Tyler Zach: Welcome to Typish, an Enneagram podcast where we explore how your personality shows up in all of life. I'm your host Tyler Zock, and in each episode I connect you with leading experts on how your personality impacts your relationships, mental health, spirituality, and everything in between. Now, the Typish summits I host include speakers and attendees from all kinds of faith traditions and backgrounds. But because I started my Enneagram journey as a pastor, If this episode encouraged you, be sure to follow the show, leave a five-star rating, and write a review. It really helps more people discover this podcast. Now before you go, take a moment to pause and reflect on your desires. What is one desire that has been quietly shaping your decisions? And what deeper longing might be underneath it? As you sit with that, remember that the goal isn't to eliminate your desires, but to let wrote a 40-day devotional for every Enneagram type, I have large Christian audience, and the topic of spiritual growth is the number one request I get. So, I decided to open up the vault and share six conversations from my Gospel for Enneagram summits back in 2023 as a special six-week podcast series. like the bullet point notes for all six episodes, you can grab them right now. one desire guide them all, that is to love God and love others, trusting that Christ meets our shame with delight, our fear with His presence, and our failures with His grace. by clicking on the link in the show notes and downloading the PDF as a free gift. Today, my guest is Jesse Eubanks, a friend of mine. He's an ordained minister, certified Enneagram coach, and the author of How We Relate, Understanding God, Yourself, and Others Through the Enneagram. He's also the founder and president of Relate Better. You can head over to relatebetter.com to find some free relational tools for your church, business, or organization to help people better their relationships. He also does corporate workshops with Lindsey, who we've also had on the podcast. mention that Jesse teamed up with Christianity Today to create, produce, and host a new podcast called Wondrology, exploring the intersection of faith and science. Make sure to go check that out wherever you listen to your podcasts. In today's conversation, Jesse gives a well-researched, eloquent presentation on what every Enneagram type really wants, ⁓ like their deepest and what they settle for instead. If you want to see the slides, head over to the YouTube channel to watch the presentation there. ⁓ Without further ado, let's jump in.
Jesse Eubanks: In Enneagram theory, the basic idea, you said earlier, is that each of the types ⁓ are driven by different motivations, different desires, different things that they want. ⁓ And the basic idea in the Enneagram is each of us, somewhere in the mystery of nature and nurture, ⁓ desire, becomes so important, so central to who we are as people that we literally forge a personality around that desire. ⁓ And, ⁓ you know, there's so many analogies you could use. It's like the core of a planet and all of life sort of forms around that one. You could say that if all nine desires are sled dogs, that one of them becomes the lead sled dog and leads the other eight. But the basic idea that we need to work with is one of these desires is so profoundly buried within us that it simultaneously marks all of our life and so often simultaneously remains utterly hidden to us. ⁓ And so, so as we come to this topic of desire ⁓ from the perspective of the Enneagram, think of it in terms of each of us have this thing we desire and that we've literally forged our life around the pursuit of that desire. So that being said, ⁓ we can start with this principle of like, maybe I'm not seeing everything. Maybe I'm a little blind to the realities that are around me. A lot of times we look at other people and we see, my gosh, look at all their issues. know, if they would just X, Y, Z, if they would just do this, if they would just do that. And we really lack clarity for ourselves and our own issues. And so we have to really do the work of pushing through our self-deception, of pushing through all of the ways in which we remain blind to the things that drive us because self-deception really hurts the people around us. We have seen this over and over and over again in the church, that if you take each of these types and you take it to the last station of that train, Each of us is capable of doing profound damage to other people. ⁓ And which is a way of saying this, we've got to do our work. ⁓ And part of that is understanding what's driving and compelling me as a person. Donald Miller says that a story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. And it's most simple form. That is the definition of a story. And each of us as people, we are living in a story. So the question we have to contend with is in your story, what is it that you want? What is it that drives you? What is it that compels you? What is it that when you get up in the morning, ⁓ it's pushing you forward? And I would add this too, that ⁓ there can be multiple desires at play, ⁓ but there can also be this, the less aware we are of the desire that drives us, the more power it has over us. And the more in which we come to acknowledge and recognize the desires that drive us, the more that we are then able to steward them and trust them to God, ⁓ seek wisdom and counsel from others. ⁓ So the more subconscious the desire is, the more that it holds us hostage, the more that we're aware of it, the more that we're able to steward it. ⁓ So, you know, we see in the Gospel of John, the very first question that Jesus asks is, what do you want? Christians have a real contentious relationship with this idea of desire. Part of it I get, you know, we live in a hypersexualized culture. So when we hear desire, you know, many times we think of it in sexual terms almost immediately. And that's real unfortunate because while sexual desire is definitely a part of who we are and Sexual desire can actually be a clue about some of the things that we want in life. ⁓ I think that ⁓ we are so scared of desire because it feels so big and powerful and potentially immoral that we squash all curiosity, we back away from it. But we see constantly throughout the gospels, one of Jesus's greatest gifts was drawing out the desires of others. Jesus came to people with such great curiosity, asking them about who they are, what they wanted, what they were pursuing, why. And Jesus is inviting us to do the same thing. What is it that compels us as people? ⁓ Desire is really powerful. ⁓ It's really hard at times for us to steer and control it. ⁓ Many of us have had the experience of ⁓ feeling a lot of shame around our desire because our desires gotten away from us. We've acted and behaved in ways that are embarrassing. A lot of us I mean, honestly, even my sort of wrestling match with what is my enneagram type. A lot of that was I didn't want to come to terms with being a three because I felt so much shame around the idea that I had this desire to be significant and that that ⁓ desire was simultaneously driving me, but I was also so ashamed of it that I couldn't acknowledge it for myself either. ⁓ So. Dr. Kirk Thompson, just featured, we're doing a series on the Unicast right now on desire. And he was our first guest that we had on. And he said, we have as much ability to stop desiring as we do to stop breathing. So a lot of times Christians have this idea. If I just ignore it, if I just sort of act like it's not there, if I just squash it, ⁓ we cannot not desire. God is a desiring God. We are made in his image and therefore we are a desiring people. and so, ⁓ the other thing that, we talk about this, that we should keep in mind is that desire always moves toward beauty. Whatever we find to be the most beautiful, most attractive, it's a natural thing that we move towards that. That could be a beautiful sunset. It could be visiting this beautiful place. It could be a beautiful person. ⁓ but also at a deeper level, we move towards what feels most emotionally beautiful for us. we move towards what feels the most sort of beautifully secure, beautifully free. But generally speaking, ⁓ if you find yourself moving towards something, ⁓ most likely it's because it has captured your imagination and you find it beautiful. And I think that it could also be said that the nine desires of the nine Enneagram types are good. They're good desires. If you look at all nine in some way and in some capacity, which we won't have time for today, you can see these nine desires even on display in the character of Christ. Now, that does not mean that we get everything we desire, and it does not mean that we should ⁓ unquestionably go after our desires, but we absolutely can see these nine desires are good. And when stewarded well and living intention with other desires that are good, they can also be a pathway towards wisdom. Cliff Roth says, ⁓ the problem is when we attach to the wrong things in the wrong way. So what happens is that this desire doesn't believe that it can be fulfilled, doesn't believe that we can actually get it in a satisfactory way, actually believe that it can be satiated in instead. What happens is we end up settling for all these substitutes. And then we, in turn, we demand that they do something for us that they are incapable of doing. So we come to these false idols that we curate and create, and we don't do it at a conscious level. It's all subconscious. But then we demand that they deliver. And the trick is that they never deliver well, but they deliver often enough. And so we stay addicted to them. Ultimately, we find ourselves attached to these idols instead of attaching to Jesus and attaching to other people in ways that are healthy and life-giving. And so in the end, we need a chief desire that will guide all the other desires. so at the end of our time, we'll talk very briefly about that. So, ⁓ so the first thing though that we have to do is we have to acknowledge our desires without judgment. Christians are so fast to judge everything. It's either moral or moral. It's of God, it's not of God. And it squashes our curiosity. So the very first thing that we have to do is just acknowledge what is there. What is it that I do desire? What is it that I want? What is it that I long for? What is it ⁓ in very specific ways? You know, I want to live in a bigger house or I want more time with my spouse or I want to travel the world. But there's also these deeper desires. And that's, that's what we're going to talk about in terms of the Enneagram today. There's specific desires coming out and they're driven by these deeper desires. what we often refer to as the desires under the desires. So the guiding question today, what do you desire? So Tyler, that's our runway.
Tyler Zach (jesse): love it. I love it. You know, so much of Christianity is now centered around knowledge and behavior. You know, like what are the behaviors that we need to stop doing? What do we need to start doing? ⁓ You know, what do you know about the Bible? Is it correct? You know, but this is like a gospel one on one introduction of getting deep. And it's really the Adam and Eve garden story played out here of desire. then the serpent redirecting their desire towards other things and the consequences that come, the fig leaves that we put on, you know, the enneagram uses defense mechanisms as a language for that. And so I love that you're sort of like getting under the hood here because it's going to be really helpful as we go through type by type, but phenomenal introduction, Jesse.
Jesse Eubanks: ⁓ offer this like here's like a very theological nerdy sort of way of framing that is that we so often have this fixation in Christendom on two things orthodoxy and orthopraxy. Orthodoxy being if I have the right cognition, if I have the right beliefs, if I have the right theology, ⁓ everything will be okay. ⁓ ⁓ then if I just act right. ⁓ orthopraxy if I go out and I act right. And let me say like those two things are Very, very important. am not saying they are not important. Jesus, though, was often concerned ⁓ with ⁓ orthopathy. Orthopathy is this idea of affection and desire and wants and longings. And what does it look like for us to begin to cultivate a desire and a love that is formed into the likeness of Christ? So we need all three of those components to hold each other in tension and to hold each other accountable. But this idea that cognition alone is strong enough and powerful enough to overcome desire is a very false belief. ⁓ At the end of the day, ⁓ we ⁓ are very emotionally driven people ⁓ and we need that cognition to hold it in tension. But the idea that I can just memorize the right Bible verses and that it's going to make all desire go away is... That's not quite how things work. Okay, so let's kick things off with the heart triad. So types two, three, and four. And of course, if you're familiar with any gram theory, ⁓ this triad, are searching for identity. And a lot of times we think of identity only in terms ⁓ of ⁓ the of am I, but we can also even think about it as, who am I to other people? Who am I within a community, within a group, within ⁓ my place in world? ⁓ And so So this desire searching for identity drives each of these types, but then they come out and sort of next to your desires as well. So type two, the helper, their childhood theme is neglect and unfulfilled needs. So twos were taught as kids, suppress your needs, don't pay attention to your needs. Other people's needs are more important than yours. And as a result, they came to believe that it was not okay. It's not morally acceptable. It's socially risky. for them to have their own needs. ⁓ And the message that they in turn then long to hear is that they are loved and they're wanted, that their desire, that people, their company is wanted, their presence is wanted. ⁓ And so they go out into this world with this deep desire just to be loved and wanted unconditionally. But the catch is this, they don't believe that they can really truly get that. So they settle for being indispensable. And it's really hard for a type two to tell the difference between being loved and wanted unconditionally and being indispensable and being indispensable comes out in the form of ⁓ they try to do too many things for too many people on too small of a relational budget. They just do not have the capacities that they themselves believe they do and they exert themselves way beyond what are reasonable boundaries because they believe if they don't. that they won't be wanted anymore. Of course, all idols require sacrifices. And so the two ends up sacrificing to their idol of being indispensable. And they sacrifice asking for what they need because having needs actually makes them feel ashamed. They sacrifice receiving without paying back because the idea that they might be taking from people and not giving threatens their place in the community. And then they also sacrifice the experience of needing God's grace because we need God's grace when we acknowledge our needs and we come to Him with our needs. ⁓ And because the two is reluctant to do that, so often they don't get to experience the sweetness of God's grace. So what does Jesus tell the type two? He tells you, I want you for who you are, not what you give. Jesus has not come to you and say, hey type two, I'm only interested in you as long as you're serving, as long as you're giving. And if you're not doing that, then you're not really all that valuable to me. He treasures you. He wants you. ⁓ Matthew 7-11, if you then though you're evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him? So type two is he wants you to come and ask for what you need. So there you go. That's the desire and the idol for type two. Let's talk a little bit about ⁓ type three. So type three, commonly known as the achiever and the childhood theme of three is performance ⁓ and achievement. ⁓ And ⁓ a lot of emphasis on doing and getting things ⁓ and ⁓ and that we felt most secure and valued ⁓ when we were ⁓ adoration from other people. ⁓ The unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to have your own feelings and identity, because who cares about that stuff? If it doesn't get me people's affections and adoration, ⁓ having my own feelings and identity is sort of irrelevant, because ultimately, ⁓ it's not really going to help us feel as significant as we wish we could. The message that we long to hear is you're significant and valued for simply being you. And so my whole life in a lot of different ways, ⁓ I have done the dog and pony show. of going out and trying to prove my significance to other people. The more that I fail to recognize that that drives me as a person, the more in which I feel compelled to do things ⁓ that are not actually what God wants for me. ⁓ But the more that I can recognize that a lot of what drives me at moments comes from a place of wounding, the more that I can rest in Lord, I'm significant to you. I'm significant to the people around me that matter the most. And I don't have to do these things to prove it. So I say that to say is that when we come to each of your types, ⁓ you got to do the work of realizing what has happened in your story that has twisted this desire or exaggerated this desire or made this desire tempting ⁓ to try to fulfill something. that is an unhealed wound inside of you. ⁓ Because as a friend of mine ⁓ says, whatever we disowns, owns us. And so we've got to take ownership over, I've got this wound and I got to do the work of working through it. So ⁓ the message they long to hear, you're significant and valued for simply being you. So what is it that the type three wants? We want to be significant. Some people say they want to be valued. ⁓ And so we want to be significant, but we often we settle for being successful. And I've just talked about why we can't tell the difference. Because when I'm significant, people look at me with love in their eyes. But when I'm successful, people also look at me with love in their eyes. And they hit they sort of hit me in the same way. And it can be hard for me to tell the difference. The fake and the real feel the same emotionally. So the idol of the threes being successful. And we are willing to sacrifice authenticity with ourselves and others because we got to uphold this image. ⁓ Family and intimate relationships because we got things to do to make sure that the pump keeps going, that people are still clapping for us. And then being loved ⁓ for who we are because we're petrified that if people knew who we really were, they would not love us. What is it that Jesus tells us? You're given the good news. I adore your unedited self, not your performance. ⁓ We don't have to get out there and kill it in order for Jesus to look at us with all the love and the affection of the universe. so, John 8, so Jesus said to the Jews, ⁓ if you abided my word, you are truly my disciples and if, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Truth is so central to who we are as people in our experience of Jesus. And that means in part, We have to rest in the truth of who Jesus is and trust Him and walk with Him and not go out and attempt to earn that. So that's type three. Well, let's talk a little bit about type four. So last folks in the hard triad. So the original list ⁓ and their childhood theme was loss and rejection. A lot of fours, you know, they'll use different language for this. They might feel like black sheep. They might feel like outcasts. They might feel just perpetually misunderstood. ⁓ The weird ones. ⁓ But they live with a general sense that that love they at one point in life, they had love and love abandoned them. ⁓ And now they're trying to find it again. Their unconscious childhood message was that it's not okay to be too much or too forgettable. So too much people freak out, they back away from you. But if you, ⁓ if you're just sort of like everybody else, you become cookie cutter and, ⁓ and people will forget who you are. So the message they long to hear is you're seen and loved exactly for who you are. They want, they want somebody to be able to look at them, perceive them, get them, understand them, and really adore them just as they are. So what is it they want? They want to be their authentic self who is significant to others. So they want to be authentic, but they settle for being unique. ⁓ And it's really hard for the four to tell the difference between these two things. So they become addicted to differentiation. So you ask a four, know, a group of people, what do you want to do? And you get to the four, I can tell you what they'll say. Anything but what somebody else said. ⁓ because they feel like that is the thing ⁓ that's going to give them value and set them apart. What do they sacrifice to their idol of being different? They sacrifice happiness because they're sort of perpetually longing and they're worried that happiness is sort of a shallow thing ⁓ and that the good stuff is always sort of pining for the future. ⁓ Feeling accepted and understood because if you take away all their mystery, then they're no longer different. And then they've lost an identity and then everything common. So they need to go to the strange, you know, the strange back alley restaurants and you know, going to Chili's feels like death. And so, ⁓ so they have this just great desire. I've got to be different. got to be different. It's my only way to make it in the world. So what does Jesus tell them? You're given the good news. I know you and I delight in who you are. I know you and I delight in who you are. And we see this in Psalms 139, you have searched me, Lord, and you know me. So the four who often feel so misunderstood, Jesus says to you, you may get to say that to other people, you don't get to say that to me. I see you. I know you. I accept you. And in fact, I know you way better than you know yourself. So, so you are actually more of a mystery to yourself than you are to me. ⁓ And so within that, the four is invited just to rest. And what that in turn can do is that search, that good desire to be authentic is then stewarded by the reality, I want to be authentic, but I don't have to curate an image because Jesus already knows me and accepts me as I am. I don't have to go out and fabricate an eccentric image in order to have a place in this world. All right. Let's talk a little bit about the head triad. So these folks are searching for security. And so they're always on the hunt for more resources, more security, more support. And they are living with a general sense ⁓ of where am I? Where am I in relationship to security and ⁓ safety and pleasure and contentment? So type five, the investigator, the childhood theme of the type five is being engulfed or neglected. So could be a scenario in which there's, you know, parents that are overwhelming. It could be a life situation in which something comes up and nobody was really adequately prepared for it. ⁓ And so the five just sort of generally live with a sense that the world was really demanding a lot ⁓ and that the five was getting swallowed up by it all. Their unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to be comfortable in the world. ⁓ If you slow down and you're comfortable and you just take things at surface level, you're a sucker. You're going to get taken advantage of. ⁓ And, ⁓ and in turn, you're also going to end up hurting other people. The message they long to hear is that your needs are not a problem. The fives actually see even their own desires are problematic. They would really prefer to not have personal needs. That's why you encounter some fives and you go in their home and they have, they like own very few things because ⁓ even sort of having needs. It's just a bit problematic for them at times. You also get some fives that are like bunker people, like fallout shelter people. And so that's another, that's another strain of the five. What is it that they want? They want to be competent. And this is a basic psychological need. I mean, if you look at, um, you know, Eric Erickson's, uh, stages of psychological development, um, I mean, competency is really, really important, you know, around they just, you know, 11, 12, 13, 14, each of us becomes really good at something. And that's, we have to, it's part of what it means. Well, the five sort of relishes in that and begins to universalize that desire. I want to be competent at life, at all of life. ⁓ But they don't really believe they can be truly competent. So they settle for knowing everything. They move from an embodied, an embodied experience of competency into, ⁓ into a mental state of competency. ⁓ And so they end up creating these really elaborate mind palaces. The idol of the five ⁓ is knowing everything and they sacrifice feeling known and loved because they hold everything in as they try to figure out all of life. They just kind of stop sharing. ⁓ They sacrifice intimate relationships because people are emotional and confusing and needy and takers. And so the five pulls back. ⁓ And then finally, they, they also sacrifice engaging life. They mistake watching a video about something, you know, about skiing. for actually going out and skiing and failing to realize those are not the same thing. What does Jesus tell you? ⁓ Five, you're given the good news that your needs are not a problem. ⁓ You were made to have needs. You were made to not know everything. You were made, yes, to be competent, but to not bear the burden of having to have all the answers about all the things because you already know the person. who has the answers for all the things and you're invited to trust in him. Luke six tells us give and it will be given to you a good measure. Press down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap for with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Stinginess begets stinginess. So if you live from a place in a posture that says there's not enough in the world, I am not enough for the world. I need to take care of myself. And you live from a place in which your pursuit of competency becomes warped. to where you hunker down and you make your world very small because ⁓ you have to have all the answers for everything. ⁓ That has consequences, but if you live a life of generosity, of going out and understanding competency as an embodied relational experience, then that will lead to more relational flourishing in your life. Well, let's talk a little bit about type six, the loyalist. So the childhood theme of the six is danger and unpredictability. know, sixes, I mean, this, this can range from it's a big range. could be, you know, folks who are just sort of anxious as kids all the way up to that they suffered significant childhood trauma. So there's just a lot that has gone on in the life of many sixes as children. Their unconscious childhood message that is that it's not okay to depend on or trust yourself. Many sixes grew up in environments where they had parents or people around them going, don't run, don't do that. You shouldn't this and the, or something happened externally in which the unpredictable kept invading their life all of the time. But the six learned that, ⁓ that they were not very good at forecasting the problems correctly and they shouldn't trust their own instincts. so the message they long to hear is that you are secure. They want to know just everything is okay. ⁓ and that they can rest and that things are taken care of and that they can stop having to be hypervigilant. So they want to be secure, but they settle for safety. And the line between these two things can be really, really dicey for a six. Security and safety feel like the exact same thing. But one of them is about trust and rest. And the other one is about protocol. ⁓ So the six becomes really fixated around protocols. ⁓ and around creating lots and lots of fences and rules and criteria and forecasts ⁓ in order to make sure that everything is tended to. And so it typically is not coming from a posture of trust. ⁓ So the ideal of the loyal is safety. They sacrifice feeling carefree and relaxed because if they do, the moment they fall asleep is when somebody cuts a hole in the fence and they come in the yard and they destroy everything. ⁓ they sacrifice trusting God and other people because what if God's not there? What if this is all, ⁓ fiction? What if other people don't show up? What if other people don't care in the way they say they're going to? And then they also sacrifice even trusting their own ideas. So sixes are often addicted to needing, ⁓ to ask everybody else. Do you think this is right? Do you think I'm right? Do you think I did the right thing? What else do think that I should do? and, ⁓ and it's really hard for the six to trust, ⁓ their, their own convictions and instincts. What did Jesus tell the six? You're safe and secure in my care. I got you. I'm going to take care of you. You can trust me. Now, Jesus does not give us a naive promise. He promises there will be troubles in this world. He is not promising us that we will live a life in which there's no physical danger. He's not telling us we're going to live a life in which there's no emotional danger. ⁓ What he is saying is I will be with you always to the end of the age. What he is saying is that all things work together for the good of those that love Him. Matthew 14 says, He said, Come, so Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. There's an invitation for the six to move past just questioning and researching and building sort of their fortress of protocols and actually going out and taking action. And it's based on the assumption that you're going to go out and Jesus is going to meet you there. and He's going to take care of you and that you don't need to bear the burden of being the one that thinks about every worst case scenario that has not yet been tended to. Your desire for security can be found in the person of Jesus and in the trusting relationships of your lives. And it turns out because He's put the Holy Spirit inside of you, good chance actually all those ideas you have are also very valuable and worth paying attention to. So you're even invited ⁓ to appropriately trust God at work inside of you as well. Okay, let's talk a little bit about type seven, the enthusiast. ⁓ So the childhood theme of the seven is prolonged childhood and loss of paradise. Many sevens describe their childhood in very sort of dreamy favorable ways. ⁓ But the truth is that a lot of sevens at some point began to experience something small, something big in which it felt like childhood was robbed from them. ⁓ I know type sevens ⁓ who actually become depressed on their birthdays. because every year marks that they've gotten further and further away from childhood, which was the ideal time of life for them. Their unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to depend on others for anything. So Sevens, you know, really felt like, you know, if I wait on other people to show up and to deliver on the things that I'm longing for, they're not going to do it. So the Seven feels like they got to go out and they got to get theirs on their own. The message that they long to hear is that they will be taking care of that other people are attuned to their desires, their wants, their needs, and that people are appropriately responding to those, in ways that, ⁓ that have the seven's best interest in mind and not in a dysfunctional best interest in a healthy, good self-interest. So what do they want? ⁓ very simple. They want to be happy. And I think this is something we all want. ⁓ they want to be happy. They do not believe that they can truly be happy in this life. So they settle for pleasure and it's really hard for the seven to tell the difference. What is the difference between true joy and happiness ⁓ and indulging and going to, you know, on the next grand adventure or going to the buffet or dreaming about the next thing, those things feel like the exact same thing for the seven. So their, their idol of pleasure requires them to sacrifice feeling satisfied. because they're always longing for the next adventure. Depth in relationships because relationships get boring, melancholic, they get moody, they get sad, they get needy. ⁓ And all of that takes away their pleasure in life. And then also they have to sacrifice discipline and focus. So their brain jumps from thing to thing, their life jumps from adventure to adventure. ⁓ And so a lot of times sevens can fail to stick with ⁓ things. And as a result, they can fail to develop some really important muscles that are essential for flourishing in life. So what does Jesus tell you? I will take care of you. Your needs, your desires, your wants, Jesus longs for you to be happy. I have a friend who says the ultimate trajectory of the Christian life is toward joy. Jesus longs for us to experience joy. But in the same way that the six has to realize that desire for security will only be fully fulfilled in heaven. That longing for joy and happiness will only be truly fulfilled in heaven as well. ⁓ Your needs are important to God. He wants to respond to them. ⁓ What he doesn't want is your desire for happiness to become so strong that you have actually eventually become addicted to those things. ⁓ and that those things begin to rule over you. And it is, it's like the addict, the first time they get high, it's like the greatest feeling they've ever had. And then they have to get higher, you know, more and more frequently, and it's having less effect until eventually ⁓ all they're doing now is they're getting high just to sort of maintain ⁓ so they don't bottom out. And the seven is invited. ⁓ Trust God, he's going to take care of you. He sees your needs. You've got to be willing to let Him tend to you. Luke 14 tells us, whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciples. Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Once you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it, which is the way to say this, sevens are invited to move beyond a joy of avoidance into a joy of substance. And when they move into that joy of substance, what they find is, The joy of substance actually gives them far more happiness than the joy of avoidance ever could. And so, ⁓ so that, ⁓ yeah, that's, that's the desire for type seven. Let's make our way into the body triad or what some call the gut triad. So these folks are searching for freedom. ⁓ Some would say they're searching for autonomy, they're searching for independence. There's a variety of ways you can say this, but ⁓ they are searching for the ability to live their life according to their convictions, ⁓ without being controlled by other people ⁓ in ways that are or even without ⁓ doing destruction to their own life. But they're searching for freedom. So type eight, the protector, childhood theme of the eight is survival and conflict. A lot of, know, as we all know, eights are very strong people. The truth is that as kids, a lot of eights either come from families of eights where there's sort of like a den of bears, they wrestled hard and they, you know, arm wrestled and they, you know, held each other down and punched each other and... The line between play and aggression was very thin and confusing. ⁓ Other eights had childhood disease that they dealt with and sort of survived some of that, you know, by strength. ⁓ Some eights ⁓ experienced a lot of bullying as kids and then one day woke up to their own ability to push back. ⁓ eights just, ⁓ man, survival and conflict just was everywhere as kids. Their unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to be vulnerable or trust anyone. Think of it this way. ⁓ In warfare, if I say, what's the enemy's vulnerability? It means how can we exploit their weaknesses? And in the same way, the ape begins to view their own tenderness as something that can be exploited and that when they trust somebody else, they're setting themselves up to be betrayed and taken advantage of. So, so they long to hear the message that you will not be betrayed. Somebody that's going to stick with them and never sort of suddenly turn on them suddenly, you know, shank them without, without them seeing it coming. So what do they want? They want to protect themselves. And that's a good desire that we all have the ability that when somebody is coming at us, coming against us, coming against the people that we love, that we have the ability to protect ourselves and the people around us. So they want to protect themselves. but they settle for control and power. And those two things become very confusing for the eight. They have a hard time telling the difference between the ability to appropriately protect themselves from being attacked and ⁓ what is a good defense? It's a good offense. ⁓ If I'm the one in control, I can't get attacked. ⁓ And so that becomes very alluring for the eight. So their idol of control and power requires them to sacrifice closeness with people so that they won't be betrayed. giving and receiving forgiveness because that requires them to admit fault and flaws and mistakes and things that people will leverage against them. But also if they give forgiveness to other people, ⁓ then there's also an exchange there where the other person is not being punished and they should be punished for the things that they've done. And then finally having and sharing fragile feelings. And really it could even be said, for the eight to acknowledge their own tender feelings. In many cases, the eight had to sacrifice the tenderness and innocence of their childhood in order to survive in this harsh world. And the idol of control and power continues to make them sacrifice that inner child. So what does Jesus tell you? I will never betray you. Jesus is worth your absolute trust. He is not going to tell you one thing and then suddenly out of nowhere change it up on you. ⁓ He is faithful all the way to the end. And so in turn, Luke 6, be merciful just as your father is merciful. Eighth, you have received the mercy of God. Who are you to withhold that from other people? In your desire to protect yourself, do not sin. by withholding mercy from others. You cannot ask the Lord for mercy for you and demand that He only brings justice to everybody else and withholds mercy from everybody else. ⁓ If you have received mercy, the burden is on you to give mercy. And part of the journey for the eight will be what happened to you in which you felt betrayed and taken advantage of and that you had to be bigger than you actually were. And until you begin to do the work of making peace with that part of your story, you will always be tempted to pervert your desire to protect yourself by seizing control and not ever allowing anybody else to have authority over you. ⁓ God designed us to live within our place, within the world, which means there are people that have authority over us and there are people we have authority over, but we should never be in a position in which no one has authority. already over us. That is unhealthy and destructive for us as people. And it's bad practice for heaven. So, so H, you got to do your work. Okay. Let's talk about type nines, the peacemaker. So the childhood theme of the nine is feeling unheard and overpowered. A lot of nines described maybe one parent was really big and they were the giant sort of emotional ⁓ epicenter in the house. everybody sort of walked on eggshells around the one parent. And then maybe the other parent was like extremely passive. So they would go to that parent and they would say, Hey, I've got this problem. And maybe the parent would offer good words, but they wouldn't actually take any action. to satisfactorily, satisfyingly deal with the issue. So, Nines just sort of grew up with a general sense of, I don't possess the ability to change outcomes. ⁓ That in the world that I live in, I don't have much agency, in my opinion doesn't count for much. ⁓ So, ⁓ they grew up with this unconscious childhood message, it's not okay. ⁓ to think too much of yourself ⁓ or to assert yourself. And as a result of that, ⁓ they end up with this longing desire to know that their presence matters. That when they're in the room, when they're talking to others and they're engaging with others, that their presence really makes a difference. Some nines go, even sort of articulating this is like hard for some nines. So I've realized that if I say the opposite, ⁓ they wanna know that they're absence matters, that their absence is felt that when they're not there, people actually feel different and experience life different because they're not there. ⁓ And so, ⁓ so what is it that they want? They want to be at peace. They and nine's I think really embodied this longing for shalom, the wholeness and the completion of all things, both internally and externally, relationally, universally. ⁓ And ⁓ nine's just have this great desire for that. but they settle for comfort. They don't really think that they can get the peace that they're longing for. So they become addicted to the path of least resistance. Whatever the easiest thing is that's in front of them that's going to cause the least amount of conflict, that's going to bother people the least, that's going to let them be the least emotionally disturbed, ⁓ that's the thing that they typically end up settling for. And in their worship of comfort, they relinquish their own desires. Because even to acknowledge their own desires brings up conflict inside of them. If I want, and I can't get it, then what do I do with that? If I have an opinion and the other person doesn't like that. ⁓ And so, so they just sort of forfeit that the belief that they can make a difference. Other people are important. I'm not important. ⁓ And then finally, the growth that comes from conflict. And here's the fascinating thing. If you're a nine, do you think of every story that you love? Cause nine love great stories. ⁓ And ⁓ in every single story you love, the main character is transformed and changed ⁓ largely and primarily because of the conflict that they encounter. ⁓ Conflict forges us as people and when we fail to engage in conflict, ⁓ we get stuck. So what does Jesus tell you? Your presence matters. Your presence matters. The world needs you. Your relationships need you. ⁓ The people around you you need you and not just in like a ⁓ sense of like you're a vending machine that they want to take from, but that your your presence transforms lives. You have the capacity to influence outcomes to change people's trajectory, their destiny, the ability to show up and a voice and opinion and to shape the world around you. Your your presence matters. Luke 21. But watch yourself, lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and, and cares. And on that day, come upon you suddenly like a trap for it will come upon all who dwell on the face of the whole earth. But stay awake at all times praying that you have strength. The invitation here for the for the nine is you got to wake up. You got to wake up. ⁓ When we fall asleep to the life that we have been entrusted with. ⁓ there are severe relational consequences. And for many nines, ⁓ your idol of comfort, you are accidentally perpetuating the very thing that you're probably wounded by as a child. Other people's addiction to comfort was super harmful to you. And when you engage that in the same way, you inadvertently hurt other people as well. You have a good desire for peace. Bring that into the world. But oftentimes, Peace is accomplished through action and not through passivity. And so we've got to go out into the world and engage life ⁓ as it is, ⁓ sober minded, believing that God will work out all things that he has begun. And ultimately we will experience shalom, but beginning to build that shalom now requires us to take action and to exert ourselves. Let's finally let's wrap things up with one the reformer. the childhood theme of one sorry, the slides wrong, the childhood theme of the one is conditional love and criticism. Many ones group either in environments with high protocol, so it could be military families, ministry families, but some some expectation where the child was expected to behave with more maturity than the age was appropriate. And there were very clear guidelines on what was right and what was wrong. And there were consequences if you cross those lines. Or the one grew up in an environment that was totally chaotic, that lacked a moral compass, and that the one began to develop their own internal parental voice to try to navigate this world. In both cases, usually what happened is that the one internalized a very demanding voice. that showed them that this is the correct way to live. And if you don't, you are in the wrong. ⁓ So the the one has ⁓ that the unconscious child has the message of the one is that it's not okay to be wrong or make mistakes. And this is real unfortunate in my family. You know, I've got two kids, one of my kids is probably a one. And one of and when we realized that when she was very little, ⁓ one of the things that we started saying in our house, and it's a mantra we say is Making mistakes is what? And she'll go part of learning. And so many ones don't have that. They don't believe that making mistakes is actually good for us and beneficial or that God's grace has accounted for it. God knows that we're going to make mistakes. God knows that we are going to mess up. But so many ones as kids, they did not receive that ability to live with that. The message that they long to hear is that you're good and not just sort of ⁓ good. know, Christians often we think of this surely in a moral sense. I do think that ones have a desire for the goodness of being morally good. ⁓ But I also think kids just want to know that their existence is good. Like the one wants to know that I'm here right now and it's good that I'm here. It's good that God has made me. It's good that I exist. It's good that you exist. ⁓ But in the same way that when we see in Genesis that God declares over creation, it's good. That's the longing of the one. So what do they want? They want to have integrity. They want to have the same character in public and private. They don't want to save this with their mouth and behave differently. They don't want to be duplicitous. They want to be somebody that has integrity and integrity in the way that a bridge has integrity. It's built right. It can hold the weight. The construction is good and whole and complete. And and ones have this longing to be well built as people, to be people of character. So they want to have integrity, but believing they can't really achieve it. They end up settling for perfectionism and perfectionism is a really cruel idol. I say that if we could hear the inner voice of the one, we would lock that voice up for abuse because that one that interior voice of the one is so cruel and the real twisted part of it. is that it loves, especially in our faith, it loves to commandeer scripture. So it has the words of God, but it does not have the voice of your spiritual daddy. So it does not sound like him. It doesn't have the tenderness. It doesn't have the affection. It doesn't have the love and the compassion. ⁓ All it has is the demand and it grabs a hold of these Bible verses and then beats the crap out of people on the inside. And then when they can't take it anymore, it spills out on onto others because the one can only beat themselves up for so long. So they have this idol perfectionism and they just, sacrifice their own wants and desires, you know, good grief. Who cares what I want? It's only what Jesus wants. ⁓ once Jesus did not come to eradicate you, ⁓ you are not supposed to cease to exist. We are not Buddhists. You are not dropping into the eternal, you know, the universal consciousness yourself. You have desires. and your desires matter. They also sacrifice fun, enjoyment, and spontaneity, because there's stuff to be done. We don't have time for all that. And then also receiving and giving grace. And the belief is this, anger, they believe that anger has more transformative power than grace does. Grace is too soft, grace is too slow, grace is too easy on people. Anger gets things done, ⁓ grace does not. And so, ⁓ and perfectionism lies to them in that way. What does Jesus tell you? You're given the good news, I've made you good just as you are. And it's true on both fronts. Your existence is good. God has made you good just in your mere existence. And then morally, righteously, you've taken on the righteousness of Christ. When God looks at you, he looks at you with all the affection that he has for Jesus. ⁓ And your sins are no longer held against you. ⁓ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. Ones ⁓ in your pursuit of goodness, rest in Jesus. Trust Him. Trust that He's working it out. It's going to be okay. Don't allow your desire, your good desire to right the wrongs of the world, to become one that fuels a bitter anger that inadvertently also destroys everything. I think of the parable ⁓ in which Jesus tells us, ⁓ be careful about pulling everything up because in your desire to pull out all the weeds, you'll also pull out the good stuff. ⁓ And, and one so often can have that temptation. They want to confront all of the evil and sin in the world, but they end up bulldozing and destroying other people in the process. ⁓ And, and so what does it look like to be people who speak truth and reform the world, it's a good desire, but you do it with God's disposition and his patience and his gentleness and his compassion and his grace, the ability to miraculously, supernaturally hold the tension of those two things.
Tyler Zach (jesse): Amen. Amen. you for joining me and Jesse ⁓ today to learn the gospel through an Enneagram lens so you can transform your life and relationships. So thank you and we'll see in the next session.
Jesse Eubanks: In Enneagram theory, the basic idea, you said earlier, is that each of the types ⁓ are driven by different motivations, different desires, different things that they want. ⁓ And the basic idea in the Enneagram is each of us, somewhere in the mystery of nature and nurture, ⁓ desire, becomes so important, so central to who we are as people that we literally forge a personality around that desire. ⁓ And, ⁓ you know, there's so many analogies you could use. It's like the core of a planet and all of life sort of forms around that one. You could say that if all nine desires are sled dogs, that one of them becomes the lead sled dog and leads the other eight. But the basic idea that we need to work with is one of these desires is so profoundly buried within us that it simultaneously marks all of our life and so often simultaneously remains utterly hidden to us. ⁓ And so, so as we come to this topic of desire ⁓ from the perspective of the Enneagram, think of it in terms of each of us have this thing we desire and that we've literally forged our life around the pursuit of that desire. So that being said, ⁓ we can start with this principle of like, maybe I'm not seeing everything. Maybe I'm a little blind to the realities that are around me. A lot of times we look at other people and we see, my gosh, look at all their issues. know, if they would just X, Y, Z, if they would just do this, if they would just do that. And we really lack clarity for ourselves and our own issues. And so we have to really do the work of pushing through our self-deception, of pushing through all of the ways in which we remain blind to the things that drive us because self-deception really hurts the people around us. We have seen this over and over and over again in the church, that if you take each of these types and you take it to the last station of that train, Each of us is capable of doing profound damage to other people. ⁓ And which is a way of saying this, we've got to do our work. ⁓ And part of that is understanding what's driving and compelling me as a person. Donald Miller says that a story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. And it's most simple form. That is the definition of a story. And each of us as people, we are living in a story. So the question we have to contend with is in your story, what is it that you want? What is it that drives you? What is it that compels you? What is it that when you get up in the morning, ⁓ it's pushing you forward? And I would add this too, that ⁓ there can be multiple desires at play, ⁓ but there can also be this, the less aware we are of the desire that drives us, the more power it has over us. And the more in which we come to acknowledge and recognize the desires that drive us, the more that we are then able to steward them and trust them to God, ⁓ seek wisdom and counsel from others. ⁓ So the more subconscious the desire is, the more that it holds us hostage, the more that we're aware of it, the more that we're able to steward it. ⁓ So, you know, we see in the Gospel of John, the very first question that Jesus asks is, what do you want? Christians have a real contentious relationship with this idea of desire. Part of it I get, you know, we live in a hypersexualized culture. So when we hear desire, you know, many times we think of it in sexual terms almost immediately. And that's real unfortunate because while sexual desire is definitely a part of who we are and Sexual desire can actually be a clue about some of the things that we want in life. ⁓ I think that ⁓ we are so scared of desire because it feels so big and powerful and potentially immoral that we squash all curiosity, we back away from it. But we see constantly throughout the gospels, one of Jesus's greatest gifts was drawing out the desires of others. Jesus came to people with such great curiosity, asking them about who they are, what they wanted, what they were pursuing, why. And Jesus is inviting us to do the same thing. What is it that compels us as people? ⁓ Desire is really powerful. ⁓ It's really hard at times for us to steer and control it. ⁓ Many of us have had the experience of ⁓ feeling a lot of shame around our desire because our desires gotten away from us. We've acted and behaved in ways that are embarrassing. A lot of us I mean, honestly, even my sort of wrestling match with what is my enneagram type. A lot of that was I didn't want to come to terms with being a three because I felt so much shame around the idea that I had this desire to be significant and that that ⁓ desire was simultaneously driving me, but I was also so ashamed of it that I couldn't acknowledge it for myself either. ⁓ So. Dr. Kirk Thompson, just featured, we're doing a series on the Unicast right now on desire. And he was our first guest that we had on. And he said, we have as much ability to stop desiring as we do to stop breathing. So a lot of times Christians have this idea. If I just ignore it, if I just sort of act like it's not there, if I just squash it, ⁓ we cannot not desire. God is a desiring God. We are made in his image and therefore we are a desiring people. and so, ⁓ the other thing that, we talk about this, that we should keep in mind is that desire always moves toward beauty. Whatever we find to be the most beautiful, most attractive, it's a natural thing that we move towards that. That could be a beautiful sunset. It could be visiting this beautiful place. It could be a beautiful person. ⁓ but also at a deeper level, we move towards what feels most emotionally beautiful for us. we move towards what feels the most sort of beautifully secure, beautifully free. But generally speaking, ⁓ if you find yourself moving towards something, ⁓ most likely it's because it has captured your imagination and you find it beautiful. And I think that it could also be said that the nine desires of the nine Enneagram types are good. They're good desires. If you look at all nine in some way and in some capacity, which we won't have time for today, you can see these nine desires even on display in the character of Christ. Now, that does not mean that we get everything we desire, and it does not mean that we should ⁓ unquestionably go after our desires, but we absolutely can see these nine desires are good. And when stewarded well and living intention with other desires that are good, they can also be a pathway towards wisdom. Cliff Roth says, ⁓ the problem is when we attach to the wrong things in the wrong way. So what happens is that this desire doesn't believe that it can be fulfilled, doesn't believe that we can actually get it in a satisfactory way, actually believe that it can be satiated in instead. What happens is we end up settling for all these substitutes. And then we, in turn, we demand that they do something for us that they are incapable of doing. So we come to these false idols that we curate and create, and we don't do it at a conscious level. It's all subconscious. But then we demand that they deliver. And the trick is that they never deliver well, but they deliver often enough. And so we stay addicted to them. Ultimately, we find ourselves attached to these idols instead of attaching to Jesus and attaching to other people in ways that are healthy and life-giving. And so in the end, we need a chief desire that will guide all the other desires. so at the end of our time, we'll talk very briefly about that. So, ⁓ so the first thing though that we have to do is we have to acknowledge our desires without judgment. Christians are so fast to judge everything. It's either moral or moral. It's of God, it's not of God. And it squashes our curiosity. So the very first thing that we have to do is just acknowledge what is there. What is it that I do desire? What is it that I want? What is it that I long for? What is it ⁓ in very specific ways? You know, I want to live in a bigger house or I want more time with my spouse or I want to travel the world. But there's also these deeper desires. And that's, that's what we're going to talk about in terms of the Enneagram today. There's specific desires coming out and they're driven by these deeper desires. what we often refer to as the desires under the desires. So the guiding question today, what do you desire? So Tyler, that's our runway.
Tyler Zach (jesse): love it. I love it. You know, so much of Christianity is now centered around knowledge and behavior. You know, like what are the behaviors that we need to stop doing? What do we need to start doing? ⁓ You know, what do you know about the Bible? Is it correct? You know, but this is like a gospel one on one introduction of getting deep. And it's really the Adam and Eve garden story played out here of desire. then the serpent redirecting their desire towards other things and the consequences that come, the fig leaves that we put on, you know, the enneagram uses defense mechanisms as a language for that. And so I love that you're sort of like getting under the hood here because it's going to be really helpful as we go through type by type, but phenomenal introduction, Jesse.
Jesse Eubanks: ⁓ offer this like here's like a very theological nerdy sort of way of framing that is that we so often have this fixation in Christendom on two things orthodoxy and orthopraxy. Orthodoxy being if I have the right cognition, if I have the right beliefs, if I have the right theology, ⁓ everything will be okay. ⁓ ⁓ then if I just act right. ⁓ orthopraxy if I go out and I act right. And let me say like those two things are Very, very important. am not saying they are not important. Jesus, though, was often concerned ⁓ with ⁓ orthopathy. Orthopathy is this idea of affection and desire and wants and longings. And what does it look like for us to begin to cultivate a desire and a love that is formed into the likeness of Christ? So we need all three of those components to hold each other in tension and to hold each other accountable. But this idea that cognition alone is strong enough and powerful enough to overcome desire is a very false belief. ⁓ At the end of the day, ⁓ we ⁓ are very emotionally driven people ⁓ and we need that cognition to hold it in tension. But the idea that I can just memorize the right Bible verses and that it's going to make all desire go away is... That's not quite how things work. Okay, so let's kick things off with the heart triad. So types two, three, and four. And of course, if you're familiar with any gram theory, ⁓ this triad, are searching for identity. And a lot of times we think of identity only in terms ⁓ of ⁓ the of am I, but we can also even think about it as, who am I to other people? Who am I within a community, within a group, within ⁓ my place in world? ⁓ And so So this desire searching for identity drives each of these types, but then they come out and sort of next to your desires as well. So type two, the helper, their childhood theme is neglect and unfulfilled needs. So twos were taught as kids, suppress your needs, don't pay attention to your needs. Other people's needs are more important than yours. And as a result, they came to believe that it was not okay. It's not morally acceptable. It's socially risky. for them to have their own needs. ⁓ And the message that they in turn then long to hear is that they are loved and they're wanted, that their desire, that people, their company is wanted, their presence is wanted. ⁓ And so they go out into this world with this deep desire just to be loved and wanted unconditionally. But the catch is this, they don't believe that they can really truly get that. So they settle for being indispensable. And it's really hard for a type two to tell the difference between being loved and wanted unconditionally and being indispensable and being indispensable comes out in the form of ⁓ they try to do too many things for too many people on too small of a relational budget. They just do not have the capacities that they themselves believe they do and they exert themselves way beyond what are reasonable boundaries because they believe if they don't. that they won't be wanted anymore. Of course, all idols require sacrifices. And so the two ends up sacrificing to their idol of being indispensable. And they sacrifice asking for what they need because having needs actually makes them feel ashamed. They sacrifice receiving without paying back because the idea that they might be taking from people and not giving threatens their place in the community. And then they also sacrifice the experience of needing God's grace because we need God's grace when we acknowledge our needs and we come to Him with our needs. ⁓ And because the two is reluctant to do that, so often they don't get to experience the sweetness of God's grace. So what does Jesus tell the type two? He tells you, I want you for who you are, not what you give. Jesus has not come to you and say, hey type two, I'm only interested in you as long as you're serving, as long as you're giving. And if you're not doing that, then you're not really all that valuable to me. He treasures you. He wants you. ⁓ Matthew 7-11, if you then though you're evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him? So type two is he wants you to come and ask for what you need. So there you go. That's the desire and the idol for type two. Let's talk a little bit about ⁓ type three. So type three, commonly known as the achiever and the childhood theme of three is performance ⁓ and achievement. ⁓ And ⁓ a lot of emphasis on doing and getting things ⁓ and ⁓ and that we felt most secure and valued ⁓ when we were ⁓ adoration from other people. ⁓ The unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to have your own feelings and identity, because who cares about that stuff? If it doesn't get me people's affections and adoration, ⁓ having my own feelings and identity is sort of irrelevant, because ultimately, ⁓ it's not really going to help us feel as significant as we wish we could. The message that we long to hear is you're significant and valued for simply being you. And so my whole life in a lot of different ways, ⁓ I have done the dog and pony show. of going out and trying to prove my significance to other people. The more that I fail to recognize that that drives me as a person, the more in which I feel compelled to do things ⁓ that are not actually what God wants for me. ⁓ But the more that I can recognize that a lot of what drives me at moments comes from a place of wounding, the more that I can rest in Lord, I'm significant to you. I'm significant to the people around me that matter the most. And I don't have to do these things to prove it. So I say that to say is that when we come to each of your types, ⁓ you got to do the work of realizing what has happened in your story that has twisted this desire or exaggerated this desire or made this desire tempting ⁓ to try to fulfill something. that is an unhealed wound inside of you. ⁓ Because as a friend of mine ⁓ says, whatever we disowns, owns us. And so we've got to take ownership over, I've got this wound and I got to do the work of working through it. So ⁓ the message they long to hear, you're significant and valued for simply being you. So what is it that the type three wants? We want to be significant. Some people say they want to be valued. ⁓ And so we want to be significant, but we often we settle for being successful. And I've just talked about why we can't tell the difference. Because when I'm significant, people look at me with love in their eyes. But when I'm successful, people also look at me with love in their eyes. And they hit they sort of hit me in the same way. And it can be hard for me to tell the difference. The fake and the real feel the same emotionally. So the idol of the threes being successful. And we are willing to sacrifice authenticity with ourselves and others because we got to uphold this image. ⁓ Family and intimate relationships because we got things to do to make sure that the pump keeps going, that people are still clapping for us. And then being loved ⁓ for who we are because we're petrified that if people knew who we really were, they would not love us. What is it that Jesus tells us? You're given the good news. I adore your unedited self, not your performance. ⁓ We don't have to get out there and kill it in order for Jesus to look at us with all the love and the affection of the universe. so, John 8, so Jesus said to the Jews, ⁓ if you abided my word, you are truly my disciples and if, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Truth is so central to who we are as people in our experience of Jesus. And that means in part, We have to rest in the truth of who Jesus is and trust Him and walk with Him and not go out and attempt to earn that. So that's type three. Well, let's talk a little bit about type four. So last folks in the hard triad. So the original list ⁓ and their childhood theme was loss and rejection. A lot of fours, you know, they'll use different language for this. They might feel like black sheep. They might feel like outcasts. They might feel just perpetually misunderstood. ⁓ The weird ones. ⁓ But they live with a general sense that that love they at one point in life, they had love and love abandoned them. ⁓ And now they're trying to find it again. Their unconscious childhood message was that it's not okay to be too much or too forgettable. So too much people freak out, they back away from you. But if you, ⁓ if you're just sort of like everybody else, you become cookie cutter and, ⁓ and people will forget who you are. So the message they long to hear is you're seen and loved exactly for who you are. They want, they want somebody to be able to look at them, perceive them, get them, understand them, and really adore them just as they are. So what is it they want? They want to be their authentic self who is significant to others. So they want to be authentic, but they settle for being unique. ⁓ And it's really hard for the four to tell the difference between these two things. So they become addicted to differentiation. So you ask a four, know, a group of people, what do you want to do? And you get to the four, I can tell you what they'll say. Anything but what somebody else said. ⁓ because they feel like that is the thing ⁓ that's going to give them value and set them apart. What do they sacrifice to their idol of being different? They sacrifice happiness because they're sort of perpetually longing and they're worried that happiness is sort of a shallow thing ⁓ and that the good stuff is always sort of pining for the future. ⁓ Feeling accepted and understood because if you take away all their mystery, then they're no longer different. And then they've lost an identity and then everything common. So they need to go to the strange, you know, the strange back alley restaurants and you know, going to Chili's feels like death. And so, ⁓ so they have this just great desire. I've got to be different. got to be different. It's my only way to make it in the world. So what does Jesus tell them? You're given the good news. I know you and I delight in who you are. I know you and I delight in who you are. And we see this in Psalms 139, you have searched me, Lord, and you know me. So the four who often feel so misunderstood, Jesus says to you, you may get to say that to other people, you don't get to say that to me. I see you. I know you. I accept you. And in fact, I know you way better than you know yourself. So, so you are actually more of a mystery to yourself than you are to me. ⁓ And so within that, the four is invited just to rest. And what that in turn can do is that search, that good desire to be authentic is then stewarded by the reality, I want to be authentic, but I don't have to curate an image because Jesus already knows me and accepts me as I am. I don't have to go out and fabricate an eccentric image in order to have a place in this world. All right. Let's talk a little bit about the head triad. So these folks are searching for security. And so they're always on the hunt for more resources, more security, more support. And they are living with a general sense ⁓ of where am I? Where am I in relationship to security and ⁓ safety and pleasure and contentment? So type five, the investigator, the childhood theme of the type five is being engulfed or neglected. So could be a scenario in which there's, you know, parents that are overwhelming. It could be a life situation in which something comes up and nobody was really adequately prepared for it. ⁓ And so the five just sort of generally live with a sense that the world was really demanding a lot ⁓ and that the five was getting swallowed up by it all. Their unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to be comfortable in the world. ⁓ If you slow down and you're comfortable and you just take things at surface level, you're a sucker. You're going to get taken advantage of. ⁓ And, ⁓ and in turn, you're also going to end up hurting other people. The message they long to hear is that your needs are not a problem. The fives actually see even their own desires are problematic. They would really prefer to not have personal needs. That's why you encounter some fives and you go in their home and they have, they like own very few things because ⁓ even sort of having needs. It's just a bit problematic for them at times. You also get some fives that are like bunker people, like fallout shelter people. And so that's another, that's another strain of the five. What is it that they want? They want to be competent. And this is a basic psychological need. I mean, if you look at, um, you know, Eric Erickson's, uh, stages of psychological development, um, I mean, competency is really, really important, you know, around they just, you know, 11, 12, 13, 14, each of us becomes really good at something. And that's, we have to, it's part of what it means. Well, the five sort of relishes in that and begins to universalize that desire. I want to be competent at life, at all of life. ⁓ But they don't really believe they can be truly competent. So they settle for knowing everything. They move from an embodied, an embodied experience of competency into, ⁓ into a mental state of competency. ⁓ And so they end up creating these really elaborate mind palaces. The idol of the five ⁓ is knowing everything and they sacrifice feeling known and loved because they hold everything in as they try to figure out all of life. They just kind of stop sharing. ⁓ They sacrifice intimate relationships because people are emotional and confusing and needy and takers. And so the five pulls back. ⁓ And then finally, they, they also sacrifice engaging life. They mistake watching a video about something, you know, about skiing. for actually going out and skiing and failing to realize those are not the same thing. What does Jesus tell you? ⁓ Five, you're given the good news that your needs are not a problem. ⁓ You were made to have needs. You were made to not know everything. You were made, yes, to be competent, but to not bear the burden of having to have all the answers about all the things because you already know the person. who has the answers for all the things and you're invited to trust in him. Luke six tells us give and it will be given to you a good measure. Press down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap for with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Stinginess begets stinginess. So if you live from a place in a posture that says there's not enough in the world, I am not enough for the world. I need to take care of myself. And you live from a place in which your pursuit of competency becomes warped. to where you hunker down and you make your world very small because ⁓ you have to have all the answers for everything. ⁓ That has consequences, but if you live a life of generosity, of going out and understanding competency as an embodied relational experience, then that will lead to more relational flourishing in your life. Well, let's talk a little bit about type six, the loyalist. So the childhood theme of the six is danger and unpredictability. know, sixes, I mean, this, this can range from it's a big range. could be, you know, folks who are just sort of anxious as kids all the way up to that they suffered significant childhood trauma. So there's just a lot that has gone on in the life of many sixes as children. Their unconscious childhood message that is that it's not okay to depend on or trust yourself. Many sixes grew up in environments where they had parents or people around them going, don't run, don't do that. You shouldn't this and the, or something happened externally in which the unpredictable kept invading their life all of the time. But the six learned that, ⁓ that they were not very good at forecasting the problems correctly and they shouldn't trust their own instincts. so the message they long to hear is that you are secure. They want to know just everything is okay. ⁓ and that they can rest and that things are taken care of and that they can stop having to be hypervigilant. So they want to be secure, but they settle for safety. And the line between these two things can be really, really dicey for a six. Security and safety feel like the exact same thing. But one of them is about trust and rest. And the other one is about protocol. ⁓ So the six becomes really fixated around protocols. ⁓ and around creating lots and lots of fences and rules and criteria and forecasts ⁓ in order to make sure that everything is tended to. And so it typically is not coming from a posture of trust. ⁓ So the ideal of the loyal is safety. They sacrifice feeling carefree and relaxed because if they do, the moment they fall asleep is when somebody cuts a hole in the fence and they come in the yard and they destroy everything. ⁓ they sacrifice trusting God and other people because what if God's not there? What if this is all, ⁓ fiction? What if other people don't show up? What if other people don't care in the way they say they're going to? And then they also sacrifice even trusting their own ideas. So sixes are often addicted to needing, ⁓ to ask everybody else. Do you think this is right? Do you think I'm right? Do you think I did the right thing? What else do think that I should do? and, ⁓ and it's really hard for the six to trust, ⁓ their, their own convictions and instincts. What did Jesus tell the six? You're safe and secure in my care. I got you. I'm going to take care of you. You can trust me. Now, Jesus does not give us a naive promise. He promises there will be troubles in this world. He is not promising us that we will live a life in which there's no physical danger. He's not telling us we're going to live a life in which there's no emotional danger. ⁓ What he is saying is I will be with you always to the end of the age. What he is saying is that all things work together for the good of those that love Him. Matthew 14 says, He said, Come, so Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. There's an invitation for the six to move past just questioning and researching and building sort of their fortress of protocols and actually going out and taking action. And it's based on the assumption that you're going to go out and Jesus is going to meet you there. and He's going to take care of you and that you don't need to bear the burden of being the one that thinks about every worst case scenario that has not yet been tended to. Your desire for security can be found in the person of Jesus and in the trusting relationships of your lives. And it turns out because He's put the Holy Spirit inside of you, good chance actually all those ideas you have are also very valuable and worth paying attention to. So you're even invited ⁓ to appropriately trust God at work inside of you as well. Okay, let's talk a little bit about type seven, the enthusiast. ⁓ So the childhood theme of the seven is prolonged childhood and loss of paradise. Many sevens describe their childhood in very sort of dreamy favorable ways. ⁓ But the truth is that a lot of sevens at some point began to experience something small, something big in which it felt like childhood was robbed from them. ⁓ I know type sevens ⁓ who actually become depressed on their birthdays. because every year marks that they've gotten further and further away from childhood, which was the ideal time of life for them. Their unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to depend on others for anything. So Sevens, you know, really felt like, you know, if I wait on other people to show up and to deliver on the things that I'm longing for, they're not going to do it. So the Seven feels like they got to go out and they got to get theirs on their own. The message that they long to hear is that they will be taking care of that other people are attuned to their desires, their wants, their needs, and that people are appropriately responding to those, in ways that, ⁓ that have the seven's best interest in mind and not in a dysfunctional best interest in a healthy, good self-interest. So what do they want? ⁓ very simple. They want to be happy. And I think this is something we all want. ⁓ they want to be happy. They do not believe that they can truly be happy in this life. So they settle for pleasure and it's really hard for the seven to tell the difference. What is the difference between true joy and happiness ⁓ and indulging and going to, you know, on the next grand adventure or going to the buffet or dreaming about the next thing, those things feel like the exact same thing for the seven. So their, their idol of pleasure requires them to sacrifice feeling satisfied. because they're always longing for the next adventure. Depth in relationships because relationships get boring, melancholic, they get moody, they get sad, they get needy. ⁓ And all of that takes away their pleasure in life. And then also they have to sacrifice discipline and focus. So their brain jumps from thing to thing, their life jumps from adventure to adventure. ⁓ And so a lot of times sevens can fail to stick with ⁓ things. And as a result, they can fail to develop some really important muscles that are essential for flourishing in life. So what does Jesus tell you? I will take care of you. Your needs, your desires, your wants, Jesus longs for you to be happy. I have a friend who says the ultimate trajectory of the Christian life is toward joy. Jesus longs for us to experience joy. But in the same way that the six has to realize that desire for security will only be fully fulfilled in heaven. That longing for joy and happiness will only be truly fulfilled in heaven as well. ⁓ Your needs are important to God. He wants to respond to them. ⁓ What he doesn't want is your desire for happiness to become so strong that you have actually eventually become addicted to those things. ⁓ and that those things begin to rule over you. And it is, it's like the addict, the first time they get high, it's like the greatest feeling they've ever had. And then they have to get higher, you know, more and more frequently, and it's having less effect until eventually ⁓ all they're doing now is they're getting high just to sort of maintain ⁓ so they don't bottom out. And the seven is invited. ⁓ Trust God, he's going to take care of you. He sees your needs. You've got to be willing to let Him tend to you. Luke 14 tells us, whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciples. Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Once you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it, which is the way to say this, sevens are invited to move beyond a joy of avoidance into a joy of substance. And when they move into that joy of substance, what they find is, The joy of substance actually gives them far more happiness than the joy of avoidance ever could. And so, ⁓ so that, ⁓ yeah, that's, that's the desire for type seven. Let's make our way into the body triad or what some call the gut triad. So these folks are searching for freedom. ⁓ Some would say they're searching for autonomy, they're searching for independence. There's a variety of ways you can say this, but ⁓ they are searching for the ability to live their life according to their convictions, ⁓ without being controlled by other people ⁓ in ways that are or even without ⁓ doing destruction to their own life. But they're searching for freedom. So type eight, the protector, childhood theme of the eight is survival and conflict. A lot of, know, as we all know, eights are very strong people. The truth is that as kids, a lot of eights either come from families of eights where there's sort of like a den of bears, they wrestled hard and they, you know, arm wrestled and they, you know, held each other down and punched each other and... The line between play and aggression was very thin and confusing. ⁓ Other eights had childhood disease that they dealt with and sort of survived some of that, you know, by strength. ⁓ Some eights ⁓ experienced a lot of bullying as kids and then one day woke up to their own ability to push back. ⁓ eights just, ⁓ man, survival and conflict just was everywhere as kids. Their unconscious childhood message is that it's not okay to be vulnerable or trust anyone. Think of it this way. ⁓ In warfare, if I say, what's the enemy's vulnerability? It means how can we exploit their weaknesses? And in the same way, the ape begins to view their own tenderness as something that can be exploited and that when they trust somebody else, they're setting themselves up to be betrayed and taken advantage of. So, so they long to hear the message that you will not be betrayed. Somebody that's going to stick with them and never sort of suddenly turn on them suddenly, you know, shank them without, without them seeing it coming. So what do they want? They want to protect themselves. And that's a good desire that we all have the ability that when somebody is coming at us, coming against us, coming against the people that we love, that we have the ability to protect ourselves and the people around us. So they want to protect themselves. but they settle for control and power. And those two things become very confusing for the eight. They have a hard time telling the difference between the ability to appropriately protect themselves from being attacked and ⁓ what is a good defense? It's a good offense. ⁓ If I'm the one in control, I can't get attacked. ⁓ And so that becomes very alluring for the eight. So their idol of control and power requires them to sacrifice closeness with people so that they won't be betrayed. giving and receiving forgiveness because that requires them to admit fault and flaws and mistakes and things that people will leverage against them. But also if they give forgiveness to other people, ⁓ then there's also an exchange there where the other person is not being punished and they should be punished for the things that they've done. And then finally having and sharing fragile feelings. And really it could even be said, for the eight to acknowledge their own tender feelings. In many cases, the eight had to sacrifice the tenderness and innocence of their childhood in order to survive in this harsh world. And the idol of control and power continues to make them sacrifice that inner child. So what does Jesus tell you? I will never betray you. Jesus is worth your absolute trust. He is not going to tell you one thing and then suddenly out of nowhere change it up on you. ⁓ He is faithful all the way to the end. And so in turn, Luke 6, be merciful just as your father is merciful. Eighth, you have received the mercy of God. Who are you to withhold that from other people? In your desire to protect yourself, do not sin. by withholding mercy from others. You cannot ask the Lord for mercy for you and demand that He only brings justice to everybody else and withholds mercy from everybody else. ⁓ If you have received mercy, the burden is on you to give mercy. And part of the journey for the eight will be what happened to you in which you felt betrayed and taken advantage of and that you had to be bigger than you actually were. And until you begin to do the work of making peace with that part of your story, you will always be tempted to pervert your desire to protect yourself by seizing control and not ever allowing anybody else to have authority over you. ⁓ God designed us to live within our place, within the world, which means there are people that have authority over us and there are people we have authority over, but we should never be in a position in which no one has authority. already over us. That is unhealthy and destructive for us as people. And it's bad practice for heaven. So, so H, you got to do your work. Okay. Let's talk about type nines, the peacemaker. So the childhood theme of the nine is feeling unheard and overpowered. A lot of nines described maybe one parent was really big and they were the giant sort of emotional ⁓ epicenter in the house. everybody sort of walked on eggshells around the one parent. And then maybe the other parent was like extremely passive. So they would go to that parent and they would say, Hey, I've got this problem. And maybe the parent would offer good words, but they wouldn't actually take any action. to satisfactorily, satisfyingly deal with the issue. So, Nines just sort of grew up with a general sense of, I don't possess the ability to change outcomes. ⁓ That in the world that I live in, I don't have much agency, in my opinion doesn't count for much. ⁓ So, ⁓ they grew up with this unconscious childhood message, it's not okay. ⁓ to think too much of yourself ⁓ or to assert yourself. And as a result of that, ⁓ they end up with this longing desire to know that their presence matters. That when they're in the room, when they're talking to others and they're engaging with others, that their presence really makes a difference. Some nines go, even sort of articulating this is like hard for some nines. So I've realized that if I say the opposite, ⁓ they wanna know that they're absence matters, that their absence is felt that when they're not there, people actually feel different and experience life different because they're not there. ⁓ And so, ⁓ so what is it that they want? They want to be at peace. They and nine's I think really embodied this longing for shalom, the wholeness and the completion of all things, both internally and externally, relationally, universally. ⁓ And ⁓ nine's just have this great desire for that. but they settle for comfort. They don't really think that they can get the peace that they're longing for. So they become addicted to the path of least resistance. Whatever the easiest thing is that's in front of them that's going to cause the least amount of conflict, that's going to bother people the least, that's going to let them be the least emotionally disturbed, ⁓ that's the thing that they typically end up settling for. And in their worship of comfort, they relinquish their own desires. Because even to acknowledge their own desires brings up conflict inside of them. If I want, and I can't get it, then what do I do with that? If I have an opinion and the other person doesn't like that. ⁓ And so, so they just sort of forfeit that the belief that they can make a difference. Other people are important. I'm not important. ⁓ And then finally, the growth that comes from conflict. And here's the fascinating thing. If you're a nine, do you think of every story that you love? Cause nine love great stories. ⁓ And ⁓ in every single story you love, the main character is transformed and changed ⁓ largely and primarily because of the conflict that they encounter. ⁓ Conflict forges us as people and when we fail to engage in conflict, ⁓ we get stuck. So what does Jesus tell you? Your presence matters. Your presence matters. The world needs you. Your relationships need you. ⁓ The people around you you need you and not just in like a ⁓ sense of like you're a vending machine that they want to take from, but that your your presence transforms lives. You have the capacity to influence outcomes to change people's trajectory, their destiny, the ability to show up and a voice and opinion and to shape the world around you. Your your presence matters. Luke 21. But watch yourself, lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and, and cares. And on that day, come upon you suddenly like a trap for it will come upon all who dwell on the face of the whole earth. But stay awake at all times praying that you have strength. The invitation here for the for the nine is you got to wake up. You got to wake up. ⁓ When we fall asleep to the life that we have been entrusted with. ⁓ there are severe relational consequences. And for many nines, ⁓ your idol of comfort, you are accidentally perpetuating the very thing that you're probably wounded by as a child. Other people's addiction to comfort was super harmful to you. And when you engage that in the same way, you inadvertently hurt other people as well. You have a good desire for peace. Bring that into the world. But oftentimes, Peace is accomplished through action and not through passivity. And so we've got to go out into the world and engage life ⁓ as it is, ⁓ sober minded, believing that God will work out all things that he has begun. And ultimately we will experience shalom, but beginning to build that shalom now requires us to take action and to exert ourselves. Let's finally let's wrap things up with one the reformer. the childhood theme of one sorry, the slides wrong, the childhood theme of the one is conditional love and criticism. Many ones group either in environments with high protocol, so it could be military families, ministry families, but some some expectation where the child was expected to behave with more maturity than the age was appropriate. And there were very clear guidelines on what was right and what was wrong. And there were consequences if you cross those lines. Or the one grew up in an environment that was totally chaotic, that lacked a moral compass, and that the one began to develop their own internal parental voice to try to navigate this world. In both cases, usually what happened is that the one internalized a very demanding voice. that showed them that this is the correct way to live. And if you don't, you are in the wrong. ⁓ So the the one has ⁓ that the unconscious child has the message of the one is that it's not okay to be wrong or make mistakes. And this is real unfortunate in my family. You know, I've got two kids, one of my kids is probably a one. And one of and when we realized that when she was very little, ⁓ one of the things that we started saying in our house, and it's a mantra we say is Making mistakes is what? And she'll go part of learning. And so many ones don't have that. They don't believe that making mistakes is actually good for us and beneficial or that God's grace has accounted for it. God knows that we're going to make mistakes. God knows that we are going to mess up. But so many ones as kids, they did not receive that ability to live with that. The message that they long to hear is that you're good and not just sort of ⁓ good. know, Christians often we think of this surely in a moral sense. I do think that ones have a desire for the goodness of being morally good. ⁓ But I also think kids just want to know that their existence is good. Like the one wants to know that I'm here right now and it's good that I'm here. It's good that God has made me. It's good that I exist. It's good that you exist. ⁓ But in the same way that when we see in Genesis that God declares over creation, it's good. That's the longing of the one. So what do they want? They want to have integrity. They want to have the same character in public and private. They don't want to save this with their mouth and behave differently. They don't want to be duplicitous. They want to be somebody that has integrity and integrity in the way that a bridge has integrity. It's built right. It can hold the weight. The construction is good and whole and complete. And and ones have this longing to be well built as people, to be people of character. So they want to have integrity, but believing they can't really achieve it. They end up settling for perfectionism and perfectionism is a really cruel idol. I say that if we could hear the inner voice of the one, we would lock that voice up for abuse because that one that interior voice of the one is so cruel and the real twisted part of it. is that it loves, especially in our faith, it loves to commandeer scripture. So it has the words of God, but it does not have the voice of your spiritual daddy. So it does not sound like him. It doesn't have the tenderness. It doesn't have the affection. It doesn't have the love and the compassion. ⁓ All it has is the demand and it grabs a hold of these Bible verses and then beats the crap out of people on the inside. And then when they can't take it anymore, it spills out on onto others because the one can only beat themselves up for so long. So they have this idol perfectionism and they just, sacrifice their own wants and desires, you know, good grief. Who cares what I want? It's only what Jesus wants. ⁓ once Jesus did not come to eradicate you, ⁓ you are not supposed to cease to exist. We are not Buddhists. You are not dropping into the eternal, you know, the universal consciousness yourself. You have desires. and your desires matter. They also sacrifice fun, enjoyment, and spontaneity, because there's stuff to be done. We don't have time for all that. And then also receiving and giving grace. And the belief is this, anger, they believe that anger has more transformative power than grace does. Grace is too soft, grace is too slow, grace is too easy on people. Anger gets things done, ⁓ grace does not. And so, ⁓ and perfectionism lies to them in that way. What does Jesus tell you? You're given the good news, I've made you good just as you are. And it's true on both fronts. Your existence is good. God has made you good just in your mere existence. And then morally, righteously, you've taken on the righteousness of Christ. When God looks at you, he looks at you with all the affection that he has for Jesus. ⁓ And your sins are no longer held against you. ⁓ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. Ones ⁓ in your pursuit of goodness, rest in Jesus. Trust Him. Trust that He's working it out. It's going to be okay. Don't allow your desire, your good desire to right the wrongs of the world, to become one that fuels a bitter anger that inadvertently also destroys everything. I think of the parable ⁓ in which Jesus tells us, ⁓ be careful about pulling everything up because in your desire to pull out all the weeds, you'll also pull out the good stuff. ⁓ And, and one so often can have that temptation. They want to confront all of the evil and sin in the world, but they end up bulldozing and destroying other people in the process. ⁓ And, and so what does it look like to be people who speak truth and reform the world, it's a good desire, but you do it with God's disposition and his patience and his gentleness and his compassion and his grace, the ability to miraculously, supernaturally hold the tension of those two things.
Tyler Zach (jesse): Amen. Amen. you for joining me and Jesse ⁓ today to learn the gospel through an Enneagram lens so you can transform your life and relationships. So thank you and we'll see in the next session.
