Sarayu Blue

WEBVTT
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Hello, and thanks for listening.
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This is Undefinable and AGC Originals Podcast.
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Hi, Kara.
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Hi, Jenna.
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How are you doing?
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I'm good.
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How are you?
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I'm so good.
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I'm so good.
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We got some purple lighting today, and it makes me happy.
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I'm feeling good about that as well.
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I feel like it's very on brand.
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Yeah, I mean I mean, obviously.
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Very lavender.
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Fits our little mic.
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What are these things called?
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Flags.
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Flags.
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Thank you for the technical term.
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You can't see them, but they're lavender.
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The more you know, the more you know you learn something new every day.
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Uh, I am so excited for our guest today.
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She is a dear friend of mine.
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I don't know if you've gotten a chance to talk to her.
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So I've only met her at um AAGC events, two events, and so we've been like, hey, hey, and she's like so vibrant and she's amazing.
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Vibrant is the perfect word for her.
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She would say that.
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Always the best energy.
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Very warm, very warm.
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Our guest today is the incomparable Sorry You Blue.
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She is a stage film and television actress.
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And while Blue may have at once been more well known for her sharp comedic timing, she was in all of the most amazing comedies.
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This perception shifted when she got the opportunity to show her range in the Amazon Limited series Expats, starring Nicole Kidman and directed by Lulu Wang.
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The role of Hillary became a meaningful highlight in Blue's career.
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But before Expats, a defining moment for Blue was becoming the second South Asian American woman ever to lead an American sitcom.
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Thank you.
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I paused for applause because we absolutely need that, which is huge.
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She starred as Emmett in the NBC comedy I Feel Bad, produced by Amy Polar.
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Blue began her career in David E.
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Kelly's medical drama Monday Mornings and was a series regular on shows like the CW's No Tomorrow.
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She also co-starred in the children's hospital spin-off Medical Police, along with getting to play some of her favorite roles in Netflix's one of my favorites, Never Have I Ever, the second and third installments of To All the Boys I've Loved Before, and the universal feature Blockers, just to name a few.
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I know.
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It was a long resume.
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And she will next be seen in Netflix's highly anticipated Unaccustom Earth, starring opposite Frida Pinto.
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Damn girl.
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I mean, she be busy.
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She busy.
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She is bugged and blazed.
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Busy.
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And so we're so excited to talk to Saryu today.
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Amazing.
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Let's do it.
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Let's do it.
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Hello, everyone.
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We have Saryu Blue here with us.
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Hi, welcome.
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I'm actually moved already because you said my name right.
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Like that, uh how could we not?
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I mean, that does not happen a lot.
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Wait, let's start there.
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Oh what's going on?
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Just all day, every day.
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But you know what?
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It's such a weird thing, because like, so yes, like that it's an uncommon name, but it's even uncommon among the South Asian community, I feel like.
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So then I feel like there's just a general confusion.
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Like it's very universal.
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My name just stresses a lot of people out.
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They just like stop.
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They're like, can I call you blue?
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And I'm like, I don't care anymore.
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Right.
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I mean, no, it's yeah, exactly.
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A, no, but B, it's so interesting because I feel like names are so important.
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They're such a part of our identity.
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Yeah.
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And there are people out here memorizing all sorts of very, very long names and long things.
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And why is it always, I feel like it's always the Asian names.
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They're like, I'm like, it's not that many syllables in your name.
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Right.
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There's three.
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Yeah.
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Well, I it's one of those things though, because it's like, I mean, I do think it's not just Asian names, but I will say that it's a lot of, it's a it is an interesting thing that I have seen like the trajectory of, like, we all have.
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But like there was the sort of like, oh, you know, like the Allisons who'd be like, they get my name on too.
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And you're like, oh, it's not the same.
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Yeah.
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Like, I feel you try to empathize.
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Right.
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Right.
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By the way, that's a made-up human.
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I'm not, but I'm just saying, like, there, there was like that.
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And then there was like the people being like, Can I call you Sarah?
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And I'd be like, I don't know, can I call you Salad Bowl?
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Like, yeah.
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Can we are we just like making friends?
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Yes.
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Sarah is one that actually upsets me because I'm so not a Sarah.
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Right.
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You do not in any way.
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It's just not like a Sarah.
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Not no, nothing against Sarah.
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Totally.
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100%.
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Everybody out there in those streets.
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Sure.
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We love a Sarah.
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Right.
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But you don't feel like a Sarah.
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No.
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So it's not your name.
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No, it's not my name.
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I'm not going to respond.
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Period.
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But then there's also the people who are like, well, how's it pronounced in your like in the language you know?
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And I'm like, oh, I don't want to play that game.
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Like, I don't want to, I don't want you to feel like you have to like roll your R's with me.
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Like, because my parents called me something else growing up.
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That was their nickname for me.
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And I don't really have a lot of people pronouncing it in that exact right way.
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So it's like, it's just such an and I'm not, it's just like I genuinely find it fascinating.
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Yeah.
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And I'm just like, it's ARU.
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Like we can all, you know.
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Well, welcome to the podcast.
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Sorry.
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We're very happy to have you.
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So happy to be here.
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I mean, just kind of going off that, because you had mentioned, you know, your nickname from your parents, but tell us a little bit about, yeah, what is the origin story here?
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What was Little Sorry You like?
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Aw.
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Where are we starting?
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She was a nightmare.
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Was she really?
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It was.
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For some reason, that doesn't actually surprise me.
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I know, like nightmare.
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Kind of nightmare.
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We love.
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Yeah, like I was a fun nightmare, but I definitely was getting into all the things.
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Like you, you know, you couldn't turn your head because I was gone.
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Like I was definitely like a little bolter as a small kid.
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Like we're like, did you have to have one of those backpack leash?
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I feel like my mom would have done it if she'd known she could, but I don't think.
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Did you do you have those?
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I was a leash kid.
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Yeah, I feel like my mom would have been wrist leash, though, not a backpack leash.
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Let's be clear.
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Oh, people don't like the word leash.
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Yeah, leash is also not great.
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Uh connector.
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A connector.
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Thank you.
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Thank you, Jenna.
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Thank you for that.
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Connector.
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I was a runner.
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I think, yeah.
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Like my mom was like, oh, I would climb trees and then be stuck.
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You know, like I was definitely that, like, very.
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She was a climber, she was a bolter.
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Yeah.
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I was just always into things.
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And then as I got older, I was climbing out the window to go sneak out.
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And you know.
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You would.
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You would.
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I feel that.
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See, which I feel that energy.
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I feel that energy.
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There's like a section in the namesake, and I'm not gonna, I'm paraphrasing majorly, but where um the main character is talking about how he's smoking pot, and his parents would never think that he would even do that.
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Because it's so not how our parents were raised, right?
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Like our parents very much respected their elders, what they said went.
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Like there wasn't a lot of like going against the rules.
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And so I think about that a lot with my parents.
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And it's not to say, I mean, my mom was like, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
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I stole chairs and she found them in the basement.
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She was like, Are you fucking kidding me?
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Like you stole chairs.
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Wait, stole chairs from where?
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Where's this?
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Wait, okay, first of all, just to paint in context, how old are you?
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Just so I can have an image of this is the window climbing section of your life.
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Okay, the window climbing was definitely like teenage years.
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Okay.
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And then the stealing chairs would have been like college-ish, where like there was this terrace and they had these really cool metal chairs.
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And I just decided I wouldn't.
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Wait, who is they?
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Oh, the the university.
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I'm like the chairs where the statute of limitations on admitting to these crimes.
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Yeah, no, no, no, no.
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The university had cool metal chairs.
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Oh my god, they were beautiful.
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They were like these 70s metal.
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They had yellow, orange, green.
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Wow.
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And they were just such a vibe.
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Very chic.
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Yeah, they sound very they were so like 70s cool.
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Like, I'll send you a photo, right?
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So I was like, well, I think my friends and I were like, let's take a couple one night.
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And we from the university.
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From the terrace.
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Which you lugged to your home?
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No, well, yeah.
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The basement of your home.
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Correct.
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So the university and your home were close to each other.
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No, we had a car.
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You transported the metal chairs.
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Yeah.
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The cool metal chairs.
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It does sound crazier as I talk about this.
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The more I hear it, the more I'm like, oh my God.
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And also, when your parents discovered the chairs, only my mom, because my parents were divorced.
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Got it.
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Okay.
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And so my mom found them and was like, I'm gonna report you to the police.
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No, she didn't.
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She's so mad at me.
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I mean, it was like a miracle.
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How does she know you didn't purchase them?
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She knew.
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Yes, then again, moms know.
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Well, and like I was already like all the thing.
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You were a bolter.
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You were a climber.
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You were, I understand.
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So do you feel like that was the moment that your mom was like, my daughter is just is not.
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No, I think she already knew.
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Because like when I was little, she made me, so I really wanted to take dance.
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Cause like that's what all the like girls were taking, right?
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They were all in like ballet and they were being cute or like jazz.
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And my mom was like, I'm not gonna pay.
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She literally said this quote, I'm not gonna pay money to have them teach you how to wiggle it on, like a one.
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Exactly in that low vote, like just like you idiot.
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Yeah, you're not fucking taking dance with my money.
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Yeah, 100%.
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Well, I did take Indian classical dance, of course.
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Well, that's a different category, which is clear right now.
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Because I took Chinese traditional dance as well.
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Like she, you know, it's the same.
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My mom's like, I'm not gonna you go into PSET.
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You're not taking that white people shit.
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You're gonna do that.
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Like you said, God forbid, no.
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You're not gonna do it.
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I am learning so much here.
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She had that's a different category.
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Indian classical dance.
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Well, I think it was like tradition versus fun, right?
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Is the way she saw it, right?
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And then there was a demo at the mall of like this Taekwondo studio.
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And she signed me up.
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She was like, Oh, you're gonna know how to protect yourself in this country.
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Because of course she trusted no one.
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Right.
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And she made me take Taekwondo, and I hated it at first, and then I loved it.
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And I was at that studio six nights a week.
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Wait, you're kidding.
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How high up did you get?
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Oh, I got my black belt.
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Oh my god.
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You did not get your black belt.
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And my I said you did not, I mean, oh my gosh, you totally did.
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I see it in your eyes right now.
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The black belt energy.
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I believe that.
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I'd be scared of you.
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I really like that.
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You are such a badass.
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Bless you.
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I mean it was a long time ago, but it was really what I loved.
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I mean, it was what I did.
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I feel like it was Taekwondo, and then it was, and eventually I paid for my own little dance classes because I was like, I'm gonna get a job and pay for ballet and jazz and tap and all the things.
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But like, yeah, Taekwondo was the thing that I think gave me.
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That studio was like my family.
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Like I didn't have siblings growing up.
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And I really grew up in that studio.
00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:57.360
Like that was where I that's where I had siblings, that's where I learned.
00:10:57.519 --> 00:10:58.720
I mean, definitely discipline.
00:10:59.039 --> 00:11:03.759
But like I also just learned how to have fortitude and go after things.
00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:10.000
And I mean, it is really interesting to me to look back on it because I had no concept what my mom.
00:11:10.320 --> 00:11:12.159
I mean, my mom just wanted me out of her hair.
00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:13.919
Like my mom was like, You're exhausting.
00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:14.399
Right.
00:11:14.639 --> 00:11:16.159
But let me give you something to do.
00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:18.720
Have a heart on that energy that I approve of.
00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:18.960
Yeah.
00:11:19.440 --> 00:11:23.200
I mean, I think that really between defending myself and and I did learn self-defense.
00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:28.960
And I my favorite thing I learned was how to fall, like, which is such an interesting skill to have.
00:11:29.200 --> 00:11:31.919
But like I'm very clipsy.
00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:32.559
Oh.
00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:40.879
And like, if you know, it's like ingrained in me now how to fall, like where your soft, soft parts are and how to like protect yours.
00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:44.480
And it's such an interesting skill that you would never think.
00:11:44.559 --> 00:11:44.799
I know.
00:11:45.200 --> 00:11:46.080
Can you put that on your resume?
00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:49.360
Well, I was just gonna say, I know, like, give me a pretfall.
00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:50.480
Give me that's what I'm saying.
00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:52.159
Like, let me play the disasters.
00:11:52.480 --> 00:11:58.639
You never would have known back then how much it would be so helpful in multiple facets of your life.
00:11:58.960 --> 00:11:59.919
Such a great skill set.
00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:09.039
Like, if I were a parent, which I'm not, I would legitimately be like, can you are there classes to teach my kids how to like have awareness on how to fall?
00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:13.039
Like defending yourself and how to fall are two amazing life skills.
00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:17.440
I think it's amazing that you're so fucking random.
00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:21.039
That is going to be your log line for this episode, by the way.
00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:22.639
Just so everybody knows, that's it.
00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:23.679
We got it.
00:12:23.759 --> 00:12:24.399
How to fall.
00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:28.240
I actually think it's amazing that your mom had that foresight.
00:12:28.399 --> 00:12:37.600
I mean, first of all, like you were saying, you know, it's so important for women to be able to have, you know, the tools to learn how to defend themselves, but especially women of color.
00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:44.399
And you kind of touched on it a little bit earlier about maybe the other less lessons that you learned through this practice.
00:12:44.720 --> 00:12:48.480
I think that my mom is so fascinating.
00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:50.639
I was basically raised by two poets.
00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:52.159
Like they are not.
00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:54.159
This is the thing that I always get.
00:12:54.320 --> 00:13:10.159
I don't know, it makes me sad that there is this stereotyping of the Asian community in representation, particularly, that's so like type A, strong, together, organized, boss ladies, like all these kinds of things, right?
00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:14.879
And that that's not just for Asian women, that's for black women, indigenous women.
00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:32.559
I mean, it's a very easy place for them to put actors from marginalized communities in those kinds of roles and you know, under the conversation of diversity without actually giving those humans the dimension, which is a like a lifelong fight for all of us.
00:13:32.879 --> 00:13:39.039
But, you know, the other reason it bums me out is because I was so not raised by that, like, and I'm not that.
00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:49.440
I know that my my dad, so the language I grew up speaking is called Delugu, and that's not a super popular, like it's not unpopular, it's just not like one of the common, like the more common.
00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:56.720
You know, I would say that like it feels to me like it's growing, but I'm not the best assessor of that.
00:13:56.960 --> 00:13:58.240
Ultimately, but anyway, whatever.
00:13:58.399 --> 00:14:05.519
I mean, it's also there's a huge, there's Tollywood, which is like Delugu film, and so it's not that it's small, but anyway, all that to say that I digress.
00:14:05.679 --> 00:14:15.759
Um, he it was small in this country, and he had the first Telugu program at the University of Wisconsin, and that was like the only Telugu program for most of my life.
00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:16.720
Oh wow.
00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:22.320
And um, his passion is translating poetry from Sanskrit to Telugu.
00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:23.600
Beautiful.
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:26.799
So he's a Sanskrit scholar and a Telugu professor.
00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:44.960
And then my mom, her passion, equally lucrative, is um, so she's a short story writer in Telugu, and she also studied Telugu women writers in the 50s and would do a lot of translations of their wow.
00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:47.919
So she like they're both very niche.
00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:51.279
I was gonna say niche is the word for it.
00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:51.759
Yes.
00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:53.600
And so smart.
00:14:53.759 --> 00:14:59.600
Like they are both and like blessed because this apple fell so far.
00:14:59.759 --> 00:15:05.759
Like I'm that's not, it's not that I'm not smart, but I am not scholarly like they are.
00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:07.840
I'm not academic, I'm not heady.
00:15:08.720 --> 00:15:10.399
You have great taste in furniture though.
00:15:10.639 --> 00:15:12.720
Bless you, and you make it happen.
00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:13.679
Thank you.
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:16.000
That I wish they considered that.
00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:19.440
They're like, I wish they were like she knows how to fall.
00:15:19.679 --> 00:15:20.080
Yes, exactly.
00:15:20.159 --> 00:15:20.399
Exactly.
00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:22.240
But they're like uh this girl.
00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:22.559
Yeah.
00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:23.039
No.
00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:23.440
Yeah.
00:15:23.600 --> 00:15:29.120
I mean, it's they're just very I grew up in a house with like a lot of books and a lot of paper everywhere, right?
00:15:29.279 --> 00:15:34.799
Like just scattered, just so much paper, piles and piles of papers.
00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:40.159
So when was it in you know, your life that you kind of found the acting journey?
00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:44.960
And then what was their reaction to you wanting to embark on this path?
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:48.720
Well, thank you for asking that question because I feel like it's usually such an assumption for us.
00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:50.159
Yeah, yeah.
00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:53.840
I feel like a lot of people just assume like it's always like, I bet your parents hated that.
00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:54.159
Yeah.
00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:58.960
You know, and they want you to be a doctor, and I'm like, especially now hearing their very niche.
00:15:59.440 --> 00:15:59.600
Right.
00:15:59.759 --> 00:16:01.039
And I'm like, well, maybe honest.
00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:03.840
No one was like, that one's gonna be a doctor.
00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:04.639
Yeah.
00:16:05.279 --> 00:16:07.600
No one's like, she's good at math.
00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:11.519
So I really fell in love with it at 15.
00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:15.759
Like I first show I did was Pippin, and I was like, oh, found it.
00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:19.600
And I just Jenna's over here, feeling all the feels.
00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:21.039
I know.
00:16:21.279 --> 00:16:22.240
It's a good one, it's a good one to see.
00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:25.200
Like you were a theater lover.
00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:27.600
A thousand, like a thousand percent.
00:16:28.320 --> 00:16:28.720
Still.
00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:31.279
So I did pip in and I was like, you guys, I found it.
00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:38.000
And they were like, okay, okay, you know, like 15 in the South Asian community is like seven.
00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:41.039
Like they're like you, child, you know, right?
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:46.399
So I feel like they just kind of didn't really think much of it at the time.
00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:50.639
And then when I was like, I'm gonna go to college and do theater, yeah.
00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:53.759
And my dad was like, You gotta be fucking kidding me.
00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:55.519
Yeah, like still with this.
00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:58.559
My mom was really excited, but really proud.
00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:01.679
Like, she's still my number one fan in her little apartment.
00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:05.599
She's a woman who didn't want to want to pay for you to wiggle like a worm.
00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:07.680
Yeah, but you know what?
00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:12.240
She always knew I was gonna be yes, yeah.
00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:15.759
And she knew I was stubborn, and she hated it and loved it about me.
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:19.839
She was like, Well, you have two choices fight it or get on board, right?
00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:22.799
But also I think she's an artist at heart.
00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:26.480
Yeah, but they're like yes, it sounds like they both are in the world.
00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:30.079
And my dad, like, you know, we fought about it for a long time.
00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:37.680
I mean, he we liked it not, it was not easy, but I grew up to understand that for him it was like, how are you going to survive?
00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:42.240
This isn't like do something with your life that's better.
00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:46.400
This is when I die, how are you surviving?
00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:46.799
Right.
00:17:47.279 --> 00:17:50.880
Not that he was doing anything necessarily to help me survive.
00:17:51.039 --> 00:17:52.799
I mean, he was doing a lot, but like he's my dad.
00:17:52.880 --> 00:18:00.240
But like, I'm just saying, like, there was an element of his own awareness of how hard it was for him in this country to survive.
00:18:00.319 --> 00:18:01.680
Yeah, we didn't want to see you struggle.
00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:02.000
Yeah.
00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:03.759
The worry comes from love, you know?
00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:05.359
Yeah, the anger comes from love.
00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:13.119
Though and and and that's the piece that I never, I shouldn't say never, I don't see enough of in representation of the parents, right?
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:19.920
The strictness, the controllingness, the dismissiveness, the abruptness.
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:20.640
I see that.
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:29.119
But when I watch movies and film and representation, I'm always looking for in the parents the underneath.
00:18:29.279 --> 00:18:29.759
Yeah.
00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:33.200
Because that is the piece that we too often miss.
00:18:34.079 --> 00:18:37.759
And I know with my upbringing and growing up, it was painful.
00:18:37.839 --> 00:18:38.319
It was hard.
00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:39.920
I have anger, I have hurt.
00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:41.839
They have anger, they have hurt.
00:18:42.559 --> 00:18:52.000
And there's a piece of it that I look back on now and I go, right, you are a brown man who dealt with a lot of racism in Madison, Wisconsin.
00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:56.079
You fought so hard for this tiny program.
00:18:56.319 --> 00:18:57.759
You weren't doing anything lucrative.
00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:02.480
You weren't one of the doctors who had all the money and the this and the that.
00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:05.119
And you know what it's like to struggle in this country.
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:08.720
And I remember they would always say to me, No one's gonna care about you in this country.
00:19:09.119 --> 00:19:10.799
No one's going to care about you.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:13.119
You have to know how to do it all yourself.
00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:15.680
And what a message, right?
00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:18.480
Like as a kid, you're like, mmm, that's heavy.
00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:19.599
Yeah, I know.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:26.160
But as an adult now and an adult, but imagine how it, you know, impacted the way you saw the world growing up.
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:27.200
Incredibly accurate.
00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:27.759
Yes, it is.
00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:31.279
Everything they taught me is why I have what I have.
00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:40.160
I have the career I have and the accomplishments I have that I am so deeply thankful for and so proud of because of the grid.
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:42.559
Because I was forced to take taekwondo.
00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:45.039
Because I learned how to fall, right?
00:19:46.400 --> 00:19:47.519
No, but like gracefully.
00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:49.200
Fall gracefully, resiliently.
00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:55.039
I learned what it looks like to keep fighting.
00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:55.359
Yeah.
00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:57.119
And trust me, I don't want to fight anymore.
00:19:57.359 --> 00:19:59.519
But we gotta we gotta.
00:19:59.680 --> 00:19:59.839
Yeah.
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:06.640
It it they instilled resilience by loving me in ways that sometimes were painful.
00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:12.240
And again, I don't I don't know anything about being a parent, so it's such a weird conversation to have because I'm not one.
00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:18.400
But I'm aware as a daughter, the values of what I got from them.
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:20.720
Yeah, and watching their immigration.
00:20:20.960 --> 00:20:28.640
I mean, go I remember going to like um department stores and like being their translator because their English wasn't as good.
00:20:28.880 --> 00:20:29.279
I remember that.
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:32.319
Which is crazy because both of their both of them had great English.
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.079
So I don't know if their English wasn't good.
00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:37.839
I mean, my mom had has her master's in English literature and library sciences.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:43.839
So it's not to suggest that it's not good, but there was like a colloquial ism, right?
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:47.279
The translation was things would get lost, and I'm sure they were.
00:20:47.440 --> 00:20:49.839
I remember feeling like they were being talked down to.
00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:50.960
And we would step in.
00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:55.759
Yeah, because sometimes it's not about being bilingual, it's about bicultural, too.
00:20:56.160 --> 00:20:58.799
Because it's about the way people communicate.
00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:08.319
Like you said, they might have the vo vocabulary and they might have the language, but again, it's the tone, it's how people talk to each other, it's the cultural undertones and aspects.
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:11.200
And I mean, I very personally relate to you as well.
00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:12.480
I went through that experience as well.
00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:12.640
Yeah.
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:14.799
Stepping in to translate for my parents.
00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:28.160
And I remember as I was getting older too, thinking back to some of these moments and having honestly such moments of, I guess the word is shame, because I remember when I was younger, there were moments where I would be embarrassed, you know?
00:21:28.319 --> 00:21:42.480
And now as an adult, looking back on that and feeling so just like stupid and silly about that, you know, and being like, how could I be embarrassed of my parents when all of these sacrifices, but also like I was 12, like I was 13, you know?
00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:46.480
Like, and and it's so much for a little set of shoulders.
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:46.880
Yeah.
00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:48.079
It's so much.
00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:49.119
It is so much.
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:52.720
There's too much information for your little shoulders, right?
00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:55.200
Or your little shoulders or my little shoulders.
00:21:55.359 --> 00:21:59.119
Like we were in this crazy in between.
00:21:59.200 --> 00:21:59.359
Yeah.
00:21:59.440 --> 00:21:59.599
Yeah.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:02.240
And everyone was.
00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:04.000
Our parents were in a crazy in between.
00:22:04.319 --> 00:22:05.440
And even crazier than us.
00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:08.400
I mean, think about all the things they had to contend with, you know.
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:11.839
But also they're being parents and you know, so it's like, right.
00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:21.279
So I think it's one of those things where how great that we now as adults can look back on it with that understanding, with that love, with that gratitude.
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:23.119
That's like such a gift.
00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:23.599
Yeah.
00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:30.400
Okay, Kara, can we talk about this new undefinable crew neck that you're wearing in lavender?
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:31.200
It's so good.
00:22:31.519 --> 00:22:33.279
Not even just I'm wearing, you're wearing too.
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:35.359
We're both wearing because it's so good.
00:22:35.599 --> 00:22:38.960
And your hat with the new Asian American Girl Club logo.
00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:42.480
Brand new, brand new font, uh, rebrand.
00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:43.599
We're loving it.
00:22:43.839 --> 00:22:46.960
And this is our very own Undefinable merch.
00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:49.279
Yes, so exciting to wear this out.
00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:50.240
It's the best.
00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:53.839
It's so exciting and it really just makes it feel real.
00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:54.319
Yes.
00:22:54.480 --> 00:22:56.079
I love wearing this out and about.
00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:58.319
I love seeing other people wear it.
00:22:58.480 --> 00:23:01.440
And it's just a really good reminder of like why we do this podcast.
00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:04.960
It's to connect with our listeners, connect with our community out there.
00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:09.039
So this is just be still my beating heart.
00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:10.640
It's just the best.
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:12.559
It's so cozy, it's so soft.
00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:17.359
So if you want your own, you can get it only at Asian American Girl Club.com.
00:23:17.599 --> 00:23:22.880
I mean, back to your dad, like saying, you know, it's gonna be nobody's gonna care about you.
00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:25.200
Like that's a lot for a little kid, right?
00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:29.119
But as a parent, like he was speaking from his lived experience.
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:33.599
We're not all gonna get it right, but he was saying the right thing to you, right?
00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:39.359
Like there was a sentiment that resonated with you that you took until now and will take, right?
00:23:39.440 --> 00:23:48.240
Like that got you the incredible career that you've had and the life that you've had because you're resilient and you know how to fall and get back up.
00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:48.720
Yeah.
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:52.079
You know, it's it's it's a wild thing.
00:23:52.160 --> 00:24:01.119
And like even with my mom, like she, I mean, I just feel like I look at how much she was wronged by this culture and by by the university's program.
00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:06.079
Like, they so many went through this where her uh degree wasn't gonna be recognized.
00:24:06.319 --> 00:24:12.799
Her masters in India won't be recognized in the States, which is crazy because the education system was so incredible.
00:24:12.960 --> 00:24:13.279
Yeah.
00:24:13.440 --> 00:24:19.200
Um, but because her her degrees weren't recognized, she was gonna have to start all over with her.
00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:21.519
I right, and you look at that time.
00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:22.240
Right.
00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:29.759
And it's like, you know, and she I mean, she I watched her reinvent herself so many times.
00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:32.079
So many times.
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:34.559
Like it's crazy, you know.
00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:50.079
She worked at a real estate company to try to figure out how to wait make money after the divorce, and then they were a bit racist, and so then she ended up like uh starting her own company and she would go and like put up those fucking mom.
00:24:50.319 --> 00:24:53.519
But she was hardcore and like and it was hard.
00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:55.359
Yeah, it was really hard on her.
00:24:55.519 --> 00:24:55.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:56.079 --> 00:25:00.960
So like when I see her sometimes, and if she has moments of anger, I'm like, yeah, I would do.
00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:02.160
Yeah, exactly.
00:25:02.319 --> 00:25:03.359
Yeah, I would too.
00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:12.799
I mean, this idea of reinvention, which I think a lot of uh, especially children of immigrants, you know, can definitely relate to just you know all of our parents' stories.
00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:19.519
It's interesting to tie it to kind of what we have chosen to do, which is for our career, we reinvent ourselves every time, right?
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:22.960
Based on whatever character that we get to play.
00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:23.519
Right.
00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:29.680
Are there any, I mean, again, you know, before you came, we went through your very incredible resume.
00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:31.599
I was like, this is so insane.
00:25:31.839 --> 00:25:34.000
Stacked, stacked, absolutely stacked.
00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:38.640
But out of, you know, some of the roles you've played such incredible, incredible roles.
00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:48.160
Are there any that stick out to you when you were talking about, you know, kind of the dimensions and what you've gotten a chance to tackle that has been stood out for you?
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:49.119
I feel bad.
00:25:50.079 --> 00:25:58.640
You know, it's not lost on me that many of the most dimensional roles I've played have been um created by Asians and South Asians.
00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:04.240
So one of the first interesting roles I got to play was Dr.
00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:06.160
Nopur on Monday mornings.
00:26:06.319 --> 00:26:09.839
And that was in 2013, and that was my first series regular that went to series.
00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:14.319
And that was created by Sanjay Gupta.
00:26:14.400 --> 00:26:16.160
The book was so it was based on the book.
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:16.559
David E.
00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:19.839
Kelly did the series, but that role was very true to the book.
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:20.880
I remember that.
00:26:21.039 --> 00:26:30.960
And you know, she was really, really quirky and interesting and dimensional and feisty and strong, but also kind of a mess.
00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:32.640
And I'm always looking for the mess.
00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:33.920
That's the thing that excites me.
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:38.960
Like I'm really uninterested in sort of the the minute someone's like strong boss lady, whatever.
00:26:39.039 --> 00:26:44.720
Like those kind of roles, I just find for me, I just think our community plays a lot of those.
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:45.839
And that's great.
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:47.680
Yeah, there's also a space for that as well.
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:50.720
It is, it's just for me as an actor, I'm excited by the mess.
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:50.880
Yeah.
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:51.119
Right.
00:26:51.359 --> 00:27:06.799
And what I loved about I Feel Bad, which was created by Asim Batra, she really created this woman who was so ridiculous and flawed and petty, and like she was all the things.
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:12.400
She was based on like the I Love Lucy's and the, you know, like she, I got to do physical comedy.
00:27:12.480 --> 00:27:16.240
I got to do, you know, there were episodes where we're like lying to our children.
00:27:16.319 --> 00:27:17.519
Like it's great.
00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:17.920
Yeah.
00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:24.319
It's so stupid and ridiculous and funny and like really, really smart comedy.
00:27:24.400 --> 00:27:24.559
Yeah.
00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:26.079
And that's my love.
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:30.880
I miss her every day, and I will until probably the day I leave this earth.
00:27:31.279 --> 00:27:31.839
What a gift.
00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:36.000
I mean, honestly, what a gift to have gotten the opportunity to tackle a role like that.
00:27:36.799 --> 00:27:41.920
And you know, that role, like I I've told the story before, but I tested for that role opposite three white women.
00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:42.319
Wow.
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:44.319
That role was not written in South Asian.
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:48.480
That role, I'll never forget it because I had not worked in a long time.
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:56.720
And there had been, without getting into a lot of details, like in a project that I could have tested for, but I was like, I don't like it.
00:27:57.519 --> 00:28:00.240
It's sealing in a stereotype that I just don't want to be a part of.
00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:03.759
And I remember saying to my husband, like, I I really don't want to do it.
00:28:04.720 --> 00:28:06.480
And people were like, You kind of have to.
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:07.920
You haven't like worked in a while.
00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:10.480
And I was like, I know, we really need money and I don't want to do it.
00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:13.599
And I remember my husband being like, I don't want you to do it.
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:14.079
Like, don't.
00:28:14.319 --> 00:28:15.119
And I was like, Yeah.
00:28:15.279 --> 00:28:16.160
And so I said no.
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:18.640
And it was so scary.
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:19.759
That's terrifying.
00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:20.480
That moment is.
00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:22.319
I still shake telling the story.
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:22.480
Yeah.
00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:23.519
Good for you though.
00:28:24.079 --> 00:28:24.559
Oh my god.
00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:29.440
You saying no to that was that and then during that time you went and tested for this?
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:30.079
No.
00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:30.720
Oh, okay.
00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:32.000
There was nothing in sight.
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:39.519
And I remember really even having to like, I mean, I was read a lot of people were like, you need to do this.
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:39.839
Yeah.
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:42.720
And I was like, I'm not gonna do it.
00:28:42.880 --> 00:28:49.200
And I remember like even like having to speak with one of the people involved directly.
00:28:49.759 --> 00:28:51.279
I was like, why do I have to do it?
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:52.240
Yeah, right.
00:28:52.799 --> 00:28:57.839
Why can't like I feel like maybe not people pass for their clients all the time.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:28:59.599
Yeah, like having to do it.
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:01.200
I have to tell you.
00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:01.519
Yeah.
00:29:01.680 --> 00:29:01.920
Wow.
00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:03.440
And I was like, all right.
00:29:03.680 --> 00:29:06.000
I talk to myself a lot, by the way.
00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:13.759
And like I remember just being like, okay, sorry, you you're gonna have to just like put on your big girl pants and go have the conversation.
00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:24.000
And I went and I just said, look, I really feel like this is enforcing stereotypes.
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:25.759
I just don't want to be a part of.
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:32.799
And I feel like the response was basically like, well, then you probably shouldn't do it because I think it's gonna stay that way.
00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:35.200
And I was like, okay, then I'm not gonna do this.
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:37.759
And I was just shaking.
00:29:40.079 --> 00:29:40.960
So scared.
00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:44.880
And then like a week and a half later, this audition came back.
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:46.640
I was like, God, I love this role.
00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:48.400
And I thought there's no way in hell I'm gonna get this.
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:52.079
This is the lead of a network that come.
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:57.440
Like, there's no reason for them to go with Sorry you that they can't even say for this, right?
00:29:57.599 --> 00:29:59.200
Like no way in hell.
00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:04.880
And I remember going in and I was gonna be first.
00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:06.400
Yeah.
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:07.680
And I was like, I can't.
00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:08.960
So we went to the bathroom.
00:30:09.039 --> 00:30:10.400
Yeah, and I didn't sign in.
00:30:10.559 --> 00:30:12.400
I was like, well, I can't do that.
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:13.359
I can't be first.
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:15.200
I don't know why.
00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:16.400
Like these are just things, right?
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:18.160
None of it's based on any reality.
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:20.559
No, no, it's the psychological stuff, and we all know.
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:26.880
Like my gut, like it was like everything was pure instinct at this point.
00:30:27.599 --> 00:30:28.960
From passing to the rest.
00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:29.279
Yes.
00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:30.799
I was just a human blob.
00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:32.480
This is why I say I'm not heady, right?
00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:33.359
This is it exactly.
00:30:33.440 --> 00:30:35.519
There's no logic to my life.
00:30:35.759 --> 00:30:38.319
If you look at my life on paper, it makes zero sense.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:46.880
There's no reason the girl who's 15 and the professor of, or the daughter of a professor and like two poets gets to this place.
00:30:47.039 --> 00:30:47.680
There's no reason.
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:48.960
The math is not gonna math.
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:53.759
So I went to the bathroom and then I came back out and I said, okay, I'm third.
00:30:53.839 --> 00:30:54.559
Now I can sign in.
00:30:54.799 --> 00:30:55.200
Third is good.
00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:55.759
There it is.
00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:57.119
Third felt right.
00:30:57.279 --> 00:30:58.160
Third is great.
00:30:58.400 --> 00:31:04.160
And I went in and I remembered doing the audition and I got some direction from the director who was wonderful.
00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:04.960
I loved her.
00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:13.359
And and then I left and I remember getting in my car and I called my husband and I was driving and I was just shaking.
00:31:13.440 --> 00:31:17.759
And I go, babe, babe, I think I nailed it.
00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:21.920
And he goes, Okay, honey, can you pull over?
00:31:24.079 --> 00:31:26.640
He goes, That is so great.
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:27.039
Yeah.
00:31:27.279 --> 00:31:29.759
Maybe just pull over for a minute.
00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:31.839
Oh my god.
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:38.000
Like he was like, oh no, you like hear it in your voice too.
00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:39.519
I mean, I think I shook for two weeks.
00:31:39.680 --> 00:31:39.920
Yeah.
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:43.920
And then I got the call that I was testing.
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:45.039
It was a live test.
00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:48.720
So I did the studio test and then I did the network test.
00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:52.640
And I remember going in for that and seeing like three white women in me.
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:54.640
And I've always said that should be the name of my block.
00:31:56.160 --> 00:31:56.880
Three white men in my.
00:31:57.200 --> 00:31:59.279
And you know, everyone was lovely and everyone was great.
00:31:59.359 --> 00:32:00.319
And everyone would have been great.
00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:02.720
It was a really great group of actors.
00:32:02.880 --> 00:32:04.000
And we did the tests.
00:32:04.079 --> 00:32:08.960
And I remember, I feel like I remember I had a friend who worked for Universal at the time.
00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:11.920
And I just got a text being like, How are you doing?
00:32:12.160 --> 00:32:12.640
Oh my gosh.
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:13.279
Oh gosh.
00:32:13.519 --> 00:32:13.839
Yeah.
00:32:14.559 --> 00:32:16.079
But it was because he had the good news.
00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:17.119
No, but you're right.
00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:17.839
That's a good idea.
00:32:18.000 --> 00:32:19.279
Which would have been rude if not.
00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:20.720
Yeah, but that's also true, right?
00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:21.440
You're like front.
00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:29.680
Do you often like when you would test for things, would you often feel like you were just the option, like the ethnic option?
00:32:29.839 --> 00:32:39.440
Or did you test against a lot of white women, or was it often that you were going in for a role that was written for I did not test against a lot of white women.
00:32:39.599 --> 00:32:44.880
I feel like often it was the rule that they were like, we want to go ethnic, we just don't know what kind.
00:32:45.759 --> 00:32:55.599
Or there were, I will say, from a lot of my career, and I do think this is why my career has been very spotty and zigzaggy, primarily because opportunities have been very limited.
00:32:56.240 --> 00:33:02.079
And because of that, like there would be like an Indian rule and South a South Asian rule, right?
00:33:02.240 --> 00:33:04.640
And then there was like a bunch of us.
00:33:04.799 --> 00:33:05.039
Yeah.
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:10.319
And I think I have primarily been cast in roles that are written South Asia.
00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:10.960
Got it.
00:33:11.119 --> 00:33:12.880
Which is why it's been few and far between.
00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:14.880
Why there are long stretches of just not working.
00:33:14.960 --> 00:33:23.039
And it's why I'm very, very um aware of what that looks like to just go a long time and not have that opportunity.
00:33:23.279 --> 00:33:23.519
Yeah.
00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:24.400
I mean, wow.
00:33:24.559 --> 00:33:37.359
I mean, just even, you know, hearing your story with all the roles and I mean, in a way though, you following your gut, like you said, has led to every single thing because you said no to that thing that felt so inherently wrong to you.
00:33:37.440 --> 00:33:37.680
Yeah.
00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:45.200
But imagine if if you were shooting that or you said yes to that and you booked that, you wouldn't have auditioned for this next thing.
00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:47.759
You know, I mean, it's obviously like you said, it's terrifying.
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:55.759
We all know how terrifying it is to say no in an industry that has made us feel like everything is so scarce, right?
00:33:55.839 --> 00:33:58.000
Like it's like unlearning scarcity, you know.
00:33:58.079 --> 00:34:00.960
But to follow your gut, what a what a lesson.
00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:04.160
Yeah, and it's the only thing that's ever made sense to me.
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:06.559
And it's the only reason I have the whole life I have.
00:34:06.640 --> 00:34:11.039
It's why I have this amazing marriage to my husband, who I love so much, you know.
00:34:11.280 --> 00:34:14.159
But he was a gut call, you know, like in a weird way.
00:34:14.239 --> 00:34:25.039
And I think that like all the good things in my life have become have been because I sat, didn't talk to people, and listened to my body.
00:34:25.519 --> 00:34:29.440
Not because I like, you know, made decision by committee.
00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:35.519
And and the problem is more committees are gonna come from scarcity mentality than a good gut call.
00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:40.159
Group think is rarely going to be, especially in our industry, right?
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:41.280
It gets harder and harder.
00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:44.880
Like because now post-strike, there's less opportunity.
00:34:45.119 --> 00:34:47.280
So then it becomes, well, there's nothing else out there.
00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:47.760
Right.
00:34:48.320 --> 00:34:53.360
And, you know, you your choices are either work or make nothing, do nothing.
00:34:53.519 --> 00:34:55.119
Maybe I go back to bartending.
00:34:55.199 --> 00:34:55.679
I don't know.
00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:57.360
Like it's it's one of those things.
00:34:57.519 --> 00:35:01.519
And so, you know, I think there's something very real about it.
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:05.679
And I certainly don't judge anyone when it comes down to like making those calls.
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:07.119
Sometimes you just take the job.
00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:09.760
I mean, it's not to say that I haven't had to take jobs, right?
00:35:10.559 --> 00:35:13.280
I've taken lots of jobs that I needed just because, right?
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:14.079
100%.
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:18.079
I can't have based off circumstance, timing, whatever is happening in life.
00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:20.800
Yeah, there is no judgment when it comes to any of that stuff.
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:22.559
There's no right or wrong per se.
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:23.519
You do what you have to do.
00:35:26.639 --> 00:35:26.719
Right.
00:35:27.039 --> 00:35:28.079
But there's no luxury.
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:30.480
There is simply no luxury of judgment.
00:35:30.639 --> 00:35:32.960
I mean, the freedom to be selective.
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:34.159
What a dream.
00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:34.639
Yes.
00:35:34.719 --> 00:35:34.960
Yes.
00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:36.079
That sounds beautiful.
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:45.199
And ultimately, it really just comes down to like, you know, for me, a gut call and also just being able to be like, all right, what feels right?
00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:47.519
We should all take a lesson out of your playbook.
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:50.239
No, it's truly leading with the feeling.
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:55.599
I'm it is real to be friends with me, sis, because I believe it.
00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:59.920
You know, I have friends that I'll just be like, well, you're gonna have to say what that and feel that.
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:02.320
Like, you know, you can't always just feel better.
00:36:03.199 --> 00:36:07.679
There isn't always like, you know, uh recently I was talking to a friend, she was like, Yeah, I gotta get to the gym.
00:36:07.760 --> 00:36:08.559
It always makes me feel better.
00:36:08.719 --> 00:36:11.119
I said, You might have to not feel good for a little while.
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:13.760
And I'm sorry, I know that sucks.
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:18.159
Just trust feelings in the sense not to be reactionary, right?
00:36:18.320 --> 00:36:24.800
Like, not like I don't react from feelings, but I will feel them until the the clarity comes.
00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:26.159
I'll sit.
00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:31.519
Wow, and that is a skill because, like you said, I think many people don't know how to do that.
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:39.519
It is so much easier to go from one thing to the next and one day to the next and you know, use the distractions and all the things that we need to get done in life.
00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:42.159
And suddenly, before we know it, you know, all this time has passed.
00:36:42.239 --> 00:36:47.519
And, you know, did you actually take the time to sit with how you are feeling that's the thing?
00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:50.000
It's like it's easier until it's not.
00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:50.400
Yeah.
00:36:50.800 --> 00:36:57.280
There comes a point where your body just gets so mad, you get sick, you get injured, you get this, you get that, right?
00:36:57.440 --> 00:36:58.880
Like it just says enough.
00:36:59.599 --> 00:37:01.519
My experience is that happens to us all.
00:37:01.599 --> 00:37:01.920
Yeah.
00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:08.559
But with the industry, it's it's a very weird thing because you know, the messaging to actors is always be grateful.
00:37:09.360 --> 00:37:09.840
Yep.
00:37:10.159 --> 00:37:13.280
Particularly if you're from a marginalized community, right?
00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:16.719
And yes, love me some gratitude.
00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:17.599
I am grateful.
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:19.280
You get to ask for more.
00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:20.159
We get to ask for more.
00:37:20.400 --> 00:37:21.679
Like we get to ask for what we've earned.
00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:22.719
Another great lesson.
00:37:22.880 --> 00:37:23.199
That's right.
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:24.079
Another great lesson.
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:24.480
Right.
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:25.760
We get to ask for more.
00:37:25.920 --> 00:37:29.119
Like, yeah, you know, it's okay to say, not good enough.
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:29.599
Not for me.
00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:29.840
Yeah.
00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:30.000
Yeah.
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:30.639
Not for me.
00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:31.280
Not for me.
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:32.159
Not good enough.
00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:33.440
I want more for me.
00:37:33.519 --> 00:37:33.599
Yeah.
00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:34.400
Having agents.
00:37:34.639 --> 00:37:35.920
I love myself too much for that.
00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:37.039
That's one of my favorite ones.
00:37:37.840 --> 00:37:39.039
I love myself too much for that.
00:37:39.199 --> 00:37:42.400
We have a lot of log lines for your book show, I think.
00:37:42.559 --> 00:37:43.280
So are you?
00:37:43.519 --> 00:37:45.199
Okay, we have some hotline questions.
00:37:47.679 --> 00:37:48.719
We're gonna follow our gut feeling.
00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:49.920
We're just gonna go with gut feelings.
00:37:50.320 --> 00:37:51.599
But like my mind blank.
00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:52.239
Okay, good luck.
00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:54.000
What we're here for.
00:37:55.199 --> 00:37:55.920
Like a flash round.
00:37:56.079 --> 00:37:58.400
Like, like no, this is that.
00:37:58.639 --> 00:38:04.480
Like this is like people wrote in, oh my god, like your guests and we want to like hear her answer.
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:08.159
I know this is not like a Pepsi Coke tea, coffee space.
00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:11.840
Well, obviously coke, but here that one I did.
00:38:12.719 --> 00:38:13.280
Here we go.
00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:14.639
Let's start here.
00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:17.360
So I mean, it's actually amazing because we answered a lot of these.
00:38:17.519 --> 00:38:23.119
People were very interested about all the roles you've played and you know, your opinion on the roles that you've played.
00:38:23.199 --> 00:38:24.000
But here's one.
00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:26.960
Hi, I'm calling in because I struggle with self-doubt.
00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:31.119
How do you trust yourself when the industry constantly puts you in a waiting place?
00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:36.159
And we touched on it a little bit, but if you want to elaborate.
00:38:36.639 --> 00:38:41.679
The thing, the number one thing I recommend is a support system, right?
00:38:41.920 --> 00:38:43.199
I love therapy.
00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:46.480
I know some people are not, that's not their jam.
00:38:46.800 --> 00:38:48.400
There's lots of ways, right?
00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:54.079
Your way in to get connected to yourself, I think, is the only way to alleviate self-doubt.
00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:54.400
Yeah.
00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:59.840
One of the things I am really big on is don't worry so much about getting feedback after auditions.
00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:01.760
Oh, I love that.
00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:02.800
I need to hear this.
00:39:03.360 --> 00:39:03.840
Continue.
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:05.679
Continue, yeah.
00:39:06.239 --> 00:39:09.199
I really got to a point where I released that.
00:39:09.440 --> 00:39:13.519
Now, that doesn't mean I don't still sometimes still ask for these things and all that kind of stuff.
00:39:13.679 --> 00:39:19.679
But what I finally released was like, if I know I nailed it, if I feel good, it's gone.
00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:20.159
It's over.
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:21.360
The rest is out of my hands.
00:39:22.400 --> 00:39:31.440
Because in my experience, the more I try to clutch and grasp and go after the faster it flies away from me.
00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:32.000
It's like that.
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:37.599
Like the harder you grip onto the sand, it like flows out.
00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:46.880
So one of the greatest things about getting a support, just to go back to the question about the support system and figuring out ways in your life to connect to yourself.
00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:51.679
Like I'm very physical, so a dance can be a great way for me to connect to myself, right?
00:39:52.079 --> 00:39:54.559
What gets you out of your head and connected to your heart?
00:39:55.199 --> 00:40:02.000
And when you're doing that, maybe it's meditation, sitting still, maybe it's talking to a therapist, maybe it's painting.
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:04.159
It can be so many things, touching grass.
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:12.559
But whatever that daily practice is, the more you get connected to yourself, the less you're gonna need external things to tell you.
00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:14.639
The less you're gonna look for it.
00:40:14.719 --> 00:40:14.960
Yeah.
00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:18.800
And the more you get connected to yourself, that doubt disappears.
00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:22.000
And you won't worry so much about what someone thought of your audition.
00:40:22.239 --> 00:40:25.519
Because you're gonna know right in here that you did everything you could.
00:40:25.679 --> 00:40:28.400
I delete auditions right away, like after I sent it in.
00:40:28.480 --> 00:40:30.719
Like once they've got it received, it's gone from my inbox.
00:40:31.360 --> 00:40:32.800
I throw away the piece of paper, whatever it is.
00:40:32.880 --> 00:40:33.440
Yeah, it's gone.
00:40:33.679 --> 00:40:33.920
Yeah.
00:40:34.079 --> 00:40:34.400
I love that.
00:40:34.719 --> 00:40:35.760
That's my ritual to say goodbye.
00:40:36.079 --> 00:40:36.400
I love it.
00:40:36.639 --> 00:40:37.440
That's a great answer.
00:40:37.760 --> 00:40:42.079
Our next one when life feels busy, what helps you feel most like yourself again?
00:40:42.960 --> 00:40:43.599
My dog.
00:40:44.639 --> 00:40:47.599
I know, I just realized we didn't even touch on all the hobbies.
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:48.320
Maybe.
00:40:48.559 --> 00:40:51.599
It's the dog, it's the wine.
00:40:51.840 --> 00:40:56.639
I personally know this about Saryu is that she is a good glove wine drinker.
00:40:57.039 --> 00:40:58.559
That brings me back to myself.
00:40:58.639 --> 00:41:00.880
I don't want to assume that that brings you back to yourself.
00:41:01.119 --> 00:41:01.679
You know what I mean?
00:41:02.239 --> 00:41:02.639
Yeah, right.
00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:06.079
Well, for me, it's always I'm really a daydreamer.
00:41:06.159 --> 00:41:07.039
That's honestly it.
00:41:07.199 --> 00:41:08.239
I'm such a daydreamer.
00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:10.800
I sit in my little corner with my dog.
00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:14.239
I look out at my look, the truth is I'm a total weirdo.
00:41:14.559 --> 00:41:18.079
I talk to myself, I stare out the window, I and I'm gone.
00:41:18.239 --> 00:41:20.000
Like if I'm staring out the window, it's over.
00:41:20.079 --> 00:41:21.440
I'm you cannot get me.
00:41:21.679 --> 00:41:22.559
It's I'm gone.
00:41:22.719 --> 00:41:24.639
Like maybe 15 minutes, 20, whatever.
00:41:25.440 --> 00:41:26.239
That's amazing.
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:26.719
Wow.
00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:32.239
Again, going back to the skill of being able to sit with yourself, because I actually think a lot of people struggle with that.
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:33.920
In today's world, yes.
00:41:34.159 --> 00:41:34.719
Forget it.
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:41.920
Especially, I mean, and I think about, I mean, you know, for adults, but even for the youth, you know, how much they are being bombarded with stuff.
00:41:42.159 --> 00:41:44.480
Like even when it comes to their attention spans, you know.
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:44.719
Yeah.
00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:52.880
I mean, I see that for us too, when we're just like mindlessly scrolling and anything from billboards to commercials to it's we're constantly being inundated.
00:41:53.199 --> 00:42:08.639
It's all about how like taking like um all the social media apps off your phone and only logging in on the website and not using your phone as much for, I don't know, scrolling and buying and shopping and all the things can help you get your focus back.
00:42:08.880 --> 00:42:11.039
And I tried it and I was like, wow, that's real.
00:42:11.199 --> 00:42:11.440
Yeah.
00:42:11.679 --> 00:42:11.920
Yeah.
00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:12.159
Yeah.
00:42:12.559 --> 00:42:13.679
Do you still do that?
00:42:13.840 --> 00:42:14.480
I go through phases.
00:42:14.800 --> 00:42:14.880
Okay.
00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:16.079
I mean, just curious.
00:42:16.320 --> 00:42:20.880
But it does help me when I'm like working a lot because then I'm too busy and you know, whatever.
00:42:21.039 --> 00:42:25.519
But in general, I do try to delete social media off my phone.
00:42:26.159 --> 00:42:29.360
Um, just so that it just to try to get more present.
00:42:29.840 --> 00:42:32.320
I do think focus is gonna be something we're gonna really want to do.
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:34.480
Oh, yeah, our kids and being bored.
00:42:34.880 --> 00:42:41.360
And also just like brain health and you know, like just basic things, cognitive function, yeah, critical thinking.
00:42:41.599 --> 00:42:43.199
Okay, I think we have time for one more.
00:42:43.440 --> 00:42:47.519
How do you take care of yourself emotionally when you're pouring so much into your work?
00:42:48.079 --> 00:42:48.480
You know what?
00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:53.039
That is one, that's such a great question because I feel like it's a tough balance.
00:42:53.280 --> 00:42:53.519
Yeah.
00:42:54.079 --> 00:43:00.639
Um, this last uh job I was doing was really all consuming and it was a it was a good five and a half months.
00:43:00.880 --> 00:43:01.199
Wow.
00:43:01.519 --> 00:43:13.519
And I do think it's very difficult to maintain like a connection to ourselves when our if you're doing 12 to 14 hour days, if you're trying to like, you know, which by the way, I love it and that's amazing.
00:43:13.760 --> 00:43:19.679
But when you're doing those really, you know, long, like how do you find time to be connected to yourself?
00:43:19.840 --> 00:43:26.159
And and I think that that's just a skill I'm still continuing to learn because I tends to be feast or famine.
00:43:26.239 --> 00:43:28.079
Like I tend to be like, yes, there's nothing.
00:43:28.239 --> 00:43:30.800
So I have lots of time to take care of myself.
00:43:31.119 --> 00:43:31.360
Yes.
00:43:31.679 --> 00:43:38.159
And then you're suddenly you get to have a job and you're so excited and you just want to like nail it and throw yourself in and it's all consuming.
00:43:38.239 --> 00:43:44.480
And then you're like, oh fuck, I totally forgot about all the things that I want to do to take care of myself.
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:44.880
Right.
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:46.320
The zero to one hundred life is really.
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:48.239
It's a really intense experience.
00:43:48.639 --> 00:43:49.599
And I think it's a dance.
00:43:49.760 --> 00:43:56.960
And I think a big part of emotional health for me is really again connecting to myself.
00:43:57.119 --> 00:43:58.880
Like, how does this make me feel?
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:01.119
Am I People pleasing.
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:03.280
Am I doing this because they think I should?
00:44:03.440 --> 00:44:06.239
Am I doing this because it feels right to me?
00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:12.000
You know, I tend to be really big on advocating for these characters of color, you know?
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:18.159
And so there comes a point where it's like picking the battles and then learning when it's time to go.
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:21.599
Actually, I have to surrender here and see if there's a different lesson for me.
00:44:21.760 --> 00:44:24.400
I mean, it's just like the dance of being a human in the world.
00:44:25.199 --> 00:44:31.199
I wish I could say there was some wonderful like thing I could put in a bow, but the truth is I'm we're all still figuring it out.
00:44:31.360 --> 00:44:31.920
We're figuring it out.
00:44:32.159 --> 00:44:35.280
Like every day just existing is like its own little adventure.
00:44:36.480 --> 00:44:40.800
This role you were just talking about is for uh unaccustomed or unaccustomed earth.
00:44:41.039 --> 00:44:41.519
Yes, yes, yes.
00:44:41.679 --> 00:44:44.480
Yes, that's coming out in on Netflix sometime this year.
00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:46.559
It is coming out, I believe, this year.
00:44:46.719 --> 00:44:47.119
Yes.
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:49.599
Um, we don't have a date yet, so we'll see.
00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:51.519
But I'm really excited about it.
00:44:51.760 --> 00:44:53.599
It's just so close to my heart, this one.
00:44:53.760 --> 00:44:53.920
Oh.
00:44:54.159 --> 00:45:02.000
I mean, this one's like it's it's it's hard to even put to words because I'm still like processing coming out of it.
00:45:02.559 --> 00:45:16.400
But um, it's based on the book by Jumpaliheri, uh, who wrote The Namesake, and she's a writer that I think so many of us in the South Asian community have such a deep uh love for and respect and admiration for.
00:45:16.719 --> 00:45:27.360
She really uh writes um South Asians and South Asian Americans with such poetry and authenticity and heart and truth and you know, just love.
00:45:27.840 --> 00:45:32.719
And she just has such a uh tender attach to the way she writes documents.
00:45:33.199 --> 00:45:37.599
And I think that the show is just so meaningful to all of us.
00:45:37.840 --> 00:45:43.039
The showrunner Mothri did an incredible job of bringing these humans to life.
00:45:43.119 --> 00:45:50.559
It's a book of short stories, so she really had to like weave everything together, and it's such a beautiful, delicate, gorgeous show.
00:45:50.719 --> 00:45:53.920
Oh wow, that's so exciting! I mean, we obviously will be tuning in.
00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:55.119
We can't wait to support you.
00:45:55.280 --> 00:45:57.440
Yes, all of our listeners as well.
00:45:57.840 --> 00:46:05.119
And I think we're at our time, but thank you so much for coming on and giving us your time today and all of the incredible.
00:46:05.519 --> 00:46:07.599
I mean, truly, in one hour, how many life lessons?
00:46:07.840 --> 00:46:09.039
How many lessons can we learn?
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:10.239
Wow, you're amazing.
00:46:10.880 --> 00:46:14.480
I mean, that's the treat of getting to talk to both of you, to be honest.
00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:15.840
Thank you so much.
00:46:16.000 --> 00:46:18.000
Uh such a delight.
00:46:18.239 --> 00:46:18.800
Thank you.
00:46:19.039 --> 00:46:19.440
Thank you.
00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:20.639
Thank you for coming.
00:46:34.079 --> 00:46:40.400
You've been listening to Undefinable, an AAGC originals podcast, brought to you by Asian American Girl Club.
00:46:40.559 --> 00:46:45.440
Executive produced by Ali Maki, Jenna Uschkiewicz, Tia Sam, and Kara Wang.
00:46:45.679 --> 00:46:47.039
Edited by Jacob Ho.
00:46:47.360 --> 00:46:49.199
Intro music by Gloria Kim.
00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:50.639
Thanks for listening.