WEBVTT
00:00:25.489 --> 00:00:28.215
Hello, my unicorns, welcome back.
00:00:28.215 --> 00:00:35.555
In today's episode, we're going to talk about resting without guilt, or taking a break.
00:00:35.555 --> 00:00:41.644
And look, I know that resting or taking a break is hard.
00:00:41.644 --> 00:00:59.504
In our Capitalistic Society, we're taught to think of time as money at least, at least those of us that are not on the top and we're also left with money being a main source of security.
00:00:59.504 --> 00:01:13.525
So time off or time resting is less secure and leads to us having more worry and more anxiety Sounds like the opposite of confidence to me.
00:01:13.525 --> 00:01:14.209
How about you?
00:01:14.209 --> 00:01:26.993
So I and many of my clients have had a really hard time taking a break, and I'm going to guess that this is probably your experience too.
00:01:28.337 --> 00:01:36.097
One of the things that I often hear with breaks is the worry about doing it right.
00:01:36.097 --> 00:01:42.010
That rest has to somehow be the right kind of rest.
00:01:42.010 --> 00:02:09.043
Rest, like if you're not reading or doing yoga or journaling, something that's like self-development, self-improvement related, then it's not a good enough rest, and I just want to let you know that that is fucking bullshit that is programmed into us.
00:02:09.043 --> 00:02:13.278
That is the productivity goblin monster.
00:02:13.278 --> 00:02:19.450
Whatever A break or a rest is not about being perfect or doing it right.
00:02:19.450 --> 00:02:22.075
That's not rest, that's more work.
00:02:22.075 --> 00:02:26.504
So we need to drop that, my friend.
00:02:26.504 --> 00:02:32.750
We need to drop the expectations that you have on yourself to do it right.
00:02:34.413 --> 00:02:36.717
A rest is relaxation.
00:02:36.717 --> 00:02:41.305
A rest does not have any goal other than to just be.
00:02:41.305 --> 00:02:44.409
A rest is just being.
00:02:44.409 --> 00:02:46.974
It's existing, it's breathing.
00:02:46.974 --> 00:02:52.405
It can be journaling, it can be meditation or grounding exercises.
00:02:52.405 --> 00:03:01.152
It can also be throwing barbells around in the gym or learning to do back flips, or riding your bike or your unicycle, I don't know.
00:03:01.152 --> 00:03:07.664
It can be going for a drive with no destination in mind.
00:03:07.664 --> 00:03:10.092
It can be watching a sunset.
00:03:10.092 --> 00:03:12.358
It can be walking the dog.
00:03:12.358 --> 00:03:15.063
It can be hanging out with your best friend.
00:03:15.063 --> 00:03:20.158
It can be listening to music and letting it just take you on a journey.
00:03:20.158 --> 00:03:27.236
It can be sitting in a nook and crying because you just can't keep it all together anymore.
00:03:27.236 --> 00:03:36.936
There is no right way, there is no grade, there's no pressure.
00:03:36.936 --> 00:03:40.643
Those things aren't.
00:03:40.643 --> 00:03:43.631
Rest Now.
00:03:44.051 --> 00:03:59.771
Ironically, in preparation for today's episode, I kept trying to think of some kind of profound, perfect message that I could give you, and then I realized that that's just another symptom of the problem.
00:03:59.771 --> 00:04:02.717
We don't live to work.
00:04:02.717 --> 00:04:07.504
We work as a beautiful part of life.
00:04:07.504 --> 00:04:15.320
It gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment, but it's not the only thing.
00:04:15.320 --> 00:04:22.320
It's time to ask yourself what do you make your work or productivity mean about you?
00:04:22.320 --> 00:04:25.250
Why are you so addicted to the hustle?
00:04:26.793 --> 00:04:33.086
For me, it was because I believed that I was what I do like what I do for people.
00:04:33.086 --> 00:04:35.070
That gave me value.
00:04:35.070 --> 00:04:39.358
Now I know that that's not true.
00:04:39.358 --> 00:04:45.293
I know now that it's actually who I am that gives me value.
00:04:45.293 --> 00:04:49.829
And, my friend, that is absolutely true of you too.
00:04:49.829 --> 00:05:00.072
It is not what you do, it is not how you do it, it's not how much you do that makes you valuable as a person.
00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:11.884
No one loves you or adores you, looks up to you or wants to be your best friend or your lover because of what you do.
00:05:11.884 --> 00:05:20.125
They want to be in your glorious, amazing, iconic, one of a kind delicious.
00:05:20.125 --> 00:05:23.052
Give me more presence.
00:05:23.052 --> 00:05:25.567
They wanna be around you, they wanna be with you.
00:05:25.567 --> 00:05:28.288
They wanna be in your life because of who you are.
00:05:28.288 --> 00:05:37.947
I know that you already know that's true of other people that you wanna be around them because of who they are, not necessarily what they can do for you.
00:05:39.660 --> 00:05:44.709
It's time to just flip that on yourself and remind yourself that the same is absolutely true of you, too.
00:05:44.709 --> 00:05:54.867
Now I'll tell you from experience that, even though I know this, and even though many of my clients know this and we're working on it you're still human.
00:05:54.867 --> 00:05:56.502
I'm still human, we're still human.
00:05:56.502 --> 00:05:58.202
We still forget.
00:05:58.202 --> 00:06:03.100
We revert to old ways, and it's okay, I know.
00:06:03.100 --> 00:06:08.786
I revert to my old ways of running myself ragged, and then I have to pause and I realize, oh shit, why am I so exhausted?
00:06:08.786 --> 00:06:15.591
Oh yeah, for the last couple of weeks I've been trying to write a book in a month or less.
00:06:15.591 --> 00:06:19.369
Hell, no, let's drag it out.
00:06:19.369 --> 00:06:20.423
Let's have a little more time.
00:06:20.423 --> 00:06:21.964
Doesn't all need to be done?
00:06:21.964 --> 00:06:23.365
What is this deadline anyway?
00:06:23.365 --> 00:06:25.504
Why did I set this in the first place?
00:06:25.504 --> 00:06:30.747
Oh yeah, because that sounded like really productive, and productive equals valuable.
00:06:30.747 --> 00:06:36.653
So, fucked up, let's be done with that shit.
00:06:36.653 --> 00:06:47.639
Huh, let's at least make a commitment to being done with it, and then, when you realize that you're doing it again, just remind yourself oh yeah, it's that thing I do and let it go.
00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:55.240
So, please, permission for all of us to be imperfect at resting.
00:06:55.620 --> 00:07:02.086
Now, zooming out a bit, I also believe that rest is an essential ingredient to the life that I want.
00:07:02.086 --> 00:07:17.536
It's not actually success if I'm miserable by just working, working, working all the time, I would be absolutely drained, and that is not the life that I want.
00:07:17.536 --> 00:07:31.315
This is part of the reason that I moved to San Diego last year was because I wanted to be in a culture that would encourage me to slow down and be present with my life and enjoy things other than productivity.
00:07:31.315 --> 00:07:41.173
Also, if never resting actually was the answer to success, then I should have been a worldwide celebrity years ago.
00:07:41.173 --> 00:07:45.105
I should have been a gazillionaire by now.
00:07:45.105 --> 00:07:50.752
I should have been like done, check my whole, I don't know.
00:07:50.752 --> 00:07:55.480
Life's mission is just done, yeah, perfect, a plus.
00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:59.483
And that's obviously not the gaze.
00:07:59.483 --> 00:08:02.146
That's ridiculous and we know that.
00:08:03.427 --> 00:08:11.216
And yet many of us put the pressure on ourselves to just produce, produce, produce, do, do, do, busy, busy, busy.
00:08:11.216 --> 00:08:19.970
So I'm inviting you to try it out and take an actual break, an actual rest with me.
00:08:19.970 --> 00:08:28.459
And, speaking of my own rest, I'm taking a break from the podcast for the month of December and I'll be back in the new year.
00:08:28.459 --> 00:08:35.448
The plan next year is to release the podcast in short themed seasons.
00:08:35.448 --> 00:08:39.413
That way it will have rest built in there for me between the seasons.
00:08:39.413 --> 00:08:51.847
Each season will have a focus on a particular part of queer life and the queer journey and, if you haven't caught on yet, I am practicing what I preach.
00:08:51.847 --> 00:08:56.273
Just like I tell you, I'm treating this show as a living art project.
00:08:56.273 --> 00:08:59.135
I'm experimenting and having fun with it.
00:08:59.135 --> 00:09:02.479
So thank you for coming along with me on this journey.
00:09:02.479 --> 00:09:11.488
I'm excited to see you in the new year for more impactful solo episodes and meaningful interviews with fabulous guests.
00:09:12.449 --> 00:09:19.696
If you've been getting a lot out of the show, would you consider making a monthly pledge of just $3 to keep the project going?
00:09:19.696 --> 00:09:23.479
My birthday is in a couple days and you can make this my birthday present.
00:09:23.479 --> 00:09:32.889
I put a lot of time and money into this podcast because I love you and I care about this mission of spreading queer confidence.
00:09:32.889 --> 00:09:38.516
If you're benefiting from the show, I would love your support so we can continue the mission.
00:09:38.516 --> 00:09:47.353
The link to support the show is down in the show notes and if it's not in the budget for you, would you make sure to tell one friend about the show today?
00:09:47.353 --> 00:09:53.439
Spreading this message to support queers and becoming more confident is the purpose of this show.
00:09:53.439 --> 00:09:59.222
Big hugs to all of you, my queer unicorn family.
00:09:59.222 --> 00:10:07.106
Have a fabulous rest of 2023 and I'll see you next Tuesday, in a few Tuesdays.
00:10:07.106 --> 00:10:08.286
Bye.
00:00:25.489 --> 00:00:28.215
Hello, my unicorns, welcome back.
00:00:28.215 --> 00:00:35.555
In today's episode, we're going to talk about resting without guilt, or taking a break.
00:00:35.555 --> 00:00:41.644
And look, I know that resting or taking a break is hard.
00:00:41.644 --> 00:00:59.504
In our Capitalistic Society, we're taught to think of time as money at least, at least those of us that are not on the top and we're also left with money being a main source of security.
00:00:59.504 --> 00:01:13.525
So time off or time resting is less secure and leads to us having more worry and more anxiety Sounds like the opposite of confidence to me.
00:01:13.525 --> 00:01:14.209
How about you?
00:01:14.209 --> 00:01:26.993
So I and many of my clients have had a really hard time taking a break, and I'm going to guess that this is probably your experience too.
00:01:28.337 --> 00:01:36.097
One of the things that I often hear with breaks is the worry about doing it right.
00:01:36.097 --> 00:01:42.010
That rest has to somehow be the right kind of rest.
00:01:42.010 --> 00:02:09.043
Rest, like if you're not reading or doing yoga or journaling, something that's like self-development, self-improvement related, then it's not a good enough rest, and I just want to let you know that that is fucking bullshit that is programmed into us.
00:02:09.043 --> 00:02:13.278
That is the productivity goblin monster.
00:02:13.278 --> 00:02:19.450
Whatever A break or a rest is not about being perfect or doing it right.
00:02:19.450 --> 00:02:22.075
That's not rest, that's more work.
00:02:22.075 --> 00:02:26.504
So we need to drop that, my friend.
00:02:26.504 --> 00:02:32.750
We need to drop the expectations that you have on yourself to do it right.
00:02:34.413 --> 00:02:36.717
A rest is relaxation.
00:02:36.717 --> 00:02:41.305
A rest does not have any goal other than to just be.
00:02:41.305 --> 00:02:44.409
A rest is just being.
00:02:44.409 --> 00:02:46.974
It's existing, it's breathing.
00:02:46.974 --> 00:02:52.405
It can be journaling, it can be meditation or grounding exercises.
00:02:52.405 --> 00:03:01.152
It can also be throwing barbells around in the gym or learning to do back flips, or riding your bike or your unicycle, I don't know.
00:03:01.152 --> 00:03:07.664
It can be going for a drive with no destination in mind.
00:03:07.664 --> 00:03:10.092
It can be watching a sunset.
00:03:10.092 --> 00:03:12.358
It can be walking the dog.
00:03:12.358 --> 00:03:15.063
It can be hanging out with your best friend.
00:03:15.063 --> 00:03:20.158
It can be listening to music and letting it just take you on a journey.
00:03:20.158 --> 00:03:27.236
It can be sitting in a nook and crying because you just can't keep it all together anymore.
00:03:27.236 --> 00:03:36.936
There is no right way, there is no grade, there's no pressure.
00:03:36.936 --> 00:03:40.643
Those things aren't.
00:03:40.643 --> 00:03:43.631
Rest Now.
00:03:44.051 --> 00:03:59.771
Ironically, in preparation for today's episode, I kept trying to think of some kind of profound, perfect message that I could give you, and then I realized that that's just another symptom of the problem.
00:03:59.771 --> 00:04:02.717
We don't live to work.
00:04:02.717 --> 00:04:07.504
We work as a beautiful part of life.
00:04:07.504 --> 00:04:15.320
It gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment, but it's not the only thing.
00:04:15.320 --> 00:04:22.320
It's time to ask yourself what do you make your work or productivity mean about you?
00:04:22.320 --> 00:04:25.250
Why are you so addicted to the hustle?
00:04:26.793 --> 00:04:33.086
For me, it was because I believed that I was what I do like what I do for people.
00:04:33.086 --> 00:04:35.070
That gave me value.
00:04:35.070 --> 00:04:39.358
Now I know that that's not true.
00:04:39.358 --> 00:04:45.293
I know now that it's actually who I am that gives me value.
00:04:45.293 --> 00:04:49.829
And, my friend, that is absolutely true of you too.
00:04:49.829 --> 00:05:00.072
It is not what you do, it is not how you do it, it's not how much you do that makes you valuable as a person.
00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:11.884
No one loves you or adores you, looks up to you or wants to be your best friend or your lover because of what you do.
00:05:11.884 --> 00:05:20.125
They want to be in your glorious, amazing, iconic, one of a kind delicious.
00:05:20.125 --> 00:05:23.052
Give me more presence.
00:05:23.052 --> 00:05:25.567
They wanna be around you, they wanna be with you.
00:05:25.567 --> 00:05:28.288
They wanna be in your life because of who you are.
00:05:28.288 --> 00:05:37.947
I know that you already know that's true of other people that you wanna be around them because of who they are, not necessarily what they can do for you.
00:05:39.660 --> 00:05:44.709
It's time to just flip that on yourself and remind yourself that the same is absolutely true of you, too.
00:05:44.709 --> 00:05:54.867
Now I'll tell you from experience that, even though I know this, and even though many of my clients know this and we're working on it you're still human.
00:05:54.867 --> 00:05:56.502
I'm still human, we're still human.
00:05:56.502 --> 00:05:58.202
We still forget.
00:05:58.202 --> 00:06:03.100
We revert to old ways, and it's okay, I know.
00:06:03.100 --> 00:06:08.786
I revert to my old ways of running myself ragged, and then I have to pause and I realize, oh shit, why am I so exhausted?
00:06:08.786 --> 00:06:15.591
Oh yeah, for the last couple of weeks I've been trying to write a book in a month or less.
00:06:15.591 --> 00:06:19.369
Hell, no, let's drag it out.
00:06:19.369 --> 00:06:20.423
Let's have a little more time.
00:06:20.423 --> 00:06:21.964
Doesn't all need to be done?
00:06:21.964 --> 00:06:23.365
What is this deadline anyway?
00:06:23.365 --> 00:06:25.504
Why did I set this in the first place?
00:06:25.504 --> 00:06:30.747
Oh yeah, because that sounded like really productive, and productive equals valuable.
00:06:30.747 --> 00:06:36.653
So, fucked up, let's be done with that shit.
00:06:36.653 --> 00:06:47.639
Huh, let's at least make a commitment to being done with it, and then, when you realize that you're doing it again, just remind yourself oh yeah, it's that thing I do and let it go.
00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:55.240
So, please, permission for all of us to be imperfect at resting.
00:06:55.620 --> 00:07:02.086
Now, zooming out a bit, I also believe that rest is an essential ingredient to the life that I want.
00:07:02.086 --> 00:07:17.536
It's not actually success if I'm miserable by just working, working, working all the time, I would be absolutely drained, and that is not the life that I want.
00:07:17.536 --> 00:07:31.315
This is part of the reason that I moved to San Diego last year was because I wanted to be in a culture that would encourage me to slow down and be present with my life and enjoy things other than productivity.
00:07:31.315 --> 00:07:41.173
Also, if never resting actually was the answer to success, then I should have been a worldwide celebrity years ago.
00:07:41.173 --> 00:07:45.105
I should have been a gazillionaire by now.
00:07:45.105 --> 00:07:50.752
I should have been like done, check my whole, I don't know.
00:07:50.752 --> 00:07:55.480
Life's mission is just done, yeah, perfect, a plus.
00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:59.483
And that's obviously not the gaze.
00:07:59.483 --> 00:08:02.146
That's ridiculous and we know that.
00:08:03.427 --> 00:08:11.216
And yet many of us put the pressure on ourselves to just produce, produce, produce, do, do, do, busy, busy, busy.
00:08:11.216 --> 00:08:19.970
So I'm inviting you to try it out and take an actual break, an actual rest with me.
00:08:19.970 --> 00:08:28.459
And, speaking of my own rest, I'm taking a break from the podcast for the month of December and I'll be back in the new year.
00:08:28.459 --> 00:08:35.448
The plan next year is to release the podcast in short themed seasons.
00:08:35.448 --> 00:08:39.413
That way it will have rest built in there for me between the seasons.
00:08:39.413 --> 00:08:51.847
Each season will have a focus on a particular part of queer life and the queer journey and, if you haven't caught on yet, I am practicing what I preach.
00:08:51.847 --> 00:08:56.273
Just like I tell you, I'm treating this show as a living art project.
00:08:56.273 --> 00:08:59.135
I'm experimenting and having fun with it.
00:08:59.135 --> 00:09:02.479
So thank you for coming along with me on this journey.
00:09:02.479 --> 00:09:11.488
I'm excited to see you in the new year for more impactful solo episodes and meaningful interviews with fabulous guests.
00:09:12.449 --> 00:09:19.696
If you've been getting a lot out of the show, would you consider making a monthly pledge of just $3 to keep the project going?
00:09:19.696 --> 00:09:23.479
My birthday is in a couple days and you can make this my birthday present.
00:09:23.479 --> 00:09:32.889
I put a lot of time and money into this podcast because I love you and I care about this mission of spreading queer confidence.
00:09:32.889 --> 00:09:38.516
If you're benefiting from the show, I would love your support so we can continue the mission.
00:09:38.516 --> 00:09:47.353
The link to support the show is down in the show notes and if it's not in the budget for you, would you make sure to tell one friend about the show today?
00:09:47.353 --> 00:09:53.439
Spreading this message to support queers and becoming more confident is the purpose of this show.
00:09:53.439 --> 00:09:59.222
Big hugs to all of you, my queer unicorn family.
00:09:59.222 --> 00:10:07.106
Have a fabulous rest of 2023 and I'll see you next Tuesday, in a few Tuesdays.
00:10:07.106 --> 00:10:08.286
Bye.
