Ryan Tyrrell: the inner critic is so loud that is something that is just driving like perfectionism, right? The inner critic is like It's a like a dicey Like it's not just like negative intrusive thoughts. It can turn up with like I'm I don't feel enough. Like I just even though I can achieve things, I just at my core I don't feel like I'm worthy of anything. So that shows up in career pursuits or relationships or just the way you speak to yourself day to day.
Dwayne: Today's conversation is with Ryan Tyrrell, former professional rugby player, former police officer, and now a coach, supporting men through challenges around self-worth and mental health. Ryan speaks openly about the contrast between performing at a high level on the field and struggling in the quieter moments of everyday life. We talk about diagnosis, intrusive thoughts, identity beyond sport and work, and the role that trust Community and self-awareness have played in his path forward. It's an honest conversation about learning to stop running from yourself and starting to build a life you can genuinely feel at peace in. Enjoy. Ryan Tyrrell, welcome. Nicknames, do you have any?
Ryan Tyrrell: Thanks for having me. I do have a nickname. we just said we weren't gonna speak rugby, but straight into it. first sort of nickname that stuck for me was Tiz or Tizer. And after reading your brief, I was given that by some of the Brisbane boys from East Rugby Union over like 20 years ago now. I think I was there in tw 2004. And they were calling me Little Tiz. I believe there was a gent there as a front rower that played and he passed away. His name was Richard Tyrrell. And when I sort of came in maybe a year or two after that. they just started calling me Little Tears or Baby Tiz. And that just stuck. And I really think I really hope that I've lived up to his nickname, you know. And I didn't know the man. But yeah, it that it was quite a little emotional story to s kick off really. But yeah, I guess that's why the rugby community's so close, things like that. I wouldn't have thought about that gentleman for such a long time though. Do you know what I mean? until that question was raised. So yeah, East Rugby Union in Queensland, which was when I truly believe I sort of became a professional in my own right. Tony McGalm was our coach there, so dumper. But yeah, in short, Tizer. And
Dwayne: Yep, dump them again.
Ryan Tyrrell: that's all I've got, mate. that's everyone. And that doesn't I don't hear that often anymore because I guess I'm out of the rugby a bit. My brothers might call me that. And people from the past a little bit, but yeah. Tiz
Dwayne: And it's it's interesting because when you do you feel a level of I wanna say obligation, but like a almost a level of respect that you're you've been given a nickname based on the legacy of another rugby player. And and I know of that name in Brisbane because I used to live in Brisbane and then was in involved
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: in rugby in Brisbane, so I know that name. Is there an element of you you where you feel the obligation to continue with that? nickname or the or the respect that that might go towards that previous person who had it.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, bro, I think that that's a like a lovely question. And I think it was just for me, being a young WA lad, like we we we went over to Brisbane because there was nothing really happening on the rugby scene here. and going to East, automatically I felt welcome. But that it was almost a term of endearment, you know. But I truly yeah, I think you being part of any community, especially a a new rugby club, you you want to sort of wear your heart on your sleeve and and and show up and be accepted into said community. So I had a good think about this question too, because I'm like, man, I hope I got that right. You know what I mean? But I'm pretty sure some of the East guys, I know Ben Mohan was there when I was playing there and a few other lads. I'm sure they would have they'll attest to the nickname being correct. But yeah, I truly was believe I was told that story and I remember having a few beers with I think it was Tony McGah and some of the other gents and they just spoke to me about Richard. So yeah, yeah, no, for me to remember that twenty five years later and obviously understand that's where my nickname was you know, generated from from men I highly respect and from a club that I had such a great time at and that made me the man I am or the rugby player I was to then come back to the force that yeah, it's something I sort of hold dear to my t heart. And when I hear tears, it takes me back. It's nostalgic for me, you know. So it's quite nice.
Dwayne: Yeah. Yeah. So who who was Ryan Tyrrell when he first went to East? Describe yourself. What were you? Who were you?
Ryan Tyrrell: I think I was a probably an ambitious young lad wanting to play good level rugby. I was also extremely nervous. I just turned eighteen, I think. I played for North's originally, on a little contract there. So it's kind of like a little bit lost, but you know, like any rugby club or any community like that, you're very quickly welcomed with open arms. And I think that sort of really solidified me as a player over there, right? I was just turned eighteen, you're playing against that's my first taste of professionalism, I'd say. Well semi professionalism at playing in the Premier League at Queensland. So yeah, listen, I'd like to say I was this little stud that got over there and ripped straight into it. On the field I I can and that's probably a theme of my life. But behind closed doors I was probably a bit more reserved and you know, I'm probably a little bit scared and apprehensive, especially being at that stage of my life. But plenty of support, mate, and Then when I went to East, even though North was a beautiful experience, I had a couple of guys from WA come over and we had a little house at East and Gene Fairbanks, Ben Mowen, Lloyd McBride, a lot of quality players that really took us under our wing and yeah, made us feel so much more at home. So yeah, I know the other gents who came with me, we have fond memories of East and we still sort of watch some of the rugby, but who I was, it's a paradox, right? And I think that's probably gonna be my whole whole story that as someone who could step and make into s make decisions and achieve and be quite fearless on the field, but on the outside or in everyday life, I was struggling, right? A little bit, but then got on and on as I was diagnosed with sort of OCD and ADHD. But yeah, it was never doom and gloom and reflection's an interesting thing as you know, right? Like the brain is an interesting piece of machinery that the good the good times get somewhat muddled by some darker, heavier periods in your life. So I'm definitely in a space in my life now where I've come out of what I call the wilderness or some of the real density that came with not being emotionally regulated or not understanding my diagnosis or the way my brain was wired into a place of being able to have conversations with yourself and come full circle, right? And be very proud of my rugby career. So yeah, it's been a journey, bro, but an exciting one.
Dwayne: So with that O C D and that a the ADHD, was it almost like a light bulb moment when you got diagnosed and you sort of went, okay, or did you have an idea beforehand? Like, you know, how did you how did you reconcile that in your mind when you got when you got told
Ryan Tyrrell: Mate, I was dying a slow death, you know. Honestly, it was it was really it was really debilitating for me, especially the O C D. I had no idea what was sort of transpiring. And this wasn't until sort of my late twenties. I'd I'd been at Cardiff Blues and I'd signed to come back to the Melbourne Rebels. At that point, what I understand about my journey now on reflection in my forties is you know, your your environment, your your primary caregivers. You know, are responsible for your nervous system regulation and the way you sort of show up and the way you can take care of yourself. And I truly believe it's like a biological component to some of the ADHD and OCD, but also environment plays a huge part. And that is the work I had to do sort of post-diagnosis. But initially my OCD diagnosis was like a breath of fresh air for me. I I I had so many intrusive thoughts and my mind was so unpredictable that I was so scared. I was I was losing my mind that I would just keep diaries and diaries. And when I finally gave it to the psychiatrist, he immediately diagnosed me. And for me, I I was almost a little bit he was so nonchalant about it. Like he was so, no worries, no worries. We'll fix fixable, fixable. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I've been I've been look, read my book, read my whole book. And we were such a gentleman. I think I rang my mum after that. And this was when I was late twenties. I hadn't even gone into policing yet. So You know, post super rugby, post professional rugby. I was in the wilderness, what I call I was really confused. I was I didn't want to speak into sort of my condition because I didn't believe anyone would understand it. probably the information on OCD, ADHD, or neurodivers neurodiversity wasn't available in maybe the early two thousands, or if it was, I just didn't know where to look. So initial diagnosis OCD started rock you know, I got some stability. I always talk to people that are, you know, Conscious of medication or going to see somebody, I was like, man, I was treating water until this gentleman was able to go, this is what it is, this is what happens, this is where it's potentially come from. This is the path out of that. And then the real work began for me. So that was the real understanding of okay, why am I hyper vigilant all the time? Like, why can I not relax? Why can I be quite proficient in big environments? But maybe team meetings or meetings in the police, I was just inattentive. And that was the real disconnect where I could be quite proficient at some things in life. But then, you know, relationships, inability to rest, recover, finances was just a mess, bro. You know, and I think for some of us men, there's, you know, real purpose in being in relationship and and providing for others, more importantly providing for ourselves, right? So I had this real disconnect for a long time where I knew I could do something. I just didn't know how. And I know I didn't know who to ask. So the journey sort of really I got grew legs, I guess. I went into policing like that too. I hadn't even been diagnosed with ADHD yet. Because that was another thing. I had to they can there's comorbidity with both of them, you know. And when the OCD isn't regulated, the ADHD is through the roof and maybe vice versa. So policing and rugby have given me stability and community and everything I had from rugby, right? Like routine, you name it, people, team. team environment. So that somewhat kept me stable until it didn't again. And then sort of post my policing career. Sorry, you got because I may be on one. I might be gone.
Dwayne: I was gonna say I was I you you've you've been tr I'm intrigued there because so so I get the impression that there would have been a lot of confusion because I like I've I've seen you
Ryan Tyrrell: So much confusion.
Dwayne: perform. Like when you've played the game of rugby like I've seen you play the game
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: of rugby, you like you're a weapon. You go out there and you're a machine on that field. So I could imagine there would have been so much confusion because as you said, you were in that environment, you were so proficient and you were s you were you were so good at what you did, yet As you say, like you could you couldn't work out you couldn't keep your chains in your pocket properly or you know, you couldn't work out your finances or your y you know, that general life admin,
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Dwayne: which, you know, anyone with ADHD will say, like, I'm just a mess. Like my general life skills
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: are all over the place. Yet it's almost like your superpower was being able to just focus in on playing the game of rugby and forgetting about the rest of the world and just zoning in on, you know, nailing blokes in tackles
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: and and, you know, hitting your line out and being precise with that. So There would have been some confusion there. It w be and this was would have been at a time when you didn't even know what you d really had.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah. And I I don't know about the line outs, Dwayne, but hey, we're we're putting I was off to a rock I was off to a rocky start there. But we no, we got it.
Dwayne: Must be nice.
Ryan Tyrrell: And you know what, mate, I yeah, you've hit the nail on the head and most men I work with, that's probably the topic. We're kind of confused, right? We we can go out and grind and we can turn up for other people, but I guess my story is I had such low sense of self-worth and didn't know who I was, potentially from an potentially from my upbringing as well as as other things. And my O C D the combination is like a perfect package. And yes, you can be in your flow state or you can get after it. And you don't really have a regard for your body or your health because you will just you know, when I put that blue jersey on for the Western Force, I it was such a moment for me. I'm like, you just and I'm sure a lot of other high level athletes are like, you have to carry me off this field to for me to want to get off, you know. And ADHD is or people that have come from maybe a trauma background can just keep going, keep going, keep going until they can't. And that is kind of my story as well, where you know, there's so much energy being burnt up here. Yes, I think the rugby was almost relieving that, but then I would go into team meetings or when I was away from the team, like they were my hardest moments. And yeah, it's been a very complex, you know, I was there's something called complex PTSD as well, which I'm aware of. And it yeah, the it the journey is somewhat complex, right? And I guess my message is then just never give up and there's so many people that have Well, not so many. A lot of people that have tread this path before. it sometimes doesn't know we don't know when we're entering, if that makes sense. it's not so I'm forty two now and you know, my proudest achievements now are like maintaining a relationship and and building something for myself and you know, looking after myself and being you know, having constructive criticism. I guess because the inner critic is so loud that is something that is just driving like perfectionism, right? The inner critic is like It's a like a dicey Like it's not just like negative intrusive thoughts. It can turn up with like I'm I don't feel enough. Like I just even though I can achieve things, I just at my core I don't feel like I'm worthy of anything. So that shows up in career pursuits or relationships or just the way you speak to yourself day to day. So if anything O C D taught me is like you are not your thoughts and intrusive thoughts, they'll buckle you because they don't align with your values, right? So when I can sort of come out of that space, And have help from friends and my beautiful partner and and you know psychologists and therapists. You know, then I just started like stepping away from those thoughts and seeing them, but also realizing that I was hyper vigilant. So it probably goes back to your I I was okay in chaos all the time. It was the quiet moments of life or normal life that I really struggled in. So that goes back to your question, how could you you almost live for those moments, right? The professionalism moments or the speaking on stage. But you know, you can't just keep going like that. And some of the beauty of life, as we know, is the it's just the being, you know? And if this is going and it's
Dwayne: Yeah.
Ryan Tyrrell: telling you something that's not inherently true, you're split, right? Your your s your soul or your psyche is kind of splintered. And the work is to start regaining that and finding out who you truly are outside of an identity like rugby or policing, which somewhat kept me safe, right? Because I was being of service and And I found a lot of my jobs are always I was always that person, the people pleaser, or you know, how who can I help? Who can I help? But if I needed to fill my own cup, there's always a mission. Or I didn't know how to do it more. That's probably a better way of adding that. Like I was, yeah, you're right, I was lost.
Dwayne: I could imagine that those intrusive s thoughts they they still exist. You're just better practiced at dealing with them. Is that fair to say?
Ryan Tyrrell: yeah, true. I just don't think I have the my O C D symptoms are I say this, my partner may something say something different, but I my O C D they don't they're I don't want to use the word non-existent, but the man I was three or four years ago to who I am now is you know much more at peace. But I understand O C D more, right? And I take my medication and I I listen to my psychiatrist and I have a deal with him to, you know, only listen to him because it's a confusing space as well. You know, you you have a conversation. With someone around medication and next thing they're telling all there, you know, it's a very individualized plan and it should be stuck to if you trust your primary caregivers or your medical staff, right? So yeah. Was that the question? Was the question? How how my intrusive thoughts? yeah, they're they're debilitating, bro. And yeah.
Dwayne: Yeah, yeah, the doctor they're they're still there.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah. no, not as such. I can laugh at the because I can see them for what they are, right? it's gonna be a touchy subject for some people. Some intrusive thoughts and I I remember I was working offshore, right, and the worst of my O C D and I'd get out of bed and literally put a foot on like off my bunk and have like thirty seconds of like reprieve and then it would go and it would be like, you know, I I have a medical thing, I've caught something or I'm getting sick. Some of them some of my thoughts were sexual in nature, right? Which are quite hard to articulate to people without coming off maybe as a bigot or, you know, but they don't th they they just feel so off that you're You know, your brain's like stuck with that and your body and everything or your soul is like I I don't want to act on these thoughts or I I don't understand why I can't shift it. it's like a broken mechanism, I guess, or you know, I don't want to speak to O C D too much 'cause I'm I don't I know enough through a lived experience and you know, to be monitored and to feel like I think most of my O C D was a trauma response in a lot of ways, but it was still biological and I have no basis for comparison. in terms of how my brain is operating. I just know it's on my side now. And that doesn't mean I don't have my bad days or I get a little bit nervous like before this podcast or before speaking. But I now know I'm like, this is good. This is a normal feeling. Yeah, my brain is it might do some quirky shit, but who cares? You know, that's why that's why we're here and, you know, that's why we like having conversations, etcetera. But be mindful of other people's time and try not to talk over them. And you know, yeah, you can get to share as much as you want to share about your experience, right? You don't have to you don't have to deep dive into it. But if it's helping others, I guess that's what my work has led me to. being of service in another era. I mean, if professionals came and spoke to me at any stage, I was all in, right? And a big path of my healing was hearing another gentleman who's a good friend of mine speak about his O C D and how he moved through it and he's a breathwork coach and you know, it gave me permission to start. being okay with it and then moving from like reframing my story from like like a victim to a hero, right? Or from an absolute failure to someone who was doing the best he could and still somewhat achieving. And now I can like get all that data and see what was working for me, what wasn't working for me. And yeah. And live a somewhat I what is normal anyway, right? But you know, a life I'm proud of and I feel at Peace App. And I know the trajectory and and
Dwayne: So
Ryan Tyrrell: I trust myself, that's the biggest thing.
Dwayne: Yeah, and so and so like the the good thing is like because you're in the coaching space now, like life coaching space, and and you're you as you said, you're you're dealing with a lot of men and and just allowing them to open themselves up. You you don't you don't need a theoretical background in that, do you? Because you've got that lived
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: experience. And and when you're dealing with those people, like in a coaching space, are you really conscious about just asking the right questions or are you more so like, you know, somebody whom would give their your perspective based on your life experience and then allow them and then allow that to almost break the ice with that that person or is it or is it just about asking
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: the really good questions?
Ryan Tyrrell: I think I think it's a combination and it depends who you've got in front of you, right? I always have to tell myself that everyone is a blank canvas. But I'd noticed a lot of us ADHD men like examples. Do you know what I mean? And like a lot of the time, these are some things that's really helped me as a coach. Is like sometimes when men are reaching out, it might be their last roll of the dice. Like when I reached out and got coached myself, like it wouldn't I was fortunate enough to meet this gentleman in a social setting and I I got to see him right. So I guess as athletes, we or coaches, we can see people to walk the walk. And even like my trust or my ability to trust other men and stuff wasn't always there. So for me getting coached at that point, I could see in real time that he was talking the talk and his like results were indicative of his values and the way he was turning up. So I always want to show up in integrity and I'll always like be myself. But I understand there's If men have come to me, I I don't I don't thank them, but I just really appreciate that and I let that be known because I'm like, man, I know how hard it was for me to jump on a call and ask for help. Like I canceled once or two, twice. And but then what I got from coaching was like a a meeting once a week with another gentleman that had my best interests in heart, right? And yeah, he would I would obviously w talk way too much as I'm as I do, but and he would just like you're doing now, he would pick things from me and question me and challenge me on things. But I had utmost trust in him as a person so that no he wouldn't lead me astray, right? A bit like a good rugby coach. I knew they had my best interests at heart. So I guess as a coach, that's what I try and bring. But lived experiences, I think for men, if you're trying to move into a certain direction, you we're gonna wanna grab someone who's had lived experience or been in the arena, so to speak. That's my opinion anyway. And holding space a coaching term or it's allowing Jets to be seen. So sometimes I ask them about their story. I'm like, tell me your story, bro. And it's most time it's something amazing, right? Or they've done multiple amazing things. Or they're turning up and being good fathers, good husbands, coaching, and they're dying a little bit inside, right? So I will just reflect that to them, especially early on, and then we can start building out, you know, building out, is it time you need more time for yourself? Do you need more emotional regulation? Have you lost play or are you so tethered to the past because you don't understand your trajectory and how much it's impacted you know like and so it's a beautiful thing working with people because you just don't know what you're gonna get sometimes but I think and I know this and my patterning was the same as a lot of other men right so once you see those patterns which I believe is a thing with ADHD pattern recognition And you're not a stubborn old mule
Dwayne: Yeah.
Ryan Tyrrell: like me, you can start seeing it. So you can start seeing how you're turning up or how you've turned up in that past relationship. And it doesn't mean you have to psychoanalyze yourself. Trust me, don't do that. But you can start looking at that and go, okay, I did the best I could. How can I grow with curiosity instead of like cracking the whip? Because that's where my rugby, my rugby past has shown me how to do things like turn it on when I need to, right? But also balance out and I think I'm in a stage of balance at the moment because I'm tired and I've been going for a long period. And a mate of mine said the other day, it looks like you need a holiday. And I'm like, yeah, I do. So that's the first time my life I can kind of I don't want to use the word manage, but start noticing that, you know, because I would normally just keep going, keep going, keep going. So knowing my structure and my background.
Dwayne: Yep. And is that is is that a male is is that something that is pretty unique to males? Do you think that they do they just they just can turn con continually turn up day after day without actually noticing themselves?
Ryan Tyrrell: I th well yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so. I think we're all we can all be more work to be more conscious, right? Like, you know, some of the work I did or the books I started reading initially was Eckhart Tollies work about present moment awareness, you know. And someone with O C D or inattentive ADHD, that's like the dream to like be present enough and you know, to be present with conversation and and listen to your partner or You know, just be present during a movie. I remember said to a mate once when I got medicated, I was like, I'm watching full movies now. Like it was a big thing for me, you know, and he just started laughing. Because it's like that. Sometimes you're like you're and I was like, Why am I so inattentive? But I can hyperfixate on things that I really enjoy. But I think we can all be more conscious, all consider, you know, men we need to get better at feeling. This is one thing I've understood, or even understand the like the range of emotions, human emotions that we n need to feel like the polarity between, you know, not trying to like when we're feeling like shit, not trying to suppress that. I think that's what breathwork taught me. And I think if we suppress things for long enough, dude, we're gonna have an emotion breakdown, a mental health breakdown, or there's gonna be some violence, or you know, it's not gonna be a pretty psyched. And policing showed me that as well, right? And I've had my own experience of boiling rage, boiling rage. And I look at that as I just wasn't able to process that when I was younger and no one showed me how to healthily get rid of anger, right? Or or shame after, you know, a a rugby contract that was not overly publicized, but I'd come home and I didn't couldn't go to my own rugby club. That's such dense shame, you know. And so if anyone's going through some darkness like that, no, it's you know, emotion, I like the term emotion can be energy and motion. And, you know, if you've been s feeling a certain way for a long time, may that's the denseness needs to be moved somehow.
Dwayne: obviously there's a
Ryan Tyrrell: No, no, you're
Dwayne: there's an el the a massive element of self awareness there. So and and you're referring you are referring to the Melbourne Rebels contract that you had.
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: that self awareness, have you trained that in yourself, or has that been a result of life experience?
Ryan Tyrrell: That is a result of fight or flight, bro, I reckon, hyper fixation and then dude I I
Dwayne: What do you do? A do you are you are you a fighter? Are you a runner? Are you a freezer? What do you do in that that that fight flight or freeze mode?
Ryan Tyrrell: well fight when I was young. Yeah, fight. I was the older brother, you know, the protector. and then I still think I always stepped into that space. I like the idea of being a a good hitter, right, when we played rugby. That was I didn't want any no one was getting past me. It was something I just held and I and I grew up around Los Samoans and that. So there was no it's they just call that like normal tackling, right? Someone's laughing. But but I think I'm just coming online, Dwayne, to sort of understand in my way and and I feel quite conceited as well. Like, you know, I it's been about me a lot, my life, I think. Well definitely internally. So I think there's there's the fear of going insane, right? And obviously when you're having intrusive thoughts, you're not understanding your trajectory, I'm like nineteen, twenty, you know, I'm st you know, I'm becoming a professional athlete. So I was having these and it wasn't and that's the nuance, right? 'Cause it's It's not all bad, but then you do have your dips and then you come up but it's not the way I think we should be living life, right? It's it's a fear based it's a fear based worldview. And that's what made me hyper vigilant and I think that's what made me psychoanalyse myself enough to like, okay, these are thoughts. But I also think I can like read things and sometimes if I'm really inf into the information I'll retain it enough to go on a tangent about it. And but then other things my short term memories So Yeah, I I don't know if that answers your questions or not, but have I trained that? no. I mean, I don't know. I'm into mindset coaching now. Like I am I've just started sort of reading into you know, I listened to that it was Jody Maguire said the force some of the things she spoke about, I'm like, that's great. And she gave me some feedback with some of the topics I was talking to athletes about. So I was really appreciative of that because the one thing OCD and that with you is your is your absolute trust in self. And If have anyone in your life that gaslights you after you've done work on yourself, you know, something I do not abide by. I don't like that as that's horrible. That you can't do anything worse to somebody than make them doubt their own sort of mental health or their own psyche. So in a way I probably became militant at sort of looking at my thoughts and you know, I also have a beautiful partner whose father has OCD and she sees things in me that I've never would have been able to see in myself, right? So I guess that's where coaching or close relationship comes in. And you know what I will say is like I think John Mitchell could see some things in me. You know, I coach young athletes now as
Dwayne: Mm.
Ryan Tyrrell: well. It's ADHD lads and I can see the same behaviors like if a lineup went a screw for me, it was like absolute like the self-criticism was second to none. And I see that in young lads I coach, but then they do something well and it's an inability to receive compliment, right? And so then it can be like negative noticing maybe moving forward instead of the old Michael Jordan, you know, you miss a few shots. Okay. We take a breath, we reset, we go again. We know that's part of the game, right? It's, you know, we c it can't be perfect all the time. So we're still learning, bro. I hope, yeah, yeah. And I and every time I think I'm like, God, I'm just making about myself again. But, you know, like there's no basis for comparison sometimes. And, you know, that's how sharing has been one of the biggest healing modalities for me. Other men sharing their journeys, right? So That's how I kind of pay it forward. And then just lead by example where I can.
Dwayne: And and and it's it yeah, and it's obvious there that it that you can lead by example because you can share and you're open to sharing. So you know, like humans are really quite good at aping each other. You know, we copy each other. So if you share, then
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: your clients or or the people that you're coaching are going to share back. And I don't think that is any different from life coaching to coaching, you know, young kids and things like that. Like if you give something, then generally that human being will give you give it back. So like I think it's a that's a pretty
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, that's the beauty.
Dwayne: well normal principle, isn't it?
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, yeah, I think so, yeah. And I think we're all human no matter you know, we're all feeling, right? And ideally if you're if you've got a pain point and you're coming to get coached and it's a it's a it's a feeling, isn't it? And obviously a thought process too, but you know, I I'm in this feeling or this is continually I'm feeling this way or my life is going this way and I I can't see why, you know. And then you might be able to give them example of that. And then if it's coming from a close family unit, sometimes it just never drops, right? Like maybe a stranger or someone that's not emotionally involved because you can cut through some some And yeah, and it's so it's a fine line a balance of like, do these men like how do they work or how are they response responsive or receptive to feedback? I think that's one thing I've learned about myself is I'm quite good at receiving feedback, especially if I trust the person that I know. You know what I mean? If you started talking to me about rugby and stuff, I'd be
Dwayne: Yeah. Trust s trust will I s I get the impression
Ryan Tyrrell: like, yeah, trust. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust and integrity and authenticity.
Dwayne: Yeah. Yeah, nice. Nice. Mate we could I we
Ryan Tyrrell: That's what I need, you know, to work with someone.
Dwayne: we could go on for hours here today, yeah, I
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: dare say. But we we are running out of time and I just wanna I wanted and this
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, yeah, so.
Dwayne: is a this is probably this conversation is a really good one for this question. And it the question is, if you can think back to that, that eighteen year old who went to Brisbane and East and played over there and then you came back and you you know you got you got your handful of caps for the force. That early player And the psychological or the mental skills you had then. And if you think now, after all the life experience you've had, you know, your your mindset or your ment the mental skills that you've got now, what is that one mental skill that's been your superpower or has been the thing that you've developed the most that I think that that you think, sorry, is going to carry you through the rest of your life? What's what's that one mental skill that you just go, yeah, that's that's the one I've I've nailed and I'm getting better at?
Ryan Tyrrell: I mean, I don't know, is reflection a mental skill? I don't know like w where does that fit? I guess do you know resil I don't know if it's well yeah.
Dwayne: Well self awareness I'd probably fit you know, that's where it comes into.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yes, I guess so, I guess so and then and you know, sometimes because I guess my life it hasn't materialistically when I was in that sort of space or the money wasn't there or I was doing these things, so I never thought I was you know, obviously I had a a tenu like a a more of a grip to the material as well when you're sort of you know, in your own func so to speak, you think that's the way out. Obviously that's gonna that's gonna fill the void, right? The next job, the next girlfriend, or the next car, or the next insert the rest. But ideally it is it's all your inner work, right? so it's all it's like as within so without. So whatever's going on h up here for the most part or in here is going to reflect back for you in life. So yeah, and I think maybe because I was so chaotic That's why my rugby contracts were shorter or I'd injured my neck, right? I do think about these things. I'm like, I wonder if I had hurt my neck, not on purpose, but I had such a disregard for life and I ha I've had a lot of urgency in life too. That's what OCD or ADHD is makes you move through life urgently. So I have achieved a lot for a forty two year old, right? But that's not what I'm after. I'm after being and settling into life and sort of, you know, being the captain of my ship, essentially. So Yeah, I would say self-awareness, but sometimes that just makes me laugh a little bit because I, you know, my partner might just just be like, God, we're here again. Like having the same conversation, right? So I'm like, yes, I am somewhat self aware, but I'm ranting again about something. So, you know, that's the beauty of just having someone by your side. And but when I hear things and she tells me things, I I really take that on. Obviously, I'm not a nice
Dwayne: Yes.
Ryan Tyrrell: guy or a people pleaser, but I know she has my I know she loves me, right? And If you've come from somewhere without the trust is tentative and you trust somebody, coach, friend, and you know, that trust is solidified, that will get you help you move in in the place you want to move. And then confidence that you've done it all many times before.
Dwayne: Yeah. So that that support network is obviously really, really important. Like and and and especially for for someone who's had
Ryan Tyrrell: Hundred percent.
Dwayne: the journey that you've had and you know, having that that support is is almost essential.
Ryan Tyrrell: yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't I mean I often say that to some of the guys I coach or even the young the young team the other day. I'm like, I mean, no one who was, you know, killing in their game has done it by themselves. Right? Like in professionals and when you get at that level you have more support 'cause then you do have your sites and your your masseuses and nutritionalists and you know. So you can build that as well in your life. I I l I think I built that even subconsciously when I was trying to get healthy again mentally, right? I had my co I had a coach and I had my psych and the police had sorted that out so I'm forever sort of grateful for that. And then I had a couple of friends that because I also don't want to bring this conversation all into my relationship or other relationships sometimes, you know, even though it's something I'm passionate about or coaching or mindset. I wanna be open minded enough to maybe talk about something else from time to time, but you know.
Dwayne: Mate Ryan, it's been awesome chatting to you. And as I said, we could have gone on, we could
Ryan Tyrrell: No question.
Dwayne: go on for hours. But I just we tried to limit this to around thirty minutes. So mate, I really do appreciate your time. And the the the principle of this podcast is that I will touch base with you in a year or two years' time and we can discuss some
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm, lovely.
Dwayne: of the things that you've said today and see what has changed in that time period as well. Because I I get the impression, mate, that the journey you're on, there is a lot of change for you and and it and it is around How you see yourself, how you deal with those those, you know, those thoughts that creep into your mind and and the constant battle that you may end up having around some of those intrusive thoughts. So but mate, really do appreciate
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: your time. Thanks, Tiz.
Ryan Tyrrell: It's a pleasure, mate. I appreciate it. Thanks for creating the space. It's important.
Dwayne: That was Ryan Tyrrell, reflecting on the journey from elite rugby and policing to a deeper understanding of himself, his mental health, and the value of asking for support. One idea that really stays with me is that self-awareness isn't about having everything figured out. It's about learning to notice your patterns, trusting the right people around you, and giving yourself the space to grow. And one thing we do know for certain is that mindset matters. So as you progress through your week, think about the mindset you're bringing into your sport or your life in general. If you feel you're ready to work on your mindset, consider getting in touch with me through SiSu Life. That's S-I-S-U-L-I-F-E dot com.au. Please share this with someone you think who would appreciate it and continue being a part of a community that values high performance done the right way. I'm Dwayne Nestor and this has been the Sporting Mindset Show.
Dwayne: Today's conversation is with Ryan Tyrrell, former professional rugby player, former police officer, and now a coach, supporting men through challenges around self-worth and mental health. Ryan speaks openly about the contrast between performing at a high level on the field and struggling in the quieter moments of everyday life. We talk about diagnosis, intrusive thoughts, identity beyond sport and work, and the role that trust Community and self-awareness have played in his path forward. It's an honest conversation about learning to stop running from yourself and starting to build a life you can genuinely feel at peace in. Enjoy. Ryan Tyrrell, welcome. Nicknames, do you have any?
Ryan Tyrrell: Thanks for having me. I do have a nickname. we just said we weren't gonna speak rugby, but straight into it. first sort of nickname that stuck for me was Tiz or Tizer. And after reading your brief, I was given that by some of the Brisbane boys from East Rugby Union over like 20 years ago now. I think I was there in tw 2004. And they were calling me Little Tiz. I believe there was a gent there as a front rower that played and he passed away. His name was Richard Tyrrell. And when I sort of came in maybe a year or two after that. they just started calling me Little Tears or Baby Tiz. And that just stuck. And I really think I really hope that I've lived up to his nickname, you know. And I didn't know the man. But yeah, it that it was quite a little emotional story to s kick off really. But yeah, I guess that's why the rugby community's so close, things like that. I wouldn't have thought about that gentleman for such a long time though. Do you know what I mean? until that question was raised. So yeah, East Rugby Union in Queensland, which was when I truly believe I sort of became a professional in my own right. Tony McGalm was our coach there, so dumper. But yeah, in short, Tizer. And
Dwayne: Yep, dump them again.
Ryan Tyrrell: that's all I've got, mate. that's everyone. And that doesn't I don't hear that often anymore because I guess I'm out of the rugby a bit. My brothers might call me that. And people from the past a little bit, but yeah. Tiz
Dwayne: And it's it's interesting because when you do you feel a level of I wanna say obligation, but like a almost a level of respect that you're you've been given a nickname based on the legacy of another rugby player. And and I know of that name in Brisbane because I used to live in Brisbane and then was in involved
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: in rugby in Brisbane, so I know that name. Is there an element of you you where you feel the obligation to continue with that? nickname or the or the respect that that might go towards that previous person who had it.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, bro, I think that that's a like a lovely question. And I think it was just for me, being a young WA lad, like we we we went over to Brisbane because there was nothing really happening on the rugby scene here. and going to East, automatically I felt welcome. But that it was almost a term of endearment, you know. But I truly yeah, I think you being part of any community, especially a a new rugby club, you you want to sort of wear your heart on your sleeve and and and show up and be accepted into said community. So I had a good think about this question too, because I'm like, man, I hope I got that right. You know what I mean? But I'm pretty sure some of the East guys, I know Ben Mohan was there when I was playing there and a few other lads. I'm sure they would have they'll attest to the nickname being correct. But yeah, I truly was believe I was told that story and I remember having a few beers with I think it was Tony McGah and some of the other gents and they just spoke to me about Richard. So yeah, yeah, no, for me to remember that twenty five years later and obviously understand that's where my nickname was you know, generated from from men I highly respect and from a club that I had such a great time at and that made me the man I am or the rugby player I was to then come back to the force that yeah, it's something I sort of hold dear to my t heart. And when I hear tears, it takes me back. It's nostalgic for me, you know. So it's quite nice.
Dwayne: Yeah. Yeah. So who who was Ryan Tyrrell when he first went to East? Describe yourself. What were you? Who were you?
Ryan Tyrrell: I think I was a probably an ambitious young lad wanting to play good level rugby. I was also extremely nervous. I just turned eighteen, I think. I played for North's originally, on a little contract there. So it's kind of like a little bit lost, but you know, like any rugby club or any community like that, you're very quickly welcomed with open arms. And I think that sort of really solidified me as a player over there, right? I was just turned eighteen, you're playing against that's my first taste of professionalism, I'd say. Well semi professionalism at playing in the Premier League at Queensland. So yeah, listen, I'd like to say I was this little stud that got over there and ripped straight into it. On the field I I can and that's probably a theme of my life. But behind closed doors I was probably a bit more reserved and you know, I'm probably a little bit scared and apprehensive, especially being at that stage of my life. But plenty of support, mate, and Then when I went to East, even though North was a beautiful experience, I had a couple of guys from WA come over and we had a little house at East and Gene Fairbanks, Ben Mowen, Lloyd McBride, a lot of quality players that really took us under our wing and yeah, made us feel so much more at home. So yeah, I know the other gents who came with me, we have fond memories of East and we still sort of watch some of the rugby, but who I was, it's a paradox, right? And I think that's probably gonna be my whole whole story that as someone who could step and make into s make decisions and achieve and be quite fearless on the field, but on the outside or in everyday life, I was struggling, right? A little bit, but then got on and on as I was diagnosed with sort of OCD and ADHD. But yeah, it was never doom and gloom and reflection's an interesting thing as you know, right? Like the brain is an interesting piece of machinery that the good the good times get somewhat muddled by some darker, heavier periods in your life. So I'm definitely in a space in my life now where I've come out of what I call the wilderness or some of the real density that came with not being emotionally regulated or not understanding my diagnosis or the way my brain was wired into a place of being able to have conversations with yourself and come full circle, right? And be very proud of my rugby career. So yeah, it's been a journey, bro, but an exciting one.
Dwayne: So with that O C D and that a the ADHD, was it almost like a light bulb moment when you got diagnosed and you sort of went, okay, or did you have an idea beforehand? Like, you know, how did you how did you reconcile that in your mind when you got when you got told
Ryan Tyrrell: Mate, I was dying a slow death, you know. Honestly, it was it was really it was really debilitating for me, especially the O C D. I had no idea what was sort of transpiring. And this wasn't until sort of my late twenties. I'd I'd been at Cardiff Blues and I'd signed to come back to the Melbourne Rebels. At that point, what I understand about my journey now on reflection in my forties is you know, your your environment, your your primary caregivers. You know, are responsible for your nervous system regulation and the way you sort of show up and the way you can take care of yourself. And I truly believe it's like a biological component to some of the ADHD and OCD, but also environment plays a huge part. And that is the work I had to do sort of post-diagnosis. But initially my OCD diagnosis was like a breath of fresh air for me. I I I had so many intrusive thoughts and my mind was so unpredictable that I was so scared. I was I was losing my mind that I would just keep diaries and diaries. And when I finally gave it to the psychiatrist, he immediately diagnosed me. And for me, I I was almost a little bit he was so nonchalant about it. Like he was so, no worries, no worries. We'll fix fixable, fixable. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I've been I've been look, read my book, read my whole book. And we were such a gentleman. I think I rang my mum after that. And this was when I was late twenties. I hadn't even gone into policing yet. So You know, post super rugby, post professional rugby. I was in the wilderness, what I call I was really confused. I was I didn't want to speak into sort of my condition because I didn't believe anyone would understand it. probably the information on OCD, ADHD, or neurodivers neurodiversity wasn't available in maybe the early two thousands, or if it was, I just didn't know where to look. So initial diagnosis OCD started rock you know, I got some stability. I always talk to people that are, you know, Conscious of medication or going to see somebody, I was like, man, I was treating water until this gentleman was able to go, this is what it is, this is what happens, this is where it's potentially come from. This is the path out of that. And then the real work began for me. So that was the real understanding of okay, why am I hyper vigilant all the time? Like, why can I not relax? Why can I be quite proficient in big environments? But maybe team meetings or meetings in the police, I was just inattentive. And that was the real disconnect where I could be quite proficient at some things in life. But then, you know, relationships, inability to rest, recover, finances was just a mess, bro. You know, and I think for some of us men, there's, you know, real purpose in being in relationship and and providing for others, more importantly providing for ourselves, right? So I had this real disconnect for a long time where I knew I could do something. I just didn't know how. And I know I didn't know who to ask. So the journey sort of really I got grew legs, I guess. I went into policing like that too. I hadn't even been diagnosed with ADHD yet. Because that was another thing. I had to they can there's comorbidity with both of them, you know. And when the OCD isn't regulated, the ADHD is through the roof and maybe vice versa. So policing and rugby have given me stability and community and everything I had from rugby, right? Like routine, you name it, people, team. team environment. So that somewhat kept me stable until it didn't again. And then sort of post my policing career. Sorry, you got because I may be on one. I might be gone.
Dwayne: I was gonna say I was I you you've you've been tr I'm intrigued there because so so I get the impression that there would have been a lot of confusion because I like I've I've seen you
Ryan Tyrrell: So much confusion.
Dwayne: perform. Like when you've played the game of rugby like I've seen you play the game
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: of rugby, you like you're a weapon. You go out there and you're a machine on that field. So I could imagine there would have been so much confusion because as you said, you were in that environment, you were so proficient and you were s you were you were so good at what you did, yet As you say, like you could you couldn't work out you couldn't keep your chains in your pocket properly or you know, you couldn't work out your finances or your y you know, that general life admin,
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Dwayne: which, you know, anyone with ADHD will say, like, I'm just a mess. Like my general life skills
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: are all over the place. Yet it's almost like your superpower was being able to just focus in on playing the game of rugby and forgetting about the rest of the world and just zoning in on, you know, nailing blokes in tackles
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: and and, you know, hitting your line out and being precise with that. So There would have been some confusion there. It w be and this was would have been at a time when you didn't even know what you d really had.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah. And I I don't know about the line outs, Dwayne, but hey, we're we're putting I was off to a rock I was off to a rocky start there. But we no, we got it.
Dwayne: Must be nice.
Ryan Tyrrell: And you know what, mate, I yeah, you've hit the nail on the head and most men I work with, that's probably the topic. We're kind of confused, right? We we can go out and grind and we can turn up for other people, but I guess my story is I had such low sense of self-worth and didn't know who I was, potentially from an potentially from my upbringing as well as as other things. And my O C D the combination is like a perfect package. And yes, you can be in your flow state or you can get after it. And you don't really have a regard for your body or your health because you will just you know, when I put that blue jersey on for the Western Force, I it was such a moment for me. I'm like, you just and I'm sure a lot of other high level athletes are like, you have to carry me off this field to for me to want to get off, you know. And ADHD is or people that have come from maybe a trauma background can just keep going, keep going, keep going until they can't. And that is kind of my story as well, where you know, there's so much energy being burnt up here. Yes, I think the rugby was almost relieving that, but then I would go into team meetings or when I was away from the team, like they were my hardest moments. And yeah, it's been a very complex, you know, I was there's something called complex PTSD as well, which I'm aware of. And it yeah, the it the journey is somewhat complex, right? And I guess my message is then just never give up and there's so many people that have Well, not so many. A lot of people that have tread this path before. it sometimes doesn't know we don't know when we're entering, if that makes sense. it's not so I'm forty two now and you know, my proudest achievements now are like maintaining a relationship and and building something for myself and you know, looking after myself and being you know, having constructive criticism. I guess because the inner critic is so loud that is something that is just driving like perfectionism, right? The inner critic is like It's a like a dicey Like it's not just like negative intrusive thoughts. It can turn up with like I'm I don't feel enough. Like I just even though I can achieve things, I just at my core I don't feel like I'm worthy of anything. So that shows up in career pursuits or relationships or just the way you speak to yourself day to day. So if anything O C D taught me is like you are not your thoughts and intrusive thoughts, they'll buckle you because they don't align with your values, right? So when I can sort of come out of that space, And have help from friends and my beautiful partner and and you know psychologists and therapists. You know, then I just started like stepping away from those thoughts and seeing them, but also realizing that I was hyper vigilant. So it probably goes back to your I I was okay in chaos all the time. It was the quiet moments of life or normal life that I really struggled in. So that goes back to your question, how could you you almost live for those moments, right? The professionalism moments or the speaking on stage. But you know, you can't just keep going like that. And some of the beauty of life, as we know, is the it's just the being, you know? And if this is going and it's
Dwayne: Yeah.
Ryan Tyrrell: telling you something that's not inherently true, you're split, right? Your your s your soul or your psyche is kind of splintered. And the work is to start regaining that and finding out who you truly are outside of an identity like rugby or policing, which somewhat kept me safe, right? Because I was being of service and And I found a lot of my jobs are always I was always that person, the people pleaser, or you know, how who can I help? Who can I help? But if I needed to fill my own cup, there's always a mission. Or I didn't know how to do it more. That's probably a better way of adding that. Like I was, yeah, you're right, I was lost.
Dwayne: I could imagine that those intrusive s thoughts they they still exist. You're just better practiced at dealing with them. Is that fair to say?
Ryan Tyrrell: yeah, true. I just don't think I have the my O C D symptoms are I say this, my partner may something say something different, but I my O C D they don't they're I don't want to use the word non-existent, but the man I was three or four years ago to who I am now is you know much more at peace. But I understand O C D more, right? And I take my medication and I I listen to my psychiatrist and I have a deal with him to, you know, only listen to him because it's a confusing space as well. You know, you you have a conversation. With someone around medication and next thing they're telling all there, you know, it's a very individualized plan and it should be stuck to if you trust your primary caregivers or your medical staff, right? So yeah. Was that the question? Was the question? How how my intrusive thoughts? yeah, they're they're debilitating, bro. And yeah.
Dwayne: Yeah, yeah, the doctor they're they're still there.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah. no, not as such. I can laugh at the because I can see them for what they are, right? it's gonna be a touchy subject for some people. Some intrusive thoughts and I I remember I was working offshore, right, and the worst of my O C D and I'd get out of bed and literally put a foot on like off my bunk and have like thirty seconds of like reprieve and then it would go and it would be like, you know, I I have a medical thing, I've caught something or I'm getting sick. Some of them some of my thoughts were sexual in nature, right? Which are quite hard to articulate to people without coming off maybe as a bigot or, you know, but they don't th they they just feel so off that you're You know, your brain's like stuck with that and your body and everything or your soul is like I I don't want to act on these thoughts or I I don't understand why I can't shift it. it's like a broken mechanism, I guess, or you know, I don't want to speak to O C D too much 'cause I'm I don't I know enough through a lived experience and you know, to be monitored and to feel like I think most of my O C D was a trauma response in a lot of ways, but it was still biological and I have no basis for comparison. in terms of how my brain is operating. I just know it's on my side now. And that doesn't mean I don't have my bad days or I get a little bit nervous like before this podcast or before speaking. But I now know I'm like, this is good. This is a normal feeling. Yeah, my brain is it might do some quirky shit, but who cares? You know, that's why that's why we're here and, you know, that's why we like having conversations, etcetera. But be mindful of other people's time and try not to talk over them. And you know, yeah, you can get to share as much as you want to share about your experience, right? You don't have to you don't have to deep dive into it. But if it's helping others, I guess that's what my work has led me to. being of service in another era. I mean, if professionals came and spoke to me at any stage, I was all in, right? And a big path of my healing was hearing another gentleman who's a good friend of mine speak about his O C D and how he moved through it and he's a breathwork coach and you know, it gave me permission to start. being okay with it and then moving from like reframing my story from like like a victim to a hero, right? Or from an absolute failure to someone who was doing the best he could and still somewhat achieving. And now I can like get all that data and see what was working for me, what wasn't working for me. And yeah. And live a somewhat I what is normal anyway, right? But you know, a life I'm proud of and I feel at Peace App. And I know the trajectory and and
Dwayne: So
Ryan Tyrrell: I trust myself, that's the biggest thing.
Dwayne: Yeah, and so and so like the the good thing is like because you're in the coaching space now, like life coaching space, and and you're you as you said, you're you're dealing with a lot of men and and just allowing them to open themselves up. You you don't you don't need a theoretical background in that, do you? Because you've got that lived
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: experience. And and when you're dealing with those people, like in a coaching space, are you really conscious about just asking the right questions or are you more so like, you know, somebody whom would give their your perspective based on your life experience and then allow them and then allow that to almost break the ice with that that person or is it or is it just about asking
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: the really good questions?
Ryan Tyrrell: I think I think it's a combination and it depends who you've got in front of you, right? I always have to tell myself that everyone is a blank canvas. But I'd noticed a lot of us ADHD men like examples. Do you know what I mean? And like a lot of the time, these are some things that's really helped me as a coach. Is like sometimes when men are reaching out, it might be their last roll of the dice. Like when I reached out and got coached myself, like it wouldn't I was fortunate enough to meet this gentleman in a social setting and I I got to see him right. So I guess as athletes, we or coaches, we can see people to walk the walk. And even like my trust or my ability to trust other men and stuff wasn't always there. So for me getting coached at that point, I could see in real time that he was talking the talk and his like results were indicative of his values and the way he was turning up. So I always want to show up in integrity and I'll always like be myself. But I understand there's If men have come to me, I I don't I don't thank them, but I just really appreciate that and I let that be known because I'm like, man, I know how hard it was for me to jump on a call and ask for help. Like I canceled once or two, twice. And but then what I got from coaching was like a a meeting once a week with another gentleman that had my best interests in heart, right? And yeah, he would I would obviously w talk way too much as I'm as I do, but and he would just like you're doing now, he would pick things from me and question me and challenge me on things. But I had utmost trust in him as a person so that no he wouldn't lead me astray, right? A bit like a good rugby coach. I knew they had my best interests at heart. So I guess as a coach, that's what I try and bring. But lived experiences, I think for men, if you're trying to move into a certain direction, you we're gonna wanna grab someone who's had lived experience or been in the arena, so to speak. That's my opinion anyway. And holding space a coaching term or it's allowing Jets to be seen. So sometimes I ask them about their story. I'm like, tell me your story, bro. And it's most time it's something amazing, right? Or they've done multiple amazing things. Or they're turning up and being good fathers, good husbands, coaching, and they're dying a little bit inside, right? So I will just reflect that to them, especially early on, and then we can start building out, you know, building out, is it time you need more time for yourself? Do you need more emotional regulation? Have you lost play or are you so tethered to the past because you don't understand your trajectory and how much it's impacted you know like and so it's a beautiful thing working with people because you just don't know what you're gonna get sometimes but I think and I know this and my patterning was the same as a lot of other men right so once you see those patterns which I believe is a thing with ADHD pattern recognition And you're not a stubborn old mule
Dwayne: Yeah.
Ryan Tyrrell: like me, you can start seeing it. So you can start seeing how you're turning up or how you've turned up in that past relationship. And it doesn't mean you have to psychoanalyze yourself. Trust me, don't do that. But you can start looking at that and go, okay, I did the best I could. How can I grow with curiosity instead of like cracking the whip? Because that's where my rugby, my rugby past has shown me how to do things like turn it on when I need to, right? But also balance out and I think I'm in a stage of balance at the moment because I'm tired and I've been going for a long period. And a mate of mine said the other day, it looks like you need a holiday. And I'm like, yeah, I do. So that's the first time my life I can kind of I don't want to use the word manage, but start noticing that, you know, because I would normally just keep going, keep going, keep going. So knowing my structure and my background.
Dwayne: Yep. And is that is is that a male is is that something that is pretty unique to males? Do you think that they do they just they just can turn con continually turn up day after day without actually noticing themselves?
Ryan Tyrrell: I th well yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so. I think we're all we can all be more work to be more conscious, right? Like, you know, some of the work I did or the books I started reading initially was Eckhart Tollies work about present moment awareness, you know. And someone with O C D or inattentive ADHD, that's like the dream to like be present enough and you know, to be present with conversation and and listen to your partner or You know, just be present during a movie. I remember said to a mate once when I got medicated, I was like, I'm watching full movies now. Like it was a big thing for me, you know, and he just started laughing. Because it's like that. Sometimes you're like you're and I was like, Why am I so inattentive? But I can hyperfixate on things that I really enjoy. But I think we can all be more conscious, all consider, you know, men we need to get better at feeling. This is one thing I've understood, or even understand the like the range of emotions, human emotions that we n need to feel like the polarity between, you know, not trying to like when we're feeling like shit, not trying to suppress that. I think that's what breathwork taught me. And I think if we suppress things for long enough, dude, we're gonna have an emotion breakdown, a mental health breakdown, or there's gonna be some violence, or you know, it's not gonna be a pretty psyched. And policing showed me that as well, right? And I've had my own experience of boiling rage, boiling rage. And I look at that as I just wasn't able to process that when I was younger and no one showed me how to healthily get rid of anger, right? Or or shame after, you know, a a rugby contract that was not overly publicized, but I'd come home and I didn't couldn't go to my own rugby club. That's such dense shame, you know. And so if anyone's going through some darkness like that, no, it's you know, emotion, I like the term emotion can be energy and motion. And, you know, if you've been s feeling a certain way for a long time, may that's the denseness needs to be moved somehow.
Dwayne: obviously there's a
Ryan Tyrrell: No, no, you're
Dwayne: there's an el the a massive element of self awareness there. So and and you're referring you are referring to the Melbourne Rebels contract that you had.
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: that self awareness, have you trained that in yourself, or has that been a result of life experience?
Ryan Tyrrell: That is a result of fight or flight, bro, I reckon, hyper fixation and then dude I I
Dwayne: What do you do? A do you are you are you a fighter? Are you a runner? Are you a freezer? What do you do in that that that fight flight or freeze mode?
Ryan Tyrrell: well fight when I was young. Yeah, fight. I was the older brother, you know, the protector. and then I still think I always stepped into that space. I like the idea of being a a good hitter, right, when we played rugby. That was I didn't want any no one was getting past me. It was something I just held and I and I grew up around Los Samoans and that. So there was no it's they just call that like normal tackling, right? Someone's laughing. But but I think I'm just coming online, Dwayne, to sort of understand in my way and and I feel quite conceited as well. Like, you know, I it's been about me a lot, my life, I think. Well definitely internally. So I think there's there's the fear of going insane, right? And obviously when you're having intrusive thoughts, you're not understanding your trajectory, I'm like nineteen, twenty, you know, I'm st you know, I'm becoming a professional athlete. So I was having these and it wasn't and that's the nuance, right? 'Cause it's It's not all bad, but then you do have your dips and then you come up but it's not the way I think we should be living life, right? It's it's a fear based it's a fear based worldview. And that's what made me hyper vigilant and I think that's what made me psychoanalyse myself enough to like, okay, these are thoughts. But I also think I can like read things and sometimes if I'm really inf into the information I'll retain it enough to go on a tangent about it. And but then other things my short term memories So Yeah, I I don't know if that answers your questions or not, but have I trained that? no. I mean, I don't know. I'm into mindset coaching now. Like I am I've just started sort of reading into you know, I listened to that it was Jody Maguire said the force some of the things she spoke about, I'm like, that's great. And she gave me some feedback with some of the topics I was talking to athletes about. So I was really appreciative of that because the one thing OCD and that with you is your is your absolute trust in self. And If have anyone in your life that gaslights you after you've done work on yourself, you know, something I do not abide by. I don't like that as that's horrible. That you can't do anything worse to somebody than make them doubt their own sort of mental health or their own psyche. So in a way I probably became militant at sort of looking at my thoughts and you know, I also have a beautiful partner whose father has OCD and she sees things in me that I've never would have been able to see in myself, right? So I guess that's where coaching or close relationship comes in. And you know what I will say is like I think John Mitchell could see some things in me. You know, I coach young athletes now as
Dwayne: Mm.
Ryan Tyrrell: well. It's ADHD lads and I can see the same behaviors like if a lineup went a screw for me, it was like absolute like the self-criticism was second to none. And I see that in young lads I coach, but then they do something well and it's an inability to receive compliment, right? And so then it can be like negative noticing maybe moving forward instead of the old Michael Jordan, you know, you miss a few shots. Okay. We take a breath, we reset, we go again. We know that's part of the game, right? It's, you know, we c it can't be perfect all the time. So we're still learning, bro. I hope, yeah, yeah. And I and every time I think I'm like, God, I'm just making about myself again. But, you know, like there's no basis for comparison sometimes. And, you know, that's how sharing has been one of the biggest healing modalities for me. Other men sharing their journeys, right? So That's how I kind of pay it forward. And then just lead by example where I can.
Dwayne: And and and it's it yeah, and it's obvious there that it that you can lead by example because you can share and you're open to sharing. So you know, like humans are really quite good at aping each other. You know, we copy each other. So if you share, then
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: your clients or or the people that you're coaching are going to share back. And I don't think that is any different from life coaching to coaching, you know, young kids and things like that. Like if you give something, then generally that human being will give you give it back. So like I think it's a that's a pretty
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, that's the beauty.
Dwayne: well normal principle, isn't it?
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, yeah, I think so, yeah. And I think we're all human no matter you know, we're all feeling, right? And ideally if you're if you've got a pain point and you're coming to get coached and it's a it's a it's a feeling, isn't it? And obviously a thought process too, but you know, I I'm in this feeling or this is continually I'm feeling this way or my life is going this way and I I can't see why, you know. And then you might be able to give them example of that. And then if it's coming from a close family unit, sometimes it just never drops, right? Like maybe a stranger or someone that's not emotionally involved because you can cut through some some And yeah, and it's so it's a fine line a balance of like, do these men like how do they work or how are they response responsive or receptive to feedback? I think that's one thing I've learned about myself is I'm quite good at receiving feedback, especially if I trust the person that I know. You know what I mean? If you started talking to me about rugby and stuff, I'd be
Dwayne: Yeah. Trust s trust will I s I get the impression
Ryan Tyrrell: like, yeah, trust. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust and integrity and authenticity.
Dwayne: Yeah. Yeah, nice. Nice. Mate we could I we
Ryan Tyrrell: That's what I need, you know, to work with someone.
Dwayne: we could go on for hours here today, yeah, I
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: dare say. But we we are running out of time and I just wanna I wanted and this
Ryan Tyrrell: Yeah, yeah, so.
Dwayne: is a this is probably this conversation is a really good one for this question. And it the question is, if you can think back to that, that eighteen year old who went to Brisbane and East and played over there and then you came back and you you know you got you got your handful of caps for the force. That early player And the psychological or the mental skills you had then. And if you think now, after all the life experience you've had, you know, your your mindset or your ment the mental skills that you've got now, what is that one mental skill that's been your superpower or has been the thing that you've developed the most that I think that that you think, sorry, is going to carry you through the rest of your life? What's what's that one mental skill that you just go, yeah, that's that's the one I've I've nailed and I'm getting better at?
Ryan Tyrrell: I mean, I don't know, is reflection a mental skill? I don't know like w where does that fit? I guess do you know resil I don't know if it's well yeah.
Dwayne: Well self awareness I'd probably fit you know, that's where it comes into.
Ryan Tyrrell: Yes, I guess so, I guess so and then and you know, sometimes because I guess my life it hasn't materialistically when I was in that sort of space or the money wasn't there or I was doing these things, so I never thought I was you know, obviously I had a a tenu like a a more of a grip to the material as well when you're sort of you know, in your own func so to speak, you think that's the way out. Obviously that's gonna that's gonna fill the void, right? The next job, the next girlfriend, or the next car, or the next insert the rest. But ideally it is it's all your inner work, right? so it's all it's like as within so without. So whatever's going on h up here for the most part or in here is going to reflect back for you in life. So yeah, and I think maybe because I was so chaotic That's why my rugby contracts were shorter or I'd injured my neck, right? I do think about these things. I'm like, I wonder if I had hurt my neck, not on purpose, but I had such a disregard for life and I ha I've had a lot of urgency in life too. That's what OCD or ADHD is makes you move through life urgently. So I have achieved a lot for a forty two year old, right? But that's not what I'm after. I'm after being and settling into life and sort of, you know, being the captain of my ship, essentially. So Yeah, I would say self-awareness, but sometimes that just makes me laugh a little bit because I, you know, my partner might just just be like, God, we're here again. Like having the same conversation, right? So I'm like, yes, I am somewhat self aware, but I'm ranting again about something. So, you know, that's the beauty of just having someone by your side. And but when I hear things and she tells me things, I I really take that on. Obviously, I'm not a nice
Dwayne: Yes.
Ryan Tyrrell: guy or a people pleaser, but I know she has my I know she loves me, right? And If you've come from somewhere without the trust is tentative and you trust somebody, coach, friend, and you know, that trust is solidified, that will get you help you move in in the place you want to move. And then confidence that you've done it all many times before.
Dwayne: Yeah. So that that support network is obviously really, really important. Like and and and especially for for someone who's had
Ryan Tyrrell: Hundred percent.
Dwayne: the journey that you've had and you know, having that that support is is almost essential.
Ryan Tyrrell: yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't I mean I often say that to some of the guys I coach or even the young the young team the other day. I'm like, I mean, no one who was, you know, killing in their game has done it by themselves. Right? Like in professionals and when you get at that level you have more support 'cause then you do have your sites and your your masseuses and nutritionalists and you know. So you can build that as well in your life. I I l I think I built that even subconsciously when I was trying to get healthy again mentally, right? I had my co I had a coach and I had my psych and the police had sorted that out so I'm forever sort of grateful for that. And then I had a couple of friends that because I also don't want to bring this conversation all into my relationship or other relationships sometimes, you know, even though it's something I'm passionate about or coaching or mindset. I wanna be open minded enough to maybe talk about something else from time to time, but you know.
Dwayne: Mate Ryan, it's been awesome chatting to you. And as I said, we could have gone on, we could
Ryan Tyrrell: No question.
Dwayne: go on for hours. But I just we tried to limit this to around thirty minutes. So mate, I really do appreciate your time. And the the the principle of this podcast is that I will touch base with you in a year or two years' time and we can discuss some
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm, lovely.
Dwayne: of the things that you've said today and see what has changed in that time period as well. Because I I get the impression, mate, that the journey you're on, there is a lot of change for you and and it and it is around How you see yourself, how you deal with those those, you know, those thoughts that creep into your mind and and the constant battle that you may end up having around some of those intrusive thoughts. So but mate, really do appreciate
Ryan Tyrrell: Mm.
Dwayne: your time. Thanks, Tiz.
Ryan Tyrrell: It's a pleasure, mate. I appreciate it. Thanks for creating the space. It's important.
Dwayne: That was Ryan Tyrrell, reflecting on the journey from elite rugby and policing to a deeper understanding of himself, his mental health, and the value of asking for support. One idea that really stays with me is that self-awareness isn't about having everything figured out. It's about learning to notice your patterns, trusting the right people around you, and giving yourself the space to grow. And one thing we do know for certain is that mindset matters. So as you progress through your week, think about the mindset you're bringing into your sport or your life in general. If you feel you're ready to work on your mindset, consider getting in touch with me through SiSu Life. That's S-I-S-U-L-I-F-E dot com.au. Please share this with someone you think who would appreciate it and continue being a part of a community that values high performance done the right way. I'm Dwayne Nestor and this has been the Sporting Mindset Show.
