WEBVTT
00:00:00.800 --> 00:00:01.520
Hey guys.
00:00:01.679 --> 00:00:02.080
Alright.
00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:07.200
So I want to share a little testimony of postpartum depression.
00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:10.480
I know that we are seeing this court case.
00:00:10.960 --> 00:00:13.199
I was actually just watching some of it.
00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:24.239
And you know, I I um have my own thoughts and opinions, but I do know and understand um both sides.
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:28.000
And so I just wanted to share my testimony a little bit.
00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:34.079
Um, you know, I grew up Christian.
00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:58.000
I went to church, you know, just a normal, comfortable Christian, uh, doing the deeds, marking the boxes, checking the list, paying the tithes, going to church every Sunday, Sunday school, Wednesday night, you know, all the checkbox and uh religious stuff just to make yourself feel good, think that you're doing everything great.
00:00:58.240 --> 00:01:06.560
Um, and I could have told you that I was one billion percent sure that I was going to heaven back then.
00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:16.239
Um from where I'm at today, I will tell you that I was 100% going to hell.
00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:17.439
Um, why?
00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:20.560
Because I hadn't surrendered.
00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:30.640
So during the time that I was having children, I was not fully surrendered to the Lord.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:56.400
And this is why it is really so important for the church, for the body of Christ, for those who represent and preach the gospel, represent Jesus, for us to really help people understand the difference between religion and actual surrender to Jesus Christ as your Lord.
00:01:56.719 --> 00:02:12.400
There's a difference in just um asking him to be your savior and knowing and believing in him, and um, you know, just going to the altar, raising your hands, even getting baptized.
00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:19.520
All of that is one thing, but there's a difference when your heart is actually surrendered.
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:22.479
Okay, so here I am.
00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:30.000
Um, about I think I was about 24 at the time when I had my first child, um, got pregnant.
00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:36.639
Um, my husband, we actually had to move away, uh, three hours away from our family.
00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:40.560
I had never moved that far away from our family, neither had my husband.
00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:46.639
Here I was completely isolated, away from family, having my first child.
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:54.400
Not only that, but I had to change doctors at 36 weeks pregnant, so it was a lot going on for me.
00:02:55.039 --> 00:03:07.759
Um, I remember I remember having my first child, and now again, I am not surrendered to the Lord, okay?
00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:15.680
Um, I just believe in Jesus and I do the church thing, do the church checking of the boxes, okay?
00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:19.759
Just showing up, but not actually surrendering.
00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:23.599
So here I am, I have my first child.
00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:31.120
I don't, I mean, you know, obviously we're women, we're made to birth children, we're made to raise children, like it's just our instinct.
00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:46.719
We do know a lot about what to do, but with your first child, you really learn a lot, and on top of that, um, I breastfed, so that's a whole nother um that's a whole nother thing to learn that.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:51.919
Um your baby has to learn how to how to eat, you have to learn how to feed the baby.
00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:56.879
Um, it's just a bit it's just a process, and um, it's very challenging.
00:03:57.039 --> 00:04:00.879
Most women don't follow through with it because it is hard, it's very hard.
00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:12.639
Um, so not only are you learning to feed your baby, you are um healing from you know whether you had a c-section or whether you um, you know, did it normal.
00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:16.240
The thing is, is there's a lot going on.
00:04:16.480 --> 00:04:25.680
Your body literally just went through something with your first child that you've never experienced before.
00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:29.040
Your nervous system doesn't even know how to respond.
00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:41.040
It's literally making new respond mechanisms, new triggers, new um, all the things like your hormones are crazy, your your thoughts, your everything.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:46.800
And I remember they called it the baby blues when I was having kids.
00:04:46.879 --> 00:04:48.399
I don't know if they still call it that now.
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:50.959
It's really just postpartum depression.
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:58.879
And so I remember um here I was a brand new baby, um, breastfeeding.
00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:15.360
Didn't realize until later that my child actually um couldn't handle spaghetti, couldn't handle cheese, couldn't handle anything spicy, um, was lactose intolerant, like all of these things, and here I am eating whatever I want and breastfeeding my baby.
00:05:15.519 --> 00:05:22.079
My baby is screaming every day, um, night, day, all the time, right?
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:25.040
Because of what I'm eating as a breastfeeding mom.
00:05:25.279 --> 00:05:33.839
They don't tell you those things, um, but they just try to get you to learn how to breastfeed your baby.
00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:38.879
So here I am completely overwhelmed.
00:05:39.279 --> 00:05:41.439
Um, my husband goes to work every day.
00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:46.240
I remember my mom stayed with me for a couple weeks, but then my mom left.
00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:48.399
And it was like me.
00:05:48.720 --> 00:05:52.879
It was just it was just me, me and the baby and my husband.
00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:54.959
My husband was going to work every day.
00:05:55.120 --> 00:05:58.399
You know, I didn't want him to have to wake up with the baby at night.
00:05:58.480 --> 00:06:04.079
Um, technically, he couldn't really do much because I was breastfeeding, so it was all me.
00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:06.720
I couldn't um get a break.
00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:10.000
I I just your first kid, it's just a lot.
00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:34.480
It really is a lot, and so I remember I remember it was like gradually day after day, this like darkness, this like depression, this this like uh feeling of imprisonment, feeling of um just it was just like the walls were closing in on me.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:58.240
I remember that, and I remember holding my child at home by myself, sitting on the couch, and I remember there was such a darkness that came over me in that short little period, and I just remember thinking, like, I don't want to do this anymore.
00:06:58.480 --> 00:07:01.839
I don't I don't want this, you know what I mean?
00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:04.319
And and I remember having those thoughts.
00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:24.879
I never said that, but I remember those thoughts, and that was the voice of the darkness, that was the voice um of that postpartum depression that began to just say, Oh my gosh, like abandon ship, get out, retreat.
00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:25.519
You know what I mean?
00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:33.199
It's like the fight or flight thing, like either you fight through it and you push through, or you just you flight, you you abandon ship.
00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:40.319
And so I remember in that moment just crying and just being so overwhelmed.
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:47.040
And I remember my husband came home that day and he was like, Babe, are you are you okay?
00:07:47.600 --> 00:08:05.519
And I remember just being very silent, and I remember him calling my mom and his mom, and he was like, I don't know what's wrong, like I don't know what's happening, but all he knew was I gotta get her out of this house.
00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:10.560
And I just knew because I was a stay-at-home mom, so I just stayed at home.
00:08:10.639 --> 00:08:16.480
He went to work, it was just it was just me, you know, um, and the baby.
00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:21.279
And uh here I was without sleep, you know, learning to breastfeed.
00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:34.080
It was just so much, I was so overwhelmed, and I just remember thinking, like, wow, the very thing that I had desired and wanted now, here I am, and I don't want it.
00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:45.120
And I just remember this darkness, I just can't describe it because it was just so heavy, it was so weighty, and it was just closing in on me.
00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:51.919
And I remember um my husband, he just called out of work and we went home.
00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:57.360
We went home that weekend to our lake house back at home and we just got out.
00:08:57.519 --> 00:09:00.720
We just we just had to get out of that house.
00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:24.480
And so I do in a very small sense understand postpartum depression, but I want to go a little deeper with it in my case because now that I am, you know, I've had two kids, you know, obviously, you know, it didn't take me over because obviously I grew up in the church, I knew Jesus.
00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:30.000
Um, Jesus, you know, obviously helped me and helped me push through.
00:09:30.240 --> 00:09:33.600
You know, I had praying family members, you know, all of that.
00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:41.200
I did have spiritual support when I couldn't spiritually support myself or when I didn't even really know.
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:43.120
I didn't know then.
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:48.879
I mean, obviously I talked to God, but I didn't really have a relationship with Jesus.
00:09:48.960 --> 00:10:07.039
I didn't know what I know now, like I didn't know how to get to the feet of Jesus and how to get in the presence and you know how to push through and and all of that, but I do remember it was like God began to bring other people to help pull me out of that darkness.
00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:20.559
And so um now that I'm older, now that I'm surrendered to the Lord, and the Lord um obviously has um called me to a different.
00:10:22.639 --> 00:10:33.519
I just want to say, um, I my giftings of discernment are more in the um the spiritual realm.
00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:49.919
Okay, so I really understand deliverance, I understand what's going on behind the scenes in the darkness, um, I understand I can I can see what is kind of hiding behind other things, okay.
00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:56.000
So when I say that, now I know why I had those thoughts.
00:10:56.159 --> 00:11:00.960
Now I know why that was even allowed to come upon me.
00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.960
First and foremost, I wasn't fully surrendered to the Lord.
00:11:05.039 --> 00:11:12.240
Okay, that makes a huge difference in your in your mind, your will, and your emotions.
00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:21.120
However, I later found out in my life that there was abortion in my family line.
00:11:21.679 --> 00:11:27.360
Um, you know, that there were miscarriages, there were basically a spirit of death.
00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:44.639
And so, you know, in Leviticus, if you read about the spirit of Moloch, it talks about how um, you know, Jezebel and and some of the other spirits, they they want child sacrifice.
00:11:45.840 --> 00:11:59.360
And so that is um, that is the spirit behind abortion, is that those demons that require child sacrifice to actually gain their strength.
00:11:59.600 --> 00:11:59.919
Okay.
00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:19.360
Um, so basically in my life, what was happening was those thoughts were actually, those voices were allowed to tell me to reject my child because that is the same spirit that works through abortion.
00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:22.639
So that is what it tries to get you to do.
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:48.399
If it can't get you to, you know, obviously have an abortion or anything like that, then it'll actually begin to try to get you to reject the baby spiritually, just um with those thoughts of like, I don't want this, I want out, you know, it's really pride and it's really selfishness because you're thinking about yourself and you're not thinking about the other life that you just birthed.
00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:53.679
But the thing is, is I realized later that this is very spiritual.
00:12:54.000 --> 00:13:00.720
Okay, this is not just um human human choice.
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:13.440
Um, I personally have experienced possession, and so I do understand what that feels like to a very small degree, I believe.
00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:31.919
Um, but what I want to say is I really want people to understand that postpartum depression, um, all of these thoughts, you know, with this court case that we're seeing with Lindsay, you know, she's she's saying like she heard voices.
00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:42.000
Um, you know, she was it basically basically she was she's she's she's not was possessed, she is possessed.
00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:42.320
Okay.
00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:44.080
That's a demon.
00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:57.120
That is a um that is a very strong demon that would cause you to actually murder your three children the way that she did, um, strangling.
00:13:57.200 --> 00:14:02.000
Um it wasn't quick, it was very much um an attack.
00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:03.679
It was planned.
00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:15.600
Um, and so we we have to understand that you know, people are like, oh, you know, postpartum depression and all those things.
00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:21.279
Well, yeah, um, but it's a demonic possession.
00:14:21.519 --> 00:14:33.360
Literally, it says in the Bible, when the father came about his son, he said, Yeah, the demon um makes my son throw himself into the fire and into the water.
00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:38.639
Literally, the human, the boy could not control himself.
00:14:38.799 --> 00:14:44.240
The demon was in control, 100% in complete control at that time.
00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:49.440
And Jesus asked the man, he said, How long has this been happening?
00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:52.000
And he said, Since he was a little boy.
00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:54.559
That's demonic possession.
00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:57.279
That's different than just being oppressed.
00:14:57.519 --> 00:15:00.480
My postpartum depression, that was oppression.
00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:05.120
Okay, I was being oppressed by a spirit of depression.
00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:16.799
This lady had depression, a spirit of death, um, a spirit of it's just a spirit of death, um, a spirit of murder, a spirit of cane.
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:18.639
Um I could go on.
00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:26.080
But the point is, is justice is still required.
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:45.679
And to be honest, you can't you can't um there are still consequences for our actions, and even God says that in his word, that there are consequences.
00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:55.600
He says that the generational curse on a family will go three up to three and four generations.
00:15:56.559 --> 00:16:02.240
That's the consequences of the actions of the people in the generation.
00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:18.320
So um the reason the spirit, the only way the spirit, uh a demonic spirit, can get stronger and strong enough to literally murder three children, means that it has it was fed.
00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:20.879
They're fed by sin.
00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:29.919
They're fed by a consistent um partaking of sinful actions.
00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:32.000
That's how they're fed.
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:56.080
They try to get you to do something that actually makes them stronger, and they get stronger and they get stronger, and then down the generational line, the more um, you know, say somebody murders somebody, they get sent to jail or in prison or whatever, and then their their son that they had grows up and he ends up murdering somebody, you know, and then then their son get murders somebody.
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:10.720
That's a three, that's a that's three generational strength demon that is just literally generational hopping through that bloodline, growing and making itself stronger and stronger.
00:17:11.039 --> 00:17:35.920
So the thing is, is we have to decide that it stops with us because if not, it will just continue on in the bloodline and it will continue to get stronger and stronger and stronger until it destroys lives.
00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:40.160
Just like this woman who murdered her three children.
00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:49.200
I mean, one of the one of the child was running from her, trying to find his daddy for help.
00:17:50.799 --> 00:18:01.119
That is demonic and I don't care how much compassion we all have compassion.
00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:09.599
Yes, we would we would we would love, you know, for this woman to be in heaven one day.
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:17.519
That's the desire, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have to pay the consequences of her actions in prison.
00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:21.440
God still requires justice.
00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:27.119
It is written that you can't get past it.
00:18:28.799 --> 00:18:38.240
And and I was looking up to see if she was a Christian or what her, you know, background was and it says that she was raised Catholic.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:44.640
So she did have some knowledge of good and evil.
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:50.720
She had some knowledge of what was right and what was wrong.
00:18:51.839 --> 00:19:08.400
So the fact that she had opened doors so open that this demon literally took possession and took control of her body and her mind and her will.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:13.119
Justice is required.
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:14.160
Why?
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:19.279
Because we literally need that demon to be out of this world.
00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:30.480
Like we need that demon that uses her as a vessel and is dormant in her body, in her soul.
00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:35.519
Like, who knows when it's gonna manifest again?
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:43.279
You can't medicate a demon, you must cast it out.
00:19:44.720 --> 00:20:02.799
They are supernatural beings, and they must have a body to dwell in to fulfill their assignment, to fulfill the will of Satan in this world.
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:16.559
That's why we have to make sure that we are not vessels of Satan, but that we are vessels of God for righteousness and justice.
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:29.039
And this woman is not a vessel that needs to continue in this world.
00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:37.119
Those children, just like Abel's blood, God said, Cain, where is your brother?
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:39.599
And he said, Am I his keeper?
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:43.920
And God said, His blood is crying out to me.
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:46.720
What have you done?
00:20:47.839 --> 00:20:51.359
Those three children's blood will cry out.
00:20:51.680 --> 00:21:17.440
I believe it's in Revelation where it talks about those who have been martyred and those basically those it's about those who have been martyred, but still I truly believe that even the cries of little children's blood cry out the same as those who have been martyred for justice, for vengeance, it says.
00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:34.960
And so we can hear the plea of this woman and we can hear what everybody's thoughts and opinions are, but go read your Bible about what it says about hurting children.
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:46.880
Literally, Jesus says it would be better if you had a cement block tied around your neck and you were thrown into the sea.
00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:58.079
That would be better than the judgment and the wrath of God that you will endure for eternity.
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:04.319
Guys, Jesus came to save us of our sin.
00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:05.200
Yes.
00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:07.759
He absolutely did.
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:16.799
But more than that, he came to save us from his father's wrath.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:28.960
He came to save us from the wrath of God that will be released at the white throne judgment.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:35.759
And we have to decide: are we just believing in Jesus?
00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:40.000
Or are we actually making him Lord of our life?
00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:43.119
Are we actually surrendered to him?
00:22:43.839 --> 00:22:46.000
We can know all about good and evil.
00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:47.279
We can know about sin.
00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:49.759
We can know about heaven and hell.
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:55.039
We can know about what is good and what is bad and what we should do or what we shouldn't do.
00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:57.119
We can know about all those things.
00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:38.880
But if we're not actually applying them to our life with a heart posture of surrender and actually giving up our life instead of taking other lives, we're gonna spend eternity in hell if we do not turn from our wicked ways and follow the narrow path.
00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:47.200
Because the question isn't, are you going to heaven or hell?
00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:58.160
The question is, are you going to have eternal life or eternal punishment?
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:05.599
And only we can choose to surrender.
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:12.799
Only we can choose to pick up our cross and to die daily and not to kill daily.
00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:34.400
With the ways that you walk, with your mouth, with the things that you speak, with the way that you represent Christ, or don't.
00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:42.640
Yes, postpartum depression is very real.
00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:50.640
Yes, women have to go through and carry a weight that men don't understand.
00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:57.440
But woman of God, you were created to carry that weight.
00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:22.480
Women were created to carry the weight of hormonal imbalances of raising children, of carrying the weight of a wife and a partner, and a mother, and a sister, and a daughter.
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:30.480
There's no excuse because you were created to carry the weight.
00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:39.519
So don't let the devil lie and tell you, oh, you're depressed, oh, you need this medication and that medication.
00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:40.079
No.
00:25:42.160 --> 00:25:46.880
Get up, put your big girl panties on, and say, I was made for this.
00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:55.279
Your God did not create you incorrectly when he formed you in your mother's womb.
00:25:57.519 --> 00:26:04.000
You were created to literally birth life.
00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:12.799
So who cares if you have postpartum depression?
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:18.799
Who cares if that demon tries to whisper in your ear and try to put that cloak of heaviness and darkness on you?
00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:20.400
You stand up.
00:26:21.519 --> 00:26:26.799
You rise up in the name of Jesus and you say, No, I was made for this.
00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:30.720
This is the calling on my life.
00:26:32.960 --> 00:26:40.480
And I will walk out the calling that God gave me when He created me as a woman.
00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:58.880
We have to stand up for women who the devil whispers in their ear and tells them that they can't do it.
00:27:03.359 --> 00:27:07.759
They need women who can reach down and pull them up.
00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:12.160
And tell them, girl, you were made for this.
00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:12.880
Get up.
00:27:13.759 --> 00:27:16.240
Don't let that devil tell you who you are.
00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:18.720
Don't let him give you your identity.
00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:22.720
You don't have no postpartum depression.
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:29.119
What's that song, uh, Brandon Lake, where it's talking about the lion?
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:32.240
Lion, lion in your bones.
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:33.920
I can't remember what it says.
00:27:34.079 --> 00:27:42.079
Um, you gotta let that fire out and tell that devil who you are.
00:27:47.359 --> 00:28:12.480
I pray right now in the name of Jesus that every woman that has a spirit of death in their bloodline, whether it's through abortion, through miscarriages, whether it's through um uh stillborns, whether it's uh maybe you had a baby and your baby died after it was born, I just break that spirit of death off of you right now in the name of Jesus.
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:15.920
I break all shame.
00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:21.839
All shame goes now in Jesus' mighty name.
00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:29.680
Father, I call your women to understand that it is Satan.
00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:38.880
Your word literally says it in Genesis that Satan would wrestle with woman the most.
00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:40.400
Why?
00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:42.799
Because she births life.
00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:48.799
She literally births the very essence of God.
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:54.000
She births the image of God on this earth.
00:28:55.200 --> 00:29:00.079
And every time Satan looks at a human, he sees God.
00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:04.240
And he hates it.
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:21.039
But Father, we thank you that every woman listening to this podcast is standing up and arising in her true identity and understanding that she was made to carry the weight of woman.
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:29.200
That she is strong, that she is able, that she is gonna make it.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:33.759
You are stronger than you think you are.
00:29:36.640 --> 00:29:49.440
Rise up and return to your rightful identity as a woman of God who carries the weight of life.
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:55.839
I bless each one of you in the mighty name of Jesus.
00:00:00.800 --> 00:00:01.520
Hey guys.
00:00:01.679 --> 00:00:02.080
Alright.
00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:07.200
So I want to share a little testimony of postpartum depression.
00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:10.480
I know that we are seeing this court case.
00:00:10.960 --> 00:00:13.199
I was actually just watching some of it.
00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:24.239
And you know, I I um have my own thoughts and opinions, but I do know and understand um both sides.
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:28.000
And so I just wanted to share my testimony a little bit.
00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:34.079
Um, you know, I grew up Christian.
00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:58.000
I went to church, you know, just a normal, comfortable Christian, uh, doing the deeds, marking the boxes, checking the list, paying the tithes, going to church every Sunday, Sunday school, Wednesday night, you know, all the checkbox and uh religious stuff just to make yourself feel good, think that you're doing everything great.
00:00:58.240 --> 00:01:06.560
Um, and I could have told you that I was one billion percent sure that I was going to heaven back then.
00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:16.239
Um from where I'm at today, I will tell you that I was 100% going to hell.
00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:17.439
Um, why?
00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:20.560
Because I hadn't surrendered.
00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:30.640
So during the time that I was having children, I was not fully surrendered to the Lord.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:56.400
And this is why it is really so important for the church, for the body of Christ, for those who represent and preach the gospel, represent Jesus, for us to really help people understand the difference between religion and actual surrender to Jesus Christ as your Lord.
00:01:56.719 --> 00:02:12.400
There's a difference in just um asking him to be your savior and knowing and believing in him, and um, you know, just going to the altar, raising your hands, even getting baptized.
00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:19.520
All of that is one thing, but there's a difference when your heart is actually surrendered.
00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:22.479
Okay, so here I am.
00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:30.000
Um, about I think I was about 24 at the time when I had my first child, um, got pregnant.
00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:36.639
Um, my husband, we actually had to move away, uh, three hours away from our family.
00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:40.560
I had never moved that far away from our family, neither had my husband.
00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:46.639
Here I was completely isolated, away from family, having my first child.
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:54.400
Not only that, but I had to change doctors at 36 weeks pregnant, so it was a lot going on for me.
00:02:55.039 --> 00:03:07.759
Um, I remember I remember having my first child, and now again, I am not surrendered to the Lord, okay?
00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:15.680
Um, I just believe in Jesus and I do the church thing, do the church checking of the boxes, okay?
00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:19.759
Just showing up, but not actually surrendering.
00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:23.599
So here I am, I have my first child.
00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:31.120
I don't, I mean, you know, obviously we're women, we're made to birth children, we're made to raise children, like it's just our instinct.
00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:46.719
We do know a lot about what to do, but with your first child, you really learn a lot, and on top of that, um, I breastfed, so that's a whole nother um that's a whole nother thing to learn that.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:51.919
Um your baby has to learn how to how to eat, you have to learn how to feed the baby.
00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:56.879
Um, it's just a bit it's just a process, and um, it's very challenging.
00:03:57.039 --> 00:04:00.879
Most women don't follow through with it because it is hard, it's very hard.
00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:12.639
Um, so not only are you learning to feed your baby, you are um healing from you know whether you had a c-section or whether you um, you know, did it normal.
00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:16.240
The thing is, is there's a lot going on.
00:04:16.480 --> 00:04:25.680
Your body literally just went through something with your first child that you've never experienced before.
00:04:25.839 --> 00:04:29.040
Your nervous system doesn't even know how to respond.
00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:41.040
It's literally making new respond mechanisms, new triggers, new um, all the things like your hormones are crazy, your your thoughts, your everything.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:46.800
And I remember they called it the baby blues when I was having kids.
00:04:46.879 --> 00:04:48.399
I don't know if they still call it that now.
00:04:48.560 --> 00:04:50.959
It's really just postpartum depression.
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:58.879
And so I remember um here I was a brand new baby, um, breastfeeding.
00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:15.360
Didn't realize until later that my child actually um couldn't handle spaghetti, couldn't handle cheese, couldn't handle anything spicy, um, was lactose intolerant, like all of these things, and here I am eating whatever I want and breastfeeding my baby.
00:05:15.519 --> 00:05:22.079
My baby is screaming every day, um, night, day, all the time, right?
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:25.040
Because of what I'm eating as a breastfeeding mom.
00:05:25.279 --> 00:05:33.839
They don't tell you those things, um, but they just try to get you to learn how to breastfeed your baby.
00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:38.879
So here I am completely overwhelmed.
00:05:39.279 --> 00:05:41.439
Um, my husband goes to work every day.
00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:46.240
I remember my mom stayed with me for a couple weeks, but then my mom left.
00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:48.399
And it was like me.
00:05:48.720 --> 00:05:52.879
It was just it was just me, me and the baby and my husband.
00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:54.959
My husband was going to work every day.
00:05:55.120 --> 00:05:58.399
You know, I didn't want him to have to wake up with the baby at night.
00:05:58.480 --> 00:06:04.079
Um, technically, he couldn't really do much because I was breastfeeding, so it was all me.
00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:06.720
I couldn't um get a break.
00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:10.000
I I just your first kid, it's just a lot.
00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:34.480
It really is a lot, and so I remember I remember it was like gradually day after day, this like darkness, this like depression, this this like uh feeling of imprisonment, feeling of um just it was just like the walls were closing in on me.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:58.240
I remember that, and I remember holding my child at home by myself, sitting on the couch, and I remember there was such a darkness that came over me in that short little period, and I just remember thinking, like, I don't want to do this anymore.
00:06:58.480 --> 00:07:01.839
I don't I don't want this, you know what I mean?
00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:04.319
And and I remember having those thoughts.
00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:24.879
I never said that, but I remember those thoughts, and that was the voice of the darkness, that was the voice um of that postpartum depression that began to just say, Oh my gosh, like abandon ship, get out, retreat.
00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:25.519
You know what I mean?
00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:33.199
It's like the fight or flight thing, like either you fight through it and you push through, or you just you flight, you you abandon ship.
00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:40.319
And so I remember in that moment just crying and just being so overwhelmed.
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:47.040
And I remember my husband came home that day and he was like, Babe, are you are you okay?
00:07:47.600 --> 00:08:05.519
And I remember just being very silent, and I remember him calling my mom and his mom, and he was like, I don't know what's wrong, like I don't know what's happening, but all he knew was I gotta get her out of this house.
00:08:06.399 --> 00:08:10.560
And I just knew because I was a stay-at-home mom, so I just stayed at home.
00:08:10.639 --> 00:08:16.480
He went to work, it was just it was just me, you know, um, and the baby.
00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:21.279
And uh here I was without sleep, you know, learning to breastfeed.
00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:34.080
It was just so much, I was so overwhelmed, and I just remember thinking, like, wow, the very thing that I had desired and wanted now, here I am, and I don't want it.
00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:45.120
And I just remember this darkness, I just can't describe it because it was just so heavy, it was so weighty, and it was just closing in on me.
00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:51.919
And I remember um my husband, he just called out of work and we went home.
00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:57.360
We went home that weekend to our lake house back at home and we just got out.
00:08:57.519 --> 00:09:00.720
We just we just had to get out of that house.
00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:24.480
And so I do in a very small sense understand postpartum depression, but I want to go a little deeper with it in my case because now that I am, you know, I've had two kids, you know, obviously, you know, it didn't take me over because obviously I grew up in the church, I knew Jesus.
00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:30.000
Um, Jesus, you know, obviously helped me and helped me push through.
00:09:30.240 --> 00:09:33.600
You know, I had praying family members, you know, all of that.
00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:41.200
I did have spiritual support when I couldn't spiritually support myself or when I didn't even really know.
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:43.120
I didn't know then.
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:48.879
I mean, obviously I talked to God, but I didn't really have a relationship with Jesus.
00:09:48.960 --> 00:10:07.039
I didn't know what I know now, like I didn't know how to get to the feet of Jesus and how to get in the presence and you know how to push through and and all of that, but I do remember it was like God began to bring other people to help pull me out of that darkness.
00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:20.559
And so um now that I'm older, now that I'm surrendered to the Lord, and the Lord um obviously has um called me to a different.
00:10:22.639 --> 00:10:33.519
I just want to say, um, I my giftings of discernment are more in the um the spiritual realm.
00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:49.919
Okay, so I really understand deliverance, I understand what's going on behind the scenes in the darkness, um, I understand I can I can see what is kind of hiding behind other things, okay.
00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:56.000
So when I say that, now I know why I had those thoughts.
00:10:56.159 --> 00:11:00.960
Now I know why that was even allowed to come upon me.
00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.960
First and foremost, I wasn't fully surrendered to the Lord.
00:11:05.039 --> 00:11:12.240
Okay, that makes a huge difference in your in your mind, your will, and your emotions.
00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:21.120
However, I later found out in my life that there was abortion in my family line.
00:11:21.679 --> 00:11:27.360
Um, you know, that there were miscarriages, there were basically a spirit of death.
00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:44.639
And so, you know, in Leviticus, if you read about the spirit of Moloch, it talks about how um, you know, Jezebel and and some of the other spirits, they they want child sacrifice.
00:11:45.840 --> 00:11:59.360
And so that is um, that is the spirit behind abortion, is that those demons that require child sacrifice to actually gain their strength.
00:11:59.600 --> 00:11:59.919
Okay.
00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:19.360
Um, so basically in my life, what was happening was those thoughts were actually, those voices were allowed to tell me to reject my child because that is the same spirit that works through abortion.
00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:22.639
So that is what it tries to get you to do.
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:48.399
If it can't get you to, you know, obviously have an abortion or anything like that, then it'll actually begin to try to get you to reject the baby spiritually, just um with those thoughts of like, I don't want this, I want out, you know, it's really pride and it's really selfishness because you're thinking about yourself and you're not thinking about the other life that you just birthed.
00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:53.679
But the thing is, is I realized later that this is very spiritual.
00:12:54.000 --> 00:13:00.720
Okay, this is not just um human human choice.
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:13.440
Um, I personally have experienced possession, and so I do understand what that feels like to a very small degree, I believe.
00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:31.919
Um, but what I want to say is I really want people to understand that postpartum depression, um, all of these thoughts, you know, with this court case that we're seeing with Lindsay, you know, she's she's saying like she heard voices.
00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:42.000
Um, you know, she was it basically basically she was she's she's she's not was possessed, she is possessed.
00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:42.320
Okay.
00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:44.080
That's a demon.
00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:57.120
That is a um that is a very strong demon that would cause you to actually murder your three children the way that she did, um, strangling.
00:13:57.200 --> 00:14:02.000
Um it wasn't quick, it was very much um an attack.
00:14:02.320 --> 00:14:03.679
It was planned.
00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:15.600
Um, and so we we have to understand that you know, people are like, oh, you know, postpartum depression and all those things.
00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:21.279
Well, yeah, um, but it's a demonic possession.
00:14:21.519 --> 00:14:33.360
Literally, it says in the Bible, when the father came about his son, he said, Yeah, the demon um makes my son throw himself into the fire and into the water.
00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:38.639
Literally, the human, the boy could not control himself.
00:14:38.799 --> 00:14:44.240
The demon was in control, 100% in complete control at that time.
00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:49.440
And Jesus asked the man, he said, How long has this been happening?
00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:52.000
And he said, Since he was a little boy.
00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:54.559
That's demonic possession.
00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:57.279
That's different than just being oppressed.
00:14:57.519 --> 00:15:00.480
My postpartum depression, that was oppression.
00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:05.120
Okay, I was being oppressed by a spirit of depression.
00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:16.799
This lady had depression, a spirit of death, um, a spirit of it's just a spirit of death, um, a spirit of murder, a spirit of cane.
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:18.639
Um I could go on.
00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:26.080
But the point is, is justice is still required.
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:45.679
And to be honest, you can't you can't um there are still consequences for our actions, and even God says that in his word, that there are consequences.
00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:55.600
He says that the generational curse on a family will go three up to three and four generations.
00:15:56.559 --> 00:16:02.240
That's the consequences of the actions of the people in the generation.
00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:18.320
So um the reason the spirit, the only way the spirit, uh a demonic spirit, can get stronger and strong enough to literally murder three children, means that it has it was fed.
00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:20.879
They're fed by sin.
00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:29.919
They're fed by a consistent um partaking of sinful actions.
00:16:30.559 --> 00:16:32.000
That's how they're fed.
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:56.080
They try to get you to do something that actually makes them stronger, and they get stronger and they get stronger, and then down the generational line, the more um, you know, say somebody murders somebody, they get sent to jail or in prison or whatever, and then their their son that they had grows up and he ends up murdering somebody, you know, and then then their son get murders somebody.
00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:10.720
That's a three, that's a that's three generational strength demon that is just literally generational hopping through that bloodline, growing and making itself stronger and stronger.
00:17:11.039 --> 00:17:35.920
So the thing is, is we have to decide that it stops with us because if not, it will just continue on in the bloodline and it will continue to get stronger and stronger and stronger until it destroys lives.
00:17:37.279 --> 00:17:40.160
Just like this woman who murdered her three children.
00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:49.200
I mean, one of the one of the child was running from her, trying to find his daddy for help.
00:17:50.799 --> 00:18:01.119
That is demonic and I don't care how much compassion we all have compassion.
00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:09.599
Yes, we would we would we would love, you know, for this woman to be in heaven one day.
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:17.519
That's the desire, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have to pay the consequences of her actions in prison.
00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:21.440
God still requires justice.
00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:27.119
It is written that you can't get past it.
00:18:28.799 --> 00:18:38.240
And and I was looking up to see if she was a Christian or what her, you know, background was and it says that she was raised Catholic.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:44.640
So she did have some knowledge of good and evil.
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:50.720
She had some knowledge of what was right and what was wrong.
00:18:51.839 --> 00:19:08.400
So the fact that she had opened doors so open that this demon literally took possession and took control of her body and her mind and her will.
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:13.119
Justice is required.
00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:14.160
Why?
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:19.279
Because we literally need that demon to be out of this world.
00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:30.480
Like we need that demon that uses her as a vessel and is dormant in her body, in her soul.
00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:35.519
Like, who knows when it's gonna manifest again?
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:43.279
You can't medicate a demon, you must cast it out.
00:19:44.720 --> 00:20:02.799
They are supernatural beings, and they must have a body to dwell in to fulfill their assignment, to fulfill the will of Satan in this world.
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:16.559
That's why we have to make sure that we are not vessels of Satan, but that we are vessels of God for righteousness and justice.
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:29.039
And this woman is not a vessel that needs to continue in this world.
00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:37.119
Those children, just like Abel's blood, God said, Cain, where is your brother?
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:39.599
And he said, Am I his keeper?
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:43.920
And God said, His blood is crying out to me.
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:46.720
What have you done?
00:20:47.839 --> 00:20:51.359
Those three children's blood will cry out.
00:20:51.680 --> 00:21:17.440
I believe it's in Revelation where it talks about those who have been martyred and those basically those it's about those who have been martyred, but still I truly believe that even the cries of little children's blood cry out the same as those who have been martyred for justice, for vengeance, it says.
00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:34.960
And so we can hear the plea of this woman and we can hear what everybody's thoughts and opinions are, but go read your Bible about what it says about hurting children.
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:46.880
Literally, Jesus says it would be better if you had a cement block tied around your neck and you were thrown into the sea.
00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:58.079
That would be better than the judgment and the wrath of God that you will endure for eternity.
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:04.319
Guys, Jesus came to save us of our sin.
00:22:04.559 --> 00:22:05.200
Yes.
00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:07.759
He absolutely did.
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:16.799
But more than that, he came to save us from his father's wrath.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:28.960
He came to save us from the wrath of God that will be released at the white throne judgment.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:35.759
And we have to decide: are we just believing in Jesus?
00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:40.000
Or are we actually making him Lord of our life?
00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:43.119
Are we actually surrendered to him?
00:22:43.839 --> 00:22:46.000
We can know all about good and evil.
00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:47.279
We can know about sin.
00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:49.759
We can know about heaven and hell.
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:55.039
We can know about what is good and what is bad and what we should do or what we shouldn't do.
00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:57.119
We can know about all those things.
00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:38.880
But if we're not actually applying them to our life with a heart posture of surrender and actually giving up our life instead of taking other lives, we're gonna spend eternity in hell if we do not turn from our wicked ways and follow the narrow path.
00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:47.200
Because the question isn't, are you going to heaven or hell?
00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:58.160
The question is, are you going to have eternal life or eternal punishment?
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:05.599
And only we can choose to surrender.
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:12.799
Only we can choose to pick up our cross and to die daily and not to kill daily.
00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:34.400
With the ways that you walk, with your mouth, with the things that you speak, with the way that you represent Christ, or don't.
00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:42.640
Yes, postpartum depression is very real.
00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:50.640
Yes, women have to go through and carry a weight that men don't understand.
00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:57.440
But woman of God, you were created to carry that weight.
00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:22.480
Women were created to carry the weight of hormonal imbalances of raising children, of carrying the weight of a wife and a partner, and a mother, and a sister, and a daughter.
00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:30.480
There's no excuse because you were created to carry the weight.
00:25:31.440 --> 00:25:39.519
So don't let the devil lie and tell you, oh, you're depressed, oh, you need this medication and that medication.
00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:40.079
No.
00:25:42.160 --> 00:25:46.880
Get up, put your big girl panties on, and say, I was made for this.
00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:55.279
Your God did not create you incorrectly when he formed you in your mother's womb.
00:25:57.519 --> 00:26:04.000
You were created to literally birth life.
00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:12.799
So who cares if you have postpartum depression?
00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:18.799
Who cares if that demon tries to whisper in your ear and try to put that cloak of heaviness and darkness on you?
00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:20.400
You stand up.
00:26:21.519 --> 00:26:26.799
You rise up in the name of Jesus and you say, No, I was made for this.
00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:30.720
This is the calling on my life.
00:26:32.960 --> 00:26:40.480
And I will walk out the calling that God gave me when He created me as a woman.
00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:58.880
We have to stand up for women who the devil whispers in their ear and tells them that they can't do it.
00:27:03.359 --> 00:27:07.759
They need women who can reach down and pull them up.
00:27:10.079 --> 00:27:12.160
And tell them, girl, you were made for this.
00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:12.880
Get up.
00:27:13.759 --> 00:27:16.240
Don't let that devil tell you who you are.
00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:18.720
Don't let him give you your identity.
00:27:20.319 --> 00:27:22.720
You don't have no postpartum depression.
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:29.119
What's that song, uh, Brandon Lake, where it's talking about the lion?
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:32.240
Lion, lion in your bones.
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:33.920
I can't remember what it says.
00:27:34.079 --> 00:27:42.079
Um, you gotta let that fire out and tell that devil who you are.
00:27:47.359 --> 00:28:12.480
I pray right now in the name of Jesus that every woman that has a spirit of death in their bloodline, whether it's through abortion, through miscarriages, whether it's through um uh stillborns, whether it's uh maybe you had a baby and your baby died after it was born, I just break that spirit of death off of you right now in the name of Jesus.
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:15.920
I break all shame.
00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:21.839
All shame goes now in Jesus' mighty name.
00:28:24.000 --> 00:28:29.680
Father, I call your women to understand that it is Satan.
00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:38.880
Your word literally says it in Genesis that Satan would wrestle with woman the most.
00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:40.400
Why?
00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:42.799
Because she births life.
00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:48.799
She literally births the very essence of God.
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:54.000
She births the image of God on this earth.
00:28:55.200 --> 00:29:00.079
And every time Satan looks at a human, he sees God.
00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:04.240
And he hates it.
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:21.039
But Father, we thank you that every woman listening to this podcast is standing up and arising in her true identity and understanding that she was made to carry the weight of woman.
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:29.200
That she is strong, that she is able, that she is gonna make it.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:33.759
You are stronger than you think you are.
00:29:36.640 --> 00:29:49.440
Rise up and return to your rightful identity as a woman of God who carries the weight of life.
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:55.839
I bless each one of you in the mighty name of Jesus.
