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Speaker 1: Welcome to This is Important, a production of I Heart Radio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about did anybody beat off in a glass elevator? She didn't want to see it hard, She just wanted to see it get hard. And we put it on everything, and then we call it the flavor enhancer. Doctors, browsers, whoever, Here we go, start your engines ring mingming ming, ming, ming, ming ming ming ming, ming ming ming ming ming ming ming mink. Yeah, yeah, powerful opening. What a week it's been. It's been one week. Did you looked at me? Bear naked? Is that bear naked? And that's bear naked? Ladies? How much of that can you do? Take it? Each? Tin? Chicken out China, the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick in your brains sticking Watch it next time and then and then and then it kind of fades out. File. I didn't love that song. I didn't. I did not love that one. Oh wait, yeah, that seems like an Adam song. One millions. Definitely, dude, it definitely seems like it should have been up my alley. You might want to revisit that, like, that's a homecoming dance solo Adam Divine song, Come on Situation. Here's what it was, Here's what it was. Basically, it was already was co opted by by another kid and it was his song and he was always he was always doing it and it was admittedly it was pretty annoying when he did it, so it turned me off on the song. I dodged that bullet. Move Adam. I'm trying to watch him dance. I would have been the annoying guy doing it. I know I would have, So I'm glad I dodged that bullet. They just wheeled you down the stairs. They're like, you can't dance, Just push your wheelchair down the stairs to go watch. They could dance. They know I could dance because they they've seen me at different dances and weddings, and they know that the talent scouts are out there. This is getting dark. I'm sorry we said it. Hey, I got a history of taking off my shirt. It's dude, that is the most Canadian as song and Canada love like the perform at Olympics. We put that song in shadows the season three when the vampires were like trying to be human like and there's so funny, some fantastic scenes with it that I've got a history of taking off my shirt. It's a funny song. It's funny song. It's not my favorite song. There's three quotes we know they've got. It's got a weird spot in your life. I feel like it was them and um Bloodhound Gang. We're going at it for like funniest Hound Gang was super funny, way better. Well Bloodhound Gang is do it like animals or mammals? Right? Yeah? Yeah, Discovery do it like we do on the Discovery Channel. Could get now We're both like it was like a time before irony? Right? Is that what it was like? People were actually liking those songs. No, Blake, irony is as old as time. Okay, it wasn't iron irony what you thought you though. Irony didn't. Okay, yes, the apple as a joke, I'm aware that irony existed, but it wasn't eating as a bit. Nobody was rocking. Actually, I don't know, because like Kyle, you wore like a Coco cocoa puff shirt from a hot topic. Was that ironically that the birth of iron irony? Like with Kyle and his cocoa bus. So I think like more like the spam shirt was probably more like the spam shirt was the birth of that was the birth of where the generation that really like embraced like the ironic nature of consumers. Yeah, of course the spam shirt was just like that was just like a hot topic go to shirt. I feel like that one was was marked down. It went from to and you were like, hey, I don't fucking snag that. No, But the thing about that was is that nobody likes spam, So to be rocking that on your shirt is like shirt with like on it or something. No, not a lot of people like spam. Blake's whole freaking state of Hawaii loves spam, right, But also to be real, when I wore that, I like spam. I used to wear I used to wear that shirt and I actually dug eating spam fried or straight out of the can. It was fucking bumped. So not ironic for you. It wasn't ironic. It wasn't that I think about. And we walked him back. That was just like a real genuine run. It just happened. What just happened? You're like, you know, people don't like spam Hawaii likes it. Actually I like its no, but we're getting to the bottom of it because you're right, Like, I mean, I wore it. It It was a funny shirt. But I did actually like spam and it was funny to wear spam weird. I was like, spam is that place where Okay, okay, it was in the parody universe. It was in Hot Topic because people were buying it to be funny, like ironically, and it was a nice navy blue if I recall shirt, yeah, I mean I used to wear like vintage T shirts that I would find it like thrift stores of like a like Sadie Hawkins dance from three, like old T shirt that I'm like, this is kind of funny, you know, I'm being ironic cool, I'm but can we really just make this the freaking hot Topic episode? Because hot Topic held it down so fucking hard? Oh yeah, hot Topic was the spot we didn't have. Hot Topic didn't I didn't have it either. What I did not even know what hot Topic was a version of that. It was called it was called Spencer's Gifts and that was birthed after Hot Topic. I feel, well, yeah, in California, but not in the Midwest. And then we also tried, uh gad zooks was like this sort of like cookie dumb shirts with like all the Maryland Manson kids would hang out there with like stockings on their arms at cookies. No, it was called gad zoos, called gad zooks. It was like cookie. You got your take back? Okay, Yeah, don't offend me. What the fuck, Blake, I'm sorry for calling gad zooks cookies. And the last episode you said that I was a scab. Yeah, you said that last week. That was last week, last week, and then and then this week you're saying that it was kokie. I'm sorry. That's so Wait both you guys, Adam and Hoders, I have a question for you. Question. You did not set foot into US contingency. You did not set foot into a hot topic till you came out to California. Is that is that to be? Is that how I'm has never been in a hot topic to this. They didn't sell uh, salmon colored polos at hot topic, No, but they did sell Beastie Boys ship. I remember them having ground dude. Hot topic used to be sucking singers because they had real official Grand Royal ship. I believe that. But this is the worst part is that they put that next to like the Limp Biscuit T shirt. Worst part this is a little bit. This motherfucker the worst part. Wait a second, what you heard me? You This wasn't even a little bit before Limp Biscuit started to peek out Starfish. We had no We had none of these stores near me. You didn't have anybody representing alternative rock where you lived. We had mom and pop stores in my town. It didn't really have There wasn't a mall. Gross look was it like like a skate shop or something like a mom and pop skate shop or like there was head shops that had that had a band band t shirts and stuff. But we had a down a downtown. We didn't have a mall. There was no cookies or gad zooks zozook gad zooks. I'm sure it's there now, there's no. There was nothing really super corny. It was like a downtown where you had like the stuff isn't corny. That's what I'm trying to explain to you. Guys grew up in the most uncorny place. No, he's talking about the corn shirts. I'm sorry. I know how corny is place, and I'm trying to tell you the boy shirts are next at the corn shirts when when hot topic, when hot topic was hot, it kind of leave. It wasn't corny, dude, thank you right as it was. No, it was not corny. It wasn't punk rock, but it was like close punk adjacent. Yah. Let's see, Blake, dude, you were the age that you thought it was cool exactly drip candles that you thought it was thirteen years old. And you go in and then there's teenagers who were working there who were sixteen with spiky hair, with Knox Jells dyed hair like a lip piercing and and spiky hair, and you're like, oh shit, these guys are cool. And then you get to a certain age and then you realize, nah, and look, if that's what you have, that's fine. It's fine when I when I mean to be. When one of the best moments was when I went to my hometown Hot Topics on Valley Mall and saw the free Carl shirt on the wall. That was an amazing moment for me personally, and one where I was like, all right, that's it, Yes, that is insane. It's like returning from whence you were born. That was beautiful moment for sure. That is a beautiful moment in your life. And when I put on the full dirt there's regalia and went and stood in a j crew like a man again and nobody bout it and eye Dan change your moment for me? Yeah, And I'm not I'm not that that's beautiful to me. Man. I just feel like hot topic was a cultural I guess we could have easily gone to Berkely. We could have drove into like this, gone to Berkeley and probably got a mind blown you're not going to which we did. Do you think there's a hot topic in Berkeley? You know? They That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you know, I know what you mean. It's a suburban like we were shelf Tha cherry picked kind of uh, you know what is gonna be cool. It's very suburban. I feel like even though you were Midwestern and I grew up in the Midwest, I feel like conquered and is closer. It's we had more of a similar adolescence aesthetic growing up. I feel like it was very suburban, just sort of big box stores, every sort of chain restaurant. You could imagine and I love it. Right, Like I remember when Taco Bell came to my town. What like there wasn't that there were only a handful of fast food restaurants, and like as I got older and as I'm now an old man, there's all sorts of chain stuff there. Now, you know what I mean. I guess what was wild about where Kyle and I grew up. As if we if we wanted to get on bart we could have We could go to San Francisco, Oakland, we could head out to Berkeley. It was just like we were so young. Was anybody doing that? Because that's all we did. We would just get on the hill right into the city for like two hours before dinner. Not really, we weren't just going. We weren't shooting there and back un lest we were going to strip more to A's game. But other than that. Yeah, but that's that's when you were like eighteen. But when you were like not no, eleven and twelve, dude, No, I'm talking to I'm talking to Kyle O them that you would ride the train where you were eleven and twelve. Yes, that's awesome. Yeah, in middle school that's all we did. That's cool. That seems so dangerous. What is the L train like Bart? Is it the same type of setup? What's the deal? What's the deal the train? Yeah, you just got on the train. Can you tell me? What is it? What makes us like a buck or whatever? Is a buck? Back? Then? Why they called the lad What is it called? It's called the c T a Chicago Transit Authority L that's the band Chicago. But we'll move past that. What okay, what's up? Why do they call it the L train? Why is that because it's elevated? Oh ship, So it is like Bart Barts elevated as well, So it's e L. So why do they call it the bar? Because it's the big transit? So is yours like elevated? Rapid? The smartest episode yet? Very rapid? Shout out to the purple arm? Is it electric? Is it electronic? Yeah? That's right? Third rail dude? Yeah, okay, same, alright when you were writing that in middle school's important? That's great. What would you do? We would go to like there'd be stores that like the older kids would tell you about, and you just go down into the city and fucking by pipes and fucking smoking weeds. Band T shirts like what was this place called there's a place called the Alley, Okay, so that was your hot topic off Belmont. Yeah. But it was like a legit record store probably or something head shop record store, like all the above. Yeah, and you would just go in there and like steel hacky sacks put them right out of business. Yeah, just getting getting that hacky sack put out. Never if you ever spent money on a hackey sack, you're a bit. You've got to steal that ship. You gotta. There was like a sick army surplus where you'd go in there and pointed some like fucking dope clothes. It was like surplus goes hard. They had a legit no balance collection. I mean there were cool uh they were like Homer's, which was like a cool record store in Omaha. But for the most part, especially when we were like younger, like fourteen fifteen, and then by the time we were sixteen, we were driving around and just basically finding ways to get drunken stoned. But he figured it out. When we're younger, it was just like you would just go to the mall and just try to wreak as much havoc as you possibly could. Mall rats, dude, do they still exist? You were allowed to hang at the mall. That was like you just couldn't leave the mall. You get dropped off there and you're there for two hours and you hit the Cindamon, the hot topic, the fucking whatever. Bro. Yeah, and you're just there for a few hours. Fucking mall rats zoos. I had one friend who his mom dropped us off at the mall and it was we went up to we went hit Smarrow for the first time when I was like, damn, there's nine years old. That seems so young. And there was like a glass elevator for the first time. Oh my god, what the hell this glass elevator. I'm a generation X, so it's just different, like a real working elevator. It's not a Pulley system. Listen, where's the operator? Was there glass elevators in nine nine or whatever? Or glass elevator was like a whole new thing. Yeah, you're not wrong. That was cool. Like when you could see yourself going up and down, that's sucking. Are you guys eighty years old? Like elevator? Like shut the look up as old as all of us. Okay, you're the We're the same and the fact that you can't understand and like put your mind in a place where you can get off on a fucking glass elevator. Blake has been swallowing his his teenage kool aig for two for too long, where he's like, I was just I was, I was actually I'm only fourteen years old right now. No no, no, no, no, no, no, this is what I'm saying, never upside. Yeah. I grew up loving little Yaddi and and little Sam at those are my boys. Hey, shout out a little Sam. No, dude, I never had it in my mind. Is actually a huge influence on me coming up second grade. Fucking glass elevator that was just an elevator. Wait, no, funk off, what are you talking about. I remember seeing it and be having my fuck you dude, what No, I'm I'm I'm with the three of us. Yeah, this is fucking actually making me upset. I remember being at a double tree. I remembering a tree in Waterloo, Iowa as a young boy, and there was it was like a big like Willie Wonkles elevator that we go right up the middle, and I remember just being like, this is fucking insane. Future lincoln Wood Town Center. I'm like, why don't they make all elevators like this? This it's not even about it's it's like it doesn't even matter when it came out, you know what I mean. Like, right now, I could get on a glass elevator and watch myself go up and see it, and I'm like, this is dope. I'm being risen by a mechanized Kyle. I'm with you. I'm with you, Kyle was raised by a glass elevator. I'm with you. But something, but something, We're different. In the early in the early nineties when the glass elevators really came on the scene, Like, I don't know how, I don't know how you're not getting involved with this, dude, we're talking the nineties, man, glass elevator. Did anybody beat off in a glass elevator? You could spy at people. You could spy on people in the glass elevators. When you would see a couple making out and you be on the floor and you're like, they're making out in the elevator and you just have to beat bro, you're beating off. Thank you God. That's the first class elevator. I was in the first one I ever saw was in Commando starring Arnold Schwarzenegger when he's in the chasing in the mall. Why do you guys have such a fucking memory for glass elevators? It was the future, dude, Yeah, this is big ship. It was like seeing an eye. It seemed unsafe and yet it was safe. I just did. It wasn't something that amazed me or tickled my fancy weird. I like hot topic, dude. I just I missed mall culture. It's been so long since I've been in a mall where it's just like everything sort of just smells, like the Popcornopolis or the pretzel. Thee pretzel still is such a hammered it's heartburned. You guys funk up. There was Orange Julius that was like the staple of our mall. It was right on the corner, it was right next to Mrs Fields. We didn't have Orange Julius. Was just fucking banging. That was the mo. You get an Orange Julius, you get a Mrs Field's cookie and a couple of hot laps. Dude. My move would be I would see a bunch of hot chicks and then I was I was the one that got else to talk to them, and I wouldn't say that I was into them because I was too chicken shipped to do that. And I'd go up and be like, hey, what's up, cute girls? My friends over there like you, and then my friends would end up talking to them, and then my friends would end up making out with them in like a changing room at a J. C. Penny. Okay, so yes, the mall would be the place where because usually when you were in high school or junior high or whatever, the girls you talked to were the girls you went to school with. But the mall was where all the schools came to one place, so you would see girls. I was like boys and girls that you didn't see every day at school. Be like, man, these guys are handsome from that other school. We can't compete. I remember this vivid look at those flat bran. I met this girl that went to a different middle school. Right, We're an eighth grade and we we were talking and then we became a well buddies, and we would I instant message each other, right, and then she told me that she wanted to see my penis damn get hard goodbye, So she wanted to see it get hard and you're like it's already. She's like, I really want to She didn't want to see it hard. She wanted to see it get hard. She wanted to see it get hard. She wanted to watch it go from soft to hard. Did you tell her, no, you don't, you don't want to see that? No? No, No, she's probably like a scientist, now, huh. Kind of exciting. It was a kind of exciting. And then we saw each other's a scientist probably now, Yeah, it was cool. I'm sure she's a doctor or a scientist or something. It's very interesting to watch it change. I think she's probably on the forefront. Uh Fauci probably, Uh, she Danielle Fauci. Then we saw her at a like a soccer um tournament, and I remember thinking, and she came up and was talking to me, and then I remember thinking the whole time, like she is gonna want to see my like it's science, it is this soccer tournament. Like she really she was like someone it's me like trying to like wiggle it in my jeans to try to like make sure it's not going from completely hard to jeans at a soccer played soccers However, I wasn't playing. I wasn't playing. It was my friends where he was there scooping, scooping ladies. Wow, there was scooping ladies. Yeah, and then and then obviously nothing happened. But things could go down at the mall. I had friends make up with girls at J C. Penny changing rooms. Things could happen. That's cool, that's cool. Oh that was way cool. I definitely feel like I missed out. Yeah, you didn't do mall culture. No way, doesn't happen. I mean there was one another town over, but you would go there to go see movies and that was kind of it, or like to go shopping with your mom, because that was like the department store. Movies and malls was very weird for me. We didn't have that growing up. Those were separate. So once I started seeing movies and malls, I did not understand that that was you had to tow the line there. I did not. You didn't understand me. No, they were wait what Yeah, those are separate things I have to shop that should be a Dillard's. Just yeah, it just seems like it's yeah, it doesn't make sense. It seems like you don't want to spend like six hours at the mall watching a movie and Lord and Taylor and movies Yeah, no, j C. Penny and movie No, this is not happening. That's not good. The movies at the mall. I liked because then your mom could go she like when you were young, and she could just drop you at the movie. Yes, and then and then she's like, Okay, they're gonna go watch in Ninja, Turtles or whatever, clueless, and then you could sneak into some older ship and you could go watch some more R rated ship movie hopping's not there with you, and she would shod bail to go to or J. C. Pennies to try on her blouses or get her hair did or whatever she was doing a six and then you're you're able to go get your fucking freak on. Baby. She was at Red Robin drinking. Yeah, just pounding your mom was She was just having a coffee at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks Barns and really where now we're talking about a time pre Starbucks, by the way, which is fucking insane to think about. What Come on, I remember getting taken on my first Starbucks date by a junior when I was a freshman. She was like, let's go get a frappuccino. And I was like, yeah, that means you know what that means? She took me. She was like, it's called Starbucks. It's really cool. She takes me. I go there and she's like, hair, it's called the frappuccino. I drink it. I hate coffee obviously still to this day. It was like, I'm good and she was like what and I just like ruined the date. I think I dated her for like two months before. She was like this guy something, what do you mean? D like you do you guys just like, yeah, what is dating? Wait? Hold on, wait, so let's rewind this back a little bit. She was a junior and you were a freshman. This is like a pretty big move here. Yeah, that's huge, dude. It was. It was crazy. She would pick me up to take me to swim practice. I think I might have been like a little boy toy for her. I don't know. In the morning, yeah, was she was she a babe? Or when you look back, are you kind of like she was a little bit of a treasure troll? Or you don't want to throw any shade on her? Sure, I haven't seen it for a while, but like, um, she was she was, yeah, stack, I can't read them. She was having trouble reading them. She was pretty hot. Yeah, I don't know what wait so wait, yeah he did float. I didn't know. I didn't know where he was gonna go with that. I would say that she a little bit of a treasure troll. And he was like, and I was like, is she she was? I was from like older guys. I was getting a lot of like you like, no, not loud? Was this? It was kind of like what the fund is? Huh you? Why? Wait? Are we allowed to ask you? We can edit this out? Are you guys banging? No? No, you can say that nicer next time, Blake, you know what I mean? Okay, like us a different word or something. That's just the Are you guys making love? Thank you? Yeah, let's just put some love back into this. But coincidentally, this is the Discovery Zone story. Yeah, the same person the Discovery Zone. Uh so what what what do you think it was? Why was she interested in young Jersey? Because you did to have a mouthful of dangly teeth? Great as they come on. There's his personalities, fantastic. His personality when she gave him coffee. He was like, and she was like, I mean, were you in like a class with her or what? He was a young gentleman. He was a young man who spoke his mom just saying, Kyle, I'm not you know, the freshman to junior is a big leap. You're right, I've forgotten. Sorry. There were two things that put me around upper classman. The first was as a freshman, I was in the like the all school comedy show, and there's only like Yamo, that's right, shout out Yamo. And there's only there's like three or four freshmen, and then that's it. There's way more sophomore, juniors and seniors, right, So you're kicking it with seniors and juniors and going to their parties and stuff, so you're kind of in there their social circles a little bit. I have a similar story. Yeah, we were in the improv crew and that's how I met all like the seniors and ship. Yeah. And then as far as like swimming, I was also like one of the fastest guys as a friend. Okay, so you got that that jock mode, all right, funny hung Well, I had the theater and the jock mode. Yeah. Mine with student council and uh and drama and improv and that kind of stuff. That's that's how I got You were getting here for out betweens, No, and I was no. Girls liked me for sure, you know, I was like the little crippled kid, but but older kids definitely wanted to get me drunk like that. I think was like people was like, it would be hilarious if we got divine drunk. So I was always that like freshman kid that they to senior parties and everyone was the difference between a freshman and a senior starts starts at the starts the ps. It definitely started at that because you are huge. I was such a child and they're like eighteen year old kids teaching me how to beer bong. Can you be thirteen when you start high school? Is that a thing? Or are fourteen pretty much eight if you're a freaking genius. Yeah I wasn't. I wasn't that it was not my affliction, so uh okay, I think there was fourteen And that's why you never rock. Was wild that you mentioned that, because I kind of forgot that, like we did kind of see the birth of coffee shops in our neighborhood too. I remember we had this place called Mocha Lisa. So this is cool to you, but the glass elevators is not. No, no, dude, it was really There's always been coffee shops, No love elevators. It was such a weird thing where like going to a coffee shop was like this fucking like cool thing to do as like a young high school student, but it made high school people feel like they were grown ups. Yeah, absolutely, And it was just like a sense of freedom, like to go do your homework there. Yeah, you could like bring your skateboard there and then skate in the back of the coffee shop or whatever. And it was it was way before it was like monopolized. It was crazy. You could actually like I remember like some of my first public cigarettes, like where I was like I'm smoking this, I don't care. We're in front of a coffee shop for sure with older kids, because I could hand it to them if anybody rolled up and they would give me the ciggies. And then definitely didn't hang out at a lot of coffee shops. We would hang out like restaurants, where like it was like zero dollars to eat their buffalo wild wings. Yeah, there's a lot of buffalo well wings, honestly. But then the first one, it was like a lot of There was a Chinese restaurant that they just didn't care what the ship we did, so like we we would. You could get a plate of fried rice for eighty cents. You just eat fried rice and sit there and then sit there for like four hours and just like you know, play cards or whatever. I'll take another one, play cards and eat fried race another round. Two kids are so cool being a grown as man eating eight cent fried rice playing cards with your always you just had it figured out that place is still open. It ended up giving like everybody food poisoning, like someone died. I think, yeah, they shut it down. It was like like I think someone legit died from eating their food, right, I think that that happened to us when we were in When we moved to the valley, we found that really cheap. Like do you guys remember that fried rice spot and we all got it and we all got sick, do you guys? Rice spot? Not that Chinese restaurant. It was it was like fried rice and we got it. It was when we it was when we shot um, it's we're eating it and you guys are eating it in the beginning of the Proto, not the Prototax sketch, the one, Uh, it's where you're eating it's in bed the Fortune Cooking class. That was, Yeah, you guys are scarfing on it at the beginning of that. That's the fried rice I'm thinking of. It was so bad. I remember that being pretty good. Yeah, it was delicious. It tasted good, but it sucked you up in the long run, I think, whatever, man, I'll take it. Do you remember when we found out that MSG was the ingredient because we were like, there are on a lot of Chinese restaurants stoles there there will be like a sign that says like no MSG. Because I guess that used to be a thing back in the day that Chinese restaurants were known for putting MSG, which is a like a kind of like a salt, like a spice that you put on into food that uh, it makes you like almost addicted, open too, and it it makes it just taste fucking delicious and you're like, oh, I gotta keep eating this. Um. So we got producers also please put in fact what it actually is. Uh, we got I don't know. We got the MSG the spice do you remember that? And then we were putting it on our food. Remember this very well? Oh yeah, it comes in cubes. It was like a salt shaker. Yeah. We went to a weird ass like store because we we were so bored. I feel like it was like a big loop in. Yeah maybe, and they had like a straight up shaker of MSG. What the I don't have this crazy memory of it being a big LOTS. I think it was like a big Lots And we got a spice set and MSG was there and we put it on everything and we call it the flavor enhancer. Was off the chain and guess what it mus to throw it on popcorn? Sodium glutum more than our energy journey stud And we're fine. Adam just had to piss crystals. But will you read that description to Adam right there? The basic sensory function of M s G is attributed to its ability to enhance savory taste active compounds when added in the proper concentration. It sounds good, Well why why then? What's so bad about it? Though? Why is it outlawed? Idea? Because it's it? Does it like truly makes you addicted to that thing. It's like an additive that isn't an actual food. So I think people were like turned off by it. Now we were turned on by it. Maybe there's a medical issue because there it could constrict the blood vessels or something too much. Well, it does have the word sodium in the word in monosodium, so maybe it's ahead, thank you, So maybe it is. I don't know something catch keep Yeah, and sodium is bad because why you are sodium? I think it can give them points, give them points trying you are sodium. Yes, Oh my god, I don't know. Yeah, you were like sodium. Un. I just caught that. The chunk was real. I just got it in the latest voice. Will you play it? Do you have it anymore? On the board? It's not a lady, by the way, it's a really cool guy, not even better. Even though I don't have it anymore. I'm sorry. I guess I'll have to live as that for the rest of the podcast. Ye do you guys remember Fazoli's which was like fast Italian food and they would give you if you would buy like it was like a three cent salad, they would give you unlimited breadsticks like The thing was if you bought food, they would bring you unlimited breadsticks. So we would just get like a soda, a three cent salad and then sit there for like five hours and just eat breadsticks and go in the car and smoke weed and come back and continue to eat breadsticks until they were like, you guys have to buy and then there's like they put up new signs saying that you have to buy new food every hour. We were fucking passed at that shut up bit. I kind of remember pulling some ship like that at like soup plantation or any one person would get it and then like you'd hop over, you'd buy one plate and then you would share off the plate. Now you notice that there's not a lot of soup plantations anymore. Do you think it's because the title is the worst? There's a plantation and what were they thinking? What they thinking? For sure? What were they thinking? Soup plantation the worst? Just called the soup factory. Yeah, it was bad. I wanted to go to super plantation and play dungeons and Dragons with some homies for like twelve hours at a super plantation. That would have been so sick. That would have been cool. Adam, your Italian restaurant just reminded me. That are the place we would hang out wherever there was a permission wall, which is where like the company or the business would let you paying graffiti on the back of their business. Way, that's some shy town ship. So shout out to Dave's Italian Kitchen. We would just go there smoke weed, big shout out. Today some people would be like putting up a piece of graffiti and we would just watch, and people be like doing skateboard tricks that they couldn't land and that's the best, just like hanging out flipping tricks and being like and like trading CDs due exacts. Now, just hang out at like Starbucks, right, Like that's where you hang out on the internet, don't call of duty. Yeah, it's all digital metaverse metaverse probably. I mean we're not far off. Yeah. I think they do hang out, but they have to see each other in person because I gotta get the like hand jobs and stuff and you know, fingerbangs. I don't think they care. I think they'd rather beat off at home the way they can and then just have their friends because because they all got the oculus rifts and it's it's too good. It's got to be so well, I don't know, can you do that? Can you occulate yourself? What do you mean? Well, I'm saying talking to each other? Can you see yourself? Though? Yeah you can. You can have an avatar, can't you. Yeah you can. When you're hanging, you're beating off to a fucking Sonic the Hedgehog character. Yeah, exactly, but it's not the same. I wonder if it will be like where you're you're you're fucking each other, Like if you have a girl and you're like, you know what, it's too big of a hassle to to get in a car and drive over there, and it's it's like a too much of a thing. If you guys could just both it on your oculus and it's it's sort of like that scene in Demolition Man where it's just like sensual sensory checks. She would love this, go ahead. I wonder if I think we're I think we're on the we're on the verge. I mean that's possible, right, Yeah, that's possible. That's absolutely possible. The tech is there because they're doing things like they're doing things where you can wear a sleeve and then your doctor is like checking on how you're doing physical therapy, like say you have a funked up knee or something like that, you can put a sleeve on and then so if you just put if you just put that on your day, it's science. By the way, I love how they're like the people who made it, like, yeah, we invented this for doctors, and they're just waiting for Porno to pick it up. Oh, because Porno is the front of tech. Then it is just around the riverband. So doctors, uh, this is for you. Whatever else is there up there, I don't know. You have patting on it and it's four doctors. Now it's science. Anyone else wants to get involved body at all or maybe braws ars. I'm not really sure what else it could be used for doctors, browsers, whoever. You know, doctors really need to grip things and squeeze, you know, it's crazy, like you know, the tanga egg was originally like a disposal or something like, Yeah, you you just throw away the thing into hear you tie it up, and then someone was like, you can stick your dicken. It's a portable garbage bag. It can expand jerk off into this egg. If you ever get seasick while on the boat, you just open this little egg. It's a contraption for and then some some Lonely Sailor was a minute, Thank you God, wild shot some Lonely Sailor or any man I like that that it only took us thirty or so minutes to get into Porno on this episode. We really that's maybe the longest tie that we've had. I'm proud of us. Best episode. Proud of us was that something that didn't Porno decide Blu Ray's fate. Blu Ray and like HD DVD or something like and VHS, no Porto decides the tech. Did you guys not noticed because a beta was a better format, but they didn't want Porno to use it at all. So the Porno was like, fine, we're gonna go with VHS. And then VHS became the thing, and then Beta max got sphased out, and then it came down to Brew ray and HD DVD, and Porno went Blu Ray and HD DVD went the way of whatever. People say, Uh well, I kind of always thought Beta max like wasn't the it was what made it a better technology. To me, I just was like, maybe it's like kind of a shitty well, I think it was just a magnetic tape. I think it's just a magnetic tape on the inside. First of all, don't call it Beta Max. I feel like my dad would read that and be like, I'm a fucking Beta Max. I'm an Alpha Max, dude. Yeah. That was before h VHS is much cheaper, much shittier resolution, and they broke easy. Beta Max was a much more robust media and I believe Sony made Beta Max and they had the patent on it, so you could it was either like Sony or Sanyo, and those are the only companies that made it, whereas like the VHS was like an open platform for everybody else. Yeah, Magnavox, who was sick. I remember tech t like, do you if your TV breaks now, do you get a TV repair man? Is that even a job anymore? Or you just buy a new right? You just buy a new TV. I was thinking of that the other day. I was like, this TV were to break, I would just buy a new TV. I wouldn't even there's I remember specifically, on multiple occasions a TV repair man coming to the house. I remember our VCR breaking, My dad took it to the VCR repair man. Right, I'm like, that doesn't fucking exist anymore. Well, because a lot of times for old TVs, there was a bulb in there, correct, So like if the bulb was all fucked up, you had to like open it up and replace that and then VHS. Sometimes the tape would get caught, so you'd have to take it somewhere to get it out, or you'd have to he'd have to clean the heads. Remember that. Did you guys have the little red sports car that would rewind the tapes? For? Yes, I did. That must be the glass elevator a generation, because I don't know what the funk you're talking about. Home boy. You didn't have a rewinder, No, it was a specific machine to rewind. Yeah, so you didn't fuck your heads up on your VCR. It would go hell of asked and then slow down towards the end, so it didn't That was a luxury. It looked like a little red sports car red cone so fast. Hey, wow, goddamn, that was a luxury. We didn't have that in my home. I don't say that if you just let it ride like you didn't turn your movie off or whatever. When it got to the end of the tape, it would just automat automatic rewind. If you had a nice VCR, it advanced to that, like eventually every VCR did that. But I think that was a sick ass new edition. Dude, Hey, it's been a while. Hung on, man, I got some VHS tape within two feet of me. Okay, reach for it. What is it? What do we got? My parents threw away on their move they moved to Lake of the Ozarks from Omaha, Nebraska. On their move, they threw away all their old vhs is because I was like, oh maybe, I was like, let me dig through your old vhs is when I was at home visit in this past year, and uh, they had none. I was. I was pretty salty about it. They didn't have this. What's he got? What is that? Best of backyard wrestling? Why do you have? They didn't have this? They didn't they didn't have that, and blake on that future Kings of the Ring. If you guys are on this, fucking kudos, dude. Is hc W conquered representing There's there's a one chance that they're not. Yeah, but yeah, well we were all about the stories in the pantry, yeah, less less about the wrestling. So you're telling me jack Hammer is not represented on that? Yeah, where's jack? Hey? Yeah? What about Jimmy Moon? Love that era where you could just they would play commercials of like planes crashing and all that ship and they're like, order now we get twenty tapes and you're like, oh, yeah, Sports Blue covered it. But girls, girls gone. You know the guy who made these billionaire billionaire backyard billionaire right there? Brother? I was. I was talking with Chloe the other day about something we had mentioned on a podcast about like Dorf, like Dorf gone Jim Conway, and she for sure didn't And I didn't know who Tim Conway was or who Dorf is. And I'm like, yeah, I get that Dorf is kind of a dors A deep cut, but I'm like, you know, Earnest. She doesn't know Earnest dude, way of course not. Of course that's too bad. Well that's your just does no Earnest, Yeah you need to Yeah, that's your job. Dorf is a pull for even us. You only know the commercials. Really we're saying, funny man, Earnest is that Hey, that's yeah, I want all the beef with doors. I only know it because my grandfather or my step grandfather, he was a golfer, and so we had a bunch of Dorf on golf like tapes around and he'd be like, here, watch this and leave us alone. And then I'd watch it and wild, we can't talk about Dorf on this pot. I said, I'd leave leaving you said, we'll talk about for a minute. You come back, go make a sandwich or some ship. Yeah, Dorf was always at the talker's office. I feel like it's just the dude on his knees in the shoes. It was at the doctor's office. We watched it every time we went to the doctor's office. Is Tim Connaway? Was he laughing? Tim Conway was laughing. I think an apple dumpling game. By the way, it's pretty smart to make like a golf series because then you're getting invited around the world to play in those tournaments and ship like. That's that's smart. He knew what he was doing. Guys, want to You want in on the most deep cut, funniest golf video ever made, Leslie Neilsen Bad Golf my Way. Check it out. It's impossible to find you'll never see it. Maybe check out on YouTube. Couldn't hear what was it? What is it? And me and don't want to hear it? Just tell just tell Kyle me and don't want to hear it? You can. There were two ages. Is bad golf my way and bad golf made easier everybody going. I'm very aware of these because we grew up together and we used to watch them together, and they Leslie Nielsen was the fucking ship we used to watch. You loved Leslie Neels like he's what he was? Ze Nielsen's who's talking? I thought we were talking. We had some time to ourselves. Who's talking? Sorry about it? And doesn't Adam doesn't. Zach have a Leslie Nielsen tattoo, which is the hardest tattoo. As the best man at my wedding, my friend Zach Leonardo legend made. You could follow him on Instagram. I wish I was pizza. He has at two of Leslie Nielsen on his calf. I believe um really good. That's his only tattoo. That is like a realist tattoo. It looks just I mean, the guy did a great job. It looks just like Lesley Nelson. Every other tattoo. You're like, uh, what is this? Yeah? From from Airplane. It just looks like a scary movie, a scary bad golf my way. I think it's from bad Golf my way, deep gut buzzing buzzing frog. It might have been bad Golf my way. I think it's naked gun what my heart from the producers of door fall on Golf is bad golf my way? Are there any takebacks, any giveaways, any epic slams this This pod has been a while since we've epic slammed. Anybody slams take back? I'm gonna slam Blake for wearing the exact same outfit that he wore on the last podcast. Bad Dude, you must suck be a stinky person. Yeah, that's why I apply hell old place. We were talking about Chinese food so much that I swear to God in my house most like Chinese food. I'm the only one here. I might be having a stroke or something. But you saw like toast when you're having a stroke, not Chinese food. No, it's Chinese chicken. We had one of us have a stroke on the podcast. To be good, that'd be good for ratings. Yeah, I heard before you have a stroke, you smell orange chicken. Yeah, I would be crying. Dude, if I saw you go down, homie, I'd be like fucking, oh my god, Like that would be You'd be bummed. I would be Who would be the most bummed? Do do we think out of the four of us? If if if I were to just die, most bumps, if I could see your face while you were passed out, I think I would start crying if you were if I could see your face, like if you fell backwards and passed out like that and it was like not moving, I think that would freak. Are we talking about who would be the most bummed? Immediately or like a week later? Kind of smokes sort of cleared what kind of some people are getting over it? What like who stays? I think No, I guess I guess we're talking about like like immediately, like who's the most bumped? Kyle, I'm scared. I'm scared out of my mind. And that's another episode of epic Say fire away, I see you next week and ve come back and see me. Three Living Room
Speaker 1: Welcome to This is Important, a production of I Heart Radio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about did anybody beat off in a glass elevator? She didn't want to see it hard, She just wanted to see it get hard. And we put it on everything, and then we call it the flavor enhancer. Doctors, browsers, whoever, Here we go, start your engines ring mingming ming, ming, ming, ming ming ming ming, ming ming ming ming ming ming ming mink. Yeah, yeah, powerful opening. What a week it's been. It's been one week. Did you looked at me? Bear naked? Is that bear naked? And that's bear naked? Ladies? How much of that can you do? Take it? Each? Tin? Chicken out China, the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick in your brains sticking Watch it next time and then and then and then it kind of fades out. File. I didn't love that song. I didn't. I did not love that one. Oh wait, yeah, that seems like an Adam song. One millions. Definitely, dude, it definitely seems like it should have been up my alley. You might want to revisit that, like, that's a homecoming dance solo Adam Divine song, Come on Situation. Here's what it was, Here's what it was. Basically, it was already was co opted by by another kid and it was his song and he was always he was always doing it and it was admittedly it was pretty annoying when he did it, so it turned me off on the song. I dodged that bullet. Move Adam. I'm trying to watch him dance. I would have been the annoying guy doing it. I know I would have, So I'm glad I dodged that bullet. They just wheeled you down the stairs. They're like, you can't dance, Just push your wheelchair down the stairs to go watch. They could dance. They know I could dance because they they've seen me at different dances and weddings, and they know that the talent scouts are out there. This is getting dark. I'm sorry we said it. Hey, I got a history of taking off my shirt. It's dude, that is the most Canadian as song and Canada love like the perform at Olympics. We put that song in shadows the season three when the vampires were like trying to be human like and there's so funny, some fantastic scenes with it that I've got a history of taking off my shirt. It's a funny song. It's funny song. It's not my favorite song. There's three quotes we know they've got. It's got a weird spot in your life. I feel like it was them and um Bloodhound Gang. We're going at it for like funniest Hound Gang was super funny, way better. Well Bloodhound Gang is do it like animals or mammals? Right? Yeah? Yeah, Discovery do it like we do on the Discovery Channel. Could get now We're both like it was like a time before irony? Right? Is that what it was like? People were actually liking those songs. No, Blake, irony is as old as time. Okay, it wasn't iron irony what you thought you though. Irony didn't. Okay, yes, the apple as a joke, I'm aware that irony existed, but it wasn't eating as a bit. Nobody was rocking. Actually, I don't know, because like Kyle, you wore like a Coco cocoa puff shirt from a hot topic. Was that ironically that the birth of iron irony? Like with Kyle and his cocoa bus. So I think like more like the spam shirt was probably more like the spam shirt was the birth of that was the birth of where the generation that really like embraced like the ironic nature of consumers. Yeah, of course the spam shirt was just like that was just like a hot topic go to shirt. I feel like that one was was marked down. It went from to and you were like, hey, I don't fucking snag that. No, But the thing about that was is that nobody likes spam, So to be rocking that on your shirt is like shirt with like on it or something. No, not a lot of people like spam. Blake's whole freaking state of Hawaii loves spam, right, But also to be real, when I wore that, I like spam. I used to wear I used to wear that shirt and I actually dug eating spam fried or straight out of the can. It was fucking bumped. So not ironic for you. It wasn't ironic. It wasn't that I think about. And we walked him back. That was just like a real genuine run. It just happened. What just happened? You're like, you know, people don't like spam Hawaii likes it. Actually I like its no, but we're getting to the bottom of it because you're right, Like, I mean, I wore it. It It was a funny shirt. But I did actually like spam and it was funny to wear spam weird. I was like, spam is that place where Okay, okay, it was in the parody universe. It was in Hot Topic because people were buying it to be funny, like ironically, and it was a nice navy blue if I recall shirt, yeah, I mean I used to wear like vintage T shirts that I would find it like thrift stores of like a like Sadie Hawkins dance from three, like old T shirt that I'm like, this is kind of funny, you know, I'm being ironic cool, I'm but can we really just make this the freaking hot Topic episode? Because hot Topic held it down so fucking hard? Oh yeah, hot Topic was the spot we didn't have. Hot Topic didn't I didn't have it either. What I did not even know what hot Topic was a version of that. It was called it was called Spencer's Gifts and that was birthed after Hot Topic. I feel, well, yeah, in California, but not in the Midwest. And then we also tried, uh gad zooks was like this sort of like cookie dumb shirts with like all the Maryland Manson kids would hang out there with like stockings on their arms at cookies. No, it was called gad zoos, called gad zooks. It was like cookie. You got your take back? Okay, Yeah, don't offend me. What the fuck, Blake, I'm sorry for calling gad zooks cookies. And the last episode you said that I was a scab. Yeah, you said that last week. That was last week, last week, and then and then this week you're saying that it was kokie. I'm sorry. That's so Wait both you guys, Adam and Hoders, I have a question for you. Question. You did not set foot into US contingency. You did not set foot into a hot topic till you came out to California. Is that is that to be? Is that how I'm has never been in a hot topic to this. They didn't sell uh, salmon colored polos at hot topic, No, but they did sell Beastie Boys ship. I remember them having ground dude. Hot topic used to be sucking singers because they had real official Grand Royal ship. I believe that. But this is the worst part is that they put that next to like the Limp Biscuit T shirt. Worst part this is a little bit. This motherfucker the worst part. Wait a second, what you heard me? You This wasn't even a little bit before Limp Biscuit started to peek out Starfish. We had no We had none of these stores near me. You didn't have anybody representing alternative rock where you lived. We had mom and pop stores in my town. It didn't really have There wasn't a mall. Gross look was it like like a skate shop or something like a mom and pop skate shop or like there was head shops that had that had a band band t shirts and stuff. But we had a down a downtown. We didn't have a mall. There was no cookies or gad zooks zozook gad zooks. I'm sure it's there now, there's no. There was nothing really super corny. It was like a downtown where you had like the stuff isn't corny. That's what I'm trying to explain to you. Guys grew up in the most uncorny place. No, he's talking about the corn shirts. I'm sorry. I know how corny is place, and I'm trying to tell you the boy shirts are next at the corn shirts when when hot topic, when hot topic was hot, it kind of leave. It wasn't corny, dude, thank you right as it was. No, it was not corny. It wasn't punk rock, but it was like close punk adjacent. Yah. Let's see, Blake, dude, you were the age that you thought it was cool exactly drip candles that you thought it was thirteen years old. And you go in and then there's teenagers who were working there who were sixteen with spiky hair, with Knox Jells dyed hair like a lip piercing and and spiky hair, and you're like, oh shit, these guys are cool. And then you get to a certain age and then you realize, nah, and look, if that's what you have, that's fine. It's fine when I when I mean to be. When one of the best moments was when I went to my hometown Hot Topics on Valley Mall and saw the free Carl shirt on the wall. That was an amazing moment for me personally, and one where I was like, all right, that's it, Yes, that is insane. It's like returning from whence you were born. That was beautiful moment for sure. That is a beautiful moment in your life. And when I put on the full dirt there's regalia and went and stood in a j crew like a man again and nobody bout it and eye Dan change your moment for me? Yeah, And I'm not I'm not that that's beautiful to me. Man. I just feel like hot topic was a cultural I guess we could have easily gone to Berkely. We could have drove into like this, gone to Berkeley and probably got a mind blown you're not going to which we did. Do you think there's a hot topic in Berkeley? You know? They That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you know, I know what you mean. It's a suburban like we were shelf Tha cherry picked kind of uh, you know what is gonna be cool. It's very suburban. I feel like even though you were Midwestern and I grew up in the Midwest, I feel like conquered and is closer. It's we had more of a similar adolescence aesthetic growing up. I feel like it was very suburban, just sort of big box stores, every sort of chain restaurant. You could imagine and I love it. Right, Like I remember when Taco Bell came to my town. What like there wasn't that there were only a handful of fast food restaurants, and like as I got older and as I'm now an old man, there's all sorts of chain stuff there. Now, you know what I mean. I guess what was wild about where Kyle and I grew up. As if we if we wanted to get on bart we could have We could go to San Francisco, Oakland, we could head out to Berkeley. It was just like we were so young. Was anybody doing that? Because that's all we did. We would just get on the hill right into the city for like two hours before dinner. Not really, we weren't just going. We weren't shooting there and back un lest we were going to strip more to A's game. But other than that. Yeah, but that's that's when you were like eighteen. But when you were like not no, eleven and twelve, dude, No, I'm talking to I'm talking to Kyle O them that you would ride the train where you were eleven and twelve. Yes, that's awesome. Yeah, in middle school that's all we did. That's cool. That seems so dangerous. What is the L train like Bart? Is it the same type of setup? What's the deal? What's the deal the train? Yeah, you just got on the train. Can you tell me? What is it? What makes us like a buck or whatever? Is a buck? Back? Then? Why they called the lad What is it called? It's called the c T a Chicago Transit Authority L that's the band Chicago. But we'll move past that. What okay, what's up? Why do they call it the L train? Why is that because it's elevated? Oh ship, So it is like Bart Barts elevated as well, So it's e L. So why do they call it the bar? Because it's the big transit? So is yours like elevated? Rapid? The smartest episode yet? Very rapid? Shout out to the purple arm? Is it electric? Is it electronic? Yeah? That's right? Third rail dude? Yeah, okay, same, alright when you were writing that in middle school's important? That's great. What would you do? We would go to like there'd be stores that like the older kids would tell you about, and you just go down into the city and fucking by pipes and fucking smoking weeds. Band T shirts like what was this place called there's a place called the Alley, Okay, so that was your hot topic off Belmont. Yeah. But it was like a legit record store probably or something head shop record store, like all the above. Yeah, and you would just go in there and like steel hacky sacks put them right out of business. Yeah, just getting getting that hacky sack put out. Never if you ever spent money on a hackey sack, you're a bit. You've got to steal that ship. You gotta. There was like a sick army surplus where you'd go in there and pointed some like fucking dope clothes. It was like surplus goes hard. They had a legit no balance collection. I mean there were cool uh they were like Homer's, which was like a cool record store in Omaha. But for the most part, especially when we were like younger, like fourteen fifteen, and then by the time we were sixteen, we were driving around and just basically finding ways to get drunken stoned. But he figured it out. When we're younger, it was just like you would just go to the mall and just try to wreak as much havoc as you possibly could. Mall rats, dude, do they still exist? You were allowed to hang at the mall. That was like you just couldn't leave the mall. You get dropped off there and you're there for two hours and you hit the Cindamon, the hot topic, the fucking whatever. Bro. Yeah, and you're just there for a few hours. Fucking mall rats zoos. I had one friend who his mom dropped us off at the mall and it was we went up to we went hit Smarrow for the first time when I was like, damn, there's nine years old. That seems so young. And there was like a glass elevator for the first time. Oh my god, what the hell this glass elevator. I'm a generation X, so it's just different, like a real working elevator. It's not a Pulley system. Listen, where's the operator? Was there glass elevators in nine nine or whatever? Or glass elevator was like a whole new thing. Yeah, you're not wrong. That was cool. Like when you could see yourself going up and down, that's sucking. Are you guys eighty years old? Like elevator? Like shut the look up as old as all of us. Okay, you're the We're the same and the fact that you can't understand and like put your mind in a place where you can get off on a fucking glass elevator. Blake has been swallowing his his teenage kool aig for two for too long, where he's like, I was just I was, I was actually I'm only fourteen years old right now. No no, no, no, no, no, no, this is what I'm saying, never upside. Yeah. I grew up loving little Yaddi and and little Sam at those are my boys. Hey, shout out a little Sam. No, dude, I never had it in my mind. Is actually a huge influence on me coming up second grade. Fucking glass elevator that was just an elevator. Wait, no, funk off, what are you talking about. I remember seeing it and be having my fuck you dude, what No, I'm I'm I'm with the three of us. Yeah, this is fucking actually making me upset. I remember being at a double tree. I remembering a tree in Waterloo, Iowa as a young boy, and there was it was like a big like Willie Wonkles elevator that we go right up the middle, and I remember just being like, this is fucking insane. Future lincoln Wood Town Center. I'm like, why don't they make all elevators like this? This it's not even about it's it's like it doesn't even matter when it came out, you know what I mean. Like, right now, I could get on a glass elevator and watch myself go up and see it, and I'm like, this is dope. I'm being risen by a mechanized Kyle. I'm with you. I'm with you, Kyle was raised by a glass elevator. I'm with you. But something, but something, We're different. In the early in the early nineties when the glass elevators really came on the scene, Like, I don't know how, I don't know how you're not getting involved with this, dude, we're talking the nineties, man, glass elevator. Did anybody beat off in a glass elevator? You could spy at people. You could spy on people in the glass elevators. When you would see a couple making out and you be on the floor and you're like, they're making out in the elevator and you just have to beat bro, you're beating off. Thank you God. That's the first class elevator. I was in the first one I ever saw was in Commando starring Arnold Schwarzenegger when he's in the chasing in the mall. Why do you guys have such a fucking memory for glass elevators? It was the future, dude, Yeah, this is big ship. It was like seeing an eye. It seemed unsafe and yet it was safe. I just did. It wasn't something that amazed me or tickled my fancy weird. I like hot topic, dude. I just I missed mall culture. It's been so long since I've been in a mall where it's just like everything sort of just smells, like the Popcornopolis or the pretzel. Thee pretzel still is such a hammered it's heartburned. You guys funk up. There was Orange Julius that was like the staple of our mall. It was right on the corner, it was right next to Mrs Fields. We didn't have Orange Julius. Was just fucking banging. That was the mo. You get an Orange Julius, you get a Mrs Field's cookie and a couple of hot laps. Dude. My move would be I would see a bunch of hot chicks and then I was I was the one that got else to talk to them, and I wouldn't say that I was into them because I was too chicken shipped to do that. And I'd go up and be like, hey, what's up, cute girls? My friends over there like you, and then my friends would end up talking to them, and then my friends would end up making out with them in like a changing room at a J. C. Penny. Okay, so yes, the mall would be the place where because usually when you were in high school or junior high or whatever, the girls you talked to were the girls you went to school with. But the mall was where all the schools came to one place, so you would see girls. I was like boys and girls that you didn't see every day at school. Be like, man, these guys are handsome from that other school. We can't compete. I remember this vivid look at those flat bran. I met this girl that went to a different middle school. Right, We're an eighth grade and we we were talking and then we became a well buddies, and we would I instant message each other, right, and then she told me that she wanted to see my penis damn get hard goodbye, So she wanted to see it get hard and you're like it's already. She's like, I really want to She didn't want to see it hard. She wanted to see it get hard. She wanted to see it get hard. She wanted to watch it go from soft to hard. Did you tell her, no, you don't, you don't want to see that? No? No, No, she's probably like a scientist, now, huh. Kind of exciting. It was a kind of exciting. And then we saw each other's a scientist probably now, Yeah, it was cool. I'm sure she's a doctor or a scientist or something. It's very interesting to watch it change. I think she's probably on the forefront. Uh Fauci probably, Uh, she Danielle Fauci. Then we saw her at a like a soccer um tournament, and I remember thinking, and she came up and was talking to me, and then I remember thinking the whole time, like she is gonna want to see my like it's science, it is this soccer tournament. Like she really she was like someone it's me like trying to like wiggle it in my jeans to try to like make sure it's not going from completely hard to jeans at a soccer played soccers However, I wasn't playing. I wasn't playing. It was my friends where he was there scooping, scooping ladies. Wow, there was scooping ladies. Yeah, and then and then obviously nothing happened. But things could go down at the mall. I had friends make up with girls at J C. Penny changing rooms. Things could happen. That's cool, that's cool. Oh that was way cool. I definitely feel like I missed out. Yeah, you didn't do mall culture. No way, doesn't happen. I mean there was one another town over, but you would go there to go see movies and that was kind of it, or like to go shopping with your mom, because that was like the department store. Movies and malls was very weird for me. We didn't have that growing up. Those were separate. So once I started seeing movies and malls, I did not understand that that was you had to tow the line there. I did not. You didn't understand me. No, they were wait what Yeah, those are separate things I have to shop that should be a Dillard's. Just yeah, it just seems like it's yeah, it doesn't make sense. It seems like you don't want to spend like six hours at the mall watching a movie and Lord and Taylor and movies Yeah, no, j C. Penny and movie No, this is not happening. That's not good. The movies at the mall. I liked because then your mom could go she like when you were young, and she could just drop you at the movie. Yes, and then and then she's like, Okay, they're gonna go watch in Ninja, Turtles or whatever, clueless, and then you could sneak into some older ship and you could go watch some more R rated ship movie hopping's not there with you, and she would shod bail to go to or J. C. Pennies to try on her blouses or get her hair did or whatever she was doing a six and then you're you're able to go get your fucking freak on. Baby. She was at Red Robin drinking. Yeah, just pounding your mom was She was just having a coffee at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks Barns and really where now we're talking about a time pre Starbucks, by the way, which is fucking insane to think about. What Come on, I remember getting taken on my first Starbucks date by a junior when I was a freshman. She was like, let's go get a frappuccino. And I was like, yeah, that means you know what that means? She took me. She was like, it's called Starbucks. It's really cool. She takes me. I go there and she's like, hair, it's called the frappuccino. I drink it. I hate coffee obviously still to this day. It was like, I'm good and she was like what and I just like ruined the date. I think I dated her for like two months before. She was like this guy something, what do you mean? D like you do you guys just like, yeah, what is dating? Wait? Hold on, wait, so let's rewind this back a little bit. She was a junior and you were a freshman. This is like a pretty big move here. Yeah, that's huge, dude. It was. It was crazy. She would pick me up to take me to swim practice. I think I might have been like a little boy toy for her. I don't know. In the morning, yeah, was she was she a babe? Or when you look back, are you kind of like she was a little bit of a treasure troll? Or you don't want to throw any shade on her? Sure, I haven't seen it for a while, but like, um, she was she was, yeah, stack, I can't read them. She was having trouble reading them. She was pretty hot. Yeah, I don't know what wait so wait, yeah he did float. I didn't know. I didn't know where he was gonna go with that. I would say that she a little bit of a treasure troll. And he was like, and I was like, is she she was? I was from like older guys. I was getting a lot of like you like, no, not loud? Was this? It was kind of like what the fund is? Huh you? Why? Wait? Are we allowed to ask you? We can edit this out? Are you guys banging? No? No, you can say that nicer next time, Blake, you know what I mean? Okay, like us a different word or something. That's just the Are you guys making love? Thank you? Yeah, let's just put some love back into this. But coincidentally, this is the Discovery Zone story. Yeah, the same person the Discovery Zone. Uh so what what what do you think it was? Why was she interested in young Jersey? Because you did to have a mouthful of dangly teeth? Great as they come on. There's his personalities, fantastic. His personality when she gave him coffee. He was like, and she was like, I mean, were you in like a class with her or what? He was a young gentleman. He was a young man who spoke his mom just saying, Kyle, I'm not you know, the freshman to junior is a big leap. You're right, I've forgotten. Sorry. There were two things that put me around upper classman. The first was as a freshman, I was in the like the all school comedy show, and there's only like Yamo, that's right, shout out Yamo. And there's only there's like three or four freshmen, and then that's it. There's way more sophomore, juniors and seniors, right, So you're kicking it with seniors and juniors and going to their parties and stuff, so you're kind of in there their social circles a little bit. I have a similar story. Yeah, we were in the improv crew and that's how I met all like the seniors and ship. Yeah. And then as far as like swimming, I was also like one of the fastest guys as a friend. Okay, so you got that that jock mode, all right, funny hung Well, I had the theater and the jock mode. Yeah. Mine with student council and uh and drama and improv and that kind of stuff. That's that's how I got You were getting here for out betweens, No, and I was no. Girls liked me for sure, you know, I was like the little crippled kid, but but older kids definitely wanted to get me drunk like that. I think was like people was like, it would be hilarious if we got divine drunk. So I was always that like freshman kid that they to senior parties and everyone was the difference between a freshman and a senior starts starts at the starts the ps. It definitely started at that because you are huge. I was such a child and they're like eighteen year old kids teaching me how to beer bong. Can you be thirteen when you start high school? Is that a thing? Or are fourteen pretty much eight if you're a freaking genius. Yeah I wasn't. I wasn't that it was not my affliction, so uh okay, I think there was fourteen And that's why you never rock. Was wild that you mentioned that, because I kind of forgot that, like we did kind of see the birth of coffee shops in our neighborhood too. I remember we had this place called Mocha Lisa. So this is cool to you, but the glass elevators is not. No, no, dude, it was really There's always been coffee shops, No love elevators. It was such a weird thing where like going to a coffee shop was like this fucking like cool thing to do as like a young high school student, but it made high school people feel like they were grown ups. Yeah, absolutely, And it was just like a sense of freedom, like to go do your homework there. Yeah, you could like bring your skateboard there and then skate in the back of the coffee shop or whatever. And it was it was way before it was like monopolized. It was crazy. You could actually like I remember like some of my first public cigarettes, like where I was like I'm smoking this, I don't care. We're in front of a coffee shop for sure with older kids, because I could hand it to them if anybody rolled up and they would give me the ciggies. And then definitely didn't hang out at a lot of coffee shops. We would hang out like restaurants, where like it was like zero dollars to eat their buffalo wild wings. Yeah, there's a lot of buffalo well wings, honestly. But then the first one, it was like a lot of There was a Chinese restaurant that they just didn't care what the ship we did, so like we we would. You could get a plate of fried rice for eighty cents. You just eat fried rice and sit there and then sit there for like four hours and just like you know, play cards or whatever. I'll take another one, play cards and eat fried race another round. Two kids are so cool being a grown as man eating eight cent fried rice playing cards with your always you just had it figured out that place is still open. It ended up giving like everybody food poisoning, like someone died. I think, yeah, they shut it down. It was like like I think someone legit died from eating their food, right, I think that that happened to us when we were in When we moved to the valley, we found that really cheap. Like do you guys remember that fried rice spot and we all got it and we all got sick, do you guys? Rice spot? Not that Chinese restaurant. It was it was like fried rice and we got it. It was when we it was when we shot um, it's we're eating it and you guys are eating it in the beginning of the Proto, not the Prototax sketch, the one, Uh, it's where you're eating it's in bed the Fortune Cooking class. That was, Yeah, you guys are scarfing on it at the beginning of that. That's the fried rice I'm thinking of. It was so bad. I remember that being pretty good. Yeah, it was delicious. It tasted good, but it sucked you up in the long run, I think, whatever, man, I'll take it. Do you remember when we found out that MSG was the ingredient because we were like, there are on a lot of Chinese restaurants stoles there there will be like a sign that says like no MSG. Because I guess that used to be a thing back in the day that Chinese restaurants were known for putting MSG, which is a like a kind of like a salt, like a spice that you put on into food that uh, it makes you like almost addicted, open too, and it it makes it just taste fucking delicious and you're like, oh, I gotta keep eating this. Um. So we got producers also please put in fact what it actually is. Uh, we got I don't know. We got the MSG the spice do you remember that? And then we were putting it on our food. Remember this very well? Oh yeah, it comes in cubes. It was like a salt shaker. Yeah. We went to a weird ass like store because we we were so bored. I feel like it was like a big loop in. Yeah maybe, and they had like a straight up shaker of MSG. What the I don't have this crazy memory of it being a big LOTS. I think it was like a big Lots And we got a spice set and MSG was there and we put it on everything and we call it the flavor enhancer. Was off the chain and guess what it mus to throw it on popcorn? Sodium glutum more than our energy journey stud And we're fine. Adam just had to piss crystals. But will you read that description to Adam right there? The basic sensory function of M s G is attributed to its ability to enhance savory taste active compounds when added in the proper concentration. It sounds good, Well why why then? What's so bad about it? Though? Why is it outlawed? Idea? Because it's it? Does it like truly makes you addicted to that thing. It's like an additive that isn't an actual food. So I think people were like turned off by it. Now we were turned on by it. Maybe there's a medical issue because there it could constrict the blood vessels or something too much. Well, it does have the word sodium in the word in monosodium, so maybe it's ahead, thank you, So maybe it is. I don't know something catch keep Yeah, and sodium is bad because why you are sodium? I think it can give them points, give them points trying you are sodium. Yes, Oh my god, I don't know. Yeah, you were like sodium. Un. I just caught that. The chunk was real. I just got it in the latest voice. Will you play it? Do you have it anymore? On the board? It's not a lady, by the way, it's a really cool guy, not even better. Even though I don't have it anymore. I'm sorry. I guess I'll have to live as that for the rest of the podcast. Ye do you guys remember Fazoli's which was like fast Italian food and they would give you if you would buy like it was like a three cent salad, they would give you unlimited breadsticks like The thing was if you bought food, they would bring you unlimited breadsticks. So we would just get like a soda, a three cent salad and then sit there for like five hours and just eat breadsticks and go in the car and smoke weed and come back and continue to eat breadsticks until they were like, you guys have to buy and then there's like they put up new signs saying that you have to buy new food every hour. We were fucking passed at that shut up bit. I kind of remember pulling some ship like that at like soup plantation or any one person would get it and then like you'd hop over, you'd buy one plate and then you would share off the plate. Now you notice that there's not a lot of soup plantations anymore. Do you think it's because the title is the worst? There's a plantation and what were they thinking? What they thinking? For sure? What were they thinking? Soup plantation the worst? Just called the soup factory. Yeah, it was bad. I wanted to go to super plantation and play dungeons and Dragons with some homies for like twelve hours at a super plantation. That would have been so sick. That would have been cool. Adam, your Italian restaurant just reminded me. That are the place we would hang out wherever there was a permission wall, which is where like the company or the business would let you paying graffiti on the back of their business. Way, that's some shy town ship. So shout out to Dave's Italian Kitchen. We would just go there smoke weed, big shout out. Today some people would be like putting up a piece of graffiti and we would just watch, and people be like doing skateboard tricks that they couldn't land and that's the best, just like hanging out flipping tricks and being like and like trading CDs due exacts. Now, just hang out at like Starbucks, right, Like that's where you hang out on the internet, don't call of duty. Yeah, it's all digital metaverse metaverse probably. I mean we're not far off. Yeah. I think they do hang out, but they have to see each other in person because I gotta get the like hand jobs and stuff and you know, fingerbangs. I don't think they care. I think they'd rather beat off at home the way they can and then just have their friends because because they all got the oculus rifts and it's it's too good. It's got to be so well, I don't know, can you do that? Can you occulate yourself? What do you mean? Well, I'm saying talking to each other? Can you see yourself? Though? Yeah you can. You can have an avatar, can't you. Yeah you can. When you're hanging, you're beating off to a fucking Sonic the Hedgehog character. Yeah, exactly, but it's not the same. I wonder if it will be like where you're you're you're fucking each other, Like if you have a girl and you're like, you know what, it's too big of a hassle to to get in a car and drive over there, and it's it's like a too much of a thing. If you guys could just both it on your oculus and it's it's sort of like that scene in Demolition Man where it's just like sensual sensory checks. She would love this, go ahead. I wonder if I think we're I think we're on the we're on the verge. I mean that's possible, right, Yeah, that's possible. That's absolutely possible. The tech is there because they're doing things like they're doing things where you can wear a sleeve and then your doctor is like checking on how you're doing physical therapy, like say you have a funked up knee or something like that, you can put a sleeve on and then so if you just put if you just put that on your day, it's science. By the way, I love how they're like the people who made it, like, yeah, we invented this for doctors, and they're just waiting for Porno to pick it up. Oh, because Porno is the front of tech. Then it is just around the riverband. So doctors, uh, this is for you. Whatever else is there up there, I don't know. You have patting on it and it's four doctors. Now it's science. Anyone else wants to get involved body at all or maybe braws ars. I'm not really sure what else it could be used for doctors, browsers, whoever. You know, doctors really need to grip things and squeeze, you know, it's crazy, like you know, the tanga egg was originally like a disposal or something like, Yeah, you you just throw away the thing into hear you tie it up, and then someone was like, you can stick your dicken. It's a portable garbage bag. It can expand jerk off into this egg. If you ever get seasick while on the boat, you just open this little egg. It's a contraption for and then some some Lonely Sailor was a minute, Thank you God, wild shot some Lonely Sailor or any man I like that that it only took us thirty or so minutes to get into Porno on this episode. We really that's maybe the longest tie that we've had. I'm proud of us. Best episode. Proud of us was that something that didn't Porno decide Blu Ray's fate. Blu Ray and like HD DVD or something like and VHS, no Porto decides the tech. Did you guys not noticed because a beta was a better format, but they didn't want Porno to use it at all. So the Porno was like, fine, we're gonna go with VHS. And then VHS became the thing, and then Beta max got sphased out, and then it came down to Brew ray and HD DVD, and Porno went Blu Ray and HD DVD went the way of whatever. People say, Uh well, I kind of always thought Beta max like wasn't the it was what made it a better technology. To me, I just was like, maybe it's like kind of a shitty well, I think it was just a magnetic tape. I think it's just a magnetic tape on the inside. First of all, don't call it Beta Max. I feel like my dad would read that and be like, I'm a fucking Beta Max. I'm an Alpha Max, dude. Yeah. That was before h VHS is much cheaper, much shittier resolution, and they broke easy. Beta Max was a much more robust media and I believe Sony made Beta Max and they had the patent on it, so you could it was either like Sony or Sanyo, and those are the only companies that made it, whereas like the VHS was like an open platform for everybody else. Yeah, Magnavox, who was sick. I remember tech t like, do you if your TV breaks now, do you get a TV repair man? Is that even a job anymore? Or you just buy a new right? You just buy a new TV. I was thinking of that the other day. I was like, this TV were to break, I would just buy a new TV. I wouldn't even there's I remember specifically, on multiple occasions a TV repair man coming to the house. I remember our VCR breaking, My dad took it to the VCR repair man. Right, I'm like, that doesn't fucking exist anymore. Well, because a lot of times for old TVs, there was a bulb in there, correct, So like if the bulb was all fucked up, you had to like open it up and replace that and then VHS. Sometimes the tape would get caught, so you'd have to take it somewhere to get it out, or you'd have to he'd have to clean the heads. Remember that. Did you guys have the little red sports car that would rewind the tapes? For? Yes, I did. That must be the glass elevator a generation, because I don't know what the funk you're talking about. Home boy. You didn't have a rewinder, No, it was a specific machine to rewind. Yeah, so you didn't fuck your heads up on your VCR. It would go hell of asked and then slow down towards the end, so it didn't That was a luxury. It looked like a little red sports car red cone so fast. Hey, wow, goddamn, that was a luxury. We didn't have that in my home. I don't say that if you just let it ride like you didn't turn your movie off or whatever. When it got to the end of the tape, it would just automat automatic rewind. If you had a nice VCR, it advanced to that, like eventually every VCR did that. But I think that was a sick ass new edition. Dude, Hey, it's been a while. Hung on, man, I got some VHS tape within two feet of me. Okay, reach for it. What is it? What do we got? My parents threw away on their move they moved to Lake of the Ozarks from Omaha, Nebraska. On their move, they threw away all their old vhs is because I was like, oh maybe, I was like, let me dig through your old vhs is when I was at home visit in this past year, and uh, they had none. I was. I was pretty salty about it. They didn't have this. What's he got? What is that? Best of backyard wrestling? Why do you have? They didn't have this? They didn't they didn't have that, and blake on that future Kings of the Ring. If you guys are on this, fucking kudos, dude. Is hc W conquered representing There's there's a one chance that they're not. Yeah, but yeah, well we were all about the stories in the pantry, yeah, less less about the wrestling. So you're telling me jack Hammer is not represented on that? Yeah, where's jack? Hey? Yeah? What about Jimmy Moon? Love that era where you could just they would play commercials of like planes crashing and all that ship and they're like, order now we get twenty tapes and you're like, oh, yeah, Sports Blue covered it. But girls, girls gone. You know the guy who made these billionaire billionaire backyard billionaire right there? Brother? I was. I was talking with Chloe the other day about something we had mentioned on a podcast about like Dorf, like Dorf gone Jim Conway, and she for sure didn't And I didn't know who Tim Conway was or who Dorf is. And I'm like, yeah, I get that Dorf is kind of a dors A deep cut, but I'm like, you know, Earnest. She doesn't know Earnest dude, way of course not. Of course that's too bad. Well that's your just does no Earnest, Yeah you need to Yeah, that's your job. Dorf is a pull for even us. You only know the commercials. Really we're saying, funny man, Earnest is that Hey, that's yeah, I want all the beef with doors. I only know it because my grandfather or my step grandfather, he was a golfer, and so we had a bunch of Dorf on golf like tapes around and he'd be like, here, watch this and leave us alone. And then I'd watch it and wild, we can't talk about Dorf on this pot. I said, I'd leave leaving you said, we'll talk about for a minute. You come back, go make a sandwich or some ship. Yeah, Dorf was always at the talker's office. I feel like it's just the dude on his knees in the shoes. It was at the doctor's office. We watched it every time we went to the doctor's office. Is Tim Connaway? Was he laughing? Tim Conway was laughing. I think an apple dumpling game. By the way, it's pretty smart to make like a golf series because then you're getting invited around the world to play in those tournaments and ship like. That's that's smart. He knew what he was doing. Guys, want to You want in on the most deep cut, funniest golf video ever made, Leslie Neilsen Bad Golf my Way. Check it out. It's impossible to find you'll never see it. Maybe check out on YouTube. Couldn't hear what was it? What is it? And me and don't want to hear it? Just tell just tell Kyle me and don't want to hear it? You can. There were two ages. Is bad golf my way and bad golf made easier everybody going. I'm very aware of these because we grew up together and we used to watch them together, and they Leslie Nielsen was the fucking ship we used to watch. You loved Leslie Neels like he's what he was? Ze Nielsen's who's talking? I thought we were talking. We had some time to ourselves. Who's talking? Sorry about it? And doesn't Adam doesn't. Zach have a Leslie Nielsen tattoo, which is the hardest tattoo. As the best man at my wedding, my friend Zach Leonardo legend made. You could follow him on Instagram. I wish I was pizza. He has at two of Leslie Nielsen on his calf. I believe um really good. That's his only tattoo. That is like a realist tattoo. It looks just I mean, the guy did a great job. It looks just like Lesley Nelson. Every other tattoo. You're like, uh, what is this? Yeah? From from Airplane. It just looks like a scary movie, a scary bad golf my way. I think it's from bad Golf my way, deep gut buzzing buzzing frog. It might have been bad Golf my way. I think it's naked gun what my heart from the producers of door fall on Golf is bad golf my way? Are there any takebacks, any giveaways, any epic slams this This pod has been a while since we've epic slammed. Anybody slams take back? I'm gonna slam Blake for wearing the exact same outfit that he wore on the last podcast. Bad Dude, you must suck be a stinky person. Yeah, that's why I apply hell old place. We were talking about Chinese food so much that I swear to God in my house most like Chinese food. I'm the only one here. I might be having a stroke or something. But you saw like toast when you're having a stroke, not Chinese food. No, it's Chinese chicken. We had one of us have a stroke on the podcast. To be good, that'd be good for ratings. Yeah, I heard before you have a stroke, you smell orange chicken. Yeah, I would be crying. Dude, if I saw you go down, homie, I'd be like fucking, oh my god, Like that would be You'd be bummed. I would be Who would be the most bummed? Do do we think out of the four of us? If if if I were to just die, most bumps, if I could see your face while you were passed out, I think I would start crying if you were if I could see your face, like if you fell backwards and passed out like that and it was like not moving, I think that would freak. Are we talking about who would be the most bummed? Immediately or like a week later? Kind of smokes sort of cleared what kind of some people are getting over it? What like who stays? I think No, I guess I guess we're talking about like like immediately, like who's the most bumped? Kyle, I'm scared. I'm scared out of my mind. And that's another episode of epic Say fire away, I see you next week and ve come back and see me. Three Living Room
