Bipolar Depression: Strategies for Survival

WEBVTT
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Music.
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Conversations with. My name is Shaylee Kukendorn and I live with bipolar 2 disorder.
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Sharing with others is healing both individually and collectively.
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Sharing our stories will educate others, bring more understanding,
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shed more light and smash more stigma.
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Our voices need to be heard. Our stories aren't over yet.
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This is Bipolar.
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Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of This is Bipolar.
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I am your host, Jaylee Hoogendorn. I live with bipolar 2 disorder. I am multi-passionate.
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Therefore, I am a teacher, an event planner, a podcaster, and content creator.
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I also have a husband and I have children, so I am a mother and I am fiercely
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passionate about sharing my story of lived experience with bipolar and the stories of others.
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And I am very excited if you haven't already noticed, or if this is the first
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time you're tuning in, I have a co-host friend and I'd love for her to introduce herself.
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Hello. Hi, I am Dr. Andrea Basilev. I also live with bipolar,
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and I have my doctorate in psychology.
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I'm a therapist here in California specializing in bipolar, and I'm also a passionate advocate.
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I have a self-stigma program I created that is being turned into a book,
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so that's coming line. Very exciting.
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And yeah, I'm here with Shaylee and the cats, so here we are.
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If you're on YouTube, you might see some cat appearances. We will see. We will see.
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You can show us up. Before we launch into everything, one of the biggest questions
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that I get asked is about support groups.
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I just get message upon message of someone just wanting to share their story
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or asking questions and just basically relating to someone else that lives with bipolar disorder.
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And so I started subscriptions on Instagram.
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Subscriptions. You join a peer support group.
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So it is in messages. So we have our own private group.
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So and there are people from all over the world. I have people in New Zealand.
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I've got someone just joined from India.
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I'm from Canada, US. We have a lot. Yeah, it's amazing.
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And so chances are, if you go on that chat, there is someone awake.
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There are people to talk to with your experience.
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And there are people that will listen and just get it because they all live with bipolar disorder.
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And one of the very cool things that we've been doing for almost six or seven
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months now, we meet every month on Zoom.
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And so we show up and we check in and we encourage each other. We talk.
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Calm as we are. Sometimes we come in our pajamas. Sometimes we're a hot mess. Sometimes we're not.
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And we just encourage people to just show up where they're at.
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And from what others have said, it's been a really, really, really life-changing
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experience because they have never met anyone else or seen anyone else that
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lives with a mood disorder.
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So, you are welcome. Sign up.
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Message me if you need help getting signed up, and I and my other bipolar bears
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would love, love, love to see you there.
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All right. I would love to get started. Andrea and I did an episode that went
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out a little while ago that talked about early warning signs of depression.
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This is our follow-up one where we want to talk about strategies to deal with depression.
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And Andrea is going to tell you a little bit of the topics that we will cover this episode.
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Yes. So we're going to talk about first our personal experiences experiencing
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bipolar depression and what that feels like, because that will probably resonate
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with a lot of people who are listening.
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It's such a unique and terrible experience that it's almost hard to put into
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words, but we're going to do that.
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And then we will go on to some of our own personal strategies,
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coping skills that we've developed just through, you know, through, through doing it.
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Right. learn by doing so we'll talk about
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those and yeah that's that'll be
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the big parts of it well andrea did
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you want to share first i know you have something special to share with us just
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about your your personal experience or how it's just such a word that's used
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for all types of things like i know you sometimes hear oh you know i'm so depressed
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that my tv series ended or,
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Or, you know, I'm so depressed about this.
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I'd love to hear your experience. And then maybe we can tease out.
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The difference between clinical depression and situational depression.
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Because I think that it's very, very different. And we use the same word,
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unfortunately, for it all. Right. We have some shortcomings in language, right?
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Because people will say, I'm so depressed. It's raining out today.
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And if you're in Canada, that's bad news, right? Because it's always raining, isn't it?
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Where I live. It's snowing everywhere else. Where I live, it rains in Vancouver.
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I'm just teasing. So I actually personally use this language,
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and I encourage people to use it.
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I encourage my self-stigma program as well because it puts some distance between
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you and the experience. I say I'm experiencing.
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That's good. Right. I'm not depressed. Right. That sort of conflates it with
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people who are saying I'm depressed because it's raining.
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I am experiencing depression. This is a thing. It's separate from me.
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I'm going through it. It's its own entity. So I use that language.
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And I think that is really helpful for me. I love that reminder.
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We think, oh, it's just words, but words are actually really important.
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And of course, you're going to buy Andrea's book when it comes out,
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and you're going to follow our Instagram.
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She's going to finish writing it. And language is really important.
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And I actually think it's a place that we can really start when we talk about
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breaking down stereotypes and stigma. Yeah, for sure.
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So let's hear your explanation.
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So I've got some poetic phrases that I use, right?
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And this first one's not mine. I heard it somewhere. I've heard it a bunch of
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places. And if it's yours, then credit to you, let us know. I don't know where it started.
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But I've heard that experiencing bipolar depression is like swimming in a bowl full of razor blades.
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True. Right? And that's so visceral and so descriptive.
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Yeah. You know what that just reminded me of? I'm going to out myself as a Swifty.
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She has the song is called death by a thousand cuts yes i mean that expression i've heard right.
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But that's yeah it's a good song you want
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to sing it for us go ahead no i 100% don't want to sing it for us that's all
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i know that's all i got yeah no that's a really good way to explain it yeah
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if you go back and if you want to hear andrea's full story you can go back and
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i interviewed her a while ago and we have she's been on the podcast before and
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she actually tells her whole personal story.
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And in that personal story, she shares some poetry. I would love to hear some
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poetry that you have describing depression.
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So here's the thing. When I was really going through it, all the cycling,
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all the depression, all the hypomania, I wrote a lot, right?
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Some of it's not bad. Some of it's a mess, but it's all very raw and truthful.
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So I pulled this out of the archives
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and it's from 2007 so it's
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quite some time ago this is what it
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felt like to me at the time so if this
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resonates with you then you are not alone and we see
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you because we've been through this so goes i
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have stopped feeling ceased existence segregated myself from this rich but ironically
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lonely world i remain alone i take no risks like a cold gray stone i lie artless
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and formless solid and stoic in my non-existence.
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There's this numbness about it right sometimes yeah and i love that,
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rich part because I think one of the things that it's hard for people to understand
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is that I am aware of the beauty in the world. It almost seems like... Out of reach.
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Yeah. I almost feel like there's this thick, dark bubble around me and I know
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those things are out there, but they no longer can get access to it.
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Exactly. It's this like you're stuck. You've sometimes got this non-existence
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numbness and sometimes it's this, what I call this swirling vortex of despair,
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right? Where it's more agitated.
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Actually, Shelley, we should mention one of my favorite sort of recounts of
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bipolar depression is in the book called Brainstorm by Sarah Schley.
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I don't know if you've read it. She's also making a documentary.
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That's a set. Yes, I know about the documentary.
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Her book about bipolar depression is just so spot on.
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It just really, it resonates so much. I really like Brainstorm from broken to
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blessed on the bipolar spectrum. It's really great.
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Awesome. We'll put it in the show notes. I always struggle to try and put into
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words what depression feels like to me because when I'm depressed,
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I don't have a lot of words, which if y'all know me,
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if you won't, yes, at all, I rarely am speechless.
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Okay. Right. We love that about you. That's one of your finest qualities.
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People always ask me, what happened?
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Or why are you feeling that way? They want to fix it. And the thing is that
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nothing happens, right?
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Sometimes there are triggers, but mine came regularly every year around the
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same time. It kept me from sharing because I knew people were going to ask me the reason.
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I remember not only feeling the depression, but having this deep,
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deep guilt because I had an awesome life. I love my husband.
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We have a great relationship.
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Obviously, there's things, right? I'm not going to rose-colored glasses of marriage,
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but I had children, you know, deep down.
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I had all brothers, so I kind of wanted a girl. I got two. Yeah.
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And so I had, I ended up getting my career, right?
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Right. You listen on other episodes that I got my degree by the skin of my teeth
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near the end through a depression.
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I'm outgoing and I'm extroverted. And so I felt like there was not a good enough reason to tell people.
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Right. You don't have the right to experience depression. Like, how dare you?
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You have food, you have clothes, et cetera, et cetera. But that's not how it
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works. Just because your basic
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needs are met doesn't mean that your brain isn't living with bipolar.
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Yeah. And I felt selfish too. Like depression is a result for people going through
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something horrible, right?
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And so I think when we get into talking about the different strategies and things
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that we do, it's been really, really powerful to me to look at that differently.
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So if you're feeling like that, I get it. Yeah, definitely.
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So you mentioned strategies and coping. Yeah. We're experienced in this department.
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We are experienced.
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Andrea has been diagnosed since she was a teenager, right?
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Yeah. Yeah, I'm going on 25 years now. So she has experiences for sure.
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And I was only diagnosed in 2010 and I was 34 or 6.
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I don't know. Math is hard. I should really write it down. You were just 30.
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Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. Yeah.
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And so there have been...
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I try not to sit in it too long, but I've let myself kind of grieve the idea
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of that because I was diagnosed so late all those months of like years of cycles
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of depression. Sometimes I feel like it's a stole time from me.
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I felt like a time stealer. Yeah, we do a whole episode on stealing of time.
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Yeah, I hear that. You should.
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And before we jump into like talking about, it's such a science-y word, right?
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Strategies or coping mechanisms, all of those things.
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I just want to acknowledge right now, if you are in the depths of depression,
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if it has clutches in you, please know, please know that we are not saying these are miracle cures.
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We are 100% not saying these are easy and we're not just, you know,
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throwing them out there like answers.
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We want you to know first and foremost that we see you and my heart feels tight
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just thinking about my experience and thinking that others have to feel that too.
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We absolutely know how hard these things are for you.
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Right isn't that ironic right that these skills
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when they're so important are the hardest so
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i in all things encourage people
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to look for balance right because there's
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there's balance between having to meet your depression where it is yeah and
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pushing yourself to move the needle a little bit that's the other thing is people
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say okay i gotta turn this depression off maybe not maybe you just move the
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needle a tiny, tiny bit. And even that is worth doing.
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So we're going to keep coming back to that balance of knowing what you can do,
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what you can't do, and what's the middle ground where maybe you can do something.
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I love that. And starting small, right? Otherwise, it just becomes completely overwhelming.
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Let me give people a little structure. Talk a tiny bit about professional help.
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Then we'll talk about self-care, which covers all kinds of things.
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Social support, distraction techniques, right? So those are some of the big bucket categories.
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Shaylee, give us a couple of words about professional health because we also
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want to acknowledge that you can do all of the stuff and still need professional
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help. In fact, that's probably what will happen.
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So if you are really in it, what's the first thing you should do?
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I think absolutely you need to go to a doctor.
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Most people don't realize they have it. They go to the doctor unless someone's
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really well-versed and knows it's in their family and knows you probably,
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like me, I wasn't surprised to have a mental health disorder,
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but I didn't think that it would be bipolar disorder.
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And so I think having a treatment team, having a doctor is very, very important because.
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Until we could get my medication right, all of these other strategies that Andrea
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and I are going to talk about were literally impossible for me to do because
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I was just surviving every day.
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I was just getting through hypomanic days on this whirlwind of whatever it was,
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trying to hold on to it, knowing the depression would come.
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And then the depression, I was trying to stay alive.
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I was trying to make. So the thought of doing any of these things seemed absolutely impossible.
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But having medication, having a doctor, therapist, I was able to access and
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bring, you know, the two levels a little bit closer to each other.
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And I was able to actually be self-reflective, right?
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And try the things that we're going to talk about. Yeah, just go to your doctor.
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And if you're someone that's in complete crisis, if you are having suicidal
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thoughts or thoughts about hurting yourself or others, go to emergency.
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If you need to be admitted to save your life, please, please go.
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I know it's a hard experience. I know that some people it was not a great experience,
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but if it keeps you alive. That's what matters.
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That's what matters. I am a firm believer that it is nearly impossible to manage
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without medical help, in my opinion.
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Yeah. So if you have your diagnosis and you know you experience episodes of
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depression and you feel one coming, go back to our last episode, The Warning Signs.
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Yeah. But you know that you're in it or about to be in it, call your doctor,
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psychiatrist, therapist, anybody who can help reach out.
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You know, kind of like if you're going down the quicksand, you've got to reach out. Yeah.
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And even telling one person, I don't know about you, but if I speak aloud,
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even now, the power of, I call it like the power of the pen or the power of,
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to me, it's the voicemail, the power of a group message.
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I feel the teeniest bit of movement when I speak it aloud or write it or tell
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someone, right? Someone you trust.
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And if that person, you know, dismisses you or doesn't, you don't feel fully
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heard, try someone else, right?
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And if you need to, if it's something that you've never written down or told
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someone before your diagnosis, feel free to send us a message.
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I get messages all the time that says, I've never told anyone.
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Because it's it's a start we're here to
00:17:30.122 --> 00:17:33.162
hold space for that and hopefully
00:17:33.162 --> 00:17:39.142
it will help you get courage to you know share in real life yeah exactly so
00:17:39.142 --> 00:17:43.042
once you've seen the doctor told the doctor taking care of yourself gone to
00:17:43.042 --> 00:17:48.662
the hospital if you need to then what what are some of our self-care type things
00:17:48.662 --> 00:17:51.182
i want i want to hear yours first.
00:17:52.461 --> 00:17:57.721
Okay, so this also kind of falls into the bucket of prevention,
00:17:57.881 --> 00:18:03.121
which we talked, we didn't cover prevention, but let's give it a hot second, right?
00:18:03.381 --> 00:18:06.341
Yeah. So a little bit of prevention is worth a lot of cure.
00:18:06.721 --> 00:18:10.661
The tricky part about that is that you can do all of the quote unquote right
00:18:10.661 --> 00:18:13.781
things, do all of the treatment things, take perfect care of yourself,
00:18:13.781 --> 00:18:15.621
and you might still end up with depression.
00:18:15.621 --> 00:18:19.241
So don't be discouraged if that happens, but there are things that can be done
00:18:19.241 --> 00:18:23.981
that we do that reduce risk of relapse or even just time to relapse, and that's a big deal.
00:18:24.361 --> 00:18:27.241
So some of these things are preventative, but when experiencing depression,
00:18:27.801 --> 00:18:31.461
I'm going to go off script for a second, the first and most important thing,
00:18:31.721 --> 00:18:36.861
you never guess, guess, no, don't guess, I'll tell you, self-compassion. Yeah.
00:18:37.341 --> 00:18:42.161
Even more important than self-care, I would say, because you can be doing all
00:18:42.161 --> 00:18:45.201
of those things and still bullying yourself.
00:18:46.161 --> 00:18:52.001
And I feel like my negative self-talk and that person, you know,
00:18:52.141 --> 00:18:58.601
I try and separate it from myself, that voice inside that stops me from being able to do anything.
00:18:58.601 --> 00:19:03.501
So if I can't have compassion with myself, keep thinking over and over again, it's my fault.
00:19:03.561 --> 00:19:06.861
Some of my reoccurring thoughts are, I can't believe I'm back here.
00:19:06.981 --> 00:19:08.681
How did I let this happen?
00:19:09.001 --> 00:19:13.661
I have to look at those thoughts and say, this is not true.
00:19:13.661 --> 00:19:17.101
It's not true it's not helpful and it's
00:19:17.101 --> 00:19:20.281
making things worse the hard part about that is when you're experiencing
00:19:20.281 --> 00:19:23.221
depression those cognitive distortions that negative
00:19:23.221 --> 00:19:26.921
self-talk boom right away they happen so much more easily so you've got to be
00:19:26.921 --> 00:19:32.121
pretty intentional about holding yourself in compassion bath of empathy just
00:19:32.121 --> 00:19:36.081
you know bathe yourself in all of that that love that you can muster so that's
00:19:36.081 --> 00:19:41.181
the first thing because that'll make everything else easier right it's true it's It's true.
00:19:41.401 --> 00:19:44.921
So what I have done in the past, because I still struggle with this, let's be real.
00:19:46.114 --> 00:19:50.774
I write down things I would say to a friend or things I've said to a friend
00:19:50.774 --> 00:19:54.514
on Instagram, and then I read them back to myself because it's not,
00:19:54.634 --> 00:19:57.054
doesn't come naturally to think about that for myself.
00:19:57.514 --> 00:20:05.374
And I used to have a self-care box and it would have things in it that made
00:20:05.374 --> 00:20:06.714
me be compassionate with myself.
00:20:06.874 --> 00:20:12.134
So I might be skipping ahead to some self-care things, but that was a step that
00:20:12.134 --> 00:20:13.694
I did to be compassionate myself.
00:20:13.894 --> 00:20:20.554
So one, I wrote down kind words or words that I'd love to be spoken over to me, sent to me.
00:20:20.674 --> 00:20:23.854
I will read them. And then I also have a couple pictures.
00:20:24.074 --> 00:20:28.154
I have a picture of seven-year-old Shailie, and then I have 16-year-old Shailie,
00:20:28.234 --> 00:20:30.194
and I have them on my mirror.
00:20:30.374 --> 00:20:33.714
And I found this beautiful thing that said, you are enough that you can etch
00:20:33.714 --> 00:20:34.634
it kind of in your mirror.
00:20:34.814 --> 00:20:38.034
And I look at little Shailie and I think, or teenage Shailie,
00:20:38.174 --> 00:20:44.234
like those years whoa and I just have so compassion because they didn't like
00:20:44.234 --> 00:20:49.554
one they didn't know and they felt like they were different and I just it's
00:20:49.554 --> 00:20:54.414
easier to say those things to myself if I'm looking at at that that's beautiful
00:20:54.414 --> 00:20:57.074
I love that how do you practice your self-compassion.
00:20:57.914 --> 00:21:01.574
I think it's it's sort of it's everywhere
00:21:01.574 --> 00:21:04.434
right it's an approach to life it's an approach
00:21:04.434 --> 00:21:07.394
to how you talk to yourself it's an approach to how you do things
00:21:07.394 --> 00:21:10.734
so if you're trying to do something that's a coping strategy
00:21:10.734 --> 00:21:13.494
that we'll talk about and it's not going very
00:21:13.494 --> 00:21:18.834
well instead of hating on yourself it's okay i did my best maybe my best didn't
00:21:18.834 --> 00:21:22.454
succeed or accomplish the task or whatever but i did my best and that's really
00:21:22.454 --> 00:21:26.934
all i can ask of myself right and another one you might stick in that self-care
00:21:26.934 --> 00:21:32.254
box is a gratitude journal plenty of research behind gratitude journals and mood.
00:21:33.313 --> 00:21:37.073
Even if a journal sounds like a lot of work, just a practice of three things
00:21:37.073 --> 00:21:40.593
you can name for the day. Shelly, give me your three things you're grateful for today.
00:21:41.113 --> 00:21:48.013
Today. I'm grateful for you that you're here and I'm grateful that you like fun and fashion with me.
00:21:48.173 --> 00:21:53.473
Some of my favorite things right now of having a co-host again is being able
00:21:53.473 --> 00:21:55.893
to talk about like, hey, what are you going to wear? What am I going to wear?
00:21:56.073 --> 00:21:59.553
And then we match up to me. That brings me so much joy. And if you see,
00:21:59.693 --> 00:22:01.613
we're almost twin-deaned. I know, right?
00:22:02.153 --> 00:22:05.393
We couldn't wear just straight black. And I'm going to get into a self-care
00:22:05.393 --> 00:22:08.713
thing about color for me. Yes. But so we have some gold.
00:22:10.253 --> 00:22:16.933
So that, my second thing I'm thankful for is that I was able the past two weeks
00:22:16.933 --> 00:22:19.673
to teach small tiny humans.
00:22:19.813 --> 00:22:23.613
Oh my gosh. Four days a week, both weeks. Oh my gosh.
00:22:24.313 --> 00:22:28.853
With teaching on call, which is a lot for me. It's not that I can't do it,
00:22:28.953 --> 00:22:32.333
but then everything at home just falls apart.
00:22:32.493 --> 00:22:37.433
I can, you know, making dinner, all those things that usually come naturally, it's overwhelming.
00:22:37.613 --> 00:22:42.053
I mean, like sometimes I just have to sit and zone out after because littles are a lot and I love them.
00:22:42.873 --> 00:22:46.573
But I think I'm grateful for that and grateful for...
00:22:47.024 --> 00:22:51.364
I think the third one would be, I'm grateful that I don't judge myself about
00:22:51.364 --> 00:22:55.504
that because there's kind of distortion that I have that tells me,
00:22:55.624 --> 00:22:56.664
you know, I'm not working enough.
00:22:56.804 --> 00:23:03.044
I'm not giving back to society enough. This isn't a big, big deal, right?
00:23:03.224 --> 00:23:07.484
Everybody works kind of thing. But I recognize for me, teaching small children
00:23:07.484 --> 00:23:12.364
and living with a bipolar disorder is a huge feat.
00:23:12.764 --> 00:23:17.584
That's amazing. I love those. And I'm grateful for you too. When you're experiencing
00:23:17.584 --> 00:23:20.924
depression, your grateful things might not be as big.
00:23:21.084 --> 00:23:25.504
They might be, I'm grateful I took a shower today and I'm grateful that someone
00:23:25.504 --> 00:23:27.084
called and that they care about me.
00:23:27.284 --> 00:23:30.684
And I'm grateful that I have these pills to take. Like they can be very basic,
00:23:30.704 --> 00:23:31.584
but still worth doing. Yeah.
00:23:31.764 --> 00:23:36.804
One of the biggest things is I do reasons to stay alive. I even have like a thing.
00:23:37.384 --> 00:23:44.304
And that really helped because I had to dig deep to find like 30 in one month or, you know, 45.
00:23:44.504 --> 00:23:47.984
Because it's easier for me to say, you know, like, even though these are absolutely
00:23:47.984 --> 00:23:52.584
valid, but it would be easy for me to just say, just say my family or just say
00:23:52.584 --> 00:23:56.664
I had to dig deeper into the little glimmers around me.
00:23:56.664 --> 00:23:59.784
And I wanted to speak a little bit to gratitude journal as well.
00:23:59.944 --> 00:24:03.784
It doesn't have to be a journal with paper.
00:24:03.944 --> 00:24:07.244
I always, one of my things is I always think that there's a right way to do
00:24:07.244 --> 00:24:08.424
things and that I'm doing it wrong.
00:24:08.624 --> 00:24:16.204
So that compassion I'm working on. And so sitting down and writing served me when I was a teenager.
00:24:16.464 --> 00:24:21.244
Now, I had children and just being busy and just who I am.
00:24:21.444 --> 00:24:25.584
The sitting down and doing the writing is overwhelming to me because I don't
00:24:25.584 --> 00:24:26.844
know where to start. Then I just keep going.
00:24:27.104 --> 00:24:29.404
Makes it a stressful thing. I also get stressed by coloring,
00:24:29.604 --> 00:24:32.344
which is hilarious. But I have found a way.
00:24:32.724 --> 00:24:39.364
One, my content creation and my Instagram is my journaling. But also I have
00:24:39.364 --> 00:24:44.104
an app called Marco Polo where I speak, like I tell my friends, you and I, we do...
00:24:44.512 --> 00:24:47.672
Audio check-ins right and then also like
00:24:47.672 --> 00:24:50.452
I'll video record myself or audio record myself because
00:24:50.452 --> 00:24:53.692
if I'm speaking it out to me but having it
00:24:53.692 --> 00:24:59.032
still is just as powerful so if journaling is not your jam find the way right
00:24:59.032 --> 00:25:03.132
even just think them yeah it's the process of identifying them that's really
00:25:03.132 --> 00:25:08.812
helpful if you are interested too on the Instagram every Thursday I do it mostly
00:25:08.812 --> 00:25:12.532
for me but the community shows up, I do a thankful Thursday post.
00:25:12.752 --> 00:25:16.852
So if you can even just be come that day and write those out,
00:25:16.972 --> 00:25:19.992
I have a way you can write it right where everyone can see it,
00:25:20.072 --> 00:25:22.992
like in the comments under the post, but I usually put it in stories too.
00:25:23.192 --> 00:25:24.772
And then it just comes to me.
00:25:25.152 --> 00:25:28.892
And I, I used to think like, oh, I'm going to post this again.
00:25:29.012 --> 00:25:33.112
People are getting so bored, but people show up and they really,
00:25:33.232 --> 00:25:35.352
really appreciate it. And it also reminds me.
00:25:35.512 --> 00:25:38.492
So if that's something that would be helpful to you.
00:25:38.732 --> 00:25:41.632
I offer that on Thursdays, on Thankful Thursdays.
00:25:42.072 --> 00:25:48.052
Yeah. So give me another coping strategy for depression, something to focus on. Yeah.
00:25:48.292 --> 00:25:53.392
So when I start feeling depressed, I get almost militant about my sleep.
00:25:53.892 --> 00:25:58.092
Because we know with bipolar disorder, the sleep and energy,
00:25:58.292 --> 00:26:02.052
those two things are a big, big struggle for us.
00:26:02.152 --> 00:26:07.112
With depression, I actually sleep too much. A lot of people have hypersomnia.
00:26:07.412 --> 00:26:09.892
The interesting thing about depression is you can have hypersomnia,
00:26:10.112 --> 00:26:13.172
which is sleeping too much, or you're going to have insomnia in which you might
00:26:13.172 --> 00:26:15.952
be very tired but are unable to sleep. Yeah.
00:26:16.272 --> 00:26:18.932
Oh, that one's hard, right? Because you're stuck with your thoughts.
00:26:19.152 --> 00:26:22.432
If I could have just slept the depressions away, that is what I would have done.
00:26:22.552 --> 00:26:25.752
But I force myself to keep between eight.
00:26:25.952 --> 00:26:29.832
And then when I don't have to work in the morning, sometimes I can sleep eight to 10 hours, right?
00:26:30.332 --> 00:26:32.872
When I'm depressed. But I could sleep depressed. I could sleep 12,
00:26:33.032 --> 00:26:37.492
14. I could just sleep forever or get up and go back. But I make myself get vertical.
00:26:37.812 --> 00:26:42.652
And I learned this from Holly Schwartz. Yes, you did. In the Social Rhythms episode.
00:26:42.856 --> 00:26:46.636
Because I thought as long as I'm awake, but actually you need to get vertical.
00:26:46.876 --> 00:26:50.676
You need to sit up, stand up to give the floor, as they say. Yes.
00:26:51.676 --> 00:26:55.376
Signal to your body that the day is starting. So I do that.
00:26:55.536 --> 00:27:01.376
And on the deepest, deepest, darkest, darkest days, just doing that and moving
00:27:01.376 --> 00:27:04.536
myself and getting some kind of food.
00:27:04.756 --> 00:27:09.436
And then even if I'm just moving to the couch to sit up or even if I just do
00:27:09.436 --> 00:27:12.136
a lap in my home, if that's all I can muster.
00:27:12.136 --> 00:27:15.036
It's forward motion like andrea was talking about
00:27:15.036 --> 00:27:17.996
little movement and not getting stuck how about you
00:27:17.996 --> 00:27:22.276
how do you sleep a lot sleep less when you're experiencing depression
00:27:22.276 --> 00:27:30.116
sort of depends on both ways but i do think it's important not to again balance
00:27:30.116 --> 00:27:35.476
some days you bed rot because that's all you can do but if there's a tiny spark
00:27:35.476 --> 00:27:41.456
of a percentage of a possibility of a hope that you can get out of bed and make it to the couch, do that.
00:27:41.716 --> 00:27:44.236
Do the thing that is just within reach.
00:27:44.536 --> 00:27:49.496
I love that. I love that so much. And I leave myself my glimmer pebbles.
00:27:49.516 --> 00:27:52.056
So I'll leave stuff around my house.
00:27:52.256 --> 00:27:54.936
So color is really, really important
00:27:54.936 --> 00:27:59.916
to me. Okay. So I have like my water bottles. I'm a drinker early.
00:28:00.376 --> 00:28:03.016
My phone. Yes. Phone cases.
00:28:04.456 --> 00:28:07.316
And I'm also a maximalist. Oh, look,
00:28:07.316 --> 00:28:10.196
i'm getting these made plug this is
00:28:10.196 --> 00:28:13.236
by plugs yeah within the next couple months you
00:28:13.236 --> 00:28:19.596
can get your this is bipolar mug i have one of these in every spot so i have
00:28:19.596 --> 00:28:24.516
one of these it by my bottles yep i have sorry for those listening it's my starbucks
00:28:24.516 --> 00:28:28.156
tumbler but water bottles i have different ones i have one like where i sit
00:28:28.156 --> 00:28:31.596
beside the couch i have one in my office i have them all over the place,
00:28:32.376 --> 00:28:35.996
and then I also have different like
00:28:35.996 --> 00:28:39.316
I have different drinks so I when I get up I get excited to
00:28:39.316 --> 00:28:42.176
use the mug to have my special drink right to have
00:28:42.176 --> 00:28:46.216
my latte or whatever so sometimes honestly just getting up for my latte was
00:28:46.216 --> 00:28:52.556
the thing but I find that leading into to something else like color around me
00:28:52.556 --> 00:28:58.836
even in my bedroom I don't like I have bright colors a lot you know like some
00:28:58.836 --> 00:29:00.476
crisp white. I've got some yellow.
00:29:00.676 --> 00:29:05.956
I just find that just seeing other colors just helps me get like a pinhole out of the gray.
00:29:06.496 --> 00:29:09.476
And yeah, color therapy. I didn't know it was a thing.
00:29:09.536 --> 00:29:13.136
I just always did it putting on sometimes even if I'm at home and I'm not leaving,
00:29:13.296 --> 00:29:14.576
sometimes I'll even put on lipstick.
00:29:14.736 --> 00:29:19.576
What I've done lately, I always just had black and gray like sweatshirts or my cozy hoodies.
00:29:19.816 --> 00:29:23.356
But then when we were wearing them all the time in COVID, I decided I can be
00:29:23.356 --> 00:29:25.056
cozy, but also colorful.
00:29:25.256 --> 00:29:30.196
So even when I'm sad, I have certain depression, down.
00:29:31.595 --> 00:29:34.995
Sweaters and hoodies. I literally have one that has the Taylor Swift.
00:29:35.095 --> 00:29:36.615
I cry a lot, but I am productive.
00:29:37.135 --> 00:29:41.615
One, it's purple, different ones like that. And I have a Sunday one from,
00:29:41.855 --> 00:29:43.635
Andrea bought me one that says the Sunday scaries.
00:29:43.815 --> 00:29:46.675
Anyways, color therapy. I didn't know that that had a name.
00:29:46.935 --> 00:29:49.395
I know a lot about it. I've just heard the phrase, different colors make you
00:29:49.395 --> 00:29:50.435
feel different things. That's fair.
00:29:50.635 --> 00:29:54.255
But you make a really good point, Shelley, in all of these, let's
00:29:54.255 --> 00:29:57.275
do the little thing that little thing
00:29:57.275 --> 00:30:00.395
if that's taking a tiny amount of joy in something
00:30:00.395 --> 00:30:03.175
simple if that's making it to the couch so i think
00:30:03.175 --> 00:30:06.235
that's a good overall idea is
00:30:06.235 --> 00:30:09.215
to to do the little thing say the the one thing
00:30:09.215 --> 00:30:11.815
you're grateful for right get up out of
00:30:11.815 --> 00:30:15.115
bed another one where we can do the little thing is exercise
00:30:15.115 --> 00:30:17.835
and i can i can literally hear everybody rolling their
00:30:17.835 --> 00:30:21.135
eyes at me because i get it when experiencing depression
00:30:21.135 --> 00:30:23.895
yeah exercise well go away
00:30:23.895 --> 00:30:26.795
go take a walk okay bro like what yeah i can
00:30:26.795 --> 00:30:30.375
barely get myself to exercise sometimes when i'm not right
00:30:30.375 --> 00:30:35.795
but it's i don't know for me exercise has been such a huge part of my getting
00:30:35.795 --> 00:30:40.915
and staying well but again do the little thing sit on the floor and touch your
00:30:40.915 --> 00:30:47.995
toes right do the yoga stand up reach for the ceiling right do the little thing that you can,
00:30:48.135 --> 00:30:50.955
that moves you in the right direction. Get that snowball going.
00:30:51.515 --> 00:30:55.415
Yeah. Dr. Hilary McBride, and she talks a lot about embodiment and embodiment
00:30:55.415 --> 00:31:00.715
therapy. And I love the language because it had extra connotation with me with.
00:31:01.419 --> 00:31:04.579
When I would get depressed, I get disordered eating.
00:31:04.919 --> 00:31:09.399
And then I, so not so much anymore, because again, professional help,
00:31:09.499 --> 00:31:11.459
my medication has really helped with that.
00:31:11.779 --> 00:31:18.459
But I loved how she just talks about like just changing exercise to moving your
00:31:18.459 --> 00:31:21.019
body, right? Because to me, it was exercise, gym.
00:31:21.159 --> 00:31:24.779
Like I said, I get these solid ways of how you have to do things.
00:31:24.819 --> 00:31:27.539
If you don't do it for an hour, it's not even worth it.
00:31:27.639 --> 00:31:31.359
Like those kinds of things. And she really, you know, helped me reframe that.
00:31:31.459 --> 00:31:34.099
I think of it as moving the feelings through my body too.
00:31:34.239 --> 00:31:37.239
Sure, I love that. And people who know me know I'm a dancer.
00:31:37.499 --> 00:31:40.919
So I dance, but you can also turn on YouTube and get like dance fitness,
00:31:40.919 --> 00:31:44.939
or you can just turn on your music and move your body around the house.
00:31:45.099 --> 00:31:47.239
Like dance, like no one's watching, but for real, right?
00:31:47.699 --> 00:31:52.079
But it's true, cardio exercise, intense exercise will shift your mood.
00:31:52.239 --> 00:31:55.219
So if you have it in you, do it. It's like medicine.
00:31:55.699 --> 00:32:00.499
Yeah, caring for my body, helps me care for my mind.
00:32:00.659 --> 00:32:04.799
Normally I would never do a challenge because I do, especially in January,
00:32:04.799 --> 00:32:06.639
but my daughter asked me to do a Pilates challenge.
00:32:06.839 --> 00:32:11.599
And if your teenage daughter wants to hang out with you, you even do Pilates for her.
00:32:11.959 --> 00:32:15.679
So we've been doing this one and they're literally 10 or 12 minutes long.
00:32:15.839 --> 00:32:19.499
And I would probably think before, what's the use kind of thing.
00:32:19.759 --> 00:32:23.139
But actually, how do you feel after? Yeah, good.
00:32:23.339 --> 00:32:26.679
And they're hard. And also that would bring up with exercise,
00:32:26.679 --> 00:32:31.579
having a buddy, or if I tell someone I'm going to do it. And this one was a big one for me.
00:32:32.579 --> 00:32:35.899
Those would always, so I would have this list of these things that we're doing
00:32:35.899 --> 00:32:38.699
in my head, and then I would beat myself up if I didn't do them at night.
00:32:38.899 --> 00:32:44.459
So one of the strategies that I do is instead of writing a to-do list at night,
00:32:44.739 --> 00:32:46.559
I call it my reverse to-do list.
00:32:46.659 --> 00:32:52.139
I write only the things I did, like I ate an apple, and then I draw a little
00:32:52.139 --> 00:32:54.319
square, and I check it off, or I cross out.
00:32:54.659 --> 00:32:59.099
And mentally, it makes such a difference. Like, even if I said,
00:32:59.219 --> 00:33:00.879
like, I walked to my car today.
00:33:01.079 --> 00:33:05.079
I walked to my car, I got in my car and went somewhere. If that's on the list,
00:33:05.777 --> 00:33:11.117
Great. Right. So again, focusing on the small wins, right, as a pattern here.
00:33:11.737 --> 00:33:17.017
So exercise is kind of up there with diet, and neither you or I are nutritionally trained.
00:33:18.137 --> 00:33:22.157
Can't tell you what to eat and not eat, but there's plenty of evidence out there
00:33:22.157 --> 00:33:26.317
for diet and bipolar and just in moods in general.
00:33:26.537 --> 00:33:29.557
Like, if you put junk in, you get junk out.
00:33:29.557 --> 00:33:32.717
At the same time if you've ever read my slate article or
00:33:32.717 --> 00:33:35.357
heard my story sometimes like when i
00:33:35.357 --> 00:33:38.337
first got really sick when i was 14 i stopped eating
00:33:38.337 --> 00:33:41.377
that's why they took me to the pediatrician right no one knew i was experiencing
00:33:41.377 --> 00:33:45.577
depression but they knew that i had stopped eating and the doctor was like let
00:33:45.577 --> 00:33:48.397
her eat whatever she wants because she's not eating and all i ate for like two
00:33:48.397 --> 00:33:53.117
months was this is so disgusting mcdonald's french fries yeah this was like
00:33:53.117 --> 00:33:55.717
this was the 90s, though they weren't as awful as they were.
00:33:56.037 --> 00:33:59.917
But McDonald's french fries, sugar cookies, and apple juice.
00:34:00.657 --> 00:34:04.417
That's it, right? So that probably was not helping, but I wasn't eating.
00:34:04.577 --> 00:34:08.797
So again, balance the struggle between meeting your depression where it is and
00:34:08.797 --> 00:34:09.857
trying to move the needle.
00:34:10.377 --> 00:34:16.257
Yeah. Especially be very careful because I think that it's also a slippery slope,
00:34:17.057 --> 00:34:19.537
because of hyperfixation that we get.
00:34:19.797 --> 00:34:24.717
And also with depression, you can just focus on all the hard things.
00:34:24.837 --> 00:34:29.457
And sometimes too with our meds, we gain weight and then we feel worse or sometimes we move less.
00:34:29.597 --> 00:34:32.037
So we gain weight, we feel worse and there's this big yo-yo thing.
00:34:33.637 --> 00:34:40.177
Just like Andrea said, balance. Be careful not to do, and I'm saying this from
00:34:40.177 --> 00:34:42.657
experience, go through your cupboards and throw out anything,
00:34:42.657 --> 00:34:43.817
which I'm going to go sugar.
00:34:43.817 --> 00:34:49.457
I'm picking one exact diet that's completely, you know, I have to follow step by step by step.
00:34:49.557 --> 00:34:55.137
For me, it was like a hyper focus and so much so that I got in vicious cycles.
00:34:55.297 --> 00:35:00.157
So just be really careful. And like what Andrea said, if you can't eat at all, eat something.
00:35:00.337 --> 00:35:05.577
Like for me, when I'm really depressed, I can't drink water.
00:35:06.117 --> 00:35:09.477
I know that's so weird. I can't drink water. so I
00:35:09.477 --> 00:35:12.697
drink like coffee iced coffee I'm not recommending this
00:35:12.697 --> 00:35:17.417
but and also like you know drinks and sometimes I drink diet drinks sometimes
00:35:17.417 --> 00:35:22.437
I drink diet pop none none not great for you and then I would have tea but it's
00:35:22.437 --> 00:35:27.957
liquid I was getting liquid right and I used to beat myself up a friend was
00:35:27.957 --> 00:35:32.177
like that is liquid and you're staying alive and when I could just,
00:35:33.081 --> 00:35:37.341
let that go. I actually started drinking more water because I wasn't pressuring
00:35:37.341 --> 00:35:38.741
myself to feel the bad. Yeah.
00:35:39.021 --> 00:35:43.501
Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. So when I'm experiencing depression,
00:35:44.121 --> 00:35:46.661
I still eat fries, not for McDonald's, but.
00:35:47.181 --> 00:35:51.581
Fries or yum? I know, right? Grilled cheese and fries. If you come into my house
00:35:51.581 --> 00:35:55.901
one day and I'm eating grilled cheese and fries, something may be up. Oh yeah.
00:35:56.821 --> 00:36:01.221
We, with our children, grilled cheese, my kids are still love grilled cheese
00:36:01.221 --> 00:36:05.201
i know some people have a hard time eating it all so it's not cookie cutter
00:36:05.201 --> 00:36:11.181
it is but yes try and get something green i take green greens in pill form because
00:36:11.181 --> 00:36:12.761
i can't handle this drink and
00:36:12.761 --> 00:36:15.541
i have protein powder that i love but it's chocolate so it's really good,
00:36:16.101 --> 00:36:20.241
yes right so yeah we are it does it might sound on the face of things like we're
00:36:20.241 --> 00:36:24.401
being contradictory but really that's the thing is that these are aspirational
00:36:24.401 --> 00:36:26.481
and you want to move towards what's best for you,
00:36:26.641 --> 00:36:31.821
but not move so quickly and so hard towards it that you're really tough on yourself.
00:36:32.041 --> 00:36:35.381
Yeah. And I like that step thing that you're talking about because,
00:36:35.781 --> 00:36:37.521
okay, so maybe you are eating.
00:36:37.741 --> 00:36:41.941
Maybe you feel like you could do that next step. Maybe the next step is to eat
00:36:41.941 --> 00:36:47.801
at similar times or three times a day until you can get into patterns.
00:36:47.801 --> 00:36:52.721
Because just doing the steps, even though you don't believe that they're helping
00:36:52.721 --> 00:36:55.121
you or they feel terrible. They make it. Yeah.
00:36:55.341 --> 00:36:59.621
So you said something about routines, which if you go back and listen to Dr.
00:36:59.901 --> 00:37:05.481
Schwartz's episode, you'll hear all about. But if you've got routines, stick to them.
00:37:05.861 --> 00:37:10.401
Oh, my goodness. Stick to them as much as you possibly can. It cues your body.
00:37:10.601 --> 00:37:13.381
It cues your brain. It cues your heart in some ways, right?
00:37:13.821 --> 00:37:16.341
Yeah. To stay well, to feel a little better.
00:37:17.361 --> 00:37:20.681
So I, you know, I eat the same time every day.
00:37:20.801 --> 00:37:24.221
I go to bed the same time every day. and when I'm experiencing depression,
00:37:24.221 --> 00:37:27.861
some of that goes out the window, but I try my hardest to stick to it.
00:37:29.201 --> 00:37:36.261
Yeah. And for all of you that heard that episode or know me at all, this is my hard one.
00:37:36.501 --> 00:37:40.241
It's so hard. Yeah. It's so hard because I get bored.
00:37:40.581 --> 00:37:43.881
I have different ones for the days I work and the days I don't.
00:37:44.021 --> 00:37:45.621
I really, really struggle.
00:37:45.781 --> 00:37:50.881
So don't think like I did. I am not doing social rhythms or the same thing because
00:37:50.881 --> 00:37:53.381
it is boring and I'm not boring. So I'm not doing that.
00:37:53.981 --> 00:37:58.801
Instead, I took a look at, oh, okay, I'm already doing some.
00:37:58.961 --> 00:38:01.921
Which ones could I, you know, run a little better?
00:38:02.061 --> 00:38:07.081
The first step for me was just get to bed before midnight and go to sleep the
00:38:07.081 --> 00:38:10.001
same day that you woke up.
00:38:10.461 --> 00:38:14.421
That's my thing. That's interesting. I like that. Okay, so we have the self-care
00:38:14.421 --> 00:38:18.061
we talked about with the gratitude and the little things that we love and the
00:38:18.061 --> 00:38:19.841
things that feel good and smell nice, etc., etc.
00:38:20.461 --> 00:38:24.321
And we talk about movement and a little about diet and a little about routine.
00:38:25.181 --> 00:38:28.281
Sleep hygiene is very important. If you are having trouble sleeping,
00:38:28.881 --> 00:38:30.901
you've probably heard a lot of the recommendations.
00:38:30.981 --> 00:38:33.861
Don't use your phone about two hours before bed.
00:38:34.361 --> 00:38:36.461
Use your bed only for sleeping.
00:38:37.121 --> 00:38:40.841
Yes. But not for hanging out or studying or working, right?
00:38:41.061 --> 00:38:44.641
That's a big one. Keep it cool in your room. All of the sleep hygiene things
00:38:44.641 --> 00:38:46.521
might make your sleep a little easier.
00:38:47.261 --> 00:38:51.341
Yeah. So those are some of the big ones. Also, we can talk a little bit about
00:38:51.341 --> 00:38:53.921
Shaley's, one of Shaley's most favoritest words.
00:38:54.861 --> 00:38:59.981
What's my most favorite word? Mindfulness. Oh, yes. So we were talking earlier
00:38:59.981 --> 00:39:02.561
and we were talking about how I would roll my eyes.
00:39:02.701 --> 00:39:09.661
I could to not hear the word mindfulness because we're getting back to this theme of Shaley.
00:39:09.881 --> 00:39:14.521
It seemed like a tight box that I couldn't fit into, right?
00:39:14.681 --> 00:39:20.081
I needed to be wearing like flowy MC Hammer kind of pants. I need to be sitting
00:39:20.081 --> 00:39:24.321
on a bolster. I need to be cross-legged.
00:39:24.501 --> 00:39:27.121
All these things. I had this idea of what it is, right?
00:39:27.381 --> 00:39:31.801
And especially when mindfulness and all of that, that word was kind of being used.
00:39:32.481 --> 00:39:38.381
It was a buzzword and it was being portrayed in all of media a certain way.
00:39:38.521 --> 00:39:41.581
And I look at mindfulness way different now.
00:39:41.801 --> 00:39:44.281
I'm on board with the mindfulness. Some of the things that I do,
00:39:44.401 --> 00:39:52.281
especially when depressed, because I can get on the revolving tapes of the hard
00:39:52.281 --> 00:39:53.301
thoughts, bad thoughts.
00:39:54.173 --> 00:40:01.513
Beating myself up. Just picturing those as, I like the leaf and water analogy.
00:40:01.513 --> 00:40:04.913
So picturing those thoughts on these little leaves that float by.
00:40:05.073 --> 00:40:09.093
Because I thought mindfulness is you got to block those things out and you have
00:40:09.093 --> 00:40:12.593
to get to a state where your mind is empty. No, that's not. Impossible.
00:40:12.913 --> 00:40:17.453
So I picture that, you know, I'm by the river. I even know which one I picture by my house.
00:40:17.613 --> 00:40:22.053
And I'll picture them sitting on there like, you know, like you're not good enough in it.
00:40:22.173 --> 00:40:28.353
I watch it float it might not put it on the leaf watch it float away so yeah mindfulness is just.
00:40:29.053 --> 00:40:32.053
Really doing one thing at a time with full attention full
00:40:32.053 --> 00:40:34.733
acceptance right a mindfulness meditation is like what
00:40:34.733 --> 00:40:38.413
you're talking about placing your thoughts on leaves just watching them float
00:40:38.413 --> 00:40:42.953
by without interacting with them without without judging them just co-existing
00:40:42.953 --> 00:40:48.573
and i make it sound so easy and it's not easy but if you're in a moment where
00:40:48.573 --> 00:40:52.373
you're experiencing seeing really acute feelings of being overwhelmed,
00:40:52.373 --> 00:40:56.793
that's a great thing to do is to just notice and accept your thoughts.
00:40:56.813 --> 00:40:58.813
Okay. I notice I'm feeling overwhelmed.
00:40:59.073 --> 00:41:03.013
I accept that I'm feeling overwhelmed. I am watching this feeling of being overwhelmed
00:41:03.013 --> 00:41:04.893
float down the river and away.
00:41:05.473 --> 00:41:10.813
Yeah. And like a minute count, a minute count.
00:41:10.993 --> 00:41:14.193
And I used to do this with work a lot. I kept watching the hours. Oh, it's almost recess.
00:41:14.413 --> 00:41:18.153
That's this much of my day is done. Oh. And I just kept trying to get things done.
00:41:18.373 --> 00:41:22.173
I'm really like, okay, like we're doing language arts right now.
00:41:22.333 --> 00:41:25.913
This book is really cute. I try and be there instead of always in the back of
00:41:25.913 --> 00:41:29.493
my head, waiting for it to be over or getting to the next thing.
00:41:29.593 --> 00:41:34.433
And usually when I'm depressed, my whole focus is what can I do to get through my day?
00:41:34.513 --> 00:41:38.613
Cause I'm trying to get back to my bedtime. Like I just want the day to be over.
00:41:38.793 --> 00:41:43.533
So if I say to myself, you know, you are making dinner right now for your children
00:41:43.533 --> 00:41:48.373
and I might be hating it, but I'm just like, you are here. Like I literally need to tell myself.
00:41:48.553 --> 00:41:53.613
And sometimes I, even when it feels impossible, I'll take off my shoes and socks.
00:41:53.753 --> 00:41:58.113
If it's not cold, I'll go outside because I feel it, right? Like I feel,
00:41:58.233 --> 00:42:01.513
it reminds me I'm here on the ground because I live in my head.
00:42:02.258 --> 00:42:07.698
How about you? What kind of mindfulness or grounding things help you when you're
00:42:07.698 --> 00:42:08.918
feeling completely overwhelmed?
00:42:08.918 --> 00:42:12.498
So i do yoga which
00:42:12.498 --> 00:42:15.238
again people we might be getting some woo-woos from the
00:42:15.238 --> 00:42:19.038
crowd here i don't know if i'm i mean i got yoga teacher certified so i could
00:42:19.038 --> 00:42:24.818
use it with no way yeah i don't do like stand on your head yoga i do very simple
00:42:24.818 --> 00:42:29.758
grounding in the body regulating a breath paying attention to what you're doing
00:42:29.758 --> 00:42:34.078
mindful sort of yoga practices and i try to do that you know.
00:42:35.158 --> 00:42:38.358
On ongoingly yeah yeah and you
00:42:38.358 --> 00:42:41.238
know they're teaching children now like it's actually in
00:42:41.238 --> 00:42:44.198
our curriculum to do things like that and it's so
00:42:44.198 --> 00:42:48.058
cool because we welcome to Canada I love that so much we we
00:42:48.058 --> 00:42:51.078
make it fun right for kids and they they
00:42:51.078 --> 00:42:54.038
buy and there's a mindfulness time we have these little bells but we
00:42:54.038 --> 00:42:57.058
do things and I think we can do them as adults just like
00:42:57.058 --> 00:43:00.098
I'm a firm believer of looking at picture books as adults
00:43:00.098 --> 00:43:03.218
I just am it brings us back everyone I love
00:43:03.218 --> 00:43:06.198
being read to anyways side that's teacher
00:43:06.198 --> 00:43:09.078
shaley going at it but we do like
00:43:09.078 --> 00:43:11.938
hot chocolate breathing so i'm like get your mug you've
00:43:11.938 --> 00:43:16.478
got your steamy hot chocolate your marshmallows okay your marshmallow will go
00:43:16.478 --> 00:43:22.158
flying if you breathe really fast let's go slow or you know we make it fun so
00:43:22.158 --> 00:43:29.998
i even do that to myself sometimes i'm like drink your hot chocolate shay like right so yeah i think.
00:43:30.786 --> 00:43:34.306
It gives me a lot of hope that our kids are going to have a lot of these skills
00:43:34.306 --> 00:43:40.206
that we never had because we're so aware of it that it is in schools here. Yeah, that's great.
00:43:40.406 --> 00:43:42.806
Hope is something we're going to circle back to at the end because I've got
00:43:42.806 --> 00:43:44.066
some thoughts about hope.
00:43:44.246 --> 00:43:48.486
But something that hopefully you and I are providing is another coping strategy,
00:43:48.666 --> 00:43:51.546
another skill, and that's social support, right?
00:43:51.706 --> 00:43:55.866
So this could be your close circle, your significant other,
00:43:56.306 --> 00:43:59.906
your family, your loved ones, your friends or hear
00:43:59.906 --> 00:44:03.086
me out could be strangers on the internet who
00:44:03.086 --> 00:44:06.106
get it either is great right there's
00:44:06.106 --> 00:44:08.926
in this country we have dbsa depression and bipolar
00:44:08.926 --> 00:44:12.666
support alliance groups we have nami groups we've got
00:44:12.666 --> 00:44:17.026
instagram accounts we've got shaley's group we've got bipolar social club which
00:44:17.026 --> 00:44:21.186
is an email list you know we've got so many places to reach out and connect
00:44:21.186 --> 00:44:25.186
to people either people with bipolar or people without bipolar but to connect
00:44:25.186 --> 00:44:29.246
really changes how you're functioning Yeah, it's true.
00:44:29.806 --> 00:44:35.026
Community care is just as important as, if not even more important than self-care.
00:44:36.206 --> 00:44:40.446
Because, yeah, even if you have one person. And the problem,
00:44:41.066 --> 00:44:44.186
right, that sounds, yeah, okay, I've got friends, yeah.
00:44:44.366 --> 00:44:50.726
The problem is when you usually, we hear a lot of, when you're depressed, you isolate, right?
00:44:50.826 --> 00:44:53.826
Because you feel like you're a burden, you feel like this. For me,
00:44:53.986 --> 00:44:58.586
I think, oh, I'm here again, because I sound like a broken record because the
00:44:58.586 --> 00:45:00.266
same thoughts come or whatever.
00:45:00.766 --> 00:45:05.386
And I have a group of friends, and we have a WhatsApp group that is just like,
00:45:05.506 --> 00:45:10.066
I'll tell them, and they're like, it doesn't matter if it's the same.
00:45:10.166 --> 00:45:12.386
We will listen to it till the cows come home.
00:45:12.526 --> 00:45:15.706
And the fact that I can write it and they can read it when they want—.
00:45:16.968 --> 00:45:22.088
It helps me feel like less of an inconvenience because I convinced myself I'm an inconvenience.
00:45:22.228 --> 00:45:27.208
But I love what you said about the internet because I never thought in a bajillion
00:45:27.208 --> 00:45:35.628
years, that's a big number, that talking to people on Instagram would change my life. And it has.
00:45:36.228 --> 00:45:40.688
I thought that I was going to be like this wealth of lived experience information.
00:45:40.928 --> 00:45:45.448
But really, the connection has been the hugest thing. And I get to connect with
00:45:45.448 --> 00:45:48.088
people all over the world. all the time.
00:45:48.728 --> 00:45:51.568
And I think, too, eventually that
00:45:51.568 --> 00:45:54.708
might seep out into your life if you get comfortable talking to someone.
00:45:54.848 --> 00:45:58.388
And it's just, I don't know, as human beings, I think our most important job
00:45:58.388 --> 00:46:02.268
is to, you know, witness each other's lives and witness each other's pain.
00:46:02.648 --> 00:46:04.068
Yeah, that's beautiful.
00:46:04.508 --> 00:46:08.688
Yeah. And when you talk to people, you know, it's important to think about how
00:46:08.688 --> 00:46:10.708
can I communicate my needs, right?
00:46:10.928 --> 00:46:14.268
Do I need someone to listen? Do I need someone to come
00:46:14.268 --> 00:46:16.988
over and help me clean the house because i've been in bed for
00:46:16.988 --> 00:46:19.728
a week right but communicating your needs and
00:46:19.728 --> 00:46:22.608
not being afraid to communicate your needs oh i just need
00:46:22.608 --> 00:46:25.968
you to sit here with me in silence and watch which
00:46:25.968 --> 00:46:28.748
will bring us to our next thing can i go to the next thing yeah you
00:46:28.748 --> 00:46:32.008
can totally do that distraction right yeah yeah
00:46:32.008 --> 00:46:34.928
that i mean we talk about mindfulness which
00:46:34.928 --> 00:46:37.888
is staying present in the moment so sometimes you need
00:46:37.888 --> 00:46:40.688
distractions so in some of my biggest
00:46:40.688 --> 00:46:43.728
episodes I watched the same tv shows
00:46:43.728 --> 00:46:47.328
over and over and over again because it was comforting I knew it was going to
00:46:47.328 --> 00:46:51.408
happen it felt like having friends around do you have you done that oh yeah
00:46:51.408 --> 00:46:57.168
I have mine what are your shows well one of my big ones so it used to be like
00:46:57.168 --> 00:47:01.568
parenthood I love that I connected to the family I felt like I was a part of their family.
00:47:02.368 --> 00:47:09.948
My Schitt's Creek is my one of my absolute favorites so if I really want to
00:47:09.948 --> 00:47:15.168
laugh I forget to laugh when I'm depressed I don't feel like laughing so I like kind of,
00:47:16.293 --> 00:47:20.413
like ridiculous Saturday Night Live humor. So my one friend and I,
00:47:20.673 --> 00:47:25.953
she struggles too, will be like, watch Bridesmaids tonight and I'll make you laugh. How about you?
00:47:26.493 --> 00:47:30.333
So the kind of, my lineup kind of with different episodes that I've had,
00:47:30.493 --> 00:47:33.173
I Love Lucy. It's a classic. Okay, old school.
00:47:33.533 --> 00:47:37.253
The Nanny, if you remember the Nanny, Fran Drescher. I was one.
00:47:38.713 --> 00:47:42.093
Scrubs. Okay. I don't ever watch Scrubs.
00:47:42.373 --> 00:47:45.613
Oh my gosh, you have to watch Scrubs. That was my early 20s depression show.
00:47:45.613 --> 00:47:48.553
And the big bang theory which luckily was
00:47:48.553 --> 00:47:51.373
on for many many years so that took me in good stead for
00:47:51.373 --> 00:47:54.033
a while make sure i do make sure
00:47:54.033 --> 00:47:57.013
it's good for you at that moment well and i do notice this is my
00:47:57.013 --> 00:48:00.053
thing is that i think it was healthy to watch some things
00:48:00.053 --> 00:48:04.453
but i think to be careful because when i feel and experience depression i want
00:48:04.453 --> 00:48:08.313
to surround myself with dark things which feeds into it so i have to be very
00:48:08.313 --> 00:48:11.753
careful hence the birds maids or the schitt's creek or whatever i have to be
00:48:11.753 --> 00:48:15.793
very careful because I want to listen to the saddest music and the darkest things
00:48:15.793 --> 00:48:18.853
because I want the outside to match my inside.
00:48:19.193 --> 00:48:23.953
And that's not completely healthy. So I'm very careful. I have to mix it.
00:48:24.153 --> 00:48:29.733
Yeah. And that's kind of a theme we've seen actually is this sort of opposite action, right?
00:48:29.793 --> 00:48:34.353
If you're craving the sadness, maybe do something opposite. If you're craving
00:48:34.353 --> 00:48:39.053
the carby food, if you can eat something healthier, if you're craving being
00:48:39.053 --> 00:48:41.153
in bed, maybe get out of bed.
00:48:41.253 --> 00:48:44.433
So there is that that dialectic that tension right yeah
00:48:44.433 --> 00:48:49.133
and another distraction that i use a lot is music i actually have a playlist
00:48:49.133 --> 00:48:52.653
called well i wonder could i share my playlist do people still use pandora or
00:48:52.653 --> 00:48:55.713
am i a dinosaur i think i had a client tell me i was a dinosaur for using pandora
00:48:55.713 --> 00:49:00.453
so whatever i don't know what pandora is i use spotify oh my gosh you don't
00:49:00.453 --> 00:49:04.133
know pandora okay it was like one of the og streaming services oh i thought it was a bracelet.
00:49:04.932 --> 00:49:09.372
Oh, that too. But anyway, I have a playlist literally called Feel Better.
00:49:09.552 --> 00:49:15.952
And it's not upbeat music, but it's gentle, soft, warm, loving music.
00:49:16.172 --> 00:49:17.952
I do have other upbeat playlists.
00:49:18.252 --> 00:49:22.012
But when I'm really in it, I've got this Feel Better playlist,
00:49:22.212 --> 00:49:23.852
which if we can figure out, share.
00:49:23.852 --> 00:49:26.572
Yeah what would be so cool oh my goodness i'm
00:49:26.572 --> 00:49:29.412
going to do this on instagram i want to do let's make one
00:49:29.412 --> 00:49:32.252
together so i'll put a post and people
00:49:32.252 --> 00:49:35.332
can put songs and all yes this is bipolar feel
00:49:35.332 --> 00:49:41.932
better playlist oh i love that okay do that call to action yeah right lots of
00:49:41.932 --> 00:49:46.432
things yeah i've got one more i've got what about things that are creative which
00:49:46.432 --> 00:49:50.232
if you're really in the depths of it might be very hard but if you're just in
00:49:50.232 --> 00:49:54.112
the middle somewhere could be really uplifting So what creative things do you do, Shelley?
00:49:54.352 --> 00:49:57.252
I love to craft. I love to make things.
00:49:57.492 --> 00:50:02.892
I found that I fell out of it a little bit because I used to do events more
00:50:02.892 --> 00:50:05.392
before COVID. So I would make a lot of the decor.
00:50:06.952 --> 00:50:11.332
Honestly, my creativity is a lot of getting dressed.
00:50:11.952 --> 00:50:15.652
I think of it as my palette. I like to put clothes together.
00:50:15.652 --> 00:50:23.472
I like to, luckily I have a jeweler as a friend that makes me all my earrings.
00:50:24.312 --> 00:50:30.332
Yeah, I just putting those things together and then making things, right?
00:50:30.492 --> 00:50:34.632
And my huge one is content creation, right?
00:50:34.732 --> 00:50:38.752
Like, I think it looks easy to some people, but I pore over the images,
00:50:38.752 --> 00:50:44.012
the art of making images go with words, go with music. And so,
00:50:44.152 --> 00:50:45.972
yeah, how do you like to create?
00:50:47.152 --> 00:50:50.132
So, well, first off, you mentioned something really important in depression
00:50:50.132 --> 00:50:53.152
that I can't believe we skipped, and that is get dressed. Oh, yes.
00:50:53.592 --> 00:50:57.772
Change out of your pajamas, even if it's into something else that's comfortable and pajama-esque.
00:50:58.272 --> 00:51:00.772
Yeah. Get dressed. I get dressed. Yeah.
00:51:01.352 --> 00:51:05.832
We're lucky nowadays. There are very comfy pants that look. Right.
00:51:06.072 --> 00:51:09.012
But the action of getting dressed is very powerful.
00:51:09.192 --> 00:51:13.492
It says I'm delineating sleeping time from rest of day. And even if that rest
00:51:13.492 --> 00:51:17.632
of day is going to be me in the sweats I have still changed and I have delineated
00:51:17.632 --> 00:51:21.392
the start of the day So that's good But my creative things are like I said, I dance Um,
00:51:21.875 --> 00:51:25.055
I sing, I color. I know you don't like to color, but I color.
00:51:25.255 --> 00:51:26.335
Lots of people do, I wish.
00:51:27.075 --> 00:51:29.415
Come over and color. I have a coloring station downstairs. Oh,
00:51:29.415 --> 00:51:34.675
see, I would be good at that because it's social. Okay, let's do it. You know where I live.
00:51:36.035 --> 00:51:42.095
Color retreat. Nice. And I have some of these silly drawing books where it shows
00:51:42.095 --> 00:51:47.975
you how to draw a cat example and it never looks right when I do it,
00:51:48.055 --> 00:51:49.475
but I love doing it anyway.
00:51:49.475 --> 00:51:52.675
I did it and it's fun. Oh my goodness, you just reminded me.
00:51:52.875 --> 00:51:56.875
My biggest one is I get to be creative at school. Oh, sure.
00:51:57.275 --> 00:52:01.375
I love doing art projects with kids and I do them too.
00:52:02.115 --> 00:52:05.135
Nice. Yeah, be a kid. We lose that, right?
00:52:05.715 --> 00:52:11.455
That's true. I'm feeling better. I woke up kind of like, you're right.
00:52:11.695 --> 00:52:17.155
Is it still January and it's not? And just being on here talking about doing
00:52:17.155 --> 00:52:18.955
these things, I feel really smiley.
00:52:18.955 --> 00:52:22.375
That's nice i feel smiley too so i
00:52:22.375 --> 00:52:25.835
hope that our listeners are feeling like they've
00:52:25.835 --> 00:52:30.615
gained something if you don't feel smiley that's fine yep hopeful that you gain
00:52:30.615 --> 00:52:35.635
something that you could maybe put into action whether it's a thing or even
00:52:35.635 --> 00:52:40.355
just the attitude like we talked about of of self-compassion of balance of pushing
00:52:40.355 --> 00:52:45.395
the needle just a little bit you know having that one thing to do every day.
00:52:45.615 --> 00:52:51.375
In one of my later depressions, I made myself leave the house every day just
00:52:51.375 --> 00:52:53.155
to go. I went to the mall, to the body shop.
00:52:53.235 --> 00:52:56.215
Remember the body shop? I think it went out of business. Do you?
00:52:57.175 --> 00:53:00.815
I think it went out of business here. Anyway, but I'd go to the store every day.
00:53:00.935 --> 00:53:03.235
They got out of the house every day, right? I moved the needle,
00:53:03.375 --> 00:53:05.055
that one tiny bit that I could do.
00:53:05.155 --> 00:53:07.815
I couldn't go to work, couldn't socialize, but I could just go to
00:53:07.815 --> 00:53:12.015
the mall and look around and yeah strangers yeah yeah
00:53:12.015 --> 00:53:15.375
well that probably helped too with your senses right smelling things yeah
00:53:15.375 --> 00:53:18.775
really nice beautiful smelling things oh I love
00:53:18.775 --> 00:53:21.695
that I love that yeah again just
00:53:21.695 --> 00:53:24.615
moving and one of the things we do in the peer support group
00:53:24.615 --> 00:53:27.515
we always end our zoom with which is what's something
00:53:27.515 --> 00:53:30.515
that you could do to take care of yourself this month
00:53:30.515 --> 00:53:33.275
I post that regularly what can you do to take
00:53:33.275 --> 00:53:37.435
care of yourself this weekend or things like that if you wanted to share we
00:53:37.435 --> 00:53:43.455
would love that if you are on YouTube just share below and we would just love
00:53:43.455 --> 00:53:47.255
to hear and love to encourage just that little bit of movement depending where
00:53:47.255 --> 00:53:50.835
you are I hope that if you're in the deepest depression that,
00:53:51.515 --> 00:53:53.435
just looking for a glimmer.
00:53:54.427 --> 00:54:01.247
For your day. Yeah. And I always like to say, have a day instead of have a good
00:54:01.247 --> 00:54:03.907
or great day, have a day, whatever that looks for to you.
00:54:04.147 --> 00:54:08.827
I hope that your day, week, month is, is kind to you.
00:54:08.987 --> 00:54:14.287
I just, just know where you are and you're seen and it's not your fault.
00:54:14.447 --> 00:54:17.047
You didn't cause your depression.
00:54:17.407 --> 00:54:24.627
And there are these little, little, little things you can do and we see you and we're proud of you.
00:54:24.767 --> 00:54:27.067
If you are listening to this, you have done something huge.
00:54:27.847 --> 00:54:32.167
Yes. So just remember that this too shall pass, right?
00:54:32.587 --> 00:54:36.047
It might take a long time to pass, but it will not last forever.
00:54:36.467 --> 00:54:39.347
Yeah, it's true. Yes. I love that you put that in there.
00:54:39.467 --> 00:54:45.267
Like, we don't know when or how, but we know, we know. Can we end with the hope thing?
00:54:46.187 --> 00:54:49.687
We gave a little preview of hope, but something that's helped me,
00:54:49.807 --> 00:54:51.687
and maybe it's because I'm a redhead,
00:54:51.867 --> 00:54:55.607
like Shelly, and I'm by nature incredibly stubborn
00:54:55.607 --> 00:54:59.067
right maybe a little bit obstinate i find
00:54:59.067 --> 00:55:03.987
that i have to have basically unflappable obstinate
00:55:03.987 --> 00:55:08.307
just spiteful levels of hope depression
00:55:08.307 --> 00:55:11.367
robs you of hope but if you hang on
00:55:11.367 --> 00:55:14.607
to that and say you know what through you depression i
00:55:14.607 --> 00:55:17.327
am going to remain hopeful that things will change that things will be
00:55:17.327 --> 00:55:20.527
better that is such a lifeline again hard because
00:55:20.527 --> 00:55:23.627
depression takes that away but i'm i'm stubborn
00:55:23.627 --> 00:55:27.107
about it i love that hope as resistance i light
00:55:27.107 --> 00:55:32.287
an actual candle every episode that i love that yeah to hold space for all of
00:55:32.287 --> 00:55:36.647
our bipolar bears out there so yes hold on to hope and when that seems cheesy
00:55:36.647 --> 00:55:41.587
think of it as a resistance and a rebellion rebellious hope we love you and
00:55:41.587 --> 00:55:45.967
thank you for joining us thank you for joining us this is Bipolar.
00:55:46.607 --> 00:55:51.507
Thanks again for tuning in. You can find video versions of This is Bipolar on
00:55:51.507 --> 00:55:58.367
our YouTube channel. We also have all our previous episodes of the podcast on
00:55:58.367 --> 00:56:01.487
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00:56:01.707 --> 00:56:08.567
We spend most of our time on Instagram at this.is.bipolar.
00:56:08.567 --> 00:56:14.127
There is a vibrant community there where we have conversations and post different
00:56:14.127 --> 00:56:19.667
ideas and different strategies. And we'd just love for you to join us there.
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00:56:38.807 --> 00:56:42.327
Again, thank you for being here with us. Let's get the word out.
00:56:42.487 --> 00:56:47.747
Let's share lived experiences so that we can change the ideas that people have
00:56:47.747 --> 00:56:51.727
about bipolar and help those of us that live with it feel less alone.
00:56:54.320 --> 00:57:04.053
Music.