WEBVTT
00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:03.120
Nobody is asking how are you anymore?
00:00:03.279 --> 00:00:05.040
Because the answers are too expensive.
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:12.080
Too many consequences attached to them, too much truth waiting to spill out in the middle of a simple conversation.
00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:17.519
Recently on a bus, I had a front row seat to this reality.
00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:24.800
I ran into a mutual friend and I asked a simple how far, you know, the way we do when we meet other Nigerians.
00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:27.679
To be honest, her reaction broke me.
00:00:28.399 --> 00:00:30.800
She started with ah, sis.
00:00:31.679 --> 00:00:33.920
And the tears just started coming.
00:00:34.079 --> 00:00:36.799
She sobbed right there on the bus.
00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:37.679
They didn't stop.
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:40.880
And before I even knew it, I was tearing up myself.
00:00:41.439 --> 00:00:47.520
It was like something she had been holding for too long just slipped through a crack and she couldn't close it anymore.
00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:52.799
And suddenly that bus ride to walk was longer than normal.
00:00:53.600 --> 00:01:02.640
It became one of the most painful rides I had taken in Canada because it w it wasn't just her crying, it was everything sitting behind it.
00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:12.239
The pressure, the uncertainty, the quiet disappointment, all the things immigrants carry, and we just hide it under, I'm fine, I'm okay.
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:15.120
That moment stayed with me for days.
00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:16.400
I couldn't shake it.
00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:22.719
So I connected her with someone who could help her with work, but I just kept thinking, she's not the only one.
00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:28.480
If I'm being honest, this journey has taken me close to that edge more than once.
00:01:28.799 --> 00:01:32.719
But we are all managing different versions of the same reality.
00:01:32.959 --> 00:01:43.040
Because Canada didn't just test our resilience, it quietly reshaped our identity until survival became the version of ourselves we introduced first.
00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:50.000
There's a version of survival we don't talk about.
00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:56.239
Not the loud kind, not the visible kind, the quiet one.
00:01:57.439 --> 00:02:03.840
The one that shows up and how you keep going, even when no one sees the weight you're carrying.
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:15.280
This is the survival reflex, hosted by Chi, where survival isn't just about getting through, it's about who you become in the process.
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:25.360
Here we explore identity, transition, pressure, and the invisible negotiations happening beneath the surface of everyday life.
00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:29.039
The parts that don't get named, but shape everything.
00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:38.240
So if you've ever felt stretched, unseen, or just tired in ways you can't quite explain, you are not alone.
00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:40.639
You're just human.
00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:44.240
In this space, it's for you.
00:02:57.439 --> 00:03:02.400
How far with your PR, how far with your mortgage, how far without your$16 per hour job.
00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:07.439
No wonder some people avoid each other because being measured all the time is exhausting.
00:03:07.759 --> 00:03:09.199
Bro, what are you doing now?
00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:10.800
Sis, where do you work?
00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:12.479
How much are they even paying you?
00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:14.000
What's your job title?
00:03:14.719 --> 00:03:19.120
In Canada, immigrant small talk can quietly become a performance review.
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:23.360
And the answers are never really answers, they're just survival translations.
00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:25.840
Ah, my brother, we are managing.
00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:28.000
Sis, God is faithful.
00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:31.439
My sister, I tire for this Canada immigration.
00:03:31.599 --> 00:03:32.240
I beg.
00:03:33.039 --> 00:03:37.520
And underneath all that, there's another conversation happening at the same time.
00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:39.919
Babe, how are you coping with the price of everything?
00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:41.599
Where do you buy groceries?
00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:44.800
Be honest, is it a cheaper province in Canada right now?
00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:48.560
Why is bread$6 for God's sake?
00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:52.159
And at that point, we're no longer talking about life.
00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:55.360
We're comparing survival strategies.
00:03:55.599 --> 00:03:59.280
The truth is, immigrants go through layers of stress in Canada.
00:03:59.759 --> 00:04:03.520
But there is one kind that nobody really prepares you for.
00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:07.039
It's not hunger, it's not poverty, it's not even failure.
00:04:07.439 --> 00:04:09.919
It is waiting.
00:04:10.879 --> 00:04:18.399
Waiting for a piece of paper that quietly decides whether your life continues in peace or in panic.
00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:20.160
Permanent residence.
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:23.839
Permanent residence, it sounds simple when you say it fast, you know?
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:24.639
PR.
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:27.839
Two letters, very innocent, very powerful.
00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:36.720
But behind those two letters is a multi-year emotional suspension system where your life is paused, but your bills are not.
00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:40.000
And somehow nobody really explains that part properly.
00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:45.199
You think you're moving forward, but you're also learning how to live inside waiting.
00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:49.439
Like your entire life has been placed on processing.
00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:52.399
And you're still expected to show up like everything is fine.
00:04:52.560 --> 00:04:57.279
You're working, you're paying tax, you're contributing like somebody who belongs.
00:04:57.519 --> 00:05:02.240
But in the background, your existence has been reviewed, like an exam script.
00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:07.120
And even when you do everything right, you're still one update away from anxiety.
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:12.240
You submit your application, and suddenly you enter a new language entirely.
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:13.680
It's not English or French.
00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:16.959
It's a language recall, additional documents required.
00:05:17.120 --> 00:05:17.839
ADR.
00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:20.639
Every new immigrant knows that.
00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:27.519
And every email that you get from IRCC, it starts to feel, you know, spiritual.
00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:31.120
IRCC.
00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:39.439
They are like the mafia of immigration, the real Canadian Udougus, Immigration Refugees, and Citizenship Canada.
00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:42.560
Even the name is long, you already know they don't rush anything.
00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.000
You know, you don't open IRCC emails just anywhere.
00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:55.439
No, you find a chair, you sit down properly, you adjust yourself small, then you breathe, like somebody about to receive a prophecy.
00:05:55.759 --> 00:06:03.120
Because anything inside that email, your life can change, or it can just continue to confuse you.
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:08.000
I remember one IRCC email I opened in the office.
00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:09.680
It was a refusal.
00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:14.399
And for a second, it felt like the air in the room just disappeared.
00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:17.920
Like even the oxygen read the email and decided not to stay in my office.
00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:25.360
But I had to hold myself because I wanted to cry, I wanted to shout, I wanted to roll on the floor, but I couldn't.
00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:30.879
There were deadlines, real ones, the kind that, you know, don't care what IRSCC just said to you.
00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:33.279
And my head was just scattering.
00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:39.920
And while I was going through this, my boss walked in with one question, then came back with another.
00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:46.319
She was asking me about strategy, philanthropy, updates, major gates, direction.
00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:51.920
But my head was just throbbing with this IRCC rejection letter.
00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:56.480
And then my colleagues, one after the other, Chi, do you have a moment?
00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:57.439
Quick question, Chi.
00:06:57.600 --> 00:06:59.279
Chi, can I run something by you?
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:03.600
Inside me, I was just thinking, if you people know how deflated I am right now.
00:07:03.759 --> 00:07:04.959
But I had to remain normal.
00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:07.360
So every time someone said, Chi, do you have a moment?
00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:08.399
I smiled.
00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:12.319
I smiled through everything happening inside of me, kept my tears in check.
00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:14.639
Not because I don't work with kind people.
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:17.040
No, my boss and colleagues are amazing.
00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:18.639
But I already knew what will follow.
00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:24.720
You know, well-meaning questions, very detailed ones, because there are some other, you know, immigrants, you know, who are my colleagues.
00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:27.439
You know, they'll ask you, did you feel everything correctly?
00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:28.560
Did you miss something?
00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:31.680
Oh, gee, are you sure you qualified for that pathway?
00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:33.920
And I just couldn't go there.
00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:35.759
Not today, like not that day.
00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.240
So not with everything sitting on my chest.
00:07:38.399 --> 00:07:44.480
So I kept it in, carried the rejection quietly, functionally, like nothing had happened.
00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:49.759
Later I looked back, you know, when I remember that day, and I remember that I wore a black dress to work.
00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:52.720
It was as if I had unknowingly dressed for the mood.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:55.279
Like I almost declared it black Tuesday.
00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:58.879
But I just kept moving because life does not pause with you.
00:07:59.040 --> 00:08:10.319
You're still in meetings, still responding to emails, still nodding like everything is fine, but your mind keeps going back to that rejection email again and again and again.
00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:16.079
And somehow you just continue the day, you know, like nothing happened.
00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:19.360
And then you meet immigration lawyers.
00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:22.000
Ah, immigration lawyers.
00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:26.879
They are not just lawyers, they are translators of hope who build by the minute.
00:08:27.120 --> 00:08:30.800
You'll ask them, Am I eligible for this IRCC pathway?
00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:34.159
They start with, well, it depends.
00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:40.639
And somehow that one word, depends, has swallowed more rent money than people will admit.
00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:43.440
And life continues anyway.
00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:51.360
You go to work, you smile in meetings, you type, good morning, everyone, you say to your colleagues in the stand-up meeting, have a beautiful day.
00:08:51.600 --> 00:08:56.159
While inside you're doing silent prayers, like you know, you're in a group chat.
00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:03.039
Because nobody wants HR, you know, to suspect that your legal status is also your emotional status.
00:09:03.200 --> 00:09:05.279
So you learn to separate yourself.
00:09:05.600 --> 00:09:10.000
Outside you are stable, inside you are waiting.
00:09:10.159 --> 00:09:18.559
And that waiting, it doesn't shout, it just sits there quietly deciding how much of your life you're allowed to feel at once.
00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:26.240
And immigrants go through all these, and then comes international exam testing seasons.
00:09:27.279 --> 00:09:29.919
IELTS, cell PIP.
00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:37.200
The truth is that you can speak English your entire life and still fail the IELTS exam convincingly.
00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:47.039
When you step into online immigration groups, you quickly realize you're not part of a global community of people learning the same survival language.
00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:56.720
In Nigeria, some of us became veterans of IELTS preparation, writing, rewriting, chasing that utopian perfect score.
00:09:56.879 --> 00:10:01.600
And honestly, the listening section of this exam, it will humble you.
00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:11.600
I remember one of the listening practice sessions I was doing with my husband one day, both of us were fully locked in, waiting for that moment you're supposed to start answering.
00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:16.240
We're listening carefully, tracking every word, already on question 15.
00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:22.720
Then, after listening for several minutes, you know, without writing, I was just wondering why is this recording just telling stories?
00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:24.720
Because I I couldn't hear any answers.
00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:28.399
I didn't realize I had started failing fast.
00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:33.039
Next thing, my husband and I just heard.
00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:38.000
Now return to the next page and answer questions 28 to 40.
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:43.679
So from questions 16 to 27, we didn't even know when they called or read the questions.
00:10:43.919 --> 00:10:44.960
Oh my god.
00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:49.200
My whole life goes just flashed before my eyes immediately.
00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:56.480
My husband and I looked at each other, then my husband said calmly, baby, hope you know we have just failed this listening test.
00:10:58.559 --> 00:10:59.519
It was so funny.
00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:05.679
Because in that moment, it quietly hit us that our Nigerian ears had to go through an international rebrand.
00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:10.399
You had to learn British, English, Canadian English, Australian English, American English.
00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:12.399
Everything had to be decoded.
00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:22.480
And even after studying here in English for a two-year or a four-year course, the immigration system still expects you to write an English exam before you can get your postgraduate work permits.
00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:27.919
Like, seriously, write another exam after four years of studying in English.
00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:35.519
And you just sit there thinking, so what exactly did I spend the last two to four years doing?
00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:46.159
I know like real people who have lost their jobs because they lost their work permit status when they kept failing IELTS repeatedly.
00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:51.279
It's not one story, it's three different people who are former colleagues.
00:11:51.519 --> 00:12:00.080
And each one just sits differently in your chest when you're here because it's not just an exam at this point, it's your whole life waiting for a score.
00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:02.799
The immigrant struggle is real, honestly.
00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:06.080
And that's the strange beginning of it all.
00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:15.519
When English language stops being something you own and becomes something, becomes something you have to survive and pass.
00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:22.879
And when you think you've passed that stage, you think you're done, you learn something worse.
00:12:23.120 --> 00:12:28.960
That approval is not guaranteed by efforts, it is guaranteed by timing and the policy mode.
00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:37.279
Because in this Canadian system, you can do everything right and still be told, please vol leave voluntarily within 60 days.
00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:39.519
Just like that.
00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:43.840
Leave our country, go back to wherever you come from.
00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:51.279
Pack your life, close your accounts, leave quietly.
00:12:51.759 --> 00:12:54.960
As if you were never even here contributing in the first place.
00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:56.799
And this is where it gets strange.
00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:59.919
People don't always collapse dramatically.
00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:10.720
Some people just shrink quietly, sleep becomes light, smile becomes rehearsed, energy becomes managed.
00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:14.000
There were two friends of mine who were asked to leave just like that.
00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:17.519
They received um an IRCC email, no warning.
00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:19.919
And within days, you could see it in their bodies.
00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:21.039
I'm not exaggerating.
00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:25.919
The kind of weight loss that happened, you would just know that this was stress, it wasn't diet.
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:32.960
Their eyes started sinking, they had large eye bags, it was so painful, so painful to see.
00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:37.679
There was always this tired look that that sleep couldn't fix.
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:39.279
Even the way they walked changed.
00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:43.519
That slow, heavy step when your mind is carrying too much.
00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:47.679
One of them had to go see a doctor because his blood pressure became dangerously high.
00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:52.000
The doctor didn't even hesitate to tell him, said, go and treat your blood pressure.
00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:56.480
Otherwise, your immigration status would be the least of your problems.
00:13:56.639 --> 00:14:00.159
So he traveled back to his home country for urgent medical attention.
00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:09.840
Not because he planned to, not because life here in Canada didn't matter, but because his body said, I can't take this immigration stress anymore.
00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:14.960
Another one, you know, a colleague told me about her friend who came here as an international student.
00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:27.120
She finished school, worked three years on her postgraduate work permit, you know, we call it PGWP, did everything right, but she was still unable to get her permanent residence at the end of, you know, when her PGWP lapsed.
00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:30.559
And then, of course, IRCC sent her the deportation email.
00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:34.720
You have 60 days to leave Canada just like that.
00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:37.919
So this lady started dismantling her life.
00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:41.279
She gave notice on a tenancy, you know, an apartment.
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:56.080
She resigned from her job, she closed her bank account, she shut down and suspended her insurance policy, sold her car, gave away her clothes, one by one, no drama, just quietly closing chapters.
00:14:56.240 --> 00:14:58.320
By the time she left, it didn't feel like a transition.
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:01.360
It felt like everything she built in Canada had been completely erased.
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:05.120
Seven years of Canadian existence evaporated.
00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:07.919
And immigration can truly humble anyone like that.
00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:13.840
Just one email, and your whole life starts rearranging itself.
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:15.519
And that's the part that breaks people.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:22.639
Not just the rejection, but the instability, you know, that is disguised, you know, as order.
00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:28.000
Because you can survive stress but not uncertainty that never ends.
00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:44.720
Some people have worked here for years, paid taxes, built teams, showed up every morning like clockwork, and still find themselves waiting for permission to stay and quietly wondering, so what exactly was my contribution counting towards?
00:15:44.960 --> 00:15:54.559
And yet the next morning they still wake up early, dress professionally, smile in traffic, show up at work like nothing stressful is happening to them.
00:15:54.799 --> 00:16:02.720
Because immigrant life has taught all immigrants one rule: your pain must not interrupt your productivity at work.
00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:05.519
And that is the waiting room nobody sees.
00:16:05.759 --> 00:16:16.480
Where smart immigrants don't fail, they just wait and wait and wait for a system that may or may not decide they are permanent.
00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:19.200
And then we have to deal with the identity crash.
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:26.000
I remember during my international studies, after lectures, my immigrant classmates and I would gather to just catch up and talk.
00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:29.120
It was half therapy, half comedy.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:31.039
Those meetups were something else.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:33.039
The laughter, it was different.
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:43.840
It brought so much relief to our weary immigrant souls, you know, Ghanaians, Nigerians, Indians, Chinese, Lebanese, different countries, same story.
00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:47.679
And the funny part, all of us were either senior managers or directors back home.
00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:54.879
When oil and gas, banking, telecoms, I worked in nonprofits, you know, we had real responsibility, real titles, proper careers.
00:16:55.120 --> 00:17:01.360
And somehow we all found ourselves here trying to explain our past lives in between survival jobs.
00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:02.480
Nobody planned it.
00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:04.160
It just happened quietly.
00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:08.079
One of my former classmates in Nigeria, she said she applied for a care job.
00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:12.400
She showed up for the first day, ready to be professional and look after her elderly clients.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:15.920
You know, it was an elderly uh lady or so.
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:21.519
And then she opened the door and saw this woman with a very serious-looking dog.
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:25.119
Massive dog, not a small dog.
00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:27.119
Immediately she sighted the dog.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:28.880
Her Nigerian instincts rose up sharply.
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:34.319
She just closed the door and basically resumed and resigned within three seconds.
00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:40.160
When she told us the story, she was like, how will I leave Nigeria and come to Canada and now be testing my destiny with a dog?
00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:41.920
Haba, how bego.
00:17:42.319 --> 00:17:43.039
We laughed.
00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:44.160
Everybody understood.
00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:48.799
Like, because in that moment, it was not really about refusing to take care of a dog.
00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:55.759
It was realizing, ah, my life has entered situations nobody trained me for.
00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:57.839
Another classmate worked in a pet shop.
00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:03.599
Every day she was there, calm, composed, explaining dog toys and accessories to customers.
00:18:03.759 --> 00:18:10.000
People even started assuming you know, the customers in the in the pet shop started assuming she loved animals.
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:14.079
Every time they came to refill supplies, they'll start talking about their pets, like family.
00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:15.680
Oh, Luna is my baby.
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:17.759
You should have seen what Rocky did yesterday.
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:19.279
Oh, Luna is so sweet.
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:20.960
Rocky is a darling.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:25.839
And this Nigerian lady would just stand there smiling politely.
00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:29.759
One day when she was telling us, she was like, babe, I'm just here for the paycheck.
00:18:29.839 --> 00:18:30.880
It's not that deep.
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:34.480
And honestly, that's one sentence explained all of us.
00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:44.000
Immigration doesn't just move your career, it quietly requires how you respond to life, what you tolerate, what you ignore, what you can call normal.
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:50.400
And maybe that thing is the only version of you that actually survives the whole process.
00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:56.880
One day after church, just in the parking lot, you know, normal Sunday, nothing dramatic.
00:18:57.039 --> 00:19:00.960
A friend of my husband looked at him and said, I'm not living my Canadian dream.
00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:04.559
This immigration math is not Martin at all.
00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:09.359
And the way he said it, it wasn't complaining, it was like tired honesty.
00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:18.079
My husband was even shocked because on the surface, this guy looked fine, you know, PR and citizenship done, beautiful house, two cars.
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:20.400
From outside, you say, ah, his life is set.
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:21.519
You know, this one has made it.
00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:23.599
But underneath, things were not adding up.
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:25.519
And that's the part people don't see.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:29.359
Because sometimes success in Canada looks complete but feels stretched.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:32.559
Like everything is standing, but nothing is resting.
00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:37.680
And honestly, that one sentence, immigration math is not mattering at all.
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:39.599
It's a whole research paper.
00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:47.920
Because when you really sit down and calculate it properly, international tuition is two to three times higher.
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:59.200
The years you spent studying instead of earning, starting again as an immigrant from entry level, then you're stuck or you're committing to a 25 to 30 year mortgage.
00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:08.640
You now add your daily life on top, childcare, bills, insurance, groceries that behave like they are luxury items.
00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:12.400
And then one day you just sit quietly and ask yourself, was this worth it?
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:15.599
You're not doing this angrily or loudly, just quietly.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:17.839
And it's not coming from a place of ingratitude.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:26.799
It's not even regret, it's just coming from exhaustion, you know, the kind where you know you've done everything right and you're still carrying everything at the same time.
00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:32.799
Because after a while, we all realize that Canada is not a get-rich, quick system.
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:36.160
It's a high cost, slow growth system.
00:20:36.480 --> 00:20:40.240
You don't blow, you know, like we say home in Nigeria, ah, this guy don't blow.
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:44.720
You stabilize gradually, carefully if you're lucky.
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:53.039
And that's where the disconnect starts because the version of Canada was that was sold to many immigrants like myself was opportunity, clear path, work hard, move up.
00:20:53.279 --> 00:20:56.480
But the version experienced by many is endurance.
00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:00.160
You work hard, yes, but progress is slower than expected.
00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:03.920
You're earning dollars, but expenses are always waiting ahead of you.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:07.119
You plan, but life keeps adjusting the numbers.
00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:14.079
So instead of acceleration, you find yourself managing expectations, finances, energy.
00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:17.200
And over time, you'll also realize something quietly.
00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:21.599
The system doesn't reward speed, it rewards staying power.
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:30.400
The ability to remain, you know, here and strong, even when things are not moving as fast as you imagined.
00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:36.799
But here's the thing: we didn't come here to just survive, we came to thrive.
00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:42.720
And somewhere in between trying to do both, we meet versions of ourselves we never expected.
00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:48.240
Stronger in some ways, more tired in others, more patient than we plan to be.
00:21:48.559 --> 00:21:50.400
Immigrants are not weak.
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:52.640
We are not weak wherever we are.
00:21:52.799 --> 00:21:53.519
We know that.
00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:59.119
We are just, we learn, we rebuild again and again if we have to.
00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:20.240
The thing inside of you that refuses to quit, that part that recalculates when plans fail, when you receive your IRCC rejection letter, that part that re-strategizes when doors close, that part that quietly redefines success when the original version no longer fits.
00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:22.480
That is the survival reflex.
00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:37.519
And just maybe, maybe the real Canadian dream is not what we were sold, is what we build anyway, in small wins, in quiet resilience, in starting again without announcing it, and who we become in spite of everything.
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:41.359
Thank you for listening to the Survival Reflex Podcast.
00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:43.759
See you in the next episode.
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:44.799
Bye.
00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:55.440
You've been listening to the Survival Reflex with Chi.
00:22:55.839 --> 00:23:00.720
If something in this episode stayed with you, share it with someone who might need it too.
00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:02.079
Or leave a review.
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:05.599
It helps this space reach the people it's meant for.
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:09.680
Until next time, be gentle with yourself.
00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:14.079
And remember, you don't have to carry it all alone.
00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:03.120
Nobody is asking how are you anymore?
00:00:03.279 --> 00:00:05.040
Because the answers are too expensive.
00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:12.080
Too many consequences attached to them, too much truth waiting to spill out in the middle of a simple conversation.
00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:17.519
Recently on a bus, I had a front row seat to this reality.
00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:24.800
I ran into a mutual friend and I asked a simple how far, you know, the way we do when we meet other Nigerians.
00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:27.679
To be honest, her reaction broke me.
00:00:28.399 --> 00:00:30.800
She started with ah, sis.
00:00:31.679 --> 00:00:33.920
And the tears just started coming.
00:00:34.079 --> 00:00:36.799
She sobbed right there on the bus.
00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:37.679
They didn't stop.
00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:40.880
And before I even knew it, I was tearing up myself.
00:00:41.439 --> 00:00:47.520
It was like something she had been holding for too long just slipped through a crack and she couldn't close it anymore.
00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:52.799
And suddenly that bus ride to walk was longer than normal.
00:00:53.600 --> 00:01:02.640
It became one of the most painful rides I had taken in Canada because it w it wasn't just her crying, it was everything sitting behind it.
00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:12.239
The pressure, the uncertainty, the quiet disappointment, all the things immigrants carry, and we just hide it under, I'm fine, I'm okay.
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:15.120
That moment stayed with me for days.
00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:16.400
I couldn't shake it.
00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:22.719
So I connected her with someone who could help her with work, but I just kept thinking, she's not the only one.
00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:28.480
If I'm being honest, this journey has taken me close to that edge more than once.
00:01:28.799 --> 00:01:32.719
But we are all managing different versions of the same reality.
00:01:32.959 --> 00:01:43.040
Because Canada didn't just test our resilience, it quietly reshaped our identity until survival became the version of ourselves we introduced first.
00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:50.000
There's a version of survival we don't talk about.
00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:56.239
Not the loud kind, not the visible kind, the quiet one.
00:01:57.439 --> 00:02:03.840
The one that shows up and how you keep going, even when no one sees the weight you're carrying.
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:15.280
This is the survival reflex, hosted by Chi, where survival isn't just about getting through, it's about who you become in the process.
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:25.360
Here we explore identity, transition, pressure, and the invisible negotiations happening beneath the surface of everyday life.
00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:29.039
The parts that don't get named, but shape everything.
00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:38.240
So if you've ever felt stretched, unseen, or just tired in ways you can't quite explain, you are not alone.
00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:40.639
You're just human.
00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:44.240
In this space, it's for you.
00:02:57.439 --> 00:03:02.400
How far with your PR, how far with your mortgage, how far without your$16 per hour job.
00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:07.439
No wonder some people avoid each other because being measured all the time is exhausting.
00:03:07.759 --> 00:03:09.199
Bro, what are you doing now?
00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:10.800
Sis, where do you work?
00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:12.479
How much are they even paying you?
00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:14.000
What's your job title?
00:03:14.719 --> 00:03:19.120
In Canada, immigrant small talk can quietly become a performance review.
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:23.360
And the answers are never really answers, they're just survival translations.
00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:25.840
Ah, my brother, we are managing.
00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:28.000
Sis, God is faithful.
00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:31.439
My sister, I tire for this Canada immigration.
00:03:31.599 --> 00:03:32.240
I beg.
00:03:33.039 --> 00:03:37.520
And underneath all that, there's another conversation happening at the same time.
00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:39.919
Babe, how are you coping with the price of everything?
00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:41.599
Where do you buy groceries?
00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:44.800
Be honest, is it a cheaper province in Canada right now?
00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:48.560
Why is bread$6 for God's sake?
00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:52.159
And at that point, we're no longer talking about life.
00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:55.360
We're comparing survival strategies.
00:03:55.599 --> 00:03:59.280
The truth is, immigrants go through layers of stress in Canada.
00:03:59.759 --> 00:04:03.520
But there is one kind that nobody really prepares you for.
00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:07.039
It's not hunger, it's not poverty, it's not even failure.
00:04:07.439 --> 00:04:09.919
It is waiting.
00:04:10.879 --> 00:04:18.399
Waiting for a piece of paper that quietly decides whether your life continues in peace or in panic.
00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:20.160
Permanent residence.
00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:23.839
Permanent residence, it sounds simple when you say it fast, you know?
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:24.639
PR.
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:27.839
Two letters, very innocent, very powerful.
00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:36.720
But behind those two letters is a multi-year emotional suspension system where your life is paused, but your bills are not.
00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:40.000
And somehow nobody really explains that part properly.
00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:45.199
You think you're moving forward, but you're also learning how to live inside waiting.
00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:49.439
Like your entire life has been placed on processing.
00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:52.399
And you're still expected to show up like everything is fine.
00:04:52.560 --> 00:04:57.279
You're working, you're paying tax, you're contributing like somebody who belongs.
00:04:57.519 --> 00:05:02.240
But in the background, your existence has been reviewed, like an exam script.
00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:07.120
And even when you do everything right, you're still one update away from anxiety.
00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:12.240
You submit your application, and suddenly you enter a new language entirely.
00:05:12.399 --> 00:05:13.680
It's not English or French.
00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:16.959
It's a language recall, additional documents required.
00:05:17.120 --> 00:05:17.839
ADR.
00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:20.639
Every new immigrant knows that.
00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:27.519
And every email that you get from IRCC, it starts to feel, you know, spiritual.
00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:31.120
IRCC.
00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:39.439
They are like the mafia of immigration, the real Canadian Udougus, Immigration Refugees, and Citizenship Canada.
00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:42.560
Even the name is long, you already know they don't rush anything.
00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.000
You know, you don't open IRCC emails just anywhere.
00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:55.439
No, you find a chair, you sit down properly, you adjust yourself small, then you breathe, like somebody about to receive a prophecy.
00:05:55.759 --> 00:06:03.120
Because anything inside that email, your life can change, or it can just continue to confuse you.
00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:08.000
I remember one IRCC email I opened in the office.
00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:09.680
It was a refusal.
00:06:09.839 --> 00:06:14.399
And for a second, it felt like the air in the room just disappeared.
00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:17.920
Like even the oxygen read the email and decided not to stay in my office.
00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:25.360
But I had to hold myself because I wanted to cry, I wanted to shout, I wanted to roll on the floor, but I couldn't.
00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:30.879
There were deadlines, real ones, the kind that, you know, don't care what IRSCC just said to you.
00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:33.279
And my head was just scattering.
00:06:33.360 --> 00:06:39.920
And while I was going through this, my boss walked in with one question, then came back with another.
00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:46.319
She was asking me about strategy, philanthropy, updates, major gates, direction.
00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:51.920
But my head was just throbbing with this IRCC rejection letter.
00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:56.480
And then my colleagues, one after the other, Chi, do you have a moment?
00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:57.439
Quick question, Chi.
00:06:57.600 --> 00:06:59.279
Chi, can I run something by you?
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:03.600
Inside me, I was just thinking, if you people know how deflated I am right now.
00:07:03.759 --> 00:07:04.959
But I had to remain normal.
00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:07.360
So every time someone said, Chi, do you have a moment?
00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:08.399
I smiled.
00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:12.319
I smiled through everything happening inside of me, kept my tears in check.
00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:14.639
Not because I don't work with kind people.
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:17.040
No, my boss and colleagues are amazing.
00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:18.639
But I already knew what will follow.
00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:24.720
You know, well-meaning questions, very detailed ones, because there are some other, you know, immigrants, you know, who are my colleagues.
00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:27.439
You know, they'll ask you, did you feel everything correctly?
00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:28.560
Did you miss something?
00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:31.680
Oh, gee, are you sure you qualified for that pathway?
00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:33.920
And I just couldn't go there.
00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:35.759
Not today, like not that day.
00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.240
So not with everything sitting on my chest.
00:07:38.399 --> 00:07:44.480
So I kept it in, carried the rejection quietly, functionally, like nothing had happened.
00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:49.759
Later I looked back, you know, when I remember that day, and I remember that I wore a black dress to work.
00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:52.720
It was as if I had unknowingly dressed for the mood.
00:07:52.800 --> 00:07:55.279
Like I almost declared it black Tuesday.
00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:58.879
But I just kept moving because life does not pause with you.
00:07:59.040 --> 00:08:10.319
You're still in meetings, still responding to emails, still nodding like everything is fine, but your mind keeps going back to that rejection email again and again and again.
00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:16.079
And somehow you just continue the day, you know, like nothing happened.
00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:19.360
And then you meet immigration lawyers.
00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:22.000
Ah, immigration lawyers.
00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:26.879
They are not just lawyers, they are translators of hope who build by the minute.
00:08:27.120 --> 00:08:30.800
You'll ask them, Am I eligible for this IRCC pathway?
00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:34.159
They start with, well, it depends.
00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:40.639
And somehow that one word, depends, has swallowed more rent money than people will admit.
00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:43.440
And life continues anyway.
00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:51.360
You go to work, you smile in meetings, you type, good morning, everyone, you say to your colleagues in the stand-up meeting, have a beautiful day.
00:08:51.600 --> 00:08:56.159
While inside you're doing silent prayers, like you know, you're in a group chat.
00:08:56.320 --> 00:09:03.039
Because nobody wants HR, you know, to suspect that your legal status is also your emotional status.
00:09:03.200 --> 00:09:05.279
So you learn to separate yourself.
00:09:05.600 --> 00:09:10.000
Outside you are stable, inside you are waiting.
00:09:10.159 --> 00:09:18.559
And that waiting, it doesn't shout, it just sits there quietly deciding how much of your life you're allowed to feel at once.
00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:26.240
And immigrants go through all these, and then comes international exam testing seasons.
00:09:27.279 --> 00:09:29.919
IELTS, cell PIP.
00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:37.200
The truth is that you can speak English your entire life and still fail the IELTS exam convincingly.
00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:47.039
When you step into online immigration groups, you quickly realize you're not part of a global community of people learning the same survival language.
00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:56.720
In Nigeria, some of us became veterans of IELTS preparation, writing, rewriting, chasing that utopian perfect score.
00:09:56.879 --> 00:10:01.600
And honestly, the listening section of this exam, it will humble you.
00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:11.600
I remember one of the listening practice sessions I was doing with my husband one day, both of us were fully locked in, waiting for that moment you're supposed to start answering.
00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:16.240
We're listening carefully, tracking every word, already on question 15.
00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:22.720
Then, after listening for several minutes, you know, without writing, I was just wondering why is this recording just telling stories?
00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:24.720
Because I I couldn't hear any answers.
00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:28.399
I didn't realize I had started failing fast.
00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:33.039
Next thing, my husband and I just heard.
00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:38.000
Now return to the next page and answer questions 28 to 40.
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:43.679
So from questions 16 to 27, we didn't even know when they called or read the questions.
00:10:43.919 --> 00:10:44.960
Oh my god.
00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:49.200
My whole life goes just flashed before my eyes immediately.
00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:56.480
My husband and I looked at each other, then my husband said calmly, baby, hope you know we have just failed this listening test.
00:10:58.559 --> 00:10:59.519
It was so funny.
00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:05.679
Because in that moment, it quietly hit us that our Nigerian ears had to go through an international rebrand.
00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:10.399
You had to learn British, English, Canadian English, Australian English, American English.
00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:12.399
Everything had to be decoded.
00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:22.480
And even after studying here in English for a two-year or a four-year course, the immigration system still expects you to write an English exam before you can get your postgraduate work permits.
00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:27.919
Like, seriously, write another exam after four years of studying in English.
00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:35.519
And you just sit there thinking, so what exactly did I spend the last two to four years doing?
00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:46.159
I know like real people who have lost their jobs because they lost their work permit status when they kept failing IELTS repeatedly.
00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:51.279
It's not one story, it's three different people who are former colleagues.
00:11:51.519 --> 00:12:00.080
And each one just sits differently in your chest when you're here because it's not just an exam at this point, it's your whole life waiting for a score.
00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:02.799
The immigrant struggle is real, honestly.
00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:06.080
And that's the strange beginning of it all.
00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:15.519
When English language stops being something you own and becomes something, becomes something you have to survive and pass.
00:12:16.159 --> 00:12:22.879
And when you think you've passed that stage, you think you're done, you learn something worse.
00:12:23.120 --> 00:12:28.960
That approval is not guaranteed by efforts, it is guaranteed by timing and the policy mode.
00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:37.279
Because in this Canadian system, you can do everything right and still be told, please vol leave voluntarily within 60 days.
00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:39.519
Just like that.
00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:43.840
Leave our country, go back to wherever you come from.
00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:51.279
Pack your life, close your accounts, leave quietly.
00:12:51.759 --> 00:12:54.960
As if you were never even here contributing in the first place.
00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:56.799
And this is where it gets strange.
00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:59.919
People don't always collapse dramatically.
00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:10.720
Some people just shrink quietly, sleep becomes light, smile becomes rehearsed, energy becomes managed.
00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:14.000
There were two friends of mine who were asked to leave just like that.
00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:17.519
They received um an IRCC email, no warning.
00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:19.919
And within days, you could see it in their bodies.
00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:21.039
I'm not exaggerating.
00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:25.919
The kind of weight loss that happened, you would just know that this was stress, it wasn't diet.
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:32.960
Their eyes started sinking, they had large eye bags, it was so painful, so painful to see.
00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:37.679
There was always this tired look that that sleep couldn't fix.
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:39.279
Even the way they walked changed.
00:13:39.360 --> 00:13:43.519
That slow, heavy step when your mind is carrying too much.
00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:47.679
One of them had to go see a doctor because his blood pressure became dangerously high.
00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:52.000
The doctor didn't even hesitate to tell him, said, go and treat your blood pressure.
00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:56.480
Otherwise, your immigration status would be the least of your problems.
00:13:56.639 --> 00:14:00.159
So he traveled back to his home country for urgent medical attention.
00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:09.840
Not because he planned to, not because life here in Canada didn't matter, but because his body said, I can't take this immigration stress anymore.
00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:14.960
Another one, you know, a colleague told me about her friend who came here as an international student.
00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:27.120
She finished school, worked three years on her postgraduate work permit, you know, we call it PGWP, did everything right, but she was still unable to get her permanent residence at the end of, you know, when her PGWP lapsed.
00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:30.559
And then, of course, IRCC sent her the deportation email.
00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:34.720
You have 60 days to leave Canada just like that.
00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:37.919
So this lady started dismantling her life.
00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:41.279
She gave notice on a tenancy, you know, an apartment.
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:56.080
She resigned from her job, she closed her bank account, she shut down and suspended her insurance policy, sold her car, gave away her clothes, one by one, no drama, just quietly closing chapters.
00:14:56.240 --> 00:14:58.320
By the time she left, it didn't feel like a transition.
00:14:58.399 --> 00:15:01.360
It felt like everything she built in Canada had been completely erased.
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:05.120
Seven years of Canadian existence evaporated.
00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:07.919
And immigration can truly humble anyone like that.
00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:13.840
Just one email, and your whole life starts rearranging itself.
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:15.519
And that's the part that breaks people.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:22.639
Not just the rejection, but the instability, you know, that is disguised, you know, as order.
00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:28.000
Because you can survive stress but not uncertainty that never ends.
00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:44.720
Some people have worked here for years, paid taxes, built teams, showed up every morning like clockwork, and still find themselves waiting for permission to stay and quietly wondering, so what exactly was my contribution counting towards?
00:15:44.960 --> 00:15:54.559
And yet the next morning they still wake up early, dress professionally, smile in traffic, show up at work like nothing stressful is happening to them.
00:15:54.799 --> 00:16:02.720
Because immigrant life has taught all immigrants one rule: your pain must not interrupt your productivity at work.
00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:05.519
And that is the waiting room nobody sees.
00:16:05.759 --> 00:16:16.480
Where smart immigrants don't fail, they just wait and wait and wait for a system that may or may not decide they are permanent.
00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:19.200
And then we have to deal with the identity crash.
00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:26.000
I remember during my international studies, after lectures, my immigrant classmates and I would gather to just catch up and talk.
00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:29.120
It was half therapy, half comedy.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:31.039
Those meetups were something else.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:33.039
The laughter, it was different.
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:43.840
It brought so much relief to our weary immigrant souls, you know, Ghanaians, Nigerians, Indians, Chinese, Lebanese, different countries, same story.
00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:47.679
And the funny part, all of us were either senior managers or directors back home.
00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:54.879
When oil and gas, banking, telecoms, I worked in nonprofits, you know, we had real responsibility, real titles, proper careers.
00:16:55.120 --> 00:17:01.360
And somehow we all found ourselves here trying to explain our past lives in between survival jobs.
00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:02.480
Nobody planned it.
00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:04.160
It just happened quietly.
00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:08.079
One of my former classmates in Nigeria, she said she applied for a care job.
00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:12.400
She showed up for the first day, ready to be professional and look after her elderly clients.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:15.920
You know, it was an elderly uh lady or so.
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:21.519
And then she opened the door and saw this woman with a very serious-looking dog.
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:25.119
Massive dog, not a small dog.
00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:27.119
Immediately she sighted the dog.
00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:28.880
Her Nigerian instincts rose up sharply.
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:34.319
She just closed the door and basically resumed and resigned within three seconds.
00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:40.160
When she told us the story, she was like, how will I leave Nigeria and come to Canada and now be testing my destiny with a dog?
00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:41.920
Haba, how bego.
00:17:42.319 --> 00:17:43.039
We laughed.
00:17:43.119 --> 00:17:44.160
Everybody understood.
00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:48.799
Like, because in that moment, it was not really about refusing to take care of a dog.
00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:55.759
It was realizing, ah, my life has entered situations nobody trained me for.
00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:57.839
Another classmate worked in a pet shop.
00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:03.599
Every day she was there, calm, composed, explaining dog toys and accessories to customers.
00:18:03.759 --> 00:18:10.000
People even started assuming you know, the customers in the in the pet shop started assuming she loved animals.
00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:14.079
Every time they came to refill supplies, they'll start talking about their pets, like family.
00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:15.680
Oh, Luna is my baby.
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:17.759
You should have seen what Rocky did yesterday.
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:19.279
Oh, Luna is so sweet.
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:20.960
Rocky is a darling.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:25.839
And this Nigerian lady would just stand there smiling politely.
00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:29.759
One day when she was telling us, she was like, babe, I'm just here for the paycheck.
00:18:29.839 --> 00:18:30.880
It's not that deep.
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:34.480
And honestly, that's one sentence explained all of us.
00:18:34.720 --> 00:18:44.000
Immigration doesn't just move your career, it quietly requires how you respond to life, what you tolerate, what you ignore, what you can call normal.
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:50.400
And maybe that thing is the only version of you that actually survives the whole process.
00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:56.880
One day after church, just in the parking lot, you know, normal Sunday, nothing dramatic.
00:18:57.039 --> 00:19:00.960
A friend of my husband looked at him and said, I'm not living my Canadian dream.
00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:04.559
This immigration math is not Martin at all.
00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:09.359
And the way he said it, it wasn't complaining, it was like tired honesty.
00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:18.079
My husband was even shocked because on the surface, this guy looked fine, you know, PR and citizenship done, beautiful house, two cars.
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:20.400
From outside, you say, ah, his life is set.
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:21.519
You know, this one has made it.
00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:23.599
But underneath, things were not adding up.
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:25.519
And that's the part people don't see.
00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:29.359
Because sometimes success in Canada looks complete but feels stretched.
00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:32.559
Like everything is standing, but nothing is resting.
00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:37.680
And honestly, that one sentence, immigration math is not mattering at all.
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:39.599
It's a whole research paper.
00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:47.920
Because when you really sit down and calculate it properly, international tuition is two to three times higher.
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:59.200
The years you spent studying instead of earning, starting again as an immigrant from entry level, then you're stuck or you're committing to a 25 to 30 year mortgage.
00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:08.640
You now add your daily life on top, childcare, bills, insurance, groceries that behave like they are luxury items.
00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:12.400
And then one day you just sit quietly and ask yourself, was this worth it?
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:15.599
You're not doing this angrily or loudly, just quietly.
00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:17.839
And it's not coming from a place of ingratitude.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:26.799
It's not even regret, it's just coming from exhaustion, you know, the kind where you know you've done everything right and you're still carrying everything at the same time.
00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:32.799
Because after a while, we all realize that Canada is not a get-rich, quick system.
00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:36.160
It's a high cost, slow growth system.
00:20:36.480 --> 00:20:40.240
You don't blow, you know, like we say home in Nigeria, ah, this guy don't blow.
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:44.720
You stabilize gradually, carefully if you're lucky.
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:53.039
And that's where the disconnect starts because the version of Canada was that was sold to many immigrants like myself was opportunity, clear path, work hard, move up.
00:20:53.279 --> 00:20:56.480
But the version experienced by many is endurance.
00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:00.160
You work hard, yes, but progress is slower than expected.
00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:03.920
You're earning dollars, but expenses are always waiting ahead of you.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:07.119
You plan, but life keeps adjusting the numbers.
00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:14.079
So instead of acceleration, you find yourself managing expectations, finances, energy.
00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:17.200
And over time, you'll also realize something quietly.
00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:21.599
The system doesn't reward speed, it rewards staying power.
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:30.400
The ability to remain, you know, here and strong, even when things are not moving as fast as you imagined.
00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:36.799
But here's the thing: we didn't come here to just survive, we came to thrive.
00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:42.720
And somewhere in between trying to do both, we meet versions of ourselves we never expected.
00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:48.240
Stronger in some ways, more tired in others, more patient than we plan to be.
00:21:48.559 --> 00:21:50.400
Immigrants are not weak.
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:52.640
We are not weak wherever we are.
00:21:52.799 --> 00:21:53.519
We know that.
00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:59.119
We are just, we learn, we rebuild again and again if we have to.
00:21:59.440 --> 00:22:20.240
The thing inside of you that refuses to quit, that part that recalculates when plans fail, when you receive your IRCC rejection letter, that part that re-strategizes when doors close, that part that quietly redefines success when the original version no longer fits.
00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:22.480
That is the survival reflex.
00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:37.519
And just maybe, maybe the real Canadian dream is not what we were sold, is what we build anyway, in small wins, in quiet resilience, in starting again without announcing it, and who we become in spite of everything.
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:41.359
Thank you for listening to the Survival Reflex Podcast.
00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:43.759
See you in the next episode.
00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:44.799
Bye.
00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:55.440
You've been listening to the Survival Reflex with Chi.
00:22:55.839 --> 00:23:00.720
If something in this episode stayed with you, share it with someone who might need it too.
00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:02.079
Or leave a review.
00:23:02.240 --> 00:23:05.599
It helps this space reach the people it's meant for.
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:09.680
Until next time, be gentle with yourself.
00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:14.079
And remember, you don't have to carry it all alone.
