Ep #16 - Getting Off the Emotional Eating Roller Coaster - interview with Bianca Stares The Plant Based Queen

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So this is gonna be super, super exciting.
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So I am just gonna invite the guest expert up today.
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So bear with me one second, please, guys.
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Please, please welcome up to the stage today and someone very special to me.
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We are welcoming Karen Sawyer.
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Karen Sawyer is the plant power coach, a New Zealander, but born in Melbourne.
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Wait, yes.
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Other way around the right way around.
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Other way round a born Aussie now lives in New Zealand.
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No, no.
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Otherwise, born New Zealander.
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Now lives in Australia.
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You know, this is the start of the week.
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Oh my goodness.
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But health and life coach, certified in plant-based nutrition through eCornell and in health and life coaching through Health Coach Institute with me.
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Her work was named the best plant-based weight loss coach in Australia in 2022, Lux Life, Health, Beauty Wellness Awards.
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So some awesome, awesome um credibility there.
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And named Yahoo Finance's second best life coach to watch, which is amazing.
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So Karen helps women and men, essentially, but mostly women, dip the diet mentality for good and finally get off the emotional eating roller coaster.
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And I know that there's gonna be a lot of women who are gonna want to watch this call.
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So thank you so much for joining me, Karen.
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I appreciate you being here.
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I'm really excited to be here too.
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I've never I don't think I've ever done a live Instagram interview like this.
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So this this really is exciting.
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Something new, technology is kicking us off, my mouth is not working properly today.
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That's life, right?
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That's being human.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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Um, so if you guys are like, oh, I think I feel like I've seen Karen around.
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So um Karen has unintentionally and accidentally both become a little bit of a mentor for me and also a best friend.
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And we are always connected, we're always talking about the latest science, the latest science gossip, and what's going on in the world in the plant-based space.
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We're talking about all the research that comes out and talking about women's health and emotional stuff.
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So, like today is just gonna be such a juicy conversation.
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But Karen is gonna come and talk to us today about emotional eating, why it's important, um, uh, what why it why we do it, uh, how that presents in itself and what that looks like in our general day-to-day lives, and how we can settle it and maybe even get rid of it and end it for good.
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So thank you so much for joining me, apart from completely destroying your nationality.
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Is there anything else in our list?
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I don't know, no.
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One of the things that you could add there is that I've actually got a sense of humor too, and I know that we all make mistakes, and uh, I think that's what some of us need to remember as as we move through the world, release the need to be perfect and embrace the messy because we all are human at the end of the day.
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So yeah.
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Awesome.
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You got it all.
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I love that.
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I'm definitely messy.
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All right.
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So would you like to give us a little bit of a background on who you are and kind of how you've gotten to to where you are right now?
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Yeah, okay.
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So I was one of those kids that grew up never wanting to uh really eat meat, I started to make the association between, I guess, uh the what was on our plate and the little creatures that I would see out in uh the farmyards.
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And I had a real affinity for animals.
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So so me going plant-based or going vegan actually was something that was within within me a long time ago.
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And when I moved out of home at age 20, that was when I first went vegetarian, then vegan, and it was an easy thing for me.
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But I was one of those vegans that stopped being vegan.
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I didn't quite go back to eating meat, but I did go back to eating dairy in my 30s.
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And as I approached my 40s, I actually had a skin cancer scare.
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I'd been wanting to go back to being vegan, and I was just kind of like sitting there going, oh, you know, if I get breast cancer, I'll do it.
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Why I was waiting for a big scare like breast cancer, I don't know.
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But I was like, you know, just not really motivated to do it.
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I was worried about tipping up cheese.
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I was worried about what everyone would think of me, all the same sorts of struggles that so many other people have.
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And then I had a melanoma diagnosis at age 44.
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And that was enough to kick me up the butt and go, come on, we need to do this.
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And so that was my final commitment to being going back to being vegan.
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But the vegan world at age 44 was so different to what it was 20 years earlier.
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There were so many more foods around and so many more processed foods and things like, you know, donuts and cakes and cookies and plant-based cheeses and a huge amount more, I guess, vegan processed meats and things like that.
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So even though I went vegan, I probably wasn't the healthiest version of myself doing it, but it was the first steps.
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And then at the time I was in corporate retail, I was a retail buyer.
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In fact, I'd been in the buying world for 30 years and I'd been a retail buyer for a long time, and I was really not loving my job.
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And there was something in me calling to do something different.
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There was something in me calling to do something meaningful for people.
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I wanted to help people in some way.
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I'd been exposed to the world of Tony Robbins and coaching, and I had wanted to become a coach, but I just didn't know what sort at this point.
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And there was a conversation with a friend of mine from New Zealand.
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Her and her husband had seen the Game Changers documentary, and they wanted to go plant-based.
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And she messaged me one day and said, Can you give me some, I guess, some tips, some pointers about what to do, how to do this well, and how to think about this.
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And so we got on a Zoom call.
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Actually, we didn't even have Zoom in those days.
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I think we just I just messaged her backwards and forwards over Messenger or something like that.
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And and I gave her some tips and she said to me, This is what you need to coach on.
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Because she I actually met her at a Tony Robbins event and she said, This is what you need to coach on.
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And at the time it was like this, I felt this black cloud that had been hanging over me because I was really miserable in my job.
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I felt like this black cloud just parted and the heavens just shone down on me.
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And suddenly my my future life became so clear to me.
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And I think that conversation with her was on a Sunday.
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The ECornell course, plant-based nutrition certification course was starting on the Tuesday afterwards.
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I enrolled straight away.
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There was no missing that.
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I'm like, right, this had to happen for a reason.
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If I don't take this opportunity right now, I'm never going to do it.
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And so I did that certification first.
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And then later in at the end of 2000, 2020, sorry, is when I did the health coach certification on top of that as well.
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I left my job at the end of 2019.
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So I gave them two months' notice.
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I resigned pretty much straight away and gave them two months' notice and set out on this journey to become a coach to help people go plant-based.
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That was my initial intention when I set out on this journey.
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And I just knew that I didn't know everything that I needed to know at that point.
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Not necessarily about plant-based nutrition because I was well versed in plant-based nutrition by that stage, but I didn't know anything about behavior change.
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I didn't know anything about how to actually coach someone.
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I didn't know anything about building a business.
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I set out with the intention to discover what I didn't know.
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And I just had to back myself that I was going to find out what I didn't know and then I was going to learn it.
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And really, that's what brought me to where I am today.
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On top of my health coaching certification and plant-based nutrition certification, I then became a life coach in I think 2022 or 23.
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I got certified with the life coach school as well.
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As I started working with people, I realized that their problems weren't necessarily about food.
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It wasn't that they didn't have enough knowledge.
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It wasn't that they didn't understand what to do.
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It's that a lot of their internal stuff, their emotions, their life was tripping up their ability to be able to stay consistent.
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And so getting certified as a life coach really, really helped with my clients and their behavior change there as well.
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And then this last year, or starting last year, I actually decided to become certified as a medical intuitive as well, which is another deeper level of healing that I felt my clients, many of my clients, actually needed.
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And it was something that I was starting to naturally do with my clients anyway.
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And so yeah, the journey's sort of gone.
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My my career's sort of gone on a bit of a journey there.
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But yeah, essentially what got me started was one, a skin cancer scare.
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Two, a friend asking me to help and support going plant-based.
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And I changed my life because of the two big events.
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And I'm so glad that they happened because six years, almost seven years later, six and a half years later, here I am still doing the same thing.
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And it's so rewarding and meaningful, and it's so amazing seeing people being able to change their behavior and have the results that they want because they're now starting to work on the real thing that is tripping them up.
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I love that.
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Wow.
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One thing that I've taken away from that so far is every single time you followed your intuition, which ironically has led you now to taking a medical intuition.
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Right.
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When we speak, every time you come up against a hurdle, a little bit of barrier, a little bit of resistance, you always lean into your intuition.
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You always lean into what your body is telling you.
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And then you are able to get out of your own way every time.
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That's something that I've just witnessed in our friendship.
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Yeah.
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It's like, oh, Karen's having a bad day.
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Don't worry, she'll figure out from her intuition what she needs.
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And then the next day it's like, boom, heaven's open, the gates are like honestly.
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You go.
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Now you're out of your own way.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah.
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Um, I think like managing the mind and managing the emotions and and you know, shifting all that stuff that comes up.
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That's exactly what we need to do, whether we're trying to lose weight or not.
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Yeah, a hundred percent.
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And I think this that your own personal story, your own personal experiences, and what you've learned really helps to channel to talk about what we're talking about today, which is emotional eating, because it's all being in touch with yourself, your intuition, your feelings, your emotions.
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So we know how you got here.
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We know that you've been following your intuition to to to talk about emotional eating today.
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So let's start from the top there.
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What is emotional eating?
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And how could someone like say, Oh, yes, I'm an emotional eater?
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Would you separate those?
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Sorry, a hundred questions.
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That's all right, that's all right.
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At its core, emotional eating is a habit.
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And we know that habits are things that we just do on autopilot, the things that are very familiar to us, it's the reactions that we have during our day, it's things that we do just automatically before we even realize that we're doing it.
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So that is at its most basics, it is it is a habit.
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The intention behind the habit is not necessarily to relieve hunger, it is to change our emotional state.
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We're using food in order to go from feeling something that might be uh say uncomfortable to feeling something that feels better.
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And I'm gonna sort of describe what hunger is so you can sort of see them differently.
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Physical hunger is something that starts in the body.
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So you might feel a rumbling or an emptiness in your body, and your body sends a chemical message up to the brain to signal, hey, it's time to eat.
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Whereas an emotional craving or emotional eating starts differently.
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It starts in the brain, it starts differently, it starts with a thought in the brain, perception of what's going on around us, a meaning that we're making out of something, a belief that we've that has triggered us.
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And then the brain sends a chemical message down to the body.
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And that chemical message then tells the body, hey, we're either safe or we're not safe.
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And in the case of emotional eating, what the brain is telling the body in that moment is that somehow we're not safe, or it's sending a message of discomfort to the body.
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And so then that body communicates back to the brain, say, I don't feel good.
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And the brain goes then through a habit loop.
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And of course, the habit loop is we have a cue, we have a craving, we have a response, and we have a reward.
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So that emotion that the body is feeling at the moment, or that the brain senses the body is feeling, it is the trigger, it is the cue.
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And then the brain starts to create a craving, which is it gives us dopamine to go and take action, or which is the response.
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The response being in emotional eaters is eating the food.
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And the eating of the food or that response, that action that we take is designed to then give us a reward at the end.
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And that reward is that sense of pleasure that we get, that sense of relief that we get.
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It's that temporarily relieving us from the problem that that we or the discomfort that we were feeling.
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So that's what emotional eating is at its core.
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It is the desire to change our state, the desire to feel better when we maybe feel something that is uncomfortable inside of us.
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And as a habit, it's just the learned behavior, how we have learned how to get moved from that state of discomfort into a state of feeling okay or a sense of pleasure again.
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Amazing, amazing.
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So it's the feeling of some form of discomfort and wanting to feel well comfortable and not in that, I guess, a negative emotion.
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Could we say negative emotion?
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I know some people that speak to don't like to polarize it and say negative and positive because emotions are emotions, right?
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With it's great that we have all of them.
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Yeah, yeah.
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So when we have those more negative associated emotions, we just want to seek that relief.
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Yeah, and I I don't call them negative as such, I call them uncomfortable.
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Like you say, in this human experience, we are designed to have emotions.
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Emotions are like a guidance tool for us.
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It's just that some of them feel good to us and some of them don't.
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So some of them feel like we want their emotions that we want to feel, and then we have emotions that feel uncomfortable to us.
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And part of the work that I do with my clients is to help them realize that all emotions are okay.
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That's just a message that is coming through to us, and we want to hear our uncomfortable emotions because it's part of us that needs something resolved.
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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
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And what happens if we don't resolve that problem?
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If we don't resolve the problem, the problem then often stays.
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And the problem keeps coming up for us to resolve.
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So the emotion keeps coming back, our we keep hitting up against the same problems in our life that are asking to be resolved.
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If we're constantly eating our emotions instead of resolving the problem, or I call it serving the emotion, if we're constantly eating it, trying to suppress that discomfort, the the problem remains in our life.
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And it keeps coming up and asking to be resolved.
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And this can be anything from like little problems that are happening in our life, or you know, relationship problems.
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It can be also big traumas or triggers from our past as well, things that were unresolved from our childhood, relationships with our parents, things that we didn't know how to resolve back then and we might have resolved with food.
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So the problem remains, and so the emotional triggers can keep coming back and coming back.
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And I say to my clients, it's like this is coming up in you to teach you or to help you learn how to resolve it properly.
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And when you keep suppressing it, it doesn't go away.
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It just gets bigger and bigger and bigger each time you feel it in the future.
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I love that.
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So if we're not addressing it, it it might feel like we're just pushing it to the side and ignoring it.
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But I noticed that a lot of people will think, I'll I'll just ignore it and it'll go away.
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And it goes away because I stopped thinking about it and then I just drenched myself.
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But we always if we think that we're going off on a separate path, but that path is like a loop and it always connects back around to getting you to feel those down emotions.
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Absolutely.
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And and I say emotional pain is like physical pain, it is part of our guidance system.
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And if you were to say break your ankle and you got that very uncomfortable pain, that pain that you don't want to feel in your ankle, that pain is there designed to help you say, Oh my goodness, I should stay off this ankle.
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It needs to heal.
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It's a warning, it's it's saying, please don't stand on me.
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I'm broken, I need to heal.
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Emotional pain is something very similar.
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It's saying that something in my life is not working for me or needs resolved, and we need to look at it.
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And you wouldn't ignore that physical pain in your foot because you know that you're just going to make that worse, right?
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So ignoring the emotional pain makes it worse as well.
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So you would probably break your ankle in more places.
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You probably end up having to have your foot chopped off if you never got it seen to, right?
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We can't chop our emotions off, but our emotions become harder and harder to be able to face the longer we leave it.
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Yeah, yeah.
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That's that's brilliant.
00:18:43.599 --> 00:18:54.079
Relating emotions to a physical injury, I think, is so important because because we can't see it, it yeah, it it kind of we just don't think about it and we try and push it off.
00:18:54.160 --> 00:19:14.720
But realistically, unresolved emotions, unprocessed trauma, all of these things, they stagnate, they stay in within our bodies, and you can talk to that, but they stay within our bodies and stories and emotions, and that actually is like I like to think of it like the reins of like that's that's always going to be driving your decisions, it's always gonna be driving your actions, right?
00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:25.680
If you want to lose weight, well, hang on a minute, you've got someone steering the ship here, and that's that unresolved trauma, the unresolved emotions of that you can try and figure off that way, but if it wants to take you that way, it will.
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:34.240
And so we can I feel like we can be shackled by those things if we don't actually work through them properly.
00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:36.079
Absolutely, yeah.
00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:44.400
We need to resolve the problems, or else they do just keep getting bigger and bigger and more hard to um to actually resolve in future.
00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:53.440
And the the way I help my clients see this is first of all, helping them understand what an emotion is.
00:19:53.759 --> 00:20:02.720
So an emotion is simply a it's energy trying to move through our body.
00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:10.000
It's always created by our brain, it's never created by our external circumstances around us.
00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:14.240
It's not caused by what other people say, what other people do, world events.
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:16.559
It's how our brain is interpreting it.
00:20:16.640 --> 00:20:26.000
And our brain interprets things through what we call a this lens, and it's through our belief systems and all the experiences that we've had through our life.
00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:34.000
And just it can I just pause you there and really highlight what you just said because I don't I think this goes skipped over so many times.
00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:40.720
Karen just said there that our emotions are not created by our external environment.
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:41.519
Yeah.
00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:45.680
So many of us, myself, guilty.
00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:54.720
Oh, my mum made me do this, oh my husband made me do this, oh my kids made me do this, in terms of like an emotional reaction, response, or how you're feeling.
00:20:55.039 --> 00:21:03.200
We like to pinpoint the blame on other people because we don't think that we have that control over our emotions.
00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:04.079
Yeah.
00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:11.039
Sorry, yeah, no, no, and that's that's really great because I was going to come back and elaborate on that as well.
00:21:11.200 --> 00:21:17.839
So, yeah, it our emotional state cannot be controlled or created by anything that's external to us.
00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:21.440
It is literally, and this is why I really want to drive home to people as well.
00:21:21.519 --> 00:21:24.480
It is literally energy that is trying to move through your body.
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:31.519
It's a a message that's coming from the brain to the body, through the nervous system, to tell the nervous system you're either safe or you're not.
00:21:31.680 --> 00:21:36.079
And so that message is it feels really uncomfortable in the body to feel.
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:39.279
And these can be big, big emotional triggers.
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:51.759
They can also, it can also be like small discomfort, like just this low level anxiety or boredom, even some of those big emotional triggers that hit, they will hit us in particular parts in our body.
00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:54.880
And in medical intuition, we call these energy centers.
00:21:55.039 --> 00:22:15.759
And common places to hit many women are in the throat area, in the heart, and the Chest right in the center of the chest in the solar plexus region, just at the top of our rib cage, there where the ribcage goes up, and the top part of our our stomach region above our belly button, it can be the lower part of our belly as well.
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:23.200
Those are some of the main places, some of those big, buried emotional triggers can can affect us.
00:22:23.599 --> 00:22:31.599
And and what I explained to my clients is that it's this energy that's trying to move through you and it's getting stuck in that particular location.
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:40.559
And we go through some processes to help them move and shift that emotion through the body so that it's no longer getting stuck.
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:53.119
And the problem with ignoring your emotions or suppressing your emotions is that it builds that, especially if it's just a big emotional trigger, it builds that energy getting stuck in the system.
00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:55.920
It just builds and builds and builds and gets more and more stuck.
00:22:56.000 --> 00:23:02.319
So every time you feel that particular emotional trigger, then it comes back and it's even bigger than normal.
00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:10.799
But I want to also context here that these uncomfortable emotions, they're not always big like triggers and stuff from our past that's trying to be resolved.
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:16.559
Sometimes it's just it's just low-level discomfort that we're feeling as well.
00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:18.480
Like I said, boredom as well.
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:22.079
Or it's just something that we don't want to feel, put it that way.
00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:25.279
It's a it's a way that we're feeling that we don't want to feel.
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:35.599
So emotions can be big, big things and they can be small things, but either way, it it it if it's getting stuck in our body, then we need to process that to remove that blockage.
00:23:36.079 --> 00:23:53.359
Yeah, and some some of the like many of the clients that I work with, their emotions are at times like the ones that trip them up with their eating, are oftentimes being driven by the stuff that they have not been able to resolve in their life.
00:23:53.599 --> 00:23:58.240
And that can be feelings of inadequacy, not being good enough.
00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:04.079
Like the amount of clients that I've worked with who had these big feelings about not being good enough.
00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:10.559
And that often started because of the type of relationship they had with their mother, often their mother.
00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:15.440
They can be emotions like being scared to speak up is one.
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:34.880
I had I've had a few clients who feel very afraid to speak up in their needs met in public, like their food needs met, like they go to a restaurant with their friends and they're too scared to say, hey, even to their friends, hey guys, I'm now vegan or plant-based, and this restaurant doesn't cater to me.
00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:36.079
Can we go somewhere else?
00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:44.480
They're just too afraid, or being too afraid to actually speak up and ask a waiter for their food needs to be met.
00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:52.880
So this fear of speaking up exposes a fear of being seen, of being discovered, of being different, even.
00:24:53.359 --> 00:25:01.039
And so that and that can be one of the reasons that they are then choosing foods or eating because they feel this discomfort inside.
00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:07.279
And like the emotional eating can be eating to change the discomfort, but also the decisions that we're making.
00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:15.519
We can make decisions that don't align with who we want to be, the results that we want to have, because we feel this sense of discomfort within us.
00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:21.680
I see one of your one of your people watching here, Mary Crumpton, she's saying in her case it was a domineering father.
00:25:21.839 --> 00:25:22.400
Yes, yeah.
00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:29.119
I've had several clients who've had domineering fathers as well, or fathers who belittled them, who made them feel unsafe.
00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:34.400
And these are just some of the ways that we learn to cope with our big emotions when we're when we're kids.
00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:39.039
So oftentimes the the emotional eating does actually start in childhood.
00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:40.720
Sometimes it doesn't, though.
00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:45.759
But I will just say that like 90% of the clients are emotional eaters.
00:25:46.079 --> 00:25:47.839
About 90%, I hadn't done the math.
00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:54.000
Let's just say I haven't done the math, but it feels like around 90% of my clients are emotional eaters.
00:25:54.319 --> 00:26:05.039
And those clients, when we go through the work that we do together, it often reveals that yes, they had a troubled relationship with a parent figure.
00:26:05.519 --> 00:26:10.240
Now, not always trauma as such, trauma as in what I call big tea trauma.
00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:19.759
Sometimes it's just a little tea trauma, like just not knowing how to deal with the discomfort that they feel and the disconnection that they feel with a parent as well.
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:23.440
So, yeah, so like oftentimes it's a learned behavior from very young.
00:26:23.839 --> 00:26:37.279
Yeah, and I think it's it's again important to highlight that that sometimes it doesn't outwardly, it might not outwardly look or feel like something is is different, is weird, or one of your needs are going unmet.
00:26:37.519 --> 00:26:40.319
You might not realize that that's actually what's happening.
00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:52.640
And outwardly you might have a loving, caring family, but sometimes kids are very intuitive and their instincts are so strong when you're we're young, right?
00:26:52.799 --> 00:27:03.759
They're so strong, and we know we can see the mother's energy and mental mood and mental state through eye contact as kids and as babies, right?
00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:10.240
So the some of the reason why I'm sharing this is because I mean I've gone into therapy session going, nothing's wrong with me.
00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:23.200
I've got a loving, kind family, and after four sessions, I'm like bawling my eyes out, and it's like I everything was fine, but sometimes parents can do as much as they can, but sometimes just our needs go unmet, and then we create a story about it.
00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:25.599
And yeah, I just wanted to add that as well.
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:33.680
That it might not feel like something big and traumatic, and it could be so small that you don't even realize, but is still lingering in the background.
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:38.799
Like that, like that inadequacy and am I worthy enough?
00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:39.519
Things like that.
00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:40.960
Yeah, absolutely.
00:27:41.119 --> 00:27:47.519
I've got my own story there too, and I only discovered this, gosh, when was it, 2022, something like that?
00:27:47.759 --> 00:27:50.079
And I had a very loving family.
00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:51.759
My parents loved me.
00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:53.839
I felt safe growing up.
00:27:54.079 --> 00:27:58.079
We didn't talk about emotions though, I will tell you that when it was another conversation.
00:27:58.319 --> 00:28:02.319
So we were in a family that talked about uncomfortable emotions, not at all.
00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:15.599
But my own story and part of the the like the when I talk of big emotional triggers, the fear of rejection, abandonment, especially when it comes to like very close people in my life.
00:28:15.839 --> 00:28:20.240
For a long time I was scared of being rejected by all sorts of people, but I got over that part.
00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:28.880
But now it's about, it has been about the the very close people that I met into my heart, you know, close friends or romantic partners, for example.
00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:38.880
And so for me, that emotional trigger, and believe me, I have emotionally eaten, I have emotionally used alcohol to suppress those feelings.
00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:44.880
So I what I'm talking about here, it's not just all learned stuff because I learned it through my education.
00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:48.480
I've learned this personally myself, and these are tools that I use myself.
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:50.000
So I know that they work.
00:28:50.319 --> 00:29:06.000
And so my story was that when I was a baby and I was born in 1973, the the parenting advice at the time was that when you're putting baby down to sleep, you put baby in the room by themselves and you let them cry themselves to sleep.
00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:13.599
Or what they found now is that when a baby's crying, it means they they feel scared or they have a need.
00:29:13.680 --> 00:29:19.680
And when the parent is not coming to that need, it means that the baby then goes into a bit of panic.
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:20.400
Oh my God.
00:29:20.480 --> 00:29:22.799
And this is what I discovered in myself.
00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:26.799
I've been rejected, I've been abandoned, my needs don't matter.
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:30.000
I can cry out for help, but nobody wants to help me.
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:35.920
And so all of these things hit me in here, whenever I experience them in my life now.
00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:43.200
I just learned where that comes from, and I have learned to coach myself through those moments.
00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:53.519
Using the tools that I have, shifting my belief systems, shifting the stories that I'm telling myself, allowing myself to feel the emotion and all of its glory.
00:29:53.680 --> 00:29:57.839
I don't need to eat it, I don't need to drink it away, I don't need to do anything to change it.
00:29:58.000 --> 00:30:01.200
I just allow it to be there and I allow it to move through.
00:30:01.359 --> 00:30:04.480
I know that it's not necessarily real, it's just a perception.
00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:09.599
It's my brain looking back at a familiar thing that happened before I even had memory.
00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:11.440
And it's going, this is the same.
00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:13.599
This is the same situation, you're in danger.
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:14.960
And I know I'm not in danger.
00:30:15.119 --> 00:30:17.519
I've had these things come up when I've been lying in my bed.
00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:19.440
So when I've been thinking about something.
00:30:19.519 --> 00:30:20.559
So I know it's not.
00:30:20.720 --> 00:30:28.240
So here, you don't even need to have gone through big T trauma in your childhood, little T trauma, at least that's what I call it.
00:30:28.319 --> 00:30:35.039
It's like something that puts the baby's or the child's nervous system into a state of fight or flight, and the child didn't know how to respond to it.
00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:40.319
So therefore, adapted, found ways to be able to help themselves feel better.
00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:50.960
And for some kids, that has been using food in order to make themselves feel to feel better because the parrot wasn't actually either able to help them with that or the parrot was the source of the problem.
00:30:53.200 --> 00:30:53.759
Wow.
00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:56.559
And as we said, we you were a baby then.
00:30:56.640 --> 00:30:59.440
You had no idea what way was up, what way was down.
00:30:59.599 --> 00:31:05.279
And these stories literally just were created and embedded into your nervous system.
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:08.480
And for some of us, I think it's like you said, right?
00:31:08.640 --> 00:31:14.640
I didn't even realize these were ruling my life until I was able to coach myself, learn about it.
00:31:14.720 --> 00:31:18.640
And that's why I find coaching so amazing because I'm learning about myself every day.
00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:20.799
Oh, right.
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:23.039
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:27.680
It's interesting that you said that.
00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:32.960
Why did you enter and start getting really curious about what's awards coming up?
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:33.839
Yeah, okay.
00:31:34.319 --> 00:31:35.839
I've just seen one of your ladies here.
00:31:35.920 --> 00:31:39.759
Yeah, Mary says, Yeah, my emotional eating started when I was around seven or eight, I think.
00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:44.799
I have a great life now, apart from the challenges with CFS and life occasionally getting lifey.
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:46.720
Yeah, like life does get lifey, hey?
00:31:46.799 --> 00:31:48.400
And yet I still emotionally eat.
00:31:48.480 --> 00:31:51.519
And even as a life coach myself, I've kind of hard to identify what drinkers.
00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:52.079
Yeah.
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:53.359
That's the thing, Mary.
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:55.200
It can be really hard to coach ourselves.
00:31:55.359 --> 00:32:02.319
Coaching ourselves is, you know, it's very difficult to do because our brain is designed to keep us safe.
00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:06.880
It's not designed to help us achieve our goals or help us grow.
00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:10.640
So, yeah, it can be very hard because our brain's trying to protect us.
00:32:10.799 --> 00:32:14.720
It is trying to keep the stuff away from us.
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:21.279
And one of the questions that I always ask myself, and you can borrow this too if you want to, Mary, is what am I making this mean?
00:32:21.759 --> 00:32:24.960
And what am I choosing to believe or what am I making this mean?
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:36.640
If I'm like, if I've got a problem with something going on, I can step back and ask those two questions, and they usually reveal to me what is underneath this story that I'm telling myself.
00:32:36.960 --> 00:32:44.240
And when with the big emotional triggers in particular, I usually hear one of those four stories that I told you before.
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:47.440
I've been rejected, I've been abandoned, my needs don't matter.
00:32:47.519 --> 00:32:50.640
I can ask for my needs to be met and no one cares, no one cares about me.
00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:53.920
So usually it comes down to something like that.
00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:56.960
And I know, oh, it's that old story again.
00:32:57.119 --> 00:33:01.599
So then I know that it's not necessarily true about the current situation.
00:33:01.839 --> 00:33:06.079
I know that it is the old thing from the past, and I can let it go.
00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:09.519
And I can I ask myself also, what else could be true?
00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:12.160
What else could be true in this situation right now?
00:33:12.319 --> 00:33:18.240
And I can oftentimes, when I ask myself that question, come up with a range of other things that could also be true.
00:33:18.400 --> 00:33:21.440
Now, do we know what's actually true in many of these moments?
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:22.000
No.
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:27.279
But were you choosing to believe something that's shit and we can choose to believe something that's good?
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:34.000
It doesn't matter what the truth actually is, how we choose what we choose to believe will determine what how we feel.
00:33:34.319 --> 00:33:40.000
And so we actually have the power to change how we feel by changing our thinking.
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:41.359
Yeah.
00:33:42.319 --> 00:33:50.240
For many people, I I think there are many people who probably don't even realize that they might be emotional eaters too, because it can be so subtle.
00:33:50.640 --> 00:33:56.160
And there was a there was an amazing thing that I heard once from my medical intuitive coach.
00:33:56.640 --> 00:33:58.480
She talked about this in one of our calls.
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:02.559
And I just went, holy shit, that's so true.
00:34:02.880 --> 00:34:06.720
And it's that think about when we're babies.
00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:12.719
Think about the very first moment that we experience when we're out of the womb.
00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:18.159
We go through this big, we go through this big trauma, physical trauma.
00:34:18.559 --> 00:34:25.199
Oh my god, imagine, imagine being removed from the most comfortable bed of your life.
00:34:26.400 --> 00:34:29.920
Not only that, but the birth is physically traumatizing.
00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:32.800
It's not just scary, but physically traumatizing.
00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:37.519
And then you come out into the world, you're no longer safe inside that womb.
00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:43.199
Where is that upbeat and the warmth and the smell of that person?
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:48.000
And your safety is now compromised, and you're cold.
00:34:48.079 --> 00:34:51.679
And the first thing you do is go, what if I had put me back inside?
00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:55.360
And what's the very first thing that happens?
00:34:55.519 --> 00:34:59.199
We get given a boob or we get given a bottle, whatever it is.
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:06.159
We get something stuck in our mouth, and we learn that ah, discomfort, oh, now I feel better.
00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:08.639
So we're even starting to learn this.
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:13.519
But the thing we sent the right first human experience.
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:17.599
First human experience is shut this in your mouth and shut up.
00:35:18.079 --> 00:35:18.960
Yeah, right.
00:35:19.039 --> 00:35:27.199
So it's no wonder so many people are, you know, technically emotional eaters, even if they don't even realize it.
00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:29.440
And I've had a couple of clients.
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:29.760
Right.
00:35:29.920 --> 00:35:34.960
I've had a couple of clients as well who who had other experiences when they were babies too.
00:35:35.280 --> 00:35:38.639
Again, not big tea traumatic, not even traumatic.
00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:46.960
They one of my clients, and I interviewed her on my on my own podcast and YouTube channel uh a few weeks ago.
00:35:47.280 --> 00:35:50.960
When she was a baby, her mother's milk wasn't coming through properly.
00:35:51.039 --> 00:35:54.480
And so she was starving and she was crying because she was starving.
00:35:54.639 --> 00:35:56.880
But her mother didn't know that was happening yet.
00:35:57.039 --> 00:36:03.519
And so she took her baby, my client, to the doctor, and the doctor said, Here's some medication for her.
00:36:03.679 --> 00:36:06.639
Give her this medication, and that'll help her feel better.
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:16.480
And so before she's even got any sort of conscious awareness of what's going on, my client is learning that when I feel uncomfortable, I need to medicate.
00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:18.079
That makes me feel better.
00:36:18.239 --> 00:36:23.760
And so as she grew up, that medication changed from tree prescription medication to food.
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:34.559
Her mother was also an emotional eater, so she watched her mother not able to handle her emotions, going off to the bathroom to cry anytime she was uncomfortable, and using food to make herself feel better.
00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:42.320
So the client went from using medication to seeing her mother doing this and re-learning, oh, food is how you we feel better, changing it for food.
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:45.920
And then as she became older, it turned into alcohol as well.
00:36:46.159 --> 00:36:48.800
And I've had more than one client with this experience too.
00:36:48.880 --> 00:36:57.280
I've got another client who went through the exact virtually exactly the same thing, medicated as a baby because she couldn't stop crying, her mother didn't know why she was crying.
00:36:57.519 --> 00:37:07.760
And over time, that transitioned to using food as well as using alcohol, and both of them also having a pretty uncomfortable relationship with their mothers at the time as well.
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:09.760
So it all compounds.
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:26.880
And I think if people can understand like what is physiologically happening inside of them, where it started, why it started, they can start to see what's happening with a lot more awareness and I guess compassion for themselves that they do it.
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:33.119
But also if they realize it's also learned behavior, it is a habit, it's what just wiring in the brain.
00:37:33.280 --> 00:37:35.519
And that is what we can change.
00:37:35.679 --> 00:37:50.000
We can change the wiring in the brain, that the actual habit loop, we can start to break the habit loop and we can start to shift the belief systems, the stories that they're telling themselves that actually create that big emotional trigger as well.
00:37:50.320 --> 00:37:50.639
Yeah.
00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:52.800
I want to add a personal story if that's okay.
00:37:52.880 --> 00:37:54.079
I don't want to interrupt your further.
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:55.440
No, go for it.
00:37:55.599 --> 00:37:55.760
Yeah.
00:37:56.400 --> 00:38:02.480
So I had a perfect experience of this of learned behavior is watching my mum.
00:38:02.719 --> 00:38:05.280
She had a very short fuse, very short fuse.
00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:16.159
And anything that was like fiddly, like untying necklaces or shoelaces or headphones, anything that was fiddly, it was a very, it was like a less than zero tolerance.
00:38:16.239 --> 00:38:17.360
It was, I'm gonna try it.
00:38:17.440 --> 00:38:26.800
If not, anger goes from zero to off the charts, throws across the room, I'm not gonna fucking do it, you do it.
00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:29.599
Just like this zero to a hundred.
00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:39.760
And I realized that I had started repeating this same behavior, and I thought that it was just part of who I was.
00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:44.000
Maybe I was also an angry person, maybe I just couldn't control my emotions.
00:38:44.159 --> 00:38:49.840
And technically, yeah, like I couldn't control my emotions, I wasn't working with them, I didn't learn how to do that.
00:38:50.000 --> 00:38:59.280
And then I worked with a coach and we looked at we extracted that one behavior and one habit, and realized that, oh, hang on.
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:01.440
I used to watch my mum do that.
00:39:01.599 --> 00:39:12.400
It was just learned behavior, and I even as a coach, I didn't realize that this personal behavior was just learned, it was just copied.
00:39:12.559 --> 00:39:30.880
And so my nervous system learned from observing that we it's okay to go from zero to a hundred, which I found really interesting because it was inherently, it was something that I genuinely inherently thought that I couldn't change about me until I realized it was actually learned.
00:39:31.039 --> 00:39:37.199
And then we realized that everything is based off of what we learn and what we've seen.
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:48.639
So if I can see other people managing a fucking necklace without blowing the blowing their lip, then I can start to learn that that's okay too.
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:53.519
And it wasn't until we broke it down, it created the space, and then I worked on it.
00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:59.519
So there's no point like sitting there and wishing and imagining the next time every single time it happened.
00:39:59.599 --> 00:40:06.320
I started picking up necklaces that I had abandoned to practice this self-regulation.
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:06.639
Yeah.
00:40:06.800 --> 00:40:14.719
And it's crazy because over time I could I I decide in the moment this is I get to choose how I respond.
00:40:14.960 --> 00:40:16.719
I get to choose how I respond.
00:40:16.960 --> 00:40:29.679
And the reason why I wanted to share that this with you is because even as a coach, even someone who's been working through things for for years and years and years and helps other other clients do it, there are some things as well that I thought that I was just part of me.
00:40:29.840 --> 00:40:34.480
But realistically, I don't think anything is part of you if you don't want that to be.
00:40:37.440 --> 00:40:39.840
We don't come out of the womb with all these problems.
00:40:39.920 --> 00:40:40.559
We learn them.
00:40:40.960 --> 00:40:48.239
We don't come out of the womb with limiting beliefs, and I'm not good enough and yeah, and anger problems.
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:48.639
No.
00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:54.800
We either learn these from other people like our parents or other people around us.
00:40:55.119 --> 00:41:04.719
I learned to become very agitated and angry with everything and everyone and explosive when I was married to somebody who was like that.
00:41:05.119 --> 00:41:09.039
And I realized when we broke up that, oh, that's not me.
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:14.719
That was just learned behavior, unconsciously picking up on what he was teaching me.
00:41:14.960 --> 00:41:20.960
And no, we don't come out, we don't come out with, we don't get born with limiting beliefs and wired behaviors.
00:41:21.039 --> 00:41:22.559
We are a clean slate.
00:41:23.119 --> 00:41:29.840
And it's experiences in life and what we learn from other people, what we pick up from other people that shapes all of this.
00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:35.840
And some of it is really positive and shapes who we are, shapes the positive parts of our identity.
00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:42.320
And then other parts of it are the parts that we wish we could change and we think are just part of who we are.
00:41:42.639 --> 00:41:46.960
But really, again, even something that we definitely have control over.
00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:50.079
If we don't want that, we can change it.
00:41:50.239 --> 00:41:51.760
We just need to know how.
00:41:52.719 --> 00:41:53.760
A hundred percent.
00:41:54.239 --> 00:41:57.519
So I I've just seen your question come through, Katie.
00:41:57.679 --> 00:41:59.119
I want to hold that one for now.
00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:04.480
I want to talk about what this looks like in emotional eating because I I know where you are going.
00:42:06.639 --> 00:42:09.280
When you said sometimes it doesn't look so obvious.
00:42:09.440 --> 00:42:16.880
So, what does emotional eating look like if it's also if it's obvious and also quite inconspicuous?
00:42:17.199 --> 00:42:20.800
Okay, so I'm gonna give you a couple of examples from a couple of my clients.
00:42:21.039 --> 00:42:28.639
One of my clients has been going through a really big life trigger at the moment, not for herself in her family, let's just say.
00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:31.519
And I'm talking quite scary stuff.
00:42:31.679 --> 00:42:41.119
There's been a court case and some very dysregulated behavior, not from my client per se, but from somebody else within the family unit.
00:42:41.599 --> 00:42:55.679
And what it looks like when somebody is I'm trying not to give too much away, when this person does these things, and it affects my client's grandchild a lot.
00:42:55.920 --> 00:43:00.800
It affects him mentally, and she can see it affecting his behavior.
00:43:01.519 --> 00:43:05.679
She starts to feel so worried, so anxious.
00:43:05.840 --> 00:43:14.239
Her mind starts to race about all of the negative stuff that might happen, all of the fearful stuff, the things to be fearful of.
00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:18.719
And she starts creating stories for herself around all the bad things that could happen.
00:43:19.119 --> 00:43:23.360
We've spent a lot of time working on emotional eating, and she's resolved a lot of failures.
00:43:23.679 --> 00:43:29.840
But this was like, it's like we'd practice to level seven, this was like level 15 out of 10 for her.
00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:36.480
And so this was huge stuff for her to deal with, and she just felt like she couldn't cope with it.
00:43:36.559 --> 00:43:41.440
And so food was becoming the solution for her food and wine.
00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:50.000
And food, if when she's in her home environment, it's not so much of a trigger because she can keep her home environment clean.
00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:59.760
But she also nannies for her daughter and the grandchildren, and they have a lot of foods and processed snacks for the kids around.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:18.480
Environment and so those foods become her trigger, they'll not become the trigger, they become the they the response to the triggers, and and then oftentimes when she's going home, if she's feeling really bad, she will want to stop in and get a bottle of wine to go with all the food that she's been eating, and just keep herself.
00:44:19.280 --> 00:44:25.119
It's almost like she has a brain learns this is this helps me to numb how I'm feeling.
00:44:25.760 --> 00:44:28.639
She's not expecting that it will resolve the problem.
00:44:28.960 --> 00:44:31.840
It's like I don't know how to resolve the problem in the moment.
00:44:31.920 --> 00:44:38.880
And in fact, I've said to her many times, just message me, like voice message me, send me whatever's going on, and I'll help you work through it.
00:44:39.039 --> 00:44:40.480
And she started doing that.
00:44:40.639 --> 00:44:50.480
And I've been able to help her outside of our normal coaching course and help her to just sort of shift her perspective on what might be happening and help her with some actual tools to be able to move forwards from there.
00:44:50.639 --> 00:44:52.960
So that that's one way it can show up.
00:44:53.119 --> 00:45:01.280
Another of my clients, she was just extremely busy at work, working two jobs, and she's in her late 60s.
00:45:01.440 --> 00:45:06.480
And so she doesn't she loves her, she loves what she does, and she doesn't want to retire, and that's great.
00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:16.800
But what she was finding is that she would get to the end of the day and she would feel emotionally depleted, she would feel stressed out, she would feel anxious.
00:45:17.039 --> 00:45:20.800
And then in those moments, food was the thing she was binging on.
00:45:20.960 --> 00:45:33.199
She just, and sometimes it was healthy food, it might have been raisins, but it wasn't just a few raisins, it was a massive bag of raisins to the point where she made herself feel incredibly sick and gave herself good.
00:45:33.679 --> 00:45:39.440
So it's like this overeating binging that happens whenever she feels uncomfortable.
00:45:39.840 --> 00:45:48.159
Um, and I find many of my clients also have a very similar passion whereby at the end of the day, they're feeling emotionally exhausted.
00:45:48.239 --> 00:45:53.360
Some might have been a hard day at work or a hard day doing whatever they're doing.
00:45:53.519 --> 00:46:00.480
And at the end of the day, it's like our willpower reserves, our desire to stay on the track and work on our goals.
00:46:00.639 --> 00:46:01.360
It's gone.
00:46:01.599 --> 00:46:02.960
We just want to feel better.
00:46:03.119 --> 00:46:05.599
And so food becomes that solution.
00:46:05.920 --> 00:46:25.360
For some of my clients, it's been something in their world triggers a big limiting belief that they have about themselves, either not being not good enough, feeling unsafe in some way, feeling like if someone's judging them, that can lead to a bit of an emotional spiral as well.
00:46:25.519 --> 00:46:29.280
And using food to try and resolve that problem as well.
00:46:29.599 --> 00:46:49.920
It basically looks anything where you are feeling uncomfortable, and then you're using food because food is the solution, but food is the friend, food is the comfort that helps you make makes you feel better and takes your mind off the thoughts that are actually creating the stress that your body is feeling.
00:46:51.679 --> 00:46:57.119
And so it could be these big bingers, but how about a couple of bites here and there?
00:46:57.360 --> 00:47:00.320
Could you classify, would you classify that as emotional hitting?
00:47:00.960 --> 00:47:03.599
A couple of bites here and there, it depends.
00:47:03.760 --> 00:47:05.280
It depends what the motivation is.
00:47:05.440 --> 00:47:07.440
Take plate cleaning, for example.
00:47:07.760 --> 00:47:15.599
If plate cleaning is just a habit and you're always doing it, then I wouldn't say that that is necessarily driven by emotion.
00:47:15.760 --> 00:47:30.639
But if there is a part of you looking at that plate going, I'm gonna get in trouble if I don't clean the plate, something's wrong if I don't clean the plate, then you're bringing up these feelings of discomfort in your body about not cleaning the plate, about leaving food behind.
00:47:30.880 --> 00:47:39.280
And that because it's been driven by emotion, yes, that will be, I guess, technically a form of emotional eating as well.
00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:44.400
So eating when you feel overwhelmed, when you feel tired, reward eating.
00:47:44.559 --> 00:47:47.360
I deserve this, I deserve to feel good.
00:47:47.599 --> 00:47:49.920
Avoidance, this is what one of my clients was doing.
00:47:50.079 --> 00:47:53.599
She was so busy and she was doing a task that she really didn't want to do.
00:47:53.840 --> 00:48:00.400
And she was having all these negative thoughts about it, making herself feel like just negative about the task.
00:48:00.559 --> 00:48:03.760
And so she was eating, binging to avoid doing the task.
00:48:03.920 --> 00:48:05.840
So avoidance eating like that.
00:48:06.079 --> 00:48:12.639
It can be boredom eating, just being bored, bored at work, bored at home, lonely, eating because you're lonely.
00:48:12.800 --> 00:48:20.880
You're wanting connection of some sort, and food becomes the thing that I guess helps you feel steady in a moment when you don't.
00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:24.000
Yeah, there's a lot of ways that it can come through stress eating.
00:48:24.079 --> 00:48:32.000
I remember there was a time when I, back in corporate days, would feel incredibly stressed sitting at my desk.
00:48:32.239 --> 00:48:36.400
And in those moments, my brain would say to me, Oh, go on.
00:48:36.559 --> 00:48:39.119
A bag of chips right now would be quite good.
00:48:39.440 --> 00:48:43.679
And we used to sell those little dollar, I think they're a dollar or fifty cent bag of chips.
00:48:43.760 --> 00:48:45.840
There were about a hundred calories in each bag.
00:48:46.079 --> 00:48:51.760
And because they're about because they were so cheap, I'd go up and get a couple of them because I knew one bag was not going to satisfy.
00:48:51.920 --> 00:49:03.360
And but that was just me being stressed and overwhelmed in the afternoon with what I was doing, with the task I was doing, and my brain just literally needing a break because I wouldn't give myself a break all day.
00:49:03.599 --> 00:49:16.400
I'd go from from early in the morning to late at night and not give myself even a lunch break because I told myself I was too busy and I wanted to get away at a reasonable hour, which is ridiculous because we can actually think better when we give ourselves a break.
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:18.800
We can solve problems better when we give ourselves a break.
00:49:18.960 --> 00:49:24.559
So my brain was finding a way to force me to take a break in that moment so that it could get some sense of relief.
00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:27.519
There's all sorts of ways it can show up.
00:49:28.159 --> 00:49:30.480
So it's all about seeking that relief.
00:49:30.639 --> 00:49:37.039
And I want to uh just very briefly come back to what Katie mentioned about there is things like ADHD.
00:49:37.199 --> 00:50:04.880
So neither of us are ADHD coaches, I have ADHD, I'm diagnosed, and I can tell you from being diagnosed, I've had a totally different perspective and understanding of ADHD, of impulsivity in the hyperfocus, in the tendency to go and hunt for dopamine is completely changed everything that, but it's still underlying it is the emotional relief or the dopamine regulation, the serotin regulation, right?
00:50:05.119 --> 00:50:09.519
It's all about emotion emotions and regulating that.
00:50:09.760 --> 00:50:14.000
There is a physical chemical imbalance, there is a difference there.
00:50:14.239 --> 00:50:24.400
But exactly what Karen said at the end of the day, it is still learning how to manage the physical chemical reactions that are happening inside our body.
00:50:24.559 --> 00:50:30.480
Now, as I just want to quickly add there, Karen, if it's okay, as someone with ADHD, I'm not brushing this under the carpet.
00:50:30.559 --> 00:50:33.360
I know that this is uh it's a whole different conversation.
00:50:33.760 --> 00:50:38.000
So I don't want to ignore you, Casey, and ignore your question because I think it's very important.
00:50:38.079 --> 00:50:41.519
And a lot of people will probably ask the same question, which is what I wanted to bring it up.
00:50:41.599 --> 00:50:45.679
It's like, okay, what about when I'm lacking in dopamine, when I'm trying to focus?
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:49.199
I totally understand, but that is a whole different conversation for somewhere else.
00:50:49.280 --> 00:50:49.440
Yeah.
00:50:49.599 --> 00:51:09.599
But underlying that, underlying it, and as much as I hate to say it because I struggle with all of that as well, underlying it is still talking and managing or talking through your emotions and walking those through with yourself and learning how to regulate yourself in the best way that you need, not someone else that you need.
00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:10.880
Yeah, absolutely.
00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:29.360
And I think there's a a a slight difference between it then the ADHD side of it, which is also like how the brain is structured and how the brain is actually the brain itself is functioning, versus the emotions that we create with our thinking and our belief systems.
00:51:30.480 --> 00:51:33.679
So yeah, I've worked with a few ADHD clients as well.
00:51:34.000 --> 00:51:37.440
One of mine at the moment, big emotional eater, and she's getting on top of it.
00:51:37.519 --> 00:51:43.519
She's getting on top of her belief systems, she's getting on top of her thinking, what she's choosing to focus on.
00:51:43.760 --> 00:51:54.719
She's getting on top of activities that make her feel good, naturally make her feel good and naturally help to produce things like serotonin and dopamine versus trying to seek it in food.
00:51:54.960 --> 00:52:04.079
Also shifting the belief for her that food or unhealthy food is the only thing that is going to make her feel good.
00:52:04.480 --> 00:52:10.559
Because if you're dopamine depleted, then sometimes you can just that's the only way you can feel that high.
00:52:10.960 --> 00:52:29.519
And so getting her into moving her body, getting exercise because she does love it, and feeling that serotonin endorphins, dope, yeah, sorry, serotonin and endorphins from that, and helping her also really connect to who she wants to be in this world, like her identity.
00:52:29.679 --> 00:52:32.239
And I don't mean ADHD identity or anything like that.
00:52:32.320 --> 00:52:44.320
I'm talking about her wanting to commit to the healthy eating behaviors because that's how she sees herself as an intelligent human being, and so she wants her behavior to line up with that as well.
00:52:44.559 --> 00:52:46.400
So, yeah, there are things that we can do.
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:54.480
I'm not specifically trained in coaching people with ADHD, but that doesn't mean that I haven't worked with people like that as well.
00:52:54.639 --> 00:53:02.239
And I just work with the person rather than thinking like what is the what is the clinical way to deal with them?
00:53:02.400 --> 00:53:10.239
I just work one-on-one with the with the person themselves and find solutions, help them find solutions that work for them too.
00:53:12.400 --> 00:53:13.039
I love that.
00:53:13.840 --> 00:53:19.840
Okay, so uh what would be some good steps to help end emotional beating?
00:53:21.119 --> 00:53:41.039
Okay, so I have what I call my COURES method, and the this pause is an acronym, and each step of the the way helps us start to break the habit and retrain ourselves to change how we're responding to the emotion.
00:53:41.679 --> 00:53:44.880
So P and pause is literally the pause.
00:53:45.360 --> 00:54:00.639
So I ask my parents before they put anything in their mouth, just to pause, take a moment, and even just breathe and start to just go inwards and say, is this physical hunger that I'm experiencing at the moment?
00:54:01.280 --> 00:54:04.159
Or is there something else going on?
00:54:04.320 --> 00:54:11.440
Do I have this desire to eat because there's something else that I'm trying to feel, an emotion that I don't want to feel?
00:54:11.679 --> 00:54:13.920
I want to try and change my state in some way.
00:54:14.159 --> 00:54:25.280
And I'm just because I'm smiling because the two people that are on live are my clients and they're gonna have been getting really confused because I've got a different acronym, but I think I have a feeling it's gonna be exactly the same thing.
00:54:26.800 --> 00:54:28.800
I'm sure we're definitely talked about it before.
00:54:28.880 --> 00:54:29.760
So some stuff.
00:54:31.280 --> 00:54:32.719
But please, please continue.
00:54:33.199 --> 00:54:33.920
No worries.
00:54:34.400 --> 00:54:40.480
So I always say we can't change what we can't what we can't see, and so that moment of pause gives us the awareness first.
00:54:40.639 --> 00:54:48.079
And I say to my clients, look, if you choose to have the thing at that point, at least you're doing it with the awareness for the moment.
00:54:48.400 --> 00:54:51.679
And we want to build that awareness, we want to be able to see the pattern.
00:54:51.920 --> 00:54:57.920
And then I said when we understand the pattern, well, we know the pattern, where we see the pattern, the next step is the A.
00:54:58.159 --> 00:54:59.840
And the A is allow.
00:55:00.159 --> 00:55:09.039
And allow is to allow all that discomfort that is sitting there, the uncomfortable emotion, the uncomfortable sensation of wanting.
00:55:09.360 --> 00:55:17.199
That's basically your brain giving you dopamine, and it feels really uncomfortable to not take action on that dopamine.
00:55:17.599 --> 00:55:25.360
And so I want them to just allow themselves to feel what they're feeling, all of that discomfort, and it's okay.
00:55:25.440 --> 00:55:45.119
And I take them through practices that either allow them to feel the feeling or the emotion somatically and not run away from it, which also teaches their brain that they're actually not in danger in this moment, and it shifts the experience of having that emotion, plus it allows that energy to unlock itself and start moving through the body.
00:55:45.360 --> 00:55:47.599
So that is the allow part.
00:55:48.079 --> 00:55:50.639
And then the you is understand.
00:55:51.280 --> 00:56:00.559
So I want us to understand the emotion or understand the feeling, and this is really a really important step that we shouldn't ignore.
00:56:00.800 --> 00:56:11.039
Because again, if it's a big emotion, it's an emotion that we're experiencing, that emotion there is a message to our brain, it's trying to tell us something.
00:56:11.280 --> 00:56:18.559
And we want to understand whether it was something we need to listen to and act on differently.
00:56:18.800 --> 00:56:32.079
So an emotion that needs to be served or sold, whether it's a problem that needs to be solved, or whether it's just a shitty thought, uh limiting beliefs that we're holding on to that we need to shift.
00:56:32.400 --> 00:56:40.639
And so once we understand what's driving that emotion or what it might be asking for, is it real or is it just imaginary?
00:56:40.719 --> 00:56:43.360
Is it just our thought processes and our beliefs?
00:56:43.599 --> 00:56:48.639
We can move to S, which is to shift how we're responding to it.
00:56:48.880 --> 00:56:53.119
We're breaking that part of the habit loop there, which starts to erode the brain.
00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:58.719
As we start to understand, we start to be able to then shift how we're responding to it.
00:56:58.800 --> 00:57:08.960
So we start to create a different habit loop, shifting our belief systems, solving our real problems under that uh asking to be solved, or serving the emotion.
00:57:09.119 --> 00:57:16.639
And what I might mean by things like serving the emotion, like if you're bored, it probably means your brain needs something to do and needs something stimulating.
00:57:16.880 --> 00:57:21.840
It might you might need to have a hobby or to go do something, especially as you're bored at work.
00:57:21.920 --> 00:57:24.159
Your brain might be going, I freaking hate this job.
00:57:24.239 --> 00:57:26.159
Why can't we get something that we actually love?
00:57:26.880 --> 00:57:33.679
Like trying to tell you something, but eating over it is not going to solve the problem if you are or the husband.
00:57:34.159 --> 00:57:35.360
Right, yes, right.
00:57:35.519 --> 00:57:52.239
I come home from work every night and I'm so anxious when your body might be telling you that this environment does not feel safe and we need to put on our big girl panties and actually do the uncomfortable thing at either having a conversation or making a difficult decision about the relationship.
00:57:52.400 --> 00:57:53.760
And I think clients do that too.
00:57:53.920 --> 00:58:14.800
Yeah, I was just gonna say I can't tell you how many clients that I've spoken to that have just underlined everything is just this dissatisfaction with their lives, and it's not necessarily obviously people can't impact the way that you feel, but it's the emotion, it's everything that person is creating that they will not change.
00:58:15.119 --> 00:58:18.960
And some sometimes it can be quite heavy and deep like that.
00:58:19.280 --> 00:58:22.559
Yeah, and something at home needs to change if you get me, right?
00:58:22.719 --> 00:58:24.880
Sometimes we just need additions, I used.
00:58:25.199 --> 00:58:26.000
Yeah, right.
00:58:26.079 --> 00:58:29.440
And that was a lot of what I was experiencing through my 20s.
00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:38.000
And my conscious self said, No, no, I'm married, I made this commitment, and then the everything else in my nervous system was saying, get out.
00:58:39.280 --> 00:58:42.880
And I was eating to suppress that, I was drinking to suppress that.
00:58:43.039 --> 00:58:48.639
It those things made me feel better, a sense of relief in some way, and I just didn't know that that was there.
00:58:48.719 --> 00:58:50.880
And obviously, this is the work I've done later.
00:58:51.199 --> 00:59:06.239
So when we shift how we're reacting to the emotion, we've solved the problem, we serve our emotion, we shift our limiting beliefs, it starts to reprogram the mind a different way.
00:59:06.320 --> 00:59:09.679
And the mind goes, okay, well, we've got other ways to solve this problem.
00:59:09.840 --> 00:59:14.400
And because we actually solved the problem, or we by shifting the thinking, it goes away.
00:59:14.639 --> 00:59:17.440
And so the brain goes, Oh, that worked, that worked.
00:59:17.599 --> 00:59:27.840
We may not get the same chemical high that we might have gotten from eating food, but the brain still learns something new and learns that there is another way to solve this problem.
00:59:27.920 --> 00:59:30.400
And when we actually solve our problems, we feel good about it.
00:59:30.559 --> 00:59:33.760
We go, oh my God, the problem's now no longer there.
00:59:34.239 --> 00:59:38.320
And the next step is the E, which is encourage.
00:59:38.719 --> 00:59:44.639
And I say we want to encourage ourselves to keep to keep using this process.
00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:52.320
And encouraging ourselves can be like also patting ourselves on the back and going, Look at me, I just changed how I was reacting to an emotion.
00:59:52.480 --> 00:59:53.840
Look at me, I'm a big girl now.
00:59:54.719 --> 00:59:56.960
This is yeah, this is what I said to myself anyway.
00:59:57.199 --> 00:59:58.480
Look at me, I'm a big girl now.
00:59:58.639 --> 01:00:03.199
I can have an emotion of I don't need to, I don't need to run away from it, I don't need to suppress it.
01:00:03.760 --> 01:00:07.119
And it and that self-encouragement makes you feel really good.
01:00:07.199 --> 01:00:10.559
And you actually get dopamine from that self-encouragement too.
01:00:10.719 --> 01:00:21.199
And so that that dopamine from actually solving your problem and encouraging yourself also helps to create or close the next habit loop.
01:00:21.280 --> 01:00:26.400
And so your brain is learning something new, it's learning how to solve your problems instead of eating for them.
01:00:26.559 --> 01:00:33.440
And the more you get to practice this, the more the brain learns that, oh no, this is how we solve our problems, this is how we solve our emotions in life.
01:00:33.679 --> 01:00:45.199
And it can be so amazing to see my clients do this and resolve their problems and change how they are reacting to all the uncomfortable feelings that are coming up.
01:00:45.440 --> 01:00:56.079
And it's not like I want to say something too, just because you learn something new does not mean you're going to do it perfectly every single time from here.
01:00:56.320 --> 01:01:03.360
Because if you think about it, this this emotional eating habit that you might have is well ingrained in your brain.
01:01:03.440 --> 01:01:15.440
It's like a super highway, 16 lanes wide each side, and you are now trying to carve a little path in a bush that is still full of trees, right?
01:01:15.679 --> 01:01:17.440
It doesn't feel uncomfortable.
01:01:17.519 --> 01:01:24.400
You are literally starting from scratch versus a well-worn highway that feels like super smooth and super easy to use.
01:01:24.639 --> 01:01:27.199
So you want to be patient with yourself.
01:01:27.440 --> 01:01:30.800
If you mess up, don't worry, just keep practicing.
01:01:30.880 --> 01:01:32.239
It is a practice.
01:01:32.639 --> 01:01:41.199
This is why I like to take my clients through these things in person when I'm with them and get them to bring the emotions back up into their body if it's safe to do so.
01:01:41.360 --> 01:01:44.000
If it's a big legal trauma thing, then no, we don't.
01:01:44.159 --> 01:01:46.639
We just deal with it as it comes up on the call, if it comes up.
01:01:46.719 --> 01:01:50.000
But a lot of the times they feel safe and okay to bring it back into their body.
01:01:50.079 --> 01:01:54.400
And it will oftentimes be 60, 70% as intense as the original one.
01:01:54.639 --> 01:01:57.760
And basically take them through it so they can practice it with me.
01:01:57.840 --> 01:02:03.039
I can teach them how to do it and help them stay present to themselves instead of running away from themselves.
01:02:03.280 --> 01:02:13.119
And then they can go away and practice it by themselves and the safety of their own homes when this emotional trigger thing is not actually happening, so they get more practice again.
01:02:13.280 --> 01:02:19.760
And then by the time they do actually go through something that is emotionally triggering, then they've actually practiced this.
01:02:19.920 --> 01:02:29.599
And so even if the emotion is bigger for them, at this time it's 10 out of 10 instead of seven out of 10, even if it's bigger for them, they practice taking themselves through that process.
01:02:29.840 --> 01:02:34.559
And they feel, I guess, more confident to be able to do it in that situation too.
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:41.280
So yeah, and it's really, yeah, it's really important to see people being able to change that way.
01:02:41.440 --> 01:02:43.679
And then the the weight comes off.
01:02:43.760 --> 01:02:52.000
They're able to stay more consistent with what they're doing with their food because honestly, for most of my clients, they know what to eat, and on good days, they're really good.
01:02:52.320 --> 01:03:15.760
It's just this big life emotional stuff that is causing them to fall off track and not really having, not really knowing where to turn to or who to turn to help them process and change this behavior because so many other weight loss coaches out there are just talking calorie counting, macro counting, gigasteps in, right?
01:03:15.840 --> 01:03:18.639
Stuff that they're already like that, already know how to do that.
01:03:18.800 --> 01:03:21.360
That's not what that's not where my problem is.
01:03:22.719 --> 01:03:23.920
Yeah, absolutely.
01:03:24.079 --> 01:03:28.239
I think there's a I was gonna say a huge gap in the market, but we are filling the gap.
01:03:28.400 --> 01:03:35.199
But there's a huge gap in education and understanding of for some people, they just need to count their calories and count their macros.
01:03:35.440 --> 01:03:36.480
Cool, sweet.
01:03:36.800 --> 01:03:53.199
But for for a lot of women, there is still those underlying stories, that trauma, maybe that we didn't even realize, stories that we had no idea were there, the programming, the conditioning, the habit loops, all of these are still running on in the background.
01:03:53.360 --> 01:04:08.400
So you can count your calories, you can track your macros, and you might stick to it for a week, but after that week, it starts to slip because that's when the novelty wears off, the patterns, the stories, the trauma, all of this just gets louder and louder growing on in the background.
01:04:08.480 --> 01:04:14.480
And then you think it's because the the plan doesn't work, you think because the calorie counting doesn't work.
01:04:14.719 --> 01:04:17.760
It's not that it doesn't work, no, it needs to be blame themselves.
01:04:19.039 --> 01:04:19.280
Yeah.
01:04:19.679 --> 01:04:21.119
My clients blame themselves.
01:04:21.280 --> 01:04:24.559
There's something wrong with me that I just can't be consistent.
01:04:24.719 --> 01:04:26.000
Why do I keep doing this?
01:04:26.159 --> 01:04:28.559
And this is one of the things I want them to hear.
01:04:28.800 --> 01:04:42.480
It's not that there's something wrong with you, it's just how your brain and your nervous system have been programmed, and you just haven't had the right tools to help you deprogram that or program yourself another way.
01:04:42.639 --> 01:04:45.760
And there is there are there's definitely ways that can be done.
01:04:45.920 --> 01:04:50.400
Like you didn't come out of the womb an emotional eater with all these limiting beliefs.
01:04:50.639 --> 01:04:52.239
So you learned that.
01:04:52.400 --> 01:04:54.719
If you can learn one way, you can learn another.
01:04:54.960 --> 01:04:56.559
You're never too old.
01:04:57.920 --> 01:05:06.000
I I like to think you look at a kid, would they ever say, I'm ugly, I'm unworthy, I'm unlovable, I I'm fat.
01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:08.400
Like, would they look at themselves and say that?
01:05:08.719 --> 01:05:09.760
No, right?
01:05:09.920 --> 01:05:13.199
I think a lot of we can we can take a lot of wisdom from children.
01:05:13.679 --> 01:05:21.679
The baby wouldn't, but I do remember one of my very first memories was being, I don't know, three, maybe four, going to gymnastics.
01:05:21.760 --> 01:05:33.760
Our nature's heavily involved in gymnastics, and I went to one of gymnastics classes, and I looked around the room and I remember thinking this even the fat kids have skinny legs.
01:05:33.840 --> 01:05:38.800
I was comparing my legs to everybody else's, and I was like, I've got fat legs.
01:05:39.119 --> 01:05:46.320
And since then, my whole life, I have gone around with this belief in me that I've got fat legs.
01:05:46.400 --> 01:05:50.320
And sure enough, even though I through my childhood, I didn't have fat legs.
01:05:50.400 --> 01:05:54.880
I remember looking back and stuffing like photos going, skinny little legs, what's going on there?
01:05:55.039 --> 01:05:56.480
Why did I think I was fat?
01:05:56.639 --> 01:05:57.840
No, but it happened.
01:05:58.000 --> 01:06:07.039
It happened because I had this terrible story about myself and when I was feeling emotionally low, and in the marriage I wasn't happy with, and the food and wine became my solution to that.
01:06:07.199 --> 01:06:08.960
Well, yes, my my legs got fat.
01:06:09.440 --> 01:06:10.880
Self-fulfilling proper scenes.
01:06:10.960 --> 01:06:11.920
We've got to be careful of them.
01:06:12.159 --> 01:06:12.719
Absolutely.
01:06:12.880 --> 01:06:13.599
Yes, right.
01:06:13.920 --> 01:06:14.480
Leave them behind.
01:06:14.719 --> 01:06:15.280
Leave them behind.
01:06:15.679 --> 01:06:16.239
Absolutely.
01:06:16.880 --> 01:06:17.920
Yes, right.
01:06:18.079 --> 01:06:24.880
So you've shared with us some some fantastic information, and I want to wrap up now just to finish off this conversation.
01:06:25.039 --> 01:06:30.880
So thank you so much for today and for sharing your methods and your stories and your client testimonies.
01:06:31.199 --> 01:06:35.440
Is there I know that you've got a free resource for everyone watching?
01:06:35.599 --> 01:06:40.880
So just in case you don't know, but if you are on the list, it's totally free to get on the list.
01:06:41.039 --> 01:06:47.039
You will get all of the client, client, all of the speaker replays, all the speaker resources and stuff like that.
01:06:47.119 --> 01:06:49.119
So just comment tour to get on the list.
01:06:49.199 --> 01:06:50.960
I will send you the link, it is free.
01:06:51.119 --> 01:06:54.639
Um, and to get Karen's weight loss guide, is that it?
01:06:54.880 --> 01:07:00.079
Yeah, uh, that's that's my general weight loss guide, but I think maybe to this audience they might need something different.
01:07:00.239 --> 01:07:02.559
So let me put something together for you, Bianca.
01:07:02.800 --> 01:07:03.760
Um yeah.
01:07:04.079 --> 01:07:13.679
Let me put something together for you that that is I do have an overeating guide which talks about it isn't a detail with regards to how we how to change emotions.
01:07:13.920 --> 01:07:15.840
It talks about everything that we've talked about.
01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:27.199
It's quite comprehensive, it is big, but what the idea of it is that you're supposed to go through and find what your issues with regards to overeating and then the solution you go and look at the specific solution for that.
01:07:27.360 --> 01:07:32.000
So why don't I give I'll give you that link instead because I think it's going to be way more relevant for this audience.
01:07:32.239 --> 01:07:32.960
Fantastic.
01:07:33.119 --> 01:07:34.079
Oh, that's amazing.
01:07:34.159 --> 01:07:35.360
Thank you so much for sharing that.
01:07:35.440 --> 01:07:36.079
I appreciate it.
01:07:36.880 --> 01:07:40.800
And anything else that you would like to share before we sign off?
01:07:41.360 --> 01:07:43.599
No, but thank you for having me today.
01:07:43.760 --> 01:07:50.400
And yeah, I hope everybody who watches this gets some value out of it, especially if you're an emotional eater.
01:07:50.639 --> 01:07:54.639
And look, so many women like we we struggle with our emotions.
01:07:54.719 --> 01:07:58.000
We were never taught how to feel and process our emotions.
01:07:58.159 --> 01:07:59.920
We were taught to hide our emotions.
01:08:00.159 --> 01:08:07.199
So being an emotional eater or someone who struggles with their emotions is not something to feel ashamed about.
01:08:07.519 --> 01:08:12.400
It is kind of normal, but these are all learnable skills.
01:08:12.559 --> 01:08:17.359
You just need to get yourself in front of the right person who can help you with all of this.
01:08:17.600 --> 01:08:21.920
And I'm more than happy to have a conversation with someone, and I'm sure Bianca is too.
01:08:22.079 --> 01:08:25.680
So yes, Mary is asking for the overeating guide.
01:08:25.760 --> 01:08:26.800
Yeah, do that, Mary.
01:08:26.960 --> 01:08:28.800
And yes.
01:08:29.039 --> 01:08:29.520
Beautiful.
01:08:29.680 --> 01:08:30.000
Thank you.
01:08:30.159 --> 01:08:31.359
Thank you for joining us, guys.
01:08:31.439 --> 01:08:32.880
It's great to have you here.
01:08:33.439 --> 01:08:34.960
And thank you for joining us, Karen.
01:08:35.199 --> 01:08:35.840
I appreciate you.
01:08:35.920 --> 01:08:36.640
We appreciate you.
01:08:36.880 --> 01:08:37.840
Have a wonderful day.
01:08:38.479 --> 01:08:39.359
And I will speak to you.
01:08:40.079 --> 01:08:41.039
Thank you, Medea.
01:08:41.600 --> 01:08:41.920
Bye.
01:08:42.159 --> 01:08:42.479
Bye.
01:08:42.960 --> 01:08:43.199
Bye.