Your Trauma Built Your Success: Naila Ahmed, Therapist for High Performers

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It's like your trauma can be a double-edged sword.
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It can be your greatest downfall.
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And it can also be the reason that you're so good at what you do.
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But it's also the reason why he literally can't sleep at night and he's like cortisol through the roof.
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Like you optimize, get a little bit more time and then fill it with more junk.
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And then you optimize that and then you get a little bit more time and you fill it with like it's just like I drink water and I lie down and I breathe.
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And sometimes I cry and I'm like, this is a lot.
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And I'm like, what am I doing?
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And then the feeling goes away.
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Let's just say I'm finding my true form even deeper, not attaching to a thing externally, like the zero certainty.
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And that sense of where am I gonna go?
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What does it look like?
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Been terrifying.
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What is up, everybody?
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Welcome back to the true form podcast.
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If you are enjoying this content, the conversations that I am bringing to you, then I would appreciate it if you could do one thing: interact with this episode.
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Wherever you are listening or watching, like, five-star review, positive comment, subscribe.
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However, you can interact.
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Even if you just copy the show link and send it to one friend or family member that you think would benefit from this conversation today, then do that.
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It really does help this podcast reach more people, which helps them find their true form and live a life that is true to them.
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And that's what it's all about.
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Also, just want to thank the legends at Lumiflex for sponsoring today's episode.
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I'll tell you how this little red light therapy device can improve your overall health, wellness, longevity, and recovery later on in the episode.
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So let's get into today's conversation.
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I know you're gonna love it.
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Nyla, what is up?
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Welcome back to the podcast.
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Thank you so much, Shuck.
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How are you?
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Going good.
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Going good.
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Good to have a little bit of a break from the podcast.
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I was still releasing some content, but yeah, stepped away for about two or three weeks, then finally recorded the 300th episode.
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Stoked to get to 300.
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It's crazy that made it to 300 episodes.
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Um first episode dropped back in 2021.
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And then yeah, now I it's just a wild journey.
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I in a good way.
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I would never thought that I'd get to meet people like you and all the guests that would get on.
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It's absolutely amazing.
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I love doing this.
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So I'm excited for the next 300 and the lessons and the people I get to meet.
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What are you up to?
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Where are you at?
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Incredible.
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Um before I answer that, I just want to ask you when you say you maybe like didn't imagine or you can't believe like you got to 300 episodes, what is it that do you think has allowed you to sustain it and to do it and to feel inspired by it?
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This.
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I love conversations.
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I love connecting with people.
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I think it's just underrated sitting here listening to somebody's stories, their lessons.
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I don't think we do it enough these days.
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And I just love hearing what people have to say, like their journeys, the life they they've lived, whatever they got to tell.
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I think there's lessons in every everybody's life.
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And just sitting down and taking the time to listen to somebody, yeah, I think it's just it's very inspiring for me.
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I love it.
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And it's cool to just see people doing amazing things.
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So I just look forward to the next person I'm gonna meet.
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And like I said, it's just like guest after guest.
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Everybody's on the same page, but it's just amazing how one guest can lead into the n to another.
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So when I've sometimes it's just weird energy.
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Like I'll have a certain topic that I'm diving into, and then these guests just come out of nowhere at that are experts in that field, and I'm like, how the hell did they know that I was like I was looking for?
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You're vibing higher, you're putting out the right energy, and yeah, that's also how you and I.
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So yeah.
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Yeah, 100%.
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I I was just sitting there one day and I wanted to sort of dive into the nervous system and people's lives and how to improve it.
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And yeah, you just popped on it up on a mate's story, and I was like, Oh shit, okay.
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Come on the pod.
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Let's go.
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We're just going.
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It's amazing.
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Yeah.
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Good on you.
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Yeah.
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So where are you?
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So I'm in New York.
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I am in New York.
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I was in LA for a month.
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Before that, I was in Georgia, in different parts of Turkey.
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Um, as you know, podcasters come to different countries.
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So yeah, I'm just on this journey for the last 10 months, and there is no plans to return.
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Um, I don't know.
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I don't know where I'll be next month.
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So it's quite the journey.
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So Yeah.
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You're saying that you're reflecting back on that, and there's a lot of lessons that you've learned, and I could imagine what it's been like.
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I and not as humans, we get so caught up in routine and our own little bubble.
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That's been a big thing at for me at the moment, like just getting caught up in my own little bubble and just not expanding on that.
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Like you think sometimes that you are, and it's like I'm interviewing all these different people, but at the end of the day, I'm just here and I keep surrounding myself with the same people and not I don't know, experiencing new things and going to different countries.
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So yeah.
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How a couple of questions, I guess I'm trying to get there.
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Like, how do you look into the future?
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Like, how do you feel about not having that one place where you're at into the future?
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And then like how does that feel?
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Well, it's so funny because when you describe this bubble, that's the one thing I'm craving right now.
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Yeah.
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Just like, and you know what?
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It just it is what it is.
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Like, it was always a goal of mine to build my business up to a point where I can have location freedom and literally work from anywhere and travel.
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And it's incredible, right?
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And it's just such a lesson of like the grass is green where you water it, and you're always gonna want what you don't have.
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So, like, I have this now, right?
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I have all the freedom in the world.
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I'm very, very grateful.
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I have a passport that allows me to basically go anywhere in the world.
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And I've learned a lot about the privilege that we have and like others don't have, and like what life looks like.
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It's just that I could just I could write a book on it, honestly.
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But I'm just so humbled.
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I'm so grateful, and I'm just observing everything.
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And I'm like, yeah, like a little bubble, a routine, a and you know, I talked about on the last episode um that we did around having my routines, you know, my training, my walks, my eating, like having some things in place, right?
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But inevitably, when you are traveling, you're gonna want to try new things, like because you know, it's it's just not the same as being in one spot.
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So it's just such a balance of like not holding space for the fact that I'm craving that routine, but also embracing it, this for what it is, because I know this time of my life will never come back.
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Like I'm 30, I'm living, I'm like, I just there's nothing, I'm just totally free, and so many people all the time are like, oh my god, like I you know, they're just you're so lucky.
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And I'm like, yeah, like I'm it's great, but also like there's zero certainty, and that sense of um where am I gonna go?
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What does it look like?
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It's been terrifying and liberating and terrifying again.
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And I'm just like, I literally have no idea.
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So my sense of identity, let's just say I'm finding my true form even deeper, not attaching to a thing externally, the way it's forced me to like ground even deeper and regulate my own nervous system and my sense of identity to self.
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It's just like it's on steroids, I swear.
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Like it's it's just yeah.
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Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, because a lot of people that do build their business so they don't have to be in one location will go to a place like Bali, but then they'll settle in Bali.
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And it's just like they're moving from one place to the next, and that is their next little bubble, and they've got certainty that they can wake up, go to the gym, eat the same food, see the same people.
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But like you just said, it's pretty obviously powerful to just be moving around and not attach yourself and not have that this is where I'm at, anything can come along, but you're still doing what you're doing and finding out who you are along the way.
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Uh but can we dive into that?
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Like how how do you do how do you do that?
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That's how do I do that?
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I if you care about your health, wellness, and longevity, obviously you do, you're here listening to this podcast, you're gonna eventually come across red light therapy.
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And there's a few things you need to know before you go and spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars on a red light therapy device.
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First, you need to do your own research, don't just rely on a podcaster getting your information.
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So you need to go out and do your own research.
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But when you're doing your research, don't just put in red light therapy and skincare or recovery, you've got to put in photobiomodulation and then skincare.
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Photobiomodulation and then Alzheimer's or gut health or brain health, eyes.
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There's a bunch of research out there that's very exciting, and it really does blow your mind on how light affects your body.
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So even if you're not interested in red light therapy or want to purchase one, it's probably worth you going out and doing this research just so you understand how light affects your body.
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We all know that blue light is bad for you later on in the evenings, and understanding why that is is going to help you make more informed decisions.
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Also, when you're looking for devices, make sure the red light therapy device goes through a full range of the infrared light.
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So a lot of the devices out there will just sit at a certain wavelength where the Lumaflex products go through a full range, and you can actually control it.
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So if you're trying to do recovery or skincare, both are different wavelengths, and you can control it through your phone.
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So if I'm trying to do muscle recovery, I just control it through my phone.
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It selects the right wavelength and the duration.
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I put it on the muscle that needs recovery and I'll go from there.
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If I want to do my face and get rid of those wrinkles, I can just do that.
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Different wavelengths affect the body in different ways.
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So when you are doing your research, I strongly recommend you check out the Lumiflex products.
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And when you're ready to purchase one, use the code TrueForm to get 10% off your first order.
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That is true form at checkout for 10% off.
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Let's get back to the episode.
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Like I said, like I I cannot explain to you the level of internal grounding and just this presence in myself, this just resting in my own energy.
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Like it is an internal validation to another level of just like knowing I'm gonna be okay.
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I got me.
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Like I've caught so many flights, so many airports, having conversations with so many random people, and like that suitcase of mine has seen a good life, it has seen so much, and I'm just like, Yeah, like this is what I have for my life.
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I'm learning how little you truly need to just like exist.
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And also I look forward to the day that one day I am settled in a home, and then you do accumulate things in your home, right?
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You don't necessarily need it, but if we're talking, for example, from a nervous system identification perspective, it's like our external environment is a sense of nervous system safety, right?
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So you've got your internal resources and then you've got your external resources.
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So external resources can be your home, your bed, your pillow, your friendships, your safe relationships, right?
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Your um gym you go to.
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Like for example, sometimes people go to a new gym and they feel like gym anxiety, right?
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When they go to the same one, they feel more comfortable.
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So all these things are nervous, we're experiencing from a nervous system perspective.
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Um, but for me, it's constantly changing.
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And what I've brought it down to is there is something that is pulling me to continue this.
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And I am cultivating that internal nervous system grounding, that sense of safety in myself, um, that self-reliance.
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And like I think like for what I'm here to teach, like my purpose in terms of you know, like my business and how I serve the world, it's like I've noticed the thing that you're here to teach, you have to go first.
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You always have to embody that thing, right?
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And that's what I'm doing.
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And it's this eternal, like coming home, coming home to yourself.
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It doesn't mean that you're hyper-independent.
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No, you still can lean on your external sources of you know, regulation, but I just feel like we've come to a point where we're just so obsessed with the external and validation and chasing that we've lost that sense of home in ourselves.
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So that's what's been cultivated, and I'm being forced to cultivate even deeper.
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So it sounds all beautiful, but I'll just be real, it's been really hard at times, and like there's been highs and lows, and but choosing to come out of it deeper in oneself, right?
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And like I will never be defeated by anything.
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You know, I will always grow and become better and see the better.
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And I think just making that choice is what allows you to be okay in the end.
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Yeah, it's like two things on that.
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One of the lessons from 300 episodes that I was recorded last week was like no one's here to save you.
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You've got to save yourself.
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A lot of the time we looked for external again, like you said, sometimes it's quite good to lean on that some sort of coach, person, friend, family member to help you, but at the end of the day, you're the only person that can help you, and it's it sort of feels like you've forced yourself into that situation.
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It's like, oh shit, I've only got me, I've got to figure this out, like both externally and internally.
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Like, was it it sounds like it wasn't always like that.
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When you first started 10 months ago, did you feel the same way that you did now?
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No.
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And I did, obviously, at a certain level, but when I kind of reflect, I can see the divine purpose of this.
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I'm I was I this it's like one of the biggest objectives of this whole journey is how much I am grounding deeper and deeper.
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And yeah, so it's not that I wasn't at the start, but it's that inevitably I am more now, and it's such a positive thing.
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And I wonder what the world would look like if we were all deeply rested and regulated and coming from that space of like observing the world rather than like chasing the world and like seeking it to fill an empty void inside, you know.
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Um and when we look at the entertainment industry, Hollywood, movies, music, it's everything since the day we came into this world has conditioned us to seek the external.
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It's always better there.
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So many industries monetize off creating the problem of making us think we're not enough, and then they sell you the solution, right?
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So um yeah, it's yeah.
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Uh second point I wanted to make on that as well.
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We're talking before we hit record about my previous guest, Ben Rainey, and he done the same thing.
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So he walked away from a multi-million dollar business.
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So he was making millions of dollars in a consultancy business and just decided that he just one day he's just like, this isn't for me.
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Walked away, got his family, and they just went skiing around the world for three years.
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And he he pretty much explained the same thing as you as as what you did.
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He said like we ran out of money, so I just had to figure things out and start working on it, and it created this place where he's like, Well, I have to look after my family, I have to do it, so it's like on him.
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But instead of going, Oh, you know, it's too hard, can't do it, somebody else do it.
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He's just like, I figured it out.
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I started doing webs like he was a designer, so he started making websites, started very small again, and just built it up and to where he is now.
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But he also explains that that time was a great way to spend time, connect with his family, connect with himself, connect with the world around him.
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But it gives you this sense of but you can work anything out.
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He said he's in the design industry, so it's very affected by AI.
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And he's like, I don't know what AI is going to be doing in another five, ten years.
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And it's design could just be like fully automated.
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But he's like, I'm okay with that because I know I can figure the next step out.
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He's not relying on that external, like I'm a designer, so I'm not relying on design.
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He is who he is.
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Again, I think I recommend everybody either read his book or go listen to that episode because he's a good example of somebody that has found their true form.
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Like he's not relying on external things just to make money or do the work he's doing.
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Whether AI takes design or not, he'll still be helping people find their creativity because it comes from him and he's taken the time to find that.
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Yeah.
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It's really interesting you say that because that was exactly what you've just said now is exactly the inspiration of why I wanted to jump on and do this episode with you.
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Because uh, as of the past few months, I've had an influx of men, um women as well, but more men coming through my business to engage in therapy, and um a lot of high achievers and high performers who have essentially unconsciously created their success from their trauma and from their not enoughness and like chasing the external and leaving their inner peace behind.
00:19:32.400 --> 00:20:00.160
And so I'm working with them to be able to hold both, to still maintain their um external achievements and their accolades, because a lot of the time the ego freaks out when we realize that, hey, there are some problems here, and it thinks that if you're gonna heal and go through a process of awakening yourself, then that's going to sacrifice the success that you've created.
00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:02.160
And it's not true, right?
00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:17.200
So then when um these clients come to work with me, um, it's incredible because we start to unravel their deeper layers and perhaps those specific patterns and programs that they've used to conveniently also create their success.
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:23.359
You know, a lot of high achievers and high performers have that feeling of never being enough, never feeling enough.
00:20:23.359 --> 00:20:29.039
So they're chasing the money, the success, the titles, the accolades, and then they still feel so empty.
00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:38.000
Maybe they pick up some coping mechanisms on the side, you know, alcohol, gambling, porn addictions, drugs, even like it just varies, right?
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:46.000
Like there's so much going on, and there's just like this person at the top that's holding it all together.
00:20:46.000 --> 00:21:09.279
And um how I relate to that is um I'm currently running my business, but I'm also choosing to live and experience peace and enjoyment in my life, and um it's something that my dad um and my ex-stepdad didn't know how to do.
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:25.519
So my dad was a doctor of economics, he literally had his PhD, he's teaching at Deakin University, high achiever, high performer, so loved, but at home he struggled and he was emotionally numb.
00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:42.240
His ex-stepdad, world-renowned award-winning cardiologist, so smart, incredible behind the scenes, alcoholic, violent, abusive, completely like relationships is down the drain, right?
00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:48.160
And so there is this theme of like this high achieving and high performing.
00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:50.799
And when you talk about like your previous guest, right?
00:21:50.799 --> 00:22:04.880
It's like he woke up and then he chose to like make a change, and now he's doing exactly the thing that I'm talking about that I do in my business with my Clients, which is creating your success from your aligned state of being.
00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:09.599
But yeah, when I just been thinking about my dad, he passed away two years ago.
00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:11.920
I think about him all the time.
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:16.480
And his passing and his whole life had such an impact on me.
00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:19.839
He's actually one of my biggest whys why I do the work I do.
00:22:19.839 --> 00:22:30.640
And as I'm choosing to live and acquire my own success, and I'm choosing to do things a different way and help others do things a different way.
00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:34.319
Yeah, it just really makes you think.
00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:38.079
Yeah, I appreciate you.
00:22:38.079 --> 00:22:41.359
I know you went into your dad's story in the first podcast we recorded.
00:22:41.359 --> 00:22:44.559
So I always appreciate you being honest and to talking about that.
00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:46.559
So because it's not easy.
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:54.000
Uh by the time this episode comes out, uh episode would have dropped with a guest that's written a book on being a better father.
00:22:54.000 --> 00:23:02.880
And he noticed that yeah, men need to step up a little bit and you know, be more present and be with their families.
00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:14.480
And he he was saying that we just don't our generation didn't have role models in that again.
00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:19.039
I love my father, he did the best he can, I appreciate him so much.
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:27.920
The disconnect was just that their generation was not taught or didn't didn't know how to express their emotions.
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:37.599
So yes, they'd be successful, but they come home, they would be they wouldn't know how to express that they're unhappy and there's just things missing, and maybe they're not doing the things they want to.
00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:49.359
Like they just feel like they have to go and do these things to provide for the family, where like me as a kid, I would have just preferred him to do whatever he wanted to make him happy so he was enjoying his life.
00:23:49.359 --> 00:23:56.160
But there's no way to you know explain that, or they didn't know how to express that.
00:23:56.160 --> 00:24:02.079
So he's written this book on all about how to express that and start talking, especially to other men.
00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:05.200
Like you said, a lot of men are just struggling for that at the moment.
00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:24.720
So it seems to be a big topic that a lot of people are talking about, which is good because a lot of men are going through the same thing, but thinking they're alone and not talking about it and struggling, and you know, like you said, drugs, alcohol, porn, insert whatever they go into, like it could be fitness as well.
00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:28.960
People just turn 100% into fitness and forget about their life and the people around them.
00:24:28.960 --> 00:24:34.640
So it's not just the bad things, it could be a good thing in quotations as well that they're turning to.
00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:36.319
So yeah.
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:40.000
Uh why do you think it is at the moment?
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:43.440
Why I answer that?
00:24:43.440 --> 00:24:45.200
Can I just ask you something?
00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:55.839
How do you navigate this as a modern man who is awake and you're also working and all of the things?
00:24:55.839 --> 00:24:58.319
Sorry, a bit direct.
00:24:58.319 --> 00:25:02.400
But I'm just curious, like how how you're yeah.
00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:11.599
It's hard to answer because I've uh I'm currently dating somebody and she's pretty much uh asked me this as well.
00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:15.599
But because I've been I've been trying to figure the answer out.
00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:25.200
I don't really know because as you start working through this stuff, it just becomes normal and it's hard to explain what you normally do.
00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:28.000
And I'm not saying I'm perfect, I haven't got this figured out at all.
00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:34.000
Like I've still got definitely there's always things you can always be improving on.
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:54.160
But I think it's just trying to sh show up on figuring out who you want to be, even if it's writing it down, like the values that you want to be, like whether it's a father person like for me, I just want to turn up and be the best person I can to help people live a better life.
00:25:54.160 --> 00:26:00.319
So I write down the values of that, and it's just trying to turn up and be that person as often as possible.
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:11.680
It's not always going to work, but if you are doing it as often as you can around as many people as you can, it that's sort of what I try and do.
00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:13.359
Doesn't always work.
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:22.960
So like I said, I I love that because it's so hard to be like, how do I be an awake, conscious man who isn't in survival mode, but I'm also making money.
00:26:22.960 --> 00:26:30.960
Like it's just right, like you you can't it's so difficult, but if you're just focusing on like how you want to show up and the values, I just love that.
00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:31.920
And yeah.
00:26:32.319 --> 00:26:36.640
It but again, like I said, it's easier said than done.
00:26:36.640 --> 00:26:56.640
I fall victim to oh, this like I'm not doing enough, I need to make more money, I need to get more downloads, I need to get more clients, and then like it's just a matter of just trying to quieten the noise, just getting off your phone a little bit more, disconnecting from the world and connecting with the people around you.
00:26:56.640 --> 00:27:02.319
Sometimes the people around you can be uh that issue as well.
00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:08.559
I was having this conversation the other day with somebody that's trying to transition into that knowing themselves and find their true form.
00:27:08.559 --> 00:27:11.759
And they're like, the friends I hang around with complain a lot.
00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:15.119
And I don't like doing that because then I end up complaining a lot.
00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:17.359
And I'm like, yeah, that's just part of this journey.
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:41.759
You've got to find people that you know I'm not saying don't disconnect from them, like they're still your friends, just still stay connected, but it's almost you've got to like limit the time you're with them and be very vigilant when you are with them, that you don't fall into that trap of complaining about the world and the world's worst, and I can't do this, can't do that, because you can do all that, you know you can.
00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:43.119
So it's hard.
00:27:43.119 --> 00:27:48.400
You've got to just try and take the time to like I said, disconnect from social media is probably a big one.
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:58.079
At the moment, I have been disconnecting in the morning and the evenings and making it really like being very strict on that, and it makes a huge difference.
00:27:58.079 --> 00:28:14.799
Um and then yeah, just being mindful of the people you're around, which is hard because sometimes it can be lonely as well when you're when you're trying to find who you are and you're figuring all this stuff out and you're trying to distance yourself from people that are bringing you back down.
00:28:14.799 --> 00:28:18.880
So for those that are going through it, you can you can work it out.
00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:19.519
It is hard.
00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:22.640
It's un it's it is lonely sometimes, but it's worth it.
00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:24.079
For sure, for sure.
00:28:24.079 --> 00:28:28.160
And then along the way, you do find your tribe and people that you can talk to.
00:28:28.160 --> 00:28:35.680
Even you and I are like we've checked in randomly talking about this stuff of finding our balance and being honest about what it's like.
00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:37.440
So yeah.
00:28:37.599 --> 00:28:40.000
Um you don't need a podcast to do that, though.
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:45.359
A lot of people are like, oh yeah, but you've got a podcast and you connect to full there's people out there, you've just got to talk to people.
00:28:45.359 --> 00:28:49.279
And unfortunately, I I don't know if I recorded that bit at the start.
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:52.160
Like we just don't talk or listen enough.
00:28:52.160 --> 00:28:57.200
Whenever we engage in a conversation, it's always like, you know, what can I get out of this conversation?
00:28:57.200 --> 00:29:00.000
It's not just sit down and listen to what they've got to say.
00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:02.319
So you can find those people.
00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:05.039
It's just yeah, talk.
00:29:05.039 --> 00:29:09.200
Say hi to somebody, how you doing, anything like that.
00:29:09.200 --> 00:29:14.480
Just start the conversation and just listen to what they've got to say and hopefully they'll do the same back.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:15.680
Absolutely.
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:17.119
That's so true.
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:32.000
So um to answer your question of why I specifically why I think people go through this high achieving and then numbing out on themselves.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:33.359
Yeah.
00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:33.839
Yep.
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:40.480
Um, I would say it's the biggest thing, the biggest factor, and this is why I love my work so much.
00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:52.400
Like it's yes, it's therapy, but I my clients all know this, and I always say I'm the most non-clinical therapist you'll meet because it's like it's not dry the way I do my work, right?
00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:55.680
Like we integrate, like the nervous system, it's like your whole self.
00:29:55.680 --> 00:29:57.440
Like I'm just present with all of you.
00:29:57.440 --> 00:30:04.319
And that's the thing is that we are so, like I said, we're very much conditioned to just focus on what are we doing?
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:05.519
Where are we working?
00:30:05.519 --> 00:30:08.720
What are we what are we doing with our life, right?
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:12.559
Like, and it's yeah, we gotta do things, but it's also like, who are we being?
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:14.000
Who have we been?
00:30:14.000 --> 00:30:18.640
What happened in our childhood that has made us the way that we are?
00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:28.480
Um we there are so many unconscious parts of us that are contributing towards who we are today.
00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:38.240
And so what happens is that when these unconscious parts of us are also responsible for the success that we create, because I always say this like your trauma can be a double-edged sword.
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:44.160
It can be your greatest downfall, and it can also be the reason that you're so good at what you do.
00:30:44.160 --> 00:30:58.319
For example, I have a client right now, um, and he is like very, very controlling and micromanaging, and he does not know how to outsource and delegate tasks to his team.
00:30:58.319 --> 00:31:01.359
And he's like, he's really struggling, right?
00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:11.839
But it's when we peel the layers back, um, it's because as a child, there was a lot of lack of emotional safety in the household.
00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:19.920
So he became controlling of his surroundings and himself and very micromanagey, literally.
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:30.960
So, like, it's the exact thing that has allowed him to be so focused and hyper-vigilant of his business has created massive amounts of success.
00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:36.960
But it's also the reason why he literally can't sleep at night and his like cortisol's through the roof.
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:48.640
So we are currently going through childhood trauma healing, connecting with his inner child, nervous system regulation, clearing the stored cortisol out of his body.
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:51.359
Like there's a range of stuff that we're doing right now, right?
00:31:51.359 --> 00:32:09.119
But I would say that is the biggest reason because at our core, like we weren't born thinking I need to create a bunch of success and then I'm gonna like allow myself to suffer and not rest and enjoy, right?
00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:14.799
It's literally the things along the way that made us like that.
00:32:14.799 --> 00:32:22.559
And it's such a double-edged sword because sometimes with these high performers and high achievers, they're so rewarded for that success, obviously.
00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:24.720
It's called success for a reason.
00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:28.559
But if you're suffering underneath it, then what's the point?
00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:30.720
And this is the thing I always come back to.
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:38.240
You can have that external success and that internal peace, but it's just a matter of peeling back those layers.
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:45.759
So yeah, and it's those that peeling back layers in a work that we're not taught, which is why I do what I do.
00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:48.400
I've asked you this question before.
00:32:48.400 --> 00:32:54.000
How do you feel success or find your goals?
00:32:54.000 --> 00:33:09.440
Like I think my question was something I can't really remember at the moment, but it was something along the lines of I'm just doing this, I feel like I'm winning, but I don't know when I'm successful or when I've reached a goal.
00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:14.079
Like I'm just aiming for success and just hoping I get there.
00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:27.680
So for you at the moment, like traveling on like through the last 10 months, all these different places, how do you set certain how do you set anything to know that you are succeeding and you are finding that success?
00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:29.119
Is it internal, external?
00:33:29.119 --> 00:33:34.880
Like do you write it down, or do you just know, like, oh, I helped that client, they're smashing it now, that's success?
00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:37.359
Like, what does it look like and how's it work?
00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:42.400
So for me, there's like a lot of ways that I measure my success, right?
00:33:42.400 --> 00:33:49.519
It's types of things my clients say after recession, the types of messages I get from them, how much I've helped them.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:55.759
There is what I see in my bank account, it's the lifestyle it's allowed me to live.
00:33:55.759 --> 00:33:59.119
It's all these external factors, right?
00:33:59.119 --> 00:34:13.440
But I noticed that this timeline I'm on of like traveling and working, because my lifestyle relies on my business.
00:34:13.440 --> 00:34:19.679
I it's so easy to just go into that mode of, oh my God, I need to build more, I need to grow more.
00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:24.239
And it's just such an amazing chapter of my life I'm in right now.
00:34:24.239 --> 00:34:28.239
Cause it's just like I'm experiencing so many incredible things.
00:34:28.239 --> 00:34:34.400
It would be stupidly stupid to not notice it and to just take the time to be grateful, right?
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:36.559
So, like I've had this moment a few times.
00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:44.559
Like my clients have said recently, like, oh my God, I just prayed for someone like you and you're here.
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:52.800
And oh my, and like my clients often say, every other therapist was crap, and then I found you, and you actually get me, you actually care.
00:34:52.800 --> 00:35:01.119
And I hear that, and I started to hear it so often, which I'm so, again, I'm so grateful for that I just stopped noticing it.
00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:05.440
And so it's literally just very nicely giving myself a slap in the face.
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:08.960
It's like, look, look at what you look at what you're creating, like, look at what you've done.
00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:17.679
And it's so cliche, but it can be as simple as just being so present, like celebrating the small wins and just being in it.
00:35:17.679 --> 00:35:22.239
When I think from like a work perspective, that's the mentality.
00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:30.320
And then I think of the fact that I'm literally making money, I'm spending money, I'm spending a lot of money, I'm traveling and I'm making a lot of money and I'm thing.
00:35:30.320 --> 00:35:43.360
And so, like, there's had there has to be a lack of attachment to money as well, and just realizing money makes the world go round, but it's meant to be circulated, right?
00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:45.440
Like that's the point of it.
00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:59.599
Yes, we save, yes, we're mindful and we're conscious, and we're all these things, but again, what's the point if we're just like holding on to it and we're stressed and we don't know how to live, right?
00:35:59.599 --> 00:36:03.519
So I don't know if that answers the question.
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:05.280
It's like does.
00:36:05.280 --> 00:36:08.719
I'll move that into celebrating the wins.
00:36:08.719 --> 00:36:13.760
I I think that was the second part of my question when I like reached out a couple of months ago.
00:36:13.760 --> 00:36:15.920
How do you celebrate your wins?
00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:29.440
I find that just me when I get in the wrong, wrong right mindset, again, sometimes it's good to have that drive, but just working is winning sort of thing.
00:36:29.440 --> 00:36:31.360
Like success is winning.
00:36:31.679 --> 00:36:32.320
Yes.
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:36.159
And I don't really celebrate the wins.
00:36:36.159 --> 00:36:42.159
Like you said, you get all these messages from clients or you hit a m like 300 episodes.
00:36:42.159 --> 00:36:45.840
It's not like I take time and go and celebrate 300 episodes.
00:36:45.840 --> 00:36:58.400
So when you say celebrate the wins, what should we be thinking about when we okay we've first how do we acknowledge that that's a win, and then how do we celebrate it?
00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:04.719
Well I again I think of it as like internal and external.
00:37:04.719 --> 00:37:10.239
So like an internal moment you can have is literally creating a ritual.
00:37:10.239 --> 00:37:15.840
Like we need to set these times in where we are reflecting and we're present.
00:37:15.840 --> 00:37:23.360
So like at the end of every day, literally before I'm going to bed, I'm just lying there and I think about my day.
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:27.920
And then the conversations with clients, they pop up, right?
00:37:27.920 --> 00:37:34.159
So like you see clients too, and you're just helping so many people, you can just become numb to it.
00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:43.679
But literally, it's a non-negotiable to just sit there and just reflect and be present, like that must happen.
00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:47.280
Otherwise, the day goes and then you forget, and then you're just doing it.
00:37:47.280 --> 00:37:57.039
And the next minute, the exact life of helping people that you always wanted, you're becoming robotic to it, and you're just like going through the rounds, right?
00:37:57.039 --> 00:38:13.119
So that literally as a ritual, because and I know it sounds like so simple, but like that really is as simple as it is, and just deeply feeling that and just being like, okay, I'm doing this.
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:14.400
Thank you.
00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:15.280
Wow.
00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:16.559
I'm so grateful.
00:38:16.559 --> 00:38:19.199
I can be of service in that way.
00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:21.039
I can help someone.
00:38:21.039 --> 00:38:21.519
Wow.
00:38:21.519 --> 00:38:25.440
Like really just having that internal self-talk.
00:38:25.440 --> 00:38:37.039
Um again, I know it sounds very like oversimplified or cliche, but it's like we don't realize, like we our head hits that pillow at night.
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:41.119
We are with ourselves all the time.
00:38:41.119 --> 00:38:52.159
Like there is like an inner self, and that can either be a beautiful place to be or a really hard, mean place to be, right?
00:38:52.159 --> 00:38:53.760
It's like a garden.
00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:59.440
We need to water it and we need to consciously plant beautiful, loving self-talk.
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:02.000
So, like from an internal perspective, that's what I'll do.
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:29.679
And then from like an external perspective, like well, literally just again, as simple as you go out somewhere, either you're seeing a beautiful sunset or you're having a nice dinner, and just like again having a bit of a reflection, like, okay, like I'm here, I'm alive, like everything I'm doing has allowed has led me in a towards this moment and allowed me to do this.
00:39:29.679 --> 00:39:36.239
And I'm so grateful and like okay, I have money that allows me to do this.
00:39:36.239 --> 00:39:38.639
I have a car that brought me here.
00:39:38.639 --> 00:39:49.599
It's just like it's so small, but when you like kind of look at the details, it allows you to zoom out and look at everything in your life.
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:59.119
Like the other day, um, when I was like on the plane from LA to New York, my mind was like, oh, another flight.
00:39:59.119 --> 00:40:08.800
And it's like, and I was like, damn, another flight, like wow, how cool, you know, like I was tired.
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:12.480
Okay, I'm tired, but it's like, okay, let's just like be here.
00:40:12.480 --> 00:40:14.639
This is awesome.
00:40:14.639 --> 00:40:19.760
And are there a lot of things that make me tired about traveling?
00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:20.800
Absolutely.
00:40:20.800 --> 00:40:28.559
And then in terms of like chasing the next goal, you think of like, oh, like, you know, make it better and thing.
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:33.360
And it's like, okay, but we're supposed to be exactly where we are right now.
00:40:33.360 --> 00:40:39.039
How amazing to know that there is always something to learn, there's always something to appreciate.
00:40:39.039 --> 00:40:45.440
Doesn't matter where we're at, because as you're chasing goals and you're success-minded, the goalpost always moves, right?
00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:47.679
So it's as simple as that.
00:40:47.679 --> 00:40:49.440
It's just being like, okay, I'm here.
00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:50.480
I'm meant to be here.
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:52.000
What is present for me here?
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:54.079
What is opening up for me?
00:40:54.079 --> 00:40:56.639
I get to feel so good right now.
00:40:56.639 --> 00:41:08.960
So let me just take a breath and look and breathe and feel like it's really is as simple as that.
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:11.199
And next and you're just living.
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:17.199
Uh as we discussed with Danny on our last podcast, the simple things work.
00:41:17.199 --> 00:41:25.280
You just got to focus on the basics and just taking a second and breathing and just thinking is very basic, but it's very effective.
00:41:25.280 --> 00:41:35.280
And as I was saying, like that's a big part of what I've been doing, like just disconnecting from everything because like you like you're saying, you got on the flight and it's like, oh, another flight.
00:41:35.280 --> 00:41:38.960
But it's a good thing, and we all go through that.
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:43.920
There's always things we're like, oh this again, but they're all always good things.
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:58.320
Like you get to do that, like whatever it is, you're living it, and you get to live that, whether it's good or bad, or just whatever it is, something you you know, just you're doing every day, you get to live that, which is awesome.
00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:08.559
And as you said at the start of the podcast, we're always influenced by advertisements telling you that you're not good enough and you need this, whatever it is.
00:42:08.559 --> 00:42:11.760
And it's almost like you just get bombarded with all these things.
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:18.559
Uh I'm not hydrated enough, I don't have enough protein, I'm not fit enough, I don't look good enough, whatever it is.
00:42:18.559 --> 00:42:21.199
I just all these external things that you're not good enough.
00:42:21.199 --> 00:42:36.320
So it's very hard when you're just bombarded with all that information all the time, especially if you wake up and jump straight on there, and it's like you see an ad that, oh, you know, I'm even if it's something simple, just like I'm my skin's not moist enough or whatever it is.
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:38.960
It's like, oh, okay, that's I that's another thing I need.
00:42:38.960 --> 00:42:41.679
That's you it just brings you down a little bit by little bit.
00:42:41.679 --> 00:42:50.400
So just disconnecting from that at the start, and at the end of the day, like you just said, I think just simple, easy, basic, but it works so well.
00:42:50.400 --> 00:42:55.920
Like you just get to sit with your own thoughts and you can just sit there, take a breath, and look around and go, oh yeah, this is pretty good.
00:42:55.920 --> 00:42:57.199
Like I get this.
00:42:58.079 --> 00:42:58.639
Totally.
00:42:58.639 --> 00:43:01.599
And as I took that breath, I just remembered at the end of our last podcast.
00:43:01.599 --> 00:43:02.239
That's what you said.
00:43:02.239 --> 00:43:03.360
You're like, just free.
00:43:03.360 --> 00:43:06.239
You actually said that.
00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:10.000
And um, what is that you said just then?
00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:25.119
It like sparked something in my mind about um, yeah, like um what a lot of these high performers and high achievers that I've worked with, it's it's always about like when they're chasing a success, it's always about optimizing.
00:43:25.119 --> 00:43:28.639
Yeah, optimizing like be disciplined and just like go.
00:43:28.639 --> 00:43:30.079
And it's like, shut up.
00:43:30.079 --> 00:43:32.559
I just want to like breathe, like, okay.
00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:42.320
And you know, sometimes, and and the reason why I reference my dad is because like I feel like like I've I've said this to you before so many times.
00:43:42.320 --> 00:43:44.239
Like, I feel like half of me is somewhere else.
00:43:44.239 --> 00:43:48.880
Like I've tasted death in a in a non morbid way.
00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:56.800
Like it's it's a it's an it's awakening because it's like yin and yang, like sunlight and daylight, life and death, it actually comes hand in hand.
00:43:56.800 --> 00:44:09.519
And it's such a beautiful reminder because it's It's not to say, oh, just live and spend all your money and don't have any nothing and just, you know, like because you might die tomorrow.
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:10.400
It's not that.
00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:12.320
But it kind of also is.
00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:27.760
Because it's like when we're so stressed about the next goal and like chasing and becoming and like climbing up the ladder and all these things and like optimize and have that discipline and build, build, build.
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:33.920
You just, there's like this level of like inability to smell the roses that just can't happen.
00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:41.599
And so what I say and what I am always guiding my clients towards now is like you actually can.
00:44:41.599 --> 00:44:45.440
You just have to have these mechanisms in place where you actually do that, right?
00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:46.960
But it's exactly that.
00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:48.559
It's always about optimizing.
00:44:48.559 --> 00:44:52.239
And again, what I was saying at the beginning is look externally.
00:44:52.239 --> 00:44:58.400
Go here, go there, do this, do that, chase this, feel like you're not enough so that you just keep going.
00:44:58.400 --> 00:45:01.679
But actually, like it's all it's all in here.
00:45:01.679 --> 00:45:04.159
Like it really is like your true form.
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:16.639
I hate to optimize, even like I know sort of I dabble in the biohacking using quotation marks there that for people that aren't watching.
00:45:16.639 --> 00:45:26.960
Like optimizing, biohacking, all this, just getting that little bit out of extra and making it as simple as possible so you've got more time to then do and it's just like, what are you optimizing for?
00:45:26.960 --> 00:45:38.079
Like you optimise, get a little bit more time and then fill it with more junk, and then you optimise that and then you get a little bit more time and you fill it with like it's just like I I just don't get it.
00:45:38.079 --> 00:45:44.320
Like sometimes some influencers and business people that optimise everything, get people to cook for you.
00:45:44.320 --> 00:45:48.960
Yeah, it'll cost you a little bit more, but then you'll have this extra time to then do more work.
00:45:48.960 --> 00:45:51.679
I'm like, but I enjoy cooking.
00:45:51.679 --> 00:45:55.440
Why why can't I do cook like that's it's something I enjoy doing?
00:45:55.440 --> 00:45:56.320
Why can't I do it?
00:45:56.320 --> 00:46:00.960
Like Yeah, you just lose all the things that you could enjoy doing.
00:46:00.960 --> 00:46:06.320
Yeah, they're just simple little things, but that also gives you time to just breathe and think.
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:09.599
And it's like, what what are you optimizing for?
00:46:09.599 --> 00:46:11.599
More money, more success?
00:46:11.599 --> 00:46:17.119
Like you're just gonna get there and just keep, like you said, just keep keep chasing.
00:46:17.119 --> 00:46:20.559
So yeah, it's uh I hate that word optimizing.
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:28.960
So I have um I have a client and um they own like five hotels.
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:31.519
The man does not sleep.
00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:44.480
The man does not sleep, and literally, and doing again, doing so well financially, and like once and and like his main thing always is I don't have time.
00:46:44.480 --> 00:46:49.360
I don't have time, but looking to acquire another two hotels.
00:46:49.360 --> 00:47:03.519
And so there's some conversations taking place, and again, very much about that optimization of like, you know, finding the time and filling it and like doing this, and also dabbling he dabbles dabbles in some biohacking stuff as well.
00:47:03.519 --> 00:47:09.519
And so even having that wellness mindset, that success.
00:47:09.519 --> 00:47:30.159
But I always find the presence and the therapeutic perspective is the thing, it's is the gap that's always missing, which is why I just it's very important work and it it the mindset behind not being so optimizing comes down to just looking around you.
00:47:30.159 --> 00:47:39.039
Again, it's that sounds so simple and like oversimplified, but it's it's it's just too much information overload these days.
00:47:39.360 --> 00:47:42.000
Yeah, but it like I said, it is the basics.
00:47:42.000 --> 00:47:49.199
I one coach, PT, that I had on the podcast asked him the same question about you know, what should everybody do?
00:47:49.199 --> 00:47:51.199
And he's just learn how to cook.
00:47:51.199 --> 00:47:59.760
You could do all the biohacking you want and like all the therapies, uh, IV drips, whatever you want to do.
00:47:59.760 --> 00:48:07.760
But if you're not sleeping, eating properly, and just doing a little bit of exercise, all the other things are just a waste of time and money.
00:48:07.760 --> 00:48:20.159
And they people think they're optimizing, but just learning how to cook and make sure you're getting like nutrients for your body, sleeping and exercising is just the basics, simple, but they're boring, but they work.
00:48:21.519 --> 00:48:26.960
Learning how to make clean food taste good is literally gold.
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:39.280
Like, and that doesn't just have to apply if you're like chucking yourself into a calorie deficit, if you're like you want to grow a bunch of muscle, like we need to eat protein for life.
00:48:39.280 --> 00:48:44.480
We need to be conscious of what we're putting into our vessel for life.
00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:56.559
Like it's just so basic and it's so not sexy, but it's the thing, like it's yeah, it's like the knowledge I have from training and nutrition and like teaching it.
00:48:56.559 --> 00:49:07.119
Like, obviously, like I said, I'm traveling and I'm away right now, but like um the days, there's so many days where I'm like, no, we're going to eat chicken breast.
00:49:07.119 --> 00:49:08.559
I need, I literally need it.
00:49:08.559 --> 00:49:13.199
I need my bismati rice and like my spinach, and that's all I want to have.
00:49:13.199 --> 00:49:16.400
But it's like just that knowledge, having that to fall back on.
00:49:16.400 --> 00:49:17.599
It's yeah.
00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:18.960
So important.
00:49:19.280 --> 00:49:22.320
So, how are you organizing your days at the moment?
00:49:24.159 --> 00:49:29.519
Um, it's so first it's based around my work and my calls.
00:49:29.519 --> 00:49:32.480
And then I essentially I like reverse engineer.
00:49:32.480 --> 00:49:34.400
I'm like, cool, that comes first.
00:49:34.400 --> 00:49:44.159
And then we throw in all the other work I needed to do for my business, and then we factor in movement, um a whole a lot of walking.
00:49:44.159 --> 00:49:50.800
So I opt to walk more than I take transportation in any way.
00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:57.280
Um, and exploring wherever I am.
00:49:57.280 --> 00:50:00.480
Obviously, I'm in some really cool locations.
00:50:00.480 --> 00:50:09.280
Um, but yeah, you can't feel sane if you don't have your basics grounded in place.
00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:14.719
Doesn't matter how much I'm like traveling and like doing is people like, oh, how's your trip?
00:50:14.719 --> 00:50:16.000
I'm like, this isn't a trip.
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:17.360
This is not a trip.
00:50:17.360 --> 00:50:20.480
I'm working like every day I work.
00:50:20.480 --> 00:50:25.199
Like I work on a Saturday night, on a Sunday, depending on like the time zone.
00:50:25.199 --> 00:50:27.119
I'm working with clients around the world.
00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:30.159
Like it's and not in like a workaholic way.
00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:38.480
Again, I'm giving myself that internal peace as well and like just grounding, but it's yeah, it's like those are the foundations, like following that.
00:50:38.480 --> 00:50:48.480
Cool, like my work, my content creation, whatever else, building in the back end, um movement training and all that.
00:50:48.480 --> 00:50:50.000
Yeah, it comes first.
00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:52.239
So it kind of varies day to day.
00:50:52.800 --> 00:50:55.920
Obviously, things would get overwhelming from time to time.
00:50:55.920 --> 00:50:59.519
Like you said, traveling, like living out a suitcase.
00:50:59.519 --> 00:51:02.480
What do you do in those overwhelming times?
00:51:04.159 --> 00:51:05.039
I lie down.
00:51:05.039 --> 00:51:10.400
I drink water and I lie down and I breathe.
00:51:10.400 --> 00:51:12.960
And sometimes I cry.
00:51:12.960 --> 00:51:15.199
And I'm like, this is a lot.
00:51:15.199 --> 00:51:17.119
And I'm like, what am I doing?
00:51:17.119 --> 00:51:19.760
And then the feeling goes away.
00:51:19.760 --> 00:51:29.360
I just give myself a space to feel and I'm real, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
00:51:29.360 --> 00:51:31.280
It's hard sometimes.
00:51:31.280 --> 00:51:49.920
It's like the hardest thing is the uncertainty of like literally having no idea, and like how healing that is as well, because it's I've totally forfeited any type of control, any type of you know, anything.
00:51:49.920 --> 00:51:56.480
And I'm also aware, hey, this is a little bit unstable, you know what I mean?
00:51:56.480 --> 00:51:59.599
It's a little bit like edgy to be this way.
00:51:59.599 --> 00:52:03.039
And I'm also like, and it's not gonna be like this forever.
00:52:03.039 --> 00:52:16.719
And something so deep inside my soul knows I'm supposed to be doing exactly this right now, and again, bringing it back to the level of internal grounding, internal regulation, and love for myself.
00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:23.280
Like I am we, I'm going to so many places, different countries, different states.
00:52:23.280 --> 00:52:27.599
Um, in like Georgia, it was cold.
00:52:27.599 --> 00:52:29.679
In Turkey, it was freezing.
00:52:29.679 --> 00:52:33.280
And now in LA, it was like 25 to 30 degrees.
00:52:33.280 --> 00:52:35.840
In New York, it's like 30 to 35 degrees.
00:52:35.840 --> 00:52:38.960
It's gonna be like 40 in a couple days, and it's humid.
00:52:38.960 --> 00:52:44.719
And I'm like, okay, I can feel my body, my senses, me experiencing all this stuff.
00:52:44.719 --> 00:52:46.239
Hey, I got me.
00:52:46.239 --> 00:52:48.480
Hey, I look in the mirror every day.
00:52:48.480 --> 00:52:49.360
That's Nyla.
00:52:49.360 --> 00:52:51.199
Like, I love you.
00:52:51.199 --> 00:52:57.679
You're amazing, like you're doing this, and it's just it's so beautiful.
00:52:57.679 --> 00:53:02.480
So, yeah, just writing the ways for emotions.
00:53:03.199 --> 00:53:10.400
When you sit down, sorry, when you lay down, you you take some water, lay down, start to breathe, maybe cry a little bit.
00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:12.480
But what what's that internal dialogue?
00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:21.039
So how do you I guess my point is sometimes you get caught up on a thought and it's like you just can't get rid of that thought.
00:53:21.039 --> 00:53:25.760
Like what's your internal dialogue to bring you back to that positive mindset?
00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:32.159
It's actually to not try to bring myself back to the positive mindset.
00:53:32.159 --> 00:53:39.199
It it is knowing I got me.
00:53:39.199 --> 00:53:43.360
I am the master of myself, of my thoughts.
00:53:43.360 --> 00:53:50.239
I'm I'm again, it's gonna sound really like cliche, but it's because it's like a it's like a self-love dialogue.
00:53:50.239 --> 00:53:51.840
I'm the queen of me.
00:53:51.840 --> 00:53:54.000
Like I'm I am me.
00:53:54.000 --> 00:53:55.599
You are the king of you, Jack.
00:53:55.599 --> 00:53:58.079
Like you, you're a you're a boss, right?
00:53:58.079 --> 00:54:00.159
And it's like I'm the queen of me.
00:54:00.159 --> 00:54:02.239
I'm feeling something right now.
00:54:02.239 --> 00:54:04.960
Um sometimes I ball my eyes out.
00:54:04.960 --> 00:54:05.840
Like, what am I?
00:54:05.840 --> 00:54:09.519
Sometimes it's like, it's literally like, Naila, what are you doing with your life?
00:54:09.519 --> 00:54:11.920
You're a nobody, where are you going?
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:13.039
Like all this stuff.
00:54:13.039 --> 00:54:18.719
And then I'm like, and I just allow that and I'm crying, and then I'm like, and yeah, and I chose this.
00:54:18.719 --> 00:54:25.440
And this is exactly the point of it all to have no plan, to have zero attachment to the external.
00:54:25.440 --> 00:54:36.320
You know, I've like caught up with family along the way and feeling that love and like journeying and then like going, and it's so transient.
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:57.360
And the truth is life is transient, but we try to tell ourselves that it's not, and then we cling and we attach and we try to then control, and then we get caught up and confused between codependency, independency, hyper-independency, and then just learning how to be interdependent with others, right?
00:54:57.360 --> 00:55:08.960
But the biggest thing is to not try to rush my experience and having the full trust that I'm not gonna stay there.
00:55:08.960 --> 00:55:18.079
And the deeper I can surrender to the momentary pain, the uncertainty, the fear, the more I allow myself to experience it.
00:55:18.079 --> 00:55:23.119
And then I develop a deeper emotional intimacy with myself because of that.
00:55:23.119 --> 00:55:37.519
I take deep breaths, I breathe through it, I literally hold myself like this-like one hand on my heart, one hand on my stomach, and I'm breathing, and my eyes are shut or open, and then I just feel a bit crap, and then it's gone.
00:55:37.519 --> 00:55:51.440
And then I don't, and I'll just do something like normal, and then next minute I'm just seeing like a beautiful view, and I've gone somewhere, and something amazing has happened, and I'm like, life is amazing, and it's just like that, it's just a flow.
00:55:51.440 --> 00:55:52.800
So, yeah.
00:55:53.199 --> 00:55:53.760
Yeah.
00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:57.599
The biggest takeaway there for me was feel it.
00:55:57.599 --> 00:56:20.239
Uh a lot of the times it's like, oh, bad feelings coming, or I'm feeling upset, just push it away with either you know, another feeling or disconnecting with social media, or you know, go eating food that you shouldn't, whatever sort of again, vice, like but just feeling those feelings, I think, is a big thing that we yeah, we never do.
00:56:20.239 --> 00:56:22.480
Well I'm I'm doing more of.
00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:24.320
I'm definitely doing more of.
00:56:24.320 --> 00:56:41.679
Is there anything else with your clients that like obviously we've talked about just stopping breathing, just being present, but is there anything else that you know that you get your clients to do that everybody else should know about that is worth doing in their day-to-day life?
00:56:41.679 --> 00:56:53.760
A bunch of my clients are now using these amazing little red light therapy devices from the legends at LumaFlex, and it's awesome to see the effects with my own eyes.
00:56:53.760 --> 00:57:00.000
I've been telling everybody how these things just o improve your overall health and wellness, but your recovery as well.
00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:14.400
I've even had one client use it as a part of her recovery protocol after getting PRP in her elbow, and a physio cannot believe how fast the pain went away, and she can start doing the exercises she need to to strengthen up that elbow.
00:57:14.400 --> 00:57:29.920
Other clients just love it after a hard session, like we do a big leg session, they use it on their leg a couple of rounds, and they know the next day that they can still get up out of the chair, which is we we all know that feeling, so it's good to have that the next day.
00:57:29.920 --> 00:57:32.239
But you can use literally because of the design.
00:57:32.239 --> 00:57:39.679
Like I had the uh the owner, the founder, the CEO, John on the podcast talking about this, but he didn't talk about the design.
00:57:39.679 --> 00:57:41.440
The design is absolutely amazing.
00:57:41.440 --> 00:57:46.079
Like you know he's put a lot of effort into it because you can literally put this on any body part.
00:57:46.079 --> 00:57:55.039
You see these little slithers, you get straps and you can put it on your shoulder, arm, back, head, sides, anywhere on your legs, anywhere you want, it can go.
00:57:55.039 --> 00:57:59.360
So you know you're gonna get the benefits and it's gonna help that body part recover.
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:07.360
So if you want to check them out and learn a little bit more about red light therapy device, check out the link in descriptions or scan this QR code.
00:58:07.360 --> 00:58:16.400
When you're ready to get your own one, make sure you use the code TrueForm at checkout to get 10% off your Lumiflex products.
00:58:16.880 --> 00:58:18.559
Getting off your phone.
00:58:18.559 --> 00:58:30.400
It's actually again, and I know I said this in like our first episode as well, but it's just such a big one because it's just increasing this addiction to like our phone.
00:58:30.400 --> 00:58:34.320
It's it's this thing that fits perfectly in the palm of your hand.
00:58:34.320 --> 00:58:43.840
We dissociate through it, we seek dopamine hits through it, and we we need boredom.
00:58:43.840 --> 00:58:55.440
We need boredom, we need nothingness to just for our brain to like regulate, to just think something different, think of some inspiration.
00:58:55.440 --> 00:59:04.000
And so one of the biggest things, obviously, I like I said, I work primarily with very high performers, high achievers.
00:59:04.000 --> 00:59:11.840
And so their mentality is always around growing and they've got this greater vision and moving towards it, right?
00:59:11.840 --> 00:59:13.840
Growth-centered.
00:59:13.840 --> 00:59:25.920
And the only way you can feel into that future reality is if you are allowing yourself the space to unplug from what currently is as well.
00:59:25.920 --> 00:59:31.679
It's not um like disassociating in a bad way, it's just giving yourself that freedom.
00:59:31.679 --> 00:59:41.039
And so what this phone does is you're constantly looking, you're searching for like the notifications and like you're refreshing your feed and you're going on whatever it is, right?
00:59:41.039 --> 00:59:46.559
It's just keeping you locked into like this state of being.
00:59:46.559 --> 00:59:51.920
And then the algorithm for, for example, if you're on social media, it's it's feeding you predictability, right?
00:59:51.920 --> 01:00:10.719
But the way to like set yourself free and to just allow yourself to think in a different way and to not even growth-centered, just what just your mind might spark something of inspiration, random thought that you didn't even think you were gonna think about.
01:00:10.719 --> 01:00:29.920
But if you just give yourself that space, like designated, like so all my clients, I tell them 10 minutes a day, you set an alarm, put the phone away, go into nature, stare at a wall, I don't care what it is, just don't, because we're chronically addicted and we don't realize it.
01:00:30.320 --> 01:00:33.519
So yeah, 100% agree.
01:00:33.519 --> 01:00:37.519
And going back to your question, you asked, like, what do I do?
01:00:37.519 --> 01:00:42.000
And again, once you start doing these things, they're so simple you don't realize you're doing them.
01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:44.800
But that is one of the biggest things, just being bored.
01:00:44.800 --> 01:00:49.599
Like a lot of the time, I don't have anything coming in through my ears.
01:00:49.599 --> 01:00:53.920
Like, if I'm walking to work, I'm just walking to work, I'm not listening to anything, not watching anything.
01:00:53.920 --> 01:01:00.639
For even on public transport or like sitting in the sauna in the gym now, I try not to have music in.
01:01:00.639 --> 01:01:07.840
Sometimes I do, but just finding times where you're just not having so much input, it makes a big difference.
01:01:07.840 --> 01:01:22.000
So people will go, well, I I'll get off social media, but then I'll listen to a podcast, or I'll listen to music, which is better, but at the same time, it's still input and you're still not with your own thoughts.
01:01:22.000 --> 01:01:25.440
So that and that's one big thing I think I was doing as well.
01:01:25.440 --> 01:01:48.559
I'm like, Oh, I'm off social media, but I was still listening to podcasts, so sort of like you're still having input and you still don't have that time for your brain to start thinking or just being bored and just thoughts just popping into your head that you can just sort of yeah, think about and just get rid of, and or a lot of the time, like good ideas come along and then you can roll with a little bit better.
01:01:49.119 --> 01:01:49.920
Totally.
01:01:49.920 --> 01:01:50.719
Exactly.
01:01:50.719 --> 01:01:54.719
It's that constant input and that overstimulation, yeah.
01:01:56.239 --> 01:02:02.320
Well, anything else that you sort of wanted to wrap up with and let everybody know about?
01:02:03.199 --> 01:02:10.559
I just want to say that just let yourself breathe, let yourself live.
01:02:10.559 --> 01:02:15.920
Like there's always going to be, and like I'm literally speaking from the heart right now.
01:02:15.920 --> 01:02:31.039
Like, this is like the recurring realization I keep having as someone who is literally living out of my suitcase, experiencing the most incredible things, and also like sitting with myself, like totally refusing to not be conscious to my experience.
01:02:31.039 --> 01:02:59.519
Just there is a life for you to live and don't let it just be so consumed with the thing you need to achieve, and like, yes, we need to achieve in order to allow ourselves to live and like it comes hand in hand, but the best thing we can do is afford ourselves a beautiful relationship to our work, to our finances, and therefore the rest of our life.
01:02:59.519 --> 01:03:08.960
Because if we're not, we're constantly berating ourselves to just go make that money, hit that amount, and blah blah like you just you're hurting yourself.
01:03:08.960 --> 01:03:17.760
So just live, just be present to your experience and yeah, be present.
01:03:17.760 --> 01:03:19.199
Yeah.
01:03:19.199 --> 01:03:21.119
So so oversimplified.
01:03:21.119 --> 01:03:39.519
I feel like a lot of the things I shared in this podcast was just like not some beautiful quote that you could find in a book, but it's just it's really the I feel like traveling like this, it's it's just bringing me down to the essence of real life and the raw human experience.
01:03:39.519 --> 01:03:42.800
And at its core, it is so simple.
01:03:42.800 --> 01:03:43.760
My God.
01:03:46.239 --> 01:04:04.960
Again, reflecting over 300 episodes and all the like even all the coaches I've worked with and been around, whatever they're doing, like PT, health, mindset, whatever it is, all the good coaches talk about simple stuff, and they don't have these amazing quotes that inspire people, but they're the ones doing the actual work helping people.
01:04:04.960 --> 01:04:14.079
So yeah, it's it's hard, but I know like you're such a great coach, and I appreciate you coming on and sharing all your wisdom and all the chats we have.
01:04:14.079 --> 01:04:19.679
So I and I think people that are actually here still at the end will know that and get that as well.
01:04:19.679 --> 01:04:28.400
So you don't need those fancy quotes, you just need to talk about the basics, and I'm I'm inspired, so appreciate you coming on.
01:04:28.719 --> 01:04:33.039
I appreciate you so much, and thank you for holding space for all of it.
01:04:33.039 --> 01:04:36.960
Um, congratulations on your 300 episodes.
01:04:36.960 --> 01:04:38.320
You're a gun.
01:04:38.320 --> 01:04:43.440
Like you've been you've been doing this, and it's just amazing, and not everyone can.
01:04:43.440 --> 01:05:04.880
And um yeah, like we're talking about, like the way this world is, and you know, everyone just wants everything fast, and like I'm talking about getting off your phone and the dopamine hits, like it's so healing to just be in a space where you're taking the time to engage with people and you're giving the world something so beautiful through your podcast.
01:05:04.880 --> 01:05:08.639
So you're incredible and you should you should remember that every day.
01:05:09.199 --> 01:05:10.320
Nahla, appreciate it.
01:05:10.320 --> 01:05:11.039
Thank you.
01:05:11.840 --> 01:05:12.800
Thank you.
01:05:14.639 --> 01:05:15.599
Amazing.