.
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Very angry, very sad.
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Mine's usually like really scared.
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Very scared, yeah.
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Like the insecurity of what's to come of my life.
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Yes, right.
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That's when I start to feel that heaviness in my chest.
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And it's all it does feel like an elephant now that you said it.
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It really does.
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You just feel like somebody sitting on your chest.
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It does.
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I never, I never really got that before, but now I do.
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No, I know.
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And there was times where I was telling my therapist, like, I wake up and it literally feels like I'm like sleep paralysis, have to like lift the human that's sitting on my chest.
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Like I wake up and I literally feel like an elephant's on something, like an anvil dropped on me while I was sleeping.
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And and it's interesting, Liz, it's like you waking up with that extreme emotion feeling.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And that fear and that and that insecurity.
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I mean, that's where it lives in me, in my heart, right?
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And I think that that's what's so beautiful about you.
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One of the things I love is that because you have a connection with your body and your breath, that you're able to say a name where you feel it.
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You've been able to do that since you were a kid.
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I know.
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I that is something I I'm grateful for.
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And I think that makes like going to therapy really a lot easier.
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Because it's like I I feel like I preach therapy to everybody and anybody I meet because it's helped me immensely with whatever I was going through.
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You know, it it always provided tools that, you know, were helpful.
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But like some people, it's just not for them.
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And I I have a hard time wrapping my head around that because I'm like, but it was so, but it's just talking.
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Right.
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But then I forget that like not everybody can say, Well, I feel the anger in my fist.
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Right.
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I feel the sadness in my chest.
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I feel the fear in my, you know, the back of my neck.
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Like I it's their emotions aren't tied with their body like mine is.
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Right.
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Well, they they are.
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They are, but they're not doing with it.
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Yeah.
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It's a different, right?
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Like it's a different, it's a disconnect with between people have a really hard time.
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It's the same thing in movement, right?
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Like people, I was just talking to one of my North's clients and my clients today, and we were talking about a woman who is afraid to come to the gym because she's embarrassed by her body and she doesn't know what to do in the gym and she doesn't want to be out on the floor.
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It makes me so sad.
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Oh, honey, there are so many people out there.
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No, I know.
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Because it's intimidating.
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Well, your gym, I feel like, is especially because it's just very open.
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Yeah.
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And it there's a loud, and there's a lot of mirrors, and there's a lot of like really crazy big bodybuilders and really strong people that like.
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And then some crazy fucked up people that are doing things on equipment that you're like, why are you standing on that as supposed to sit on it?
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You're doing it backwards.
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And they do it confidently, so you just have to let them.
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I mean, I just try not to look.
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I try not to look.
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The people that are using the equipment wrong are probably some of the most confident people I've ever seen in my life.
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100% true.
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They're let one leg is up in the air, one arm is on the floor, and they're like, This is what I'm supposed to be doing.
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We have this thing I call the jungle gym, and it has these wooden rings.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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They're wooden, they're not metal.
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Okay, they're not meant to bear the weight of your body like you're a freaking on the kids' monkey bars.
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Like it's one of those, um, what's that show?
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American Ninja Warri Warrior.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So it's like these rings, and like he's like throwing them up on these hooks and trying to go across the jungle gym.
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And I'm like, I want to be here when that ring just snaps and his ass is on the floor because you cannot do that.
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But people don't get it.
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No.
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People don't get so going back to what you were talking about with your body and feeling things, yeah.
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I will never forget when you were telling me early on, you must have been in first, second grade, swear to you, but you were super young.
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Um, and we were talking about your freakouts.
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And when you were a kid, you would just kind of boil up with anger and just kind of have a moment where you would just don't mess with that.
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Cause I have these on the corners of the table.
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I knew your freaking little hands were gonna try.
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These are to protect us.
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All right.
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Here, I got the Buddha.
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Okay.
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Um, if it makes noise, I'm gonna make you stop.
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So you're such a pain in the ass.
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I knew where you were going to.
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I knew you were gonna try to peel that thing off.
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All right, anyway.
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So widow brain.
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Talk about um how when I had those freakouts, yeah.
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Okay, so what you said to me was you were like, Mom, it just feels like there's this fire in my belly.
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Yeah.
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And it starts to grow.
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And the only way that I can get rid of it is to freak out.
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Yeah, it still feels like that.
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Nothing's changed.
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It's not anything different from that.
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I'm like, yeah, check's about sponsored by therapy.
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Yeah, seriously.
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Like, there's no, it's still the same feeling, exact same feeling.
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So that's one of the things just looks different.
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I told you a little differently.
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I told you about my first therapy appointment this week.
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Oh, yeah.
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That it went really surprisingly well.
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And I'm I'm because I was very against this guy.
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Yeah, because he was a guy.
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Yeah, that is to me, okay.
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So we have very similar conversations like this a lot.
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Okay.
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Campbell, I love you.
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And you wear your heart on your sleeve.
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What?
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And you are very compassionate and you are also very empathetic and intuitive.
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Yes.
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But because you have that fire in your belly, yes, the energy that you feel from the fire in your belly needs to be translated or channeled to compassion, empathy, and self-love.
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I just I'm just protective of you.
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It has nothing to do with any of that.
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It's not just me, though.
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It's not just me.
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Well, it's all my family and all my friends and all the people I care about.
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I know.
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But a lot of people.
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But like you wanted to talk about my family.
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I know, right.
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Fuck with my family.
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Um, you wanted to talk about Oh, I wanted to talk about how people react.
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People don't know how to react.
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They don't know what to say, they don't know how to react.
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So it's it's no, I'm not blaming anybody.
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Right.
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I mean, nobody came in there and was like, ha ha ha, you have a dead dad.
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Right.
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Everybody was very supportive in their own way, what they thought would be the right thing to do.
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Yep.
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And I think three months looking back, it's it's easier to sit in this chair and be like, they were just clueless.
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They were just trying to help.
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Because in the moment it probably felt like, what are you doing?
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Right.
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Exactly.
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What do you think you're doing that's helpful?
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Because none of this is helpful.
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In fact, it's just hurtful.
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And now I'm like, I appreciate that so I what you just said was so beautiful.
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Thank you.
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And that's exactly the conversation that we were having.
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Yeah.
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And and we got heated earlier.
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That's actually why we came up here.
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Is because we were in a big fight.
00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:31.279
No, not fighting, we were arguing about our positioning on things.
00:13:31.440 --> 00:13:32.559
And I won just for the thing.
00:13:32.799 --> 00:13:33.600
No, you did not.
00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:34.320
Bullshit.
00:13:34.559 --> 00:13:34.799
Okay.
00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:35.360
You know what?
00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:38.960
If you wanted, if you want the win, you can always have the win.
00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:40.720
Always have the win, baby.
00:13:40.879 --> 00:13:42.240
I don't need a win.
00:13:42.559 --> 00:13:42.879
Okay.
00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:43.440
Okay.
00:13:43.679 --> 00:13:44.720
You can have the win.
00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:45.440
All right.
00:13:45.759 --> 00:13:51.440
Oh, I do want to say, going back to the what I told you when I was in first grade and relating that to how I feel now.
00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:51.919
Yeah.
00:13:52.320 --> 00:13:53.679
Because it is the same feeling.
00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:55.039
The anger feels the same.
00:13:55.200 --> 00:13:56.480
The pit feels the same.
00:13:56.639 --> 00:13:58.960
The the fire feels the exact same.
00:13:59.039 --> 00:13:59.279
Yeah.
00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:07.919
It's the coping skills and the situation and age that have helped it, you know, and changed it.
00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:25.440
But it is cool and kind of scary to work with kids that have that same reaction to things, whether it's, you know, feels the same in their body is I don't know, but it's the same kind of freak out over something similar or something that, you know, to us may seem menial.
00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:25.840
Yeah.
00:14:25.919 --> 00:14:26.000
Yeah.
00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:42.799
And it is, it is really, I feel like healing my inner child being able to walk a kid through a breathing exercise when like I was doing the same thing, you know, yeah 15 years ago.
00:14:43.039 --> 00:14:43.279
Yeah.
00:14:43.519 --> 00:14:46.799
14 to 17 years, whatever, however old I was.
00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:47.200
Yeah.
00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:54.799
And so it it is really like, you know, a weird one of those like childhood fulfillment things.
00:14:54.879 --> 00:15:09.519
Where it's like, you think that it's like taking your kid to the ballgame would be one, but it really is like walking a kid through a deep emotion and explaining to them and calming them down and and showing them how, you know, our body really wants to feel this way.
00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:11.440
And our brain really wants to feel this way.
00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:13.039
And I understand you're frustrated.
00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:14.240
I understand you're sad.
00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:15.679
I understand you're mad.
00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:24.559
But there's a way that we can do this that's good for our bodies and good for our friends, and there's a way we could do this that's not good for our bodies and not good for our friends.
00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:26.559
And so I give them the option.
00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:29.120
I say, would you like to do the one that helps other people?
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:30.720
Would you like to do the one that helps you?
00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:34.159
Would you like to do the one that is good for you?
00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:36.799
Or if you'd like, I can leave you be.
00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:38.879
And you can do what you need to do.
00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:44.480
But in you know, one minute, two minutes, three minutes, we're gonna regroup and we're gonna just talk.
00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:51.600
And I always the one thing I do, and I'm not a parent, I'm not fucking super nanny, I don't know anything, I really don't.
00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:55.759
But the one thing that I have found that helps so much is getting on their level.
00:15:55.919 --> 00:15:56.159
Yeah.
00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:58.879
So it I mean immediately changes the demeanor.
00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:00.879
And you're even talking physically too.
00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:02.080
Only physically.
00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:02.559
Oh.
00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:05.519
Like physically, I will never stand up and talk to a kid.
00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:06.000
Yeah.
00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:08.000
I'm always sitting down or or talking to it.
00:16:08.159 --> 00:16:08.639
Eye to eye.
00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:11.200
It's always eye to eye and I always hold their hands.
00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:18.879
Oh because it's a connection and you get to see my face and see my, you know, my breathing and feel my hands.
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:23.840
And then it's it's you know, it just I feel like it just makes it easier for them to calm down.
00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:24.559
Absolutely.
00:16:24.720 --> 00:16:35.919
You know, if I'm all the way up here, if you're at a 10, it it also feels like it's like if you're if you're just standing up there, standing, like it there is a disconnect to a two-year-old.
00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:36.480
Absolutely.
00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:38.159
You're hovering a three-year-old to a four-year-old.
00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:42.320
Energy is is like um overpowering.
00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:42.879
Yeah.
00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:47.519
And I just feel like you can't help anybody if you if they feel like you're a threat.
00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:48.240
Yeah.
00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:49.519
No, you're right.
00:16:49.759 --> 00:16:58.399
Physically, and and especially for kids, because it's an energy thing, and kids specifically keep their energy open.
00:16:58.799 --> 00:16:59.919
They can feel a lot more.
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:03.919
I mean, I I don't I don't know everything.
00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:04.960
I don't know how to parent.
00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:05.599
I'm not a parent.
00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:07.200
We're not giving parental advice.
00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:07.839
We're not giving any.
00:17:12.960 --> 00:17:14.880
You know, you're just sharing your experience.
00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:16.720
You're just sharing your experience.
00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:36.960
It is it is really cool to also work for parents that have the same ideologies and like talk to their kids the same way, where it's like they, you know, understand that they're feeling frustrated and try to like reason with them and talk to them and explain to them what's going on and why they can't do what they want to do or whatever.
00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:43.680
And so let's take this into account of when I was growing up, right?
00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:46.400
It was you don't coddle your kids.
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:51.359
Now there's all this like coddling and like gentle parenting.
00:17:51.839 --> 00:17:54.160
To me, this doesn't feel gentle.
00:17:54.319 --> 00:17:55.519
This feels real.
00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:02.160
I mean, it it's not even like gentle or coddling or you know, distant helicopter.
00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:09.519
It's just like being a parent or being uh a grown-up to a child.
00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:18.319
Like it, it, it, it doesn't even to me feel like anything that people are doing differently because it's like, well, yeah, obviously you'd explain to the child.
00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:20.400
They don't understand, they don't know.
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:25.359
I know, but if somebody was lost, you would give them it if and you know where they needed to go and you'd give them directions.
00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:26.799
That's just that's just a given.
00:18:27.039 --> 00:18:32.480
But that's the thing, is that I think that you know, nobody comes with an instruction manual.
00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:32.960
Yeah.
00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:37.039
And we sure shit didn't get a license to get to have a baby.
00:18:37.279 --> 00:18:39.440
So you get what you get and you don't get upset.
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:40.079
No, I know.
00:18:40.160 --> 00:18:44.160
And I always say, like, I would never judge somebody's parenting because you parent the kids that are yours.
00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:44.720
Yeah, exactly.
00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:51.759
You parent your children how you should how you think parent they need to be parented, and no one else can decide that for you because you made them.
00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:52.000
Yeah.
00:18:52.160 --> 00:18:58.799
So like why like overall in general, when we're in a position where grief hits us, right?
00:18:58.880 --> 00:19:02.880
Like we got smacked with an unexpected loss of you know, your dad.
00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:03.200
Yeah.
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:10.000
So dad dies, and then we have all of these friends who had a connection to dad, right?
00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:13.200
And no one has a stronger connection.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:14.000
What did you say?
00:19:14.079 --> 00:19:16.240
There was like that, the circle, circle thing.
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:17.440
Yeah, the core.
00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:18.960
Yeah, what was it called?
00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:20.000
Venn diagram.
00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:20.400
Yeah.
00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:22.000
Okay, so explain that.
00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:26.319
Like uh Venn diagram would be the circles that overlap.
00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:44.000
So I feel like there's, you know, especially with dad, dad had so many different groups of people he knew, knew so many different circles he was a part of, so many different friend groups and family friends, and then there was actual direct family members, and then there was work friends, and then there was gym friends, and this and that.
00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:44.240
Yeah.
00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:47.519
And like everybody came together because of my dad.
00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:52.880
You know, we had people from Coors Light, and I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but you can say Forrestburn Company, yeah.
00:19:53.039 --> 00:20:00.160
Yeah, from Coors and from you know, the Beat the Streets or from Chicago or from Atlanta, from you know, Colorado, all over the place, Colorado.
00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:05.119
And then they all knew each other seemingly because of dad.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:25.680
Yes, and they were all connected, and so it's like it's hard to be, you know, when you're the closest person or the closest group to the loss, like when you are the direct family members, like this is your immediate family, it's hard to understand in the moment that other people are grieving.
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:30.559
Yes, because you feel like it's only you and these other three people or four people.
00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:32.880
Yeah, you feel like it's like a hierarchy.
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:33.279
Yeah.
00:20:33.519 --> 00:20:35.759
Because your brain is doing that to protect you.
00:20:35.839 --> 00:20:42.000
Your brain is trying to tell you that you know, it's it sucks for you guys, but everybody else is here to help you.
00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:43.279
And that that is true.
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:49.920
Yeah, that is true, but it's it's hard to separate the fact that that is true, and also people are still hurting.
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:54.960
Yeah, other people are still you know, grieving dad, yeah, grieving Brian.
00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:55.759
Yeah, exactly.
00:20:55.920 --> 00:20:58.799
And so I, you know, it's so hard though, isn't it?
00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:23.440
It is because it I took on the role I noticed of like if we had somebody in town that was, you know, right after dad died, if somebody was in town or somebody was visiting or somebody was over and they weren't, you know, clearly upset, clearly a little mopey, clearly sad, or just under there under the the circumstance of this being a you know you felt it was your responsibility to take care of us.
00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:25.039
I knew you were going to say that 100%.
00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:27.839
And it was so weird because it was it's not at all.
00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:35.039
No, but you told me that that early on, everyone said to you, like, yeah, that's true.
00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:37.039
You have to be because you're the oldest daughter.
00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:40.960
I'm the oldest daughter, so it is it is you take care of your mom, you take care of your sister.
00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:45.839
And it was like all of a sudden, and no fault of them.
00:21:46.079 --> 00:21:51.920
No, and I'm glad people said that to me because it kind of fueled that little voice in me that was like, Yeah, I already knew that.
00:21:52.160 --> 00:22:00.720
And you know what's crazy though, is that I think for let's be honest, the past year, two years, whatever you want to say, we've got Gone through a lot.
00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:01.119
Oh, yeah.
00:22:01.279 --> 00:22:10.480
You know, with dad's health, with school, with my new job, you know, with dad taking on more home responsibilities and not being the same as mom, you know.
00:22:10.559 --> 00:22:10.720
Yeah.
00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:13.440
And we've just had a lot of everything than you.
00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:14.559
I'm sure he was.
00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:16.720
He did a shit ton more than that.
00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:18.640
He still did your laundry.
00:22:19.279 --> 00:22:20.079
He did your laundry.
00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:21.200
He wouldn't let me do it.
00:22:21.359 --> 00:22:21.599
I know.
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:22.240
I don't know why.
00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:22.799
I don't know why.
00:22:23.119 --> 00:22:26.640
I think he just really liked to, I think he liked the process of it.
00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:28.559
Almost like a meditative thing for him.
00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:35.519
But anyway, you in that moment, over these past few years, have been here with us, right?
00:22:35.599 --> 00:22:35.680
Yeah.
00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:38.400
And you have not been able to launch.
00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:38.880
Right.
00:22:39.119 --> 00:22:39.359
Right.
00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:44.079
You've had to kind of, you know, money's kind of tight, things are kind of strange.
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:48.559
You know, I kind of feel like dad has a lot going on and mom's working.
00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:51.680
And, you know, you had this bubbling up inside of you.
00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:53.519
Like, I need to start my life.
00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:54.000
Yeah.
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:54.559
Right.
00:22:54.720 --> 00:23:06.480
And it wasn't until, you know, dad's passing when you and Nick talked about you moving to Birmingham and you going to school and you starting your life.
00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:16.000
And I was like, whoa, like in this, I absolutely never in a million years wanted this to happen.
00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:19.200
Never would say, like, because of this, this happened.
00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:20.000
I know what you mean.
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:20.720
You know, but it's not a good thing.
00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:22.240
But it is sublime.
00:23:22.480 --> 00:23:23.680
I don't know if I'm using that right.
00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:27.920
No, it's I've just been thinking about sublime a lot lately because they're releasing a new album.
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:30.240
So that was the first word that popped into my head.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:31.279
Is that the wait?
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:33.759
Sublime is the practice santeria.
00:23:35.839 --> 00:23:36.240
Yeah.
00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:39.599
Um, it was really I hope we don't get in trouble for that.
00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:40.799
A copyright?
00:23:40.880 --> 00:23:41.279
Yeah.
00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:42.480
Okay, we'll cut it.
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:43.279
Cut that out.
00:23:43.839 --> 00:23:47.759
Actually, I kind of want to roll the dice just to see if anybody's listening to what they say.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:48.000
Okay.
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:50.960
And if they are listening, um, sorry.
00:23:51.279 --> 00:23:52.400
I want to go on tour.
00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:54.000
So let's go on tour together.
00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:55.039
We like Sublime Tour.
00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:58.480
I want to go on Sublime's tour because they're I think they're releasing a new album.
00:23:58.640 --> 00:23:59.359
I think that's why.
00:23:59.599 --> 00:23:59.920
I don't know.
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:02.799
Or it's just your brain really liking dad like them too.
00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:03.839
Um yeah, that's true.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:08.640
But no, I mean, like, I forgot what we were talking about.
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:11.680
Well, we were just talking about the fact of like you having this launch moment.
00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:12.079
Oh, yeah.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:17.279
You know, I mean fire moment was like, but everybody said that to you, and you went, yes.
00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:32.079
And then because you're compassionate, because you're empathetic, because you're intuitive, you took it to the extreme of I'm gonna manage everything, everything, everything, and I'm gonna make sure that nothing happens to my mom and nothing happens to my sister.
00:24:32.319 --> 00:24:35.039
And I think you quickly realized that was impossible.
00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:36.400
That was fucking impossible.
00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:45.279
Yeah, and what I appreciate about you the most in those moments is that you you shifted.
00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:51.920
Yeah, you didn't get angry you didn't a few times, but that's okay.
00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:59.519
Hey, I mean, at the end of the day, uh, when we process grief, uh when people ask me, How are the girls doing?
00:24:59.920 --> 00:25:01.440
I say, Campbell's angry.
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.759
She lost her best friend.
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:05.119
No, no, no.
00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:09.440
Listen, I say, Campbell's angry, she lost her best friend.
00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:13.599
This was the man that would had her back for everything.
00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:15.599
And she lost that.
00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:20.960
So she's mad and she's sad, and she's also driven.
00:25:21.759 --> 00:25:26.799
And she's going to college and she's moving to Birmingham, which is gonna be a fun experience for her.
00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:28.240
She gets to start her life.
00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:35.599
And when I talk about Mallory, I say Mallory is not comfortable in the house right now.
00:25:35.839 --> 00:25:41.759
She likes to be out with her friends, she likes to be at school with dance, not at school doing schoolwork for sure or not.
00:25:42.079 --> 00:25:42.799
She definitely doesn't like that.
00:25:42.880 --> 00:25:46.000
I mean, seriously, that kid needs to graduate and do well.
00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:47.279
Um, she's worried about it.
00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:48.000
I know she will.
00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:48.799
I'm not worried about her.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:56.319
I mean, I'm not worried about either one of you because I really know that no matter where you go, you are going to be joyful.
00:25:56.480 --> 00:25:56.799
Yeah.
00:25:57.200 --> 00:25:58.160
At some point.
00:25:58.400 --> 00:26:03.200
It may not be right now, but I know don't touch the corners of it.
00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:04.319
It's just this thing.
00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:04.960
Oh my God.
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:07.279
You always have to find like little things and fuck with them.
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:09.680
That's why the rudder from the paddle board is gone.
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:12.240
And it took me that's 100% why.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:12.799
Uh-uh.
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:14.559
It's too big for me to play with my hands.
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:16.079
No, but you lost it.
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:16.799
Probably.
00:26:16.960 --> 00:26:17.599
That I believe.
00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:18.160
Yeah.
00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:24.240
So that's the only thing I'm worried about about you is when you leave, is you're gonna lose your shit.
00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:26.880
And I'm not gonna be there to help you find it.
00:26:27.279 --> 00:26:31.440
But Nick will be there, and we've got lots of friends in the Birmingham area.
00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:32.559
I'm not worried about that at all.
00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:33.680
I'm not worried about it at all.
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:36.079
In fact, I'm really excited for you to go.
00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:39.359
In fact, it feels way safer than moving to Milwaukee again.
00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:39.680
Yeah.
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:42.720
By myself without anybody close to me and 20 hours away.
00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:43.440
I know.
00:26:43.680 --> 00:27:04.880
But your dad and I all we wanted to do was make you guys smile, make you guys feel love, make you guys feel better, and then, you know, to know that we had your back, that you know, no matter what you did, no matter what happened to you, we were always gonna be with you.
00:27:05.039 --> 00:27:07.039
Always had your back, no matter what.
00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:11.680
And I hope that I know that dad did that for you.
00:27:11.839 --> 00:27:12.160
Yeah.
00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:13.920
I hope that I do that for you.
00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:15.759
You do.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:20.400
You that was a little like I kind of stopped listening, but yes, you do that.
00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:22.000
Was I getting too preachy?
00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:22.640
A little bit.
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:23.200
Oh fuck.
00:27:23.519 --> 00:27:24.559
Okay, the viewers loved it.
00:27:24.640 --> 00:27:25.680
I heard them, they were like, What?
00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:26.400
Oh my god.
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:27.599
Here's my question for you, though.
00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:32.880
Okay, you're 20 years old and you are going to therapy twice a week and you set that up on your own.
00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:33.359
Yeah.
00:27:33.519 --> 00:27:41.839
And I talked to a lot of people that are in their 20s to their 70s that are still trying to find their way to therapy.
00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:46.480
They need it, they know they need it, but they haven't been able to pull the trigger.
00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:48.240
How were you able to do that?
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:52.960
Um, I just I feel like it was actually just kind of luck.
00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:58.240
Like I was talking to my therapist literally on like Wednesday.
00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:03.039
She was like, you know, when you move, we could still do virtual, which I was like, that's awesome.
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:03.599
That's great.
00:28:03.839 --> 00:28:04.319
Okay, good, good.
00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:08.799
And I don't, I don't prefer it over in person, but it I prefer it over no therapy at all.
00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:09.119
Yeah.
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:10.880
And so I was like, that's great, awesome.
00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:12.799
She was like, yeah, for like probably six months.
00:28:12.880 --> 00:28:15.119
And so I was like, that's fantastic.
00:28:16.079 --> 00:28:17.920
And I was like, And then you graduate.
00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:18.799
Yeah, yeah.
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:19.839
And then I went therapy.
00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:23.519
You went therapy, but no, and then I was like, I just really don't want to find a new therapist.
00:28:23.680 --> 00:28:26.640
Like, I really just it's such a it's such a pain in the ass.
00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:27.599
And she was like, why?
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:30.720
And I was like, everybody's not good enough.
00:28:30.960 --> 00:28:32.640
Or I never clicked with anybody.
00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:34.240
And she was like, Well, then how'd you click with me?
00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:35.279
And I was like, I don't know.
00:28:35.359 --> 00:28:36.160
I think I love you.
00:28:36.319 --> 00:28:37.039
I don't really know.
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:49.839
Like, this is a whole lot of stuff, but no, but seriously, I was like, you know, I I've had two or three therapists that I've really like vibed with, and the rest it's been like talking to your mom's friend, you know?
00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:53.039
Yeah, like it just was like, okay, like you're definitely a stranger.
00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:53.519
Yeah.
00:28:53.680 --> 00:29:01.440
But like, you know, it it it is one of those things where you just have to find somebody that you connect with, and it and it it just blooms from there, I feel like.
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:06.880
Yeah, I mean, and it doesn't even feel like you're you know, going to therapy anymore.
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:07.279
Right.
00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:09.920
I mean, it doesn't feel like you're going to hang out with your friend, that's for sure.
00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:20.000
Because you still feel like shit because you're talking about a bunch of shitty things, yeah, and you're working through a lot of stuff, but it feels like you're going to the doctor, getting medicine that you need.
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:31.839
Although, but that medicine is maybe a realization, maybe a new coping skill, maybe just talking and explaining things and you know, hearing yourself speak.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:40.079
That's the other thing is I feel like therapy people don't realize that the therapist is basically just like a monitor sometimes.
00:29:40.400 --> 00:29:47.440
Like sometimes there's times where I think I've said like a billion words, and my therapist is just like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:48.160
Yes.
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:49.920
Oh, yeah, I totally agree with you on that.
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:53.759
Like all I needed to do was just work my way out of whatever I was doing.
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:54.960
Yeah, you're just talking.
00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:55.359
Yeah.
00:29:55.519 --> 00:30:05.839
Like she'll it's so funny because you know, a therapist is different than a friend when it comes to conversation because they obviously can't tell you what a friend can tell you, and vice versa.
00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:14.079
But a therapist, like, they can't really give definitive like, do this, do that, you know, don't do that, don't do this, unless it's like don't hurt yourself.
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:17.759
So they kind of have to like get you to say it.
00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:20.720
And it's so weird how they do it so well.
00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:22.160
It's like a police interrogation.
00:30:22.240 --> 00:30:25.920
They're like, they like try to get you to, they're like, and what would that mean for you?
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:27.599
And I'm like, I don't know what that would mean for me.
00:30:27.680 --> 00:30:28.079
Maybe this.
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:29.200
And they're like, Yeah, that's it.
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:30.160
I'm like, oh.
00:30:30.640 --> 00:30:35.599
I remember in the past when I've been to therapist for the first time, it's just like verbal diarrhea.
00:30:35.839 --> 00:30:36.160
Yeah.
00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:36.640
Right?
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:40.319
You just have to tell your whole for freaking life story first, and it's the worst.
00:30:40.559 --> 00:30:42.400
It's the worst waste of our session so much.
00:30:42.640 --> 00:30:49.680
No, and what I loved about my guy is that he turns around and he goes, We don't have a time limit.
00:30:50.400 --> 00:30:53.440
Like I talked, I was there for like an hour and a half.
00:30:53.599 --> 00:30:54.400
Oh, I like that.
00:30:54.640 --> 00:30:55.519
And he just let me talk.
00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:57.759
And he's, I don't think that's the way it's always gonna be.
00:30:57.920 --> 00:30:59.680
No, I mean, but they can they can do that.
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:01.759
Like my therapist has talked about doing something like that too.
00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:03.839
Yeah, but it was like that was the first meeting.
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:08.480
Yeah, I had to fill out like a shit ton of paperwork beforehand, and it was super annoying.
00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:10.079
Glad I did it.
00:31:10.799 --> 00:31:31.920
Um, but I wish that a therapist could give you like a almost like a like a roadmap of like when you come to your first therapy appointment for loss of, you know, loss of a husband or you know, whatever the first time you go, how can you be efficient with your time to tell them everything that they need to know?
00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:33.759
I just commented.
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:34.240
I don't know.
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:38.880
Oh no, and then I was like, and then oh my god, I didn't even tell you about what happened to me 25 years ago.
00:31:39.119 --> 00:31:40.960
You know, I think it's relevant.
00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:52.400
I know, like I literally, this was the example I wanted to give you going back in time to what we were just talking about about people don't know what other people are thinking during grief, right?
00:31:53.039 --> 00:31:58.000
So when I was 19, I was a year ago.
00:31:58.240 --> 00:32:01.039
So for you, not for me.
00:32:01.200 --> 00:32:03.279
I meant to say you were 19 a year ago.
00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:07.359
Yeah, maybe we should get that two times a week there, but she doesn't even know what age she is.
00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:08.160
It's really bad.
00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:08.880
I know.
00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:15.200
So when I was 19, my mother asked my father for a divorce.
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:20.640
And it was the summer before my sophomore year in high school, uh, college, college, excuse me.
00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:25.039
So summer before my sophomore year in college, I was home.
00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:28.960
My mom asked my dad for a divorce while I was home.
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:33.519
And my dad did you know that that's what she was doing?
00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:34.000
Yes.
00:32:34.319 --> 00:32:34.880
Wow, yeah.
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:36.000
My mom and I were close.
00:32:36.079 --> 00:32:37.599
My mom told me way too much.
00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:39.359
No, seriously, way too much.
00:32:39.440 --> 00:32:39.599
Yeah.
00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:42.240
And and I feel like that's my whole life.
00:32:42.319 --> 00:32:42.400
Yeah.
00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:43.839
People tell me way too much.
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:45.039
Yeah, we both had that face.
00:32:45.119 --> 00:32:46.559
I think and I don't mind it.
00:32:46.640 --> 00:32:48.480
I'm learning how to channel it better.
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:48.960
Yeah.
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:50.880
But there for a while it was hard.
00:32:50.960 --> 00:32:51.119
Yeah.
00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:55.599
But when I look back, there was a specific memory that I remember.
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.039
We were in the hospital.
00:32:59.920 --> 00:33:02.000
My mom was a mess.
00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:09.279
My dad was like I think they put him in like a little coma kind of thing or like a medical like he was sleeping.
00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:13.920
Yeah, he was not, you know, having a conversation with us or anything.
00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:17.279
And his mom came into the room.
00:33:17.519 --> 00:33:18.880
Oh, and I was a mess.
00:33:18.960 --> 00:33:24.240
Now I'd never seen my dad sick before, like nothing had ever been wrong with him.
00:33:24.319 --> 00:33:30.880
And then all of a sudden, to see him in this incredibly scary position where I thought he was dead.
00:33:31.119 --> 00:33:32.079
On his deathbed, pretty much.
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:33.759
Well, I thought he was dead when we found him.
00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:34.480
Wow.
00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:45.759
And so then to go into the hospital, and his mom says, Well, now we didn't know at the time how he had tried to attempt suicide.
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:51.440
We just knew that the doctor said, You should go out in the garage and make sure that there's still the anti-freeze.
00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:54.000
Because they thought he might have drank it.
00:33:55.039 --> 00:33:57.440
And so we were all kind of a mess.
00:33:57.599 --> 00:33:57.839
Yeah.
00:33:58.079 --> 00:34:00.160
And so his mom walks in gosh.
00:34:00.559 --> 00:34:08.320
And she says, Okay, so I'll be able to come back tomorrow, but then I have to leave because I have a haircut appointment.
00:34:08.400 --> 00:34:10.880
I then I won't be able to come the next day either.
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:12.800
And I turned to her.
00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:13.199
Yeah.
00:34:13.440 --> 00:34:16.400
And I lost my ever-loving shit on her.
00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:20.159
And I was like, You gotta be fucking kidding me.
00:34:20.400 --> 00:34:26.079
Your son is in the hospital right now, and you're fucking worried about your fucking hair.
00:34:26.239 --> 00:34:26.559
Yeah.
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:27.360
Valid.
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:28.639
Sound like me.
00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:30.400
Well, I'll tell you right now.
00:34:30.639 --> 00:34:32.079
I did the same thing after dad died.
00:34:32.320 --> 00:34:32.880
To this day.
00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:33.840
To your dad.
00:34:34.159 --> 00:34:36.800
To this day, it's one thing that I feel the worst about.
00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:37.679
I know.
00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:38.480
I know.
00:34:38.719 --> 00:34:39.519
And you know now.
00:34:39.599 --> 00:34:40.400
And I know now.
00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:41.840
And the thing is though, Campbell is.
00:34:42.079 --> 00:34:46.320
And I don't I but I also don't think that you you shouldn't hold it yourself accountable for it either.
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:49.119
I also like badly.
00:34:49.519 --> 00:34:51.760
I also like apologize to him.
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:54.480
And like we have a better relationship now.
00:34:54.559 --> 00:34:56.079
And I also live with him.
00:34:56.159 --> 00:34:56.480
I know.
00:34:56.559 --> 00:34:58.079
So there's a lot more opportunity for that.
00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:00.159
I feel like it'd be very different if I didn't live with him.
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:00.960
No, and I didn't.
00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:05.840
And I mean, no, I mean I that's crazy because I literally did the exact same shit.
00:35:06.239 --> 00:35:08.320
To my dad, and I did it to his mother.
00:35:08.559 --> 00:35:09.360
That's crazy.
00:35:09.599 --> 00:35:13.199
When I was 19 and you did it when you were 19.
00:35:13.519 --> 00:35:14.320
That's creepy.
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:15.360
Oh, I don't like that.
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:16.239
I don't either.
00:35:16.480 --> 00:35:16.800
All right.
00:35:16.960 --> 00:35:21.519
So what are you gonna say to a kid that's 20 years old that's listening to this podcast?
00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:28.480
Because God, I really hope one of my friends shares it with a 20-year-old or younger or older, not too young.
00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:29.599
We curse a lot.
00:35:29.840 --> 00:35:38.559
Um, what do you say to them when they're feeling helpless and they need therapy?
00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:41.440
How do they go about finding the right therapist?
00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:42.239
What did you do?
00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:44.719
I sent you, I know I did the research.
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:47.519
I sent you like three different right.
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:49.840
But then what do you tell them to do?
00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:52.400
How do you tell them to get off their ass and do it?
00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:53.760
They're not gonna call.
00:35:53.920 --> 00:35:55.360
You never fucking call anybody.
00:35:55.599 --> 00:35:56.960
Oh, I call people all the time.
00:35:57.199 --> 00:35:58.079
Well, now you do.
00:35:58.239 --> 00:36:00.320
No, I used to always, I used to never email.
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:01.360
That's what I don't do.
00:36:01.599 --> 00:36:02.079
Really?
00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:02.639
Never.
00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:04.559
Then it's sissy that doesn't like to call.
00:36:04.639 --> 00:36:05.679
No, now he doesn't like to call.
00:36:05.760 --> 00:36:06.639
I love to call.
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:07.440
That's interesting.
00:36:07.599 --> 00:36:08.639
I like to actually voice.
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:09.119
You're right.
00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:09.679
I love it.
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:10.239
You do.
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:11.920
You are more of the not emailer.
00:36:12.159 --> 00:36:12.960
You're the not emailer.
00:36:13.119 --> 00:36:14.480
I or a texter, I'm not a text driver.
00:36:14.639 --> 00:36:15.039
No, you're not.
00:36:15.119 --> 00:36:17.119
But you're if I if I can call somebody, I will.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:18.239
Yeah, your sister won't call.
00:36:18.320 --> 00:36:18.480
Okay.
00:36:18.639 --> 00:36:18.719
Yeah.
00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:31.119
But, anyways, I I would say if you're feeling helpless and you're feeling like therapy might be an option that you can do.
00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:32.800
What do you mean?
00:36:33.039 --> 00:36:36.880
Like it it feels like something that you can handle because it's a lot.
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:47.280
But still, if you're going through something traumatic and you are processing it, therapy have for me has helped and hurt.
00:36:47.599 --> 00:36:49.599
Oh, yeah, because you have to feel the feels.
00:36:49.840 --> 00:36:58.880
Because you have to feel the feels, and also it's like if you're not finding if you don't find a therapist that you love, what they say, like it holds a lot of weight.
00:36:59.039 --> 00:37:04.800
And if you're not vibing with them and they say something off, it is very painful.
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:10.960
Yeah, and you and it is very jarring because you're supposed to, you know, you're supposed to hear what they have to say and take it all.
00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:12.320
They're supposed to be the experts.
00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:12.800
Exactly.
00:37:12.960 --> 00:37:13.119
Yeah.
00:37:13.280 --> 00:37:14.719
And so it it it can be hard.
00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:20.159
And like thankfully, I didn't have that experience when dad died because I had already had this therapist for a month now.
00:37:20.400 --> 00:37:21.119
No, longer than that.
00:37:21.280 --> 00:37:22.559
You had her for longer than that.
00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:24.559
No, like a month, like a month and a half.
00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:25.679
Yeah, I guess two months.
00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:27.760
Because I I got her at the end of November.
00:37:27.920 --> 00:37:28.320
Oh, okay.
00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:33.199
And I literally told her because I was like, You literally said, like, I got her at the end of November, like a present.
00:37:33.679 --> 00:37:34.960
Like somebody dropped her off.
00:37:35.119 --> 00:37:35.599
I got her.
00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:36.159
I got her.
00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:37.039
I scored her.
00:37:37.119 --> 00:37:37.840
Yeah, exactly.
00:37:38.000 --> 00:37:39.760
Like I went out and bought the meotherapist.
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:44.079
But I don't, I mean, I don't have any website recommendations.
00:37:44.239 --> 00:37:51.119
I don't have any phone numbers I can give you because it's a pain in the fucking ass to find a good therapist.
00:37:51.440 --> 00:38:00.079
But I will say that every week you show up and sit in that chair is a win in and of itself.
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:17.760
And even if you had a shitty week, even if you had a shitty year, putting yourself first and going to therapy or going to a psychiatrist or going to anywhere that provides mental health resources is a win of it in and of itself.
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:18.320
I can't say that.
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:19.199
No, it's our win.
00:38:19.360 --> 00:38:31.119
And it's it's something you should be proud of, and something that I think if you are having trouble right now, if you make that step, it will feel and help a lot more than you think, is my advice.
00:38:31.440 --> 00:38:32.480
I don't know if that made sense.
00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:34.159
It did, but it totally did.
00:38:34.320 --> 00:38:34.559
Okay.
00:38:34.719 --> 00:38:38.880
No, and I think that the biggest thing is that it's hard to ask for help.
00:38:38.960 --> 00:38:39.920
I'm realizing that.
00:38:40.079 --> 00:38:40.880
It is, it is.
00:38:41.280 --> 00:38:42.239
I'm realizing that.
00:38:42.559 --> 00:38:47.280
It's also one of those things where like I'm not a doctor person.
00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:49.119
No, you won't even go to the doctor.
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:52.480
Absolutely petrified of the doctor for a lot of reasons.
00:38:52.719 --> 00:39:01.360
Um, but I will trust a therapist, I will trust a psychiatrist because those things are, you know, your brain and your body work together.
00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:02.320
It all goes back.
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:05.920
I mean, I started reading the book uh Your Body Keeps the Score.
00:39:06.480 --> 00:39:08.000
You have it?
00:39:08.079 --> 00:39:08.239
Yeah.
00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:09.360
So how was it so far?
00:39:09.599 --> 00:39:10.000
I love it.
00:39:10.159 --> 00:39:10.480
Tell me.
00:39:10.880 --> 00:39:12.320
I knew I was gonna love it, but I just love it.
00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:13.119
Have you not read it?
00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:13.920
No, I told you.
00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:15.519
Remember, I said I've had this book forever.
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:16.000
That's right.
00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:16.880
I have it on Audible.
00:39:17.119 --> 00:39:17.840
You've never read it, have you?
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:21.840
No, and I said you you said you were gonna start it, and I said I will start it too.
00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:24.320
But it is you started it already.
00:39:24.639 --> 00:39:25.840
It's all started.
00:39:26.239 --> 00:39:28.000
It is incredible.
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:28.800
I love it.
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:35.280
I I've only listened to like the first chapter because then I was like getting burnt because I was laying outside.
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:35.920
Oh gosh.
00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:36.159
Okay.
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:39.039
Like I have fourth degree burns, now I need to go inside.
00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:50.559
But um, it brought up a really good point of something that I never really thought of, which was when you experience something traumatic, um, i.e., like the first part was talking about a veteran.
00:39:50.800 --> 00:40:03.119
So a veteran that was in Vietnam and you know fought, and that's like your stereotypical PTSD case would be a guy, 40s, 50s in from Vietnam, or I guess now they're like in their 80s, but whatever.
00:40:03.360 --> 00:40:04.400
Yeah, whatever, but whatever.
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:05.760
From a wartime.
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:06.239
Yeah.
00:40:06.559 --> 00:40:13.920
And they have, you know, nightmares and they get angry and they end up drunks and all of that stereotypical stuff.
00:40:14.079 --> 00:40:27.280
But what it thought of what or what like what it kind of brought up was like, you know, the veteran in the book was talking about how he physically feels still there.
00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:31.360
Physically, he is still there with his comrades or whatever.
00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:31.679
Yeah.
00:40:31.840 --> 00:40:36.639
And what and like with his people, and physically, a part of him is still with the people he lost.
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:40.480
And that like like hit really hard with me.
00:40:40.559 --> 00:40:40.960
Yeah.
00:40:41.280 --> 00:40:43.920
Because you are a different person after something traumatic.
00:40:44.079 --> 00:40:44.480
Yeah, you're right.
00:40:44.559 --> 00:40:46.960
You're a completely different person biologically, yeah.
00:40:47.280 --> 00:40:50.639
Physiologically, physiologically, your brain chemistry is off.
00:40:50.960 --> 00:40:51.840
Everything is different.
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:56.480
Everything, whether you have a physical scar or a or an emotional scar that is still a scar.
00:40:56.719 --> 00:40:58.400
In yoga, they call them samskaras.
00:40:58.559 --> 00:40:58.800
Yeah.
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:12.400
And so it just like hearing, you know, that and like thinking about that really, and it's gonna make me cry right now because it's like it's not something that I ever associated with.
00:41:12.800 --> 00:41:15.440
Like part of me died with dad.
00:41:15.599 --> 00:41:15.760
Yeah.
00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:18.480
And I don't like to say it like that, but it is true.
00:41:18.719 --> 00:41:21.360
It's it's the okay, so energy.
00:41:21.519 --> 00:41:22.880
Let's talk about energy, right?
00:41:23.039 --> 00:41:27.280
So it's like the energy of dad is not here the way it was.
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:29.760
Yeah, it's completely different.
00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:30.320
Yeah.
00:41:30.639 --> 00:41:42.079
And not to say that it can't be great energy in a different way, but physiologically, not having him here, you do.
00:41:42.239 --> 00:41:44.960
I felt like I was having a heart attack for three weeks.
00:41:45.039 --> 00:41:45.440
Yeah.
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:47.360
My heart hurt.
00:41:47.519 --> 00:41:47.840
Yeah.
00:41:48.079 --> 00:41:54.400
My my chronic pain that I have from osteoarthritis and all that stuff, I didn't feel that for a while.
00:41:54.559 --> 00:41:55.199
That's crazy.
00:41:55.440 --> 00:41:56.639
Because my heart hurt.
00:41:56.719 --> 00:41:57.039
Yeah.
00:41:57.280 --> 00:42:00.719
And so I feel like like Advil, you know, like it takes the pain.
00:42:00.800 --> 00:42:00.960
Yeah.
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:02.159
Like it moves it.
00:42:02.400 --> 00:42:02.559
Yeah.
00:42:02.639 --> 00:42:10.079
So I think that what you're saying is like you can really really relate to somatic therapy.
00:42:10.239 --> 00:42:10.480
Yes.
00:42:10.559 --> 00:42:12.000
And that's what I've been doing in therapy.
00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:12.480
Exactly.
00:42:12.639 --> 00:42:14.079
There's a lot of somatic stuff.
00:42:14.239 --> 00:42:14.559
Exactly.
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:17.119
And what are some of the the tools from somatic therapy?
00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:17.679
What does that mean?
00:42:17.920 --> 00:42:18.400
Give your example.
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:21.280
Okay, well, we just started like two days ago.
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:22.719
So I don't have like a whole lot.
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:25.599
She actually talked about it when you and I went.
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:26.159
That's true.
00:42:26.800 --> 00:42:29.519
But we not we haven't like done actual like activities and stuff.
00:42:30.719 --> 00:42:39.119
But the one thing that I really liked that we did that was really helpful, and it's thankfully something that I can do at home too.
00:42:39.519 --> 00:42:42.960
Because sometimes they'll give you tools, and I'm like, I just can't do that with by myself.
00:42:43.039 --> 00:42:44.159
Like, I need somebody there.
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:54.880
But uh, she just all she did was play this four, seven, eight meditation where it's like countdown, you know, breathe in for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight.
00:42:55.360 --> 00:43:00.960
But like she walked me through like what my body should feel like when I'm doing it.
00:43:01.199 --> 00:43:07.679
Like what what what should lift when I'm inhaling, what my lips should look like when I'm exhaling.
00:43:08.400 --> 00:43:17.119
And me trying to get all this right, trying to make it, you know, being the people pleaser, teacher's pet I am, was like, okay, if I do this, this, and this.
00:43:17.280 --> 00:43:21.280
And I, you know, five minutes later I realized that I wasn't thinking about anything that was stressing me out.
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:23.119
I wasn't thinking about how shitty I feel.
00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:24.559
You were trying to win therapy.
00:43:24.800 --> 00:43:26.559
I was trying to win therapy.
00:43:27.199 --> 00:43:30.079
And I was like, I was like, wow, I feel so much better.
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:32.480
And she was like, okay, rate your anxiety on a scale of one to ten.
00:43:32.639 --> 00:43:35.920
You know, based on when you walked in here, I said it was probably a nine or an eight.
00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:37.039
I think I said an eight.
00:43:37.199 --> 00:43:38.960
And when I walked out, it was like a four.
00:43:39.199 --> 00:43:39.840
That's awesome.
00:43:40.079 --> 00:43:41.360
And she was like, What changed?
00:43:41.440 --> 00:43:43.840
I was like, honestly, I was just trying to make you proud, actually.
00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:47.440
Just really wanted you to be proud of how good I was breathing there.
00:43:48.000 --> 00:43:49.440
I'm usually not very good at breathing.
00:43:49.519 --> 00:43:50.159
That was really good.
00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:51.840
So uh I'll take my gold star now.
00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:52.320
Thank you.
00:43:52.639 --> 00:43:55.119
This was not a planned conversation, you and I.
00:43:56.000 --> 00:43:59.760
This was very much spur of the moment and spontaneous.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:15.599
And I have full body chills right now because I'm I'm really I'm really beyond proud of you for how much that you've stepped up into your own body.
00:44:16.159 --> 00:44:18.880
You haven't become somebody different.
00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:21.599
You are shining.
00:44:22.400 --> 00:44:26.480
And you are one of the most beautiful people on this planet.
00:44:27.119 --> 00:44:27.840
Stop it.
00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:31.760
And I know that you have so much to give.
00:44:32.239 --> 00:44:38.960
And I keep wanting you to lean into the compassion and the empathy and the intuition that you have.
00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:43.119
And remember when you were a kid when you got diagnosed with ADHD, right?
00:44:43.199 --> 00:44:45.360
I got diagnosed around the same time you did.
00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:47.760
And so when that happened, Twin.
00:44:48.079 --> 00:44:52.320
But do you remember what I said to you about ADHD when you were when you said, Do I have a disease?
00:44:52.480 --> 00:44:52.960
Oh yeah.
00:44:53.119 --> 00:44:54.639
It is a it's a disorder.
00:44:54.880 --> 00:44:55.920
What did I say to you?
00:44:56.159 --> 00:44:58.480
You said it's not a disease, it's a gift.
00:44:59.760 --> 00:45:01.440
I don't my mom was five.
00:45:01.519 --> 00:45:02.559
That was 15 years ago.
00:45:02.639 --> 00:45:03.519
I don't remember.
00:45:04.239 --> 00:45:04.800
No, I did.
00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:05.840
I told you it was a gift.
00:45:05.920 --> 00:45:06.239
Yeah.
00:45:06.480 --> 00:45:21.039
And I truly do believe that because I feel like whatever mental label you want to put on someone, whatever their idiosyncrasy is, it's a gift.
00:45:21.199 --> 00:45:21.440
Yeah.
00:45:21.679 --> 00:45:23.119
And we have to figure out how to use it.
00:45:23.440 --> 00:45:25.440
And we have to channel it in the right way.
00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:32.239
And, you know, we we need to show up for each other and leave this place a little bit better than we found it.
00:45:32.559 --> 00:45:35.920
And I and I'll add this like tiny little last thing.
00:45:36.079 --> 00:45:37.119
Yeah, go for it.
00:45:37.920 --> 00:45:41.199
I feel like that also relates to grief.
00:45:41.440 --> 00:45:48.800
Not that grief is a gift, but grief is evidence that we loved somebody so much that we miss them even when they're gone.
00:45:49.039 --> 00:45:50.880
And I I don't know.
00:45:50.960 --> 00:46:02.000
I'm just like, I don't want to give you too much credit because like I don't want to boost your ego, but you know, words of affirmation are the one thing that I live for, and you refuse to give them to me.
00:46:02.239 --> 00:46:05.440
So you can lay it on thick and heavy right now, bitch.
00:46:05.599 --> 00:46:06.079
I need it.
00:46:06.239 --> 00:46:06.719
I need it.
00:46:06.960 --> 00:46:13.679
No, I just I I I always tell you that even before Tad passed away, then I'd brag about this podcast because I was really proud of you.
00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:15.280
And I am really proud of you.
00:46:15.440 --> 00:46:21.599
But even more now, like seeing you, I mean, I literally could physically see your heartbreak.
00:46:21.920 --> 00:46:27.199
I could see your physiology, physiological change.
00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:29.039
I mean, we all did that day.
00:46:29.280 --> 00:46:31.840
We all changed that day dramatically.
00:46:32.079 --> 00:46:35.920
And to see you be like, no, actually, I'm gonna talk about it.
00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:54.800
I'm I'm gonna talk about it, and I'm going to, you know, I'm gonna cry and I'm gonna be upset and I'm going to publish that shit and I'm gonna help other people instead of wallowing and crying and mourning in your own space, you know, by by yourself laying in bed all day.
00:46:55.039 --> 00:46:58.320
You put you put your words to the paper, you know.
00:46:58.480 --> 00:47:00.960
Yeah, and I'm I don't know, I'm just really proud of you.
00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:04.079
I think it's very cool, and I think it's really inspiring.
00:47:04.239 --> 00:47:12.880
And even if you help one person or 10,000, that's 10,000 more people or one person more people than you would have helped if you did nothing.
00:47:13.119 --> 00:47:14.320
Thanks, honey.
00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:15.760
That means a lot.
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:16.719
You're welcome.
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:20.880
Okay, we this is the only one this whole year that you're ever gonna get compliments.
00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:23.119
So all right, I'll hold on to that.
00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:24.400
I'm gonna hold on to that.
00:47:25.039 --> 00:47:28.800
So again, this is all about like unexpected season of changes, right?
00:47:29.199 --> 00:47:37.599
So all right, well, how about at the end of every episode we do a pause before you get out of the car?
00:47:38.400 --> 00:47:50.159
So before you walk into work, before you walk in the front door, before you start your day, take a moment, sit down.
00:47:50.960 --> 00:47:54.559
Gamble, would you walk us through the 478 breath?
00:47:54.880 --> 00:47:55.440
Yes.
00:47:56.159 --> 00:47:59.599
So the 478 um is inhaling for four.
00:47:59.679 --> 00:48:05.440
You take a big deep breath with your mouth open, and then the seven refers to holding.
00:48:05.599 --> 00:48:12.960
So you hold that breath in for seven seconds, and then the eight is a slow but controlled exhale through your mouth.
00:48:13.039 --> 00:48:17.440
Um, more like purse lips, like you're like you're blowing a straw or you're blowing bubbles.
00:48:17.920 --> 00:48:38.559
Three, four, hold, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, exhale, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:48:40.159 --> 00:48:41.199
That was great.
00:48:41.440 --> 00:48:41.840
Thanks.
00:48:42.079 --> 00:48:43.360
I actually really like that one.
00:48:43.519 --> 00:48:44.400
Yeah, I like that one too.
00:48:44.559 --> 00:48:45.199
I haven't done it.
00:48:45.280 --> 00:48:51.440
I I haven't I like my favorite is like the the pursed lips because it's way easier to control the long exhale.
00:48:51.679 --> 00:49:06.400
Yeah, it's like you're and I think I talked about this on the last episode was when you're breathing to picture your breath a color or like smoke or something, you know, or something like liquid or whatever, you know, you couldn't be imaginative with it.
00:49:06.639 --> 00:49:12.719
And I think that's what's really cool about, you know, we didn't plan for this.
00:49:12.880 --> 00:49:13.440
Yeah.
00:49:13.679 --> 00:49:18.960
If you're in a season of change and you didn't plan for it, you're not alone.
00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:22.800
We didn't plan for this, but we're still here.
00:49:23.039 --> 00:49:23.440
Yep.
00:49:23.679 --> 00:49:33.679
So if this episode resonated with you, or if you have a friend or family member or somebody that you even don't like and you want to share this episode, it resonated.
00:49:34.159 --> 00:49:35.039
Share this episode with your other.
00:49:35.280 --> 00:49:48.559
Yeah, you should share this episode with the person that when you were grieving, maybe didn't have responded in the way that you reacted to them, the way that we reacted.
00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:49.039
Yeah.
00:49:49.199 --> 00:49:53.599
In that one, in our one situation, our sim situation.
00:49:55.039 --> 00:50:03.199
I still can't, we never connected that that we were the same age, same time, same reaction, same everything.
00:50:03.280 --> 00:50:03.760
That's crazy.
00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:04.639
It's crazy.
00:50:04.800 --> 00:50:06.320
It's weird, and I don't like it.
00:50:06.480 --> 00:50:07.119
I don't like it either.
00:50:07.199 --> 00:50:08.239
So let's not talk about it more.
00:50:08.639 --> 00:50:10.000
Hey, thanks for listening.
00:50:10.159 --> 00:50:14.880
Um, please send this to your friends, share this episode, share this podcast.
00:50:15.039 --> 00:50:18.000
It it's not, we don't make any money on this, by the way.
00:50:18.239 --> 00:50:22.800
It brings me so much joy to be able to.
00:50:25.519 --> 00:50:27.360
It doesn't bring me joy.
00:50:27.599 --> 00:50:42.079
It working through my feelings and my emotions verbally through this podcast and through my friends and through this network is the biggest gift I have.
00:50:42.239 --> 00:50:44.000
And I am so grateful.
00:50:44.320 --> 00:50:46.639
I am so grateful for all the listeners out there.
00:50:46.800 --> 00:50:47.840
Thank you so much.
00:50:48.079 --> 00:50:48.639
Thank you.
00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:50.559
Please rate, review, subscribe.
00:50:51.119 --> 00:50:51.920
Follow us on the gram.
00:50:53.199 --> 00:50:55.360
Follow us on the gram at yoga changed.
00:50:55.519 --> 00:50:56.000
Oh, yes.
00:50:56.159 --> 00:50:59.760
And if you got a story, DM us, send us your story.
00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:02.960
Like, this is not this is life, people.
00:51:03.039 --> 00:51:04.079
We didn't plan for this.
00:51:04.400 --> 00:51:05.760
This is exactly the way life goes.
00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:07.679
It would be cool to tell like follower stories.
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:08.800
I that's what I want.
00:51:09.679 --> 00:51:10.880
Yeah, send us an email.
00:51:11.039 --> 00:51:12.639
What what did you not plan for?
00:51:12.800 --> 00:51:14.400
Yeah, we didn't plan for what?
00:51:14.559 --> 00:51:16.880
Did you not plan for you know twins?
00:51:17.039 --> 00:51:18.400
Did you not plan for a divorce?
00:51:18.639 --> 00:51:21.280
Did you not plan for winning a lottery?
00:51:21.440 --> 00:51:21.760
Yeah.
00:51:21.920 --> 00:51:22.079
Oh.
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:23.599
That would be a cool story.
00:51:23.760 --> 00:51:26.079
Did you did you not plan to get scammed?
00:51:26.400 --> 00:51:26.639
Oh.
00:51:27.280 --> 00:51:29.920
Did you not plan to fall out of love?
00:51:30.159 --> 00:51:30.400
Oh.
00:51:31.440 --> 00:51:33.119
You're just gonna make sound effects for each one of these.
00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:34.320
Can I be your soundboard now?
00:51:34.480 --> 00:51:34.639
Yeah.
00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:36.559
Oh, you're like watching the fireworks.
00:51:36.639 --> 00:51:37.199
Ooh, ah.
00:51:37.519 --> 00:51:39.039
Anyway, we're gonna wrap this up.
00:51:39.119 --> 00:51:39.920
Thank you guys.
00:51:40.159 --> 00:51:42.639
I do feel a lot better than the way we started.
00:51:42.880 --> 00:51:43.679
I do too.
00:51:43.920 --> 00:51:44.079
Okay.
00:51:44.400 --> 00:51:44.880
I do too.
00:51:45.039 --> 00:51:45.519
Talk to you.
00:51:46.239 --> 00:51:47.119
I love you more.
00:51:47.280 --> 00:51:47.920
Love you guys.
00:51:48.079 --> 00:51:48.480
Bye.
00:51:48.639 --> 00:51:49.280
Bye.