Massimo Rigotti: Some people don't get knocked down once. They get knocked down again and again. You rebuild and life takes it back. If you've been there, the loss, the starting over, the quiet question of whether you have anything left to rebuild with, this episode's for you. Today you'll hear where strength actually comes from when life keeps taking, how trauma quietly drives the numbing and the addiction, and how faith can carry you through loss instead of around it. Plus one sober step to start this week. Please welcome Mia Godfrey.
Mia Godfrey: Thank you so much for having me.
Massimo Rigotti: Yes, absolutely. I'm excited to have you here today. So Mia, you rebuilt your life after enduring multiple setbacks. For the person who has just been knocked down again honestly wonders if they have anything left in them to rebuild with, where does that next bit of strength actually come from?
Mia Godfrey: A lot of people used to tell me when you feel like the life knocked you down and you don't know where to go and you feel absolutely broken and buried. They used to say just try to take one moment at a time, try to take one hour at a time. And I tried that method and that didn't really work for me. because I was still it did not change the outcome. I still felt buried. I still felt like I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. And there was a time in my life like I don't know if I can pay my bills. I don't know if I'm gonna lose my house. I don't know. it might work for others, but for me taking one hour at a time, it didn't really give me hope for the future. What helped me tremendously when I finally understood that there is power in community. There was power into being vulnerable and allowing other people to step in. And for me, growing up under the communist regime, we were thought that you don't show pain, you don't show emotion, everybody goes through stuff like that. So is that saying tough it up buttercup? It was our everyday saying. And the truth is when I've learned to step into my pain and be vulnerable and be open about it, I realized that I was not alone, not for one second. That every single person around me at some point in their life they'd been through some hardship. So that's what helped me going over the hump to realize that I was not alone and I didn't had to carry it alone.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah, yeah, that's really important. and you talk about numbing the past. how did trauma drive your addiction and what is the real difference between numbing that pain and then actually processing it? You kind of just touched on it. You know, who numbs quietly and who keeps performing?
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes. so I was an expert at performing. I've learned at a very early age that when I drink, especially mix them with medication, a lot of times I just numb the pain. I don't have to think about the loss, I don't have to think about the hardship, I don't have to think about my current situation that I was in at the time. But that did not fix it. that did not make it better. It was just numbing after numbing and what's next. I did not know how I can actually what I can do to learn how to truly cope with it. And it has a lot to do with pride as well. And I said I said it many times, Romanians are a very prideful nation. We do not like to show if were struggling. But the more we show, the more we the more I showed who I truly was, more I've learned how to necessarily just cope with it, how to thrive and how to actually become the better version of myself.
Massimo Rigotti: So in a way it sounds like what you've done is you've learned how to take that performing mask and consume it by forcing yourself into the challenge that you're facing. Is that right?
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes. I had somebody from my past, when I say my past like over thirty years ago, that says, Well, it's easy now to talk about where you are now, but don't forget I know where you've been. I know who you used to be. And I say so is the rest of the world because I put everything in the book. I left no stone unturned. I put everything out there because I know what it means to be broken and I know what it means to hit rock bottom. But
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: I also through God's grace I know what it means to take all that pain and use it for his purpose and help others in the process.
Massimo Rigotti: and there are seasons when God feels very far away, especially when you're in the throes of addiction, and then in your widowhood and your sister's cancer. I wonder
Mia Godfrey: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: if you could tell me how faith carried you through that and what would you say to someone whose faith has gone silent in the middle of their pain?
Mia Godfrey: So I had moments. I have moments. So when I lost my father when I was 18, I did not know how to cope with it. And that's what I turned to alcohol and that's when I left home when I was 18 years old. And I did not know that there were resources out there that could help you. Later on in life I've learned that God was with me every step of the way. I wouldn't be here today being stages and using different platforms to talk about God's grace and God goodness, if he would have gave up on me. He was with me every step of the way and even when I didn't wanna admit it, he orchestrated everything that happened in my life, happened for me, not to me. It just took me a long time to realize that he was the mastermind behind Designing my life. And my mom used to say in your life you will feel buried at some point. But you have to understand that when you feel buried, that doesn't mean that you are broken. She used to say that when you're buried, you're like a seed. So they tried to bury us, but they didn't know that we were seeds. So when you're buried at some point. you're gonna bloom, but you just have to be willing to do that. that's where the name of the first book came, Buried Not Broken, because she was teaching us that in every single hardship There is a chance to bloom and it there is a chance to show God's grace and goodness through it.
Massimo Rigotti: I can't help but draw a little corollary to the fact that you grew up in a communist country and what you're talking about, about being buried, about pushing who you truly are down, these are all components of that type of environment and being buried but not being broken at the same time. So it I feel like your mom's words are. quite telling of many who probably felt that way during the time. what are your thoughts on that?
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes. So it was extremely hard to Step into who God created me to be and be vocal about my upbringing. Because for the longest time I was ashamed of who I used to be. I was ashamed that if I speak about sin and if I speak about some of the things that I did as a young adult, that would bring shame to my family. That would bring shame to my upbringing. But my mom is the one that, you know, she was known as the prayer warrior in our neighborhood. And she was always like, God will forgive anything you're going through. You just need to come in with a humble heart and just be honest. God knows already who you're trying to hide it from. He already knows our current situation. So when I came here, I tried so hard to be somebody who I was not. And I was trying to mould myself to belong in different circles, but then I realized do I really belong there? Because that's not who I am. So it there's true power into allowing God to use you for who you are, and there's power into being open and honest who What's your current situation? Were you at?
Massimo Rigotti: I mean you turned this devastating loss into purpose without skipping over the grief. So practically, how does someone begin to make meaning out of loss without bypassing or rushing through the pain?
Mia Godfrey: It's okay to live in the moment. Embrace those emotions. I try to hide them, and the more that I was pushing them down, the more I was isolating myself for people that I were that were trying to help me from my church, from my community, for people at work, they were trying to come close and I was keep pushing them away because I thought I have to fit in this mold of grief and go through the six stages of grief and But that is not something that everybody's gonna go through. So I said be in the moment. You feel like crying because you're missing the person, just cry, be in the moment, but be honest and open with your feelings where you are and allow God walk you through every single stage. But don't try to follow and do check, I'm at the anger stage. I'm at the because that doesn't work for everybody. You can be okay in one year from now and then it hit you out of nowhere and you're missing the loved one. And that's okay. We live in society that we're dealing with so much judgment and everybody's trying to give you an advice that you have to do it this way or this way to fit the mold. But you don't. Just just be in the moment. But don't stay there. Don't stay there. So if you wanna cry, cry, be in that moment, but don't stay stuck.
Massimo Rigotti: So the best way to work through any sort of pain is the way that is best for you. No other way works. Okay.
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes, yeah. hit it head on. Don't try to avoid it. Don't try to hide your pain. It's okay. It's okay.
Massimo Rigotti: That's solid advice. Could you take us back to the beginning a little bit more depth and growing up in the communist rule in Romania, the youngest of ten as I understand it, and then immigrating to the United States at twenty seven, what did those early years teach you about survival and the capability to start over?
Mia Godfrey: my mom had an amazing, amazing ability to make us feel that we were blessed beyond measures. And I we grew up thinking that we were so blessed and so lucky, but now as an adult, when I look back and see we used to get beat up at school every single day. Not by every single siblings of mine we have broken bones and that's has to do with the abuse we endured at school. I remember we used to come home and there were times that we had busted veins from our teachers hitting us. And back then it was normal. It was okay. But because we were in a part of the city that it was for less fortunate, which I didn't even knew that as a child because my mom used to make us think that we were rich. And yet we have one pair of shoes the entire year and we used to share but yeah, and during Easter was the only time we got new clothes, but they were clothes that my sister sew by hand and we thought that was the most amazing treasures to be able to try those outfits. They didn't last long because she was doing them by hand, but we felt blessed. I think that the resilience comes from my mom teaching us to see the good in everything. Even if we got beat up at school or we had nothing to eat that day, my mom always helped us and teach us how to celebrate the little moments. Like if we didn't eat through the day but in the evening we had like a very light soup with not much in it. She taught us how to celebrate that moment and and it like we had a feast. The resilience comes from that and yes, I do believe that we were able to grow like looking at life through different lenses That God's in it. God will always watch over you. God will always protect you and He will always provide. She always said that was like will never God will never leave us and forsake us and we always hold on to that.
Massimo Rigotti: That's really beautiful. it's also just a sheer testament to human survival and human resistance as a whole. And it's beautiful that parents in those challenging times can paint a picture that we don't understand is inaccurate because they're trying to give the best to their children. It's really amazing.
Mia Godfrey: Yeah. Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: Your mother was amazing to do that for you. when did addiction become a challenge for you. Could you walk us through that stretch of your life?
Mia Godfrey: Yeah. my father was a manager at a construction company. He used to work very long hours and my mom used to clean trains at night and take care of us during the day. And no matter how hard they work, it was never enough food on the table. Not because they didn't make the money, it's because the food was restricted by the government. So my father decide to do a moonshine distillery, he built a room behind our home and he did a moonshine distillery, which most of our friends now when I look back, they had that hidden room for moonshine. We didn't know back then that was not legal. But he was doing everything he could to try to provide more income. And a lot of times he exchanged the moonshine for chickens or eggs or goats or whatever he could. So at a very early age, I remember I was seven and eight when my father was doing ocean that he was just giving us the taste the moonshine while he was he was showing us how to do it. And I d remember by the time I was thirteen, I already knew that I can numb the pain with moonshine. remember Nissan when I was one story when I was thirteen years old I saw somebody die in front of me but it was not it was in a very horrific way. I remember I got home and I could not remove those images out of my head. So I went directly to my dad's room and I just stopped drinking. Start drinking until I passed out. I fell asleep. And I was that it was that early on when I realized okay, this helps me numb it. Helps me forget just for a little bit. Then wake up starting all over. And it became such a normal habit for me that when my father passed away, I remember I was sitting at at his funeral. It was late April and I remember it was one thing by was raining and it was mud everywhere and all my siblings were sitting around the grave crying and I remember I couldn't cry because that morning I stole medication from somebody's purse and I drank so much moonshine that I was numb. And for many years I regretted it and and I was like, how could I not even be sober at my father's funeral? So a few months after that, again I was eighteen years old, I packed my bag and I left because one, I didn't want to bring shame to my family. I was the youngest of ten and all my brother all my siblings they were already or having successful jobs and the only thing I could think all through the day is where I can find alcohol that nobody's I can be not detect it.
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: Because I could hide it when my father was alive, but he was not there anymore. So I decided to run away, leave home and from there my life kinda spiral out of control for about four five years. and only through God's grace he showed me that there's another way. I don't have to keep numbing it.
Massimo Rigotti: That's great. That's fantastic. the rock bottom that you hit that you alluded to earlier, did that happen when you were still in Romania or did that happen after you immigrated?
Mia Godfrey: Yes.
Massimo Rigotti: Okay.
Mia Godfrey: Yes. Yeah. I was in Romania and I was engaged my fiance at the time, one of my best friend got pregnant and he was my fiance's baby. So I went that night and I took a lot of pills and drank a lot of alcohol and the next morning I woke up and it was a scene that I would not describe on the show. I cried to God, I said it's gotta be another way. I just don't know how. It's gotta be more to life than me just drinking every time I feel sad or upset or I hit rock bottom. It's gotta be another way. So I remember I packed a bag and I left. I went to the bus station. We I didn't have a car in Romania. I used the bicycle. My first bicycle that I purchased I was twenty five years old I think or twenty six. I went to a Christian college because I said at least they will give me the accountability I cannot sneak around and surprisingly that helped in the sense that I had no way to purchase it but also I switched one addiction to the other. So I did not realize at the time that overworking was an addiction and
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: I got three jobs in order to s constantly be so exhausted that when I am alone I fall asleep because I can I can't function. when I graduated before I graduated college is when I met my first husband. He came to Romania on a mission trip.
Massimo Rigotti: How nice. And it's interesting you touched on that, and it's very important. people don't realize that enough that we often trade one addiction for another. You may get out of hurting yourself with alcohol or drugs, but you can channel that right into something else if you don't take care of the underlying work.
Mia Godfrey: Yes.
Massimo Rigotti: you wrote Buried Not Broken, Survival, Sisterhood, and Starting Over. What made you finally tell the whole story? And who Who did you write the book for?
Mia Godfrey: So in twenty twenty three, one of my sisters got diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she came to the United States in twenty twenty one and she married her husband, who was a pastor at the time and had four little kids, and she moved to Montana. When she got diagnosed with ovarian cancer, my husband, which I forever be grateful, he said, Look, if you need to go take care of her We're gonna make it work somehow. And for eleven months I traveled back and forth from Montana to Knoxville to help take care of her. And my husband was traveling to Montana once or twice a month so he can be there with me. Through that journey we realized that we didn't talk anything at surface. No movies, no soap opera, no gossip, no judgment, nothing. Everything we talked about it was about lost dreams. And the legacy that we want to leave behind and the impact we wanna make in the world. And she was the one who said, I want you to write our story. I said, I'm just gonna humor her because she's sick. I'm just gonna write some stories based on the story she wanted me to put in the book. she passed away in November of twenty twenty three. And I remember I came home And I told my husband, I love you with all my heart, and I love our kids, but I don't know where to go from here. She was my lifeline. My entire life, she was the person I called every day. She's the one that I didn't even make any decision without asking her. She was the only one that knew that I battled with an addiction. And she kept that secret, and yet not once I felt judged about by her. She always used to say, sis. I love you. I know you're battling some demons, but I'm gonna pray for you until God's gonna give you the strength and the wisdom and the grace to come on the other side. with my husband's help and my therapist, they said, Why don't you just write in a journal? So I started putting together the stories. The stories that at one time I felt like I was broken. And I felt like those were the stories that broke me. But then I realized by the time I finished the book, I thought I was honoring my sister, but she knew all along that it's going to bring healing. Not keeping those secrets about who I used to be, will bring me healing. Not keeping those secrets and being authentic who God created me to be. It will help me step into my purpose and it will help me actually encourage others to do the same because it truly, truly brought a lot of healings to be able to have it there in the open, not worry about a picture of me s resurfacing from twenty-five years ago. Because the whole world already knows. So it brought a lot of healing. my sister is the one that encouraged me to write it before she passed.
Massimo Rigotti: That's a beautiful story and it touches on how oftentimes those who leave us depart us with some of the greatest gifts if we take the time to reflect on what they say near the end. that's really special that she gave you that gift. Mia, the sober method ends on restore, and we've been talking a lot about restoration. Restoring yourself, your relationships, your sense of meaning after damage is done. Your life is a step lived through loss after loss with faith as a thread that held it all together. Quitting a substance is one thing, but rebuilding a reason to keep going is quite another. why is restoring meaning, you know, not just removing the substance or surviving the loss, but the actual thing that determines whether a person makes it through and how does faith play a big part in that?
Mia Godfrey: Wow, that is such a powerful. I wouldn't have been here today if it wouldn't have been for the faith. I wouldn't have been here today if my mother would have stopped praying. And I wouldn't be here today if my family wouldn't have backed me up as far as as far as the prayers. when I look at res restoration, I look where I used to be thirty some years ago and where I'm at today I'm starting to understand for the first time, instead of keep asking you all those questions, God, why is did that happen to me? Why did I have to face so much loss? My father, my first husband, my sister, so many friends, instead of start asking all those questions of why thanking God for what He did for me. Because through every single loss. That I experience, I've seen God's grace in ways that I would have never seen it otherwise. I've seen God's power and God's faithfulness in ways I would have never seen it. So somebody asked me a while back, I say if you could change anything from your past, would you change it? Probably the only thing that I was maybe their pain. I wouldn't want them to be in so much pain, but no, I do not want to change the past because God allowed that to happen so I can be here today and be able to impact other people and help them to find their identity and step into their purpose. So rest there I am a true, true example of what God can do if you allow him to.
Massimo Rigotti: I had someone ask me that same question a couple of days ago and I said I wouldn't change one thing because I'm proof that God sometimes will put you through everything in order to strengthen you to carry the message forward to help others, because I wouldn't be doing what I do today had I not gone through absolute hell on earth.
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes, yes.
Massimo Rigotti: Well, everyone listening, before we go, here is your sober move this week. It's a restore step and it's inspired by Mia. The next time a painful memory or a wave of grief rises and you feel that old pull to numb it, a drink, a scroll, throwing yourself into busyness, don't reach for the off switch. Instead, I want you to name it and let it be there for a moment. Because grief that gets numbed does not leave. It just waits for you. Then I want You need to take one small restorative act instead. A prayer, a call to one person who loves you, or writing that memory down, or one act of meaning in honor of what you lost, and journal what shifts, because that's restoration. you don't numb the past. You rebuild a life with room for it. Now, Mia, we have a tradition on this podcast where each guest answers a question left by my last guest. Peg O'Connor left this question for you. What would be one of the most surprising gifts of recovery? Not the best gift. I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a best gift, but what was the most surprising gift?
Mia Godfrey: Smart. No.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Mia Godfrey: For the longest time, for the longest time, and this might be funny, but for the longest time, because I was constantly trying to numb the pain, I thought, I cannot read. I cannot go to school. I'm not gonna continue my education because I'm not capable to do that. So two factors. When I stopped that, I realized I developed a hunger for growth and learning and want to help and impact others. And I realized that God's grace, God's goodness and his wisdom, when we actually use it the way it was intended to use, we can actually do so much more and impact so many people. And maybe that's not the best answer, but I've realized as soon as I stepped away from that my hunger to learning and growing increased and I've most of my life I was told I'm not capable. I'll never be able to finish twelfth grade. I will never be able to go to a and I believed it. I believed it but it also was the alcohol that actually made me think that because I couldn't think clearly on my own.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah, no, absolutely. Well, Mia, what question would you like to leave for my next guest?
Mia Godfrey: Well, I'm gonna keep it close to that because
Massimo Rigotti: Okay.
Mia Godfrey: I lived in so much fear all my life of of disappointment, fear of failure, fear and and now I feel free for the first time in my life that I told my husband, I want us to live our lives according to God's will but unapologetically. Doesn't
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: matter who agrees or don't agree, as long as we're in alignment with God and with each other. Then we're not gonna worry what everybody else is saying. So my question is, if fear was not a factor, what would you do differently starting tomorrow? So if you remove the fear completely, what would you do different?
Massimo Rigotti: Love that question. I can't wait to hear the answer. to everyone listening, I want you to keep observing and journaling your own behaviors daily. A free guide is available at sobermethod.com. I'm Massimo Rigotti This is the Sober Method Podcast. Please follow, like, subscribe, leave a review, and I ask that you share this episode with anyone who needs to hear it. Remember, everyone, your future is sober.
Mia Godfrey: Thank you so much for having me.
Massimo Rigotti: Yes, absolutely. I'm excited to have you here today. So Mia, you rebuilt your life after enduring multiple setbacks. For the person who has just been knocked down again honestly wonders if they have anything left in them to rebuild with, where does that next bit of strength actually come from?
Mia Godfrey: A lot of people used to tell me when you feel like the life knocked you down and you don't know where to go and you feel absolutely broken and buried. They used to say just try to take one moment at a time, try to take one hour at a time. And I tried that method and that didn't really work for me. because I was still it did not change the outcome. I still felt buried. I still felt like I don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. And there was a time in my life like I don't know if I can pay my bills. I don't know if I'm gonna lose my house. I don't know. it might work for others, but for me taking one hour at a time, it didn't really give me hope for the future. What helped me tremendously when I finally understood that there is power in community. There was power into being vulnerable and allowing other people to step in. And for me, growing up under the communist regime, we were thought that you don't show pain, you don't show emotion, everybody goes through stuff like that. So is that saying tough it up buttercup? It was our everyday saying. And the truth is when I've learned to step into my pain and be vulnerable and be open about it, I realized that I was not alone, not for one second. That every single person around me at some point in their life they'd been through some hardship. So that's what helped me going over the hump to realize that I was not alone and I didn't had to carry it alone.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah, yeah, that's really important. and you talk about numbing the past. how did trauma drive your addiction and what is the real difference between numbing that pain and then actually processing it? You kind of just touched on it. You know, who numbs quietly and who keeps performing?
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes. so I was an expert at performing. I've learned at a very early age that when I drink, especially mix them with medication, a lot of times I just numb the pain. I don't have to think about the loss, I don't have to think about the hardship, I don't have to think about my current situation that I was in at the time. But that did not fix it. that did not make it better. It was just numbing after numbing and what's next. I did not know how I can actually what I can do to learn how to truly cope with it. And it has a lot to do with pride as well. And I said I said it many times, Romanians are a very prideful nation. We do not like to show if were struggling. But the more we show, the more we the more I showed who I truly was, more I've learned how to necessarily just cope with it, how to thrive and how to actually become the better version of myself.
Massimo Rigotti: So in a way it sounds like what you've done is you've learned how to take that performing mask and consume it by forcing yourself into the challenge that you're facing. Is that right?
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes. I had somebody from my past, when I say my past like over thirty years ago, that says, Well, it's easy now to talk about where you are now, but don't forget I know where you've been. I know who you used to be. And I say so is the rest of the world because I put everything in the book. I left no stone unturned. I put everything out there because I know what it means to be broken and I know what it means to hit rock bottom. But
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: I also through God's grace I know what it means to take all that pain and use it for his purpose and help others in the process.
Massimo Rigotti: and there are seasons when God feels very far away, especially when you're in the throes of addiction, and then in your widowhood and your sister's cancer. I wonder
Mia Godfrey: Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: if you could tell me how faith carried you through that and what would you say to someone whose faith has gone silent in the middle of their pain?
Mia Godfrey: So I had moments. I have moments. So when I lost my father when I was 18, I did not know how to cope with it. And that's what I turned to alcohol and that's when I left home when I was 18 years old. And I did not know that there were resources out there that could help you. Later on in life I've learned that God was with me every step of the way. I wouldn't be here today being stages and using different platforms to talk about God's grace and God goodness, if he would have gave up on me. He was with me every step of the way and even when I didn't wanna admit it, he orchestrated everything that happened in my life, happened for me, not to me. It just took me a long time to realize that he was the mastermind behind Designing my life. And my mom used to say in your life you will feel buried at some point. But you have to understand that when you feel buried, that doesn't mean that you are broken. She used to say that when you're buried, you're like a seed. So they tried to bury us, but they didn't know that we were seeds. So when you're buried at some point. you're gonna bloom, but you just have to be willing to do that. that's where the name of the first book came, Buried Not Broken, because she was teaching us that in every single hardship There is a chance to bloom and it there is a chance to show God's grace and goodness through it.
Massimo Rigotti: I can't help but draw a little corollary to the fact that you grew up in a communist country and what you're talking about, about being buried, about pushing who you truly are down, these are all components of that type of environment and being buried but not being broken at the same time. So it I feel like your mom's words are. quite telling of many who probably felt that way during the time. what are your thoughts on that?
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes. So it was extremely hard to Step into who God created me to be and be vocal about my upbringing. Because for the longest time I was ashamed of who I used to be. I was ashamed that if I speak about sin and if I speak about some of the things that I did as a young adult, that would bring shame to my family. That would bring shame to my upbringing. But my mom is the one that, you know, she was known as the prayer warrior in our neighborhood. And she was always like, God will forgive anything you're going through. You just need to come in with a humble heart and just be honest. God knows already who you're trying to hide it from. He already knows our current situation. So when I came here, I tried so hard to be somebody who I was not. And I was trying to mould myself to belong in different circles, but then I realized do I really belong there? Because that's not who I am. So it there's true power into allowing God to use you for who you are, and there's power into being open and honest who What's your current situation? Were you at?
Massimo Rigotti: I mean you turned this devastating loss into purpose without skipping over the grief. So practically, how does someone begin to make meaning out of loss without bypassing or rushing through the pain?
Mia Godfrey: It's okay to live in the moment. Embrace those emotions. I try to hide them, and the more that I was pushing them down, the more I was isolating myself for people that I were that were trying to help me from my church, from my community, for people at work, they were trying to come close and I was keep pushing them away because I thought I have to fit in this mold of grief and go through the six stages of grief and But that is not something that everybody's gonna go through. So I said be in the moment. You feel like crying because you're missing the person, just cry, be in the moment, but be honest and open with your feelings where you are and allow God walk you through every single stage. But don't try to follow and do check, I'm at the anger stage. I'm at the because that doesn't work for everybody. You can be okay in one year from now and then it hit you out of nowhere and you're missing the loved one. And that's okay. We live in society that we're dealing with so much judgment and everybody's trying to give you an advice that you have to do it this way or this way to fit the mold. But you don't. Just just be in the moment. But don't stay there. Don't stay there. So if you wanna cry, cry, be in that moment, but don't stay stuck.
Massimo Rigotti: So the best way to work through any sort of pain is the way that is best for you. No other way works. Okay.
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes, yeah. hit it head on. Don't try to avoid it. Don't try to hide your pain. It's okay. It's okay.
Massimo Rigotti: That's solid advice. Could you take us back to the beginning a little bit more depth and growing up in the communist rule in Romania, the youngest of ten as I understand it, and then immigrating to the United States at twenty seven, what did those early years teach you about survival and the capability to start over?
Mia Godfrey: my mom had an amazing, amazing ability to make us feel that we were blessed beyond measures. And I we grew up thinking that we were so blessed and so lucky, but now as an adult, when I look back and see we used to get beat up at school every single day. Not by every single siblings of mine we have broken bones and that's has to do with the abuse we endured at school. I remember we used to come home and there were times that we had busted veins from our teachers hitting us. And back then it was normal. It was okay. But because we were in a part of the city that it was for less fortunate, which I didn't even knew that as a child because my mom used to make us think that we were rich. And yet we have one pair of shoes the entire year and we used to share but yeah, and during Easter was the only time we got new clothes, but they were clothes that my sister sew by hand and we thought that was the most amazing treasures to be able to try those outfits. They didn't last long because she was doing them by hand, but we felt blessed. I think that the resilience comes from my mom teaching us to see the good in everything. Even if we got beat up at school or we had nothing to eat that day, my mom always helped us and teach us how to celebrate the little moments. Like if we didn't eat through the day but in the evening we had like a very light soup with not much in it. She taught us how to celebrate that moment and and it like we had a feast. The resilience comes from that and yes, I do believe that we were able to grow like looking at life through different lenses That God's in it. God will always watch over you. God will always protect you and He will always provide. She always said that was like will never God will never leave us and forsake us and we always hold on to that.
Massimo Rigotti: That's really beautiful. it's also just a sheer testament to human survival and human resistance as a whole. And it's beautiful that parents in those challenging times can paint a picture that we don't understand is inaccurate because they're trying to give the best to their children. It's really amazing.
Mia Godfrey: Yeah. Yeah.
Massimo Rigotti: Your mother was amazing to do that for you. when did addiction become a challenge for you. Could you walk us through that stretch of your life?
Mia Godfrey: Yeah. my father was a manager at a construction company. He used to work very long hours and my mom used to clean trains at night and take care of us during the day. And no matter how hard they work, it was never enough food on the table. Not because they didn't make the money, it's because the food was restricted by the government. So my father decide to do a moonshine distillery, he built a room behind our home and he did a moonshine distillery, which most of our friends now when I look back, they had that hidden room for moonshine. We didn't know back then that was not legal. But he was doing everything he could to try to provide more income. And a lot of times he exchanged the moonshine for chickens or eggs or goats or whatever he could. So at a very early age, I remember I was seven and eight when my father was doing ocean that he was just giving us the taste the moonshine while he was he was showing us how to do it. And I d remember by the time I was thirteen, I already knew that I can numb the pain with moonshine. remember Nissan when I was one story when I was thirteen years old I saw somebody die in front of me but it was not it was in a very horrific way. I remember I got home and I could not remove those images out of my head. So I went directly to my dad's room and I just stopped drinking. Start drinking until I passed out. I fell asleep. And I was that it was that early on when I realized okay, this helps me numb it. Helps me forget just for a little bit. Then wake up starting all over. And it became such a normal habit for me that when my father passed away, I remember I was sitting at at his funeral. It was late April and I remember it was one thing by was raining and it was mud everywhere and all my siblings were sitting around the grave crying and I remember I couldn't cry because that morning I stole medication from somebody's purse and I drank so much moonshine that I was numb. And for many years I regretted it and and I was like, how could I not even be sober at my father's funeral? So a few months after that, again I was eighteen years old, I packed my bag and I left because one, I didn't want to bring shame to my family. I was the youngest of ten and all my brother all my siblings they were already or having successful jobs and the only thing I could think all through the day is where I can find alcohol that nobody's I can be not detect it.
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: Because I could hide it when my father was alive, but he was not there anymore. So I decided to run away, leave home and from there my life kinda spiral out of control for about four five years. and only through God's grace he showed me that there's another way. I don't have to keep numbing it.
Massimo Rigotti: That's great. That's fantastic. the rock bottom that you hit that you alluded to earlier, did that happen when you were still in Romania or did that happen after you immigrated?
Mia Godfrey: Yes.
Massimo Rigotti: Okay.
Mia Godfrey: Yes. Yeah. I was in Romania and I was engaged my fiance at the time, one of my best friend got pregnant and he was my fiance's baby. So I went that night and I took a lot of pills and drank a lot of alcohol and the next morning I woke up and it was a scene that I would not describe on the show. I cried to God, I said it's gotta be another way. I just don't know how. It's gotta be more to life than me just drinking every time I feel sad or upset or I hit rock bottom. It's gotta be another way. So I remember I packed a bag and I left. I went to the bus station. We I didn't have a car in Romania. I used the bicycle. My first bicycle that I purchased I was twenty five years old I think or twenty six. I went to a Christian college because I said at least they will give me the accountability I cannot sneak around and surprisingly that helped in the sense that I had no way to purchase it but also I switched one addiction to the other. So I did not realize at the time that overworking was an addiction and
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: I got three jobs in order to s constantly be so exhausted that when I am alone I fall asleep because I can I can't function. when I graduated before I graduated college is when I met my first husband. He came to Romania on a mission trip.
Massimo Rigotti: How nice. And it's interesting you touched on that, and it's very important. people don't realize that enough that we often trade one addiction for another. You may get out of hurting yourself with alcohol or drugs, but you can channel that right into something else if you don't take care of the underlying work.
Mia Godfrey: Yes.
Massimo Rigotti: you wrote Buried Not Broken, Survival, Sisterhood, and Starting Over. What made you finally tell the whole story? And who Who did you write the book for?
Mia Godfrey: So in twenty twenty three, one of my sisters got diagnosed with ovarian cancer and she came to the United States in twenty twenty one and she married her husband, who was a pastor at the time and had four little kids, and she moved to Montana. When she got diagnosed with ovarian cancer, my husband, which I forever be grateful, he said, Look, if you need to go take care of her We're gonna make it work somehow. And for eleven months I traveled back and forth from Montana to Knoxville to help take care of her. And my husband was traveling to Montana once or twice a month so he can be there with me. Through that journey we realized that we didn't talk anything at surface. No movies, no soap opera, no gossip, no judgment, nothing. Everything we talked about it was about lost dreams. And the legacy that we want to leave behind and the impact we wanna make in the world. And she was the one who said, I want you to write our story. I said, I'm just gonna humor her because she's sick. I'm just gonna write some stories based on the story she wanted me to put in the book. she passed away in November of twenty twenty three. And I remember I came home And I told my husband, I love you with all my heart, and I love our kids, but I don't know where to go from here. She was my lifeline. My entire life, she was the person I called every day. She's the one that I didn't even make any decision without asking her. She was the only one that knew that I battled with an addiction. And she kept that secret, and yet not once I felt judged about by her. She always used to say, sis. I love you. I know you're battling some demons, but I'm gonna pray for you until God's gonna give you the strength and the wisdom and the grace to come on the other side. with my husband's help and my therapist, they said, Why don't you just write in a journal? So I started putting together the stories. The stories that at one time I felt like I was broken. And I felt like those were the stories that broke me. But then I realized by the time I finished the book, I thought I was honoring my sister, but she knew all along that it's going to bring healing. Not keeping those secrets about who I used to be, will bring me healing. Not keeping those secrets and being authentic who God created me to be. It will help me step into my purpose and it will help me actually encourage others to do the same because it truly, truly brought a lot of healings to be able to have it there in the open, not worry about a picture of me s resurfacing from twenty-five years ago. Because the whole world already knows. So it brought a lot of healing. my sister is the one that encouraged me to write it before she passed.
Massimo Rigotti: That's a beautiful story and it touches on how oftentimes those who leave us depart us with some of the greatest gifts if we take the time to reflect on what they say near the end. that's really special that she gave you that gift. Mia, the sober method ends on restore, and we've been talking a lot about restoration. Restoring yourself, your relationships, your sense of meaning after damage is done. Your life is a step lived through loss after loss with faith as a thread that held it all together. Quitting a substance is one thing, but rebuilding a reason to keep going is quite another. why is restoring meaning, you know, not just removing the substance or surviving the loss, but the actual thing that determines whether a person makes it through and how does faith play a big part in that?
Mia Godfrey: Wow, that is such a powerful. I wouldn't have been here today if it wouldn't have been for the faith. I wouldn't have been here today if my mother would have stopped praying. And I wouldn't be here today if my family wouldn't have backed me up as far as as far as the prayers. when I look at res restoration, I look where I used to be thirty some years ago and where I'm at today I'm starting to understand for the first time, instead of keep asking you all those questions, God, why is did that happen to me? Why did I have to face so much loss? My father, my first husband, my sister, so many friends, instead of start asking all those questions of why thanking God for what He did for me. Because through every single loss. That I experience, I've seen God's grace in ways that I would have never seen it otherwise. I've seen God's power and God's faithfulness in ways I would have never seen it. So somebody asked me a while back, I say if you could change anything from your past, would you change it? Probably the only thing that I was maybe their pain. I wouldn't want them to be in so much pain, but no, I do not want to change the past because God allowed that to happen so I can be here today and be able to impact other people and help them to find their identity and step into their purpose. So rest there I am a true, true example of what God can do if you allow him to.
Massimo Rigotti: I had someone ask me that same question a couple of days ago and I said I wouldn't change one thing because I'm proof that God sometimes will put you through everything in order to strengthen you to carry the message forward to help others, because I wouldn't be doing what I do today had I not gone through absolute hell on earth.
Mia Godfrey: Yes, yes, yes.
Massimo Rigotti: Well, everyone listening, before we go, here is your sober move this week. It's a restore step and it's inspired by Mia. The next time a painful memory or a wave of grief rises and you feel that old pull to numb it, a drink, a scroll, throwing yourself into busyness, don't reach for the off switch. Instead, I want you to name it and let it be there for a moment. Because grief that gets numbed does not leave. It just waits for you. Then I want You need to take one small restorative act instead. A prayer, a call to one person who loves you, or writing that memory down, or one act of meaning in honor of what you lost, and journal what shifts, because that's restoration. you don't numb the past. You rebuild a life with room for it. Now, Mia, we have a tradition on this podcast where each guest answers a question left by my last guest. Peg O'Connor left this question for you. What would be one of the most surprising gifts of recovery? Not the best gift. I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a best gift, but what was the most surprising gift?
Mia Godfrey: Smart. No.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah.
Mia Godfrey: For the longest time, for the longest time, and this might be funny, but for the longest time, because I was constantly trying to numb the pain, I thought, I cannot read. I cannot go to school. I'm not gonna continue my education because I'm not capable to do that. So two factors. When I stopped that, I realized I developed a hunger for growth and learning and want to help and impact others. And I realized that God's grace, God's goodness and his wisdom, when we actually use it the way it was intended to use, we can actually do so much more and impact so many people. And maybe that's not the best answer, but I've realized as soon as I stepped away from that my hunger to learning and growing increased and I've most of my life I was told I'm not capable. I'll never be able to finish twelfth grade. I will never be able to go to a and I believed it. I believed it but it also was the alcohol that actually made me think that because I couldn't think clearly on my own.
Massimo Rigotti: Yeah, no, absolutely. Well, Mia, what question would you like to leave for my next guest?
Mia Godfrey: Well, I'm gonna keep it close to that because
Massimo Rigotti: Okay.
Mia Godfrey: I lived in so much fear all my life of of disappointment, fear of failure, fear and and now I feel free for the first time in my life that I told my husband, I want us to live our lives according to God's will but unapologetically. Doesn't
Massimo Rigotti: Mm-hmm.
Mia Godfrey: matter who agrees or don't agree, as long as we're in alignment with God and with each other. Then we're not gonna worry what everybody else is saying. So my question is, if fear was not a factor, what would you do differently starting tomorrow? So if you remove the fear completely, what would you do different?
Massimo Rigotti: Love that question. I can't wait to hear the answer. to everyone listening, I want you to keep observing and journaling your own behaviors daily. A free guide is available at sobermethod.com. I'm Massimo Rigotti This is the Sober Method Podcast. Please follow, like, subscribe, leave a review, and I ask that you share this episode with anyone who needs to hear it. Remember, everyone, your future is sober.
