Refusing To Settle For Mediocre And Building A Satiated Life

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This is the rule breaker coven for the bad witches ready to d isrupt the status quo. For women who desire so much more than mediocre, for the women who want to be deeply satisfied, totally fulfilled, absolutely satiated.
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I'm your host, Kirsty D ee. Welcome to the podcast.
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It is time to cast some motherfucking spells and get ourselves into all sorts of delicious trouble.
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Disclaimer, you may get banned from a venue or two.
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Hi sinners.
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Today we are going to talk about refusing to settle for mediocre.
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Because I don't know about you, I'm just I'm just not into it.
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It gives me like dry pussy vibes.
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Like it doesn't no woman is satiated with mediocre.
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Like it that's not a thing.
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It's not a thing.
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So we're gonna talk about how to actually create a life where you are like refusing to settle for mediocre.
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We're also gonna talk about sacred settling because I never hear people talk about this, and there is there is a beauty in there that'll actually help you get out of situations and relationships, and just when you're not feeling like truly fulfilled and you're not feeling like satisfied and you're not feeling satiated.
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We're gonna talk about the power of sacred settling to take you to living a life where you are not settling for mediocre because we tell women not to, but then it can create this shame because, like, I don't know how to get out of this situation.
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So we're gonna dive into it all deep today, and then also we're gonna talk about conscious choosing, unconscious choosing, and situational choosing because all of it matters for this to land and for this to make sense.
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So we all know mediocre, where it's like there's nothing really bad.
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This is the script that women are taught.
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They're like, oh, but you know, like for instance in relationships, oh, but he's a good man.
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But we know a good man like keeps the bar really, really low.
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Like all he has to do is some housework and you know, be fearful and look after his own kids, but like you don't actually have to be feeling like met, but to society, you know, like it's like, well, that that that's your lot, and you should be grateful.
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And um, this is what women are taught, and then if you know, like it's just like count yourself lucky because at least he's not a bad man, because you know, bad men keep the bar in hell, but good men keep the bar low.
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And I just don't want that for any any woman, but also this shows up in like career, and in in business, in in in friendships, like this shows up everywhere.
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Like, women are always taught just be grateful for what you've got.
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And um, the world is sadder for it, like you look around, like like like we see it all the time, and I just know that everything shifts when women are satiated, like it just it just does.
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But there's there's a process to to getting there, like there's a process, you know, if we want to go from patriarchy to matriarchy, we're all thriving.
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And what that looks like is first of all, acknowledging that like okay, this feels mediocre, like it's just not really doing it for me.
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You know, the the first point is like radical honesty, like in the areas of your life where you don't feel satiated, where you don't feel satisfied, where you know you're craving more, where you don't feel fulfilled.
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So this could be in if you're in a romantic relationship, this could be in your romantic relationship, right?
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If you know you've got a sexual relationship, those two might come together.
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It's like, are you feeling satisfied in that?
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This could be showing up in your friendships, this could be showing up in in business, right?
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Various different areas where this could be showing up.
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It could be showing up in all of them.
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That's actually quite common because um obviously, like it's it's like a snowball effect.
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And also, what's really common, and this is why we break it down, that once you create it in one area, it also leaks over into other areas.
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That's why you see some people and they're like, you're like, why do they have everything?
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And I don't feel like I've got it.
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And it's like, and of course, obviously, like highlight real, and like you never really know what's going on behind closed doors.
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But also, like women who who have that, like I'm gonna always say this, they're rule breakers, they're not just lucky.
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Like they have done like this kind of work.
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They have.
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Again, that's patriarchy.
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Because it's like if it if it convinces you that it's like Dululu, then you're not even gonna bother trying.
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You're gonna have to settle for mediocre or possibly, possibly worse.
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So we we don't want that.
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Like mediocre like does nothing, does nothing for us.
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We wanna be wanna be satiated.
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We don't want to be like it's neither here nor there, it's neither good nor bad, it's just uh, you know.
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And to do that, we have to be connected to our holy hunger, we have to be connected to our life force, we have to be connected to our bodies, we have to be connected to to our desires, right?
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So, what this looks like, if you came from my old podcast, I did an episode on this, and I'm gonna go over it again because I don't think this can be talked about enough.
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And maybe I'll I want to keep these episodes like shorter.
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So I'm I'm gonna keep this short, but I might do a follow-up episode on this.
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We'll see, but I'm gonna just keep it short for this bit, and then we're gonna get on to the next bit, right?
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But you will have heard me talk about this if you came from from my old my old podcast.
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Um, and it's it's about soul metabolism, right?
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So this is like your life force energy.
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This is about being connected to yourself.
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So we all have a different soul metabolism, just as the same with with food.
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Some of us have a faster metabolism than others.
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We are the same, we have a different soul metabolism.
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So some people generally need um more love, more excitement, more intimacy, and like it there's all different flavors that this can show up, all different areas of your life than than somebody else.
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Like one person could need um to feel really citied and to feel really fulfilled.
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They they really need to feel like they can be really self-expressed, right?
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Somebody else is like, I don't really care about that, but I do care about having, you know, like deep connection and and deep intimacy.
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And obviously, a part of that is you would need to be able to express yourself, right?
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But you know what, you know what I'm saying, right?
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And like that is different from person to person, but we live in a world where if if somebody is they're personally satisfied with that, then we tell the other person that they should be and that there's something wrong with them, and then this creates this kind of shame, and it's like, oh, but it's actually not enough for me.
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Like, I know this is good for you, and this isn't settling for you, this isn't mediocre for you.
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Like, you're generally happy with the situation, but but I'm not.
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Like, I'm not, I want more, right?
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I'm somebody with a fast sore metabolism, right?
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And I get really pissed and really rageful.
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Like, I can I can't do it.
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Like what other people can do, I can't do it.
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And I've learned to really honor that.
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I've learned to really honor that that hunger in me.
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That's like, uh-uh, it's not enough for me.
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Like, I have a fast metabolism, like, and I've really learned to see the beauty in that and and to trust that.
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And um, it's so so so beautiful, but women don't trust that.
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They're so like because they're told that it's um unrealistic or they're being deluded, but it's like, no, we like that's what we're taught, but actually we can we can we can change this and we can support each other with this.
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So how this looks is you have to get really honest with yourself around like the things that make you feel starving, the things that make you feel hungry, um, the things that like make you feel content, and the things that make you feel an overflow, right?
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You're going to experience all of these, all of these, um, all of these states, right?
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Every every person does, right?
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There's no avoiding this.
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Every person does.
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And if you're in a state, right, and I'm talking, I'm not talking about physical hunger, I'm talking about soul hunger, and I'm gonna get into that.
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But that isn't actually a cause to to be scared or to be alarmed, right?
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It's it's an initiation that can bring you more satisfaction, more fulfillment, like to feel more satiated.
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And and and for this to kind of make it make sense, I'm gonna talk about food for a moment because it does actually work the same way, even though we're not talking about food.
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When you are hungry, right, that's nothing to be concerned about.
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Hunger is your body doing exactly what it's supposed to do.
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It's like, oh, I'm hungry, I need to get food.
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So you get food.
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And if you eat something that you actually like and that is, you know, good for your body, you feel satiated.
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This is the same with every area of our lives.
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So we we have that in relationships.
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We have that with the work and stuff we do in the world.
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There's going to be times in your relationships where you're going to feel hungry.
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This isn't something to be concerned about, it's an opportunity to get satiated.
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You can't stay full all the time, like nobody can.
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You are not meant to.
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You're just not.
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That's how like addictions and things happen.
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And that happens when we're not connected to our body.
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So this is when we're like, we stay in places and with people that don't feel good because we're so scared of conflicts, we're so scared of feeling like hungry.
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We we go into panic, we go into thinking something, something is wrong.
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You're going to experience states where you're going to feel hungry.
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That's not a bad thing, it's a beautiful thing.
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It means that you're actually you've got a connection with your body because like if you're apathetic, that's actually when you've gone into like like you're starting to be starved.
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And this is where people get like start getting like really depressed and really down, and you know, at the real extreme, like suicidal.
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So starving is something like we don't want to get to.
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And if you ever get to to that point, and like in terms of relationships, this would be like abusive relationships, this is yeah, all that kind of thing.
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And that's when you would need to, if you find yourself in that state, that's when you'd need to to get some support, because nobody should ever have to be in that, in that situation.
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But hunger in itself, but the reason it's important to notice when you're hungry is because hunger can become starvation.
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So we don't need to worry about hunger, but we do need to not ignore it, right?
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That's why we talk about like filling your damn cup up and taking care of yourself and not waiting till you get depleted.
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But that is easier said than done, right?
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Um, and as I said, the other beautiful side of the hunger is um it actually is what allows you to be satiated.
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I'm interrupting this podcast episode to tell you you should book an astral alchemy activation session with me.
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If you are looking to get more rooted, to get deeply replenished, to take restock of your life, to move the needle in the direction you actually want it to go, and you like all things witchy and woo, then book an astral alchemy activation session with me.
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This is where you're gonna hear what your soul team have to tell you.
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But more importantly, you're gonna listen to that wise inner council.
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This is medicine for the soul.
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This is like a massage for the soul.
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So head to curstyd.com and I've made it nice and easy for you.
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The link is in the show notes to take you directly there.
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And if you want even more than that, because holy fucking hunger, who fucking doesn't?
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Then consider upgrading to Rulebreaker.
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This is for the woman who wants the complete soul nutrition, who wants to actually go from the woman that just wishes for more to the woman that actually lives it.
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So head to Kirstyd.com right now or just click the link in the show notes.
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You can't be satiated if you're walking around constantly, constantly full.
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You also just wouldn't be human.
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So you wouldn't be able to experience all the beauty and the glimmers of being human, right?
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There has to be like an emptying out, a literal digestion, just like as I say, like the same with food that you would like to go to the toilet and all of these things that like that has to happen.
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This is this is the say.
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And so many women are so frightened of that hunger, and you know, they're they're frightened, like they get into conflict with people.
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And this is why like I do a lot of work around um friction alchemy and like all of that.
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And um, conflict and all of these things can actually, like when it's handled well, it can actually be an opportunity to just have the most delicious relationships or like up levels in in the areas of you want.
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And this isn't about like optimizing every area of your life, right?
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I want to make that very clear.
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Like, it's it's the opposite of that.
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We try to optimize every area of our lives when we don't feel satiated.
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When we do feel satiated, we don't actually feel feel feel the need to do that.
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So we've got um starving, we've got hungry, we've got content.
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Content is obviously like you're literally like, oh, I I like this.
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This feels good.
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There's a satiation that's happening.
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Overflow is like when it's more than that, you're like, oh my gosh, like I love this.
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These are like, you know, you think about those moments in your life that you're like, oh, I love this so, so, so, so, so much.
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Um, and nobody can nobody can stay in that.
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Like, nobody can.
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And the reason that it's important to talk about this is because all throughout the day, like we are cyclical beings, this often changes.
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But for what a lot of women, they're just staying in either starvation or hunger, right?
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Very little contentment and even less overflow, if at all.
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And what you have to start doing is you have to kind of notice because also, just like you know, you have to notice when you're hungry, right?
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To be connected to your body, to know when you're full, you also have to do this to have incredible relationships and to be like deeply associated and to have incredible pleasure and great sex and like all of these things, you have to be connected to your body.
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So you have to be able to listen to its signal and kind of go, oh, I feel hungry.
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Oh, actually, I like that, right?
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So that you can actually digest it and metabolize.
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And so, as I said, this this will happen, you know, like you'll go through these like different different stages.
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That is normal, that is human.
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It's actually a beautiful thing.
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This is part of your cyclical, cycle nature, right?
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Your work is to to to notice it and it'll wax and weigh in throughout the day and throughout the weeks and like all of that.
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And your job is to listen to your body, listen to that life force energy, listen to what it's communicating and respond.
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What a lot of us is do we're in this like reaction place rather than responding, rather than being attuned.
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So now I want to talk about sacred settling, right?
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So, for this to change, for us to actually genuinely be able to not settle for mediocre, there might be certain things where we've got to do what I call sacred settling.
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What sacred settling is, is you notice an area of your life is feeling mediocre for you, right?
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You're feeling hungry, you may even be feeling starved.
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Only there's things, there's logistics, and you don't know how to change it right now.
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And there might be certain things that are actually making it really hard to change it.
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So this is where we bring in the conscious choosing, the unconscious choosing, and the situational choosing.
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Conscious choosing is when you literally go, okay, this is not the best, or maybe it is the best, and I'm so I'm consciously choosing it.
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Unconscious choosing is when you're doing something, but you don't really have like all the information.
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So this is like so many women, they got married, they had kids, because they didn't have all the information of how it was going to be.
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You know, patriarchy sold them that was going to be this fantasy, this fairy tale that was going to make them really, really happy.
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And it was like this huge gaslight because we know, and I say this as as a um a married woman, been married to my husband like 19 years this year.
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Um, and you know, we have a really incredible, credible relationship, but I also got got a shock because I had what a lot of women have, um, a good man, and like even a good man is gonna leave you quite hungry because of the setup in society, and it's not even their fault.
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That's that's the that's the sad bit about it.
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So this is a lot of women.
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We know that women who are married to to a man are often often the most miserable, right?
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So that would be an example of unconscious choosing.
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It another example would be you take a job and they say it's going to be this, that, and the other, and like it's really, really, really not.
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So that would be unconscious choosing.
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And these things are like systemic and very patriarchal.
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And what we do to people, and what we do, particularly to women, is when that happens, we blame them and shame them and be like, Well, how come you fell for that?
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How come you didn't know any better?
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Um, which is just which is just bullshit, and I'm like so, so sick of it.
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So to be able to have language and to kind of see that, like really, really, really helps.
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And then the other part of this is what I call situational choosing, right?
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And it's like I have all the information, or at least as much as information as I can gather.
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This doesn't feel truly aligned if I'm honest, right?
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Feels like mediocre or less.
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I feel hungry.
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I'm definitely not in a in a place of contentment, but I'm choosing it right now, and I'm making the conscious choice, and this is where things start changing, right?
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Because you do it from a conscious place where you're not shaming yourself, and you you're like actually being beautifully strategic, which women are not allowed to be do to be often because we call it like a woman being manipulative, that's patriarchy for you, and that's why you've just got to not listen, not listen to that.
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So sacred choosing is when you strategically go, this isn't deeply doing it for me.
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This doesn't bring me much contentment.
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It like I don't feel fulfilled, I don't feel particularly satiated, but I'm making the choice to to settle temporary or could be longer, could could be permanent, and there's a genuine reason for that.
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And that's what I call sacred settling.
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So this could be for somebody, for instance, you're um in a job that you don't really like it just not really doing anything for you, you're not really happy, and there's a million other things going on in your life, and at some point you're going to do something about it because you you know it's it's not the it's not right for you, and you're not in denial, and you know it makes you hungry, and also right now, like you're you're you're you're overwhelmed, or maybe it it pays really, really well, and you need that money to be able to leave your marriage, for instance.
00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:51.119
When we try to do everything at once, and then we shame ourselves for like you know, basically quote unquote settling, because we don't have the language to go, I am choosing this consciously, so it becomes a sacred settling so that my nervous system is not overwhelmed trying to do all the things.
00:19:51.119 --> 00:20:17.680
I have done sacred settling so much in my life, and then um it led to but because I was consciously aware of it, then it led to like me having like just been able to create such fulfillment and such joy and satiation and like beauty in in my life, because you know, people can say to you, oh don't do this and don't put up with that, and oh you deserve more, and like quit the job and all of that.
00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:40.720
And and there are times for that, but it needs to come from a conscious place, and it's also you need to know yourself because if if you're going to then be freaking out um about money or like whatever, whatever it is, that is not really going to that's when you you don't change your life, and then it all feels impossible because it all feels too too much.
00:20:40.720 --> 00:21:01.839
Another example of this can be um, for instance, say you don't have a lot of support, and the only support that you currently have access to is like maybe some people, it could be like family member or whatever, that um like you don't really like how they go about things, but it's like what you've got access to right now.
00:21:01.839 --> 00:21:08.559
So, so you settle, but you're not in denial about that, and and you're making a plan to change that in the future.
00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:11.759
An example of this is like somebody who leaves their marriage, right?
00:21:11.759 --> 00:21:20.400
And they're co-parenting, and it's like they they feel so hungry and they feel so starving in the co-parenting because the person they're co-parenting with is a bit of an arsehole.
00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:27.839
But it's like that's the situation they're in, and it's like, okay, this is temporary, but like I don't want to have to stay with this person forever.
00:21:27.839 --> 00:21:45.279
So this this is gonna be really hard, and I'm I'm gonna tune in and I'm gonna notice the the places where I'm dealing with all this crap and I feel hungry and I feel starving and I'm gonna get support so that I can actually in other areas create um contentment, create overflow, right?
00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:58.640
So this whole thing isn't taking me down, but also because there will be a point where the kids will get older, there will be like autonomy, but like this is the situation I'm in, and we don't talk about those systemic things enough.
00:21:58.640 --> 00:22:13.680
And what happens is, you know, people people stay because they can't get out of those situations, because you know, like financially they can't get out of those situations, or um because they're like, I know if I leave this situation, this person's gonna be a nightmare.
00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:28.240
But it's like if we could be like, yeah, yeah, they're they're gonna be a nightmare and you're gonna feel hungry and you're gonna feel starving, but there will be an end point, but like it's not gonna come to end like staying with a person who's abusive and staying with a person that it that is like that.
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:31.680
That is the missing piece that I feel like we don't talk about enough.
00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:37.200
Anyway, I could go on about this for years and years and years and years.
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:49.440
We're giving like so many examples, but I want to wrap this up with an activation for you so that you can really start applying this so that you can actually become more satisfied and satiated and deeply fulfilled.
00:22:49.440 --> 00:22:58.640
And that is notice throughout um the days and like the areas of your life where like this is showing up for you.
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And and don't make it wrong, don't judge it.
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See the beauty and the hunger, holy hunger, right?
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:24.400
And be like, and because when you when you start connecting with it and you like and responding to that soul appetite, you can lean into those things and you can be like, oh, when I spend time with this person, I feel really nourished and I feel really, I feel really replenished and I feel really excited and I feel really hopeful about life and I feel really supported and I feel really loved.
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:29.759
When I spend time doing this, um I feel drained and I feel burnt out.
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And actually, do I need to do that thing?
00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:32.960
And maybe she don't.
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Or it might be thinking, actually, this is something that does need to be done.
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This is something that is is is important.
00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:46.880
It could be like something that that you do to keep, you know, the the house running for you and chauvin or like whatever.
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But I know it drains me.
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So I need to have things and tools in place so that I can get replenished.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:54.480
Okay, what what things do that for me, right?
00:23:54.480 --> 00:23:59.839
And this all comes down to connecting to your body, but it starts by noticing.
00:23:59.839 --> 00:24:01.680
So that's your activation.
00:24:01.680 --> 00:24:23.359
I want you to notice like where this shows up for you, so that you can start playing around with this and you can start using that intel to make these like really small micro changes so that you can become more satisfied and fulfilled and satiated.
00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:24.000
Right.
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I will talk to you on the next episode.
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If you have enjoyed this, if you have found it helpful at all, do share it with a friend.
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:38.559
And I would also love it if you could leave me a five star review because it massively, massively, massively helps this podcast get seen.
00:24:38.559 --> 00:24:44.400
It's like the best currency that you can give this podcast by giving it a five star review.
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I will talk to you on the next episode.