What We Learned When We Asked: Where Am I in This?

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Because what I think I hear you saying is I don't want to lose myself.
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I don't want to lose myself, and I don't want there to be the option of getting hurt.
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I feel like I don't even think I'm a good guy.
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I really thought for a while, if I could just feel everything less and be less, relationships will be easier.
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I'll have more self-confidence.
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I'll have more peace.
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And I would be angry all the time.
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And sometimes I would lash out, and I didn't like that behavior from me.
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The feeling inside of me is frustration with him because I feel like we've gone over it so many times.
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And where did you find yourself at the end of that?
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Five different people, five completely different situations.
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And the common thread, it's the same question underneath every single one of them.
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Where am I in this?
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Welcome to Waitless Talk About That.
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This is a podcast where real people work through real moments, live and anonymous.
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And I'm Lila Pond.
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And I'm Dr.
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Lee Long.
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And today's episode is a little different.
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Yep, no guests today.
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It's just us closing out the season.
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And a quick reminder before we dive in this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
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It's not therapy and does not create a counselor client relationship with our guests.
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This season, we sat down for eight episodes with anonymous guests and walked through real conflicts using the wait method.
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Today, we're going back through it.
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And the best moments, too, the threads that kept repeating and some of our own takes on the season.
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Wait stands for where am I in this?
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It's also a prompt for the pause.
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The pause that helps us answer the question, where am I in this moment in this situation?
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And there's four questions underneath it that help us if we get stuck.
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And it's what am I thinking?
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And not, oh my gosh, what am I thinking?
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No, it's a gentle question, what am I thinking?
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What am I feeling?
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What am I believing?
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And what am I experiencing?
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Oh, that question showed up in every single conversation we had this season in ways that really none of us expected going in.
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Including me.
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I had no idea what to expect from these interviews, but wow, they did not disappoint.
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First up, a successful single guy who realized he didn't actually know what he believed about himself, just what he thought other people believed about him.
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That seems to be a common theme, doesn't it?
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Oh boy.
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It almost feels like a blank wall.
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The attentions and affirmation, if it's from friends or if it's from a woman, like it just hits the blank wall and falls off.
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Yes.
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It's more about self-understanding.
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Because like when you use the blank wall analogy, to me, it's like somebody throws their coat up against the wall, like they throw something to you, and there's no hook for it to stick on.
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And the light being shown on the blank wall might actually be the theme that helps us understand those vague scribbles.
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Hmm, dude, you're good.
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That's a beautiful picture.
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Cause I I would say, like, I think for all people, but I'll I'll speak for myself.
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Like, I know some of the intrapersonal self-worth or like some of those things.
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I know who I am in some manner.
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And yes.
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I have known.
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Yes.
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And the scribbles have, I don't know if they've eroded or what, like they're there to your point.
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I haven't really explored them to enlarge them or turn the scribbles into a sharpie.
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That's the difference between self-worth and self-understanding.
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The stats told him he was good at his job.
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He just never once asked himself if he believed it.
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The gap is the blank wall.
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And the blank wall analogy represented the unknown parts of him that he could not see.
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And later in that same episode, Lee, he gets emotional, catching himself mid-sentence.
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And I quote, you just turned left when you should have turned right, end quote.
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That's the moment it actually landed.
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You just turned left when you should have turned right.
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Man, I'm even feeling myself getting a little emotional at that.
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And I love that he identified self-worthers.
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Isn't that great?
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It was.
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And and I have a little book that one of my grandsons at age three decided to write in.
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And I didn't, I didn't want to shame him.
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So I said, I love the fact that you left me some love scribbles.
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So maybe we need to start writing some love scribbles on our way.
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Definitely.
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I think we often overlook our beliefs about ourselves.
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We think that it's selfish or self-centered in some way, but it leaves us looking to others to determine our value.
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But do we ever slow down long enough to determine if we actually agree?
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When he slowed down and interacted with the question, where am I in this?
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He saw his value for himself.
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And it was a game changer for him.
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And Lee, I just want to say here, we often think of the word value as something that comes from an external source.
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And we're only as valuable as someone else thinks we are.
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And I love the expression, we're born looking for someone who's looking for us.
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That's actually a quote by Kurt Thompson.
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And I think we forget that at a certain point we turn and look at ourselves and say, I'm grateful with humble gratitude that I'm the only one who can be me.
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Yeah.
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And that turns into value.
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Yeah.
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There's nothing more important in recognizing self-worth than nailing that down inside of us, driving the stake down right there.
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That's right.
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So next we have a wife married almost 45 years, whose husband hearing loss compounded a communication gap that was already there.
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I love to play tennis.
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I play tennis four or five times a week.
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I play double, so I always have a partner.
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Yeah.
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I am at times in matches, I am so hard on myself that if I miss a ball or I make a mistake, I will verbally demean myself.
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And I've had a couple of partners that have said, Don't you talk to my friend that way?
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Oh, I like that.
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And one is my sweet Australian friend.
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She says it in that beautiful Australian accent.
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Yeah.
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She says, Do not talk to my friend that way.
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That was really sobering for me.
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Yeah.
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Right after that moment in the same conversation is one of my favorite reframes of the season.
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She says she doesn't like the word control, so we swap it for influence.
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One word change.
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It's basically the whole book in summary.
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Wow, that tennis story gets me every time.
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Her own doubles partner in this thick Australian accent telling her, don't talk to my friend that way.
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That's how she finally heard it.
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You know, we have to have it repeated to us over and over again.
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We lose this sentiment so often because we overlook ourselves.
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And I think to your comment earlier, we need a community to help us see.
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I must consider how I see myself too.
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And I have to say, Lila, you helped me with that in my own life.
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And we all need these reminders.
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We need trustworthy family and friends to help speak truth into our lives.
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Because we must believe it for ourselves too.
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We can't only rely on the world around us to convince us of that truth.
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Isn't that solid?
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Because what we do have is a whole lot of input that's negative.
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Yeah.
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And because of the way the brain is scanning the horizon for a threat, most of the time, that deep part of our brain, we're going to go negative when we think there's a negative point.
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And thank you for saying that.
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I do get great encouragement from you as well.
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And I think that's a part of how we're created.
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Yeah.
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To interact with each other.
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But it's that voice, that inner critic, that bad editor.
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Yes.
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That voice of someone who maybe kept demeaning us, expecting us to be what they wanted us to be.
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And man, I love it when we realize that's the truth.
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That's right.
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We have value.
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So next we have a teacher and natural helper moving through grief after a relationship she thought was headed toward marriage.
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Gosh, no, it's that person.
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And that's just something that they have to deal with.
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And no matter what I do or say or how I show up as, it's not going to change it.
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And it's also not my job to fix it.
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And even that last sentence you said, it's not my job to fix it.
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How much, how much for you was that a real and still is a real struggle on you?
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Yeah, gosh, I think that's the hardest part.
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Yeah.
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Because the way I'm wired is as a helper.
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In part one, she can barely believe that sentence.
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It's not my job to fix it.
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She realized that she was so focused on how do I get them to like me?
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How do I get them to stay?
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She realized she conformed too much to others and compromised too much to others and kept experiencing a vicious cycle of conforming and then being left when abandonment was her greatest fear.
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The hard part for all of us to recognize is our fear of abandonment causes us to abandon ourselves.
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Right.
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We pretzel to make everyone stay, but we abandon us.
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There's the fear being realized even before the other person leaves.
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That's really rough because then you're left with the pretzeled self rather than the real self.
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That's exactly right.
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So you know what I hear you saying, Dewey?
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Is you're beginning to find you.
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Yes.
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You're beginning to see.
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Wait a minute, why won't I ream you, but I'll ream me.
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Yes.
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And you're the one who warranted the reaming.
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But I will ream myself when I didn't necessarily warrant a ream.
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I know.
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Her own counselor pointed out that she talks about people who've hurt her with so much grace, but tears herself apart internally.
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She said it hit her like a freight train.
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Wow.
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And that's the same double standard we heard back in episode four with the tennis story.
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Kindness for everyone except yourself.
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And she also reframes the word perfect into reconciled in this same episode.
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Man, that's a word I still think about.
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The definition to the word reconciled is to make compatible or consistent.
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I love this because it means compatible to her and consistent to her.
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She said, I'd rather have everyone else around me be okay.
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And I forgot about myself a lot.
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What am I really able to offer?
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Notice she was still abandoning herself.
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She was focused on everybody else still.
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And she was focused on what they were not going to get from her rather than what she was going to give them.
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It was just a reversal of the script.
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And when I pointed that out, she admitted, and perfectly named, it's an awkward tension.
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The awkward tension is considering you.
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And she's right.
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It is an awkward tension.
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Considering yourself in the midst of something does feel awkward.
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Well, how often do we take on others' issues thinking they will make things better for us?
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Oh man.
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It's like we outsource our contentment.
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Oh, yeah.
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And we're so focused on outcome inside of another person or between us that we totally miss the process within ourselves.
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Yeah.
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I love that she came back to it's an awkward tension.
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You know, because she kept saying, I am wanted by others, but the challenge is, did she feel that she belongs?
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She had to reckon with the grief of how she struggles to see herself throughout the conversation, not making space for herself, therefore dealing with the capacity to do things she normally did.
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Meaning her capacity dropped.
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She didn't have as much energy because she was rewiring how she saw instances, every moment, every situation, having to consider herself.
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This is really common.
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You know, and Lee, honestly, it's harder and more draining to live in a fantasy than it is to live in reality.
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Reality is hard enough.
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100%.
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But when we're in this fantasy, we're now it's like we're writing, scripting, producing a play.
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That isn't gonna happen.
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That's right.
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And if it does, we've used all our energy in the writing, scripting, and producing that play.
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100%.
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Okay.
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Well, next we have a mom working through a sense of urgency and control with her son.
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That widened into an old pattern with her own dad.
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Funny how those things connect.
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He got out the door and was we were pleasant with each other.
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It was nice.
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Wow.
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I love it when a plan comes together.
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So you found you in a chaotic moment instead of asking for the environment to solve for, you solved for.
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Is that a fair thing for me to say?
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Yes.
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That's the control illusion right there in an ordinary school morning.
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And you know, sometimes, Lee, I think we forget that control doesn't really mean making another person do what we want them to do.
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We're actually going so far forward as a parent to make sure they turn out okay.
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A hundred percent.
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And I think the reason why she had success in that morning was because she learned to ask the question, where am I in this moment?
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Rather than clamping down on the environment, which by her own admission leads to more friction.
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She found her own experience.
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This moment feels untethered and it leads to pressure to make the morning go the way she wanted it to.
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Exactly.
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For her, for her, she allowed her son to have his consequences and took care of herself and did not demand that his actions cared for her.
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And that's exactly the part that you're saying is we're so worried.
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And it makes sense.
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It's not a criticism, it's an observation.
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Right.
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We're worried.
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How are they gonna turn out ultimately?
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Right.
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We judge their entire future off of how they are right in that moment.
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And that is just not it.
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It's that one slice of time theory.
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Just let's just deal with this one slice of time and help them.
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And the best way she helped him was to make sure she knew where she was.
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Right.
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Because choices have consequences.
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And as parents, if we allow the consequences of their choices to fall upon their shoulders, not always ours, that's so true.
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We have a better chance for an outcome.
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Now, this does not mean that we allow people, in this case, her son, to walk all over us.
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It just means that we don't have to control or have control over their behaviors, other people's behavior.
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We have influence.
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There's that word, that great word.
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Yes.
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So this mom allowed her influence to be that she let the consequences do the teaching, not her emotions and control do the teaching, which only really teaches the kids to push against you as the parent.
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And trust me, they know how far they can go until we break.
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They did.
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And she knew the consequences would come for his choice.
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That's right.
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And they weren't even administered by her.
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Exactly.
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She was alongside.
00:16:54.799 --> 00:16:55.279
That's right.
00:16:55.519 --> 00:16:58.639
Not running in front of or pushing from behind or tugging.
00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:01.200
That's really a great, great situation.
00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:01.519
Yeah.
00:17:01.759 --> 00:17:02.639
Way to go, mom.
00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:09.359
Months later, the same pattern shows up, but over a golf shirt in the car.
00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:16.400
But this time, she catches it in seconds instead of losing the whole morning.
00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:20.559
It sounds to me like you're saying, I'm defending my sanity.
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:27.279
I'm defending my what feels like a very ungrounded or untethered moment.
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:30.720
I'm tethering back to what I know is my reality.
00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:37.119
That was a really big theme for this person.
00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:48.000
And I was so proud that she stopped the loop of looking for her sanity in the environment of what was being discussed.
00:17:48.240 --> 00:18:00.960
And as a reminder, she felt that her sanity was in question when her son was arguing that the attire of his sister was different than both her and her daughter's experience.
00:18:01.119 --> 00:18:06.880
Bottom line, his memory of events did not match their experience.
00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:13.359
She stated that she grew up in an environment where her opinions, experiences, et cetera, were overlooked.
00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:17.680
Thus, she looks to tether to what is agreed upon.
00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:25.920
For sure.
00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:31.759
But a lot of times when we grow up in chaos, we're looking for groundedness.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:40.319
Especially if we grew up in chaos that constantly overlooked our opinions, our experiences.
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:44.160
Rather than saying, oh, it's because my parents were just terrible.
00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:44.640
Right.
00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:45.759
I don't accept that.
00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:46.319
Right.
00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:56.960
And maybe a parent is terrible because there are some terrible parents, but I don't accept that as so your parent was terrible, therefore you get to limp along for the rest of your life.
00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:59.279
Then let's make your limp cool, man.
00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:03.359
Oh, let's make your limp cool, man.
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:07.119
Might be my favorite line of the whole season.
00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:12.079
This is her pattern loop or her limp as it was.
00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:17.119
And actually, that's not an uncommon loop for a lot of us.
00:19:17.279 --> 00:19:17.759
Right.
00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:30.880
And once she found herself and realized that she could tether back to herself and realize this conversation was not critical to the moment, she could leave it with her son to disagree about the shirt.
00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:34.000
She broke the pattern with her and with her kids.
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:45.759
And you know, Lila, what's really cool about this is when we think about wanting to change how our the next generation turns out, it's exactly this.
00:19:46.640 --> 00:19:55.119
We change the pattern first with us, and therefore the opportunity for them to change the pattern is there for them.
00:19:55.359 --> 00:19:58.960
And you know, Lee, that has what we would call epigenetic impact.
00:19:59.200 --> 00:19:59.680
A hundred percent.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:05.200
And that that's gonna affect generations beyond just her kids.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:05.920
Yes.
00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:08.319
And that's a wonderful thing about this method.
00:20:08.559 --> 00:20:09.119
Yes.
00:20:09.359 --> 00:20:13.119
So last one, and it's the fullest story of the season.
00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:20.319
A woman who wanted a family but had spent years avoiding real commitment, pulling away the moment she started to care.
00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:24.000
That was an aha landing moment for sure.
00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:24.720
Love that.
00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:29.599
Like, oh my God, the absolute disrespect that I am doing to myself.
00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:32.720
You know, it's like the old saying, a square peg and a round hole.
00:20:32.799 --> 00:20:33.200
Mm-mm.
00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:33.759
Mm-hmm.
00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:36.400
This is like an oval peg and a round hole.
00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:42.720
It's like we're beating the fool out of that oval peg, trying to make it fit because my gosh, it should.
00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:43.119
Yeah.
00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:44.559
But it's doing damage.
00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:50.240
It's like, but what about honoring the fact that you're oval and not round?
00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:50.799
Yeah.
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:55.200
I would never try to squeeze myself into jeans two sizes too small.
00:20:55.839 --> 00:21:00.880
Then don't squeeze yourself into a relationship three sizes too small.
00:21:01.599 --> 00:21:06.960
You know, don't squeeze yourself into a relationship three sizes too small.
00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:08.559
Consider yourself.
00:21:08.799 --> 00:21:12.160
She had a lot of mind reading that was really textbook.
00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:20.240
His opinion of her was louder in her head than her own belief in herself.
00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:31.200
You know, here's the part we're sitting with, Lee is the man she'd pulled away from texted her asking to reconnect on the exact day this episode went live.
00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:34.240
Neither of them planned for that.
00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:34.880
No.
00:21:36.799 --> 00:21:41.119
So I had shut down and he's like, What's going on?
00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:41.839
Nothing.
00:21:42.000 --> 00:21:43.119
I'm gonna go to sleep.
00:21:43.279 --> 00:21:45.599
No, you never get off the phone like that.
00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:46.480
What's wrong?
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:47.039
Nothing.
00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:48.160
I'll talk to you later.
00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:49.119
Okay, good night.
00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:52.319
And got off the phone and I'm laying there and I'm like, he didn't push me.
00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:53.839
He's not falling into my pattern.
00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:54.480
Right.
00:21:54.720 --> 00:21:59.839
It wasn't but 30 seconds because I remembered our rule, and I call back and he goes, That was a fast sleep.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:01.920
And I go, I broke the rule.
00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:03.359
He thought you broke the rule.
00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:05.680
You talked about it, conversation.
00:22:05.839 --> 00:22:08.000
We moved on and had our normal night.
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:10.160
Did you learn something about you that night?
00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:14.160
That I can be open and honest.
00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:22.240
The thing that's so impactful in what you're describing from my perspective is when you got off the phone, you were focused on him.
00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:23.279
The first time?
00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:24.000
Yes.
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:25.279
He didn't push.
00:22:25.519 --> 00:22:26.640
He didn't pursue.
00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:26.880
Yeah.
00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:28.240
He's not trying to fix.
00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:29.839
He's not fighting with me.
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:30.319
Right.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:31.519
And then who did you come to?
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:32.480
I don't care.
00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:34.079
Right, which is all about who?
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:34.799
Him.
00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:35.759
It's external.
00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:36.160
Right.
00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:38.240
And so there's that pattern, right?
00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:40.160
That pattern of externalizing.
00:22:40.319 --> 00:22:41.759
But you came back where?
00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:42.720
To myself.
00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:44.480
And immediately said what?
00:22:44.720 --> 00:22:45.920
I broke the rule.
00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:46.880
I did this.
00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:48.640
Therefore, what'd you do?
00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:49.839
You picked up the phone.
00:22:50.079 --> 00:22:52.240
Yeah, I picked up the phone.
00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:57.279
This is the one I want us to sit with.
00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:03.279
She doesn't just use the method here, she names it right back to me.
00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:12.720
The pattern loop, the control illusion, the mind reading, the original language miss, all in one breath.
00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:16.240
It's not me teaching her the book in that moment.
00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:20.640
That's her having actually learned it and applying it.
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:23.680
And she closes it out with this.
00:23:24.640 --> 00:23:28.799
I discovered I was always chasing the relationship.
00:23:29.039 --> 00:23:34.480
I genuinely just want to be with this person because of the person.
00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:37.279
What a great shift.
00:23:37.759 --> 00:23:39.519
Super, super powerful.
00:23:39.839 --> 00:23:52.960
So the threads throughout the season, the dashboard, emotions as a dashboard light, not a verdict, that showed up on its own in episodes one, three, four, six, and eight.
00:23:53.279 --> 00:23:57.279
And the next thread, the second one, is the marathon.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:00.559
Healing as a course, not a finish.
00:24:00.799 --> 00:24:06.240
That marathon language came back on its own in episodes seven and nine.
00:24:06.559 --> 00:24:09.599
Yeah, and thread three is no blame.
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:14.400
Almost every pattern traced back to an unsafe childhood.
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:20.319
But the show never once turned into blaming the parents for it.
00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:21.920
That's so good.
00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:25.440
And then thread four moved us to the double standard.
00:24:25.759 --> 00:24:29.279
Guest being kinder to everyone except themselves.
00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:34.640
Episode four and seven both landed on that exact realization.
00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:36.960
The next is thread five.
00:24:37.279 --> 00:24:39.920
Control becomes influence.
00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:44.079
Control almost always needed to become influence.
00:24:44.319 --> 00:24:49.839
Episodes four, five, and nine all needed that exact word swap.
00:24:50.079 --> 00:24:51.599
Love a good word swap.
00:24:51.759 --> 00:24:55.759
And then we move to thread number six, which is real proof.
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.240
And it wasn't hypothetical.
00:24:58.559 --> 00:25:06.559
Real wins happened outside the room in episodes five, eight, and nine and guessed actual lives between recordings.
00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:09.759
Yeah, that was really, really powerful for me.
00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:14.240
I cannot imagine, and yet I get it.
00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:15.440
So great.
00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:22.079
So, Lila, what surprised you most in hosting this that you didn't expect going in?
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:39.039
You know, Lee, I guess the one thing that surprised me the most was the absolute vulnerability of each one of these amazing people who were willing to say, you know what, I've got some issues, which I don't know a human who doesn't.
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:44.480
And yet they were willing to talk about it anonymously, yet openly.
00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:47.599
And that was extremely influential.
00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:48.400
Yes.
00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:49.279
Yeah.
00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:55.759
And tell me this is there a guest moment that stuck with you outside of the recording.
00:25:56.160 --> 00:26:01.839
You know, I think in their own way, all of them left a thread in my soul.
00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:02.799
Oh, good.
00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:36.559
The way that, like you said, every guest showed up so authentically and laid out things just so gracefully, and how they began being super hard on themselves, missing who they are, and then worked their way very gently to seeing themselves and the ones that came back and the ones that I've had contact with in between or after, just watching the growth, the positive experiences that have come from that.
00:26:37.599 --> 00:26:48.400
And you know, Lee, I do feel like when we use the term we have to do the work, that we think of that as a formula or a technique.
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:53.839
And honestly, Lee, it just means applying what you've learned in real time.
00:26:54.079 --> 00:26:54.799
That is exactly right.
00:26:55.039 --> 00:27:03.599
And so, with that, what was it like hearing the book's concepts actually land, live inside of someone else's real situation?
00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:04.960
What was that like for you?
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:06.319
Inspiring.
00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:08.160
Oh gosh, that's great.
00:27:08.400 --> 00:27:23.119
Absolutely inspiring that all of these years coming together and seeing them displayed in people's lives, all these years of study and pulling all of this together, that it had that kind of an impact that could be shown.
00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:26.000
Because what we do stays behind closed doors.
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:26.480
Yes.
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:29.440
And so you don't, I mean, we don't record our sessions.
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:30.000
Right.
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:34.079
And so you don't always get to see it played back for you.
00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:35.920
That part was so powerful.
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:46.319
And it's so meaningful because it means there's been a connection, a connection beyond just the therapeutic relationship, but a connection inside of someone.
00:27:46.559 --> 00:27:46.880
Right.
00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:49.359
And I have to say that's the goal.
00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:50.000
Right.
00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:52.880
Is that they have a connection inside of themselves.
00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:53.599
That's right.
00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:55.519
As they go through life to apply.
00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:56.799
That's so true.
00:27:57.039 --> 00:28:04.319
Is there anything you'd say to a listener who's been applying this all season and wondering if it's working?
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:13.279
Yes, you know, it's just like working out or studying or dieting or a health initiative.
00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:14.480
It takes time.
00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:18.400
In fact, I had some blood work done to see if my cholesterol had lowered.
00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:19.759
Well, it's a process.
00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:20.240
Right.
00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:23.839
It was a year-long process of doing something different.
00:28:24.079 --> 00:28:28.240
And a year sounds like a long time to see a difference.
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:32.240
But honestly, I could not wait to see, did it work?
00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:33.440
Is there change?
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:37.119
The good news is we don't have to measure it.
00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:40.799
There's no measuring stick with our internal experience.
00:28:41.039 --> 00:28:54.720
But once we stop looking for the external environment to change something inside of us, and inside of us being like a sieve, it you know, grows through holes, we we realize, you know what, I'm changing.
00:28:54.960 --> 00:28:55.279
Yeah.
00:28:55.440 --> 00:29:00.240
And we can see that and feel that, and it's energizing and exciting.
00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:05.680
So I would say don't stop working because you can't measure it.
00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:08.240
Practice makes progress.
00:29:08.559 --> 00:29:09.200
It does.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:24.000
And I would say if you hear yourself speaking less from you and more from I, and not a selfish way, but thinking, what am I thinking about this?
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:28.240
Considering yourself more, you're wholeheartedly making progress.
00:29:28.480 --> 00:29:29.839
Yeah, that's so true.
00:29:30.079 --> 00:29:36.799
So now everything you heard this season came out of the same book that's out right now, Wait.
00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:38.960
Where am I in this by Dr.
00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:39.920
Lee Long.
00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:43.599
You can find it on Amazon or wherever books are sold.
00:29:43.839 --> 00:29:45.440
Now, season two.
00:29:45.759 --> 00:29:48.240
Oh boy, it's gonna be a doozy.
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:51.519
A brand new spin to the wait method.
00:29:51.920 --> 00:30:03.119
And I think that what you're gonna find is that this is gonna be very interesting and relevant to a large majority of you listeners.
00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:09.200
So thank you all, anonymous guest, all of you, for your honesty this season.
00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:18.079
We could not have done this show without you and your willingness to show up vulnerable and look for connection within yourself.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:19.200
Way to go.
00:30:19.519 --> 00:30:20.160
Thank you.
00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:23.359
Take care of yourself and take care of your people.
00:30:23.599 --> 00:30:25.839
We can't wait to see you next season.
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:27.359
And it's coming soon.
00:30:27.519 --> 00:30:34.079
Ask yourself this week and every week, moment by moment, where am I in this?