WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.710 --> 00:00:13.669
Does this feel familiar? Have you ever felt so overwhelmed
2
00:00:13.750 --> 00:00:17.699
that you just feel paralyzed? Maybe the dishes keep piling up,
3
00:00:17.739 --> 00:00:20.160
the emails keep coming, your brain feels like it's buzzing,
4
00:00:20.559 --> 00:00:23.280
and no matter how hard you try, you just can't
5
00:00:23.620 --> 00:00:25.800
get going. I gotta get up, I gotta get up,
6
00:00:25.859 --> 00:00:26.679
I gotta get up, I gotta get up.
7
00:00:26.679 --> 00:00:27.559
I can do it, I can do it, I can
8
00:00:27.579 --> 00:00:28.179
do it, I can do it.
9
00:00:28.239 --> 00:00:31.600
Probably won't take that long. How long would it actually take?
10
00:00:32.149 --> 00:00:34.840
Let's do it. All right, Christy. You're gonna get up
11
00:00:34.859 --> 00:00:37.149
off this ground, and you're gonna put on some PJs. Go,
12
00:00:37.159 --> 00:00:41.329
let's go, let's go, okay. Christy just spent two hours
13
00:00:41.369 --> 00:00:44.850
frozen on her porridge. You start wondering, what's wrong with me? Like,
14
00:00:44.929 --> 00:00:48.170
why can't I just do the thing? But here's the truth,
15
00:00:48.570 --> 00:00:51.549
nothing's wrong with you. Your nervous system is just overwhelmed,
16
00:00:51.890 --> 00:00:53.469
and it's hitting the gas and the brakes at the
17
00:00:53.490 --> 00:00:55.829
same time. So in this video, I'll show you five
18
00:00:55.909 --> 00:01:01.000
small practical nervous system shifts to help you get moving again, gently,
19
00:01:01.520 --> 00:01:05.049
without shame. So whether you have ADHD, depression, burnout, or
20
00:01:05.109 --> 00:01:07.950
whatever's stopping you, we're going to take a nervous system-friendly
21
00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:12.459
approach to getting started and getting stuff done. Welcome to
22
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:15.060
the Therapy in a Nutshell podcast. I'm Emma McAdam, a
23
00:01:15.159 --> 00:01:19.140
licensed therapist. I make mental health skills more accessible so
24
00:01:19.189 --> 00:01:21.709
that you can get better at healing. Just a reminder,
25
00:01:21.750 --> 00:01:24.450
this is education, not therapy. If you'd like to learn
26
00:01:24.549 --> 00:01:27.810
more free mental health skills, check out our free courses
27
00:01:28.049 --> 00:01:33.310
at therapyinanutshell.com. Okay, so first let's talk about what's going
28
00:01:33.349 --> 00:01:35.189
on in your nervous system. If we take a look
29
00:01:35.230 --> 00:01:38.689
at the polymega ladder, when we're feeling overwhelmed, it's when
30
00:01:38.709 --> 00:01:43.799
we're stuck in anxiety, the sympathetic or activated state, and
31
00:01:44.299 --> 00:01:46.099
the shutdown state. It's like your foot is on the
32
00:01:46.140 --> 00:01:47.819
gas and the brakes at the same time.
33
00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:51.799
Like I can feel like the overwhelm actually setting in.
34
00:01:52.180 --> 00:01:55.200
And I'm like, oh, this feels like we're gonna.
35
00:01:54.900 --> 00:01:58.969
Be on doing nothing for a few hours and just
36
00:01:59.010 --> 00:02:01.750
scroll on our phone. Yeah. This feels like I'm going
37
00:02:01.769 --> 00:02:03.909
to lay down and I'm not getting back up.
38
00:02:05.290 --> 00:02:08.069
And because you're in a fear state, you can't pressure
39
00:02:08.110 --> 00:02:11.240
yourself into thinking more clearly. That pushes you further down
40
00:02:11.349 --> 00:02:14.060
into shutdown. You can't think your way out of a
41
00:02:14.199 --> 00:02:19.719
dysregulated body. Your emotional brain, the limbic system down in here,
42
00:02:19.780 --> 00:02:22.400
cannot tell the difference between a mountain lion and an
43
00:02:22.539 --> 00:02:26.430
inbox full of emails. So its job is survival. So
44
00:02:26.469 --> 00:02:30.300
it shuts down your problem-solving circuits and and pumps out
45
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:33.509
all these stress hormones to get you to fight, flight,
46
00:02:33.889 --> 00:02:36.849
or freeze, which is how we got stuck here. Now,
47
00:02:36.889 --> 00:02:38.889
a lot of people shame themselves. They think, oh, I
48
00:02:38.949 --> 00:02:41.009
should be able to do this. But the more you
49
00:02:41.090 --> 00:02:45.439
pressure yourself, the more fear you feel, and the harder
50
00:02:45.460 --> 00:02:49.159
it is to move up the ladder into action or safety.
51
00:02:49.699 --> 00:02:53.020
So you've got to regulate first and then problem solve second.
52
00:02:53.060 --> 00:02:56.289
So let's talk about how to do that. Step one
53
00:02:56.469 --> 00:02:59.560
is to change your state. So instead of pressuring yourself
54
00:02:59.639 --> 00:03:02.729
to be different, you need to show yourself that you're
55
00:03:02.770 --> 00:03:05.500
capable and that you're safe. You need to change your
56
00:03:05.539 --> 00:03:08.719
nervous system state before you change your tasks. So let
57
00:03:08.759 --> 00:03:10.900
me give you an example. One morning, my six year
58
00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:13.379
old would not get out of bed for school. She
59
00:03:13.419 --> 00:03:16.849
was just frozen in bed with dread. Now I was
60
00:03:16.889 --> 00:03:19.550
short on time. I was sleep deprived and I started
61
00:03:19.590 --> 00:03:22.770
feeling really irritable. I did not want to just yell
62
00:03:22.930 --> 00:03:25.509
or threaten her. I didn't want to be all angry.
63
00:03:26.030 --> 00:03:28.120
So to be honest, I do not do this all
64
00:03:28.139 --> 00:03:30.219
the time, but I thought, Oh, how can I make
65
00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:33.469
this fun? So I told her, I said, hey, we
66
00:03:33.490 --> 00:03:37.110
can do this the robot way, the dee-doo-dee-doo way, or
67
00:03:37.169 --> 00:03:39.849
we can do this the angry way. Now, the robot
68
00:03:39.870 --> 00:03:42.469
and the dee-doo-dee-doo way are games that we've played before
69
00:03:42.509 --> 00:03:44.990
when we're doing chores and stuff. So I was like
70
00:03:45.389 --> 00:03:48.430
super shocked when she chose the angry way because that's
71
00:03:48.449 --> 00:03:51.150
the one I was trying to avoid. But because I'd
72
00:03:51.229 --> 00:03:54.069
already framed this as a game, when I said to
73
00:03:54.120 --> 00:03:59.139
her like in this exaggerated loud angry voice, Grace, you
74
00:03:59.219 --> 00:04:04.599
have to get dressed right now. She giggled. So then
75
00:04:04.620 --> 00:04:07.400
when I grabbed her legs, she laughed even more. Doing
76
00:04:07.419 --> 00:04:09.460
this as the angry way as a game made the
77
00:04:09.500 --> 00:04:11.400
whole thing fun for both of us and pretty soon
78
00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:15.340
she was getting moving and getting dressed. So making it
79
00:04:15.379 --> 00:04:20.709
a game shifts your state from fear to play and
80
00:04:20.769 --> 00:04:23.709
helps you get activated instead of frozen. We'll talk more
81
00:04:23.889 --> 00:04:27.529
about gamifying things later, but what's important here is to
82
00:04:27.610 --> 00:04:29.420
do it in your nervous system, to do it in
83
00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:33.139
your body. You've got to restore safety with your self-talk.
84
00:04:33.519 --> 00:04:37.079
So instead of saying something like, I'm so overwhelmed, I'm
85
00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:39.220
such a loser, why can't I just get it done?
86
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:43.699
All of that adds more fear, which keeps pushing us
87
00:04:43.740 --> 00:04:47.120
down this ladder, right? Instead, you might use some positive
88
00:04:47.139 --> 00:04:51.399
self-talk like saying like, okay, there's no fire here. There's
89
00:04:51.439 --> 00:04:54.519
no fire. This is not life or death, okay? I'm
90
00:04:54.670 --> 00:04:57.209
not a bad person. I'm just having a hard time
91
00:04:57.269 --> 00:05:02.930
prioritizing right now. So you've got to use like positive
92
00:05:03.110 --> 00:05:07.110
framing in your talk to yourself to help you change
93
00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:11.290
the direction of this arrow from like more and more
94
00:05:11.370 --> 00:05:13.920
fear to like more and more safety.
95
00:05:14.850 --> 00:05:18.649
I've had to learn this skill over a very long
96
00:05:18.730 --> 00:05:22.389
period of time. I've been practicing it this whole year
97
00:05:22.540 --> 00:05:28.579
and I still have to intentionally do it. When I'm
98
00:05:28.720 --> 00:05:30.800
actually overwhelmed, like I'm in the middle of it, I
99
00:05:31.199 --> 00:05:34.420
can't do anything. I have to first regulate myself.
100
00:05:34.680 --> 00:05:36.240
Now let's talk about how to change that state in
101
00:05:36.259 --> 00:05:40.100
your body. ADHD brains often get stuck because they're understimulated
102
00:05:40.180 --> 00:05:44.170
or overstimulated. Anxious brains often get stuck because they're flooded
103
00:05:44.230 --> 00:05:47.949
with stress chemicals. So before doing anything, let's provide the
104
00:05:47.990 --> 00:05:51.930
body an opportunity to change states. Anything that provides more
105
00:05:52.209 --> 00:05:56.829
action or more sense of safety helps. So there's a
106
00:05:56.829 --> 00:05:59.329
couple things you can try. One is slowing down your
107
00:05:59.350 --> 00:06:03.629
body and taking a breath or adding in some vibrations
108
00:06:03.870 --> 00:06:07.910
like tapping your face or humming or singing. All this
109
00:06:07.930 --> 00:06:10.009
can help send a message to your nervous system that
110
00:06:10.029 --> 00:06:12.970
you're safe. or even just talking to yourself can help.
111
00:06:13.910 --> 00:06:17.769
Now for me, when it comes to deep breathing and
112
00:06:17.889 --> 00:06:20.990
slow breathing and calming myself down, this honestly literally does
113
00:06:21.060 --> 00:06:23.279
not work that well for me. And here's why. One
114
00:06:23.300 --> 00:06:26.439
of the interesting things about the polyvagal ladder is that
115
00:06:26.540 --> 00:06:29.959
most of the time we have to move through activation
116
00:06:30.379 --> 00:06:33.560
to regulate. So for me, I'm usually only able to
117
00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:36.750
calm myself down after some kind of movement, like going
118
00:06:36.769 --> 00:06:39.129
for a short walk or doing some jumping jacks. When
119
00:06:39.170 --> 00:06:42.209
you move your body, it helps your nervous system shift
120
00:06:42.300 --> 00:06:45.920
from shutdown to the activated state. There's some other things
121
00:06:45.939 --> 00:06:49.779
you can try too, like sensory stimulation, changing that sensory
122
00:06:49.860 --> 00:06:52.699
environment for yourself. This could look like drinking some really
123
00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:55.980
cold water, putting on some high energy music, maybe changing
124
00:06:56.019 --> 00:06:58.839
environments like working from a coffee shop or a library.
125
00:06:59.259 --> 00:07:01.810
So the important thing to remember is you're not lazy.
126
00:07:02.189 --> 00:07:05.069
Your brain needs a state shift to unlock action. So
127
00:07:05.089 --> 00:07:08.370
you regulate your nervous system first. Your brain is kind
128
00:07:08.410 --> 00:07:10.470
of like a child. It listens more to what you
129
00:07:10.509 --> 00:07:12.490
do than what you say. So you can't just tell yourself,
130
00:07:12.509 --> 00:07:14.430
I'm safe. I'm safe. I shouldn't feel this way. That
131
00:07:14.449 --> 00:07:16.790
doesn't work. You have to show your nervous system that
132
00:07:16.810 --> 00:07:20.050
you're safe and capable by doing something with your body
133
00:07:20.149 --> 00:07:20.870
and your senses.
134
00:07:21.129 --> 00:07:24.029
Just telling myself, oh, I can do it. It's not
135
00:07:24.550 --> 00:07:28.730
as effective as actually like doing many experiments over and
136
00:07:28.790 --> 00:07:31.449
over and over again and having evidence every single time.
137
00:07:31.930 --> 00:07:34.569
Oh, I did it. Oh, I did it. Oh, I
138
00:07:34.620 --> 00:07:34.949
did it.
139
00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:39.279
Yeah. Maybe, maybe this next time I can do it again.
140
00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:42.000
So it's, it's not just about like getting calm. The
141
00:07:42.019 --> 00:07:43.860
goal here isn't just to be calm all the time.
142
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:47.560
It's about taking your foot off of the break so
143
00:07:47.579 --> 00:07:49.959
that you can get some action done. Okay. So step
144
00:07:50.019 --> 00:07:54.310
two is externalize everything. Whether you've got too many projects
145
00:07:54.329 --> 00:07:56.709
at work or your ADHD brain is like on fire
146
00:07:56.730 --> 00:08:03.230
or you're a and you have serious sleep deprivation, maybe
147
00:08:03.269 --> 00:08:05.800
your mind is firing off a million things that you
148
00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:11.040
should be doing. This literally feels like a survival threat,
149
00:08:11.540 --> 00:08:15.439
and it triggers the fight, flight, freeze response. Too many
150
00:08:15.500 --> 00:08:20.269
things to remember and pay attention to overwhelms your ability
151
00:08:20.689 --> 00:08:25.810
to sort and process. It feels like a threat. You
152
00:08:25.889 --> 00:08:29.490
can't hold everything in your head at once. Multitasking literally
153
00:08:29.529 --> 00:08:32.000
feels like a threat. If you think of your busy
154
00:08:32.039 --> 00:08:36.299
brain as a pen with 10 colors, being overwhelmed isn't laziness.
155
00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:38.970
It's like your brain is trying to push down all
156
00:08:39.029 --> 00:08:41.610
of the 10 colors at once, which means none of
157
00:08:41.669 --> 00:08:44.970
them work. Your brain freezes because it's trying to do
158
00:08:45.350 --> 00:08:48.500
everything at once. And that pressure is stressful, which adds
159
00:08:48.519 --> 00:08:53.100
to your overwhelm. And when you're stressed, your emotions turn
160
00:08:53.139 --> 00:08:57.210
down the thinking part of your brain, right? ADHD, one
161
00:08:57.250 --> 00:08:58.610
of the things with ADHD is it makes it really
162
00:08:58.649 --> 00:09:01.009
hard to filter tasks and figure out which one is
163
00:09:01.070 --> 00:09:04.490
most important. The recipe for overwhelm is too many tasks
164
00:09:05.149 --> 00:09:08.009
and lack of clarity. So what you need to do
165
00:09:08.049 --> 00:09:10.720
instead of saying, I'm so overwhelmed, my life is so hard.
166
00:09:10.740 --> 00:09:14.460
It's not the tasks that are the problem. The clarity
167
00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:16.570
is is what you need to do. You need to
168
00:09:16.850 --> 00:09:19.590
increase clarity. So you need to say, instead of saying,
169
00:09:19.649 --> 00:09:23.450
I'm overwhelmed, say, I need to decide what matters most
170
00:09:23.889 --> 00:09:27.509
and go slow. When you say this, I need to,
171
00:09:27.649 --> 00:09:29.730
I need more clarity. I need to decide what matters most.
172
00:09:30.110 --> 00:09:33.090
When you say this, your brain stops firing alarm signals
173
00:09:33.169 --> 00:09:38.669
and it starts organizing information again. So talk to yourself nicely. Okay.
174
00:09:38.990 --> 00:09:40.730
We need to increase our clarity around the task. You
175
00:09:40.750 --> 00:09:44.090
don't need more pressure. You need more clarity. So which
176
00:09:44.179 --> 00:09:47.870
color should I start with? Oh, I'll go with this one.
177
00:09:48.389 --> 00:09:48.830
Ta-da!
178
00:09:49.370 --> 00:09:53.529
Clarity reduces anxiety more than doing everything does.
179
00:09:53.870 --> 00:09:56.870
I try to get myself regulated first and then I
180
00:09:57.210 --> 00:10:00.279
sit down and I'm like, okay, what absolutely happens to
181
00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:03.639
be done today? Or what can be done later? Like
182
00:10:04.019 --> 00:10:08.429
be really honest with yourself. Is it, do you actually
183
00:10:08.490 --> 00:10:11.470
have to do it this week? Do you actually have
184
00:10:11.509 --> 00:10:13.629
to do it today? Because a lot of the time
185
00:10:13.649 --> 00:10:16.509
my overwhelm is like, if I don't do everything all
186
00:10:16.549 --> 00:10:17.549
the time right now.
187
00:10:17.830 --> 00:10:18.769
Everything's going to crumble.
188
00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:22.799
Everything is going to crumble and you are going to
189
00:10:22.860 --> 00:10:26.179
lose everything. And everything you worked for is going to
190
00:10:26.220 --> 00:10:31.289
be gone. Hold everything together all the time. And you're perfect.
191
00:10:32.169 --> 00:10:35.570
That is how I feel on the inside.
192
00:10:35.929 --> 00:10:40.370
Yeah. That sounds exhausting. So to do this, we need
193
00:10:40.389 --> 00:10:43.580
to support our processing. And to do that, we need
194
00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:46.519
to externalize everything. That means you need to get this
195
00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:49.759
list out of your head. and dump your to-do list
196
00:10:50.159 --> 00:10:53.659
onto paper, okay? Next, cross off anything that's not urgent
197
00:10:53.919 --> 00:10:59.259
or important, and then just circle three actionable things. Now,
198
00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:01.070
if writing all this down on a piece of paper
199
00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:03.529
still feels overwhelming, you can write it all down on
200
00:11:03.570 --> 00:11:06.070
a piece of paper and then put that paper to
201
00:11:06.110 --> 00:11:08.750
the side and write on a Post-it note the next
202
00:11:08.830 --> 00:11:11.629
thing you're gonna do, just one small step, okay? And
203
00:11:11.649 --> 00:11:13.409
then you can just hide that piece of paper with
204
00:11:13.429 --> 00:11:16.990
the list. If you get your one Post-it note done today,
205
00:11:17.669 --> 00:11:20.210
That's a success. Okay. You're not trying to make the
206
00:11:20.250 --> 00:11:22.909
perfect plan. You're just trying to turn that brain noise
207
00:11:22.990 --> 00:11:26.169
into a list. The brain hates confusion more than it
208
00:11:26.230 --> 00:11:29.879
hates work. Okay. So externalize everything. You've got to make
209
00:11:29.909 --> 00:11:32.500
it physical. You've got to make it visual, and then
210
00:11:32.519 --> 00:11:36.120
you've got to choose what's most important. Now this works
211
00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:39.379
as a short-term crisis method, like this brain dump. But
212
00:11:39.419 --> 00:11:42.139
in the long run, if we really want to manage overwhelm,
213
00:11:42.220 --> 00:11:44.889
we've got to create these external systems to help you
214
00:11:44.929 --> 00:11:49.210
remember and organize stuff like visual calendars, using whiteboards or
215
00:11:49.610 --> 00:11:53.500
setting reminders on your phone. Okay, step number three, shrink
216
00:11:53.529 --> 00:11:57.759
the task. So shrink the task until it's almost embarrassing.
217
00:11:58.429 --> 00:12:00.509
There is a popular book out there titled Eat That
218
00:12:00.570 --> 00:12:03.440
Frog that basically says do the hardest thing in your
219
00:12:03.460 --> 00:12:06.620
day first. Eat that frog. But for people who are
220
00:12:06.659 --> 00:12:09.200
paralyzed with stress or ADHD, that can lead to like
221
00:12:09.500 --> 00:12:14.039
endless overwhelming procrastination. Eating the frog is not helpful. So instead,
222
00:12:14.100 --> 00:12:17.399
start with the smallest task first and get some momentum.
223
00:12:18.019 --> 00:12:20.629
And guess what? It doesn't matter if you start with
224
00:12:20.710 --> 00:12:24.309
a ridiculously small and easy task. When you've done a
225
00:12:24.350 --> 00:12:28.809
tiny task, you gain confidence. which fuels momentum for the
226
00:12:28.850 --> 00:12:32.779
next task. So don't clean the kitchen. You're gonna put
227
00:12:32.820 --> 00:12:35.240
a plate in the sink. Don't say like, I have
228
00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:38.539
to finish this report. You're gonna set a task like,
229
00:12:38.639 --> 00:12:41.580
I'm gonna open the document and write the first line.
230
00:12:42.039 --> 00:12:44.750
Getting a little bit of momentum can help your nervous
231
00:12:44.789 --> 00:12:49.950
system shift from I'm helpless to I can do this, okay?
232
00:12:50.490 --> 00:12:53.389
It's gonna help your nervous system feel more capable and
233
00:12:53.429 --> 00:12:54.860
more safe, and that can help you get out of
234
00:12:54.889 --> 00:12:57.429
that freeze or overwhelm state. And by the way, the
235
00:12:57.509 --> 00:13:01.919
way that dopamine works is that action actually fuels motivation,
236
00:13:01.980 --> 00:13:05.419
not the other way around. So dopamine comes from doing stuff.
237
00:13:05.500 --> 00:13:10.259
Motivation comes from doing stuff. One of the things I
238
00:13:10.299 --> 00:13:12.340
think is really important with this is you might have
239
00:13:12.360 --> 00:13:16.019
to limit your sensory input to do this. So like
240
00:13:16.210 --> 00:13:18.490
with the pet example, you've got to be pushing down
241
00:13:18.570 --> 00:13:22.190
less colors at once. Casey Davis, she's the author of
242
00:13:22.309 --> 00:13:25.940
How to Keep House While Drowning. She recommends like closing
243
00:13:26.039 --> 00:13:29.340
doors to messy rooms in your house or covering up
244
00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:31.580
the dishes in your sink with a towel so that
245
00:13:31.620 --> 00:13:35.399
you can decrease that overwhelm, decrease that noise, right? And
246
00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:39.799
just work on one tiny problem at a time. Like
247
00:13:40.139 --> 00:13:45.700
put one sock away, title the document, write one sentence. Okay.
248
00:13:46.019 --> 00:13:48.970
So that's number three. Instead of eat that frog, just
249
00:13:48.990 --> 00:13:52.769
get moving. Movement leads to motivation. Don't make yourself do
250
00:13:52.789 --> 00:13:55.309
the hardest things first. You can do the hardest tasks
251
00:13:55.429 --> 00:13:58.169
when you're most motivated. Just start small and build momentum
252
00:13:58.190 --> 00:14:00.370
as you go. And I think another thing that's important
253
00:14:00.389 --> 00:14:05.299
to know with motivation is it's really important to celebrate
254
00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:09.100
tiny wins. So that might look like check marks. Check
255
00:14:09.179 --> 00:14:11.159
off everything. If you finish something and it wasn't on
256
00:14:11.179 --> 00:14:13.100
your checklist, write it down and check it off anyway.
257
00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:16.120
Every check mark gives a little dopamine boost, which gives
258
00:14:16.139 --> 00:14:18.259
you more motivation in the future and helps you feel
259
00:14:18.419 --> 00:14:22.600
more capable. Okay. Step four, make the task more interesting,
260
00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:26.860
not more disciplined, right? You don't need more discipline. ADHD
261
00:14:26.899 --> 00:14:30.240
is not a motivation problem. It's a dopamine regulation problem.
262
00:14:30.539 --> 00:14:34.159
So boring tasks can feel physically painful to ADHD brains.
263
00:14:34.740 --> 00:14:37.350
You don't need more self-control. You probably need to make
264
00:14:37.370 --> 00:14:41.230
the task more interesting. And again, we're shifting states, but
265
00:14:41.250 --> 00:14:44.730
we're actually making them more intense instead of more calm.
266
00:14:45.210 --> 00:14:47.250
So you would ask like, how can I add novelty?
267
00:14:47.629 --> 00:14:50.370
How could I gamify this? When I was a kid
268
00:14:50.379 --> 00:14:52.090
and I had to mow the lawn, I would imagine
269
00:14:52.289 --> 00:14:54.629
there was like an olympic sport of efficient lawn mowing.
270
00:14:54.669 --> 00:14:57.409
Like how fast could I do it while doing it
271
00:14:57.470 --> 00:15:00.330
well and making like the the wheel of the lawnmower
272
00:15:00.389 --> 00:15:03.769
run just right along the last row that I'd mowed.
273
00:15:04.269 --> 00:15:06.830
And that was one way to gamify this, right? Gamifying
274
00:15:06.850 --> 00:15:08.690
is a great way to shift states and make tasks
275
00:15:08.730 --> 00:15:12.169
more fun. So Kristi Neuritsen does this by filming herself,
276
00:15:12.649 --> 00:15:20.370
timing herself, dancing, doing it with friends, Does adding in
277
00:15:20.549 --> 00:15:24.909
filming and adding in intensity help you actually be motivated
278
00:15:24.980 --> 00:15:25.679
to do something?
279
00:15:27.379 --> 00:15:30.179
Yes, I would say it does make it harder, but
280
00:15:30.220 --> 00:15:32.440
it also adds more motivation.
281
00:15:32.460 --> 00:15:35.019
Yeah, like activation, right? Like movement.
282
00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:35.320
Yeah.
283
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:37.480
Yeah, because I get that reward.
284
00:15:38.190 --> 00:15:41.539
And like there's there's like this added like, oh, I'm
285
00:15:41.559 --> 00:15:45.220
being filmed at the same time. So it's it definitely
286
00:15:45.460 --> 00:15:48.820
adds like a fire underneath me to get it done.
287
00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:51.840
And by the way, when she notices how long it takes,
288
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:54.919
which is not that long, and she writes it down,
289
00:15:55.350 --> 00:15:59.450
that actually reinforces to the brain that tasks in general
290
00:16:00.029 --> 00:16:04.490
are surmountable. Another favorite creator is Dani Donovan. She has
291
00:16:04.509 --> 00:16:08.009
some really amazing ways to do this in her anti-planner planner. Look,
292
00:16:08.149 --> 00:16:09.950
I have it here. This is not a paid promotion.
293
00:16:10.049 --> 00:16:12.080
I just like Danny. Here's a few of my favorites.
294
00:16:12.820 --> 00:16:15.379
Use your microwave timer as a countdown clock. So you
295
00:16:15.399 --> 00:16:18.139
put like a warm drink or leftovers in for two
296
00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:20.820
minutes or whatever. And then you race to see how
297
00:16:20.860 --> 00:16:23.539
much you can clean in the kitchen in that time
298
00:16:23.779 --> 00:16:26.909
before your microwave chimes. The other one I really like
299
00:16:26.970 --> 00:16:31.450
is procrastination blackjack. You write down three small tasks that
300
00:16:31.490 --> 00:16:33.419
you've been putting off for a while. and then you
301
00:16:33.460 --> 00:16:36.730
play blackjack with yourself. If you hit a perfect 21,
302
00:16:36.730 --> 00:16:40.350
you don't have to do any of the chores. If
303
00:16:40.389 --> 00:16:43.649
you score 18 to 20, you do one task right away.
304
00:16:44.250 --> 00:16:47.929
If you score under 17, you do two tasks. And
305
00:16:47.970 --> 00:16:50.870
if you go over 21, you have to do all three.
306
00:16:50.889 --> 00:16:56.049
I just think that's a fun game. Okay, body doubling
307
00:16:56.070 --> 00:16:59.490
is another great way to add novelty and support and motivation.
308
00:16:59.509 --> 00:17:03.059
I do this with gardening or other deep cleaning chores
309
00:17:03.100 --> 00:17:06.339
that I avoid. We schedule an hour with a friend
310
00:17:06.440 --> 00:17:09.380
and take turns at each other's houses doing these things.
311
00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:14.319
My ADHD therapist friend KJ offers virtual body doubling over
312
00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:17.690
Zoom or even just like texting someone like, hey, I'm
313
00:17:17.730 --> 00:17:21.210
about to start cleaning my bathroom or talking with them
314
00:17:21.250 --> 00:17:24.440
on the phone while you clean your kitchen, like all
315
00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:27.440
of that can help. Um, KJ just by the way,
316
00:17:27.460 --> 00:17:30.420
KJ also helps with live calls for my members. Um,
317
00:17:30.460 --> 00:17:33.220
my membership has 10 courses to help you regulate your
318
00:17:33.259 --> 00:17:36.529
nervous system and work through anxiety or trauma and build
319
00:17:36.569 --> 00:17:38.890
up your emotion processing skills. So if you want to
320
00:17:38.930 --> 00:17:41.890
learn more ways to process your emotions, check out the
321
00:17:41.930 --> 00:17:43.170
link in the description.
322
00:17:43.190 --> 00:17:43.990
Okay.
323
00:17:44.029 --> 00:17:47.589
Step five. This is the last one. Uh, don't time plan.
324
00:17:48.410 --> 00:17:51.789
Time box. Planning a time to work on a task
325
00:17:51.950 --> 00:17:55.490
can feel really overwhelming because that can require you to
326
00:17:55.539 --> 00:17:58.799
kind of predict your energy, your focus, and your mood. Instead,
327
00:17:58.819 --> 00:18:01.960
try time boxing. Set a 10 to 20 minute timer
328
00:18:02.359 --> 00:18:04.099
and work until it ends, even if you don't finish
329
00:18:04.119 --> 00:18:07.240
the whole task. And this makes it easier because you know,
330
00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:10.160
like this is not an endless task. It'll help protect
331
00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:13.759
you from like perfectionism and burnout cycles. So honestly, it's
332
00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:15.519
easier to get things done when you only have a
333
00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:18.240
few minutes or hours to do them. In grad school,
334
00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:21.000
I would rotate through dreary tasks. I would do like
335
00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:23.759
30 minutes of research and then I'd do 30 minutes
336
00:18:23.799 --> 00:18:26.369
of biking and then 30 minutes of writing an essay
337
00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:28.890
and 20 minutes to eat dinner and then 30 more
338
00:18:28.930 --> 00:18:32.769
minutes of reading. So rotating those times can be really helpful.
339
00:18:33.369 --> 00:18:35.349
I think just forcing yourself to commit to something for
340
00:18:35.349 --> 00:18:37.250
20 minutes is a great way to do hard things.
341
00:18:37.329 --> 00:18:39.890
And that's when I use my Pomodoro timer to help
342
00:18:39.910 --> 00:18:43.170
myself with this. So it's just easier when you say like, oh,
343
00:18:43.250 --> 00:18:45.250
I only have to work on this for 20 minutes
344
00:18:45.369 --> 00:18:50.059
and then I can stop. decreases that overwhelm quite a bit. Um,
345
00:18:50.359 --> 00:18:52.819
I did this with my taxes. I thought they were
346
00:18:52.839 --> 00:18:55.180
going to be so hard and so painful. I forced
347
00:18:55.220 --> 00:18:58.440
myself to do them. They only took, okay, they took
348
00:18:58.460 --> 00:19:00.430
too long, but there was less than I expected.
349
00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:01.069
Okay.
350
00:19:01.150 --> 00:19:05.049
So when you're stuck in overwhelm or ADHD paralysis, don't
351
00:19:05.089 --> 00:19:09.029
just try harder and be more organized. Do these five
352
00:19:09.069 --> 00:19:13.839
steps instead, uh, shift your nervous system state, externalize everything,
353
00:19:14.019 --> 00:19:19.490
shrink the task, make the task more interesting, or time box. Okay,
354
00:19:19.529 --> 00:19:22.660
is that too many ideas? You could just, if you're
355
00:19:22.700 --> 00:19:25.259
having a hard time getting started right now, pause the
356
00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:29.250
screen and do this. 20 jumping jacks, write down the
357
00:19:29.289 --> 00:19:33.109
first task, make it tinier, tell your friend you're getting started,
358
00:19:33.869 --> 00:19:36.809
and set a 10 minute timer. Okay, there you go.
359
00:19:37.170 --> 00:19:39.670
That's how you're gonna get started. Just like making any change,
360
00:19:39.769 --> 00:19:41.829
you've gotta start small enough that you know you can
361
00:19:41.849 --> 00:19:44.430
make it happen. I would love to hear your comments
362
00:19:44.589 --> 00:19:48.430
on one thing you did to start building motivation and momentum. Hey,
363
00:19:48.470 --> 00:19:50.670
thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate
364
00:19:50.690 --> 00:19:53.519
the work you're putting in to becoming a better person
365
00:19:53.559 --> 00:19:56.900
every day. And thank you so much and please take care.
366
00:19:57.539 --> 00:20:00.660
If you're sick of letting anxiety, depression, or stress take
367
00:20:00.700 --> 00:20:03.779
over your life, or you're tired of just coping with emotions,
368
00:20:04.259 --> 00:20:06.740
I want to tell you there's something better for you.
369
00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:10.190
When we understand what emotions are, why we feel them,
370
00:20:10.250 --> 00:20:12.589
and how to work through them in healthy ways, we
371
00:20:12.630 --> 00:20:16.609
gain the ability to reduce stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. In
372
00:20:16.650 --> 00:20:18.970
my How to Process Your Emotions course, we cover skills
373
00:20:19.009 --> 00:20:22.640
like willingness, a tool from acceptance and commitment therapy. Willingness
374
00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:26.160
helps you face uncomfortable emotions without being controlled by them.
375
00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:29.059
Instead of avoiding what you feel, you can learn to
376
00:20:29.099 --> 00:20:32.619
accept and work through your emotions. This is just one
377
00:20:32.740 --> 00:20:36.200
of the many life-changing skills you can learn when you
378
00:20:36.309 --> 00:20:39.490
join the Therapy in a Nutshell membership. Becoming a member
379
00:20:39.549 --> 00:20:43.009
gives you access to all 10 of my courses, including
380
00:20:43.069 --> 00:20:46.450
grounding skills for stress, anxiety, and PTSD, where you'll learn
381
00:20:46.470 --> 00:20:49.599
to regulate your nervous system, change your brain, where you'll
382
00:20:49.619 --> 00:20:53.599
learn tiny changes that massively improve mental health, coping skills
383
00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:56.059
and self-care, which teaches you how to get out of
384
00:20:56.099 --> 00:21:00.329
survival mode, how to process your emotions. which teaches in-depth
385
00:21:00.390 --> 00:21:03.690
skills to resolve emotions. This isn't hacks. This is the
386
00:21:04.289 --> 00:21:09.079
practical process to really work through and resolve feelings. And
387
00:21:09.450 --> 00:21:11.599
break the anxiety cycle in 30 days, which is a
388
00:21:11.700 --> 00:21:15.460
five-point plan to end the cycle of anxiety. Each course
389
00:21:15.500 --> 00:21:18.099
comes with a workbook, and I do a live one-hour
390
00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:21.170
call with members every month. Thousands of people have joined
391
00:21:21.289 --> 00:21:24.430
and are seeing incredible results. I get messages every day
392
00:21:24.509 --> 00:21:27.589
about how people are feeling happy again, improving their relationships,
393
00:21:28.069 --> 00:21:31.490
mastering anxiety and depression, and just feeling like themselves again.
394
00:21:32.049 --> 00:21:33.950
Check out the link in the show notes to learn more.
1
00:00:00.710 --> 00:00:13.669
Does this feel familiar? Have you ever felt so overwhelmed
2
00:00:13.750 --> 00:00:17.699
that you just feel paralyzed? Maybe the dishes keep piling up,
3
00:00:17.739 --> 00:00:20.160
the emails keep coming, your brain feels like it's buzzing,
4
00:00:20.559 --> 00:00:23.280
and no matter how hard you try, you just can't
5
00:00:23.620 --> 00:00:25.800
get going. I gotta get up, I gotta get up,
6
00:00:25.859 --> 00:00:26.679
I gotta get up, I gotta get up.
7
00:00:26.679 --> 00:00:27.559
I can do it, I can do it, I can
8
00:00:27.579 --> 00:00:28.179
do it, I can do it.
9
00:00:28.239 --> 00:00:31.600
Probably won't take that long. How long would it actually take?
10
00:00:32.149 --> 00:00:34.840
Let's do it. All right, Christy. You're gonna get up
11
00:00:34.859 --> 00:00:37.149
off this ground, and you're gonna put on some PJs. Go,
12
00:00:37.159 --> 00:00:41.329
let's go, let's go, okay. Christy just spent two hours
13
00:00:41.369 --> 00:00:44.850
frozen on her porridge. You start wondering, what's wrong with me? Like,
14
00:00:44.929 --> 00:00:48.170
why can't I just do the thing? But here's the truth,
15
00:00:48.570 --> 00:00:51.549
nothing's wrong with you. Your nervous system is just overwhelmed,
16
00:00:51.890 --> 00:00:53.469
and it's hitting the gas and the brakes at the
17
00:00:53.490 --> 00:00:55.829
same time. So in this video, I'll show you five
18
00:00:55.909 --> 00:01:01.000
small practical nervous system shifts to help you get moving again, gently,
19
00:01:01.520 --> 00:01:05.049
without shame. So whether you have ADHD, depression, burnout, or
20
00:01:05.109 --> 00:01:07.950
whatever's stopping you, we're going to take a nervous system-friendly
21
00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:12.459
approach to getting started and getting stuff done. Welcome to
22
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:15.060
the Therapy in a Nutshell podcast. I'm Emma McAdam, a
23
00:01:15.159 --> 00:01:19.140
licensed therapist. I make mental health skills more accessible so
24
00:01:19.189 --> 00:01:21.709
that you can get better at healing. Just a reminder,
25
00:01:21.750 --> 00:01:24.450
this is education, not therapy. If you'd like to learn
26
00:01:24.549 --> 00:01:27.810
more free mental health skills, check out our free courses
27
00:01:28.049 --> 00:01:33.310
at therapyinanutshell.com. Okay, so first let's talk about what's going
28
00:01:33.349 --> 00:01:35.189
on in your nervous system. If we take a look
29
00:01:35.230 --> 00:01:38.689
at the polymega ladder, when we're feeling overwhelmed, it's when
30
00:01:38.709 --> 00:01:43.799
we're stuck in anxiety, the sympathetic or activated state, and
31
00:01:44.299 --> 00:01:46.099
the shutdown state. It's like your foot is on the
32
00:01:46.140 --> 00:01:47.819
gas and the brakes at the same time.
33
00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:51.799
Like I can feel like the overwhelm actually setting in.
34
00:01:52.180 --> 00:01:55.200
And I'm like, oh, this feels like we're gonna.
35
00:01:54.900 --> 00:01:58.969
Be on doing nothing for a few hours and just
36
00:01:59.010 --> 00:02:01.750
scroll on our phone. Yeah. This feels like I'm going
37
00:02:01.769 --> 00:02:03.909
to lay down and I'm not getting back up.
38
00:02:05.290 --> 00:02:08.069
And because you're in a fear state, you can't pressure
39
00:02:08.110 --> 00:02:11.240
yourself into thinking more clearly. That pushes you further down
40
00:02:11.349 --> 00:02:14.060
into shutdown. You can't think your way out of a
41
00:02:14.199 --> 00:02:19.719
dysregulated body. Your emotional brain, the limbic system down in here,
42
00:02:19.780 --> 00:02:22.400
cannot tell the difference between a mountain lion and an
43
00:02:22.539 --> 00:02:26.430
inbox full of emails. So its job is survival. So
44
00:02:26.469 --> 00:02:30.300
it shuts down your problem-solving circuits and and pumps out
45
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:33.509
all these stress hormones to get you to fight, flight,
46
00:02:33.889 --> 00:02:36.849
or freeze, which is how we got stuck here. Now,
47
00:02:36.889 --> 00:02:38.889
a lot of people shame themselves. They think, oh, I
48
00:02:38.949 --> 00:02:41.009
should be able to do this. But the more you
49
00:02:41.090 --> 00:02:45.439
pressure yourself, the more fear you feel, and the harder
50
00:02:45.460 --> 00:02:49.159
it is to move up the ladder into action or safety.
51
00:02:49.699 --> 00:02:53.020
So you've got to regulate first and then problem solve second.
52
00:02:53.060 --> 00:02:56.289
So let's talk about how to do that. Step one
53
00:02:56.469 --> 00:02:59.560
is to change your state. So instead of pressuring yourself
54
00:02:59.639 --> 00:03:02.729
to be different, you need to show yourself that you're
55
00:03:02.770 --> 00:03:05.500
capable and that you're safe. You need to change your
56
00:03:05.539 --> 00:03:08.719
nervous system state before you change your tasks. So let
57
00:03:08.759 --> 00:03:10.900
me give you an example. One morning, my six year
58
00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:13.379
old would not get out of bed for school. She
59
00:03:13.419 --> 00:03:16.849
was just frozen in bed with dread. Now I was
60
00:03:16.889 --> 00:03:19.550
short on time. I was sleep deprived and I started
61
00:03:19.590 --> 00:03:22.770
feeling really irritable. I did not want to just yell
62
00:03:22.930 --> 00:03:25.509
or threaten her. I didn't want to be all angry.
63
00:03:26.030 --> 00:03:28.120
So to be honest, I do not do this all
64
00:03:28.139 --> 00:03:30.219
the time, but I thought, Oh, how can I make
65
00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:33.469
this fun? So I told her, I said, hey, we
66
00:03:33.490 --> 00:03:37.110
can do this the robot way, the dee-doo-dee-doo way, or
67
00:03:37.169 --> 00:03:39.849
we can do this the angry way. Now, the robot
68
00:03:39.870 --> 00:03:42.469
and the dee-doo-dee-doo way are games that we've played before
69
00:03:42.509 --> 00:03:44.990
when we're doing chores and stuff. So I was like
70
00:03:45.389 --> 00:03:48.430
super shocked when she chose the angry way because that's
71
00:03:48.449 --> 00:03:51.150
the one I was trying to avoid. But because I'd
72
00:03:51.229 --> 00:03:54.069
already framed this as a game, when I said to
73
00:03:54.120 --> 00:03:59.139
her like in this exaggerated loud angry voice, Grace, you
74
00:03:59.219 --> 00:04:04.599
have to get dressed right now. She giggled. So then
75
00:04:04.620 --> 00:04:07.400
when I grabbed her legs, she laughed even more. Doing
76
00:04:07.419 --> 00:04:09.460
this as the angry way as a game made the
77
00:04:09.500 --> 00:04:11.400
whole thing fun for both of us and pretty soon
78
00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:15.340
she was getting moving and getting dressed. So making it
79
00:04:15.379 --> 00:04:20.709
a game shifts your state from fear to play and
80
00:04:20.769 --> 00:04:23.709
helps you get activated instead of frozen. We'll talk more
81
00:04:23.889 --> 00:04:27.529
about gamifying things later, but what's important here is to
82
00:04:27.610 --> 00:04:29.420
do it in your nervous system, to do it in
83
00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:33.139
your body. You've got to restore safety with your self-talk.
84
00:04:33.519 --> 00:04:37.079
So instead of saying something like, I'm so overwhelmed, I'm
85
00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:39.220
such a loser, why can't I just get it done?
86
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:43.699
All of that adds more fear, which keeps pushing us
87
00:04:43.740 --> 00:04:47.120
down this ladder, right? Instead, you might use some positive
88
00:04:47.139 --> 00:04:51.399
self-talk like saying like, okay, there's no fire here. There's
89
00:04:51.439 --> 00:04:54.519
no fire. This is not life or death, okay? I'm
90
00:04:54.670 --> 00:04:57.209
not a bad person. I'm just having a hard time
91
00:04:57.269 --> 00:05:02.930
prioritizing right now. So you've got to use like positive
92
00:05:03.110 --> 00:05:07.110
framing in your talk to yourself to help you change
93
00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:11.290
the direction of this arrow from like more and more
94
00:05:11.370 --> 00:05:13.920
fear to like more and more safety.
95
00:05:14.850 --> 00:05:18.649
I've had to learn this skill over a very long
96
00:05:18.730 --> 00:05:22.389
period of time. I've been practicing it this whole year
97
00:05:22.540 --> 00:05:28.579
and I still have to intentionally do it. When I'm
98
00:05:28.720 --> 00:05:30.800
actually overwhelmed, like I'm in the middle of it, I
99
00:05:31.199 --> 00:05:34.420
can't do anything. I have to first regulate myself.
100
00:05:34.680 --> 00:05:36.240
Now let's talk about how to change that state in
101
00:05:36.259 --> 00:05:40.100
your body. ADHD brains often get stuck because they're understimulated
102
00:05:40.180 --> 00:05:44.170
or overstimulated. Anxious brains often get stuck because they're flooded
103
00:05:44.230 --> 00:05:47.949
with stress chemicals. So before doing anything, let's provide the
104
00:05:47.990 --> 00:05:51.930
body an opportunity to change states. Anything that provides more
105
00:05:52.209 --> 00:05:56.829
action or more sense of safety helps. So there's a
106
00:05:56.829 --> 00:05:59.329
couple things you can try. One is slowing down your
107
00:05:59.350 --> 00:06:03.629
body and taking a breath or adding in some vibrations
108
00:06:03.870 --> 00:06:07.910
like tapping your face or humming or singing. All this
109
00:06:07.930 --> 00:06:10.009
can help send a message to your nervous system that
110
00:06:10.029 --> 00:06:12.970
you're safe. or even just talking to yourself can help.
111
00:06:13.910 --> 00:06:17.769
Now for me, when it comes to deep breathing and
112
00:06:17.889 --> 00:06:20.990
slow breathing and calming myself down, this honestly literally does
113
00:06:21.060 --> 00:06:23.279
not work that well for me. And here's why. One
114
00:06:23.300 --> 00:06:26.439
of the interesting things about the polyvagal ladder is that
115
00:06:26.540 --> 00:06:29.959
most of the time we have to move through activation
116
00:06:30.379 --> 00:06:33.560
to regulate. So for me, I'm usually only able to
117
00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:36.750
calm myself down after some kind of movement, like going
118
00:06:36.769 --> 00:06:39.129
for a short walk or doing some jumping jacks. When
119
00:06:39.170 --> 00:06:42.209
you move your body, it helps your nervous system shift
120
00:06:42.300 --> 00:06:45.920
from shutdown to the activated state. There's some other things
121
00:06:45.939 --> 00:06:49.779
you can try too, like sensory stimulation, changing that sensory
122
00:06:49.860 --> 00:06:52.699
environment for yourself. This could look like drinking some really
123
00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:55.980
cold water, putting on some high energy music, maybe changing
124
00:06:56.019 --> 00:06:58.839
environments like working from a coffee shop or a library.
125
00:06:59.259 --> 00:07:01.810
So the important thing to remember is you're not lazy.
126
00:07:02.189 --> 00:07:05.069
Your brain needs a state shift to unlock action. So
127
00:07:05.089 --> 00:07:08.370
you regulate your nervous system first. Your brain is kind
128
00:07:08.410 --> 00:07:10.470
of like a child. It listens more to what you
129
00:07:10.509 --> 00:07:12.490
do than what you say. So you can't just tell yourself,
130
00:07:12.509 --> 00:07:14.430
I'm safe. I'm safe. I shouldn't feel this way. That
131
00:07:14.449 --> 00:07:16.790
doesn't work. You have to show your nervous system that
132
00:07:16.810 --> 00:07:20.050
you're safe and capable by doing something with your body
133
00:07:20.149 --> 00:07:20.870
and your senses.
134
00:07:21.129 --> 00:07:24.029
Just telling myself, oh, I can do it. It's not
135
00:07:24.550 --> 00:07:28.730
as effective as actually like doing many experiments over and
136
00:07:28.790 --> 00:07:31.449
over and over again and having evidence every single time.
137
00:07:31.930 --> 00:07:34.569
Oh, I did it. Oh, I did it. Oh, I
138
00:07:34.620 --> 00:07:34.949
did it.
139
00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:39.279
Yeah. Maybe, maybe this next time I can do it again.
140
00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:42.000
So it's, it's not just about like getting calm. The
141
00:07:42.019 --> 00:07:43.860
goal here isn't just to be calm all the time.
142
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:47.560
It's about taking your foot off of the break so
143
00:07:47.579 --> 00:07:49.959
that you can get some action done. Okay. So step
144
00:07:50.019 --> 00:07:54.310
two is externalize everything. Whether you've got too many projects
145
00:07:54.329 --> 00:07:56.709
at work or your ADHD brain is like on fire
146
00:07:56.730 --> 00:08:03.230
or you're a and you have serious sleep deprivation, maybe
147
00:08:03.269 --> 00:08:05.800
your mind is firing off a million things that you
148
00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:11.040
should be doing. This literally feels like a survival threat,
149
00:08:11.540 --> 00:08:15.439
and it triggers the fight, flight, freeze response. Too many
150
00:08:15.500 --> 00:08:20.269
things to remember and pay attention to overwhelms your ability
151
00:08:20.689 --> 00:08:25.810
to sort and process. It feels like a threat. You
152
00:08:25.889 --> 00:08:29.490
can't hold everything in your head at once. Multitasking literally
153
00:08:29.529 --> 00:08:32.000
feels like a threat. If you think of your busy
154
00:08:32.039 --> 00:08:36.299
brain as a pen with 10 colors, being overwhelmed isn't laziness.
155
00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:38.970
It's like your brain is trying to push down all
156
00:08:39.029 --> 00:08:41.610
of the 10 colors at once, which means none of
157
00:08:41.669 --> 00:08:44.970
them work. Your brain freezes because it's trying to do
158
00:08:45.350 --> 00:08:48.500
everything at once. And that pressure is stressful, which adds
159
00:08:48.519 --> 00:08:53.100
to your overwhelm. And when you're stressed, your emotions turn
160
00:08:53.139 --> 00:08:57.210
down the thinking part of your brain, right? ADHD, one
161
00:08:57.250 --> 00:08:58.610
of the things with ADHD is it makes it really
162
00:08:58.649 --> 00:09:01.009
hard to filter tasks and figure out which one is
163
00:09:01.070 --> 00:09:04.490
most important. The recipe for overwhelm is too many tasks
164
00:09:05.149 --> 00:09:08.009
and lack of clarity. So what you need to do
165
00:09:08.049 --> 00:09:10.720
instead of saying, I'm so overwhelmed, my life is so hard.
166
00:09:10.740 --> 00:09:14.460
It's not the tasks that are the problem. The clarity
167
00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:16.570
is is what you need to do. You need to
168
00:09:16.850 --> 00:09:19.590
increase clarity. So you need to say, instead of saying,
169
00:09:19.649 --> 00:09:23.450
I'm overwhelmed, say, I need to decide what matters most
170
00:09:23.889 --> 00:09:27.509
and go slow. When you say this, I need to,
171
00:09:27.649 --> 00:09:29.730
I need more clarity. I need to decide what matters most.
172
00:09:30.110 --> 00:09:33.090
When you say this, your brain stops firing alarm signals
173
00:09:33.169 --> 00:09:38.669
and it starts organizing information again. So talk to yourself nicely. Okay.
174
00:09:38.990 --> 00:09:40.730
We need to increase our clarity around the task. You
175
00:09:40.750 --> 00:09:44.090
don't need more pressure. You need more clarity. So which
176
00:09:44.179 --> 00:09:47.870
color should I start with? Oh, I'll go with this one.
177
00:09:48.389 --> 00:09:48.830
Ta-da!
178
00:09:49.370 --> 00:09:53.529
Clarity reduces anxiety more than doing everything does.
179
00:09:53.870 --> 00:09:56.870
I try to get myself regulated first and then I
180
00:09:57.210 --> 00:10:00.279
sit down and I'm like, okay, what absolutely happens to
181
00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:03.639
be done today? Or what can be done later? Like
182
00:10:04.019 --> 00:10:08.429
be really honest with yourself. Is it, do you actually
183
00:10:08.490 --> 00:10:11.470
have to do it this week? Do you actually have
184
00:10:11.509 --> 00:10:13.629
to do it today? Because a lot of the time
185
00:10:13.649 --> 00:10:16.509
my overwhelm is like, if I don't do everything all
186
00:10:16.549 --> 00:10:17.549
the time right now.
187
00:10:17.830 --> 00:10:18.769
Everything's going to crumble.
188
00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:22.799
Everything is going to crumble and you are going to
189
00:10:22.860 --> 00:10:26.179
lose everything. And everything you worked for is going to
190
00:10:26.220 --> 00:10:31.289
be gone. Hold everything together all the time. And you're perfect.
191
00:10:32.169 --> 00:10:35.570
That is how I feel on the inside.
192
00:10:35.929 --> 00:10:40.370
Yeah. That sounds exhausting. So to do this, we need
193
00:10:40.389 --> 00:10:43.580
to support our processing. And to do that, we need
194
00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:46.519
to externalize everything. That means you need to get this
195
00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:49.759
list out of your head. and dump your to-do list
196
00:10:50.159 --> 00:10:53.659
onto paper, okay? Next, cross off anything that's not urgent
197
00:10:53.919 --> 00:10:59.259
or important, and then just circle three actionable things. Now,
198
00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:01.070
if writing all this down on a piece of paper
199
00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:03.529
still feels overwhelming, you can write it all down on
200
00:11:03.570 --> 00:11:06.070
a piece of paper and then put that paper to
201
00:11:06.110 --> 00:11:08.750
the side and write on a Post-it note the next
202
00:11:08.830 --> 00:11:11.629
thing you're gonna do, just one small step, okay? And
203
00:11:11.649 --> 00:11:13.409
then you can just hide that piece of paper with
204
00:11:13.429 --> 00:11:16.990
the list. If you get your one Post-it note done today,
205
00:11:17.669 --> 00:11:20.210
That's a success. Okay. You're not trying to make the
206
00:11:20.250 --> 00:11:22.909
perfect plan. You're just trying to turn that brain noise
207
00:11:22.990 --> 00:11:26.169
into a list. The brain hates confusion more than it
208
00:11:26.230 --> 00:11:29.879
hates work. Okay. So externalize everything. You've got to make
209
00:11:29.909 --> 00:11:32.500
it physical. You've got to make it visual, and then
210
00:11:32.519 --> 00:11:36.120
you've got to choose what's most important. Now this works
211
00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:39.379
as a short-term crisis method, like this brain dump. But
212
00:11:39.419 --> 00:11:42.139
in the long run, if we really want to manage overwhelm,
213
00:11:42.220 --> 00:11:44.889
we've got to create these external systems to help you
214
00:11:44.929 --> 00:11:49.210
remember and organize stuff like visual calendars, using whiteboards or
215
00:11:49.610 --> 00:11:53.500
setting reminders on your phone. Okay, step number three, shrink
216
00:11:53.529 --> 00:11:57.759
the task. So shrink the task until it's almost embarrassing.
217
00:11:58.429 --> 00:12:00.509
There is a popular book out there titled Eat That
218
00:12:00.570 --> 00:12:03.440
Frog that basically says do the hardest thing in your
219
00:12:03.460 --> 00:12:06.620
day first. Eat that frog. But for people who are
220
00:12:06.659 --> 00:12:09.200
paralyzed with stress or ADHD, that can lead to like
221
00:12:09.500 --> 00:12:14.039
endless overwhelming procrastination. Eating the frog is not helpful. So instead,
222
00:12:14.100 --> 00:12:17.399
start with the smallest task first and get some momentum.
223
00:12:18.019 --> 00:12:20.629
And guess what? It doesn't matter if you start with
224
00:12:20.710 --> 00:12:24.309
a ridiculously small and easy task. When you've done a
225
00:12:24.350 --> 00:12:28.809
tiny task, you gain confidence. which fuels momentum for the
226
00:12:28.850 --> 00:12:32.779
next task. So don't clean the kitchen. You're gonna put
227
00:12:32.820 --> 00:12:35.240
a plate in the sink. Don't say like, I have
228
00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:38.539
to finish this report. You're gonna set a task like,
229
00:12:38.639 --> 00:12:41.580
I'm gonna open the document and write the first line.
230
00:12:42.039 --> 00:12:44.750
Getting a little bit of momentum can help your nervous
231
00:12:44.789 --> 00:12:49.950
system shift from I'm helpless to I can do this, okay?
232
00:12:50.490 --> 00:12:53.389
It's gonna help your nervous system feel more capable and
233
00:12:53.429 --> 00:12:54.860
more safe, and that can help you get out of
234
00:12:54.889 --> 00:12:57.429
that freeze or overwhelm state. And by the way, the
235
00:12:57.509 --> 00:13:01.919
way that dopamine works is that action actually fuels motivation,
236
00:13:01.980 --> 00:13:05.419
not the other way around. So dopamine comes from doing stuff.
237
00:13:05.500 --> 00:13:10.259
Motivation comes from doing stuff. One of the things I
238
00:13:10.299 --> 00:13:12.340
think is really important with this is you might have
239
00:13:12.360 --> 00:13:16.019
to limit your sensory input to do this. So like
240
00:13:16.210 --> 00:13:18.490
with the pet example, you've got to be pushing down
241
00:13:18.570 --> 00:13:22.190
less colors at once. Casey Davis, she's the author of
242
00:13:22.309 --> 00:13:25.940
How to Keep House While Drowning. She recommends like closing
243
00:13:26.039 --> 00:13:29.340
doors to messy rooms in your house or covering up
244
00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:31.580
the dishes in your sink with a towel so that
245
00:13:31.620 --> 00:13:35.399
you can decrease that overwhelm, decrease that noise, right? And
246
00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:39.799
just work on one tiny problem at a time. Like
247
00:13:40.139 --> 00:13:45.700
put one sock away, title the document, write one sentence. Okay.
248
00:13:46.019 --> 00:13:48.970
So that's number three. Instead of eat that frog, just
249
00:13:48.990 --> 00:13:52.769
get moving. Movement leads to motivation. Don't make yourself do
250
00:13:52.789 --> 00:13:55.309
the hardest things first. You can do the hardest tasks
251
00:13:55.429 --> 00:13:58.169
when you're most motivated. Just start small and build momentum
252
00:13:58.190 --> 00:14:00.370
as you go. And I think another thing that's important
253
00:14:00.389 --> 00:14:05.299
to know with motivation is it's really important to celebrate
254
00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:09.100
tiny wins. So that might look like check marks. Check
255
00:14:09.179 --> 00:14:11.159
off everything. If you finish something and it wasn't on
256
00:14:11.179 --> 00:14:13.100
your checklist, write it down and check it off anyway.
257
00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:16.120
Every check mark gives a little dopamine boost, which gives
258
00:14:16.139 --> 00:14:18.259
you more motivation in the future and helps you feel
259
00:14:18.419 --> 00:14:22.600
more capable. Okay. Step four, make the task more interesting,
260
00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:26.860
not more disciplined, right? You don't need more discipline. ADHD
261
00:14:26.899 --> 00:14:30.240
is not a motivation problem. It's a dopamine regulation problem.
262
00:14:30.539 --> 00:14:34.159
So boring tasks can feel physically painful to ADHD brains.
263
00:14:34.740 --> 00:14:37.350
You don't need more self-control. You probably need to make
264
00:14:37.370 --> 00:14:41.230
the task more interesting. And again, we're shifting states, but
265
00:14:41.250 --> 00:14:44.730
we're actually making them more intense instead of more calm.
266
00:14:45.210 --> 00:14:47.250
So you would ask like, how can I add novelty?
267
00:14:47.629 --> 00:14:50.370
How could I gamify this? When I was a kid
268
00:14:50.379 --> 00:14:52.090
and I had to mow the lawn, I would imagine
269
00:14:52.289 --> 00:14:54.629
there was like an olympic sport of efficient lawn mowing.
270
00:14:54.669 --> 00:14:57.409
Like how fast could I do it while doing it
271
00:14:57.470 --> 00:15:00.330
well and making like the the wheel of the lawnmower
272
00:15:00.389 --> 00:15:03.769
run just right along the last row that I'd mowed.
273
00:15:04.269 --> 00:15:06.830
And that was one way to gamify this, right? Gamifying
274
00:15:06.850 --> 00:15:08.690
is a great way to shift states and make tasks
275
00:15:08.730 --> 00:15:12.169
more fun. So Kristi Neuritsen does this by filming herself,
276
00:15:12.649 --> 00:15:20.370
timing herself, dancing, doing it with friends, Does adding in
277
00:15:20.549 --> 00:15:24.909
filming and adding in intensity help you actually be motivated
278
00:15:24.980 --> 00:15:25.679
to do something?
279
00:15:27.379 --> 00:15:30.179
Yes, I would say it does make it harder, but
280
00:15:30.220 --> 00:15:32.440
it also adds more motivation.
281
00:15:32.460 --> 00:15:35.019
Yeah, like activation, right? Like movement.
282
00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:35.320
Yeah.
283
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:37.480
Yeah, because I get that reward.
284
00:15:38.190 --> 00:15:41.539
And like there's there's like this added like, oh, I'm
285
00:15:41.559 --> 00:15:45.220
being filmed at the same time. So it's it definitely
286
00:15:45.460 --> 00:15:48.820
adds like a fire underneath me to get it done.
287
00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:51.840
And by the way, when she notices how long it takes,
288
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:54.919
which is not that long, and she writes it down,
289
00:15:55.350 --> 00:15:59.450
that actually reinforces to the brain that tasks in general
290
00:16:00.029 --> 00:16:04.490
are surmountable. Another favorite creator is Dani Donovan. She has
291
00:16:04.509 --> 00:16:08.009
some really amazing ways to do this in her anti-planner planner. Look,
292
00:16:08.149 --> 00:16:09.950
I have it here. This is not a paid promotion.
293
00:16:10.049 --> 00:16:12.080
I just like Danny. Here's a few of my favorites.
294
00:16:12.820 --> 00:16:15.379
Use your microwave timer as a countdown clock. So you
295
00:16:15.399 --> 00:16:18.139
put like a warm drink or leftovers in for two
296
00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:20.820
minutes or whatever. And then you race to see how
297
00:16:20.860 --> 00:16:23.539
much you can clean in the kitchen in that time
298
00:16:23.779 --> 00:16:26.909
before your microwave chimes. The other one I really like
299
00:16:26.970 --> 00:16:31.450
is procrastination blackjack. You write down three small tasks that
300
00:16:31.490 --> 00:16:33.419
you've been putting off for a while. and then you
301
00:16:33.460 --> 00:16:36.730
play blackjack with yourself. If you hit a perfect 21,
302
00:16:36.730 --> 00:16:40.350
you don't have to do any of the chores. If
303
00:16:40.389 --> 00:16:43.649
you score 18 to 20, you do one task right away.
304
00:16:44.250 --> 00:16:47.929
If you score under 17, you do two tasks. And
305
00:16:47.970 --> 00:16:50.870
if you go over 21, you have to do all three.
306
00:16:50.889 --> 00:16:56.049
I just think that's a fun game. Okay, body doubling
307
00:16:56.070 --> 00:16:59.490
is another great way to add novelty and support and motivation.
308
00:16:59.509 --> 00:17:03.059
I do this with gardening or other deep cleaning chores
309
00:17:03.100 --> 00:17:06.339
that I avoid. We schedule an hour with a friend
310
00:17:06.440 --> 00:17:09.380
and take turns at each other's houses doing these things.
311
00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:14.319
My ADHD therapist friend KJ offers virtual body doubling over
312
00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:17.690
Zoom or even just like texting someone like, hey, I'm
313
00:17:17.730 --> 00:17:21.210
about to start cleaning my bathroom or talking with them
314
00:17:21.250 --> 00:17:24.440
on the phone while you clean your kitchen, like all
315
00:17:24.460 --> 00:17:27.440
of that can help. Um, KJ just by the way,
316
00:17:27.460 --> 00:17:30.420
KJ also helps with live calls for my members. Um,
317
00:17:30.460 --> 00:17:33.220
my membership has 10 courses to help you regulate your
318
00:17:33.259 --> 00:17:36.529
nervous system and work through anxiety or trauma and build
319
00:17:36.569 --> 00:17:38.890
up your emotion processing skills. So if you want to
320
00:17:38.930 --> 00:17:41.890
learn more ways to process your emotions, check out the
321
00:17:41.930 --> 00:17:43.170
link in the description.
322
00:17:43.190 --> 00:17:43.990
Okay.
323
00:17:44.029 --> 00:17:47.589
Step five. This is the last one. Uh, don't time plan.
324
00:17:48.410 --> 00:17:51.789
Time box. Planning a time to work on a task
325
00:17:51.950 --> 00:17:55.490
can feel really overwhelming because that can require you to
326
00:17:55.539 --> 00:17:58.799
kind of predict your energy, your focus, and your mood. Instead,
327
00:17:58.819 --> 00:18:01.960
try time boxing. Set a 10 to 20 minute timer
328
00:18:02.359 --> 00:18:04.099
and work until it ends, even if you don't finish
329
00:18:04.119 --> 00:18:07.240
the whole task. And this makes it easier because you know,
330
00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:10.160
like this is not an endless task. It'll help protect
331
00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:13.759
you from like perfectionism and burnout cycles. So honestly, it's
332
00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:15.519
easier to get things done when you only have a
333
00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:18.240
few minutes or hours to do them. In grad school,
334
00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:21.000
I would rotate through dreary tasks. I would do like
335
00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:23.759
30 minutes of research and then I'd do 30 minutes
336
00:18:23.799 --> 00:18:26.369
of biking and then 30 minutes of writing an essay
337
00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:28.890
and 20 minutes to eat dinner and then 30 more
338
00:18:28.930 --> 00:18:32.769
minutes of reading. So rotating those times can be really helpful.
339
00:18:33.369 --> 00:18:35.349
I think just forcing yourself to commit to something for
340
00:18:35.349 --> 00:18:37.250
20 minutes is a great way to do hard things.
341
00:18:37.329 --> 00:18:39.890
And that's when I use my Pomodoro timer to help
342
00:18:39.910 --> 00:18:43.170
myself with this. So it's just easier when you say like, oh,
343
00:18:43.250 --> 00:18:45.250
I only have to work on this for 20 minutes
344
00:18:45.369 --> 00:18:50.059
and then I can stop. decreases that overwhelm quite a bit. Um,
345
00:18:50.359 --> 00:18:52.819
I did this with my taxes. I thought they were
346
00:18:52.839 --> 00:18:55.180
going to be so hard and so painful. I forced
347
00:18:55.220 --> 00:18:58.440
myself to do them. They only took, okay, they took
348
00:18:58.460 --> 00:19:00.430
too long, but there was less than I expected.
349
00:19:00.789 --> 00:19:01.069
Okay.
350
00:19:01.150 --> 00:19:05.049
So when you're stuck in overwhelm or ADHD paralysis, don't
351
00:19:05.089 --> 00:19:09.029
just try harder and be more organized. Do these five
352
00:19:09.069 --> 00:19:13.839
steps instead, uh, shift your nervous system state, externalize everything,
353
00:19:14.019 --> 00:19:19.490
shrink the task, make the task more interesting, or time box. Okay,
354
00:19:19.529 --> 00:19:22.660
is that too many ideas? You could just, if you're
355
00:19:22.700 --> 00:19:25.259
having a hard time getting started right now, pause the
356
00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:29.250
screen and do this. 20 jumping jacks, write down the
357
00:19:29.289 --> 00:19:33.109
first task, make it tinier, tell your friend you're getting started,
358
00:19:33.869 --> 00:19:36.809
and set a 10 minute timer. Okay, there you go.
359
00:19:37.170 --> 00:19:39.670
That's how you're gonna get started. Just like making any change,
360
00:19:39.769 --> 00:19:41.829
you've gotta start small enough that you know you can
361
00:19:41.849 --> 00:19:44.430
make it happen. I would love to hear your comments
362
00:19:44.589 --> 00:19:48.430
on one thing you did to start building motivation and momentum. Hey,
363
00:19:48.470 --> 00:19:50.670
thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate
364
00:19:50.690 --> 00:19:53.519
the work you're putting in to becoming a better person
365
00:19:53.559 --> 00:19:56.900
every day. And thank you so much and please take care.
366
00:19:57.539 --> 00:20:00.660
If you're sick of letting anxiety, depression, or stress take
367
00:20:00.700 --> 00:20:03.779
over your life, or you're tired of just coping with emotions,
368
00:20:04.259 --> 00:20:06.740
I want to tell you there's something better for you.
369
00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:10.190
When we understand what emotions are, why we feel them,
370
00:20:10.250 --> 00:20:12.589
and how to work through them in healthy ways, we
371
00:20:12.630 --> 00:20:16.609
gain the ability to reduce stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. In
372
00:20:16.650 --> 00:20:18.970
my How to Process Your Emotions course, we cover skills
373
00:20:19.009 --> 00:20:22.640
like willingness, a tool from acceptance and commitment therapy. Willingness
374
00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:26.160
helps you face uncomfortable emotions without being controlled by them.
375
00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:29.059
Instead of avoiding what you feel, you can learn to
376
00:20:29.099 --> 00:20:32.619
accept and work through your emotions. This is just one
377
00:20:32.740 --> 00:20:36.200
of the many life-changing skills you can learn when you
378
00:20:36.309 --> 00:20:39.490
join the Therapy in a Nutshell membership. Becoming a member
379
00:20:39.549 --> 00:20:43.009
gives you access to all 10 of my courses, including
380
00:20:43.069 --> 00:20:46.450
grounding skills for stress, anxiety, and PTSD, where you'll learn
381
00:20:46.470 --> 00:20:49.599
to regulate your nervous system, change your brain, where you'll
382
00:20:49.619 --> 00:20:53.599
learn tiny changes that massively improve mental health, coping skills
383
00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:56.059
and self-care, which teaches you how to get out of
384
00:20:56.099 --> 00:21:00.329
survival mode, how to process your emotions. which teaches in-depth
385
00:21:00.390 --> 00:21:03.690
skills to resolve emotions. This isn't hacks. This is the
386
00:21:04.289 --> 00:21:09.079
practical process to really work through and resolve feelings. And
387
00:21:09.450 --> 00:21:11.599
break the anxiety cycle in 30 days, which is a
388
00:21:11.700 --> 00:21:15.460
five-point plan to end the cycle of anxiety. Each course
389
00:21:15.500 --> 00:21:18.099
comes with a workbook, and I do a live one-hour
390
00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:21.170
call with members every month. Thousands of people have joined
391
00:21:21.289 --> 00:21:24.430
and are seeing incredible results. I get messages every day
392
00:21:24.509 --> 00:21:27.589
about how people are feeling happy again, improving their relationships,
393
00:21:28.069 --> 00:21:31.490
mastering anxiety and depression, and just feeling like themselves again.
394
00:21:32.049 --> 00:21:33.950
Check out the link in the show notes to learn more.
