alexis: Not having a couple of people to call through the hard times is a huge loss for yourself. it's not about checking boxes, it's about helping yourself. It's about Building a team of people that's gonna be there for you when you need them because you will need them.
Jaime: Hello and welcome to Unlearning in Progress, a podcast for women rising. Not just in title, but in self. I'm your co-host, Jaime Waterfield.
Angela: And I'm your co-host, Angela Cope. Together we're unlearning in progress.
Jaime: This podcast is for anyone who's done everything right.
Angela: You know, earned the titles, checked the boxes, took the trainings, read the books, listened to the podcasts.
Jaime: And still found themselves asking, why doesn't this feel like success?
Angela: we spent our careers chasing what we were told success should look like.
Jaime: And somewhere along the way, we realize that external achievement doesn't always mean internal alignment.
Angela: This show and our conversations isn't about having it all figured out.
Jaime: It's about asking better questions.
Angela: This is the place to pause, reflect, and unlearn the stories we've inherited about work, ambition, and worth.
Jaime: And to remind you that growth doesn't always look like climbing. It sometimes looks like letting go. today we're talking about what happens when we stop believing we have to figure out our careers alone. Our guest is Alexis Morello, founder of Business of Her and the author of Getting You Ready for Power: A Woman's Guide to Building Confidence, Community, and Career Success. Her work focuses on helping women build confidence, advocate for themselves, and step into leadership before they feel completely ready. Alexis, I want to start with something you believe that I think a lot of women need to hear, and that's one of the biggest obstacles to mentorship is in actually finding someone willing to mentor us. It's believing that we're worthy of asking for their time. When did you realize that?
alexis: I had been giving my number and my email to so many young girls because I wanted to support and help them on their career journey. But weeks would go by and I would never hear from them. And it was the strangest thing because I'm like, I just gave you my cell phone number, I gave you my email, I said reach out, I'm excited to help you, and nothing. But then I I finally realized why when the same thing happened to me. I was introduced to this amazing female successful millionaire business entrepreneur. And we had lunch and we hit it off. And I remember thinking, my God, she's amazing. And she gave me her cell phone number and said, Please reach out whenever you get the chance. And I said, fantastic. Months went by. I never reached out. I told myself, she's too busy. She's running an empire. She's got four kids. Why would she have time for me? And in that moment, I thought. now I know why all the girls never called me. And so it really goes back to the idea that we as women we tell ourselves, People are too busy for us. We don't want to bother somebody. We don't want to bother you, And why would you have time for my stupid, silly questions? Those are the things we tell ourselves when in reality it couldn't be further from the truth. We as mentors are over here waiting. For you to reach out, waiting for you to shoot the text, waiting for you to ask the question, because it takes us maybe a minute or two just to shoot back a response.
Jaime: there is a stat that you and I had talked about. women with mentors are five times more likely to get promoted.
alexis: Mm-hmm.
Jaime: But only 37% of women have a mentor.
alexis: Yep, that's right.
Jaime: in addition to that internal narrative of, they're busy, maybe I'm not worthy, what's so difficult about asking for that help? what can we tell women or how can we provide some guidance on how to approach asking for mentorship.
alexis: the stats that I actually wrote about in my book and the research that came out was essentially only 37%, like you said, of women currently have a a mentor. But of those 37%, only 17% got those mentors by directly asking, which means that more than 70% of us are just not asking, which is a crazy number, But what does that tell us? That means that there's an opportunity. It means that there's a huge opportunity for women to start shooting their shot. Okay. And at after every time I speak or meet with women or or through this book tour, one of the main things that I ask and I tell women at the end of this is I want you to go home and I want you to draft an email or draft a text to the person that you look up to, that you would love some advice from that you really want to emulate whatever it is, I want you to draft the text. I want you to draft it and send it tonight. That is the call to action because we sometimes get in our heads so many times about, what if, what if, well guess what? If they don't respond, they're not the person that's supposed to be giving you advice in the first place, but it's just like anything else in life. You have to ask, you have to shoot your shot. You just never know what someone's gonna say. don't take that opportunity away from somebody to say yes to you.
Angela: I'm reminded of my own experience looking for mentors and being a mentor to others. when I was earlier on through my career, yes, I had all those, well, this person is too busy for me. They have this big title, this important job. I'm just gonna be another thing on their calendar. They're gonna say no. So I know that mental narrative that gets you from, not doing it. but then I also Think about it later in my career in the last organization I was at, I was continually asked to be a mentor through this mentorship program, through our women ERG And I always was excited to be a mentor for folks. But one of the things that I noticed the most, even when those women did ask for the mentorship, and even when we went through the program, everyone was so fixated on, well, this is only a three-month thing. Therefore, we are done at the end of three months. And it felt like for me as the mentor, I was just getting started with understanding this person, what they were facing, coming up against, what their challenges were. I would even say like we don't need to end this just because the program's over. If you want to reconnect, like don't hesitate to book time in my calendar. And even in that invite, still maybe maybe I wasn't providing the kind of mentorship
Jaime: Yeah.
Angela: they were looking for. But you know, I think it's interesting that even when sometimes women do have that invitation and they're sitting at the table, they then excuse themselves even further.
alexis: A hundred percent. it's a relationship. It's just like anything else. Having a mentor is having like this person in your corner that's gonna support you through ups, downs, questions, or just moments where you start to doubt yourself. And yet for whatever reason, we just stop reaching out, And it's the it's not the job of the mentor to keep reaching out to you and checking in on you. It's the job of the mentee. To always keep that line of communication going, So it feels like you're asking for a lot, but in reality, you're not, right? It's just a quick check-in. And in your scenario, I would have loved to see some of the girls in that group just set themselves a goal to reach out to you once or twice a year. Because
Angela: Mm.
alexis: that's a tangible thing that those women could actually do and you could check in with them once or twice a year. And it doesn't feel like this scary thing, right? there's this woman. I just actually reached out and asked her to be my mentor. And when we first met, the first thing I did was I said, she goes, Well, what's the expectation? I said, We have to meet twice a year. That's the expectation. And if I have any questions about anything going on in my life, I'm gonna shoot you a text. And
Angela: Hm.
alexis: it could be once a quarter or just once something happens, but it's about that expectation being set in the beginning and then having the trust that they're gonna get back to you,
Jaime: There's not one right way to have a mentor-mentee type relationship. It's very personal. But as women, or at least speaking for myself, I tend to overthink these things, So we we've talked about the overthinking of, I don't want to bother them, they don't have much too much time. But there's also we we get a lot of advice like don't just send someone something and ask for coffee. Make sure you, have an agenda or a specific ask and maximize the time. If someone's giving you their time, make sure you use it wisely. what is the right level of preparation or what is the ask, when we're being matched with a mentor or asking someone to be a mentor, what should our audience be preparing?
alexis: I would always suggest that you go into the meeting with at least three or four things that you want their help with. So whether that is you're launching a business or you want marketing guidance or you need coaching for an interview, All of those things are very specific, tangible items that your mentor can help you with. But if you walk in and you just say, I'd love to get your advice and pick your brain, that's not really constructive. Because at the end of the day, that's really hard for a mentor to give, actual advice that's going to be direct to your life. what's the difference between having a lunch with a mentor or going on TikTok and watching a video that's going to inspire you? The difference
Angela: Mm.
alexis: is that the advice is going to be directly catered to you and your personal life. That's the difference. So you as a mentee have to walk in with, here's two or three things that I'm struggling with right now. Can you help me? think through them or move through these or get the practice I need to be the best interviewee, whatever it is you're asking for. But if you walk in with two or three very tangible things, though that person's gonna be able to help you directly in your life. And that's the difference between a mentor and a TikTok video.
Angela: I'm curious what has been that mentor experience for you in your career from the beginning? Is it something that you you were working towards specifically? Were you given the advice to get a mentor? How did that whole journey start for you?
alexis: the whole journey started because I had this amazing mentor and I had worked with this person for maybe two years. And I thought the world of them, They had this insane career and they were somebody I wanted to be when I got older. Until I brought them the idea of starting my women's conference. And I'll never forget. I walked in, I told them all about it. And a couple days later I get a four minute voicemail about why the idea is going to fail.
Angela: Mm.
alexis: That person told me that it was going to be really hard for me to sell tickets, that they asked their friends and family, nobody would pay, nobody would go. they also said that it would be a detriment to my brand and to my entire family if I didn't get at least 800 people through the doors.
Angela: Wow.
alexis: And that I should probably not do it.
Angela: Wow.
alexis: And it was in that moment I will never forget that I sat there and for a brief moment I thought to myself, they're right.
Angela: Mm.
alexis: I said, this person's really smart. They know what they're doing. They're right. Until a few days went by, few weeks went by, where there was a voice very deep in my gut that said, they could be right about all the other things, but the one thing I completely disagree and I'm having a hard time swallowing is that I I need 800 people for it to be a success. Because the truth is, for me, my definition of success is if I I can impact one person. So even if one only Two people showed up, if I could inspire or help them in some way, that's success. And I think that was a turning point because no matter how much experience this person had, or no matter how smart they were, well connected, it didn't matter. And I did it anyways. so for me, this is where my mentorship journey started, I vowed to myself I would never be this kind of mentor to somebody else. Ever. Because
Angela: Mm, mm.
alexis: you have the power, your words have the power to change somebody's life for the better or for the worse. And what kind of mentor do you want to be? Well, I wanna be one that is fully supportive of somebody's idea. regardless if it fails or not because I would rather them try and fail than not try at all. And if they have something deep in their heart that they're saying, I really want to start this cookie business, who am I to tell them no? Who am I? Who am I to tell them that's a bad idea? It it well could be, but that's not my place, My place as a mentor is fantastic. Let me help you build build a business plan. Have you thought about the pricing? Where are the ingredients coming from? Are you sure this is the way that you want to market to your clients? That's my job as a mentor,
Jaime: everything that you just said are questions.
alexis: Mm.
Jaime: you're giving the opportunity for the individual to further think through their idea and to come through with a solution on their own, but you're directing them and guiding them through the right questions to be asking.
alexis: Hmm. Yeah.
Jaime: And that's a great way to not have to maybe they come to their own conclusion that, yeah, this I need to think about this more, or this isn't the right way, or I need to pivot. But you don't have to tell them that. And you aren't, like you said, you aren't the one qualified to necessarily tell them that. But by leading them with the questions to think about, you're supporting them while guiding them.
alexis: And just by simply taking the time, you're acting as a mirror. You're literally acting as a mirror for the other person to walk away and have that, as Oprah says, aha moment. Because that's really what we're doing is being able to sit with somebody and walk away and go, you know what? Maybe I do want to change that pricing. Or maybe, that's the way I'm going to show up in the interview. Or I didn't even know that about myself. That's the magic of these conversations is really just giving somebody your time and your ear.
Jaime: I had a situation where I was given a mentor and it was a male, which is fine. I've had Some great male mentors who I think embody that ability to integrate a feminine and masculine leadership style. I actually consider my husband one of those leaders. He's got a lot of really strong feminine traits, but he's also got a lot of strong masculine traits, and depending on what the scenario calls for, he he will use those appropriately. but I have also had a male mentor assigned to me that was just not a match. Now, was he not a match because he was a guy, or was he not a match because he had traits that were not in alignment with what I needed at the time? That's open for debate. But I think when we're assigned a mentor. I know I struggled with this doesn't feel like it's fitting, but they're giving their time, but my boss thought this was a good mentor for me. And so going back to that kind of listening to the voice, how long should you give that relationship? what's some advice that you might have on identifying this isn't fitting and where to go from there.
alexis: Yeah. here's the thing. It has to be bringing you some sort of improvement, inspiration, guidance, and it has to feel right to you. If all those things aren't firing, then by all means, please let the person know, you no longer have the time, you don't you don't have the capability, whatever kind of polite, kind way and ending you wanna end it, then go for it, Because you will find the right mentor or Now I like to also say business bestie at some point, And I think it just depends on the connection and the relationship you and that person are willing to build. And if it doesn't feel authentic, just like anything else in life, let it go.
Angela: do you have a perspective on whether or not gender plays a role in finding a mentor? for folks who are looking for mentors on whether or not it should be a female or a male or non-binary, any sort of perspective on the gender that that plays in searching for a mentor?
alexis: what I actually do is I have mentors of every single age demographic, and both male and female. I have mentors of mine that are in their 30s, in their 40s, and their 50s, and their 60s, and I also have a mentor of mine that is 10 years younger than me. If you just have one person that is the same exact industry as you is the same exact age as you, it's going to limit your ability to see different things and to get tapped into different networks. Whereas if you have different people in different industries, different ages, different genders, you're gonna be able to have so many more doors open for you outside of the company that you work within, So if you're working at a company, obviously it's fantastic to have a few folks in there because they're the ones that are gonna be able to vouch for you when the doors are closed. But from a growth standpoint and from a long-term career standpoint, I would recommend to have mentors outside of the organization as well as different ages and different industries because you're gonna be able to learn so much more than just having somebody say your name when the bonuses come around.
Jaime: Angela, I think you're my business bestie.
Angela: I think so too, Jamie. I like this term. We are gonna we're gonna borrow that one, Alexis, that's for sure.
alexis: Good, as you should.
Jaime: I'm sitting here and I mean I'm 50, I've been in business nearly 30 years. I've never really thought about it from the perspective of having certainly I never thought you just had to have one mentor, but having this diversity across Age, industry, I'm walking away with a big aha moment here. I think that is just such an important perspective, and a side benefit of not feeling so guilty of then taking so much of one person's time because you only have so much of your own time, and when you're dividing it up across these different mentor segments. And getting these little powerful golden nuggets, then you're really maximizing each of the individual's time and feeling good about that too, I assume. There's some added value there.
alexis: 100%. And think about it too. if you have somebody that is 23 or 24 and you have a meeting with them, all the things you're gonna learn, I learn all the time. My mentee teaches me so much about social media and different conversations and different businesses that are starting and different ways of looking at things, That keeps me in check and up to date and understanding of how the world is working at through her eyes at her age. Of course it's gonna help me. You gotta be open to it. And I don't think those opportunities or those relationships would have come to me or or presented themselves in my world unless I was open to it.
Angela: I think I I'm having a similar aha moment with Jamie. I feel like mentorship Always kind of felt like a check the box activity, And I think I've had some people also ask for mentorship with a similar mindset of like, I know that there is a reason to do this and it's supposed to help me in my career. So if somebody is coming in and having a conversation with you and they're saying, like, I just kind of feel like I do it because that's what people are supposed to do, or that's what I heard was the right thing. What's your response to that?
alexis: Well, first of all, that breaks my heart that that's the case. Because how could having five or six people helping you hurt your career? there's so much value and added value in having different people's perspectives in your corner. And I talk about this in in phase two of my book. It's called Building Your Support Team, Because the truth is throughout your career, there's gonna be ups and downs. You're you might get fired, you might get laid off, you might feel like you need to pivot or you wanna quit, whatever it is that you're gonna go through. Not having a couple of people to call through the hard times is a huge loss for yourself. And so when someone says, I just have to do it to check the box or whatever, to me, this is a no, it's it's not about checking boxes, it's about helping yourself. It's about Building a team of people that's gonna be there for you when you need them because you will need them.
Jaime: Well, and people who
Angela: Mm.
Jaime: can relate. And I'm just thinking, for myself, when I've been in these periods without a mentor or a close kind of work network, you might find yourself bringing these challenges to a personal friend who Isn't able to relate because they may not work or they may not be in the same industry or you know, they're at a different season, or to your spouse so it can feel really alone and it can feel like you're maybe venting to someone who doesn't have any skin in the game,
alexis: A hundred percent. I've got girlfriends in different life stages, Some of them are just getting married, having babies, and I'm still in my single and dog mom stage, I would have never expected this, but some of my mentors that are in their 50s and 60s A lot of them are now divorced and newly single with two kids out of the home. And I have a lot more in common with my 60-year-old mentors than I do some of the girls that are directly my age. And I see us both in so many similar life stages of putting ourselves out there, of building businesses, of having all this newfound time where we're channeling it into book one, book two, and products and services. But there's a 30-year age gap. And I get along and can mesh with them and I can pick up the phone with them more than I want to pick up the phone with some of the girls that are 30 with two kids at home. and it's not to say that I don't love them. I love them all, but it's going back to the relatability part of who can you call when you are launching something who has a huge network who also can understand you. I'm calling my 60 year old. contact and my six-year-old mentor. we go through life stages, we go through different ebbs and flows. I just think it is one of the biggest losses you could ever take is not building a huge group of people that are going to help you in your career. It's a it's a huge loss. And yet again, only 37% of us have one, which is crazy. It's crazy.
Jaime: Well and think that this for for everyone out there listening, certainly for for me and and I'm hearing from you too, Angela, it's when you think about who you might have filled those seats at the table or who you would consider your mentor, it's asking that question, do they know they would have a seat at that table, Do they know I consider them a mentor? and I'm Making my own mental note is to confirm, To ask for those two meetings a year. So that when something does come up, if I have someone in mind and if I reached out and like needed something at a band and I didn't hear from them, I would be like, what the heck? But on their end, if they didn't know that I was looking at them in that way They didn't make a commitment.
alexis: Exactly. And then by the way, they would probably think it was strange you were randomly reaching out on a Tuesday asking for a meeting, Whereas I could think of four or five people off the top of my head, if I shot them a text right now, they'd find time for me. Today or this week. No questions asked.
Angela: Mm.
alexis: And I know they're busy. They're running top organizations. But not only have we built a relationship, a working relationship, but I've established that. I have said, this is the expectation twice a year. They know I look up to them. They know that they could they have guidance and they they want to share it. And sometimes it's funny because they'll even reach out to me and they'll set they'll be like, that conversation we had, here's some some things I've learned I want to share with you. I got this long email of all these bullet points of all the lessons that this person had when at their time in the legislature.
Angela: Hm.
alexis: Without even asking. And it was all of her life lessons of all the things she's learned. And I look at it, I'm like, wow, right? I I was talking about wanting to maybe advocate on behalf of a bill one day, And go and speak on why I think something's important. All now I have a whole bullet point of all the things that she's learned on how it's gonna be easier for me. And I didn't even ask.
Jaime: Alexis, we're so appreciative of your time and your advice. We want to remind our audience that if they're interested in learning more about your book or your business they can find links that we'll post with this podcast. But as we wrap here, there's one question we ask all of our guests at the end. And would love to hear your response. If your career were a season, what season would you be in?
alexis: I would be in spring because I feel like everything is coming to full bloom. Think the trees are coming in, ideas are coming in, people are coming in. and everything is kind of just really exciting right now. So I'd be in spring.
Jaime: Well, I can certainly see from your energy and all of the
alexis: huh.
Jaime: great blossoming that you've shared for Angela and I So thank you again for your time and we look forward to following your career and and seeing it blossom even further.
alexis: Yay. Thanks guys. This was awesome. I really enjoyed my time.
Jaime: Hello and welcome to Unlearning in Progress, a podcast for women rising. Not just in title, but in self. I'm your co-host, Jaime Waterfield.
Angela: And I'm your co-host, Angela Cope. Together we're unlearning in progress.
Jaime: This podcast is for anyone who's done everything right.
Angela: You know, earned the titles, checked the boxes, took the trainings, read the books, listened to the podcasts.
Jaime: And still found themselves asking, why doesn't this feel like success?
Angela: we spent our careers chasing what we were told success should look like.
Jaime: And somewhere along the way, we realize that external achievement doesn't always mean internal alignment.
Angela: This show and our conversations isn't about having it all figured out.
Jaime: It's about asking better questions.
Angela: This is the place to pause, reflect, and unlearn the stories we've inherited about work, ambition, and worth.
Jaime: And to remind you that growth doesn't always look like climbing. It sometimes looks like letting go. today we're talking about what happens when we stop believing we have to figure out our careers alone. Our guest is Alexis Morello, founder of Business of Her and the author of Getting You Ready for Power: A Woman's Guide to Building Confidence, Community, and Career Success. Her work focuses on helping women build confidence, advocate for themselves, and step into leadership before they feel completely ready. Alexis, I want to start with something you believe that I think a lot of women need to hear, and that's one of the biggest obstacles to mentorship is in actually finding someone willing to mentor us. It's believing that we're worthy of asking for their time. When did you realize that?
alexis: I had been giving my number and my email to so many young girls because I wanted to support and help them on their career journey. But weeks would go by and I would never hear from them. And it was the strangest thing because I'm like, I just gave you my cell phone number, I gave you my email, I said reach out, I'm excited to help you, and nothing. But then I I finally realized why when the same thing happened to me. I was introduced to this amazing female successful millionaire business entrepreneur. And we had lunch and we hit it off. And I remember thinking, my God, she's amazing. And she gave me her cell phone number and said, Please reach out whenever you get the chance. And I said, fantastic. Months went by. I never reached out. I told myself, she's too busy. She's running an empire. She's got four kids. Why would she have time for me? And in that moment, I thought. now I know why all the girls never called me. And so it really goes back to the idea that we as women we tell ourselves, People are too busy for us. We don't want to bother somebody. We don't want to bother you, And why would you have time for my stupid, silly questions? Those are the things we tell ourselves when in reality it couldn't be further from the truth. We as mentors are over here waiting. For you to reach out, waiting for you to shoot the text, waiting for you to ask the question, because it takes us maybe a minute or two just to shoot back a response.
Jaime: there is a stat that you and I had talked about. women with mentors are five times more likely to get promoted.
alexis: Mm-hmm.
Jaime: But only 37% of women have a mentor.
alexis: Yep, that's right.
Jaime: in addition to that internal narrative of, they're busy, maybe I'm not worthy, what's so difficult about asking for that help? what can we tell women or how can we provide some guidance on how to approach asking for mentorship.
alexis: the stats that I actually wrote about in my book and the research that came out was essentially only 37%, like you said, of women currently have a a mentor. But of those 37%, only 17% got those mentors by directly asking, which means that more than 70% of us are just not asking, which is a crazy number, But what does that tell us? That means that there's an opportunity. It means that there's a huge opportunity for women to start shooting their shot. Okay. And at after every time I speak or meet with women or or through this book tour, one of the main things that I ask and I tell women at the end of this is I want you to go home and I want you to draft an email or draft a text to the person that you look up to, that you would love some advice from that you really want to emulate whatever it is, I want you to draft the text. I want you to draft it and send it tonight. That is the call to action because we sometimes get in our heads so many times about, what if, what if, well guess what? If they don't respond, they're not the person that's supposed to be giving you advice in the first place, but it's just like anything else in life. You have to ask, you have to shoot your shot. You just never know what someone's gonna say. don't take that opportunity away from somebody to say yes to you.
Angela: I'm reminded of my own experience looking for mentors and being a mentor to others. when I was earlier on through my career, yes, I had all those, well, this person is too busy for me. They have this big title, this important job. I'm just gonna be another thing on their calendar. They're gonna say no. So I know that mental narrative that gets you from, not doing it. but then I also Think about it later in my career in the last organization I was at, I was continually asked to be a mentor through this mentorship program, through our women ERG And I always was excited to be a mentor for folks. But one of the things that I noticed the most, even when those women did ask for the mentorship, and even when we went through the program, everyone was so fixated on, well, this is only a three-month thing. Therefore, we are done at the end of three months. And it felt like for me as the mentor, I was just getting started with understanding this person, what they were facing, coming up against, what their challenges were. I would even say like we don't need to end this just because the program's over. If you want to reconnect, like don't hesitate to book time in my calendar. And even in that invite, still maybe maybe I wasn't providing the kind of mentorship
Jaime: Yeah.
Angela: they were looking for. But you know, I think it's interesting that even when sometimes women do have that invitation and they're sitting at the table, they then excuse themselves even further.
alexis: A hundred percent. it's a relationship. It's just like anything else. Having a mentor is having like this person in your corner that's gonna support you through ups, downs, questions, or just moments where you start to doubt yourself. And yet for whatever reason, we just stop reaching out, And it's the it's not the job of the mentor to keep reaching out to you and checking in on you. It's the job of the mentee. To always keep that line of communication going, So it feels like you're asking for a lot, but in reality, you're not, right? It's just a quick check-in. And in your scenario, I would have loved to see some of the girls in that group just set themselves a goal to reach out to you once or twice a year. Because
Angela: Mm.
alexis: that's a tangible thing that those women could actually do and you could check in with them once or twice a year. And it doesn't feel like this scary thing, right? there's this woman. I just actually reached out and asked her to be my mentor. And when we first met, the first thing I did was I said, she goes, Well, what's the expectation? I said, We have to meet twice a year. That's the expectation. And if I have any questions about anything going on in my life, I'm gonna shoot you a text. And
Angela: Hm.
alexis: it could be once a quarter or just once something happens, but it's about that expectation being set in the beginning and then having the trust that they're gonna get back to you,
Jaime: There's not one right way to have a mentor-mentee type relationship. It's very personal. But as women, or at least speaking for myself, I tend to overthink these things, So we we've talked about the overthinking of, I don't want to bother them, they don't have much too much time. But there's also we we get a lot of advice like don't just send someone something and ask for coffee. Make sure you, have an agenda or a specific ask and maximize the time. If someone's giving you their time, make sure you use it wisely. what is the right level of preparation or what is the ask, when we're being matched with a mentor or asking someone to be a mentor, what should our audience be preparing?
alexis: I would always suggest that you go into the meeting with at least three or four things that you want their help with. So whether that is you're launching a business or you want marketing guidance or you need coaching for an interview, All of those things are very specific, tangible items that your mentor can help you with. But if you walk in and you just say, I'd love to get your advice and pick your brain, that's not really constructive. Because at the end of the day, that's really hard for a mentor to give, actual advice that's going to be direct to your life. what's the difference between having a lunch with a mentor or going on TikTok and watching a video that's going to inspire you? The difference
Angela: Mm.
alexis: is that the advice is going to be directly catered to you and your personal life. That's the difference. So you as a mentee have to walk in with, here's two or three things that I'm struggling with right now. Can you help me? think through them or move through these or get the practice I need to be the best interviewee, whatever it is you're asking for. But if you walk in with two or three very tangible things, though that person's gonna be able to help you directly in your life. And that's the difference between a mentor and a TikTok video.
Angela: I'm curious what has been that mentor experience for you in your career from the beginning? Is it something that you you were working towards specifically? Were you given the advice to get a mentor? How did that whole journey start for you?
alexis: the whole journey started because I had this amazing mentor and I had worked with this person for maybe two years. And I thought the world of them, They had this insane career and they were somebody I wanted to be when I got older. Until I brought them the idea of starting my women's conference. And I'll never forget. I walked in, I told them all about it. And a couple days later I get a four minute voicemail about why the idea is going to fail.
Angela: Mm.
alexis: That person told me that it was going to be really hard for me to sell tickets, that they asked their friends and family, nobody would pay, nobody would go. they also said that it would be a detriment to my brand and to my entire family if I didn't get at least 800 people through the doors.
Angela: Wow.
alexis: And that I should probably not do it.
Angela: Wow.
alexis: And it was in that moment I will never forget that I sat there and for a brief moment I thought to myself, they're right.
Angela: Mm.
alexis: I said, this person's really smart. They know what they're doing. They're right. Until a few days went by, few weeks went by, where there was a voice very deep in my gut that said, they could be right about all the other things, but the one thing I completely disagree and I'm having a hard time swallowing is that I I need 800 people for it to be a success. Because the truth is, for me, my definition of success is if I I can impact one person. So even if one only Two people showed up, if I could inspire or help them in some way, that's success. And I think that was a turning point because no matter how much experience this person had, or no matter how smart they were, well connected, it didn't matter. And I did it anyways. so for me, this is where my mentorship journey started, I vowed to myself I would never be this kind of mentor to somebody else. Ever. Because
Angela: Mm, mm.
alexis: you have the power, your words have the power to change somebody's life for the better or for the worse. And what kind of mentor do you want to be? Well, I wanna be one that is fully supportive of somebody's idea. regardless if it fails or not because I would rather them try and fail than not try at all. And if they have something deep in their heart that they're saying, I really want to start this cookie business, who am I to tell them no? Who am I? Who am I to tell them that's a bad idea? It it well could be, but that's not my place, My place as a mentor is fantastic. Let me help you build build a business plan. Have you thought about the pricing? Where are the ingredients coming from? Are you sure this is the way that you want to market to your clients? That's my job as a mentor,
Jaime: everything that you just said are questions.
alexis: Mm.
Jaime: you're giving the opportunity for the individual to further think through their idea and to come through with a solution on their own, but you're directing them and guiding them through the right questions to be asking.
alexis: Hmm. Yeah.
Jaime: And that's a great way to not have to maybe they come to their own conclusion that, yeah, this I need to think about this more, or this isn't the right way, or I need to pivot. But you don't have to tell them that. And you aren't, like you said, you aren't the one qualified to necessarily tell them that. But by leading them with the questions to think about, you're supporting them while guiding them.
alexis: And just by simply taking the time, you're acting as a mirror. You're literally acting as a mirror for the other person to walk away and have that, as Oprah says, aha moment. Because that's really what we're doing is being able to sit with somebody and walk away and go, you know what? Maybe I do want to change that pricing. Or maybe, that's the way I'm going to show up in the interview. Or I didn't even know that about myself. That's the magic of these conversations is really just giving somebody your time and your ear.
Jaime: I had a situation where I was given a mentor and it was a male, which is fine. I've had Some great male mentors who I think embody that ability to integrate a feminine and masculine leadership style. I actually consider my husband one of those leaders. He's got a lot of really strong feminine traits, but he's also got a lot of strong masculine traits, and depending on what the scenario calls for, he he will use those appropriately. but I have also had a male mentor assigned to me that was just not a match. Now, was he not a match because he was a guy, or was he not a match because he had traits that were not in alignment with what I needed at the time? That's open for debate. But I think when we're assigned a mentor. I know I struggled with this doesn't feel like it's fitting, but they're giving their time, but my boss thought this was a good mentor for me. And so going back to that kind of listening to the voice, how long should you give that relationship? what's some advice that you might have on identifying this isn't fitting and where to go from there.
alexis: Yeah. here's the thing. It has to be bringing you some sort of improvement, inspiration, guidance, and it has to feel right to you. If all those things aren't firing, then by all means, please let the person know, you no longer have the time, you don't you don't have the capability, whatever kind of polite, kind way and ending you wanna end it, then go for it, Because you will find the right mentor or Now I like to also say business bestie at some point, And I think it just depends on the connection and the relationship you and that person are willing to build. And if it doesn't feel authentic, just like anything else in life, let it go.
Angela: do you have a perspective on whether or not gender plays a role in finding a mentor? for folks who are looking for mentors on whether or not it should be a female or a male or non-binary, any sort of perspective on the gender that that plays in searching for a mentor?
alexis: what I actually do is I have mentors of every single age demographic, and both male and female. I have mentors of mine that are in their 30s, in their 40s, and their 50s, and their 60s, and I also have a mentor of mine that is 10 years younger than me. If you just have one person that is the same exact industry as you is the same exact age as you, it's going to limit your ability to see different things and to get tapped into different networks. Whereas if you have different people in different industries, different ages, different genders, you're gonna be able to have so many more doors open for you outside of the company that you work within, So if you're working at a company, obviously it's fantastic to have a few folks in there because they're the ones that are gonna be able to vouch for you when the doors are closed. But from a growth standpoint and from a long-term career standpoint, I would recommend to have mentors outside of the organization as well as different ages and different industries because you're gonna be able to learn so much more than just having somebody say your name when the bonuses come around.
Jaime: Angela, I think you're my business bestie.
Angela: I think so too, Jamie. I like this term. We are gonna we're gonna borrow that one, Alexis, that's for sure.
alexis: Good, as you should.
Jaime: I'm sitting here and I mean I'm 50, I've been in business nearly 30 years. I've never really thought about it from the perspective of having certainly I never thought you just had to have one mentor, but having this diversity across Age, industry, I'm walking away with a big aha moment here. I think that is just such an important perspective, and a side benefit of not feeling so guilty of then taking so much of one person's time because you only have so much of your own time, and when you're dividing it up across these different mentor segments. And getting these little powerful golden nuggets, then you're really maximizing each of the individual's time and feeling good about that too, I assume. There's some added value there.
alexis: 100%. And think about it too. if you have somebody that is 23 or 24 and you have a meeting with them, all the things you're gonna learn, I learn all the time. My mentee teaches me so much about social media and different conversations and different businesses that are starting and different ways of looking at things, That keeps me in check and up to date and understanding of how the world is working at through her eyes at her age. Of course it's gonna help me. You gotta be open to it. And I don't think those opportunities or those relationships would have come to me or or presented themselves in my world unless I was open to it.
Angela: I think I I'm having a similar aha moment with Jamie. I feel like mentorship Always kind of felt like a check the box activity, And I think I've had some people also ask for mentorship with a similar mindset of like, I know that there is a reason to do this and it's supposed to help me in my career. So if somebody is coming in and having a conversation with you and they're saying, like, I just kind of feel like I do it because that's what people are supposed to do, or that's what I heard was the right thing. What's your response to that?
alexis: Well, first of all, that breaks my heart that that's the case. Because how could having five or six people helping you hurt your career? there's so much value and added value in having different people's perspectives in your corner. And I talk about this in in phase two of my book. It's called Building Your Support Team, Because the truth is throughout your career, there's gonna be ups and downs. You're you might get fired, you might get laid off, you might feel like you need to pivot or you wanna quit, whatever it is that you're gonna go through. Not having a couple of people to call through the hard times is a huge loss for yourself. And so when someone says, I just have to do it to check the box or whatever, to me, this is a no, it's it's not about checking boxes, it's about helping yourself. It's about Building a team of people that's gonna be there for you when you need them because you will need them.
Jaime: Well, and people who
Angela: Mm.
Jaime: can relate. And I'm just thinking, for myself, when I've been in these periods without a mentor or a close kind of work network, you might find yourself bringing these challenges to a personal friend who Isn't able to relate because they may not work or they may not be in the same industry or you know, they're at a different season, or to your spouse so it can feel really alone and it can feel like you're maybe venting to someone who doesn't have any skin in the game,
alexis: A hundred percent. I've got girlfriends in different life stages, Some of them are just getting married, having babies, and I'm still in my single and dog mom stage, I would have never expected this, but some of my mentors that are in their 50s and 60s A lot of them are now divorced and newly single with two kids out of the home. And I have a lot more in common with my 60-year-old mentors than I do some of the girls that are directly my age. And I see us both in so many similar life stages of putting ourselves out there, of building businesses, of having all this newfound time where we're channeling it into book one, book two, and products and services. But there's a 30-year age gap. And I get along and can mesh with them and I can pick up the phone with them more than I want to pick up the phone with some of the girls that are 30 with two kids at home. and it's not to say that I don't love them. I love them all, but it's going back to the relatability part of who can you call when you are launching something who has a huge network who also can understand you. I'm calling my 60 year old. contact and my six-year-old mentor. we go through life stages, we go through different ebbs and flows. I just think it is one of the biggest losses you could ever take is not building a huge group of people that are going to help you in your career. It's a it's a huge loss. And yet again, only 37% of us have one, which is crazy. It's crazy.
Jaime: Well and think that this for for everyone out there listening, certainly for for me and and I'm hearing from you too, Angela, it's when you think about who you might have filled those seats at the table or who you would consider your mentor, it's asking that question, do they know they would have a seat at that table, Do they know I consider them a mentor? and I'm Making my own mental note is to confirm, To ask for those two meetings a year. So that when something does come up, if I have someone in mind and if I reached out and like needed something at a band and I didn't hear from them, I would be like, what the heck? But on their end, if they didn't know that I was looking at them in that way They didn't make a commitment.
alexis: Exactly. And then by the way, they would probably think it was strange you were randomly reaching out on a Tuesday asking for a meeting, Whereas I could think of four or five people off the top of my head, if I shot them a text right now, they'd find time for me. Today or this week. No questions asked.
Angela: Mm.
alexis: And I know they're busy. They're running top organizations. But not only have we built a relationship, a working relationship, but I've established that. I have said, this is the expectation twice a year. They know I look up to them. They know that they could they have guidance and they they want to share it. And sometimes it's funny because they'll even reach out to me and they'll set they'll be like, that conversation we had, here's some some things I've learned I want to share with you. I got this long email of all these bullet points of all the lessons that this person had when at their time in the legislature.
Angela: Hm.
alexis: Without even asking. And it was all of her life lessons of all the things she's learned. And I look at it, I'm like, wow, right? I I was talking about wanting to maybe advocate on behalf of a bill one day, And go and speak on why I think something's important. All now I have a whole bullet point of all the things that she's learned on how it's gonna be easier for me. And I didn't even ask.
Jaime: Alexis, we're so appreciative of your time and your advice. We want to remind our audience that if they're interested in learning more about your book or your business they can find links that we'll post with this podcast. But as we wrap here, there's one question we ask all of our guests at the end. And would love to hear your response. If your career were a season, what season would you be in?
alexis: I would be in spring because I feel like everything is coming to full bloom. Think the trees are coming in, ideas are coming in, people are coming in. and everything is kind of just really exciting right now. So I'd be in spring.
Jaime: Well, I can certainly see from your energy and all of the
alexis: huh.
Jaime: great blossoming that you've shared for Angela and I So thank you again for your time and we look forward to following your career and and seeing it blossom even further.
alexis: Yay. Thanks guys. This was awesome. I really enjoyed my time.
